Side Stories: Fishy Business
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There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, yeah!

So Tootsie's turning 17. Yes. Are you going to come to her birthday party? Only. We're going to throw her a birthday party. We're going for it. The only way I'm going to this birthday party. And I floated this to you while we were drunk the other night. Yeah. What was it? I forgot. I still think it holds. We got to get her a stripper. You're buying it. Yeah. You got to get it for her. Do you think that if you hired a male stripper for a 17-year-old dog,

And they arrived. I want him dressed like a dog. Well, you have little ears on. I mean, no, I want a dog suit. No, but we got to see his dick and his balls. Well, yeah, when he takes off the dog suit, we'll see his dick.

Because it'll be underneath the dog suit. That'll be instead of clothes, either that or a mailman. The only thing about... She'll freak out. She'll freak out. Yeah, maybe she shouldn't see the mailman's dick. I don't think that's allowed. He's always listening to Rogan real loud when he walks up, too. But is it like an issue for a stripper to do a lap dance for a cute little puppy? In terms of a very old puppy. Yes, she's 17. That's technically underage, but it's more like she's like...

Technically 119 years old, according to the dog year's math. All right, what if I get like, what if we get like a hot, like, Pomeranian, like a male Pomeranian? Who decides it's hot?

Me. You. You know, I can tell if one's good looking or not. Yeah, that's definitely a hot one. That's what I would say. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. But I wanted three or under. Young, tight for Tootsie. I feel like this is the, because dogs can't consent. And then I want to, and then we shave it. That's how a dog strips. We talked about this. You shave it and then it's just a pink doggy. I just feel like we need a

male in there. I mean, in terms of a human. I feel like having a human in there. She's seen my dick, I'll tell you that much. I mean, I try to, honestly, I try to avoid being nude in front of the dogs. Do you really? Yeah, because it makes me feel weird. It is my mother's dog. Because they're so curious. Yeah. You know, whenever I'm nude, I feel like they're looking extra hard. Oh, I don't think, Tootsie's always staring cross-eyed at me. She is looking like everything does sort of look like a ghost. And you think that that would not reflect onto the stripper?

I think the stripper is going to get, I mean, we're going to pay it. You're going to pay it. I would love the idea of a stripper showing up dressed as a veterinarian. He has no idea what's going on, right? And he shows up. She doesn't hate the vet. She does shake sometimes at the vet. She doesn't know what the vet is. She just knows she's leaving. Thank you, Rob.

She doesn't know what the vet is. You know what I mean? It's not the vet. It's more of the scenario. But if she... This might actually help. He comes in and yeah, probably he might be a little confused at first. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com if you're a male stripper in the Los Angeles area that would be fine with something like this. Yeah. Is that what you do is... Send your rates. Send your rates, please. Is that...

Yeah, they'd show up to the party and there'd be a bit of confusion. But then they'd see us all in a circle because what I would like to do is put Tootsie in a chair in the center of the living room, kind of like what you do. Yeah, there is a chair she likes to sit on, too. And then we have him come in and we play like, this is how you do it.

Yeah. And then he takes off all of his clothes for, I mean, technically we'll be watching as well, but then he just got to, he has to be fine with giving Tootsie a blop dance, but it doesn't have to be sexual. You're not touching her little, her little chooch or anything. I don't think he's taking his dick out at all. Male strippers, do they take their dick out? I don't think they do. If you pay him money. I think they keep it in their pants. Then they kind of like open the top and be like, Hey, check it out. Look what's in there.

Who would be confused? I think it's more like, look what I got. Look at it. It's not just like, oh, God, what do I have? Like it's that, oh, no, is there something wrong with mine? Can you see, ma'am? Just a dildo sticking out of a vagina. Crazy, right?

Crazy, right? You had no idea. Pretty cool, right? You're paying me to strip in front of a dog. Hi, welcome to Side Stories. My name is Andrew Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Yeah, what else should we get for Tootsie's 17th birthday party? I want jungle juice. Jungle juice? Old-fashioned, man. Make it in the hot tub. Wow. I will say just straight up, right before we get into it...

We were a little off with our election prediction. Yeah. And so, yeah, we're fine, obviously. We're just, you know, kind of just reorganizing and still be my Jill Stein. Yeah. Be my Jillian Stein, please. Please.

But I will say, due to the changes that we have coming up, I do think that it was really important for us, and I think it's important for you guys to do this too at home, is that I sat Natalie down, right? Yes, she loves this. Yeah. I sat her down, and I said, now that the rights for you have reverted to me,

I release you. You did that. And I think that's important for every husband to do to each one of you. If you have a wife out there. I have a wife. Release her. Do you really want control over her ute? I mean, the two utes. My cousin Vinny. Yeah, that's right. I haven't released Julie yet. We haven't talked about it. What, she's going to have to negotiate for her release? At least I think she should make a case for why she should be free.

This is some husband's. Yeah. I just did it ahead of time. I just knocked it out knowing that she's going to kill me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Julie's not going to fucking kill you when the revolution comes. She's very strong. She could kill you probably, especially if you're asleep because you sleep so deep. She'll beat you to death with a fucking hammer. I'm a big guy. And, you know, Julie's, you know, she's strong as hell. Super strong. But she doesn't like violence. I think she doesn't like violence. But when the revolution comes, when that revolution comes.

blood wave of period comes to kill and wipe away us all. All men. Yeah. She just sort of

She would get into it. Yeah. She'd fall in the line. I think she would win the fight if we've ever fought. Because she'd have something to fight for and you're still just awesome because you're a guy. Yeah, and she exercises. Yeah. There is that. She can beat you with stamina. She's got endurance. Yeah, she can beat you with stamina. She's strong. Yes. I've seen her. She's got good length in terms of like...

Can lift some shit. Oh, yeah, yeah. Good reach. Yeah, good reach. Good reach. She can keep popping sticks. She can pop a stick. Yeah. Mike, how Jake Paul has to do with Mike Tyson? I was going to... Yeah, you didn't want to talk about it, but I'm curious. Where do you think is going to happen with the... You were wrong about the election. Yeah.

I'm sorry, I just had almost a seizure. Wrong about the election. I just bought into the propaganda. Yeah, because I bought into the propaganda because I wanted to because it felt nice. But it was another mirage of horse shit fed to us by a bunch of people who technically should, every single one of them should be fired from time to time. You're also wrong about who you wanted to win. But what I want to talk about now is...

I campaign for Jillian Stein every day in my backyard. Do you think Tyson's going to beat Paul? I'm worried. It's going to be during our show at Sirius. Oh, very much so. Yeah. I literally requested it. If you're in the Los Angeles area, just know Sirius XM down at the garage. We have a live show. We're doing a live taping of the last update on the left there. That's right. I don't know if we've advertised this.

I don't know. But hopefully, I'm sure people will show up. But it's during the Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fight. So maybe no one will show up. No one might come. Because I think everyone in the world is going to be watching this. Everybody's a fucking moron, I guess. I guess people are going to watch it. Who do you think is going to win?

I want to hear your opinion. Not us. Not us. Not the American people. No. No, we lose. We lose across the board. I love how this is just as big as the election to most people. Absolutely. And again, it's just sadly going to purely sully the pure and perfect world of the boxing industry.

