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Ring ring ring ring ring ring
Oh, man. Oh, my two guys, five rings, dreams are over. My big penis hit the mic. Oh. And now I can't record anymore. Well, at least the internet's going to love you. How do you think he feels? Like, we're talking about Anthony Amirati, the 21-year-old French pole vaulter whose penis hit the bar and took the bar all the way down and dashed his own Olympic dreams. Now, would you say us talking about Anthony...
is two guys or five rings. I feel like we're dripping right into the five rings. I feel like it's really the way we talk about it that will dictate if it's the two guys or the five rings. You're right. And my number one thing is how do you think he feels? Because here's the thing. Like, he did not get the gold medal, but he did get the eyes of the entire world on his...
massive member. I was going to say member two, really underused word underrated. I think he's probably embarrassed. If we're going to be honest, if people are talking about my humongous penis getting in the way of my lip, I mean, he's forever iconic, but also right now in this moment, he's probably like, well,
Well, the whole world is talking about my genitals. I know. And there's nothing he could do about it. You know what I mean? It's just like it's just it's it's a. So for those of you who are uninformed out there, French pole vaulter Anthony Amirati, 21 years old, went viral on Saturday, August 3rd, after a video of one of his pole vault attempts made it look like he failed to clear the bar because of his bulge, which seemed to knock down the crossbar.
The theory quickly picked up steam and spread like wildfire on social media and through headlines, but a closer look at the video shows that was not actually the case.
No, I'm sorry. I disagree with the copy. There's a copy in front of us that we're reading. No, no, no. Let me... No, I'm sorry. I'm going to read the other copy. During the jump, Amirati tries to clear the bar, but first hits it with his shins and then his knees. It's already a failed jump, but to add injury to insult, Amirati knocks the bar off fully after he hits it with his crotch. So he...
Like, there's a delay. If you go back and watch the footage, there is this, like, the reaction where he's just, like, shaking his head, just looking so disappointed, downtrodden, is from the shins and the knees. The bulge is incidental, almost. Yeah, I mean, like, when you really realize, like, it wasn't necessary. But here's what I'm saying. At this point, like...
you did not clear the bar. Everyone thinks it was your huge penis. Run with that, I think. But the thing is, I don't know. I wonder if you have a sense of humor about that kind of thing when you train for so hard and so long. And I guess it wasn't possible for him to tuck the thing, right? I think there's going to be a new Kubler-Rossian stages of not grief, but acceptance for having a big penis that gets in the way of your Olympic performance.
It's anger. It's denial. It's, you know, like, and then it ends in humor and maybe a campsite. I mean, the man is absolutely gorgeous. He like outside of like the, the, the largeness of it. Like he's blessed all over. Can we say that? He's blessed all over. And like, I think that so are we, to be quite honest. And I also think like this makes him, um,
one of the more famous Olympians now. Right. And you know what? This is where you go, a tuck or a dance belt never hurt nobody. Yeah, it really does feel like it's out there. You know what I mean? When you watch the video, it's like, yeah, there's no getting around that thing. I feel like this can't be the first time this has happened to him. No, yeah. He knew the risk. Yeah.
I'm going to say, like, if you're an athlete professionally, you are, I would think, this may be presumptuous, you are so aware of your own body and of the sort of, like, boons and the handicaps that come with it of your specific body. And, you know, like...
You have to watch out for your big ass, Matt Rogers, and I have to watch out for my flat square ass and my big calves. You know, we all have our things. We all have our things. We all have our things that make it hard to move about the world. You know what I mean?
Some of us carry guilt. Others of us carry a large member. And also, guys, here's the thing. We had to talk about this. We had to address this head on. I feel like some people are going to be listening to this podcast and they're thinking, oh, they're just gross. They're going to say, oh, they're just this is just gross. And they're objectifying this man. No, this actually is international news. It is international news that this penis knocked off the bar. And so we have to talk about it as journalists. Yeah.
Yeah. And he's also won two gold medals before and has set a national record with his pole vaulting. In 2021, he set the under 20 record in Salon de Provence. And that same year, he won the gold medal for a 5.64 meter vault. He is accomplished.
