Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
The election is less than 100 days away. Oof. Wow. That might sound scary, but it also means you still have 100 days to donate and volunteer your ass off. And whether you're falling out of a coconut tree or anxiously clinging to one, now is the time to volunteer, donate, and canvas your ass off.
Canvassing is an especially great way to make a difference to get the word out about important candidates and valid initiatives where you live. Sign up to Canvas at votesaveamerica.com and then head to the Crooked store to pick up a canvassing kit. There's all the essentials for a day of door knocking, including a clipboard, pens, band-aids, a tote bag, and more. Get one to motivate yourself to canvas more or send them to your friends in swing states. Matching clipboards are the new matching friendship bracelets. Go to crooked.com slash store to get your kit.
Did you see how I did that? I did that kind of like, whoa, like it's so crazy. I'm so humble. Well, Zuri Irvin, everybody. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. The new CEO of Boeing just dropped in. Please keep that to yourself until we've notified his next of kin. Because he fell out of the airplane. Well, if you're not ready to laugh about that, it's going to be a long fucking night.
This week we've got the very busy, busy Phillips to finally answer the question, what is a woman? Will Rollins is here to finally take Palm Springs for the gays. Gianmarco Cerisi looks great under the lights of Broadway. And in case we all perish this week, we'll end this show with one thing we want, nay, need you to clear off of our browser histories. But first, let's get into it. What a week.
Former Senator Joe Lieberman has died at the age of 82 due to complications from a fall. It's sad, but he died doing what he loved, sitting in a Boeing emergency exit row. Don't do that. That's not right. His dream of a world with no labels remains unfilled. Even in death, they have to put a little label on your toe.
Speaking of dropping fast, NBC dropped former RNC chair Ronna McDaniel as a political analystist. Nope. Analyst. Analyst. Analyst. You know what? No. Fuck it. Leave it in. Analystist. It's like sometimes you want to say economics or like economics. Anyway, she got shit-canned four days after she joined the network. And me, amid a fierce backlash, more like Ghana McDaniel. ♪
Speaking of the RNC, the post-Purge Republican National Committee has begun asking job applicants if they believe the 2020 election was stolen in order to help make sure new hires are sufficiently pro-Trump. The original plan, just hiring Duke graduates, was only 90% effective. They also tried putting an applicant in a room with one marshmallow and then said if they can avoid killing Mike Pence for 15 minutes, they'll get two marshmallows.
Meanwhile, a new Bloomberg News Morning Console poll found that President Biden has narrowed or erased Trump's lead in six of seven swing states. Democracy is now in the margin of error. Right there in that error bar.
You know? It's cool. According to a new AP poll, Democrats are more likely to say they feel fearful or angry about Trump winning a second term than Republicans report those feelings about Biden getting reelected. To elicit those same feelings of anger and fear in Republicans, pollsters instead showed them a serial commercial with a mixed-race lesbian couple. LAUGHTER
But Trump also inspires stronger positive reactions among Republicans who were found to be more excited about a potential Trump victory than Democrats were about a Biden win. It helps, of course, that Trump's cornered the market on the absolute most insane people you've ever met. High highs, low lows. Trump is out there promising to shoot shoplifters and jail or kill his enemies. Biden's promising not to cut Social Security. It's not high-octane stuff. It's not supposed to be. Presidents are like high school chemistry experiments. If they're getting people out of their seats, something has gone wrong. LAUGHTER
Speaking of experiments gone wrong, Donald Trump, the former president and guy who eats a whole row of Oreos and then yells at the person who bought the Oreos and not in like a funny way, like actually mad.
announced in a video on True Social this week that he's selling God Bless the USA Bibles ahead of Good Friday and Easter in partnership with country singer Lee Greenwood. Religion and Christianity are the biggest things missing from this country. And I truly believe that we need to bring them back and we have to bring them back fast. In his version of the Bible, though, it says Mary is a four at best.
Trump continued, All Americans need a Bible in their home, and I have many. It's my favorite book. Because you know how books work. The more you like it, the more copies you get. I love this. I love this because it's a bald-faced lie on two levels. He's asking you to believe that his favorite book is the Bible, but he's also asking you to accept the premise that he has a favorite book. It's like if I said I got my six-pack abs from free-soloing buildings. The God Bless the USA...
Bible, which costs $60, includes the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Declaration of Independence, and the Pledge of Allegiance, as well as the lyrics to Greenwood's God Bless the USA. It's a cool blend of Christianity and nationalism, combining a tacit assertion of religious superiority with empty worship of patriotic symbols. Obviously not for any love or embrace of the underlying precepts or values contained in either Christian teachings or America's founding documents, but more to
Claim both in the name of an exploitative worldview, one in which the Bible and the Constitution belongs exclusively to them. You might call it a kind of Christian nationalism, if you could name it, which I just did.
Speaking of nascent Christian theocracy, on Tuesday, the Supreme Court heard arguments on a challenge to the abortion pill Mifepristone, with a majority of justices seeming inclined to reject that challenge and keep the pill available. Things could be worse. Things could be worse. Things could be worse. Ah, you fucking gave me nothing. The...
The plaintiffs argued that they faced moral harm from the FDA loosening restrictions on mifepristone because patients who take the pills might then show up at the hospitals where they work requiring follow-up care. So even in the strongest version of this argument, it's not that they might be forced to give a patient an abortion against their own beliefs. It's that they might be forced to help keep them from dying in the rare case something's going wrong. You know, like in the Bible where Jesus says, ew, ew, ew, ew, lepers. Yeah.
No, thank you. Yuck. No, you brought this on yourself. One problem with even this ridiculous argument, several of the doctors in question are dentists. And if a dentist is dealing with abortion complications, there are bigger problems at that hospital.
And as the lawyer for the government argued, abortion pills are so safe that it's very rare for any doctor to have to treat patients for serious complications. Just a completely made up problem. Bring a case this stupid to the Supreme Court should be like calling in a fake emergency to 911. There should be criminal penalties, maybe not jail time, but something like having your eyebrows shaved off.
But right-wing fever dreams were not contained to the Supreme Court this week. Conspiracy theorists wasted no time spreading misinformation about the deadly collapse of Baltimore's Francis Scott Key Bridge, which was struck by a huge container ship early on Tuesday morning. Let me just quickly correct a few things you may have seen online. The captain of the vessel was not Hunter Biden. The bridge had not received an mRNA vaccine. The container ship is not trans. LAUGHTER
While the collision is under investigation, law enforcement officials said they had so far seen absolutely no indication that this was done on purpose. Nevertheless, indicted influencer Andrew Tate tweeted that the ship had been cyberattacked in a post that has been viewed millions of times. Far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones amplified Tate's post, writing, "'Looks deliberate to me. A cyberattack is probable. WW3 has already started.'"
Imagine hearing a container ship has hit a bridge and immediately saying, I know what happened here. Maybe just wait for a shred of information and then we'll actually know whether to blame DEI or the Jews. On Newsmax, former Trump advisor and guy whose name sounds like a fish hitting the counter, Matt Schlapp blamed the disaster on, you guessed it, COVID lockdowns.
