cover of episode Side Stories: Marcus Meets a Ghost

Side Stories: Marcus Meets a Ghost

2024/5/9
logo of podcast Last Podcast On The Left

Last Podcast On The Left

Chapters

Shownotes Transcript

Hey listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now.

Hold, primates listening! It is I, Numator 479. According to our studies of your puny mammalian race, we discovered you like very good coffee. And while it is our evolutionary purpose to cause you psychic torment, we want you awake and vivacious to give it. So try our new blend from Spring Hill Jack Coffee. Reptilian in the morning...

Our proprietary blend of lightly roasted cocao husks will have you immediately energized upon emerging from the pain cloaca with all your slippery new eggs. Thanks, honey. Hot, hot, I'm cold-blooded. Eggs to Spring Hill Jack and last podcast on the left. I'm ready to get out there and eat some babies. Get out of the way, Hillary Clinton. Beep, beep.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last hot cast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. That sounds good to me. Sounds good to me. Sounds good to me. Sounds good to me.

Sounds good to me. Sounds good to me. Sounds good to me. Les bon l'automne, my friend. So we're going from sounds good to me to... Sounds good to me. Les bon l'automne. The good times were rolled up, my friend, but now it's time to get back to work. Je les fit et je les campe. Les pétosipiles, nous l'ont. Nous l'ont.

Or after we watch Interview with a Vampire and you forget that Brad Pitt always calls it New Orleans. Not good in the film. Natural pout, though. I think he's got bigger gums. Very good pout. Very, very good pout. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Marcus Parks. Hi. We're back from our vacation. I gotta say, thank you so much to all of the incredible people that put together my 40th birthday. Oh, of course. I had an incredible time in New Orleans. It was super...

Not just fun. I learned a lot. Yeah? I met some people. I met some listeners out there. Had a blast. Yeah, I met some great listeners, too. I want to say thank you straight up to the fucking man. That Parkway Diner is good. The Parkway Bakery's got great sandwiches. I'll throw that out there. Commander's Palace hooked it up. I just want to say, man, whoo! It was fucking...

Good ass time. I am recovering. Yeah. But I feel good. I feel like I partied responsibly. I feel like we both partied responsibly. The only night we really went fucking nuts was we went Wednesday. We went and saw that that band called Game of Bones. Yeah, that was five trombone players. That was good. That was fucking incredible. Five trombones. What do you think? That's too many trombones. Turns out not enough trombones. Not enough trombones, my friend. I could have used two or three more. But we laze in the ball all day long.

I gotta tell you, I am more French than ever. But it is good to be back in front of the microphone. I am 40 years old, but Natalie described it now. I'm no longer like an old version of young. Yeah. I'm a young version of old. That's nice, isn't it? Yeah. Wow. So I'm like a boy again. I'm a child again. Why is that depressing to me?

It is. Well, if I were to chase for it, because then that real mindset leads to veneers. And then you see me with the big fillers, like the big people like, Marcus, I just have to say, I cannot live without the lentil soup at Erewhon. Like, you know, I cannot live.

I will die without it. Oh my God, I miss seeing Crystalia there. Oh, my favorite man to see at the Erewhon. Just freely spending his money. Love to see him. But that's not even why we're having Marcus on here today. It is not. Obviously, everybody wants to hear about Eddie. We're going to get to the updates from last week's episode or before the vacations episode. But first, I want to talk about that we got to experience something extremely special today.

We worked with the group, and I've now... I've been singing their praises for a long time, and they did not disappoint. They are truly some of the best in the business. French Quarter Phantoms is a ghost tour company. New Orleans, we work with them all the time. You know, like, I've mentioned them a lot. Ghost tour and true... They do great true crime tours as well. True crime. But...

Something special happened. So one thing that was one thing I wanted to talk about that we didn't get to spend time for was like the first time I ever got to see the Lurie Mansion open. I tried everything in my power to get inside of the Lurie Mansion. It's very difficult. Yeah. But I was outside of Verity Mart waiting for a sandwich. And I looked up because Verity Mart is across the streets, catty corner to the Lurie Mansion. And I have never seen it open before. Mm hmm.

All of the windows were open. The doors were open. They were having a big party. It must have been for Jazz Fest. And it was fascinating because I, from one of the managers of the French Quarter Phantoms, I won't name any specific names so they won't leak that they told me shit about the layout of the LaLaurie Mansion and how it has been redone and how it is kind of got like a

The way he put it, it's a bit over the top. Well, we had got a listener email right after we did our Madame LaLaurie series who said the same thing, that it's very gaudy inside. There's an entire wall that's just fur. Yeah, there's a fur-covered room. There's also a sex dungeon. There's a lot of stuff. They kind of play into the fun history behind the building. But I had this fascinating moment of watching a ghost tour play

pull up and I was watching the ghost tour tell the story about the house as the people that were inside the house on the balcony smoking cigars watched the ghost tour tell stories about the house as we were in it and then like I'm sitting there and as the guy's telling stories I'm correcting his version of the story because he's doing the super funked up ghost tour version of the story and I

I'm doing the reality of it to the other group of people that are building around me. Honestly, it was a blast, but it felt like this like really fucked up scenario where the Lori people are watching me watch them watch these guys talk about that. And it felt very like heavy, very interesting. A lot of layers on that. So that's new Orleans all over baby. A lot of layers. And so,

We asked French Quarter Phantoms. I was like, OK, I'm 40. I'm a boy again. I got to do something interesting. What what can we do? And so they decided to lead us on a bit of a ghost hunt. And I don't want to talk about the specifics because I know it's their IP. Yeah, of course. So I don't want to tell you the stories that they told or where they took us. But they took us to a location in New Orleans. It was a bar that was a former brothel.

And they told a story about a young, unfortunate woman that had been in this place when it was a brothel and they died by suicide. And it was this extremely sad story. But they talked, they took us upstairs. So they also saw a listener was playing music. What was his name?

I forget his name. There's a guy who was playing music. He was great. Beautiful voice. Beautiful voice. If you take the French Quarter Phantoms tour, it's the bar they sometimes stop at if you take the big tour. I don't want to name it because I don't want to bust it for them. But the guy who sings there regularly is very talented. And so we went upstairs to like the manager's area.

It's just an office. It's got a kitchenette. It's an office. It's cool. Yeah, it's all modernized in there now. But he, the leader of our tour, the manager. You're not like in an old time. It's not like dressed up like an old time brothel or anything like that. No, it's got like printers and shit and stuff that's like laying around. Like all like stuff from the bar hanging out inside of it. And he begins to tell us the story. And then also what's really funny is that our specific group, a

I love our crew. So it's all of like, you know, it's like Murder Fist and various members of LPN. And we're sitting in this like little tiny room and he's telling the story. And he began, he's like, you know, you know, basically sort of explained about how New Orleans is based off of the work of enslaved people and sex workers. Pretty much the entire town was built on. They would, because it was five to one men to women. Yeah. So they had a truck in sex workers, quote unquote truck. And they always, they always get stuck in traffic. Yeah.

