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cover of episode Episode XI: The Jobs of an Olympian

Episode XI: The Jobs of an Olympian

2024/8/6
logo of podcast Two Guys, Five Rings: Matt, Bowen & The Olympics

Two Guys, Five Rings: Matt, Bowen & The Olympics

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Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Did we ever decide on the melody of that?

No, and I think that's okay. I think that's beautiful. I think it's okay. I think that we're saying that sometimes music moves you in different directions. Sometimes, you know, you might feel the spirit in a way that you didn't earlier. Like, that's why sometimes things, songs might be different each time you sing them. Every time you sing a song, it's different. It's a snowflake, like us. I want to say that maybe the words ring, ring, ring, ring, ring

are like the Olympics and the melody is the vessel, perhaps the host city of those words. - Amazing. - And so every episode we're a different host city. What are we today?

We are... Well, we're Paris. Because I don't know if you knew this, but the Olympics are so underway right now that it's not... It's actually not even funny. Oh, check the way right there. Look under it. The Olympics are right there underway. I'm crying. I'm crying. I'm crying. And let me be very clear from Joy, because I'm just so happy that these athletes are getting their shine on. They're just like...

Is there a song called Shine On? There's a Clay Aiken song called Shine On.

Is there actually? Yeah. Wait, were you a Clay Aiken fan? Were you a Clay Aiken? I listened to Measure of a Man, so I didn't know you were a man. Measure of a Man was in our Toyota Sienna minivan because guess what? Mom loved Clay. My sister loved Clay. And I loved Clay, too. I also loved Clay, but I do remember going to school in the morning when it was going to be... American Idol, this was probably, what, 2003, 2004? I remember...

It became very clear that it was going to be a Ruben versus Clay matchup. Ruben stuttered versus Clay Aiken. And this does relate to the podcast because it's competition and therefore Olympics. Right. And American Idol should be like breaking and added to the Olympics. Yes. American Idol should be Olympics for it. If this were our other podcast, that would be a rule of culture. But we can't. We can't. We can't. But I remember having to go into school and everyone was like, who do you want to win? Yeah.

And it was very clear that I was supposed to say Ruben. Not saying that Ruben didn't deserve to win. Ruben was fabulous. I am a flying without wings apologist. But what was in your heart was you were... I wanted Clay. I thought Clay was the best singer. And I think I saw myself in Clay, a.k.a. homosexual feelings. I saw myself in Clay, a.k.a. guy with glasses. And it takes...

different kinds of people on screen. Yes. To really be able to say representation matters. Clay Aiken was a gay man with glasses. White gay with glasses singing with a big voice. That's me and you fused. Oh. That's our child. My God. Clay Aiken is us if

If we had a baby. If we had a baby that was older than us. If we had a baby that was older than us, it would be Clay Aiken. And again, if this were our other podcast, we would say that's a real culture, but we just can't. We would actually be in, there would be litigation. There would be litigation. We would sue, we would make history as people who would sue ourselves for the first time. Yeah.

And we would have a co-defendant, co-plaintiff, which is iHeartMedia. And let me tell you something, you don't want to mess with iHeart. Don't run afoul of iHeartMedia. Don't run afoul of... Especially...

The people who work in sports. And again, if this was our other podcast, all of that would be a massive rule of culture, but we just can't. We just can't. Listen, speaking of athletes like Clay Aiken, who were at their prime, you know, long ago and have gone on to live very interesting lives since then, I believe he's some sort of politician. Something like that. And look, that's a very interesting life. Wait, look, and now I have to...

Clay Aiken Politics. Hey, this is Two Guys, Five Rings, where we Google things like Clay Aiken Politics. Which I'm not trying to get into right now. Don't we have enough of that? We have enough of that. We are here on Two Guys, Five Rings. The Olympics are underway. The Parisian air is suffused in Olympic glory. I would call it suffused. Suffused. I would say that there are so many Olympics

Olympians on the field that are going to have great futures. Today, we are talking about athletes who have gone on to or been involved with careers outside of their Olympic career, which are of note. And we've talked before about Sonny Choi, who went from corporate America to competitive breakdancing as one of these examples of someone who lives a very rich life outside of the Olympics. Very interesting when you

put it next to the fact that she is probably headed for the gold in breaking, but she also literally was a top player

like she was a lauder official she was marketing diva yeah i stay louder and now she's about to pop and lock and that is something that is inspiring to me and want to i really want to dig in well we all contain multiple we all contain multiple is what i was saying yeah multiple is something that i know i contain i contain multiple poods

at least twice a day if I'm eating right. Girl, I'm not getting into this fecal humor with you. Girl, let me. Yeah.