You look at our critical infrastructure, and I'm one of these people that believes we've never fully come out of all the lockdowns and the COVID issues. You know, I'm no expert on what's going on on the seas, but all I would say is that if you talk to employers in America, they'll tell you that filling slots with employees who aren't drug-addled is a very huge problem. Addled. What?
Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world where every time something bad happened, you could go on television and say the reason that bad thing happened is all the stuff we already didn't like. What a life that must be. How nice it must be to wake up in the morning because obviously this guy's happy. He's a very happy person based on reports of how he lives his life. He's got it all figured out.
A ship hit a bridge because of a COVID lockdown four years ago should be the last thing you say before you're involuntarily checked into the hospital. Over on Fox News, Maria Bartiromo suggested during an interview with Senator Rick Scott that the bridge collapse had some connections to problems at the border.
Maersk is out with some comments this morning because the container vessel that collided with the bridge was chartered by Maersk. Look, you're on Homeland Security. I want to understand the threats or the potential threats involved.
that this country is facing right now, given this wide open border and the fact that we don't know who's in this country. We've got caravans of Danish container ships sneaking across the Rio Grande to destroy America's bridges and Biden needs to answer for it.
An answer for it, he did. President Biden said on Tuesday that he intended for the federal government to pay for the entire cost of rebuilding the bridge. Well, yeah, it wasn't going to be Baltimore. I keep falling asleep during the wire, but I don't think it ends with the city acquiring bridge collapse, no big deal levels of wealth. I know Biden is reassuring people that the government will step in to help, but I feel like mayors should probably pay for some of it. At the very least, Baltimore and mayors should exchange insurance information.
On Monday, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a law that bans minors under 14 years of age from having social media accounts. DeSantis explained that children under 14 are not yet mature enough to balance social media use with the demands of their full-time factory jobs.
Said DeSantis, being buried in those devices all day is not the best way to grow up. It's not the best way to get a good education, continued the governor. If kids are absorbed in their phones, how will they get the full benefit of in-person Floridian schooling experiences like AP Noah's Ark and sexless ed, which is not a class, but a weird guy named Ed that makes sure the kids are using the right bathrooms.
Speaking of bathrooms, climbers on Mount Everest this year will have to start bringing their poop back down the mountain with them in accordance with new rules from local officials. The rules address a poop pollution problem on Everest driven by the rising number of climbers. Last year, Nepal issued a record 478 climbing permits. And that new Taco Bell on the summit sure as shit doesn't help. Each climber will be given two poop bags, each of which can be used six times. What? What?
And as a gesture of goodwill, each climber will also receive two bags of famous Mount Everest double chocolate brownie nuggets. To distinguish these bags from the turd bags, they will be in aqua instead of the usual turquoise.
Speaking of taking things with you, the British Museum is suing former curator Peter Higgs for allegedly stealing or damaging over 1,800 artifacts from its collection and selling hundreds of them on eBay. A judge ordered Higgs, who ran the museum's Greek and Roman antiquities department before he was fired for stealing all the antiquities, to return any gems and jewelry that are still in his possession, said the curator of the British Museum. But I learned from watching you.
A Massachusetts state police robot described as a robot dog was shot three times and rendered inoperable during a standoff on Cape Cod and just two days from retirement. Take this as a reminder that life can change in an instant and don't take your robot dog for granted. Go bring it on a walk to the farmer's market and watch local children recoil in terror. Give it a good hard kick just to see the creepy way it regains its balance. Cherish each special day because you just never know when it will kill you in your sleep.
After the incident, the robot was given a 21-gun salute and submerged in a bowl of rice. And finally, Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog, has fathered two babies with his groundhog mate, Phyllis, startling their unsuspecting human caretakers. This was more or less inevitable after the little guy emerged from his burrow and predicted six more weeks of raw-dogging Phyllis. When we... When we come back, Busy Phillips is here. Woo!
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Each year, the International Rescue Committee's Emergency Watchlist Report assesses the 20 countries at greatest risk of new or worsening humanitarian emergencies. These countries are home to only 10.6% of the world's population, but carry a disproportionate burden of global humanitarian crisis. The civil war in Sudan has left over 24 million in need of humanitarian aid.
while armed conflicts and natural disasters have displaced 1.26 million people in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. And Gaza has become the deadliest place for civilians in the world. Donations help the IRC provide families affected by humanitarian crises with emergency supplies in the aftermath of a crisis,
and with the resources they need to recover and rebuild their lives for the long term. Just $14 can provide a temporary shelter for a displaced family, and $72 can provide two months' worth of emergency food for a child. Donate today by visiting rescue.org slash rebuild.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or your skincare routine or therapy day. I have to tell you, I am a creature of routine. And I walk pundit. I get the same quad espresso every morning from Starbucks. Oh, and I also do go to therapy, although I did cancel therapy last night to do Anderson Cooper. Ha ha ha!
Healthy, very healthy call. That's real. That's real. Sorry, Dr. Christie, I can't do therapy. I got to go on Anderson Cooper. You can watch. I'll be saying the same things I'll be saying to you. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it to get 10% off your first month.
Obviously, you should not do what I did. You should all be in therapy and stick to it. And by the way, I also did Chris Hayes. So it's like therapy or Anderson Cooper plus Chris Hayes is a no-brainer. It's a no-brainer. As is you getting therapy, betterhelp.com slash L-O-V-E-T-T, betterhelp.com slash love it.
The election is less than 100 days away. Oof. Wow. That might sound scary, but it also means you still have 100 days to donate and volunteer your ass off. And whether you're falling out of a coconut tree or anxiously clinging to one, now is the time to volunteer, donate, and canvas your ass off.
Canvassing is an especially great way to make a difference to get the word out about important candidates and valid initiatives where you live. Sign up to Canvas at votesaveamerica.com and then head to the Crooked store to pick up a canvassing kit. There's all the essentials for a day of door knocking, including a clipboard, pens, band-aids, a tote bag, and more. Get one to motivate yourself to canvas more or send them to your friends in swing states. Matching clipboards are the new matching friendship bracelets. Go to crooked.com slash store to get your kit.
Please welcome the phenomenal Busy Phillips! Hi. Hi, where do I sit? What's happening? You can sit right here. You can sit right here next to me. Alright, alright. Hi. Hello. Oh, you're wearing my merch. Okay, okay. Nice. My merch not for sale here, but on my website. Great. I don't know. You don't know where it is? No. Okay. Okay.
Hi, it's good to see you. Now, you're wearing Busy merch. It's from my podcast, Busy Cuts is doing her best. Did you know what this show was? You had no idea. No.
That's great. That's good. That's good. And new audiences. New audiences. Crossover. It's why people do other people's podcasts. Yes, it's happening. It's happening. If you don't know, the one thing they tell you when you start a podcast is now what you have to do is go be on a bunch of other fucking people's podcasts. So which ones do you like? And I said, I don't listen to them. Wow. Except for this one. Always. Always.
But I like you. Yeah, we like each other. We like each other. We spend time together when we were both in New York. And there was a moment where we were on the cusp of a regular friendship. We could have been friends. And then it just didn't happen. You moved back here. That's right. And I had to fucking stay there. Yeah. Which I'm not happy about. Well, let's talk about that because there was an incredible piece in The New Yorker.
