Side Stories: Blaming Bears
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There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Oh.

Side stories. Yes. Well, I got to say, buddy, a little disappointed. Yeah. You backed out of your stripper promise. Honestly. No show the party and said no stripper is coming. Listen, I did. Tootsie still had a decent time. I saw. I saw the footage. She still had a decent time. I had to go outside. I shaved a cat.

And she was fucking mad. She was like, what is this? No, I didn't mean to disappoint Tootsie. For those of you that don't know, last week we were discussing about how it was Tootsie's 17th birthday party. That's a dog. 119 dog years. Yes, it's a dog, by the way. It's not a little girl that we were talking about this for. Who would name their daughter Tootsie? A big old person with a metal rod sticking out of the side of their head. You never know. Voters?

I had a, but I wanted to, I wanted to get a stripper and I did got, I have my guy Dominic. Dominic? He's like my neighborhood naked guy. Okay. And he was going to go do that. And I was like talking with him about it and he was totally down. He was totally chill. But then the next thing you know, he did commit suicide by police officer. Oh. So he could not be there.

Was he dressed as a stripper cop? Yes. Unfortunately, he was dressed as a sexy police officer, and then he was pulled over for reckless driving because he was a sexy, intoxicated police officer. And then in his actions, he was then murdered. By Eternal Affairs. By the, yes, yes. Yeah, and not by a normal street cop. No, it was just some other guy that didn't even want to deal with him. He was off duty. Yeah.

When he had to shoot him in the head. No, that's not true. I just fucked it up. But I will say... Tootsie's mad. I know. I know. Tootsie's mad. I'll just have to wait six months before she's in the grave. That's unfair. It is unfair, but it's probably true. She's very sweet. I love Tootsie. I can't believe every day I'm like, is today the day? She is. It's her and Jimmy Carter. Yeah, yeah. Just continuing to... I guess God forgot about me. Yeah.

God must have forgot I was here. She has outlived everything that she's ever come in contact with. Dude, she's like, she was from Barack Obama's presidency. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, no, it's truly unbelievable. It's amazing. But I did receive many emails that I thought were so funny. Do you know? So you even got...

Information from strippers? No one was local. Oh, okay. No one was local. Yeah, you can't be flying them in. No, no, no, no. Not right now. Okay? It's hard. It's called trafficking. Yeah. And there's a lot of conferences. There's a lot of real people really thinking about this.

Only fuck local. That's it. That's it. Keep it. Side stories. This is side stories. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. I'm Henry Zabrowski. How you doing? But I got several emails from exotic dancers of the male persuasion that they said, not only is it not hyper unusual.

to be asked to dance for a dog. But several of them have already danced for dogs. Oh, so we're not even original. No. They have walked into a room. They said largely it did seem to be obviously an excuse for the women. Oh, they didn't find out until they got there. Oh, no. No, no. They rolled in. Several of them walked in. I feel like you've got to say it ahead of time. There's a dog in a chair in the center of a bunch of horned out cougars. Yeah. And that dog is just sitting there and they're like, all right.

It's Pepper's ninth birthday. You gotta dance for her. And then this man is just getting groped by a whole pack of women. Dog, no interest. Yeah. You know why? Because he wasn't smuggling pepperonis. Well, if you tie a treat to their penis...

And then have that and see if he can make his dick bounce. You know the trick where they get hard and they make their dick bounce? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we tie a treat to that and then make it bounce like that. I mean, you could definitely get some interest. I feel like on some way, that's got to be demeaning to the dancer. Put some eyeballs on your balls. No. And so we can look it in the eyes. Like a snake, like a funny caterpillar. Tootsie likes to look you in the eyes, see right through you. Tootsie creeps me out with that.

And I do think that the dead-eyed stare that she would give to the stripper would have also creeped him out. Dance harder!

Dad, you're getting no reaction. Dude, she doesn't like this. And then for a while, I actually just was wondering whether or not Tootsie was a lesbian. Tragic Mike. That was the guy I hired originally. Now he's dead. But yes, happy birthday, Tootsie. I'm sorry that I was not there. Yeah. I'm sorry, and I will, but it's not, I was just, I was fighting crime. Know what else you missed?

I had a bunch of boys over to watch the Tyson-Paul fight. I went out. It was like we did our show at SiriusXM. And then I walked over. It was great. I had dinner with Matt Cervito. Game drop. You know me with my Hollywood connects. Yeah. Right? It was me, Matt Cervito, my wife.

Hottest party you could possibly imagine. We went down to the fucking Formosa. They know me there. Yeah? All I had to do was get a reservation, and I walked right to my favorite table that they chose for us, and we had a fantastic time. But as we were leaving, I looked, and I saw someone else was watching the fight on their phone, and I watched the last five minutes on their phone, and I was completely correct. Yeah. I called the whole thing. It was...

the fight we deserved. Oh, I do believe. I was so excited. I was so ready to go. I wanted it so bad. You were very excited. I wanted to see Tyson fucking pummel this guy, but no, you can't fight at 58. Mike Tyson looked frightened of the people, and Jake Paul looked tired and

It was, from what I've seen, one of the worst bouts of athleticism since me getting out of a tub. It really is like he is the, like, what we could expect from sports for the next couple years. It is just like this. It is just going to be stunts and garbage. It's like, no, no.

unathletic people. There's a term that is used in technology that is a funny internet term, but it's real and it's what we are all in the middle of right now. And it's called enshitification. And the term is a funny thing of why things are built to fall apart, specifically why phones only last two years and laptops only last three years and your car constantly breaks down. The

they build them to fall apart. And we're just doing that with people now. Yeah. You know, and that's just what we got going on and they're in charge. Yeah. I say, you know, but Tyson, you know, got 20 mil. He's good for the rest of his life now. Good for him. You know, because I was really worried about his money. Yeah.

