Episode X: The 2024 Paris Games are Underway!
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Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. We're underway. I think the shift is incredibly felt. Palatable. It's palatable. I am Olympics mode coded. Yeah. How do you feel? I feel really... Well, first of all, can I say the patriotism that is coursing through the veins of every...

red-blooded and blue-thinking American. Oh, brother. I have to say it feels good. You know, I've been rocking some USA merch. Yes. And, you know, it's a little precarious sometimes when doing that. It's not precarious. This is... No, everybody, this is the time. I have national pride. It's acceptable nationalism. Yeah. And we get this...

every couple years between the winter and summer games. Yes, yes. I'm loving it. I'm loving the red, white, and blue right now. I'm proud of the girls. I mean, we'll get into all of it, but we were able to watch together the women's team gymnastics. And...

It was amazing. And actually, I hadn't seen much of the preliminary events and the qualifying stuff, so I didn't know about a lot of the song choices and the floor routines, which I think is my favorite because I love dance. And you love a Beyonce mega mix. I mean, the fact that the Beyonce mega mix really... Not only was it an incredible performance, but also you could enjoy it as just a track. You could just play her track in the actual club. And people would be...

people would be doing a little front layout. Oh, they'd be responding. They'd be responding in a major way. They would do their own floor routine. Step out, back handspring, step out. We need to get a book on that. Full twisting layout.

We're talking about Jordan Childs' floor routine to the Beyonce mega mix. Obviously, you know, we saw some incredible floor routines such as Simone Biles flying to this guy. Well, let's talk about, okay, let's talk about Team USA Women's Team Gymnastics. That was a thrilling two hours of television for me personally. Amazing.

Amazing. And also, I didn't think there was ever any doubt that they were going to win just because they're that good. And they were sort of firmly in first pretty much the entire time. But it was just like knowing that she was headed towards becoming the most meddled gymnast of all time. And also just her poise. Simone Biles' poise. Her poise. All of their poise. Confidence. Yes. But they went in with such a compelling narrative. And just to like...

undo, quote-unquote, Tokyo for them. I think just for them, the way they've spoken about it, this was a very important moment for them as a team. And it was so...

beautiful and moving just to see them all like come together and like help each other to this gold with like a five point lead above 5.802 lead ahead of Italy that took silver Brazil took bronze and by the way Italy was great Italy was fantastic they were fantastic you know so interesting China really kind of like

They are a notoriously... That is one of China's big events. It's just gymnastics in general. And women's team was one of their favored wins, I think. Yeah, it's been like that my whole lifetime. I think yesterday something happened. It's so interesting. This is why we watch. This is why we...

I have been loving my viewing experience. Multi-view on Peacock is where it's at. You get four screens and you get to choose which one you watch. They're all live. I'm really enjoying it. You can, of course, watch the games on iHeart. But I think there's just a million ways to consume the games this year. And it feels like the last time they were on Peacock exclusively was, I guess, the Winter Olympics last time. And it feels like they've figured out a lot. It really feels like...

I don't know. It's not that user-friendly is something that's... But it does feel like that, right? Like you pop right on and you're in it. You're in it. And this is not... We're not being paid to say this. No, we're not being paid to say this. We're being paid for other things. But they can't... Listen, Peacock, you know, if you listen to Lost Culture Recess, you know we're a Peacock stand account. They actually won the Lost Culture Recess Culture Award for Best Streamer. For Best Streamer. Peacock presents the award for Best Streamer and the winner was Peacock.

It's amazing. We absolutely love. Let's backtrack. Yeah. Should we start with opening ceremonies? Sure. I mean, the opening ceremonies were... I'm just going to start with this. They were long. They were long. They were very long. And I actually... I watched the first about hour and a half. Yes. Left, I had to get a facial.

And I got a full massage and a facial. I went to the spa, got all that done, came back and still got Celine. Still got Celine. Yeah. Because there was, I mean, that hooded guy, whoever was under the hood, they had that torch the whole time. Yeah. And that is a huge security oversight. Yep. To have the torch be stolen for four hours. I mean, truly. Let me ask you a question. V for Vendetta.

