Hour 1: Dan Leads The Matt Gaetz Fan Club
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So you're of the belief, Amin, that a 58-year-old Mike Tyson is just going to get tired prowling a ring? Because I do think that the people listening to this have very little understanding of what two minutes of cardio in boxing actually is. I don't know that a lot of people... When you combine the fear...

with what it is that you're physically doing and the fear the hour before you walk into the ring of oh oh my god i'm now in the middle of a whole bunch of people and i have the potential to look like spo at the end of the game when somebody hits me if he's looked like spo then that must have been the biggest like win of the night to walk out of that looking like spo

That's not the fear. The fear is I'm going to get pulverized because I guarantee you, I don't care how much shape he's in and how much younger, he's never been hit by anything as hard as Mike Tyson. That's what it comes down to. Yes, you're right. If he runs around the ring and extends this and makes it into a marathon, not a sprint, he greatly improves his chances. Even in Mike Tyson's prime, we knew longer fight is worse for Mike. But it all comes down to one thing. Can you eat that punch?

And I don't know if he's ever been hit as hard as he's going to get hit by Mike Tyson. Is there any scenario where this turns out to be like them just playing patty cake for a payday for Mike Tyson? Where we come here Monday and we're like, I can't believe we all fell for this. You'll know right away because if Tyson doesn't charge him, you'll know right away. The way Tyson fights is always straight ahead. If Tyson wants to prowl the ring with him, you will know right away.

Because Tyson was straight ahead as a fighter. The reason he became the most feared isn't because he just knocked everyone out. It's because you didn't know how to hit him. It was straight at you and he didn't back down no matter your size advantages. He was always, man, go look at what Frank Bruno looked like in his prime going to the ring to fight Mike Tyson crossing himself because he was so afraid. Uh, it,

If Jake Paul isn't afraid, he ought to be because of what Amin is talking about. Even at 58, no one would want to be hit by this human being. Dan, we're efforting this right now. I just sent it to the video guys, but Roy Jones Jr. was on all the smoke.

And he talked about that fight that he had against Mike, which was an exhibition. It wasn't real. And you've talked to Roy Jones. You know Roy Jones. He's one of the proudest human beings ever, right? For a frame of reference for the younger listeners, he once, in the middle of a fight, broke his hand. So then he beat the guy up with his other hand. And then later on made a song about it. He said, y'all must have forgot when I broke. One of the greatest fighters ever. One of the toughest fighters ever. One of the toughest fighters ever. To listen to him on all the smoke.

Talk about Mike Tyson, fighting Mike Tyson. The amount of, whether you want to call it fear or deference, I've never heard Roy Jones be that vulnerable. Like he was a regular dude, Mike.

Dan, oh, I called you.

Even the MMA guys that crawl around on the floor, when it's wrestling, it's not quite what Ngannou was in that sport, where it's someone who's physically stronger than everyone else. And the people listening to this are going to also remember, and would fight you in the street if you were Mitch

blood green outside in Harlem at 4 a.m. outside of haberdashery. Like if you want, it's one of the greatest stories of all time, but what do it like as heavyweight champion would fight you in the street outside of a haberdashery because, and Mitch blood green, you can look him up to not a small human being, not a human being to be trifled with and left him, you know, really bloody. The legend of Mike Tyson is 40 years in the making. Dan,

Fat Joe told one of the greatest stories I've ever heard, where he said him and Big Pun were at this club called The Tunnel, which was a very infamous, very rough crowd, rowdy crowd, and the bouncers were the baddest human beings ever. And so there was a misunderstanding. The bouncers started getting physical with Fat Joe and Big Pun. Big Pun says...

F that. I'm going to F all y'all up. There's like 25 of them and just two of Joe and Pun. And Joe's like, as Joe's telling the story, he's like, there's no chance we're going to win this. But like, I can't abandon my guy, but it's like, do we have to do this? And so as it's clear that an ass whooping is about to happen right outside of the tunnel, they hear from the background, hey, Joe, hey, Pun, I got y'all. And Mike Tyson comes out. He kicks off his Gucci loafers and

and starts chasing the bouncers barefoot. And Joe says at one point, Mike is playing that cat and mouse game around a car with a bouncer and the bouncer's like, Joe, please tell him, I'm sorry, I won't like, it's this 6'5", 280 pound dude, bouncing,

Begging for his life because a rabid Mike Tyson is after him. I think that was soon after Tyson had come out of prison. I think it was or right before he was supposed to go in. This is late 90s because this is after like Big Pun has become...

