Side Stories: Soup Watch 2024
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Who's Travis Kelsey going to date next? Don't know!

Ariana Grande wants to meet Jeffrey Dahmer's parents. That's inappropriate. You're going to hear about a lot of that stuff on page seven, hosted by Jackie Zabrowski, MJ Neffel, and Holden McNeely. And you're going to love it because you're going to hear all about celebrity gossip and you get lots of different blind item tips in there. And you're going to hear a lot of Holden talking about his life.

Yeah! And you gotta check it out. I think if you go and you listen to this podcast, you're gonna learn a lot about how Ariana Grande likes sitting on SpongeBob's lap. Why, though? Why, though, does it have a lap? Weird-looking man, huh? You can listen to stories about Ariana Grande. You can listen to stories about Tom Brady. He's mad about the roast.

Let's do it on page seven. It's got my sister, Jackie Zabrowski. She's like me, but more Hillary Clinton-like. MJ Neffel and Holden McNeely. Check it out on Last Podcast Network, where all podcasts can be found on your phone. There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, our country is under fire. Liberty, democracy, where will we be 2025 to 2028 to 2031? What's going to happen? But we've heard your cries and we know that now is the time for unity, which is why when I woke up this goddamn morning, I had to hear one song in order to get myself together.

Preach. I needed to hear the words written by Francis Scott Key. Yeah, Francis Scott Key. I needed to hear that. He was a prisoner. I needed that. Hear that song to know what I podcast for. They took a whole verse out about slavery. We learned a lot of very intense information at the African American History Museum in Washington, D.C. But let's, first of all, rise for the national anthem.

So how is this? It's like one of Ray Charles. Oh, say.

Give it a rest.

Still got applause. Still got applause. I mean, how do you not applaud? Welcome to Side Stories. It is I, the modern Cronkites of your time, Henry Zebrowski and Ed Larson. How you doing? That was sung, I think, a person I've never seen before. She was very blonde and it fully exemplified how I feel.

about the current election season. Yeah. Yeah. Because, yeah, she looked very intoxicated. Ingrid Andress?

Yeah, that's her name. What does she do? Does she write songs for Putin to kill dogs to? What did she do? She wrote a good song for Charlie XCX. Oh, was that? She's the brat girl. Yes. Brat girl summer. And I guess that's what we're in the middle of now, aren't we, folks? Brat girl summer. That was so bad that no one even knows who won the home run derby. Oh, I couldn't possibly give a shit.

You know, it's a dumb thing to do. It's just hitting the ball. It's the best part of baseball. I know. I think baseball, which we can't even sandbag ourselves. I can't because, you know, I'm a true American. Wow, I love baseball. You hate it. I do. Now, we have to address the elephant in the room, which is we're going to have to talk very quickly about the assassination attempt of former President Donald J. Trump. Now,

My tears have been wiped. I am ready to move on and collect. Well, so is everyone else, apparently. Yes, yes, yes. And I will say, for a man who can't walk up a ramp or drink a bottle of water, when those shots rang out, he moved like a tomcat. Yes. He was like Spider-Man. He looked like Tobey Maguire. He was doing like, I mean, maybe he should have went to Vietnam.

He might have been good. I mean, we did a lot more than dodge bullets in Vietnam. With his hands, I don't think he would have been able to hold the rifle. Now, we know that our incredible previous president, Donald Trump, was shot at by a egg-shaped head piece of shit by the name of old Tommy Crooks. Tommy Crooks! Tommy Crooks! Now, what everybody kind of knows, which is because of the nature of this, we can get into the shooter a little bit. Yeah.

Yes. Because normally in any other of these types of scenarios, we wouldn't spend a lot of time on the shooter. Yeah. Well, I think one of the important, you got to give credit where credit is due. And as far as like Trump goes, you know, at least he's finally got his ear to the ground. Very good. It's very good. It's very, very good. It's hard for him to get down there.

And you can see it was also difficult for him to get up. It took a whole village to get him back up, which again, and he did. And then he went golfing without a bandaid and then he showed up at the RNC with this big old, like, feel bad for me, flappy thing on his ear. And then he looked like he slipped in a puddle of urine and a McDonald's smacked his big fucking head into a napkin dispenser. But that's fine. Again, we wish him no ill will.

I had a teacher, my geometry teacher, went missing for three weeks, and then he came back missing an ear. And man, did we roast him. Oh, I bet. I bet. Because also, what a curious thing. It's also to have a teacher that go from having two ears to one ear is very distracting. And they like not even mention it. No, yeah, but you're like, nothing. Not to like just go back to triangles. It's like, hey, buddy, you got Pepsi-Cola ear right now. I can play it like an old wine glass. I want to know what's going on. Now,

Yes, we are going to not focus on our brave ex-president. My God, I love to watch him golf. It shows how much he cares. But he can't even have his shoes on during a speech. Yeah, because he's got fucking gout. All right, he's got gout. Too much shrimp backstage. He is just, this is as far as we can go. Okay, guys, this is taking a lot of strength. Every single thing that we're saying here has been monitored heavily by China.

We asked them ahead of time what's okay and what's not okay. And this is the script that they actually gave us. Oh, his stupid little wave. It's fine. I don't want to look at him anymore. Get him out of here, Rob. I don't want to look at your up anymore.

I want to look at Tommy Crooks. Now, looking at this guy, he is, not only was he a bad assassin, but apparently he was an even worse dresser. Yeah. So when he went into school, he was- A literal potato head. Literal potato head. He went to my wife's high school. Now, this is a part of Pittsburgh that is actually pretty traditionally conservative. Oh, this is a yin. This is, oh yeah, he's a full-on yinzer. He is, well, maybe not. I think some people would, I think that that would be under-

Pittsburgh argument about whether or not he's a yinzer. I think a lot of Pittsburghers guy are like, ah, no, we don't claim him. He was in a fairly conservative neighborhood. We know that his family was both like libertarian Democrat. I don't know. It doesn't fucking matter. He has no social media presence.

So we don't really know what the hell it was that he was thinking. There was some things that are smoke screens or not smoke screens, the fake shit that was immediately out everywhere. We don't know whether or not he actually, uh, there was a couple of social media profiles that showed an anti Epstein style, like thought process that he was having. But I think that his main thought process was, am I eggs?

Because I think that he wasn't super bright. But he somehow outsmarted the entire Secret Service and the Pittsburgh Police Department. Well, Butler Police Department. Yes. Let's not throw Pittsburgh Police Department under the bus. I'm sorry. I'm extremely sorry. It was definitely a small town police department that was not... I think there was definitely one cop who...

knew that what was going on and didn't do anything well he went up the ladder and then he pointed the gun at gun at him and he went oh sorry yeah yeah and then he went back down and then he uh this he shouldn't be a cop but there is no explanation yet of where in the living fuck this came from we know that the gun was purchased probably by his father yeah it's a legal gun he is a he is a child they all there's stuff that's all over the place saying that he was

He was not bullied. He was not bullied. The thing that Molson comes across. His nickname was the school shooter. They would call him the school shooter. It seemed like he would show up to school. He was hunting gear. He was prophesied by his classmates. He was smelly. You know, they would make fun of his personal hygiene. He was not popular. He wasn't smart. He wasn't good. He wasn't funny. He wasn't talented. So what he tried to do, also he wasn't good at.

He was in a BlackRock commercial. Yeah, wow, that's right. He was in a BlackRock commercial, and that's not suspicious at all. I will say, when we were, the moment it happened, we were backstage before going in front of 1,700 people. Literally signing posters in Washington, D.C., just trying to be chill. Literally, I just started screaming, what the fuck? I just heard like, whoa, whoa, and I went into the other room, and I will say, I don't know if it's a good sign that all three of our first...

where this is fake. There was a thing when we were watching where you're like, there was a little part of me, a little back of my head thing that was saying, because originally you kind of saw like some pops and then you saw him kind of touch his ear. He's in the wrestling hall of fame.

