Giggling about fangirling, public bathrooms, and Erewhon
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Hello, my Met Gala gigglers.

Oh, yeah. This will come out on Monday. I keep forgetting because sometimes we switch it up and do Giggly on Tuesday. No, we never do it on Tuesday. On Sunday. But I'm so excited to see what people come up with for the Met. Well, the truth is days are made up. It's a social construct. But if we are going by days, the Met Gala is on Monday. Yeah, I'm so excited because it's like

I actually can't remember the last time I was like, oh my God, it's Friday. Like, is that just something that goes away when you like become an adult? No, it's because we're weird podcasters who like have our own weird, creepy hours that we work. No, like Saturday morning I woke up and I was like, why do I have 23 messages in a

or 23 emails that just came in and then like my agent texted me and was like hey sending you a ton of emails this morning and i was like what day is it well let's talk about the good email let's stay positive the good email is that you're going to met gala after fucking party which is arguably more fun no i'm so fucking stressed i don't i don't have an outfit and this is tomorrow tomorrow what are you doing get off the pod find this out you have to go literally

And I'm like, what do I do? So I went on Net-A-Porter because you can get things like same day delivery in New York City, which is just the most beautiful idea ever. So I just ordered a bunch of stuff to try on to see like, okay, what's happening? I think there's two types of girls. The girls that's, no, three. The girls that say Net-A-Porter,

Net-a-porter and net-a-porter. Three very different species of girls in New York City. You know which one I am. You're a net-a-porter. I'm net-a-porter. I'm net-a-porter in my heart. But in front of certain people, I'll say net-a-porter, but then feel gross about it. It's like when I say croissant.

No, that's exactly what I was going to say. Net-a-porter to me is people that say Barcelona. Barcelona. No, Ibiza. Ibiza. And I'm like, okay, I want to kill you. And they complained about being jet lagged when they went there two months ago. It's like, it's because you do drugs every night, you don't sleep. It's not because you flew to Europe.

to Europe. Yeah. And so I'm just like net-a-porter. Also with the Met Gala theme, I'm annoyed by it because I feel like it's always a riddle. So they never make it make sense. And then when people don't get it right, they get mad at them. And I'm like, then make it simple. Right? Met Gala is taxes. It's like we know what it is. Figure it out. They're literally taxes.

Anna Wintour is the IRS of fashion because she's like, I know what the theme is.

You owe me the perfect outfit for the theme. You have to figure it out on your own. And if you don't, you will go to worst dress list. You will be in jail. How do you perceive it? Sleeping beauties, which could... That should have been it. But then they add something to confuse you. Reawakening fashion. What does that mean? So my first thought went to Aurora. Like sleep, the actual sleeping beauty. And so if you...

Break that down. The outfit that she was in was very like, like not Gilded Age because that was last year. Yeah, Bridgerton-ish. So I'm like, I feel like a lot of people are going to go that way. But then if you just take the word awakening, that could mean anything in terms of like...

like blooming. It could be like anything waking up. So I'm like, I don't, I have no fucking idea. Doja Cat might just come as like an eye, like a big iris.

Um, that's another riddle. Just like thinking like, what is Doja Cat? How is Doja Cat interpreting it? Is Doja Cat going to Jewel or not? Is she going to what? Jewel. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Or is she not invited because she Jeweled? No, I think she's invited. Because there was a, I mean, in her like last song, she was like,

um i can't smoke here like she made a reference to it but she's such a relatable bitch i love doja she is and also she was like waiting in line you know it wasn't like she was like doing the interview she was literally waiting for her turn and like minding her own someone start a tiktok of celebrities waiting in line because that's when they're most interesting when they're forced to wait like normal people

No, or just like TikToks of like famous people like leaving the bathroom stall. Like everyone is the same when you have just opened a communal bathroom stall and you're walking to wash your hands. Everyone is the equal in that moment, I feel like. Like that's a quality right there. Or when you don't have enough toilet paper in the stall and you have to be like, how y'all doing? I would never do that.

You would never ask for toilet paper? No. Even if you pooped? Nope. Well, here's another thing. I would never poop in a public place unless I was like dying. Like I couldn't get home. We are so fucking different. So different. Because first of all, I see an airport bathroom and go, I can't wait to literally – this

This place is going to be a bloodbath. I'm going to destroy this bathroom. That's the only place I would feel comfortable because at the Delta Lounge, it is like individual. If there's a wall, I can do it. Look, if I'm at a Wendy's...

i'm not apologizing like that's where you go to like girls are leaving their boyfriend's apartment to blow up the wendy's i'm not i'm disrespecting a public bathroom that's what it's for okay yeah if it's a two stall i don't love that but i will wait for the girl to leave and then do my due diligence but i have to say when this happens i go girl this is girlhood girlies

I'm out of toilet paper. And then you put your hand underneath and this girl will give it. And she goes, do you need more? And then you're like, my pussy is not that big. I'm not ever stressed that the girl next to me isn't going to give it and be like, oh, my God, that's so embarrassing. You're a loser. You're a fucking loser. Like, yeah, like, I don't think they're going to bully me that I don't have any toilet paper. Figure it out, bitch.

Figure it out, you stupid slut. Like, I don't think they're going to, like, throw their camera over and start, like, recording me and, like, yell, like, world star. But I, I don't know. It's my own insecurity that I'm just, like, I can't, I can't do that. Sometimes when I'm in my own home and I poop, I'm, like, I've ruined my house. Yeah.

Okay, this is really niche, but do you ever like have the tiniest little poop? Like you're not really pooping, but like a little poop comes out and then you look at it and it's so little and cute and you kind of want your partner to see it. So they think that's how you poop. Like I almost want to leave it in. So Des is like, oh, that's what your poops look like. Never, not once have I ever thought I really want Craig to know this about me. In general or with pooping?

