Episode 580: Patty Hearst Part III - I, Tania
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Ed Larson and Amber Nelson from the brighter side here to check in with you. See how you're doing. Is your day more disappointing than a gas station sandwich? Are you trying to put one foot in front of the other in a glue factory? Did you try to throw your air fryer in the bathtub, but nothing happened because you were too lazy to plug it in first? Then the brighter side podcast is for you. Oh, yeah.

Each week we take nasty, dooky, stupid, dumb, stinky, no good, doo-doo factory, boo, caca-like topics and try to find the brighter side. Hey, Amber, what's the brighter side of waking up chained to a bed in Russia? Um, at least they have free health care. That's right. So start your weekend off right every Friday with The Brighter Side on The Last Podcast Network. You beautiful babies.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last hot ass. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. Yeah!

I'll tell you what, you bunch of honkies. I'm the kind of fellow that you've got to be worried about. I've got a whole army of fellows right behind me. And oh, my fellow army, we're going to take over this entire honky-led country. Yes. Yes. Here is your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, sir. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. I cut the crust off. Honestly, can I take this back? This peanut butter is pretty spicy. No.

Is crunchy no good? Honestly, that's what I'm calling spicy. There's a lot of crags in this. If we can make it smooth as my brain, I'll enjoy it. My mistake. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name's Marcus Parks. I'm here with the craggy Henry Zebrowski. I got an army of fellas, and I'm coming down to the Starbucks, and I'm looking for my egg whites, and if you don't have it, you're going to get a wall retribution, son. What?

And the man that's full of mistakes, Ed Larson. Oh, my God. I just pooped twice the size of my penis. I am proud of you. Which is not a mistake, but an accomplishment. Well, that is a full four-inch turd. Four and a half.

I am the living end. So when we last left Pattyhurst, the Symbionese Liberation Army had sent the media the infamous Polaroid of Patty posing in front of the homemade SLA flag while holding a machine gun. And it's cool. Yeah. This picture was paired with a communique in which Patty declared her allegiance to this nearly all-white black militant group, telling the world that her name was no longer Patty, but Tanya. Tanya.

After one of Che Guevara's compatriots. His girlfriend. Yeah. And how dare you? Compatriot. Girlfriend. No. Is that a communist girlfriend? You're reducing her to a girlfriend when she was in fact a compatriot and just as much of a freedom fighter as he was. Do you not remember the entire act out I did last week? I do remember that. And then by the lake, they're in the little river. He's got his open shirt on, his beret slightly to the left because he's been...

getting railed all day because Che Guevara, just so you know, loved getting pegged. That's true. That's what Tonya did. That showed how strong he was. Yeah, he wrote it in his motorcycle diary. I also finally saw the movie. Oh, so good. I haven't seen it yet. The first hour is very good. The last half hour gets a little like, once we get to the trial, you're like, all right,

I did sleep a lot. I did sleep through the trial. But Sinq does not deserve the performance that Ving Rhames. Ving Rhames really made him look like fucking badass. He did not deserve it. Well, not bad. He still made him look like an idiot. But he's just so good. Yeah. And he's so strong and thick. Very thick. Very thick. And Natasha Richardson's incredible.

Yeah. Beautiful. You know who would be a good Sin Q is Jaleel White trying to act cool. Oh. Yeah. If he was as Stefan Raquel. But this communique sent with the Polaroid had not been Patty's first statement to the outside world.

Through the many recorded messages that have been sent to the media, it seemed to many outsiders as if Patty had been warming up to the SLA's violent political philosophies. There was a lot of communiques, right? There was like five or six. Yeah, and they kept sending them over this period of time. Were they all just recorded messages from Patty Hearst? Well, Sen would also sometimes speak. He would record, yeah. He'd have his long speeches. Yeah.

But little did the public know that everything Patty was saying in these recorded messages was either dictated to her by the SLA so she could say it in her own words, or they were messages that were being written for Patty to recite. One thing I want to say about Patty Hearst with the communiques is that what I found interesting was that Patty Hearst was a really good writer. So she was saying that as CINQ, like as these recorded messages were going on, like the

Eventually, she started copy editing them, which is why they all thought she had become such an impassioned member of the SLA is because at this point, because Patty Hearst, I liked in the introduction of the movie, she talked about how she was way more of a doer than a thinker.

And I think that really makes a lot of sense. Because she was saying, like, she was reading all this stuff, and she was like, it doesn't make any fucking sense. You guys are, it's all jumbled. The syntax is bad. The context is bad. You're doing it all wrong. So she would rewrite it as she was going to make it better, but also with that, it made it sound like it was more heartfelt. Yeah, also it just gave her something to fucking do. That is why she did it. That is literally what she talked about. She was constantly looking for mental games to...

to kind of play with herself to keep her alive spiritually. And if I was in that situation, I would do the exact same fucking thing. He can't even not edit, like, my texts and emails to her. Yeah, obviously.

Well, the original author of those communiques was sometimes one of the theater kids, Jelena, who wrote these monologues for Patty with little personal touches as if she was trying to flesh out the character of Patricia Hearst for a play she was writing. Nothing worse than when an actor tries to write. Never let him. Never let him. You can just hear Jelena being like, okay, now with this turn, Patty, what I would love to see is if you could do, now think about this,

Kabuki. Now, this is the Japanese art of theatra. Now, if you could do it, just make it kabuki. And I'm not saying do a Japanese accent, but could you? I could show her. Now, you're saying this, but the subtext is this.

Now, it is understandable that the public believed Patty's messages because these performances, and that's exactly what they were, they had to be sold in order for the SLA to believe that Patty was truly one of them. So remember, Patty's only goal at this point was to survive until the end of every day without being killed by the Symbionese Liberation Army.

And that required them to believe that she was fully down with their cause. You know, it is horrible and it's terrifying, but it is nice to receive the lesson to stay present. And if this is what it takes, because Patty Hearst must be extremely present. Yeah, I'd say so.

Now, as far as Patty's parents, Randy and Catherine Hurst, went, they had to deal with both the anguish of their daughter being kidnapped in addition to defending her to a rabid media. Media, they only wanted the juiciest, most sensational story possible. Good girl gone bad. And why was that, Marcus? Well, this treatment of Patty's case by the media was yet another irony in this story because Patty's grandfather, William Randolph Hurst...

was one of the first newspaper owners to sensationalize true crime stories in American media. And he'd made his fortune using the same tactics that were now being used to smear his granddaughter's name. But remember, this is the exact opposite of what the SLA originally wanted. They wanted money. They wanted a ransom. This was supposed to be about a war against the bourgeoisie. It also kind of shows that the SLA is pretty fucking weak. Because at some point, they're like...

Oh, no, we can't flip this anymore. We can't flip this person anymore. Now we got to recruit them. Behind the scenes, though, according to Stephen Weed's account, Randy Hurst was an exasperating person to work with when it came to getting Patty back.

Randy repeated himself, argued trivial points, and would sometimes fall back on frequent outbursts, often saying things like, quote, If they kill her, they're dead! Yes. But at the same time, Randy Hurst was also very sincere in wanting to help the disadvantaged through the food distribution programs, even if he had been forced to do so by the SLA. I learned just this afternoon.

Did you know that people get hungry? Did you know that? Is that just always food in front of them? What I did not understand is honestly, I've walked the streets of Skid Row and I've asked each one of them, where's your butler? Where is your valet? Where's your congressman that you talk to each morning? Every time I want food, I just go, and it appears in front of me. I make a soup...

Getting motion with my hand, you know, and then super raps. So I did not understand. So it's amazing what just a single biscuit can do to a man. But Randy's somewhat disorganized approach to Patty's rescue resulted in some wild fucking ideas.

One idea involved hiring an ex-CIA agent to infiltrate the revolutionary underground in Berkeley, contact the SLA, and offer an all-expense-paid escape to communist Cuba, which would draw the SLA out into the open. They literally thought, well, we're going to fucking MetLife them. We're going to bring them to the beach. Publisher clearinghouse for fucking criminals. They're just going to show up and be like, no shit. Free rum? You know...

I really think it's crazy enough to work. It could work. I found out is that the ex CIA agent, when he went to go to infiltrate the group, you kind of find, it's kind of hard to infiltrate a group by the, with the CIA, if they're already infiltrated by the CIA. Yeah.

Okay, we're not going to get into all that fucking bullshit. They're not infiltrated by the fucking CIA. This is not an NKUltra thing. Don't fucking start. I think it's very, very interesting. And I think that SinQ was a very strange person to be leading an all-white party.

black revolutionary group. I also think that Colin Westbrook, the guy who fucking brought all of the white people to the prison, he was the one that fucking, he worked for Operation Phoenix, he was a member of the CIA. The whole thing, it's very straight.

It's strange, but it's not true. He's asking questions. I think he's just kidding. And just by saying JK Ultra, now on tour. Very good. Very good. But no, I am not kidding. Well, the Hearsts also indulged in psychics, which were all the rage in the 70s when it came to capturing serial killers or finding kidnapping victims. One swami tried finding Patty by communing with her shoe. All I'm seeing is toes.

Shoe. That's it. And a tongue? And in the process, this guy ran up a $300 bar tab at a Hilton at Randy Hurst's expense. Yeah, he offered you. Some people use a crystal ball. I use the very bottom of a pint glass that used to be filled with beer. And mostly what I'm seeing here, oh, oh, I'm out of beer. It's fine. No, it just doesn't work. It just, it didn't happen. But I know.