Yeah. That's very much a wrestling move. And we didn't know other people were dead yet. He has. That was like the main thing. Oh, very much so. And he has a lot to distract from. So I feel like, you know, like it does play. He also seems the type of person who tried to put this together, especially the way he hires people. Of course, you would hire a not talented 20 year old to do it. Yeah. We also know that the Tommy Crooks was also super bad in his rifle club. He was one of the worst.

I was rifle club. He was, he was a good, it's also showed in his actions. Well, I mean, he was what, 150 yards away, 500 feet. I mean, which also, how'd he get that close? Don't know. And, uh, it, but I, we are now obviously more information is coming out. We're not going to talk about this. Yeah. It's not a political show. No, because again, there is, I actually, I mean, well, the, the actual shooter is in our realm. We've talked about, uh, you know, I'm in the camp of, uh, Hinkley, uh,

who shot Reagan and they let him out. I am in the camp of keep him in prison. I don't know why he's out. We talked a little bit about this. It's because Reagan lived. If he had died, it would be different. But because he lived, that was the way out. They just executed this kid in the moment. They lit him up. He was shooting at the president. Yeah, exactly. Why did they let the last guy out? Because enough time had passed.

I don't believe in it. I mean, I don't know. I'm on the like...

the hazy knife edge here because with Jonathan Hinckley, John Hinckley, I'm more so, I wish I could see him live. Yes. I want to see him play his songs real bad. And they keep shutting down his shows. Yeah, he's canceled. Yeah, because I want to go see it, but he just can never find a place. He says, of course, he's a victim of cancel culture. And you really need to think about that, Eddie, is that, is prison so much a punishment as when it comes to being flamed on the internet? Yeah.

It's so much worse to be made fun of and have people dislike your things. Isn't it crazy, though, that the first reaction from the people on the right and the people on the left, and it seems like most of the people that were in attendance was, this is fake? Yes. Isn't that fucking nuts? I don't want to get too far in the weeds here, but let's just say...

Certain things are the consequences of tone that certain members of our former elected government have set. So we will see how this plays out. Tommy Crooks, I actually can maybe even see that he did this to be funny.

I think that he is a shithead edgelord that I don't know if he's ever made anyone laugh. No, never once. No, no, no. I didn't like clay got like beat up or something. No, I'm not laughing now. None of it. This is only makes things worse. Yeah. Well, whatever. Enough of this fucking piece of shit. you know, in the end he got lit the way fuck up. Uh,

He got a couple of shots off. They turned him into spaghetti. And now we just get to sit in the wet diaper aftermath of this. And we are continuing to coast through. I will say the poles have not moved an inch. So it's almost like it didn't happen. It is crazy how our first reaction was like, is this good for him?

Does this all anybody cares? Is it getting shot in the head? We're like, we thought it might be good for him. Yeah, well, you know, because there's an absolute rigid fear running through this country, which I was watching an old episode of Drag Race the other day, and they were doing the same crazy,

crazy, very intense election rhetoric in 2018. And I sat and thought, I was like, we've been doing this bullshit for eight years and I don't like it anymore. Yeah. So we shall see how this all pans out. Main thing is that we said we thought a really good move

Biden needs to have sex with a man on camera. Yes. Because I think this is something I want to talk about. If Barack Obama, he spent so much time not letting himself be gay. Yeah. And I think that he should have. Right. Because now we know he definitely had sex with Scottie Pippen.

Yeah. Yeah, we know that for a fact. And Joe Biden, I really think... Changed to work on his dribbling. Oh, yes. Now, Joe Biden, I do think that this would be the time. I think this is a good time for him to get... I'm looking at this whole picture of him right now. He looks like he's watching that video of the hippo fart and shit with the...

Sort of the windmill-like tale there, but he is at a press conference. It's fine. Oh, Joe, please, for the love of Christ, can you live? I don't know. Just look at his old face. Who do you think would be a good man for Biden to fuck? I'm thinking Gore. I think he needs to go. Unfortunately for the kids, Jacob Elordi. He needs to go young and hot. What about Bieber? Oh, Bieber, he's already dealing with, he's traumatized by Diddy.

So he can't deal with that. So I think that if Biden were to go, Jacob Belorder, you would be perfect. I don't know who this guy is. He's a famous. I only know him because of Jackie. Yeah, he's very famous now. He's very handsome. Who the fuck is he? He's a salt burn. Salt burn? He's the guy who comes. He's the hot guy. Oh, he's the guy with the good cum. He's the guy with the good cum. He's the guy with the tasty cum and salt burn. Oh, okay. You love this guy. I think of Joe Biden, if he dyed his hair pink and had a septum ring and not even like he can top.

I mean, it'd probably be much easier from the bottom. No. Just sit there and wait until it's over. You think his knees can handle getting bottomed out by Jacob Elordi? Jacob Elordi has sex. He's not going to be on his knees. He's going to be belly down on a bed. Horizontal. And then he's going to be laying on top of it.

You think of him laying spread eagle spread out like pizza dough is the way to go. That's not sexy. That's not going to get Jacob Elordi going. No one says it has to be sexy. We just got to get the job done. Buddy, it's got to be sexy. Look at fucking what was the show? So you want to tape it and

Oh no, we have to see it Oh yeah, no, we have to see this buddy Because no one's going to believe it If it hasn't I didn't know it was like a sex tape Oh yes, it's a sex production No, this is a live show This is a donkey style show Okay Democrats, donkey show That makes a lot of sense But I feel like if he really wants to swing it the other way That's what we'd do But again, no one's answering my letters

I keep sending letters to Biden.

And he hasn't got back once. And we did get into last week why he can't write an executive order about peeing your pants in public and making it legal. So you said, obviously, we got to do a bit of a, I would say, a legal discussion. I think Joe Biden's got a great body. Anybody who's got a problem with that? He's got a great body. That is, Jacob Elordi can do something with that. And if not, Jacob Elordi... He's got both of his legs. What's a more famous, bigger, more genteel...

David Hyde Pierce. He's gay, right? He looks like he's got James Garner body before he died. That's great. Actually, he probably should be with somebody like... I think middle-aged is better. Yeah. Idris Elba. Idris Elba would be great. I don't know if he kisses presidents. Unify, you know, Britain. Show our unification with them. Our faith with them. But, you know, again, we'll find out. We got a couple months until November. Live from Northland.

Hi guys, how you doing? Ed Larson here from Last Podcast on the left to talk to you about SimpliSafe. Feels so good to know that my new home is protected by SimpliSafe. Sure, I just rent

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Choose your tone, enter what you need, and get auto-generated text. And that helps you save time. I know I'm sitting on about two literal wheelbarrows filled with horse pics. Now, part of the issue has been is a lot of these pictures are getting...

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Now, we say it about not holding in sneezes, but we know for a fact sometimes societally we must be quiet. How do we do this? Yes, I can hold in a sneeze. Yes, but it's bad for you. We know that now. Yeah, but I know how to do it. I'm pretty good at doing it. All right. I work on a film set, according to one of our listeners, and I've had to stay silent while they're rolling cameras, often for extended periods of time. You can delay a sneeze by finding the spot just below your nose and your upper lip. There's an indent in there. You jam your finger in there. You can avoid sneezing for at least a few minutes. Yeah.

Or if someone's about to sneeze, you say God bless you before they sneeze and they don't sneeze. You ever notice that? That sounds like a curse. Yeah. That sounds frightening. It's like a fucked up thing to do, but it usually works. I actually don't blue ball me on my sneeze. I like to sneeze. I just came in my pants. Now, when you feel the urge to sneeze, another listener email says you've got to exhale all of the air in your lungs just before the sneeze happens.

The less air you allow yourself to inhale right before the sneeze, the smaller and quieter the sneeze will be. This is a lot of work, though. I've been doing this for years, and it works every time. Sounds crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. Just let yourself sneeze.

Yeah, sneeze it up. You can. And then we got another update on the lobsters. This is interesting. I love this. So a pile of 800 lobsters was found. It was a pile of 100 lobsters. Was it just 100 lobsters? The first story we talked about last week. Yes, that's right, because I'm saying that this might be linked to a lobster theft.