Does anyone care about the legend of this? Because half of the people watching this are going to be watching because of Jake Paul, correct? Like this is what this audience is, is half is going to be get into the tent because you're like me and Amin and being like, because I didn't watch the Roy Jones Jr. I thought that was going to make me sad. This one, I find myself interested in it, even though I don't think the merits of it as a boxing match are art in any way. So you're watching it?

Yes, I'm interested. I can already see the awful announcing headline that makes it seem like you're speaking from on high because you said some...

some things that kind of dismiss this for a circus, but you're right there. You're eating at the truck. I want to mock it and enjoy it. I don't want to celebrate it as boxing. I don't mind it as an event that feels like America's going to gather around the television on something because I think it's going to do monster numbers. Like, I don't think it's going to fail. Dan. Even...

Even if it fails as an entertainment spectacle, I don't think it's going to fail in terms of drawing viewers, which is what boxing has now become like this. To me, obviously, it saddens me to see a sport that I really cherished.

not be able to produce an event like this when heavyweight nights in America used to be the biggest thing in sports when there was a championship fight. To see it distorted to this obviously disappoints me, but not enough to keep me away from the circus tent. I'm a little worried about Mike Tyson's health, honestly, in the fight. I tuned in and I watched Logan Paul box Floyd Mayweather. It was an underwhelming spectacle, but it was a spectacle. I like the circus.

- Although I was born in a box, boxing has never really been for me. - Get it? 'Cause he's a boxer. - That was good. No!

Oh, man. I am with JerBear on this where I wasn't born in the golden era of boxing, and so I think the younger people that like boxing are the ones that are there for the Paul brothers, and I'm not really into that either. So this is sort of something. I will be watching Houston versus Arizona tomorrow night. This is the thing. Big one for the Wildcats. This is the thing. These are two people. You've got a convicted rapist who is in the ring after serving time and also

in the details of this man's life, lest you wonder why it is he was so feared.

went to prison and was grateful because it slowed down his life and he wasn't scared of anyone there and he could just live a more disciplined life that felt safer to him in prison than what was happening outdoors being the famous heavyweight champion of the world because he couldn't handle all of that was very comfortable in prison yeah they you could say that this the legend has it

He's the only person who checked into prison and wasn't like freaking out on their first night. I mean, he kind of made himself home. It's a fairly shocking thing to learn. You're going to spend the next X amount of years sequestered from society. You're going to be on a strict regimen and you're going to eat this crap that we've served you and you're not going to have any freedoms. And Michael's like, cool.

Like, that in and of itself is terrifying enough. But this is Roy Jones Jr., Dan, talking to the All the Smoke guys about his fight with Mike Tyson. I was worried. I was, too. Listen, y'all can't be out there trying to kill each other. What else do he know?

That's all he know. What else do he know? If he trying to hit you like he gonna be trying to kick. That's all he know. So first time he hit me in the chest, I feel like a horse that keep on...

I didn't think he'd punch like that still. You feel me? I didn't slow it down. Nah, bro. I didn't slow it down. At 54, he still that fast? He still slipping them. You feel me? He's still slipping all my stuff. And I'm right now because I got to be right just in case he get wrong and we're going to get wrong together. You feel me? You understand me? He fast hit and he punched that head. First of all, he's still too strong. He's still got all his old tricks and he's much harder to hit than I ever thought he would have been. You understand me? That's what was surprising to me.

So you hear Stephen Jackson said, I was worried for you. And Roy Jones Jr. says, I was worried too. I've never heard him sound that vulnerable, that like, like I said, he sounded like a regular guy got in a ring with Mike Tyson. If you know the credentials of the person saying that, you understand what Amin is saying. And there are, I'm going to have to concede after earlier arguments, degrees of toughness.