But I do believe that viewing is possible. Yeah. But even though the psychics were a long shot, almost every member of the Hearst family, immediate and extended, came together during Patty's kidnapping. And it was Patty's sister that took it upon herself to travel to L.A. to meet with psychic Peter Herkos. Herkos was best known for his appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, but he came up with nothing as well. Never choose the most famous psychic. No. Yeah, because that guy...

He's got too much on the line. Well, he's a showman. He's not, yeah. The people that are best at this shit are the people that are worst at being people. Patricia Arquette for medium. Has to be kind of sad. I think that's a big thing. I like a shaky old lady. I like a...

And honestly, and how I like a psychic is that they point to me and say something to me that is awesome. Because that's what you've got to do. You've got to be like, Patty Hearst is in a mailbox! And then roll from there. Yeah, butter up the guy with the money. Yeah. Exactly. Herkos did, however, ask the Hearst if he could keep one of Patty's blouses. Just in case. Just in case. And a vizier, maybe, too. And several of a delectable underwear. Ha ha!

Inside out, of course. That's just in case his contacts in the spirit world decided to assist later. But the thing here is that the involvement of psychics was being reported in the papers. And Sinqyum Tube, leader of the SLA, was reading every story and buying the concept completely. Very scared of psychics. You don't know what I'm thinking, missy. And you don't want to know what I'm thinking because a lot of it's fair.

He told Patty to not think about any of the psychics. Don't communicate with them and focus your mind on anything else all the time. Lest the psychic energies reach out through the cosmos and locate the SLA in their safe house. I know what her answer was to that. Sure. Sure.

Whatever you say. Good work, Patty. That's it. Like, yep. Think of something else. Thank you. Now, by this point, Patty had only been out of the closet where the SLA had kept her in confinement. She'd only been out for like a few days. Once out, she'd felt a certain sense of relief that she had not been killed by the SLA, nor had she died from their neglect and torture.

See, from her perspective, even though they'd murdered a man and kidnapped her, they'd been spinning their wheels for two months doing nothing but goofy combat drills and talking philosophy. And she'd come to think that this was all they ever did. The dog caught the car. Yeah.

Therefore, once she was out of the closet, she figured that all she had to do was play along with their pretend army. She'd do the drills, pose for the Polaroid, and record communiques until she was rescued or was able to escape. She was completely certain that one of the Hearst family members was going to send in a commando squad to kill everybody and pull her out. Or the police were definitely going to find them because she's watching all of these morons

fuck shit up just in their own little lives. And she's like, oh, they can't be, they can't successfully be criminals. I mean, it's so crazy that they didn't, you know, like you would just think that these billionaires would be able to take out as fucking tiny army of poor idiots. It's a little bit more difficult than you think. We fought men in caves with the most powerful army in the world for 20 years and still philosophically lost. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, we gave up. I guess Nam too, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's America. And the war on drugs, that went well. War on hugs, I call it. Yeah, yeah, because that's what it was. It's like, oh, I want to make them smiles illegal. But just as Patty was getting comfortable with the idea that she'd probably be rescued, she sat down for an SLA planning session one day and discovered they were planning to rob a liquor store.

Now, this wasn't outside of the SLA's purview, because even before the murder of Marcus Foster, they'd robbed stores, they'd mugged people, they'd burgled houses to fund their revolutionary activities. You asked a couple episodes ago, how did they make their money? They're fucking criminals. And if they did it today, they'd be selling pictures of their feet. Yeah.

And that would be extremely helpful to some of the sadder people in our country. And they think that it's important. These feet loving people need to be able to jerk off the feet without hacking them off a stranger. But quite suddenly, Sin upped the ante and declared that the SLA was going to go beyond the liquor store plan and rob a bank. It's my favorite line in the movie. Y'all

thinking like white people. That's the term where it's like, it's true. He's like, we got to go up. We got to fucking, this is a war now. We're going to go after the big money. Yeah, we're going to rob a bakery. Yeah, we're going to rob the bakery because that's where the bread is. That's right. That's actually from every secret thing. It's in the book.

Wow. Apparently they actually said that. They would continually call the bank the bakery. Yep. Just call it a bank. It doesn't matter. You got to see the movie to catch the vibe. The movie is on the Criterion app, which is great. My new favorite app. Love it. But it's the, yeah, you just got to catch this vibe of losers. Watching William Forsythe, truly a fantastic actor, in blackface, very genuinely going, I

My God, I wish I was black.

It was one of my favorite moments I've seen in a film. It was wild. Well, when Sin made this declaration that they're going to rob a bank, Fahiza, a.k.a. Nancy Ling Perry, she overflowed with admiration over the audacity of Sin's plan. That's boss, man. The rest of them followed suit and got very excited very quickly. It's bank robbing time. Everybody, let's get our tummy guns out. We'll get our bonnets. Oh, it's funny.

Clyde time. I've always wanted to be Bonnie or a jaunty little Clyde. The only person who wasn't excited was Patty Hearst. The relief that Patty had felt was replaced by panic and the sense that she'd had while locked in the closet that events were completely out of her control. That sense returned.

Things only got worse when Sin took her aside and told her where she stood with the other members of the SLA. Also remember, every single time they do one of these aside conversations, it's basically in a studio apartment. Yeah, every time they do an aside...

Everybody's heard the aside. Yeah. Yeah. Sin told her that it was too early for everyone in the SLA to trust her completely. All that would come in time. But Patty would have to... She's just staring at them while he's saying this. They're all like nodding their heads. They're all like right behind her. But Patty would have to prove herself first. And if she failed, Sin bluntly told her that according to the SLA codes of war, she would be immediately killed. From Northland.

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Now, the objectives of robbing a bank were thus. One, to expropriate money to finance the revolution. Ooh, expropriate. Yeah. Two, to prove that the SLA were true revolutionaries who were daring, determined, violent, and fearless. And three, to prove to the outside world that Patty Hearst had truly joined the revolution.

But before any of that could happen, the SLA had to choose a bank. Now, Fahiza, the SLA member who worshiped sin and effectively worked as a second in command, she begged to go out on bank surveillance because she hadn't left the safe house in weeks. Nothing would make me happier than watching a bank.

From across the street. Any other street. Any other experience. You know you gotta be fucking bored to want to go to the bank. Oh, yeah. Well, the others said that letting Fahiza leave was a bad idea because Fahiza was not only the most recognizable person in the group outside of Patty because Fahiza was five feet tall. Mm-hmm.

But she also got nervous and jumpy the moment she stepped foot outside. She also liked, she was probably of all of them, the most Rachel Dolezal-esque. Very much so. She had the full braids. She had the whole thing. She stuck out. She the one that Patty thought was black because of her voice? Yes. Yes. Sen, however, decreed that Fahiza could be on the surveillance team if her disguise was good enough. So?

So, Jelena, the theater kid in charge of disguises... Oh, project! Yes, I love the design. Let me guess, acrobat? Jockey. Construction worker. Native American police officer. Well, Jelena made the 27-year-old Fahiza look like a 60-year-old woman, giving her a gray wig, a shawl fit for a grandmother, and heavy support hose in addition to cheeks stuffed with cotton. You realize that that's just like from...

like somebody came to dinner. You know what I mean? Like some bullshit 1950s play. Oh, it's like, no, they're doing arsenic and old lace. Yeah, you can't look like that not on a stage with lights on you. Like if you dress like that in person, you look like a five foot tall white woman pretending to be a black woman pretending to be an old woman. They didn't make her black and also old. They just made her old. She made herself black. That is true.

Jelena, meanwhile, made herself the pregnant housewife, using a pillow stuffed under her dress to complete the illusion.

The third member of the surveillance team, Tico, just had to shave and put on clean clothes to look like a totally new person. I wanted to be black. Just take a bath, Tico. No, he won't. He says that's bourgeois. Yes, it's everything is bourgeois. Anything that's nice. Anything that makes you feel good is bourgeois. Or be clean. Anything to make you not be lazy. Yes. Whoa, Eddie, hot take. Hot take, hot take.

Together, this team planned to go out as tourists, snapping Polaroid pictures of themselves outside various banks on the SLA's target list to scout both the bank entrances and the surrounding streets. They would then walk into the banks and memorize the pertinent details.

With those details in mind, they would return to the safe house and draw diagrams of the bank's layouts. But after meticulously scouting different locations, the Symbionese Liberation Army settled on the Hibernia Bank branch in the Sunset District of San Francisco. Now, in another incredible coincidence, the president of that bank was Patty Hearst's best friend's father. That's totally true. And this was a fact that Patty kept to herself.

She must have been so pissed off. She was so mad that that was the bank they chose. Of all the banks in San Francisco, one of the greatest metropolises in the world. Now, as I mentioned earlier, Patty being inside the bank during the robbery was a major reason why they were committing such a daring public crime. But Patty tried talking her way out of being on the inside team.

She argued that she was too physically weak and the least trained. But Sen said that she not only needed to be seen on camera, but she was also going to be required to make a prepared speech for the world to hear. It's so obnoxious because she was the least trained. And she was the most physically weak. She was 90 pounds. She just spent 57 days in a closet. She really was a...

She was a weight on the team. And so this is really all about sins. One thing he did understand was public relations in a way where he knew that this is a, this would be a big coup. But I also sort of thought in the back of his mind, then if one of us gets killed, it's you, it's Patty Hearst because you are the least experienced and then you get killed in the line of fire. And then we look even more intense. Maybe. Yeah.