Remember, remember all that? Yes. Was that France? No. No. Guy Fawkes. Not France. But was he not giving Guy Fawkes? Yeah, he was giving Guy Fawkes, sure. I think that that was very much a reference. Of course. I wanted that to be Celine very badly. I wanted it to be Celine. I wanted it to be...

Charlotte Gainsbourg. Yeah. Daughter of Serge Gainsbourg. Famous French icon. I really loved that mechanical horse. Look at that horse. Look at that horse. And we did look at it and we enjoyed it. No, but I loved the sense of tension throughout. I mean, I thought it was great. We got some parkour. We got a lot of parkour. A lot of parkour. We got some challengers coded suggestions at

MFM, MMF or whatever, you know, however you want to order those letters. You know, a threesome situation going on, but they shut the door. That's what I'm kind of like, okay, everyone's all agog at the Dionysus and Last Supper situation, drag situation. I'm like, that's just like pretty colors and makeup and stuff. Yeah, it's all just play. But I'm also like,

I'm a little, we should all be like having a cultural discussion about that threesome moment because are we ready for that conversation? If like, let's, that came earlier in the program. I'm just saying. I feel like, you know, there was a dangerous like sort of edge to the whole opening ceremony. And I love that. Like I loved, it was like this moment where there was like

literally it was like Marie Antoinette holding her own head like looking out the window while that punk rock music played and then blood rained in the sky. Blood, rain in the sky, fire. We're going for it. Kelly Clarkson was clutching her pearls. Well, you know Kelly was loving and living for the different kinds of music.

being represented she said repeatedly that's so cool how there's so many types of music like that's so cool honestly you need Kelly Clarkson to be a commentator on all of these things because she can remark on how cool something is better than anyone else trust me trust me because that's what we're all doing at home all we're all I'm saying is that's so cool yeah

You know, one note I have for another commentator, Snoop Dogg. Lovely man. But watching him interview people with Hoda, he does not extend the mic out. And Hoda was picking up a lot of the slack. Hoda was really doing a lot of extension. Oh, please. And there's no one more of a pro than Hoda. And so is he.

But I think he was enjoying, I think he was being Snoop. I think he was being Snoop, aka high as a kite. Yes. And his mic was, he's, you know, he's used to being on the mic. He's a performing artist. Hoda is usually delving into the thoughts and opinions and feelings of others so that she can broadcast them all over the world. So, you know, Hoda was trying to get Simone on FaceTime the whole, the whole damn program. I did remember that when she was talking to her parents. But that was very sweet. Yeah. Good parents. Great parents. Good parents in the crowd. Like,

Jordan's mother and father. Jordan's parents. I loved watching Jordan's mother, like, watch her do her events. Like, the sort of thing where you're half hiding and half screaming in jubilation. That is how watching gymnastics is live. My sister used to do it. It is... And we were talking about this. Like, you're most nervous to watch the bars. I'm most nervous to watch uneven bars. See, for me, it's... It's balance beam. The balance beam is... Vault is...

crazy if you actually think about it. Vault is fast. Vault is very quick. It is literally you sprinting towards a little trampoline. Yeah, so that you can make yourself a flying projectile and land on your feet. It's crazy, girl. And also, to not even consider what it must feel like when you bang your wrists on that little platform. The bang of the wrists. The bang of the wrists. These girls have stronger wrists than most gay guys. Truly.

We would say that's a rule of culture, but we just can't. We just can't. You know, if you want to listen to Las Cotteries, you can do that. But that's sort of where we'll get into things like that. But yeah, no balance beam. And you still see even the Olympic girls falling off the beam. It never gets effortless. Well, that makes you go, maybe human beings aren't supposed to do this. And that makes you then go, I mean, and that's why this is in the Olympics. Yeah, exactly. It's a whole bunch of activities that human beings aren't really supposed to do or be able to do well.

And it's people absolutely executing at a high level. Say that for, you know, beach volleyball. By the way, I cannot get over the beach volleyball set up in Paris right now. It is right in front of the Eiffel Tower and the Champs-Élysées. It is a sight to behold. I'm loving the backdrops. Tahiti looks gorgeous. The waves are scary. Colin just broke his toes somehow.

