Pargiliciousness vs. Fergiliciousness: Monday, March 17th, 2025
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It's the toast. It's Jackson Close. It's your favorite show. The fast five things you need to know. We'll start your day off swirly. It's the toast. I sound amazing. Welcome back to the toast and happy Monday. Hope everybody had a part delicious definition for delicious weekend. Speaking of girls who are for delicious, it's Jax. It's Jaxalicious. My weekend was incredibly for delicious coagers. I don't know if you know that.

You met Fergie? Might as well. Like, the feeling I would have if I met Fergie is the feeling that I would have coming off of this weekend. Okay, and color me confused, how would you feel if you met Fergie? I'd be thrilled. I think I would be like, lol, you know? Fergie's like someone who, if you were at a party and everyone's like, Fergie's here, you know, and like everyone's flipping, but like, who really cares?

That's what I'm saying. Nobody. Yeah. No, it's so true. But my weekend was Fergalicious. Like there is a difference. Explain it. Between being like being with Fergie and Fergalicious. Just describe what it means to be Fergalicious to you. What it means to me to be Fergalicious.

I would say actually Virgiliciousness is akin to Parjiliciousness. Like it's quite a Parjie vibe. I wouldn't make the comparison because to me like Parjiliciousness is like serenity, peace, beauty, grace. Oh, okay. No, Virgiliciousness is like. Bus club, another club bus. Yeah, it's turned up. That's what I was going to say. It's turning the dial up. In which case, my weekend was Virgilicious. Correct. I turned the dial up.

You put on a gown and got your hair and makeup done. I did. I had a wedding this weekend. It was a whole wedding weekend. It wasn't, the wedding was last night. Yeah, I was out till midnight. Yeah, I was. I fulfilled my lifelong destiny of being a designated driver. And I took my job so seriously. I was so excited. So happy for Zach. Because the wedding was driving distance from us. And.

And I was like, I got this. Like, Tesla and I. Hold my beer. Zach, I'll hold your beer. You have a great time. I'm driving home. In all of my years, I've always been meant to be a designated driver because a lot of times I don't drink and I can never do it. But you don't drive. But I don't drive. So this was actually the first opportunity I had to be, like, a true DD. And I took my job very seriously. I don't know.

I don't know if I've, I mean, in my pregnancy era, have I even DD'd? No, there's nowhere to drive to. It's hard to be a designated driver when you don't leave your house. Yeah. Well, that's also the case, but no, I got, I had my opportunity last night. Did Zach get wasted? He did. And I'm so glad for him. And like when the table was like table shots, I was like, you're doing table shots. Like I'm driving. Oh my God. I feel like I spoke this into existence. Was it literally last week? I said like, I've only ever been like truly drunk with your husband like three times. He wasn't like that level, but he,

had a buzz on he was different but he wasn't like all the way

Oh, Z-dubs. Yeah. It was actually such a fun wedding and like not to center myself, but it was the most amazing wedding for me. It wasn't a Moroccan. Because you liked the way you looked? No, no, not even. It wasn't a Moroccan wedding. So it wasn't like your favorite. They can all be. It wasn't your favorite kind of wedding. But actually we went to this wedding because Zach's, one of his best family friends was getting married. So we were invited as family friends. I'm just Zach's plus one, right? I'm just the wife of the family. I mean, you're so much more than that. I know. You're a business woman, a mother. But in this wedding,

this wedding I'm just there because Zach's family is invited and I'm his plus one yes however his family friend happened to be marrying a guy who went to Colgate who I know whose sister went to Colgate so it was such a Colgate wedding I knew more people there than Zach I was I didn't know which side to sit on the bride or

the you showed him up you showed him up it was it was very exciting for me and they got married in florida so it was like a whole wedding weekend in florida at the hotel we were bringing the kids if you want me to come to your wedding marry someone from colgate and get married at this hotel because it was a dream wedding for me you looked pargy like really pargy blue is blue blue

Looks good on Foley Thank you so much I knew I had to look nice because I was going to know so many people And I saw so many familiar faces Plus like his whole fraternity was there And like so many people that I recognized But a lot of them like married girls from Colgate So I saw some old friends It was really really nice And Colgate you know if you know you know We're very small and tribe like And we are Colgate proud Well you're just reminding me I finished Sex, Lies, and College Girls Which is literally a show about Colgate Which is so Colgate

And I want to say something and it goes against everything I believe in because I don't think Mindy Kaling has ever like done anything wrong. But like this was actually some of the worst TV I've ever watched. And there was a time where I thought it was the greatest show ever created. And oh my God, it was so bad. Like did anybody else think that? You know, nothing lasts forever, Cogers. I know. And with the Renee rap of it all, I thought it wouldn't like affect the show. And I don't know if that's why it was bad because she left or

Or because the writers, they took a left turn. And to replace her, they replaced her with three people. And it's actually too much now. They should have just gotten a replacement and stuck with it. As I say, it's better when you make a choice. And so they replaced the roommate with Charlotte Lawrence. I like her. She sings. But then they have new supplemental characters. Like Lila, who I love. Lila, the girl who works at the coffee shop. You like her too. And then this new girl, Taylor. There's too many people now. Oh, I'm sorry. It wasn't what you had hoped it would be.

But you know what was what I hoped it had been? I watched so much TV this weekend. Ben was gone on a golf trip. And this was like the one thing, like the second we found out we were pregnant, he was like, I won't go. Like, let's just take it like month by month. We'll see how we go. And I know he really wanted to go. So I was like trying to be supportive. Big mistake. I will never be supportive again. I was so fucking bored, like dead. Like they need to invent a new word for bored because that's how un-

eventful my weekend was, but I watched everything under the sun and I watched the entire season of the Kardashians on Hulu. I've been watching it. I've been telling you. You inspired me. And then I saw like Liz Woods posting about it on Instagram. And I was like, you know what? Like, fuck it. It's a comfort show. It's like, it's very calming, like crazy things don't happen. Like it's very even keel and it's an, it's an enjoyable experience to watch it. I don't even think I would say it's a comfort show. I feel like

What I thought it was like based on my years of watching, especially the later seasons of Keeping Up and then the new seasons of the Hulu. It was very produced, like silly beeline story plots. And then like lots of footage of the girls sitting around on their phones. Yeah. Yeah. And I just I could do that in my own house. You know, I don't need to watch that. So that's why I had given up on it. And then I don't know why. Maybe like it was making a lot of news. Something compelled me to watch it. Let me tell you, it's an entirely different show.

I feel like they really received the feedback of them all filming together and just being on their phones. Like that was what we used to watch. Just like someone was talking, no one was listening, everybody's scrolling on their phones. Like it was so boring. Yeah, I feel like they're making more of an effort to have it be meaningful. And in some ways it's going well and they're having conversations that are actually nice. In other ways, I feel like, like the Lamar thing, I know that's like an A storyline and probably they're going to dine out on that for the rest of the season. Didn't really like do as much for me as...

It should have, but then there are just other anecdotes that they share. Like I said, like Scott and his assistant thing. So funny. Just like really enjoyable and also part of their real lives, not the media stuff, but just interesting and pleasant to watch.

I liked the Lamar stuff and I actually got really choked up when Chloe shared that like people thought it was so crazy when we got engaged after 30 days. But Lamar really told me like after he met my family, like that was such an impetus for him wanting to marry me because he loved my family so much. He never had that growing up. I loved the whole thing. Like I'm one of those people. It's like Chloe and Lamar forever. And they did drag it out like over two episodes, but I understand why they did what they did. And also she went to watch Santa Barbara and they like brought it back to Lamar. Yes, of course.

