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in our opinion. So join now. You won't regret it unless you hate fun. Subscribe to the Friends of the Pod community only at cricket.com slash friends. We will see you there. What you got there? Some free lip gloss that came for Vanessa. But the reason I was using it as a prop to get you to ask that question because I came home the other day
And there was a shopping bag shoved in my mailbox ass out on the street. So like the bag was half in the butt of the bag. So it's like a fancy kind of like a fancy store black, you know, kind of like glossy type shopping bag. That's like the nice ones shoved and crinkled so that it's kind of in my mailbox. But the butt couldn't make it all the way through.
I then pulled it out and inside was a matching, very nice black box. And I opened it and it was six mini chocolate donuts that looked like they'd been in a Tumblr because somebody had been shoving it in the thing with a fancy card about a pop-up design studio in West Hollywood called Frankie's that was opening this weekend. And it was like,
I can't eat these donuts. I have no idea where these donuts are from. They're also disgusting. So how many did you eat, though? I really did almost eat one, but I just threw them out. Welcome back to What a Weekday. I'm here with Sarah. I'm here with Hallie. Kendra is... Indisposed. Indisposed. Extremely indisposed. Brian's position has yet to be filled.
Just us chickens. Let's get into it. What a weekday.
We're enough. And as I said right before we recorded, that's exactly what you are. Thank you. Just enough. Just enough. Just barely enough. Donald Trump won South Carolina's Republican primary on Saturday, defeating Nikki Haley by 20 points in her home state. Losing a basketball game by 20 points would be humiliating. I don't even know what to call losing by that much to a rambling old man shaped like a bowling pin in a state where you were the governor. It was the worst home game loss for South Carolina since the Battle of Simmons Bluff.
during the Civil War. That joke would have killed in South Carolina harder than the Union killed Confederates during the Battle of Simmons Bluff during the Civil War. Haley vowed to fight on. I don't believe Donald Trump can beat Joe Biden. Nearly every day, Trump drives people away. I said earlier this week that no matter what happens in South Carolina, I would continue to run for president. I'm a woman of my word.
It's first of all, it is so funny to say, I told you no matter how hard Trump kicked the ever loving shit out of me, I wasn't going to quit even though there was there is no path to me becoming the nominee. And I'm going to stick to that. You can see your eyes kind of go dead when she smiles. I love her. I'm a woman of my word. It's like, first of all, you're not. But that, you know.
Even what you're saying now doesn't agree with what you used to say about Donald Trump. None of it. You're not a person of your word. Your word doesn't line up. You're hollow. You spent years saying things you absolutely did not believe. You're just simply not a woman of your word. You're many things. I think it's cool that you're saying in the race. Great for this podcast, but... The first female president, absolutely. Without a doubt. Without a doubt. Look...
Why is she staying in the race? You never know. All right. Trump might look back and see he's so far ahead that he decides to take a nap right before the finish line. That would be like him. Sloan said he wins the race. But one of Haley's biggest backers won't be coming with her. After spending tens of millions of dollars to support her campaign, the Koch network announced on Sunday that it will be suspending its support. I may not agree with Nikki Haley on virtually anything, but anyone who flushes millions of Koch brother dollars down the toilet is a hero.
The Koch brothers decided it was better financially to take the tax loss on Nikki Haley and write her off and to go for a wider release. She's the Batgirl of Republican politics. Those Koch brothers. I think of us as the Diet Koch brothers. One of them died, right? There's just one. God, I hope so. Did one of them die? Are we down to one vote, brother?
We look as if everyone was there. Or do they do like a kind of like asexual reproduction when there's a space, like how coyotes always reproduce enough? Just grows in your brother. Right, like off the side. If I've learned anything in my Hollywood years is that when the Cokes are gone, call your Uber because the party's over, babe. On Monday, Nikki Haley added that she'd be the best person to face a Democrat that replaces Biden, too. You can look at Joe Biden now. The Democrat Party is already scrambling to figure out who's going to be the person.
It is not going to be Joe Biden. And Republicans need to wake up and know you're going to be running against a younger candidate. I see Nikki Haley's anxious Democratic friend has also sent her the Ezra Klein piece to the group chat. Anybody send you that Ezra Klein piece? And say, what's up with this? Working here is being sent it. Yeah, I was like, we were sent it by our employer. Yeah, what a piece. It was David Koch who died. Oh, so is it just the one brother now? Yeah, Charles.
