Giggling about good sides, tampons, and turtles
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Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up, my growling gigglers? Grr. We're running out. Yeah. We're running out. Not really, though. Not really. No, that just wasn't a good one. No, I actually enjoyed that one. Thank you. You flew in from Charleston? I did. Literally, like, just now. Because I was so excited to record Giggly Squad, and I happened on...

Craig's Insta stories, which I don't find myself on. Yeah, you happened upon it. I happened upon it. And it was you and Charleston playing with turtles. And I was like, this bitch has giggly squat in two hours. Charleston Page, I don't know her. Never met her. You were wearing some ugly outfits too. Hideous outfits. I wear hideous outfits when I'm down there. I'm not myself. I'm like very in touch with nature. So Craig wrote in her element. And I'm like, when was that her element? Yeah.

When is Paige feeding turtles her own? You're like, who is that? And he goes, she loves turtles. And I'm like, I've never known that about her. I just recently started liking turtles. Okay. So it's nothing. So he brings you to like. No, he's literally gaslighting you. He's like, you don't know that about her? Yeah, he goes, we're like jealous of each other. He's like, oh, you didn't know? That's all she talks to me about. I said, you're going to start a turtle sanctuary called Paige's Pals.

Here's the thing. There's nothing to do down there. Like, there's literally nothing to do, so I have to, like, come up with hobbies. And I'm like, oh, there's, like, animals right there. I should at least bring them the salad I'm not going to eat. That's so nice of you. You posted a TikTok, and I was, like, really into it, like, what you're going to wear. And then it just stopped. Stopped. I was like, okay. I didn't manage my time. And then you posted it and then just continued the next. Yeah. Yeah.

I was like, whatever. This is my page and it's my Saturday and I'll do as I please. Is Craig supporting your TikToks?

Craig's super supportive of my TikToks. He's just very like, okay, well, like, what about... I'm also like his social media manager. He's like, okay, well, can you pick a TikTok that I can do? And I'm like... It's not about you. No, I actually can't pick a TikTok that you can do because I'm not on the payroll. I feel like he's sitting waiting to get tapped to like co-star in one of your TikToks. Yeah, and then like I'll be like, oh, I have a TikTok for us, but then I like we won't make it because like I get... Like that was 15 minutes ago. Yeah, it's not trending anymore. Right?

I'm like, I thought you had a TikTok for it. I'm like, no, it's over. I actually decided. He hates. You know what he hates when I say? What? I actually decided I'm going to do that one with Hannah. She's like, well, I thought that would have been a really good one for her. I'm like, yeah, but it's just kind of more mean Hannah. You know, like, I just feel like Hannah would crush that role better. See, that's really mean. Craig and I have

Absolutely zero sexual tension. We have more other kinds of tension. It's tension. It's like unspoken, though, where me and Des could not give a flying fuck. Could not. I literally, the one day I called you because I thought you weren't with your husband. And then when you were with him, I was like, I'm so sorry I even reached out. That's so rude of me to call you while you're with your husband. I left Paige like 10 voice notes and she was like, is Des in Ireland? And I'm like, yeah.

No, because I love when he goes to Ireland because you get so obsessed with me. It's literally like my ex coming back and being like, so what are you doing? I'm like, we are broken up. You up? No, I feel like some people do love having tons of friends. I need friends.

one to two people that I tell everything to and not a therapist. Do you want to know why I feel like we're like that too? Why? Because we have such bad anxiety. If I know that too many people know the same story about me, I freak out. But then I do have a side to me that like if I'm not figuring something out, I will tell this stranger outside at the bus stop. I'll be like, if you ever were in this situation...

What would you do? And you're getting information from people who are like, I don't give a fuck. I've never experienced this before. Let's also talk about your new segment. I'm so happy you brought that up. I woke up this morning. I said, this is my creativity. I will not think of a new idea for years. And then when I think of something, I go, oh.

I have to do it. I called Des and he's like, how are you? And I said, I know you're having a cell surgery. I don't care. I'm... I know you're in a different country about to be put under, but I have an idea. I go, I have a TikTok idea and I'm going to wear my tie because the tie is catching on. This...

I did shows all weekend. Girls are showing up in ties, looking so hot, like Avril Lavigne hot in the audience. And I'm like, oh no, what did I create? So I'm like, I'm going to do a tie and I'm going to do a new segment on where Kate Middleton will be. And I thought, the first thing I thought of was I think Kate Middleton is like having an affair with one of the Montana boys. And that made me laugh so hard. I couldn't stop laughing. I called Grace. I told her about it. And Grace came over and I was like, we have to shoot this new segment. She's like, you have a lot of things to do today. I go, this is very important. And then she...

What else did I say? I mean, the Montana boys thing is funny. The MGK tattoo. MGK tattoo. And I called him Machine Kelly. Yeah. And I gasped. People think that's his new name. People are like, oh, I didn't know he was Machine Kelly. I just forgot. Where is Kate, though? Like, I, after watching The Crown, I feel like I am an expert in all things royal.

Knowing that they each, even though they're all in a family together, they each have their own team of PR that does their own for that individual person. So like one PR team can be fighting with someone else in their family's PR team and they're going back and forth like putting articles out about each other. That was like the whole Kate Middleton, like Meghan Markle thing. Like they just kept putting out articles that like fought each other. And then they just walk past each other in the castle like...

No. How are you? Literally. Good. How are you? So I feel like she's fighting with her husband and she's like, you know what? And I'm going to do the number one thing I'm not supposed to do, which is literally go. You're not going to be able to find me.

And so, like, I feel like she's not been out. You think she's fighting with his husband? I think so. Her husband. He's finally, like, lost enough hair that she's like, I can't deal with your shit anymore. And there were always rumors that he was cheating on her with someone else, but I forget what her name was. Well, I think she's going on a cocaine bender with Andy Cohen. I wish. Wait, don't you love how that came out and people were like, what else is he doing? I don't know.

Obviously. It's 2024 in New York City. If he wasn't, I'd be concerned. We go, what did we do about him coming? He's not lame. Yeah, do you not have friends?

Sorry. She's recovering from Hailey Bieber's sister throwing a used tampon at her. Wait, what was that story? Did you see that news story? I saw that she got arrested, but... She got arrested for being in a bar, getting in a fight with a bartender, and throwing a used tampon at them. She took it out? I've never heard this in my life, and I don't know why we haven't done it before. The second I heard that, I go, that is so fucking smart.

That is so in the mode. Because one thing men are afraid of, men are afraid of two things, getting kicked in the balls and used tampons. Yeah. Kicking the balls, obviously important if you're in trouble. Or just take out your tampon and like fling it around if you're getting kidnapped. I'd love to know like...

I'm way more scared of the tampon. For sure. Yeah, you'd be freaked out. I'd maybe rather lose my balls than get hit with a bloody tampon. Was she wearing pants or a skirt? Like, was she unbuttoning, unzipping, pulling it out? Or was she like, you know what? That's a great question. However, when people are drunk, they do magical things. Like, you're like, where did that come from? Where'd that sandwich come from? What?

