Giggling about motels, mom math, and emotions
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Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up, my grassroot gigglers? Paige, what is a grassroot? The roots of said grass. Wait, whenever you put said in anything, it sounds legit. I've been using whilst.

No, whenever you say whilst, I literally get intimidated by you. No, I've said it like four different times in different text messages this weekend to people. I mean, I was telling the same story to multiple people, but like whilst was prominent. Wait, do you know how like there's a press like...

Press cycle. Okay, okay. I feel like that happens with gossip. Like, gossip. You know when something happens and you go, this is going to be my entire personality for the next four days, and you have to talk about it, get everyone's opinion on it, tell everyone about it? Our life is just in press cycles. No. Like, the lineup I have when things happen to me, and I'm like, oh, I have to tell this person. Like, one person gets a phone call, another person gets a FaceTime, and another person gets a voice note. And so it's just like...

What do the masses think? It's like if you text me like a generic question, I'm not going to get back to you immediately. I woke up so early and you texted me. I have tea.

Immediately I say what's up? What's going on? How are you doing? Good morning. Good morning. Hi. I have a girlfriend that she only sends gossip in text messages that you can't see it. So every time I get a text message and it's like that like fuzzy and I have to click to read it. I know it's like the craziest gossip ever because she's so paranoid. So can you not screenshot that? I don't know. I feel like that's super dramatic when people do that. Do you ever get nervous when it says like so-and-so saved your voice note? And I'm like, excuse you. So I think sometimes it's automatic. Yeah.

okay because someone messaged me once and be like does it say I saved it yeah I don't know it makes me freaked out when people save my voice notes I'm like I know that like my voice is so soothing but like please don't share that with anyone no my voice notes are out of control how are you because you didn't really tell me you're going to Michigan like it kind of never came up I didn't really know you didn't know you were going to Michigan like it's actually so funny because my mom had the same exact reaction she was like excuse me I was talking

I was talking to you all day and you never once dropped that you were in Michigan. Also, fun fact, Michigan is not...

a time zone away. Oh, yeah. I kept being like, and don't forget, we're an hour behind. Who are you telling that to? The people in Michigan? Just the people. And they were like, nope, we're not. And I go, yeah, we are. We're basically in Chicago. And they're like, nope, also no. Also, when you're flying to Michigan, your phone will like go to Canada. Go to Canada. Yeah. So it's like everyone figured it out. I really enjoyed Michigan. And then I was like, why do I like Michigan? And then I had all the gigglers DMing me and they were like, because low-key, Michigan's really rich.

And you must have felt that vibe. Which I didn't, but I was wondering why. I was like, I like it so much. And they're like, no, it's like very rich. And I was like, hmm. Okay. We both traveled a lot the last couple days. I do college gigs sometimes. I saw you in Miami. Yeah, I love to speak to the youth of America. So I went to Orlando first. Then I went to Miami. University of Miami. Miami.

It's a literal resort. I don't know how. The school is a resort. They get anything done. There's like waterfalls and like hot people and anything with palm trees. I'm like, this is not, this is a vacation. Anyone I know personally who went to Miami did in fact not finish. And

And some went to rehab. So, like, that is my only, like, what I think of Miami. Like, I had one friend who was going to be a professional golfer. Rehab. I have another friend who was, like, going to be great in finance. Rehab. Like, it's...

Also, I thought that Alex Earl was just going to greet me there. I thought I'd come in and she goes, welcome to the university. Like she was the Barbie, like, welcome. This is University of Miami. Hi, Barbie. Yeah. It's like every blonde is just like, hi, Hannah. But I also feel bad for people in Miami because when it's bad weather here, like, and we're depressed, we're like, oh, it's because of seasonal depression. When they're depressed in Miami, like, that's just them. That's who you are. Yeah.

You have no excuse. See, I feel like we actually couldn't live somewhere where it's sunshine all year round. Well, that's why summer stresses me out because everyone in New York City, the second it hits 65, is like celebrating. And I'm like, but I don't know what to celebrate because I hate myself sometimes. Yeah, like sometimes I enjoy it being cloudy and rainy because there's no pressure. No pressure. It's like, oh. Under promise, over deliver. Today, everyone thinks it's going to suck. It has to be better than sucking. Turn that movie on. Yes. Yes.

So I'm in Miami living my best life, and then I had to go from Miami to Athens, Ohio. Okay. I don't know where Athens, Ohio is. Not to be confused with Athens, Greece. No, literally. I love that America was like, and we'll have a Paris, Texas, and in Athens, Ohio. Did Ashton Kutcher plan this shit? I mean... So...

When you go to some of these towns that are not in main cities, you can't just, like, use Delta. You have to go to some other... Yeah. Because I don't, like... I would rather do a direct than take Delta and have to do, like... Do a roundabout. A stop or two. So I took Spirit. Okay. Had you ever flown Spirit? I think I did, but I blocked it out. But Spirit, they're hilarious because they're self-aware. Like, the people get on, they're like, hey, sorry you guys are flying Spirit. Okay.

Their whole airline is a bit? They also started it being like, hey, we're excited to go to Houston, Texas. And everyone was like, what? And they're like, just kidding. Like, it wasn't. Wait, I love a self-aware. I was not in the mood. I was not in the mood. Like, I was like, just take me to my destination. I don't want to be here. And you want me to try to get laughs from me. And I'm trying to listen to, like, one song on repeat the whole time. I mean, do they even have headphones to pass out? No. Oh.

Also, they didn't even give me water. I almost died. So I get there and when I land, I always go to see the hotel that I booked. And I look at the address and it says Athens, Georgia. So I realize I'm in Columbus and I have to drive an hour to this place and there's no hotels. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Athens, Ohio. I have to go to Athens, Ohio. The hotel you booked in Athens, Georgia. I am in Athens, Georgia instead of Athens, Ohio. Okay. Easy mistake, but I said, you know what? I'm just going to find another hotel in Athens, Ohio. Can't be that hard. Can't be that hard. Who's going to Athens, Ohio? Turns out it's like mom's weekend. Where? Ohio University. Okay. Which is 40,000 kids. That's a lot of freaking moms. So it turns out.

All the hotels are booked. All the hotels are booked. And I paid $300 to stay at a Super 8. Motel. A motel. $300. Genuinely, when you pulled up, the word M-O-T-E-L was written. Yeah. And I walk in and there's a woman. Very nice. Thank God. Thank God it was a woman. No, I was... Thank God. But then someone pops their head out behind her. It's her child. Yeah.

looking at me, not in a nice way. I was like, do you want to fucking fight me? Like this girl was looking at me. I'm like, is she going to rob me? Like, I was like, do I have to beat your kid? Like what's happening? Is this like in a kind where like the, like it's outside? It was, it was inside. I wasn't like right on. But like I was on the first floor.

Hannah, I would have literally rather slept at the fucking airport. No, I was laughing thinking about you the whole time. And I walk in and like, you know when there's just a smell that you can't put your finger on? Like you're like, it's ungodly. Don't know what it is. And then there's like a mark on the towel. No, I would have actually started crying. Yeah.