But as Patty was trying to talk her way into the outside team, Kaju was desperately trying to talk his way in. Yeah! He thought it was unfair that it was always his job to drive the backup vehicles, which was the same job he'd had during Patty's kidnapping. And he did a good job at it, and you should feel good that he's getting to do it again. He always does a good job. I want a raise, and I want to be more important, and I want to go boom boom.

Boom, boom. I don't want to see all those dirty honkies shaking in their loafers. The backup vehicle is extremely important, Kaju. That's the thing is actually Sin like in a fatherly tone. He's like, you're very important. Your job is very big. You mean it? I do. Do you think that, Sin? Can I ask you? Okay. If I were black, what sport would I play?

Cricket. Don't be mean. I was going to say baseball. You could be the next King Griffey Jr. What? I think so. And Sin told him, like, if the cops do show up before the inside team escapes. Bang, pow, I'll get them. Yep. You can absolutely kill some cops. Zing, zow, woo, yeah, woo, yeah. You can. Poppity pop. Woo, ha.

You bet. Yeah. And so Kaju took what he could get. And in the days leading up to the bank robbery, Kaju could be seen in the safe house rubbing his hands together and muttering, quote, Oh, I hope they come. Oh, I want to kill some pigs. Yes, I want to kill some pigs. Yes. Gotta kill some pigs.

She's like not scared of them as like, she's just scared of what's going to happen because she's with them. Well, she's scared. Yes. Yes. And she's also, she's scared. She's scared of sin and it's hard. Like I,

And she is, I mean, she is scared of them too. Like if at one point someone starts making an argument, like I don't think she's, I don't think she's enough. I don't think she's really proven herself. She's lying to us. And if that conversation gets far enough, then yeah, they could end up killing her. I completely think that they would, there is very, it's worse that they don't know what they're doing. If they knew what they were doing, then maybe then they actually could have handled and flipped this into some sort of real actual, like she was scared of the Barbara Mackle kidnappings.

which was a story of a young girl that was buried in a fucking, like she literally was kidnapped and buried. So that's what she was afraid that was going to happen at any point. Yeah. But the thing is that we keep saying over and over again that they didn't know what they were doing. Oh no. Now it shows that they might have. Yeah.

But because Kaju was kind of a dud, he, along with Patty, was one of the grunts in the SLA. But he was super happy about it. Yeah. The third grunt was the woman that we've been called Gabby, but apparently it's pronounced Gabby. Oh, sure. And she had only joined the SLA because she was still in love with her ex-girlfriend Zoya, a.k.a. Ms. Moon.

Now, according to Rank, Kaju, Patty, and Gabi took orders while every other member of the SLA was free to give them to everyone but Sin. Sin, of course, stayed on top at all times because, remember, it was the philosophy of the SLA that only a black man could lead them.

Sin didn't do any of the calisthenics or combat drills that everyone else was required to do every day. Instead, he spent most of his time swilling cheap plum wine. The brand of this wine, according to one source, was Boone's Farm. That's sickeningly sweet. But yeah, this is where we really start to enter into cult territory. Yeah. Because Sin...

Let's just say we now I view this is what shows his true character is that he's maybe not the revolutionary that he says he is. Maybe he is just really excited about having a bunch of people that he can control slash randomly fuck. And he likes putting one against a bunch of rich people. He likes the fact that Patty Hearst is hanging out.

And this is just him drinking his way into what will eventually, it's just what does to your brain. Yeah. And he's also saying shit like, you know, like everybody needs to, you know, take the shirts off. It's too hot in here. Everybody's naked. Yeah. Everybody has to work. Their tits are out. Yeah. Their tits are out. And he'd walk up and he'd like, you know, fondle a woman's breast, like a member's breast just out of nowhere. And they would let him, you know, it's just, he's living a fantasy. A 12 year old's dream. Yes. Yeah.

It's fucking sugar, liquor, and booze. And all while Sin watched everyone run around the safe house like a bunch of idiots, he would tell them that without him, they would be nothing. It's true. There'd be no revolution, and they were lucky that a black man was doing them the favor of training them to be revolutionaries. You're sure right, Sin! I'm the luckiest white man there's ever been!

I love you. The bank robbery was planned out in painstaking detail and rehearsed as if it were the opening of a Broadway play.

Drawing upon the theater education of Tico, Yolanda, and Jelena, the whole operation was blocked and timed to perfection. Such a pain in the ass. See, the SLA was divided into two combat teams, one inside the bank and one outside. For the insiders, Sin chose himself, Fahiza, Zoya, Gabi, and Paddy.

The other four would wait outside and cover the entrance just in case the cop showed up. Also, I think it's interesting. Did we cover last week or the first week about how Sin Q hated Gabi? We did not, but yeah, he absolutely... Well, it's not that he hated her. It's like she puzzled him because Gabi was a lesbian. Yeah. And like... Everybody else was either bi or whatever. Yeah. Sin couldn't... He couldn't wrap his head around lesbianism. He couldn't... He...

literally couldn't understand it. And it bothered him. Yeah, so then he made her specifically be the front of the spear to get shot first. Every time. Like, anytime they ran combat drills, he would put her in the very front. Like, if, like, the combat drills of, like, if the cops came in to bust into the apartment, like, Gabi was the one at the front who would get shot first. She was always in the most vulnerable position. But they're telling her it's because she's so good. Yeah. And she's so quick. Yeah.

we need you to be the point man here. So was she saying no to sex? Actually, it was the opposite. They would actually have meetings where they would talk about who was having sex with who and they would be like, nobody's fucking Gabi. Somebody needs to fuck Gabi. Somebody has to fuck Gabi.

And, you know, like, and Zoya would every once in a while because she was her ex-girlfriend. But for the most part, Gabee was like, you know what? I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm tired. I'm tired. Everyone was like, because that's the other thing about it is that it wasn't the type of cult where, like, everybody's fucking all the time and there's these huge orgies. Actually, there was very little sex in the SLA because everyone was fucking exhausted from running combat drills constantly. And probably just malnutrition. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, if the cops showed up, the outside team would open fire while the inside team fought their way out. And if that were to occur, the SLA would either escape as a unit or die together because no one was going to be left behind. Right.

But sin might leave, but again, the revolution can't go without him. But despite all their planning, the SLA was a mess on the night before the robbery. Kaju in particular was so distressed that his ulcer acted up and he had a severe case of diarrhea that lasted all evening as a result. Oh, fuck, I think this diarrhea's a cop! Ha ha ha!

But on the morning of the robbery, April 15th, 1974, the SLA was more somber than nervous. The weapons they were to use were lined up neatly along the bedroom wall, ordered according to who was using what gun.

As for Patty, she was assigned an M1 semi-automatic carbine with a sawed-off barrel, while the others were armed with submachine guns and shotguns. And the entire SLA, save for Patty, were ready to kill at any provocation. As for Patty's part, her only real job was to be Tanya Hurst.

She had diligently memorized and practiced the speech she was supposed to give inside the bank, which was timed to last for the duration of the robbery. One and a half minutes. In and out. And then I sing, and then Gabi, we'll get to your part, and then Tekko, what I need you to do is do the monologue from Henry V so that they all can see how serious we plan to enter upon the breach. I thought it was Henry V. What?

If I have to do one more drama-turkey session with you, I'm only going to fuck you once this week.

But to put even more pressure on her monologue, Sin repeated to Patty just before the robbery that if she fucked up or did anything other than what she was supposed to do, he would, according to the SLA codes of war, kill her himself. This kind of reminds me when I gave Holden the note before last time we did side stories, to not be himself. Yeah.

It had been just 13 days since Patty had been let out of the closet to be welcomed into the SLA. It's crazy to think that it really did happen that fast. Yeah. And when they left the safe house that morning, it was the first time that Patty had breathed fresh air in almost two and a half months. Ugh.

Now, once they got to the bank and the inside team gathered at the door, Sin gave Patty and Gabi a nod. Hiding guns under their coats, they walked inside together and strode the length of the bank where they could pretend to fill out a deposit slip on the opposite side of the room.

Within seconds, Zoya rushed into the bank with her gun already drawn, with Fahiza following behind. But even though the SLA had constantly trained, they'd constantly trained badly. That's what we're talking about. It's a lot of training, but it's a lot of bad training. Yes. And Fahiza's ammunition clip immediately dropped out of her machine gun and hit the ground, scattering bullets all over the floor. Oh, can you help me get those?

But as she knelt down to grab the clip, Sin charged in waving his own submachine gun, which was Patty's cue to pull out her M1 carbine and point it at the assistant bank manager and the two other employees who were sitting at their desk nearby. Sin then took over, yelling that this is a holdup and the first motherfucker who doesn't lay down on the floor is going to get shot in the head.

Fahiza, meanwhile, was menacing the room with her submachine guns and kicking customers who'd followed Sin's instructions while screaming, SLA! SLA! Get on the floor and you won't get hurt! But they are getting hurt. They did what they said. Yeah, you're kicking me. Hey, now, hey. I'm sure it was a tiny foot.

She was five foot tall. Zoya then hopped over the partition that separated the tellers from the customers so she could reach the cast drawers. And they practiced that by jumping back and forth across the couch. Patty, meanwhile, didn't remember saying or doing anything other than pointing her gun at the people on the floor in front of her.

She was so blank, in fact, that the bank's assistant manager later said that he asked her if he should lie down, too. She didn't even hear him. She didn't respond. Suddenly, though, Patty remembered the whole reason why she was there. The monologue. Spotlights on Patty. Now, Patty was supposed to say her name and proclaim that this was not a robbery, but an expropriation of capital.