I feel like it's still the... Charles holding it down. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I hope he's doing okay. Almost certainly not. I hope he's not experiencing complicated grief. The one that doesn't go away. I hope he is, frankly. You do? Yeah, I hope he's having a bad time. Okay. Really? Yeah. It doesn't fit my character, but I don't think that way. You'd think I would. I don't know why I don't. I don't get anything out of that. And I'm petty, too. Yeah, we know. We know that part. It's shocking about this. Huh. Yeah.
Is it because he's an old man? You feel sympathetic to the old? Because he's white. Because you see yourself in him? Probably. He's your father? Probably a little bit of both when you think about it. A little bit of both. I don't know why. I guess it's that I don't...
I feel like I don't engage with reality. Think of these types of people as really having an interior, you know? Right. That's why you kind of hope that things can get to them in some way. Right. But you must build like a wall within yourself. Like, cause I just imagine like kind of the rosebud moment is probably pretty rare at the end of someone's life where you're like, Oh no. Yeah. I suppose that's right. I don't,
I have this sort of wish that they would realize they're wrong. And I know that that's not possible. And so I don't really care for any of the other experiences they may have. Unless we send them three ghosts. Uh-huh. And it'll show them the different Christmases. Go from there. It's worth a try. It's worth a try. Why do we hire all these ghosts if we're not going to do that? It's such a funny thing that that's the story that really caught on.
It's so stupid. But also like that's what they wanted to. Everyone's like, how do we get rich, evil people to see the ill of their ways? It has to be supernatural. Like they're not going to just do it. It has to be something crazy. It has to be like reveal it to them. Yeah. Ghosts. We need more ghosts. Yeah. What's our ghost budget?
See what we can do. Put some money around. Put some money towards ghosts. Ronna McDaniel, the chair of the Republican National Committee, announced Monday that she'll be stepping down on March 8th, calling the job the honor of a lifetime. More like Ghana McDaniel. Goddard.
We fucking got her. We fucking got her. She got herself. She really did. Have it be a name Ronna, first of all. According to the New York Times, Trump allies allegedly pressured McDaniel to leave her post, blaming her for the GOP's underperformance in 2022. Remember when Ronna dropped the Romney from her name to please Trump? Marla Maples didn't even change her name to please Trump. What a chump.
changing your name. She changed her name. She humiliated herself for his part. Trump allegedly pressured McDaniel to cancel the primary dates, which he resisted, which is hard because he's so compelling and irresistible. It's like when Pennywise the clown asked to have his birthday party at your house. You have to say no because people will be there, but it tears you up inside.
That's a highly special. But according to Maggie Haberman, Trump not only tried to get the debates canceled, Trump also asked her to cancel Republican primaries and caucuses altogether. Fortunately, she doesn't have the power to do that. Unfortunately, we're not sure that that's not the only reason. Like, what if she like what if she could cancel the elections? Would she? She already changed her name and humiliated herself for this sweaty slug.
Sir, I'm sorry, but I can't cancel state primaries. Also, I cannot kill Joy Behar or make alimony the new N-word. Meanwhile, at CPAC, the right-wing loser convention, Donald Trump laid out what his aides described as his optimistic message. If President Biden is reelected, Social Security, Medicare, education, and the energy grid will collapse, and America will face obliteration. And if Trump is elected, all of those things will happen, but at least he can say Merry Christmas again.
Trump has been consistent on this point. Biden is very feeble and extraordinarily powerful. He's old, weak, confused, incapable of systematically destroying everything you hold dear. He doesn't know where he is, but he operates Manhattan juries like he's a hook-nosed puppeteer on a Nazi poster. Before beginning his speech, Trump took a moment to grope the American flag again. Yuck. He puckers up so long before he gets to the flag. Well, because he wants everyone to see, you know what I'm going to do. How'd you like that coming at you? Not bad.
For humanitarian reasons, the flag was euthanized later that day. Had to put the flag down. Yeah. That's how you get out back. Speaking of groping, Trump expressed confidence that suburban women will vote for him for a very simple and normal reason. When they talk about suburban women, they're going to love me so much. They're going to say, oh, I wish we had that guy back. The gangs will be invading your territory. I can tell you that.