That's crazy. They should travel from noon to three. And so they get in. They basically, every brothel in New Orleans has got a different flavor. They got a bunch of different things. They got a bunch of different styles. You know, like one, which he said, I want you to guess. He said he would say every other form of sexuality possible. But then the one thing they would never name that was always forbidden was sex in the French fashion. And so he's like, let me guess. Can I add any of you guess what the French name?

fashion is and we're all like uh pissing in a dead woman sucking out the piss carving the eyes out of a infant shit and all the infant dead infant space and fucking the infant it's eating shit you take the shit out of a dead man's ass and you and you stuff it inside a lady you eat the shit out of the ass and it's just like no no no no it's um it was oral sex we're like oh oh okay you asked us

You asked me. So that's French style, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, oral sex. I thought it was when you shove a wedge of brie inside of a dead girl and then you look to see if you could see it in her mouth. It's like, no, no, no. People were unhygienic. It was blowjobs. And I was like, oh, interesting. And so he tells us the story and he's like, so this room has gotten some activity and I have various tools and he put out a ghost box, which we always kind of feel like,

I was just looking to have fun. I was expecting nothing. He's bringing out toys and letting us play with them. That's it. That's what it was. He was like, we're walking around. Not guiding us. Not really. Just giving us toys. We had a couple of EMF readers. We had a couple of things that were like they would light up for various temperature changes and EMF changes. And there was a ball. They could put a ping pong ball out. But one of the things that he used...

which I had never seen before, which is two sets of dowel rods. And so what they were were two metal, like, kind of like sleeves. Call them diviner, yeah. Diviner tools. But they weren't traditional diviner tools, which are done in sort of like a stick. They're not dowsing rods. Yeah, it's not a dowsing rod, but it's these two things, these two sort of things. So they were metal rods in an L shape that would go into little tubes that you would hold on.

holding your hands. And they're kind of loose. The two little L-shaped things are kind of loose. They swing. They're able to swing back and forth. Yes, and so basically he said, we like to set up a series of parameters with what goes on in this room. So we set up our like, okay,

stuff for, you know, like we'll turn on the ghost box and we'll let that roll. And what we'll do is we'll kind of generally talk and introduce ourselves and hang out in this room and see what happens. And these doweling rods will set up this idea that we'll ask questions and the doweling rods, if they swing wide opposite wise, it means yes. But if they cross over each other, it means no. I'm like, all right. So we kind of like follow

futz around for a while and do very shit. And then Jared, one of the members of Murder Fist, he picks up the doweling rods and he's fucking with it. And he notices that they stand straight. So it's like you kind of balance them so they stand straight. But the one thing is, is that they didn't stay straight for everyone. No. I couldn't use them.

I had them and they were flopping all around. I was just like, I can't do this. There were a few people who grabbed them and like they're flopping all over the place. But, you know, some people you grab them and they just go straight forward. He went pin straight. And so he started asking questions and the thing started working.

So we asked several questions defining what they were talking to. You know, we said, is this an entity that's attached to this property in some way? I mean it. They just open to yes. Started asking, like, are you the person that's the subject of the story? Close.

to x to no and he said that not only were they and i watched it i have pictures of it i'm standing in front of him reacting to it i mean they're white as a sheet there are 15 people watching him yes he's not only went white as the sheep it started sweating yeah yes and so that he said when they crossed he said that he couldn't pull them apart whether he wanted to or not they sort of linked like they were fucking magnets and then he linked across and we all sat there

I mean it. It was wild. Other things started going off. Like, Natalie was holding an EMF reader in her, like, on her lap. And it bounced off. And Jared then said, did you just try to speak to Natalie? And it went swung open. Yes. We all fucking freaked out. Everyone's just like, holy fucking shit. Then he's like, there's weird kind of garbled stuff coming through the ghost.

The radio. The spirit box. The spirit box is running this entire time, by the way. Yeah, and it's kind of like, mumbling's coming out. And our leader was like, see, the thing here is like, so it wouldn't just say random things. If it says stuff like, there's something trying, struggling, either coming through or something's...

It's pinging this machine. It's doing something. Jared then asked the question, are you having problems using some of the high tech toys that we're using right now to communicate with us? And I swear to fucking the devil himself. And I will. And I will attest to this as well as well. Everybody else in the room. I'd scares on the back of my neck standing up. The ghost box said kind of like it came out clear as a fucking die. It just came out.

And up until that point, it had been all garbled. Because that was one of the things that I sort of misunderstood about spirit boxes is that I didn't realize how fast they ran. Yeah, you see it's running through the channels at an extremely high rate. Yeah, I didn't realize how fast, like I thought it ran through a little bit slower. So every once in a while, like, so you're just getting, you know, everyone's like, yes, oh, ah. No, it is just, it's bringing like,

Just these garbled messages that are running through so fast. And it really was clear as day. Kinda. And then we sat there and we're like, okay. And then we asked her the question. She's like, what's your favorite drink? And then when it said vodka, I mean, it said vodka. The ghost thing said vodka. We went downstairs. We got a shot of vodka. We put it back on the table. We put the EMF meter next to the vodka shot. The thing started shooting off. It was crazy.

Truly wild. I finally saw something the way that Newkirk's described it. Whatever was in that room was trained like a fucking dog. It was like, that was wild. He said that he had not experienced anything like that in the last couple of trips. Because for a while, there was a little bit. Because once I started watching everybody get into it,

I will allow myself to step back from the skeptics to the skeptic side, right? Because now I'm like, okay, good. I got all these people that are really believing it. But now there's a part... I'm starting to ask the questions. Can he fake this? Yeah. What are the parlor tricks in which that he could possibly fake this? I watch him do... Like, you can't control the ghost box because I've used one of those before. And do that specific...

is fucking wild. And I don't know how he does that. The stuff with the... The only way you could fuck with those bars is with a magnet. Mm-hmm. Which, I mean, again, I don't know if he is David Coppafil or not. Mm-hmm. You know, because there's only one of those. But they're everywhere. They're possibly secret. Magicians, they always kind of lie about what they do in their private homes. But then...

After Jared was done. See, this is why Marcus is on the show. So, of course, right? All my years talking about this fucking horseshit. All of the years I spent, all the reading, all the things I've shown Marcus. Marcus is always just like, yeah, well, it's certainly not the Stooges. Or like he's got somebody he's just like thinking about music and something else. But it touched you.

after Jared was done. So he puts down the rods and we've got, we had like 45 minutes in this room and everyone's like, at this point, everyone's very satisfied. Like we've come to New Orleans. We, we shared a paranormal experience with a bunch of people. Uh, and so everyone at this point, like we're just, we've got 10 more minutes in that room and everyone's got their EMF meters and everyone's just kind of talking about how crazy that was. And I figured, well,

Fuck it. Yeah. Let's pick up the rods. Yeah. You never do that kind of stuff anyway. I mean, like I went to Crescent City Conjuring, which was another great store. I had a fucking psychic moment. This is this whole trip was wild. Yeah. And so I went and I picked up the rods and, you know, I got took them like a really nice, like steady position. And, you know, I had watched other people like flip around. But with me, I picked them up. And again, straightforward. Yeah.