But when it came time to say all this, Patty, in the loudest voice she could muster, said, This is Tanya! Patricia Hearst!

And then she immediately forgot everything she was supposed to say. It's a big moment. Yeah. But before she could catch her bearings, Sin signaled that it was time to leave. But as they were heading out, Patty heard the rapid shots of a submachine gun and saw an elderly man stumbling out of the door to the bank.

This man was the owner of a neighboring liquor store named Peter Markoff who'd come in just to deposit receipts. From what I can tell, Markoff walked in and immediately tried walking right back out when he saw a bank robbery in progress. Oh, yeah. As I would do. But Fahiza, who was amped out of her fucking mind, she crouched her five-foot frame and fired, hitting Markoff in the right butt cheek and right leg. Something jumped up and bit me. Ha ha ha!

Another customer was entering at the same time, a 70-year-old man, and he was also shot and wounded in the hip. Thankfully, though, both men survived, but still lay bleeding on the ground as the members of the SLA hopped over their bodies on their way to the getaway car across the street. Yeah, now we're going to be driving everywhere. You'll see when you put Cajon in charge of the steering wheel. Oh, yeah, shame on a fella who tried to run game on a fella. Ha, ha, ha.

Once the team was inside the car, it sped off with the switch car behind them. In the switch car, they'd left behind a middle-aged woman who had stood at the window of the SLA's Dodge Dart throughout the robbery saying, oh, how exciting this is.

So after just a couple blocks, the inside team switched cars and arrived at the safe house without incident. And when Zoya and Yolanda returned after dumping the two getaway cars in a parking garage in a distant part of the city...

The celebrations began. Yeah, the only way they can. For all the shit we talked, it fucking worked. Oh, yeah. Not a single fucking bit of friction. Not a single fucking hitch. They shot two people. Well, that's what they wanted. But that's the thing. Shooting two people...

Even better press. Yeah. Because they don't, because it shows everyone that they don't give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Power of confidence, my friend. Everyone laughed and congratulated each other. And Jelena, ever the drama major, stuffed a $20 bill from the robbery into her mouth and said, quote, It looks so good, I could eat it. In other words, the SLA had gotten away with it fully and completely without a single hitch other than Patty forgetting her monologue.

Sin thankfully forgave her for that, though. And even Fahiza told Patty that it was a good thing that she at least remembered to say her name. That's what they needed out. That's really what they needed was her saying something because it shows that she wasn't there with a gun to the back of her head in that scenario, according to the rest of the population. Yep. And all the SLA had come out with a modern equivalent of over $60,000. Very successful.

And when they switched on the radio after returning from admittedly their second successful operation in a row, they heard a new song called For the Love of Money. One of my favorites. Which is this recognizable and funky as fuck intro. This is on my regular playlist.

I love that it's seven minutes long, too. I love that it's seven minutes long. Yeah, it's fucking great. Oh, yeah. Ironically, considering the SLA's jubilation, For the Love of Money is all about how people justify the horrible things they do for money. But at that moment, all the SLA cared about was that the revolution was now well-funded.

But as far as how Patty felt, all hope she had of rescue or escape melted away. She had crossed a line, and in her mind, her situation was plain. Patty was now a bank robber. She was a revolutionary who'd worked side by side with the SLA, and there was no turning back now. This is just where the story gets bad.

done for a lot of people where they see this and everyone assumed, especially the, it went like wildfire across the country, people criticizing Patty Hearst. And because the SLA were so up their own ass for all of their various media notices, they were reading all

All of the opinion pieces and all of it, because it was not that far off from now, except now we have so many different digital ways to harass you on a constant level 24 hours a day, where this was just like they were listening on the radio and reading the newspaper, and Patty Hearst realized, like, everybody hates me. Yeah, yeah. And it's like also at this point you have to realize that if the cops do show up,

They're not trying to save you anymore. According, in her mind. Now, this isn't still, but yes. But we know there's things behind the, as the omniscient narrators, we know that there are things that are happening behind the scenes. But this is Patty Hearst's, like, reality now, is that they'll shoot me just the same as they'll shoot any one of these other people. Yeah.

And the cops think they love killing people now. Back then, it was a lot worse. Well, Patty's only course of survival was to live day to day and play the part while praying that somehow she would survive.

This belief would inform Patty's every action until she was finally arrested, even after most of the SLA was already dead. And even today, when people think about the Patty Hearst story, they think Patty Hearst kidnapped, Patty Hearst bank robbery, Patty Hearst arrested.

No. No. There is a massive, actually, the vast majority of the Patty Hearst story occurs after the bank robbery. Now. Yeah. That begins now. But we have less than two episodes left. Yeah.

You know, listen, Eddie, just remember that every episode of Last Podcast, every series of Last Podcast and Left takes about three hours to get to the proper material and then another three hours to explore the material. This is what we do. Well, the one threat to Patty being fully accepted into the SLA was a press conference by who else but Stephen Weed, who was regularly becoming a fixture in the media when it came to opinions about Patty.

Steve told the media that he couldn't believe that Patty had willingly chosen to stay and fight with the SLA of her own free will. And when Patty heard that, she knew that he meant well, but wanted nothing more than for Steven to just shut the fuck up. Yeah, this is true. Patty realized when she'd made those kind of like,

What Patty Hearst has, which I think is an incredibly beautiful quality that has allowed her to live, but some people would not like, is that she has a true, detached sense of self. She can, she's very self-conscious, and she has a sense of the ironic. And that saved her. She is kind of like a, in that way, like, in a hipster mode, her kind of sardonic sense of humor kept her alive. And she realized in this scenario, she's like, oh, that life is...

Steven Weed is gone. And then, weirdly though, in the change of it, she's watching him say all this stuff and she's just like,

how the fuck did I ever date you? Yeah. You are so dumb. Yeah. But she's also thinking like, don't give them any fucking ideas that I'm faking this. No. Like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, you're fucking with my position inside of this room. Yeah, that was her biggest concern. And all he's just been like, I just fucking, honestly, you're the fucking indica to my sativa and I need you back in the play, girl, because my bong is lonely. What's happening?

What's happening right now is just like a bummer. It's fucking not Swayze, dude. No, by this point, even though Stephen Weed had been a part of the inner circle when it came to the Hearst family search for Patty, his many public appearances and press conferences were causing rifts because Stephen, he kept talking shit about the Hearst family every time he went in front of a camera. Yeah, they're a bunch of no good whiteys. Yeah. Yeah, I think he's a narc.

Additionally, the Hurst family had never liked Stephen Weed to begin with. They called him Toothbrush behind his back because he was tall, skinny, and he had a big, stupid mustache that hung over his mouth. Hey, I was born without an upper lip. You think about that, Mr. Hurst.

In private, Randy called Steven Weed an intellectual boob, saying that his problem was that he couldn't stop talking to the cameras and quote, he's also an asshole. I gotta say, as much as it hurts me, I

Randy also said that Steven Weed wasn't housebroken, although I don't really know what that means. I think that he legitimately was just a mess. He's going to piss all over the place everywhere he goes. He's a mess where he pisses in the backyard. He probably pissed his pants in front of everyone when he was real scared. Yeah, he might have. Oh, I wonder if he pissed his pants during the robbery.

No one will ever forget that, man. It's not fair, dude. I pissed myself one time. It was to make myself slick so they couldn't grip me. Grip me, man.

I mean, to be fair to Steven Weed, like during the robbery, he did try his best. Yeah, they beat the fuck out of him. He was overpowered and they beat the fuck out of him. Because the narrative after, it did sort of suck for him afterwards because the narrative after was Steven Weed ran away. Yeah. And that's what everyone said. They do it in the movie too. Yeah. In the movie, he goes like boing. He's like road runner like up the back window. And that's not how it happened at all.

But after the robbery, the paranoia at the Hurst home damn near rivaled that of the SLA. Both Randy and Catherine Hurst began sleeping with loaded shotguns on the floor at either side of their bed. Catherine, wake up. I'm sorry. We're going to need to cold the valet because I shot another maid. Ha!

I was having a very restless dream and she came in as I know because you know she jerks me off so I could go back to sleep and I blew her brains at the back of her hatted head it is a mess and so we need another maid to clean it up alright back to sleep I'll handle it in the morning I'm sorry to wake you

Catherine, she became so used to the idea that one night as they walked upstairs to retire for the evening, she was heard asking Randy, and this is a direct quote. Do I get the 12 gauge or the 20 gauge tonight, dear? Always give her the 20 gauge for killing squirrels. Now, remember, Catherine, now, if you're going to use the 20 gauge properly, what I want you to do here is you need to, you...

line it against your pubic bone to hold it against and you use your big toe to pull the trigger as you wave as a distractionary measure with one of your hands. That's the way to do it. It's also how Kurt Cobain was murdered. Yes, I know everything.

Proper newsman. Catherine, she even read Blood in My Eye, the George Jackson book, because she was trying to understand the SLA. It's so mad. They are just the anger. Meanwhile, the highest ranking members of law enforcement on both national and state levels were speaking publicly about Patty. The

The California attorney general said that the FBI and the police have been too timid in their search of the SLA out of concern for Patty's safety, adding that, quote, the moment of truth had long since passed for Patricia Hearst.

Likewise, Bill Saxby, the U.S. Attorney General, he said in a press conference that Patty was not a reluctant participant in the holdup. He condemned the SLA as common criminals, and when he was asked if Patty Hearst was included in that, he said, yes.