And what happened at the San Ysidro Ranch with Chloe and the Lar? Apparently they like turned it up. On the one hand, it sounded like they were, it was like crazy and like maybe they were fighting and it was like dramatic. Yeah. On the other hand, they were like in the hot tub and they needed to drain it. Yeah, no, I think it was bad. That was like my takeaway. I don't know. The Andrew Huberman, Brian Johnson biohacking episode. Do you catch my vibe?

You know, I had seen you say that like these two are in love. And so it was like kind of in my head. And to be honest, smiling at her, Jackie, he literally was in the show for three seconds. Like you made a little bit more of it. I was like, ready? I'm like, let's go. I can read the vibe. But like Kim lying in front of strangers, like being like, yeah, I don't drink.

so funny. Like they were really being themselves. I feel like this season is most reminiscent of the early seasons why everybody liked them. They weren't doing anything crazy in the early seasons. They were just being sisters. And it's so funny and so relatable even though they're billionaires. And I feel like that element was really back. And I was just really enjoying myself. There were funny storylines. There were silly ones too. There were serious ones. So sad about Kris Jenner's sister. Yeah. Did you watch the bear thing yet? That's the next episode. I saw the preview for it where there's like a bear in Calabasas.

Okay, so that's the next episode. It hasn't come out yet. And that's giving like stupid E! Network storyline. It is. There's a bear in Calabasas. So like, Khloe's gonna like dress up in a bear costume and like be in Chris's bushes and freak her out. And I was like, oh, this is so stupid. But in the preview, you see the bear in the bushes and it looks like a real bear. And Chris goes, get the gun. It's stupid. I'm sorry. Like, I'll reserve judgment, but it looks like it's, you know, weird.

B plot fodder. But it could be like B plot with heart and soul like Art Vandelay. And I also really like them leaning into like Courtney is not really like doing things with the family. That's fine. But I like that she's filming her own stuff. Like I know it was so stupid, but them going to dinner in that car and the whole family and then having family dinner. Like, okay, not the most interesting thing in the world, but like that's her life. And I like that they're not forcing it to be anything like she's not.

They're not forcing her to film anything other than what she's actually doing. And this is what she's doing. And it's interesting. She's in like a very... She said she's going to breastfeed for two years. Like, she's in a very nesting phase. And it's nice. I was laughing at the 5K. Like, it was funny. Yeah. No, she's my fave. It's so funny. There are so many pieces of each of them that I relate to like so deeply. And maybe that's why they're so longstanding and how much people love them. Because they're even in their unrelated... You scope their eras. No, but like, it's like, I really... There are so many things that like Courtney says or does...

Chloe too. And Kim, where I see so much of myself and it just like, I'm sure everybody feels that way, which is why they are where they are. Cause people have been feeling that way ever since watching them. But I really, so much of what Courtney does right now. Like I really just enjoy, I get emotional also from the show. Like, um,

What was I? Me too. Maybe it was Khloe's birthday party. The way that they did the lead up to it, they were acting like it was going to be like this really like sad for Lauren thing, a flop of a party. And I was just like, yikes, yikes. They get there and it's like really turned up. But like, is the vibe going to be there? And then it was just like off the charts. Khloe having the best time. I was seriously had goosebumps. I don't even know why. Sick party. Like, seriously, so well done. It looked so fun. It was fun. You could just like.

feel the feeling coming off of it. I also feel like for Chloe, she like hated her 30s. She's like ready for her 40s. And even day one of her 40s is better than her 30s. But I just feel like the last few years of her 30s, she's been waiting to turn 40 so that she can enjoy her life. Like she turned 40 and she's going to India and she's going to Italy. You could have done that at 39, by the way.

Well, can I tell you how much I loved seeing them at the Ambani wedding? Like, that was so interesting to me. And I really appreciated that they admitted, like, no, we've never met these people. Yeah. They just invited us, like, because we're famous and rich. And, like, they wanted celebrities there. And how they got, like, connected through Lorraine Schwartz. I found that to be so interesting. And then actually seeing inside the wedding was so sick. Yeah. That was cool. And so interesting. And...

one thing that I think that they do a really good job of now is like, they get cameras everywhere. Like they're allowed to film if they're going somewhere, like they're getting clearance to bring a whole ass camera crew. Like sometimes you would see them getting ready for stuff and like, they don't show you inside. Literally is the videographer of the Ambani wedding. Like,

When they were showing clips, it was like high-res footage of the ceremony. Yeah, it was really – it was nice. Like you get access, and that's what you tune into the show for. So I feel like they're actually getting to a really good place. I am so enjoying it. I'm going to keep up with it. I'm going to keep up with the Kardashians. As you should. And I watched The White Lotus. Oh, I didn't watch. So can you just – I'll try and watch tonight if –

You can save your thoughts or put them in the TV recap and I'll take my helmet off. It'll be brief. One more thing from last night that was cracking me up. I haven't been to a wedding in forever. I actually was trying to think the last time I think was Dana's and I was seven months pregnant with Harry. And at first when we were like going to the wedding, I was like, I'm just a plus one. Like I'm going to, you know, like, you know, enjoy the food. Here to support. Here for the cuisine. But then like something about wedding music. I like the beat.

Like the moment you walk into the reception room, I'm just like ready to dance. I danced the whole night. But something that was so funny, it was like they played a lot of like TikTok songs and it was a live band and they were amazing. But there were a couple songs where I was like, I feel old. Like I don't know the new music. You know what they played, which is actually a really good wedding dancing song that I just don't listen to or don't know really. Boothang.

You're my little boo thing. You're my little boo thing. And I don't give a hoot what you do say, girl. You don't know that song? I know it, but everyone knew all the words. I don't know all the words. I don't think I know all the words either. It's just like a TikTok song. And then they played a new song that was the best moment. Play it at every wedding. It's the new number one song. What's the song? Apatah. Apatah with the live band Claudia. The roof was about to bust off the place. And by the way, is Apatah mook?

No. Okay. Oh, yes. Sorry. Yes. I'm sorry. Yes. Yes. Apatow is Bistap. Or no, is it not Rosé?

Oh, you know what? It is Rosé. Yeah. But they're from the same band. They're both from Blackpink. Like, it's Rosé. Oh, my God. That's so good. But it was interesting to hear, like, all the new songs, wedding style. And, of course. You're literally a grandma. The classics, the greats. Of course. Shout. But it's not like the bride and groom are even, like, so much younger than me. You know, I'm actually, like, right in between the two of them. Right, right. Just kind of perfect timing. So it was really, really fun. Like, I can't. Even when I try to just be, like, low-key at a wedding, like, oh, you know.

It's true. The power of the couple and the power of the wedding almost always influences you. You're like, oh, I'm going to head out early. And it was a really long weekend. We were swimming and in the ocean all day, especially Sunday. We went straight from the pool. I got home, got ready. So by the time we got to the wedding, my day is done. Oh, hell no. Not when that band starts up.

That's how you know it's a good wedding, when the power of the couple compels you. And the music. I sat down for one glass of water, and then Apatow came out. And it's everyone's favorite song. But what was funny, I was talking to some fellow moms, and they were like, this is a real song. My daughter loves this song. I'm like, yeah, it's Bruno Mars. They thought it was like Baby Shark. Blippi. Yeah. Was that what it's called, Blippi? Blippi is a man, yeah. Yeah. The Excavator song. Yeah. And the hat. The worst song I've ever heard in my life. He's like the male Miss Rach. Yeah.