This is part of my rich life. Matt, what is your resume? Run me down the list of jobs you've had. Oh, okay. So my first job ever was I was a busboy at a restaurant. Thank you. And I worked at that same restaurant for many years, so many years that they promoted me to being a waiter. I was also a baseball camp counselor. I was a tour guide on a tour bus in New York City called The Ride. Okay.

These are all so you. And what else? I was mostly a waiter, though. I was like for 10 years, I was in the service industry. And I was that person who for a while said that thing of like, I think that everyone in this country should have to do two years of service.

And do you have that? Have you evolved from that stance? I feel like that is still a pretty good stance to have. I still think that everyone could benefit from being in a restaurant and spoken to in an aggressive manner by clientele, no matter who they are. I think that it's very humbling and everyone benefits from it. But that was sort of what one of the things that formed me and my personality. What about you? What were your jobs? Well, first of all, I want to say that each of those jobs is a beautiful thing.

tesla in the mosaic of your life i consider what i do a mosaic beautiful tesla but not not that tesla but i just want to say you're also leaving out podcasts award-winning podcaster yes game show host actor writer comedian but can i tell you something bowen i don't even think of this as work this is so fun for me and the fact that i'm so blessed

that this can be what I do for a living. Talk to my girl. Love what you do. You'll never work a day in your life. Who said that? Sunny Choi. Oh my God. She really is amazing. She's amazing. Oh no, she's the vibe. I'm telling you like now to know that you've hung out with her, like makes me feel like it's possible for me. Oh yes. Neste Lauder breakdancing queen. That's someone that's high on my list. That is so you coded. You think so?

I think that's just someone that you would hang out with. Well, I'm hanging out with you right now, and I want to know what your jobs were. Stop trying to skip the subject. Okay. I was an ice cream scooper at Maggie Moose. That is so iconic. That was my first job. Did you identify as being good at scooping? Yeah, I was very good at scooping. I think I have good wrists, good... Yeah, you're very strong. I have strong...

What is this arm called? Well, that's called the right arm. This is the forearm. But then what's the... What do you call the after the forearm? The afterarm? After the forearm. It's the after party. After party. It's the hotel lobby. After the forearm. And then what is this? I guess the bicep. This is the forearm. Guys, we're going to ask our straight producers. What is it? What's it called after the forearm? Oh, no. This is...

This is the forearm. It's the region between the elbow and the wrist. But see, I never know what's for. I thought you were asking about what this part is. Everyone, I'm sort of talking about my shoulder to my elbow. And I don't know what we'd call this. I would just call it... You can't call it the bicep because that's the muscle. That's the muscle. What is that?

I have no idea. Well, the sports... Now we're being told it's called the bicep. The bicep. Anyway, but you were referencing your forearm. The under bicep. No, I know that's not right. That doesn't seem right, Sean. That doesn't seem right, Sean. But nice try. So ice cream scooper. Ice cream scooper. Had very strong forearms. Very good. Is what I had to say. Then I was a lab assistant. Huh? When I was in my pre-med era. Yeah. I was...

And this brings me great shame. I was euthanizing mice because we were running genetic tests on them. But I was also doing, I was running PCR gels. I don't know how you. I was. Listen, this is. You were euthanizing mice? Because we were using. PETA is going to have my head and they deserve it.

Deltoid. No, that's your shoulders. No, guys, please. Stop trying. You're all embarrassing yourselves. Our street producers are absolutely flopping trying to figure out what the... You guys should know what a part of a man's body is called. No, we should know that. No. We're gay men. We study the things. I guess so. Nice try, Kurt. Wait, I'm sorry. Again, you're sort of... I eat the nice mice.