The gangs are in your cul-de-sac. They're drinking from your Stanley Cup. They're feeding your Bouchon the non-organic dog food he's not supposed to have. I wonder if I gave imaginary Chinese gangs pouring over the Mexican border too much metaphorical space in my mental map, said a woman in 2026 going into shock after her ectopic pregnancy burst through a fallopian tube while she waited in a Mississippi jail cell for a judge to come back from his lunch break.
It's not a laugh out loud one, but no, I'm proud to be in America. It just has to live. Yeah, just has to be. Trump also painted an imaginative picture of a second Biden term. Hamas and Antifa will terrorize our streets. China will dominate us, not just economically, but militarily. And that's what they want. And that's where they're heading.
Hamas is coming to Flagstaff, Arizona, as is China. Hamas and China are teaming up to impose Chinese Sharia law on Flagstaff. The H&M at Flagstaff has already fallen. The boba is hummus. I repeat, the boba is hummus. Trump continued. It's all happening. And if we don't stop it, this is it.
2024. If we don't stop it, this is our last train. If we don't stop it, we're going to have a country. It won't even be a country. You want to know the truth? It won't even be a country. It's breaking up. This is very much like when your friend says, I've decided I fucking hate L.A. now. L.A. is over. Do you? Do you hate L.A.? Is L.A. over or are you single again? You know, is the world falling apart or did you see your ex's story on Instagram?
Two things can be true. Two things can be true. Besides, the states are always talking about breaking up, but they never actually do it. Texas is like your friend who's in an unsatisfying marriage because of their own warped expectations. Oh, you think you can do better than California? Look at yourself. When's the last time you asked California about her day? California is the girl. Of course she is. Texas is the boy. Obviously. 100%. Yeah, 100%.
Trump also leaned into his new Navalny-inspired identity. I stand before you today not only as your past and hopefully future president, but as a proud political dissident. I am a dissident. First of all, I like it when he reads something that prompts you. He's like, that is true. I am that. We also need to figure out who's teaching Donald Trump new words. Who's the Henry Higgins to his MAGA Eliza Doolittle? The Pygmalion to his pig?
Was that for you, Sarah? Was that for anybody? A little bit. Okay. Trump also had this to say about migrants. They have languages that nobody in this country has ever heard of. It's a very horrible thing. And let me tell you this. I am married to one of these immigrants, and she tells me that her love language's words of affirmation and quality time makes no sense. If that's what love means to her, then why does she keep asking for a raise? I haven't thrown a burger at her while shouting, you knew what this was in weeks. What do you think Trump's love language is? I think it's words of affirmation.
You're the best. That kind of thing. I don't think there's anything there for him to communicate. The language is irrelevant. But how does he receive love? I think he receives all of them and has none that he gives. I don't think there's anything in there. I don't think he even receives the love. What are the quality time gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service. Yeah, I don't think any of them really work. That's sad for him, huh? He's a sad person.
Like I don't look at him and be like, I guess, but I guess a lot of people do look at me like I would love to be that guy. It's like I want to figure out a way to be the exact opposite of that guy. But once again, I do hope he's having a bad time. Yeah, me too. Yeah, well, he is. I think that I think it's torture. I think every day is torture.
I really do. I don't think there's a good day in that mind. It's kind of like whenever you leave a mean comment on social media, like it never makes me feel bad because it's like you're so sad that you left a mean comment on social media. Like it can't affect me because you've in fact revealed yourself to me as someone who would leave a mean comment. It's just also like I feel like...
Along with so many other words from therapy, like the word narcissist is now just bandied about pretty freely. And I do think like I think people can be narcissistic, but true narcissists, when you come across one like a true malignant, pathological narcissist, you you know, the difference between that and just your run of the mill narcissism.
egotist or self-centered person because the time I've spent with like true like malignant narcissists. And it's all like from Grindr you meeting them or? These are people we'll talk about after. These are people I remember just like coming away from it being like
oh my god like it's truly a living hell like I do genuinely feel bad for them not this not Trump but like for someone living with the kind of condition he has like it it is torture it is it does seem like torture lonely it's just sort of like there's no end like you'll never be happy you'll never be satisfied it was just because that would require another conversation another lay of language with yourself I'm also in therapy there's a there's a there's been also there's like an article in the Atlantic like
About and there's been a few sort of a spate of them how to understand sociopaths or how to understand narcissists that kind of thing And they're always written from the perspective that the reader isn't one They're always written from the perspective that like but you know the narcissist are seeing this like who's talking to them like because they are the Long-form pieces are like here's how you know, there's a narcissist in your house, right? but there's a narcissist reading that being like
This is how they're going to know there's a narcissist in their house. Or is that person reading and being like, that's crazy. I'm not like that. Like, did they have that? I don't know if they know that they're narcissists. I think they do have this. I think if the narcissists do know. I don't know. I think the sociopaths know and the narcissists know. Write in. Leave us a comment if you're a narcissist or a sociopath and you know. Let us know. Yeah. And then let us know if you're on Grindr. And give us five stars. Yeah, please. Five stars and say, this narcissist...