When people are drunk, they can do literally anything. Also, drunk people fucking in the bathroom all the time, logistically, people be like, oh yeah, we fucked in that bathroom. I'm like, how? Yeah. How? Where? What bathrooms are you going to? I just feel like people fuck in bathrooms. Like at restaurants? Maybe people are joking with me, like, yeah, we fucked in the bathroom, but like, I've never fucked in the bathroom at a restaurant. I've done it one time. Was it, like, logistically hard? No. What'd you do? Like, the sink? You sat in the sink? Yeah.

You were drunk. Oh, my God. You have no idea. Yeah, I was drunk, actually. I went to, you know where I was? Are we going to say the restaurant? I can't remember the name of the restaurant. It's supposed to be a page six article. But it was right by the Comedy Cellar. Whatever that, there's like a famous restaurant like right down the street, like an Italian restaurant. I went there.

Went into the bathroom. Like had dinner. Went into the bathroom with my date. Oh, after dinner you had sex. Interesting. Okay. No, I think I did it while after Aptizer. After Apt. That's when I would recommend. That's a sweet spot. Not if you have Caesar salad though because then it's garlicky.

But you don't have to kiss. And then we went to the comedy cellar and had, like, the best time ever. Wait, so were you like, I'm going to go to the bathroom first, then you go? Like, was there strategy? I can't remember. See, again, drunk people are magicians. I think he was like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. Yeah. And then you come in. And then, like, did you have awkwardness leaving the bathroom? Because I would. Like, everything you're afraid will happen will happen to me if I try to have sex in the bathroom. Honestly, no. Like, I didn't...

I, for whatever reason, didn't think about anyone else around me. If I had sex in the bathroom, I'd walk out and there'd be eight people waiting. Do you want to know why I don't think I thought anything of it? Because at the time, I feel like I was going to a lot of restaurants where people were like getting up from dinner and going outside and smoking a cigarette. So I feel like it was like one of those restaurants that it didn't look weird that like we weren't sitting there. Yeah. But also like, I don't know. That's pretty badass. Chris, have you ever had sex in a restaurant bathroom? I have not, no.

Guys, what am I, a whore? The friend that went, when we play Never Have I Ever, she's already out, and you're like, we just did three questions. I'm like, all right, losers. No, I was actually going to tell a tampon, a dating tampon story.

One time I was dating a guy and I went... It was like... We weren't exclusive or anything. Maybe we had gone on a couple dates. And I went into his bathroom in his apartment and there was a used tampon in the garbage, which is like... Was it rolled? At least rolled with toilet paper? Okay, that's just... It was bizarre. I was like, someone...

Cooked here. Cooked here. No, literally someone wanted me to see this. So I go to the bathroom. I walk out. I'm not saying anything. He knows that I saw it. Like he knows something's up.

I can see his wheels turning. And in my head, I'm like, I don't give a flying fuck. I'm not exclusive with you. Because he doesn't know how you know, but he knows you know, because men know when we know. Yeah. I was like, I don't care. I was going to never bring it up. We know. What are you hiding, Chris? Men are dumb. What are you hiding? No, men are so stupid. Because here's the thing. I actually wasn't mad. And I was never going to bring it up. And I was never going to like. Well, because you're not, you know. Yeah. I'm like, okay. Yeah. Do your thing. Like, okay. Yeah.

We're sitting at dinner. He comes up with the most elaborate story I've ever heard in my life to the point where like then I'm into it. Now I'm like, okay, what is it? Don't gaslight me. He said his cleaning lady's daughter sometimes comes to help her out and she just turned 14 so it probably

think I was going to stop talking to him just because there was like a used tampon. Yeah. After that story, I was like, I can't ever see you again because that story was so fucking crazy. Yeah. You could have gotten away with it by just never saying anything. Not bring it up because he didn't actually do anything wrong. I do think that everyone has a fear of like,

getting drunk and accidentally having sex with your tampon in and then it's like either he's like this girl has the smallest canal I've ever ever witnessed or he pushes it up and then your tampon's stuck in there forever no but I don't think men's dicks are that powerful

No, they're honestly not. They're not. It'll come out. It'll plug. Like, they can't get it. Yeah. They're not Houdini. I mean. Or Evel Knievel. Yeah, or Evel Knievel, one of our favorites. Also, I don't know. I don't know. Everyone has different periods, but I'm at this point where my period's insane for two days, and then, like, it kind of just gives up. I haven't had my period in a year, and I'm not laughing about that because it's really not funny. Something medical is definitely going on.

But let me tell you, it's been so nice. No. No, a full year. It's not great. I actually have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Yeah. Because something's plugged up and we don't have one. Honestly, you have to go to the doctor. Half the gigglers are doctors. So, like, they'll just DM you. Okay. But it's not good.

No, it's not good, but I'm a year off my birth control. And when you were on birth control, were you having a period? Yeah, because I was. But it's like a fake one. And how many days of the week are you sexually active? Sorry, I'm pretending I'm a doctor. They don't ask how many days. They say, are you sexually active? How many partners?

In total? No, like at that time. In total? How many parties have you had? Are you asking my body count? I feel like I'm not going to count him because I was like 24. Honestly, I have so many half-life.

Stories where I'm like, that doesn't count. Like he tried, it didn't work. Anything before 25 for me, I'm like, that didn't count. I don't even know you. No, seriously. At 31, to still be dating, like at 31, to not be engaged, not be married. I've been dating since I was 15. Anything before 25,

That wasn't me. I'm in my 30s now. I didn't know her. Yeah, you actually get a new layer of skin like a snake. I was a born-again virgin when I turned 28. Like that was it. I was resetting my clock.

And that's where I'm on. I do think when you get out of a relationship, you're re-virginized. 100%. Yeah. Yeah, because you don't know what the kids are doing out there. You're like, I've been away for so long. So I heard today, because I hang out with a lot of Gen Zs, humble brag. You only hang out with Grace. Okay. I hung out with another Gen Z. Did I pay the girl? Yes. No.

We were shooting a video. However, she told me, and she's very cool. She lives in Brooklyn. And she told me that Gen Zs are just, some Gen Zs are just shaving their butthole. For the first time? No, like, because they're just eating ass. Pardon. Hold up. Like some girls. Oh, when you say they're only shaving. Yeah. Or they're comfortable with their pubes, but because eating ass is so, they'll shave their butt.

You know, this is crazy, but I just had this conversation with someone. You know, I've been talking about this all week. I saw it. And I would like to consider myself very sexually... Who knows what you'll say? Because you've been all over the place. The last five years, you've been all over the place. I would like to consider myself very... Well, one, sexually active. But two, like...

I'm down to like try something or like, you know. And this is coming from the girl, her first season of Summer House. I showed her a dildo and she pretended she didn't know what it was. You bought me my first vibrator. True. I was your sexual renaissance. Now I'm a literal connoisseur. I'm like, get it out of here. I hate that shape. But that, I will say, that is one thing that I will never. I'm not reciprocating. Don't ask me. I'm a lady. I am.

That's when I become a nun. I'm like, you want me to what? You should go to church. That's disgusting. So he could literally spit on you, slap you, but God forbid he delicately puts his tongue on your booty hole. No, no, no. He can do it to me. I would never do it to a guy. Ever. Honestly, that tracks for you. That's like, I don't even want to be down there. You're like, I'm a star. I'm the talent. I'm the talent. Mom, I'm so sorry.

