All Quiet on the Western Omelet
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Hello, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. We are 19 days away from Halloween, which means we are 20 days away from a last night was fun text from someone named Hot Beetlejuice, parentheses, tall, in your phone. Tonight on the show, Congresswoman Sidney Kampblicher Dove stops by to talk about life on Capitol Hill.

Zaynab Johnson is back and Mark Duplass is here to get caught in the World Wide Web. World Wide Web? Is that how it is? Wide World Web. World Wide Web? That sucks. Oh, like World Wide Web. Then we wrap it all up with a spin of a wheel. What wheel? We'll see. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Yeah, that's right.

Kamala Harris's media blitz continues. On Tuesday, she sat down for an interview with Howard Stern. To kick it off, she made Tim Walz ride a Sibian. And trust me, it got weird. I'm only telling you that joke because when I saw it, I had to Google Sibian, which I realized too late is not some kind of mythological horse.

Harris also discussed her love of Formula One racing, special case cereal, and going to see U2 at the Sphere. Oh my God, have you been to the Sphere? I'm troubled by it. Well, let me just say, basically, everyone should go in with a clear head. You mean don't be high? Correct. Right. You can take the woman out of the prosecutor's office. Seeing U2 at the Sphere sober couldn't be me. It makes me anxious just thinking about it.

This is the biggest man-made object on Earth in which a human being can experience claustrophobia. What is the sphere? Halfway through the interview, Stern told Harris that she had his vote. I don't even understand how this election is close. And yes, I'm voting for you, but I would also vote for that wall over there rather than a guy who says he doesn't support Ukraine, wouldn't get on that stage with you and say, I support Ukraine.

And why do my fellow Americans want this kind of chaos overseas? - If you would have told me eight years ago that Howard Stern would vote for Kamala Harris because of Ukraine, I would have said, "Listen to me, I'm not the original Lovett. I'm also from the future like you. I was trying to stop Trump."

But then I honked at 17-year-old Phineas crossing the street, so now the Barbie movie didn't happen. And then I tried to tell Nancy Pelosi to tell Hillary to go to Wisconsin, but all she did was pump me for info on high-cap stocks. But there's still time to stop Trump. There's still time to stop him from being elected. All we have to do is, ah, my heart, no, tell my mother I got her a magnet on my trip. All right.

Then on Wednesday night, Harris cracked open a Miller High Life with Stephen Colbert. But elections, I think, are one on vibes because one of the old saws is they just want somebody they can have a beer with. So would you like to have a beer with me so I can tell people what that's like? Okay, the last time I had beer was at a baseball game with Doug. Okay, so cheers. There you go. The champagne of beers. There you go.

Doug wasn't allowed to have any beer, though it gives him the zoomies. The last time I had a beer was at a normal time. The normal classic beer time. Later in the interview, when asked about Trump's 2020 election loss, Harris said this. You lost manufacturing. You lost automotive plants. You lost the election. What does that make you? A loser. A loser.

This is what when somebody at my rally said I thought it was funny. It's accurate. It's accurate. This is what happens when I drink beer. Same. When I have two sips of beer, I always start down my list of talking points. Just goofy. She's goofy. That's part of it. She's goofy and we love her and that's part of it. Meanwhile...

When asked on The View if she would have done anything differently from Biden over the last few years, she replied, There is not a thing that comes to mind. After pausing for a moment, Harris said, I would maybe have handed the ice cream cone to a staffer before answering the Gaza question. Then after another beat, Kamala added, I also would have adopted one or two more untrainable killing dogs.

Louisiana Senator John Kennedy this week attacked Kamala Harris for daring to speak the word tampons at a time like this. The last couple of days, the vice president goes on some show called Call Her Daddy or Call Your Daddy or Who's Your Daddy or something. Call Me Daddy. I like Who's Your Daddy better. And among other things, she's talking about tampons.

You know, the people in Appalachia right now don't give a function about tampons. Just don't forget, women are women and men are people. It's part of the worldview. But also give him a break. He's from a generation of men who were taught to treat tampons like they were radioactive, but in a gay way. Like they come with period blood already on them.

I think even now, if we still treat tampons like they're illicit, if men needed tampons, there'd be tampons everywhere. There'd also be blood everywhere. It would be a real mess, honestly, so it's probably for the best that they don't, except for trans men who are trained as women, so they're fine. Anyway, Jews invented hurricanes. Or did they?

That's right. This week, Marjorie Taylor Greene continued to spread the conspiracy theory that hurricanes are actually being directed by Democrats and or Jews, which is ridiculous. It's climate change and not a conspiracy causing this next super storm. Hurricane Tova Feldstein. Oh, no. Right on the heels of Hurricane Shlomo. Can you believe the weather we're having? President Biden denounced MTG's dangerous delusions to the press. Now the claims are getting even more bizarre.

Congressman Marjorie Taylor Greene, a congresswoman of Georgia, is now saying the federal government is literally controlling the weather. We're controlling the weather. It's beyond ridiculous. It's got to stop. In moments like this, there are no red or blue states. Yes, in our climate change future, there are no red states and blue states. There will only be dry states and wet states, and eventually fire states and flood states, and then, finally, just Michigan.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took a moment to denounce conspiracy theories. Be careful about the nonsense that just gets circulated and just know that the more titillating it is, the more likely somebody is making money off of it. And they don't really give a damn about the well-being and safety of the people that are actually in the eye of this storm. Added the governor, this applies to hurricane-related posts only. Woke liberal math teachers are trying to turn your children trans for pedophile reasons.

DeSantis' words were carefully chosen to leave room for interpretation, specifically the interpretation that he's still a prick, because DeSantis' spokesperson, Christine Pasha, warned against online misinformation while continuing to disparage actual news outlets, writing, if you wouldn't believe a New York Times story based solely on anonymous sources, and I wouldn't,

Pasha. That's a cool name. Meanwhile...

Meanwhile, according to a new book by Bob Woodward that comes out next week, Donald Trump secretly sent Russian President Vladimir Putin a supply of COVID tests for his personal use in 2020 as the U.S. struggled with a test shortage. Interesting. So Trump's love language is gifts.