This month about a garage sale. First of all, I need to start with this. It looks like neither one of us. No. It is so fucking vaguely insulting to both of us in so many ways to mark it's maybe racist.
looks like he yeah i don't know it could be okay yeah no i'm not i'm just thinking about it sure right right like it just like he does not look like that i don't look like that i don't know what that is it's weird though when you if this is only a cutoff image if you pull back he's got puppet strings and it's controlling the bed exactly that's so strange i don't think it's that i don't think it's that but the but um he's like not nice
You know what I find? I don't think this looks like you. And the point I'm making is not... It does not look like Mark. I'm making an unrelated point to this. Yeah. Which is one thing I think when people say like, oh, I don't like myself in this photo. There's no real winning, right? You can't say, no, no, I think you look good. Because then they're like, well, if you think this is good and I think this is bad, then... No one thinks this looks like us. No one thinks this looks like us. I'm making like a separate point now. Got it. Which is...
When someone shows you a photo and they're like, I don't like myself in this photo, to say you actually think they look good is to say this is the best they can do and what they think is ugly. But to say you don't like them is to say you don't like them in a photo. So I think what you got to say is, it just doesn't look like you, which I'm now realizing is something I said to Chris about his headshots. Do they not look like him? It actually, his headshot doesn't look like him. Can we see it? We'll put it up on the screen. Can we put it up on the screen? Oh, we don't have it yet. We don't have it yet. Still being touched up. Okay. Now...
Here is what was interesting about this piece. Now, I remember when you were first going through the process. You were there. I was there. We got stoned. And I hung out. And this is a piece about how you guys are staying friends and having a garage sale together, selling off the shared land.
Items of your life. Yeah. But I remember we got dinner together and you were like friends and we had pizza. Yeah. And I was glad I was stoned. Me too. Did it feel, was there tension? No, no, but it felt like, no, there was not tension, but it felt like it was such a, I think that you were both,
There was not tension and there was not a problem, but the assumption that other people would find a problem led to the two of you trying to prove there wasn't a problem, which there never was. You know what I'm saying? So it was like, it was like two people who were like two people who didn't have a problem. Now here's something. Remember we got pizza. I remember that you and I got stoned. We did. We did. Mark doesn't get stoned, but I remember we did. And then we met him for pizza. That's right.
So maybe you and I were just really stoned. Yeah. I think that was part of it. I do too. Now... But also to say that... I want to say this. I think that like culturally we don't have a good way... Like look, Gwyneth Paltrow did the thing and everybody made fun of her, right? Like consciously uncoupling. And the truth of the matter is like we all live longer than we should or whatever. And... And not enough people are saying that. You know what I mean? And like...
and relationships evolve and just like friendships do just like business relationships do. And honestly, like if you're, if you are a person who, especially if you have kids with a person, it is sort of your only objective to raise non psychopaths or like non sociopaths or people, or just like maybe just people who can like,
I don't know, grow up to like be on a dating app and not be an asshole. So like, and so, and so from that point, I think that you have to recognize that there are different ways to separate and, and change one part of your relationship while maintaining another. And I think that Mark and I worked really hard for many, many years before we like started
to separate before we told people we were separating to figure out how to like move forward adjacent but not necessarily together and whether or not that seems to other people like we are trying to prove a point like I actually don't care because all I actually care about is myself and my children and him and the family that we committed ourselves to. That's so sweet. Thank you.
It's true. We were stoned. I remember this. We were. And I remember that you told Mark that you told me that you were separating or maybe getting divorced at that point. And you said, you told Lovett he's going to tell everybody. And I didn't.
You had a sponsor at your divorce garage sale. How did those, how did you approach the sponsors? How do you approach a Yerba Mate and say, hey, I'd like your brand to be in on this? Honey, I don't know if you know it. It's hard out there. You know what I mean? No. Well, here's how it actually happened. I didn't have any say in that. But my dear friend, Liz Wolf, who owns Cure Thrift Shop in New York, which is an incredible place. 100% of her proceeds go to
for type 1 diabetes at her thrift store. And she had... And I met her because Amy Sedaris had done some pop-up sales with her and stuff. What a cool life you have. No, it's... Honestly? Just meeting people through Amy Sedaris. For most people, they meet people to get to Amy Sedaris. For you, Amy Sedaris, a mere conduit. She plays my mom on Girls 5 Ever. It was a dream. But anyway, so Liz Wolf...
was the one who sort of was like, let's just do this like weird, huge sale. And she had like been someone from the Yerba, was it Yerba Mate? It was, yes, it was some kind of drink, a Yerba Mate drink. It was a drink and they like asked her if they could come and then she asked us and Mark and I were like, I don't care. Are you going to sell our stuff? This divorce brought to you by Sky Vodka. Hey, guess what? Hey, guess what? Mark and I,
Mark and I split it half Zs, and we donated a large percentage to the National Network of Abortion Funds. That's $18,000. That's great. $18,000 to the National Network of Abortion Funds. And I just want to close this by- It's not what Olivia Rodrigo is able to donate, which is incredible, but I'm not Olivia Rodrigo. I'm just going to say it.
Not with that attitude. No, that's right. Never. One final sentence from this piece because I truly loved it. You said, once you live without something for three and a half years and you open up a box and look at it, you're like, wait, do I need that? Like my child's first tennis racket? I mean, she doesn't play tennis anymore. She's not going to Wimbledon. It's true. It's true. What are we holding onto?
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We had to get rid of so many things. Oh. She's not mad about it. You also have to give your kids something to talk about in therapy when they're 25. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I could have gone to Wimbledon. I don't know. I loved tennis. Tennis anyone? Not for me. Busy, in the new season of Girls 5 Ever, your character sings an amazing song called Is There a Me or Is It Me Just Guys? Is There a Me or Is It Me Just Guys?
A question I have asked many times since I was 14 years old. Well, is there a me or is me just guys? John. Yeah. There is a me and it's mostly guys. Now, inspired by that song, we wanted to see if you could definitively answer the question conservatives have been asking for almost a decade. Wow. Which is, what is a woman? What is a woman? Wow.
What is a woman? First question. Is a woman someone who enjoys a long bath almost every night, exactly like our producer Kendra, which some might say is in fact too much bathing for normal human skin?
Well, much like Kendra, I also enjoy a really long bath almost every single night. In fact, I was staying for free with my best friend since I was five years old, Emily, here in Los Angeles. And then I moved to a hotel with a bath because my bathing was suffering at her house. Hey, I don't think you needed to say for free. Okay.
possibility that someone could charge you yeah no for sure but I think if you say I'm at this point I know absolutely 100% but I do think if you're saying I'm staying with a friend the the lack of a of a surcharge I'm just thinking about it it's not nothing wrong with thinking I'm just thinking out loud I'm just thinking I mean I did I like was picking up like dinners and stuff you know what I mean no for sure no I'm not I'm not saying I'm sure you're a good house guest that's the best yeah yeah yeah I mean it wasn't I don't turn off the lights and that's like a an issue yeah
I'm not great at it. I leave cabinet doors open. I have ADHD. You know what I mean? No, it's hard to close them. Yeah. It's hard to close them. Yeah, I'm one of those. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, yes, baths. I'm a woman. Is a woman a human who believes in horoscopes? Mostly. Hmm. Do you think that... Tell me. Well, here's the problem I have. What do you have? I don't... Talk to me, John.