Of 800 pounds of lobsters. 800 pounds of lobsters. Yes. So the 100 lobsters were left out in a field. Yes. 800 pounds of lobster was already stolen. All right. And they believe this might be some feud between Canadian commercial fishermen harassing First Nations peoples.

This is just a take from one of our listeners. There have been a lot of issues in Nova Scotia with commercial fishermen harassing and stealing from indigenous people who are exercising their fishing rights. There have been many reported thefts, and it's not uncommon for people to drive huge orders of lobsters to sell on the side of the road in Ontario.

And I think there's a very good chance that this was stolen seafood. And to Eddie's point, the cooler probably quit somewhere in the 17 hour drive between provinces. Yeah. And then the 800 pounds of lobster that was stolen out of Dipper Harbor Wharf. They're looking around and they want you to report anyone selling underpriced lobster.

That's how they want to find... That's so funny. Oh, I'm going to cut off my cheap lobster connect. The guy that gets me all my delicious cheap ass lobster. Also, the cops just couldn't like lobster. Absolutely.

And they're just like, so why is this cheap lobster coming? Yeah. You need to tell me about that, mister. I need to do an investigation. Cut to him all covered in seawater. Big, like, hugging a big pile of lobster coming out. And I'm like, yum, yum, yum. Everybody's getting sick tonight. Yeah.

No, I wonder if this is war, but this is not the only food-based story we have today. No, 400 cases of meat were stolen from Philadelphia. Dude, what in the living fuck is happening? I mean this. This is not even sent in by a listener. These are loose, discarded piles of meat that are just making the news every day, and we don't know.

why. Well, this wasn't discarded. They're just missing all this. I mean, it's the cheesesteak capital of the world. So lots of meat's going to go missing in this town. Um,

So these bandits, they made off with 12 pallets of meat, and they were taken at 4.50 a.m. while they were, like, slacking off while unloading it into a restaurant. Whoa. And then someone came up and told 12 pallets, stole 12 pallets. How heavy is 12 pallets? I mean, insanely heavy. But then what is someone going to do with that amount of shredded beef? All right, if you want to assume a pallet has...

I don't know, 200 boxes of beef on it, and each box is 10 pounds. Whoa. Like, that's how much beef was stolen from Southwest Philadelphia. What are they doing with it? They're going to make cheesesteaks. Where is it coming from? Who to where? We don't know. That's all the information we have. We got to start finding out. The driver claims he knows nothing. I know nothing.

I know nothing. Sounds like you might be in on it. He knows nothing. No injuries reported. He said he opened the back and all the meat was gone. Well, well, look at that. Oh, well, that's not good. Oh, no. There used to be a lot of meat in there. How long does it take to steal that much meat? I would say an hour. I bet you could do it in half an hour.

Isn't that somebody's entire day's work? At 5 o'clock in the morning, somebody might be sleeping. I don't know how he did it, but no, he's obviously the driver. Yeah, he's selling his... All right, we talked a little bit about this. We got one email from someone whose family was in the meat, the illegal meat industry. Yeah. And I wonder, where does this meat go? Like, what purpose does this serve? Because if you're just slinging cheesesteaks out of your home...

How are we selling these? How do we even know that you're selling them? I mean, I think that it's probably, if I were to, I would follow the food truck scene. I think if anyone's going to buy illegal meat and sell it, it's going to be the food trucks, not the restaurants. Dude, we need to be fast food detectives. That's what we need to do.

If we were in on this. There's lots of more food trucks than there are in the winter. And I guess that would be a huge overhead for a food truck. It's Philadelphia. Every food truck has to sell cheesesteaks. Absolutely. Now, I also wonder, because then there's also, you've got the different types of cheesesteaks. Never mind if there's shredded chicken in there, because then you get the shredded chicken steaks. And then you have the Kobe beef. You do that, or the Korean style. Now, they got that with the cheesesteaks, which is...

I'm fucking technically cheating. It's not real. It's not a cheesesteak. If it's not an original whiz wit with onions, it has to have cheese whiz in it. It has to have onions in it. American or provolone is acceptable. Yes, but cheese whiz is truly. That's not how I do it. I like American. I do American. Well, it's better cheese. Technically, it's better cheese. Yeah, the cheese whiz just makes you sick, but it is the way you're supposed to do it. That's how I like it. I like it soft. And you put it on the bun and then drizzle a little bit on top. Oh, man. I'm going to go on mouth water. This is how my father has to eat right now.

Cheesesteaks? He can't really get it all down a lot. Yeah, he can't chew anymore. He doesn't chew. It's more that he doesn't. And so what my mom does is like his main food. Takes a cheesesteak and just pours a bucket of water over it. Basically. And then just like sucks it up like a spaghetti. Like he's Joey's chestnut. Yeah. Yeah. He just sucks it all down. He makes the food as soft as possible. And in that way, I get him. I like hanging out with your dad. Hey, man. Hey, no chewing. No problem. Right?

It just slides down. I just saw this. This is really interesting. Detectives think that this might be linked to a crime ring that back in April 2023 stole $200,000 worth of dimes from a truck. This is very interesting. It's like the inconsequential crimes unit. It's like this group of guys that got together and were like, you know what they're not watching? The dimes. And then they go steal all the dimes. They're like, someone get us a shitload of dimes! How are these

How are these guys doing this so fast, and how are they carrying this much weight? They have to also have a truck, right? $230,000 in dimes. I mean, I can only imagine what that weighs. They must have access to a truck. These are truckers. Of course they have trucks. Yeah, these are guys who are taking this around. Where do the dimes go, though? These are Philadelphia crimes. What do they do with all the dimes? Yeah. That's a lot of dimes. I guess you just spend them. Dropping them.

I know that I definitely, I mean, I'd be suspicious as hell because everywhere I went, we'd just like, clink, clink, clink. You'd be like, how much is that? Oh, it's $100? Excuse me. I would like to. A one, a two. Yes, I'd like to deposit $100,000 in dimes. I'm sorry, sir. If we put that many diamonds in our safe, it would sink into the crust of the earth.

We can't do this, sir. This is not Fort Knox. Is that all of the dimes? That's most of the dimes. A man handed me change the other day for the first time. I mean it, since COVID. Did you just throw it in the street? I didn't know what to do with it.

I was like, where do I put this? In your car. For what? I got a little bank. Nothing takes dimes no more. Nothing. It takes dimes no more, Eddie. You don't use cash, really. I use it every once in a while. Yeah, see, I always get changed, though. I mostly do this. How I like to use cash is that when somebody cheats me or fucks me up on traffic, I take cash out and I just wave it at them and I give them the finger. But then I put it away. Yeah, no, that's smart. That's smart. That's not going to backfire at all.

You be careful who you messin' with. I can call Morgan a Morgan any time.

There was another. Oh, yeah. There's more than that. This is not just you. This is what I'm fucking talking about. I don't know how side stories does it. Sometimes a specific thing happens and then it just happens again and again and again and again. And we are controlling the news. No. And we aren't making this happen. I might be, but Eddie doesn't know that. And I don't know if I'm not leaving piles of meat out there just to create stories. Yeah. But they keep happening. Well, you work for the government.

But yeah, no, so Tennessee, Knoxville, Tennessee. Are you ready for this? Mm-hmm. There have been repeatedly. This is real. This is real.

This is more real than the assassination attempt of Donald J. Trump. On Pickens Gap Road in Knoxville, Tennessee, they keep finding bags of gross liquid. They're finding soup. Soup watch. 20 bags of gross liquid. They don't know where it's coming from or who's doing it. Bag zip. This is, think about how much harder that is than just a pile of meat. Because...

