What a Weekday: $100 Million on Kamala, Please
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Hi, I'm Stacey Abrams, host of the brand new Crooked podcast, Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams. Each week, we'll work together to better understand one of those big issues that seems insurmountable. Whether it's the Electoral College, America's loneliness epidemic, or the future of Hollywood post-strikes, I'll challenge you to dig in and ask, how do we get here? What obstacles lie ahead? And what can we do to get good done? Are you in?

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Does anybody know if Sacco and Vanzetti were gay? Oh, Sacco and Vanzetti. Oh. Would they have thought of it that way? I feel like there was a time where it's like, well, they're really telling people. They don't have like TikTok. Do they know Teresa Giudice? Wait, what? Did they? Who's that? An Italian who went to jail. Yes, I knew it was, I assumed it was Real Housewives. Do you think if someone said it? I'll just make it up names as far as I'm concerned. Yeah.

All right, we're back. I'm here with Sarah, Kendra, Hallie. Hi. For another edition of What a Weekday. And every day a week of news. Yeah, it's exhausting. And for the first time in some time...

Exciting? Yeah. What a Sunday, am I right? The Lord's Day, finally. I cannot believe how much has happened since we recorded on Saturday night in Madison. Yeah. So we record Saturday night in Madison. We head to O'Hare. We get on the plane. And then right as we're taxiing, we see the letter.

Well, one of our colleagues ran down the aisle of the airplane to tell you, which I think is very fun. It was like I look to my right and I see David standing there and he goes, love it. We may have to record when we let it was like we were doing the newsroom. It was like the newsroom had come full circle. And I'd gone from working on the newsroom to being like, should I? I should probably tell the pilots. I should probably get the pilots and announce as as I am a newsman. I would start crying. Yeah.

Coldplay kicks in, takes out, takes out a picture and it's I'm done. On Sunday, President Biden announced his decision to drop out of the 2024 presidential race in a statement posted to X.

Back to the drawing of everybody. Joe Biden is a hero and Trump is too old. Yeah, way old.

It's also awesome that Biden did this on a Sunday. Pissed off at media elites? Make them sprint to the office in their little brunch outfits. In fact, I was looking at Twitter as we boarded our flight. And even before the news broke, I happened to have seen this post by Wolf Blitzer. It's the sweetest image. It's Wolf Blitzer at a local restaurant in D.C. It's called El Presidente. And he's smiling, holding a cocktail and has a menu. And the menu says Wolf Spritzer. He says he's enjoying a Wolf Spritzer menu.

at the restaurant. And it is so sweet. And then shout out to Add Bearded Genius, who posted this still of Wolf Blitzer back at work a few hours later. Never check your work email on a day off. That image is so funny. The Wolf Blitzer, I'm going to enjoy Wolf Blitzer happening now. I love it. I love it.

Joe Biden also happened to drop out of the race on National Ice Cream Day. A National Ice Cream Day to remember. How's that for a scoop?

For those listening at home, I just want you to know we did two takes of that. Oh, I think they could tell. Wrote Biden, it has been the greatest honor of my life to serve as your president. While it had been my intention to seek reelection, I believe it is in the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as president for the remainder of my term. Lame duck? No. Heroic duck. Mr. President, if you're listening.

Go ahead and pardon Hunter. Go on. You've earned it. Actually, I sincerely believe that. I kind of do. He gets one. I like it. I think he gets one. He gets a freebie. I think he gets one. It's a gun crime, so I'm going to say no. I just feel like...

I don't know. Everybody gets one. He should probably go pardon crazy. I feel like for now on, I'd just be pardoning. You know, the Supreme Court ruled he's immune. Throw some pardons out there. Biden's announcement and endorsement of Kamala triggered an outpouring of gratitude and endorsements from all or most corners of the Democratic Party, which is why we're going to, for the remainder of this episode, we're coconut pilled.

We don't do a lot of prop comedy, so this was a special day. It's a special day. Well, you know, you save it for one that you know is just going to fucking kill, which is what this is doing. Crushing. Look at this. La Croix's in a half coconut shell with little lemon slices on the straws. I have an ice pop. This really sums it up, I think.

I haven't seen the party this excited and united since we thought Trump getting impeached would mean something. California Governor Gavin Newsom and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg endorsed Harris on Sunday, as did Congressional Progressive Caucus Chair Pramila Jayapal, friend of the show, and AOC, along with a slew of other progressives and moderates in Congress. Wrote Newsom of Biden, he will go down in history as one of the most impactful and selfless presidents. It's true. And we owe it all to the persuasive powers of those four ghosts who visited Joe Biden the night before. That's right. Four ghosts.

There are four ghosts. Past, present, future. And who? Jacob Marley. It's Jacob Marley. There's another ghost. Wait, who'd you say? Christmas. Christmas.