You know, I did. I ordered Wendy's, as one does. I ordered a baked potato and they forgot the sour cream. And that's when I started to spiral. Hannah sent a picture in the group chat of her in the bed with Grace and me. And she was like, Hannah, Paige would be freaking out. And I genuinely, it's not even that I would be freaking out. I'd never be in this situation. Oh.

Like I would just never find myself at a fucking motel. So I get on stage and I'm performing for 1,500 people for Mom's Weekend. So I get on stage and I go, I actually booked the wrong hotel. And then all you bitches took all the hotels and I'm at a fucking Super 8. They start dying laughing. Dying laughing. And I never really say the hotel I'm staying at. But I was like, guys, we have to all get in the same. So I'm like, you can do this. Just like do the show. It was really fun. Come back. Just go to sleep. You're really good at sleeping. You'll be fine.

Someone made a comment to me. They were like, how are you getting to the airport? And I'm like, Uber. Yeah. And they were like, oh, there's like, there aren't Ubers in the area. And I was like, that's, we're in a college campus. Like, there's going to be Ubers. Right. It's not 1908. But I was a little nervous. So I woke up early, which I never do. Yeah. Just to like check out the Uber situation. I've never clicked it. And it literally just says not available. So then I'm like,

Uber must be having a glitch. They're having a day. Taylor Swift must be on Uber. The solar eclipse. Solar eclipse. What's going on? Mercury retrograde. So I go, I download Lyft for the first time. I said, I'm a Lyft girl now. I don't care, I'm a Lyft girl. I go through the admin of signing up. Nothing. Nothing. So then I go, okay, if I don't get a car in the next hour, I'm stuck in Athens, Ohio. So I start Googling car service. People have car services, right? Right. Right.

So I call like three of the numbers that just no one answers or goes to like, this line is disconnected. Finally, I call this thing called Albert's taxi. After one ring, someone goes, hello? No. Second thought. No, at this point, at this point, I'm like, if this is how I die, this is how I die.

I go, I'm at the Super 8, the address. He goes, I know where you are. I said, okay, I have to go to Columbus Airport. And he's like, when's your flight? And I was like, 1130. He goes, okay, I'll be there in 30. And then he just, and then he goes, can I bring my dog?

And I'm like, actually, absolutely. I would love you to bring your dog. And he goes, okay, see you soon. Hangs up. And I'm like, he doesn't have my number, my information. So then I'm just like, okay. So I go outside and I'm thinking like, what kind of dog does he have? Is it a, I don't know. Yeah. Who knows what Albert's packing?

So he pulls up and there's this, the biggest collie dog I've ever seen. So cute, but like. Happy. Huge. Happy, excited. We're at work. Jump in and I'm like, what's his name? He goes, oh, the dog's name is Albert. He's like, Albert's kind of a big deal on campus. Like everyone loves Albert. What's his name? No idea. When you called, he said, hi, this is Albert. No, he just said hi. And I was like, hi, Albert.

But the name of the place was called Albert's. Albert's Taxi, but it's the dog's taxi. It's like he's very good at branding. Honestly, very good at marketing. A marketing genius. Move him to New York. What are you doing in Athens, Ohio?

So this is the thing. If you're shaking because if there was an app called Albert's and it was just a picture of a border collie like driving a car, I'm booking it. My mind started working my entrepreneurial spirit and I was like, what if they took like dogs who are open for adoption and put them in Ubers all day? Wow. And you can get a dog Uber and the dog will be in it like an emotional support dog slash you could adopt it. In my head.

That's a lot of smells, a lot of pee and shit. So as I am a cat person, but I love dogs. But like by the end of the trip, I wanted to cut all my nails off and shower three times because I smelled of dog. And I said it was super eight. So I got there. We took a little photo afterwards. I learned everyone's life story, including Albert. And she lives another day. It's so funny because I couldn't have had a more opposite experience. Yeah.

I'm in Michigan. I'm chatting it up with Steve Madden. Okay? We're talking shoes. We're talking life. We're talking New York. Wait, he is like, I think someone's doing like a big movie about him. He just did a documentary. A documentary, which. I saw like a little clip of it. It looks very, I didn't realize he's like from Queens. Like. He's a true like rags to riches story. Love.

I had said to his team, I was like, oh, are you guys flying back to New York tonight? And they were like, yeah. And I go, oh, are you, what flight are you on? Are you on like the 915? Cause that was the Delta flight I was on. And they looked at me and they like smile and they go, oh, we fly private. And I said, oh yeah, like I should have known that. So I'm saying bye to Mr. Madden and he's like, oh, are you flying back to New York? And I go, amazing. He's going to ask me to get on his fucking private flight. I'm going to be home in an

hour and I go yeah I'm on like delta 915 he goes okay have a great flight sweet and I like look

You almost finagled a PJ. I almost finagled a PJ. And then I was talking to my one friend who actually works for Steve Madden, and he was like, oh my God, you could have absolutely asked him, hey, can I just jump on your fling? He would have brought you. And I was like, I would never. I feel like that's dude shit to be like, bro, can I get on? I would never do that. No, no. But here's my friend just trying to get out of a Super 8, and I'm like, do you have an extra seat on your G6 by any chance for me and my friend?

My poor friend is, like, trying not to get murdered. And I'm like... It was to the point that I didn't tell my mom till after because I wanted her to sleep that night. You know when you're like, I don't want to put my family through this. I can handle it. Yeah. Meanwhile, Grace, I'm just texting her throughout. And she's like, are you okay? Is everything good? Not really. Wait, I love it. You're just, like, in a jersey. Okay, I just wanted to wear a Knicks jersey. Go Knicks. Wait, let's chat about how women's basketball is just, like,

Taking over? No, I'm worried. What's the next thing we're going to take over football? Like, what do the men have left? I have no idea about, like, women's basketball. The only thing I've seen is that the one girl, Angel, they're trying to say she's, like, the biggest villain ever. No. And in my head, I'm like, sorry, she can do a winged eyeliner and, like, can talk trash. I think you're jealous. No.

And then they're saying, what about the other girl, Caitlin? Okay, so this was actually like old drama from last year. Last year, um...

Caitlin Clark won a game and I think she kind of like did a hand motion. So then when Angel Reese beat her, she did that same hand motion. Yeah. And people kind of took it that it was bad sportsmanship when it's like they're just doing their thing. So then this year they played each other again and Angel Reese, they tried to like stir up the narrative of like girls hating each other. Yeah. And I was so proud of her. She literally was like, look, I respect Caitlin Clark. I love Caitlin Clark. But if you're on the court with me. Right. On the

court, you're my fucking competition. Yeah, she's not, I was just gonna say, she's not allowed to be competitive. I have no beef with her. Right. She goes, she's amazing. She's done so much for women's basketball. On the court, I'm gonna beat your ass. Right. And that's called

Like, sports. No, literally. And Angel Reese... If the men were talking trash to each other... They do all the time. They're like, oh my god, that was such a cool line. We should mic them up. All the time the men are like sub-tweeting each other. Travis Kelsey almost beat the shit out of his coach during the game. We were like, amazing. And Angel Reese is like, you're a bitch. And they're like, murderer. No, but she... The...