And this is that my PR team is scrambling right now. Yeah, they're like, how do we get on top of the Bowen Yang kills mice narrative? We were studying, you know, cellular pathways. And we were just it's this is this is what a lot of geneticists do.

Is they like try out new genomes. They tweak genomes in mice and see how they, it's awful. It's not good work. And it was a mean German guy. And he fired me. Why did he fire you? Because I was coming in late. Oh, you were coming in late. Because you know what? Probably a bad morale thing to kill mice. We need to cut all of this out. Do you think so?

I don't think we do. I think that you having obviously grown since then. Of course. And can I say something? I just want to speak for my sister. I would never kill a mouse today. I actually would actually use the expression about Bowen. He wouldn't even harm a mouse. That famous expression. He's quiet as a mouse. He wouldn't even harm one. Harm one. So I did that.

Then I was a graphic designer. Yep. And then you got on Saturday Night Live. And then since that tricep final... Sean, enough. Guys, it's enough. We moved on from that part of the body. We moved on to Bowen Yang's... Dark history. Assimilation back into regular society after being a mouse killer in college. In a lab. In a lab. Horrid. Horrid. So that was the two guys section. Guys, when we get back, we're going to have a few minutes to talk about what we said we would...

And we're back. So, athletes, you know, they're not just doing this...

24-7 for their 9-to-5 bow. 24-7 and 9-to-5, two different ways to talk about time. These people have jobs. These people have jobs. Let's give a quick little rundown of some notable jobs, and then we'll give out our medals. 100%. Okay. First, we have Gabby Thomas, who is in track and field for Team USA, making her second consecutive Olympic appearance in Paris, won a silver and bronze medal in Tokyo. Okay.

She's a 2019 Harvard graduate with a bachelor's in neurobiology and global health, who added a master's degree in epidemiology from the University of Texas in 2022, works at night as a volunteer at an Austin, Texas healthcare clinic providing primary care to adults and children lacking other access to such healthcare. She serves as the director of programs and manages a team of volunteers focused on patients with high blood pressure. Give it the hell up. Give it up.

Because let me tell you something. You have to imagine to keep yourself in peak Olympic shape, you need a lot of sleep. This woman doesn't sleep. Gabby Thomas is running around. She's running around back and forth from volunteer to volunteer, from clinic to clinic. At night. At night. Jeez, Louise. Now, do we think she has a good of a mile as you?

I think that she could absolutely smoke me because I don't know if you guys know this. And the thing is about me, like I have a pretty fast smile. My mouth time is 436 back in high school anyway, but I still do think that Gabby Thomas could smoke me though. I will say just to talk about this one more time. There was some times in high school where I was like,

Thinking to myself, like, I wonder what the female sprinters that were Olympians could give in the mile. Probably still like an insane time. All these people could run insane mile times. And get a master's in epidemiology from UT.

Another

Harvard gal. These people be overachieving. And we love that. This is the Olympic spirit. Yeah, the Olympic spirit is being like, no, Harvard. It's that Elle Woods energy. It's that Elle Woods energy. I can't think of anyone else who went to Harvard.

Only great people. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Sure. Didn't they? Hmm. Have it. Have it. Was that your best? That was my best Boston. I want to talk about Sarah Adam. Okay. Sarah Adam is...

a wheelchair rugby star olympian for team usa making her paralympic debut in paris she's the first woman named to the u.s paralympic wheelchair rugby team is a professor of occupational therapy at st louis university in the occupational science and occupational therapy program prior to being a professor she worked clinically with folks with stroke or brain injury for five years on an inpatient unit at a hospital i mean hero vibes this is i'm about to cry

This is not only the Olympic spirit, this is the human spirit. Now I'm about to cry. This is humanity down, manifesting as kindness and mutual aid and help to help people.

This is what life is. Human life is suffering, but humanity is about helping each other through the suffering. The way the rules of culture are just flying through the atmosphere right now, but we can't. But we can't. Or else we will sue ourselves. Just total legend. I mean...

Let's talk about Joe Brigden Jones, because this is wild. A canoe sprinter from Australia, two-time Olympian. Beginning in 2016, while training for the 2020 Tokyo Games, Brigden Jones began working full-time as an intensive care paramedic for a government agency providing ambulance services. Then, during the COVID-19 pandemic, remember her?

