What a Weekday: A Good Walk Spoiled
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I ordered Levain cookies and I ordered I was like, I'm going to a funeral. I should bring something. And so I bought a box of cookies and I didn't realize that I thought I just said, oh, I'll buy this box. And I didn't realize it was like you could fit any number of cookies in the box. So I thought I just clicked six because that was the minimum.

And then this fancy box of cookies comes. And first of all, it's in a beautiful blue tin with like people on the outside. And I was like, I don't think this is appropriate. It's too celebratory to bring. And then I opened it. Just got to draw sad faces on the cookie. Yeah. And then I opened the box of cookies. It's like so expensive for a box of cookies.

And because I had only ordered six, it looked like I had eaten two. And so it was like, well, now I can't bring this at all because there's nothing to be done. Like I, there was no solution. It just like, you can't, I was like trying to rearrange the six cookies to look like more cookies, but it wasn't. You're touching all of them then.

of them. Well, they were in a little bag. But yes, to your point. And so I'm rear and I couldn't. So I just kept them. And you're not a man. You're not a man who has a decorative plate in the home. I do have a decorative plate in the home. You should have taken them and put them on the decorative plate. Without what I'm going back calling this bereaved people in a couple of weeks and say, I'm coming back for my plate. Do I take the plate at the end of the day? I didn't can't bring on a paper plate. It sounds like you just self-sabotage the way that made you eat six gigantic cookies, which also sounds great. I also brought I also had ordered a loaf of bread. So I brought that.

If I got to keep the cookies. In a way, maybe I'd always plan that. Yeah. And we're back. I'm John Lovett. I'm here with writers Hallie and Lazarus and producer Kendra. Let's get into it. What a weekday.

A suspect is facing gun charges following a foiled assassination attempt against Donald Trump at his West Palm Beach golf course on Sunday. God isn't done with Donald Trump yet. The server keeps coming back to the table and God keeps saying, I'm picking at it. And Jimmy Carter, actually. Still working on that, too. But you can take James Earl Jones. I'm done with James Earl Jones. We're done. R.I.P. R.I.P. One of the best to ever do it. Had some real interesting opinions about black women. Oh. Oh. James Earl Jones.

Oh, I don't think she means interesting in a good way. Let's leave that unmind. 58 is dead. Remember the Sandlot? I love the Sandlot. My mom always was of the opinion that when they revealed Darth Vader, it should have just been James Earl Jones. And I remember it could be like, well, that wouldn't make sense. And now seeing all of the movies, I'm like, they could have written it. They absolutely could have gotten out of that. He should have been, yeah. Yeah, when they went back, by the way, and they put...

Hayden Christensen's face in the face of Darth Vader when he removes the helmet. Did they do? I believe so, yeah. Wow. Or no, no, they made him the ghost waving instead of... Well, he was the ghost. Anyway, it could have been James Earl Jones. Yeah, like why would he be the ghost of that age when he died later? And he should have died James Earl Jones. Look, I think if love it or leave it, colon, what a weekday has ever been clear about anything is that we believe...

James Earl Jones' estate should sell the rights to Disney so that young James Earl Jones can be put into 1977 Star Wars. I haven't seen Star Wars. Oh, come on. It's okay. What do you mean you haven't seen Star Wars? I just said I didn't know.

Can you imagine her sitting through Star Wars? Yes. She's very patient. She's the only person in this room that has any kind of recognizable attention span. I get a picture watching Star Wars. I get a picture of Sarah Lazarus just sitting down and reading Middlemarch. So, yeah, I think I can see her. Yeah, of course. Middlemarch. I don't want that for you. FYI. Star Wars? Yeah. There's too many now. Don't start now. It's over. Sorry.

58-year-old Ryan Wesley Routh was arrested after the Secret Service noticed him with a rifle within 500 yards of Trump while the former president was playing a round of golf. It opened fire. Routh fled without firing a shot. I hate to think what might have happened if Routh hadn't shouted, four!

To have Ralph and rifle in the same sentence, I'm going to give you this. We stumbled a little. It's hard. Ralph and rifle. Really inconvenient for you. Ralph, the former roofing. Ralph, the former roofing. Ralph, the former roofer with a rifle. Ralph, the former roofer with a rifle.