The problem I have is every time someone says, every time I say, oh, horoscopes are silly, then someone says, what are you? And then I say, I'm a Leo. And they say, oh. Of course you are. I mean, literally, have you ever met more of a fucking Leo? This is the problem. What? When I say I'm a Cancer and then I'm like, but Leo rising, people are like, now it all makes sense. So interesting. I don't know. Is the tide affected by the moon? Yes.
It's all water. The tide is affected by the moon. But we're like mostly fucking water and we're affected moon. I'm sorry. We just are. The planets do a thing. It happens. I don't know. Is that how it got? That's what it's doing? It's the tides? Honey! Is that what it is? Honey! I ovulate on a new moon every fucking month since I was 12. I had to think. I had to think. I couldn't remember. But that's it.
Is a woman a being who is looking forward to Beyonce's new album, Cowboy Carter? Yes. Also everyone. Who isn't? Producer Kendra today was, I came in and I said hello and she did not clock it at all. And I said, hey, how are you? Nothing. And then I startled her and then she took out her AirPods and she was like, I'm listening to the album. And I was like, but it's not out yet. She's like, it's out in Australia. I have a VPN connection.
Is a woman an animal who feels like she's ready to move from body positivity to body neutrality? I'm so fucking over it. Give me fucking Ozempic. I like don't care. I didn't create the fucking problem. We all live with it. We're not changing it. Everyone go fuck themselves.
Sorry. All these motherfuckers have been on HGH forever. I never saw one fucking Time magazine cover about it. I'm sorry. They were on HGH? No, the men. Oh, the men were on HGH. Is that how they become superheroes? That's how all the fucking movie stars have been sold. Age 40. What happened? They're on drugs. And then all of a sudden people are like, oh, that's a fucking big deal. Like we can't have that.
what in God's name do you think has been happening? It's all of it. Oh,
Oh God, people hate women so much. It's like we didn't create this system that we live in. And anyone who has anyone in their family who deals with obesity or who has been struggled or had morbid obesity themselves knows that you are treated differently, that your job prospects are different, that the entire culture is built around shaming and being horrible, especially to women who are overweight. So,
I don't give a fuck about body pause or body neutrality. Let people just fucking live. But we can't do that. So now there's a miracle drug. These are miracle drugs that come in. And like, let people fucking have it without shame. I'm just sorry. I'm so sick of it because I'm so fucking sick of it all. Like, I can't. A woman is a purse fed the fuck up. I will just answer that. And that is like, I'm done. I'm done.
I'm a manjar, but it's hard to get because the diabetics keep taking it. And it's like... So I kind of have to spread out my doses because these sugar weenies need it medically. I've had a moment. I've had a day. I've had a week. It's been a long time here in Los Angeles these past nine days.
It's fine. Everything's great. Things are going to be fine. Don't worry about it. You and I can talk about it later. Can't wait. Busy Phillips, everybody. Girls by Veva season three is out now on Netflix. Up next, Will Rollins is here. And we're back. My next guest is running for Congress for a second time, which is funny because if I ran two times, I would die. Please welcome to the stage, Will Rollins.
Hi, good to see you again. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. Now, Will, welcome back. Thank you. You're running once again to represent the 41st District? Yes. This includes Palm Springs. Are you the most optimistic gay man in California? No.
I can think of a few others. Yeah. There's a lot of positive gays around. Prosecuted the Beverly Hills insurrectionist Gina Bisignano for her crimes on January 6th, during which she wore a Louis Vuitton sweater and Chanel boots. Was it hard to throw the book at someone so cool? LAUGHTER
Well, she also called for people to bring in their gas masks and weapons and then stood in a hallway as a Capitol police officer was crushed in a door by her fellow rioters. So, no, it wasn't hard to throw the book at her. It does capture something about MAGA grievances because this is somebody who has a lot in life and decides that they are so aggrieved and so...
uh, uh, inspired by these, these, by Trump's sort of, you know, call to mayhem call to, you know, you're losing something, the country, you're losing your country that she threw her life away, uh, to do, to be part of this sort of violent act. Um,
What did you take away from the experience of prosecuting her? Yeah, I mean, that in many ways led me here today. I mean, I originally ran for Congress by kind of impulsively quitting my job and deciding to run in what was then a Trump plus seven seat, because while those of us in federal law enforcement were responding to the attack,
My opponent, Ken Calvert, was voting to decertify the election, voting against a committee to even investigate the attack. And then final straw for me called for dropping charges. And, you know, I love the joke you had to open the segment because there are a lot of things about running for Congress that absolutely suck, just to be blunt with the crowd. But if you don't have people willing to step up to the plate and take out these people who are willing to throw away our entire republic,
we're going to be in a tough spot. And that's why I'm really proud to be back in this. And that's why I think the American people are going to return Democrats to the majority in 2024 in the House. Now, the Supreme Court is gearing up to hear a case called Fisher v. the United States. That is a case that could potentially upend over 300 January 6 convictions or cases. Do you think that would give these insurrectionists enough time to get in shape for the 2025 insurrection? Yeah.
Well, I'm going to make sure that I'm there to certify the next election because we need a Congress that's willing to do it. I mean, the reality is no matter what happens in November, Donald Trump is going to declare victory. And you need to have members of the United States House that are going to certify the true results of that election, whatever they may be.
And, you know, we can't have these people back out there training to get in shape for another insurrection. And we can't have a nominee. There should not be a nominee of one of our two major political parties who is encouraging political violence in the United States. That should not be up for dispute. Yeah. And yet here we are, you know, if shoulds were horses. I don't know what that means. Yeah.
Yeah, for sure. Now, let's talk about your district. This is a swing district, a true swing district. And a lot of swingers do live there. And not swinger novices, people that have been doing it for a long time. These are Palm Springs gays. These are people that they have records going back a long time. Swing district. I'm getting back to it.
what is it like trying to persuade in a, in a district where there are just genuinely like a moderate place where somehow even in this environment, not to this audience, it's like, how could you be, how could, how could, how is this a moment for ambivalence? Yeah. I mean, and, and so just for the record, you know, those swingers are a big part of the reason it's now a democratic majority electorate. So I think we should give them a round of applause. Cause they don't swing at the polls. They don't swing at the polls everywhere else. Yeah.
So it is a top pick up opportunity for the party. It's the first time Calvert's ever faced. The man's running for Congress. Show some fucking respect. It's a prosecutor.
Show some respect. Show some decorum. I'm so disappointed. But it is split. It's split 50-50. And the truth is that in this district, I really do think we can win some moderate Republicans. I think there is a difference between Republicans who are part of the regular electorate and MAGA. And we even saw that in some of the primary results with the percent that Nikki Haley was pulling, for example.
And what I've noticed, I think, in my district, when you have a moderate electorate, a purple district where you've got folks who are angry at Washington, D.C., is there are a lot of things that unite us across party lines. If you just look at the anger towards Congress and its dysfunction right now. Right. We may not have Mike Johnson as speaker of the House much longer because of the recent
motion from Marjorie Taylor Greene. But I think what I've seen people in both parties really galvanize around is the idea that Congress should be working for you. It's been working for the members, people like Calvert, who's seen his net worth go up by $20 million since he was first elected in 92.
for way too long. And I used to say, you know, I'm probably one of the only Democrats in the entire United States who can run an attack ad against his Republican opponent featuring a Fox News clip talking about the Republicans corruption. And so there are a lot of Republican voters in my district who think that all members of Congress should be banned from trading stocks, for example.
that there should be a lifetime ban on lobbying by former members of Congress, and that we should overturn Citizens United and get money out of politics altogether.