The only thing I love more than myself. Yeah, leave how I mean comment so we know for sure. Please know it won't affect me. I won't read it. That's the thing about comments. You still don't have to read them. I feel great about that. Oh, don't read the comments. Milo, right? You don't read the comments. Milo, don't do it. No, not you of all people. You read the comments? You don't deserve that. Wow. Of all the people in this room, I mean this. You're the last person I think would read the comments.
You know, because we're comedy people. There's something wrong with us. That makes sense. You're you're you're you're a normal person. You don't do it to yourself. In Trump's New York hush money trial scheduled to begin March 25th, the former president's lawyers attempted to block key witness Stormy Daniels and Michael Cohen from testifying, said Trump's lawyer in Stormy's ear. There's one hundred and thirty thousand in it for you. If you shut the fuck up about the one hundred and thirty thousand we gave you to shut the fuck up.
The motion called Cohen a liar and implied Daniels would give false and salacious testimony if put on the stand. You're going to trust these witnesses? A woman and a Jew? The defense rests, Your Honor. In the same trial, Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg asked for a gag order to prevent Trump from publicly targeting witnesses and jurors. I have lived my life as a man named Alvin. I know the pain that awaits me if Trump is allowed to riff on me full force. God help me if he learns my middle name is Leonard. It opens a whole new door to hell. Nard.
What? Nard, just coming out. Nard. Yeah. Nard? Yeah, Leonard. Oh, Nard. I'm trying to think what you would do with it. I thought you were doing like an Australian... Nard! Nard. That's how they would say it. Nard. The motion cites Trump's longstanding history of attacking witnesses, investigators, prosecutors, judges, and others involved in legal proceedings against him. Trump's the human version of Commander Biden. You can issue any decrees you want. He has no long-term memory, and loud noises send him into attack mode. Yeah.
On Monday, President Biden told the press he believes a ceasefire deal between Hamas and Israel is on the horizon. And yes, he was eating an ice cream cone when he said it. Can you give us a sense of when you think that ceasefire will start, sir? Well, I hope by the beginning of the weekend. I mean, the end of the weekend. At least my national security advisor tells me that we're close. We're close. We're not done yet. And my hope is by next Monday, we'll have a ceasefire.
First of all, I very serious issue. Hope there's a ceasefire. Goes without saying. Seth Meyers, upon hearing this question, acts like a paleontologist in Jurassic Park who believes the press's vision is based on movement. He fucking freezes his body. He is a man. He is a wax sculpture in this moment. And I also do. If you're just hearing this as a pod and not seeing his video, Joe Biden is
Is not just holding an ice cream cone. It's a vanilla ice cream cone just for the visual. He is a perfect cartoon platonic ideal of an ice cream cone. Perfect shape. Perfect shape. Perfect scoop with the kind of like the like the little hat. Like pillowing out of the body. Yeah. Pillowing. Pillowing. Beautiful. He's bringing it up and he's opening his mouth ungracious. Ungracious. As we've all done. Just sort of going in there for the cone. And here's the question.
And he's his he's still getting closer to the ice cream for most of the question. He's in ice cream mode. The question is registering as inertia kicks in. He kind of slows the cone down. Then the cone stays so close to his face while he is talking about this situation. And I.
for the life of me, do not understand why he didn't get the fucking cone. Just even if I'm not saying there's a way out of this. If you're answering the question, you're at the ice cream shop. It's good to answer the question.
I don't know there's a better way to deal with it. But God, I wish the ice cream cone wasn't so close to his face. It is the toughest food to be stuck holding that moment because it is a time sensitive food. You have to get to it in time. And it is a food that you can't put down. Yeah. You can't just put it on a table. Ice cream cones. There there is either you really there's only two things you can do with it. There's three things you can do with ice cream. You can throw it out.