It's like, oh, okay, cool. I was like, well, and I asked, am I communicating with anyone right now? And they just went.

Yeah. And they went to yes. Yeah. And that's the thing is that I was off in the corner with Carol. It was just me and Carolina off in the corner by ourselves. Tour guides talking to somebody else. Everybody else is like doing their own thing. And then I'm just like, and I just like, did you see that? She's like, yeah, I saw that. And so I started asking it more questions. Like I asked it, like, are you from new Orleans? And it's like, yes. Yeah.

And I asked it like, do you like having us around? Yes. Yeah. It was like getting excited. It was weird. It was doing stuff where it was like, do you like hanging out with people? Yeah. Jared asked that and went to yes. And we're like, it started really, the energy kicked up in a way that I did not expect. Yeah. And every time that it answered a question of fucking chill went up through my entire body and I started feeling like,

Like, I started feeling what I was talking to. Like, I felt like I was speaking with someone very friendly. You got hard? Yeah.

somebody who could make me hard but then it's nice and carolina's there so she could finish the ghost job am i right all couple the benefits of their marriage license that's one continue so i felt that it was a very warm friendly presence and i felt that it was a woman i felt it was like a female presence nice uh and i felt like like she was somewhat bawdy like

Like, kind of friendly. Big tits? A sex worker. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Someone who was fun. Somebody like, yeah, yeah, yeah. A party lady. Yeah, so yeah, who was like, kind of fun. Like, I didn't feel... Not for a single moment did I feel like scared. No. Or apprehensive or anything like that. That room made me feel none of that. Nothing like that. But the part that made me... That sent a chill up my fucking spine was I asked...

are you ready to move on? And it swung out to yes. And then I asked, is there anything we can do to help? And it went, no. Oh yeah, dude. There was one. Oh man. And it just, and I was like, oh man,

Fuck. It was crazy, dude. Oh, my God. And that's when, like, Jackie saw me. She's like, are you talking to a fucking ghost? I'm like, I'm talking to a ghost right now, Jackie. And that's when, like, everybody else in the room kind of started paying attention. It's like, guys, I've been talking to a ghost for, like, five minutes now. This is incredible. And if I...

And the picture, you can actually go to my Instagram at Marcus Parks. You can see the moment. And you can see the rods in the yes, like going into the yes position. And I honestly, y'all know me. Y'all know me. Y'all know what I stand for. All right. And yeah, I can be considered gullible. I consider me an experimental person.

person of thought that just kind of dives in and I don't know. I don't really even care. I don't care what's real or what's not real because all I fucking know is dog is fucking... I think I might have died in that fucking car accident or almost got into it in the way of Disneyland the other week. Nice. But that's just me. That's my own fucking problem. It's a mental problem I have. I think it's called Cotard Syndrome. But the...

I saw something happen that was extremely physical in a room and it happened right in front of me. And I had several other ghost tour guys that were like, yeah, it's fucked up. It's happened. They're all like seeing about,

Probably between like 10 to 20 of these. And I was just like, it's interesting because now I kind of know where you're if you're if you're walking through that type of scenario, it may sound credulous to you that we're outside of that room. I totally understand. We sound like crazy people. But I saw something, man. And I was fucking sober. Yeah. As sober as I could have been. Yeah. Because I got I had gotten drunk earlier and then I went to sleep and a nap.

And then I got, I woke back up and I sorted myself out. Yeah. I was sober as well. Yeah. Uh, like I had like, that's the thing is that I can say that that night I both saw and experienced something truly paranormal for the first time. Like I, I experienced the paranormal, whatever the fuck it is. I don't know if it's an actual person, an actual spirit. I felt an actual presence, something,

speaking through me. Yes. I, uh, and I want to thank French quarter fantasy. Thank you. Jesus. For popping my hymen. Thank you for making my butthole big for those. So I, you know, I didn't experience it myself. I just saw it from the side. I don't know what you'll experience. If you take a ghost tour, uh,

But especially that kind of environment, I expected nothing to happen. I expected absolutely nothing. I expected us to fucking wander around a room with a bunch of toys for 30 minutes and then make a bunch of jokes, get a drink, and have a good night. That's all. Just have fun doing that and scaring each other. But no, it was a genuine contact. Genuine contact. So go check out French Quarter Phantoms. Also, Crescent City Conjures.

I went there and I had a very magical experience. An absolutely mesmerizing woman by the name of Tom Janee grabbed me and she's like, the color green is something that you need. And I was like, okay, you know, whatever. And then I go out to see tank and the bangers last night, the night that night. And I didn't know that the theme of it was their album, the green album. And there was green everywhere. And then I went back there to go get to go talk to the lady again. And she wasn't in, but then I talked to the guy who owned the store was just

big, crazy-looking dude with a head wrap and two huge dogs and, like, several chickens. And then I had to go back behind the store with him while he drank wine and we talked about magic for an hour. Honestly, it was great. Wow. It was cool. He was very frightening. But, man, New Orleans. Woo!

The city's so good, they only made it once. Yep, and I can also say Euclid Records, also a fucking fantastic, incredible record store. I wish I could have spent two days in that place. Dude, can't wait. And, you know, we will be back, New Orleans. That is false or don't. I get it now. I finally get New Orleans. And thanks to all the wonderful people at the Voodoo Lounge Bar that are so incredible, so sweet, so wonderful. But yeah,

Thank you, New Orleans, for a wonderful vacation. Thanks for treating me right. Riding me hard and leaving me wet. Yeah. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Finding work-life balance can be tough, but Squarespace gives you the tools to reach your goals and have time to celebrate.

Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. With the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint, you can select from curated layout and styling options to create a personalized website optimized for every device. Get your website discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools. Plus, make checkout easy for customers with easy-to-use payment tools. And with Squarespace AI, you can explain what your site is about

choose your tone, enter what you need, and get auto-generated text. And that helps you save time. I know I'm sitting on about two literal wheelbarrows filled with horse pics. Now, part of the issue has been is a lot of these pictures are getting stopped at customs because some of them do depict various world leaders in horse-like circumstances that seems to be

pinging a lot of these custom agents accounts. Now, so what I've done to do is like, so while I'm trying to work on hand smuggling these horse picks over various country borders, uh,

I then also have time because Squarespace is doing all the other ad work for me to go and work on my killdozer at home. So thank you, Squarespace, for allowing me to diversify in the best way possible for this country. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Go to squarespace.com slash left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hey listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now.