I haven't seen the movie. What? It's also a book. I haven't read that either. Well, I think it's Christmas Past, Christmas Present. Oh, they're all Christmas. Yeah, they're all Christmas. Christmas Past, Ghost of Christmas Past, Present, Future, and Jacob Marley Running Around with the Chains, I believe. I do always forget about Jacob Marley. Lazarus, you of all people would enjoy The Muppets Christmas Carol, and it's frankly shocking that you haven't. I think I've seen every other Muppets movie. Have you seen Scrooged? No. The Bill Murray version of The Christmas Carol? It is awesome. I've seen The Santa Claus with Tim Allen.

The film Scrooge is a play on A Christmas Carol about a TV executive who forces the entire network to make a live Christmas show. And my takeaway from it is we should do a live Christmas show on Christmas. It would be fun. No? Hawaii Senator Brian Schatz tweeted, Madam Vice President, we are ready to help with a photo of himself climbing up a coconut tree.

If you don't get this picture, then you need to go and look into the context of all in which you live and what came before you. I love this picture of shots in a coconut tree. He's centered from Hawaii. He gets up there. Good for him. Love shots. Shots, shots, shots.

Bill and Hillary Clinton wrote in a Sunday statement, we join millions of Americans in thanking President Biden for all he has accomplished, standing up for America time and again with his North Star always being what's best for the country. We are honored to join the president in endorsing Vice President Harris, and we will do whatever we can to support her. The statement continued. And I'm just going to be happy for her and not given to any other negative emotions or patterns of thought that serve no purpose other than to ruin my day like I've been talking about with Dr. Angela. Are you using Siri to transcribe this? Yeah.

She's talking to Dr. Angela, you know? Do you think she feels bad? I wonder. I don't think she should. Well, she definitely shouldn't, but I mean, she's a person. It must be complicated. It must raise a lot of fears. It's comilicated. You know, that's such an important... It is. It's comilicated. Comilicated. It's comilicated. Put that on your t-shirt. Comilicated. It's flying off the shelf. Relationship status? Comilicated. It's comilicated.

Former President Barack Obama, for his part, issued a statement on Sunday praising Biden's track record in loving country, but didn't immediately endorse Harris. For his Harris endorsement, Obama invites you to subscribe to his Patreon. Wrote Obama, we will be navigating uncharted waters in the days ahead, but I have extraordinary confidence that the leaders of our party will be able to create a process from which emerges an outstanding nominee. And that process, 78-year-old senators posting Kamala memes.

Ed Markey posting chicka chicka boom boom let's put Kamala in the situation room fantastic this feels like the one he should have done he's not reaching for it it's right in the sweet spot for where you want Ed Markey to be which is where Ed Markey always is he's also there he's all there

But the Kamala momentum has only continued to grow with six more Democratic governors, including her potential rivals, endorsing on Monday, like J.B. Pritzker of Illinois and Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan. Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, who'd been a diehard Biden defender, also tweeted his support for Harris on Monday. Hey, girl, did it hurt when you fell out of the coconut tree? Harris also seemed to have earned the endorsement of Charlie XCX, who tweeted, Kamala is brat. Stay out of this, limey. Go bow to your hot dog finger king. I'm just kidding.

Kamala is Brett. Keir Starmer does sound like the name of a high-ranking Trade Federation member who later turns out to be Sith, but that's not Charlie XCX's fault. Lazarus didn't know who Keir Starmer was, and I took me a minute to walk back to Sith. I knew the Sith, but it took me a minute. It was just a sentence that I understood no part of. We trusted you, though. We're like, this is his thing. Thanks. Thanks for trusting me. Just to add some fun context, I think also it's important to, you know, it's two Indian women, like, congratulating each other. Yeah. I think we, some people forget. Yeah.

I can't clap because I'm holding a coconut. I can't clap with a coconut in your hand. Democratic voters across the country were fired the fuck up, donating more than $100 million throughout blue since Biden's announcement. The massive fundraising hall eclipsed the previous record holder, which was the day Ruth Bader Ginsburg died. I have to say, this one feels less bittersweet.

In a bizarre Sunday subplot, Aaron Sorkin published a New York Times essay titled How I Would Script This Moment for Biden and the Democrats. In it, he wrote, here's my pitch to the writer's room. The Democratic Party should pick a Republican at their convention next month. The Democrats should nominate Mitt Romney. Let that be a lesson to everyone who said replacing Biden with another Democrat was a ridiculous Sorkin fantasy. The real Sorkin fantasy was much, much worse.

I hours after the essay was hours after the essay was published, Biden announced he was bowing out and Sorkin emailed West Wing actor Josh Molina and said, I need to borrow your Twitter account again. I take it all back. Harris for America. So just just a couple. He thought he had thought the thing would live into live through Sunday.

But it was going to be a brown banana either way. Are you upset that he didn't message you to use your platform? I'm just reminded of just what it was like to be in a writer's room with Aaron Sorkin, who obviously is an extraordinarily talented person. But there was a lot of argument. Like, you know, you got to go through a lot of bad ideas to get to a good idea. Oh, we're familiar. We know the process. And it just puts me back in that mindset of having to think, like, how do I talk someone out of this? Yeah.