When Democrats lost the House, and it wasn't because of swing districts throughout the middle of the country, it actually was because of some failures to galvanize people in California and in New York. And one of the reasons was that in California, New York, the issue
of abortion didn't feel as salient, that there were places where abortion was really on the line at the state level. And people really turned out. We saw that just this week in Alabama. But,
Now that we are seeing so much debate over a national abortion ban, now Trump is on the precipice of coming out for a specific national abortion ban. Do you find that that is motivating some of these moderate, even Republican women especially, but Republican voters? 100%. I mean, my grandmother, who was a lifelong Republican who
met my grandfather in World War II serving in the US military, came back to Southern California, started a small business that makes parts for fighter jets, still operates to this day. Somebody who, despite being a lifelong Republican, was also a fan of Gloria Steinem, who also believed that the government had no place telling women what they could and could not do with their bodies.
There are a lot of people like that out there in the regular electorate, even majorities of Republicans. So I think what we have to do for those of us running in California and New York this cycle is make sure that everybody here and everybody in our districts knows that a federal ban means it's illegal in California.
We have to convey that message to the electorate. And it is up to us to ensure that the next Congress passes the Women's Health Protection Act and restores Roe versus Wade as the law of the land in this country once again. Now, as you mentioned, you're running against Republican Congressman Ken Calvert this fall, a man who has been named to multiple most corrupt politician lists.
I do think he combines a really interesting form of old school, get this guy the fuck out of here, and new school, get this guy the fuck out of here. It's like he's bringing together the old school corruption plus the embrace of MAGA. It's a really interesting combination. It must be fascinating. But we're going to play a segment we're calling Toxic Kennergy. Okay.
Because of that toxic mix, I'm going to have you blind rank five of Ken Calvert's worst wrongdoings. You will not know the scandal I will say next. Will it be worse than the one I just said? Will it be slightly less worse? This is going to be hard because he's done a bunch of terrible shit. So, uh, uh,
Let's get to it. First scandal. I don't want you to see these cards. All right. Not that you cheat. The man was a Justice Department official. All right. First blind rank scandal. Bought land in Riverside County near a freeway he e-marked congressional funding for, then flipped the land for a profit in full view of the public and stayed in office.
You can rank it from what? Are we doing five of these? One to five. I'm going to say that's number one. Number one. You say that's the worst one. Yeah. All right. Okay. Let's keep going. Signed an amicus brief to overturn Roe v. Wade. I'm going to say that's number one. Okay. You know what? Sometimes you got to change the rule. That's what Congress does. Changes rules. Okay.
Was one of the 139 House Republicans who voted against certifying the results of the 2020 presidential election following January 6th. Number one again. Number one again, man. Repeatedly voted against having background checks for gun purchases. Number one. Voted against a bill that would bar child sexual abusers from being able to sue doctors who provide child incest victims with abortion services. Is there anything higher than number one? Jesus.
Hey, how'd you lose to this guy? I wake up every morning asking myself that question. But it does get me out of bed to make sure that I don't lose to him twice. And you have been campaigning in this district and making sure people really get to know you. What can people do right now? This is going to be one of the districts that determines whether or not Democrats...
retake the house. And this is a district we can and should win because Will Rollins is such a good candidate. So thank you for being here. What can people do to support the campaign? You can go to willrollinsforcongress.com, sign up to help us volunteer, walk out, knock doors, make phone calls, text, contribute, everything you can do, because this really will be one of the seats that decides the majority.
And this is a district that went from, now how close was it last time? It went from, it was Trump, Trump won this district. This was a Trump plus seven district that in redistricting has now become a Democratic majority, narrow Democratic majority electorate. So let's get this, let's get this seat back. Let's do it. Will Rollins, everybody. Thank you, John. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you guys. One more time. Next congressman from Palm Springs. That's cool. Up next, Jean-Marco Cerezi is here.
And we're back! Broadway. Forever in tension between pretentious gays and bedraggled tourists drunk on personalized M&Ms in the market for a live-action Shrek musical. Which actually happened. Eddie Redmayne is going to be in Cabaret. Nicole Scherzinger is going to be in a revival of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Sunset Boulevard. And Dakota Johnson will be doing the musical version of Madame Web. God, she should have read that contract.
Joining us now, the last time he was here, he played Jeff Goldblum working tirelessly alongside the FDA to stop disgusting TikTok food trends. So we couldn't be happier he agreed to come back at all. Please welcome to the stage, Gianmarco Cerezi. There he is. Hello. Hi. How are you doing? Good to see you. Good to see you too. Here? Yeah. Thankfully, I've become as myself this time. I'm honored. As not a character or a person.
Is this you? Yes. Oh, yes. No, I... Oh, no. That's it. That's it. What if in ways that are subtle, in ways you don't totally feel, you've slowly become more like Jeff Goldblum and that now it doesn't seem like it, but that's what you sound like all the time. Have you thought about that? Oh, no. No.
No, I definitely took some of it because I think I'm Jewish. Jeff Goldblum is Jewish. And I think what he did is he took kind of the stammering of Judaism and he added a little glide in between. So, you know, if you do this, it's Woody Allen. But then if you add a little glide, then, then, then. And that's...
It's an incredible discovery. It's interesting. It's interesting. So I did take that. That's cool. Now, I've been called a musical theater lover by people before, but that was usually a euphemism. But you actually are one. I am. Why do you think that is?
Oh, I just, I have feelings and they have to be expressed loudly. And musical theater gives you that opportunity. I feel like I have both sides in me, which is a part of me dies when you go from dialogue to song. It's hard. It's a tricky transition. It's hard. It's hard. But when I was working in politics-
When you worked in the White House, calm down. When you work in the White House. The president has a box at the Kennedy Center that's just the president's box, but the president doesn't go to everything. No. And one thing the president doesn't go to is Wicked. He might have seen it another night, but Wicked's going to be there for a while. He's like, let's go to every showing. I would imagine because the president goes like, oh my God, I'm the fucking wizard.
Wow. Am I allowed to curse on this? Yeah. Okay, whew. Okay, you know what I mean, though. They probably look at the wizard and they go, oh, no, I'm that guy. Well, I think everybody feels like the wizard. Isn't that why it resonates so much? We all sometimes feel like we're behind the curtain pretending to be more powerful than we are, but actually we're all wizards behind a curtain. Do you see jaws and you relate to the shark? Is that how you view? I relate to Elphaba. I go, I'm the rebel. Oh, really? Yeah. That's cool. Okay.
But so I... You can sign up to try to get access. A lot of people obviously want to go use those seats. Yeah. So I got tickets to see Wicked in the president's box. Brought my mother. And we saw Wicked, the touring show, when it was in D.C. And I have the same reaction in a musical. They're talking. They're talking. Oh, we're singing. And then, of course... But I also have the other part of me, the faggy part. And...
to the, got to defying gravity. And I mean, I am just sobbing. Like I, like I, I'm defying gravity works on me every time. My TikTok thinks that I am some kind of defying gravity scientist that is plumbing the depths of all recorded copies. Analyzing the riff.
