6. A Word That Starts With C
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Hi everyone, it's Millie here. And it's Liam. And this is our brand new podcast, Liam and Millie. Why Liam and Millie? Because it's just us. So we are going to take you into the reality of our little love story from that very first chat on Love Island. But now we're navigating our long distance relationship. You may not know, but I live in Wales. And I live in Essex. So each week we'll be catching up on each other's lives. We also will be answering your relationship requests.

questions and tackling your juiciest dilemmas. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts, or watch the full episode on YouTube. Why is the podcast not called Millie and Liam though? The Bench. Hello Richard, you don't know me. I am Karen. I was told that you gave a confession for the murder of my sister Denise Velasca. In April of 2018, Karen Velasca wrote the first of what would be many emails to Richard Cottingham.

Cottingham had confessed to the murder of Karen's sister, Denise. "I read your confession, which frankly was lacking some important details. Maybe you don't feel like you owe me anything, but from my heart, I'm just asking for the straight-up truth in regards to your role in her disappearance and death. Can you help me? If you did kill Denise, maybe this will be a good chance for you to put something right."

I've searched for answers to what happened to Denise every day of my life for almost five decades. This girl, Denise, was once at the heart of my whole world. Anything you can tell me is greatly appreciated. Please write back. Karen. I just wanted to tell you how brave it was of you to even just email him in the first place. I don't know if I'm brave or stupid. I can't come this far and just drop it. I got two emails from him today.

And I'm just really, you know, blown away. Hello, Karen. I am sorry and apologize for taking so long to get back to you. To be truthful, I didn't know what to say to you or how to say it. I do feel the hurt and pain that you have suffered through all these years of not knowing what really happened to your sister. I can't undo the past. I wish I could. I, too, have to live with the pain I have caused to so many people. Less than a minute left, so I will begin to close. I will write again.

And then it just kind of cut off. So what do you think of that? We're talking about a guy who is the master of deception. I know. He's a bad guy, but he's rather harmless at the moment. And he is the one that has answers, you know, believable or not.

♪♪

My name is Anthony Scalia. From Truth Media and Sony Music Entertainment, this is Denise Didn't Come Home. They're saying this guy confessed, but there's not going to be any charges. There's not going to be any media. Can you explain to me how you killed her? It's hazy. I would almost definitely say that I strangled her. Some details were lost to him. This was really far from home run, slam dunk.

Chapter 6. A word that starts with a C. Karen spent months writing to Richard Cottingham through the prison email system.

The following are excerpts of their correspondence, read by actors. Cottingham was a slow typer, and he only had 20 minutes at a time to send his emails. So his responses were often short. Hi, Karen. I've been thinking about that night so long ago.

It's surreal, like it never happened or I imagined at all. There are things that I've forgotten about and really can't recall, but there are other things that are really vivid, like they happened yesterday. Rich, can you tell me about the vivid things? Where you contacted Denise and just anything you remember, I would be so grateful, anything about her.

"Karen, I think that you would be interested to know that I remember talking to Denise quite extensively for well over four hours. And believe it or not, she did not appear to me to be scared or frightened. The longer we talked, the calmer she got. She even laughed at times at something stupid I said. She appeared to me to be intelligent, yet at the same time a little bit naive as to what was happening."

I don't know what to say to you, except that I'm so, so sorry. For her, as well as to you. I'm out of time, so I'm gonna close for now. I hope I'm not bringing up bad memories for you, Rich. Rich, please don't worry about bringing up bad memories. I am able and ready to face this. I want to know what happened to Denise.

"Thank you for doing this for me. Have a peaceful night and write when you can." As they continued to write back and forth, Karen kept trying to steer Cottingham towards his memories of the night of the murder. But after a month of correspondence, Cottingham had offered her nothing. "How exactly did you kill Denise and where did the killing take place? Maybe this will help if I just keep it short with the specific questions."

Karen, I think by now you must have sensed my reluctance to talk specifically about that question in your last email to me. That is not because I believe you don't deserve that from me. It's because I'm reluctant to put anything specifically about that down on the paper. So while your sister's case is solved for now, shit, out of time. I will continue tomorrow.

Cottingham's time would often run out mid-sentence, and Karen was left to wonder if he was really running out of time or dodging her questions. Richard, to be straight with you, it's hard for me to sort out whether you really killed Denise or whether you are confessing to these crimes in exchange for favors, or both. I really pray my words don't upset you. Keep writing if you can. Karen. Karen, let me be as clear as I can be to you.

I did not talk to the prosecutors for over 25 years. I never had, nor still do not, seek publicity. I get very little in return for talking to them or helping them solve crimes. I get a day out of jail and a few good meals. I will not lie to you ever. But truthfully, I don't know what will convince you of what it is you're seeking. Rich. So what do you feel like doing today? Do you want to talk to me about, like, your correspondence with Richard?