But I would ask you again, as we go back to Eagles Patriots Super Bowl, you think that the Eagles won that Super Bowl because they were tougher after Tom Brady threw for 500 yards in that game? Classic Dan boiling it down to a singular thing. No, I think it was a contributing factor. But the Patriots lack no toughness, correct? They're also a tough team. But on that day, the Eagles proved to be tougher along the inside. And you have to be mentally tough to call the Philly special in that spot. So tough.

You guys interested? Am I going to be the only one watching? No, I'm going to see if I can watch it. My buddy's having people over. It's a thing. I just really want to see Jake Paul get knocked out. Absolutely watching. Dan, you could tell me only three people were watching this, and I'd be one of those three people. But what I'm asking them— I'd be the third. And Mike Tyson would be, aren't you that seven-year-old kid that I bumped into? I have so many more Mike Tyson stories. It's crazy.

He's the most fascinating athlete of my time. Yeah, you can make that argument. I don't know that you would get a lot of, in terms of just interesting, everything's swirling around him. I saw a documentary or started to watch a documentary last night on Ted Turner on Max. And I'm like, oh, my God, that's got to be.

to be interesting. No, no, I just started and I'm like, this is going to be fascinating because this guy has lived just such an enormous life. I can't believe Mike Tyson is still alive to be able to collect this paycheck. Mike Tyson can't believe that Mike Tyson is still alive to collect this paycheck. With all his faculties. I mean, most of them. Some of them. Look, you know how boxers age.

They don't typically age like Mike, right? Roy Jones is a great example of one who's aged great, but Roy Jones was a guy that nobody could touch. He was so quick. Same thing with Floyd Mayweather. Same thing with the Golden Boy, Oscar De La Hoya. These are all guys, first of all, smaller guys. Second of all, guys that their elusiveness was a big part of their thing, right? Mike took some hits, dude. He took some beatings in there.

And for him to be reasonably comparable to what he was like at a younger age mentally is kind of shocking in and of itself, no? - My arm is still throbbing. - Toughness.

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Pablo leads all of podcasting in reading while smiling. If you listen to ESPN Daily, he sounds like he's having the time of his life. Coming up next.

I'm going to tell you. The Savannah Bananas are changing faces. Savannah Bananas. How do you know I'm smiling? That's how I find my vocal range. Sometimes I just say, Savannah Bananas. Savannah Bananas. Yeah. This is the Don Levitas Show with the Stugats. Stugats.

Show Hangout next week. A week from today, we will be at one of my favorite places on the planet, a Flanagan's. That's right. Three of my favorite things are coming together for one spectacular event. Browns football. Not Browns football. Willow. Is she going to be there? Yeah. Oh, no.

Yes! What? I heard it was outdoors. I asked if I could bring Willow, and I was told I could bring Willow. That is a selling point. Miller Lite, you've secured Willow. All right, Miller Lite, Levitard Show, Flanagan's, Thursday Night Football happening. We like to get out there and touch the fans, touch the people. We will be in North Miami Beach. The address for this Flanagan's is 13205 Biscayne Boulevard, North Miami Beach.

and we're going to have a great time. There's going to be Miller Lite flowing. There's going to be me rooting for the Steelers, I think, over the Browns in this game. I'm a big Mr. Unlimited fan now. I love Mr. Unlimited. And also, let's just laugh at the Browns together. Let's have some rib rolls. Let's have some Miller Lite, and let's root for an under. Roy, will you be going? Maybe.

All right. Looking forward to it. We do like Flanagan's around here. Like? No. Like is really underselling it. It is a part of the South Florida experience to go to a Flanagan's. There isn't a true native South Floridian that doesn't adore Flanagan's. It's

our little space. It is here in this little bottom half of this wonderful peninsula that a lot of people have a lot of feelings. It's ours. It's, uh, uniquely ours. Uh, Pablo Torre joins us now. He is now officially, I think, signed a contract to be a part of the, uh, powerful liberal media elite with MSNBC. Uh,

I believe that he is now under threat the same way The View is because The View doesn't have enough opinions on its show. And I'm sure that Pablo Torre's show is also an echo chamber filled with a bunch of people just like him. Congratulations, Pablo, on your new job.