In general. The less information, the better. He needs to figure it out. I'm not leaving. Well, that would be my, um, that's my Easter egg poop for Des. Yeah. Um,

No, but I don't. I'm just like weird when it comes to like public. I don't even want to talk about this because I feel like you're going to in general. Yeah, I feel like you're going to jinx me. And now like the next time I step out of my apartment, I'm going to be like, I have to shit myself so bad. This is my thing. Ask me a place and I'll tell you if I poop there. Like, is there anywhere I wouldn't poop? Where do you think? That's how I feel like with my outfits. I'm like, if you tell me what I was wearing, I'll tell you exactly what the night was. Exactly.

And you're like, I've used this bathroom. Tell me location. I'll tell you if I poop there. I will do it. I can't think of one public place that it's like, it's just, this is why. Cause men do it.

So why can't girls do it? If men could do it, why can't we do it? No, that's so true. It is true. I'm kind of a baby with food and poop. Like if I have to poop, I can't hold it. If I have to eat, I need to eat right now or I'll ruin everyone's day. No, you are. Yeah, you are temper. You're temperamental when it comes to nourishment. Also, if I've been acting different on this pod, you guys are like, who is she? I've been in L.A. for one day. And?

And she's, no, guys, she's been in LA for one day and she's currently recording the pod in a robe.

freshly spray tanned just got up and like answered the door for room service so she's different the thing with giggly squad is i feel like so connected to the gigglers like we are growing together so what our job is like whenever we see insider shit we have to tell the gigglers and i don't feel like i'm putting stuff on blast because it's just for the gigglers no hannah i'm so happy you're saying this keep going so like

I was invited to this crazy brunch yesterday and I didn't take any photos because like I wanted to pretend I was cool meanwhile I was like I'm telling the gigglers every fucking second of what I see at this party you're like mental noting it so it was this brunch for the Netflix is a joke festival and by brunch it was like

this garden party at a mansion which is so la because like in new york we don't even have gardens no we've never seen a flower so it's in a huge backyard and i'm very like going with my agent i'm like it should be fun like i'll try not to embarrass myself first person i see is john stewart who by the way hot yeah i was gonna say how tall little

but hot yeah well you know what's also annoying about men is like their salt and pepper like hair and beard for whatever reason like is just like why does it look good on them you know who you're talking to yeah i think we're actually attracted deep down to men who are tired and don't look like they want to fuck every girl and look like they've just like partied too hard that they're like done and there's something you want to know what it is

I think because it, you know that they've aged. So they had to get to that level for us to respect them because we were like, oh, you actually probably have learned at least one thing. Yes. Like he knows something. He knows something. Something I could ask him about. Yeah.

And he's, they're weaker. They're weaker. And he'd be like well-voiced, like well-versed at it. You know, like there's one thing where he knows a lot about it. And if we had to, we could outrun them because they have arthritis. Yes. And there's something about like, okay, the question, would you rather be stuck with a man or a bear? Let's revise it. Would you rather be stuck with a bear or a zaddy older man with gray hair? A hundred percent zaddy older man with gray hair. Tell me your stories of war.

like I will feed you Advil like what did you do when you went to get up and turn the TV off manually like what was that journey like for you yeah when you had to meet someone somewhere and you didn't have a cell phone and they didn't show up like what did you do what did you think did you go to their home did you immediately go to something happened to them or was that par for the course and you went about your own day literally when you wanted food and you couldn't uber eats it how did you get the food did you farm yeah

Did you gather? Did you look up recipes like in a recipe book from your grandma or was it all word of mouth? Did you print out MapQuest? Was there even MapQuest when you were growing up? So it's just it's life is perspective. So I see Jon Stewart and I go, that's fucking crazy, but it's OK. Play it cool.

Then I look and I see love of my life, Chelsea Handler. Yep. Who is one of those people that I, okay, I'm saying I'm bad at social climbing. Like I'd rather avoid an awkward situation than be like, I'm going to risk it to like get a relationship with this person. So I'm, if you're out there, if you're out there, I'm quiet. I'm chilling. I'm here. If you need me, I'm not reaching out.

Yes. So I see her and I don't I'm like, I'm not going to harass her. Giggly squad slogan should be. I'm not reaching out. And it doesn't mean I don't care and love you. It's actually the opposite. I respect your time and space. So reaching out. I mean, there's times when I'm like, I'm not going to reach out to Paige because I care about her right now. I'm going to wait this one out.

I'm going to wait it out. Two days ago, I waited a little. I gave her some breathing space. And you're the only person truly that knows. You're the only person I've cried to in the past couple of days. You're the only person that truly knows I've been going through something. Because you're a cat. What's going on? Where are you going? Do you want to hang out? I'm like, I let you come to me. Stop. When you are ready, you come to me. But if I come to you, you're going to scurry away and hide. Yeah. Under the bed. And then you won't come out for six days.

And I said, that's what you get for trying to get her to come out. I haven't texted anyone back. Immediately got on the phone with you, started crying. I was like, finally, someone that understands me isn't. Also, you started crying when I said something like a joke. Yeah, I was like, she gets me. Okay.

So Chelsea like looks at me. I look at her and she goes, I kind of blacked out, but someone told me she said Hannah baby. Oh my God. So she, and she runs over and I, I just was like, Chelsea, I think I said to her, I looked at her. I said, how does it feel to have this town on your back? That's what I said to her. I don't, I've never said that sentence in my life.

But I just see her and like she inspired me to do comedy and she's jokingly saying hi to me. It's you know, when you can't process it. So that's an out of body experience. You're like this is happening to someone else that I know, but it's not. It's certainly not. I'm like, they're not talking to me like this. Yeah, they think I'm someone else. Yeah. Then she turned. She goes, I want to introduce you to someone. Sarah fucking Silverman.

