GoalLess: A Soccer Show (Feat. Rory Scovel)
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Hey, Limitard listeners. Winnie here, and I'm back on the Meadowlark Airwaves for my new show, Goalless, with the hilarious Russell Howard. Looks like Stu Gatz was right about Messi all along. He couldn't do it in the playoffs, Dan-O. I wanted to give you a sneak peek of my podcast, so here's our interview with stand-up comedian and former college soccer player Rory Scoville. Make sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. ♪

Welcome back to Goal List. This week we have another amazing guest for our Goal Hang. You've seen in the movie Babylon with Brad Pitt, Physical with Rose Byrne, his own show Robbie, a Max Comedy special, Religion, Sex, and a Few Things in Between, and his brilliant half-documentary, half-stand-up special, Live Without Fear. It's Rory Scovel, everybody. Rory, welcome. Welcome.

Thank you. Hey, Rory, just by looking at your face, you've been in Denver for three months. That is such a good guess, but you are right. Yeah, it is freezing today. You've got your gilet on, you've got a jacket on. I've got on three layers, three layers of hat. I'm growing out a beard. I'm really diving into the full uniform that is Colorado.

You're bulking up for winter, my friend. And I imagine you'll have a profile picture of you hiking in the mountains soon enough. That's right. All right. So let's start first, of course, with your connection to soccer. We like to tie everything back here to the global game. How did you start playing? And I believe you played college at UCF and then went to go play in South Carolina. So how did your football journey come about?

I started playing at five years old and then started doing club around like 11, I think. And then that carried me through, you know, club and high school and then college. I started at Central Florida for a semester and

and then transferred back in-state to South Carolina, University of South Carolina, Spartanburg, now called USC Upstate. So I went from D1 UCF to D2, and now USC Upstate, I think is D, I know for a fact they're D1 now. To an Englishman, how does that all work then? Like, did you get a scholarship? No.

How does this sort of guy only know it from my Friday night lights and kind of watching it, but it's so fascinating to us because we don't really have education and sport tied together. I guess to me growing up here, it's so natural that it's tied in with education. However, I think the United States has started to learn that.

It isn't beneficial long-term to do it this way. I think they started to realize like the education is the actual game and learning the game at a very young level. And you're learning it at a high level and making that sort of the Academy that you go to. But yeah, here it was like tied to school and you try to get an, a scholarship. You try to be good enough to be like, Hey, play on our team. We'll give you money to do it. And it's just all tied in that way. But I don't know that that long-term it's the smartest way to do it, especially for building a,

on the international stage for competition. I don't know that's great at building success. So I guess I would then ask you, was the sport almost like your vehicle to get into a big university? I guess my question would be, because sometimes this is another interesting one. What are you trying to say? Did you abuse soccer to get...

To get education. Is that what you did? Did you treat soccer like a bitch? Say it, William. Were you disrespectful of this global sport? I mean, what actually I'm trying to say is there are a remarkable number of people that play soccer at a high level that aren't really fans of it. They're fans of this thing that they're good at that's a vehicle for them to get to college. Yeah. Oh, okay. Right, yeah. Yeah, I think that can be the case. I was very obsessed with it. It was something I started at such a young age, and then when I got...

I really started getting educated on soccer. Sorry, football. I know that. Sorry. You know what? This isn't even my choice. It's okay, Rory. I was brought up in a world where people said soccer. I would gladly switch to football. It's just instinctual now. Yeah. I started really getting educated around 14 when...

when our club team got a new coach and he came in and he was someone who obsessed over the game and watched every game he could get at the time. You know, it wasn't so accessible over here. You had to go to a friend's house who had a weird satellite that had access to all these channels. I mean, I remember as a kid going to someone's house and having access to see like an English Premier League game. And that was like kind of...

Like you were just like, oh my God, like look how celebrated it is. It's like American football, but there and like people love it and obsess over it. Like it's unfortunate that I had to come up at a time when that was a new revelation. You know, my daughter now gets to live in a world where she's

you know, it's celebrated so much more here at least. And we understand it now, but I even forgot the question. I started rambling. Sorry. Oh no, I could, I could tell from that nostalgic reverie that you're clearly obsessed with football. It's lovely. Who was your, who was your team? I never had a team because we didn't have teams and I didn't even know of teams. All I remember is that

anyone would talk about a team, it was Manchester United. And I think it's maybe because they just got at least over here. They just got the best press. It was like notable, you know, but I mean, we would know of teams like when we would just play games, people, someone would say Sheffield Wednesday, but none of us knew what that meant. Um, when like picking a name for a team or Arsenal or crystal palace, like, you

You know, these were, these are absurd names to us. We don't even know what that even is. We don't know what that, we don't know that there are places. We have no comprehension of like why these are the titles or why those are the names. Sheffield Wednesday and Sheffield United have the best rivalry of mascots, I think, because Sheffield United, their nickname is the Blades and Sheffield Wednesday, their nickname is the Owls. Now, if you go for a fight...