- Oh, where, what happened? - He's in Tahiti reporting on, he was reporting on the surfing events. He's been to the medic tent more than the athletes have. - Wow. - And that's just, that's on him. - Another thing-- - I'll have a conversation with him. - We're gonna circle back to this idea that human beings shouldn't be doing these things. - Should not be doing these things. - Especially not mere mortals like Colin Jost. Very mortal person. - Oh, the most mortal person I know. But you know, human beings shouldn't even get on a plane and fly to a different country.

Oh, babe. I took a tiny plane on Cape Air to Provincetown. Cape Scare is what they call it. Cape Scare is more like it. Because it's a scary time. It was up, down. And when you land in those tiny planes, it does feel like you're just plopping out of the sky. But I digress. Speaking of plopping out of the sky, there was a downpour in the opening ceremonies. And yet, it was still... By the time we got to Selena, I go, well, the rain is just free production. Yeah. It's just going to motivate her. It's just...

The perfect stage picture, if you want to call it that. Well, I mean, it just couldn't have been. I mean, we'll get back to Gaga, but now that we've said the word Celine. By the way, if you do come to Provincetown and you go to Poppin' Dutch Sandwich Shop, you can get a sandwich called the Celine Dijon. Here's what it is. On a full baguette. Uh-huh.

jambon also known as ham connichon also known as gherkins baby pickles the most gorgeous fromage cheese butter it is french maybe french canadian you might even call it i ate it just now yeah i felt the spirit of celine i think that especially nowadays like

feeling the spirit of Celine in the air as much as we are to then eat something named after her felt incredibly like patriotic is not the right word because again but it just it just feels international pride I felt proud of her and I knew that every person in the world yeah was feeling the same sense of beaming pride for her and I would just say to all those people you would love this Celine Dijon get to Provincetown get to Provincetown they only make like 20 a day

Let's talk quickly about Selene. This is someone who never broke stride. No. I will sing again. I will sing again. Oh, I will sing again. Oh, I will sing. If I don't run, I'll walk. If I can't run. If I can't walk. Walk. I'll crawl. And not only did she sing, but she didn't even crawl. She stood there on the Eiffel Tower. Mm-hmm.

And, like, the balcony of the world, shall we say. Mm-hmm. Giving... Oh, that is one of the biggest, most important vocal performances... Yeah. Maybe ever. I mean, just the narrative that she was likely never going to be able to do that again. Oh, my God. Perish the thought. And, honestly...

I was nervous when they announced that it was happening because I'm like, I don't know too much about her condition. I've been very nervous to watch the documentary because I'm told it's impossible to watch. But when you really... And Kelly was broke. She had broken down at the end. She was like... That's so sad. She was like, if you really think about what she's been going through, this is absolutely insane. And she... Kelly was right. She called her a vocal Olympian because...

The amount of training and care and patience it must have taken to even be able to go out there and like phonate properly and like confidently. Never mind sing this incredibly difficult, important song in a way that would suggest she never went through any of that. She sounded like herself. Herself on an international platform. Yeah.

Like the eyes that were on her, like every screen around the world. You have to, not everyone, but I mean, it's like, it was a thing. Like Celine Dion is singing at the opening ceremonies for the Olympics. And it looked amazing. It looked amazing. Limna l'amour.

What a beautiful song. That moment of her just like in like the break in the song where she gets a little bit of a moment to like recharge. Just her looking out at really the world and like what she must have been feeling in that moment. I said it on Las Colteresas, but I'll give him credit again. Like Louis Vertel, I was texting with him and he was like,

you know, it had the feeling of that, like Lou Gehrig, like I'm the luckiest man on the face of the earth speech, but like with the added element of performance, which like heightens all the emotions. So it was like incredible.

incredibly emotional and overwhelming. And I would imagine for everyone there that was there, because not all the athletes go, especially when it's freezing and cold and wet. But that must have been unbelievably motivating and inspiring for everyone there. Because, I mean, that is the spirit of the Olympics. That is... I'm telling you. That's why we do it. That's why we go to see the Olympics. That's why, if invited, we would have gone. And we weren't. Yeah.