Yes, that included Patty Hearst. I also wonder, then you kind of wonder, sometimes like, yeah, I think it's just straight up misogyny that you don't believe that a woman can make these choices for herself. But there was also no, like, fucking, there was no knowledge of what the fuck was going on with Patty Hearst at this time. Of course not. So I could see why they're like, oh, we might just need to kill all these guys. Maybe. But in response to this, Randy Hearst called President Richard Nixon directly to complain.

Nixon then angrily called Saxby and chewed him out for what he publicly said about Patty Hearst. Saxby, however, stood by his common criminal statement until the day he died. And you can't call anybody

Granddaughter of a multi-billionaire, a common criminal. All right? That's an uncommon criminal. It certainly is an uncommon criminal. But regardless, the Attorney General's statement heavily influenced public opinion, and the stories in the media about Patty got even more hostile.

But once Patty accepted this new consensus reality that she was now a full member of the SLA both to herself and to the world at large, her inner turmoil melted away. Her everyday life actually became easier because now she knew what she had to do. Go along to get along. And this kind of like...

I don't want to get too in the weeds because I read Marcus Aurelius. I like stoicism. I'm not going to go too deep into it, but it is nice to kind of illustrate this concept where like the ease of knowing there are things I are in my control and there are things that are out of my control. And Patty Hearst had a very good sense of that. She's like, now this is my life.

But in order for me to live, the goal still is for me to live. I know I'm not a member of the SLA inside of my mind. No one else does. And the only way no one else is going to, the only way everybody else is going to know is if I live. And so I have to go. And we now know, and it's a mantra we talk about all the time here at LPN, like the only way out is through. Yep.

And she's also, she has no idea how she's going to survive. No. She has no idea how this is going to end, but she just knows, like, if I keep living, maybe something will work out. Also, she's the only one of these motherfuckers that has the chance of having a decent lawyer. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, she knows in that way that she could always flip. If she had to, she knows that she could flip, but she knows...

I just can't get shot by the police before I get a chance to flip. Or any of these motherfuckers that I live with. Exactly. But we'll also talk in the next episode about the lawyer that she gets, one of the most famous lawyers in the world, that somehow manages to fuck it up as badly as possible. You're still thinking about the monkeys.

monkeys. Now, the SLA was jazzed as fuck about the success of the Hibernia bank job, but that euphoria quickly turned to paranoia when they realized that the higher profile meant that the effort to capture them was going to get even more intense, and it was already intense to begin with. The

The SLA's faces were everywhere, which became a big problem when they started to run out of food. Yes, because after they robbed the bank, I also find this interesting. They're now stuck. They're stuck in this safe house. And Sin is at paranoia to the max. And he's like, no one's going out. No one's doing jack shit. And they just stayed in this apartment for, I forget how many, it was like a couple of weeks. Yeah.

In this apartment? Yeah, where this is like after the bank robbery, they were stuck inside until literally they ran out of every morsel of what could be edible inside the house. Now, how did people know who they were? Pictures of them were everywhere. The bank footage, they had pulled all of the stills from the bank security cameras. But weren't they disguised? No. No.

They wanted people to know who was them. Well, they already knew who was in the SLA from the... Partly from the Marcus Foster murder. Yeah. But also, mostly, it was from the safe house. Remember that they tried to set on fire and they just led police directly to them? Yes. There was...

But plenty of people, like when the SLA claimed responsibility for all these crimes, it was very easy for them to figure out who the fuck the SLA was. And so they had these pictures they could put out. This is who everyone is. And especially Sin because he escaped from prison. Yes. But that's the thing is that Sin was the one who went outside first.

His answer to getting food was astounding in its audacity and even more astounding in the fact that it worked. You just say audacity because it worked. If you didn't, if it didn't work, it's the single dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard.

A plan can be both audacious and stupid at the same time. Hey, we started a podcast network. Sin figured that all he had to do was go door to door ringing doorbells, cold calling people in the black neighborhood where their safe house was located to see who was willing to help the SLA. Do you believe in your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? He legitimately thought like this was a both like it's interesting in his confidence, but also the fact that.

He thought the way it worked was how it was posited within the theory that he had been around, which is this idea that the revolution, once it starts, is going to be welcomed by everyone. And that when he showed up to these people's homes, they were going to applaud his actions and they were going to be so excited and ready to flip the government. Or at the very least, they weren't going to snitch. Yeah.

Now, of course, the first four or five people who answered immediately slammed their doors in Sin's face. But he finally came upon a young black Muslim woman who was all too happy to pitch in. But when she came to the SLA safe house, she had the same question everyone had. So where are all the black people? You see, the thing is, which is true, which is Sin's answer was that

Totally get what you're saying. This is the white unit. Yeah. He said this is a white unit, but they did need more black people in their white unit. To help them be more black. Yeah. And this woman was more than welcome to join until she was transferred to a black unit. But that was only if she wasn't needed to lead another white unit. Because there was a possibility that it was just going to be a bunch more white people. Finally, though. Yeah.

That's very disappointing for a group of black Muslims. It's very, very disappointing. Finally, though, after this woman went back to her fellow black Muslims and talked it through, they asked Sin, hey, we all got jobs and kids to take care of. Do you think maybe we can join the SLA party?

Yeah, I could get you a 1099. And this was deemed good enough. And these people did grocery runs for the SLA for as long as the SLA remained in the Bay Area. I still think that they were a little bit... There was some commiseration with Sin Q, but I do think a lot of it was the threats. He did arrive armed when he first went to these places. He showed them that he had guns. He showed they had guns all on the inside. I do believe that, yes, they were...

of his politics and who he was, but I also think that they were scared of him. Yep, I would say column A, column B. Yeah. Now, even though the paranoia and the SLA was turned up after the bank robbery, the egos grew just as large, especially after they were getting people in the neighborhood to help them out. In the movie, when Ving Rhames comes in with all the black Muslims, he's like...

See here? Black people. It's literally like what he does in the movie. Sin began promising the other members of the SLA that in the future Symbionese nation, which they all fully believed could be created by defeating the United States of America, the cities would be adorned with statues and monuments dedicated to the original members of the SLA.

But at the same time, Sin constantly talked about how he would not live to see any of this come to pass. Too important to live. And the idea that none of them would survive this ordeal, including Patty, this began to become more than just a possibility, but a certainty. They wanted it.

Yeah. I do believe there's a suicide drive at the center of the SLI. Oh, yeah. But before that came to pass, Sen decided to move once again because he was convinced that the pigs were methodically closing in on their safe house on Golden Gate Avenue.

Now, the SLA's previous attempt at destroying a safe house had been incredibly unsuccessful. Yeah, you remember the Wile E. Coyote way they tried to the first time? Yeah. So, they got a little more methodical with the destruction of evidence until a new safe house could be found. Methodical? This is the word you're going to use? There is a method. Yeah, there's a method. Technically, it is methodical. It is the dumbest shit. A method is a method, my friend. Yeah.

Yolanda shredded all their paper material and put it in a large shopping bag labeled Hot Stuff. This bag was set by the toilet, and when someone used the bathroom, they'd dispose of a handful of so-called hot stuff with every flush. Everything's too cute. I hate.

their fucking name. I hate when they... Everything doesn't need a name. I hate when they do this. Because they have three theater kids in their fucking group. I know. And it was the theater... No, it was the theater kid who did the hot stuff thing. It's Yolanda. Of course. Of course.

But once an outside friend located a new safe house, Sin decided on the day they departed that instead of being careful with what they abandoned, they'd leave behind so much evidence that the FBI would become confused and bogged down and having to sift through so much shit. Which I think is hilarious because...

That's the FBI specialty. Yeah, they love sifting through shit. That is their M.O. They specifically are data hogs. They go through all levels. They love nothing more than a pile of evidence. You just gave them a pile of evidence. But they're already guilty. Everyone knows who they are. They just got to find them and shoot them in the head. It's not like the evidence matters at this point anyway. No.

So the SLA filled the safe house bathtub with hot water and dumped their books and the rest of their papers inside. Then, like a bunch of children, they added cooking spices, condiments, hair dye, and food coloring. That'll get them. And it was all like, oh, they'll stay in their precious cop uniform. Oh, have a little cumin. Have a little cayenne. Now you're Mexican. Yeah.

Tico then suggested they add cyanide crystals, presumably the same ones they use to pack their dumb cyanide bullets.

Finally, Sin announced that he would add something personal. Get this, guys. This is so funny, guys. He started pissing in the tub. It's pee-pee. I'm making straight up pee-pee for the FBI, dog. And then Tico and Kai do the, I'm gonna piss too. I'm gonna piss too. Oh, Sin Q, you piss so good. And then Gabi straddled the side of the tub and she pissed in it herself. All right, Gabi.

All right. Yeah, man, that's great. I love a full clam. Yeah, and then everybody roared with laughter at the thought of the FBI having to sift through the piss-infused brown slurry. I will say it was, you know, watered down. Yeah. If it was just piss, it'd be worse. Piss and cyanide. Yeah. It's piss, cyanide, food coloring, hair dye, and some water. Meanwhile, the FBI literally walks in and goes like,

SLA, we're here. And then they leave. Getting even more excited about the idea, Tico began running around the apartment touching everything. Then he dabbed out messages with his fingerprints so when the FBI dusted for prints, they'd find the phrase, fuck you pigs. Finally,

Finally, the leftover food and garbage was strewn about the apartment just to make things even more unpleasant for the authorities. And as a final touch, Tico wrote a message on the bathroom wall. It said, quote, Warning to the FBI, CIA, NSA, NSC, and CBS. There are a few clues in the bathroom. However, you will have to wait until they are dry. An additional word of caution.