Yeah, it's me and Whoopi Goldberg in a bunker, and we shout takes at each other, and it's going great so far. How did you experience yesterday in America with the dismantling of our government with an assortment of assholes and awful people? Yeah, on some level, I was like, of course, this is, of course, the most predictable thing. And another level surprised me insofar as I was like, I'm now, I guess, going to read

I'm going to read some Matt Gaetz-like research. I'm going to actually think about this for a while. I don't have a lot to say that isn't probably predictable in the sense of this is exactly the stupidity that is cinematically on the nose appropriate. But yeah, part of me is like, it's going to be funny when Donald Trump, of course, claims victimhood because some of these guys maybe don't get confirmed.

That's maybe the chess move here, if there is chess. Otherwise, it's going to be confirmed, in which case, yeah, this is going to go great. Wait, is Pablo liberal Joe Rogan? This is not an echo chamber.

Pablo Torre and his dalliances with MSNBC are something that I find myself turning Republican as I watch him go and- How dare you? How dare you? I find myself creeping over somehow to the side of Matt Gaetz as I just hear you be highfalutin with Joe Scarborough, Cup of Joe. Yeah.

You might want to do some of the research I've been doing in Matt Gaetz before you say that you're on the side of Matt Gaetz. There's a lot underneath that umbrella category. No, no, no, wait a minute. That's how terrible you are. That has nothing to do with how not terrible he is. I'm saying that when I hear you guys. Are you sure? When I hear you guys. Creeping was accurate, though. Yes, maximum creeping. But what I'm saying is there's no way that anyone watching Pablo talk on MSNBC doesn't get bothered even if they agree with him.

I got to tell you, Dan, after being beholden to your audience and to, of course, the 5 to 6 p.m. audience on ESPN, I have a whole new demo that I didn't know would ever care about my takes. And yes, there are largely older women, but it has been fantastic for your boy. I'm walking around and I'm hearing lots of great feedback that is the opposite, in fact, of what creeping Dan Levitar has described. This is not an explanation.

An echo. I'm surprised you're getting a lot of positive feedback. Are you a Zaddy now? Are you are you a liberal Zaddy? Look, you asked if I'm liberal Joe Rogan. I am on testosterone replacement therapy. I am, in fact, increasingly convinced that there are aliens. And I do hang out with problematic people who compare themselves potentially to alleged offenders like the.

the sweaty dude who just said he was on the side of Matt Gaetz. So kind of adds up. Did not say that. Said it made me go closer to where his side was than your side just because of how awful you also are. Pablo, were you aware that there is a subsect of hardcore progressives that think that the UFO thing is just a diversionary tactic? That they're UFO agnostic and this is all just a conspiracy theory to deflect people's attention from the real news.

And I would say that, man, the real news deflected a lot of attention from someone claiming we collected non-human biologics from a crash site.

Yeah, in general, I'm like the deep state we've been warned about. When are they going to show up? Because so far, it's just a lot of people just doing whatever they want without any sort of counter from the alleged forces that are secretly puppeteering everything, including, it turns out, me and my vocal cords. And it's it's not showing up so far. So I'm just waiting. I'm waiting for that. Waiting for those that for that stimulus package to kick in.

You used to be a member or might still be a member of the Boxing Writers Association of America. Are you still a member or did you used to be a member? An award-winning member. Dan, thank you for asking. You still are then?

Probably not. I haven't paid my dues in a while. So maybe, maybe if they if they just kept me on accidentally. But yeah, haven't haven't haven't put my membership papers in in a long time. The reason that I asked the question is just what are you to make like what you are somebody who.

fits right in the prime demo on whatever it is that Jake Paul and Mike Tyson are trying to do tomorrow night that is spectacle and not really sport. So you are aware on this. I like...

I not only like, I loved the mixed martial arts and combat sports loved. I'm using it past tense because I really did like the artistry and science of what it is that I was watching, which is vulnerability with maximum fear, overcoming that fear to do something that's really hard to do in front of people. And by yourself, no teamwork, no, no teammates. Like I'm fascinated by the courage of all of that and the desperation that goes into making people choose that as a living.