I was really, really worried if he was out of money or not. And then Jake Paul is just another just fucking absolutely talentless nothing person. At the end of the fight afterwards when they're interviewing Jake Paul, he said that America is now in its moment of truth right after he had a fake boxing match. Yes, very much so. It's almost like people have lost the ability to be ironic. And that satire is dead.

But not here. Not on Last Podcast on the left. No, no, no. Absolutely not because we talk about only the most important topics like what are the most fuckable fish? Yes. And I'm not getting into this into a lot of detail because we got another pushback from the anti-bestiality crowd.

Because they get upset. Yeah, they really do. Because they don't want to hear about bestiality anymore. It's just fish. It's fish. It's just fish. But I'm just going to quickly go through the fact that, yes, the number one... But there was that thing, I will say, we had more people send in what type of fish they want to fuck than more people tell us not to talk about it. Not a single person...

emailed us about our status about like, you did do a little bit of kerfluffle by saying something about how Jesus was an Israeli, but you meant an Israelite or some opposite fucking thing. Doesn't matter. It's not real. We got less mail about that than we did about fish fucking and the what fishes they would fuck. I mean it. Three dozen.

And so the number one, just for the sake of the brave, mostly men that emailed, I want to say the number one fish is sturgeon. Yes.

Yep. Yeah, two listeners voted for Sturgeon. And I get it, man. Because apparently they got inner teeth, but you could bypass them by sticking your dick in it. And they're long. I guess they're super long. They're big. They're the size of a human sometimes. But Eddie, let's just say... Fresh water, too. You don't even got to smell salty. I just don't think that the guys...

that are fucking the mouth of this sturgeon have to worry about if their girth is going to exceed the mouth. Yes. Because I feel that it is mostly, oh, wow, I hate this face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's got lips. I'm looking at the, I forgot. That's why they want to fuck it. Yeah, because it has a mouth. I'm really. Because it actually has like, it sucks the bottom of the riverbed. Hey, and guess what? And they're good, man. Yeah, you're going to suck the pebbles off a coral? You come over here and give my fucking coral a shot. Oh, my God. You know you can put sturgeon on bagels.

It's very good. You could put liquid shit on bagels if you want. I'm just saying anything can go on a bagel. Yum, yum. Any single substance can go on a bagel. So kissing gourami was another one. It's little fishes that kiss each other. And they said main issue was stay away from largemouth bass because they would quite literally bite your penis off. Really? Yeah, because they got chompers.

Big old chompers. Not really. I put my hand in a bath's mouth before. It wouldn't bite your penis off. It might scratch you up a little bit. When's the last time you did that? When I was a child. They got spines. The Fish Whisperer on YouTube, he shows them. He bleeds every single time he feeds one. A bass? Yeah. They got little nippers. I mean, you know, you just reach right in there and fucking grab it. This is with your fingers, Eddie. What about your pink...

I wish it was still pink. Yeah, I know. Mine's kind of getting gray. Oh, yeah. It's turning into Eeyore down there. I don't know why. I don't know who did that. I'm going to lose it and not care. I don't know who asked us about this. I didn't answer about what color I wanted my penis to turn when I turned 40. And I should have been asked. Yeah. And speaking of little bites, the Titanic, you said that the Titanic isn't going anywhere. Another update, that's false because due to the bacterium Halmonius Titanicae,

Named after the boat. It's eating it. It's slowly but surely decaying rapidly. Oh, we should go down and check it out. Go ahead. You want to go on a little submarine adventure? It's a boat. We've all seen it. Alright, we've all seen it. James Cameron made it romantic again in a film. We've seen it. I don't care

about the Titanic. There are really nice cruise ships that are still floating on top of the water. Totally operating. So I'm just going to go on those. I'm going to deal with those. I'm sick of it. I hate the stupid Titanic. It's stupid. And another update that was immediate that was... Rob called it. We talked about last week in South Carolina, breakout of a series of little test monkeys. Cappuccine monkeys. What was the other one? A macaque. And they got out. It was like there's still about 12 unaccounted for. But...

Almost like clockwork, Bigfoot sightings increased in the area just immediately. People were like, no idea that the news. They never looked up monkey escape. But the monkeys are small. It doesn't matter. People see rustling in the woods. They think Bigfoot because they don't have any imagination. They don't understand it could be a bunch of guys on the down low, six to nine in each other, but underneath a bunch of ferns. That's my first thought.

Nothing is Bigfoot. I just assume it's two grown businessmen having sex with each other. No condoms. No condoms, but they're hairy, like you. No, not necessarily. I think one would be hairy and one would be slippery like an eel. You know, go back and forth. You know, sometimes hairy is unhairy, but I feel like hairy probably could use a slick boy.

Right? Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Are you hairy and do you prefer a slick boy? And when two hairies are together, do you have to make you both slick and hairy? Hairy, also the name of the most famous Bigfoot. Harry and the Hendersons. Well, he wasn't real. Patty is technically the most famous Bigfoot. That was according to the Patterson footage of the Bigfoot. That's what he's called. But that's not real. That was real. Oh, yeah? There's musculature. Oh, okay. If you look at Patty...

Yeah. This is right here. You see this is Patty. She does have breasts. That's a man. He has breasts. This is a man. Tits. Yeah. All right? As they should be. But if you look at it moved, can we show a video of it just so we can see it again? Sure. I've seen this video a million times. No, you haven't. Obviously not recently. I mean, Harry and the Hendersons was truly one of the great films of our generation. It was, but the Patterson-Giblin film actually is. We can all take a listen.