Think about it. What's the best argument against Mitt Romney that meets him where he is, which is a place I've never been? Now, it's unfortunate that he posted that op-ed just hours before Biden dropped. If only there was somehow a way to know the news in advance when he's writing, if he could write something where he could say or predict what he needed to predict because he knew all the news.

perhaps a year or two ahead, but it's not possible. Never been done. Republicans for their part spent the last few, that's about the newsroom. Republicans for their part spent the last few days swinging wildly like a kid trying to find the pinata. Trump attacked Biden for a while telling NBC News, Joe Biden is the worst president in the history of the United States by far adding he should never have been there in the first place. He should have stayed in his basement. Trump also tried out his nickname for the vice president at his rally in Grand Rapids. I call her laughing Kamala. You ever watch her laugh? She's crazy.

You know, you can tell a lot by a laugh. No, she's crazy. She's nuts.

First of all, absolutely insane thing for a person to say who has been in the public eye for basically nonstop 40 years, including 10 years as a national political figure. And we have never seen him actually laugh. We've seen him mock people or smile or kind of jeer or do a little scoff or appreciate a joke or a line. But we've never seen Donald Trump moved to laughter. That is chilling.

That is chilling. I feel like a challenge has just been issued. No, I want to find, I want to know. I think it would require, I think finding something funny requires a level, like it's a very shallow level of vulnerability, but he can't allow himself. Like it would require, he would have to like allow himself. Yeah, I think he couldn't. Laughter is a kind of, you relent. I think he would be disgusted by his own laughter. And so we're never going to see it.

Also, the mispronouncing of the name is none of them can say it. And I don't know what it was a deliberate. No, it's absolutely deliberate. But it's going to be a law. I think it is. Right. I mean, it's just it's a way of signaling that she's strange and odd and not worth. Now, like, it's like, yes. How dare you have a name? We don't know already. She should be named Sarah or something of that nature. Yeah.

I'm sorry, I was just looking at you. Yes, like boring, yeah. Just a good old-fashioned white name. From the Bible. From the Bible.

Yeah. And like, sure, it's from it's from the Jewish parts, but it's not Jewy. You know, he's spelled without the H. It's less Jewy. Right. For sure. And we've always said that. Meatball Ron, Sleepy Joe, Little Marco. And now, like, those are good nicknames. Laughing Kamala. I think you lost it. I think he's lost his touch. But that's common with aging. Oh, did you know that Donald Trump is 78 years old and the oldest nominee in the history of a major party?

It's interesting. It's interesting. I think it's a big liability. And I think more and more people are going to start talking about it. I hadn't thought about it. I honestly hadn't thought about it. Until right now? Until right now and realized just how old he is. Yeah. And I think he's lost a step. Oh, the last couple months he's falling apart. He genuinely has. And I'm concerned about it. He's losing a step. And I just think, look, it's too important a job to put in the hands of somebody who

who you feel like is maybe slowing down. Couldn't crave more. There was that video yesterday of Kamala walking down the stairs of the airplane. Could have watched it all day. Oh, yeah. She goes right down the stairs. Wonderful video. You're not afraid at any point. No.

The GOP seems pretty committed to focusing on Kamala's reputation for laughing a lot as an angle of attack. Good. Now that Kamala is fully Joker-fied, she is unstoppable. Want to know how she got all these scars? She didn't fall out of a Joker nut tree. That's tough. That was a tough one. It's going to be a hundred days. A hundred days. The Kamala?

Gafala? Gafala! See, these are all cute. Do you ever see, like, where... This is where I'm about to do it. Where there's, like, these two shapes. The one's, like, a pointy shape and a round shape. Kiki and Boba. Kiki and Boba. I feel like Kamala has this very, like, warm, positive, round feeling. That even, like, Gafala, I'm like, that's fun. Laughing Kamala, I like it. Like, it's like, you can't... He's not riffing in the right way because the actual name itself is... I guess that's why they have to mispronounce it. Because the actual name is...

It's a great name. Kamala. Like, you can imagine her on a shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Said Nikki Haley in Milwaukee. Kamala had one job. One job. And that was to fix the border. Now imagine her in charge of the entire country. So first of all, it's nice to imagine Kamala in charge of the country. It gives me a warm feeling. Oh, yeah. But just as a reminder.

The Biden administration now has put in place an executive action that is helping to reduce the chaos at the border. There's a bipartisan bill that Trump is currently blocking. And I just you know, they're going to try to throw throw this term borders are at her and we should just not give an inch on it because it is Donald Trump and the Republicans that are currently responsible for what is going on at the border. Meanwhile, other conservatives pumped out faux outrage over Biden's decision to step aside a betrayal.