Oh, yeah. And I can't believe that anyone could possibly corrupt. It's breathing the little bit of life back into it. I know. No one gives a fuck about boxing. Honestly, I think that what I've read a little bit, Mike Tyson does look absolutely frightening in his pre-training. He's doing a lot of training. He does have heart issues. He is a six-year-old man. Jake Paul is 27 years old. 29, I believe. Whatever. Fucking all the same. It's whatever. I hope he's older. That means he's closer to death.

Jake Paul is literally like, he's fully trained at the top of his powers in order to do something like this. If they had met at the same age, Mike Tyson would literally turn him to a red mist. But the fact that he is not shows that Jake Paul definitely has a shot. If it lasts longer than a round, Mike Tyson's going to lose. Mike Tyson is so funny in every interview. He's just like, I'm just scared of who I am. It's the way he talks about it.

I'm an animal and I shouldn't be outside. I love Mike Tyson and the fact that he's a horrible monster, right? But there are things that he says when he's just like, I just wish the people knew that the rage inside of me, it just takes over and I can't make these decisions. And like people ask him like, so like, what are you going to do when you get in the ring? I do not know. I become a chaos demon. I become death himself. And you're just like, damn, Mike, maybe not.

You know, like maybe you don't got to, dude. Maybe it's one or the other. You know what's the wildest part? Every day I can barely contain my violence. Is Jake Paul. People hate him so much that we all want him to lose a fight to a convicted rapist. Very much so. Nothing would make me happier. No one is rooting for him. Nothing would make this convicted rapist. Nothing would make me happier than watching this convicted rapist paralyze Jake Paul. That would make me extremely happy.

It would show that maybe there is something fair in this life. But no, Mike Tyson's going to throw it as soon as they get to any form of real conflict. He's going to fall. I don't know if he's capable of throwing a fight. I don't know. I don't know. They're already kind of saying. We talked about this as we were driving in today. They legitimately might even pull the fight because of insurance issues. Mike Tyson's been having heart troubles. They're worried he's going to die in the ring. I think that weirdly Mike Tyson wants it that way.

Oh, he should die in the ring. And so, but if he's going to die in the ring, you better do it. Mash in the face of that piece of fucking shit. Hopefully he leaves as much of a mark on this piece of fucking shit as much to get. But I will say you did, Eddie, you did sort of. I've been watching the die.

You push back a little bit about the idea that technically it's probably good. Jake Paul got into boxing and working out because it got him sober, which is probably a good message for young men. He's not a complete moron. No. Even though you don't have to like him. No. But in order to get where he is, you have to have some kind of brain whatsoever. I don't know. Watching him train, though, he just seems slow. He's extremely slow.

And so I just think Tyson's a lot faster than he is. If he was a real boxer, he would have been a boxer. You know what I mean? He has won some legitimate fights, though. Yeah, because now he can because he's literally just dumping millions of dollars into training every inch of his body. But if he was a boxer, you would have been one.

instead of whatever he was. You got to start training to be a boxer at like 13. You should be getting punched in the face at nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you really want to be a boxer, that's what you do. Man, I love whenever people talk about like Tyson's history and it's just like, it's always like, I was on the streets of Brownsville and someone took one of my pigeons and ripped their head off and that was the first time I ever beat a man next to death. I knew what violence was and what I had to do. Why do they make me be this way? Why does everyone drive me to be a killer?

And it's like, you know, like, dude, you're like this. I will say, well, you know, let me backtrack a little bit because I know a lot of people that do train for boxing later on in life. And it is great. I'm getting back on a weightlifting. No, it's good to be healthy and shit. It's good to be healthy. It's just knowing that, you know, it's what are we doing it for? Jake Paul is doing it just because he could have chosen to go into any profession with the amount of money that he had. He could have done literally anything.

And he chose this, which I do think is poor decision making. People hate him. Yes, but I do think it's poor decision making. So you have to enter a place like an environment like boxing. He could have done a lot of stuff. He could have done one of my big dreams. He could be the number one caterer of North Korea. If I could get into Korea with some... Have you ever cooked children? What? No, no, no, no. What I would bring to them? Collard greens. Whoa! I'd bring them ham hock. I'd bring them some mashed taters. Yeah. Some Pepsi pie.

I'd go down there with my big old... Pepsi pie? Yes, Pepsi pie. I mean, I'd be in full blackface, but that's why I'd be in North Korea, is to show them, because I feel like that way they'd let me do it. You know, like, if I showed up to be the number one caterer of North Korea, but I did it all in the character of old Mr. Johnson, right? Maybe they'll let me do it. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. They'll like you. That's for damn sure. I don't know if they will, but they'll take me. You're charismatic. You're charismatic.

The other thing I'm watching on Netflix, other than the Mike Tyson fight, is Investigation Alien. See, this is how we get these fucks. Yeah. I put it on. He chose, out of his own energy, to put on an alien documentary. If that does not show the power... Mm-hmm.

That this show has. I mean, yeah. I don't know what does. Yeah, no. Well, I want to, you know. I mean, it's your job. It's my job. And I need to understand what the fuck you're talking about a lot of the times. And there's some interesting shit in there. See? The cattle mutilation. Well, the cattle mutilations are. That's a. There is a. This is really happening. They're sucking them up into a ship. Cutting off their tits and their fucking dicks and shit. And then they're in their noses and their ears. And they're emptying them with blood. And they're putting them back. No footsteps. I think that it's what they're doing. It's cattle mutilations. We don't.

quite know what's happening. That's more than mutilation. That's like sucking out blood. They know what they're doing is they're taking it and they're making meat back where they are because burgers are great. I mean, it's like cheeseburgers for aliens. It's like, we're going to fucking make peace. Cheeseburgers for peace is something I've been saying for fucking years. He has been. You know, and it's like, and these fucking, these guys, they got cows, so they got cheese and they got burgers. Oh, they got it all. Yeah. And they're out there in the fucking galactic introverses fucking, you know,

Sharing burgers together. See, my thing... It's beautiful. I'm not quite certain about how physical in nature a lot of the UFO phenomena is. I think it's pretty much straight down the middle, half psychic, half physical. Whatever's happening with the cattle mutilations, the reason why they're interesting is the way... We've covered this on the show before, but normally, just so you guys know, there was a rash of these again...

There was like probably 15, 20 of them last year during the summertime up in the Pacific Northwest. All of this was happening in Oregon and Washington where these, the cattle get sucked up.

They get surgical, what they call surgical or laser. A lot of them call it laser. They say scalpel, but they also say it's burnt. It's like a laser scalpel. Yeah. And it's specific parts of the cow. It's like the ears, the nose, the mouth, the lips. Anything hanging off. Anything hanging off. And honestly, specifically, the dick and balls. And the udders. They get sucked off. Are they taking the vaginas? I don't know.