It's actually interesting to me, like how low the bar is in children's entertainment. Like I know that if I ever like quit this line of work. We're waiting for you. I know. Because like the things that go viral, that Excavator song is so fucking bad. Like not good lyrics, not good beat, not good melody. Like these kids are. I do not like the beat. They're just like accepting scraps. Yeah. They just want a song about an excavator. And that's the first one that comes up. I'm an excavator.

Like so bad. See you later. Like that's the best we could do. Hey, dirt. See you later. I think Toast Tunes needs to take it upon ourselves.

Listen, we can't go down this rabbit hole, but yeah, we do. But also, the wedding was so swirly. I met so many swirlies and toasters. The mother of the groom is a toaster. She said she listens every day. She sounds like a wonderful woman. And she's gotten all of her friends to listen. So she is doing our Gen X outreach. The next time you go to a wedding, ask the mother of the groom if she listens to the toast. That's how we can...

all make sure that we stay with the boomers and maybe give like we should have like little business cards i have like a not a qr code because i don't know if they know how to use those but like uh we'll make it really user-friendly we'll make it really user-friendly and that's how we're gonna reach them i have to update you on something just like an ongoing story um and nobody's paying attention anymore because the season of love is blind was so bad right so bad but there actually has been like a lot of drama unfolding on social media between sarah and ben

And I think that you would want to know. Now, I don't know all the details, but basically, like, you know, she slayed, yada, yada, everyone hates him. Like, there was a picture going around. She slayed?

Yeah, that was like the takeaway. Like she stood up for herself and he's a weenie and he can't remember anything ever. And then there was this picture going around, I guess, like back in the day when he was like trying to become a YouTuber. He used to pass out these business cards that had like his face on it, like Ben's YouTube. And like it was cringe, but like literally it was cringe, but like, OK, pop off networker. And so all these things kept coming out, like just like making fun of him. And she was like winning.

And then he made a TikTok. Like he finally decided to, he just like let all this happen to him. Even at the reunion, he like didn't defend himself. So you just assume that he's guilty. Well, he just like made a TikTok. Not after that guy. Christmas photo. Daniel? Yeah. Nobody acted guiltier. Oh yeah. Than unfollow. Yeah. By the way, he totally followed her. I'm sorry. Like.

A thousand percent. But I'm just saying like nobody acted guiltier than that person and he was innocent. So he just basically like posted all the screenshots of all the text messages between them after the show.

And it really made her look so bad. First of all, it's like your values, your values, your values, your values, right? You still got engaged to the guy who didn't have your values. You then broke up with him like in front of everybody, like my values. Yeah. And then you still got back together with him after the show. It's like your values obviously aren't that important to you. It's fine. Like, but stop acting like they are because you are acting like not in accordance with your values.

All these text messages, like really proving kind of like everything she said to me had been a lie about their time afterwards. And like now she's making a million TikToks defending herself in the comments. Everybody's so over her. It's like, girl, leave this man alone. Like he didn't even fight back when you really like during the reunion and afterwards, like

Tried to like annihilate him and it worked. He didn't even fight back. And then you just didn't stop. So he made one video with the screenshots and it really exonerated him. And you like people are, she's getting eaten alive now. Like it's, you either live the hero. What is it? You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain. The Sarah and Ben story. Well, I heard she's dating long hair.

joey oh yeah so there's just like a lot of rumors now about like the cast and again it comes back to like loser's gonna lose like i i can't care that much but the flip in public like the people who are still paying attention the flip in the public perception you are amongst them you can i know i'm a self-hating love is blinder so love is blind season eighter yeah yeah totally are you in any chat rooms

I'm not not, you know, like I, I, I'm in a couple of group chats like with people where we talk about it. Well, until the next season.

And do we have the 49er story today? No, we don't. But I'll put it in there because I literally was in a whole this like I was so unplugged from whatever's going on in the world. And then this morning I was like, oh, I didn't really miss that much. Whatever the opposite of unplugged is, like I was plugged. I would love to know my screen time. Jackie, I did not get out of bed or off my phone the entire time. Even when I was watching TV, I was scrolling on my phone.

Let's say see all activity. I actually did so much swimming this weekend. I felt like coach. Also, you know that I'm a water sign. Have we talked about this?

Cause I always say like Claudia is a water sign and she loves swimming because she's a water sign. Yeah. And then it turns out like I'm a water sign. I think that like, um, one third of all people are water signs. Yeah. But maybe my water sign-ness manifests itself in a different way other than like swimming, you know, maybe it has to do with like drinking water. Like maybe there are other ways to be water sign. Maybe it's people who drink a lot of water for sure. So everybody in the pool, in the ocean, at the hotel was born in the same month? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

And to be clear, I had 11 and a half hours on my phone yesterday. And that's impressive given that I also took a two hour nap. How do you see that? That's really crazy. Like, how do you see just yesterday? Okay. So settings. Grandma. I just wait for my weekly report. I don't go to setting. Just scroll down. Drop down. And type in screen time. Oh, well, I do the search. Do the search. And then you're going to see all app and website activity.

Okay, I'm like having a hard time. Oh, wow. She's really like embracing her grandma today. I know how to do the search when like it's muscle memory. I don't know how to do the search. Okay, search. Just like pull down. What am I searching? Screen time. The first one that comes up. One word or two. I see. Two. Oh, my God. See all app and website activity. I'm scared to ask where that. Oh, I see. I'm scared to ask a question. Okay. And then it's on today. It's on day. Yeah.

No, is it on today? Yeah, it's on today. So now swipe to the right and it'll take you to yesterday. I don't hear aura ring. Sorry, I'm like having a hard time. Genuinely painful. Wait, I'm swipe. Oh, six hours and 51 minutes. Oh, that's Monday, March 10th. What day is that? So keep going. Oh, that's a weekday, of course. I'm a busy lady. This is like hearing about someone's dreams.

Three hours and 30 minutes yesterday. Wow, that's really good. That's pretty good, yeah. And I got ready for like two hours. I was in glam. Yeah. Yeah, that was. Yeah, that's really good. Um...

Now, we do have a lot to do. Not as much as you think, but. Oh, okay. We can dilly dally more. What else? No, no. Let's do the ads to break it up. Correct. And then just know you are welcome to dilly dally throughout the show. And you're welcome to meet me at the Uptop. I wish you didn't start singing that song. It's like a song now that's torturing me, you know? No, it's so good. And it's like just when you thought Bruno Mars was out of the game. I never thought that. That there'll never be like an Uptown Funk wedding song moment. Uptop.

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A certain Luke. And I'm telling you, Honey Love has got the turdy stamp of approval. And that's honeylove.com slash toast. That link will get you 20% off. And after your purchase, I'll ask you where you heard about Honey Love. Please support the toast and tell them that we sent you. Treat yourself to Honey Love because you deserve it. Thank you, Turtle Love. What can I say? Turtle Love. First story. Turtle Dove? Nah. Turtle Love.

I just think someone should just clip that like out of context, you know, like what is this show about? What is this show about? I was, I actually feel like I've been thinking about that. What kind of business you in? I've been thinking about that a lot recently. Like what is this show about?