But I've soured on it a great deal because this is the crud that now passes for what this sport is. And I'm not even here to knock it because it's smart. They're going to make all the money. Yeah, for a long time, anybody who would ask me, so how do you feel about the NFL and how do you feel about, again, these sort of like moral scolding-y things?

sort of issues around sports. How do you feel about them? I'd be like, look, you should know something about me. I like boxing. I covered boxing. Boxing is consensual concussions. Like extrapolate from that my actual moral scale. If people are aware of what they're doing and they go into the ring and they want to entertain people and put their humiliation and their health on the line, guess what? I'm super into that. I'm super interested. There's nothing better, Dan, as you experience yourself as a columnist than like covering a fight.

The thing about this, though, is that it reminds me about just how dead my nerve endings are now. And this is a through line from like, what do you think about Matt Gaetz? What do you think about Jake Paul fighting Mike Tyson at age 60 or whatever it is? Like, I've been on the Internet a long time, man. Like, at a certain point, it became very obvious what the game is to the point where the think piece about the game became less interesting. Of course, it's about humiliation on the line. Of course, it's about attention. Of course, boxing was ahead of all.

all of this, all of us as a society in terms of like what the game is here, attention being currency, hatred being a lure to more eyeballs, like all of that was obvious in boxing. This is, of course, the logical and now kind of boring result.

You know, like what enlivens me? Like Matt Gaetz, attorney general, kind of sparked something. And then it was back to like, yeah, but again, I kind of expected that. You're numb. You're numb. Yes. You got it. It's not weird enough. It's just not weird enough. My tolerance for weird, like a like like a Chris Cody who has been reared on online pornography and really needs something extreme to get.

even the juice is going anymore. That's how I feel about politics and sports and weird boxing events. It's just like not weird enough. Sorry. Do better. What were your thoughts on the last 24 hours of Alex Jones? I mean...

what Ben Collins is doing at The Onion feels like something that we need. And I say we as just like people who want comedy as a concept to not be monopolized by people who are deeply unfunny and actually very deeply scolding in their attempt to be endangered species, which is to say Ben Collins and The Onion buying Infowars at a bankruptcy rate.

auction is perfect. It's perfect. And I'm excited for the investment, again, like real people with money putting those resources into what feels like a joke and yet is also an appropriate commentary given, again, all the caveats apply about why Alex Jones, of course, is odious and why it's insane that we let him into anything resembling polite spaces. So

in an era where play spaces are basically non-existent. But I love it. I love the poetry of it. That did actually get me going a bit. It was inspiring, frankly. Like, what a great bit

was my number one reaction. I was trying to figure out how to buy it. I just didn't think I could find the funny in the bit. I was trying to think of where it is that we could make an attempt to try and buy that and be funny around it, but it seemed all too dangerous to try to be funny about. I will say, though, odious, I can't do a better word than that. Comedically and accurately, somebody do better than odious. When describing somebody...

And wanting to most dismiss them, I'm asking the group here to give me a better word. Ratfink? Comedically than odious. Just, well. Dickhead? Not just insults. I'm looking more sort of for adjectives, really. Odious. Dipshit. What's an adjective? Dipshitty. Dipshit is a noun. You guys are using all nouns. Ratfink. Repugnant. Repugnant's pretty good. Noxious?

That's a good one for you. I go feckless sometimes. Feckless. Oh, give him the highfalutin sound. That right there is the music. Feckless is, yeah. Febhorrent. Feckless is too highbrow. How are you pronouncing that? I go abhorrent there. I've got a horrent. I've got the abhorrent. Yeah, abhorrent is how I do it there. Hard whore? Hard whore.

Odious. Odious is pretty damn good, Pablo. I salute you. I can't do better than that. I'm thinking... It evokes a smell. There's like a stench. There's an implied stench to odious. No, but that's... It doesn't. It's not implied.

you're telling me that something stinks immediately. Like that's, yeah, I want to barf. It makes me want to barf, barf worthy, not as, not as highfalutin, but it means the same thing. Pablo, I'm curious your opinion on this. I've kind of trying to, everyone's trying to unpack what happened and how our generation was told we have to leave this place better for our kids. And then our kids and,

ended up voting for Republicans in record numbers, it would appear, and it caught a lot of people by surprise. And then I realized that's how teenage rebellion kind of works. It was the same case with kids that were born during the Reagan administration. They veered more liberal, so maybe this is the yo-yo that'll go back and forth. I do actually think progressives are in a good position now, although...

