Shownotes Transcript
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Sup, gigglers? Carrie, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up, my giddy little gigglers? Ooh, I thought you were going to say something to do with your new cat. Um, no, I'm actually having a little problem in my marriage right now because his...
knee is finally feeling better. I know it seems like I like hurt him on purpose, but like I love a gimpy man. They're weak. People don't talk about gimpy men enough. He's back like feeling better. So this morning he was like, hey, I have a workout scheduled for us. And I was like, okay, that's like not appropriate. I was like,
not appropriate where are our boundaries yeah this relationship you know what i want like a man that has really bad migraines he locks himself in the dark room he's like sorry i have to be alone in a dark room for seven hours while my medicine kicks in can you like be really quiet somewhere else perfect yeah that's my dream
No, so like we did boxing and I was like, are we just going to fight each other for an hour? Oh my god, that's not a scheduled workout. That's like an intense cardio for 45 minutes. That's why I was like, can we wait to do the pod? Because I was like screaming, crying, throwing up. I was like shaking and then I was like low blood sugar. So I had to eat a turkey club. Yeah.
And then I had to digest it a little. And my whole day has been thrown. And I was like, I don't know. I like to slowly start my day. And by slowly, I mean 4 p.m. I'll start being like, what do we want to do? Hannah, we were just always so connected. I can't stand it. I've been being put through a workout regimen this weekend as well. Except it literally feels like I joined an old folks home. And like...
Like I'm in a retirement community with my parents and my parents run the old folks home because the schedule that they've had laid out for me. Dinner at 6 p.m. We have to do our three mile walk prior to it's water aerobics. The pace at which they walk the park. I couldn't keep up. I was like, guys, you've got to slow down. In the morning, are they giving you beta blockers and jello? No.
Take your beta blocker page. You know what happens when you... You know what happens. Drink your water. No, they're so freaking Italian. I came home. My dad was like, see, all you needed was a couple days with your mother to get back... To just knock some sense into you. It's honestly so true. It was really refreshing because I think they're the only people in my life that were like, you're not going on medicine, you fucking psycho. They're like, maybe if you just slept like a normal person...
See, I was like, what is the strongest drugs you guys have? I felt like Britney Spears. I had everyone on my team calling me being like, um, just checking in to make sure you took your medicine. Well, I started comparing you to Marilyn Monroe. I was like, this is how they got her. Like they gave her drugs to get her up. Then they gave her drugs to get her down. And they were like, you have a show in San Diego tomorrow. Get it together. Yeah.
And then literally my favorite part of the weekend was you in the Uber telling me how you think you feeling the bump on your back because you thought you had a spinal. A spinal tumor. Yeah. A spinal tumor. And the Uber driver laughing because I was like, I don't I think we'd know if you had a spinal tumor. No, I have a new ailment that I've been Googling incessantly that I think I have. I think I suffer from vertigo.
This is so your 30s. You start looking outward. You're like, look, I've been trying and clearly it's not me. There's external things happening. External factors. And so I've been looking into that more and more. I might even start going to acupuncture.
Okay, and I put in the newsletter, apparently Taylor Swift swears by it, this acupuncture mat that I sent to you that's $25 on Amazon. I put it in my Amazon Live the other day. Apparently it's kind of painful, but you basically just lie down and the spikes hit you. Again, these are things people will do instead of going to therapy. No, truly. Okay, so you sent me that text message of the mat. I immediately ordered it, got it, used it a couple times, put it in my Amazon Live, and
And even said in my Amazon live, I was like, look, is this going to change your life? I have no fucking idea, but it does make me feel better knowing that I have it at home.
And then after my live, one of my cameramen said, no, I actually own that. And I swear by it. The trick is you have to lay on it for like a solid 15 minutes. He was like, and then you do like your body will start like tingling a little and you do feel different. He was like, but people don't lay on it long enough to feel the effects like you really have to lay on it.
And I was like, oh, lay longer? No problem, sir. Try me. 1-800-TRY-ME. You've come to the right place. He goes, it's going to be hard to stay in one position for a long time. I was like, I've been training for this.
The good news about having this week off, this last week, and like by off, that's a strong word, but I was able to catch up on a lot of shows of TV and I have some hot takes. I do have to say the funniest thing about the last episode we recorded, which by the way, we got so, I got so many messages, so I can't imagine how many you got. No. People just being...
Loving that you were being open. It was like taking a beta blocker. I just felt... Because... I will say this because I don't want to make this another therapy pod. But I will say...