All right. So we got some updates, updates for the show. And I'm glad you're here. So one thing that I asked about last week was about this concept of the U.S. government. There was a article in the brief that was saying that they believe the U.S. government had created a

propellant-less propulsion drive using electricity. And that might explain some of the weird orb activity the U.S. Navy is seeing. Maybe that's secret tech that we don't know anything about. It's still, I had no idea what the fuck it was talking about. So I asked y'all to explain it to me. And I got somebody from, this is some scientist, I think. Yeah.

Then emailed me this. Here's a simple explanation of the propellantless drive. The ion drive. First off, it's not really propellantless. Thanks. Then what's the fucking what are we even? It just doesn't need to carry a substance that can be shot out of an engine in order to move. Okay, so it's not propellantless. It just has no propellant juice. Yes. The butthole of the plane is

is shooting dry farts. Great. You're with me now. The oversimplified answer is the plane uses a very large battery to magnetize the air passing under the wings of the plane. The magnetic air is then shot backwards, forcing the air backwards just like any plane with a propeller. Oh, that's how propellers work? I don't know. Wow. Actually, I don't even know what that means. But that is as simple as you can get it.

As simple as I can understand it. No. Is that if you electrify the air underneath the plane, it makes the plane lighter. And then they push that. They then, the thing floats on the air and then it pushes forward. Dude, I didn't even know that's how propellers work. They shoot the air backwards. Back, dude. And then that makes the fucking plane go up. Go forward, dude. Forward and the wings, I believe, the wings make it go up. It's the propeller that makes it go forward. But then what's the force in the air backwards about?

I think it's both. Guys, don't. Guys, don't even. Please don't ask us anymore about this. I just asked for the simplest explanation possible. That's not how fucking planes work. Dude, I still don't think they work. That's a secret. That's a secret I have. I still believe planes work on faith, which is actually very scary. It's called an anxiety thought. And you know what I've learned to do?

experience it and let it pass over me because I'm new now. Yeah. I'm young old. I'm just a boy. Look at me. There you are, Henry. Yeah.

you all. I'm just a child. I might be filled with fried shrimp. I did not have a meal that didn't have fried shrimp for five days. I went into withdrawal yesterday. I felt like a walrus. I was like, where's my I had grown so accustomed to fried shrimp being just a part of my every meal that when yesterday I had to make a fucking salad because I also kicked my doctor's appointment to fucking two months from now because I'm cheating. I'm going to get you right. I'm sick of this doctor giving me shit.

All right, so I'm coming in there, brand new guy. Yeah, you don't want to go over a fucking blood checkup for your cholesterol right after a trip to New Orleans. You want to know what I did to fucking counter everything? Hammered. Saturday night, bought a Nutribullet to make smoothies. That's literally what I thought in my head. I was like, yeah, we're going to get right. We're going to get right with the Lord. Did you do it at the bar or at the hotel? It was at home. We were at the house. All right, here's another update.

So I asked the extremely important question. Can you fuck Grogu? Okay. Yeah. I was wondering about this. How did the context? I don't know. I don't fucking know what the context was. I know that it was talking about how Grogu, if it is indeed a creature that lived, Grogu, the baby Yoda, is in human years, like 50 to 100 years old. So for me, would it be legal for me to fuck baby Grogu? Right. Because...

On Earth, it's of age. Now, that's apparently a horrible question. But I got extremely interesting answers. I don't know how you didn't answer that question all on your lonesome. Because I'm again saying, if Grogu is 100 years old, and for some reason that makes me hard, that little baby thing makes me hard and I want to fuck it, technically for me it should be legal, but it's not. So according to the Harkness test, this was sent to me, I guess it was named after Jack...

Harkness from Doctor Who. Yeah, from Torchwood. He's a guy who fucks everything. Yes. And so the question is, this is from Tumblr back in the day, which is, number one, do they have human intelligence or greater? Two, can it talk or otherwise communicate with language?

three, is it of sexual maturity for its species? So I do understand that. I think that I don't know what Grogu gets to. Yeah. Grogu is 50 years old at the beginning of the Mandalorian. Um, because yes, so he does appear as an infant, um,

But yes, they do. Yes, he's 50 years. But fortunately, but for me, so he is a baby Yoda. So I can't fuck it. Yeah, you really can't. Well, I also this was my favorite email that I got. You would also probably destroy it because the size of your penis and the size of its orifice. That's why I'm fucking it.

Obviously. Oh, so you're asking if you can legally fuck Grogu to death? Well, fucking it's going to kill it. So, unfortunately, it's going to be part of the process. Well, that's the thing is that then the legalities of it is in murder. Well, no. I mean, again, we have to get to that part. We have to see a murder. It does result in the actions of the defendant. But I got a great email from a prosecutor.

I'm a prosecutor in Oregon. To answer your question regarding whether there would be charges filed regarding sexual contact with a species with a vast age difference, the short answer is yes. The long answer, regardless of human age and an intergalactic species age gap, Grogu likely cannot fully consent to the sexual contact. Grogu would also likely be determined to be of diminished capacity, meaning Grogu is incapable of appraising the nature of your conduct. Grogu also may be determined to be

physically helpless due to his size, though a defense that could be used because of his use of the force. It's not the age that the court or jury would determine, but rather your mental state, the action taken, and Grogu's mental state. You intentionally or knowingly made sexual contact with Grogu in which...

Grogu could not reasonably appraise the situation. Grogu is unable to understand the nature of the conduct, unable to understand the right to choose whether and how to engage in conduct, including the right to revoke a prior decision to engage in conduct, or is unable to communicate a decision to engage in conduct. As a galactic prosecutor, I would...

Additionally, call an expert witness regarding Yoda's species to testify as to the age progression of the species. I would also call the Mandalorian to testify as to Grogu's mental state. If you sexually abuse Grogu, despite being 50 in human years, I would absolutely fuck your shit up as a prosecutor. Interesting. I just love a thorough answer. It's a very thorough answer. And yeah, I mean, think of it this way. Like, you know how like a like a buffalo can start walking like three minutes after it's born?

You know that, right? Yeah, yeah. It means you can't fuck it, though. Yeah.

That's what you're saying. No. You guys should be hands off. I mean, it's... Hands off to this guy. Grass on the field, play ball. With his board covered in hair. So I'm actually not certain about that. I don't think that rule also applies. What I mean is the different species, like a human can't walk for like two years, but a buffalo can walk in like two, three minutes. So different species have different progressions. Yeah. So you can't judge your species progression sexually. I'm talking about aliens. Yeah.

Yes, but you can't. Grogu eventually will talk. Yeah, Grogu. Because he'll go being like, in my ass you want to fuck me. Yeah, and when Grogu does that, then yes. Yes, then yes. Then yes. You can fuck the hell out of Yoda. You can fuck the hell out of Yoda. You can totally fuck Yoda. I can mouth rail Yoda. I can fucking, whatever I want. I can, yeah, I can fist Yoda. Yeah. If that wouldn't kill him, Frank Oz already did it. Yeah.