You can he's not doing that. You can put it in a specifically designed holder or you can hand it carefully to another person. And even that handoff requires some deafness. You have to make space on the cone. Someone has to go high. Someone has to go low. There's adjusting. And so there's just nothing he can do.
To me, Seth Meyers is looking like, is this about to be a moment that will be played forever on the Internet? Like, is the ice cream going to fall off? Like, is there going to be the moment that we're now captured in American history? So I'd hear about the ceasefire, though. Yeah, that'd be great. Now watch this drive. Oh, here's the joke. I scream, you scream, we all scream for a ceasefire. What else are we going to do? I'm glad we got there. Yeah. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.
Each year, the International Rescue Committee's Emergency Watchlist Report assesses the 20 countries at greatest risk of new or worsening humanitarian emergencies. These countries are home to only 10.6% of the world's population, but carry a disproportionate burden of global humanitarian crisis. The civil war in Sudan has left over 24 million in need of humanitarian aid.
while armed conflicts and natural disasters have displaced 1.26 million people in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. And Gaza has become the deadliest place for civilians in the world. Donations help the IRC provide families affected by humanitarian crises with emergency supplies in the aftermath of a crisis,
and with the resources they need to recover and rebuild their lives for the long term. Just $14 can provide a temporary shelter for a displaced family, and $72 can provide two months' worth of emergency food for a child. Donate today by visiting rescue.org slash rebuild.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or your skincare routine or therapy day. I have to tell you, I am a creature of routine. Mm-hmm. And I walk pundit. I get the same quad espresso every morning from Starbucks. Oh, and I also do go to therapy, although I did cancel therapy last night to do Anderson Cooper. Ha ha ha ha!
Healthy, very healthy call. That's real. That's real. Sorry, Dr. Christie, I can't do therapy. I got to go on Anderson Cooper. You can watch. I'll be saying the same things I'll be saying to you. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it to get 10% off your first month. Obviously,
Obviously, you should not do what I did. You should all be in therapy and stick to it. And by the way, I also did Chris Hayes. So it's like therapy or Anderson Cooper plus Chris Hayes is a no-brainer. It's a no-brainer. As is you getting therapy, betterhelp.com slash L-O-V-E-T-T, betterhelp.com slash love it.
Hi, I'm Stacey Abrams, host of the brand new Crooked podcast, Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams. Each week, we'll work together to better understand one of those big issues that seems insurmountable. Whether it's the Electoral College, America's loneliness epidemic, or the future of Hollywood post-strikes, I'll challenge you to dig in and ask, how do we get here? What obstacles lie ahead? And what can we do to get good done? Are you in?
Episodes of Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams are available starting August 15th. Head to your favorite audio platform and subscribe now so you never miss an episode. Moving on. New year, new Republican smear campaign that depends on misinformation from a deeply shady source with ties to Russian intelligence. Russia, listen.
You have a lot on your plate. You're locked in a grinding war with a neighboring country you invaded for no reason. You have a murdered dissident's corpse to hide. Why not stay out of this election? Burnout is real. You've got to watch out for burnout. I thought Russia would take care of itself, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Russia, why are you doing so much? Focus on yourself just a little bit. Sad.
In 2020, Alexander Smirnoff told his FBI handler a lie that the owner of a Ukrainian energy company, Burisma, had made a deal to pay up to $10 million in bribes to both President Biden and his son, Hunter Biden, while the president's son was on the company's board, which would have been fucked if true. But imagine having that kind of relationship with your dad, hatching a plan, doing a corruption together, sharing a bottle of scotch while you talk about where to set up your offshore bank accounts. That's kind of nice.
The news was leaked to Republicans who latched onto the claim essential to their impeachment attempts against President Biden, effectively turning Smirnoff into their star witness. Republicans don't trust you to make a decision about your transition or your reproductive system, but they will trust the slimiest guy in Las Vegas with the entirety of their impeachment investigation. I think that's a beautiful thing.
Their hearts are open. Yeah, they're ready. They love love. These guys love love. Then two weeks ago, Smirnoff was indicted on the charge that he lied to FBI investigators about the Bidens. So wait a second. Hunter Biden's innocent, said Hunter Biden. The DOJ revealed. I like that joke. Just dropping five laptops.
Just like access, like, wait, he's innocent. The five million was for laptops. Then the DOJ revealed last week that Smirnoff, who long maintained that his information came from business contacts and government officials, told prosecutors he received fake Biden intel from Russian intelligence sources. It's like something out of a spy drama, but one that is stupid and boring, like burn after reading or extremely slow horses. I don't like burn after reading. Remember after reading? I didn't see it.