Putin told Trump to keep quiet, saying, this is real, I don't want you to tell anybody because people will get mad at you, not me. Weird, that's exactly what I told Tommy the one time we kissed. I mean, didn't kiss. Leave this in. Trump has also reportedly kept in touch with Putin after leaving the White House, in one instance ordering an aide away from his Mar-a-Lago office in early 2024 so that he could talk to him on the phone. Nyet, you hang up first.

Overall, it was a week of nonstop bizarre Trump ramblings. Here's the former president at a rally in Scranton, Pennsylvania on Wednesday, imagining one of his supporters blowing up in a car accident. They want to go now hydrogen. They want a hydrogen car. You know what the problem is? When they blow up, you are unrecognizable. If this beautiful young woman is in the car driving and the hydrogen car, if it blows up, you're unrecognizable. Stand up. Let me see.

"Oh, I like her. I like her. I will not allow her to go into a hydrogen car." The race is tied. Can I get in the car? I'd like to get in the car. While visiting the Detroit Economic Club, Donald Trump had this to say about the price of consumer goods. "The word 'grocery' here, it's sort of a simple word, but it sort of means like everything you eat. The stomach is speaking. It always does.

And I have more complaints about that bacon. He sounds like an unprepared best man giving a speech at a grocery store's wedding. Trump issued this threat about his opponent. Our whole country will end up being like Detroit if she's your president. He's in Detroit. Everywhere we'll have horrible pizza. We'll constantly have to pay homage to Motown, which we admire, but it doesn't have to be your thing. I was talking about Motown.

Trump had this to say about California. In California, you have brownouts and blackouts every week. And blackouts, I mean, the place is stone cold, broke, no electricity. So you have blackouts, brownouts all the time? What an asshole. He has no idea what living in California is like. All right. For those listening at home, the studio lights went out. Also in Detroit, Trump recalled the life advice he gave his children. No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes. And they'd go out

And Ivanka would say, "Dad, stop telling me that." I said, "I'm gonna tell it to you every time I see you. I'm gonna drive you wild with it." There will now be a one-hour intermission so that we can all go home and take a shower. Now we're gonna play a game called "The Six Degrees of Trump Family Cocaine," and we'll all name the people we know who have done cocaine with those children.

Anybody want to go first? Meanwhile, Trump will hold a rally in Coachella this Saturday for reasons that remain politically unclear. I hope he plays hot to go. Harris... He's not going to play hot to go. A Harris campaign spokesperson said, Oh no, this is extremely concerning for our campaign. Please do not go to Coachella, California 24 days before the election. Whatever gay guy they have peddling the generator on that catty bitch machine, we salute you.

Meanwhile, Trump supporters are not just getting scammed by his rallies. Some are reporting high-dollar scams on Truth Social, as grifters run rampant on Trump's social media platform. Amazingly, this is not about the $100,000 washes Trump is selling, or the crypto trading cards Trump is selling, or the Bibles Trump is selling. According to FTC complaints obtained by Gizmodo, elderly Truth Social users have fallen victim to grifters losing tens of thousands of dollars before realizing they're scammed.

As a Donald Trump supporter, you've marked yourself as scammable. You're on the Paris subway asking people in English how to get to Notre Dame, and you're pronouncing it Notre Dame. You're taking out your wallet to buy a fake Prada bag in Italy, and your euros are all just falling on the ground. Said one elderly victim, I'm ruined, I'm ruined, to think I was once the mayor of New York.

Spooky.

Chief Justice Roberts seems skeptical of manufacturers' arguments that they shouldn't have to comply with gun regulations because ghost guns are usually assembled at home and marketed to hobbyists. Justice Samuel Alito, on the other hand, questioned whether ghost gun kits fall under the legal definition of a firearm, asking, and this is real, whether eggs, chopped ham, peppers, and onions would be considered a Western omelet.

When the lawyer representing gun owners and gun makers said no, because those ingredients could be used to make other things, Justice Amy Coney Barrett asked a follow-up, which is again real. Would your answer change if you ordered it from HelloFresh and you got a kit and it was like turkey chili, but all of the ingredients are in the kit? As it happens, HelloFresh has a sister company that sells ghost gun kits called GoodbyeFresh.

These kits are about exploiting the loophole. It's obviously a loophole. Everybody knows it's a loophole. It's like building a latte in the Starbucks app instead of paying full price for the latte. I don't care what you call it, I'm drinking a latte. And they can try to close that loophole, but somebody's going to get shot.

Speaking of situations that have gotten out of hand, a woman in Washington state called the police last week when she was unable to get into her home because there were about 100 raccoons outside demanding food. Soon after, two squad cars arrived, but sure enough, they were just full of more raccoons. LAUGHTER

The woman told authorities that she'd started feeding raccoons about 35 years ago and had no issues until six weeks ago when the raccoon population exploded. Also, by the way, she's lying. Just admit it, lady. The problem didn't suddenly emerge slowly, day by day, week by week, year by year. You raised a raccoon army.

You're embarrassed that it now has gotten to the point where you need help, but that didn't happen in the last six weeks. You've been feeding raccoons for 35 years. The problem is not sudden, it's a problem, and you're right to call the authorities, but it didn't sneak up on you. This reminds me of when on Hoarders, a show that I used to watch secretly, the doctor would go into a house with shoulder-high garbage and a cat skeleton under a rotten jack-o'-lantern, and the doctor would ask the person what happened, and the hoarder would say, it's been a really busy spring.

And finally, Ethel Kennedy, wife of the late Robert F. Kennedy and mother to RFK Jr., died at the age of 96. When reached for comment, RFK Jr. expressed sadness that she did not live long enough to see him become president. Then he sighed, fired up his trusty chainsaw and said, now let's get decapitating. In other news, an old woman's skeleton has been found in Central Park.

