Local Hour: The Path To The Best Sellers List
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Shadow Show

Tony sprung into the room today into the morning today because he came in careening from last night because he had an idea last night that he would connect with the old guys on scrolling through the channels old school scrolling through the channels and he comes up and he's like Dan I got a top five and

Top five movies I'll stop on every time if I'm old school scrolling through the channels. Now hold the phone here. Is this modern day scrolling on the guide?

Or is this back in the 90s, I'm going one channel at a time? It's the new version of old. Modern scrolling. Right. It's the modern reinvention of the scroll, which is obviously we can't go. I have a smart controller, right? So I can't go channel by channel. Do you go down the guide one by one or do you do page down? No, one by one. So I'm on the guide on Hulu, right? I'm on the guide on Hulu. I'm going down and I'm like, squawk on the street. Okay, no biggie. All right. MSNBC, who cares? Whatever. And then I get to a movie and I'm like, ha.

It's halfway through, but I will stop on it every single time, which made me think, what movies would I stop on every single time they're on? Tony's worked hard this year. I feel like he shouldn't have to work today and maybe he could just go home, get a long Thanksgiving break. This is the only day I'm on this week. No, I mean, but you worked hard. You've earned it. Tony's top whatever's in Tony Tonight. Sunday Nights. Yeah, Sunday Nights. It's not fair that Tony has to be in today. I feel like maybe...

Yeah, get up. Thanks, Tony. Way to go, John. We're so thankful for you. We're so gracious and thankful for you this year. Why don't you just kick it up? Put your feet up. You've earned this rest. But I like to work. I like working. Yeah, we're from home. But if I go home, I'm not on the show, and then I can't give my top fives. I can't give my takes. I know, but like you deserve a break. I have takes on Gladiator. I know Mike does. Wow. Yeah, but you've worked hard enough, man. You deserve a break. No, but see, that's the thing. Recharge the batteries.

No, no, no. I already did. Maybe next Wednesday, next week. You need it, Tom. I'm ready to go. Yeah, look at you. The schedule will probably be on next Friday. I mean, the bag's under your eyes, man. You deserve a break. The kid's not even here yet. I know. That's why. You got to start charging it up now so that you have the batteries recharged for that baby. Just head home. We've been together a long time. 20 years.

20 years, and there's some resentment from the old school on having to work this week. I mean, we say it every year. We're not going to work the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. And every year, it's the same five of us working the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. That's why I'm not working next week. I remember last year, the Wednesday before, we all kind of were like, not next year.

And yet here we are. Here we are. I'm not kidding you. When I'm not kidding you, the number of times this has happened, I'm going to say it's a dozen where I'm complaining to someone in my life and I'm like, I own the company. So you think, right, that the things that I would say would then just happen, right? And everyone bursts out laughter in my face like, no, what did you expect?

How are we still here? How are we still here with just Tony's top five scrolling through the channels? Billy doesn't want to be here. We've been doing this shit for a long time. No, Billy wants to be here. He just doesn't want Tony here. No, that's not true. Just Tony deserves a break. I got yelled at by my wife last night because I paused again on the Italian job. What? Didn't make it, but very good.

Again, she yelled at me, Dan, enough. Enough with Seth Green at the computer. But I'm doing it old school, TiVo style. No. Direct TV style. You would. Is TiVo still a thing? I think so. I'm hanging on.

I'm hanging on to the edges. AOL.com, TiVo. No, I've gotten rid of that. I've got a MetalArk email now. Wow. Yes, but... No AOL? You still have it. I still have it, but it's a MetalArk email that I am using now. When people get emails from me, it's from a MetalArk email. This is the progress I have made.

But I'm still on the TV because I like it. It's convenient. And then I'll switch over when I'm streaming. It's a whole nother place that I go. But I like to go in to DirecTV and occasionally find Casino. I'll stop on that every time. Goodfellas, I'll stop on that every time. And the Italian job gets me every damn time. You know what else will get me every time? Smoking aces somehow. Smoking aces. It's terrible.

And I'll stop on it for 15 minutes waiting for those guys to come out of the elevator through the smoke with buzz saws. What if you're past that scene, though, when you land on it? I still look for it because I haven't seen enough of the movie in 30 years to remember where it is. I'm just waiting for it. I'm waiting for the one scene. It's everybody. It's Ben Affleck. It's Ryan Reynolds. It's got it's got a man. Jeremy Piven was going to take Ari and Entourage to become a movie star. That was fantastic.

That was here it is. I can carry a movie. No, you can't. He did the goods and that was the end of that. I'm sorry.