We got to call George. Where's George? George Knapp. We need to get his number on. I want to be able to call him live while we're recording. I want to get his cell phone number so that we can just randomly call him every once in a while while we're talking to get into it. But a lot of people were... Obviously, there's pushback. Main pushback is saying that it's predators eating them very specifically. There'll be blood and there'll be teeth marks. It is true. A lot of these...

appear desanguinated, which means that they have the blood taken out of them. I love how you knew I didn't know what that word meant. They have the blood taken out of them. They were left in a field, and oftentimes they are then unperturbed by other predators, which is the most mysterious thing. The scavengers ain't touching them. It is very mysterious. They literally are left there. The corpses of these cattle are left there to melt. Until they become bones. Yes, and they don't get eaten.

And the bones don't get eaten. That is what makes it specifically interesting. There's a lot of people, if you listen to, if you watch Investigation Aliens, there's a lot of farmers that think it's other humans doing this, but I don't really know what they get out of it. It would be impossible because there's no fucking trail. There's no footsteps and there's no blood. Yes, cattle mutilations are very strange. Blood would be everywhere. And the one...

One thing that he talked about was interesting when he was talking with the farmers, George Knapp was on the first episode talking about the idea that there was these weird crop circle-y style things popping up afterwards.

as the mutilations would happen. And then they said that afterwards, nothing would really grow in the areas where the little crop circles happen. And they didn't look like the big ones. Well, no, it grew back better, they said. Yeah, some of them did. Yeah, it was like this weird thing. It had a weird phenomenon inside of these circles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I think that there is a lot of mysterious stuff. I think that when they do, imagine there's a world.

where one strain of the UFO phenomenon is a physical alien that is here that does not operate on the same rules as our galaxies, literally our galaxy and definitely our society.

And that what they do is what they view as research. Like, what if they're looking at us through a prism of their world? So there's things that they don't understand about what we do, why we do them, and what our things are. And that instead of a direct...

Oh, we're experimenting on these cattle. That's why we're doing it. That's their version of either like that's what appears to us after they're done with whatever the hell it is that they're doing. This is all saying that this is true. Why is it only cows and not horses and stuff? Don't know. Why is it? They're not taking dogs and not taking pigs. No, it's very interesting. We don't. They're not finding people like this either. They do.

Not with no fucking dicks and no blood in their bodies. I mean, not in this economy. But later on, like, you can find out it's more they get scooped. People get scoop marks taken out. They get implants put in. They get people have had their babies sucked out of them, they said, or they showed up miraculously pregnant and they got babies kind of removed from them. That's a good thing that happens. They get their titties sucked. They get their buttholes reamed quite often. A lot of times they'll have a filament shoved up

their penis through your urethra to make them come and they get super hard to the point where it hurts and they come against their will. Do you find that to be assault? Yes. Well, isn't it science?

If an alien's doing it? Well, ask the 43 macaques that fucking escaped from the research facility that we just talked about. These fucking monkeys. I'm just saying. It's the same thing. Before we get into the monkeys, I have more questions from investigation aliens. Sure. There was a battle in Brazil?

Well, the Colores UFO flap that happened in the early 1970s. It flew out of the ocean and started shooting people with laser beams? They do have USOs. This is a very specific style of UFO that we don't really see in any other country besides Brazil, which is the aggressive UFO. Well, they're saying they're in the fucking Gulf of Mexico and off the coast of California as well. Oh, yeah. That's where we see them pop up, but they don't zap us. They only zap the South Americans. We cover this in the Dangerous UFOs of Brazil episode that we did in 2020, but they talked a lot.

It's an aggressive form of UFO phenomenon that attacks people. And we don't know why it is specifically only to Brazil. But there has been lots and lots of stories. It does remind one of the stories of the fairy folk and the people that take...

and would steal people and move because there was the famous story of someone that got pulled up by one of these and dropped and then another one got zapped by one of them and another one got gassed by one of them. Yeah. And so if this is happening and they're in the water, are we going to look for them or just there's no funding for that?

Are there submarines looking for the underground alien? I don't think you understand, Eddie, what's going on in our country right now and how we can't focus on this story. Do you know that they're turning little boys into girls in kindergarten? In kindergarten? On purpose. Well, yes. Little boys go into kindergarten. They do surgery on their little penises. And they turn them into innies. They turn them into pussies. Yes. All right? So that they go vote for Kamala.

And that's what we have to work on right now versus your petty little, oh, there's UFOs in the ocean. I'm just curious. What do we want to know? Do we know? Do you think we actually know? I actually think that what we're seeing is the main issue is that the USO, the unidentified submerged object. Yeah, not the USO that I know and love. No, no, no, not the real one. It's that the USOs are...

where we think this shit comes from. If there is a physical version of the UFO phenomena that is based on the planet Earth, so let's say that's another stripe of it. I believe with the phenomena that it's all of it. Let's just say you could say it could be any of it. And so one of the theories is that there is a base of

on earth that shoots these things out and one of them says in the middle of pacific ocean essentially and that they pop up which is what we see there was a recent uh piece of footage that i wanted to say was on one of the investigating aliens episodes i haven't gotten to yet where you see this amorphous blob that looks sort of like a physical flare leave the water it pops up out of the water hovers and goes back in and plays around with it like it's a fucking dolphin

Very interesting. Yeah. And there's a lot of people talk about these coming up from the top. Yeah. 80% of the oceans remain unexplored. Of course. We don't know. Yeah. It's most of the world. But that is the kind of the... Can we stop looking at the Titanic for two seconds?

You got to make sure it's there, Eddie. Yeah, it's not going anywhere. You have to make sure that it is continuing to be there. The aliens are next to Hawaii. Everyone do themselves a favor and go find the fucking aliens. Hang out in Hawaii while you're doing it. Dude, we got to... James Cameron is right now at the Titanic. What is his problem? I think he's taking Zooms from there. Avatars are aliens. Avatars are stupid. They are stupid. They are fucking stupid.

Stupid. I really hate those movies. Avatar 5 is going to, I just, I can't believe. Remember how bad Avatar 2 was? I can't believe they were getting so many more. He stole from himself. Like every movie that he's ever done was in Avatar 2. I hate it. Avatar 2. I hated it so much. Would you think it's Avatar 2?

Can we say that yet? Hey. Yeah. Yeah. Avatar, it's okay. I think that, you know what? In 2024, yeah. Yeah. We're back, right? We're back in that way. We're back in Avatar. You can say that. Yeah, you can say that. Thank you. Yeah, because what else would it be? Yeah. And you know what? If you write in and say, I can't say that, it doesn't matter because Henry's my boss. Yep. Yep.

I guess who's my boss? Nobody. Nobody. Guess who's nobody there? I can't blame anybody. It's just me. Well, if you want to hear great stuff like this, come to the show November 23rd. We got a big show up in Humboldt at the Mateel Community Center. We're still selling tickets. We got Billy Wayne Davis is hosting. He's going to do a big fat set. Dude. And then we're going to come do a full side stories and then hang out with Billy afterwards. Oh, yeah, buddy. And then we're going to hit up that town. We're going to fucking paint it green.

Paint it brown. I'm going to be a new man. I'm going to be so happy when I'm up there. I've always wanted to see the big trees. I've never seen the big trees. I want to see the big trees so bad. And then on December 21st, Classy Night Out Christmas, baby. Come out. We're going to have a really, really good time. It's at the Masonic Lodge here in Los Angeles. Tickets are on sale today. Yes. And we're having a lot of different variety acts in there. Yeah. It's not just comedy.