Ralph, the former roofing contractor from North Carolina, had voted for Trump, donated to Tulsi Gabbard, Andrew Yang, Tom Steyer, Beto O'Rourke, and Elizabeth Warren, and tweeted at Nikki Haley urging her to join a Vivek Ramaswamy ticket. Ralph also had expressed support for President Biden. When a man on Hinge lists his political views as moderate, this is what he means. I miss when would-be assassins had simple, clear motives that made sense, like, I love Jodie Foster.

In an interview with the New York Times in 2023, Routh said he had traveled to Ukraine and wanted to recruit Afghan soldiers to join the fight. One problem, Routh was in his mid-50s and had no military experience. I know we're all thinking this, but why the fuck was this guy interviewed by the New York Times in 2023? Well, he and his wife, an anthropology professor, had recently opened their marriage after she had met a museum docent named Annabeth at a friend's book launch.

No, that's not why. It was a piece about randos trying to fight in Ukraine, even though they were unqualified and or nuts and or full of shit. Ralph also appears to have been arrested in 2002 after barricading himself in a Greensboro, North Carolina building with a fully automatic machine gun. And the ticket for that is $72, which doubles if it's your second offense. So they take it pretty seriously.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said Florida would be conducting its own investigation into the foil plot. Thanks, FBI, but these alligators with magnifying glasses will take it from here. DeSantis cited the investigations into Trump as the reason.

I look at the federal government with all due respect to them. You know, those same agencies that are prosecuting Trump in that jurisdiction are now going to be investigating this. I just think that that may not be the best thing for for this country. I mean, what are these agencies supposed to do? Investigate two criminals at once? We haven't seen Ron DeSantis in a while. And I just forgot how charming he is.

And his great stage presence. And let me just say, whoever is advising him about his hair color, it's too harsh. His hair color? Whoever's dyeing it. They've made too much of a decision. It's too harsh on him. It needs more, not highlights, but it needs more of the gray that we know. Right, some variety. Yeah, this is how Trump's begins. I mean, it's like, I got to cover the gray. And it's like, no, no, you're starting to look cartoonish. Yeah. But I guess that's what he wants anyways. Yeah.

To be a cartoon of a man. Yeah, I just, you know, I don't think they have the best taste and I don't think they have access to the best talent.

when it comes to... Not like us. Not like us. Not like us, baby. Not like us. When I look at some of what's going on with the looks... Yeah, the looks are tough. ...on the right, there's just... They're not sending their best. They're pressing the same button and the button's all fucked up. You know what I mean? It's all sticky when you touch it. Republican lawmakers very quickly decided to blame Democrats with Florida Congressman Mike Walsh saying this on Fox News. This rhetoric against President Trump, this...

uh... this narrative that he will be the next dictator that he is the next hitler coming it is got to stop enough is enough and when you have this narrative coming from the left from media from elected officials even

that Trump has to be stopped by any means necessary. It shouldn't surprise anyone that these people are being radicalized and taking action like this. Of course, the person most famous for saying Trump could be America's Hitler is J.D. Vance.

So take it up with that freak. And of course, Democrats aren't saying to stop Trump by any means necessary. I've literally not heard a Democrat say that. They are saying stop him by the one legal means available. That's it. That's our plan. The one legal means available. That's what we're all focused on. Donald Trump is a threat to democracy in part because he encourages political violence, which is a threat to democracy. Our problem is not with even Donald Trump as a person. It is the threat that he poses, which is the same threat than any form of political violence.

poses. It's a threat to democracy when some narcissistic wackadoo takes a shot at Donald Trump. And it's a threat to democracy when Donald Trump encourages the overthrow of the U.S. Capitol. It's all part of the same big fucking threat to democracy. And we're allowed to talk about both of them. It's frustrating to me. Oh, no. It's a crazy person did something awful. Now we can't tell the truth about Donald Trump. Nice try.

In a now deleted post, Elon Musk wrote on Sunday, and no one is even trying to assassinate Biden Kamala, followed by a thinking face emoji. For the first time in my life, I feel like saying, go back to Africa. Jesus Christ. I didn't write it. I don't know. Even in this guy, it feels strange saying it.

Anyway, it's interesting that Elon included the thinking emoji. It's like, oh, so he does know about thinking.