Wow. Standing there. And this is early in the party, so I haven't really settled yet. I'm in that like adrenaline phase where I'm like scared.

fight or flight and I see her and I just being like, I was like, Oh, are you hot? Cause she was wearing like a sweater. Cause I'm trying to act cool, you know? Yeah. Normal, like normal jar, normal everyday banter. Cause the gigglers are so cool with us. I never think about it, but I'm like, what do you say when you, you see someone that you like listen to or watch? Do you start with, I'm a fan. Do they not want to know that? So I freak out. Yeah.

and she was she was actually so funny she was like you know what's crazy this is the third outfit i put together like i chose this outfit like i literally took effort for this bad outfit and she's like you kind of do her do her voice she goes isn't it crazy this is the outfit i put on and do other people tell you you're good at impressions or is it like just me i mean

And then Grace tells me I'm good at singing. You guys are fucking lying to my head to make my head big. But she was wearing a hat and I was like, you look like incognito. And then I was like, well, honestly, she's famous. Why would I say? Like, of course she's trying to be incognito. But like we're at this. I hate the internal dialogue. My internal dialogue is so loud in these conversations. Then Chelsea turns and I realize I'm stuck with Sarah Silverman. And like you could tell that she was like,

It was too early in the party for me to be stuck with her. Like I wasn't in the flow state yet. Yeah. And I realized like, oh, I'm, but I'm not going to like leave from talking to Sarah Silverman because I don't want to be rude. But I'm also like, I know she doesn't want to be stuck with me right now. So I was stuck with her for maybe like 10 seconds too long. So I felt bad. But then like it was all good.

I turn, Cat Williams just walking through the brunch with a hoodie on that was bedazzled with like a cross, like a knight. Okay, okay. I'm visualizing it. And then I turn and I see Eliza Schlesinger. Wow. Who I have a show with in Calgary, but I haven't met yet. You do. So I'm opening for her in Calgary. Everyone get tickets. I don't know.

I think it's Canada, but I have no idea where in Canada. But like, I don't know. No, if someone said put Calgary on a map right now, I would die. Wait, that's actually so scary. I feel like I should 100% know that. And I'm going to say that it's on the West Coast of Canada. I feel like it's West Coast too, but it could be in Mexico. Because part of me was really quickly, I was going to say it was in Ireland or like the Netherlands. Yeah.

I never thought the Netherlands was like a bone. I am coming to Dublin, by the way. Anyway, so I look at her and I go, hi. And she kind of is confused for a second. I'm like, oh no, this is so embarrassing. Because I never want to be like...

You should know who I am. But like, she's like tagged me and stuff because we're doing the show. And then she goes, oh my God, Hannah Brenner. Sorry. I'm sorry. Like, great to meet you. And I said, literally call me anything you want. I don't care. And she did this really cool thing, finding your roots that my mom watched and told me about where celebrities go on, where they go through your DNA and like do this crazy thing to find your ancestors and

No, I need it. And people, they find out the craziest shit. And they'll be like, your great-great-grandpa was a farmer who was married to... They find out crazy shit. Anyway, so I told her that. She was like, thank you. And then she goes...

She just grabs my arm. She goes, do you want to say hi to Cat Williams with me? Because I want to meet him. And I was like, did Eliza Schlesinger just ask me to be her sidekick to meet Cat Williams? And I go, what fucking drug am I on right now? No, literally. Like literal ecstasy. So I'm getting, I'm like, this is better than my wedding day. Wait, what were you wearing? So I wore those pajama pants.

yeah yeah yeah with this like zara top but the problem with the zara top is like it didn't really it was like there's like two little hooks it was just unhooking the whole time yeah like when isn't it so annoying when you're having like an outfit situation and you're trying to act like a normal person i was holding my tits together because it's like the outfit when i tried it on was great god forbid i move my shoulders for a second yeah and women are not allowed to move when they're dressed and then because i was touching it got a little orange because i guess i had like

I was touching my face. Who knows? It was a fucking disaster. But anyway, fighting for my life. So we, she grabs me and we're trying to find cat Williams.

Kevin Hart walks by. Sebastian Maniscalco and his wife. And it's not even that they were like famous people. It's that we're in this environment where it was just only comics. It felt like a high school reunion. And I was the eighth grader. Was it like past hors d'oeuvres? Yep. What was going on? Yes. And it was like a bar and it was kind of the morning. So much John Mulaney and Bo Burnham, tall. Yep. Who was the tallest? Who was the tallest? Bo Burnham.

okay then i nick kroll then i see so like everywhere you look is the most famous person you've ever seen and this is the thing there's one thing about seeing famous people it's another thing when you're seeing like people who have inspired your life and your yeah your career like it's one thing to be like oh yeah that person's on tv versus like this person is genuinely like yeah has influenced me in like

A certain decision. Yeah. It's like very powerful. So like I was acting like crazy and I never act like this like that. Or it's like when I met Roger Federer, like it's like people who I really respect what they've accomplished in their life. So everyone. And like I sometimes get like sad when people are like, oh, don't meet your heroes. Because, yes, there are like situations where you're like, wait, that person was so not what I was expecting. But sometimes it's exactly.

Exactly what you were expecting from that person. And it's so like even more special because you're like, I fucking knew that you were going to be just like normal. Or you meet someone that's like actually on the flight going there. I saw Melanie Linsky. She was sitting like two seats in front of me.

And she was, like, talking to everyone. And, like, some people who, like, aren't as famous, but you find out they're, like, really cool people, you're like, oh, you're fucking amazing. And people don't talk about it enough. So then I run into Whitney Cummings, who I now know, who, like, from all the comics, she, like, probably has the most money of all of them. And acts like she's...

She's like, you wouldn't even know she's famous. Like she's just shooting the shit, wants to make everyone laugh. Like literally me and her, like pushing each other, like playing like little kids. And I've always, I've always thought that she has really great skin, the most incredible skin. Yeah. Um, and she has her strategies, but like things that I can never do, like, like sleep me on your back and shit. But, um,

oh yeah so then i've heard about that we get in a line to do a photo with all the comics so literally it feels like a class it felt like high school no we're like the popular people in the front like they were like chappelle chappelle and it comes over and then kevin hart like burt kreischer standing there um i'm like literally forgetting people because there was so it was insane everywhere you looked no that's insane that guy brett is it brett goldstein from was just like okay this is like a weird question but like

Was everyone... Like, I feel like if I were to walk into a room like that and it was all models, like, I would be eating the past hors d'oeuvres. If you're walking into a room with all comedians, like, is everyone laughing? Like, what is the... Is everyone just, like, telling the funniest jokes? Everyone is...

making fun of the event so everyone you walk up to is like this fucking type of you know everyone okay this is crazy right like how do you act how do you act in these every comics in their own head so okay great like i went up to nikki glazer and she's like i don't know if i can stay here any longer this is i don't know what to do and i'm like you're nikki fucking glazer that's why i feel comfortable with comedians because i'm like oh

You guys are mental. You got so much shit going on up there. It makes me feel more comfortable that I also. And I was with Heather McMahon and we were laughing like these are the like most attention loving narcissist on the planet trying to take a photo right now in a group photo. Like it was insane. Everyone's like jumping around. It was hilarious. And then I had Heather McMahon with me. Thank God. So we found each other. But then you literally need one person at things like this. And you're just like.