And we weren't. Let's go back to Gaga now. Yes, a pre-taped performance. Which is gagging me so. By necessity. What do you mean? I thought it was live. I thought it was live too, but I guess the rain was just that gnarly. But we're learning now. The veil has been lifted. Our lovely producers have told us. We've had it confirmed. We've had it confirmed.

For safety reasons, of course. I was like, duh, it was pouring rain. Oh, the thing about stairs and the rain. It's a terrible mix. I was going to say, the thing about heels and stairs and rain and feathers. Oh, no. All the elements were there for disaster. And Lady Gaga said, listen, I'm known by my stage name, Lady Gaga, right?

I just feel like we gotta keep these dancers safe, man. You know that she was calling the shots team captain vibes. She was like, I'm sorry, guys. We'll use the rehearsal footage. I don't think I feel comfortable going out there while it's wet. It's like a little Kamala. A little Lady Gaga. A little Padma Lakshmi. A little Padma. Our favorite impression to do is Padma Lakshmi. My daughter Krishna. My daughter Krishna. She's gonna be a pop star. It's true. It's true. It's true.

We love you, Padma. Oh my God. NBC Universal icon. She is. There is something Olympian about Padma. Oh, without question. There is. Olympian taste buds. Literally Olympian taste buds. She has athletic taste buds. There is. You know what? A person does not have to be an athlete to have the Olympian sort of spirit in them. Yeah. I would say you have an Olympian spirit. Do you really think so? Oh my. Matt. Don't even get me started. You think I have an Olympian spirit? Yes. Yes.

You can run. What's your mile? What was the mile you ran in high school? Let me think about this because it's not always top of mind. It's not something that I say a lot. Oh, 436. Wow.

Four minutes, 36 seconds. And can I just say, I just want to say to my sister, we were on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote this podcast. And Bowen looks at me and he goes, what was your mile again? 442. And I just want to say something. And this is, I'm not upset with you. I'm so sorry. Those six seconds when the mile time is that low. Oh. You fight for every second. You fight tooth and nail. This is the real truth.

My best time for two years was 440. And I finally was like, and it is impossible. I would run again and again and again the mile competitively. 442, 444, 441. Could never. Every second is a fight. So when I hit 436 and got into those mid 430s, I said, I know that I cannot go any faster. So the next time we're on a late night show promoting this podcast, probably not.

Just know, don't, you have to give me those six seconds. I fought hard for those between 442 and 436. Oh. Fought hard. And can I just say, thank God I overshot it on live television because then I kind of set you up to look good so that you could go, and actually. Actually, it was a little bit more than that, 436. That was, and I hope you understand this to be true. That is a life-defining moment for you.

That much.

And let's actually, because it's a bit on the show that every episode we mentioned Matt Smile. That is Olympian. That makes you an Olympian in spirit. It's actually about a minute too slow to be Olympian. But I want to say. That's ridiculous. These people are crazy. I'm so excited for the track. Me too. Sha'Carri. I keep on looking forward to Sha'Carri. And also, it's kind of nice that they give you like, well, obviously, I don't know that they did this. But like, we got Simone and we will continue to get Salon because of the individual stuff. Yeah.

But like to know that all that is still coming. I mean, every every sport and every real genre of the Summer Olympics has their own phenomenon. Right. We should also mention, of course, with the women's team gymnastics win, it officially makes Simone Biles the most decorated American gymnast ever.

Shannon Miller was watching from the Team USA house. Yeah. She was just cheering everybody on. Yeah. So our little drama that we were writing for both of them didn't come to pass. Just let it go, everyone. They're supporting each other. And she had so much support in this dance. We saw Serena Williams out there. Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman. Michael Phelps. We saw Michael Phelps in that questionable top knot. I really have questions about his aesthetic choice as of late. But also, you know what? The man can do what he wants. Let him go watch Simone with his top knot.

Period. We're back. We're two guys talking about the five rings. You hear about COVID at the games?