Musk deleted the post and said, well, one lesson I've learned is that just because I say something to a group and they laugh doesn't mean it's going to be all that hilarious as a post on X. Damn. Yeah. I guess not everyone has as awesome a sense of humor as the people who need to get through this Elon management 101. Everybody is a replaceable cog in the machine that serves me meeting without getting fired. That is one of the most revealing and depressing moments.

things I've ever heard anybody say. I'm glad I've never had to say anything like that. The people I pay to hang out with me are actually the least likely to laugh at my jokes because of how much they respect me. Isn't that right?

kind of i actually think it is kind of true yeah we're past that point we're not gonna laugh just to make you happy what would that even look like what i what's crazy about that it wouldn't work the crazy thing about it is like no they didn't like it's like he did not say that out loud to anyone he's not around anyone he's just doing ketamine in a windowless room at the base of his printer he's like everyone laughed i'm like are they there who's they it's not like

I both are pretty sad, but I like let's take him at his word. The the the pathetic yes, man. Goons surrounding Donald Trump. Elon Musk at this point are just like, of course, they're laughing. They're just trying to get through the day. You pay them all. They're just going to drive home in their Cybertruck and their foot's going to go down a little bit farther. Yeah. A little heavy. I hate those Cybertrucks.

I just, I laugh every time I see one. It never gets less funny. I take the bus. We're bus buddies. I've never seen a movie and I can't drive. Yeah. Listen, I don't know if you know this, but stay tuned to Sarah Lazarus's new Trad Life YouTube channel.

So anyway, after he tweeted his excuse that people in the room laughed, he also posted, turns out, this is a quote, that jokes are way less funny if people don't know the context and the delivery is plain text. For those who don't understand, the context was assassination. Yeah, man.

No one's ever written a joke in text before. Yeah, there's never been a funny tweet. Never been a funny tweet. Can't be done. In a Monday interview with Fox News Digital, Trump himself blamed Biden and Harris for the attempt on his life, saying of the Palm Beach gunman, he believed the rhetoric of Biden and Harris and he acted on it. Their rhetoric is causing me to be shot at when I am the one who's going to save the country and they are the ones that are destroying the country, both from the inside and out.

Trump is right. Routh seems to be only the latest violent extremist to be radicalized, some would say activated, by Harris's call to cut taxes for first-time homebuyers and restore the earned income tax credit. Trump then added of Democrats, quote, they use highly inflammatory language. I can use it too far better than they can, but I don't.

That's right, everybody. The Trump who jokes about gun owners killing Hillary Clinton refuses this week to condemn threats of violence in Springfield, Ohio, encourages and now says he'll pardon the January 6th insurrectionists, promises a bloody mass deportation, threatens to deploy troops against protesters on American soil, and who asked his defense secretary if they could just, quote, shoot protesters in 2020. The guy that said all that, that guy, his phaser is still set to stun.

I do think Trump is telling the truth that he could be more inflammatory. Sure, it's kind of hard to picture. But when Simone Biles says she can do an even crazier flip that no one's ever thought of, you take her at her word.

Speaking of inflammatory language, Davey Vance spoke to Georgia's Faith and Freedom Coalition on Monday and had the stones to say this after rallying every racist in America against immigrants in his home state. I do think that we should take this opportunity to call for a reduction in the ridiculous and inflammatory political rhetoric coming from too many corners of our politics.

We cannot tell the American people that one candidate is a fascist. And if he's elected, it is going to be the end of American democracy. Yeah, man, totally. Here's Trump. You know all about that. Take away our energy, if you can believe it. No fossil fuel. Destroy our Second Amendment, attack the right to life and replace American freedom with left wing fascism.

Left wing. We're going left wing all the way. Fascists. They are fascists. Some of them, not all of them, but some of them. But they're getting closer and closer. We have to win this election. Here's some more of J.D. Vance. While we're disparaged by the media and disparaged by the Democrats as people who want to force our faith on other people, I think I speak for every single person in this room saying we don't want to force our faith on anybody. What we want is democracy.

to recognize and to have motivate us the faith that is, I think, the source of all great truth in human history and especially in this country, that we want our public policy to be motivated by the wisdom of loving thy neighbor.

Yeah, no, totally a loving thy neighbor vibe from J.D. Vance over the past week as they make up a racist conspiracy theory about legal immigrants whose only crime is going to a town in Ohio because the businesses said, hey, come to our town. We have jobs for legal immigrants like you. They did it. They did what he asked them to do. And now he is making up a story about how they are eating neighborhood pets while

I don't like this guy. This is white Christian supremacy. Like we just like this is just like a bald example of their hypocrisy where he's like, love thy neighbor. And also, I, Judy Vance, should be in control of who you consider your neighbor, including your actual neighbors. Like I should be I will tell you to turn against your actual neighbors in your town while I speak on the other side of my mouth about these Christian values.