The actual first footage, the most important footage of the Bigfoot. As you can see, there's musculature in the back. It's walking too easily. There's a lot of people that can walk easily. This is a younger Bigfoot. And you said people, by the way. Yes, but this is Bigfoot. Bigfoot's between people and animal. Yeah, but this is too much. You can almost see the sneaker. No, you can't see the sneaker. That's a full food. There's musculature. No, man. This has both been debunked and bunked.

This has been debunked and debunked again and again. It's just like, it's been debunked, and then the guys said that they came out and they said they wore a suit, but then they recanted, and they said that never happened, and now there are more and more people saying recently that the Patterson-Gimlin footage actually is pretty legit. It can't be! It's stabilized. Look at that. Look how it's walking. No human can walk like that. All humans walk like that! Only ones that look like Bigfoot. Yes! I just think it's fascinating. I'm just saying that's...

That's the most famous Bigfoot. I don't know. I think Harry's more famous. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Who's the better Bigfoot? Harry's definitely the better Bigfoot. Also, yeah, sure. Yeah, the more fun one. We haven't heard from Patty. We don't know if Patty's funny. No, Patty's a piece of shit. Yeah. You know, that I'll agree with. Yeah. Now, one thing I'll say about Roman sexuality that we covered a little bit. Do you know the Romans? How much do you think a Bigfoot vagina weighs? Like if you cut it out of her? Yeah. Yeah.

Like 8 pounds, 10 pounds? What's all... How much does a Bigfoot weigh? 600 pounds, 500 pounds? A cow is like 1,200, right? And so a Bigfoot has to be like at least 500 pounds. They say 800 pounds. 800 pounds. That's a lot of meat. It's a lot of meat, but it's a lot of skeleton and that's meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know if pussy meat is normally the biggest factor in body weight. If it's 20 pounds, I'm going to say...

20 pounds. 20 pounds, I think. If it's 800 pounds, I think 20 of it's pussy. You know what? I'd vote for it for president. Oh, absolutely. I'd vote for anybody at this point. I can't wait to vote next week. Oh, yeah, me too. Big election next week. If you're in line now at the polls, stay in line. In line. They have to let you vote. They have to let you. They have to let you vote.

So fucking stupid. So this is a bit of a response. Another update on Roman sexuality. We talk about how gayness doesn't exist, but actually there was a form of it. They did say that apparently oral sex, even though we talked about people getting their dick sucked since the old days, in the Roman eras, they viewed it disparagingly because they thought it made your breath bad.

Really? They cared about breath? Oh yeah. They said it caused bad breath. They also said they don't really care about you having sex with a man as long as you're at the top. Because being a bottom is bad. Oh, because it's like a power thing. Yes, when most people were bottoms, it just wasn't really discussed. Okay. And the idea of it was considered gay to go down on a woman because you were penetrating the woman with your tongue.

According to them. But I think that's wrong. I think it's super straight. Absolutely. Yeah, you like it so much you go down. Yeah, you get up in there. Yeah, it's not just for penises anymore. But that's why we change things. That's why we flip them. So those are the updates from today. There was a lot.

There was a bunch I was saving for next week, because next week we have a very special episode of Lost Podcast and Lost Coming Your Way. So there's a bunch that I'm saving that I'm certain a lot of people are wondering, why am I not covering the UAP congressional hearing? And why am I not talking about George Knapp's new show? And why am I not talking about the a lot of like... Your silence is deafening, Henry. Oh, I know.

My silence is more deafening than a lot of people's noise. Absolutely. Just by my body noises itself. When I could just sit here, I make a noise as I sit. I sound like a rice maker. You know, I sound like a tea kettle at all times. Just ready to go. Yeah. But we are saving it for next week. Okay. I'm going to go into it a bit deeper. All right. So people can understand. Okay, good, good. Deeper as in the ocean?

Yes. Because I learned about that this week. You're right. Yeah. Yes, yes. You've been watching George Knapp. He's been watching Investigate Aliens. I have been watching it. We're going to do it. We're going to be talking about it in depth next week. The Gulf of Mexico.

That's their favorite place to relax. It's filled. I mean, it's a bathtub. No fucking, no waves. Of course. Yeah, it's chill. Oh, yeah. Also, just so you know, the woman, the young lady, the Gersimron Kawor, that was cooked to death in the Halifax Walmart was found. It was not murdered. Okay. I believe it was not suspicious. But no, nothing else on that. Nothing else on that. Nah, nah. Probably never again, too. Nah.

Never. Also, Andrew Spravik. Oh, our favorite guy. What happened? What's he doing? He is going up for parole for the second time. So now he's going in there. I think he's got a real shot. They love him. Oh, they love him. And they definitely, they're going to love the fact that he has...

He has shaved a Z into the side of his head, which is a new pro-fascist Russia symbol. The Z? The Z, which is two sevens next to each other because it's been 77 years since World War II. A Z is two sevens? That's what they do. That's a thing that they did. It's two sevens touching tips. Oh, okay. I see. I see. And so that's what they do. They make it a Z and it's apparently all over Russia right now.

And Anders Breivik. 77 is what? It's 77 years since World War II ended. Oh, so we only got to deal with the Z thing for a year. I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's all fucking stupid. And he's a moron. He's not going anywhere. Have fun in jail, Anders Breivik. Yes. It's not even a good look. He is having fun in jail. He, like, is having fun in jail. He sits in his fucking apartment. He plays his PS5. He's loving life. Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. I hope you have diarrhea today, Anders Breivik. And every day.