I heard there's been a couple cases of the VED. Two U.S. swimmers and multiple peers from other countries have tested positive for COVID-19 at the 2024 Olympics in recent days. That's in the water. I know. At the first supposedly post-COVID games, supposedly, the athletes are not required to withdraw from competition. The virus is being treated more in line with other respiratory viruses. So officially, we're sort of saying, hey, girl, no big deal. Like a lot of you gays over COVID. Oh! You know...

We were never going to be on the other side of this by Paris. No, they they moved. We never will. They moved the U.S. swimmers out of the village. I guess they went they moved to a hotel so they can't enjoy all those condoms that are well enjoy the actual real beds, I guess. Right. Exactly. Although, you know, what would be kind of a great story?

If those two U.S. swimmers with COVID quarantine together, had a love connection. Maybe that's how they got it. Used between 10 and 12 condoms themselves. Because if you're not going to be competing, you might as well. Just I don't know who they are. I'm sure they're keeping those identities. No, we can't know. But we can, of course, hope in privacy. Yes. And in fantasy that they hook up. Oh, my God. Do they have HIPAA in France? They should.

Caleb Dressel won his eighth gold medal in Paris for the 100-meter freestyle relay. Freestyle is... You got to choose your own adventure. You really do. Throughout life. Throughout life. Now... Sad news about Coco. Coco Goff. Tell me. You know, unfortunately, it's a loss. It's a loss for Coco. She was knocked out. Of course, Coco...

Coco is a 20 year old American who was seated number two at the Olympics in singles tennis. You know, it's it doesn't always go. Here's the thing about these people that we watch going into the games and we put up on these pedestals. It's like literal what we hope to literally put them on a pedestal. Sometimes it doesn't go so good.

And like, that's the thing. That's the pressure. And we said this in the first couple episodes. I was like, take the pressure off. Look the other way. Yeah. Because not everyone is going to show up like Simone Biles and be stone cold just another day at work. Sure. That was what blew me away about Simone in particular. It looked like it wasn't a big deal. It looked like she was just doing it at practice. But then what's not normal is like the hordes of photographers, like just tracking every single moment of that. And like, I think Lori was saying,

The icon, Lori, was like, this is something that we probably didn't see. We haven't seen since Michael Phelps in Rio. This kind of attention is very specific to certain athletes, and Simone is handling this

yeah so well i mean she was just it was that made it even more fun to see their burst of joy at the end when they knew that it was going to happen but you notice simone didn't even break a smile after well she did because that's what you do when you do your dismount right but like there was still some focus afterwards she's got to be focused she needed like a very low score in order to secure um the gold medal victory but like

They really didn't until it was official, official, like really let it all go. And they were unflappable the entire time. And I wonder what it is that they do to develop that sort of unbotheredness. But Laurie Hernandez was even saying, like, it's not the moments of doing the thing that are nerve wracking, which obviously it is. But it's like what's the most nerve wracking moment for any gymnast. And I think we, you and I relate to this because we're...

Podcasters. Podcasters. It's the moment before. Yeah. It's the moment before where it's all that self-doubt creeps in. And like, that's what they are battling. Like, you saw it on Jordan, you saw it on Sunni, you saw it on Simone even. And I think they have to just keep that level of focus and resolve consistent for that entire event and the lead up to it. Like, I can't imagine...

But it's that moment, that window before you actually literally jump off and do the thing. Yeah. That it gets to you. There was like, you know, Suni was having some trouble in her practice attempts at the bars. And I think when I compared her demeanor prior to her event to Jordan and Simone, I was like, she looks way more nervous. You could read it on her face a little bit more. And then to see her overcome that as well was...

To put it mildly, phew. Phew. To put it mildly. But the girls were amazing. They absolutely earned that gold medal. Yes. And they were already, did you see them? They were all, they were ready with their TikToks. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, they were all like, I want to do a dance to this. I want to do a dance to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So cute. Okay.

I highly encourage everyone. I'm sure everyone already is watching, but I want to encourage my sister as I look into your eyes. I think we should really have fun with this Olympics. I'm really enjoying all of the events. This is such a great tasting menu of sports. I am loving shooting. I am loving volleyball.