You don't use DirecTV anymore, Stugatz? What is your... So I got rid, I had DirecTV recently and I got rid of it because I wanted to get the Sunday ticket, the NFL package on YouTube. So now I'm a YouTube guy and I love it. I do. But I go between all of the places, right? I don't love so much how the YouTube algorithm grabs me and my addictions and just sends me into a spiral of the same seven places. And next thing you know, I'm watching Norm MacDonald from 30 years ago.

Me too. I'm watching them on Letterman and stuff. No, I'm not. The algorithm's got me and I don't like the grip it has on me. It's uncomfortable. You're talking about YouTube TV. I'm saying YouTube TV. Which is its own carrier. I think you're confusing it with YouTube. Right. I thought they were the same thing. They're not. Two different apps. I learned that like a month ago. There's the YouTube Home. That's your traditional YouTube. That's where you- That's where the algorithm gets you. You watch Norm MacDonald. I'm talking about YouTube TV. Baby Seps. So you just got rid of the AOL. Yeah.

YouTube TV does do the same thing where if you watch a channel a lot, it'll be the first channel you see. So there is some sort of algorithm going on there too. Chris, to start the show, I want you to empty the Thanksgiving file. Okay? I want you to go into the computer system, the library that it took us millions of dollars to get from ESPN that we put to good use. I want to just sprinkle all of our Thanksgiving things, the holidays all over the people as soon as we start the show.

This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stukas Podcast.

Today's episode is sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Give me John Gruden first. It's very important that I start at the rear first. This tail feather gives me speed and precision. And it's these mid feathers you got to be careful with as you go around your Super Bowl ring, you know. But these middle feathers are the brain of the outfit. And this front feather, that points the direction that this tail

Hand turkey goes. Give me Jim Harbaugh. I don't think there was ever a question there. I think it's just a lot of gobble, gobble turkey, you know, by just gobble, gobble, gobble turkey from jive turkey gobblers. I don't think that was Thanksgiving related, really. He said gobble, gobble. Jive turkey. That's all it takes. Bill Belichick. I mean, football, family and foods.

What's your favorite Thanksgiving side dish? I mean, pretty much everything. There's not much food that I don't like. So could we start with dessert? Got to leave room for everything else. So, yeah, it's great. It's a great holiday. It's a great holiday. Football, family, and football. I mean, football, family, and food. So, yeah, sign me up. The difference in energy. Not a lot of enthusiasm on that one. How about Andrew Luck? It's going to be a lot of fun. Play on Thanksgiving.

That's it. That's all you got? So we just searched the word things. I just wanted to hear his voice. I mean, come on. With that guy, he can say anything and I'm playing it. We gave up millions for this. It's going to be a lot of fun. Play on Thanksgiving.

What about Zion Williamson being asked about his favorite dish? Happy Thanksgiving. You get to go home tonight and then leave tomorrow evening. Give us a little glimpse into what Zion Williamson's Thanksgiving looks like. Just spending some time with my mom, stepdad, my friends, little brother, older brother, and get on the plane and go into Memphis. What's your favorite dish? What you're looking forward to eating the most?

He's trying to set me up. No matter what answer I give, social media is going to clown me. So no comment. I'm sorry. You know what? That made me sad. It does. It was a benign question. I know. He knew, though. He knew where the spots were. He was like, you know what?

I'm not going to answer this one. I know, but to no comment something like as harmless as that. The kids, when we're at, we fat shamed him so much on the internet that he's not 25 years old and he's already hiding from our questions. What is Kendrick Lamar like on Thanksgiving?

Give me Les Miles describing the perfect last bite. A little bit of the turkey and gravy and some of the stuffing that would be there and maybe just a smidgen of that cranberry stuff. Wow, these guys are problematic now. Mike, Jeremy's not here. You don't have to say it. It's okay. I feel like I have to speak for him. You don't have to. You don't have to. It's okay. I have to speak for him.

Stu Gatz has been distracted for the last two days. Yesterday was a giant day for the company, for Stu Gatz. He just, he was floored. I saw him counting numbers all day. Stu Gatz's personal record book climbed up the charts. I see it here, Stu Gatz. Somebody sent me a note. I don't know. What's that portal you've been checking in on? It's an author's portal, Dan. You'll, perhaps if you write a book one day, you'll get one. But I have one because I'm an author.

That's right. And his personal record book currently sits at number seven on the bestseller list in Amazon sports and outdoors category, still trailing the backyard bird chronicles, hockey romance, and how to survive a fricking bear attack. Yeah. We'll take care of them. We will. We're number one in many, many places, sports essays, sports sociology. We're top 500 in

all books, which is insane. I am super grateful and thankful to the audience, to everyone who helped with the book and to the audience who came through and purchased the book during pre-sale and yesterday. It was really cool to see. So thank you to everyone. Sports sociology, huh?