I'm really wanting to share these emails with you because it's really intense for me right now with Richard writing to me. More than any time since this has happened, I feel like I've really been sucked back to that night. When he says the things that he says and remembers the things that he remembers, I see it like it's crazy.

There was one moment from the night of Denise's murder that Karen needed Cottingham to remember. The moment where he might have stalked her in a blue car. Rich, I think I may have seen you that night. And you may have seen me.

Karen, I specifically don't remember the fact of maybe seeing you, but it's entirely possible.

My normal activity would be to cruise around, sometimes for hours. And since when I met Denise, it was already late. It is possible, but I don't specifically remember that. Rich, what kind of car did you drive? Year, make, model, and color? Most of my cars were Chevys. I did drive one Buick and a Dodge Charger. Karen jumped on the internet. She looked at old Chevys, then a Dodge Charger.

None of them looked like the car she saw. But then she found a picture of a late 60s Buick sedan. You mentioned a Buick. If you remember what color the Buick was, let me know. I believe that the Buick I was driving around that time was light blue. Once he said the name of that car, and I went and looked at it, it was it. That was it. That's it. That was really startling for me.

Do you think that you saw Richard the night that Denise died? Do you think that person in the car was Richard? I remember just sitting there, kind of stunned.

That after everything Karen and I had been through, going through all her theories, she'd finally come to terms with who killed her sister. Her lifelong journey had suddenly come to an end. And then I thought about Karen's theory about Max, Denise's ex-boyfriend. How sure she was that Max had killed Denise. The part of the story that we talked about with Max, the things that I put together there really did add up.

It's easier for me to think that these people that I know did this than it is for me to think about this evil, incarnate, wounding son of a bitch who got a hold of her. He killed so many people that day. He killed my mother, too, and my father, and all my sisters. He killed them. They were never the same. And me, a part of me, too.

Why did he come in our path that night? He hit and runned us like a freight train. I could never accept it. And really, that's kind of a big message for me is that I do need to accept it. It really has been hitting me that I don't have to search for her murderer anymore. I can just remember her and accept the fact that she's gone, she's dead, you know?

Hi everyone, it's Millie here. And it's Liam. And this is our brand new podcast, Liam and Millie. Why Liam and Millie? Because it's just us. So we are going to take you into the reality of our little love story from that very first chat on Love Island. But now we're navigating our long distance relationship. You may not know, but I live in Wales. And I live in Essex. So each week we'll be catching up on each other's lives. We also will be answering your relationship questions.

questions and tackling your juiciest dilemmas listen now wherever you get your podcasts or watch the full episode on youtube why is the podcast not called millie and liam nine hi i'm barbie and i'm barbie we're making a podcast together

Follow and listen wherever you get your podcasts.

This whole thing is so, so, so messed up for everybody involved. He's the person that I've been looking for for all these years.

After Karen accepted that Richard Cottingham had killed her sister Denise, she was left to reckon with what that meant and what was next. I've been put on a long road to get to him. It's sort of like the promised land, you know, like 40 years in the desert kind of thing. And it wasn't just so I could say, hey, fuck you for killing my sister and me carrying around this hatred in my heart. It's no good for me. You know, it's no good for anyone.

Karen had experienced so much tragedy in her life. I just hoped there wouldn't be any more. But right around then, her 37-year-old stepson Wyatt was hiking in the Colorado mountains and died unexpectedly of a heart attack. Karen shut down. She even stopped talking to me. But there was one person she did talk to about Wyatt's death. Cottingham. Karen read me the emails he sent her. I'm deeply saddened about the news about Wyatt and by what you must be going through.

I can't pretend to know God's plan for all of us, but I truly believe that your family has suffered enough for one lifetime. I will pray for Wyatt, for you, for your family every day. I feel your pain, Karen, and I wish I could do something to ease it. Take all the time you need and take good care, Richie. I thought that was really nice. This is crazy, Anthony.

I really do care about Richard. I'm really not sure when or where it happened, but I actually care about him as a human being. I should hate him. I should wish him dead. And I'm not, you know, I don't feel that way at all. It's kind of surprising for me too, you know. I really think that I've been sent to him to forgive him. Like, this is a hard reality, but we're all going to die. We'll all have an appointment with the day.

Hi, Rich. I was reading over some of her letters, and I want you to know that I've found a certain amount of peace. Peace in knowing the truth about what happened. I don't want to let too much time go by to tell you that in my heart, I forgive you.