It's so funny. And at the end of the day, it's so funny because I was at a wedding this weekend and like you talk a lot about somebody ask you that. No, you talk a lot about like what you do, though, and like how it's going. And I just want to say again, people are like, oh, like nobody wants this. Like, yes. Oh, the TV show. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because that could be rude. Yeah. I'm like, no, actually, I think a lot of people want it at the end of the day. Guys, sound off in the comments. If you could one word, what is the toast about? Like,

I would say the toast is about me. If I'm being honest, that's how I feel for my POV. Oh, okay. So that's awkward. Cause I was going to say like, it's about sisterhood. Oh, screw sisterhood. It's about me. I guess. Yeah, that's better. That's better. But you know how self-centered I am. It's love. If I, okay, here are a couple single words that I would use if I had to, and then like we can all vote. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sisterhood. Screw sisterhood. Love. Mm-hmm. Family. Family.

Okay, yes, but we don't sit here every day and talk about love. Do you know what I mean? No, but we sit here every day and love is in the air. Yes, yes. So I would say the essence of the toast is love. And like there is also, like I think actually comedy is a great way to describe it. And we're in the right category for ourselves. Yeah. Not if we want to hit number one every day. We should head on down to government. Yeah.

Yeah, well, when I tell people like in a basic elemental level, I'm like, oh, it's about like pop culture and celebrity. And it's not like we've we've that ship has sailed. You know, I do a podcast with my sister. It's a daily show. It's really funny. I always say my sister Claudia is so funny. So it's a comedy show and we do entertainment news. I say we talk about everything, pop culture, TV, everything under the sun, but mostly ourselves. That's really my elevator pitch.

Got it. So it's not really one word. No, but I didn't say one word. Sorry. This is my elevator pitch. When you boil it down, like we cannot be summed up to just one word. We can't be put in a box. They're always trying to put us in a box. Wait, speaking of, you know, we have like a semi-viral TikTok sound. And by semi-viral, I'm like, like it has a thousand views. I mean, a thousand videos. It's the classic Jackson Claude sound.

How does it go? I can't like about how amazing we are. The fact that we have so many haters. It's such a funny sound. And over the weekend, Alex Earl and Bethany posted it on Bethany's channel. I forgot to tell you this. Bethany deleted it. Excuse? Yeah. What? Yeah. Why? I was getting tagged in it like a million times and I was so excited. I'm like, oh my God, the swirlies are swirling. And then somebody tagged me in it and I opened it and it said videos gone. Wait, why do you think that is?

I don't know. I actually don't think it has to do with us. Like people voice over crazy people all the time. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think it's because like we're so crazy. I would like an explanation.

Me too. Like what I saw on Reels. It wasn't the best lip syncing moment. It wasn't the best lip syncing moment. And we're difficult to lip sync over. Yeah. Because we have a very specific tenor and rhythm to our voices. And we obviously speak very quickly. Just when you think we're going to go right, we go left. I'm sorry. I said you that being like, oh my God, look at us, Alex, Arielle. Ah.

And then I didn't follow up. I didn't want to ruin your weekend. Like if you never told me she deleted it, I would never know. I know. And you know what? The fact that they did it was exciting to me. It was, you had to be there kind of moment. It was a fleeting, beautiful moment. Yeah. But it wasn't properly synced and maybe that's why. Yeah. It was poorly done. Yeah. You got to sync. You do. Sync it up.

Our first story is something that I know you want to talk about, so it's moved to the number one story when it was not even in the Fast Five, and that's that Kyle Juszczyk agrees to a two-year deal with the 49ers. So after a very dramatic few days of Kyle Juszczyk leaving the 49ers, after eight years of playing there and being team captain and really, you know, like playing all different positions and really being a core member of the team, he has been signed back to the 49ers for a two-year contract of, what was it? $8 million. $8 million.

Yeah, and I think his previous contract was two years, $9 million. So it's relatively, I don't know why they released him. I think they ended up spending more money. But I don't think they were. Right. And like, I don't know if they were expecting that.

Kyle would be really desired by another team the Steelers really wanted him and I think they offered him more money and he decided to take less money to stay because he loves his team and like wants to finish what he started um I don't think they were expecting that and I also I know it doesn't like matter to organizations because like it's all about the bottom line it's all about winning and if you cut someone or release them for whatever reason there's a reason for it but I do think like the outcry from the fans like the faithful that's what they call them like I

I have to imagine it had an impact. Like all the players, like it's not good for morale. What's a million dollars for morale? Yeah, I agree. It's actually a really cute thing that they did. And I don't think it has to do with the fact that another team wanted him, but that's because that's why they like gave him away. They're like, we don't want him. So they shouldn't be mad that someone else does. But obviously it's like pretty, like it's pretty swirly to like bring him back. And like, they usually don't operate on emotions.

No that's why this is so rare And I think like in general they shouldn't But there's exceptions to every rule And I think that this was a really good exception And the right thing to do and it's a happy ending

What do you think this means for Sydney Warner? Like she thought she won. We talked about this on Friday if you guys aren't familiar. Whoever made this decision hates Sydney Warner because they just want to make her look like a clown. I wouldn't even be surprised if they did this whole experiment as a test for her and she failed. Failed. So if you guys weren't paying attention on Friday, we talked really briefly. There is like a lot of like wife drama over in San Francisco when Kyle was pregnant.

released this girl, Sydney, who was oddly on The Bachelor, but is now like a famous wag. Her husband's name is Fred Warner. He's really good. She was like posting celebratory shit. Being like, it's such a good day. Meanwhile, everybody else is posting like montages of them crying. And so people were quick to, you know, make the connection. And it wasn't the first time that she had posted something shady in regards to Kristen Juszczyk. But now, like not only are they back, but like they're hometown heroes. They gave up the money, more money to go to Pittsburgh. Like they are beloved like by the community, right?

And she kind of showed her cards before it was official. She showed her cards. She should have waited for the egg to dry.

Yeah, what a pit do you think she has? I don't know. I feel like she's kind of ballsy. I know nothing about her. First of all, she doesn't get along with everyone. It's not even like she's a victim because she's posting nasty stuff. So she's got to be brazen. Yeah, maybe she don't give a fuck. And maybe she'll just go back to doing what she was doing, which was not being around the girls. Like, okay, what's the difference if they hate you a little more and you're still not around them? Right, right. Nothing ventured, nothing lost. Yeah.

I'm happy that I didn't throw away all my 49ers gear because like I was done, you know? Like what am I rooting for this random team for? What's my personal connection? Well, Olivia...

Yeah. Your pregnancy buddy. The comments on Friday's episode were cracking me up. Everybody was being like, not Jackie and Claudia bothering the fuck out of Kyle Juszczyk with their stupid questions while he's clearly going through some like contract negotiations, like probably very stressful. I want to say, I think we were a welcome reprieve from the stressful conversations. Probably all of his texts were like, man, what are you going to do? Right. And then you get this fun text like, Kyle, imagine you're a deer. Right.

literally prancing along. You get a little thirsty. You spot a little Brooke.

You put your little dear lips down to the cool, clear water. Bam! A fucking bullet rips off part of your head. Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, would you even fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing? That was such a good reference. Kudos to you. Like really, A plus podcasting right there. Thank you. So I feel like that's what it was like for him to get that text. And I just want to say like to Kyle, you're welcome for spreading a bit of swirliness in an otherwise stressful week.