Honestly, sometimes I like it. I do like it. Isn't that weird? Yeah. I wish I wasn't so into it. We're not going to talk about it. People always go, I have diarrhea. And I'm like, you're welcome. I just like the time spent. Yeah. Live from North Lake.

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All right. So this is one of my favorite stories of this week. Now, there's a lot of stuff zips up and around. But I think the one that is the most interesting to me is people really think.

that you're going to get away with insurance fraud. Oh, yeah. And we've said this multiple times on the show. It is so difficult. They don't want to pay. To get your money when you need it and when you deserve it legally. Why do you think that insurance fraud is going to be any easier?

It's not. Their detectives are better than the police detectives. They are looking actively. And this is one of the dumbest slash funniest versions of this that I've ever seen. Now, this four were arrested. Four were arrested in California car insurance scam. These morons decided to...

Fake being a bear, fuck up their own car, and then try to use the footage of that to prove that a bear was in their car. Insurance agents weren't having it. Los Angeles area residents, Reuben Tomrazian, Ararat Shurkananian, Vahi Murhadkayanian, and Althea Zuckerman.

They were charged with insurance fraud, a conspiracy in connection to the reported scam from the Department of Insurance. Now, they entered... How are four people involved in one insurance scam? Because... You know what? I don't know. I don't really know. That's crazy. I think it's because one got the costume. One did... Like, they all put together... And I guess it was multiple vehicles as well.

And the footage that we're going to see and go over right now came from one of their Rolls Royces ghosts, which is a nice car. Yeah, 2010 Rolls Royce. Yes. It just shows like he bought it and he didn't have the money for it. So now he's trying to figure out how to have it. Very much so. The suspects also provided video footage to the insurance company, which showed the quote unquote alleged bear in the vehicle. Now, if you look

at the stuff, state biologists immediately determined it was clearly a human in a bear suit. But we'll watch it and see what you think. The detectives found two more insurance claims with two different insurance companies from the suspects with the same date of loss and the same location. Each claim involved two vehicles, a 2015 Mercedes, a 2022 Mercedes, and suspects also allege used the bear costume to make it look like a bear also entered and damaged those vehicles. You gotta go after a Toyota or a Honda. That's why there was four guys. They thought that this was smart.

They parked all four of their shitty cars in the same parking lot. And then I guess drew straws to figure out who was going to be the bear. They then bought a high level bear costume and they decided, well, like, we'll just get them all in one go. And to say that it was a bear cereal car slashing, which I've never heard of.

Before or since. Yeah. But I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. When I was in Gatlinburg staying overnight, they made sure that we locked the doors to our car because the bears break into the cars. Yeah, they sleep. They know how to open the doors. Oh, yeah, and they sleep. And so let's just look at this footage. So this is the footage outside of the 2010 Rolls Royce Ghost. This is what they submitted to insurance to say, look...

We look at this bear. I can't even believe it. I'm ready to believe. I'll tell you that much. Here we go. Oh, I see the light. The cabin light on the car turned on. Okay. You see a...

I mean, so far, I kind of believe it. So far, it's just a bear. You don't see it get in. It's now it's in there. It is very much in a suit. Oh, now he's just turning around. Yeah, that is just, he's turning around. Y'all get a bear fit into the car at this size. I would have some people, yeah, they did a good job, like, because of the roof, you know, it's blocking a good size of the camera. But you notice they're moving the camera to try to catch it. Right?

Right? So they're trying to catch this bear. What did he even do? He's just like, inside. Yeah. You got to shake the car. Yeah. Shake the car. What is he even going for? He's not doing anything. He's just like, he's turning the radio on and off. He does look pretty fat. Yeah. He's,

He's probably the most bear-like of them. And how insulting is that? Being like, well, Arifia, you're the fat one. You're the fattest of all of us, Arifia. I don't know if I forget, but it sounds like it's really going to do. Also, they didn't even fuck the car up that much. Look at how bad they collected. They barely fucked up the car. The claw marks on it are so stupid. They are so uniform. They were done literally almost to almost not fully ruin it.

They just got re they wanted to get the fucking interior redone. Now this is the same. Look at Eddie, same camera. This is on the Mercedes. Yeah.

I don't understand. So they just switched cars? Yep. He parked a new car on the same spot, and then they have this person obviously in a bear suit. Look at the way it's feeling. Yeah, this one's worse. It's just feeling around. Yeah, it's opening the glove department. You could tell they're like, all right, now bear it up in there. And he's like, what do you want me to do? What do you mean bear it up? There's honey in the trunk. Shoot your scat. Take a shit. Shoot your scat.

I don't know if my scat, I mean, my scat is very much my scat, you know? I don't know if it's going to look like people's scat. Scat in there! You've got to rip up this shit more than this. It is so stupid. They are just lightly scratched. All of the walls, the interiors are lightly scratched. This is, how many, this is the second, is this the second week in a row, or maybe third week in a row we've even brought up people framing bears? It keeps happening. What is going on here?

What in the living fuck is going on? This fucking anti-bear world that we're trying to live in right now is fucked up, dude. I thought that bears were one of the ones that everybody loved. People like bears. People love bears. Look, it's next car. Same thing. Just the bear going in the fucking car. Man. It's so stupid. So they are all probably going to go to jail.

Yeah. They are, uh, they, these, this trip, this, let's call them a quartet of idiots are going to go straight to jail. I wonder how much time they get. Can I tell you my favorite bear got killed? Did we talk about this on the show? I don't know. $3.99? Yes. Yes.