They won't ever agree on that, given everything that's happened, especially in the last few days. But it's a lot cooler to be chasing. You can be anti-establishment when you're not the ones in charge. Our show peaked when Donald Trump had his first term in terms of audience, in terms of reach, in terms of cultural impact, because we were chasing that. And when we were all of a sudden in charge, I use we, the royal we,

The cool thing was to go against who was in charge and rage against that machine. So now that the shoe is going to be on the other foot, I actually think you got to lean into the cool things that make you rebellious. Yeah, I saw among many charts that my brain has picked up like a lint roller over the last several weeks, just like bits of trash and information. That demographic chart about how Gen X was the strongest generation in terms of favoring Trump was perfect, right? Because, of course, Gen X was

Rebels, people who are too cool, who are anti the system, end up embodying the very thing that they railed against. And this is in some ways, Mike, like, yeah, the pendulum, just the pendulum of human political behavior swinging back and forth such that any sort of murder mystery diagnosis of like who caused this, who did it?

Oh, it was it was Pablo Torre in the library with with a take about trans people. It's like, no, actually, it's probably just the pendulum swinging back and forth. Everybody feeling like they don't want to be the system and therefore plausibly claiming that they're not the system when they're out of power. We're definitely getting in terms of like people who are not on the

Again, the Matt Gaetz side of things. We're getting to benefit from that actual danger, actual potentially, you know, persecution, prosecution from the richest man in the world who has become the most powerful private citizen in the history of America after campaigning against the unelected forces actually running America. Like, of course, like, yeah, fill in all of the obvious things.

hypocrisies that you might point out with your magnifying glass at this point. But we're back to being, you know, in danger from a political perspective and therefore probably culturally ascendant in that same way. Quick follow up. Curious your thoughts. It's been said and I don't see any hard data that suggests this. So I guess it's been hypothesized that millennials are better at parsing through misinformation on the Internet better than anyone.

any other generation, not the ones that were born when the internet was fully rocking in a thing, not the ones that were pre-internet. We're the only generation that met it kind of in the middle. We remember life before the internet and we remember when the internet came along. Why do you think that's being said about our generation, that we're the best at filtering through this? It would stand to reason that it would be the youngest generations that would be better because it's so ever-present.

Yeah, because you have older friends, parents, bosses, hosts of this very show, in fact, who are constantly asking us, how do you do this thing on your phone? And then we have to realize we don't know either. So we got to figure that out. You know, when Dan's AOL email address is asking, is this shark real? It's like, yeah, we got trained in speaking to both parties here. We are across the aisle of

of time and politics in that way. Also, Mike, just in terms of my nostalgia, like I think we're a generation that longs for the sweet, sweet simplicity of a dial-up modem screaming at us. We remember what it was like when you had to earn a JPEG, when Carmen Electra

Loading that image was a character-building, patience-requiring experience. We didn't have the on-demand synapse destruction of whatever, again, Chris Cody is into these days. Mom, get off the phone. I'm trying to chat someone. My crush is online. Yes, yes. We remember what it meant when a door opened and closed.

on our buddy list. Who is that? Goodbye. Goodbye. Rest in peace, by the way. He just died. Goodbye. He just died. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The AOL goodbye. You have male voice. He passed away last week. Tom Hanks? No, he

He's still very much alive and thinks 35 is the toughest age. Pablo, stay right there for a second. We have to go immediately to Amin Alhassan. He is taking a victory lap. It is a sponsored segment. It is important that we break into all programming to take care of our sponsors. We will continue to tell the audience, one of the most supportive audiences in the history of all media, not just sports media.

to please support the sponsors who support us. And here is Amin El-Hassan taking a victory lap today, and I can see where this is going. Oh, Dan. First of all, shout out to Jocelyn Thompson-Ruhl. I call her Joc-Ruhl.

She's my instructor on the Peloton app. I love the Peloton app. I love, you know, every time we do this segment, everyone's winded and out of breath and sweating and they're doing jumping jacks and stuff. And I think it's intimidating sometimes. Some people are like, I can't do Peloton. I'm not in shape. Guess what? They've got a lot of stuff for beginners, for starters, to get easy. Like I said, Joss Rule has me on a five minute warmup walk, which is perfect.