I also want to say to Kyle, you're welcome. I think the pressure from being weenie of the week to the 49ers definitely added. Oh, that moves the needle. Yeah, the 49ers follow me on Instagram. They're always commenting on my shit, especially because when me and Ben announced our pregnancy, our, lol, I'm wearing a 49er sweatshirt. It was just because it was the only thing that fit me at the moment. It wasn't, you know. And I think they really see themselves in my journey. So it's good for everybody. The synergy remains. The faithful family. And I'm glad we can all stay together.

Yeah. Also speaking of cute football news, you can see Josh Allen talking about his contract. He has like a huge new contract. I forgot the exact number, but he was asked in an interview, like apparently you could have gotten more. And they were like, why didn't you try and break like Dak Prescott's record for like biggest contract? If he like went to other teams, you're saying like push back. Like I think he could have negotiated harder. And he was like, at the end of the day, like what's an extra $5 million. Like, I'm happy to be here. I love the bills. Like men, she behavior. Yeah.

Okay. Well, that is Menchie. Like, I think like when you have 60 mil. No, I know. Is that it? 60? I feel like you would get so much more. And I don't know what the, I think of something like that, but that means like the extra five that can go to the team to like getting better players. Oh, well, that's true. Actually, that's a nice way of thinking about it. But like for me, if that's my man, like girl, we have bills to pay. Get back in there. Not like everyone can have that mentality all the time. Otherwise it's a bunch of commies on the field. But,

But in this situation. Literally a bunch of commies on the field. I'm cracking up. But I thought he was like so, it was so nice. And like, no, he doesn't need to get the biggest, best contractors to say that he has it. Because it really doesn't make a difference if you got 60, you got 65. He got a six year deal in 2025. So it's 2025 to 2030. Okay. Six years, 330 million. Cool. So yeah, I guess at that point. Maybe that's like 60 a year. I just want to say. It is. So it's 55 a year.

Plus a signing bonus of 56. What's GTD at sign? Is that what you're owed at signing? Guaranteed to. Oh, guaranteed at signing. Oh, yeah. Guaranteed. 147. 147. So he gets like half of it up front. Oh, and then guaranteed like total. Like, let's say they trade him, but he's still guaranteed 250. Damn. Haley. Let me tell you that Haley Steinfeld. She's a smart cookie. You guys slept on her. Yeah.

That's really crazy. Mazel Tov to the Allen Seinfeld family. Damn. Yeah. What'd you do with $330 million? To be honest, it's not enough. Oh, I was going to say, like, there are a couple things that I really want that, like, that would get me. And it would be enough for me, Dayenu. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you do have to factor in taxes. So let's say, you know, you're going home with $175-ish. Okay, well, that changes things. Right. And then, of course, I have to take care of people in my life. Right.

And then I need to put some away for future generations and also my money so I can stop working. It's not fun anymore when you're doing this. Yeah, of course. I need like 20 mil cash to like get into right now. As long as we get there. To take a bite out of. Yeah, a couple homes. Yep. Maybe a plane.

maybe a plane or maybe just I can charter whenever I want. Yeah. I often like daydream about, you know, what I would do. Like if I was the type of person who could afford a plane and I actually think having a plane is more trouble than it's worth. I think it just depends how much you travel. Like Kim, like some people are always traveling. They should have their own plane waiting for them.

I don't need my plane. I'm not going anywhere that often. I was curious. I could charter. Do you think they took Kim Air to India? I do, but then I wonder why they didn't film because they love filming on Kim Air. So I actually think that they didn't because it's such a long flight and-

Private airplanes, like actually a lot of celebrities, like when they fly internationally, they have to fly commercial because you stop for refuel. Her plane is huge, but like it's not Drake's plane. It's like a 747. It's like a... No, but I think they could fly to India with one stop for refuel. I feel like they would have taken her plane. But when Kourtney went to Australia last season, they had to fly commercial because that's too far. Right. Right.

But I do think that, I don't think they flew commercial. Even if they didn't take Kim's plane, maybe they chartered like a bigger private plane. Yeah. She did not get on a commercial flight. No, it wasn't. No Air India for Khloe. No, unless like they gave them the whole plane.

Correct. Which they might have. And maybe the. I'm Bonnie's. Oh, well, that was the other thing. They might have sent a plane for like all the celebrities. Yes. I don't think that Kim and Khloe spent any money being there. I think they were like flown out, put up the dresses, the diamonds from Lorraine. And I actually think when when Kim was like, oh, no, I'm going to pay for the missing diamond that fell on the floor. I'm almost positive the I'm Bonnie's paid for it. Like.

Oh, yeah. I don't think anyone paid for it. And like, what's one little diamond in a wedding that literally has diamonds hanging from the ceiling? She could have just grabbed one. No, for sure. But like that little diamond was like a hundred grand. I know. But like when there are a million hundred grand diamonds, like what's a hundred grand? Also, they have the whole thing on camera. They could see where we watched it fall. You saw that. Yep.

Yep. Couldn't they just like go on their things and press rewind? They probably didn't see till like the editing room that they had the footage of it falling. Understood. Yeah. That's how I interpret it. I don't know when there's so many diamonds in the room, like one rogue diamond with all this wealth. Like it just didn't seem like a big deal to me.

No yeah I know. But I know they. When Kim was like I found it. They wanted to make it a big deal. Cause like. Yeah. That's interesting. Plot. It was also a very good commercial for India. The only thing about the episode that bothered me. Was when Kim and Khloe went to the market. And they're walking down the streets. And they're like. Their dresses and their heels. And they can't move. And they like can't walk the streets. And it's raining. All these people around them. They're. They're so stupid. Yeah.

And meanwhile, in L.A., she'll wear sweats and sneakers to a grand opening. Like, put on your sneakers, put on your sweats, and go to the market. Agreed. It was very stressful. It was very stressful. Yeah. Well, I'm happy to say bang, bang, you know? Bang, bang, Niners gang. Bang, bang into the room. You know you want to. Bang, bang all over you. I'll let you have it. Wait a minute. Let me take you there. Wait a minute.

Our next story, new couple alert maybe? Tom Cruise and Ana de Armas touch down in London together after a helicopter ride.

Oh, I didn't feel like this was giving new couple. I don't know why. I know that they were together, but like he's so ugly and old and she's so fabulous and young. And she is seeing someone, a very highly controversial figure. Her community actually really turned on her when they found out she's dating like a former dictator of Cuba's son, like somebody really offensive to her community's son.

And that was a couple of months ago. I assume they were still together. Well, TMZ is calling this like romance rumors swirling, not confirmed, but like seriously, what are these two? They could get on different planes. They were flying high for their second public outing this year.

Tom and Anna were photographed together after they arrived via helicopter at the London Heliport on Friday. I'm sorry, you don't get on a helicopter with your just random co-worker. I just, I actually refuse to believe this. Anna DeArmas, run fast for your mother, run fast for your father. She's 36, he's 62 because I know you're wondering. She seems

seems like I actually wasn't she seems like an older man like member Ben Affleck she wants like this established Hollywood guy that's what she wants yeah I know but like sorry Tom Cruise is gross

I know you think so. No, no, it's not like a feeling I have. It's a fact. No, Claudia, like some of our Gen X women listeners are like, that's their guy. Like that's their Jacob Elordi. Excuse me. I'm not saying to, and this, thank you for pointing that out to the Gen X. I'm not saying he's gross because he's old. Like,

There's a lot of baddies who are that age of that generation. No, no, I didn't think you were saying that. I think you're saying he's ugly and stupid. His face, his brain, he's short. Like, seriously, what's to like? If Tom Cruise wasn't a talented actor and he was just a regular Joe Schmo, he would be like divorced alcoholic couch potato, please. There's nothing desirable about him.

okay well i can say that for the gen x swirlies we understand like you know no no i'm telling you jackie you're thinking so low of the gen x swirlies the gen x swirlies do not fuck with tom cruise he's so toxic people fuck someone somewhere is talking with tom cruise because he's the biggest movie star in the world no i'm telling you that's like the mystery no one fucks with him so how is he the biggest movie star in the world he's an industry plant

Thousand percent. Well, they were spotted at the London heliport and then the airport like back two days in a row. I'm sorry. Like he doesn't travel with like randos. No, but like you don't think they were cast in a movie together? Even if they were cast in a movie together, like they can travel separately. He's definitely like does his own thing until he shows up at set, you know? I think that this is Smokey and there's a fire. An inferno.