My life would have been insane. Judd Apatow just like strolling. Just casually strolling. Just casually strolling. Like eating a lobster roll. It was like, it was so fucking crazy. And then this is where I like threw up. We're walking to the garden and all the comics are joking like, what if they're just like taking us out back to like get rid of us? Like this is what the comics are saying.

this is what the comics do like a beautiful home it's the most beautiful one of the comics i almost tripped and they're like you could fucking sue this guy and make a lot of money like this is the stuff they're saying so yeah tiffany haddish anyway so i look who i'm walking like we're all getting squeezed in and walking down this lane and i look who happens to be next to me and it's jim gaffigan my love of my life yep zaddy who has come over to me tall

Yes, actually tall. People don't talk about it enough. Yeah. He has come over to me before, like in New York City, just joking like, do you like it when girls have diarrhea? Like joking about, like I guess he sees my videos, which is crazy. That's insane.

Dude, that alone, like, oh, yeah, Jim Gaffigan came up to me and asked, do I like it? Jim Gaffigan was doing an impression of me. Like, I froze to the point, like, you know when I feel like I'm pretty, I can come up with shit pretty, froze, like, I forgot what English was. So I look at him and I'm like, hey, because I know he knows. He knows me. And he looks at me and goes...

So how do you get these interviews with like Justin Bieber's wife and like JLo? Justin Bieber's wife is so hilarious to me. And I'm like, so he has Bieber fever. He loves Justin Bieber. Literally. So he was like asking me how the interviews go.

And Heather was next to me and was like, hi, Jim. I love your work. And I said, I start to make, he was goofy. So I started to make fun of him. Like I got a good vibe from him. And I was like, Jim, do you know that once at the stand, you thought I was a waiter?

And he starts laughing. And I was like, you ask. Yeah. He goes, cause we were just standing. I was ready to get on stage and he just saw me standing there. And he asked, he basically asked like, is there water here? Like, I think he was like, basically, can I have a water? And I go, absolutely. And I turn, go to the bar, get him water, come back, give it to him and then go on stage. What else do you do? What am I supposed to do? Jim B.

You're like, I don't know. There's a hose out back, Jim. What the fuck do I look like? So I go, Jim, you thought I was a waiter. He starts laughing. I go, you asked me to get you water and I got it for you. And he started dying laughing. I was like, oh my God, I made Jim Gaffigan laugh. And he goes, well, if there's an awkward moment, I'll be there. And I'm dying laughing. And then he knows Dez. So he's laughing about...

Des and Jim Gaffigan's wife... Well, we respect Des because he has... Great hair. No, he literally said that. He was like, he's a silver fox. Like, every man is obsessed with Des. So then I found out that Jim Gaffigan's wife actually, like, helps him a lot with his comedy. Like, is his writing partner. Like, they produce all this stuff together. And...

And I was like, dude, your wife is so badass. And he's like, yeah. And she's, you know, we're dealing with like teenagers now. Next thing I'm talking to him about his family. Oh, I forgot. He has like a full baseball team at home. So I was standing. It was me, Bo Burnham. I wasn't talking about Burnham. I wasn't talking. I was just standing there. Ricky Velez and Jim Gaffigan runs over and he goes, oh, is this what all the young kids are hanging out? We were just like a goofy dad at a party.

He was like, is this for the young books? Is Ricky Velez the comedian that was with us in Vegas? Yes. And he was in the King of Staten Island. He's like Pete Davidson's bestie. He's very funny. So funny and so chill. Just like New Yorker. So I'm just like talking about life. What do you think I'm going to get?

And then I met Jimmy Carr. I don't know if you know Jimmy Carr. He's like a British comedian. And Demetri Martin was there. I think if I saw a picture of him, I would know. But long story short, one of my agents kept, I was like, oh my God, that's John Mulaney. And he's like, do you want to meet him? And I'm like, absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Like, no. I'm not going to burden John Mulaney with saying, putting his hand out and saying, hi, nice to meet you. No. The way I'm going to meet these people is if the universe wants me to. If, you know, we're both reach for the same shrimp.

And I go, if they need a water, I'm here. I will get them water. But I'm not, do you want to be introduced? Some people are good at that. Like, hey, nice to meet you. And they'll say, no. I'm not forcing my energy on people who haven't given me an opening to ask for it. No. So at one point, it became like a school dance where it was literally like me, Whitney, Nikki Glaser was like over there, Chelsea Handler, Sarah Silverman. And I was like, I literally turned to someone. I was like, this is the best day of my life.

yeah like I wasn't cool but like everyone was being silly and I can do I can keep up with that I'm bad with the like everyone's acting cool I don't know how to add to the conversation yeah or I'll say something kind of funny and people be like is she okay one time Hannah texted me at a part she was at a party and she said I think they're doing drugs in the bathroom and I said yeah probably she was so

taken back i i couldn't believe that she couldn't believe that someone would be in a bathroom stall at a club in new york city doing drugs okay so i got i never go to parties and back then i got invited to my first ever like kind of cool party and i don't think they thought i would show up because it was kind of intimate and i just showed up no no it was legitimate intimate intimate i walked in i was like okay because i'm not close with this person by any means and

And I knew you were nervous because you never text me like before you walk in somewhere. And before you walked in, you were like, wait, I wish you were here so bad. No, I had that moment where I'm like, I could turn around right now. And then I got there and it was, I was bombing. And then the two girls who I knew kept disappearing in the bathroom. And I was like,

What are they? How are they shitting? Like for a good 30 minutes, I was like, should we check on them? Like, are they, are those girls okay? And then he'd come out and they would just dance. And like, I'm trying to talk and they were just dancing and like weird dancing. And then they go back in the bathroom. And then I think someone like referenced it, but I was like, someone check on them. Maybe she has a stomach virus. Maybe she has a flu.