Because I'm doing a victory lap, baby! Can we get to the victory lap, please? I didn't need the preamble. I could just use the victory lap. Buddy, the preamble is kind of what's paying for this whole thing. So relax. Relax on that. But as I was saying, me and Josh Rule were doing a little victory lap because my Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets did what I told you all would happen last week. I said it multiple times, and you guys were like, I don't know what to say. And what did I tell you, Dan? It's so freeing to be a fan.

You guys suck. We're going to kick your ass. And that's all it took. That's all it took. And by the way, I heard your analysis on Monday. I heard it, Mike. You guys talk so much. Well, our defense. You know, if our defense can hurt defense. What about...

our defense. What about our defense? We locked y'all up. We locked up the Heisman Trophy winning guy who's going to win the Heisman Trophy. We locked up the number one offense in the land. You guys did not give our defense enough credit. Forget about how our offense kicked your ass. We knew that was going to happen. You guys suck.

on the defensive side. But the thing that you're great at, we stopped you there too. You guys said, oh, well Miami's gonna score 38 points every game, but the only question is, is the other team gonna score 40? We didn't have to. You know why? Because we didn't put y'all in cuffs.

Guantanamo. That's where Cam Ward is at right now. Wondering what went wrong in his life. Really? Yeah. Guantanamo. Yes. He essentially scored 35 and he kept the ball nine minutes at a time. That was really more about the offensive execution. Look, buddy.

You had your opportunities. They gave the dude the ball. Could you make something happen? No, he couldn't. Fair enough. Sorry. This segment is supposed to be you breathless. It's victory. No, no, no. It's a victory lap. No one sprints in a victory lap, Dan. And like I said, the Peloton app is great because it has stuff for...

Skinners, you don't have to be killing yourself on the first day. You can ease into it. And that's where I'm at. And by the way, I am out of breath and shiny too. So I don't know just because I'm not like Tony doing pushups and stuff doesn't mean I'm not tired in here. Cardio comes in many different forms. Also, this is not the picture I wanted. This is like the nerds from Comp E rushing up the hill. I wanted the dude that looked like the Red Rifle.

Taking a selfie next to Mario Cristobal. That was a great picture. And as soon as I saw you there, I wanted to tell video, why are you not using that other great picture as opposed to the one you are using? I wanted to say that. And it's funny that you would say that you wanted the other one, which is spectacular and not that one. Yeah. I mean, I say it because I know sometimes there are things that are wrong with like, oh, well, look, the synapses and the pixelation. I don't give a shit. But.

Put that picture up. I don't care if it's stretched and Mario Cristobal looks like he's 400 pounds as opposed to 350. Put it up there. I want to see it because I want to be that kid for a second. I don't miss a whole lot about college, but I do miss rushing the field. There it is. That's my boy. Hold on. Yeah, buddy. Yeah, buddy. Oh, look at his face. Oh, how dare you take a picture of me? How dare you try to win against Georgia Tech, baby?

Mario Cristobal's not feeling good about that photo for a number of reasons. He needs a bra. The boobs, yeah, the boobs. Pablo, what were you going to say? You wanted to get in here? Yeah, I just wanted to apologize to Chris Cody, and we collectively have been turning him into the avatar, of course, of pornography in America. Meanwhile, Amin Elhassan also works for this company.

And so I just want to acknowledge that obviously everyone knows Amin, in fact, has the darkest incognito browsing history of anyone at Metal Ark Media. Wake me up when Harvard does something of note.

Thank you, Amin. We don't need you anymore talking about these things. This victory lap was presented by Peloton. Find your push. Find your power with Peloton. Pablo, before you get out of here, Pablo Torre Finds Out is a rapidly ascending podcast. It is getting more and more popular all the time. What do you have that we should be listening to? Yeah, I think today's episode is our best episode possibly that we've done to date. Guys, I literally just made a Mario Cristobal interview request.

Yeah. So literally, can we stop? Please, please stop that. Please. It's just go ahead, Pablo. You were saying, yes, no, I mean, touching the nipple of a photographed Mario Cristobal is what we should be doing for the audio audience. Yes. Yeah. Instead, while I'm over here sending a correspondent to a supermax prison in Texas to investigate what fantasy football is like among death row inmates.