They claim of Democratic voters tweeted Mike Johnson having invalidated the votes of more than 14 million Americans who selected Joe Biden to be the Democrat nominee for president. The self-proclaimed Party of Democracy has proven exactly the opposite. Invalidating the votes of 14 million Americans is supposed to be our job. Speaker Johnson also said that Kamala is responsible for the largest political cover up in U.S. history. She is known for as long as anyone of Biden's incapacity to serve.

However, here's the problem with this. Biden has been meeting regularly with both Democrats and Republicans. Speaker Johnson has met with him, negotiated with him. Here's Speaker Johnson after an important and contentious meeting just this year.

Thank you all for being here. We had a productive meeting, I think. So that's about a meeting he had with the president and a bunch of Republican and Democratic leaders. If there's a conspiracy, bud, you're part of it. Like in a couple of years, Lazarus puts out a statement saying I should step down because I've started commenting on too many of the jokes and not moving on to the next joke. Bitch, you've been here and said nothing. Saving it all up for when I need it. I feel like there's some slack comments that say otherwise.

Never criticize me. Never criticize me. I only have criticism now. I don't have anything else. A positive criticism. No, I don't want destructive or constructive criticism. I don't want anything, even if it is in the 100% the spirit of making the show better. Only compliments. Okay, alright, that's fine.

Stephen Miller threw a full on tantrum on Fox News. They held a primary. People, they had ballots. They filled out circles. They went to the voting booths. They spent money on advertisements. And as President Trump said, the Republican Party spent tens of millions of dollars running against Joe Biden. First of all, yuck. But also, I can tell you my experience. Most of us just went in there and filled out the bubble for fun.

It was the only real option. And I can also tell you from experience, most of us fully forgot we had to select him in the primary. Hours before Biden issued his announcement, Speaker Johnson claimed it would be illegal for Democrats to change their official candidate at this point, which is obviously a lie.

So it would be wrong and I think unlawful in accordance to some of these states' rules for a handful of people to go in a back room and switch it out because they don't like the candidate any longer. That's not how this is supposed to work. So I think they would run into some legal impediments in at least a few of these jurisdictions. So these guys are really scared of Kamala and that's more fun than I imagined it would be. Actually, the rulebook says a dog must play basketball. Must, must, must. Just to sum up their position.

Joe Biden has to be the presidential nominee, even if it's nonconsensual. He has to do it even if he doesn't want to. But also he must resign immediately, which means Joe Biden can be president next year, but not this year. Kamala can't be president next year, but she must be president right now.

That is their that is their view. Amazing. Amazing. Trump's Make America Great Again pact launched an anti-Harris TV spot in Pennsylvania, Georgia and Arizona, which claims Kamala was in on it. She covered up Joe's obvious mental decline. Kamala knew Joe couldn't do the job, so she did it.

All right, so here's what we're thinking for the new attack head. Kamala Harris has secretly been a successful president for years. Former VP Mike Pence tweeted Monday, President Joe Biden made the right decision for our country, and I thank him for putting the interests of our nation ahead of his own.

After the assassination attempt on President Trump and President Biden's decision to end his campaign, now is a time for leaders in both parties to project calm and send a message of strength and resolve to America's friends and enemies alike that whatever the state of our politics, the American people are strong and our American military stands ready to defend our freedom and our vital national interests anywhere in the world.

No, it's time to eat a hog's dick, said a guy dressed as George Washington with a sign that says Mike Pence goes here, pointing at an early 1900s electric chair, which is why I was thinking of Sacco and Vanzetti. I'm so glad we got back there. I loved it. I thought of the image in my mind of a 1920s electric chair. Put that in there. We sit down here. Sacco and Vanzetti pops out. The brain. The human brain.

The human brain. The human brain and its strange connections, huh? It's a beautiful thing. Absolutely. It's a beautiful thing. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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A lot of people got out of jail. A lot of them are Italian. Can someone explain who these people are? They're anarchists. You should take us through it. I absolutely should not. You're out of your mind. Are these the Chicago people who conspired to murder a child? I believe so. I believe they succeeded. That's what I needed. Well, I don't think it was a child. No. Oh, it wasn't a child? No, you're thinking of, um, I don't know who you're talking about. Loeb. Leo and Loeb. We can't use this. Leopold and Loeb. That's who I'm thinking of. They were gay.

But also, would they have described it in that way? Like, do you think, are they gay? It's like, that would imply that they're the same. Kate and Leopold. Kate and Leopold and Loeb. On Monday morning, Vice President Harris spoke publicly for the first time since President Biden stepped aside. And I wanted to say a few words about our president. Joe Biden's legacy of accomplishment over the past three years is unmatched in modern history. In one term, he has already, yes, you may clap. Laughter

In one term, he has already surpassed the legacy of most presidents who have served two terms in office. At the you may clap part, I found myself involuntarily clapping alone at my computer. The power of Mamala. Losers say please clap, but winners say you may clap. These are the subtle distinctions that decide elections.