What the fuck? Damn it. Is that you, Ethel? All right. Up next, a member of Congress is here. All right, we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by SimpliSafe. Have you ever felt a sense of unease when you leave your home, wondering if everything will be safe while you're away? Stop wondering and get peace of mind with SimpliSafe. I set up a SimpliSafe system, as you know, and it was very easy to do. And...

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That's P-R-O-L-O-N life.com slash love it for this special offer. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. See site for details. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage LA's own representative, Sydney Kamlicher-Duff. Hi. Right here is great. Right here is great. Welcome. Thank you. I'm stressed. Why? I don't know.

New crowd, new crowd. Oh, they're harmless. Okay. Only because I can't see them. This is the resistance. Okay, I love it. I love it. I love it. I would actually say, this is the resistance, parentheses, white section. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I got that. Yeah, I got that. I got that. I just don't want to...

Yeah, it's a big, it's a big tent. Big difference, yeah. Yeah, no, I know. Big tent, big tent. Congressman, you sent us a veritable Lipton's factory worth of scalding hot congressional behind-the-scenes tea. Hot tea. So we're going to use that to process the actual harrowing reality of this election in a segment we're calling Kongos is in Session. Sure. Ooh, I like that. Yeah, fine, fine. Ha ha!

All right. First of all. Yeah, there we go. We're getting we're getting a pet. You know, I've never had a pedicure. I've never had a mani or pedi. No. As the election years, our tensions getting higher in Congress between Trump supporters and the more normal amongst you. What's it been like watching the mega virus take over in the House? It's been insane. I mean, we have seen fisticuffs happen. A toupee was almost released from the head.

There has been and that was just to elect the speaker that they wanted. And then we've had Chip Roy actually say on the microphone, Republicans have nothing to run on. We have done absolutely nothing. Amen, Colonel Sanders. We have spent weeks.

for the rights of stoves and refrigerators and dishwashers, and we don't spend any time fighting for the rights of young women, young boys, public education. I don't know. Has your refrigerator called 911 recently? No. Yeah. Mine neither. Although I think it now can. I don't know why people... It can. It can be 988. It can call 988. And I don't know why we want the fridges to get smarter. Yeah.

I feel like it's like, okay, my fridge can connect to the internet, but can't you just focus on making ice? Like that was what you were good at. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Yeah.

Yeah, mine grumbles. Mine grumbles too. Yeah, mine's grumbling too. And it's like when IHOP's like, no, no, no, we're a burger restaurant. It's like, really? Because other people, you need to do burgers too? Leave burgers to other people. You're pancake people. My fridge makes ice. It doesn't need to talk to the toaster. That might be true. That might be true. So, you know, I will say in my natural resources committee, I went in for a hearing, true story, and we ended up having a discussion on mining for asteroids in outer space.

Now, I don't know if this is a real issue for anyone else, but rather than talking about climate change, we were talking about asteroids. Oh, yeah. No, I don't know. That's interesting to me. Like, I don't think the hearing, I think you're right. Like, we should focus probably on the boiling of the oceans. Correct. Because by the time we figure out how to get the, like, tungsten out of the,

you know, um, place between Mars and Jupiter that has a name that I can't remember. Uh, it'll be too late. Yeah. They were trying to sell, uh,

asteroid rights to shell and you know chevron it was really that kind of a oh of course of course what's the kuiper belt that's further away it's not important there's the ass i think it's just called the asteroid but does it have just the asteroid belt just the belt of asteroids doesn't have another the kuiper the cooper kuiper q i think it's like k-u-i-p-e-r but i think it's pronounced kuiper further away we're never getting those things we'll be long dead we'll be long dead

long dead before we get the good stuff out of that, you know? Correct. Do you have any Republican colleagues that kind of let their hair down behind the scenes? We have other than that, that are like, I'm sorry, I got to go out there and say the dumbest shit, but I hate this fucking guy. Oh, we have. So when they threw Kevin McCarthy off the plank and we had to go through this three week process to elect Mike Johnson, we,

We would go to events and Republicans would come up to me and say, I just wish all of those Freedom Caucus people would get on a submarine. I wish they would just go far away. Was this during the time when the submarines were going like this? Or just general? It kind of was. I see. It kind of was. So they would come. I said, you know, don't cry for me. Do something. I mean, these are my people. I've already told them that.

Blank, blank. Yeah. It's like you've ever had like, it's really uncomfortable if you're ever at like another family's function and then they are fighting and then someone pulls you aside and you can you believe my aunt? It's like, don't do that. Right. Don't do that. That's you. That reflects poorly on both of you. Yeah. Yeah. Your aunt sucks, but you suck for talking to me about it. Correct. All right. Like you should talk to

Yeah, talk to your aunt. Leave me out of this. Leave me out of this. So we have that constantly. Oh, I can't believe this is happening. Oh, I just, I wish you would do something, but I know you can't. And I would say, yes, and why don't you do something? Well, I can't either. Okay, then shut up. S-T-F-U. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is an acronym. On the other hand, so the Republicans who are behind the scenes are like, I'm sorry about my friend. And then there's the friend. How do you work with somebody who,

Like Clay Higgins, who posts something as vile as this. So I'm not going to read it, but this was just as, I don't know, textbook racism. I think you would just buy the book, hitting all the racism marks

hitting every branch of the racism tree on the way to the ground, you know? So my blood is activating right now. It was about the Haitian immigrants in Ohio. It was despicable. So we have a member of Congress from Florida, Sheila Scherfelis-McCormick, who is Haitian. And this...

He posted this. We gathered on the floor, members of the Black Caucus, our chair, Steve Horsford, with Sheila, and some of us went to him. I don't know what you're talking about. I mean, because he does have an accent, so he was saying that. I guess I got into your feelings. So we had, yes, I don't know what I can say, because I want to say motherfucker, you know? Whatever you want.

You know what? You know what that motherfucker is? That's the motherfucker of a safe district. Okay, thank you. Oh, Lord. Oh, my God. So he was doing all this and we said, take this down. And

And then Byron Donalds found his black self and he went to Clay Higgins and said something. And a couple of other people said something. We tried to, you know, ask for a minute on the floor to talk about it. Of course, the speaker wouldn't let that happen. We had to finish voting. And then afterwards, we had to gavel down and then gavel back in. It's all procedural. And Mike Johnson said, well, we all prayed in the back and he took it down. So we don't need to talk about it. But you said what you said.