Not my favorite of the Coen brothers. More of a notebook gal. Oh, wait, that's the Brad Pitt one. I think I did see it, but I don't really remember it. The Notebook. That's a bad movie. But I think if you see, you just see it when you're young and you think it's good. I wouldn't watch it again. I am sure it's not great. Yeah. And then you watch the deleted sex scenes with all your friends. That's cool. I didn't know there were deleted sex scenes. There's just one. But when you're a teenager, you're like, all right. That's, to me, a good example of like,
That is a movie that is just hanging on the backs of two movie stars. Just like you have two movie stars that are about to be like, or on their way to becoming like the biggest stars in America. And it's like, thank God you had them. Cause this is dog shit. I remember when they won, was it the MTV award for best kiss? And then they did the kiss at the awards. I don't remember that. It's pretty hot. Yeah. Ryan Gosling's cool. Watch the notebook today. Hey, stop what you're doing.
Watching this. Love for a Leave is brought to you by the 2003 movie The Notebook. In spirit. A bomb in these post-911 years. The Notebook. That's roughly right, I think. I think so. Feels like it's in that spot. Anyway, Smirnoff.
The foreign Smirnoff reportedly said the allegation came from four different top Russian officials and that two of them were heads of the entities they represent. Anyway, after this news broke, Republicans immediately shut down their impeachment inquiry into President Biden and apologized profusely for the error. And then Pedro Pascal called and he was like, did you see the Smirnoff news? Also, do you want to just like stay in and get takeout tonight? Oh, I'm sorry. I come back. So I combined two of my fantasies. The notebook, too.
It's going to be, we're going to, yeah, Pedro, Pedro and I are going to watch the notebook. Some guy. Oh yeah. Oh, I thought we were watching the notebook, but in your story, we're making the notebook. You got to go meta. It's 2024, you know, you're Rachel McAdams. Oh yeah. Clearly I'm Rachel McAdams. Clearly. I'm not building a house. I'm not building a house. I'm a nurse. Is that what she is? No, but at some point she nurses, I believe she nurses. There's a lot of nursing. Who's the guy from X-Men?
And jury duty. Oh, James Marsden. James Marsden. James Marsden. Because James Marsden, it's, I don't even remember what, is it this, what war is it? Was it World War II? I believe so, yeah. It came out in 2004, by the way. 2004. Ah, heady days. Post 9-11. We needed it. W stands for wrong. That was one of John Kerry's slogans that year. That's not good. It sucks. Yeah. Because the W is silent. The W stands for nothing.
John Kerry reporting for duty. Following the indictment, Republicans scrambled to downplay how important Smirnoff's allegations were to their case against the Bidens. Jim Jordan, for example, once described Smirnoff's claim as key evidence. You said that 1023 is the most corroborating piece of information you have. It corroborates, but it doesn't change those fundamental facts. So now... It's not true. I really, like, there's no way to spin this. There's no... Because they built the case around this fact and the fact is simply false. And the form...
is the documentation of the false allegation. So there's just nothing, there's just nothing to be said about this. It's like when someone online posts a fake headline and someone's like, hey, that's actually fake news. I'm like, but what does it mean that it feels true? Yeah, that's right. It's the same thing. So,
The Smirnoff allegations all blow up. All these Republicans are shameless but are being asked about the fact that they built this case around this false allegation. And they're like, well, it wasn't actually central to our case. And yes, even though it may not be exactly right, it's still the fundamental. It still feels true, as Sarah said.
Then it turns out they were told from the beginning that this might not be reliable. Here's Republican Ken Buck deciding to blow up his colleague's spot entirely. We were warned at the time that we received the document outlining this witness's testimony. We were warned that the credibility of this statement was was not known. And yet the biggest frauds and liars you will ever meet in your whole life didn't even care. People who would lie to a child after stealing a nugget from their Happy Meal showed no scruples whatsoever.