How nice. Oh, just not to watch it like, oh, make it through, land the plane. Also, what was really nice and like before when they were doing the intro and everything and there was a wide shot, all those kids were like geeked to be there. Oh, I know, they're all smiling. It was kismet that her first time speaking was...

as the new and youthful candidate compared to the alternatives, happened to be an event with student athletes. So we got to see Kamala Harris standing in front of just a group of youth. Just the message was so the message was the event itself. Yeah. And it's not a political event. So she just spoke lovingly and complimentary. But she just spoke in a complimentary way about Joe Biden. And she did an event in Delaware later. That was also great. But it was so nice to see. And

gay news. That is a fucking kick-ass outfit. It is just... She looks great. It's a simple suit. That shirt is so cool. You know, it's like the perfect... She's chic. She actually has a style. It's like... It's not... It's special, but simple. It's beautiful. I loved it. She looks like a Danish queen. So for me... Yeah, okay. It's like...

It looks very sci-fi. And I think that there is something where when you look into various science fiction futures of utopias, a lot of the times people put black and brown women as leaders in those utopias. Let's do this! Stacey Abrams is the president of Earth Federation and Star Trek Discovery. But it's a very nice messaging to have that at.

Well, we were talking about the Zoom call of 44,000 black women who Kendra did not get on it, even though she got the link. And I was like, Kendra, you got to be on that Zoom call. But there's something where it's like, I trust. You were napping. I was napping. Yeah. It's important for me to nap. But there's something where it's like, I do trust 44,000 black women.

Does that make sense? Like you're all like 25,000 black women working at something like, thank God. Thank you so much for doing that. And here's the thing while we're on that topic. I love this again. And I've said it before. Yes, it is good that we are all excited about black women working and rallying behind her white women. You need to be. Absolutely. Yes.

Like, no, you're right. I saw some people saying, like, I'm going to organize a call only for whites. I was like, well, hold on. Back up a little. Back up a little bit. I love where your head's at. Right. Love the idea. I see where you're going with it. Right, yeah. Just listen, think about it. And that is what white people do. We do go to the other side. And to give black men their due, they also, they had a call, I believe, last night where they raised another, like, $1.3 million. So they're on it, too. Right. Yeah, no, we got to step up here. There was a clip going around.

of Gerald Ford and I don't know exactly what it's from but it's clearly between when he leaves office in 1976 and Geraldine Ferraro is selected to be the Democratic VP candidate in 1984 because he's speaking to a group of children and a little girl raises her hand and says you know will we ever have a female president and Gerald Ford says oh what a great question little girl

I hope we do have a female president. And I can't tell you when it's going to happen, but I can tell you how it's going to happen. There's going to be a male president. He's going to select a female vice president. And then that man is going to die. I mean, it is truly like a nightmare.

bananas way to address a child. And basically he's like, because here's because then she'll become president without having gone through the electoral process. But then America is going to really let he's trying to say that once America has a female president, they'll never go back. That's what he gets to that. Once once we have a female president, the men will have a hard time becoming a nominee again, which is the kind of I think the grandpa sweet way he was trying to address it. But the the route there is absolutely insane.

Side note, Geraldine Ferraro does sound like Gerald Ford's drag name. Oh, that's so interesting. True. So interesting. I believe that one of the attacks on Geraldine Ferraro in 1984 was that either she or her husband had committed the sin of having therapy. Oh, well, back then. And it was like, well, you can't have a woman who had therapy. You can fact check that. There's something about electroshock treatments in there, but that may have just been a right-wing attack.

Anyway, we've been here before. We've been here before. Some people still do it. Some people it helps. So there's something to think about for all of us. Speaking of people that maybe want to get shock therapy, West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin said Monday that he wouldn't run against Harris for the nomination after considering re-registering as a Democrat on Sunday. Yeah, same. I also won't run against Kamala. Hallie, Kendra?

Sarah, you gonna run? I'm gonna get on the next Zoom call. That's all I can promise. Yeah, I'm gonna take a nap. That's my plan. I thought this was the part of the race where everyone announces they won't run against Kamala, even though no one on the planet thinks they should. Colorado Governor Jared Polis was asked Monday whether he'd serve as Harris's vice president and said this. If they do the polling and it turns out that they need a 49-year-old balding gay Jew from Boulder, Colorado, they got my number. Jared, you've been elected the vice president of my heart.

I love that. When asked about a potential VP run on Morning Joe, Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear said, I think if somebody calls you on that, what you do is at least listen. Beshear also took a swipe at J.D. Vance over his book Hillbilly Elegy and the fact that he grew up in Middleton, Ohio. And I want the American people to know what a Kentuckian is and what they look like, because let me just tell you that J.D. Vance ain't from here.

This is the left's birtherism. And to be clear, I 100 percent support it. Harris spoke at the campaign's Wilmington headquarters on Monday after walking up to Beyonce's freedom, which was awesome, which was awesome. That a song for this moment, like it was so fucking cool just hearing that song.