No, I don't. I just couldn't. I would never be able to. But also, I think I give that off because I've never been asked. That is so funny because it's like I've never had a guy try to like really choke me. Interesting. Because I don't give off that energy. And you talk a lot. You would think they're like, I'm finally in here. Shut the fuck up.

Only time I shut up is when butter falls asleep by my mouth. That's the only time. When a cat falls asleep on my chest. Wait, that's so funny. You think Des would be like, oh, finally. Yeah, like I got her exactly where I want her. I think when I'm actually in a relationship with someone I really like and I feel calm with, I'm actually quiet. You're very quiet. You're actually very reserved. Like you can sit on a couch and not speak for hours if you're relaxed. Yeah, which is pretty incredible. But like throw one new person in the room and I'm like, da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da.

And then we leave and I'm like... No, but I love that about you because Craig is like that too and then I can stay silent for the whole time. I'm like, there's my friend. She's going to perform for you now. Don't talk to me. Please do a small talk this way, but she'll tell you a joke. But the crazy thing about anal...

Is that for men, it's like so important. When gay men have sex, I've asked around, they can orgasm just from the butt. Like they'll have a full orgasm just from a guy being in their butt. Got it. Because it's hitting their prostate. Why is Chris laughing? You paid his reaction. Because I have so many questions logistically. I have so many questions logistically.

That man, okay, that man who is receiving, is he touching himself? I don't think he has to. I dream. The men have to do nothing. The men have to do nothing. We have to. And focus. But that's why if you do, like, apparently, because I haven't, I have not, I don't want to say I haven't tried, but I just, I haven't figured it all out. Yeah. Because, like, I started getting my nails done. Okay.

You're supposed to put your finger. A finger will make their orgasm so much better. It is literally like a button. I was told a story about some guy. It's actually in his special. A guy was like, I told a girl to put a finger in my butt, and her fake nail fell out in his butt hole. Oh, my God.

No, that's my worst nightmare. I think men, like when they were just all the men are out at war. Yeah. They were all fucking each other. Let's think about it. Men are like not as much about emotions. Right. So why are you not going to get your dick sucked? I mean, think about when they go to jail. That's what they do. Isn't that jail? No, that's... There you go. I give you 25 years of anal...

And you have to be a bottom. Then they go to jail to be themselves and get in shape. But then I got confused because I have a lot of, I mean, aglers who are friends and a lot of them are bottoms and it's not making sense to me if everyone's a bottom.

There's like three New Yorkers who are top. Some people can switch. They switch. But a lot of people don't like to switch when they're their own. And I get it. I love laying down also. Like, you know, one day if Craig's just like, and now you're on top, I'd be like, no, I'm tired. But there's so many different kinds of bottoms. Like, you could be a power bottom. We're going to get so many messages like, you guys tried so hard to get it right. We tried really hard. And you totally missed.

Anyway, how did we get here? I think we started talking about turtles. This is where we got. I love to see our progression. We have to bring up the Noah Cyrus drama. I mean...

What is going on in that family? I don't know because, I mean, Noah Cyrus' mom, Trish, which is such a mom name. No, her name could only be Trish. You came out as a mom named Trish. If you have Miley and Noah and this country family, you're Trish. I've never met a child named Trish. It's only a mom. I don't think I know. Is Trish short for something, Trishel?

Trisha. Trisha. But Trisha is like, you might as well just call her Trisha. Trish. I don't know. Trish. But Trish is the name from that video that everyone says that's me and you when it's not Amy Poehler.

Kristen Wiig and the other comedian, they're like on the plane and they go back and forth and they do like a fake video. They do like a fake like scenario. It's literally us when we talk about men's names. I don't know. No, it was like a movie, not an SNL skit. Yes, yes, yes. But the girl's name was Trish and I always think of it. Okay. Okay.

So Noah's dating this man. Noah was dating this man. But people were trying to say at first they weren't dating. Okay. They break up. They're over. And he was a zaddy. And then Trish is like, hey...

And starts dating him. See, that's what I want to know. How did the hay happen? I mean, was he over one night for dinner? Like, I don't... So now they're, like, getting married? Are they getting married? I think so. But they kept it on the low, this whole drama, until the wedding. And then people are saying that Noah's not going to the wedding because she's pissed. I mean... It's loaded. It's... Disgusting also. It's loaded and disgusting. Could you imagine dating someone and then sweet, sweet Lenore being like...

Leave Lenore out of this. I mean, it could have happened one time. It was Jazzy J and it didn't happen. Jazzy John loved my mom. Actually, every guy I date loves my mom. Every guy I date. That's so funny because every guy I date hates my mom.

Because she doesn't warm up to, like, she's like, don't. She's like, you don't deserve her. They love my dad, hate my mom. Because my mom's real. See, my dad, my dad's like, do you know any Knicks players? And they're like, what? And then my mom, they're like, your mom is just like you, except domesticated and on her shit and, like,

a caretaker and they're like can you be more like your mom and I'm like no then go hang out with my mom then my mom's just like me except she can see more clearly you know I'm like if she doesn't like you there's a fucking reason okay and that's a personal problem

That you have, not us. Wait. And, like, I have that character where, like, the fact that Kim likes me makes my day. But she literally, it's just a look she'll give me. Like, a little smile. And I'm just like. She's very proud of you. No, my dad, like, honestly, I feel like gets jealous. He's like, you just love her so much. I'm like, yeah, she's my friend. Yeah.

I love you too, dad. The only family member that is not jealous is Gary because Gary knows that you love him so much and he's actually like confident. Gary's such a true older brother in terms of like he thinks we stole his whole idea. You know, like he thinks that like we are anything because we are younger siblings. You know, he's like, you guys wouldn't have even known anything or how to be funny if I wasn't involved. I'm like, okay.

Speaking of brothers. I will say, I do play drys a lot of his jokes. Well, he's riffing with you. So I'm like, I'll take that. You do have a good eye for jokes. Like, you can tell when something's funny. It's the same like an outfit. Like, you have an eye for when something works. Yes. So my brother, I went to Gary, Indiana. He doesn't live in Gary, but he lives right by there to see Lois. Yes. And...

Apparently Lois, when she misses me, they'll just play my videos on mute. Stop. And she'll cry and then she'll watch my video. So I walked in and she was like, lost her fucking mind. Oh my God. I lost my mind. We FaceTimed you. She put on sunglasses for you. That was cute. She's so cute. No, it's like next level cute where I sat them down. I said, you guys are near Chicago. Do we want to sign her up with an agency? I know it.

I was like, honestly, the Gigglers love Lois. They chant her name all the time at shows. I go, are we going to monetize this? She will be fucked up. What are we doing here? I go, we'll have to get a therapist. You're like, it's been six months. I'd be like, we can... What's our ROI on this baby? She's about to get past the Gerber baby phase. Like, she could do a whole national campaign if you want it. I said, I'm not going to force it. If you want it, if she needs a manager, I can probably hook that up. So she's just like a star. But then...

Didn't it solidify that like if it's your baby or like if it's in your family that you're like, you're the best thing that's ever happened to this whole world and why aren't people blessing? Well, I was thinking about it genetically. She's basically my child. Because like isn't Daniel and I the same?