Yeah, we're going to have a lot of people from the network, and then we're going to have some interesting acts as well. It's going to be a great show. Make sure you check it out. And, of course, we got our whole new tour for Last Podcast and I Left. We got a bunch of new shit. Come and see the New York show. Yeah, that's going to be great. Please come down. That's going to be fun. Honestly, we already sold a lot of tickets. You know I've never been to Atlanta?

I've only been to Atlanta once for a Tom Petty concert, and I showed up, almost got arrested, and then went right back to Tallahassee. You're going to have a great time. And so I've never been to Atlanta. I'm very excited to hang out in this town. Yeah? We're going to eat good. Are we going to go to the Varsity? Because that's what people tell me. No. No? No. Do they have better hot dogs somewhere? We're not getting hot dogs. They're going to get hot dogs? No. Absolutely not. In Atlanta? No. What are we getting, peanuts? No.

What do you mean? We're going to get real food. Like what? Good stuff. I got a whole list. You're being mysterious. I am. I'm going to take you out. I'm going to show you around. There's a lot of stuff to get.

I might take you to Holman and Finch just to get some parts. Ooh, what's that? Holman and Finch is one of my favorite restaurants in the country. What are the parts? All sorts of innards. Oh, really? Yeah. You know I like my middle meats. Yeah, we'll get some innards. Oh, yeah. We got a lot of stuff. Now that we can't trust Boar's Head anymore. No, Boar's Head's out. Yeah, as far as liverwurst goes anyway. But you know what's on the menu? Monkey? Monkey.

My cock, my cock is on the menu. Yeah, that's right. That's what that stripper's going to say at Tootsie's birthday party. Here's my cock. It's on the menu. Bite my cock. That'd be huge. That'd be amazing. As long as her horn doesn't touch it. If you're worried about the safety of your home and family, there's no better time to act. I like to arrest people before they do the crimes, especially in my neighborhood.

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Because there was a thing called an erection. Yeah. Yes. Thank you, Eddie. I got an erection. He did. Just this week only. And we had to make sure his wife showed up. We had to call her in. She was in Ohio. Yeah. You know what's good is because he won, there won't be any insurrectile dysfunction. Insurrectile dysfunction? Does that pun work?

as going after the Capitol building, insurrectile dysfunction. Eddie, I'm so tired, I couldn't care less. You couldn't care less? That is a fucking good pun. Yep, I couldn't care less. If you think that's a good pun, I want you to write in at Brighter Side. Ha ha ha!

The brighter side. LPN at gmail.com. So this is a story about freedom. Amen, baby. The thing is, is that, yeah, people are upset now, but you're going to be upset a lot more later on. Monkey go, baby. They're out there, dog. This is in South Carolina. Fuck that.

Fuck that state. Yeah. A warn residents to lock their doors and windows after more than 40 monkeys escape from a research facility. Now, these guys are out there. They're just gone.

There's some TikTok videos of these monkeys out there. They left. They specifically were brought in. This is also one of these weird things that kind of make me sick. It's because obviously they got to try to find these guys. They're going to be biting people. But they're goofies. They're young. They're cute. They're cute young ones. They're all like six, seven pounds. And they're extremely social. And they're supposed to be very friendly. And the whole point of them, I guess, they said the reason why they even brought them in to be tested upon is

It was for non-human primate products and bioresearch services. Yeah. The Alpha Genesis. Brain disorders. That's what they said they were going to be working on. Alpha Genesis Incorporated. I'm on their website right now. They're primate research specialists.

Yeah, look at that. Oh, wow, look at that. And they said the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed in a statement that the monkeys were previously living on Morgan Island as free-range monkeys, so just living their life, having a nice time. And they were brought to the Alpha Genesis facility, which just sounds really friendly and fun. Alpha Genesis Incorporated provides the highest quality non-human primate products and bio-research services worldwide. What does that even mean? Is that like giving them like...

Hats and shoes and clothes? I have no idea. With a client base that extends across North America, Europe, and Asia, we are dedicated to providing only the best and most cost-effective primate research and development support to the scientific community. You know what I don't like in there? The word cost-effective.

Seems like, I feel like if I was a monkey, I wouldn't want to hear that. Maybe we should go over certain cotton costs. They said they were supposed to be there to be conditioned to be around people. Oh. So they got exactly what they wanted. There's now 13 still at large. And these monkeys, they're cute as hell. And Rob did bring up a thing right before us that I will find it interesting to see if there are any cryptid reports from here on out from the forests of South Carolina. Yeah.

They cause these macaques are out there causing a kerfuffle, and people are going to go look, and they're going to see a little monkey up there. You've got a couple of shots of ripple, and you're going to try to do a Bigfoot. Yeah, I don't know if they're going to make it through the winter, though. It gets cold in South Carolina. No, they'll die by suicide. There's a bunch of monkeys that got loose in Davie, Florida. And Florida have seen them a couple times.

A couple of my friends swear they saw him. I've never seen him. But the rumor is how they got loose was, well, there were two incidents. Hurricane Andrew fucking destroyed Monkey Jungle. And then also when they were filming, this is a rumor. I don't know how true this is, but I love spreading it, is when they were filming Tarzan in the 50s, at the end of the movie, they just let all the monkeys go. Tracks.

I believe that. I more than believe that. I think that if you were a real ally right now, what I'd do is if you see one of these macaques by the highway, drive them down to Florida. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just drive them down to Florida, man. Just drop them out, man. Just let them go. Because guess who deserves it? Florida. Florida.

Go drop off all of these monkeys. Anything lives down there. Everything lives down there. That's why all your grandparents are there, because they're trying to live. For some reason. Yeah, so just know that we're all going down there. Just send all the macaques down there. There's no reason for them to not be able to enjoy. You've got to feed the python something. They've got to enjoy Miami.

That's right. All right. Let him go out there. They're cute as hell. If you get one, yeah, a couple of them. And I'm going to say this. A little bit of an update in the story of Peanut the Squirrel is that I did get an insider information from somebody that doesn't want to be revealed that said that essentially they didn't have a bunch of permits that they needed to have, which has kind of led to the... It wasn't the only fans Karen thing necessarily. That's just a side quest for him. They definitely needed more permits for that. But, you know, like...

As much as it's against every single regulation, scoop up that macaque, take it home, because it's 2024 and the rules don't matter. Yeah, man. Free this motherfucker. You don't want to go back to goddamn... I mean, they're going to bite the living fuck out of you and they're going to eat one of your kids' face or bite one of their ears off, but what do you care? Yeah. Because you like the chaos. Just get the cappuccino and put it in your house. I can't believe that they have a place called Alpha Genesis Incorporated in South Carolina. Yeah.

My vet father-in-law, veterinarian, said that there has never been a squirrel with rabies. This is what I was reading about, too. They said that apparently it is not, I guess, impossible for a squirrel to get rabies, maybe. But there's very little of it. Yeah, he said he's never even heard of it all his years. I wonder why. Because they're quick. Yeah.