So on Monday, Smirnoff pleads not guilty to the charges in a Los Angeles court. Judge Otis Wright remands Smirnoff into custody until his trial out of a concern that the former informant would make a run for it given his international dealings, millions of dollars in undisclosed wealth, and a habit of moving hundreds of thousands of dollars in and out of his accounts. He also lives in Las Vegas, and no malicious potential foreign agent should experience the freedom of seeing Magic Mike live when
Whenever they want. Yeah, we can't let this guy go to the sphere. Yeah, that guy goes to the sphere before we go to the sphere. You can see the sphere. Even that. Yeah, it sucks. I want to go to the sphere. Let's all go to the sphere. Let's all go to the sphere. And I'll make the point that I've made before. I've said it once. I've said it a thousand times. In the sphere, the most interesting part is the upper half of the sphere. Right? The bottom half of the sphere doesn't really do much for anybody. In any...
If you explain what a sphere is, I swear to God. In any planetarium, the seats are always the bottom of a sphere. Right, yeah. You can't put them on... Well, you can put them on the side, but then that's... Because you're always sitting in a sphere at the planetarium, in a sense. So it's really just a big planetarium. With Bono. With Bono's in there. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know about Bono. I don't know about U2. I just don't know about it. It was like certain powerful people decided that it's U2 forever, and then everyone else was like, I'm not going to listen even if you put it on my phone, but if people like that, okay. Chris Fleming, friend of the show, has one of the funniest runs about this, which is that once you get to the level of success of Bono, you shouldn't be allowed to write music anymore, that it was correct that...
Billy Joel stopped writing music once he turned 50 because if you can go to the zoo and they let you hold whatever animals you want, you no longer should be able to write pop music. When you could crash your car into the same building every summer for multiple years and then everyone's like, it's just Billy Joel. It's fine. Yeah. But then he plays at the Grammy's and it's pretty cool. He still got it. He still got it because you know why? I'll tell you why.
He's normal, attractive. He's not ugly, but he's not he's not rock star handsome. You know, he couldn't he couldn't ever get he had to be grounded in some sense. Billy Joel, Billy Joel wasn't a world famous musician. If he showed up at a foursome playing golf with my father, it would be he just he slots right the fuck. Yeah, you're your dad's friend. Just my dad's friends, Billy. Hundred percent. Hundred percent.
And then he starts playing piano. Yeah, what a piano player. Wow. What a musician. What a star. I'd see him at the Sphere. Oh, that'd be a blast. That'd be a fucking blast. There's no graphics on the Sphere. It's just a lo-fi set at the Sphere. Yeah, it's the Sphere unplugged. It's like NPR's tiny desk. It's a tiny desk at the Sphere. They just turned the Sphere off. Still $350 to get the worst seats they have, but that'd be fun. Who would you want to see at the Sphere? Dolly.
Oh, that'd be good. I'd want to see Fleetwood Mac there. Oh, that'd be so great. That, that, that tension on stage. Uh, 18,600. Wow. And apparently up to, up to 20,000 with, um, standing. So some standing room. Major League Baseball revealed its brand new uniforms last week, only for players and fans alike to notice one problem. The white version of the pants are basically see-through. It's awesome.
The upside being fans will now be able to more clearly see all the foul balls. The uniforms are designed to be 25% stretchier and 28% faster drying, though it's the spectators who will ultimately be getting wet. Am I right, ladies? It says, am I right, ladies? I mean, not for me, personally. Les? No. Well, it's right for me. Unfortunately, team photos released last week reveal how transparent they are under a flash, revealing tuck shirt tails and compression shorts.
So funny. Shout out to that photographer who said absolutely nothing while taking these photos, though. Absolute gold star pervert, if I've ever seen one. MVP, most valuable pervert. Why did they release these? You can see the tape on the floor where they're supposed to stand. They're terrible pictures. Why are these out there? Why can I see this?
Right. No one helped them either. Like that guy's shirts all untucked. Like also no one said, hey, what are we doing here? Can't I mean outside or something? Also, like touch these guys up. Yeah. Touch up the photos. You can you can take out that pant line. These are salvageable. You can remove the X from the floor. Also, why are these guys taking a picture? Just the two of them. Is that a normal thing? What's the baseball's not a pair sport.
One's got a bat and one's got a glove. They're just in different parts of the game together. Are they friends? Are they lovers? These photos were only to reveal how transparent the pants are. There's no other reason these would be taken.