It's embarrassing. And at least I'd be sure everyone watching this, you already know that it's just so insane to see it so clearly. And again, I'm from Ohio, so this doesn't shock me in any way. But yeah, it's disgusting. You ate cats, right? Oh, yeah. That's none of anyone's business. I would eat a cat if I had to. I'm not. It just didn't come up. Well, you never have to. I never had to. They make you do that on the island. Let's keep going. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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You know what's shockingly nasty and I did not remember this? Insomnia cookies. Not good. No. I ordered them the other night. Bad. There's one that just opened near us. Crumble cookies. They're too damn sweet. They're disgusting. They're too goddamn sweet. There is no distinction between the flavor of any of those cookies. It's just sugar cookies straight through. It's not good.

Anyway, ahead of his second brush with an assassination attempt, Donald Trump had his mind on important national matters, lashing out at Taylor Swift over her endorsement of Kamala Harris. Trump wrote, in all caps, on True Social on Sunday, I hate Taylor Swift. What?

Oh, guys, guys. Hey, hey, we don't need the alarms. I'm just quoting Trump. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. Stand down, Swifties. Swift hadn't responded to the post, but then the Swifties had been activated. The hashtag, I love Taylor Swift, was trending by Monday morning. Said Travis Kelsey, I hashtag love spending time with Taylor Swift. I hashtag could see myself loving Taylor Swift, but I'm not there yet, but want to get there. Oh.

I don't know if he loves Taylor Swift or not, but it's funny to think about not being at the point of saying it while people are hashtagging it on the internet. I wonder if they're there yet. Do you think they're in love? Let's all go around. Do you think they're in love? You know, I don't presume to know people's private lives. I'm going to go no. What do you guys think? I think Ben Affleck and J-Lo have more. Okay. Yeah, I can see that. I think they've said it. I don't know if there's substance behind it. Oh, wow. That's an interesting take. That's an interesting take. Yeah. Isn't that a funny...

It's a funny thing that like in a culture where people say, I love you all the time in ways that are like pretty embarrassing and not true and silly, like,

Like people that have just met will say it as they're leaving a party. People will say it at the end of a Zoom, you know. But inside of relationships, it has such importance. And even in times where it would be easier to say it, people still don't. There's this real kind of ethic I think a lot of people have around saying the word, even if they would say lie to get around things in small ways like we all do in other settings. I think it's interesting.

I think it's like we all have this feeling and desire for what feels like real love. And I think a lot of us have... Yeah, love is used so frequently that it's like when you're in a relationship, it's like you want it to mean something more than when you're leaving a party. Yeah. It's sacred. I mean, that's beautiful. Yeah. It is sacred. I hope they are in love or we'll fall in love. I do too. I do too. And I hope she turns all her fans against Donald Trump while she's at it. And then...

Do you see that Billie Eilish endorsed Kamala today and directed people? What about Phineas? Phineas too. Thank God. Phineas too. All the Phineas heads out there. We got Phineas, everybody. Meanwhile, the Springfield woman responsible for posting the fake rumor to Facebook accusing Haitian immigrants of eating pets admitted she had no evidence of the claim. Guess that cat's finally out of the bag. The to-go bag. All right.

In Lee's original post, she alleged her neighbor's daughter's friend had seen Haitian immigrants eating her missing cat in the neighborhood. Who's laughing now, said Nicki Minaj's cousin's friend. He added, ow, my testicles, my giant testicles.

Springfield's Clark College closed its campus and will hold classes virtually this week after it received threats of a shooting and a bomb threat over the weekend. Police also responded to bomb threats against two local elementary schools as well as City Hall. Even if you believe the racist lie Trump and Vance are spreading, walk me through the logic of this. I don't understand. I do not understand. Even in a broken, fucked up world where people believe this bullshit enough to be motivated to support Donald Trump and J.D. Vance,

I do not understand the mindset of someone who sees this on the news and then tries to ruin a bunch of kids' days. Like, who wins because of that? I don't, like, I can't get in the head of a person who would do that. It's just racism. It's just raw racism that's being activated. Like, there is no coherence to it because it's like, yeah, it's a dead ideology they're trying to awaken. And this is it. It just comes out, like, in this horrible way. But then, do they believe the kids at the school

Despite Springfield's mayor and Ohio's governor denouncing this,

Bullshit. On Sunday, Vance reposted a video that he claimed to be African immigrants in Dayton, Ohio, grilling a cat, which is fucking disgusting. I hate when people post a cooking video without the recipe. Boo! Boo! By the way, like, I do think there's something serious happening here. There's always been conspiracy theorists. Obviously, the Internet and social media helps inflame and metastasize that.