I truly believe if this was buckets of liquid, I'd be like, all right, yeah, sure. Bags of liquid. I mean, I think we got a single culprit here. There is the idea of someone bagging a bunch of liquid in large amounts and spreading them across the road, and then people are hitting them with their cars, and everybody's mad because they're getting a bunch of old-ass soup.

all over their fucking car. It's not necessarily always soup. No, not necessarily. You're just calling it soup. I just want to make sure that people know at home. If I was an investigator, I'd call the element soup. Yeah. That what he is serving is soup. But yes, it's just mostly viscous liquids. The Knoxville soup tosser would be a good name for this person. Absolutely. And whoever he is, I want him on the show. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com.

But don't bring your soupy bags. I mean, he can have them over Zoom. Over Zoom, you can have your soupy bags. Yeah, you can have them in his house. There's a clip from the news I wanted to play. So, yeah, well, before you play it, just, you know, this comes from KCSO and the entire town of Pickens Gap. Well, it's Knoxville. Oh, I guess Pickens Gap is the road. Right? Yeah. Who fucking cares? It's a small road. It's not your typical road.

in Knoxville. It's not a main stretch. Okay, so this is off to the side. Yes. So that's sort of, they're not necessarily getting, that's why this hasn't been on C-SPAN. That's right. Okay. Now, remember, it's tearing the entire neighborhood apart. They don't know who is doing it, and it's got to stop. Yeah, see, look, there's just like a church, and that's it. It's in rule. Rule? Rule. Rule. All right, here's a clip of the panicked people of Casey, of

Knoxville, Tennessee. Through Facebook groups, people who live along Pickens Gap Road have joined together to try and catch the person responsible. They even have a reward for $300 for information that can lead to an arrest. Wow, lots of us are friends just from just from growing up here. A lot of us know each other. So I mean we all put our heads together. I'm surprised they haven't been caught yet. Honestly, but but it's coming. It's coming.

The contents of these bags are still unknown, but many believe it could be human vomit. A Knox County Sheriff's Office spokesperson says they are currently investigating the case. Katie. That's the friendly way of saying it could be human vomit. Oh, yeah. So I'm on the Facebook page. It's the South Knoxville Soup Gate.

And there's 165 members. If you want to go join the group, I'm going to join right now. Yeah, sure. Yeah, join us. And it says, my offer still stands. $100 for the arrest from VW Scout. It's a lot. It's not a lot of money. It's not a lot of money. I know that it's hard times out there with inflation. That's like a million dollars. It's not that bad. No. And then Steve Glass says he'll match it. So that's $200 right there. That's huge. Yeah. Because soup is not back in itself.

Take somebody else to put soup in a bag and weaponize it. And we need to think, because what does it mean? What does it mean? What is the man's motivations? These are as mysterious as Tommy Crooks' ideas. Someone says, I'm wondering if it's not soup, but in fact just food that is so rank and rotten that the heat is becoming liquefied and disgusting. I call that soup. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That is street soup. That's just straight up soup.

Yeah, so I heard, oh yeah, now people are just being rude. Yeah, now you see that it's a problem on Facebook. Yeah. They get on there and they get confident. There's a couple cute things, yeah. And what do they say? What's the rude things they're saying? The rude things is I heard one bag was already killed, already killed a biker. Well, that's actually just sad. Well, it's not true. No.

Never said it wasn't true. Said it's what I heard. See, this is why you don't read these. You can't. Yeah, these people, now we're getting into small community fighting. Yeah, about bags of soup. Bags of soup. But it is fun. Oh, yeah, of course, because it's a real crime. But if you're going to puke in a bag, why would you keep it in your car? I just think littering's bad.

I think if they just littered, if they just puked straight into the road without the bag. So much nicer. So much better. Well, again, it's not. It's like when I was walking around my neighborhood and someone had picked up dog shit with a bag, tied the bag, and then littered the bag. That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Why would you do that? Just leave the fucking shit where it is. You just created a worse problem. Yeah, now you've got bag and shit. Yeah. I find people that don't pick up their dog's poo to be some of the worst people to ever live. That's right.

We call, they're Tommy Crooks is those people. Yeah, they're real Tommy Crooks. Oh, Tommy. You don't adore Tommy. God damn it, Tommy. All right, here we go. All right. So this was obviously very upsetting. There's been a lot of upsetting news. Here's a little bit more chaos for your day.

Now, this man, probably, you know, once a week we always kind of have, like, one story always seems to be emailed more than others. Yes. And even with the assassination attempt, this first one was the one that got sent in quite a bit, which is about a one Mr. Pancake. Now, this takes place in god-loving Columbus, Ohio.

What an incredible city. Surprisingly populated. Absolutely. Epstein's favorite place. That's where Jeffrey Epstein came from. Columbus, Ohio? Well, that's where he lived for a long time with the billionaire from Victoria's Secret. Really? Yeah, yeah. He loved Columbus. Interesting. That's a nice town. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And now it's Columbus police officers. They took a man outside. He was in the far west side. He was in a strip mall. This man was arrested. His name is by the name of Matthew Pancake.

And he looks like a person you'd call Mr. Pancake. He was arrested after he had thrown several objects through what appears to be a bar called Roosters downtown, which is sadly, they shattered the front window of Roosters. Is it a gay bar? I think it's more about chicken. Oh, then cock? No, yeah, yeah. See, I just assumed it was like cock. No, no, no, no. But normally it's, I feel like more so it's a shaft bar.

They have more, it's more of a shaft-based thing. Like, Roosters, is there a bar called Roosters? SideStories.com, P-O-T-L-O-G-M-A-L.com. If not, we're opening one. Oh, yes, definitely. Now, but then, he broke into Roosters. There was nothing in there. They found video evidence of this man. He was wearing leopard print pajamas.

And then this man went into a pet land and did technically one of the more chaotic neutral things I've seen in a while. In Pee Wee Herman style, he broke loose several animals from a local pet land. See, I understand this. I actually did this once when I ate too much mushrooms. Yes, you did this. You stole a

This is your... I tried to free my roommate's dogs. No, one time I ate too much mushrooms and then I went into my roommate's room and I tried to free his dogs and I told him to go free and then he was like, leave us alone. Yeah. And I was like, you're right, I'm wrong. I seem to have made an error. And then I got fired from Hooters in the morning but got my job back. Hey.

And then they fired me for real later on. The keys to get back on the horse. And then the horse gets shot in the head. But I got fired for selling drugs. Hey, that's different. It's a better reason to get fired. Yeah, because cool. That's a cool reason to get fired. Yeah. Now, these dogs that came out, everything else was pretty sweet. So these cacti, it was a little cockatiel. That was cute. And it was a couple puppies. And then there was ferrets and some parrots that got released. And they said one of the biggest problems is, according to Columbus Publications,

police sergeant, Joe Albert, he says, you know, one day you're running after a suspect, the next day you're running after ferrets and bunnies. Yeah. But you notice they didn't shoot any of those ferrets and bunnies in the head. You didn't mention he had hamsters in his pants. See, I was waiting. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I was like, how did you, you know. Oh, no, we're getting

there that's the main reveal yeah because when he finally found Matthew Pancake uh he wasn't working as an Oompa Loompa he was asleep near the big lots what'd you get he had a big night he had smashed up roosters he had went and he did a full-on revolution inside of Petland and when she released all these and it is kind of cute watching the cops fill the car with puppies because like it does look like he's about to arrest them all for protesting I don't know um

But yeah, he did a little mini sort of, like, they said that straight up he did not rob anyone of these stores. No. He didn't steal any money. But what he did is they discovered... Well, if you free pets from a pet store, is that robbing? Not according to Pocahontas.

We know Pocahontas was wrong. Yeah, she got too close to those raccoons. That's a wild animal. Oh, yeah, of course. You can't trust a wild animal no matter how much pussy it eats. Now, this fucking guy, he went when they got him and they pulled him up. I'm going to let that go. It's fine. That's so funny.