I wanted to ask you if at any time you realized what you were doing might be wrong and did you ever wish someone could help you? Do you think you would have gone on killing if you hadn't been caught in 1980? Hey Karen, thanks for writing to me. If I didn't get arrested and taken off the street, I probably never would have stopped. I know that's sad to say, but I'm trying to be as truthful to you as I can.

I was like a possessed person, controlled by a compulsion I did not recognize nor understand. Karen felt that despite everything Cottingham had done, there was still some good in him. But cracks in that facade were starting to show. As a somewhat intelligent and moral person, I knew what I was doing was wrong. But I had a knack of clearing my mind afterwards and never thinking about what I had done. I know that these answers will somewhat disturb you. But with you, the truth is all I have.

After that, Karen stopped writing to Cottingham.

She seemed to withdraw from everything. I heard from her less and less, often through short text messages. And then, that winter, she texted me. "I need to talk to you." I was driving at the time, so I quickly pulled over to call her. She told me she had been to the doctor and had some bad news. So, I have adenocarcinoma stage 4 cancer, so it has spread.

Like they're already shrinking the tumors that I have. That completely knocked the wind out of me. I thought we had all the time in the world to tell this story together. Sitting in my car on the side of the road, blood pulsing in my ears, I'll never forget the rising panic of that moment when suddenly there was no time left. I always said, if it takes me to the rest of my life, then I'll just use up the rest of my life.

There would be countless doctor's appointments ahead. Radiation and chemo, special diets, bed rest, oxygen tanks and IVs.

But Karen wasn't focused on any of that. She wanted to finish this project. You know how much this matters to me? And everything I do from this point forward matters to me more than ever. I want to bring this home for so many reasons for my family and make it into the best thing that I've ever done in my life. Truly honest and genuine and the truth.

My hope is to feel a little better every day, and I'll definitely talk to you on the weekend. Okay, I'll let you go. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Bye. Karen did not feel a little better every day. By early 2019, most of her energy had been sapped by chemotherapy. We talked less and less, and she could never talk long. Hey, how are you doing? Uh, I just had pretty bad headaches all day. Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm laid up pretty good, you know. Do you want to not talk? Yeah, I just, I probably won't be good. I can't even think. Yeah. And I've lost every pound that there is to lose. I look so bad. I'm so worried about me. I need you to sort of carry on without me for a minute. Yes. Do whatever you think is best. I trust your judgment, you know. You got it. It's fine.

There was a stretch of weeks where I didn't hear from Karen at all. And that was really hard. Finally, I reached out to her family on Facebook just to check in on her. They told me that Karen was not doing well, that she was going into hospice.

When I finally got Karen on the phone again, I didn't want to waste any more time. Really quickly, I wanted to offer this to you again. I will come out there if you want me to. If it's okay with you, I would be more than happy to come out there for a few days as soon as possible. I really do need to see you and meet you, even though I'm not even the same person that started talking to you. I know. A year ago. No pictures. No pictures. No pictures.

Don't worry, no pictures of me either. Okay, deal. Check one. Check one. Okay. There are some stories you end up telling over and over, and others that are really hard to tell again. This is one of them. One, two. I'm standing outside of this little white house in the quiet suburbs of Boulder, Colorado. Check one. And I'm super nervous. I'd come all the way from New Jersey. I hadn't slept. I'm struggling with the microphone and the cables.

I want everything to go right. Check one two. Because I'm about to meet Karen Falaska in person for the first time. And I know I'm about to meet her for the last time. Karen's daughter Jamie answers the door and leads me up to the living room. And that's where I see Karen. Hello. It isn't the best day. That's okay. So nice to finally meet you. How are you doing? You know, I'm doing good. Yeah?

So I was just laying in bed with oxygen. Trying to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you. It's so good to see you. I know I look terrible, but... No. At least we get to see each other. I actually weigh about 30 pounds more than this in real life. Usually. Like I said, I usually weigh 30 pounds less. So you can take some of mine if you want. In this house, we don't care about weight.

It's so beautiful out here in the sun. Wow, it is gorgeous out here, isn't it? Karen and I stood in the sun on her terrace while she smoked a cigarette, sharing a bit of silence. She told me she'd finally let it go. But as she stared out into the sunshine, part of me wondered if that was really true. I mean, everything you needed, you got it. I think so. You told me, certainly, you said, this is my life's work.

If it takes me to the end of my life to get the answer, I will do it. Did I say that? You said that multiple times. I believe you. You know, being ill, how do you view that? I've definitely had some revelations on so many things. I've always believed in my heart that there's a little bit of good in everybody, that nobody is really pure evil. I mean, deep in my heart, I believed that. And it was a pretty big eye-opener.

I don't know what in the world happened to Richard Cottingham. There was an evil that exists within this man, even to this day. He's very cordial and very apologetic, and he tries to comfort me by telling me she's in a better place now, as though he had been appointed to choose that for her. And I forgive him, but it's not because he deserves it.