And there have always been right wing kind of paranoid, delusional or just mendacious people preying on the racism and fears of the right to spread bullshit and help their side. It is shocking to see the kind of barrier between the kooks and the actual leaders of the GOP completely breaking down. Like it is it is inconceivable to me that Paul Ryan, who I did not like, would participate in this.

Right. Like if you go back and look at the rhetoric, even of Sarah Palin in 2008, even at her worst, doesn't compare to this. And she was fucking terrible. Like something really is breaking down. Like Ted Cruz is sharing completely manufactured fake affidavits, accusing ABC News of of giving the questions to Kamala Harris, because obviously she won the debate because she knew in advance they were going to ask about immigration. It was moderated by her. Oh, yes. We all. Yeah. Who went to a different school 12 years later or whatever. But like.

to just spread a baseless rumor and then to try to prove that you're not full of shit, even though you have admitted you're full of shit by posting a random video of random people purported to be a video of a cat, which, by the way, it's not from a different part of Ohio. Immigrants from a different part. Like, it's just all despicable. Vance also made the press rounds on Sunday. And boy, was he on message if his message was I'm an unlikable, insane person.

I trust my constituents more than I do the American media that has shown no interest in what's happened in Springfield until we started sharing cat memes on the internet. Yes, the national media refused to spread a rumor pasted to Facebook, which we now know is untrue. Let's take a look at what other things people are posting on Facebook. My God, they crucified a minion. Yeah.

Why is the media not talking about the fact that this minion died for our sins? My lord and minion savior. This minion. Have you heard the good news? The minions are dead. The minion died and was reborn.

It's hard to crucify a minion because part of the whole part of crucifixion, what makes it work is you have to break the kneecaps. Okay, nope. Kendra, fucking win on her. Kendra, what the fuck? Kendra, what the fuck? Kendra, what the fuck was that? It's a harmless image of a minion. That's the problem. Minions don't have knees. Yes. Also, by the way, canonically... We're all thinking it. Yeah. I mean, it comes to mind. Yeah.

What the? Unbelievable. Actually, the reason we know that minions can't be crucified is that there's actually clear differences between the gospel of Matthew and the gospel of Luke on this question. Unbelievable. Just immediately jumped out at me. I'm sorry. No, listen, Kendra, I say this with love and affection. You are the strangest person I know who is allowed to walk around.

Yeah. Does anyone disagree with me? No. Xena got crucified and it really stayed with me. Xena the warrior of princess? Xena is from the 90s. Okay, we're all there. And it really stayed with me. I didn't know Xena was crucified in that show. Yeah. There's a whole Jesus subplot on that show. Let's move on. While on CNN, Vance also showed a little too much leg. Metaphorically, metaphorically.

But it wasn't just a meme. If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that's what I'm going to do, Dan. We tell ourselves stories in order to live. A quote by Joan Didion Vance. The idea, too, that he is using this to draw attention to the suffering of the American people. The Haitian immigrants...

who are in Ohio, are there on temporary protected status, which is a legal form of immigration. That status has been in place since the Haitian earthquake in 2010. It is an immigration policy that was included in, as we all know, the 1990 Immigration Reform Act bipartisan bill signed by George H.W. Bush. Now,

Now, of course, we all know that because J.D. Vance has been drawing attention to that very issue over the past two weeks. We all know that when he's talking about alleviating the suffering of the American people, what he'd want to do to make life better, the reforms he'd make to the actual immigration system at stake, the ways in which he'd help build affordable housing, the way in which he'd cut the taxes and make life more affordable for the middle class people in Springfield, Ohio. Oh, wait, he hasn't said a fucking word about any of it.

Nothing. Not one policy proposal. Just a bunch of mendacious bullshit attacks on Kamala Harris and and Joe Biden in order to whip up an anti-immigrant, xenophobic, racist fervor. He offers absolutely like he has been bloviating about this for two weeks. He has not said a fucking word.

word about what he would do to make life better for people in Ohio. And by the way, he has been their senator. Their governor is a Republican. It is a Republican run state. He discovered this problem in the last two weeks. Oh, there's this massive problem that nobody's paying attention. You weren't fucking paying attention to it until you started sharing memes two weeks ago. I'm sick of talking about this. They're going to ban abortion.