I hope and pray that he does not let this define... Lots of mixed... There's a lot going on here. There's a lot going on with Anthony. There's a lot of stories. Better he competed, though. So he could have pulled out like Samoan in Tokyo and been like, I'm so sorry, but the pressure of my huge penis looms too large and I have to drop out. I got the bulgies. I got the bulgies. And he didn't have the whips. He didn't have the... The twisties. He had the bulgies and he...
he decided to stay in the fight. By the way, speaking of Simone, to move on from, I guess, the penis talk, and I guess that kind of ends the two guys portion of this. You know what I mean? I think that was, we were talking about that in two guys tone. Yeah. Now, do I usually mention here in the two guys section or later that I ran a 436 mile? Wow. Or does it matter because I just did? Well, I think you just did and you actually kind of
you were right on the knife's edge, which is amazing. Like in the transition between two guys and five rings that for you to choose that part, the transition to mention the four, what was it? 436, 424, 436, 436, 436.
You keep thinking it's different than it is, and I've said it so many times. This is a meta-narrative. I don't remember your social security number. This is the meta-narrative now. Well, first of all, lose that. And this is the meta-narrative now, which is that I will never remember the exact number, no matter how many times you say it. Got it. Okay. Well, I'll just say it for everyone else again one more time, 436. And also, did I tell you I've committed to something?
I, before this podcast is over, am going to go to a track and I'm going to see how fast I can run a mile now. And we're going to see how close we get. I just want to emotionally prepare you. You might be disappointed. Can I ask, what do you think I will get? Oh my God, this is Price is Right. I think you're going to get...
555. 555. You think I will run a mile in 555 and that's the best I can do? I ran a 520 in 7th grade. And I'm a grown man now.
This is so hard. I don't know your body. I'm not... You are the Anthony Amirati of your own body. You know it better than I do. I mean, clearly he did it. You worked out next to me in Barry's yesterday. What'd you think of my cardio skills? Very, very impressive. Matt and I recently had to...
run for our lives at the Rome Fiumicino airport to make our connecting flight. And we ran through the entire terminal. You never broke stride. Neither did you. And you were fast. No, I did. I was panting. I was panting pro V. I was really, really down for the count for a second.
By the end, I was definitely like, I still got it, and I think I can take this to the track. Here's what I'm going to say. I'm not going to put a wager on myself yet, but I hear you're 555.
And I will say confidently, I think I will do better than that. Wow. I'm not going to guess what I'm going to run, but I think I will do a better because it's only just the one mile. And I remember I do know how to do it intrinsically in my body from high school. It's like drilled into me. I don't think I'll run a 436. That will never happen. But I think I'll do better than 555. I do. I do. Okay. Stay tuned. I hope you prove me wrong and you prove yourself right. Stay tuned. Stay tuned.
We're back. Let's talk about Simone. Let's talk about Simone. What do you got for us, Bowen? Update us on the medal count for Simone, the Biles. Well, after, I would say, after women's team, she did break Shannon's record for most awarded gymnast, most medal gymnast. And she has, as of this recording, I think, no, she's done. She wins her fourth medal of the Olympics.
Silver in the floor exercise finals on Monday, her fourth medal in Paris and 11th Olympic medal overall. Give it up. After a routine that included a couple of costly steps out of bounds, no problem, it happens all the time. Let's shout out Brazil's Rebecca Andrade becoming the first gymnast to beat Biles in a floor final in a major international competition. 14.166.
finished just ahead of Biles, who was at 14.133. Wow. So close. And Jordan Childs, we can't forget, longtime friend and teammate of Biles, earned the bronze. The moment of Simone and Jordan bowing to Rebecca on the pedestal, on the podium. That was amazing. That fills me. I will coast on that display of sportsmanship and kindness and humanity and...