We're having fun. We're having a lot of fun today, man. We're having a lot of fun here on Side Stories. We really fucking do. All right. We got a couple other updates. The one thing I do want to say, a second Boeing whistleblower died. This one due to complications of pneumonia. So it's not looking good for Boeing. No, it's really bad look. I don't want to. I'm glad we don't work for them. It seems like it's you might.

get killed. It seems like Boeing is a, I don't know. It just seems like it's a very unpleasant place to work. Once there's two, now I'm nervous. You know what I mean? Then it comes to be like, all right, now if we get to five, we have got to talk to American Airlines. Yeah.

We have that. Something has to happen. I mean, it's a very, it's a complicated case, of course. I mean, the guy, his name is Josh Dean, died on April 30th in a hospital bed in Oklahoma City from a stroke and severe infection that arose out of a series of complications, including the quick,

onset of pneumonia over the past two weeks. And I guess the question with that is like, if you are questioning like devil's advocate here, let's question, did Boeing also murder this guy? Is Boeing murdering whistleblowers, even though the whistle has already been blown? Yeah. And in this case, I mean, it would have to be, this would have to be some sort of like

KGB polonium poisoning type shit. It would have to be pretty intense. There's a little part of me. This is assassin level shit. This isn't just hiring a guy. This is hiring a Spetsnaz. This is what you and I talk about all the time. In order to do

Like these type of moves. It's like one end of the spectrum or the other. Like it's one end of the spectrum is that Boeing hires specific private company mercenaries to kill in order to

Fuck with the lives of the basically to stop whistleblowers, even though they've already done the action. The argument would be made is to prevent the argument to prevent further whistleblowing. If you are a whistleblower, this will happen. This will happen. That's the argument. So that's one line of thought, which is like at some point, if more of these rack up, that will get more and more traction. Right. Which is but it's also it's pretty crazy. It's hard to hide.

One thing I will always say is that human beings love to fucking talk. So the idea... That's what's always been my big holdout of all of the major conspiracy theories that we've never really dialed in, where it's like...

the main issue is I still feel like on some hand, somebody is going to come forward and say, I did it because they are going to want the, or I know who did it. And here's some proof because they're desperately going to want to be a part of the massive story. I still, I still think to this day, that's why most conspiracy theories fall apart on some level, because like, there's gotta be somebody who wants to talk about it with like Jeffrey Epstein with all the stuff in that we're finding all that stuff's just been hidden in different, weird, like, Oh,

You know, it's got all hidden inside of the money, these giant like universities and, you know, international businessmen and all this other stuff. So that's why that stuff's hard to come out. But that has been a slow trickle. We're starting to kind of see more behind what happened with Epstein and Ghislaine. People have been talking about the Lolita Express for 15 years. I mean, that's the thing is because these things become sort of like open secrets. Like, for example, Harvey Weinstein.

Everybody knew. Everybody knew about Harvey Weinstein. Like they were making jokes about it in the fucking Oscars. Because he was a serial rapist. Yeah, he was a serial rapist. And it was like an open type of secret. Because that's so to your point of like people talk. They fucking talk all the time. People talked about Epstein. Same thing. Boeing is now we're in this like they're a massive public company. So it'd be a little bit harder for them to get away with it. And then there's the other side of the spectrum of

It's real stressful to be a whistleblower for Boeing. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's very stressful. Yeah. And it fucks up your life because of the stress involved. And then it leads to your immune system shutting down in a massive way because of the amount of pressure. Because not only is it just whistleblowing against the company, I'm certain it's losing friends. It's losing coworkers. It's very traumatizing. It's losing your pensions. It's losing all that kind of shit. And then you are also...

You know, then you get sick and then your body just can't handle it anymore. Or like the previous guy, he commits suicide because he's just it just just hollowed out everything that he knows and loves. I mean, I was reading on a story in Law and Crime that just went through the stories of both of these guys. Yeah, very. I mean, very brief, very brief recaps.

but extraordinarily stressful. Like Boeing made these guys lives a living hell. Yes. Like, I mean, you could make an argument that Boeing killed them by

By attrition. Yeah, by attrition. Yeah, they killed them by lawyer. Yeah, they wore them down. Yeah, they wore them down. Yes. You could make that argument, certainly. Absolutely. Yeah, and it's definitely not easy being a whistleblower. No. But, I mean, I don't know. I can't say one way or another. I'm not going to say they definitely had both of these men killed, but I'm also definitely not going to say, like, oh, Boeing is an innocent corporation. I, corporations, have to be defended. That's the backbone.

country. As a 40-year-old man, I finally understood. Oh, Sam Walton. I sit with a picture of Sam Walton, Andrew Jackson. My

My two favorite guys. I've just been hanging out. That's my new, those are my new heroes. I just love it out here. I love it in the 40s. Yeah. I love it. But yeah, I don't know. Just wait till you join me in your World War II obsession. And not just about the Nazis. Wait until you get obsessed with the battles. I can already see me just slowly like, you just see all these figurines being like, as you see when the third army arrived to get his book, they came with fire.

Four counts. Cannons three. Five different carts of wheat. Shovels. Maneuver. Firing maneuver. Building maneuver. Yeah, all that kind of shit. I can't wait. Yeah, come to me when you have really strong opinions on the army's movements during the Battle of Bastogne. Oh, I can't wait. We're going to be doing a history series this summer where we're going to get real deep and just chill. Yeah, it'll be real fun indeed. Live from Northland.

All right. So here's the story. One big true crime story I wanted to get into for the week was this true mystery that is

Coming out of South Carolina. This is very, very interesting. A lot of true crime. Huge true crime stories coming out of South Carolina these days. Well, it looks like, well, technically, I guess she died in North Carolina, which is actually very sad. So this is the story of Micah Miller. Now, Spawn is going to be covering this in a lot of detail on the stream, so you might want to go check that out. Amber and Natalie have been doing work on this the last couple of weeks when the story came out. It's fascinating. Micah Miller was found

She had died by suicide in a park in North Carolina. Allegedly. Well, yeah, this is how it starts. Her body is found. Micah Miller is the wife. She is about 14 years junior to the pastor, to a pastor by the name of J.P. Miller. He was a pastor for his own self-incorporated church, the Solid Rock Church.

That was his place. I know. Solid rock. Solid rock. Welcome to the heart of the Dickens Church. Guess who didn't have a solid rock in the four days that he was in New Orleans? Me. And so I am concerned.

For the heat of the liquid that has come out of my butt. So, Micah Miller, she was found dead by suicide. She is the wife of J.P. Miller, the pastor at Solid Rock Church in Market Common. Now, this guy is a real piece of work. So, he came forward and he kind of started with this sort of like AstroTurf campaign of...

Micah had always suffered from suicidal ideation. She was troubled. She'd been hospitalized several times. We had, you know, we'd taken care of her mental health. It was a struggle. He accidentally revealed in a sermon that he knew that she died by gunshot wound. Very interesting because he was out of town when it happened. So this happened on April 27th is when she was found. April 26th, we start to see that there is a threat. So Micah Miller had been telling friends for weeks that she

she was in danger, that if she was found, literally with the word said, found with a bullet in her head, JP did it. JP is her husband. JP Miller, the pastor. Now, I don't want to surprise anybody because I know it's so hard because we here, we take the church seriously.