Half pound of cyanide crystals have been added to this home brew. So, pig, drink at your own risk. There's so many juicy SLA clues throughout this safe house. However, remember that you're not bulletproof either.

I hate Tico so fucking much. Yeah, he's the biggest shithead of them all. Oh, easily. Yeah. How much cyanide can this guy waste? It's a lot of just cyanide just flying around. Half a pound? Fly from your grave.

Subscribe to Sirius XM Podcast Plus on our Apple Podcast Show page or the Sirius XM app now. Now, the new safe house was in a predominantly black neighborhood in San Francisco called Hunter's Point. And there were concerns that eight white people showing up out of nowhere was going to draw suspicion.

So every white member of the SLA, with Jelena's help, went full blackface for the trip to their new safe house. Comedy changes. And we all can't be expected to uphold the morality of earlier generations. And a one and a two and a one, two, three.

Well, according to Patty, Tico in particular reveled in the role. Wearing an Afro wig, Tico strutted around the room and lowered the pitch of his voice to what Patty called a cheap imitation of Al Jolson in The Jazz Singer. And no, I couldn't think of a newer reference. That's not going to do well for the new save house. I'm going to tell you what, if you act like Al Jolson...

No, you're going to get the shit beat out of you. Yeah, you're lucky. Yeah. Tico actually couldn't pull himself away from the bathroom mirror and kept suggesting that he could totally pass, quote, as a black. Look at me. And even wanted to go out and mingle amongst the people to see if he could test his theory. I'm going to try it.

I'm just going to try it. I'm going to go down there and get this. Get this, guys. Get this. I'm going to ask for a fade at the barbershop. Okay? And then when we're at the barbershop, I know the first thing they say has been like, okay, let me see if this is a good opening line. All y'all like Whitney Houston? Does that work? Black people are going to love me. Isn't my hair so smooth? Okay.

But once all the white people were given their disguises, Sin put on one of his own. He shaved his face, put on a dress with a stuffed bra, and entered their new neighborhood at Hunter's Point in full drag. I'd fuck me. Don't you laugh.

I'm the hottest woman in the SLA. Now, this was May of 1974, and Sen was convinced that the revolution was going to begin that summer. And when I say convinced, I mean that the SLA was fully expecting a massive uprising across the entire country, a violent insurrection on par with the Bolshevik revolution of 1917 that toppled the Russian czar. Yeah. Yeah.

And of course, the SLA was going to be the spark that lit that fuse. They already did it. And so, Sin began discussing guerrilla warfare tactics that the SLA could employ. Well, now we're really ramping up. Yes. This is like the rhetoric inside because they got away with the bank robbery and they are, they're really, like this idea that what they do is about to explode the world. Yes. It's certainty to Sin. And he's like, well, this concept of guerrilla

like essentially attacking them to attacking police one-on-one in a kind of weird asymmetrical fashion was like it's super dangerous now well they could start by shooting down police helicopters which was not out of the realm of possibility yeah he said that he shot a guy well about a year before a group called the august 7th guerrilla movement had used two 30 caliber automatic carbines to take down a helicopter in oakland by shooting the

pilot in the head from the ground. Jesus Christ, things were crazy in the 70s. If that happened next week, it would be the biggest news story of the year. And it is completely forgotten. Yeah, we have never heard of that before right now. It's actually kind of inspiring. But if a helicopter could be taken down once, it could be taken down again.

So, to begin the next phase of the SLA revolution, Cyn broke up their nine-person cell into three teams, assigned based on each person's strengths and weaknesses. But unfortunately for Patty, she got stuck with the two members of the group she hated the most—

Tico and Yolanda. God, they're pains in the asses. She hated Tico for obvious reasons. He was an asshole. But Yolanda was just as bad. Oh, yeah, because they're married, but they weren't supposed to be married anymore, right? No, well, they were married, but they constantly insisted that they weren't married because being married was bourgeois. But you are married. Yeah. They also fought like a married couple all the time. Because they were married. Yeah, because Tico got jealous when Yolanda slept with Sin.

This made them the most irritating pair in the SLA. Yeah, because, God, yeah, because Tico's like, what does he do better than I do besides, oh, God, oh, God. Now, do you think he also found Patty to be annoying, and that's why he put her with them? They thought that she was bourgeois, and they were always, he was the asshole that was constantly staring at Patty and being like,

I don't think you believe. Yeah. He was that, he was that for her. So his, he was always the shithead besides Zoya. That was the, who resented Patty, hated Patty. He was just like obsessed with the fact that she shouldn't be here. Well,

Well, originally the team that Sin like doled out, the original team was Tico, Gabi and Patty. And then Tico started complaining. He's like, you put the two weakest ones with me. I don't want them. And then there was this whole fucking argument about whether or not Yolanda could be in it or not. And that eventually that was the compromise was that it would be Tico, Yolanda, Gabi.

And Patty. Because they would do a thing called struggle sessions. They would all get together and everybody would tell each other what they hated most about each other. There's also critique, self-critique is what they also called it. And struggle sessions were- They did that with the little game with the fingers and they moved it all around. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But in China, that's the Maoist version of communism. It's kind of what they brought, like the concept of like basically it's group check to see who's the traitor in the room and see how you've done things to help the state. And you're confess all your crimes to the state that then gives them compromise against you. And it's kind of what they would do again and again and again and again. It really would have been so much better if they just group fucked. Yeah, or played werewolf.

What's werewolf? Oh, it's a game where you try to figure out who the werewolf is and it's a bunch of people sitting around.

It's a game that people play. Everyone's going to know. I've been forced to play it in multiple groups. Rob's nodding yes. There's a whole movie about it. Eddie and Julie's friend group, they play games. We don't play games, but they play games. They play games, and so I play games sometimes. All right. Sure, that's fine. Oh, and I also found out that Maoist is more rural and Marxist is more urban. We learned a lot about that, didn't we? Yes, we did.

Now, as the days went on, there was less socializing between the members of the different teams, and Sin announced that they were about to commence on their biggest combat operation yet.

The plan was that each night, the three teams would murder police officers with heavy gunfire, then quickly retreat to invade a civilian home. That home would be taken over until the next night, when each team would once again return to the streets to do it all over again. And of course, everybody that, when they invaded your home, they would welcome you in with open arms. Yes, exactly.

Because you were the, you're the amazing, inspirational, renegade, revolutionary group. This, and if, of course, they didn't welcome you with open arms, fuck them. Yeah. Fuck them.

And they definitely

wouldn't feel resentment. No! Definitely not you bringing the entire LAPD or the National Guard on you. Yeah, absolutely. They definitely, everybody's on your team. They all want it. And you know, this is 1974 and so this is something that's happened quite a few times across America and every time it just didn't go well. No. Now, Sen figured that San Francisco was too small and contained for these so-called search and destroy missions to be effective.

So he decided that the sprawling urban landscape of Los Angeles would be a far better battleground. Kind of agree. Yes. Yes. Specifically, he wanted to operate in the Los Angeles neighborhoods of Compton and Watts. Ooh, it's going to be challenging. Yeah.

But before the search and destroy missions could be properly planned, authorities discovered the SLA's previous safe house. Turns out leaving food to rot was a bad idea because it attracted so many cockroaches that they were pouring into the apartment below. That was because Codgill believed that cockroaches were of the people.

And they should not be killed. So they were allowed. They had a massive cockroach infestation inside of this. Of every place that they stayed, they were covered in cockroaches because they said that they were the people's book. Yeah. And that it was a bourgeois. It was a bourgeois. What do you call it? Affectation to not kill a cockroach. Yeah. Exterminators. Is it wrong if I think this is the worst thing about them? Yeah.

That's because you were a cook. But soon after the cops discovered the Golden Gate safe house, they also found one of the SLA's cars. So Sen decided that it was time for them to leave San Francisco for Los Angeles immediately. They would meet in a location in L.A. that only the team leaders knew. And with that, the SLA left San Francisco. Most of them would never return.

Now, Yolanda did most of the driving down to L.A. while Tico sat in the passenger seat. Patty, meanwhile, laid down on the metal floor in the back of the van where she had easy access to a submachine gun. Sure. But as Patty remembered it, she was so far gone by this point that it never occurred to her to pick up the gun and kill these two people that she hated so much. And it's moments like this that make people doubt Patty's story.

But really, I think the fact is that Patty Hearst, very simply, she's not a murderer. Most people aren't.

And while it's very easy to say what we would have done in her place, we can never really know what we do until we're in that position. She didn't know what was waiting for her outside of this scenario. She did not know. And I know that, like, I do believe in her mind. There's going to be more and more of Patty Hearst because it's coming from her perspective. A lot of our information, besides the things that all the other topics we use to kind of all the other sources to kind of corroborate it. But.

She is trying to find a validation in words for what she did, which I actually think is extremely difficult because I think it's a weird scenario and it's very difficult to articulate. She says that she was too far gone. I also think that there is an unconscious thing of her.

What happens in this new chaos? I just got used to this chaos. Yeah. The next level of chaos could even be worse than this chaos. And then if I kill these two people, am I going to, can Sin come find me? Can Sin come get me? Yeah. Is Sin going to kill my family? Is Sin going to kill a bunch of other people? You know, like all that kind of shit. It's also a moving vehicle. Yeah. Yeah.