Yeah. I mean, what's it called? She's half yours. The Punnett test? The Punnett square. The Punnett square. So isn't he, I mean, I guess me and Danielle have different, no, we have the same. You have the same D&I. D&I. Right? Yeah. Because like he could do it, 23andMe, and it's the same. Yeah. We're figuring this out together. Hold my hand. So scared right now. So then he hooked up with Jeannie. His wife. His wife. So if I had done it. He got married. He got married.

Talk Genie, okay? Genie is a lovely lady who is his wife. I love saying, like, I hooked up with Des in our wedding night. I was like, we hooked up. So they got together. Lois is genetically my child. Yeah. So she wasn't able to go to my show. Because she's at bedtime. I was trying to get her into this casino. I was performing at the Hard Rock, and they were like, I don't. You're like, acts over, acts over. She's like, I can't talk. I go, you look like a fucking drunk adult. You're just stumbling, and you're getting me to keep food in your mouth. She's like, I learned to walk.

week she's like stop crying all the time and I was like look I'm the talent I can get her in and they're like I think it's like you legally can't bring a child into a casino I'm like I'll leave her in the green room and they're like I'll put her in my purse are you kidding me

She fit. She wasn't able to go. And then it was like a huge room. It was like 1,600 people. Why am I picturing you in like a trench coat on? Like with Lois inside of it just being like, shh. And like sneaking her in somewhere she has no business peeing. And she's going, mama. Mama.

In a green room. She calls me Hanny. Wow. And whenever she gets excited, she goes, Hanny. Wait, that's so cute. It's so cute. But then like the second she has like a poop problem, I'm like, oh, I'm out. Yeah. Did it make you like want to make her a cousin? Give her a cousin? I don't know. I still don't. Like I'm still... Because like leaving, were you like, okay...

I've been doing this crowd work in my shows where I ask people, like, do you actually like your kids? Like, do you think I should have a baby? Yeah, like I straight up am like, let's just do a test. If you were me, what would you do? Let's do a control group right now. I'll do it based on whatever you guys in Gary, Indiana think. And it's really... Some people are like, my kid's an asshole. Or like, I didn't want to have kids. People call their kids assholes a lot. Wait, that's crazy. Or they'll be like...

It just really depends. We're just, we're at this crazy place where I was talking about on burner phone where like over 50 years ago, like women, like, like my Nana. Yeah. She wanted to be an artist. She wanted to go into Hollywood. She had to get married at 18. Right.

My mom was the first generation to go to college. And then I'm the first generation that takes it for granted. Yeah. But then it's like, obviously, we're going to have a different view of family that like we don't have to do it immediately. Right. So it's like then you think, is it a cheat code where like you actually never have to? But then that makes me feel like so sad and everyone's going to get mad at me.

It's so, this is actually such a like serious conversation. So serious. We should not be having it. Because like, let's be honest, me not having kids, it's not like voting where you're like, oh, if I don't vote, it doesn't matter. Like voting matters. But like having a kid like, I don't know why I brought that up.

But, like, having a kid is not going to matter. If you do have a kid, I'm making you a pin that says, I had a kid today. Because you know when people are, like, if everyone was, like, let's not have kids, then I guess, like, as humanity, we'll die. Or I guess they wouldn't exist. They wouldn't have a chance to die because they weren't. But, um...

If you, we don't have, you don't have to. No, you definitely don't have to. I think the, what I think of, which is probably like a little bit selfish, but also like not really selfish.

You love your family structure right now. But one day that's not going to be your family structure. So when you're at the age that like your parents are now, what are you going to do to fill your time? I saw this lady on Instagram who was addressing that. And she was like, when I was like sick and stuff, it wasn't my like kids who helped me. Like they moved to other places. They have families. It was my friends.

Okay, great point. Hannah, we hate everyone. We can't rely on each other in our 70s to help each other. But, like, what do we really need help with? Like, bring me to the hospital if I need help. I don't want people in my house helping me. No, I don't either. But my friend Stephanie, like, we've talked about this too, and she's brought up, like, but what if I just didn't have kids? Yeah.

And mine, like I know I definitely want them. And she asks me like such, honestly, such bitchy questions sometimes. She's like, but tell me the reason why you want to have them. And like if you gave, she was like, I was waiting for you to give me a really selfish reason of like you want an accessory. I was like, okay, I'm not a monster and you've known me since I was 12 and this seems very pointed. Yeah.

But, like, no, I want them because I feel like I would be such a good mom. Like, I would make a child's life really great and have a great experience. So I know I want that. I love how Stephanie was like, I never thought that was the reason. That was definitely not the reason. Stephanie was like, please don't procreate. Whatever you do. But then sometimes people say, like, it's selfish to not have kids. But then some people say it's selfish to have kids. Like, oh, you need to continue your legacy. Well, yeah, I'm stunning. Yeah.

I'm not letting this bone structure go to waste. We've talked about this before. Sometimes two really good looking people have the ugliest children. No, I know. Because you know when it's so good looking it becomes alien like? Yeah. You ever see like the most gorgeous man and his mom is so not cute and she created the hottest fucking dude ever? Yes. That's why my son's going to be hot. Yeah.

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So anyway, Noah Cyrus. I can't even look at myself in this. I look like a ghost. Noah Cyrus. We don't know enough of the drama. Oh, yeah. I feel bad about that. We don't know enough about the drama to, like, have strong opinions. I mean, if he's the- I feel like- It's just weird. We know the headline, though. We know the headline. And it's insane. It's insane. Like, I mean, here's the other thing. Noah's much younger than Miley. Yes.

Also, Noah. Can you Google how old Noah Cyrus is? I feel like she's got to be maybe 23. Also, I get it. Maybe have the same sense of humor or like the same perspective in life. I don't know. But Noah and Trish are two different fonts. Like they're giving very different energy. How are you attracted to both of that? How is there not a reality show yet for that family? Yeah. They have so much random drama. 24. 24. And the dad's like off.

being in a shaman somewhere who knows no he just has long hair he just has kind of bangs kind of has bangs and like wears a cowboy hat so he's a shaman in LA it's like you're a drug addict Miley really tries to stay out of it but I wonder how involved Miley is in it you know what annoys me

Remember when like Addison Rae, like I was thinking about her and then all of a sudden her parents were just in the fucking headlines for being thirsty and quite frankly, stupid. Like this girl has just become for whatever reason, for a couple months, like an A-list celebrity, like everyone knew her. She's on the Kardashians doing all these things.

Now you don't really hear from her. And her parents like put her in the media in such a negative light because they were like out doing bullshit. It's a little bit like Miley's working so hard. She's very successful. And this probably won't affect her at all. But like you work so hard and paying tons of money to publicist and trying to create your career. And she just won a fucking Grammy. And then it's like cheapens the brand. Right. Like she has a reputation. They're having a full on Jerry Springer like sideshow. Yeah. And it's like you're.

I'm a Grammy winner. No, literally, that's all I would say. I walk into my house now and I'm like, Paris Hilton doesn't vacuum, mom. I'm not, you know? Oh my God, I watched this extremely sketchy documentary about like becoming a, is it called like becoming a queen?