So we had to confront him. And then he was walking around the floor afterwards. I guess, I guess I hurt somebody's feelings. He kept saying that. And it was like, you know, you should come to my house. You should come to my house after six o'clock and I can share with you all my feelings. Yeah.

It's really disturbing. And then the cousins, the friends say, oh, I'm not that kind of Republican. I would never say that. But they don't stand up and sanction that person or call that person out or check that person. You know where I come from. If you do something wrong, you get checked. You get checked by the people who love you because they're wanting you to be better. So find a backbone.

Yeah. Find a backbone. It's a bummer. It's a bummer. Let's get it off the screen. Okay, let's get it off. Get off the screen. How jacked is Marjorie Taylor Greene in real life? And is Lauren Boebert taking her life in her hands in this feud? How who what? How jacked is Marjorie Taylor Greene? She is jacked. So I am so, I am so curious. I say this every time I see her. And one day I will tell her, what is going on with your split ends? Oh, God.

Wow. And why all the spray tan? But I don't. I keep it to myself, you know. A safe district. But she's really jacked. She is jacked and she's a petite thing and she's always surrounded by her people and she's incredibly oblivious to the real world, yes. And Lauren Boebert...

is in my natural resources committee. So when we, when you first start your committee, you have to vote on the rules, how the, how the committee is going to behave. And so she introduced this rule that said we can bring guns and grenades to our natural resources committee. Grenades? Grenade, explosives. To the natural resources committee. Correct. Correct. And so they,

They voted to pass that. I raised my hand. I said, I'm sorry. Do I really want to be on this committee? Is there a precedent for why we should be bringing explosives to the committee? Well, can you get them in the... Oh, my goodness. And so now we can bring guns and grenades and everything to natural resources. I'm so sick of these salmon. Boom! You know. Right. It's like, what? Right. I mean, I...

It is a way to get at sort of deeper veins of ore. I know. I know. So she's a little out to lunch. She's kind of, you know, recalibrated since she had to switch districts. And then there was the Beetlejuice thing. And habada, habada, habada. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think we're getting enough buses for the 2028 Olympics? Or should I work from home? I'm worried about it. You should be worried about it. The mayor's like, don't worry, there'll be buses. They'll be buses. How many buses? Yeah.

Buses to Santa Barbara. I would, yeah, don't wait on the buses. Okay. Get the scooters. Get the scooters. Watch on TV. Is it dispiriting being part of the least productive Congress in 100 years? Don't you love that? We have been the least productive since 1859 when the union was dissolving.

It is horrible. We passed 77 bills. We have passed 77 bills this legislative session. Half of them were on these refrigerators and stoves and appliances. So when you go home, you tell your appliances that Congress is working for them. It's very dispiriting. And we had to pass a resolution to continue to fund the government four times.

You should only be doing that once a year. Right, or properly many times. So a reauthorization for five years so you can focus on everything else. But you're not really doing anything. No, we're watching people fight on the floor and then reading allegations in the paper that end up in the ethics committee. We're doing all fun things. It would probably be better if Democrats took back the House. We are going to be taking back the House in November. Yeah.

And finally, you were attacked by a hawk while visiting Los Angeles. Yes, in Silver Lake, outside of my district, so it was not an angry constituent. But I was out and about running errands, and I thought there was a mean child playing dodgeball with my head.

And I got out of the car and boom. And I thought, who is this child? Let me get them. And a bird flew above me and I thought, ooh, that bird's in trouble. There's a bad child. And then the bird came at me again, kind of close. I thought, okay, yeah, aggressive. Aggressive up here in Silver Lake. And then I realized that it was a hawk coming.

And I was like, I've been voting for all this shit to protect you. Get a life. And so I run up the wrong stairs and I call the person I was coming to see and I was like, I know I'm not in the right place, but I don't know how to get to you. And there's a hawk. And she said, put the phone down and run. Run as fast as you can. And

is going on? So I did. I dropped everything and ran down the stairs. I put my purse on my head and I was screaming. I looked like Tippi Hedren. It was for real. And that bird was chasing me to the front of the street. And then I finally get in the place and she said, oh yeah, oh yeah, that hawk is bad news. And

Do you think that was your friend being nice and suggesting that it wasn't something you did? That it's a hawk that menaces other people? Or do you think there was something specific about you that drew the attention of the hawk? Well, I was like, you know, Black Lives Matter.

Right. But the hawk, I found out the hawk was a mother, a recent mother. And they thought that she was protecting her babies. And she had attacked other people in the neighborhood. She scratched, you know, a neighbor's face and had hit someone else. So she was a very aggressive mother. So I was grateful that she just grazed me.

she was like ooh too much hair I don't know what's going on I don't know what happened but I was scared and I had PTSD I had to go back to that person and I was like I don't know if I can come back I need to take medication she was like oh no the bird's gone well we talked to a animal specialist who said the only way to cure PTSD from a hawk attack is immersion therapy bring in bring in the hawks bring in the hawks uh

Congresswoman, so we're in the fight to take back the House, in the fight to keep the Senate. We're in the fight to elect Kamala Harris. How you feeling?

I am feeling hopeful. I am feeling hopeful. I am less hopeful about the Senate, but I am very hopeful about Congress, and I am very hopeful about the White House. I think as long as we all continue to talk to each other, and not just like-minded people, but to everyone, and tell them what is at stake, and everything is at stake. Every single thing is at stake. If she is not elected, the next president...

that whoever is the next president will be a nominating three new people to the Supreme Court. The next person has the responsibility of protecting government. And the person who was in the White House before has already shown us a manifesto that wants to get rid of most of government. And we can't afford that. Yeah. Yeah. I think he's terrible. I think he's honestly, I think he's just terrible.

I know. I have a question for you. Okay, tell me. You've had questions all night. I know, but I have another one. This is my last question. Okay, okay. Which is, what's a great restaurant to try in your district?