beauty for decades. I get chills just thinking about that. Rebecca Andrade, she happens to be one of the best in the world and she happens to be competing against the best ever. So therefore, it's like so beautiful that she gets to have a gold and walk away from this experience with a gold medal. Yeah. We have loved watching her. She is incredible. That whole Brazilian team,
um just amazing but rebecca andraje congrats on the gold sister yeah she's truly a standout i mean she has like not only just obviously the capability that she has and the talent that she has but you want to root for her like you hear her personal story about what she's come from you know what yeah she's she's truly had to like
truly against all odds, she is there. And so to see that happen was amazing. And you have to know that, I guess that's at a certain point, it's like,
that's also part of being a healthy competitor, right? Is, you know, that like at the end of it, like there's going to be the rankings, there's going to be the standings, like someone's going to win the gold. Someone's going to win the silver. Someone's going to win the bronze and everyone else is going home with nothing. But you have to, I think in order to be a really, really strong competitor or at least someone that's like used to it in this way, like all these girls are understand that like the results are the results and we are
celebrate that person that wanted to see them do that so heartily was really amazing. And it had to make that girl feel incredible because those two are icons, Jordan and Simone. And these are people who have...
really grown together. I mean, they've seen each other for years and years and years competing at all these different events. It's really beautiful because Simone doesn't speak Portuguese, Rebecca doesn't speak English, that you watch these people communicate just in like universal gestures and nonverbal things. And there's something about... I'm sorry, I sound so silly, but there's something really amazing about that too. It's like...
You can communicate in spins and twirls and somersaults. Yes. Like we sometimes do. Oh, yeah. I used somersault in front of me the other day and I went, yes, I'm with you. You knew emotionally where I was at in that moment. You really did? I really did. Other stories. Lots going on. I gotta say, maybe this is because we're paying more attention than we usually do because we're hosting Two Guys Fight Rings.
I'm really enjoying all of the stories coming out of Paris. Talk about Noah Lyles. Noah Lyles has won the gold in the 100-meter sprint. On Sunday, three U.S. sprinters reached the finals of the 100 meters in one of the closest finals in Olympic history. The leader of the pack, Noah Lyles, pulled out a victory with nothing left to spare. It took a near-perfect race and a dip at the end.
But the 27-year-old Lyles edged out Jamaica's Kishane Thompson with a personal best time of... This is insane. 9.784 seconds.
That's an unheard of time. Well, I mean, people have done it, but you know what I'm saying? Thompson also ran a 9.79, but Lyles finished .005 of a second faster. Lyles' teammate, Fred Curley, won the bronze. The race was so close that Lyles, in real time, said he thought Thompson had won. We were waiting for the names to pop up, and I'll be honest, I came over and I was like, I think you got the Olympics, dog.
That's what he said. That was not just me quoting. Five thousandths of a second. That is what we call a photo finish. And have you actually seen the picture of the finish? Because it's insane that something can come down to this. The photo. But yeah. Wow. I mean, yeah, it's pretty incredible. This like overhead shot is... This is why you watch...
Yeah. So there's been because it is like some controversy over the photo. Some people are like, oh, it's this one one. Oh, that one one. The rule is it's not the foot crossing over. It's the head crossing over. And guys, can we can we just like confirm that that's true? It's whoever's head crosses and not the foot. Yeah.
Yes. But I just want to go to my producers to make sure because this is part of the controversy. It's the torso. It's the torso. Thank you. It's the torso, everyone. Okay, so looking at the photo again, yeah. Yeah, wow. It really is. It is the definition of a photo finish. Now, what if you have a very long torso versus someone like me who has a very short one?
I'd say I'm at a disadvantage. Yeah, I don't know that you are going to beat these guys in 100 meters. I mean, compared to my girl over here, she's giving Slenderman while I'm giving Danny DeVito. I don't like that. I don't like when you talk about yourself and Danny DeVito that way. And I never have... I am not putting any connotation on this. I love Slenderman and I love Danny DeVito equally. I want to see them do a buddy comedy together. Slenderman and Danny DeVito? You know what I mean?
Yeah, I mean, Danny DeVito did it with Arnold Schwarzenegger, did he not? He did. What was that movie again? Oh, Twins. Ain't that hilarious? Ain't that hilarious? Noah Lyles, really inspiring. It came down to five, remember, five thousandths of a second.