I got really into the basketball games. The men's Canada versus Greece was a very nail biter of it was a very much a nail biter of a game. Loved that. Cannot wait for more.

diving. Yep. Congrats to Tom Daley. Yes. Lovely silver medalist this year. Um, and just what a thrilling time. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. It is underway now. It's our underway. We're underway. And we, I think we have a gold, silver and bronze to give out.

Oh my God. Okay. So honestly, I do think that if I'm to, if I'm to like throw this out there, the gold medal has to go to the gold medalists, the U S women's all around team. Although, you know what? Should we just give our gold medal to Celine Dion? I was going to say we should give our gold. Sorry, Simone and the girls. You did it. You got it. But you're, you guys are getting the silver Celine Dion. You are earning the gold medal. That is. And they should give her one. Absolutely. Why can't they just give her a gold medal?

I'm going to give bronze to... I'll give bronze to Gaga. So we're going to say Celine Dion wins the gold medal. The women's team... Women's all around. Women's team gymnastics. Should we take them out of the running because they just won a medal? Then do you want to give to parkour icon? Guy Fawkes, but not? I want to give it to Guy Fawkes, but not. Or I feel for Coco. Kelly Clarkson could win the silver medal for saying how cool.

Should Gaga win bronze? I think Gaga should win bronze. Gaga should win bronze because she kept everyone safe out there. And that's part of being a captain and a leader. Gaga should win bronze. By the way, I'm literally thinking to myself now, if they made breaking an Olympic sport, why isn't singing an Olympic sport? Because it's physical.

It can be judged on artistic and technical merit. You can do it outside. You can do it in the summer. In fact, it's actually better to do it outside because of the humidity in the air. It'll make you even better. And also it takes like athletic. I mean, if you're like Celine Dion, I'm just saying like if we're really broadening this. Yeah. If breaking is an Olympic sport and I love that it is, why isn't belting a tune? Say,

Same kind of breath awareness is swimming in a way. Literally same kind. I just want to say, can we just point out, because this is our first episode recording after the opening ceremony, that opening ceremony was, and people have pointed this out, I don't mean to be solipsistic about this, and I don't mean to make this about us.

That was an opening ceremony for us. Yep. You had your girl Kelly, my girl Gaga, and the world's girl Celine. Yeah. And also, you know what? Your girl is Kelly too and my girl is Gaga too. That's true. We all... That was culture. That was culture. It was culture being shilled to and fro. I thought it was a fab opening ceremony. They really... It was France in every facet. It was. Liberté, fraternité, égalité. Oh, yeah. And...

I think it was a little controversial. We love that little edgy. Yeah. And my only note is...

I like a stadium. And I said this on Lost College. I like a stadium. I think the Sen was... Slowing things down. The processional nature of it is I love that they took advantage of this, of the landscape, the cityscape of the host city. I just think... But, you know, a stadium is tough. It's a big footprint and it's a bunch of... But I just think, like, the locals were not very pleased at the way that...

Them crossing the river was interrupted. Also, not for nothing, but if you're one of the athletes, I hope you like boats. Hope you like boats. Hope you like boats because there's no other way this is going down. Hope you like your Dramamine. Yeah. Because you want to lose your cookies right before you go and dive off a springboard? I hope not. So maybe, honestly, the decision to have them come down the Seine, good in theory, odd in practice, you're not meddling. And it was raining. Yeah.

Let's do a medal count.

So, this is... As of this taping, Great Britain is in third place overall with 17 total medals. France is in second place overall with 22 medals. And the United States of America currently has the most medals with 28. This all being said, China currently has the most gold medals with 8. And they have fourth overall with 16. So, it really depends on how you quantify... What the value system is. But...

what the wait is, but we're still very early in the games.

It's just beginning. How exciting. How thrilling. It's just beginning. How exciting. How thrilling. And more. Listen, if you're loving Two Guys, Five Rings, follow the show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or your favorite podcast platform, and watch and listen to every moment of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games now through August 11th on NBC and Peacock. Why did I say it like that? Peacock. Peacock. Peacock. And Peacock. And for the first time ever on the iHeartRadio app.

Okay, and wow, what a thrilling first episode underway officially. And I guess there's nothing to do but close out with a song. We're in good voice today, Bo. We picked a good key.