Yeah, I have no idea how it made it there, but I'll take a number one. I don't care what, listen, I do not care what the category is. You put my book number one in that category, I'm good with it. There will be no way, no avenue from which this can be undercut. Stu Gatz is an accomplished author now, officially, and he's climbing up the bestseller list. That's not up for dispute. I've seen some of the numbers. He's exploding our audience, as we've known for a long time.

is like super, super loyal. And so he's sold tens of thousands of books in an industry where it's hard to do that these days because that's not how it generally works. And he's just getting started. I don't know if bestseller lists include pre-order. If they do, he will absolutely be a bestseller. If it includes six months of sales because we didn't just unleash, a lot of people bought

bought before yesterday. Yesterday is just when Stugatz starts seeing the numbers. Have you negotiated the parts of this? Because the book industry is notorious for not giving accurate numbers to the people who are selling when they negotiate percentages on if their book does well. We have negotiated. I told you the story that Mike Schur, who was really great during this process, I have no idea, I don't know the inner workings of the book industry, he does, but

he introduced me to a guy named Richard Abadi, who is his literary agent and friend. And so I trust Richard in whatever he did. However he structured that deal, I trust Richard. So I feel good about it. I really do. I feel great about

The sale of the book. Greg and I are going to do a signing next week. I'm very excited about this. How about this? Yes, the bookstore was too small for Greg and Stugatz, so they're doing it at a church instead nearby because the bookstore can't handle the amount of traffic that's going in there because now Stugatz is about to be a best-selling author. But I saw the group yesterday, Stugatz. I saw them recoil in some places with shame because you knew so little about your own book.

And I was disappointed that we didn't do a better job yesterday in getting a bunch of guests and people to make a bigger noise than the one that we did with a lot of strategic targeting stuff. But what I learned, because I tried to get someone today from Random House to come on and tell the story of what it was like to deal with Stugatz. And I was told, Dan, that's a bridge too far.

I don't even know what that expression means exactly. What is the origination? I've never heard of going a bridge too far. We know. What does it mean, though? What does a bridge too far mean? Like, I know what it means, but where is it from? Is it from war? Is a bridge too far too far away? Random House says...

Well, I'm not going to quote Random House here, but I wanted to get somebody on to explain Stugatz. What Billy astutely noticed yesterday is absolutely so. I don't think in the history of Random House they've ever had somebody who doesn't deliver the audio book when the book is being sold. Like Random House is legitimately mad at Stugatz. And so I can't get somebody on the show to talk about. They're actually not mad at me at all. But anyway, go ahead. I did some digging and I was told this is the first time that's ever happened. Hmm.

So what happened? I paused the audio book because I as I was doing it, I said to myself, this doesn't meet any standards that we have as a show to entertain our audience. And so I just figured there was a better way to do it. And I asked them politely, can we pause the production of it and release it later? Because I would like to do something a little bit different. That's all.

So you have standards now when it comes to the book? Yeah, I do. Listen, I was upset with, I was putting myself to sleep reading the book. And so I just figured. But you should have known. Terrible sell job. No, because that's not the right way. You didn't write the book? That's not the right way to do an audio book. Your own book puts you to sleep? Well, I was hoping that Dan would read it. And I, you know, you guys were here now.

Because I wanted everyone on the show involved in the reading of the audiobook. I thought that would be good for the listeners. Yeah, more outsourcing would have been nice. Yeah, more outsourcing. Well, I was going to pay the people who are working on this show to do that. Just trust me, bro. You're now off the list. Okay.

I was definitely going to get that check. I will say this. Unintentionally, this is going to work out great for you because six months from now or whenever when it comes out, then people are going to be like, I want to buy that. I should pay for this new... Here's the thing. You're saying too much because now you're promising you're not just reading the book. You're promising some other show-involved thing. I'm not saying too much. I've got a plan. I'm okay.

I mean, I appreciate what you're saying, Billy. Just don't overpromise here is what I'm saying. Random House has dealt with massive personalities in every facet of life and entertainment. Yes. And you're the first person that didn't deliver an audio book when it was expected. Yeah. That's not a badge of honor. First for everything, I mean. Update on A Bridge Too Far comes from a comment made by Lieutenant General Frederick Boyd Browning during a World War II Operation Market Garden.

It also comes from a title of a 1974 book. Based on the Operation Market Garden, which looks to me like a situation in the Netherlands where they were trying to occupy Nazi...