They're going to have to stop to pee at least once. Now, all three SLA teams made it to Los Angeles, and the leaders had their meeting at 11 a.m. It was decided that Fahiza would go out in search of a safe house, and they'd all regroup at 5 that evening. And sure enough, when Fahiza returned at 5 p.m., she was ecstatic.

She'd found the perfect place. It's amazing. It was only $70 a month. There's so much room for activities. We could do all of our push-ups. We could do all of our gun runs. It's amazing. There's two couches. We could jump back and forth. And there's already cockroaches. It's like we were already there. It was the biggest shithole yet. With every single safe house, it just kept getting worse and worse and worse.

And worse, there was no electricity in this place at all, nor would there be. But hey, it's in Compton. Yeah, it's in Compton. And best of all, the landlord was a super cool black dude named Prophet Jones who loved freedom fighters like the SLA. This is going to work out great, guys.

They're going to love us. Now, Prophet Jones kind of sort of recognized Fahiza, but couldn't quite place her. So she asked Sin for his permission to reveal their true identities. Sin said, sure, go ahead. But it was only after Fahiza whipped out a submachine gun that Prophet Jones believed her.

Tico also loved Prophet Jones because after meeting him, Tico gained a great admiration for the man because the prophet was tremendously suspicious of all white people. Would you get this? I went in there and the first thing he asked me was to hold his pocket. No.

We walked back and forth for a while. That was really, really fun. He fucking hates me and it's great. It's awesome. In fact, Prophet Jones told them that they better move in at night because SLA or not, they were still a bunch of extremely unwelcome white kids in Compton.

Prophet Jones also told them multiple times that they better not be cops because just a few weeks before, an undercover narc had been taken out to an empty lot and shot with his own gun. Dude, the beginning of this, I love the setup of this. So they get in there in the middle of the night. So as far as I know, Fahiza...

Somehow, however she got connected to Prophet Jones, she explained to him, we are a black revolutionary group that is here. We're the SLA. And I think at the time he's like, fine, you know, we'll check you out. They moved in at night. So they're all huddled in this like a shack with running water and they're all huddled in the shack in the dark.

And it's nighttime. And then Prophet Jones walks in. And the way they describe him, he's a huge, huge, scary-looking man. Patty Hearst said that he made C-2 look like a child. Wow. Right? And so he walks in the room, and he's eyeballing all of these people. And I think at this time period, it's the first time he's seeing that it's all white people. Yeah. And one black man. And he is...

He's just like, "What are you doing to me?" Like, he's just like, "What the living fuck is going on here?" Like, you can't even be in the neighborhood! And you guys just like, "This is not even about SLA!" You guys all could just be from Berkeley! And you'd all be getting murdered! Like, you're gonna fuck me up, essentially! Yeah, he asks like, his first question is like, "Again, where are the black people?"

And again, this is the Scandinavian outreach program. This is a whole thing. We're getting guys in from Norway. We're getting guys up and down from Canada. Yeah. And Prophet Jones, like he knew all about the SLA. The first thing. And then the second thing he asked was like, so why the fuck did you kill Marcus Foster? That was really fucking stupid. Yeah. And then he sidestepped the white people question and told Prophet Jones that they'd killed Foster because he was an undercover CIA agent.

At that point, Jones, he just fucking shook his head. He left and on his way out, he kind of just gave him a sarcastic, like, good fucking luck. Enjoy. If he's not a member of the CIA. God damn it. He's not. He's a prophet. We all know that. Now, as far as, you know, like finding a good place for the SLA to hide in Los Angeles, Fahiza could not have picked a worse location.

This particular area of Compton had a heavy police presence, with helicopters hovering above every night and police cars constantly patrolling the roads outside the house. Neighborhood folk were also stopping, staring, and pointing at the safe house because word had obviously gotten around that there was a nest of white people living inside. Because think about this. You've got like a shack filled with Boo Radleys. You threw them through like...

They're all looking through the slots because they're theater kids. We all look through the curtains at the audience. I'm just going to be like, they're going to love us. Do you think that one would play handball with me? I'd be like, you think maybe we could all play dominoes? They're all blasting the Glenn Miller Orchestra. I like to sing. I like to move hands. I like to sing. Well, as such, after Zoya and Yolanda went out to the grocery store one time,

No one went outside after that. We got a lot of attention outside. Pretty soon, the SLA was reduced to eating a slimy cold mixture of canned spinach and okra flavored with bits of canned mackerel. Revolutionary casserole.

Completely cut off from the outside world in a house without electricity, the SLA began sinking into a strange group psychosis. While listening to the battery-operated radio for news about themselves, Sin started hearing messages in song lyrics that he believed foretold the coming revolution. This song's making me say I'm a walrus. Ha ha ha!

I'm not a walrus. Patty. I'm the egg man. I'm the egg man.

Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo-ca-choo. Swahili, I don't recognize it. Patty, just as lost in the sauce as the rest of them, she didn't doubt Sin's interpretations for a second, but figured that she just wasn't knowledgeable enough to understand what Sin was talking about. That's an important note for anybody dealing with an unrepentant crazy person. Just being like...

Bro, you get something I don't understand. Yep. I'm with you, man. And this was after less than a week of them being trapped in this house together. Finally, though, the SLA entered its final cult form.

One night, Sin gathered everyone together for a meeting, and as they sat around a candle, Sin announced that he was a prophet sent to earth to lead the people, implying— No, that's the landlord. He implied that he was descended from God. Did not say outright. My main—honestly, I—

I hate to do this. I don't want to blow up his spot, but I'm God's second cousin. It's big for me. He doesn't like when I call him. But yeah. I don't want to name drop or nothing. You ever heard of Yahweh? I call him Uncle Yahweh.

Now, Patty wasn't at her level best mentally, but she was cognizant enough to think that Sen was obviously having some sort of breakdown. But the rest of the SLA sat in awe, following and believing every word of their leader. In other words...

When the top guys start saying he's God, the end is near. Oh, yeah. It's like every single episode of Top Chef or any competition show where they start talking about how they miss home. Yeah. You know they're about to go home. Now, after a week in Los Angeles, Sin decided that it was time to start the revolution with the aforementioned search and destroy missions where they would kill cops night after night until the National Guard was sent in. Now, while we're good and rested and our brains are nice and tight. Ha ha ha.

Everyone's got enough mackerel? Good. Good, actually. That's guilt of God. But before that could happen, the SLA needed heavy clothing for protection. But in the very first step towards the revolution, shit immediately went wrong and the whole thing fell apart because Tico is a fucking moron. I wish somebody told me Tico was the moron. Hey!

See, Tico and Yolanda were the least recognizable members of the SLA because they were just average-ass white people, and neither one had been on the inside team during the bank robbery. But,

But since Patty was part of their team, she went with them on a shopping trip to Inglewood despite being the most recognizable member of the SLA. They just didn't even care anymore. They had lost the plot in that way. But either way, all three were on a mission to buy combat gear from a store called Mel's Sporting Goods.

Now, Patty stayed behind in the van, but after Tico and Yolanda had been in the store for a good long while, Patty looked out the window to see what she could see. There, just outside the store, she saw Tico on the ground struggling fiercely as several men had him pinned to the ground. Can't detain me. I will not be detained. Don't tase me, bro. Don't tase me, bro.

Yolanda, meanwhile, was being held by another man and was trying to kick herself free. Both of them were looking directly at Patty, waiting for her to take action. And since Patty had been training for a moment just like this, day after day for a month and a half, living and breathing every word these idiots said, the training took over.

See, in situations like this, an SLA member was supposed to fire above their comrade's head to startle whoever was detaining them so they'd have a chance to run away. So, without a second thought, Patty grabbed Tico's submachine gun, shoved it out the window, and aimed it above Tico and Yolanda's head. She then pulled the trigger and fired.

The gun, however, had a heavy recoil and it jumped out of her hands with the first pull of the trigger. But after steadying herself, she kept the finger pressed on the trigger until the entire clip of 30 shots had been fired. She then reached for her own weapon and got three more shots off before she realized Tico and Yolanda were running towards the van while everyone else ran for their lives.

Tico got behind the driver's seat with a handcuff dangling from one wrist, and as he screeched out of the parking lot, all he could do was ask Patty, what the fuck took you so long?

She fucking saved his ass. Well, he's a bitch. He's an asshole. Yes. Once they were on the road, Patty had a second to think about what happened, and she couldn't believe that she just rescued the two people in the SLA that she hated the most. We talked a lot about this, because this is one of those. Again, this is a big contention point. It's the biggest contention point, really. It's the biggest one, but...

You see, we talked, we brought it before. She had a lot of quote unquote training. It was a lot of bad training, right? So they had a lot of, she had poor trigger discipline. She was bad at what she was supposed to do. And they were like, this is all nonsense anyway that she was fed by sin. So I understand because like in her mind,

She blames the training. She says the training is what happened. She said that the only answer she could find is that she acted instinctively because she'd been drilled and trained to do what she did for months. And by the time that they'd finished with her, she was a true soldier in the Symbionese Liberation Army. That's what she wrote in her book. But I think there is a subtler answer to which kind of came about before as well, which is she did not know what her actions of killing them would lead to.