Um, here's my I don't think it's a conspiracy. I think that's just where I think we're at. I think that he knows they're not going to get elected. And so this from here on out, it's just going to be opening as many doors as he can rhetorically for white supremacy. Anyway, sorry to say that. I'm sort of like, yeah, this is just going to be this. I just don't think he thinks they're losing. I think he is a mad, angry person.

terminally online person. Like the fact that the last time he did a round of Sunday shows, it was after his misbegotten launch, which ended up being focused on his previous comments about Childish Cat Ladies, which again, they didn't understand how detrimental it would be because they are so online and so broken. He now has two weeks where he introduced this incredibly, um,

uh uh stupid and vile storyline which made trump a joke when he used it in the debate and so now he's trying to do clean up again on the sunday shows to try to spar with reporters i do think for him he's not good at rallies can't buy donuts to save his life he is actually like

combative interviews with mainstream journalists is probably one of his best settings. He is a very smart person. He is a very sophisticated operator. He knows what he's doing. He can be like an intellectual Zamboni for Trump coming up behind him and cleaning up the, the scrapes and the mess and the ice. And so like, I do think they're trying to use him in this way. I just, they're also, I think trying to, I think they're also trying to convince themselves that, uh,

This has now shifted the topic away from Trump failing at the debate and onto the ground they want to be arguing on, which is immigration. But like, I think like the idea that like, oh, we're not talking about abortion as much. We're stuck in this immigration conversation. I think is there some truth to it? But like, this is not the immigration topic they want. This is not about the border.

It's about legal immigration. It's about a made up and racist conspiracy theory. Like, I think they have an argument they could be making on the border, but he doesn't get to make it here. He's trying to pivot back to it over and over again. So I do think we just have to be calling it out and saying this is despicable.

they like the chaos at the border. And by the way, the reason JD Vance wants to talk about all this weird stuff is because they know that their agenda is deeply unpopular and we just have to get like, I hope, I hope in that I'm sure we will see this, whether it's walls at a rally or Kamala Harris at a rally or an interviews starting to like, cause they haven't really been out there on this yet. Yeah. I had a question with that because I was like, I understand the value of just letting this play out to a certain point, but like they do have to go to Springfield at this point. Like I, to me, it's like you,

one of them or both of them have to show up and make a statement and do something just because this seems like it's going to continue perhaps for another week. And it's already so dangerous. Yeah, I think you want I think whether or not they go there, I mean, Trump is going to go to Springfield. I don't know what the exact right way to do it is and whether you need to go there or not. I do think they need to be up at rallies basically calling out the game, like basically saying this isn't true.

This is a vile way to drum up chaos and hate. That's what they want to do. But we actually want to solve the crisis at the border. We actually want to reform our immigration system. And by the way, we want to do all this other stuff to help not just people in Springfield, but people everywhere. And they do not have an agenda for you. So that's why they're out here drumming up all this bullshit. If you're sick of

of this bullshit from Donald Trump and J.D. Vance, of this endless noise and fighting and chaos and cruelty and arguing and divisiveness and trying to pit people against each other, and you'd like some middle-class tax cuts and abortion protections, we've got a great candidate for you. And let's put all the, let's get, we're all sick of this. We're exhausted by it. I think that's what we'll start to hear. And I think that actually is the thing that will move us on from this. Like, J.D. Vance can't move on from this topic. He's lying and he has to defend it. The thing that'll close it

is Kamala Harris and Tim Walz kind of mocking it and putting it in context and then we can...

Get to the next fucked up insane news cycle coming our way. Every week is going to be a new nightmare. Yeah. And that's the latest political headline. On Sunday, the stars turned out for a moderately entertaining evening at the Emmys hosted by Eugene and Dan Levy. The ceremony may have been shot for a television audience, but the host made sure their eyebrows played to the back of the room. And I say that with so much love as a fellow big-eyebrowed American. And by the way, you know what? Canadian?

Are they still Canadian? I think they're still Canadian. Well, I'm a fellow big eyebrow Canadian, so I'll say...

Oh, yeah. They look great. They do look great. I also think it's I'm also really happy that Eugene Levy and Dan Levy and myself and Sarah, we made it through the thin eyebrow years. Yeah. Which not there was the thin eyebrow years. It was a dark time for the big eyebrow community. And we made it through. We held it together. And now everybody is jealous of our big, bushy eyebrows. Yeah. Andy Rooney, table for one. Me. I'm Andy Rooney.