Yes, we did. God, I'm just still broken up about it. It's hard, man. Yeah, I'm still thinking about it. God, these assholes. This bear costume is so stupid. This is why great bears like $3.99 go down is because of this anti-bear fucking rhetoric that's being passed on by these fucking people. It's just not even a very good bear suit.

I mean, it looks pretty cool. I mean... But look at the Patterson Gimlet footage, right? If you look at that footage, proper musculature. And that's, yeah, that's like when the 60s, right? Yep. See?

Well, that was also like, you know, that was around when the, you know, 2001 was coming around when they were making that and stuff like that. Yeah, when we faked the moon landing. There were some really good monkey suits in that too. Yeah, there was a lot of stuff going on there, man. They just took it from Stanley Kubrick, man, because he had to fake the footage because fucking, what's his name? Neil Armstrong farted on the camera. Oh, so you think that they did go to the moon and Neil Armstrong farted so they had Stanley Kubrick reshoot it all. Yeah.

I mean, that's kind of the best theory I've heard. I can see him farting all over it going, oh, my bad, y'all. Yeah, it's all that space ice cream. Oh, damn, I should have been watching my cheese intake, y'all. It's me, Neil Armstrong. Do you know that that's what he sounded like? Yeah, no one really knows. If you actually listen to the quote, be like, one small step, a man, woo. One giant leap.

For mankind. Amen. I love Neil Armstrong. He was a funny guy, man. Him and Chubby Checker. Yeah, he was great at the trumpet. God, he was good at the trumpet. God, I loved it. I mean, his jazz standards could not be duplicated. We have that. We have... All right, what do we got here? We got...

Oh, I got one story. It's an old one, but I never heard of it, and I wanted to talk about it on the show. In South Korea... Oh, okay, yeah, we'll jump right into this. Yeah, in South Korea, there is VR. This happened like four years ago. Yes, but this is still funny. Yeah, we just learned about it now. There is a VR that could reunite you...

With your dead child. Now, it sounded like they did this as a way for this. It was a nice thing they did for this woman. It was like a specific company that did this. I guess it was an experiment in...

digital imagery. This was from four years ago. Jang Jisung was the mother. That was the name of the woman. The South Korean broadcaster MBC were the ones that did the actual documentary. This all came from a documentary called Meeting You, which was this idea of the goal was to in what way can VR be good for society? You know who directed the documentary? Who?

Kim Jong-woo. Is that his, like, fun cousin? That's the name of the director. Wow. Yeah. So there you go. It sounds like it's his fun cousin who reviews roller coasters. So not only did they digitally recreate the daughter and her voice, she died at seven years old, but they also recreated their favorite park.

And so the kid kind of appears from behind a bush and then starts talking to the mom. Yes. Now, I just want to watch some of the footage, the video footage, because they filmed all this. And it's just like, I don't know how I feel because I don't. I mean, I hate it. I just don't know if it helps or not. It definitely doesn't help. No. I don't know. Some people like it. I don't know. Let's listen to some of this footage. All right. What's this?

So this is this woman. She's lost in a green screen room with the big VR helmet on. She's going, where are you? Here comes her dead daughter. She's haunting. Yeah. She looks like a character from Red Dead Redemption 2. Mom, where have you been? Have you been thinking of me? She says, no, I hate you. I haven't missed you at all. No, she's crying. I missed you so much.

And now she's trying to touch her face. She can't. But she can't because it's digital. And her hands are just going through the digital reproduction. Her ghost of this wide-eyed cartoon version of her daughter just kind of like hovering like a Street Fighter character waiting to be chosen. Like, this isn't helping you, lady. No, certainly not.

The woman said that she would have, you know, it was nice to be reconnected with her daughter. She wasn't, though. But she said that it was sad that her daughter was still just seven. You see, yes or no. Instead of, like, the age she should have been. So they wanted to grow her up hot? Well, I mean, she would have been 11. Oh. So. But it would have been nice to see her grow at all. Honestly, you could have popped her up to 22, 23. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Invite some other guys in there. The future. Yeah, I mean, make her stripper. Yeah.

in the virtual world. Right? This is, honestly, I'm only joking. They gave her a frozen little purse. Where does it stop? Because I think that's what we're going to do. Like, look at this. They took this child body, right? So they took a child's body. They took a normal child and like a regular child and they put them in like VR, like they

a camera bank, like a cylinder of cameras. It looks terrifying. It looks like Total Recall. They did this to a child, and then they subbed the head on to put her dead daughter's head on it so that she could go wave her hands at it. But it doesn't really do much motion besides come out from behind this. What looked

to be a box of ammunition. It looks like a fallout. The park looks terrifying. This is trash everywhere. This whole thing is horrifying. I think this would be okay if it was photorealistic and not like a weird Polar Express style cartoon. I was going to say I think it would be okay if it was like reuniting you with a dog.

Oh, wow. You know, like it was like your childhood dog or something that you wanted to hang out with again. I think that would be a little better than a human being. I think that we need a better relationship with death overall. Yeah. And we need to understand it's a part of life.

And it's nice. I should put Tootsie in the little VR thing. You can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can have her forever. So, yeah. I wonder how long it would take to get the horn on her head. Absolutely. That'd be cool. Yeah, we put her in there. And then what we'll do is, and then we can turn her as well. What we'll do is a couple. So, first, yes, obviously, we have a little kid here on this body double. We're going to do this. Then, again, 23-year-old stripper, put her in there. Do the same thing. Put the kid's head on that. Yeah. Put Tootsie's head on that. Yes.