And it was about like Tinsley Mortimer. Was it on Hulu? Yes. Oh, was it? Did you watch it? Queenmaker. It's called Queenmaker. About like the New York City like socialite girls? Yes. I didn't watch it. That's the kind of thing that I just like having on. Like I love. Yeah. And it was basically how like Paris Hilton and them started the whole like

you're famous and you're not hidden. They basically said New York City royalty, their whole thing was like, we are private. We own the roads. We own the railroads. What do people do? All the Astor plays. All those families were like, you can't have access to us. And the Hilton sisters were the first really famous family that was like, look at me because I'm rich and famous. And then there were all these

you know rich and it's crazy cause like I love when people are rich and famous because they're rich and famous like I just think I love it it's fascinating to me it's fascinating because it's basically like yeah cause of your name like people respect you cause of what like your dad did right cause your mom wasn't allowed to work

Right. And whatever. But I will say, like, Paris Hilton, of all of those girls that probably are on that documentary or all of those, like, socialites that were famous then, she's the only one that built anything from it and I feel like took her advantages and made, like, she could have done more.

nothing. For sure. Like, she could have fucking chilled. She's like a billionaire on her own. And she also had other people in the family doing a lot of, like, random stuff, you know, housewives and stuff, and she's created her own path. I do think... I'm forever a Paris Hilton stan. You have to be. She created us. No, literally. She birthed us. From her ribs.

So then they bring up Tinsley. And, like, I did not realize, because, like, I didn't, I wasn't covering the scene at that time. Yep. They said Tinsley Mortimer basically was, like, the it girl of the gala scene. I remember hearing her name, like,

Way before Housewives. That's crazy. So they basically said she came, but she's not like the other New York girls because she's from the South. She's Southern, yeah. But she played tennis for Columbia. Oh, wow. And she basically got married to some New York City oil guy. And she basically said to, the first thing you have to do apparently is get a publicist.

Which is crazy because like in my head I'm like, oh yeah, you get a publicist when you're like working on something or promoting something. They were getting it just to like be cool. Famous. Yeah. So the first thing you have to do is get a publicist, which is thousands of dollars a month.

And the guy was like, what do you do for a living? And she was working in PR. And he's like, I'm not making a publicist famous. You have to quit your job. Oh, my God. But she didn't need the money. So she quits her job. And then they would go to like five parties a night. No. And they had to change, like Fashion Week every day. Yeah. Change in the car because it was all about Patrick McMullin taking a photo of you at these parties. Oh, my God. And you'd show up to parties and you don't know why they become obsessed with certain girls. Yeah.

And then they talked about how Olivia Palermo showed up. And they were trying to pit Olivia Palermo against Tinsley. Like, she's the new it girl. I loved Olivia Palermo. Because you look like her. When it was the Hills and everyone was like, Olivia Palermo is such a fucking bitch. She is the worst. I was like, ah.

She is my Jesus. I fucking loved her. She talks like this. Like everything about her. She's just like, I don't really want to be her and I don't like any of you. I'm a little bit of a poor remote. Because here's the thing, when I watch reality TV or I watch like celebrities or something, unless

I want to be you or be your best friend, I'm not interested in you. So true. So like you have to be in an outfit where I'm like, I need to buy that. Or you have to say something where I'm like, that would be my friend. I do see you in the future consulting future like reality TV girls. No. Don't put that on me. Please don't put that on me. Well, you're basically doing it now, I feel like. But anyway, so Palermo comes in and then they start their first ever like crazy vlogs. They were ranking the girls.

Yes, yes. It was like an internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like Tinsley was number one. Yes. Yeah. And I actually. It was Dumas. It was basically Dumas. Yeah. And I've never watched Gossip Girl. And I think it's because I'm from New York City. Is why you didn't watch it? Is why I didn't watch it. Because it was like, why would I watch a show about like Upper East Side girls? Which is exactly why I watched it.

Yeah, and I think if I watched it, I would understand more, like, the glamour of people moving to New York City. Yes. Because in my head, I was just like, okay, I'm on the Upper West Side. I guess they're on the Upper East Side. Those, like, private schools had a whole different, like...

schtick. No, I would have never survived that. They were beyond glamorizing it. But yeah, the money was like insanity. I mean, just the fact that kids would have private drivers to take them to school is insane. Yeah. But then it gets so normalized because once you see... It's like anything in life. You see enough and you're like, oh, they have cars. No, that's so true. It's also kind of sad sometimes because things that used to really impress me, now I'm like...

You don't have a car? Yeah, I'm like, fucking get a car. Oh, you don't have... You don't... Well, Uber Black still impresses you. True, it does. But anyway, so then this... That blog gets taken down. Okay. Because actually, Olivia Palermo sued the fuck out of them. Because they had a fake email going around of Olivia, whatever. So this is like the beginning of almost like just, yeah, the vlogs, the blogs. So then a new one starts and it's really...

It's, like, a little more positive, and it's very, like, in crowd. Like, you can tell it's written by someone who, like, really knows these people and knows what it's like, and it's, like, very detailed, and people are, like, obsessed with it, and the writing's so good. Not to give it away, but they find out that it's... Yeah, sorry. This is a long-ass fucking story. I'm trying to pay attention. Sorry, I'm giving you a lead-up. I'm adding tension. It's a guy...

A guy who goes to school in Illinois and he's like this gay Indian immigrant.

Wait, and he was doing the internet thing? Yeah, and they were like, how do you know all this stuff? And he goes, you just have to Google it. But he was like a weird genius. Oh my God. So like everyone thought it was someone like in the in crowd, like it must be Tinsley's like publicist or like her cousin or her sister. And they probably all blamed each other. They all thought it was Tinsley because they wrote so much about Tinsley. Oh, justice for Tinsley. Justice for Tinsley. Where is this guy now, you think? I'd love for them to do a reunion with Andy. You know?

Just get them all. When Andy comes back from his bender. People are insane. People are so insane. It's also like, here's the other crazy part about like this industry is like, if someone annoys you in real life, you just talk about them to your friend. You're like, I fucking hate them.

People are, like, calling people magazine and, like, page... Like, that's terrifying. Yes. Just to say shit about people to, like, get them... For everyone else to hate them. Well, I actually... Grace sent us some info about there's a lot going around about gossip. As long as gossip is true, it's healthy because it's you, like, understanding social dynamics and you, like, seeing other people's perspective of the world. And then they said something about... Sorry for putting clues together all day. They said that...

Because it's like a female thing. It's negative. It's negative. And then people were trying to get girls to stop gossiping because did you watch what it said? They were like, oh, women are talking shit. And they're getting too smart. Oh, so men try to get women to stop gossiping back in the day because it was sharing information so they would know what's going on. Yeah. So gossiping is how we take down the patriarchy. No.

I'll stand by gossiping until the day that I die. As long as it's honest and pure. And truthful. And she is a fucking bitch. That can be a fact. And also, yes, you're literally putting things together with other people that have also experienced the same thing. And you're like, wait a minute. And then you're just getting smarter. And then you have a better tactic.

No, for sure. And yes, part of gossiping is understanding, okay, this sounds like it's coming from a biased source. Or like, this person's trying to get me to say something. You can really look inward when you're gossiping. You're like, maybe I... There are multiple times where I've said something about someone and I've been like, maybe I don't like her for something else. And I quickly realized, no, she's a fucking cunt. But at some moment, I might think inwardly. Like, maybe it's me. It's so true. And people will be like,

You are supposed to talk about, you're not supposed to talk about people, you're supposed to talk about events and ideas. How many events and ideas to talk about? What are you going to talk about World War II? No. President's Day? No, here's the other thing. Okay.