And that apparently, like, she has the permission of Beyonce to use it. She did once before, right? I'm trying to remember. Like, there was something before Biden stepped down. I mean, I know there was something recently where she came out to that song and it was like, oh. Yeah, Beyonce personally gifted her tickets to the show in D.C. Like, they are definitely connected. And Miss Tina has been posting nonstop since the announcement. Yeah.

Harris had this exchange with President Biden, who was on speakerphone. We love Joe and Jill. We really do. They truly are like family to us. And we do everybody here does.

It's mutual. I knew you were still there. You're not going anywhere, Joe. I'm watching you, kid. I'm watching you, kid. I love you. I love you, Joe. It was a sweet moment. Little did we know that it would continue for the next 100 days, Joe's voice booming from the ceiling about warning during every Kamala campaign event, no one able to figure out how to end the call. Harris then previewed what her presidential campaign against Trump might look like. Before that, I was a courtroom prosecutor.

In those roles, I took on perpetrators of all kinds. Predators who abused women. Fraudsters who ripped off consumers. Cheaters who broke the rules for their own gain. So hear me when I say, I know Donald Trump's type.

Does anyone else feel like doing a standing backflip right now? Or is that just me? Meanwhile, JD Vance traveled to his hometown of Middleton, Ohio on Monday, where he had this to say about Democrats. Well, they say it's racist to do anything. I had a Diet Mountain Dew yesterday and wanted to. I'm sure they're going to call that racist, too. But nice. Good one, JD. No, Diet Mountain Dew isn't racist. It is a disqualifying beverage choice. Yeah, because Diet Mountain Dew isn't an option when there are five options.

It isn't an option when there are a dozen options. It is only an option when every soda on earth is also available. It is only available in a wall of capitalistic, orgiastic, carbonated excess. You're turning down Diet Coke. You're turning down Diet Pepsi, Coke Zero, Pepsi Zero. You're turning down Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, Coke Zero, Pepsi Zero Sugar, Diet Root Beer, Diet Iced Tea.

What are we doing here? And he says he had one yesterday and one today. So that's his go-to. I don't think I've had a Mountain Dew since middle school. Like genuinely. Part of me thinks he's saying this to like activate the incels. I feel like part of me is like, is Diamond Dew like, it is, it is like a phrase that people are like, ah, you're connecting to me through the internet. It's like the, it's like what activates the maturing candidate. Is it that same neon color?

I can't even imagine what a diet Mountain Dew would taste like. I kind of do want to try it now. But I am disgusting. You got to keep that in mind. I feel high. I love diet Mountain Dew. I mean, I'm sure it's great, just to be clear. Oh, no. I'd enjoy it. We'd love Mountain Dew. But come on. But come on. It's just so far down the list. It's like if it's hot in the back of the bus, you're like, I guess I'll drink it because there's something else here.

It's like the Wario of Fresca, I feel. Yes. Mountain Dew as a kid, it was the drink of the kids that just didn't give a fuck. They're just like, yeah, I drink Mountain Dew. I don't really care about my grades. I don't care what happens. It was one thing if you were drinking a Coke red. I'm a Mountain Dew kid.

Code Red was very popular. Well, Diet Mountain Dew is interesting because the diet implies that you do care about something. You are being thoughtful about nutrition to some degree. But then it's a Mountain Dew. So it's who are you? I think he's trying to be relatable. But also, yeah, he's keeping it tight for the campaign trail. That is interesting, right? To talk about having a diet soda in this context. It's just, look, I... That's the Yale of him coming out. Yeah, Yale jumped out. The Bulldog jumped out. There's the J.D. and the J.D.,

If he was drinking full flavored Mountain Dew, it would make me trust him a little bit more. Because it's like, okay, well, you're really, something's deep wrong then. Okay. Maybe I got to stop drinking all this diet soda. Yeah, for sure, dude. I think definitely. I got to stop. Yeah. I just love it so much. We all have talked about it. I got to stop. Like, I just can't imagine turning down a full fat Coke for a diet Coke or even better, a McDonald's Sprite. To me, it's a diet cherry Coke with a cherry Coke floater at the movies. Like the fountain drink. Mm-hmm.

untouchable. I like Diet Coke. I just think the thing about real Coke, which does taste good, but then afterwards you feel the filling on your teeth. And Diet Coke, you just feel the chemicals burning through your body. Which I like. I love it. I do think that Diet Coke, the first time you have it as a kid, you're like,

What are you people doing? This tastes like a tire. Yeah. How are you? How do you think it's good? And somehow you're like second sip, less tire, third sip. Perfect. And that's the beauty of Diet Coke. An acquired taste. JD wasn't done riffing. It's good. I love you guys.

100 days. Look, J.D. Vance is a guy you'd really like to go get a beer with, but only because he's still in your house an hour after the party ended and he refuses to take your hints to leave and you don't know what else to do. Oh, and before anyone asks, what's RFK Jr. up to? You probably won't be surprised. That's right. He finally ate Commander Biden.