No, it was one of the best. I've gotten a couple texts like that from Hannah, but that was one of... And then they all were like, let's go out after, like from this party. And I felt like I failed. So I was like, maybe this is the universe saying like, you have another shot. Nope, they were in the bathroom the whole time in the other bar too. I'm just like sitting at the bar. The second spot, that's when it really ramps up. Yep. Hannah and I talk a lot about our gut.

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So anyway, this party was so fucking insane and just such a cool vibe and then

I obviously have to go to Air One. Right. So I go to Air One. I panic. I panic ordered. Because what's it like inside? It actually like it's crowded, but it's like people know what to do. And it's actually not that clear, like where to stand, how things work. They don't have signs, which is very rich. I feel like the richer it is, the less signage is really rich. Like, have you ever walked into a store and you're like, oh, let me like check what size this is. And it's like there's no price tag. You're like, yep.

Okay, I don't like that's a terrifying world. Basically, if you have to ask, they don't want you there. No, I literally this literally happened to me the other day. I'm leaving Saks because I was leaving a face gym appointment and I saw these like Louis Vuitton trunks and I was just like, oh my God, like that, like a like a truck, like for like buried treasure, like for gold.

a truck okay my in my vision was literally how we are so different i'm obsessed with trunks like of a car like how they open no like i love like of a trunk like i just think they're so like chic and like

Where are you putting these trunks? Like how do you carry these trunks around? Like when I was little, I had these three pink trunks that had, that were like different sizes and they had like gold like hardware and I loved them so much. Do they have like a key? I still have them. Yeah, they had like a key and like I always wanted to go to sleepaway camp because I wanted to bring like my trunks. You have like bodies in it? Like what do you, why do you lock it up? Like that's so sketchy.

You're like, oh, getting my jeans. Got to unlock it. People try to steal my jeans. I had this vision, like, ever since I was little that I wanted, like, these big Louis Vuitton trunks, but I wanted them to be a coffee table. And, like, so different sizes. And then you put, like, glass on the top. And then it's, like, a coffee table trunk. So they had all these trunks in Louis Vuitton. So I walked in and I was like, oh, yeah.

Like how much is like this big trunk? And the guy just like kind of looked at me and he was like, I'd have to like go in the back. And he came back and he gave like this astronomical amount. And I like started laughing and I was just like, oh, well then no, that's insane. And it was just like, and then I was like, okay, I shouldn't have walked in. I know what you're talking about. Louis Vuitton trunk. You know where I saw those?

Paris you go to these vintage stores and they have so many trunks well they're made you can't just like you can they're all like custom yeah so like yeah any of the vintage ones were like someone like an old lady died like an old pirate died and they donated their trunk so I mean they're like insanely expensive it's like stupid um

But I feel like I can like get something that like looks this. So I'm in the market for like vintage sheet trunks. No, vintage trunks are. Okay. I get where you're going, but it is giving pirate cunt. It's pirate sheet cunty. Cunty pirate. Um, you're so fucking weird. So, and I love how there's probably people being like, Paige is the most normal person. And then there's people who are like, Hannah's a hundred percent right in this situation. That's why this podcast exists. No.

Like my pouches, my pouches could live in my trunk. I'm at our one. I'm like, how much is the salmon? And they're like, let me go to the back and I'll find out. But no, there was like a line and I don't understand the speed of it. I don't know. Like I just because I want to look like I fit in. So I get to the front. There's no signage and everyone's.

like there's all these things you could pick from. So I'm like, Hey, can I have like a couple of things? And they were like, Oh, the combo. I'm like, yeah, the combo. Like that doesn't say combo anywhere. So it looks like, wait, wait, wait. It looks like you step up to almost like how you would get like deli meat, like that type and they do it for you. Yes. Okay. And, but they have like a ton of pre-cooked stuff, but then they don't tell you like one meat, two sides. Like, I don't know. It could have been super easy to put that somewhere. Yeah.

But anyway, I'm like, okay. And then I'm like, okay, I think I'm choosing a protein and I can only see salmon and then some like thing that I wasn't sure about. So I was like, okay, salmon. And then I go to, and then I just panicked and got mashed potatoes because I feel like you can't go wrong with mashed potatoes. Yeah, you really can't. Then he started like wrapping it up. I go, oh, oh, oh.

I'm doing two sides. I'm not doing one side. You said the combo. You said the combo. The combo is not two. I want three. Three is a party. But then I panicked because I should do a vegetable. And then I ordered this eggplant parmesan thing, which in Italian culture, you don't mix fish and cheese. You just don't. So immediately I feel like I made a mistake. But I'm not going to tell them to undo it. I'm at Erewhon. So I say thank you. This is perfect.

And then I grab a St. James iced tea, which is so good, by the way. Wait, Hannah, this is so no, this is so fucking weird that you are saying this because I did a grocery order the other day and I and I saw them. I've never seen them before. And I was like, I'm just going to get these. I always like see them on Instagram.

I'm like, I can't stop drinking now. This is not sponsored. As an iced tea girly, I don't like when it's too sweet, but I honestly do not want just like dirty water tasting tea. But then when you do these like diet teas, it could taste really fake. And then when you do regular tea, you're like, did I just snort cocaine? And they're like...

Like I look at them in my refrigerator and I'm like, okay, it's the perfect amount of sweetness. And when I say that, I don't mean like it's like you taste like this is a good ass drink. You know what it kind of reminds me of, but it's better is like the pure. Yes. Like the marketing team at Pure Leaf isn't like, okay.