Oh, my God. So many. Well, John and Vinny's has come to town. So I love that John and Vinny's has moved south. Ooh, Sunday gravy is super great. Sunday gravy. I want to try Sunday gravy. Oh, my God. You got to go. You got to go. You got to go. Oh, my God. The lemon pasta is amazing. I love lemon pasta. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Miss Lala is super great if you like Mediterranean. Okay. I got so many for you. All right. Thank you. Somerville is opening up. That's Issa Rae's new place. Ooh. Ooh.

I like celebrities. What can I say? We all do. It's Los Angeles. Do you want anything else? Alta Adams. They have great cocktails. Nice. You know, when people say a place has great cocktails, sometimes I'm like, okay. No, no, they're good. Delicious pizza is there. There's New York pizza. All right. Let's calm down. We were having a nice time. Let's not ruin it by saying things we'll regret. Congresswoman Kamala Gurdjieff, thank you so much. Thank you.

You come back, Zaynab Johnson and Mark Duplass. And we're back. The internet. Can't live with it. Can't take a dump without it. Yes, I've seen a doctor. And yes, I saw that doctor dancing to Addison Rae's Diet Pepsi on TikTok. Here to give a thumbs up or a thumbs down to the most deranged parts of the algorithm this week, please welcome Mark Duplass and Zaynab Johnson.

Come on out. Oh. Hi, everybody. Come on out. Wherever you want. Come on in. Come on in. Here's great. Does it matter where we sit? No, it doesn't. It does. You're in the wrong seat. Well, I'm here now. You're in the wrong seat. I told you they'd be up on us, right? Yeah, but you didn't say they were going to be this up on us. No, it is. It's an intimate venue. It's an intimate venue. Like a person currently neck deep in quicksand might have a hard time posting a Yelp review of their jungle tour, so too am I struggling.

To assess how bizarre social media has gotten of late, Mark and Zainab, I'm going to tell you about the most painfully online subject matter recently trending on God's own internet. For each one, I'm going to assign each of you a pro or con, and you will do your best to defend or rebuke that trending topic in a segment we're calling For Whom the Hell Scrolls. What is he doing here? I don't know.

I don't know, because it's his internet now. He's in the middle of his robo-taxi event right now. He's in a robo-taxi event right now? He's selling robo-taxis now? Oh, yeah, he's selling robo-taxis. All of you guys are going home in a robo-taxi tonight. You get a robo-taxi, and you get a robo-taxi, and you get a robo-taxi. You know, I have such a visceral outrage when I see either the Waymo cars moving now around L.A. or the little robots that carry the food from the restaurants. Yeah.

And it's not, it's like, it's that I hate the idea of having to like acknowledge their existence because of their physical, the inability for me to ignore the fact that they take up physical space in the universe. They're like, if I'm walking on a sidewalk, I'm,

No matter what, I want to keep going straight through the robot, but I can't because it is there. Have you ever tried? The robot will go around you. Yes, but you got to... Yes, but I'm moving too fast for these little monsters. Here's the thing. You do have an option, though, when the robot is crossing the street and you're turning right and your car...

You technically can go through the robot at that point if you would like to. Yes, yes. But you know those things are just little... I'm also haunted by every Black Mirror episode where it's like the robot, the picture gets taken to the license plate and it goes back to HQ and I got a letter in the mail. I'm dealing with that for six months. Also, there's somebody in their apartment like, where's my burger? Yeah, and sometimes that's me. You don't want to be responsible for that. No.

Mark, your new show, Penelope, explores concepts of mental health growing up and living off the grid. Grid, overrated? Yeah, I think the grid is properly rated. I think that we're getting really good things out of the grid. I love the grid. The grid brought me like...

some really nice leftovers today cause I kept them in my, in my refrigerator, you know, and that was nice that the grid brought me that. Um, but what's bad about the grid and why I made Penelope is, um, I, I do think we're all having trouble sitting alone with ourselves for more than seven seconds without pulling out our phones. Yeah. And I had this time in my life where, um,

When I was like 19 to 21, my friends called me the indigo boy because I would travel around in my van. With lesbians. With lesbians, yes. And I was a singer-songwriter. And I would go days without speaking to people in between shows. And I would just sit with myself. And it was very formative to who I am.

And I think we're missing that. So that's part of why I wanted to make that show. Yeah, I like that. I love the grid, but it is nice to leave it. Yeah, I used to go on long hikes by myself and I wouldn't tell anybody where I was going and I would love that. And then I saw 128 Hours. Yeah, it's actually called 127 Hours, but you saw the sequel. What happened in that last hour? Inquiring minds want to know.

Now I text. I share location. No, it's good to share your location. Do you share your location? I do share my locations with my entire family and no one else. That's good. I like sharing my location. I like the intimacy it creates with my friends. Who do you share with? I have a few friends I share it with. Okay. And I like it. It's like, where are they? That's where they are. That's where they are. Here's where I am.

Does it ever cause political problems because someone lied to you? They said they were going with Fred and they were really with Amy. Well, that happens. No, I think that it also it prevents that you can't do the I'm on them with the friends that can see where you are. Like my friend Spencer and I, we share our locations and I'll be like, I'm on. I'll be like, I'm 20 out. And he'll be like, you're not 20 out. You're like 30 out. Like maybe if you drive like a maniac, you're 26 out and then you'll say it was 20 out, but you're 30 out.

You're fucking 30 out. That's like, to me, that's like sweet vulnerability discrepancy that you and Spencer will joke about later. The bad one is like, I'm at Greg's house and Spencer's like, no, you're at my girlfriend Amy's house. Sure, yeah. I think if you're blowing up several relationships, you shouldn't have your location turned on with various people involved. No, that's, and that's smart. And that's the kind of thinking that goes into Penelope. Yeah.