Right? Because then it can go from, yeah, you can hang out with Tootsie. Talk about emotions. It's nice to see you can be hanging out with Tootsie. Next thing you know, you can pop some great tits on her. Yeah. Pop a huge rack on her. Pop a good butt and dick on her. The moment you get sick of looking at Tootsie.

Titsy. Boom. Exactly. And then guess what you also could do with it, man? Dicks and tits. Yeah. You could do butts and butts. Anything you want. You could do pussies and tits. 20 dicks. 20 pussies. Make a whole human out of dicks and pussies. This is what we're saying is when does the technology end? Yeah. That's actually a great idea for a movie monster, but that's just too friendly.

Yeah. Oh, does this fuck you to death with his five butts? Oh, Henry, it's so good to see you again. Get out of here. Quit tempting me with your five delicious butts. Oh, Henry, man. No, please. Oh, please see the inside of me. No, I'm so dehydrated from cumming. Try to guess which pussy is queefing.

It's the second or right one. Wow! Wow! All right. I know because the right one is where I'm getting the juice spray from. Well, that's your ass. I know that's ass. I know that's ass. It is great. I don't know if people even find that funny. I just think it's funny to have people crying at a bunch of cartoon daughters of yours because it's not seeing her again. And I know it. I feel like it's obviously very complicated.

It's emotional. It's upsetting. People get upset. People get upset about it. But it's so ridiculous. I'm very sorry this woman's daughter died. I'm very sorry that happened to her, and they're going through a lot. But this is crazy. You know... If you're going to fucking do this, know that we have to talk about it. It just doesn't really...

help like does it help or is not acknowledging that they've passed on and in other ways or while they're alive I know that technically the baby the daughter died very quickly of blood-based diseases which I thought what all diseases were yeah but she definitely got like uh she was died very quickly and it's very sad but still I don't know if this I mean but I'm not yucking your yum

And if this is what you want, then I guess you can have it. I don't know if it's going to make you feel better. Do you remember the one where they had when Kanye West paid for Kim Kardashian to get the hologram of her father?

No. Yeah, you should look that up. He had a hologram made of her father that showed up at her birthday party. What did it say? Not guilty? I watched my wife fuck OJ and make you. Oh, yeah. Do you think if Kanye got one done, his mom would have the full crazy rack that she was trying to get when she passed away? I would expect no less.

See, isn't this nice that she got to see her dead father talk to her in cartoon fashion? God damn. If Julie, like, it's like, I got you something for Christmas. And it was your mom? And it was my mom's ghost, like, dancing around the Christmas tree. I'd be pretty upset. Buy me a leather bag next time. Yeah.

By me, there's so many things that can be purchased. Buy this in weed. Whatever amount of money you spent. Put it all towards weed. I'll be so happy. That's a gift. I can't believe I never heard of this. You did not see this? No. He sings her a song and stuff. It is frightening. Wow. It is truly, truly frightening. And honestly, I don't think it helped their marriage. So proud of the woman that you've become, Kimberly, and all that you've accomplished.

She hasn't. And she definitely hasn't. No, that's really sad. That probably costs like several hundred thousand dollars to do. Wow. Yeah.

That's amazing. Yeah, it's fucking too much. Too much money for something that's extremely sad and fucked up. Who would be your hologram that you would want? L. Ron Hubbard. L. Ron Hubbard. But the problem, again, is that you- That has to exist already. Oh, yeah. But, again, it's the issue with it is that it's not thinking on its own. You have to write a script for it. So it's not like it's coming out and actually saying anything that would be in the mind of the hologram you want to talk to.

I saw a Ronald Reagan hologram at the Reagan Library. Yeah, he had more function than the president when he was alive. It did look like it had Alzheimer's. Yeah, oh, well, that's fun. See, that's fun. I like that. There are some things in life that are okay to be a total crapshoot, like my vodka picnics.

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A hilarious new stand-up special from comedy legend Jim Gaffigan, The Skinny, is coming to Hulu November 22nd. This Thanksgiving, see Jim in a whole new light as he gives you the inside scoop on everything from parenting teenagers to weight loss and gaslighting family members. For everyone in need of a happy hour, the new hilarious stand-up special, Jim Gaffigan, The Skinny, premieres November 22nd, streaming on Hulu.

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All right. We got this. This isn't one last story that I want to talk about here. That is like horrifying to me. I know a lot of our listeners, we have a lot of bug people in the audience, which is fine. People like bugs. People like people keep spiders, but,

But this is fucked up. I don't like bugs in my house, but I like their existence. I will. I do want to know, sidestorieslpotlgmail.com, those that do get exotic spiders, how do you get them? Like, what way? Like, where do you... There's all sites and stuff. You can buy weird fish from all over the world, too. But how do you know if it's legit and not from somebody like this? This story is ridiculous. This guy, a man was stopped. He was a smuggler. Okay. He was in Peru. Okay.

And he was at the Lima. He was at Jorge Chavez International Airport. And he was stopped because the man, he was a 28-year-old South Korean man who was smuggling 320 tarantulas, 110 centipedes, and eggs.

bullet ants in his jacket and pants. That's dangerous. And they said they had to bring him, they had to stop him because his jacket and pants were squirming. I'd be so mad if he got through and then you have to sit next to him from a flight from Peru to New York City. I don't care if you do it in a U-Haul. I don't care if you put it in the bottom of a fucking trunk. But the idea of you being in the cabin with me strapped

With hundreds of centipedes. Spiders and bullivans. Because I like spiders. I like spiders. Yeah, but you're not hanging with them. But I would. You would get a spider for the house? No, Natalie won't let me. But I do keep spiders that are alive, that are crucial. Spiders. Oh, so you don't kill the spiders in your house. I essentially do a means of almost like a form of cutthroat late-stage capitalism with the spiders in my home. I look for closers.