And the community the church brings, we take it so seriously. And especially like self-incorporated churches, like churches that are just like just some guy decides like, I'm just going to be. I'm a guy. I'm a church now. God loves me most. I'm a church now and I don't have to pay taxes anymore. Because that was a big thing. You know, we really have so much respect for those guys. We really do. So J.P. Miller.

He, you know, he totally sandbagged his wife. And it turns out Micah Miller was being repeatedly abused at the hands of J.P. Miller. Now, the way we know this and the reason why her death is now going to be under investigation is because of the she took it upon herself to chart these things with the police. She called the police several times on J.P. for domestic assault.

destruction of property. He had been arrested, all this kind of stuff. They had been working on it. He was like, they knew that they were a troubled couple, but the community, I guess, didn't. You see, J.P. Miller met Micah Miller when she was 14 years old. When he was 27 years old, already married to a woman with five kids. He then spent the next year. Some people say grooming. I say building a wife.

for the next four years until she was legal and then he dumped his wife and married her. Now, she has been utterly under his control ever since, apparently. So, she was like a big part of their church. Twelve years. Twelve years. She had been, essentially, according to her,

held captive by this man for a very long time. So in the days leading up to her mysterious suicide, she was saying that she was being actively stalked. She said that her tires were being punctured. She had found a razor in one of her tires. She found an actual tool used that you could buy off of Amazon to pop tires. Did you know that you could just buy that on Amazon? You can buy all kinds of weird shit on Amazon that you should not be able to buy. We gotta start buying more Spy. Ha ha ha!

That's what I want. I was always obsessed with spy shit. Dude, there's a spy store over near the Gelson's like off of Ventura. We should go. It's got a neon sign. We should go. We should go to get it. And it's right next to a bar called like the Black Hole. Yeah, let's go. I can't wait. I always had one of those things where you could listen to a conversation across the street like a dish. Yeah, it was one of that. Yeah, let's just have a Saturday. Yeah, honestly, this sounds like fun.

You got to have fun with it, guys. And so Micah Miller, she said she'd been terrorized. She started getting anonymous calls from these blocked numbers. She started blocking the numbers, getting calls from different numbers saying, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to find you. I'm going to fucking kill you. She then called the police saying, this man, I know who this man is. I know who it is. They have not named the person.

After because they're still trying to figure out. I think there's a lot of like, obviously, it's mid investigation, but it's fucking JP. Yeah. So somebody was like coming at her. Again, she said that there's a bullet in my head. JP did it. And then she leaves. But what's really she left for work. She was supposed to go to work. She made plans for the week, which is not uncommon with people who die by suicide. But it's strange.

But the weirdest thing was she made a 911 call after all of this where she made it. I said, and on the call, she said, can you track my phone?

I'm going to commit suicide. My, and I want you to, my family to be able to find my body. And so it's, she was found in that way. And the corner came out and they believe it does look like a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Cause there were some rumors talking about how there was like, maybe it was in the back of the head, but that's also like where,

where things fall apart again because now the families have separated. J.P. Miller will not be with the with Micah Miller's family. They are having their own like vigils for her and he has come now actually been let go from his own church. His church has been shut down.

Uh, but do do, because it's time for healing. He's got to go heal. Of course. Um, but he does have an alibi. They know that he was out of town on the 26th. So she was found on the 27th. And so they know he was out of town. He might've been able to come back in town to do something like that, but we don't really know what's happening. But there is, if you watch and you read something, they're going to go much more in depth tonight and spun. And you really should check it out after when they, when you, uh, because they really go deep into the details. Yeah.

It's just very, very frightening. And so now there's like talk that J.P. Miller definitely has a side piece by the name of Susie Skinner

whose husband also mysteriously died. Everybody's reading about Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell and just copying the process. Have you been following the Chad Daybell trial at all? Not the trial. I'm familiar with the story. Dude, we got to do a whole thing. The Chad Daybell trial right now is fucking insane. It is insane. They were all in it. They were going to go and start like a tent city. It's all this idea that they thought that they were the one. Why do these fucking sacks of shit with these like

I know I'm God's gift. Yeah. That's because I'm incredible. But how do these guys go? And also your mother told you. Every day. Yeah. Every day. I mean, you can trust her. She's never lied.

Yes. She has a lot of money. But there's a, it's, there's something about these fucking guys with bodies like big Ziploc bags filled with fucking yogurt that they just think that the shit, Chad Dable thinks he's the shit. Dude, it is America.

It's just, this is America. Like, America is built on this foundation that you can be this guy, that you can create your own religion. Hey, you just turned me around, buddy. You just convinced me. I'm back in.

But no, it really is. Like, America was founded on that principle that you can be this guy, you can be whoever you want, and just over the years, you know, the Puritans coming, we can be whoever the fuck we want to be here. And then, you know, you start getting all of the... Our country, it is of thee. Sweet land of liberty, of thee I say. No, daddy, I'm not a zombie. No, very sad, very sad. But then after...

But then after that, of course, you know, you've got all your snake handlers. You've got all your tent preachers. You've got the entertainers. Yeah, the entertainers. Exactly. You get P.D. Barnum. You know, you've got all these different people that believe that since by virtue of me being born a fucking American. Yeah, dude. I can do and be and say whoever I am. I can choose who I am. We LARP to the death in this country. Actually, I'm reading a book about it.

right now. But it's the best. That's basically how America has LARPed itself to death. Yeah, that's what it's also. It falls apart at the end, but it's still very good in the beginning. It makes us fun. It is what, that's the thing, that's the paradox of it, is that it is it's both what makes us who we are, makes us successful, and it's also going to be our death. You know what I've also never understood? Why are the

college universities mad about the kids protesting? Isn't that like the whole point of college? Don't they create like an area? Should they create like a giant like jungle gym for them all to sort of like, like you got like in prison? Oh my God. You create like, here's the neo-Nazis, here's the black Israelites, here's the Swifties, here's the transhumanists. Like you just put them in a big square and you let them all fight each other in big like government like sumos. It's

Isn't that what they're supposed to do in college? Fuck no, bro. You're supposed to fuck with the system. Dude, exactly. Because back when I was in college, of course, 2001 to 2006, this is during the Iraq war years. Yeah, dude. They gave us a free speech zone. Yeah, we had a free speech zone in Florida State. And we were fucking pissed off. We was like, fuck you, bro. This whole fucking campus is a free speech zone, bro. This entire...

fucking country is a free speech zone. I'm bro really proud of these kids because they're also learning all of the lessons there. They were taught in school to avoid school shooters to go against the police that are trying to shut down the protesters. They know how to make barricades. They know how to avoid shooters. It's like

They're all trained to avoid police now. I mean, big ups to the kids. You got to fight it at college because where the fuck else are you going to do it? That's where you do it. You got to do it. It's always the students, man. It's always the students doing the shit. But to come back to this story, J.P. Miller, they're investigating right now. We have no idea what's happening. Again, I should have said this very top. He's innocent until proven guilty.