Also, like, the men have been so amazing, though. Like, Shaq and Paul Pierce. I come from a big basketball family. Oh, you do? Like, my grandpa was, like, a basketball coach. Oh, I actually didn't know that. We taught in basketball terms. Like, my dad is so obsessed with women's basketball. Sorry. Why'd you bring up my grandpa? Sorry, please don't bring up Hannah's grandpa. We know this. I love Hannah.

I get very... I don't like... I brought it up, but I got mad at you. You knew that was a sensitive topic for me. You knew that my grandpa likes basketball. Don't bring up anything my grandpa's ever done. I actually didn't know your grandpa was a basketball coach. Did I tell you I went on Heather McMahon's podcast? Shout out Heather McMahon. I'm fucking obsessed with her. It's called Absolutely Not. And she goes, you know what I hate?

Because her dad died. And she was like, those people who are mad about their grandpa dying. And I go, this is so awkward. This is so uncomfortable. Don't you ever bring up my grandpa again. He was a saint. God damn it. Speaking of grandparents, it's my papa's birthday. Shout out papa. Oh, happy birthday, papa. And this is the most Italian shit ever. My nana gets on the phone. She goes, oh, I couldn't sleep the other night because I was thinking about the insurance for his grave. No.

And I don't know what I'm going to... I said, Nana, what are you talking about? Italian people are obsessed with death. They're obsessed with death. She goes, are we going to do sandwiches or dessert? Like, what is it going to be? What's the vibe? Yeah, what's this? What am I going to wear? I don't know what to do. Like, he's just... And she's also, like, fully sure that he's dying before her. Right. Which is very Italian woman because, like, she sucked the life out of him. He has nothing left. Yeah. And they shrivel out. And the women always... No, I saw a thing on...

It was definitely on TikTok.

that like Italians legitimately are obsessed with death. So are Irish people. Because like in Sicily, like a volcano could happen at any time. So they were always like, well, you could die. Yeah. Well, with the Irish, they've had so many struggles. Everything's just like, how are you? Who's dead? No, literally. Like Des is so comfortable. Des also like, whenever anyone dies, he's the calmest person. He's like, okay, we got to go here. We got to do this. It's quite comforting. Yeah. Yeah.

Just kind of the Super 8 motel. Oh, can I say one thing about old people too? I would love to. Love it. Apparently, apparently...

Like when men die, their wife will like live and be fine. Yeah. Because like she's just like, oh, I got a weight off my chest. Where it's proven that like when women die, there's all these stories of men like two weeks later just dying. Like my great grandma passed away and she was like 96 and her husband, nothing wrong with him, dies in two weeks.

Like, of a broken heart. Of a broken heart. Of just, like, there's no reason for me to... And that's, like, honestly, I think men are actually so much more romantic than women. I love... I would love to think that. I truly would. I would love to think that they're like, how could I go on? But in reality, let's call it what it is. They're like, well, I'm certainly not going to do all this shit. So...

I might as well pack it the fuck in he just pulls out his IV he's like yeah I think we're good here I think we've done all we came to do he's like I have to make the pasta absolutely no fucking way cut it now cut it now

So, anywho. Wait, what was I talking about? Basketball. The men are really speaking very kindly about the women. Are they? Like, Shaq is like, I don't even know who's playing in the men's college basketball. The girls have fun storylines. And the girls are also like, they're fashionable. They're cool. We give a story. A genesis claw. Yeah. Like, we are giving

One of them's a legit rapper. They're all, they're just funny and gorgeous and cool. It warms my heart so much I could cry. No, we love women in sports. We love women in sports, but I'm a little nervous about the men. Chris, are you okay?

I'm great. I'm doing well. Thank you, Brent. As long as Chris is okay. Did the Men's March Madness... We did that? Did that happen? No one knows, actually. Who won Men's March Madness? No one knows. The last game is tonight, actually. It's you, Ken. Just like a man. Because it's April. You know? So, like, I don't got it.

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Oh wait, can I talk about mom math? Sure. Are you familiar with mom math? I don't know if anyone's talked about this before, but mom math is a real thing. Okay. So basically my mom called me and she was like, she's like your home, right? And I was like, yeah. And she's like,

Yeah, because I was worried about the rain, and I know that you normally book flights around 11 because you want to sleep in. So I figured you were on that Delta flight, and then I figured you were probably around, like, Georgia two hours in, and I knew the rain had passed by that time. So I knew you would have landed, and then I'm obviously checking your Find My Location, so I knew where you were. And I go, and that's my map. No, I love when my mom says... She knew my...

Flight number. She'll ask me, hey, are you here? And I will say yes. And she'll say, okay. And then I'll be like, you have my location. Like, you are the only person on the planet who has my location and will text me, where are you? I'm like, you can see.

The exact room that you're in? She's like, but what if your phone got taken and your phone is there, but you're personally not? And you don't answer. My math is also, like, when you get to her place, she knows how hungry you are at all times. Yeah. Like, she always knows. My math is also, like, she knows when you have to start getting ready so you're not late. My math is also, like, you'll be on the phone. Like, this happened to me this morning. Okay.

I'll be on the phone with my mom for like 25 minutes, like doing our check-in of like everything. And then like halfway through, she'll go, what's wrong? And I'll go, no, nothing. And she'll go, Paige, what's wrong? And I'll go, okay, what's wrong? Okay.

I didn't. And she'll be like, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, why didn't you say this when we got on the phone? Why are we talking about eggplant parmesan for the first 30 minutes? And it's like she tricked me. She knew right when we got on the phone something was wrong. But I needed time to, like, let it simmer. And then she knew at the exact scientific moment to say, what's wrong? For the waterworks. Have you seen Nick Kroll's special? I think.

I might have. He has the funniest bit about moms. He's like, moms just try too hard. And he's like, you know when they just text you an article and you're like, why are you fucking sending me this? Where your dad will be like, hey, I wanted to see your game, but I didn't show up. And you're like, thank you.

Daddy! It's like, dad plays hard to get. No, why is it that, like, every... I think, like, people are meaner to the people they feel most comfortable with. Like, my dad will text me once every two weeks, and I'll be like, he's an angel. No, this actually...

It makes so much sense because, like, this is, like, a little bit not related but also kind of. I mean, when has anything been related? Every Monday when we record Giggly, every Sunday night, I say, okay, tomorrow I'm going to wake up. I'm going to shower. I'm going to do my makeup. I'm going to put a cute outfit on. Like, I'm going to record Giggly. Because sometimes when I see our clips, I'm like, why did I wear that? Why do I look like that? And then I realized...

I physically can't do glam for Giggly Squad because this is my most authentic self. And I feel like the universe doesn't let me go into some type of like, oh, you have to wear a miniskirt to record Giggly. It's like, no, put your hair up in a bun. Don't put any makeup on and like be yourself.