Her passion for baking turned into a small business, the Elite Cake Company, and she began selling her baked goods. Wow. Elite Cake Company. You don't name your bakery that unless you know you're good. Elite Cake Company. This says to other cake companies, shut up.

That's what it says. It says, pipe down. Can it, Missy? Can it, Missy? I'm the elite kick company. I have to say, like, being an Olympic athlete...

One of the things probably on the restricted list in terms of things you can really be eating is cakes, pies, donuts, and the like. So to know that she turned the desire for, which I'm sure is a desire that she wanted those cake things for herself. She turned that outward and gave back. That's the Olympic spirit. That's the Olympic spirit. And that's on Elite Cake Company, which is what I call myself when I look in the mirror after the gym. Girl, when you do some shit.

Glute bridges. I must be part of the elite cake company. This must be a body made by Joe Bridgen Jones from Australia. One more. Damn. One more. One more. John, John Florence, surfing team USA, making his second consecutive Olympic appearance in Paris, co-founded an apparel brand called Florence Marine X in May, 2021, designing and selling products for all sport conditions and for modern utilitarian equipment for all sport conditions and for thriving in the elements of

while doing it in the most environmentally conscious way possible. I mean, sustainable and for all sport conditions. We haven't even talked about the name John John Florence. John John Florence. John John Florence. That's a good time. He's a fun guy. That's a perfect time. Perfect time. I want to go with him to the Elite Cake Company.

Girl. And then I want to go to get some medical care at the clinic. Exactly. If I eat too much cake at the elite cake company, there's several people on this list who I know exactly where to send me. The hospital. The hospital. And some of them will be working there all night. Girl. Between sprints, literally. I think, you know what we're going to do for the first time ever? What? Gold medals for all.

I just dropped my spoon. Oh my God. And actually from now on, everyone, if you're at home, the way to say you're really surprised is just say, I just dropped my spoon. Cause let me tell you something that is,

is such a good idea because guess what? All these people are giving not only so much in the Olympics, but outside of the Olympics. I can't see myself... Evaluating them? I can't see myself putting the COVID night nurse over the baker. I just can't. I can't see myself doing it. It takes a village. Sorry. I can't see myself placing the occupational therapy professor...

John John Florence. No. Over someone named John John Florence. I will say...

If we had talked about her today, Sonny Choi might get the gold medal because Estee Lauder by night, breakdancer by day, or maybe it's reverse. I guess Estee Lauder by day, breakdancer by night. You can do either of those anytime. You can do either at any time. My God, the rules of culture. They're so plentiful on this one, but we can't. She might win the gold medal if she were here, but she's just not. Just not. She's just taking up too much real estate. But look.

She is a main character of this podcast. She's top of mind. Top of mind. She's top of mind. You know that breaking is going to be one of the last events. So it's all going to be leading up to Miss Sunny. The programming is very intentional. Mm hmm.

They know we're clamoring for the break-in. Yeah. I want to see what the DJs get. There's a DJ on the floor. Isn't that incredible? It's pretty wild. And I guess that's my thing. It's just like with the break-in, I'm so excited to see how it works out. It's like, how do you make it... Because music is subjective and there's different opportunities and different songs. I really want to know how exactly they created a competitive environment where that feels... Well, you know, ask the gymnasts. Because if...

You know, if Simone Biles is going to tumble to ready for it, then Sonny Choi gets to do whatever she wants to any BPM.

I have to say, watching Simone Biles take to the floor and to know that her song is dot, dot, dot, ready for it by the one, the only Taylor Swift, it makes you root for Simone Biles even more, I'll say. As if you could root for Simone Biles even more to know that she's a Swifty on the floor. Baby, let the games begin.

In many ways, that's true here. And I wonder if Taylor low key when she was, you know, strumming her guitar, writing ready for it was like maybe the Olympics this one.