What? A timely reference. Shogun won the most Emmys of any show in any single year with 18. Fine, Jesus, I'll watch Shogun. Didn't realize Shogun was short for show you have to watch or the Emmys will shoot you with a gun. I haven't seen it, but thankfully my years in the industry have honed my ability to fake it. I'll show you right now. Hallie asked me a question about Shogun.

Well, what do you think of them starting the finale with a I gotta go to the bathroom. Listen.

Little showbiz behind the scenes. We did three takes of that. The bear won four awards in the comedy categories and was anticipated to take best comedy. But in the end, the bear got clowned by Hacks, which snatched the award for best comedy. In the end, Hacks just had that special something that set it apart. And that special something was jokes. A shout out, by the way, Jen Stansky, Travis Helwig.

former Hallie of this show. She's part of the extended Crooked Universe. Yeah, Jen's part of the extended Crooked Universe with Paul and Lucia, so congrats to them. I loved, I thought, I was very happy. Like, I think The Bear is great, but I think it's time that comedy stands up for itself. We need jokes. We need hard jokes. Like, I love The Bear, but just because it's 30 minutes doesn't make it a comedy, and like,

Like comedy is really fucking hard. Yeah. We show that. I think we make it look pretty hard. I mean, my God, you see it. Because we're sweating up here. It's twice a week every week. But like this season of Hacks was so good. So I was just really glad to see it. To see it win. I think it's great. Baby Reindeer also took home four wins for limited series, included the coveted Emmy for Babiest Reindeer. I haven't seen the show. Sounds cute, though. I actually have seen it. And it's not cute. But it's good. It's really good. It's good. It's dark. And I really like that the creator of Baby Reindeer pointed out that like,

It's the opposite of formulaic. People say that, like, oh, you got to take a chance on risky stuff. And then what they're talking about is like a procedural, but get this woman. You know, it's like not that risky. But like Baby Reindeer is genuinely not formulaic. Like even once, even you watch the first episode and think, boy, this is a strange premise. You buckle up. That's like it gets, it goes, gets so, it's really interesting and where it goes and what? Their TV shows are better.

Oh, yeah. The Brits. They're just doing it. Hey, hey now. I don't, I don't, listen, we do okay. We do okay. I haven't seen a single dragon coming out of that country. We got dragons up the yang. That entire show was filled with Brits. I know, but it's, it's an American, but yeah, it's got American vibes. Yeah. American vibes. John love it. Jelly roll performed by

Performed I Am Not Okay for the In Memoriam segment. An appropriate choice since those featured in the segment are not okay. They are, in fact, dead. Fans noticed some late, great, noticeable absences from the reel, including Shelley Duvall, though she's used to getting the axe. Love Shelley Duvall. I'm Shelley Duvall. Did a hard life.

Presenter Candace Bergen jabbed Dan Quayle of her famous critique of her character, Murphy Brown, for being a single mother. He joked, joked Bergen, today a Republican candidate for vice president would never attack a woman for having kids. Pretty good one. But J.D. Vance responded, hey, I won't suffer these insults from you coastal elites before ordering a Philly cheesecake al dente and asking the cashier she and the other workers are synced up.

Weird guy. And finally, this Wednesday, I, John Lovett, will be making my reality TV debut on Survivor. Spoiler alert, I didn't drown. Yay! I haven't been this nervous for something to come out since the thing coming out was me. Never referred to myself as a thing before. But you thought it. And we have a clip. A lot of people think of Survivor as a test of endurance, as an experiment in deprivation. Yeah.

But in the end, it comes down to a vote. And you call it a jury, but really that's an election. And so for me, I think of Survivor more than anything as an experiment in democracy.

Now, are those real skulls? Yeah, previous contestants that didn't make it. Well, you gotta keep yours. That's exciting. I don't know if I believe that you believe that whole spiel or if you just knew that you needed to come up with a real good excuse to be away for seven weeks and make it sound excellent. Oh.

Why, Kendra? Yeah. What an easy thing to not say. No, I do genuinely believe that. I really did. That was part of why I wanted to go on. And it's been really fun. Like I this morning, I did a bunch of interviews with like affiliates all across the country talking about survivor and democracy and Vote Save America and Pod Save America. So like, I do think there's something to it, which is like, especially since the pandemic, I think like there's something about survivor that's so like

earnest and positive and like not cynical that I think is really nice and that I really liked. You can't ironically crawl through the mud. Yeah, you can't ironically crawl through the mud. Or poop in the ocean. Nope. Nope. There's only one way to do that with your whole fucking heart. I have a question and you don't have to answer this if you want to, but why did you pack knits? Yeah. Why didn't you go

Why didn't you go linens? Cottons. I was like, you're going to be sweating. The sand's going to stick. Knits on an island. Such an important point. And something to think about for the next time. Yeah. I go on Survivor.