It's not because of its information. But also, some of it, I did make up. You know? And I am going to say it to my friend. And some of it is catty. And I am going to pick certain things about... No, you don't make stuff up in thin air. No, I'm just kidding. But like, yeah, some of it isn't just facts back and forth. Some of it is venting. Yes.

And that is also really healthy. Sometimes we're throwing stuff at the board, you know, seeing what sticks. If you don't have a person that you can call and be like, this fucking bitch, let me tell you the story of what she did to me, then you need new friends because that's just like releasing. That's good for your body. Well, they say that gossiping helps you connect with people. Like, you know how certain people you only hang out with to talk about certain things? Yeah.

All my friends. Literally anyone I've ever met. I have a certain friend that, like, is friends with one of my exes or, like, was friends with one of my exes. And when I sit down, we just know it's time to be like, how is he doing? What's going on? And, like, be completely biased and be like, it's not going well for him. I need boots on the ground in Albany. I need the gossip from my hometown. Okay? I need ex-boyfriend, former friends. I need all of their gossip. Yeah. Yeah.

Because we're smart. We have our go-to people on what information we need. And that's smart. Like, I'm not going to my friend from college and gossiping with her about, like, my comedy drama. No. Absolutely not. I love comedy drama. Well, then there is the fresh gossip of being like, look, I'm going to bring a non-biased source in just to tell her the tea. That's my favorite position to be in. My favorite position is when someone says, okay, I have to tell you this crazy, the craziest story about people you don't know. I'm like...

hold on, let me get a fucking drink. That's when you know it's going to be good. And snacks. That's when you know it's going to be good. Because then you really can be objective. Like you're, you can literally give your friend advice because you're not involved and you're unbiased. And you know what? Good friends also know like what gossip you want to hear or not. Like, I think it's important. Like if they're trying to get over someone, you're not like, oh, I saw him making out with someone. No, you didn't. Right. You never saw that. Or for me, like,

I didn't want to hear some gossip about, like, reality TV, for example. Like, I needed some space. And then once I got comfortable again, I said, I'm right back in it. It's also really good for our brain because we hear something, we have to remember it. And then, you know, so really we're just...

We're fighting dementia each day. What could it be? When you live life, you're supposed to have something happen to you. And then the fun of it is telling your friends and reflecting on it and be like, what just happened to me? Am I insane? No, we're storytellers. Sorry for entertaining. I'll never stop gossiping. Do you know where gossip began? Cavemen. The walls. That was gossip. Yeah, they're writing shit down to tell other people.

How about mind your business? No one said that to them. No one said. Then he goes to the caveman and said, the real good people aren't writing on the walls. Yeah, they didn't say, oh, I figured out fire, but I'm not telling anyone. No, he'd be a dick if he did that. He gossiped. He told everyone.

- People that don't gossip also, you're lame. And you're lying. - No, but you know, they're lying. - And you have no friends. - People who don't gossip, yeah, they've known to tell gossip too. - It sounds like everyone's talking shit about you. If you are not the one gossiping, I'm gonna let you in on a secret. You're a fucking asshole. - You're the one they're gossiping about. - And everyone's talking about you.

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This is a little bit old, but I haven't stopped thinking about it. Ryan Gosling is... Okay, the whole drama with the Oscars and they didn't literally... Why the Barbie movie was created and they were like, fuck you guys. Ryan Gosling perfo... Sorry. Sorry.

They're having Ryan Gosling perform his song from Barbie at the Oscars, which like, whatever, fine. I'm annoyed by it because one, everyone's freaking out that that song was so good. That song fucking sucked, first of all. Second of all, we don't need him representing Barbie. Why didn't you nominate her then? Nominate her if you wanted the Barbie representation. Wait, look at you getting all worked up for women. Because I hate women.

I hate men. You hate when men sing. No, I hate men singing. That's what it is. I hate men in the fucking arts. I don't need... You know what? Craig's going to think of a riff. The next thing you know, him and Austin are going to be like tap dancing all around the stage. No.

I just like, I don't, he doesn't need to. That's the song you picked from the whole Barbie movie. That's the song you picked to be performed. Why? Why didn't you have Billie Eilish come and sing the iconic Barbie song? Is it because she sang at other award shows? Who knows? I stopped reading and listening, but like I was just annoyed. They should at least like put Billie on stage with him.

Have Billie sing it. No, also, like, that song was bad. Like, I think that song was a bad song. That song was, like, TikTok song. Like, it was, like, it was. It's like, okay, we get it. Repetitive. It was funny. It was repetitive. And I didn't like the dance number. Sorry.

I just feel like it's so weird when they show the, like, Mickey Mouse, what was it called? Mickey Mouse Club? Mickey Mouse Club. People don't talk about that enough. That's my, I think that's my. Like, Britney Spears, Ryan Gosling. That's my Roman Empire. And Christina Aguilera. That they were on the Miss.

Mickey Mouse Club. What genius casting director? Because I've never heard about the Mickey Mouse Club in any other groups except that year. Right. Or those two years. Like who was in the other years? Clearly no one. So that one year was just like all-star weekend. And it was for

No, literally. MVP's fucking home run derby. That's so true because it was around. It was around. I mean, Jessica Simpson. I feel like actually that was the last year. Oh, maybe they're like, we're never going to beat this, so let's end it here. Like the fact that on stage are five of like the most A-list celebrities that will ever be running around at like 11 years old. And then they like all dated each other too.

No, that's so crazy. You didn't watch like, did you watch like One Tree Hill and The O.C. and like all those shows? Not really. You were playing sports. I was. Those are kids. We were sitting at home and we were watching it. Someone, a girl did a TikTok how like those shows from back then, like first of all, in one season would have like 27 episodes.

But because there wasn't social media and these kids weren't, like, famous, famous, like, they were in, like, a town in North Carolina, like, filming the season of the show. Yeah. So, like, they only had each other. And they were, like, 16, 17, like, to hook up with each other. There was no DM sliding from other shows. The show didn't come out yet, so no one knew they were famous. And they're all good-looking and spending hours together. And there will just never be that era anymore. I also just have a theory. Like, if you do a movie...

with the hot guy that you're supposed to, you fall in love with them. Yeah. I did one commercial and I was like, I love this guy. Like, Sydney Sweeney is... They fucked. They fucked. Like, stop. Everyone stop. Also, like, if you didn't,

Stupid. You wouldn't keep joking about it. You'd be like, guys, this isn't funny. Like, it's not true. She's a fiance. She's fully leaning in and like, this is funny, right? Because we didn't do it. She did her whole SNL monologue about it. We didn't do it, right? We didn't do it. I feel like they're at the point where they're like, if we joke enough, people will think we're joking. Even though, like, it's become. Yeah. But it's also the kind of thing, like, I don't give a fuck if her husband produced or fiance produced it. Also, why aren't you married to him? Yeah. Anyway, I don't care if he produced it.

The way they look at each other, no. Right. Like, I could look a fifth—no. No. No.