So if a spider's got a big web and a lot of flies on it, I'd leave it. But if a new spider shows up, I'd knock it out. How many flies are in your house? We get a lot of flies in the house because they all come up from the ground. You got to put bleach down your drains.

What am I trying to fucking make them wait? No, you're trying to kill them. That's where they live. They live in the drains, man. They live outside. They fucking live inside. But it's something sometimes they live in the walls. Sometimes, but they mostly live in the drains. I'll try it. This is a kitchen thing. The only thing I got is flies. You pour bleach down the drains. The flies come in from outside. I know that. Yeah? Because we don't have a screen door. Okay. But they also live in the drains. And so what was the last time you poured bleach down your drains? Rob, you're used to being a plumber. Is that true? No.

Uh, not really. Yeah, do you really put, should you put bleach down the drain? They can grow, like they can form in your kitchen sink. Yeah, they can form in your sink. That does happen. And especially if you don't hit the fucking disposal button as often as you should. I always do. I'm telling you. Pour bleach down your drains. You're going to see less flies. Your kitchen sink, yes. In the kitchen sink you can do it. Yeah, it doesn't matter in the bathroom.

What are you saying? There's water traps and everything else. There's water traps. Okay. Yes. Got it. I'm just asking Rob because Rob knows. Rob is a plumber. Rob is a plumber. But I know I also have a food handler's license. That's right. And that was something we had to fucking do. I forgot. Yes. I forgot that you had that as well. Well, it doesn't matter because this guy did none of it. He saw that and he took it as an opportunity. He strapped these shits to his body and they took them all out. Is that the size of them? Those are the size of the tarantulas that were in little tubes. What did he think he was going to do? They're like

Two pounds each? Yeah, dude. He was crinkling and a crackling, walking into the thing. He was surrounded by spiders. They actually did a really good job of saving the spiders because people love tarantulas. Test them for rabies. Give them the same treatment the squirrel got. That squirrel, technically, it was sad. It is sad what happened to that squirrel. Yes. It is quite sad. We're still on it.

I think tarantulas... It scares the shit out of me. Tarantulas don't... They bite, but you won't get that fucked up from it, apparently. No, and they can be... I wouldn't say it goes as far as to say they're cute. I just think that spiders are extremely interesting. Are these all dead ones? No, those are alive. The ones in the bags? Some of them are dead. I think some of them might not be doing well. They might be asleep. Man, I think tarantulas are fucking awesome. Yeah, they are awesome. Although, I do live by the mantra that you shouldn't be able to shave a spider.

It is kind of thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? Is it staying warm? What's it doing there? I think it helps it sense its environment, and then it helps things stick to it. Man. That's why I have my hairs. Oh, yeah? You can see when something's getting close? Oh, I know exactly how large and wide any tube is. That's how you got Natalie. Yep. That's the only way she'd know. I flushed it out. I poofed it out like I was an Amazon bird.

I think that we have stories that we're saving for this week for a very special show in Humboldt County. We have a live show in Humboldt. I'm so excited. It's going to be this Saturday, hosted by Billy Wayne Davis. And it's going to be Henry and I doing side stories. That's Saturday, November 23rd, 8 p.m. at the Mateel Community Center in Redway, California. We keep saying Humboldt, but it's technically Redway. That's the town. But Humboldt's the county. We are going to have a blast.

Yes, as long as the bomb cyclone doesn't fucking kill us. If there is a bomb cyclone, we will be moving the show. But if not, we will be there. Apparently the bomb cyclone's over on Friday, so we should be fine. We should be fine. But I'm not flying in that small plane that we're in through a fucking cyclone. No, there's only certain planes. Literally, we have to turn the propeller ourselves before we go inside the plane. But the Classy Night Out.

Almost sold out already. You believe that? Dude, come check it out. I'm so excited for this show. We're going to have a lot of special guests. We're in town for Christmas time. Yes. Check it out at the Masonic Lodge December 21st. We are large and in charge. Yeah, and some of your LPN favorites will be there. Jackie Zebrowski, Amber Nelson, and Sina Ghaznavi. We're going to have a great time. And then also, I want to say on December 12th,

is going to be the next Hoop-a-Goo-Goo game. Yeah. HGX2. I'm so excited for that. That's going to be on the Twitch channel. That's twitch.tv, LPN TV. I can't wait. 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. I fucking love this Hoop-a-Goo-Goo game. I do, too. It's so great. We all do. Everybody loves it. And Good Pud Live is also tomorrow.

This Thursday. We're doing live 6 p.m. We're having a bit of a Thanksgiving pud. Really? Oh, yeah, buddy. Cranberry sauce? Whole spread. Fuck you. That's already a pudding, sort of. It's a gel. It's a gel. It's jello. It's jello. Yeah. It's a pudding. And how do you feel about jello? I think it's gross. Yeah? What has more animal parts in it, jello or pudding? Because puddings have milk. Pudding.

Pudding because it's also got gelatin. Yeah. Oh, okay, good. So pudding's superior. Oh, yeah. Oh, very much so. Make sure you live every day knowing that you got a fucking almost full meal of pudding ahead of you.

And you are going to love the fact that your stomach is going to hurt because you will be chasing it with wine or tequila. All right? Because that's how you do good pudding. And that's how people like it because we do good pudding. Why? Because it makes people laugh. You know what would be a good pudding? It probably already exists. Key lime pie.