They arrested the guy and it must probably be just one of those nights. You can see him. So he's asleep on a bench. He's wearing like raver girl slash like very gross airplane pajamas. Oh, when it said leopard pajamas, I don't know why I thought it was just like underwear. No, no, no. He's wearing a full on... It's a full on... Yeah, it's a snuggie suit. He's dressed like a weeaboo. Yeah, he's dressed like he just got done playing Pokemon Go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so when they pulled him up, they noticed, which is hilarious, that his pants were moving around. And now you can see in this body cam footage of the cops having to cut open his pants because of the gerbils running around inside of his pants. Now that's stealing. That is stealing. That is stealing. That's stealing. Once the gerbils enter the pants. All right. Can you resell these gerbils? Unfortunately, I think a lot of these... Are they going to have to put them down? Yeah, with a hammer. Yeah.

They have to take it into the, they got to take the gerbils into the fucking, they got to put it in a salad spinner. They put five of them in a salad spinner and it's only just because they can't be released after they've had smegma from a man named Mr. Pancakes on them. They can't go back to the little girls. You can't put them on sale? That's what I thought. I thought you could spray them with oats, you can wipe them down with a napkin, and then you could give it to a little kid. How long do these things live?

Gerbils? Yeah. Not much longer, I don't think. Right? He seems relatively confused. Man, he is on $10,000 bail. He is not going anywhere anytime soon. It only costs $1,000 to get him out on $10,000 bail. Yeah, and he's broken to a lot of different places. But yeah, I feel like we might need to, can we make a drive to adopt these gerbils? Oh, I thought you were going to adopt him.

No, no, no. I'm full up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, just whenever someone has a cut on their face, you just lose credibility. And I know that could happen to any one of us at any time. Of course. But no, he has a cut on his face because he broke open the glass to several establishments. He's covered in broken glass. Yeah. And gerbils. Yeah. Which makes him one of the more interesting people in Columbus. I wonder why he chose the gerbils to put it. I know one of the cops was like,

Please tell me you don't have one of these gerbils inside of you. Oh, yeah. He's probably like, no, no, no. I would never insult a gerbil like that. I do have a snake in my penis, though. It does seem to be a therosexual component. Because if I was him and I stole a bunch of gerbils. Yeah. Oh, you know what it is? Eddie, it's not that they were in his pants. This is where the news... This is where misinformation... They were inside the Snuggie. Dude...

Misinformation is rife. And I know this for a fact. AI is making things more difficult to discern whether things are real or not. He was wearing pants underneath the Snuggie and the gerbils were in between. In the Snuggie. In between the Snuggie and the pants. So it wasn't sexual. They were just in. There's nothing sexual about him putting these gerbils in his pants, which is weird that I have to say that. I mean, we actually, to be honest, Eddie, we don't know that. Because he might just like them running up and down his legs. Do you want to hear the cop?

Oh, yes. Can we please hear the police officer's reaction? B&E. Criminal damaging. Oh, God. There is a gerbil. Oh, there are gerbils in there. Yeah, definitely animal abuse. I got a gerbil. What the heck? Multiple gerbils. Multiple gerbils in his pants. They're having a great time. Multiple gerbils recovered. The look on his face is just like, God damn it.

So he found the gerbils, huh? Do you have any more bets? Do you have any more gerbils out there? Please don't tell me you put a gerbil somewhere else. Eddie, they did do it. They did ask. They had a little joke. They did a little ask. You know, and he also did a smart thing. I guess you have to ask. You do. And he did this smart thing of not talking until he had a lawyer. Yeah. And I think that's really important for you guys all to see what Matthew Pancake just did there was actually very good cop behavior because

Because he didn't thrash. He didn't start pissing all over the police officers. He didn't attack them. He didn't spit them. He didn't bite them. We don't know if he pissed or not. Well, that's for him. Again, that's just liberty. Yeah. Because it's in his pants. And if he wants... It's the last protest we have. I guess so. I guess so, Henry.

All I'm left with is my dick and my balls and my piss, sir. Yes, I don't need my dignity. I don't even need my voting rights. And then they take out the stick. Whip, whip, whip, whip, whip. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Ow. Fly from your grave. I got to tell you, as I get older, I love linen. Can't help it. Just feels nice. Breathes right. Makes me look less fat. So you know what I did?

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my favorite brand. I'm so excited. I'm going to Burlington now. We're going to rule the school this year. Burlington. Deals. Brands. Wow. Hey, listeners. Love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now. This next story...

It's side stories, just premium. Yes. I love it. It is the single reason why Gavin Newsom will probably never be president. Yeah. But this is a really funny story. Now,

He's a God love San Francisco. Love that town. Nudist tackle pirate after random attack on tourists in the Castro. Now, what I love is the video here, which was posted as Rob pointed out. And this is just coincidentally by a man by the name of Chris Watts.

Why is that popular? Oh, it's not popular. I don't know if popular is a term. It's notorious. Chris Watts murdered his family. Oh, okay. And he's super bad. And he's back on the streets.

Yeah, actually, I voted for him twice last election. No, no, no, no. I know he's not wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not a Jew. He's very much a Jew. Very much. So this is what happened. So this was in the Castro. For those of you who don't know, in San Francisco, the Castro is a truly wonderful neighborhood. It's kind of like this. It is very famously like the heart of the LGBT sort of cube.

family of San Francisco. So like the West Village. Yes, it's a beautiful place. And I just think it's hilarious. So Pete Zaffera of San Jose and Lloyd Fishback of San Francisco, totally nude. We're just walking down the street. Now my main question I do want to say is... Lloyd Fishback is a great name for a nudist. Oh, I absolutely love it. Anybody named Fishback who's openly applying SPF 50 to their nuts. Yeah. It's somebody that I like.

Fish back, dog front. I don't know, more bear-like. No, these guys, they were walking down July 2nd. They were walking down the street, nude, as is their right. And they said that they spotted a crazy kind of pirate guy. Yeah. In San Francisco, you just walk around naked? Oh, yeah, buddy.

I didn't know that. Well, as you can tell, by the way, they are just calmly walking down the street. No one cared. No one seemed to, no, it didn't seem to be a reaction at all. Now this video, you could see it's kind of, it's insane. So it's a man in a pirate outfit with a blowtorch who's attacking a tourist. And then he gets attacked by two nude men. And it's one of them. What's amazing about San Francisco is that it's one of the only stories where the two nude men are the heroes. Yes. You know, it's not a big old, just heap of a problem.

So, as you can see also, there's a picture of the San Francisco Standard of Peter Svera very happily showing his dick and balls in front of Phil's Coffee, and I love him. I don't love this guy, but there's footage. So let's play this footage. I wonder how Phil's Coffee feels about this. I mean, they like it. I think it's free advertising. Now, here we go. So we can see right here, if you play the video, there's just two men.

Just full dick out. He's walking down the street. Barista steals the torch. Yeah, he had an improvised blowtorch. Whoa, he just runs into action. He's like Viggo Mortensen. No clothes down in the street. Whoa. Mixing it up on the gravel. Damn, dog. Fighting like that, dude. He's like Jean-Claude Van Damme, dude.

He ran him off. Yeah. Honestly, the real hero is the barista. Oh, yes. The barista disarmed somebody with a blowtorch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I will say the nudists are getting the lead story here. That's because they're naked. They did a good job. Oh, yeah. And they distracted the crazy person with the blowtorch dressed like a pirate attacking this poor tourist who's never coming back to San Francisco. Well, I just love how the guy, the tourist, is like... Because, you know, like...

I've seen enough open dick that it really doesn't faze me. Like, I do think I would walk down the street to see naked and I don't really care. You saw a dick in Seattle. I'm naked half the time. And so I feel like that wouldn't be anything where it's like, but that man who probably was from some place where maybe he's not as used to seeing full naked people.

and a pirate with a blowtorch. And then who does he look out for? Because I bet you at the point he's looking at butts, right? Because at first you're probably like, oh, who are those naked guys? Oh, what are they going to do? Oh, they're shopping. Oh, those guys know them. Oh, they're nice guys. I could see him focused on the naked men a little bit being like, and that's how the pirate got the drop off. He showed up just like how pirates do. They always come in the cloud at night.