That is such a magical, beautiful statement. And first of all, we are so thankful for your authentic self showing up every Monday. And it's so fucking true. But that's why Googly's therapy, because like we do a lot of things that people see us through like weird lenses. Yeah. That this is where we can be like pure. But not to make this about me, but...

That's how I felt when I was trying to find an outfit for Netflix. And I was like fighting with people because, you know, like you can put on an outfit that looks good, but I have to feel like so fully myself to actually like do it.

do the jokes. Right. Which is what you're doing now. You're like, I can't be funny while also trying to be a different persona. And that's why I said, would Olivia Rodrigo wear this? And pay taxes? No. So like, it's like if you had to do, well, when we do outfits for the Giggly shows, it's kind of a similar vibe where like you have to feel an energy from the outfits.

Yeah, like Giggly Squad Live is the only time I never stress about my outfit and I pick it out the night before. Yeah. Because I'm like, it's not. It's about the vibes. It's about the vibes. Exactly. So anyhow. Anyhow. And I accidentally booked a facial this morning. Where?

They came to my house. Wait, you're obsessed with the house thing now. Well, I'm trying to get these girls to laser my pussy at my house. They... First of all, I got ready for a Netflix special this weekend because I literally, like, did... That's every week for you. I was like, what if I fuck around and get a lymphatic drainage massage? So I did that. No, I had booked laser for her to come to my apartment this morning to laser my legs. And then her sister also showed up and was like, I'm here for your facial. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah.

So like I laid down on the couch, had a facial while my legs were getting lasered. So I was like, I can't put makeup on and get ready for a giggly. I have to like chill. My mom is like, you have to be more like Paige. Paige takes care of herself. And it like cuts to you having eight people. I'll be a giggly squad in an hour. This is my thing though about the laser girls and they DM me and I'm going to get back to them and I can't wait because clearly me showing up once a month is not working. No, I do it once every six weeks. Why do I have hair inside my labia?

Wait, here's another thing I want to say. No, I mean, that's a personal situation. They need to open it up like a burrito. No, this is why we're going to laser our vaginas because she was doing my legs and I was like, what is the deal that like it's some laser places? I literally have had to walk out because it hurts my legs so much. But like when you do it, I don't.

even feel it. And she was like, I genuinely think because we do it at home, you're already so relaxed because you're on your own couch. Like it's fine. Does she use the air or the gel?

Like, is it cold air coming on you? Yeah, a little bit, I think. Okay. No gel. Like, she doesn't put anything on your leg. You were blacked out. No, I was blacked out. You were living life. I'm like, sorry, spa music was playing in my ear and a gua show was going over my face. I was like, what is a job? Speaking of documentaries. Yes. I don't know how this happened. It, like, it didn't come across my desk. Billie Eilish. Mm-hmm.

Did a documentary in 2021 on Apple TV that I just missed. You never saw? I never saw. It was fucking amazing. It was during the time of her creating her first, like, really hit album. Wow. I bet that would be really good. Because she's young. She was 17. No. Or 16. No, that's... Which I can't imagine. That actually makes me... She's also...

She's very pretty. Like gorgeous. People don't give her enough credit for how stunning she is. Talk about an X factor. And this crazy thing happened where she just seems like so cool. She's such a teenager. Like she's like, mom, shut up. Yeah. And they're just like in her bedroom with her brother. So adorable. They're kind of weird homeschool kids. 100%. But like in a like hippie kind of way. Like, oh, we let them just find their passion. Yeah, like I'm on a sorry school. Yeah.

She graduated at 14 because she was, I don't know. It's like we let them pee wherever they want to. It's like, okay, well that's a health hazard. And it's funny because the brother is kind of like straight edge and then she's like all in her feelings but she's

I love this documentary because it was a raw one where, like, it shows them in scenarios that are just... Where are they from? They're just from California. Oh. And basically throughout all this craziness, she's living in her childhood home with her parents. And the mom multiple times is like, I don't know how these young kids did it without their parents around. I know. Oh, like in the public eye. And, like, after she comes back from tour and, like, goes back into her house, creates music in her house. And I think that's actually so smart because sometimes when people blow up, I feel like within...

You blow up, and then in a couple months, you have a whole new house. Yeah. All new different people around you working for you. All new responsibilities. That's what I feel about, like, Charli D'Amelio. Like, I get so... I'm like, oh, my God. What are people... Sometimes I feel like people, like, threw her into things. I'm like, she's literally a kid, and now she's, like, in this massive house, and she's like... Well, even... Have you seen the Dasha girl? Mm-mm. She sings the Austin song. She blew up, like, a month ago. Yeah. And with this song...

Did your lips start knocking? It's so good. And she's so cool. And she just performed on the CMT Awards. And it was like... And how old is she? I don't know how old she is, but she's young. But it was just like sometimes the drastic shit... Like a lot of people, by the time they perform at the CMT Awards, they've already done like...

a full tour of eight months performing. That's why I can't imagine what it was like when they were on Laguna Beach and they were in high school. I couldn't imagine what it would be like doing a reality show at that age or going to the Grammys at 17. What a mindfuck. It's crazy. But Laguna Beach, I'm kind of jealous because social media wasn't the same. So you could walk around

And only be reminded that you're famous because you were on a magazine. Right. Instead of like now you like go on your phone and people are talking about you. Yeah. And you're like, oh. They're like, you suck. I hate you so much. But the Billie Eilish documentary, first of all, she has Tourette's. Does she? And it's incredible because they would show like when she was having kind of a tick attack and she would be verbally like annoyed by it. Like, sorry, guys, this is so fucking annoying. Let me just get this out.

- Oh wow. - And she showed this relationship with this guy who clearly wasn't like prioritizing her. The cutest part though was, she seems so cool and she has her own style and you see her like in her own teenage angst.

But then you remind her that she's a 17-year-old girl who was completely obsessed with Justin Bieber. I cut to the mom, and the mom was like, some days she was so lovesick that Justin Bieber didn't know who she was that she would cry. And she's like, I fully felt. She's like, you know when you have an ex-boyfriend, you see them around afterwards like, oh, that was my boyfriend. That's how I feel when I see him now. I dated him in my childhood. Oh, my God. But girls were obsessed. The girls who were a little younger than us were obsessed. But you want to know what's crazy? What?

Okay, yeah, they were a little bit younger than us and they loved Justin Bieber. But we had probably, I mean, we had to have had like a similar. Well, we kind of had like, I guess, maybe like Justin Timberlake. Yeah. But I never in my life, never in my life have I loved a celebrity so much that I had a poat. Here's what it is.

Not a poster girly. I wasn't a poster girly. Never had a poster up in my bedroom of anyone. Yeah. Yourself. You just had photos of yourself. Well. Limited to posters everywhere. No, but as you should. At some point in my house, it looked like I had died in a car accident. At some point, let's... It was like, and here's the shrine. I'm like, I'm alive. I'm at the dinner table. You know, like, here I am. Don't wait till someone passes to appreciate them.