Pure Leaf has left the chat. Yeah, it's very much like that. Like you feel healthier, but it does taste better. And yes, some of the iced teas are like desserts where this is so good. It's like 20 calories. It feels, it's good. It's natural. I woke up the morning of the reunion at like a godforsaken hour, like a witching hour. And I was getting my hair and makeup done and I like was chugging one because I was so thirsty and I just like loved it. I did throw it up. So that is a disclaimer. Yeah.

How did it feel coming back up? That's the thing. I'm like, I'm a fan for life because it actually... I was like, oh, okay. That was not that bad. I got a two for one. I was like, this is my own anxiety. But thank you, St. James. I appreciate your help during all this. St. Anthony, St. James. We pray to St. James and St. Anthony. So I grabbed my iced tea and then...

There's no line. There's just like people at like there was no organization for the line. So then I'm just standing alone. They're like paying it for it like with their palm. Yeah. Or they're just like they've invested in the company and then they just I don't know. So then I just there was no one for me to stand behind. It's a give one take one type of thing here. Yeah. And we're here.

give your firstborn and then you could get some salmon and then you get a haley bieber smoothie yeah so then i stand like i was standing in a place that seemed okay but then everyone kept like making me like move out of the way and i'm like am i where the am i supposed to stand for this line

anyway so i just go up to the guy we pay they ask me for the receipt i'm like it's food i don't need a fucking receipt no i'm just kidding i didn't speak like that but i was i always get confused about that and then i so they're not like trader joe's where like they have to ask you questions no they were pretty like transactional which was nice i think because they feel bad that you spent 200 on salmon

It's funny because I never go to Trader Joe's in the city because I just do like Instacart. So like I never am in there. Trader Joe's, you know that you walk into Trader Joe's during like a crazy time and you just get in line and then the line flows through the whole entire store and you shop through the line. No. First of all, no. We're going to do a show of celebrities waiting in line at Trader Joe's and shopping. Exactly.

Second of all, I go, I forget that they have this like rule where like they talk to you or whatever. So I only ever go to the Trader Joe's in South Carolina because I'm like getting flowers. Yeah. And as a, as a New Yorker, I just like am not expecting people to talk to me ever. Like, especially in the grocery store, like ever. Yeah.

So when I get up to the line and I'm paying for all my flowers, the cashier says, oh, what are you doing with all these flowers? And I immediately am like, excuse, like, who the fuck are you to ask me what I'm doing? Like, because the way she said it, I was like, what? Like, what? Like, are you investigating me? Like, are you? Yeah. Like, that's how I felt. She was like, why do you need all these? And I was like, pardon me?

And then another, and then I just said like, oh, just like for around the house. And then some, and then like the girl that was bagging it asked another question. And I was like, what the fuck's going on here? Like in my head. Are you the fucking FBI? Yeah.

Like immediately like it clicks in my head. I'm like, oh, I'm at a Trader Joe's. They like have to like they don't give a flying fuck. So then I was like, oh, OK. Like then I felt better. But immediately I was like, who are you to ask what I need with all these daisies? I do have to say like I know that we're more like introverted, but who are people who actually enjoy talking to a stranger over being with yourself?

My boyfriend. That's something he has to talk to some stranger about. We actually got into a disagreement because he said to me, oh, do you know the people that live on your floor? And I was like, that's unsafe. I was like, why would I know the people that live on my floor? I just moved in a week ago. And he was like, well, it's not like your old building. Like there's not that many people. Did you bake them muffins? He was like, so what if you see them in the elevator? Like, what do you say? Yeah.

And I go, no. How do I know the person I'm in the elevator with lives in that apartment? Like they might not live there. I'm not asking. Let's talk New York elevator apartment etiquette. First of all.

if if someone's running to the elevator and you don't make it you don't make it if someone no one's open close close close close and everyone will say thank you okay everyone will say if you leave the door open for someone everyone goes oh my god because then what are we gonna do do that for every fucking person we'll be here all day then when you're in the elevator the

people in the elevator with you that's your team that's your team outside the elevator for dead that's yeah you're fucking dead then once when you're entering an elevator you don't say anything you don't say anything but if it is past 5 30 p.m and you're in the elevator when people get off you can say as they're leaving like while they're already gone already already walking out you just go have a good night have a nice have a nice night good night

and then more often than not they say you too and that's and that's how you know your neighbors and that's girlhood it's just it's just outrageous the amount of talking they want to do down there and i can't i don't have the time there is a meme going around of someone said good morning to an old lady and she's like good morning and then the person was like wow it's really nice out and she goes well that's enough

You don't care. I don't care. That's where we go. Morning. Okay. We're done. We're done here. Summer can be so busy and traveling is a lot. There's a lot of barbecues. There's a lot of parties. There's a lot of things planned. And that's where you have to take your health and wellness so very seriously. That's why I love Thorne's nutritional supplements that keep me at my best and ready to enjoy all of it. I've been obsessed with the Sleepy Girl mocktails for months now. I literally can't fall asleep without them.

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And it's funny because... Thank God. You're like, okay. No, I was like fighting for my life. And then this girl was like, oh my God, hi. Tell Paige I say hi. We took a selfie. I'm feeling myself. Sit down, eat my meal. And as I'm getting up, the girl sitting... Oh, you sit there? So there's an outer area where you can sit. And I was feeling myself. It was 70 degrees. And I was just like eating. I love eating alone. Just texting, whatever. So as I'm getting up, this woman...

such girly really nice and calm was like by the way I really like your podcast and I said okay and I look at her in the eye I'm actually really good with faces I'm not necessarily good with names but like I will see someone be like oh they were episode three of SVU they played the guy who got shot like I really remember a face and

I look at her face and I fucking know this face and not in a, like I saw you 10 years ago way. I'm like, this is like a very recognizable face. And I go, and I, but I hate being the person like, where were you in? So I was just like, do we, do I know you? And she looks at me and she's kind of like, yeah. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. Are you an actress? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, I'm sorry. You, can you please tell me like, where do I know you from? And she goes, I'm the AT&T girl.