They always make sure they're always sneaking and clamoring, climbing up the sides. No one sees. That man's also shaved as hell, which I do think is really brave, especially for that amount of direct sun on his body. I do hate that the nudist who didn't

fight the guy as the one getting all the credit. Well, yes, he does say that. Peter Sparrow, who is the one in charge of the... He is in the photo shoot where he is very brave. He's very strong. Honestly, he's pretty tight. He's in good shape. Oh, no, certainly. You know, and Sparrow says, just so you know, it wasn't me. I actually... He yelled. It was Lloyd Fishback. He was the one that dropped the ride on him. He's the one with the real fucking tube.

And he went and he took that guy down This guy, right? You can look at this guy He looks like a tough motherfucker He's huge, dude, huge dick Yeah, he got a big dick Yeah, yeah, he went right at him Oh, yeah And then he punched the fucking shit out of this guy Oh, very much so Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And I just think it's interesting He's kissing women

Yeah, sure. You can kiss whoever he likes. I know. I just didn't know what was going on here. I think it's spreading it around. I think they're having a good time. Yeah, he likes everybody. Oh, yeah. And I also like here is that the tourist who was attacked in the video has not been identified, but they do believe he was from Brazil.

So maybe he is used to it. He's probably used to it. There's lots of naked people in Brazil. And I do think in the final thing with Pete Svera... He's probably just more surprised about how small their asses were. Yeah. Oh, very. Probably upset. Because they do, unfortunately, and this is not an insult to these men, they do suffer from the same disease I suffer from. And what is that again? Inverse butt.

Where there's not a lot to play with there. No. Right? Yeah, so I imagine he was... I got a tiny tush, too. But that's probably why he was so distracted. Yeah. Instead of he was walking and he was like, shame. What is all these tiny tushes? Not enough rice. Well, I wonder if you see all those big butts all the time and then you see a tiny tush, does that tiny tush turn you on? No way. No fucking way, dude.

I fucking fully believe it. Absolutely not. When you're that used to it. Because it's different. You're used to awesome butt. And then all of a sudden you have to meet. Like this is the Sam butt that was on the back of King George III. Yeah. You know what I mean? That butt that we're looking at is our English inheritance. Rewrote the Bible. Yes. That's the butt. The butt on Peter Sphera is a. That's the main issue with the white DNA. Yeah.

This guy is, I mean, for being a weird nudist, he does have a decent body. He better be. I actually appreciate it. If you're going to be naked. This cameraman was having a blast. Oh, they are just having a full on, they are doing the photo shoot. Yeah, it's like Gio. Yes, he's wearing a hat. Yes, he is wearing a hat. So he's not a complete nudist. Because it's hard to, because your head gets sunburned. You get the sunblock. Yeah, you get sunburn on your head. Also, I actually kind of like the hat and glasses because it does give you something else to look at. Yeah.

Yeah. Because then I can look at the glasses. Because I have no problems. I have learned as... No ring on that hand. Nope. Totally available. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They got an arrangement. I have learned over the years to not look at... Like, I've trained, and I think that's partially why I'm a good husband. I've trained my eyes to not look at cleavage automatically, right? Like, I can lock in with the eyeballs, right? You've got a tiny little tit there. But my thing is, and maybe you say this too, Eddie, and I don't think this is anything about, like...

Oh, I'm going to get into it. I don't think it's got anything to do with my proclivities, but if I saw open dick, it's just hard. Is that what that word means? What's proclivities? I just say it. I'm not sexually attracted to dick. Oh, no. But it'd be hard to not.

Like, look. Oh, yeah. No. I'm not attracted to murder, but if someone gets murdered in front of me, I'm going to look at it. Would you not say? Because they're flaccid, which I think is fine. Of course. If they're walking around hard, that's worse. Right? Is that legal? Yes. Can you walk around? All right. So you can walk around naked, but can you walk around hard? I think if you get hard, it's definitely frowned upon. But, you know, at the same time. You can't be like, that's where the water is. It happens. You know, you get the piss hard willy.

We've talked about this. We've talked about the piss-hard Willie. I've heard many people say that's a folk's tale. I don't know. Sometimes when I pee, back to normal. Piss-hard Willie. It's an early morning thing. Hey, we're all different. Yeah.

Look at Peter Sparrow. But they stopped it, and once again, they stopped an attack, and once again, the nudists have made the streets of SF safe. So just look for the... If you're looking, if you're out there, and bad things happen. Not one cop was needed. Not a single one was even available.

So you just allow this to happen because these naked men look for the naked people. That's what I say. Yeah. If there's a problem. Yeah. If you're in trouble, anyone who's nude will help you. Oh, yes. Very much so. Can't wait. This guy skinned the shit out of his knees. God.

I actually felt for him because just again, having your penis out and fighting. Falling in the street. Also getting a fight while completely naked. That's like, it's crazy. It's pretty impressive. No, it's Eastern promises. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. This guy was had clothes, the pirate. I mean, he was a belly shirt, but he had, he had clothes on the pirate. He should have won, but he lost. No, he lost. Cause you know why? You didn't have heart. Yeah. He was all fucked up. I'm sure.

And the pirates didn't eat their boys. They do. It was too far inland. He was. He should have been. If this was on the beach, they'd be fucked. Yeah, and he got planked. That's good. Thank you. I was looking for one.

All right. Romania is killing 500 bears. Now, why? I feel like Romania is where all bears come from. The brown bears in Romania. A 19-year-old tourist, sadly, was killed by a bear a little while ago in Romania. And now the Romanian government is just going to kill 500 bears to...

quell the problem. I just don't understand. Did you just sort of set an example? They said there's too many bears and that's why they're killing people. But why are they... They are... Because we know in America there's actually truly very few bear attacks. Yes. That is very, very uncommon for a bear to hurt a human. Do we know why that this could have happened? And I don't want to victim blame, but I do believe that

You probably have to fuck up to get killed by a bear. I mean, she was hiking in the woods with her boyfriend. Was she on her period? That is not in the article, Henry. Was she on her period? I'm going to say yes. Does that make you feel better or worse? Better. Good. Now, the bear. So the bear straight up chased him down. The bear threw this woman's body 120 meters away.

Into a valley, which is as far as the shooter, almost. Which is insane. I know it's a crazy thing to relate, but that's how close the shooter got. A bear was able to throw a human the same distance.

It's not good. It's not good. It doesn't bode well for the Secret Service. But it's very... Wow. Do you think he can replace Aaron Rodgers? Well, not anymore because they killed him. Over the past two decades... Aaron Rodgers? Yes, the Romanian government...

saw Aaron Rodgers in the woods and they killed him because they thought he was a brown bear. No, he's like, I'm a packer. I'm a packer. But no, over the past two decades, bears have killed 26 people and severely injured 274 others over the past 20 years in Romania. Can I honestly ask, what about

Having too many bears causes them to be more aggressive. Like, honestly, I think it's like whenever, like, or so the Florida alligator, there was no attacks for a long time while it was endangered. Now that it's like almost not endangered anymore, there's more attacks because there's more alligators equals. There's going to be more attacks.

Oh, so you're just talking about odds. Numbers. I'm just talking straight numbers. But in America, don't we have a shit fuck of bears and we don't actually, we don't have that many bear attacks in this country? We don't have that many bear attacks, but they do happen. Is this about the government? The government? How? With the Romanian government? Romania is a weird place. It is a weird place, but I just think the bears are a little different over there and they kill a lot more. Maybe they're listening to Andrew Tate. He's there. Yep. Is he in their prison? He's doing something.

Whatever happened to him? He's hanging out in Romania, hopefully about to be sentenced for human trafficking. Or attacked by a bear. I mean, he probably would. What if they're like, Andrew Tate, your sentence is you have to kill these 500 bears. I mean, he would like that too much. He'd like that too much. Because I feel like it's sad. Killing bears is sad. Oh, absolutely. It's very sad. I love bears. Bears are one of my favorite animals. They're my top three. Yeah. Well, brown bears are more dangerous than black bears.