And she does think big, the girl. Oh, yeah. I'm sure she did. Sky's the limit for both Taylor and Simone. We love you, Queens. We love you, Queens. Now... Swift Biles 2024. Let's see. Quick news stories. We have Sha'Carri Richardson on the cover of Vogue. That was a gorgeous cover. Yeah, amazing. Photographed by Luis Alberto Rodriguez. Several of the images are shot in black and white. Show the athlete preparing to race and showcasing her...

signature nails, which are also featured on the cover. To run that fast with nails that gorgeous and stunning, you have to love both nails and running so much to have them both coexist. It's saying I'm bringing a little bit of me to the games, and that little bit of me is going to be ten little bits of me on each of my fingertips. And you'll be able to see it if you have an eagle eye, because I will be moving so fast, but trust, my nails are painted.

you will be dealt with. Did you know, Bowen, that these Olympics could be the most watched TV event in eight years? The past two Summer Olympic Games taking place in Rio and Tokyo each attracted over 3 billion viewers worldwide, according to the IOC, the International Olympic Committee, and their official reporting, making them some of the most widely watched television events over the last eight years. NBCUniversal expects even higher viewership for this Olympic Games as it is the first in several years to take place outside of Asia,

providing Western audiences with better viewing times. Cause that is a thing, you know, some of these events, like I was just talking to some people about watching the women's team gymnastics. Um,

And we're going to have to be getting up. Even for Paris. Even for Paris. I mean, Paris, we're in Los Angeles, California right now. Paris is famously, you know, way ahead of us. So if you want to see Simone Biles rocket through the sky through these words. Well, you know, I think the gymnastics routines, the songs can't have words in them.

Oh, so you won't be hearing Taylor, but you will hear... Well, if I can't hear Taylor, I don't know if I even want to watch. Take it up with IOC. I will. Speaking of which, Mongolia delivers with their Olympic outfits. Featuring intricately embroidered vests, pleated robes, and accessories inspired by traditional attire. They really do look severe. They look stunning. These are giving...

I want to say Bene Gesserit. That's not right. Bene Gesserit, but gray, but white. It's giving hopeful Bene Gesserit. I would say it's giving regal Bene Gesserit. It's giving Bene Gesserit if we actually were a different season. You know what I mean? These girls are autumns. The Bene Gesserits are all winters. Right. This is...

I think it's stunning. I think there's a reason why these are going crazy viral on Soch. Yeah. Well done, Mongolia. And well done, Michelle and Amazonka for designing an Ulaanbaatar-based label producing couture and ready-to-wear garments that express the essence of Mongolian tradition and culture, what the brand calls a contemporary light slay. Mm-hmm.

Well, let's read some quick podcast reviews and feedback from Instagram before we close out. Yeah, we've gotten a lot. A lot of you have reached out about the podcast and about what you want to see us cover. ShustG says Matt Bowen and the Olympics are a perfect throuple. I don't know that we are, to be honest with you. I don't know sexually how me, Bowen, and the Olympics all do together. Well, what Olympics and I do together on our nights together.

is none of your business. All right. Ariana Maddox says, please cover some horsey content. We have to do what she says. She is the queen. She is the queen. NBC Universal queen. She is the host of the biggest show on Peacock.

And the star of the Emmy-nominated, two-times Emmy-nominated Vanderpump Rules. Okay, so we have to... Now we gotta get our, you know, equestrian gig together. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Yes, Ariana. Yes. The answer is yes. Kate's so grateful, says my only source for sports. That's not good. It's not good. We're not the right people for that. No. But we thank you for including us in your media diet. I mean, thanks, I guess, but please...

Go talk to some people that really know what they're talking about with sports. Like our only source. Our producers who say that the deltoid is part of the arm. I don't trust them anymore at all. When they came through and they said the deltoid was this part. But you know what? Shame on me for not. I should be knowing this. Yeah. Well, you with your pre-med past.

a mouse-killing past. Apparently several listeners have said these words. U.S. Slay. Amazing. How do you feel about that? How do you feel about still being attributed to the word slay? I don't mind. Me neither. I think slay has stuck around for a lot longer than people have expected it to. Here to slay?

It's here to stay. Thank you. You know, this has been yet another episode of Two Guys, Five Rings that challenged, inspired, and motivated. Follow the show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or your favorite podcast platform. And watch and listen to every moment of the 2024 Paralympic Games now through August 11th on NBC and Peacock and for the first time ever on the iHeartRadio app.

Oh.