There's all the three schools of riff. What are the three different ones? I can't even come close to doing it, but it's the classic. It's the classic Idina, which is... Then there's one... And then, see, there's a third, and the third one is truly impossible for anyone except one of these people. But the point being... I'd like to hear you try it. I can't do it. The original key.
Why are you making me do this? It's my show. No, I'm strong and in charge now. So anyway, defying gravity happens. I'm sobbing. I'm on my feet applauding. And then I realized there's obviously more than one fancy box up there. And I looked to my right and former Senate majority leader Harry Reid is fully asleep. At the time, the Senate majority leader, he was old and tired. Sure. Asleep. Out. Out.
That's... I wish I had his seat. You're looking at me like I should... I wish I'd been there and taken that box. What's your favorite musical? It's not going to get any resonance. It's Falsettos by... Really? My God, really? Kendra, of course. Falsettos by William Finn? I don't know. That's amazing. No, it's amazing. But like that's... Let me tell you, that guy, Harry Reid, he's not going to Falsettos. He'd be shocked. He'd be... It's a very... It's very...
It's a Jewish piece about screwed up families and a guy, he leaves his wife for his male lover, but he wants them all to have a happy family. And they sing. And then AIDS. And they sing during this. I mean, that's act two. It's just, well, yeah. And they're singing. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I mean, in a way it's like Rent, but everyone's Jewish and in their 40s.
It's my favorite musical of all time. Wow. Hey, hey, what if, you know, Rent, sure. What if it was a little more anxious and maudlin? Sure. Have I got a show for you. What do you think about stunt casting in musicals where they bring in a big star? What do you think about it? What do you think about Eddie Renbane on Broadway? I think he'll do good in that role because if you don't have to sing, that's fine.
But here's my thing. Nine is another musical, one of my favorites. Daniel Day-Lewis could literally become Abraham Lincoln. Daniel Day-Lewis could literally become Christy Brown on my left foot. You know what he couldn't do? Sing.
Not one lick. This is the guy who could portray anything, but they put him at nine and they had to lower the key. So I say no. You can do stunt casting if it doesn't involve intensive singing. But if you do, then it's going to be bad. Hey, do you think Daniel Day-Lewis gets away with murder by becoming people that don't exist on video? No.
It's like, oh, wow, yeah, he became Bill the Butcher, I guess. He became Abraham Lincoln. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Says who? For all we know, he was terrible.
Oh, you mean, oh, I see what you're saying. Because he did that voice. Like for Lincoln, that wasn't a good impression. No, it was good. He did the high. That's actually how Lincoln actually sounded. But I feel like I also read an Atlantic article that said, actually, Lincoln's voice was kind of high. And did Daniel Day-Lewis just read the same article as me? Is that the work we're talking about? This is what I don't know. And I think it's fine and not the thing you're here to talk about. No, not at all. What are you here to talk about? Musicals. Yeah, just musicals.
Check the Cheesecake Factory. It's been a long time since I've been there. Ah, it's a shame. In high school, I'd go. In high school? Yeah. Not since. No, there's not that many in New York, I don't think. No, there aren't. It's a problem. Yeah, that's the number one problem in New York City. Yeah. It goes Cheesecake Factory, the guy who's just punching women looking at their phone. Cheesecake Factory again, because it needs to be brought back up. Right, and then the subway shovings. Now... Mm-hmm.
Hey, what's going on? People punching women in New York? Why is that? Not while I'm in L.A. You know what? I think what was interesting, the tone there was so fascinating. It was like... It was interesting. And I think we all really had a good time. Now, I'm going to run down some of Broadway's most beloved shows. You have to say, in reality, whether or not they suck shit. Okay. Phantom of the Opera. Sucks shit, man. Sucks shit. I...
Oh my God, the reaction. Here's the thing that I didn't know. I didn't realize how murderous the Phantom was.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, before you know the story, you're like, oh, the Phantom of the Opera, he's got something wrong with his punim. And so he's sort of a sad figure but falls in love with someone. And you're like, oh, no, no, he's a murderer. Yeah. He's a villain. He's definitely a villain, but he's kind of sexy in its own way. Right. Cats. Cats.
Trash. Trash. Dear Evan Hansen,
I think it's good. But then when that movie came out, people were like, well, he's kind of problematic. He lied about this whole thing. That's the whole point of the musical. That's the whole point of the musical. But when people saw it and they didn't have the magic of the lights and they just saw it, they were like, that's kind of fucked up. Well, I really thought it was beautiful. And I, that was another one. You like the Phantom. So what your opinion doesn't matter at all. You like the wizard. You like the Phantom. And you like Dear Evan Hansen. Yeah. Yeah.
I like sweet, big songs, and none of what you like. Little Jewy songs at a dining table about psychology. Yeah, people singing about divorce. That sucks. That's not what you sing about. This is America. We don't sing about divorce. We sing about witches now. But I do... Anyway, Hamilton. It's a mix for me. Well, so...
Oh, really? This audience doesn't... Listen, I got some problems with Hamilton. I don't think we need to be glorifying the founding fathers. We don't need to be glorifying these people at all. They were very problematic, and so the idea of the hero worship of the American myth
I don't think we need to be doing it. And I think you have a musical that, what, mentioned slavery, what, for two lines? That's like a musical about, you know, Hitler that mostly was about his painting. It doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry. You asked! This was the game? No, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it. I love Hamilton. I think it perfectly captures the musical nature of our country's family. No, I... Well... Well...
What I was thinking about is actually what I was really trying to formulate was my own opinion, absent the noise of so many interlocking opinions of opinions of opinions that Hamilton has generated since it's come out. You know what I mean? That, like, I have trouble even now separating my opinion of Hamilton as I saw it, as it existed, from years of people loving it, people...
praising it, then people disliking the praisers, then from that turning it to a being contrarian. No, but I'm not denigrating her. And I like it in that sense. I like it as a musical piece. It's entertaining. Listen, the last moment, I didn't see it live. I can't afford those tickets. But the last moment where she looks out and she sees the musical of his life and she goes, I cried. I cried just like you watching a witch flying in the sky. Now it's time for a game we're calling Merrily We Troll Along.
God damn it. That's the kind of stunt casting I can approve of. That's great. That's great. I'll describe a musical to you, and you'll tell us if it's a real musical. True or false, okay? True or false, is this a real musical? Suffs, a Broadway musical about the suffragettes fighting to win the vote in the early 20th century, a musical which counts Hillary Clinton and Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala among its producers. True. That is true.
People gasped. They gasped. They gasped. Suffs. Earth Girls Are Easy, the titular musical based on the horny 80s alien comedy starring Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis featuring a young Jim Carrey set to premiere at Seattle's Fifth Avenue Theater this August. Absolutely false. False. You got it.
While it never officially made it to the big white way, the Evil Dead musical, based on the blood-soaked Sam Raimi horror flick, did enjoy an off-Broadway run at Manhattan's New World Stages, which featured a splash zone in the first two rows for which attendees were given rain ponchos. 100% true. It is true. And if you're in California next month, you can see it at the Maverick Theater in Fullerton.