I just think it's an amazing moment of athleticism between Jamaica and the US. But for Noah, this is someone who immediately after he won tweeted, I have asthma, allergies, dyslexia, ADD, anxiety, and depression, but I will tell you that what you have does not define what you can become. Why not you? Wow. Why not you? Why not you? Beautiful. I love that. I love that.
Can I say the Olympics are so amazing? I will shout it from the rooftops. I'll go on the damn podcast and say it. We have an update to the medal race, Bowen. And I have to say, it's pretty good news for the US of A.
So in third place overall, fittingly, apropos, we have with 48 total medals, France. They've also garnered 13 gold medals. In second place is China with 53 total medals and 21 gold medals.
And the United States has amassed 79 medals in total and also won 21 gold medals. So if you're a gold medal girly, it's the U.S. and China kind of up there together. But indisputably, the U.S. is really raking them in overall. Yeah.
And it usually comes down to-- It's really fun to see it get shaken up with Russia not being in the mix because they're not participating this year. So, it's usually like this toss-up between the US, China, and Russia. We love seeing France up there. And even with Anthony's penis hitting the bar,
it still doesn't matter. France is still seeing some big metal glory. I think, Bowen, we have to keep calling it a member. A member, I'm sorry. Now that we've said member, we can't go back to penis. We can never go back to
That's from Ragtime. It's a Broadway musical. But that's kind of the thing we discussed on our other podcast, Las Culturistas. Not this one, Two Guys, Five Rings. On this one, Two Guys, Five Rings, we give medals at the end of every episode. Before we give the medals out, and I don't know that these will be medal-winning stories, I do want to say and point out that Carlos Yulo made history as the country's first ever male Olympic gold medalist.
He won for his floor routine. Very cool. And then we have to shout out Giorgia Villa, the Italian legend who was an ambassador for Parmigiano-Reggiano. When you have... Wow. When you are sponsored by one of the most iconic cheeses the world over and you're an Olympic gymnast...
I mean, Georgia, first of all, for your name to be Georgia Villa. Georgia Villa repping the world's cheese on the world stage. Congratulations. Doing the splits on big old wheels of cheese. There's nothing more to say than congratulations. You are aspirational, Georgia. Now it's time to give out the medals. Okay, I have to say, I think the bronze is going to go to...
Noah Lyles, not just for like persevering so, but for keeping cool. Yeah, I would not have kept it together. I would have been an anxious Annie. I would have been an anxious Annie to say the least. But Noah kept his cool, overcame all of these things that, you know, do not define him. We love to see it. Congrats, Noah. Congrats. What are you? You did that. What's your silver? My silver is going to be...
Because I think we have a clear gold. Because it was such a big story that we went right into at the top of this episode. So my silver is going to be Simone winning her silver for the floor exercise. I mean, there's a lot wrapped up there. It is like... It should be gold, but we can't give it to this. I mean, we could also give the silver to them...
being happy for Rebecca. But I think like there's, I think it's a gold worthy story. Like that, I will never forget the two of them bowing to Rebecca. Okay, so you want to give the penis the silver and them the gold? No, I think penis has to get the gold. I would agree. I mean, let's give him something. Yeah. He's already got a lot. Simone and Rebecca, they both have golds already. You know what I mean? They have real golds and the two guys by ring golds is more sort of, I don't know. It's more decorative. Decorative and sort of
ceremonial and that's how you know what we mean. You know what we mean. We're going to give silver to the women gymnasts because there's already medals involved. We need to give, not as a consolation, but as this is a big Olympic story is Anthony's member hitting the bar. What a long way we've come. Yeah, where we can just openly talk about this. And I will say if he does want any consolation, my phone number is...
Anyways, I'm not going to get my phone number out on Two Guys Five Rings. It'll be blowing up. Follow Two Guys Five Rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast platform and watch and listen to every moment of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games now through August 11th on NBC and Peacock and for the first time ever on the iHeartRadio app. Do do do.
I don't know why I'm giving it so much like...