All right, you really got caught up in the air there? Look, Tony, Tony. He's tired, man. This guy doesn't stop working. No, I'll tell you what just happened to Tony, okay? He got caught up in the air. The show was in his lap, and he saw the word Nazi in front of him, and he's like, I should have read this before I got here. Yeah, proofread. I should have read it. In the context of World War II, I'm good. Yeah, but... You'll learn, Tony. That is a proper context for Nazis. Yeah, Tony, when you grab the show like that, don't have the word Nazi in front of you.

As I was saying, I thought it would be a great interview to talk to the person at Random House to get what the facts are here because I don't actually know what is true. I'm guessing what happened here. Here are the facts. I'm a number one bestseller. They've never seen more books sold in the sports category in their entire life. That can't be true. Here are the facts. I wrote a book. Why don't you guys stop digging around and just be happy for me for a change?

Let's just celebrate the book. We did this. I didn't do it. Well, Stanzik did it. But we did this. Our show did this. We created an audience that was so large that it would put me number one in several categories on Amazon. Can't we just be happy for me? We are happy. Can't we be happy for Stanzik? Can't we be happy for Greg Cody? Can't we be happy for the millions of people who contributed to this wonderful book?

This is the way a pathological liar gets you to deflect off of the topic. He's squirming. He doesn't like the bright light. Not at all. The swinging bright light of interrogation. I think, honestly, there might be, just maybe, an ounce of shame. Shame? No. None whatsoever. Nah.

Stan thing? No shame at all yesterday with the Stan thing? Because I was like, my skin was crawling. Well, listen, I haven't gotten that far in the audio book yet. Stan's is at the very end there in response to Phil Jackson and Steve Kerr. By the way, I meant to tell Stan, he would have won six titles with Michael Jordan. He knows that. I've never seen a book tour in which the author listed on the book is surprised by what's in the book.

Well, I mean, that was a... I didn't write that. I think my favorite part was when he said it's chapter 31. You go, 31? That's like 15 chapters too long. But you get manuscripts, right? Your name's on it. As these chapters are being written, you're not doing any kind of quality control?

No. He didn't read the foreword. Well, I read the foreword. I just couldn't get all the way through. So he didn't read the foreword. It's hurtful. And the thing that I... A bit wordy, yeah.

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What are you going to do? Stugatz. Oh, God damn. I mean, that's where I didn't have an answer. This is the Don Levitas show with the Stugatz. The thing that I wanted to get to because I genuinely don't know what happened here.

And he doesn't want us too close to this. But the audiobook was supposed to come out with the book. And I think what probably happened is he put it off to the end, started doing it the last two weeks, didn't feel good to him, and he's like, I'm not going to get this done in time, and then he blew the deadline. I'm guessing that's what's happened. I've got no information. I wanted to talk to somebody at Random House because I thought it would be funny to explore this as content. That's a bridge too far. Well, it's just now...

There's something that doesn't feel good to him about this. It's just a weird time for quality control to pop up when you're writing a book. It was actually Dan, and he said it yesterday. There's probably a better way to do an audio book, and he got me thinking. And so I thought about a better way to perhaps do the audio book, and I floated the idea past him. We can't abide by this lie.

Dan yesterday convinced you to stop recording an audio book that you stopped recording several days ago. Weeks ago. Like, are you listening to me, Mike? Weeks ago. Dan talked about it yesterday. Mike, are you listening? This is not helping. What? Weeks ago, Dan said during a break, there's probably a better way to do the audio book. And so he got me thinking there's probably a better way to do the audio book. Was there a better way to do the book?

Yeah, bro. No. I mean, the book is selling like crazy. I'm happy with the book. The book's great. I never wanted to write a book. Stan Zik wanted to write a book. He wrote a book. He put my name on it. We're all tired. Obviously, Tony, you should go home. I mean, Tony should go home. Tony, get out of here. My God. Jesus. This is

what happens Thanksgiving with families. You have us working on this Wednesday before no one wants to be here and I'm being interrogated. I'm in the middle of it. Sell your book. We're making your book a bestseller.

I sold my book. Thank you. Whoa, what? I sold my book. I mean, Roy, too. Me and Roy. We sold the book. I was told they were scrambling today to look for one of your books to promote today. And the only one we got was like the prop with no words in it. Yeah, I don't have. The books are at home right now. I have some ideas with those as well. What ideas do you have with those? But I do not appreciate being interrogated. I wanted to. The day after I released a book.

I want you to be proud of me. We are proud of you. We are proud of you. Jesus. How much prouder do you want us to be of you? And also, you're a scam artist. I don't know. You can't. The whole vibe around this book is that you didn't do anything. You're getting defensive over people. So you didn't actually do the things? Are you reaching out to random house? Like, stay out of my business. Do me a favor. I stay out of your business. I don't get into Mike's cane business. I'm not doing private investigating. I'm trying to book our show.