According to the Washington Post, Kennedy met with Donald Trump to discuss a role in his administration overseeing a portfolio of health and medical issues. Oh, God. Oh. In the end, I mean, first of all, that is a big deal. Look, we all stare into the abyss. We took a good two weeks to pretend Donald Trump wasn't there and stare in the abyss. And we got a good look at the abyss and we know how dark it is down there and we're scared of it and we don't want to go in the abyss. Now we got to turn around again and like...

blow these things up. Because holy shit, they're going to play Fauci with RFK Jr.? It won't be safe anywhere. He's only doing what the worm commands him to. Obviously. It's the worm's world in that case. We're living under worm law. You want to live under worm law?

In the end, the post says, this is so rich, that Trump's team declined to offer RFK Jr. a job out of concern that Kennedy was effectively seeking a quid pro quo of his endorsement for a position under Trump. Trump who famously hates quid pro quos.

who famously was impeached for seeking a quid pro quo, who loves quid pro quos, wants to be a part of what this is all like the layers of bullshit that go into the statement. Trump declined to offer FK Jr. a role because it seemed like a quid pro quo. Don't believe he declined. Don't believe it's because of a quid pro quo. Believe he would get the job. Believe maybe he's already been promised a job.

I think that they told him that it's kind of like in Hollywood, like sometimes like they tell people white men, like, uh, they're not hiring white men right now. I think they're like, RFK would be a quid pro quo rather than like, we're terrified of you. Even you, even,

Even you, our voters, would say not this. You came to this meeting with two ravens on your shoulders. And they're holding you up and carrying you in by your suit jacket. And you keep asking in a terrified way if anyone's going to pour salt on your belly. And that is a strange thing. We just can't make sense of it. You're like, don't pour salt on my belly. I can't survive if you pour salt on my belly. I don't think it's something a person would say. It's something like a worm might say. I don't know.

Anyway, Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheadle. Meanwhile, lest we forget, the president was also the former president. Lest we forget, the former president was almost assassinated like a week, two weeks ago. And it's like it never happened. It was a week and two days ago. A week and change. A week and change. It was a week and change. It was a week and a half ago. Yeah.

Meanwhile, Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheadle was grilled on Capitol Hill Monday over potential lapses in protocol that nearly led to Donald Trump's assassination. Said Cheadle to the committee. The Secret Service's solemn mission is to protect our nation's leaders. On July 13th, we failed. It's tough that any Secret Service failure is inherently very public. When I fail at my solemn mission, Kendra sends me a stern text reminding me that I have a meeting. I don't text. She doesn't text. The Secret...

Meanwhile, right-wing talking heads have latched on to calling the director a DEI hire because she is a woman. Hallie, Kendra, Lazarus, what do the DEI hires think about this? Sometimes things happen, you know what I'm saying? Bullet grazes my ear. And if you don't like that joke, you're proving my point. It was written by my exclusively DEI writers, except for Peter, who is now vice president. Congrats to Peter for becoming vice president. Congratulations.

After her testimony, Republican committee chair, after her testimony, Republican committee chairman, Representative James Comer, and the committee's top Democrat, Jamie Raskin, issued an uncommon unified message calling for Director Cheadle to step down. And by Tuesday morning, she was out. Cheadle announced her resignation as director of the Secret Service. She says she plans to spend more time with her family, not checking the roof. Strange. What sucks is she had these terrible two weeks. She gets home, it rains, all the gutters run over because she forgot to check the roof.

The Secret Service Director, taken down by our nemesis, the roof. None of these are totally working. We just went over them so much. None of us own houses. What? None of us own homes. To me, it's like I've just heard this joke so many times when we were writing it. And the whole back and forth about roofs versus roofs. We had a whole back and forth about whether you would say roofs or roofs or I suppose roofs.

You're Catherine Hepburn. Very Catherine Hepburn. There's a cheetah in here. There's a cheetah on the roofs. I can't do it. That was a dead-on. Cheetah. Roofs. Has anybody ever seen Bringing Up Baby? Of course. It's good. It's a great criterion. It's like Cary Grant is wearing a nightgown and...

It's one of like the marabou feathers on it because it's Catherine Hepburn. And then an older woman walks in the door and asks what's going on. He goes, I just went gay all of a sudden. He jumps in the air. It's a great movie. And I believe that that is an example of for the for the for the squares. It could mean happy. Yes. But people would have known he meant gay. Double entendre for you. How fun is that? For everybody. Back in the. What was that? We got a political out there. Hays Code. Hays Code. Hmm.

One note, I do want to reference a mistake that I made on this weekend. Oh, thank God. Thank God. I know everyone's been worrying. In my conversation with Thomas Lennon, I thought that Chris Christopherson, who stars in the 1989 sci-fi film Millennium. Which we all remember and know. And definitely has a lot to do with Katharine Hepburn. Has passed away.