Black bears are like puppies, but they still attack people. Yes, they do. We talked about it recently. One found that woman and killed her. Yes, but a lot of times you can shoo away a black bear. You can scare a black bear. Yeah, you can just wave a bell at it and it runs away. And I know a brown bear, you're supposed to act dead. You're supposed to play dead for a brown bear. Yeah, and grizzly bears are much more dangerous than all of them. And the way I do it every single time, Joe Biden style, face down, ass up.

It's time to get that fuck. No, give it to me, Mr. Gore. Give it to me, Mr. Gore. Let me be clear. Make me gay to win. I have a little more bear news. Can I get into it real quick? You know I love Disney World. I can't help it. No, yeah. He likes Disney. He's not. I would not put you in the Disney adult category. Not because I have other things that I do in my life. You just like Disney World. I enjoy it. It makes you feel you'll enjoy it. Yeah, I enjoy it. It's a good time. It may not be a good time. But Disney World, the Country Bear Jamboree.

One of my favorite attractions. Yeah, it's just bears getting drunk. I love singing bears. There's bears hanging out, having a party. They recently- Oh my God, this guy. You were doing the country bear jamboree and we're still having the pictures of the nudists. He's not big enough to be a bear. No, no, no. Oh, he's a bear. I don't know. He's like whatever's between an otter and a bear. Man, there do some dudes that put my back here. When we talked about Scruff too, Scruff last week, we kind of came back up. It is mostly for hairier men. Scruff is enough. I can tell.

Of the Disney World. So they redid the Country Bear Jamboree, all new songs. They wanted to spice it up a little bit, which I don't like because I like the old soundtrack. But not only when they did that, people are upset because they lost, they got rid of a famous bear. Liver Lips McGraw no longer. Now, why would they get rid of Liver Lips McGraw? They said it was offensive to alcoholics.

I love the idea that we're so worried about, we're going to, we're going to offend people.

The fucking. He barely. All right. I know that I sang bare and barely, but he barely has pants on. He barely has. So they're just saying he looks like a dick out disturbing person that would have an airplane come down earlier. Yeah. So liver. Yeah. Liver lips is like they say it's like a term for someone who's like overly drunk all the time. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's fun. And he sang a really good song. I love the song he sang. What was the song? My Woman Ain't Pretty. Do you know the song? Can you sing it? I used to go, my woman ain't pretty, but she's short, and don't curse none, and I ain't pretty either. I don't know. It's great. It's about being ugly and loving your wife. I'll always remember when we were on Mushrooms and you took over the Country Bear Jamboree, but not that one, the one at Knott's Berry Farm. Oh, yes. When you went on stage and then you just wouldn't leave. Yes.

Remember that? Oh yeah, we were all like beaming and screaming. They made me a one-man band. Oh yeah, they couldn't make you leave. Oh wait, we got the song! Yeah, let's play it in tribute to Liver Lips McGrowl. McGrowl. Because you know what? Do the Tex Ritter version so it's less chance we'll get in trouble. Oh, you think we're going to get sued? I mean, it's a Disney song, so if we do the Tex Ritter version. Oh, never mind. No Disney. Do My Woman Ain't Pretty by Tex Ritter, please.

That's the version that they took it from. My Woman Ain't Pretty, Tex Ritter. Whoa, is that like a... This is a great one. This one goes out to you, Liver Lips. They changed his name to Romeo. My Woman Ain't Pretty, but she don't swear none. That's right. It's a good song, by the way. I got a woman, she's got me. Whatever I do, we both agree.

She ain't pretty, but I ain't too. The things she like are the things we do. My woman ain't pretty, but she don't swear none. I wonder why they cut this out of the Disney ride. I wonder why they decided that a sloppy drunk bear screaming my woman ain't pretty is a

Didn't make the cut. I don't know why. I love you, Liver Lips McGrowl. We all do. We all do. The only honest bear. Yes. In that whole fucking production. Good Lord. You know. Big Al's still there, though. Well, good. Honestly, I feel bad for you, Eddie. You're just going to have to bring Liver Lips McGrowl.

Representation each time you go by getting absolutely shithouse hammered. I know. I'm just going to go and sing the song real loud. I thought we got rid of that bear. All right, here we go. It's time for some listener emails. My God, the emails are incredible.

You love these emails. I do. They make you so happy. Because they're doing it. You know what I mean? I get to see that. Let the laughter roll in. What are people talking about? What is the first one? This is about a banshee encounter. Now, before we go into it, a banshee. It's an Irish banshee.

centrally cryptid folklore creature that is supposed to denounce bad news. I just thought it was a naked screaming woman. Oh, it is. Okay. Oh, don't you worry, friend. That ain't changed. That ain't changed since the good Lord popped us out of the well. All right, a banshee encounter. Let's hear about it. I wanted to share a crazy story that my girlfriend's father has told me many times over the years that he swears is true.

This event took place in the mid to late 80s in a rural area of Tennessee during an intense winter season. My girlfriend's father was living near a dense forested area at the time. He was out for a walk to enjoy the recent snowfall when he heard a woman's voice somewhere in the distance. He walked towards the voice, which sounded like it was saying, Come here! Over here! Something to that effect.

when he finally spotted a woman in the distance. He immediately noticed that she was not dressed appropriately for the weather. She was barefoot in the snow, wearing a thin dress, and no coat, winter clothing of any kind. My girlfriend's dad was freaked out and began to experience intense and unexplainable fear at the situation. Nevertheless, he shouted to ask her if she was alright. At this point, she started saying his name.

Which scared the shit out of him. Since he had never seen her before and hadn't said his name. She started repeating it and saying, Come here, girlfriend's dad's name. Come here, girlfriend's dad's name. Come here. Come here. Come here. He did what I would do. He booked it the fuck out of there. As he started running, he heard her laughing. And the laughing eventually turned into loud screaming, shrieking noises.

He made it back to his home and told his roommates he was living with at the time, who insisted it was probably some drugged out hippie, but he swears it was something supernatural. Seems that the dating scene has always been this way. You got to be careful out there. By single people.

All right. Just because. Isn't it weird that, like, it totally, you know, it lost all validity when he's like, his roommates. Once his roommate snaps and he snaps you out of any ghost story. All right. This is a, oh, yeah. I'm a senior project manager for a very large international restoration company. I've always been the PM who has taken on all the dead body cleanups, as it doesn't bother me like it does some. Ooh.

Once you learn to deal with the smell, fix vapor rub on the nose and a fresh set of clothes as the smell leaches in, it's not that bad. I've dealt with countless amounts of body cleanups from single family homes to multi-story buildings where the fluids have gone down to units below. One that sticks with me the most is when a gentleman who wasn't found for nearly two and a half weeks and passed away in his recliner chair. Any furniture or bed is always the best case as it can absorb a lot of the fluids. Okay. Isn't that nice? Yeah.

The team of techs I had decided to tarp the chair completely after the body was removed and take it outside. At this point, they hosed off the tarp of all the leaking goo into the front courtyard in front of all of the other unit owners. So, oh, that's what it was. Yeah. So they just sprayed a bunch of human goo into apartment building. It's hard to rent. Yeah. I mean, what else are they going to do with it? I don't know. Bag it. Leave it in the street.

Right in the middle of Knoxville, Tennessee. Yeah. That's what you do. Here we go. And this is one last one. This is a ghost tour. Oh, finally. While visiting Jefferson City, Missouri for a night prison ghost tour, I had an intense paranormal experience.

I am a die-hard skeptic, so I had no anxiety going in. Plus, I have experience visiting other prisons, such as the one in Philadelphia. I know that famous one. There's a big famous... Eastern State Penitentiary. Yeah, so I always wanted to go to. Apparently, the ghost tours there are incredible. I would love to go. Yeah, I'd love to. Additionally, I have no underlying health issues, and I'm an a fit, active person. The tour started around 9 p.m., and my friend and I were in good spirits.