I mean, a lot of things are quick. Also, if you're curious about jobs at Alpha Genesis Incorporated, I'm looking at their job opportunities. They're currently hiring a new animal care manager. I wonder why. I wonder why. I wonder why. Yeah. Wow. You see here, right here, apparently they can get rabies, but it's very rare. Very, very rare. You got to be careful with that.

So, I mean, I don't think these monkeys, they're, I can't, just let them be free. They are going to be now. You got to go get them. I don't know what they do to these poor guys. But then I did read about, too, is that to get, that is also what's really sad about rabies testing is they do have to kill the animal to do it. Yes. Because it's only brain tissue. Yeah. No, they have to find, but why, how come they don't have to kill us to find out if we have rabies? Because we're going. Well, apparently once you're already doing that, you're dead. Yes.

I mean, no one has survived rabies. Yeah, you can't. Once you show signs of rabies, you're dead. Yes. Yeah. Which is a fucking cool disease. It's kind of metal. Did you see how they used to give you rabies shots? Yeah. Super long. Right in your stomach. Yeah. Very bad. Like a long needle right in your fucking stomach. That's how you did it. My mom had to get one. They were horrible. Really? Yes. Why did she get one? She got bit by a dog as a kid. Oh, okay. I was going to say she was bit by her father.

He was just a boomer. Can't be upset with him. Now, this is another. Talk about being upset with the father. This is a story in this day and age I find extremely inspiring. And this guy gets it. Ryan Borgward. The what's that? Missing father of three faked his disappearance in a kayak accident and he fled to Europe.

Oh, yeah. Now, this guy is awesome. I had no idea Uzbekistan was in Europe. You know what? I didn't either. We learn stuff every day. We learn stuff every day on this show. So this was on August 12th or on 532 local time. Deputies initially responded to a missing persons call. And they went looking for this guy, Ryan Borgwart. Yeah. And.

And they went to go with his vehicle and trailer were found later parked in the area of Dodge Memorial Park. And his last known location was the Green Lake. Certainly dodging his family. Yeah, yeah, dude. He missed me with that. And I mean having responsibilities. Around an hour after the alarm was first raised, authorities found a cap-sized kayak in the western part of the lake in an area where the water is around 220 feet deep. It was that easy. The fisherman found his fishing rod.

His tackle box was found. He found his wallet, his keys. And then they were like, well, he must be dead. Right. During the news conference, they realized that on August 24th, a team of experienced divers and search dogs were brought in to help look for barn wart victims.

He has three kids and they could not find anything. But on August 7th, Sheriff Brito said, Podol said he met with his team and they decided the search had to go in a different direction. They were trying to go find the different areas. And now they're pretty fucking certain that he is gone because his report, because that was the thing they dealt further. Borgwart had reported his passport missing and obtained a replacement on May 22nd before all of this happened.

Okay, so, I mean, but May 22nd to August isn't, it's not closed. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I feel like that's, you know, some of this stuff, I mean, like, he could be at the bottom of this lake.

But he was communicating with a woman in Uzbekistan ahead of his vanishing, and he had taken out a $375,000 life insurance policy in January. That's what the thing is, that it got paid out, and then he left town. We left out, or somehow he got this money. Or I think it was for his family. Yes. Yeah, so they have something when he leaves. I guess he just went to the side to go be with this Uzbekistan woman, which has just got to be, she's just got to fucking tight-ass crush her.

And she knows how to suck that klishk. Isn't it the opposite? Don't they always want to come here? Isn't it the whole thing?

You know what happens a lot of times is that what he'll do is he'll lie to the woman saying, I'm going to bring you to America once I get over there to kind of help you and do stuff. And then he gets over there and he goes, well, I don't know if I'm hiding from my family. Yeah. And then he has a bunch of American money and it's fine. Interesting. I've heard that Uzbekistan is surprisingly welcoming. Really? Yeah. Like if you go over there, you'll be walking around and people are like, come over for dinner.

It's kind of like that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Families, like, welcome you into their houses and stuff. Sounds lovely. That's what I've heard. I don't know if it's true or not. I've never been. To be honest, I'm looking at even on this map that you're showing, and I don't know where that is. Yeah. Is that the bottom of Europe? People magazine. Or is that in the Middle East? Is that Europe or the Middle East?

Oh my God, we're fucking stupid. It's Asia. No, it's Europe. You are fucking so fucking stupid. Yeah. The two of us are the dumbest fucks to ever meet. I'm sorry, I haven't learned about Uzbekistan yet. None of us know. It's you and me. It's not just you, buddy. I don't know a fucking thing about maps. Yeah. I don't know where stuff is.

Then I don't care. There you go. That's what I've been waiting for. That's what I wanted. You know why? If I need to know, look it up. I'm going to go to the bathroom and take a two-speck of stand. That's it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. That's a shit.

The sheriff is pleading, says, Ryan, if you're viewing this, I plead with you, contact us or contact your family. He's sitting there enjoying his camel milk, being like, I'm not going back to fucking America. I got it all here. I got nothing but aluminum foil mines and delicious snarsh.

And then I get to sit here with my beautiful one-eyed wife that got saved from whatever local skirmish is going on. I think that they're beautiful over there. I hope. Good. I know they are. Yeah. So this guy, you know, someone who gets it at least. I want to do this guy's plan. He also lazily faked his own death.

Yeah. If he did, now they're like, he could end up dead. He was on a kayak. He was exercising. Yeah, but he just like flipped it over and he says, oopsie. He got out of there. I mean, it seems like he did a lot of work. No, he didn't. If he did do a lot of work, what he would have done is taken, we talked about this with the Kruger's Dwarf cult. They did a lot of work. He would take a man of another race. He would strip as much skin off of his face that he could. He would set him on fire inside of the kayak and then push it over the fucking side.

That's what you do. There's no corpse. What we need here is a corpse. What if this is like an elaborate advertisement for kayak.com's travel agency? Hey, you know, take a trip all the way from your family. That would be big. Honestly, that'd be huge for kayaks. What a good way to just like, a kayak is a key to not be a father anymore. Sign me.

So my favorite story this week is a labradoodle has helped solve its owner's murder.

That's what it said. It's owner's murder. I thought it said Labradoo to help solve its own murder. No, no, no, no, no. I was just like, what in the living fuck is this article about? Like, what does that even mean? Texas woman Mandy Rose Reynolds was murdered by a very bad man, prosecutors say, but her very good dog helped her catch the killer. How'd he do it?

The dog, a Labradoodle named Titan, was found at the site in Robeson, Texas, where Reynolds' body was found burned beyond recognition in April of last year.

The dog barked frantically at officers and refused to leave the area of the body, but also refused to allow police to capture it. A citizen found the dog at the same spot the next day, called animal control, who determined that Titan was microchipped and belonged to Reynolds.

Police went to Reynolds' home and discovered that all of the 26-year-old's possessions had been removed. They tracked her Honda Accord to Wichita, Kansas, where her cousin, 29-year-old Derek Dagonalt, who knows, was arrested after a high-speed chase. Investigators determined that he shot Reynolds before burning her body in a plastic container. He was sentenced to life in prison last week, and the keys to this case were the heroic

dog named Titan and extraordinarily cooperation between law enforcement agencies and multiple jurisdictions and states. The jury deliberated for around 40 minutes before sentencing him to life. After the trial, Calvert said that Dagonaut did to Reynolds...

shooting her in the head and driving her body to McLennan County and setting her on fire like a piece of trash was enough to justify the life sentence. Dude, it's Scooby-Doo! I know! And Labradoodles are supposed to be stupid! And Labradoodles are actually bad for dogs, too. They're bad because of the genetic manipulation that they've had over all of the years. The man who invented Labradoodles says he regrets it. Yeah, sure, whatever.