I support everyone. I support everyone and everything. You tell a bad joke, I laugh. Stugatz, Stugatz, I'm sitting here trying to book ridiculous takes. I support them. Stugatz, I'm trying to book a guest to promote your book.

because you're trying to book a guest that embarrasses me, not to promote a book. No, the same way Stanzik embarrassed you. Tell Sullivan to stay out of my business. The same way that Stanzik embarrassed you. Like, it's the same thing. Listen, I am on to Sullivan. He's the only person from this company who actually reached out and offered actual help, okay? So that I appreciate. But really all Sullivan wanted was PR contacts. And listen, stay out of my business, Sullivan. You got it? Enough. Sullivan was trying to plan a big project

party for you yesterday and couldn't get you to do any of the things. And we didn't have any guests yesterday to talk about your big day. But Steve Healy. I mean, Sully, he's one of the greats. I mean, but seriously, stay out of my business. Want to throw me a party? That's one thing. Throw me a party. I appreciate it. I'll be there at the party. Maybe. Why don't you just tell us what happened with the audio book? Just what happened? What really happened?

really happened i just told you what happened i told you four days ago there was a better way to do the audio now it's four days it was when we were talking about it about like cody doing a voice or mina doing a voice for the show it was like four days ago it wasn't like keep track of your lies what really happened here you're really upset i'm a best-selling author huh i mean geez

He's selling out a church. You know how long I've wanted to do that? Sell out a church with a book I didn't actually write because my friends wrote it. How'd you land on a church? Well, I mean, we were supposed to do it at Books and Books, and they said that the response was so overwhelming they needed to move locations to a church. So...

I was going to ask Dan to emcee it, but I don't want to infringe on his time. I mean, there's a better way to do a book signing at a church, and it's with Dan. But Greg and I are very excited about this, and we're looking forward to it. It's a chance for our listeners to come out. We'll sign the books. We'll have some fun. When's the last time you were in a church? When's the last time I was in a bookstore? I mean, I think the church was probably Mike Ryan's wedding.

I saved that wedding, by the way. And this is what I do for my friends on the show, the people that I care about. Mike's getting married. You know, the wedding dress gets caught in a nail. And who is there outside smoking a heater? Well, it's me right outside the church. And I unhooked it. It was a heroic act of grace. And all I remember from Mike's wedding the day he announced his love to his wife is Stu Gotts, the hero, putting, not putting,

out the butt in the back of her dress but because he was outside smoking a cigarette he just pulled it off and all of us saluted him it was his day really it wasn't it wasn't Cynthia's day it was Cynthia's

It is why I really do believe that this whole thing has the chance to be the greatest joke ever told by this show. I mean, are you kidding me? We tried to save Highlight. He's going to conquer publishing? He doesn't know how to read. He...

Charles Barkley before this was famously quoted as saying, I was misquoted in my own autobiography. It was his autobiography. He was claiming to have been misquoted. Stugatz didn't read this book. There could be things in there. Like this book has not been read by Stugatz. Stanza could have said anything. I mean, I don't think half of the book has been read by Stugatz and to sell more than half tens of thousands of copies in publishing. Are you kidding? Are you shitting me?

Seriously, think about what he's done to sell tens of thousands of books. Like, who the hell's doing that now? I was told he blew past every goal that they had set for this book, so much so that I found yesterday when I arrived here a very sad Thomas in the lobby. Because somehow Thomas doesn't have a fob, which I don't understand. So he's just waiting around to run into someone to let him upstairs. Same. And Thomas just has a bag full.

of blank shirts and I was like, what is this? Thomas was like, oh, we had this bit set up that we were going to do to promote the book today but Stugatz said that we blew past all the goals so we don't need to do it anymore. So poor Thomas now just has a bunch of blank shirts that he has nothing to do with while he waits in the lobby for someone to let him up. What were you going to do with the blank shirts?

I don't know. We were going to do like a book-a-thon, which I believe we're still planning on doing it next week. You know, just selling books. It's like a telethon meets the boiler room. It would have been something like that. Yeah, free cruises to the top sales guy.

But they don't go to them. But they never get the cruise. I want to interview Thomas. I don't understand why he doesn't have a fob. Please explain to me why it is that he's sad because Stugatz is selling well. He doesn't like that Stugatz... I'm not understanding why everyone here wouldn't be thrilled for Stugatz. We had a bit planned out yesterday to do on the show with Thomas and with Taylor, and...