It's for my soul that I forgive him. You know, I have to be able to forgive him. When Richard was revealed and that fear was lifted for me, I was finally able to grieve for her without being terrified. I was able to just cry, able to purely mourn her and actually bury her again. ♪

I really don't like the word closure because there really is no closure in a tragedy like this. It's just a word that starts with C. But there is peace, peace in my heart, peace in my soul. Yes, I really feel that you can have peace and understanding and knowing that we're all here for a certain amount of time and we just don't know, you know.

My faith lets me know that there's a more abundant life after this life and that I really, I can't wait. I feel ecstatic over seeing my sisters again and my family. I'm looking forward to seeing them so much. You know, it's just going to be amazing. And I have a lot of peace around that, just a lot of peace that everything is going to be the way it was supposed to be. ♪

Thank you again for like just everything, you know, like coming here and finally getting a chance to meet you. It's a big deal to me. And me too. I'm, you know, I'm just really honored to have you here. And that's what you said. I'm coming. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, he's coming then. There's probably so much I could say and so much I don't have to say. You know, I love you. You know, I love you, right? I do. I love you.

Thank you so much for everything. It's really been amazing. Absolutely. It really has. It for sure has. I flew back to New Jersey and kept working on our story. And I would still talk to Karen from time to time. And I think you're going to... And if I have to go, I'll be watching over. You can just know that.

I promise you. I will haunt you. Good. I need it. I need it. I want you to stay close to my family, okay? Like you're in it. Oh, I'm in it. I really feel a kinship with you, like, you know, further apart in age and everything else under the sun, but you and me are a lot alike. I know. We really are.

I really believe that you were led to me to tell this story. You were the one that was appointed to come and deal with me on this because you actually might understand more about me than many would. I have absolute faith in you. I know you'll make mistakes. I don't care about that. Thanks for calling. I love you. I love you too. I hope you feel good. Yeah, I'm working on it. Okay. Okay. Bye-bye.

Karen passed away on May 18th, 2019. And right away, I missed her. I missed her calling me all the time to tell me what was going on. Luckily, I had plenty of those conversations to listen to. When you have as much tape as I had of Karen, it's like a time machine. You can slide backwards and forwards through a friendship.

See, I don't get that here in London. In the months after Karen died, I wasn't listening to our conversations about Max or Cottingham or even Denise. I was listening to the moments I miss the most, when we were just friends. I know it's not funny, but... No, I'm trying not to laugh so I don't ruin the tape. Ha ha ha.

Karen used to say that we were a lot alike. That we were both the kind of people that needed to know everything. An obsessive need for the full picture. I was happy that through her emails with Cottingham, she had finally found the peace she needed. But now, Karen was gone. And as I listened back to my tapes of her, I was struck by something else. Cottingham had caused her a lifetime of hurt. Of uncertainty. Of regret.

For 50 years, Karen carried that weight alone. She watched as that one event destroyed her family, and she blamed herself. But there was only one person responsible for all that destruction and pain. Richard Cottingham and I had unfinished business. Hello, Anthony. How are you? Just figured I'd get this videogram out to you. If you look behind me, you will see a cell door open. That is my cell. That's where I live. This is to you and your girlfriend.

You know the one I'm gonna steal from you. Unlock all episodes of Denise Didn't Come Home ad-free right now by subscribing to the Binge Podcast channel. Not only will you immediately unlock all episodes of this show, but you'll get binge access to an entire network of thrilling true crime and investigative podcasts, all ad-free. Plus, on the first of every month, subscribers get a binge drop of a brand new series.

That's all episodes, all at once. Unlock your listening now by clicking subscribe at the top of the Binge Cases show page on Apple Podcasts or visit GetTheBinge.com to get access wherever you listen. Denise Didn't Come Home is a production of Truth Media in partnership with Sony Music Entertainment. I'm your host, Anthony Scalia. The show is produced by Ryan Swiker and me. Story editing by Mark Smerling.

Kevin Shepard is our associate producer. Scott Curtis is our production manager. From Sony, our executive producers are Jonathan Hirsch and Catherine St. Louis. Fact-checking by Dania Suleiman. Voice acting by Nick Dietz and Katie Clark Gray. George Drabing-Hicks did the mix. Sound design by George Drabing-Hicks and Ryan Swiker. Music by Kenny Kusiak, Epidemic Sound, and Marmoset. Special thanks to Denise DeVirgilis.

Our title track is Gimme Some by Weevil. If you've been enjoying the show, we'd love to hear from you. Give us a call at 646-665-2748 and leave us a voicemail. If you're enjoying Denise Didn't Come Home, don't forget to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. It really helps other people find the show. And thanks for listening.