Yes, logically, I agree. Like, I see the photos, but there is something inside me just stopping me. I am resisting arrest because these two can't possibly. They just can't. Yeah, well, different strokes for different folks, you know?

No. And I do feel like because Anna de Armas dated Ben Affleck, that makes this more legitimate. Yeah. And if you are, if we're going to like go back and look at history for references, like her having poor taste in men and liking older men, like there is proof of that. Ben Affleck, the dictator's son, like she's not known for her choices when it comes to romantic partners. So actually. Face tracks.

The evidence, the evidentiary support leads me to believe that actually maybe if I'm looking at this, you know, married, right. As a completely unbiased third party perspective with no particular interest in the matter.

Yeah, no, this definitely seems like something she would do. Yeah. And him, a young ingenue who he can torture, that's his favorite. Yeah. You will love it. Even though she's... You will love it. Even though she's a little too powerful for him. Like, he got his claws into Katie Holmes so early on. She was like a rising star. She was super young. He was really able to control her and bring her into his crazy-ass cult. Like, Ana de Armas is...

One of the biggest movie stars in the world. Like, she's kind of, and she's much older. Well, not much older. She's 36. So her age works in her favor in terms of, like, having a strong mind. However, in terms of, like, movie star prowess, like, she is slipping. She is slipping, for sure. But she's still up there. Like, it's not too late for her to turn it around. No, it's not too late. But she's not where she was.

No, I always think about that. You know who I think that about all the time? Do you remember Alicia Vikander? Yeah, slipped. There was like a two-year period where like Alicia Vikander was like the face of Louis Vuitton, the face of Swarovski in every movie, Venice Film Festival, Cannes Film Festival. She was clearly on her way to becoming like the next Cate Blanchett or whatever. And then she like got married and disappeared. Well, she married Michael Fassbender and I think she was like, I'm good, thanks. So you think it was a choice, like an intentional step back? I think it was more choice than it was a choice.

a kick out the door. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I do. Like it doesn't, I don't feel sad. Okay. And into Armas juries out, but she is slipping and I could see why someone would think like Tom Cruise is the next right move to do the next thing. I don't actually, that's a pretty good analysis. Yeah. Yeah. Our next story is actually some more new couple news.

Because Camila Cabello is dating a billionaire. And she's been spotted passionately kissing him in Rome. We don't talk enough about how Camila Cabello actually has fabulous taste in men. Obviously Shawn Mendes. Like, who wouldn't? You know? This billionaire. Beautiful. The dating coach who has a podcast. And then that...

dating app founder who's Jewish and hot. What's his name? Yeah. He started... Did he start Locks Club? I think so. Whatever, like hot Jewish tech entrepreneur. No, she kind of always has a boyfriend. And she always has a boyfriend. Like, you know those girls. Yeah, she's like a relationship girl. She is. And now she's with a billionaire named Henry Jr. Chalhub.

They couldn't keep their hands off each other during romantic getaways to Rome. They were photographed passionately kissing and holding hands on Friday. They stopped to grab coffee. I think they were first spotted together in January. So this is what she's been up to. I love when pop stars have like...

flings. It's kind of a rite of passage with like unknown non-famous billionaires. Like remember when Rihanna was low-key dating that Saudi prince? Like that was a really crazy time for her. Yeah. Um, I love this, you know, Janet Jackson very famously also dated a Saudi billionaire. I'm not sure if he was a prince. Um,

I love that. You know, it's a kind of a different route of, and you know, they can pay to get you all the places. After dating like a startup founder, you're like, okay, the hustle needs to sleep. Right. And I think you go to a billionaire who's like generationally wealthy and you're like, okay, I work hard. Like you sleeping till noon is not going to work. Yeah. Not the same. And you definitely want to strike somewhere in the middle, but I do think you can toggle between extremes. And when you have something, you want the exact opposite. Yeah.

I feel like that's what Sophie Turner's doing right now with like her unknown aristocratic man. Pellegrino Perrier. Correct. Yeah. That's my favorite. Yeah. I like when people do something different but still chic. You got to switch it up. Especially when you're in the long term thing and you like know all the things you hate about that person. You're like, I want something diametrically opposed. And then you end up with a bottle of sparkling water. Right.

when you were in a relationship that was like for Camila Cabello like so Hollywood and like Stan culture and like kind of toxic at times like you were performing together like that's fun but it can be really dark um and so there's none of that here with a billionaire like we're just happy on our plane and our yacht and I do feel like for Camila she just put out an album right and the fact that I have to ask like yeah it was definitely like floppy oh and so maybe she just wants to hang up her heels and be a kept take a little bit of a

break yeah you know and she wants a man who can support her whether she works nothing wrong with that work or not to work there's nothing wrong with that i am glad to see her platinum blonde hair be gone um she was sort of like made to be a brunette you know yeah i do i do and i think that that that platinum hair had a lot to do with why the music flopped if i'm being honest kind of how like a pixie cut can ruin an actress's career a platinum blonde moment can ruin the career of a

I don't know. A pixie cut is like what makes you. Like you're not a certified actress until you cut all your hair off. I don't know. I'm worried about Emma Stone. That's all I'll say. It's worrisome. It's extremely worrisome. Yeah. Well, are you ready for our next story? No. Okay. Piper, no. Is it our next story that's brought to you by Good Ranchers Perchance? Tis.

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Our next story, Justin Bieber was spotted at Disneyland with Hailey and the kid Lori. So Justin Bieber and Hailey have been. Oh, I thought like that the Leroy and him had beef. Well, apparently not. But then I'm wondering why Tate wasn't there. Because like. Oh, she's busy. Why is Leroy third wheeling? Yeah. But Justin and Hailey headed off to the happiest place on earth with a great support group. Hailey and his buddy, the kid Leroy. La kid. La kid.

We're living it up at the California theme park over the weekend. And he posted a bunch of pictures on Instagram. They went on roller coasters, Mickey ears, et cetera. I mean, this is also like on the heels of like, you know, him posting weird things on social media. People are always, he did, you know, have an off week last week. I don't even like to, I don't like look into it or report on it because nothing ever happens. Like Justin Bieber, but you know what? He's fine. He's a father. He's happy there at Disneyland. Like it's always fine. Yeah. I feel like,

the last few weeks it's gotten like weird and then there was more it was at a higher volume than usual but and then Haley was posting like things on her stories about church and a lot of people thought it was like her leaving church whereas I definitely like understood it as like if I went to church I would find this relatable and funny like she was just commenting on like church culture not like I'm leaving the church I know but for someone who doesn't like post that much especially her innermost thoughts it did feel like that's kind of a big statement you know yeah yeah

seeing them at Disney together there's nothing going on that's the thing like things over at least for this flare-up or whatever this was right right they're obviously exactly what it is it's a flare-up they're always together every time people think that they're not together they are always together they're having fun they look well um honestly to me this kind of shines a light on what's going on between Leroy and Tate wow you think there's trouble in Leroy and Ise Leroy and McRae

Leroy Day. Well, she's like busy. She just launched an album. Like, I don't think she could just be taking days off. I know, but you need, like, you definitely have to take those days off or otherwise you burn out. And I know she's like young and maybe she'll learn that the hard way. But like, it's important when your friends are going to Disney that you find that just one day you can, everyone can take a day. And it's important that you do that for longevity. Yeah.