I mean, that would be delicious. Yeah, that would be actually really nice. Yeah, but that's not what we're going for, Eddie. You want savory puddings. We want savory puddings. We're in the savory pudding space. The goal is to create the entree pudding. The entree pudding. This is the entree pudding. This is for when you and Jackie eventually lose your teeth.

No, I want it with teeth. You want it with teeth? Yeah, dude, of course. Sometimes some puddings kind of have a chew to them. How about shrimp scampi? I would love that. Shrimp scampi pudding would be great. Of course. I'm going to write that down immediately. I love shrimp scampi pudding. Yeah, I think that would be a really good idea. I also like we had recently a deviled egg pudding that we had was amazing. I actually tried a little bit of that and it was amazing. Right. Yeah, I really enjoyed that actually. You'd think you wouldn't, but I love my deviled eggs though. Me too. I mean, it's all mayonnaise. Yeah. Yeah.

Fucking love it, dude. If you put a bunch of mayonnaise in a cup and you call it pudding, is it pudding or is it mayonnaise? If you're eating it and calling it pudding. That's called the power of magic. Okay.

Go to patreon.com slash last but I guess I'm left to pay to watch us talk. Yeah, baby. And we have a good time on there. Go check out all the BTS. We got the reading lists. We got all this stuff. It's great. Also, every Side Stories comes out twice on YouTube. Once is just audio and once as video. So if you wait two days, you can actually see us fucking jam around like fucking asses. Oh, yeah.

Oh, God damn it. I just saw a story that we just missed. Man stole 67 pieces of underwear to hang on his masturbation tree. Oh. God damn it. That's kind of nice. I never thought to have a masturbation tree. Oh, it's Thailand. That makes sense. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, yeah, he mostly jerked off at this tree. They love trees out there. They really do, all sorts. And also, there was one of the Florida doctor that was just walking around his doctor's office completely naked. And...

So this doctor, this is another story that I just didn't cover because it came in and out. This guy was walking around. He was like apparently accustomed to it. And they all said that he's got used to what he called his free living lifestyle. So this doctor is just walking full ass naked in the throughout his whole office. Yeah. He then casually goes into where all the nurses are. They're not reacting at all to him naked.

He's in there. He then begins to play with his dick and balls and get hard and masturbate to full ejaculation all over the lap of one of the ladies. And guess what? The lady didn't even react. Incredible employees. He said apparently you've been grooming them for a long period of time. No way. Doesn't sound like it at all. Doesn't sound like they were used to it in any way.

What's his name? You got to be a really good doctor to walk in naked. He said that what they did was what he did, which is, and I get, I'm not supporting this man. Better than a naked dentist. Oh, very much so. I'll tell you that. Why is that? But it's true. You know what he did that you could say is the best thing that he did was that every single time he was naked in the office, he'd give him money. Oh. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Oh, he still has a hat on. Yeah, he's got a hat on.

But no shoes. What's the point of being naked if you got a fucking hat on? Look, they're just working, buddy. Oh, he finds this hilarious. He is stretching. He is like, he's got his foot up on the copier. Like, he's doing all the stuff, dude. He is naked as the day is naked, man. Goddamn. This is a doctor. He's on the phone.

Yeah, he's just doing shit. Yeah, letting his thing go balls. But then you find out later on is that then he jerked all over that woman's leg. Dr. Define. Yeah, Dr. David Define. Yes. All right. Yeah, well, he did give him a lot of money. Now he's eating pizza? Come on. He's eating company pizza. You can't lift the pizza box when your dick is out. Less than a foot away from it. Pepperoni? According to the doctor, that's what he says.

I don't know anything about that at all. I have to see those things to have any idea what you're talking about. You put this, it's your doctor's office. He's fucking a pervert. You put the security cameras up. All of this is on purpose. Every bit of this is on purpose. Well, hey, that's why it's important for you guys out there. Is that if you're making a job, you're horny, right? You're a horny boss. I'm a horny boss, but I save it for my family.

But if you're a horny boss, you got to set the temperature of that horny boss scenario up top. Right. And my main thing is boss is naked. Technically, if everybody's not naked, he's a criminal. Yes. But if everybody's naked. Unless he's forcing them to get naked.

But unless you put that on the stipulation. If everyone's naked on their own accord. It's not forcing. It's you work here, you're naked. If you don't work here, you're not naked. If you don't want to work here, fine, and be naked here, sure, but you're naked. And if you're getting work done here, you're naked. But I feel like naked needs to be on the sign outside. Oh, no, it's

called the Naked Doctor's Office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much so. It needs to be, yeah. Naked Nursery. Very much so. Naked Plumbers Union. Naked Hospice. We already did that. House Spice.

Naked hotspot. Again, it was the hottest one. Is this the guy? Yeah. Ooh, yeah. Oh, see, he's all fat and bearded in this picture. He's just excited with it. He lost all the weight. Wait till I fucking get... You know he's just shooting himself up with those epic. Dude, I'm getting cut next year, so maybe I might get a little naked in the studio. I'll fucking cut you right now. You already do. Yes, I do.

I didn't show my dick and balls. You don't show your dick and balls, but Henry takes his shirt off at all times. I'm on the show. This is my job. I know. But they'll be like, we'll just be working together and you'll just lift your shirt up and start playing with your breasts. You're used to it. Yeah. You have to take it. I'm not complaining. I'm just stating facts. That's what you have to take. That's my process. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, let's get out of here. Hail Satan. Hail my process. Hail Korean VR children.

The only innocent kids I know.