We tore gen pop, intake, showers, the yard. Next, we did lights out in solitary confinement without incident. Then we went to death row, which is where the story starts. My stomach started to get anxious walking up to the building and I was instantly exhausted. When we got to the row of cells and lined up against the walls for lights out, my condition declined at a rapid pace. Within two minutes, a deafening static noise resulting in an intense headache occurred while my friend kept mentioning how uncomfortable she was.

Then what I can only describe as an invisible force dragged me to the ground by pouring all of my energy out, starting at my head to my feet, resulting in a slow crinkle to the ground. My friend and the tour guide dragged me out while I dry heaved and poured sweat along with other, another pair of ladies who claimed to see a shadow entity. The moment I stepped outside, the symptoms disappeared and I was fine though, a little embarrassed for being that person on the tour.

Turns out I was standing at the spot of a murder on the road, along with there being a history of curly-haired blondes being touched by a shadow entity. I am a curly-haired blonde. So is the lady. That's very interesting. I find that very, very, very interesting, because I do think that prisons, unlike cemeteries or other places, like that has to truly be some of the more haunting environments in the country. Unless someone gets murdered in a cemetery, I don't know why it would be haunted.

A cemetery is a place of rest. Yeah. Normally, by the time you were laid to rest in a cemetery, if you were, let's say there is a real rule about ghosts being involved, about their energy being kind of printed on an area because something traumatic happened. Where it's like at a cemetery, they're finally asleep. Yeah. Gettysburg, that cemetery. It's because that was the place they died became a cemetery. Yes. Yeah. That's why. But yeah. Yeah.

If it used to just be land and then it was a cemetery, then it's fine. I think it's fine. Yeah, I feel, you know, what do you think? Do you think this is real? Who knows? Who knows? I find it, well, I've heard many of these because I've done many ghost tours and this, it is common if you are going through haunted areas. When we did Edinburgh, there's like a place where they talk about an open field, essentially concentration camp, and that was set up in the 1600s where prisoners were locked outside to die, to starve to death in the elements, and then there was a

place there's a little crypt in there if you walk in they say that people do get attacked they pass out people have been scratched pushed and i know it's fucking weird in there do people who get attacked by spirits often pass out they it is common it's something in the body they would have some kind of weird physical reaction all right so who knows but hey

We're just here in 2024. Yeah, so this is actually a good advertisement for the prison tour in Jefferson City, Missouri. Yeah, I would love to go. Yeah, that's very good advertisement. Honestly, it could be somebody from their company, which I don't mind because that's how you make it. If you write a good enough story, we will help you with your lie. Just make it work. It's a make it work moment. All right, guys. That's it. That's it. It is going to be. Is it Brat Girl? Brat House? Brat House.

Charlie XCS? Yes. Brats. Brats are everywhere. We got Spankham. Brat Girl Summer. Brat Girl Summer. Right? It's the love every day knowing for a fact that we are gooning ourselves to the election. Yay! I'm getting hard. I'm getting hard, but I'm not coming because that makes me laugh. It makes me love the fact that my penis is hard all day.

Isn't that great? Yeah, yeah. Great way to end the show. I really learned a lot today. I really learned a lot. And I think that we can offer a balm to the people of America by telling them what I firmly believe. B-A-L-M. Be a balm. Yes, a balm. I just wanted to make sure we spelled that out. Yes. That me thinks everything gonna be Irie. Irie is the way to, I think is the word of the year. I think that as long as we all just chillax. Mm-hmm.

Smoke a bone. Oh, absolutely. If you got them, smoke the hell out of them. Hog's leg, man. Big fat.

Tell Debra you like her. Yeah. This is the time. Today's the day. And if Debra says, I don't like you back, never talk to Debra again. Fuck Debra. No, not fuck Debra. But I mean. Stay away from Debra. Move on. She wants you out of her life. Move on. To another Debra. There's a thousand Debras out there. You could choose any person that's. And I also remember these. If you're lonely out there, if you're, if you're stinky and you dress in hunting gear to go to school and you don't know what to do. Listen.

I mean this. Somebody will fuck you if you just try. You just gotta get good at a single thing. Some people don't lose their virginity until they're very old. Absolutely. Very, very old. 75, 76. You ever sucked a 75-year-old's virgin dick? No, I haven't yet. What it does is gives you something to cry about to your therapist, your family.

It's going to pinch your own.com slash last month on the left to give us money to see us talk. Go to tick tock and Instagram at LP on the left. It is social media. It helps awareness of us. Side stories is coming to.

To Chicago. We're going to Chicago. September 13th. Improvise, no. The Park West. We're going to make it up. We are going to be there. There's still tickets available. Philly sold out. Sold out. Sold out. Save us some of that meat that y'all stole. Dude, if any of those listeners got some of that illegal ass fucking meat.

Throw it in the freezer. Bring it to the show. We'll have a good time. Come on, man. Launder your meat at the live show. I looked. I looked. You know people are fucking reselling tickets to that show for $200? What fucking bricks? That sucks. Isn't that crazy?

Isn't that crazy? I wish there was something that we, like, honestly, I know that we're like, we're stuck because of the promoter, all this fucking Live Nation shit. That's wild. Isn't that nuts? Don't give them that money. Don't. It's not worth it. Don't. No. It should not be that much money. Yes. Make that person fucking eat those tickets because that's fucked up. Yes. Well,

Well, at the same time, I do want people to come. It's sold out. But Chicago, there's plenty of regular price tickets. Come see us there September 13th at the Park West. And the way you can find that out is going to lastpodcastsontheleft.com. And come out and see us next week. This is another thing. We put a little message on our socials. And I just want to do a little extra messaging.

Know that we have put out a call to people that are holding tickets to the Australian dates. Yes. We are going to be doing a live stream just for you next Tuesday. You're still coming, though. You're still coming.

Oh, we are coming. Yeah, we're coming. We are coming to Australia. We're very much coming to Australia. I'm sorry it's taken four years live stream. It's a special. We're doing something nice for you because we feel so guilty about how long it's taken us to get out there. Yes, it's like a Q&A. There are some tickets still available. Oh, yes. So if you want to check out the live stream, go get one of those tickets. You have a week. You got a week. You got a week to go get one of those tickets, and then you can check out the live stream that we're going to do before we come out there. We're leaving. Our first show is August 6th.

In New Zealand. Can't wait. We're so fucking excited. I've never been out to either one of those places. You're going to love Australia. Can't wait to smoke your weed. Dude, I mean, don't say that. I don't know how that's going to happen, Eddie. I'll find it. I'll fucking start smoking the grass grass. I don't give a shit. I'll find out what you guys got. The key is, Eddie, the key is you just say it with your lips. You go, yes.

That's how we do it. That's on Patreon. Yeah, I know. I'm not going to bring any weed. No, we're not bringing weed. I'm not bringing weed. All right, because you don't want to go to the kangaroo court. Oh, my God. Those motherfuckers. Koala court sounds great. Kicks you in the dick.

All right, guys. Hell Satan. Hoop-a-goo-goo game. Oh, you see it on YouTube. Go check it out. We did the Hoop-a-goo-goo game premiere last week. It was a special event. It's going to be coming bi-weekly to the LPN TV Twitch channel in September. But go watch the replay. It was so much fucking fun. We had me and Amber, of course, and then Billy Wayne Davis, Jackie Zabrowski, Holden McNeely, MJ Neffel, and The Chacked. So great. Were the stars. Special shout out to Eric.

our uh lpn tv twitch um guru who really just put that whole fucking thing together it was beautiful yes yes i mean we we got great friends we're gonna be bringing more people outside the network onto hoopa goo goo which i'm really excited yeah if you want to if you watch it and then let us know who would be a good guest because i'd love to have them whether they be a judge or a uh potential murdered contestant they're not murdered they're killed i love that all right hail satan

Hail Romanian bears that live. Save the bears. Save the bears. If you're in Romania, go save a bear. Yeah. Kiss them. Have sex with a big hairy bear. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.

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