Yeah. For longevity's sake. Very Huberman of you. The Huberman longevity protocol. Go to Disney with your friends, okay? By the way, Ben, you know, Ben is like fake into wellness, right? Because like he, you know. I know when he was here, because he was saying like in his Eastern medicine, I was like, you're a little Eastern, you're a little Western. He's central. Central. I remember. I watched the episode. Oh, you did? But yeah, like he gets like fake into herbs and he takes creatine, but like literally like he'll do crack. Like he's like, he doesn't really like,

go there he doesn't commit no and like he literally lives on Advil and Tums yes actually he's been trying to pull back but yes so he's like very um Advil is his multivitamin yeah he's a big talker you know

The man loves a cigarette. He has aspirations. The man loves a cigarette. Okay? Like, please. He has an alcohol company. But he's always, like, joking about SLIT, the Software Longevity Institute of Technology, where, like, he comes up with these, like, actual fake-ass regiments and protocols and beliefs. And it's so funny. He's always talking about the Software Longevity Institute. Longevity is just a word that makes me laugh and reminds me of that. What's the T for? Well...

The T is because the acronym SLEE isn't as... No, it's SLEE. And the Software Longevity Institute of Technology. I really love that. What are his protocols? His ayahuasca pills. The Gaia herbs. The pulses on your hand when you have a migraine. Oh, that's... No, not pulses. What are those things called? Pressure points. Pressure points.

Ben loves a pressure point. Like I had a headache the other day and Ben's really gotten into pressure points since I can't take Advil or anything. And I'm such an Advil fiend. Like I'm so looking forward to a few months from now taking Advil again. So he's really gotten even more into finding pressure points for all my various illnesses. Like when I was having my IBS constipation in my first trimester, like he was seriously pressing on like parts of my foot. It didn't work. But the other day I had the worst headache and there's just nothing you can do. Right. Right.

He put this pressure point, I think it was in my knee.

Oh my God, let me show you my headache went away. I don't believe you. It was really crazy. No, you know it pains me to like ever admit that he's right. I genuinely don't believe you. Like that's something I will have to experience for myself. He'll do it. He would love to do it for you. Either it didn't work or you didn't have a headache is like what I think. So my belief with the reason that it worked is that it's a little placebo. It's like my head was really hurting me, but then there's this big man in his huge hand breaking my knee that like by the time he releases it, I'm more focused on the pleasure of my knee being intact than...

than the little pain in my head. Yeah. So it's more about perspective than it is feeling. That's very Eastern too. I mean, perspective is everything. Don't we know? Yeah. So that's like a big core tenant. Pressure points, Gaia Herbs, turmeric. What are those pills that he takes when he gets athletic greens? Gaia Herbs. That's Gaia Herbs.

Echinacea. Echinacea. That's the one. But it's like this one brand they sell at Whole Foods. It's called Gaia Herbs. Quick defense. Quick defense. Yes. Ben, if you're ever sick, he'll be like, all right, come here and I'll give you the biggest pile of pills. I'm like, you want me to swallow? I would die if I swallowed all these pills. It's turmeric. It's echinacea. We love turmeric. It's turmeric.

Yeah, he loves turmeric. That's so funny. Well, he should add to Slit like a day at Disney with your friends. I think it could be healing for a marriage. Yep. Like you feel like kids again on the Radiator Springs Racers ride. You'll feel like kids Leroy again. You'll feel like kids Leroy. So his presence is definitely like confusing. Especially because you said there's former beef. I thought that the two of them because I don't know. I don't know. I don't.

I don't have proof. I just remember like things being bad. They did the song together. Yeah. And I think like Justin brought him in. He was like a Scooter Braun, like a whole thing. And then he left. I don't know. I just thought there was beef. Maybe there's not. Maybe there's not. And also time heals all. So true. Especially after the fires. It's like everybody's reevaluating. It's true. So I'm glad they found their way back to each other. That's the real beauty here of the story. Yeah. I feel like actually maybe Haley was the third wheel. But celebs love Disney. Yeah.

We need to talk about like the infantilization of like adults at Disney World. Well, we always talk about Disney adults. We do. But like celebrities. But when celebrities do it, it's somehow like not weird. They love Disney. They're like keeping Disney Anaheim in business. And it's like they're not going with their kids. It's like people without, you know? Yeah. It's so weird. Yeah. Well, having gone to Disney recently as an adult, I do understand why.

Yeah, but you went with your children. I do understand why people with children would really love going. Yeah, of course. That's the whole point why the park was erected. Yeah, no, but now it's like Sheena like goes all the time and now she's like totally validated. By the way, that's so funny that you said Sheena because when you were like celebs, love. Sheena. I was thinking Sheena. Kylie loves it too. Everyone. Yeah, and now like the girl, like she always brings the girl gang of like Stormaloo and co.

Correct. Not Stas and Co. That's a different girl gang. Yeah, I did think you were talking about Stas and Co. No, that's right. To clarify, Storm and Lou and Co. Are you ready for our fifth and final story? Like boring trade news that I guess we have to share. Conan O'Brien will return as the Oscars host in 2026. Not them like thinking they're doing the same thing as the Golden Globes. Like, well, you loved it. He's back. He has more. Yeah. No. If you really want more.

We're all just like still recovering from that awful ceremony that Conan truly added nothing to. He didn't take it away. He wasn't like a bomb. He wasn't joke. He was just like, not funny, not offensive, not anything. So I guess they're,

happy with the mediocrity I'm so confused like again maybe they're just like happy that nobody was yelling at them I actually saw Oscars viewer numbers were down which I feel like they're always down they trend downwards they do they do so I guess it's not we're not gonna put that on Conan no no that would be unfair but if Kylie Jenner were hosting maybe more people would tune in

You know what? Give it to Chloe. She hosted X Factor. She could do it. She's amazing at those things because she has the personality and the talent. But she can't handle it. And she doesn't like it. She has a lot of anxiety. And she doesn't have the thirst for it, which I appreciate. She is happy just where she's at. Doing her thing. Totally. Need not more. Yeah. Like Kim would want to host it. And that wouldn't be very good. So...

back to Conan like okay okay I think they how they thought we were gonna receive this how we are like okay yeah it would have

It would have been fun to do something new. New is always exciting. I feel like there's so many good options. Unless like there's somebody who crushes it so good and like you can't wait to get more of them, Nikki Glaser. Or sometimes it's like two people will present together and they had such chemistry that it inspires them to be chosen next year. Like that's fun. But so to bring or like somebody like Ricky Gervais, right? Like there's always excitement, tension, excitement.