I kind of nuked it because the sales of the book kind of nuked it. We didn't really need to do the bit, and Thomas wanted to do the bit, and he was upset by that. Well, there was someone else involved, too, because I saw a suit here. Like, someone brought a suit into work to do this bit and then left with the suit still on the hanger and a dry-cleaning tag. So someone dry-cleaned a suit for this bit, and then, you know, the plug was pulled on it. I wasn't sad that we nuked the bit. I was sad where I was made a little bit, I had feelings, was...

I was happy for Stu. But the plan was really started to get cemented at around 8.30, 9 o'clock on, what, Tuesday night or Monday night. He was hard to get a hold of. Sully, we had a little difficulty corralling Stugatz to promote his own book. Again, Sully's just trying to get contacts from me. Thomas and I spoke 8.30, 9 o'clock. We did. In fact, Thomas is the one who's hard to get a hold of. What?

Wow. That's not true. Well, I mean, because he, you know, the phone doesn't work well where he is. And so he always calls me right back. He's great with that. Thomas is great. No, he's right about that. Sometimes on Sunday night, I try to find Thomas. I'm more around than people are. Thomas is the most available person here. People are getting him at all.

around the clock. So much so, and Thomas won't tell you this, he was up until one in the morning on Monday working on the bit, which is why he was extra sad that it didn't come to fruition. Yeah, but Thomas, now we have more planning, okay? So spend the entire Thanksgiving weekend working out the kinks, all right? I wrote one of the best sales scripts that anyone's ever written to cold call and sell his book, and I stand by. Is that just your assessment of what you wrote? Anyone in this room, anyone in this room, if I gave them the sales script,

They could make a call and they could sell Stu Gotts' book to a stranger cold call. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, let's do that. Obviously. That was the plan. So we just blindly follow your script that you wrote? Yes. If you stick to the script, you get sales. I learned it on all the sales floors I used to work on. You stick to the script. Boiler room. And that's...

That's how you get sales. When you start to deviate, that's when calls don't go as well. Stick to the script. Yes. Stick to it. We were going to have a big whiteboard. We write our trades up on the board. We cut a tie for the first trade, right? That's what you do traditionally at big shops. We bought a bell. Yeah, we bought a bell. We have a bell. So listen, we have Monday. We're going to do this. And so again, you and I can spend the entire weekend. No, no, we're going to do it today. We're going to do it today.

I don't need to sell books today. Tony's going home soon. We need to go home soon. We're going to find a way to do this. It's not a good day today. Bad arm week? You just threw it there? Mm-hmm. Okay, look. The ABCs, Tom, right? You got it? Exactly. Thomas, I need you to leave now with all of your feelings. Thank you for joining us. Look forward to Monday, Thomas.

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I want to see the chiefs. Oh, still gots. I want Patrick Mahomes strolling into my stadium with max confidence. I want Travis Kelsey. I want Taylor Swift. I want the team that lost to Jordan love. I want the team that lost to Aiden O'Connell. I want the team that trailed 17 to nothing to Jake Browning. That is the team that I would like to face in the playoffs. That's the team. Indeed. I,

that I would want to face in the playoffs because that team is not very good. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugats. I want to execute...

The sale of Stugatz's book, because I do want this to continue to sell well. And I was surprised yesterday as I left, because I was confused. Stugatz had asked me for patience on today's show, that we were going to do a lot of different things, and then the show got here, and we didn't do anything. We just talked about his book. Steve Healy.

And so I was confused as I was leaving and Stugatz was like, well, I didn't need to sell any books because we sold a bunch. And I'm thinking to myself, but could have used the content. Like, could have used the content of... But I had the sales, I mean. Yeah, but... So it was never about my book. Mm-hmm.

All we got was Steve Healy. Just content. Well, it's about selling the book. I've never provided content before, so it really wasn't about selling the book. You needed additional content. We sold the book yesterday. You did good. We did good. We had Stan reading the book. I didn't know what Barty was reading. I didn't know where to tell him to read, but Stan was reading his book. I know. And we all are celebrating. My book. Our book. The group's book. It's everyone's book. It's the people's book.

I make the money, but it's the people's book. And Thomas. I have never actually. He's not making money. I can't remember the last time I saw shame in that room on Stugatz's behalf. What percentage is Stanza getting of this? 80-20. I will not share. You're getting close to the bone on that one, Chris Cody. I'm not sharing. I would gladly tell you. I don't think Stanza would like me to tell you.

I don't mind. Also, stay out of my business. I mean, who are you, Sullivan? There you go. Jesus.

How do we corral Sullivan? There are a bunch of producers running around here. One of them's got a fob, another one doesn't. And he comes in here with his feelings. A whole bunch of people trying to produce you guys. And what happens? They bring in a dry, clean suit and go home sad. They don't have a fob. And they leave to a parking garage because the 10 bits they executed all weekend because they care about the show. They brought the Stugatz and he farted on all of them and sold thousands of books while doing it. It's accurate.