Anyway, that that footage you saw was the last piece of footage they had before I January 6th, the tribal council. Look, obviously, I can't talk about what happened in the show and you will see it as it airs. But I will say that I did great in the challenge where we had to track down and kill the enigmatic Colonel Kurtz.

That seems like a book reference. Lazarus, you know that. It's both. Well, one is a reference to the book Heart of Darkness. The other is a reference to Apocalypse Now. I can't remember where he's a colonel. I think it's Mr. Kurtz in the novel. So Colonel Kurtz would be a reference to Apocalypse Now. I've never seen that. Damn. Yeah. Vietnam's not my thing. Yeah, it was no one's thing. Yeah.

Famously. Famously, no one's thing. Of course, there is an election coming up that is almost as important as the Tribal Council. Today, Tuesday, is National Voter Registration Day, September 17th. So please go to votesaveamerica.com slash vote. You can get information about your polling place, how to get a mail-in ballot, how to get out and be part of the democratic process.

Again, 49 days. Please sign up. Do a couple shifts. I'm going to do some shifts this weekend for some candidates in California. You can come say hi to me. I'll post the details on Elon Musk's health site or perhaps Instagram. If you're one of the people that's been volunteering and helping to reach 3 million voters this election cycle already, thank you. But I know a lot of you have not signed up because this podcast is surprisingly popular.

And it still makes no sense. Makes no sense to us, but it makes sense to you. So please do me a favor. Pause right now for one second. Go to VoteSaveAmerica.com slash vote. Sign up. We just we we just I can't look. Imagine looking at J.D. Vance's fucking face for the next four years as your vice president, who has already said if he were in Mike Pence's shoes, he would not have certified the election. So everybody, we got a couple more weeks to to to put these people behind us.

So that's votesaveamerica.com slash vote just to check if you're registered or to send to somebody in your life to make sure they're registered and everybody go to votesaveamerica.com and sign up. I can't keep asking and you can't keep not doing it. So just fucking do it. Votesaveamerica.com. This ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee, obviously. And that's our show. This was a fun one. Sarah, Kendra, Hallie, thank you so much. As always, see you on the other side of the premiere. Tune in. It's going to be a whole new world.

Yeah, because now you'll actually know what happens. I've got my suspicions. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. No guessing. No guessing. No guessing. Oh, right. See you sluts on Saturday.

Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Chris Lord is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers.

Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can.

You know what holds up? I was in Chicago this weekend for a wedding and I was craving Entenmann's chocolate donuts. Oh, yeah. Which I haven't had since I was like 10 probably, but we got a box and they are still so good. Do you mean the, there's the... The chocolate frosted... Chocolate frosted white donut. Yes. Oh, yeah. Because they have those that when I was a kid, they had the box of six and...

That had the... Perfect for a funeral. They had like the vanilla with the little crumbs, and the chocolate with little crumbs. They were so good. They rock. And then they had the soft-baked ones. Oh, wow. That takes me back.

We could try to explain what it's like to get your work done on a John Deere mower, compact tractor, or Gator XUV. But to really understand the feeling, you just have to get in the seat. Learn more at johndeere.com slash get in the seat or visit a dealer near you.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What's something that scares you? Share a fear no matter how big or small. I'm afraid that I might go on a reality show and spend months getting ready and then actually end up going home first and having that be a secret I keep from people until the day on the calendar arrives. We're going to talk about this later, but I think that you actually won in this scenario compared to others. That's true. I'm glad to hear that, Tommy. I can't wait to hear more of your thoughts

in an actual show, not an ad. We all need therapy is the point. You need therapy. I need therapy. I need more therapy than ever. Actually, when you go on certain reality shows, they'll give you a therapist. Really? Yeah. I should have given that other guy one.

I hope he's taking advantage. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Therapy's great. I texted my therapist and I said, after the election, we got to start therapy again. So that's something I did. That's good. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it. I just think it's a good thing to do. Everybody needs therapy. I'm actually in a very good place, believe it or not.

Believe it. It's true. But maybe you're not, or maybe you are, and you should just get some therapy anyway because everybody needs it. Everybody. BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash love it. BetterHelp dot com slash love it.