Sure. So right now he has a little bit of an alibi. We'll see. He does. It's going to come out. But there's a mystery at the center of this story that is very, very compelling. And I don't know what it is. And I just feel bad that this lady had to go because it really did sound like this lady was crying for help for a very, very long time. Yeah. And it's hard because, you know,

They believe they have God on their side. So why would you doubt them? It's real. It's real hard to argue against that. That's what they are. Once they once they really settle into that one. Also, J.P. Miller's son has also been arrested on domestic violence. So he became the husband his father taught him to be. Yes. It's very sad. All right. Well, that's that story. Here's a good story.

Shitting is a crime in this country still. And I don't care what you say. You keep your shit inside of your home. Detroit, we feel your pain because we know a serial pooper

It's in your midst. This is true. Cereal pooper leaves messes on gravestones, headstones at Northview Cemetery in Dearborn. Now, apparently a man is coming to this area. It's a Northview Cemetery. They don't know why. It was established in 1883. They said he's wearing a hoodie, black sweatpants, black hoodie. He's coming in here straight up. Massive caca.

Dookie out the bazooki over many, many graves. I think it happens. It said he's here seven times in two months. Wow. Find it interesting. He said one of the only graves he has not shat on, the gravesite of actor George Pappard. Yeah. Who started with Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. George Pappard, also from the A-Team. Wow. Yeah. Maybe he was a big A-Team fan? Ha ha ha.

I'm thinking he's a Gen Xer. And so they don't know what to do. The police department, the Dearborn Police Department. This is Hannibal. That's Hannibal in the A-team. He didn't shit on Hannibal's grave. Wow. Yeah. I guess that's where the respect comes in. But no one else. But you're saying he's leaving. Not only is it big, messy shits, you're saying it seems to be he is prepping. They're like liquid...

Big lumps. He's also then bringing toilet paper. There's nothing in this story that says lumps. I saw it. It's a mess. If the news, if Detroit, if Detroit newspaper calls something a mess, I believe in them. I believe that's a mess. Because if there's not a city, and we love Detroit, and it's not been subject to piles of human excrement,

like Detroit, and if these are the ones that are calling out, think about this. You don't think that there's not. Not that there's a lot of serial poopers, but I feel like there's...

Detroit might have quite a bit of public poopers, but I think it's largely due to the economy. Sure. And so, but I think they see a lot of poopers out there, big thick ones, not normally in a cemetery though. And he said, the main difference is that normally this is true. When you see a pile of human excrement, you just see the excrement because whoever has done that, obviously in his extreme distress or is, um, a paid Lithuanian model who's 16 years old and she's dead. She's been, she's been murdered right after it.

But this is different because of the toilet paper. The toilet paper is the interesting wrinkle in this. The man has brought his own toilet paper. So he's publicly defecating. The toilet paper means it's a message. Because the toilet paper means he has brought the toilet paper with him to wipey. Because, like, if I was a cereal pooper,

Doing the toilet paper there is like a little extra fuck you, buddy. Yeah. Fuck you to the dead. Which is also, I don't know why you're saying fuck you to the dead. Well, it's more litter because poop is biodegradable. Yeah, poop is just poop. You can put a flower in it. You can put a bunch of seeds

Yeah. And it would grow. Yeah, but he's... Not after New Orleans. No. But like, yeah, but if you had a bunch of normal meals... Toilet paper is pointed. That's pointed? He's making a point. Because he's sitting there. Because normally, if you're shitting, do you remember the curse of the man who sees UFOs when he shat his pants when he saw the UFO? Yep.

That's a shit pant. And that was an emergency situation. He didn't double think that. He didn't think that that was common. He sharted his pants and a bunch of shit came out and he was just so amazed by the UFO that he kept rolling with it. But guess what? That poo poo lived in his pants. The idea that you're going to sit and squat and take so long to shit so casually and you will sit and wipe means that you were there for some kind of endetta. Maybe, maybe not. Think about this for a second. How many times you shat outside in your life?

Very few times. Very few times? Yeah, because I don't camp. I don't camp. You don't camp. Twice. Maybe twice. I think I shat once outside on a road trip from the car on the highway. Okay. I never poo-poo. I don't poo-poo out. Yeah. Well, I've done it quite a few times being an outdoorsy fella, being from the country. Yeah, you garden all the time. Yeah, you...

Yeah, yeah. In my here, in my fucking yard. Showing Frankie. So they know I'm like, who's I would do this, how your dad does it. My house is easily seen from the street. But when you are shitting outside, one of the things that's important is

It's having something to balance yourself on. Yes. And really being comfortable. Grabbing on the gravestone. As comfortable as you can. And it very well could be that this is just a man who is, who does not have access, regular access to a bathroom, but does have access to toilet paper and just finds the

that balancing himself on gravestones is the most comfortable way for him to relieve himself. I think it's one of the most generous reads in last podcast in the left history.

I'm not saying he's good. I mean, he's still choosing to shit on gravestones. I think the fact that he's shitting on gravestones... Because that would be any... Guess what else you could do between two cars? Between two cars, that's true. You could go to a party, put a porta potty on a construction site. But that's the thing. If you're doing it between two cars, you're ruining somebody's day. If you're doing it at a... It's at the cemetery. You're going to go see your loved one. You're going to see a pile of fresh poo-poo. You're about to go there. You're on your A-team tour, right? You're on your natural...

Visit the gravestones of the A-Team tour. And you have arrived. And it's hosted by Mr. T. Mr. T's taking you on. I pity the fool. Don't take Mr. T's A-Team grave tour. You got to see all my dead friends. Where you at? Wake up!

Wake up, Papa! Wake up! It's me, Mr. T! I've been to the fool! Don't rise from the dead for Mr. T! And then he goes, he literally goes around, and then you're, oh, you're in from Sheboygan, where you're, again, you're like, oh, human shit? Oh, our mayor's a pile of human shit! We can't get shit here! This is our vacation! But think about the logic here. Does a graveyard get visited every day? No.

Do people drive their cars every day? Yes. Do people go to a construction site every day? Yes. So perhaps this person is thinking that they're doing some sort roundabout personal service, roundabout like community service, thinking about the people. Is this you? Are you doing this? Did

Did you do this? Did I fly to Detroit from New Orleans and have been shitting in the same graveyard around George Pappard's grave for the last seven days? Is this for Mr. T's attention? You saw me three of the last seven days. You were with me three of the last seven days. I didn't see you. Seven times over two months. Huh. You went on that one thing. You said you were like, you went to the dentist and you didn't come back for three days. So...

I don't even have a network. Oh, this is just me telling people what to do? You're cabal. Am I cabal? Poobal. I'm just saying, maybe we can give a little bit of grace and maybe we could give a little bit of understanding to our people out there that may be just trying to find...