Absolutely. No. I don't care the marketing. To be in front row during the SNL monologue and doing a joke to it. If Des had to shoot a movie where he was making out with some hot girl, make out with her, turn, puke. Puke immediately after the scene. Okay, that's so interesting. Make yourself puke if you saw me see you.

I'm trying to think like how I would feel. Because when you're acting like, like for example, like I was watching, I watched a Priscilla movie. Yeah. Like Jacob Elordi. Yeah. Her kid, like we're in love. Yeah. I don't care who I dated. I'd have to stop and be like, is this real? Because I'm,

we have a good idea. Think of the mindset. You have to pretend you're in love with someone and then you're physically making out with them and then all day you're spending time with them and then you're also doing this project together. You're in love. Yeah, and you're like, you're doing your craft, like your thing that you guys like. Do you think actors are just people that need to cheat? Yeah.

And it's the only career that they can socially acceptably cheat. They're just horny motherfuckers. No, I think it's the ego part of it. Yeah. Like, and it's the fame part of it. Not so much the acting part. I did. I dated one guy who like made out with a girl in a thing. I've never dated an actor and gotten cheated on a thousand times. So like, there's also no rhyme or reason. No, he did it. And it was, no. Like, I was like, no. He was acting and you didn't like it? No, he was acting, but like, I didn't like it.

Oh, he had a make out with someone. You didn't like it. And they did like multiple takes. Yeah. Where were you? On the side? No, I just, he told me about it. And I was like, and I, but I was at the time I was young. So I was like, ah,

Yeah. Yeah. And then my head was getting hot. Like, you know when you can feel your head getting hot and you just kept talking about it? Well, because here's the other thing. He was, like, poking you. Yeah. There's also a way to say to your girlfriend, hey, I have to film this scene. And she also was, like, model. Well, I mean, I'm a model, too. But, like, she was, like. She's a fake model. You're a model. You're a model citizen. Okay? She probably has a coke problem. You know when you bring up something, like, you're jealous of something, so you bring something up?

But then he over defends it. Like, you know, when he's like, no, you're the hottest. You're the best. Yeah. There's a way that he has to be like, or if he's like, no, she's disgusting. Ew. Like, I don't trust either of those reactions. You need him to be like very in between where he's just like, what are you talking about? Yeah, no, I know. Oh, Lordy, Lordy.

Wait, Priscilla was sad. Sad. If you're in a place where you want to date someone famous, like you're like, oh, it'd be so fun if I went on Raya and I met a famous guy. Watch Priscilla. No. No, literally. Watch Priscilla. Priscilla was such an amazing example of be careful what you wish for. Yep. But what a fucked up story. I know you talked about it briefly, but like,

Imagine you're a 14-year-old girl. Yeah, that's the part that's actually annoying me about it. No movie is doing, like, the deep dive into what was going on with her parents just being like, yeah, you can go live with this fucking guy. I know, but it's like, it's Elvis, and he had, like, a whole team around him of, like, a grandma and she was probably, like, getting so much money. But she was 14. Yeah, someone was like, that movie was trying to make him look like a groomer. I'm like, that was just a fact. Yeah.

No. That's a gossiping fact. She was 14. He was in his 30s. But this is my thing. Imagine you're a 14-year-old girl. I know, like, crazy things happen in life. But, like... I don't think...

No, keep going. Yeah, and you're just sitting there and someone's like, they knew she was American and like Elvis was missing America or something. That was what they were saying. And they were like, Elvis wants you to come to the party. So go eat a grilled cheese. And then when they showed the party, I thought they would show her and him at some like insane connection or like there was this incredible chemistry. But like she just sat there and he just like talked at her and then he was like, can you come back tomorrow? Yeah.

Here's the other thing. And she was like, okay. Sorry, because Elvis is dead. R.I.P. But you're disgusting. That's disgusting. No, that's crazy. But even in the movie, then like he obviously, then he wasn't hooking, he wasn't having sex with her because I think he knew, or he probably did. 100% they were. They were trying to make it like he waited, but he was hooking up with other girls. No way. There's no way. Anyway, long story short, don't date famous men. But she got out of it. I'm proud of her.

Well, he died. But she divorced him before he died. Did she? Yeah, she got out. She was like, I don't want to be with you anymore. But he also was like pills and crazy. And how sad, like their daughter died. Oh, yeah. I didn't do the like read up after. Okay, his granddaughter is Daisy Jones in a sex. Which people don't, they really try to hide that.

Riley Coe. Because there was a lot of drama. She was fighting with Priscilla over like the estate because she's the heir and they gave it to her because she is. Priscilla? No, the granddaughter because it goes. Because it goes genetically. It went to her mom and then her mom died. So it goes to her. So what's going on with Priscilla right now? I don't know. I think they fight. Oh.

So is it Riley Coe? Is that her name? Coe? I think so. But she was so good in that show. I'm a big fan of hers. Yeah. It's funny. People don't talk about her enough in the Nepo Baby discussion. They don't. They don't. And like she's...

A huge nepo baby. Her publicist is really good at keeping on the DL. And I think it's so smart because she is a good actress. Like, I liked her. You know what's crazy? She looks like Elvis. Yeah, she does. She looks like Elvis. Like, if you didn't know, you wouldn't think anything. But when someone tells you, you're like, yeah. Like, in an attractive way. Yeah. Also, let's be honest. If we were that girl, all of us would have done the same thing. 100%. Like, I was like, run! Go hang out with Elvis! 100%. But it's also, like, then you literally got trapped in a...

A marriage. A marriage. A relationship. But, like, a mansion. And it is that, like, power dynamic where he's, everything is on his terms. This has happened to me in relationships before when I was younger, too, where, like, you know the scenes where it's, like, the boys are hanging out and you're just there and you can't be yourself and, like, you have to play the token girl that they're projecting onto you? Yes. Because, God forbid, you say something, like, out of line, like, no one would.

And you just have to become a mouse. Yes. And I've been in a relationship where I'm like a mouse for like a year. And I'm just like, oh, we're going to your friend's this. Wait, this is so sad. But I feel like you've probably done it too. Have you ever been in a situation?

Where you have no idea what they're talking about and you're just laughing. No, where like you can't really talk because you've been like scorned or like whatever. You're just like, okay, I'll just like be quiet because everyone sucks here. And like they're having a conversation and in your head you would have had a great joke to go with that conversation, but these idiots wouldn't have even gotten it. So you're just like in your own head, you're like, I have a great fucking line to like say right now, but you can't even use it. What happens to me to this day?

is you say it, the guy next to you hears it, and he doesn't mean to repeat it, but he just says it. - Says it louder. - And louder, and then everyone starts dying laughing, and you're an idiot if you go, I said that, 'cause they're like, we're not keeping track, but you're like, I just want credit where credit is due. - No, I feel like I've beaten Craig down so much that he wouldn't even think.

to do that to me. No, this lit up in two weeks ago with a group of guys. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? No, Hannah. Oh my God. And the guy didn't mean it. It's just I said it and he laughed saying it and then everyone roared. And I'm like, is my voice white noise? Or do you guys just have selective hearing? There are so many times where I've been in situations like that and then I'll call my brother and I'll be like, let me set the scene for you. And I'm like, and I would have said, isn't that funny? And he was like, that would have been funny. See, the way me and you are different is I have to say it. Like there's a part, but it won't work and people will be like, pfft.