The Notebook musical based on the 2004 Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams romantic drama is on Broadway right now and has earned mixed reviews, including a New York Times pan titled The Notebook Review, a musical tearjerker or just all wet? That is true. Just all wet. Is that me watching The Notebook? Oh, no, I can't make jokes. Also, the characters are played by actors of different races as they age. That's great. Yeah.
As parodied on 30 Rock, the Mystic Feast musical. Is one of them green like Elphaba at some point later in the... If so, you know I'm smiling.
I like musicals where people are called like green. Yeah. Because then you're like, now we're at a show. A lot of makeup. Yeah. Also like a quick change. How'd they put that on? Sure. You know. Then you're having a good time because it's not a movie. There's no pausing. You're into everything but the plot, it would seem. That's why I like Cats. It's just the Jellicle moon. You don't have to be such an asshole about it.
Miracle on the Hudson, the musical based on pilot Sully Sullenberger's Emergency River Landing, debuted in January at Washington, D.C.'s Arena Stage, the same theater where Dear Evan Hansen premiered before it went to Broadway. Oh, boy. I got to say false. That sounds terrible. It is false. It is false. So Matthew Broderick did a parody. The idea did parody the idea on Jimmy Kimmel with a number called Hudson. We have a problem. Maybe they should make it now.
True. True. And here is a clip of a song from the production titled Put the Fucking Lotion in the Basket. No, thank you.
There's moments where I go, oh, yeah, I get why people hate musical theater. I can see it so quickly. Yeah. It was hard to watch because I auditioned for that part as well. You don't want that part. It ruins the rest of your career. You know, that guy, he took, remember, it wasn't until he showed up in Heat, you're like, oh, my God, he's in Heat. Not that guy, the guy from The Thing. He has a name. Everybody cool it.
And finally, are you having fun? I'm having a blast. Okay. I mean, I'm a hundred percent right so far, right? Yeah. You're crushing it. You're crushing it. You really know about musicals. Thank you. And finally, for the love of the glove, a Michael Jackson musical told from the perspective of Jackson's signature white glove, who is an alien using the Jackson five to take over the planet. Opened in LA right before the pandemic at the Carl Sagan and Androian theater. That, that is false. Yeah.
That's false. Oh, my God. No way. It's true. We got you. You know what? You were so cocky. You're so cocky. You knew the answers. You know. Because there's another there's another Michael Jackson musical on Broadway right now. It's made it so tricky. And similar the way the way Hamilton avoids ever really talking about slavery. The Michael Jackson musical doesn't touch once the allegations against him at all.
Which had to do with touching a bundle of times. Yeah. I mean, frankly, that glove probably knows more than anyone else. Well, that's an unfortunate place to leave it. But thank you, John Marco. When we come back, we're clearing our browser history. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It. And there's more on the way.
The election is less than 100 days away. Oof. Wow. That might sound scary, but it also means you still have 100 days to donate and volunteer your ass off. And whether you're falling out of a coconut tree or anxiously clinging to one, now is the time to volunteer, donate, and canvas your ass off.
Canvassing is an especially great way to make a difference to get the word out about important candidates and valid initiatives where you live. Sign up to Canvas at votesaveamerica.com and then head to the Crooked store to pick up a canvassing kit. There's all the essentials for a day of door knocking, including a clipboard, pens, band-aids, a tote bag, and more. Get one to motivate yourself to canvas more or send them to your friends in swing states. Matching clipboards are the new matching friendship bracelets. Go to crooked.com slash store to get your kit.
And we're back. We're fewer than 100 days away from the release of our book, Democracy or Else, How to Save America in 10 Easy Steps. And Cricket is giving back by donating its profits from the book to Vote Save America and organizations doing good work around the country in 2024. And since we're already in a giving mood, we figured why not give some limited edition Democracy or Else water bottles, all right, to keep hydrated while following our guide. So it makes sense.
All you have to do is pre-order the book, upload a copy of your receipt, and you'll be entered for a chance to win. 150 lucky pre-orders. That was the budget. We're a podcast company, you know? I don't know how many people are going to pre-order. I think your odds are pretty good. So get in there. So get in there. Look, here's the thing. I personally couldn't believe it when I saw that it didn't get you a water bottle, but merely the chance. Yes.
But please, go to crooked.com slash books and just buy the fucking book. Crooked.com slash books. Also, Love It or Leave It is going on tour and our April shows are almost here. We'll be at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas on April 21st and Washington, D.C. on April 25th for a show at the Lincoln Theater. That one's almost sold out. Get tickets. Head to crooked.com slash events. And now for a segment we're calling Just Browsing. Busy and Will, come on out. Come on out. Sorry.
Joining John Marco. Good to see you both again. Hi. And now for a segment we're calling Just Browsing. Here's how it works. We'll each have 60 seconds to beg the audience to delete one extremely embarrassing thing off our browser history when we die. Oh, boy. Is there a wheel? Yeah. I always ask. It's a stupid question. Of course it's a wheel. Why is it the wheel? That's how we do it. Oh, yes. Great. Um...
How to get old photos off of Google Images. Oh. How do I get old photos of my face off of Google Images? Google Images. How do I get old face off? Too many pictures, old face. Got hair transplant, lost weight. Older but hotter, question mark?
Took Monjaro because of society. Honey, we can't help it. We didn't build it. Thank you. Thank you. All right. That was something. Let's spit it again. It's me. Here's what we're going to delete. I sometimes have to Google words that I don't know how to spell, and I don't know how to spell them so poorly that it doesn't even autocorrect. Okay.
Um, for a while, masturbate was one of them. Sometimes, still, restaurant is. I'm trying to think of another word that I had earlier that I was like, what is it? Oh, misogyny. But now I just think miso soup. Oh, interesting. Yeah, that's interesting because you think there's going to be a why. You think there's going to be a why. Yeah. There is a why.
There is a lot where you think it's going to be miso soup. You're good. Isn't it weird that it's not restaurateur, but restaurateur or whatever? That's stupid. Exactly. This is like. And also, by the way, I'm not wrong for not knowing how to spell. No. Great. Yeah. I think the segments were. I mean, I do want it white. It is embarrassed. It is embarrassing. I don't think it is. I think spelling stupid.
I kind of do too. And you know what? English is an evolving language, as my 15-year-old told me. Yeah. There was a president that got on board with just phonetic spelling, and there's a period in his life where all his letters go phonetic. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Is it Reagan? No, that was declined. Because that's the phonetics thing and the whole phonetics thing, right? Well, that's, I think, phonics. Phonics. And dementia. Sure. But no, I think it might have been Teddy Roosevelt's, you know, one of his little kooky ideas. Anyway, let's see who's up next. Jean-Marco. Okay, sure. Countdown to the countdown.
I get my thoughts together. Oh my God. This is brutal, Chris. Okay. I got, I know your producers are right here. This segment is fucking insane. You want, you're like, tell a secret that you wouldn't tell anyone on the show. No, not at all. Of course not. Of course not. So you come up with a fun one. Busy said her most embarrassing was how to spell masturbate. What was she spelling masturbate for? That's the thing that she probably wouldn't have to leave. That's the question. To text my friends, I was masturbating last night.