But at the same time, they're cute. They got a lot of energy. And they're hyperallergenic. Well, this is the thing. People want a big dog, but they don't want a fucking poodle. What do you do? I don't know. Labradoodle. Labradoodle. So the dog refused to be captured and then just took them back to the victim's home? It just kept going to where the body was burned because apparently, I guess it saw it.

Traumatized. Yeah. And so it kept going to the place where they found the body. And then they found out when they chipped the dog that it was hers. And then when they went to her apartment, she was missing. And then they put two and two together. That's what it is. They couldn't identify the body. Yes. So the dog identified the body. The dog. Well, the dog didn't solve the crime. No, the dog was a witness. And then he told everybody. Yeah, the dog. Titan was a good boy. That was a good boy. And so he's been sent to be destroyed or?

Actually, I think he's going to be stripping for Tootsie this week. Whoa, yes! We got to get him! We're going to shave him and jerk him off in front of my little girl Tootsie. Come on, let Tootsie have a thrill!

You think a Tootsie gets horny anymore? I don't think so. But sometimes she gets Randy with Rambo a little bit and then jumps on him and kind of attacks him a little bit. That's disgusting. And then he just sits there and he's like, what is this? That's her brother. I mean, her nephew, probably, if you really want to get into it. Yeah, sure. My sister. I still find it disgusting. Yeah. In that way. There's another man who doesn't find stuff like that disgusting. No. Live from New York. Hey, everybody. Ed here to talk to you about...

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I've been talking about this for years. It is now, it is getting, Jackie technically started it on page seven, but it continues to go. And now it is, it's out there, man. Tom Cruise has sex with whole uncut fish. And I would not be surprised. You know, everybody's been joking about this for a long time. Well, he fucks their bellies. Yeah, but they're gutted. He buys them at a store. Yeah. They got holes in them to be fucked.

And so he does this and a part of the, like it's everywhere now. It's now out on the internet. It's funny now because I, I've been saying it for fun in games and it's fun to do this too, towards the mega celebrity who can't really even fight all the various whack-a-mole things that are said about them at all times. Yeah. But,

With the P. Diddy stuff, I actually kind of even wonder if this is kind of some of the stuff he has. Because they talk about what he has on all of these various hard drives. He has all this dirt on everybody. So we'll see if this is one of them. But...

At first, you're like, oh, you know, what a silly thing. But then you look at it and you're like, no, people are selling pictures. And this is a guy, one of them. This guy named Hamid Fares, 44. And this is in London town. Well, before we go into this story, which is perfect for side stories. I want to go back to the Tom Cruise thing for two seconds. Yes. Morally.

The fish is dead. There's no about, this isn't moral. This is about morality. He buys the dead fish. This is not about crimes and victims. This is about behavior. It's not illegal. But it's still like frowned upon for sure. I do think, maybe I'm wrong. Wouldn't he stink? No, he washes right after. And it's just his dick and balls. Well, doesn't he do it at the grocery store and they find the fish all mangled in the bathroom, right? Sometimes he also sometimes does it in his limo.

And so his limo might smell like it, but I think that he washes. And I think you'd actually be surprised. Really good quality whole uncut fish doesn't have that bad of a smell.

And then, you know, for the most part, it doesn't really smell. I'm sure he gets the best stuff. He's getting good stuff, whatever he's getting. And it's something I think that just calms him. I don't even know if it's sexual. I think that he does it to prove how gay he's not in his own mind, that he's so not gay he could have sex with a fish. Oh, okay. But that's not how that works either. If you were to fuck a fish, what fish? Can't say a mammal. Can't say a mammal. Salmon. Salmon. Just straight up.

The Pam Anderson of fish. It is. I mean, it's sexy. Well, it's actually an ugly fish in the face. None of them are attractive. Some fish are more attractive than other fish. I hate this. A salmon's face is repulsive. You really think. And when they swim upstream, they lose their skin. I mean this. You really think that there are, I mean, past your character on the show. I think a largemouth bass is way more attractive than a salmon.

Absolutely. Beautiful fish. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Yeah. All right, click on this, Rob. It says, what's the most fuckable fish, according to X? Octopus, by the way. Or like a...

Or a sponge would be a good fuck. Or sea cucumber. That'd be a good fuck. What is it showing? Oh, it's just a bit. Oh, it's just that you got it. Oh, yeah. You got God. You just fucking bit from this fucking... You got God. My ass got ass. It's just some dude in the ocean with his shirt off. You know what I'd fuck? It's a pretty funny bit, though. Starfish. Starfish, really? Jellyfish? Wow, salmon's up there. How is jellyfish... Because they think that you can ball it up even though it'll poison you. So is bass, by the way. But striped bass, not largemouth. Jeez.

Striped bass. Yeah. I guess maybe it's the same thing. I don't know. I don't think so. Yes. Yeah, probably. All right. So this guy, Hamad Farris, he has a bunch of pictures of it. And he was found with it. He was a charity volunteer. They called it extreme porn. And I call it. What are you going to call it?

Noah's porn. Right? This is Noah's porn. Besides having his daughters in there. They showed adults having sex with live animals. A court heard. How would you know it was a picture? Helmut Forrest was sent five sickening bestiality images by his so-called friend. Now, North Staffordshire, just as sent out, heard the pictures, betrayed a person, having intercourse with a live animal. They included a fish, chicken, dog, and monkey.

The court was told. There's five pictures, so one of those animals was featured twice. Popular. Now, they said that a friend sent me these, and he thought it was disgusting. But then he showed everyone else, and they told on him. Yes. But he said, when they were first sent to him, he said, this is disgusting.

I can't even believe that you would send me a video of a man and a fish saved to PhotoFile. I can't believe that you would do that. He does not remember receiving the images, according to him. You can only assume they were sent by the same person. And they were not downloaded by him. They were sent by someone else.

Now, I don't think that it helps, but the fact that there are... You know what it wasn't for so long? Everyone's like, oh, no one's having sex with fish. No one's having sex with fish. They definitely are. Well, we saw that woman having sex with a fish. Yes. In Australia. Yes, we did. We saw that. Does that mean we are in trouble? We definitely... We emailed it to each other. Is that not worse? No, it was on the news. Than this? No, it was on the news. But still...

What if this was on the news? Then it wouldn't be. If pictures were on the news, then it wouldn't be bad. We did all this research of the West Memphis Three and all the shows of these horribly mutilated corpses of these little boys. Man, they really show the fucking pictures of those boys. Yeah, so they really do. So, yeah, I think we can handle maybe someone having their dick inside of a fish. I think that we can maybe handle someone getting their pussy eaten out by a fish. I'd rather someone fuck a fish than a person against its will. Yeah.