Uh, but I wanted to provide an editor's note. The reason I thought Chris Christopherson was dead was because Chris Christopherson had beef with Toby Keith. And when Toby Keith died in February, people were posting links to awesome stories about Chris Christopherson, including when he, uh, shamed Toby Keith and when he stood up for Sinead O'Connor.

This was all very good. However, my wires got Chris Christopherson. Yes, 100%. And that's why, because I, upon the occasion of Toby Keith's death, did a deep dive into Chris Christopherson, thereby thinking that he had passed away when, have you heard the good news, Chris Christopherson lives. And I hope he lives many years to come because he's a legend and icon and a cool dude. My version of that is Tim Curry.

Yes, he's alive. But I incessantly think, well, he must have already passed away. But he has had some medical challenges. Yes. Yeah. So I think he's been out of the limelight. And but I when he does, I will know because I'm such a huge fan and everyone will be posting about it. Anyway, to those in the comments reminding me that Chris Christopherson is alive. Thank you. Get a life. Thank you for holding me accountable. That's what I said to Chris Christopherson.

And he said, I'm alive. He said, I am. I will. And I do. He said, how did you get in here? Please get out of here. And finally, researchers captured 13 sharp-nosed sharks off the coast of Rio de Janeiro, and all 13 sharks tested positive for cocaine, thereby dashing their hopes of swimming for Russia at this week's Olympic Games. Olympics are coming up. Yeah! Fun.

Pressure still banned. No one's joining. Not even helping a little bit. Never. Okay. We're supporting. We'll be very supporting of it. That is our show. We did it. What an exciting time. To be alive. To be alive. We have a great show lined up for this Thursday night that'll be out Saturday, including a special guest.

that we've added based on the news. So you have that to look forward to. And I just want to say that it's nice to be hopeful. Oh, yeah. It feels great. That, yes, there are real challenges and real uncertainty. I'm sure we will have plenty of polls that come in the coming days that pop from one to several of our balloons. And that's fine. But

Being too hopeful is not less sophisticated than being too cynical. And we have to we have to fight. We have to work really hard. But it is much easier to be part of a group of people that are excited and motivated to do what we need to do than it is to be part of a team that's just trying to do the best they can in the circumstances that make them terrified. So we don't know what the future holds. But I think the fact that the last 72 hours

have energized and excited so many people, are a reminder of what politics can be, and we should hold on to this, even though the next 100 days are probably not going to feel as good every day as the last week has felt. And by the way, also, that is a testament to

the campaign around Joe Biden and to the Democrats running up and down the ballot that we're in a position where we can have a strong candidate step in, take over a working and excellent organization staffed with really smart, good people and hit the ground running and make use of the hundred million dollars they've raised in a way that is smart and effective. And we've had a very contentious couple of weeks, but

despite the efforts to, you know, paint Joe Biden as whatever they want to paint Joe Biden as like, we're also running on a record of success that is like, incredible. And as much as this race will be about the future, like, if we win, it will be because of how successful Joe Biden was. And like, I just feel I don't like all the all the angst and ambivalence and worry has like, made way for a lot of gratitude. And I just want to say that.

And gratitude. Cheers. To gratitude. See you Slut Saturday. ... ... ... ... ... ...

Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Chris Lord is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers. And we're going to be talking about

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Leopold and Loeb were gay and murdered. Oh, cool. Great. Okay, we figured it out. They thought their superior intellect would make them possible to commit the perfect crime. And then Sacco and Vanzetti. I think killing a child is proof positive you don't have a superior intellect. Like, that's pretty fucking scary. They also were murderers or convicted, I believe. Wait, what are we talking about? They were executed by electric chair. Cool. I guess for legal reasons, I should say Teresa Giudice did not murder anyone. Thank you. Great.

It doesn't look like couples who do crimes together do stay together. Yeah. There's something bonding about it. You stay married so that you can't testify against the spouse. And that's just smart. Use the legal system. Let's trim this down. Do nothing. Let's delete it. It's none of our business.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or your skincare routine or therapy day. I have to tell you, I am a creature of routine. Mm-hmm. And I walk pundit. I get the same quad espresso every morning from Starbucks. Oh, and I also do go to therapy, although I did cancel therapy last night to do Anderson Cooper. Ha ha ha ha!

Healthy, very healthy call. That's real. That's real. Sorry, Dr. Christie, I can't do therapy. I got to go on Anderson Cooper. You can watch. I'll be saying the same things I'll be saying to you. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it to get 10% off your first month. Obviously,

Obviously, you should not do what I did. You should all be in therapy and stick to it. And by the way, I also did Chris Hayes. So it's like therapy or Anderson Cooper plus Chris Hayes is a no-brainer. It's a no-brainer. As is you getting therapy, betterhelp.com slash L-O-V-E-T-T, betterhelp.com slash love it.