Who's off the grid. But young. Too young to be off the grid. Well, she's 16. She leaves behind her life and she heads out into the woods. And it's been really fascinating listening to people who watch this show. Because some people really feel like this is everything that I want. I hate my phone. I want to get rid of it. And some people feel like

um, wait a minute. What about this girl's parents? And what is she doing out there? And I feel like personally, I don't know how you guys feel like, um, the nature of discourse around the fact that we have 500 TV shows and movies on our queue. Like we take things in and then we forget about them immediately. So I actually wanted to like increase the electricity, the,

of the idea by about 20% so that it could actually land with someone and create some kind of discourse other than, did you see it? Yeah, I saw it, but I forgot because I'm watching the Menendez thing now. Yeah, I actually liked it. It's a 16-year-old and not a, you know, if it's an older person, it's like, you know, you hear older people like, I remember when I had to memorize phone number, you know, but like a person that,

As I look around at everyone who would say that. Sorry. But a person that's... This guy has a rotary phone in his pocket. First of all, she's so funny, but you're a young crowd.

Such a funny person, but she's joking. That's such a joke. But a 16-year-old has only ever, their entire life has been with the internet and most of it with social media and streaming and stuff like that. So for them to make that choice, I do think it's more...

It's weird. When we started writing the show two years ago, we were like, oh, this is kind of like a novel idea. And then in the last year, all these articles have come out where these teens are choosing these chosen Luddite societies and they're getting their dumb phones and they spend a week together in nature. And so I don't know. I feel like maybe something is happening a little bit. Yeah. I went on Survivor in part to get away from my phone. And then I got out first, but they didn't give me my phone back.

So I got what I needed out of it. So you got the best of both worlds. For sure, because I could still eat food, you know? You got Survivor on the grid. Yeah, I was totally on the grid. Fiji's on the grid now, and that's the cool thing about it. All right, you know what? Let's play the game. Okay, first up, we have the viral cake theft. A TikTok user took us on a harrowing multi-part journey recently when she accused us of the swanky New York restaurant of everybody's... I dropped a card.

Anyway, he basically made a cake. The restaurant served tiny slices and then he couldn't get the rest of the cake back. Let's still look. This high end New York City midtown steakhouse took the cake back into the kitchen, cut all of us meager slices of cake to eat, and they had just eaten the rest of it for themselves. So basically, he took to TikTok to say that this restaurant ate the other half of this cake he made.

And the question is, should you come to the Internet with that problem? Like, is that, you know? Mark, you say yes. Zainab, you say no. Oh, good God. Okay, let's go. Let's go. You should absolutely take all of your cake problems to the Internet. There are very few empirical truths. This is one of them. But let's face it.

The restaurant fucking ripped these people off. And they did it in an aggressive way. You eat the whole cake. That's one thing. It's kind of like, oh, maybe it disappeared. Maybe there was never a cake pudding. You eat half the cake. That's saying something. That is saying something. I want you to know specifically. Like, I want you to see the fork in time marks. That needs to be punished. Internet is the place. You say no, Zainab. Ugh, I hate arguing, but okay. You're so good at it, though. You do not go to the internet about a cake.

Okay? Especially if it's a homemade cake. Because whoever made it could just make it again. Y'all probably had a big-ass birthday party, and those people working at that restaurant, regardless of how high-end it is, they have lives, too, and it was probably stressful. Yeah.

Next up. That was good. Ryan Murphy, most recent season of Monsters, retells the case of Lyle and Eric Menendez, the two brothers convicted of the gruesome killing of their parents in 1989. As with every semi-attractive murderer, the actual Menendez brothers, allegedly eating half of his friend's birthday cake. God damn it. Found the missing card.

The brothers got a subsequently got a new crop of supporters. And since it's 2024, those supporters made a ton of thirst traps and fan cams about the brothers. Here's one now. All right. The question is pro or con. Is it okay that people are thirsting over the Menendez brothers if it gives them an outlet for whatever weird part of the human brain makes them do stuff like this? Hmm.

Zainab, you're in favor of this being fine. Mark, you'll be against. 30 seconds on the clock. Yeah, sure. I'll go first. You can totally, like, listen, everybody loves a bad boy. And what's more bad than murder, right? Right. And I give back my time. Right.

All right. Well, a tough act to follow. Mark, take it away. Hmm. Well, there's a gray area here, right? Right. So like these guys, they definitely killed someone. So if you're gonna crush on them and thirst trap them, maybe take it to something that was like 50-50. Like maybe they did it or maybe they didn't. So maybe this is like some bad boy energy. Maybe it's good. You know, if you're gonna crush on somebody, it should be like...

Maybe it's OJ Simpson, you know? Right. Because, you know, it's 50-50, right? Sure. That's a view. That's a view you can have. Okay. And that's the view. That's my take. Powerful words. Powerful words. What's in between a pro and a con? Pro-powerful words. All right. And finally, a peculiar mocktail champion by Dua Lipa went viral this week. The ingredients, Diet Coke, pickle juice, and jalapenos. We are all going to try it.

And then we were going to just pro and con this bad boy together. Okay. I am not going to try. Oh, here's what... I was hanging on. Okay. Why is it so big? I'm so sorry. Why did you make larges? I mean, this is... It's a lot. It's what? It filled... Please calculate my fart. What? What?

I think it smells good. I think it smells good too because I like jalapeno. Anybody want to try this? I've never had a Coke in my life. I've never had a Coke. Really? No. And you're not going to have one now. Well, why would I? Okay. Mark and I will try it. Do you want to smell it? You're not going to start with a Diet Coke. Here. Yeah. All right. Hi, what's your name?

Julia, okay, you're going to taste it with us. All right, you're going to count for Zainab. All right, let's taste this thing. Here we go. Cheers to Dua Lipa. For those of you who can't see, we're tasting. Oh, okay. It's interesting. It's interesting. I think it is worse than Diet Coke. I think adding the pickles made it worse, and then adding the jalapenos made it worse. Yeah, like, they describe a bouquet of flavors as it applies to wine, and a good bouquet, it all mixes together, and this is just...

three separate bouquets sitting next to each other in great discomfort. I don't like this drink for the same reason I don't like soup. And I'll explain. I drink... A liquid is supposed to help when something is spicy.