Silver lining. Dog. In a bad cloud. Listen, man. I'm 40 now. I get Joe Walsh now. Do ya? Everybody needs nine chances, man. That's the main thing. Everybody needs about nine to 15 chances and you just fucking whether they're shitting outside or they're shitting inside but not in the toilet. So this guy's got two left. Yep. I don't...

I just want him to come out and be like, I did it to stop the genocide in Gaza. Like, that's the key. That's like the that's the key. If they do it for charity, I think it would be huge. Or to get like Jodie Foster's attention. Yeah. No, no, no. I know. I don't think there's any sort of like larger meaning to this. I don't think there's any meaning at all besides wanting to be a responsible member of

The American public. She's been reading Sartre too much. You've been reading Sartre. I've been reading Marcus Aurelius talking about strength is about temperance. Like, it's fun. You know, it's fun to do. That's why I'm lifting weights. Yeah. Wow. I think we did. I think we're at knees. Well, let me do a couple of these little letters. One thing that's coming at. I've been talking a little bit about how the Earth's getting bigger naturally, like me.

Because, again, I'm not in a I don't gain weight or lose weight. These are natural cycles that I flow through. And so many ways, yeah, the government has not increased the ability for me to get fatter just because I'm, you know, working more and more hours and not eating as well and not working out as much. I'm naturally expanding to the magma.

inside of me, much like the planet Earth. But according to this, which is what then will happen to me later on, it's actually the truth is that the Earth is shrinking. Slowly but surely. Every year, it's estimated the planet gains around 40,000 tons of space dust and rocks failing to the surface, falling to the surface every year. Of course, again, that's what I just dealt with. I've gained about 12 pounds of space dust and rocks. How

However, it's also estimated that about 95,000 tons of hydrogen and smaller amounts of other light gases escape our atmosphere at the same time. All things considered, on average, we net around 50,000 ton loss of mass each year. Oh, skinny bitch. So the Earth is actually shrinking. And given the overall mass of the planet, it's about 5.97 billion trillion tons. The loss is negligible. So we have to worry about it.

another pointless fucking fact pointless thing it doesn't do anything doesn't help anyone uh and then uh there we got this thing about the denver airport you know what it's about the denver airport is that again they're trying too hard to be mysterious they really are they're leaning in too much you can't lean in too much no you're you're showing your hand man now it's just marketing now it's marketing the illuminati doesn't market it works in secret or does it it does fuck it does because if it told us we'd be mad um

And then, oh, there was one other thing I wanted to talk about. Dude, one last little story before we go is that they are... This is actually kind of a massive deal. The new Webb Telescope, they believe that they have found...

the first signatures of a biological life form on another exoplanet this thing called k2 18b uh it's a super planet and they said that they had got this this this shit's coming off of it the dimethyl sulfide dms potential of dimethyl sulfide um which is what uh is produced by marine phytoplankton here on earth and they're talking about that might just mean that it might have um

A lot of oceans on it. Yeah. It's a super earth. It's larger than our planet, but smaller than Neptune. It's been described as a Heisen world or Heisian, a term coined by Dr. Madhusudan. K2-18b is a rocky planet boasting a hydrogen rich atmosphere and potentially vast oceans of water. So it's kind of what they said would happen on various moons. I believe it was Saturn or Jupiter.

Where they have a bunch of water and they think they got worms and they're fucking think. They're just saying shit. Obviously, they need funding. Fobos. Demos. Demos. Those are Mars. Isle? Are you talking about Isle? Is it that? Is it that? No, it's the cell phone. It's the cell phone.

We have a bunch of... You know what story we didn't get to, but it's fine. We'll cover it next week. The guy fucking... The Irish dude who got crucified. We think that's some kind of troubles thing that we don't particularly necessarily understand the bottom of. I looked into it and yeah, it was definitely a technique during the troubles to nail...

men to fences, nailed their hands to fences. It happened with fair regularity and it just happened. And someone also set a van on fire. Somebody get a crowbar. But yes, hopefully things are good with that. Well, fix that. Good work, everybody. So live every day knowing for a fact, yeah, it's a tiny alien. It's a tiny alien and it's got a rattle.

But you need to ask it straight up, right? Because then you can love the fact that it would say yes or no to you fucking it. Because that's really where your joy should be. It should not be in the mangling of the Grogu. It should be in the enjoyment of the Grogu of being hollowed out by your stubby dick. Because that's what it's asking for, right? Because then you both can laugh while it's hemorrhaging out. But at least it's like, yeah, that's gaped I am. Most gaped I am.

That's my triple L for the week. I got through it. We did it. Honestly, I feel like this is a pretty coherent episode after five days after New Orleans. I think it really was. Yeah, we came back.

came back strong. Came back real strong. And we got Snowtown 3 and then right after Snowtown 3 this week for last podcast and left, we are going to go straight into the next series which I'm really excited for. It's one people have been asking for for a long time. So I'm excited for people. I'm excited for it. Yeah, and it's certainly...

related to the story that we told in New Orleans. So I'm really excited to get into this subject, having finally experienced something myself. So it'll be... I'll have a new point of view on it. It'll be nice. It's gonna be awesome. I cannot wait. So go to patreon.com slash podcast on the left to watch...

Last podcast on the left, video style-y with our faces on it. And then you go to TikTok, that LP on the left, for next year or so. And then go twitch.tv slash LPNTV to watch us Wednesday. Spun is going to be covering that Micah Miller story in very thick detail. And then come see us on tour. Go to lastpodcastontheleft.com and see us. We're basically sold out of Denver, but we're very, very close. So if you want to come hop on that, that'll be sweet. We did our practice.

The audiences seem to enjoy it. Yeah, we had fun. Thank you so much to everyone who came out to our two practice shows here in Los Angeles. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, we are. I am really fucking excited about our new show now. It's going to be a cool show. We've got it written. We've got it. Well, I mean, it's not done. We've got the bones. Yes, but you'll see them bones and you're going to like them bones. But yes, come check it out and enjoy.

Australia. See you in Australia. We are working on that missing live stream for you guys. That was forgotten. They got lost in the shuffle with all the horrible shit we went through. But we are coming to you. We are going to have that for you. We're figuring that out momentarily. Momentarily. Eric gets back next week. He's a paw now. Give it up for Eric. Tell Eric if you see him on the street, congratulations for being a father.

And I think that's it. I think that's all. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. Hail Satan. Hell game bye. Bye. It's a goodbye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.

Cam found out that group chats between different phones aren't private. Or encrypted. Or encrypted, thank you. We only text in code. Yes, which I created. I created a code. Yes. Which can be a little annoying. Wait, was that your attempt at the code? You already forgot the code, didn't you? I should have written it down. The place to safely send messages between different devices. WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone.

Hey listeners, love this pod and want even more? You can be the first to unlock exclusive bonus content, early access, and ad-free listening to the latest podcasts from your favorite shows. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the SiriusXM app now.