Don't Picasso it. Literally don't. Let's admire the work right now. So anyway, you're watching her life kind of blow up. And then she gets off a performance that she hated. And they show her like she forgot some words to a song. And she gets off stage and she's like, I fucking sucked. Like it's so funny to see how human they are. And then she's all upset. Her boyfriend's not texting her back. And she gets a call of someone being like, hey, Justin Bieber wants to jump on your album.

Oh my God. I thought you were going to say, hey, just move around to jump on your dick. I don't know why that is what my head went to. But she literally, she's like black sound. She's like, he could kill my whole family. He could do whatever he wants. And then they show her at Coachella.

And they show the moment that they're like in the VIP section and he sees her and she sees him and she literally like runs away from him and he just stands there and she keeps just like she's having a full like hilarious. She's funny. Yeah. But he's just staring at her and she's like, no.

No, like freaking out. And then it cuts to her sobbing in his arms. She's crying in his arms for like five minutes. And he's just holding her and there's like music and he's like tapping her head. And then it cuts to her back in the green room and she's like, I just cried in Justin Bieber's arms for five minutes. Yes.

No, I don't. Then you think about like, oh, Billy's so young experiencing this. But then imagine what Justin Bieber's experiencing. He's only 25 and he has this like weight of the world on his shoulder. I feel so bad for Justin Bieber. He was so supportive of her. Like he called her. He's like, I love you. You're incredible. Like, enjoy the moment. Like,

I love Justin Bieber. I want him to put out more music. I do too. I feel like he's like... I think he's the songbird of our generation and we haven't fully appreciated it. Like the talent. And I feel like we didn't listen to him when things were going on when he was 17 and like everyone's just criticizing him. I feel myself, this is actually really scary, I feel myself getting more and more emotional as I get older. And I don't know if it's because my hormones are regulating. But like over the weekend I found myself being like

Aw, I feel bad for that person. Wait, so you're saying for the first time you felt empathy? Like, I was on TikTok and everything was just like, Jojo Siwa, Jojo Siwa, Jojo Siwa. And I was just like... Do you know what's so funny? I was about to say hot take. Hot take, I feel bad for her. Hot take, we support Jojo Siwa. Yeah, hot take.

We support women in the arts. Yeah, I'm like, okay. I saw this one TikTok and was like, you want to know why everyone hates JoJo Siwa and Jennifer Lopez right now? And I'm like, oh my God, why? And they were like, because they love themselves. And I was like...

God forbid a woman try to be confident in this harsh, horrible world we live in. I totally get the cringeworthy moments that Jojo Siwa is doing and how she has these ideas of grandeur that she thinks like she's changing a generation. But don't we teach girls to be delusional? Be delusional. And I'm like, I get it. I get it.

I get that JLo like loves herself so much, but maybe instead of just like making fun of them so badly and being so mean to them, it would be more like, hey, maybe like just like a tad bit of self-awareness. But like, I don't think people need to go on and be like, you're the worst thing ever. Has anyone ever watched what happened to Jojo Siwa as a child on Dancing with Dance Moms? Like she was. We did not learn from Brittany. We did not learn from Kate Middleton.

Did we not just say with the internet that, like, when women are going through something, don't fucking attack them? And Justin Bieber, how many mistakes are we going to make? This innocent angel, Jojo Siwa, was...

Traumatized in the public eye. Her whole life. Her whole life. Her whole life. She was basically put makeup on at four years old and told to dance like a monkey. Right. Like think about, yes, told to dance was screamed at. Like I kept seeing clips of like Abby. Verbally, physically abused. Screaming at her for literally nothing. Dealing with fame at a young age. I'm happy that she's not Amanda Bynes at this point. Right. And then to go from, okay,

I'm actually, what is she, is she bisexual or is she a lesbian? I think she's lesbian. I'm actually a lesbian and I'm the apple of every child's eye. How the fuck do I say that? How do I transition? Okay, so maybe you guys didn't like that she, she thinks that she's,

creating this whole new genre of music. You didn't like her outfit. You didn't like the song, which I think is actually kind of catchy. The song was catchy as I cannot get it out of my head. But like think about her life as a whole. Yeah. And like I started to feel bad for her. I'm like, oh my God, here this poor girl is like I'm putting out this song. I'm so excited. You go on TikTok. Everyone's just hating it. And so I felt so bad. When I brought up Amanda Bynes, it's like everyone's making fun of Amanda Bynes right now. And it's a product

It's not her fault. It's all the horrible shit she went through. Yeah. And Jojo Siwa is fighting the good fight. And then in the same weekend, I was like, everyone was like making fun of the earthquake and like, oh, there's so many like funny memes. And in my head, I was like,

Wait a minute. Like an earthquake happened in Taiwan like recently and like a lot of people died and now we're like making fun of our earthquake. And I was so emotional over it. And I was like, what is happening? So I didn't go out all weekend because I couldn't see anyone in that state. Do you think you're PMSing? I don't know. Because that's how I get when I PMS. Like you get really sad for everything. Yeah. And I get really in my head about like the meaning of life. And I'm like, why? It could be because, okay, let's be honest. I haven't had my period in a year. So I haven't PMSed.

Really? I was so emotional this weekend. Like, I was tearing up that people were being mean to JoJo Siwa. No, but I was getting upset, too, because at the end of the day, first of all, the song... Oh, yeah, let her be. What if someone got hurt during the earthquake? You know what? I'm fighting for my life at a Super 8, and you don't give a shit, but you're crying over rich JoJo Siwa. You put yourself in that situation.

Also, this thing with JoJo Siwa. First of all, the song's a bop. People were like, she didn't really change her outfit. It's basically the same thing, but just black and white. Yeah, because she's on theme. She's still JoJo. She's still quirky. I mean, yeah. Was what she wore, that red carpet, the kiss outfit, absolutely ridiculous? 100%. Well, someone else was like, oh, is it giving like Gene Simmons? And she was like, who is that? So that was very funny. This is the thing. I think she just needs maybe better people around her. I think, yeah. She needs a whole new team. She needs a friend to be like...

She needs a friend like you. You know when I have an idea and I come up with a lot of ideas and some of them should be tarred and feathered. And you go, you know what? I love your creativity. I see it. I love the way your brain works. But not this time. Yeah. Not for this one. Distract me with something else. I think she could have had... I know she really wanted to have that Miley Cyrus. Like, oh my God, she's so different. I think she could have with just a different PR team. I think whoever her manager is, sorry, hate to say it, you're out. But then some people would argue...

If she had made it

Too good would she not have gotten the attention that she got through this like everyone's talking about it Like it did it kind of work. You also have to think she was a girl that like in her own home her kitchen table had her face on it Yeah, her refrigerator had her face on it. So yeah, I'm sure growing up people were like you're amazing. You're amazing And then she started thinking oh, I'm amazing. So now we're mad that she's a little too self-confident Well her whole life people were like you're the best but I also would argue like she was she went on Nick Viall's podcast and she literally said

I don't get mad at comments because all those things are things I've said to myself. That makes me so shocked. It's like you can say any mean thing because I've already said it.