Wait, what? Is that the definition of a liquid? No, I didn't say it was the definition of a liquid. I didn't say it was the definition of liquid. I said, for me, a drink is supposed to help on something spicy. When I have a spicy drink, where do I turn? To food? To help? Don't like it. Soup?

What are we doing here? You know, it's not a drink, but it's a liquid. What part of the meal does it replace? No part of the meal. I'd rather have a salad or nothing. Let's cut the soup thing. It's not tracking. How'd you like it? Julie? It's not different than a Bloody Mary. It's not different.

It's not different than a Bloody Mary. Yes, we're on. I feel like you're right. We're on the road to Bloody Mary. It does need alcohol. I do agree that, Julia, you're right. This would be definitely a drink if it had alcohol. I think bourbon. I would say bourbon, Diet Coke, pickle juice, and a little jalapeno. I'm not angry. You could be there.

I'm not angry. I'm not going to order it because it'd be better without two of the ingredients. I feel like, yeah, you take out the Diet Coke, you put in some Bloody Mary mix, you take out pickles, you put into vodka, you take out the jalapenos. Put a little Tabasco or something. Yeah. Yeah, you're on your way. Yeah, you're on your way. I mean, that's a whole new drink, but yeah, it's okay. Yeah. It's a no for me. It's a no for me. It's a strong no for me. And, you know, I think that what's happening here is we've...

We've come to trust that those who are excellent in one arena might be excellent in another arena. And maybe that's not such a good idea. Right. Like, for instance, it could turn out that somebody that has a rocket company can also have the dumbest opinions in the history of planet Earth. Like, that's possible to have two things can be true at the same time. John Glenn. John Glenn, for example. Yeah, John Glenn. Obviously speaking of John Glenn. Fucking John Glenn. Yeah.

Zeynep, how are you doing? Pretty good. Thirsty. She's doing a lot better than the three of us who drank some of this beverage. Do you have a plug? A plug? Yeah. Where are you going? Are you touring? I threw the card on the ground. What the hell?

Well, I just got back from filming Upload Season 4. Okay. Yeah, which is the fourth and final season. And it's so funny that earlier you mentioned Luddites because we kind of covered Luddites a bit in our previous seasons. And so, yeah, I just did that. And that's wonderful. I can't. It's like such a good season. I can't wait for people to watch it. And now I'm back on the road. Next week, I'm in Philly and then Detroit and then...

St. Paul and then Amsterdam and then Geneva and then Paris and then London. Wow. Austin and then Houston. And then I can't remember the rest. Being uploaded is the opposite of going off the grid in a sense. Yeah. The alpha and the omega. Yeah. If you don't know the show, it's like in a, in a close future and people can, um, instead of essentially dying, you can upload your consciousness to a virtual, um,

that is run, that's owned by like big corporations. I'm in. I want to stick around. I'm fine with whatever. You want that? Yeah, I'm in. 100%. Why not? It's a new experience. I play an angel, which is a customer service person. And first season, I lost one of the people whose consciousness I had. Like I literally, my character lost it. So just keep that in mind.

Yeah. There's still human error. Yeah, for sure. But I'll take my chances. Maybe that's where we are right now. I mean, you're either nowhere or you take the 2% chance you get lost. That's worth it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in. Wow. Sort of an aside at the end with the deep philosophical implications. I'm here for it. Con. When we come back, we'll spin a wheel. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way.

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And we're back!

This fall, it's not just the presidency at stake. The future of the Supreme Court is on the line, too. But before you start to spiral, tune into Strict Scrutiny. With three law degrees and plenty of opinions, Melissa Murray, Kate Shaw, and Leah Lipman are breaking down every case and every decision so you can head to the polls ready and confident to cast your vote. Listen to Strict Scrutiny every Monday. We're so glad they're part of the network. It's an amazing show. Wherever you get your podcasts. Also, we're now on YouTube. Strict Scrutiny is now on YouTube.

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All right, please welcome... Did you have a warm-up comic before the show started? No. No? I do it. This is the warm-up. I warm it up at the beginning. All right, please welcome Congresswoman Kamala Yardov back to the stage to join. Woo! Woo!

Welcome back. Good to see you. Missed you. All right. Kamala Harris, all over the news this week. And I demand more because everybody is watching the blitz unfold, the Kamala Harris media blitz unfold. Everybody's got an opinion about where she should go. We're going to pitch our own, a podcast, a gossipy suburban book club. We want to see Kamala visit to seal the presidential deal. It can be real. It can be fictional. It can be whatever you want it to be. In a segment we're calling Women Be Blitzen. Beautiful. All right. Let's spin this.

The blitz wheel. I would love to see her shopping like that. Yeah. Yeah. She walks by the Republican store and is like, big mistake. That doesn't make any sense. Zainab, you're up. Okay. Okay, there we go. I was going to say that I would love to see them just old-fashioned door-to-door. You know, like just Kamala just at my door. Like, hey girl, right? And then Trump like...

I'll knock, but, you know, whatever. But then it hit me. I would like to see Trump go on Hot Ones. He should go on Hot Ones because I just, the hotter the wind gets, I just want to see him. I want to see him versus the hot sauce, you know? Like, I want to see him sweat and the toupee kind of start to float away. And then he'll be like, I'm still the best, you know? Like, I just want to see that. And Kamala, I want to see her on...

Oh, any wrestling show. Any wrestling show. WWE, WWF, all the W's of threes. Any wrestling show. Because she needs to like touch that base.

I love that. I love that. Kamala versus Trump eating hot wings reminds me of the opening scene of Indiana Jones of Raiders where she's just drinking that guy under the table. You know, they're like, you know, they're like, it's too hot. It's rigged. And then she'd be like, just like, it's like, this is fine. I'll use it to brush my teeth. All right.

What color does Trump turn when he's getting hot? Because he's already orange. He's already orange. He turns purple. He goes purple! Congresswoman, it's your turn to pitch. Jesus. Okay. I think she and Walz should do a turn on the show The Bear. There is a big convention coming to Chicago, and they have called in these great chefs to

to prepare a menu that is reflective of all of the states that are going to be participating at this major convention. And so she is responsible for putting together a menu that really represents the best of each of these states. So it allows her to talk to the base. It allows her to connect using food because we know she likes to cook. And Tim Walsh is Midwestern. And so he's able to do whatever Midwestern is.