Conan doesn't have that. Like what Conan has is that he's like a likable affable guy and

No, and here's the thing. Herein lies the issue. The people who are going to watch the Oscars, no matter who the host is, are the same people who are excited that Conan is hosting, right? He is not bringing in any new viewers. New viewers. Okay, so they're pandering to their base. Yeah, but if you want to bring in new people, actually a really great option would be like Shane Gillis. He's hosted SNL twice in the last year. He has a huge following. He's so funny. He feels like Ricky Gervaisi, where he'll come in and read the room to filth and do it really funnily.

Yeah, but the thing about Ricky Gervais is that he's like one of those rogue comics who has like the approval of Hollywood. Like he's done movies, he's done film, he's like kind of really regarded and respected. Whereas like Shane Gillis, I think like the Oscars would see as like a fringe radical comedian. So the Oscars, yeah, the people in the room, but...

As for the viewers, we would love it. And I feel like he's he's really talented. He's really funny. But I feel like he's also professional because he's taking on these like bigger, more traditional things. And I feel like he could walk that line. I do. Yeah. I mean, I would love to see it.

Although I don't know like is his specialty in terms of like he comments on like culture but I feel like he doesn't do like a lot of like Hollywood or popular culture like Ricky Gervais is sort of known for his takes like on Hollywood which is why it's so appropriate whereas if you like Shane Gillis like doesn't know any of these people are doesn't give a fuck.

yeah do you know what I mean yeah I feel like he'd sooner get like the Golden Globes the Oscars are so so serious yeah which is why when Ricky Gervais did it it was so crazy and they don't want to rock the boat they're really not interested no so that's Conan like we're there Ricky Gervais did the Golden Globes though so it's not oh he didn't do the Oscars oh I'm sorry I thought he did the Oscars no it's not apples to apples

And it's just so funny when you think back on the big scandal of Kevin Hart at the Oscars. Because now, Kevin Hart doing the Oscars is literally charity. He's the biggest movie star in the world. But at the time, it was such an honor. And I get it. You want that sort of notch in your belt. But like...

That would seriously be a waste of Kevin Hart's time. Yeah. I don't think there's anyone that they would choose who's going to be exciting to us. Period. It's true. It's just not for us, I guess. Okay. It's for the Conan stans. Now, if you want to take your helmet off for two seconds, I have a couple of things I want to say about White Lotus. I'll do a brief TV recap. We'll do an official one tomorrow or whenever you watch it. Okay. But take your helmet off. Talk tougher now.

Okay, you guys know I've been kind of a huge hater of White Lotus because it's literally boring. This was actually a good episode. I feel like it was really White Lotus-y. Loved to see Leslie Bibb's husband, Sam Rockwell, very famous actor. A lot of people don't know that. Leslie Bibb, who's a part of the three-girl gang.

group gang with the short blonde hair, the Republican from Texas. Her husband in real life is Sam Rockwell. And he was in last night's episode playing the guy talking to Rick in Bangkok about how he like pretends he's a little Asian girl. I don't know. Like that whole conversation where I was not paying attention. Um, that's her husband. So I just loved that. Um,

Also, I just loved like the partying scenes. Like that's really fun. I get a lot of anxiety watching people take drugs. So like seeing the two brothers take drugs, like gave me a pit. I just hate watching. I like, I don't like doing drugs. I don't like seeing people do drugs. It just like gives me a lot of anxiety. But that scene like with them on the boat and then also the other party with Valentin and his friends and the three girls, like that was really fun. I was very white lotusy, just like very, I like that a lot. The one thing I had an issue with is like, I did not need to see the two brothers kiss.

Call me crazy. I just don't like incest. I thought it was like gross and weird. And I know they're not brothers in real life, so it's not a big deal, but they're brothers in my mind. And at first it was like a tiny peck. I was like, okay, fine. But then they like made them kiss a couple of times and it was like French. It was just weird. Yeah.

and then the Ratcliffe family I just love these two the dad oh my god Jason Isaacs he gives me such a pit when he was like about to like blow his brains out I was seriously like don't do it don't do it I was he's such a good actor oh my god Parker Posey she had so many good one-liners when she thought she was in Taiwan she was like we are in Taiwan what when she said to her daughter that her daughter can't be Buddhist because she's not Chinese like she's seriously so funny the writing for her character is so good she obviously like really made it

what it is, but the writing is very good. It's very funny. And like, I get the character that she's supposed to be portraying this like old Southern lady. So last night's episode actually really made me like a lot of the characters, Belinda having a lizard in her room and thinking the whole time that there was like a murderer in her room is so turdy coded. I really related to her in that moment. And her and Pornchai like sleeping together, obsessed.

Guy talk the brain dead security guard who's in love with Mook like being so stupid. He knows that Jason Isaacs took the gun. He's like standing around watching Mook dance like bitch go get your gun. Annie get your gun. He was being so like helpless and stupid. He was pissing me off. Those are just my initial thoughts when Jackie watches the episode we'll do like a bigger breakdown but you can put your helmet back on. You can put your helmet back on.

You can put your helmet back on. Helmets on. Do I need my mouth guard? Huh? It's like sports. Mouth guard. Oh, oh. No, just make sure to put your shin guards on. Whatever. My jocks drop. Yeah. Yeah. Anything else you want to chat about? Did you hear me say that? I did. You're booming. It's kind of a good reference. This was booming. You'll get it once you see the episode. Yeah. Can't wait. Actually, I can very much wait. No, it was a good episode. It's time.

No, nothing happened again, but it was like finally like what White Lotus is known for, right? Like there's nothing happening, but like these people are interesting and funny and they're doing weird things and the plot isn't moving, but it's funny and they're all saying funny things. Okay, that's fine by me. I'm looking forward. Like I'm very exhausted from my big weekend. So much socializing because I knew so many people and so many new faces. Social butterfly. And like so many like people around.

Like I had mutual friends with faces. Cause like there was a girl there who's like, you sound like somebody hosting like a freshman orientation. Lots of new faces. But let me explain why I'm saying new face. Cause there was a girl there who was like Dana's one of Dana's other best friends who I've never met. But Dana talks about her a lot. So of course we had to connect. Were you feeling territorial? Not at all. Dana should be worried because we're best friends now. That's like the worst feeling for Dana. Yeah.

We sent her a picture. There's nothing worse than like your two random friends like meeting up and hitting it off. We had so much in common. She's obviously. Okay, yeah. Like let me just go kill myself. Like your camp friend and your college friend. Oh God, that's terrible. As I said, new faces. Correct. And new places. I am now, I would say my number one pregnancy symptom is sweating. I cannot stop sweating. Is that normal? The vest doesn't help. They were real that day. I wore a vest.

They were real that day I wore a vest because that vest was disgusting. This vest is from Amazon. Like it's not, it's really this undershirt from Skims. It's just like decorative.

It's purely decorative. I understand. But like, I wake up from a nap. I wake up from my sleep. I get up at like, I am sweating everywhere I go. It's really annoying me. So if you see me in the street, like, and I smell just know I'm doing everything to combat it. I'm showering multiple times a day. I'm wearing so much deodorant, so much dry shampoo. If you see Claudia in the street and she smells, you're too close to her. How about that? Oh, no, no, no. I thought you were gonna say this. If you see Claudia in the street and she smells, no, you didn't. Well, that too. But no, why don't you take a step back? She won't smell anymore. Yeah.

so true that's a you problem no like literally i'm sweating i don't think anyone in like anyone sane would ever judge a pregnant woman for smelling like i wouldn't even clock it i wouldn't be like oh she was smelling like i literally i'm like that's none of my business it's so true she has a lot going on like i feel like myself we won't even register it yeah consider my nostrils stuffed closed for business

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