- I'm like, I'm gonna go talk to myself and that makes me sad. - But like JoJo Siwa has dealt with so much hate. It's a la Justin Bieber where like all the kids like them and everyone's like, she fucking sucks. So like that girl has been torn apart to shreds so many times. - I can't imagine, 'cause when I'm on TikTok and I happen to get one and it's like page disorder, I'm like, oh my God, I couldn't have scrolled faster. That's terrifying. So I couldn't imagine how she felt this weekend. She couldn't even go on to browse. - And also like, I don't think she's necessarily insanely cocky. I think it comes from like,

deep hurt and pain. And then obviously you're going to pitch your song and be like, this song's fucking awesome. You're not going to go on a carpet and be like, it's average and it's kind of just like everyone else. Because we also get mad at girls who do that too. Yeah. When Dakota Johnson was like, I didn't see the movie, don't plan on it. We were like, that's horrible. But then if JoJo's like, it's the best song ever, we're like, you're stupid. Yeah. There's no winning. And I do think...

Not to make it gendered, but when men are like, it's amazing. They're like, well, yeah, man did it. Or if it's bad, we make fun of it and then we quickly forget. We're like, haha, that was stupid. Quickly forget. Quickly. Quickly. So anyway, justice for Jojo Siwa. Justice for Jojo. There's so many shitty people to actually make fun of.

And like, JoJo didn't hurt anyone. No, she really didn't do anything bad. Also, the woman who working at Spirit Airlines, I think was Abby Lee Miller. She looked identical to Abby Lee Miller. Can we just like talk about that for a minute? Like any TikTok I get about Abby Lee Miller, I'm like, if I ever met you in real life, I would turn the other way. You're terrifying. How has no one fully canceled her just from like the shit she used to say to seven year olds? Because you're like,

looking at a seven-year-old and being like, you fucking suck. That's what I almost did at the Super 8. I was like, what the fuck are you looking at, you dumb bitch? But I'm like, that, you're an insane person. She called me poor. The kid called me, she was like, what are you doing, you poor bitch? And I was like, okay, you don't even have a job. Maybe she was working at the Super 8.

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Now streaming on Hulu. Also, side note, a little bit about fashion. I'm so excited. Because as we were talking about Adidas pants are very in, right? Which is like my religion. Because that's like, it's basically like warm up pants. You always wear, like I wore in college. That's what you wear. And I have never figured out shorts for my body type. Okay. Because, you know, I have a fat ass. Yeah. Thick thighs. T-I-H-I-C-C.

Wait, I feel like have I ever seen you in shorts? No, I've seen you in denim shorts. Denim shorts, it's just like there's chafage. I feel like it's just so uncomfortable. It's like up my pussy. I feel like I rarely wear a short. I know, but the thing is I'm hot all the time, so I'm like how good would today be if I could wear a short?

Now the girls in Barcelona and Berlin are wearing boxer shorts or the Adidas basketball shorts. Not even the long ones, but like the mid ones, which is what I would practice in tennis in. And I'm like, those are my shorts. They're very in for the summer. It was not socially acceptable to just wear an Adidas short. This is my time to shine page. This is...

I'm almost like upset that it's a trend because after this I have nothing. So I'm like. What's the shoe you're going to throw on?

A ballet sneaker. I sent Hannah, I took her Instagram that the ballet sneaker is making a... People said it's literally you plus me in a shoe. No, I think that someone listened to Giggly Squad and was like, oh, Hannah loves Crocs and chunky sneakers and Paige loves a ballet flat. And my foot literally can't fit in a ballet flat, but if it's a sneaker, so like I might wear that. This is the thing. People like the Adidas shorts with the cowgirl boot.

Or a boot. But like I'm telling you, my calves be sweating. Yeah. I honestly think like how cute would like a little Adidas short be with like a strappy sandal? Why do I always when people say strappy sandal, I think of a gladiator.

No, I hate... You want to know a fun fact about me? Hate a gladiator show. I do too. Hate a gladiator flat. Because it's too much Edmund. Hate a gladiator heel. No. Hideous. Hideous. I think hideous. It's the same way I feel about wedges, even though wedges are coming back. I hate a cork...

screw wedge. Which is very, it was very Hamptons for a second. Like everyone in the Hamptons was wearing it. I just don't, sorry. I don't know what's going on with me this month, but out of the woodwork, just scraping, scrappling people coming out of the woodwork that like I haven't spoken to in years, like this month, like, Hey Paige, what's going on? Hey Paige, could you like do this, this and this? And I'm like, what is Mercury doing?

in my life that in like I've had like seven different situations of the most random people texting me being like hey do you think you could switch lives with me and I'm like what? You have a hundred thousand dollars. No it's like I'm getting some of the craziest outreach. Do you want to take my baby? Yeah.

equipped to be a mother right now. Like, I'm just, I'm ready for this month to be over because I don't know what's going on in the solar system. Your energy's going through something right now, but like in a good way. Guys, the amount of people I've cut off this month. You do look light. I feel lighter because the amount of people I've been like, oh my god. Like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. So funny, I'm never going to talk to you again. And you don't even know it. Like, I...

But that's your 30s. No. Your 30s is like, I don't have time for this. I think anxiety is caused by the fact that people can access you at any time and you feel obliged. What a big word. Yeah. To immediately respond or you're a dick. And as a people pleaser, I'm like,

This is a full-time job. No. You ever, like, have three hours off, but you end up, you're just responding to, like, email, to phone, to the end. And then you're like, I lost the three hours. Yes. And I feel empty. And I'm like, I don't even know how I did this. Yeah. No. So I'm all about ghosting. I feel like. You wrote retrograde boundaries test. What's that? I don't know. Because that sounds interesting. Retrograde boundaries test. I forgot. Yeah.

Wait, this is what I did want to bring up to you, though, because we were talking about flights last episode. I kept seeing on TikTok this great debate. You're traveling with someone, your significant other, your boyfriend, husband, whomst ever. Before you begin, I just wanted to say I do not care to sit next to them. Continue. Okay. Not the question, but I'm glad we got that out. I'm glad the people know that. Des absolutely buzzed off.

Your boyfriend has TSA pre clear all the accoutrement. Yes. You have zip zilch zero. Yes. You're in the general line with the literal common folk, you absolute idiot. He's in the TSA pre line. Are you mad at him for not standing with you? He should be mad at you for not standing with him.

taking the time to figure out the best way for you two to travel together and not get divorced. And I'm speaking from a place of I was that girl in the long line. Yeah. Because I got clear and I thought that was good enough. Yeah. Turns out... Unpopular opinion clears a little bit of a scam. I feel like everyone has clear. Well, now everyone's getting clear, so...

When you go to LGA or JFK, you do the digital ID. However... They added another thing. When I was in Columbus, Ohio... But then it's also like, are you priority or digital ID? It's a lot. When I was in Columbus, Ohio... Pripy. Pripy.