Sure, and I was Googling Busy Phillips masturbating last night, and I want that removed from the internet immediately. The searches I'm embarrassed of, Mr. Hands, Lemon Party, Two Girls, One Cup. You know this fucker's not going to tell the truth. Get out of here. Get out of here. This segment is insane. I'm not going to tell you. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Take your ten seconds. I said to Will backstage, I was like, look, at this point...
Sorry, too late. What's off the table? You know what I mean? Like, what would you, what would any of us be embarrassed by at this point? I have a friend who literally was hacked and like pictures of her fucking actually masturbating are online. Like, we're all just going to get over it. What do you have to search to find those? I mean, it's out there. I don't know. People think.
anything. I'm sure my kids like, you know, nanny cam or whatever the cam, the camera, the sleep camera was like, was hacked at some point. I didn't know our ring cams are all hacked. You put tape when you get into a hotel room? I don't know. No, I make sure the lighting's good. What is this? I'm just saying
I'm just saying there's nothing at this point that is like, like everything is a shrug emoji to everyone always. There's like nothing that's like, wipe it. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, that's why mine was, I'm too good looking. What? I agree. I agree. Well, um. We each have to spin it. You guys, oh, sorry. Yeah, we gotta wait. Well, it's got it.
Now for the most exciting answer. Let's turn to the politician. Hey, hey, hey. You show some respect. This man prosecuted an awful woman. I just want to say, for the record, I was never told this was going to be 60 seconds to fill. And these two stole my answers. Really, Mr. Hans was one of your answers? Two girls wake up.
This is going to really help with my fundraising, I think, actually. So mine was, what was George Santos' strategy to win? And relatedly, can people tell if you've had Botox? That's good. That's good. Can people tell? I didn't realize there'd be another 36 seconds after that. No, that's a good one. That's a good one because it's like... Will Rollins for Congress.com, everybody. Hell yeah.
Because that is the question. Can people tell? Yeah. Unless they can't. You can tell some of the time. You know what's crazy, though? Like, I literally have been on television since I was 18 years old. And I watch those things that are like, this bitch has had plastic surgery or whatever. And truly, like, I look like I've had my buckle fat removed. And I look kind of like I've had a nose job. And I can...
So much confidence tell you neither one of those things has ever happened in my life. And the truth is your face just fucking changes as you age. And these kids getting the buckle fat removed are really dumb because it will just go away ultimately. And you want it as long as you can have it. My feeling is that like the book, the, hey,
Hey, if it's not broken, don't fix it. You know what I mean? Like leave your cheek. You're taking the insides of your cheeks out. Taking the insides of their cheeks out. That's the buckle fat guys, in case you don't know. Cause you like, you know, seem smart.
You know what I mean? Like, you're not like... We're not following the accounts where it's like side by side of like, you know, what has Margot Robbie done to her face? Like, I... There are lots of accounts like that. There are some, but I think it's such bullshit because I think that people's faces change and we don't like accept that and instead... What? But sometimes...
I gotta say, there's sometimes where someone does... Something happened, and you know that they're also lying. And I understand being... No one should be mean on the internet. But if you're... No one should. That's my policy. But if your face fucking changed completely over the course of a day...
Don't bullshit me. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Here's my feeling about all of this, which is it's similar to Ozempic and Manjaro, which is we have this Calvinist idea like deep in our bones where if you didn't work hard for it, if you didn't suffer for it, if you didn't earn it, it isn't real. And so like, who cares? Like, I don't, you know, I've joked about having a hair transplant and like I've had three of them. Good.
I've had three of them. And I've talked about that. That's not a secret. Because also you fundamentally, like you're also an intelligent person, John, and you understand fundamentally that somebody who like doesn't have the G or like that, like doesn't lose hair because they don't have the fucking gene or whatever doesn't make them superior. Right. And like, you like live in a world where you're like, I actually just want my hair. And like, so what are they? Yeah, look, two from my head and one from my asshole. So what?
So what? Is that embarrassing? Yeah. The doctor says, time to... We have to go to the southern forest this time. We've clear cut the parts we can use up north. That's not what happened. That's not what happened. But if it was, so what?
All I know is one day your asshole had no hair. The next day it was covered in hair. And I'm sick of the lies. I didn't get it. I'm sick of the lies. I didn't send it to the asshole. I got it from the asshole. It wasn't a transfer. Asshole up, babe. Asshole up. What were you thinking? I thought you said, you know what, this is good, but you know what's more important?
youthful down there. No! That wouldn't have been the third. Nobody wants hair there! You think that's what I did? No, of course not. They harvest from the asshole. Uh-huh. No, I can see your hair. That was, that was too far. And he's the prosecutor and I'm having a case made against me. I just think this is one of the most helpful focus groups that I've ever listened to. Listen, you know what? You play your cards right. 20 or 30 years, I'm one of your voters. Yeah.
Something to think about. Something to think about. Where does this go? Not to Florida. This goes to the desert. And I think that's a wonderful place to leave this segment. We come back. We'll end on a high note. And we're back. Because we need it this week, here it is, the high note. Hi, Levitt. This is a post-pandemic high note about my amazing, resilient teenage daughter, Lillian.
Like a lot of families, we had a pretty miserable lockdown. We live in a big city and were stuck in a small apartment, unable to go to work or school. She got super depressed and lost interest in most of the things that used to give her joy. And I said to a friend at the time, when this is over, I just want her to be passionate about something again and be reengaged with the world.
Well, fast forward to 2024, she's 16 now and busy with so many things I practically have to schedule time to see her in any given week.
Two of those things are social justice and playing chess. Last week, she spoke at a rally with a local ACLU chapter where she's part of a teen activist project about equity in budgeting before our city council. And this week, she is starting a program she designed to teach chess to low-income teens at our local drop-in center. And I couldn't be prouder of the amazing, resilient person that she is. Thanks.
Hi, Lovett. This is Farah. I have seen you live in Madison and I'm going to be seeing you again this July. I am calling to let you know that my NIH grant was recently scored very highly and assuming the government doesn't shut down, which let's be honest is a real possibility, it should be funded later this year.
which means that I will get to be studying the health care of the incarcerated population in the hospital. And I'm just very happy that the NIH recognizes the importance of taking care of the very vulnerable and understudied incarcerated population. Thanks for all that you do. Love your show.
Thank you to everybody who sent in a high note tonight. If you want to send a message about something that made you feel hopeful, send us a voice memo to lowlyhighnotes at Gmail or friends of the pod subscribers can leave them in the Discord server. One last note before we go. Tonight's show is the last show for Zuri Irvin, who has been producing videos for this show for years, does an amazing job, brings an intense, anxious, neurotic energy to
To this show, which is incredible, given the energy everyone brings to the show. Do you know how anxious about doing a good job you have to be on this program to be one of the anxious people that works on this show? That's incredible. But he brings that energy because he has cared so much about helping to translate this show on YouTube. And because of him, we have built an incredible audience on YouTube. And so, Zuri, thank you so much for everything you've done for this show. Thank you.
Really grateful. And that is our show. Thank you so much to Busy Phillips. Thank you to Will Rollins. Thank you to Jean-Marco Cerezi. There are 219 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night, everybody, and have a great weekend.
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