So this is a real story. I don't want to spoil it. It is about, yes, capital punishment as a system, but it's also about

How one actually does continue to watch sports, love sports, talk trash about your favorite teams, root for the Dallas Cowboys when there may not always be a next year. So, Dan, I think it's honestly the best thing we've done so far. And briefly, briefly, it started because it turned out there was a database online of the last words for

of death row inmates in the state of Texas and a disturbing number of them their last words were how about them cowboys

And so we decided to figure out, to find out why it is that that is so and how one actually does continue to watch the Dallas Cowboys on death row in America. And I genuinely and unironically encourage you to see what we reported. I think it'll change a lot of your minds. Give me a clip, Lewis, please, from Pablo Torre finds out that Pablo was supposed to throw it to but forgot because he was too busy smelling his own farts.

How did you guys even draft players, though? Or how do you... Is it all through the window? Mostly it was week to week. So depending on the matchups, you would make a new lineup. You understand? Okay. You know, Tom Brady's playing whoever, so you're starting Tom Brady. And if it's a two-quarterback league, you know...

whoever else it might be, you know, and Rogers, right? So there's a deadline. You got to turn him in by, you know, Friday at noon and slide the stuff out from the cells to the day rooms. And then those guys would get the stuff and give it to another day room, make his way out there with what we call a fishing line. And it's essentially like a long string that he'll slide to the day room and he pull them back in.

I have never felt worse about forgetting to check my lineup. That is what it takes to play fantasy football on death row. Right, and just enjoying this conversation, one fantasy football player to another, and you sort of get lost in that. You forget where you are, and then there's this gut punch. What happened to your league? Slowly but surely, the guys that played...

They've just been pushed out of existence. They've been executed. They're gone. You know, and that's just a reality of being on death row. That's a reality of being sentenced to death. So overproduced with the music, the slow music. What are you kidding me? The death row inmates started dying? What?

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Production value, I know, is a horrifying concept. That music. To the Scorseses in Miami, right? But we actually, we actually, you know, put thought and effort into how we tell stories as opposed to actually just having a mean rub a nipple. Really? Yeah.

Did anyone have the thought like, hey, this might be too sad and it seems like we're celebrating murderers? We are decidedly not the liberal Joe Rogan. Yeah, we're fat shaming Mario and we're making fun of death row inmates. Not liberal Joe Rogan. I think Mario looks great, by the way. Is that...

I would like to advise and encourage you all, go to FreeCharlesFlores.com, realize why the Innocence Project took on his case, and realize that somewhere at this company, someone is doing actual work as opposed to sitting at a table and masturbating literally and figuratively.

Okay, you were just... I'll sing music for an innocent person on a death row. Literally. Yeah, I get that. Okay, it didn't need the music. It was overproduced. You guys have lost the ability to critique what good work is. He was saying something dramatic. I get it. He's on death row and the people around him die. The music doesn't make it any different. It's just, yes, people die on death row. That's kind of why it's called death row. Stop excusing your own production laziness, please.

And pretending that that's a decision, you guys. Work smart, not hard. Work smart, not hard. How about work at all? You guys are like, that's too much work in that. Jeremy produced a song that he wrote lyrics to 10 minutes into a segment yesterday. He produced a fresh song, The Final Nightgown. You got people, you got 10 people that were paying God knows how much to put some syrupy music behind Death Row. God dies on Death Row. We're trying to make things that people who don't like what is on screen with me

Like, naturally, this is not their thing to know that we're actually making some of the best work in sports media. And sometimes, sometimes that involves a thing called scoring. Get him out of here. It's a little thing called scoring. Just get him out. Just get him out. Like we score Edward R. Murrow awards. Yes. Yes.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. He's award-winning Pablo Torre. That's all I got. But if the end of the story is, yeah, well, he killed 17 people. That's not the story. No, please tell me. That is absolutely not the story. Please, did you start C.D. Lamb, guy who killed 17 people? Pablo Torre finds out. You guys sound ridiculous. Award-winning Pablo Torre finds out. If you want overproduced music. It's the final night, guys.

That's how you produce. That's underproduced right there. It's the final night down. You guys are odious.

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