The MLB, Major League Baseball, then denied that the fabric of the pants had changed in any significant way, telling the Wall Street Journal Friday, the uniform pants had the same material and thickness as the uniform pants used last season. There were changes to the fabric of the jersey, not the pants. MLB added, you actually could always see the players' genitals. I love that that's like,
Every organization starts by denying. Just admit it. We've taken pictures of these guys before. We've never seen their boxers. Clearly something is different. I feel like if they tried to argue, actually you can see their shirts now because the shirts are more opaque. That doesn't make any sense. I don't think. No. We're not pants manufacturers. That's the thing. When I was a kid playing Little League, I found the baseball uniform to be so uncomfortable. The fabric, the like scratchy fabric. Milo, do you remember that?
Of course, they look the most comfortable of any. They look like pajamas. No, but they're like they're they're they're like, well, they're like thicker. They're just and I just was so that basically like baseball, the Boy Scouts, they really have this this barrier to entry for anyone who doesn't like things like touching their skin that are uncomfortable. Like you had to wear a kerchief to be a Boy Scout. And I and I hate things touching my neck. And it's probably what honestly, if I really were honest about my
The reason I decided to leave politics. Finally, you just let it out. The percentage of it being because I don't want to wear a suit anymore is like too high to be to have caused me to literally move to Los Angeles and start a new career. But I hear you dress like shit all the time. And do. And you do. And I do. Got there first. The suit shirt and the suit color. I fucking hated it, which is why I would bike into the White House in a T-shirt and shorts, park my bike under the building.
And then hide in my T-shirt and shorts in my office until I first had to go to the bathroom, at which point that was when I would put my suit on. So I would try to be in the during the day. I'd try to be in shorts and T-shirt as long as humanly possible with my defense being I biked in because otherwise the swamp ass on these suits would have been unconscionable. It's very funny to put on a suit specifically to take a piss. That's exactly because I couldn't you couldn't I could justify not having changed yet. But if I'm I can't walk back out into the halls.
Like I could come in and I was, I had a helmet in my hand. You got, they got to carry that helmet around, but I couldn't carry the helmet to the bathroom and back. That's just a ruse. I've got, I never thought of it to this moment. It never occurred to me that I could just keep the helmet under my fucking arm.
But then it looked like I'm going home all day or coming in all day. And I was already coming in late as it is. Remember when you stepped on a rat in your flip flops? I do remember that. Yeah. I do remember that twice, actually. Two different times. Back and forth? Same rat though. Different rats. Different rats. One was a rat. One was a rat that had been that had eaten poison and clearly dying. And I didn't see in the dark that he was kind of crawling in front of me. And I stepped on that one. And then the other was I was crossing the street.
That's what I know. I was crossing the street and I was like, oh, I think I just stepped in like a I thought what it felt like was that I had stepped in like a wet shoe box, like someone had left like a card corrugated box on the street. And so I felt like I had stepped on it. And I thought like, oh, a box accidentally just like I actually stepped on a box and it kind of curled around my feet. And then the next day I was walking that same spot at that spot. And I saw that there was basically a rat divided in two with a footprint in it.
And you knew it was your footprint. I mean, among others, perhaps, but I definitely had stepped in rat both times. And when you saw one set of footprints on the rat, that was then that I carried you. That's when Jesus was finding more rats for you to step in. Is that what I was carrying? This will show him. This will show him. Like Lazarus trailing a Coke brother. I'd love for that guy to step in a couple of rats. I think that we've now normalized not just stepping on a rat.
but stepping in a rat. Yeah. And if this show is about nothing else. And it's not. And it's not about nothing else. But if it were about nothing else. We've moved the overton window. Yeah, we've shifted the narrative. We've changed the conversation. And that's what it's all about. Sarah, Hallie, Milo in the dark like a Babadook. Thanks for being here. That's our show. Thank you for requiring us to be here. Thank you for having us. I like the way Sarah said it. See you sluts on Saturday. Bye.
Straight Shoot Time! Lemon, Olive, Eslava, Olive. Specter, Olive, Eslava, Olive. Straight Shoot Time!
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I like that jacket, Milo. Yeah, that's a great jacket. It's a really cool jacket. Look at that thing. Where's it from? That's cool. Um, it's my friend, his company called Yellow. Oh, goddammit. Of course, it's your friend's design jacket. He's a very old Japanese man that lives on the west side. And it's not even...
Yellow rag, you said? Yellow rat. Okay, cool. It's excellent. That is even cooler. It's even cooler. It's not some Gen Z-er making a cool. It's an older person who's your friend because you have multi-generational friends. I do. Hell yeah. Of course he does. Wow, Milo. So cool.