The owls are getting destroyed. But it's so interesting when you say that. The world is so much smaller now, isn't it? We have American football in England now where they kind of have games at Wembley Stadium. And you think 20 years ago, that's unimaginable. You know, it's so cool. Do people come out and are they like really celebrating? Like, oh, this is so cool. We have this, you know? Yeah, definitely. So I live quite near Wembley and you could just see it was like this kind of lovely mix of kind of really...

sort of giddy Americans and English people trying their best to match that energy. Do you know what I mean? So it was just like, you see with a big, like, I don't know what the team is, whoever was playing, like,

But yeah, it was really exciting. I've always actually kind of found there's real similarities between NFL fandom in the UK and Premier League fandom in the US. It's a cultural appreciation. It's kind of a counterculture thing to do. And I would say the biggest difference is that gap in tribalism. Because you watch an NFL game from the UK...

And it's like an NFL convention. Everyone brings their jersey. Yeah, you've decided that you're an Indianapolis Colts fan and you're going to wear your Indianapolis Colts jersey even though they're not playing. And it's kind of like that with Premier League football. And Russell, you've picked up on that difference here in the U.S. where if a bunch of Americans are gathering at a bar, they're all having fun and having a great time because, wow, look, we found some community in this kind of weird passion that I have. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Well, I've spoke about a pub before and you might know about it, Rory, but there's a pub in

in la that shows all the premier league games i think it's out in santa monica everyone's happy there do you know what i mean there's no fighting it's it's wild and like if you had like different if you had loads of like liverpool fans man united fans arsenal fans city fans and they were there all day drinking and watching football by the end of the day it's going to be spicy and yet there seems to be this kind of i don't know like you say there's a tribe

there's a Premier League tribe rather than an individual football tribe. It's quite cool. Yeah. I think it's maybe because over here you go, oh, whether you cheer for the same team or not, we almost have to unionize in our support of this thing because that's what sustains these pubs deciding to even show us these games. It's almost like, hey, if we splinter off and all hate each other, even though...

You know, if I suddenly was like a huge Arsenal fan, I have no ancestral history of like, here's why and my dad and my grandfather. Like, I don't have that the way that, you know, NFL teams for sure have it. I was a part of a generation that started playing at the YMCA in 1985. And I...

I think now that I'm 44, naturally, I think we've come to a place where more and more people started playing youth soccer. Like my dad didn't play youth soccer. That wasn't like a viable thing. And then more and more people are just doing it to where now you've got it where, you know, just a couple of weeks ago, I was in Minneapolis and I saw a pub that was open. I got up so early to go get a coffee before my flight.

And I went to the only coffee shop that was open at like 6.30 in the morning, and the pub was open. And I thought, oh, it's a mistake. They've left the open sign on. That's where we were all drinking last night. And I just walked up to look in the window, and every Premier League game was on the TV. And I was just like...

Like, oh, man, I love that. Because that, in my youth, was not only unheard of. No one would have showed up. No one would have cared. No pub would have even known how to show those games. And yet now it's like NBC or something early in the morning. Here's what's going on across the ocean. Well, exactly. And presumably you'd have to have a costume just to trick the barman to let you in, you know, when you're kind of 13. Yeah.

Just like some backstory. Oh, she kicked me out again, Jeff. Just me and a couple of friends on each other's shoulders in a trench coat. I still kind of romantically think about our pub in Miami that used to open at 7.30 in the morning on Saturdays to show Premier League. They closed. It was most devastating. We still have not replaced it. Has your soccer career informed your comedy slash entertainment career at all? You know what? In a depressing way,

I greatly miss having a team and I greatly miss going to battle as a team and having that camaraderie and like,

being out there for each other because you don't, you know, you really get that, you know, across the board, I think in, in team sports, but you know, now even playing in a men's league and I, I play on like Wednesday nights, it's like in indoor and I sometimes play on Sundays and I'll play when I can, but it's less to kind of taste that thing that can only exist for so long because now you're just an older guy doing it for the cardio and

And if we lose the game, I don't give a shit. I'm like, yeah, great. We lost. Nobody's injured. Everyone can still go to work on Monday. It's just not the same. And I get it. It's heartbreaking. I want to be in a halftime and I want a couple guys bleeding and somebody having to...

Give that cinematic speech. I mean, I was captain of the team on the senior year, and I loved nothing more than getting the guys fired up. And I don't know where these things came from, but I knew how to do it. I knew what to say in the huddle before kickoff, and I knew what to say at halftime.

to get everybody ready to fucking rage. And I miss that so much. Can you remember any of the soliloquies? Anything? I would just say whatever...