Beautiful ellipsis there. Western. I just think Tim Walz saying, you know, Kamala Harris like giving instructions to Tim Walz. Then Tim Walz says, yes, chef. 300. We're done. 312 electoral votes. Here we go. There we go. That's such a good idea. All right. Let's see what's next. Yeah, it's not really. Listen, the wheel. What does it do? Who's the dog? It was almost a dog. I'm the dog. Mark, you're up.

Okay, so I would actually like to see Miss Kamala Harris go on $100,000 Pyramid. Because I've been on this show. I've been on the celebrity version of it because I am a celebrity. And something happens to you in the speed with which you are required to respond that all politics go away.

And your id takes over. The frontal lobe kind of disappears. And I just believe in my heart that Kamala unplugged, as it were, Kamala unhinged, is

is what people are looking for right now. They want to see that she's such a good politician. She's so good at speaking, but they want to see that little frenetic cat-like visceral energy. I believe she shows that. That's the 2%. Okay. We're good. I like that. I like that a lot. I like that $100,000 pyramid. It was $10,000 at the beginning. It was $10,000. We have inflation. Yeah, I know. Shouldn't bring that part of it up, I guess. Yeah.

All right. I think let's see who it lands on next. The dog. Oh, it's you. It's me. So, the beeping. First of all, I think people have no attention spans and you have to go to where people can't turn off the screens. I think Kamala Harris should record the airplane safety instructions.

For all the airlines while getting in little bits of information along the way, like here's what I'm going to do. Here's what you do if we crash. Here's what I'll do if I'm president. Just like walk everybody through it just because it's one place where people can't turn off the screen. The other option I think is only murders in the building. It's a perfect, she would absolutely fit into that world. She could be a fourth member of that group. I think it would totally make sense. Can't you see it? I don't know.

I can. She don't need to go there, though, because you know New York, they don't need her. She's already good there. So she got to go somewhere else. Okay. Well, I just think it's good to get... I think I didn't do a good job. No, you did. It just... It needs to be like... Listen, I realized I was the only one that wanted to see Trump somewhere. So...

As soon as Mark started, I was like, oh, I think I did it wrong. No, yours was good. Yours was good. Only Murders and Beer, right? We already have New York. But other people outside of New York see it. And it's a great theme song. I like the music. Yeah, it is good. It's a very... We need her on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Exactly. Oh, that's smarter. That's smarter. Or like any of the Marvel shows that shoot in Atlanta. Exactly. They go there. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, today we were recording advertisements. That's part of it. And you sell out, man. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so, you know, blank Mellon University named after Andrew Blank. OK. OK. How do you say that name? Carnegie. Carnegie.

Carnegie. I went there. Right? Wait, you went there? I went to Carnegie Mellon University. That's what they say, right? They say Carnegie Mellon. And they wear tartan, so yes. So it is Carnegie. Everybody made fun of me. I'm sorry, Tommy made fun of me. Yeah.

Let's call Tommy. Yeah, Carnegie. I mean, you know, if you're lazy, you say Carnegie Mellon. You know what happened? What? It was Dale Carnegie, the guy who wrote the How to Win Friends and Influence People. That became more popular than the university and it took over. That's true. That's what happened. Oh, he influenced too many people. Dale. A lesson. Or they just ain't got the right PR people. See, it is Carnegie. It's Carnegie Hall. That's right. Well, I think it's Carnegie Hall.

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? I've definitely heard Carnegie Mellon. I've never heard Carnegie Hall. But it's the same fucking guy. That's why this is such a great topic. It changes when he gets to New York. It's the dress all over again. I think Kamala should do one of those Netflix roasts. Okay. When we come back, we'll end on a high note.

And we're back because we all need it. Here it is, this week's high note. Hey, love it. For the last couple of years, my partner and I have struggled with unexplained infertility. And as hard as that is, which is incredibly hard, it's made even harder when you're watching the news and you see that people are actively trying to end IVF, which is possibly the only way that we could have children.

And, you know, it's made even more difficult by, you know, my partner's non-binary and so these attacks against trans folks and trying to use them as a wedge issue, it just, it adds on to what's already such a difficult thing. And so my high note is that we finally got our first positive pregnancy test. And that was a couple of weeks ago. We've been monitoring, things are going really, really well.

And so, you know, we have our fingers crossed, but that's our high note is that after years of this difficult journey, we're finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks. Hey, John and everyone. My high note is that in late 2019, I decided I was going to go back to school and finally get my degree before turning 40. And now, a month before turning 40, I have my Bachelor's of Science degree in Computer Science. So, hooray!

It's just in time for the largest tech employer in my area to announce 15,000 people to be laid off despite getting $8.5 billion from the Biden-Harris administration. So instead of wallowing about it and the fact that I'm not going to get any student loan relief, I've decided to go back to my old stomping grounds of Southeast Michigan, where I used to be an OFA volunteer back in the day, and encourage people to go out and vote and to vote their conscience this year.

So there's something. Have a good one. Thanks, everybody. You shared a high note tonight. If you want to send us a message about something that made you feel hopeful, send us a voice memo to lowlyhighnotesatcrooked.com, L-O-L-I, highnotesatcrooked.com. Or if you're a friend of the pod subscriber, which you should all be.

you can put one in the channel there. Also, there's like, what, 27 days until the election? Everybody sign up at Vote Save America. I know how many people listen to this show. I know how many people signed up. There's a big difference. How many people here have signed up for Vote Save America? A lot of hands went up later because you knew it was free to raise your hand.

Please sign up at votesaveamerica.com. That is our show. Thank you so much to Representative Kamal Gurdjieff. Thank you so much to Zaina Johnson and Marjorie Buss. There are 23 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Thank you.

Thank you.

And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can. ♪♪♪

It's love it or leave it.

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