She, cause she's still in this horrible safe house with Sin Q and all of these people. Like she's stuck in this place. They're going like now, obviously they're splitting up into teams, but she still doesn't know where the hell she's going to end up. Well,

Well, at this very moment, she very well could have just sat there and done nothing. She could have, but she didn't know. Yeah, but if she sat there and did nothing, Tico and Yolanda would have been arrested. And then once the cops came, she could just open up the door and say, hey, Patty Hearst here. Theoretically. Theoretically. That's the thing. And that's what everybody always says. But I think, Henry, you brought up a good point the other day is that she didn't know what would happen. Right.

what if Tico and Yolanda got loose and got back to the van? What the fuck are they going to do to me? Yeah, they'll probably kill her. Because they hate her the most. Yes, they hate her the most. And that's also like it was kind of a weird security measure from Sinq, where he put the two people that hate her the most with her because they were watching her extremely closely. And I think that it just, what do you do afterwards? And again, she's not a murderer.

No. She's not a murderer, and she didn't know if the cops were just going to blow her away. That was her biggest fear, is that she had been drilled. That was her biggest fear at that moment, is that, as I said earlier, she now believed herself to be a member of the SLA. After listening to the news reports, she believes that the rest of the world believes that she's a member of the SLA. And they did, pretty much. And it's been drilled into her head by Sin and the rest of them that if the cops see you,

The F if the cops or the FBI, if any of them see you, they will mow you down on site without giving you a single fucking warning. Yeah. So that's how she survives. Yeah. And she, you know, we, we all are in agreement that she was a victim in this case, but what she did in that moment is definitely a crime. Yeah. No, it's definitely a crime. Yeah. She committed a crime to stay alive. Yeah.

As it turned out, though, Tico and Yolanda had not been detained because they'd been recognized as members of the SLA. Instead, they'd been stopped because Tico had shoplifted. Yeah. He was obsessed with shoplifting, apparently. They robbed

the bank. Yeah, he's a moron. But yeah, he's a moron. In the great lead up to the revolution, Tico had risked everything because he wanted another little bandolier to hold his bullets. It was so small that he stuffed it up his fucking sleeve. But then also, he had hardcore, these are some hardcore sporting goods fucking employees because they fucking wrestled him to the ground.

Well, one of the guys was a junior policeman. He was in police academy. Yeah. So he was, yeah, he was ready for it. And back in the day, sporting goods stores were gun stores. Yeah, they had guns. Yeah, yeah. But even then, they probably wouldn't have been identified as SLA if not for Yolanda.

In the scuffle, she'd lost her revolver, which was registered in her real name, Emily Harris. That meant that as soon as the registration on that gun was checked, there would be no doubt that the SLA was now in Los Angeles.

Now, before Tico's team could do anything else, they needed to ditch their van. So after carjacking a Pontiac that died after they drove it for just two blocks, Tico spotted a small blue station wagon that was being loaded up with a lawnmower by a Mexican family. For what?

Patty said Tico approached this family and said that he and his two companions were with the Symbionese Liberation Army and needed their car. They weren't stealing it, of course. The family would get the car back, but the SLA needed it and they needed it now. This isn't an IOU.

That's as good as money. That's a blue station wagon. You're going to want to hold on to that. And after the owner no doubt eyed both the submachine gun Tico was holding and the handcuffs still dangling from his wrist, he said, sure.

Whatever you need, take the car, buddy. Yeah. And so while driving away in this poor family's car, Tico's mood lightened as he talked about how Chicanos were just great. Because like black people, I mean, they share whatever they have with you if they think you really need it. And this further proved that minorities truly did believe in the mission of the Symbionese Liberation Army. And every day I look in that mirror.

And I know I'm a shade browner. I know I am.

Now, even though the debacle at Mel's Sporting Goods was a massive fuck up that was entirely Tico's fault, he decided to look on the bright side. He talked about how well they had operated as a team, how good their training had been, and how wise Sin Q had been in planning this whole thing from the start. He's like a shitty schedule supervisor manager. You know what I mean? He's like a middle manager talking about this. It's like, we're really digging in here?

And I'm loving our turnarounds. I'm loving our numbers. But unbeknownst to them, their fuck up was even larger than they realized. See, when they abandoned the van under the orders of General Tico, Patty was instructed to remove only the essentials, basically the guns and ammo.

One of the things she'd left behind was one of the gun carrying cases. This case contained... This is so fucking son of Sam. It's exactly how things work out. This case contained a parking ticket that had been issued just a block from the SLA safe house in Compton. And that parking ticket would allow police to greatly narrow their search for the SLA in Los Angeles. Is there a house around here filled with white people? Yeah.

It's over there. You can hear it from here. Tick-toe through the window. All they do is play novelty songs and eat mayonnaise. You can hear it off in the distance. Dr. D.

That's them. That's them. That's always them. By this point, Tico's team was acting a bit manic. Convinced that they should switch cars again, they carjacked a Ford Econoline van and took the teenage owner hostage for an entire night, driving around Los Angeles looking for a hardware store that was still open so they could buy a hacksaw to cut the handcuff off Tico's wrist.

after spending a night with a teenage hostage who apparently had a grand old time during his adventure with Matt Salah. Honestly, as a teenager, I probably would have too. He was like, when are we going to go kill some pigs? He was really excited. He was actually super into it until the next day. He was like, okay, I'm ready to go home now. Yeah, I got to go to school. So what's next, bro? I was like...

This is awesome. Yeah, we got to do this all the time. My schedule is clear. Yeah, dude. High school sucks. Can we kill my teachers? Actually, I think he did say, he's like, I do have a baseball game tomorrow, but until then, I'm yours. But they ditched him and commandeered a Ford LTD driven by a middle-aged businessman. He was nowhere near as excited about being kidnapped as the teenager. Do you guys like TPS reports? Yeah.

Can you guys actually drop me by the Sweet Greens? I pre-ordered a salad on the app, and I got to pick it up.

it up so in order to lay low they've now stolen four cars four cars like i said it's manic at this point but while they were driving around tico turned on the radio and heard his entire idiotic story from mel's sporting goods told again and again where he was identified as a shoplifter trying to steal a pair of sweat socks indignant bill wind quote it was a bandolier

And I didn't steal it. He was so mad that they said he stole sweat socks. It was a bandolier. Because the bandolier is cool. Sweat socks are cool. Che Guevara. It's cool. Now, Tico was able to pass along a message at a dead drop, but the cops were probably coming for the SLA. They had five dead drops around Inglewood and Compton.

Just chill out.

So after dumping their hostage and getting a new car, car number five, this one they actually bought for $300. All right. Tico's team drove out to Anaheim. Yeah, of course, America. The only place where they put a mouse above a revolution. That is from the movie. That's because there's a great big beautiful tomorrow. Don't do this.

But once they arrived in Anaheim, they heard on the radio that the police were surrounding yet another suspected SLA safe house and were preparing a full assault. Tico again laughed, said the pigs are going to come up empty again. Ha ha!

This, of course, was not the case. When Team Tico finally got into their motel room and turned on the TV, they saw a live broadcast coming from outside a white stucco house. The journalist on air kept repeating that the SLA were trapped inside and had refused the police's demand to come out and surrender. Within minutes, the shootout began, and the camera caught the fiery blast of a shotgun coming from one of the front windows.

The shooter was without a doubt, Willie Wolf, a.k.a. Kaju.

And that's where we'll pick back up for our conclusion to our series on Patty Hearst. Good work. What a cliffhanger. It is. I hope they're going to be okay. There's no way they're not going to be okay. I think we're going to make it. Guys, there's only 70 or 80 cops outside. I think if we show the cops how powerful the revolution is,

They'll join us! They're all dead. Everyone go out, check out our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the left where you can see video versions of every single episode. Go follow us on TikTok and Instagram at LP on the left. Check out all of our streams at twitch.tv slash LPNTV to watch them live. Otherwise, watch them after the

fact on our YouTube channel. Yeah. And go to last podcast on the left.com to see all the shows we got coming up. Washington, DC. We're going to be all up in your shit. Next week. I'm fucking the Washington monument. Yeah, man. I'm coming to have sex with Jill Biden. I want to meet her. I want to seduce her. I want to get in there. I want to take her out to a nice meal.

meal. We're coming to DC and I have a special surprise for people who come to the DC show. That's great. Don't get us in trouble. Very special surprise. And we're also going to be coming to London and Reykjavik in Iceland in September, October, October, October. And of course, don't forget about our Australia shows, which are coming up very quickly in August. We're going to be there before you know it. So get your tickets now.

Please. Also, we are going to have an announcement via social media. This is for all of our Australian listeners that have bought tickets to these shows. We had said to all of you. It's been three years. It's been four years. Four years. Fuck me. It's been four years. And we're still sick. We're coming. We are coming. We're coming one way or another. We're coming. We bought tickets. We're coming.

But I want you to know is that we do owe you a special whiz-wazzle. We owe you a live stream, and we are going to have an announcement about that for ticket holders to the Australian tour. We're going to have an announcement for that very, very soon. There's going to be a form you're going to fill out because we are scheduling this live stream that we're going to do before we come to see you in person. And we'll do like, you'll see, it'll be fun, but you got to have a ticket.

to the Australian tour. Yes. Also, our Chicago show sold out. Very excited for that. But Henry and I are going to do side stories the night before on September 13th at the Park West. So come check that out. Check it out. It's a very different show. Less prepared. Yes, very much so. It's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. We're going to make it up. So thank you guys and hail sweet Satan.

Oh, and hail Gein. And also, don't forget, No Dogs in Space, the Cannes series has begun, and we will return after the holiday with part two. Yes, and listen to The Brighter Side and hail Amber Nelson because today is her birthday. Happy birthday, Amber. I'm only getting younger. I don't think that's... It's fine. Yes. Yeah.

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