I see a line, right? And there's no one in clear and there's no one in pre-check. So I go, fuck clear. I'm going pre-check. Yeah, I'm going pre. So I go on pre-check and then a bunch of people go to clear and the lady just like weighs the clear people in. I said, that's okay. And then she gets the normal people. Have fun taking off your shoes, stupid bitch. And then more people come in clear and she looks at clear and she goes, continue. I ended up waiting for like 20 clear people. I am.

And there was a guy, there was one guy in front of me. Yeah. And it got to the point where he kind of turned back at me like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. And I looked at him, I said, do you want me to Karen this? Yeah. And he didn't laugh. He just turned away. I thought it was hilarious. I was about to be like, hey, pre-check is here. I was like, do you want me to Karen this? Because whenever like I get a little upset, I'm like, that's hilarious. There's nothing like making a hilarious joke to a stranger and them just staring at you. And I'm like, I can't believe I even wasted that fucking funny joke on you. Because he was a man. I was a woman. I was like, I could.

care in this. Yeah, that's hilarious. It also got to the point where like if more than one person's mad as a New Yorker, you can speak for the group. Yeah. Do you know when like you're not being a dick because you're like, we need to be addressed. Like I love when New Yorkers combine to be pissed off together. Yes. They're like, let's collectively say how fucked up this is. Apologize to the Academy right now because once I have some people on my back, I'm not being rogue.

Right. And he didn't commit to the bit. And then we ended up just waiting and he was like scoffing. And I'm like, you should let me care in this shit. I recently have just been blaming things on the mayor. I'm like, if the mayor doesn't care, why should I? I feel like I'm so old. I'm like, well.

You know, our mayor doesn't give a shit, so I'm certainly not going to. I could be anywhere about anyone's mayor, too. The mayor is awful. You lost your wallet? My enemies literally couldn't be working more overtime this month. Is that retrograde? I think so, because I pride myself. I don't lose a thing. I don't. I just don't lose things. Except your mind. I don't misplace things. I'm very organized. Everything in my home has a place. So if something's missing...

It's not my fault. We live a completely different life. Whenever Des and I have to leave the house, we go, where is anything? It takes us 30 minutes to leave the house. It couldn't be me. All Des does is go, where's this? Like, I would know where his stuff is. And then he thinks I moved it when I didn't. That's a huge fight in my home. Or my mom comes to, like, organize, and then we can't find anything. And we're like, would you rather be organized and not find anything or unorganized but know that your wallet's on the floor? So I lost my fucking wallet in Charleston. That's my biggest night. Wait, in where?

I guess it's lost. You don't know. This is the other thing.

Craig's never looked for something in his, a day in his life. I don't actually think he knows how to open his eyelids. So like if I say to him, hey, can you look for this? I might as well have asked a monkey at the zoo to get on a flight to Charleston. He's like looking in the fridge. So I knew it was gone. I knew even if it was there, I wouldn't be able to find it until I got back there. But I couldn't wait that long. I had to get new cards. I don't do this, but I really feel like we should put air tags in our wallets. Well,

Well, it's funny because I have an air tag for anything like suitcase-wise or like travel-wise, but I don't for like my everyday purse or like my wallet. Or keys. I feel like I should. But I probably...

Now I will because... Losing your wallet's the worst feeling in the world. Well, I lost my ID. No, you feel naked. You feel like you're cast away on an island. And you can't focus on any conversation because you're like, I don't have my wallet. They could tell. Have you been to the Fort Lauderdale airport? Not willingly. I support most airports. I really do. Fort Lauderdale, I walk into the bathroom and there's a huge line. No bathroom has toilet paper. And there's women. There's attendants there, but...

They don't care. They don't care. They're like, use your fucking hand, bitch. Yeah, pick it up. And then there's no soap. No. And I just use my hand. I support a lot of, I support Newark Airport. I support LaGuardia. I support Detroit heavily. Detroit's beautiful. Detroit is stunning. Atlanta. Okay, the Atlanta airport, I do fuck with, but it's so big. Yeah, it's huge. It's huge. I've ran through it multiple times. The Charleston airport, you're on my fucking list. The thing with the Charleston airport is it's a garage.

Like, it's a tiny... My dad could run it. Honestly, if you got my dad and a couple friends, they'd have that airport running seamlessly. I'm going to be honest. I fly, like, four times a week. Yeah. I don't know any... Like, I don't know what airport I'm in ever. I know you don't. Like, I will sometimes not know if I'm in JFK or LGA. I'm just like,

We arrived in New York. I hate JFK. I love LaGuardia. LaGuardia is gorgeous, except it does take like 15 minutes sometimes to get somewhere. And if you... It's a whole thing. LAX, they can't figure out their Uber situation. They need some police officers like running that. This is a classic not New York situation. In Fort Lauderdale, then I was like, oh, I'm going to get a coffee and a bagel, obviously. And the whole place has no Starbucks or Dunkin'. No. So I'm like, okay. So then I find, I guess, like a cafe. And there's just like a lady there. Yeah. Who like...

Honestly, I feel so bad for them because she's fighting for her fucking life because for some reason she has to make espressos and lattes while also making people sandwiches. And this is the only woman. There's only one woman. There's only cafe. How could you even? So the line's insane. And then by the time you get up there, she's just like she's defeated. She's defeated. And I'm like, you're like at this point.

And then she got, the woman in front of me was like, can I have a croissant? And the lady's like, we're out of croissants. And she goes, I can see the croissants. And she's like, that's a croissant with an almond on top. And she's like, yeah, give me the croissant with an almond. Like people are losing their mind. Croissant. Croissant. Sorry, I went to Paris last year. I went to Paris last year. I downloaded Duolingo. Sorry, I have the Babbel app.

Oh, and then they have all these things to make things faster, you know, where you can, like, do the digital stuff, like order on the digital thing. Yeah. None of the screens work. Amazing. But it doesn't say none of the screens work, so you watch everyone get really excited to go up, and then they go to each one. It doesn't work. No. I hate when things just—when things don't work the way they're supposed to, when technology doesn't work the way it's supposed to, and when people don't do their jobs—

Like that they're hired to do. I can't. I can't. I'm going to say like the most bratty thing. Yeah. I hate when you go to a restaurant and you want breakfast and it says it's serving breakfast and you sit down and they go, oh, there's no breakfast available and

And you're like, well, obviously I was just here for your fucking breakfast. And it's like, did the eggs disappear at 1102? That's like a Larry David episode. It literally is. No, it literally is. I'm like, I can see the egg. Yeah. I can fry it. But there must be a real reason. And if someone knows DM me, because I'd love to know, that's why I love diners. But then after I ordered my...

My sandwich, and I realize, oh, I need a coffee, but I didn't want her to make a latte, so I'm like, I'm going to get a Starbucks pre-made one behind, and there's a self-checkout. I said, thank God. Thank God. She goes, man, the self-checkout doesn't work. Of course it doesn't. And I look at her, and I go, do I have to go at the beginning of the line? And she's like, no, I'll do it. The person is pissed. Yeah. But I'm like... Of course. And, you know, anyway, life is hard. So anyway, don't look up at the sun during the eclipse. Wait, what?