When you added the caveat, yeah. When you finally said the thing that made it not a disturbing sentence, I can agree with you, sure. But no, yeah. Up until then, I'd still prefer watching a human. What is this picture, Rob? It's a carp's pussy. Oh. It's a carp's vagina or a carp's mouth? Oh, it's his mouth. Mmm. Yeah, I guess, yeah, you could really go to town on that one. He could be a real fucking... No teeth in there, huh? No, man, you could... No, they're pulled back. No teeth in there.

You can be real Dennis Rodman on that thing. No teeth. Yeah, you could slippity slam that thing, fucking teach it a lesson or two. Yeah. Carp smart fish.

Not if it finds out that its fucking mouth is super fuckable, then it's going to be dead. It's going to be a dead smart fish. Unless it's going to be rich. Well, it's more the reason why I even wanted to talk about this story is just the fact that... We haven't talked about humans fucking animals in a minute. In at least a month. And I just think that with the current election season, we're allowed. Yeah. I think we can come back and talk a little bit. But it's more just... This is the news that we got this week. This is the news we received this week.

I just think that it's more common than we thought it was. And that people taking pictures of them fucking a fish is way more common than we thought it was. But is it weird to say, this might get me in trouble, but for some reason in my mind, when I'm thinking bestiality, like, if you're fucking a fish, Rob, don't look at me, when you're fucking a fish, like, is it really for pleasure? Look how ugly a salmon is.

Tell me that's not a fucking hideous fish. I'm just so happy that it was just a fish. Yeah. I didn't know what you were going to look up. But for some reason for me, when it's man on fish, it doesn't feel like bestiality. But I know it is. It is. Yeah. But it doesn't feel like it. Is it because they're cold-blooded? I think there's something about a fish that's way less relatable.

Oh, yeah. Like a big fish? You can't really talk to them. Well, no. And they don't know that you're there, really. And I don't think that a fish gets... Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Does a fish get traumatized if you fuck its mouth? You can train fish. To suck dick? No, I mean to take treats.

To suck dick is what I'm asking. All right, here. Yeah, anything can take treats. They're small. Can it take a fucking dick in its mouth? Look at this. And survive. All right, look at this video I got here. And you tell me if a fish could take... This almost made the stream.

But this guy here, he just feeds these catfish with a spoon. And they just come and they find him and they love him. See, that's cute. Yeah, but he easily could just put his dick in one of these fish's mouths. Yeah, but they'll start chewing on it. He's not going to be. He's straining them to fucking clamp down on them. I don't think it's going to be super pleasant. He's surrounded by these things and he's like petting them.

I'm like, they're dogs. It's really weird. Yeah, that is strange. He definitely has a full on... Why is he feeding catfish with a spoon? Well, because he used to be a fisherman, but he was bad at it. And so now he just feeds them. So now he just makes them congregate. I used to be a fisherman, but now I'm just a fish party promoter. Yeah. That's all I do.

He's a friend of the fish. He strokes him. He grabs him. He hugs him. Oh, yeah. He's hugging him. They don't know they're being hugged. They're thrashing around. Fish don't know what's happening, man. Look, he kissed it. Why is he kissing it? He kissed it. He kissed it on the mouth. I'm done with this guy. He kissed it. I told you. He is grooming these fish. This is where this begins. Yeah. This is where this begins. This is catfish grooming. These fish are getting catfish. They don't understand that they're going to all be raped.

By this man. Rob, you found him. How did you find that? Spoon feeding a catfish. This man is literally grooming the fish. Yeah, he loves them. Yeah, he's like fucking, what's his name from Penn State? Jerry Sandusky! No, he's Jerry Fish Dusky! These are

and poor Fish and he's planning a better future? Jerry San Fishky. Jerry San Fishky. This is the show now, folks. This is what we're doing now. This is the longest coverage we've done on a story all day. This is it.

It's not going to always be like this. We're talking about... People will start killing their families again. These are issues. Yeah. Yeah, they're going to... We're going to have a family night later. Everyone's... All of the horrible people had a great week. They didn't kill their families this week. They were so... Yeah, the horrible people... So next week, people will be killing families again and everything will be fine. The horror people were too busy celebrating last week to make news for this week. Yeah, they're going to be back. They're going to be back and we're going to have it all be horrible again. And it's already been.

We didn't talk about the man accused of attempting to use a weapon of mass destruction to destroy a Nashville energy facility, but that was just because he didn't get it. Yeah. And, you know, we all hate a failure. Everyone's got a plan. Everybody's got a plan. The follow-through makes the news. He was trying to blow up a bunch of this guy, Skyler Phillippe, a real skibbity toilet fucking moron, brackley-headed piece of shit zoomer. Oh, he's a young man. Oh, yeah.

He went out there and he wanted to attack a bunch of national substations using drones with the explosives attached to him. But again, much like most of most some of the people in his generation, he fucked it up. Yeah. And so he did not do it well. He's arrested. He's going to go to jail forever.

How about speaking of young people having weird things happening to them, Mattel accidentally puts a porn website on the Barbie packaging for The Wicked. These guys fucking deserve whatever happens to them. This Wicked movie can suck my fucking dick. I'm actually very excited to see it. Good.

I'm glad you want to see it. Why would you not want to see it? Have you listened to Wicked? I have never heard it, no. I've never seen it live. Sucks! People love it. Yeah, sure. People love Donald Trump. Man, I went and saw Back to the Future the musical this week.

That was really bad. Oh, I bet. It was really bad. All of these musicians, none of these guys. There's no reason to make it. At least Wicked is an original-ish idea. I'm being grumpy today. I'm being grumpy. It's fine. It's just not for me. And then also, Ariana Grande sucks. Boca's on. She's a Boca alum. Boca, I love you, Ariana. Sucks. Yeah. I like it. She's a very thin voice. She's a very thin voice. Erivo? She's great. Is that her real name? Yeah.

The Wicked Witch. She's a great actor. She's great. She is great. We'll see how that goes. But yeah, they accidentally put Wicked.com. And for those of us from the 90s into the early 2000s, we know Wicked.com has nothing to do with the movie. WickedMovie.com is what they were supposed to do, but instead they put Wicked.com on a bunch of boxes for Mattel. And it just sounded like it just took them all straight up.

crazy hardcore porn. And they should actually deal with it. At least they didn't go to evilangel.com. Can we go to wicked.com real quick? Yeah, I mean, it's work. I want to see what the kids are looking at these days. Whoa, do they take it down? Oh, no, good. That's the work, the

the work firewall saying why are you doing this at work. Alright, yeah. You're right. Rob's 18. See, there's no titties though. No, there's no titties on this front. It's just an advertisement for porn. They didn't actually go straight to porn. These people sell porn. You can't buy it. It's not even that bad. It's really not even that bad of a website. You have to buy it in order to see it. It's more just the terminology that they would have to have their parents explain like just the tip

and where my bussy is, it's in the back. They have this other thing called the Hunger... Fantasia? Yeah, the Hunger fucking Games or whatever. It's like, yeah, Fantasia. They don't know what this is. Yeah, yeah. Why is she the talk of the town? Because she gapes. But the kids don't know that. They don't put that on the cover. Sunny gold melons? Yeah, they love curves. So do a lot of people. There's circles curves and apples curves. This site doesn't show anything worse than...