Okay. Hannah's at it again. No, I once had a boyfriend. This was one of the hardest moments of my life. No, it wasn't. But it was difficult. We were hanging out with kind of important, cool people. And I was trying to perform, be my best. And then we got back in the cab and he said, you were really confident back there. Like in a mean way. And I was like, okay, I'll shut up for the rest of my life. Because you know what I was probably acting like.

I think I walked in like to the most important person, like made a little joke. And I was just like,

was like I belong you were living I was like I belong here you know what he wanted me to be intimidated by him and his important friends and I walked in there and I like immediately started nagging someone I'm stealing that from whatever narcissistic psychopath said that that's a great insult like a low-key that was the most after I couldn't recover after that if someone said that to me I'd think about that for the next fucking five days after like two months I broke up with him because I couldn't eat for the next two months those are my favorite insults where you're just like what did

What did that even mean? Five days later, you're like, what the fuck did they mean by that? There were so many layers. Like, what did he mean? No. My brother's really good at that. He'll insult me. And then four days later, I'm like, what the fuck?

was the intent on that one. My brother went to my show in Gary, Indiana. I saw that. And it was funny because you can't really see, but you can kind of see. And sometimes I'll choose to like, I don't want to know where people are in the crowd. So I'll just be like, don't even try. But then like 20 minutes in, I was like, I wonder if I can see my brother. Yeah, could you? And I'm at the point where I'm, you know, when you drive somewhere and then you just get there, you don't know how you got there. Yeah. Because I'm doing the joke. So often I will do that with my jokes where like,

I will start thinking of other things and I'll be like, how do I get to the end of this joke? Did I even say it? Are we okay? So I find him and then it was like during like one of the dirtiest parts of my set and I was like in my head and I kept, I was like my brothers, I just saw, I literally go, I just saw my brother after like a queef joke and everyone started dying laughing but he was so supportive and cute and I'm just so proud of him that he was able to come see me. Um...

We love our brothers. We're so happy that they get to be related to us. Yeah, that they made it in our family as a sibling of us. You wrote sick of shopping online. I'm sick of it. Paige. I know. Paige. I'm so sick of shopping online and I'm ready to go to a store.

Like the other day I needed something and I was like, oh, but I don't have time to order it. And my mom was like, why don't you just go like find an outfit in a store? Well, yeah, you were like, oh, I'm going to Nordstrom or Saks or something. I literally went to Saks all day, like two Sundays ago. And you had fun? Well, I don't think fun was the word. It's more Korean. Because they had no clothes. But that's the other thing. They had no clothes. Like I had one option. I was like, where are all the clothes? Like, where are all the clothes?

The one guy had sacks I actually think like I insulted him because I was like, oh, like, where's... You're not about to sound like such a fucking little bitch. I was like, where's the Jack Moose section? Okay? And he was like, it's this rack right here. And I literally audibly gasped. I go...

This is all you have. You're like, that's a mannequin. I was like, wear the rest of the clothes. And he was like, ma'am, we're in between seasons and we haven't gotten our shipments in. And I was like, oh, well. Don't call me ma'am. We're in New York City. Don't call me ma'am. Yeah, I was like, but we're in Saks in New York City. And like, so I'm just...

I'm ready to go back into the stores. I was never good at being online, shopping online, but I just like accepted it because I'm also like kind of in between sizes. That's my thing. Like sometimes I'm a certain size in other brands. And then if it's not stretchy material, the jeans won't work. No, I'll fuck you in 10 pounds in a month. Like I don't get it. So like that's where I fuck up. And then, yeah, it looks weird on my long torso. Whatever. I just fuck it up. And then I get too lazy if it's cheap. It's like.

Am I going to go to Zara? Like, I don't know. Dude, I even bought something from Zara in like... Zara? Are you Kylie Jenner Snapchatting Zara right now? No, I love Zara. Okay. But I think as I've... Grown? Grown. I've been like spending more money on like certain clothing items that I'm like, okay, well, I'm just going to wear that for the rest of my life. Yeah, like investing in good stuff. Yeah. And like, I don't know. I've been like just doing things in my own closet. I'm just like really into thrifting. Yeah.

I'm just really into making my own clothes out of cardboard boxes. I'm really into Amish dress wear right now. Oh, I love the Amish. I was waiting for an Amish person to DM us, but... You also said the right side is your good side. I realized... You gaslit me. I was sitting somewhere and someone was like, oh, what side is your good side? And I was like, oh, my right side. Then I was like...

It's actually not. My left side is my good side. It's no one's good side. But your good side is your left side. And then I was sitting there and I was like, why did I think my good side was my right side? And then I was like, Hannah Burner fucking gaslit me because I didn't gaslight. I said that you look great on both sides and I only look good on the left side. And I think that's how I got the left side. Okay. So you sympathize gaslit me. You made me feel bad for you.

I'm a monster on the right side and you're a normal human being on the right side. And so I was just like sitting there and I was like, I don't know what my good side is because my friend told me that it was my right side. But I think she did it only because her left side is her good side. I love, you know what happened? I don't think I told you. I think somehow you just like. I just started standing on the right. You just started standing on the right and then you like thought, well, this is my good side. So it's not.

I don't think so. I just, I think that both sides are good with you. But now I'm in it and I'm on the right side. Look, you shoot a TV show, you would know if you have a monster side. Like, that's how I learned my side was bad. I was like, oh, this whole scene. Yeah, who is she? Who is she? And then they would show the other side and go, oh, she's perfect. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. So thank you for letting me have my side. I've had a couple interviews, though. Mm-hmm.

where if I'm not on my, the right side, you know it's because the other person asked and I was like nice and I went, okay. Oh my God, who would dare do that to you? Certain people, but they didn't mean it. They didn't know. But I'll say like, do you have a side? Oh, you're just being nice. You don't offer your side. And then they say, they go this side and they go, I go, fuck.

You do it to yourself. You know what? I'll stand where I want to be and then I can tell when they want to be on my side and I go, oh, do you have a side? You're an evil genius. Do you have a side? I'll tell you what your side is. I think there's a theory that everyone's left side is better because it's naturally the more feminine side. Well, I like this eyebrow better.

I do too. I like this eyebrow better too. My right side really is so fucking wonky. But you know what? I also can do straight on. So sometimes I'll awkwardly be straight on and the other person's turned to me. But I'm like, I need a show. Do you know when you see on Fashion Week videos of girls trying to take photos and you can tell when someone has a side because she just came to the right. I'm literally on the left side but with my head like this. It's like,

Their head spins fully around to be on the right side. Oh my God. But then what's annoying is everyone will be like, no Hannah, your right side looks great. And I'm like, shut the fuck up. Only you know your good side.

Anyway. And that's all the time we have for today. That's all the time we have for today. We love you guys so much. Subscribe to our newsletter. People go, Hannah, Paige, I thought it was a bit. It's not. Click the link in our bio. But then there are other people that live and die by the newsletter. And honestly, sometimes I go in because I love to know what you put in the same section. Oh, I always go in to see what you put. And sometimes it really works. No, sometimes we're so cohesive.

I don't know how we do that. We didn't even talk about your sweater today. I purposely was avoiding it. And that's all our time. Thank you guys so much. Love you. We'll giggle with you later. Bye.