I brought the bits to them. I mean, it's but it's OK. I mean, we digress. Thomas is great. I mean, he's a keeper. Let me tell you that right now. That guy is smart. That guy is sharp. Taylor, too. Fantastic. And cheap. I mean, I got to tell you, both of them. Thomas cares a great, great deal. Thomas reminds me of our youth. Also, this 1 a.m. thing. I mean, stick to a deadline. What are we doing? I mean.

Deadlines are important, man. They really are. I mean, someone gives you a deadline, you gotta produce at the deadline, you know? The book wasn't really a surprise to anyone. Everyone knew it was coming. Yeah. So, just to God's defense. Wasn't hiding it. Yeah. Any more questions?

Tony, where do you stand on all of this? Because I feel like we lost you since Nazis. And I thought, I thought... Jesus, I saved the wedding. Aqua? I thought that you were here to support Stugatz. And I haven't heard from you since you got scared of the word Nazi on your computer.

I'm with Stu Gatz, 100%. Stu Gatz is like me in high school where we used to do these group projects and I would be kind of the team leader of the group project but not do the work. So I would be great at getting everybody together. Mike, you got the first paragraph. Chris, Cody, you're doing the bibliography. Roy, you're doing the pictures on the back. Team leader you were. You're doing the board. Everybody break on two, let's go. And then I would present the actual thing of the work that everybody else did but I was the one presenting. I would bring, Dan, this is a...

This is a pro move, by the way, Dan. This gets the teacher every single time. I had broken off an antenna off a radio, like a little hand radio. And what I would do is when we would open up and we would open up the little thing, I'd go... I'd open up the thing and then I'd go...

pointing at the different pieces, the teacher would be like, like Pat McAfee on game day. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So the long pointer, I would have that. Can I get that character, please? I'd like, I'd like, I could sell the book. I could sell the book for Stu Gatz. That's easy. I could sell ice to an Eskimo there. Yeah.

We don't need that now, though, but perhaps next week to Monday. You're in Monday. You're complaining about how many days a week. Monday, I need you. All right, we're selling books Monday. You're part of the sales team, okay? Okay, perfect. I'm giving away a cruise, okay? Power hour. Hold on. What? In every sales course, there's a power hour. You definitely did not say that. Hold on. Wait a minute. To the top seller. Not to the listeners. This is to us. Not to the listeners. To the top seller, I'm giving away a cruise. I'm going to be the top seller. I mean, I am.

So I'll give myself a cruise. And if I don't give myself a cruise, I'm fine. I mean, it's to God. You can't promise people a cruise without unless you're going to actually give them a cruise. We have professional standards around here, even though sometimes it doesn't sound like it. Top seller gets a cruise. You can't really do that. Now, you can be good with that, but you can't. I'm in the lead by 30,000 bucks presently, Dan. I mean, that could change by the time we get to Monday. I'm just telling the top seller. I haven't taken the pointer out yet. Thomas, Tony Taylor. Wow.

Wow. A sales team. Triple T's. Triple T's. This is amazing. Right. Glenn Gary, Glenn LaVos over here. I mean, I just need, I need an N. TNT. That would be good. I mean. What was between Glenn and Ross there? Gary. So listen, if anyone sells over 30,000 books, okay, on Monday, enjoy your cruise on me. How about that? You can't do all of that. It's a day cruise. Uh,

A day cruise? You have to make your own side deal on Cameo. No drink package. You can't just do that. You can't promise that. I think we have to live to the professional standards of whatever it is we used to back on AM radio when you couldn't promise the ninth call or something that you weren't going to give them or you'd get in trouble with the government. Bimini and back, Dano.

I do love those. You can promise anything, man. It's the internet. I don't think that's the way that works. I don't think those are the rules. Perhaps the dry tortugas. I mean. I wanted to ask Mike Ryan something. Tortugas. Because I see that Dave Portnoy is taking some credit for being late to Mike Ryan's game, buying quarterbacks to get into the national championship hunt. It's not my game. Yeah.

You got Cam Ward, the University of Miami's quarterback. You got yourself a 10-1 season. I felt guilt earlier this week because I'm poo-pooing. Not so fun when someone's in your business, huh, Mike? I mean...

poo-pooing a season, you know, one of the best UM seasons there have been. A return to the glory days record-wise, interest-wise, argument-wise, a national team. You know, no longer talking about is the U back or the U is back. Like, clearly, they're one of...