A JCPenney catalog. It really does. And I've jerked off to JCPenney catalogs dirtier than this. Yeah, absolutely. Physically dirtier. Well, when you start doing the collage work yourself and gluing the breasts from, you know, you take them from somewhere else. I like to make a woman.

I don't like her feet. I'm going to use the other woman's feet. I'm going to cut her feet off. I'm going to put the other woman's feet on. I hate her head. I'm going to cut her fucking head off. Put a new head on there. I think this is good. People should be paying for porn. I do believe that as well. I think they should. If you're going to watch it, obviously you don't want to get caught with your credit card receipts or whatever. Well, it doesn't matter. What the fuck would matter if you got caught with your credit card receipt to do a fucking legit porn site? I feel like it's better if you can.

Buy it. You know what's safer for the actors. And the more private it goes, the more I'll be able to be hidden from the various Project 2025 stuff that's going to happen. Are they really going to get rid of porn? They love porn. They'll try. You think so? They're not allowed to say they like porn. You're telling me Donald Trump don't watch porn. He can't. He doesn't maintain an erection anymore. I would say that they... Doesn't mean he don't stare at it. No, I think that they would try. I think they're going to try. But we'll see.

Because they just don't understand that it's in the plan. So now we're just looking at pornography. Yeah, now this is just pornography. Yeah, when you google wicked.com and you image search it with the safe search off, then you see fake breasts. I will say I do like a nice mature woman. And they lead with them. These certainly aren't youngsters. They could be Rob's

The algorithm. Yeah. This could be it. I don't know. It's probably. It is quite possibly that. We shall see, Edward. Yes. We shall see. Will the nation continue to masturbate? Yes. But will they do it on the solemn watchful eye of their Mac?

Screen. Yes. Real quick, a quick shout out to Hvaldemir, the beluga. Remember we talked about him on the show not too long ago because he died. He choked on a stick and he died because he was a spy from Russia and then he ate a stick and everyone liked him and he died. He's got a doc. So congrats. I can't wait to watch your doc. We'll see. I'm very excited. It's one of those. Hopefully it really does reveal all of their sexual allegations.

I don't know what else they're really going to go at. I don't know what we're coming for on Hvaldemir. Is Hvaldemir going to get canceled? It doesn't matter. Well, he's already a Russian spy and people like him, so I don't think he can get canceled. People love Russian spies. We love them. We just, they're fun. Yeah, we just elected one to be president. They're sexy. Oh, secrets of the spy whale. Yep. Well, I don't know what his secrets are. He's a whale, so.

I don't really know what he was going to say in the first place and what he even knew. And he choked on a stick. I can't wait to watch it. No, I can't wait to watch it. I like all different characters of Will's. So go and check us out. We got to live every day knowing that you never knew what was coming anyway. You're going to love that for yourself. And you're going to laugh your way all the way to the nut house of the fucking emergency room. That's the only thing you can do.

It was great. This has been a perfect, flawless episode. A perfect episode. We'll be back. We're going to have more of these episodes. Something will happen this week. Oh, no. We're going to have a bunch of stuff. We technically still talked about a lot of stuff. No, I mean, this was news. Yeah. And we pulled it from news sites. We did our research. I read the article. I'm a newser. Yeah, we saw stuff. We could have talked about nothing, but we didn't.

Because we're good. Go to lastpodguestandleft.com. See us live, please. We have so many fun shows coming up, and we are really, honestly, we're having so much fucking fun. And they're all great. So go check that out. Yes, we're coming to the Wiltern last week. We are coming to Brooklyn. It's still on the website. We're coming to Brooklyn on December 7th at King's Theater. Atlanta on January 11th at Coca-Cola Roxy. We are coming to...

Grand Prairie, Texas. That's Dallas. That's Dallas. At the Texas Trust CU Theater on February 22nd, March 14th. We are coming for you, Nashville, at the Ryman Auditorium. Can't wait. I can't wait for that. We should really... I'm telling you now, I want to do a Knoxville show attached to that. We're going to work on it. Let's work on it, please. If you're in the Knoxville area with a big theater, you let us know. Detroit, Michigan, the Masonic, April 18th. Two days before...

420. Yeah, we're going to be there. We're going to have a lot of fun. Yeah. And so we are going to have a... Just know, probably bring our own weed to Detroit. Don't they sell it there? Smoke it. Oh, yeah. But it's kind of, you know...

We'll get there. They got to get there. I got a feeling Detroit's got some fucking cush. You know who we can buy weed from? Toronto's got good weed. And we're going to be there on May 3rd. It definitely is fine. If someone could please tell me, where's the good ups? Detroit. Yeah. InsideStoriesLPOTLGmail.com. Because I went to one dispensary and I wasn't super jazzed. In Detroit? Yeah. Oh, really? I walked there. Yeah. I had a 45-minute walk from downtown. Well, that's why you weren't super jazzed. No, it was great. Once I got there, I'll tell you what. People were...

Shockingly friendly. Like, I was walking down the street. I was in the middle of nowhere. And I started realizing, oh, I shouldn't be doing this, maybe. And there was a barren field. And there was a bush. And I mean this. There was a bush and a barren field. Hold on. Barren and bush together? And there was a man cartoonishly crouched behind the bush as if he was hiding. Okay. And he was there the whole time. And then as I got close to him, he popped up and went, hi!

And I just waved at him and just went right back behind the bush. Detroit. Nice guy. Woman spit all over near, like she did a kind of vomit spit in front of me from a wheelchair. She went, I'm sorry. All right. Polite. It's better than Seattle. Honestly, it's extremely nice. I mean, Detroit's an incredible city of love and strength. Man, free the RoboCop statue.

They built a RoboCop statue. They funded a RoboCop statue. Yeah, I thought it was up. No, they were going to put it in front of the science museum. And then at the last minute, they're like, no, it's just sitting in a warehouse somewhere. Seriously? Yeah. They fucking freed the statue, man. It's got to go out someplace. That's fucking awesome. 11 feet tall RoboCop statue is just sitting somewhere. Man, what the F? We got to go see that. Yes. Oh, I wish we could go look at it.

I know. Put it at the Masonic. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. If someone got access to that, let us know. Go to LPN TV on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash LPN TV. Go see all the Twitches. We've got a lot of stuff on there. Everything that is on there live then goes onto our YouTube page. Go and watch it there. Next week, we have Good Puts coming back for Thanksgiving special.

Oh, very nice. Hoop-a-goo-goo this week, baby. Thursday night live on Twitch on the LPN Twitch channel. It's going to be 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. Amber and I will go against contestant A and contestant B and be judged by the great honorable magistrate Schaefer. Oh. Yes, and hail the great LD, our leader.

Yes. Yes, hail him. Yes. Love you guys. Stay good. Love you all. Listen to the brighter side of it. Hail Satan. Hail Voldemir. You know, hail. Until we find out what this documentary digs up on him. So be careful who your heroes are. Well, hail Titan the Labradoodle. Yep. Looking for a home, by the way. Yeah, I'm hoping they don't immediately kill him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Test him for rabies. Toss him in the blender.