And immediately, I fucking lose. I go, oh my God. Wait. Wait. So she normally has bangs in all the commercials. Yes. But she had her hair pulled back and she was like with her son. And I couldn't. And she had her hair like slick back. Like she really. Yes.

exactly who you're talking about this girl this what like these people are more famous than like brad pitt like we see them every day on our tvs so i'm like no i love that girl she's so freaking cute she goes i'm a giggler so then i'm like this conspiracy theory that like all every celeb listens to giggly squad is getting my head so big so i go and she's like i love you and page and i go

I'm so sorry. Can I get a photo with you? So she bothered me. And then I know I'm like, am I annoying the AT&T girl? Like I'm like, is she mad at me? And I'm like, can I get a photo with you? And she's like, oh my God, yes. We take the photo. And she actually like is a comic and she does acting. So shout out. Her name's Milana. And so shout out to Milana. That was so LA and random. I know gorgeous. So LA and random. And I told her, I was like, all the gigglers are really hot and successful. So like, honestly, it tracks.

And then I walked 40 minutes in LA. The gigglers, like, give me confidence. Wait, to where? Like, back to your hotel? Back to my hotel. If it's under 45, I walk. Did you get honked at? Oh, yeah. People thought I was a call girl. Yeah.

I ran into some comedians and we're both New Yorkers because they're for the festival and they're like, why are we the only people walking in this town? And I'm like, I don't know. He was like smoking a cigarette. Your voice immediately changes and you just like automatically have a bacon egg and cheese in your hand. You're like, where did this come from? But I'm so wild. Like I'm wearing no bra. All my makeup for the morning was sweated out. Like it was chaos. And then I went back to the hotel. So you're an LA girly. Yeah, I've changed. And then...

I went to this party later and like, I think like Jim Gaffigan was there and like no one else. And I was like, this party is fucking lame. Like, like I'm ruined. I can never go back. No. I go only Jim Gaffigan is here. Okay.

Here's the thing that like I feel like my mom has like said this like my whole life just to like work hard in like a sense. But it does always keep me motivated. It is so easy to go up. Like it is so easy to live like a better life and it's so easy to like enjoy it. It is so hard to like go down. Backtrack.

That's why child stars have a hard time because the come up is so good. And then their come down is the whole rest of their life. That's why it's like you have to stay like grounded, but like continuously have like a goal that you're working for. That's why like anytime some people like talk about reality TV, I'm like, it is so easy to get lost in the fucking sauce and like wrapped up that if you don't have a goal of what you're working toward, like it,

you can't do like you can't maintain it well if you're only if you're only happiness is like if you look likable in a scene they cut together you're living your life in just like chaos it's also like if your happiness is coming from these like random moments of like fancy shit like

then it's so unsustainable where like, yeah, that's why anyone who wakes up and like literally smells the flowers, if that can bring you joy, like you're fucking dangerous. Like you're gonna, you're, you're strong. Like you're mentally healthy. Because like even,

Even like when I first moved to New York City, like just being thrown into like certain experiences that I've never experienced before. I was like, oh, I'll never not do this then. So like I need to work hard enough so that like this is my... I can do this on the reg. This is my norm. So it is like a good... It's so good to like be in those situations, I feel like, because it's so motivational. Like, okay, you had brunch with Jim Gaffigan and it's like now you're like...

okay, I'm fucking pumped up and I'm fired up. Like what's next? But it is cool to meet these people and be like, oh, they were me. Like they were me excited to go to a brunch like 20 years ago. Like Jim Gaffigan was joking. He's like, we're old geezers now. And I'm like, oh, cause they were the newbies. Yeah, like who's Jim's, who is Jim Gaffigan's Jim Gaffigan? They all have it. That's who I like to know. Yeah, like I love in interviews when like really famous people like say who they are.

and like inspired them. Like because when I was at the LA Fashion Awards, the like costume designer for all of Cher's costume got like the Lifetime Achievement Award. Oh, cool. And it was just like showing pictures of all of Cher's outfits. Every single celebrity has done an outfit based off of a Cher outfit. So it's just like so crazy like

to see it's it's like your inspiration was inspired by someone else was inspired by yes like no one has an original thought like everyone is inspired by someone else and it's like okay but like who inspired Cher I also have to do a shout out because I got a facial yesterday like last second um for any like OG gigglers they remember after live giggly squads on Instagram live we would have a

would we have Andrew Collin or Andrew Collin we'd go to Andrew Collin was doing like a dating show whatever well now he's like oh remember so now go and watch it he has like a gorgeous fiance in LA who happens to be a like stunning amazing at facials and it's the kind of thing where you're like okay is she amazing at facials or is she just beautiful like you know you'll see a makeup artist and they're just doing beautiful girls I'm like are they good or are they just doing beautiful girls

Right. But Andrew told me like she's really fucking good at what she does. And I've been meaning to get a facial by her. This bitch did this thing like, you know, when you can feel your face lifted up.

yeah when you're not even looking in the mirror like you feel lighter and she was like doing all this gua sha with my jaw and she was like oh this is tight i'm like that's literally 14 years of trauma um but i want to do a shout out to skin by brenna alexis skin by brenna alexis in la she's a facialist go to her she's so fucking good no getting a good facial i'm literally on a wait list right now oh my god facial i really want

Wait, you're crazy. No, I've been on a wait list for two months. Do you know what's so funny? If they didn't have a wait list, you'd be like, I don't want to go. New Yorkers love waiting. I went to like get an appointment. I was like, oh my God, there's a wait list. Like, fuck this. And then I was like, wait, there's a wait list.

I'm bugging. I need the spatial. This is why saying no and being unavailable actually creates more opportunities for you. Truly. That's why like I stay home all the time. It's so valid. Do you know, um,

Brenna also she gave me really good advice because whenever I'm with a girl I'm always like tear my like tell me the truth tear my face apart tell me what I need first of all she's like you haven't drank water since 1994 and I was like just by looking at my skin and she goes look there's a difference between dry and dehydrated yeah like you're oily like your skin is not dry you are dehydrated drink some water and I was like everyone's Hannah

Every time I've gone to get a facial my whole entire life, that was always the number one thing. You're just a little dehydrated. And that's why like your skin isn't repairing quick enough when you do get a breakout and then you pick it and then it's worse and blah, blah, blah. I'm not kidding. Not to sound like I live in...