Russell Crowe said in Gladiator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember one of my favorites, we had a football manager called Adrian Timms and he, we were, I think, 18 at the time and he launched into this tirade where he's kind of go, gentlemen, we're not at the party. They're at the party. We're waiting for the fucking taxi. They're in the party. They're fucking our wives. The,

Every one of them has got our wives. We're not even... And we're kind of looking around going, he's having a full-on breakdown. But he kept this party analogy going, somebody call the cab. Get us to the party. Stop and fucking our wives. Go! And we all kind of ran out in absolute hysterics.

And he clearly felt it had gone well. You know what I mean? Yeah. And he was going through a divorce. His wife was cheating on him. I think he might have been going through a divorce. But I mean, the things that I would say, like, it would be genuine and in the moment. I never, like, wanted to regurgitate things. I never wanted anybody...

And I guess in a way, now that I'm saying this out loud, it somewhat informs my stand-up because I feel that way every time I take the stage, despite the fact that we repeat...

our material and we repeat our segues and we repeat our little tiny moments that were probably born out of an improvised spontaneous moment, but works so well. You use it every time and it just kind of becomes this cemented show. I still always wanted to want a crowd to feel as though, no, this is right now and he's selling it. But it would just be trying to get guys revved up because you're fucking tired and you're hurt

And it's like halftime. That's the only time you can really see what you did in the first half, pull everyone back together in the second half. I got to say, it was clearly much easier to do when we were tied or we were down a goal or two and we knew we should be doing better. But the thing that I loved was we would rip each other apart on that field. If you weren't getting back to cover or if you weren't getting forward,

you would fucking lose your mind. We would yell at each other. And then the moment that game was over, we were having a beer and a laugh. And it was like, there's something about that. But I don't know. I would go into a place of like, this is fucking hell. I would just tell them what I'm going to do. And I would just be like, I'm going to give everything. I go the first 50-50 ball. I'm going to go in so fucking hard. And if I get a red card, I'm done. And I don't care. I go because that's the level that I'm playing. And you're just trying to get other people involved.

you know, at least as a captain, you're just trying to get them to tune back in to remembering, hey, we bust our asses at these practices and it's because of the next 45 minutes. So why do it at all if we get to these 45 minutes and you can't

die out there. It was really just trying to get people to the sacrifice. That's another thing that goes when you're 44, that desire to make a 50-50 tackle. Do you know what I mean? You give up. Yeah. There's no way because as you're running towards the ball, your brain's thinking, well, I've got a gig tomorrow and I just don't want the stiffness. I've out loud verbally said, you take it.

Who would you describe as the most perfect version of you? You know, my coach would always tell me to be like, was it Ryan Giggs for Man U? So he would always, he always like brought him up. And again, you could only see flashes of these people on a VHS tape where someone's like, Man United, the treble. You'd watch that and you'd go, oh, that's who he's been referencing. So I guess that because it was said to me,

All the time, but I don't know that I ever had anyone specifically because in the US, any professional sport you name, we didn't have it where I grew up. We didn't have a team. So we cheered for teams from Atlanta all the time, but I never cared because it wasn't a part of my...

history in any way. I also never had a professional player that people would talk about. We'd all do the same shit, like talk about Pele, Maradona, which at this time is also already outdated in a weird way. And then Beckham. Everyone would just talk about Beckham. I got into Henri for a long time. I just loved how it looked like

he wasn't trying yet was crushing it, but looked like he was just like, ah, yeah, I'll play. Oh yeah. I'm fine. I'll make a run. Yeah. All right. I'll dribble the fields. The greatest ability in sports to make, to make this incredibly hard thing look effortless. Look at, and also look like you're disinterested. It's a bit like, it's like when you watch like Federer play tennis and you're like, his hair doesn't move. He doesn't sweat. It's just this balletic performance. Yeah.

Yeah. Have you, so Rory, given that you were compared to Ryan Giggs, are you familiar with what's happened to Giggs post-playing career? Zero. No. Well, he basically was having sex with his brother's wife for about a decade. Oh yeah, I did all that. Okay, yeah, so this is very relevant to me. So this is it, yeah. Imagine if your coach was like, this is why you like Giggs. He also, he wrote a lot of like really cringeworthy erotic poetry.

to a young lady. And they went through a very messy split. It was all very dodgy. And all the poetry was printed over here in the UK.

Yeah, this is why you just got to keep guys in sports. And then as soon as they're done, you have to kill them. Don't get to know your heroes and all that. Yeah, kill them immediately as soon as they retire. That's all you can do. All right, Rory, where can our listeners find you? I tour a bunch and I'm trying to tour as much as I can. So I guess RoryScovel.com or if you go to Instagram or TikTok, I think it's just at RoryScovel. That's probably the best way to find out about any...

any product I'm pushing. And that's Rory Scoville with today's Goal Hand. Thank you for joining us, sir. Guys, thank you so much. This was great. This was like therapeutic, really. Thanks for listening. Please subscribe and follow us at Goalist, the show on Instagram. Fancy Lad, out.

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