The best teams, they got one of the best quarterbacks, they got one of the best offenses. And even if they don't play anybody and you want to question them, I felt like my tone was less positive than it should be or celebratory than it should be because I can see them losing against Syracuse because road games are hard and Syracuse throws a ton and everything is up in the air now. And I don't trust their defense at all. So the defense thing, I think I'm more aligned with you on the defense than you would think. But if you look at the numbers...

The numbers tell a different story. The numbers suggest that Miami, along with Tennessee, are the only teams inside the CFP that have a top 15 offense and a top 15 defense. Well, you look at that number. How does Miami have a top 15 defense? I saw their defense not get crucial stops for about a month and a half.

Yeah, I mean, they got fat in the earlier part of the schedule when their defense was a little bit better before the book was out on them and before defenses attack their weaknesses. So let's let's parse through those numbers in terms of yards per play to power five teams. They're 39th. That's not bad. That's that's average. And all this offense needs is for that defense to be average for it to have a shot.

So I actually think that if you look through the numbers, you can be more encouraged. Where I get discouraged is I know where Miami's weaknesses lie. However, Miami was doing different things. There was different personnel in that game against Wake Forest. There were different formations. That's a major adjustment. To change your formation in the middle of the season is a major adjustment. So I would be a little bit more encouraged if you really do a deep dive on these numbers.

The thing that I would say to dilute those numbers, and I have not done the deep dive. I hate to threaten the audience with a deep dive. Into the weeds.

You did it to my business. But I did the deep dive for you, so you didn't have to. You and Sullivan. The diluter that I would throw on that is simply, and you tell me if you think this is fair or not, because their strength of schedule is not terrible, even though we don't think the teams they've played are very good. Cal has lost how many times this season already? Yeah, a few. They've been in a bunch of one-score games. No.

No one's really talking about Notre Dame's strength of schedule, which is in the 70s. No, but what I wanted to ask you about them being ranked as the 39th best defense, my eyes are not lying to me. That's yards per play against power four teams. But my eyes aren't lying to me. When I'm watching their games and I'm seeing a running back run free every time on third and seven for 19 yards, and I'm like, how is he not better covered than that? That felt like the whole first half of

the season and it's against teams that aren't actually good because when you get to the last 12 you have to have one of the i don't think you can have the worst defense of the 12 when the offenses you're running into are going to be more formidable than the ones you've already played i don't think it's a it's a matter of being formidable i imagine like the bigger issue and look syracuse is a team that really values time of possession those are the teams that scare me

Like Oregon, okay, Oregon, we're going to have a track meet. You have players. We're not going to be able to stop anybody, let alone Oregon. So give the ball right back to Cam Ward. Wait, Mike, so this weekend scares you more at Syracuse than some of these playoff matchups? I would say any time you run into an offense that really prioritizes time of possession to try to limit

the touches that Cam Ward will get. We saw in the Georgia Tech game, Cam Ward will press and not take what's available to him. I think he actually showed in Wake Forest that he can adjust. And it wasn't this spectacular game, although he made some wild throws that didn't end up being caught. But he was quicker to throw than he had ever been all season long. His yards per attempt was lower.

So I think those are signs of encouragement. I think that Dan is really hyper-inflating the level of defense that you've seen from teams that have made noise in the CFP since it's been around.

You just need – if this offense puts up 35 a game, which they've shown, if they get their normal amount of touches, they will. They've only been held under that, what, once all season? Let me do it this way with you guys because the comp that I have, if you're going to make this a champion, if you're going to make the University of Miami a champion, and I've already said I'm not used to a defense like that winning a championship. But again, along with Tennessee –

They're the only teams in the CFP that have a top 15 offense and a top 15 defense, which

You say their defense isn't good, and the counting numbers say they're among the best, most balanced teams in the CFP discussion. Okay, and so when I throw that to the group, what have your eyes told you? Because I'm understanding what he's saying, and I can't get out of my head the number of 50-yard plays they've given up. You are right to seize on that. I think in terms of giving up explosive plays to the opposition, they're like a middling FCS team.

My eyes tell me that any time there's a third and 21, the team is getting a first down. That's what my eyes tell me. Like in the Georgia Tech game, there was like a third and 17 where a freshman tight end or whatever got 27 yards uncovered, untouched, and just stepped out of bounds. It was insane. Yeah, they were really bad on defense for about a month straight. And week after week, they got worse at being able to address where teams were attacking them.

I think that is a main concern. I share that concern with Dan. I don't think it's unreasonable for Dan to react to the numbers that I'm giving him, which are surprising because of what we've seen over the last month and been like, yeah, I don't trust it because I'm right there with Dan. If a team sets out a game plan to keep the ball away from Miami and attack what they're bad at, force their players to make tackles in space, they're going to struggle.

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