Wait. Oh. Is that clip happening right now? No, it's going to happen soon. We have to be home for it because I'm actually really freaked out by it. Don't look at it.

This will come out after. So if you looked at it, you're fucked. What happens though? Didn't Trump look at it? I looked into it. Trump looked at it. Yeah, like astrology wise and like. Oh, like energy wise. I really believe the Native Americans. So if the Native Americans say something superstitious, I'm like, no, they fucking know what they're talking about. And they specifically said, don't look at the solar eclipse because it's the sun like renewing itself and she needs to do it in private.

And that's why she has the moon come and cover her. Someone tweeted, just like the lunar eclipse, don't look at me. Oh, literally. Don't look at me, I'm recharging. And then they were saying people that looked at it in 2017 had bad luck until now. So you're basically like, don't even go outside in case the demons in your head are like, look at it, look at it, I dare you, you won't. Yeah. Yeah, so just stay inside. No, I'm not. I don't know what an eclipse is, and I don't really care. Do you want something to really...

grind your gears what are your harrelson the the leggings in did you say woody or harrelson yeah is that a thing people say no it's just like a guy's name but like on tiktok you haven't seen like people saying like people's names you could do it with any really hannah your burner okay okay this is new to me okay so all of our leggings like workout leggings like regular like lemon yeah toxins

literally filled with toxins and because we're sweating in them because you're working out in them yeah your pores are opening to get like your sweat out yeah the toxins are going in your pores so we can't even wear leggings anymore wait they've ruined leggings wait but athleisure's like certain brands have more than other ones like the cheaper brands but by toxins like microplastics like cancer like it's it can get in your like st. ives

No, St. Ives was not happy with us. Honestly, it's your own press. No, St. Ives is hilarious. What did they comment? They were like, St. Ives has left the chat. That's hilarious.

That's hilarious. Honestly, now I'm a fan of St. Ives. You know what my favorite thing to realize is? Every funny brand on social media is backed by a woman. There is a group of girls in a room at the marketing team saying, this is funny. Post this. Yeah. Like, and that makes it even happier. Like, L.L. Bean DM'd me, and I said, guys, I've been a fan of you since my eighth grade backpack. What?

And I like treating brands as if they are the actual thing. And it's not a human behind this. A brand will hit you up and be like, hey, we're gigglers. Yeah. And I'll be like, Chick-fil-A is awesome. I mean, Taco Bell is...

All gigglers. And it's all just a bunch of girls on the marketing team running the world. Everyone that is funny on a brand, it's because a female is running that job. I want to know what brands like social media is run by men. Have you heard the hear me out trend? Hear me out is basically people being like, hear me out.

And they say people that they're attracted to that like other people wouldn't. But people are being bad at it. Like Vince Vaughn. No, Gen Z sucks at it. Yeah, they're giving like legit hot people. It's like he's a tall, like, his ears are a little big. Who is yours? Well, mine, I don't want to get the gay community mad at me, but Will Ferrell. Yeah, but I feel like I would do that even now. Like, because he's tall and funny. Like, hear me out.

Yeah, I'm not. I don't even need to hear you out. Like, I would hook up with a funny, like, obese man. I was just going to say, mine's Tony Soprano. Yeah, like, I find those guys hot. Like, not hot, fat. Do you know who I like? I love when you can hear men breathing because, like, they're just so gross, you know? Yeah, I love it. I'm like, you are going to freak out when we have sex.

That's what I think in my head. I'm like, you don't even know. No, like I'm about to blow his fucking mind. Yeah, he's about to be like, oh my God, this is the hottest girl I've ever had sex with because you can't breathe without making a noise. Wait, I want to tell you who mine is. Chris Farley. Yeah. That's a good one. I love him. Like, because I want to like get him alone in a room and be like, let's cut the jokes. Are you okay? Well, he's dead, so no.

But like that time period for comedy, I feel like was probably like it would never be like that again. Oh, yeah. So I watched a Steve Martin documentary. Oh, was it good? Well, I feel like our generation didn't really know Steve Martin. Like we just he was just like the older guy in some like sitcoms. His humor actually isn't.

Like, I don't find that humor to be as funny. So he... When you go back, he basically, like, is a comedy genius and, like, changed the whole game for what stand-up comedy was. Because it used to be very, like... Like, that's how the 60s were. And he... Like, rather than, like, storytelling? Yeah. It was more joke, joke, joke? It was just, like, a joke punchline. Yeah, yeah. And...

Steve Martin was just like ironic and weird and would do all these like crazy things but no one understood it for 10 years. Like he basically bombed for 10 years. Oh my God. And then one day like he kind of like started to get momentum and like a cool crowd started to follow him and he started selling out. Next thing you know he became the biggest selling stand-up comedian in the world. Was he on Saturday Night Live? He hosted it multiple times. Like he was doing arenas. Like I have chills. And then one day he goes, I don't want to do it anymore. Yeah.

He's never done it since, like, for years. Stand up. But it's, like, he almost, like, conquered it. And his whole shtick, he kind of, like, got to the point where he's, like, people get it. And I'm uninspired. And I'm moving on. I just love the TikToks of, like, clips from Father of the Bride. And they were, like, the parents were supposed to be 45. And they look 102. And you're, like, oh, my God. I'm closer to the parents' age than, like, the girl who got married. No, literally, we're...

I'm 32. I'm too old to be a mom.

I said to someone the other day, they asked me something. I don't even know what this woman asked me. And I was like, well, it's so crazy because I'm like, I think of it in terms of my daughter, not myself going through it because I'm closer to being someone's mom than I am to being someone's child. And I didn't like that when it came out of my mouth. What age do you actually feel? Oh, that's a great question.

Genuinely, I feel like I'm 25. Genuinely, I feel like I'm... 82. Seven. No. Genuinely, I feel like I'm 28. Yeah. I feel like I just... Which kind of makes sense because of COVID and shit. It's kind of a four-year difference. Wait, how old were we when we went into COVID? 26, 27? Yeah. Oh, wow. Wait. Your life stopped.

all crying because I literally felt like it did. When I tell people when we started reality TV, like, we were both 26 and, like, single. I mean, I don't know if you were. No, I was 24. No, 24. I was 25. You were 25. I was 26. Like, we were...

Babies. Literal babies. Anyway, life goes by so fast. Thank you for giggling with us. Oh, it's over? Oh my gosh. Thank you for giggling with us. We love you guys so much. And we are... We didn't even talk about fruit leather. We'll get to it next week. We'll get to it next week. No, seriously, we're obsessed with you guys so much and we're gonna... We did a photo shoot for an announcement soon, which is cool. Everyone knows what it's for. We were like, oh, we're gonna be Easter eggs. And they're like, okay, bitch, just put the dates out. We're like, no, we got it.

No, we get it. We just don't have them yet. We're just trying to get it together. Just trying to figure it out. We're trying our best. Okay, thanks for giggling. Bye.