But like ever since I got a fucking Stanley, every time I get a facial now, they say your skin is so hydrated. This is my question though. They go drink more water. How much? Like how many Stanleys are you drinking a day? I...

now that I've like started now, I feel like I'm even like more thirsty. Like if I don't have water, like my body now knows what it's like to be fully hydrated. So when I go below it, my body's like, um, hello, we don't operate like this anymore. It's giving you a delivery marketing scheme. It definitely is a cult for sure. And then you're peeing. It's just like a lot of sacrifices. You are peeing, but the satisfaction of seeing your pee be clear is,

I don't know her. I've never met her. No, it's an insane feeling. And I like I get so many less headaches. I drink it. I drink a fuck ton of water. So like I feel like normal girls are like filling it up once, maybe twice a day. I'm not kidding. I'm filling this shit up like four times a day. But I also like a lot of ice. Do you clean it in between? OK, that's like another controversy. Yeah.

Like how much fungi are you drinking? No, everyone's like, no, on TikTok, they're like, you have to clean it every day. That's insane. So much bad men. Nobody's fucking cleaning their Stanley every day. But every couple of days I do throw it in the dishwasher. Okay. And I hand wash my straw with like one of the thingies. Okay, fancy. Because I don't trust the dishwasher to clean the inside of the straw. Hand wash. Yeah.

No, I'm a fucking hand washing over here with my gel X extensions. But you know, also new nail color of the month. I'm calling it. What?

solely because I got it the other day. I didn't want it to be like baby blue, but I didn't want it to be gray because that felt too dark. So like a grayish light blue. So like if you're wearing white, it looks gray. But if you're wearing blue, it looks blue. Put it in the newsletter because I feel it. I feel that's good too. One other thing she said too, because I was like, what serum should I use? What mask should I buy? Like what's going to solve my, all my problems in like actual life and my personality. And she was like,

do you cleanse? And I'm like, I mean, I do some Neutrogena, like take off my makeup and then I like throw, I don't really always cleanse. If I'm in the shower, I do a face cleanse, but like I don't even put my hair up in a bun. Like I literally just like take off my makeup and then put moisturizer on. And she was like,

You're a naked mole rat. No, a literal mole rat. First of all, she kind of like air puked. And then she was like... No, I don't... Yeah, because I'm not even understanding that. Like, I feel like I wasn't actually expecting her to say that first part because like, obviously you're cleansing. So this is the thing. At night, I shower every night. Right. So I do wash it in the shower. But like, if I don't shower that night, I'm not really washing my face. I'm just taking off the makeup, putting moisturizer. And then in the morning... Wait, you're taking off your makeup with what?

A Neutrogena wipe, which apparently just kind of moves it around. No, that's the most diabolical thing I've ever heard you say. You're taking... Kim Kardashian said she uses Neutrogena wipes 10 years ago. She was paid for that article. You're taking a Neutrogena makeup wipe. You're wiping off all your makeup. Then you're putting on a moisturizer? Yes.

immediately after you're a sick fuck and you're actually so lucky that your skin is as flawless as it is thank you so she told me that the true botanicals like cleansing balm is really good and she told me sometimes she triple cleanses and she basically was like it helps everything like the skin renew like she's like cleansing is more important than serum she said if i'm like in

my like Melissa Wood health like era then I'm triple cleansing but that's like it's not all the time well you need to work on that is what Brenna would say

but um but she basically was like keep it simple don't use a lot of products i go oh my god my friend page she uses so many products on her face i told on you i was like she's so like she's just so many products always fucking trying it i'm always using the product and then your mom's like maybe you should stop literally throwing the kitchen sink in every pour

I'm like, but somebody said that balsamic vinegar will dry up any. Also, you have to try stuff for six months, but you know, you try it for like two days and you're like, this isn't working. No, literally. That's how I feel about getting my period. I was like, I thought I was going to get it by now. And then I was like, oh, I just like haven't taken the vitamins in a week.

i actively work against myself i get revenge on my own body also speaking of periods i don't know if you guys are experiencing this because i went off the pill like a while ago just because i was over it now i get the most insane consistent period but like the most insane period for two days like i can't function it's it's like spewing like a murder scene and then it's gone

are you getting like stomach pains or it's just like you're yeah a lot yeah yeah and des was so funny he's such a dude i was like i have my period and he goes i feel like you always have your fucking period yeah they don't he's like you literally you you had you always have your i'll go have you ever been with a girl you're so like so when did wait when did you go off your birth control i'm gonna say like a year the time when i told we told all the gigglers to get off their birth control okay so like and then all the gigglers started having babies start getting it again

We did a baby boom. We had a giggler boom. I never didn't get it. I've always had my period. Oh, so you never stopped. No. Like once you went off, it kept coming. Yeah, it's always coming. But I was late. I didn't get my period till I was 14. Yeah, I didn't get mine either till I was 13. What grade were you in? Senior in high school.

I'm just kidding. Freshman. Oh, no, I think that's when I got mine. That's when I feel like everyone gets it. I like that. I was pretending like I was different. I'm like, I'm not like other girls. There's always the one girl who gets it when she's like 10. No, in like fifth grade. I feel so bad for her. She didn't deserve that. So bad. She didn't deserve that. No. And everyone's whispering about it.

Yeah. Cause we don't really know what it is yet. And she like, she's like, I don't fucking know either. Like here I am. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't ask for that life. She didn't. Anyway. Okay. We didn't ask for this life either. Yeah.

stay strong out there um we love you guys so so so much um we are adding cities to the tour we heard you the thing is we've been bothering our agents and they were like hey like we have to actually make sure the venues are available i said we'll fucking call them again yeah call them again i know the at&t girl if you need a better if you need connection

We know. We know. Again, so keep an eye out. Sign up for the newsletter to make sure you don't miss it. And thanks for giggling with us. Bye. See ya.