The biggest fear of like those anxiety attacks was that like I was in the wrong career like I had picked wrong and like I was like a lie and all and like I should just pack it in. You know I was forcing you to do it. No and thank God. And I had so many girls say that exact thing like I had this one girl message me and be like I'm a lawyer and every time I have to like.
interrogate the other side like I have to take a beta blocker and I thought oh my god I went through law school I went through all of this and I can't even do it like this is the wrong career for me and so I just feel like it made so many girls feel seen in their career like we're late 20s early 30s we're like just at that like people actually need us now at our jobs like we didn't think that this would happen so we've hit like this point where we're like whoa whoa whoa
Like this is, it's too much. So I just want to say thank you to the gigglers. It really, it helped me more than, you know,
Yeah. And also you have to do something that scares you to feel alive. And I know there's some things that like you're scared and you suck at it. And it's like, that's one thing. But like, you're actually so amazing on stage. If you're horrible at your job and you're having anxiety, maybe think twice. You mean I love quitting. I love quitting or getting fired. Do that. That's fine. But like when you actually it gets you to feel alive. Also, sometimes like when you're leveling up in your life,
it's gonna be uncomfortable yeah and getting past that discomfort because like you literally mid panic attack were so fucking funny on stage and you're just it's very natural for you but there could be another life that you just like stay at home and like we're a personal assistant for someone and like you can do that tomorrow you can um you have freedom at any time which is beautiful no at any time i'm like you know what i will just start an organizational company
I'm starting a cat sanctuary like any second. Wait, Hannah, can we switch topics before we get into your TV shows that you randomly just went and adopted a cat this weekend? You haven't even showed me him. Is it a girl? Is it a boy? What's its name? I didn't adopt him. Who adopted him? Des' brother, Aiden. Oh, I couldn't read that whole thing. No, you could. Yeah, but also I just wanted to let the gigglers know Aiden's also available for adoption. Okay.
If anyone is interested. Oh, I thought you woke up the next day and were like, let's go adopt him. So the story was I did write this long, long, long caption. And then at the bottom, I wrote in the comments, this is longer than a relationship that has ups and downs. No, truly. I was like, yeah.
The thing is when it comes to cats, I'm like the cat people will appreciate this. Like they want the details. They're like, tell me everything. So long story short, I was, I'm trying to relax in West Hampton cause I'm like, you know, exhausted dealing with your shit, you know? And I'm, I'm trying to cleanse my soul from our demons that we've been fighting. Yeah.
And this is actually so sad, but I'm lying with Butter watching TV and Butter starts growling. And I'm like, do you not like the channel we're watching? Is this character? Do you not like the plot line? Like, I'll change it, whatever you want. And then she jumps up and like chucks herself out the window. And I'm like, oh, it's probably a squirrel. Butter hates other cats. Like she's very territorial. So I look outside and it's like this orange and white cat that looks just like my dad's cat. Mm hmm.
and whenever i see a cat i always try to like help it so i open up the door normally when you open the door the cat's like no thank you and runs away this cat literally walks towards me and i'm like oh you found the right house motherfucker you found the right house i'm giving it food i'm petting it i call des des is like don't fucking let the cat inside the house i swear to god don't
let the cat inside the house and i'm like i'm this cat chose us like this cat needs us the cat owns the house now sorry i actually put it in her name i go anything this cat wants this cat is getting yeah um and the cat it has balls okay
are they cat balls this is gonna sound weird so fucking cute i've never seen them they're they're furry so they just have these two little fluffs and they're little and by their tail it's so cute and i but this is the thing i'm like is this just someone's outdoor cat that is having fun and it's so friendly but then i realize all cats are neutered like even anyone's cat you have to get it neutered and then it's full of fleas it's dirty and starving how did you know it was full of fleas
It kept like itching itself and it was dirty, but it was like rolling around on its back like the nicest cat. Where? In your living room? No, no, no. On my porch. Okay. On my porch. So then finally after petting it for I'm going to say an hour, I was like, I have to go back to my other baby. I walked back in. She hisses at me because I smell like another cat. Like I felt like I cheated. Yeah. I had to go in the shower and wash this other cat off me so Butter could sleep with me.
oh my god she's like you dirty butter is that slut but is that bitch she's like get that gross as outdoor dirty ass cat off you so next day like clockwork we're watching tv and this cat shows up again at 10 p.m just looking in like so cute like like he wanted to join the party
Same time as the night before. Same time as the night before. He's on a schedule. He's on a schedule. And then I'm thinking maybe over the summer he had like a family that was feeding him and then they like left West Hampton come fall and then he like lost his source. Um,
So I am texting Jill who works at the South Anson Animal Shelter. She's my cat shaman. She tells me what to do. And I'm like, Jill, we have an emergency. What do I do? And she's like, can you get him in the garage? So I'm full Steve Irwin at this point. And the cat follows me down the stairs into the garage. I shut the garage door and the cat's like not happy with me. Like, what the fuck? Like, I trusted you and you trapped my ass. And I get upset. But I'm like, look, we have to neuter you.
So I'm like falling asleep. I can hear the cat meowing. I'm all upset. In the morning, I wake up and they come and get the cat and they bring it to the shelter to neuter it. And I'm talking to Aiden, who's driving me into the city because I can't drive. And I'm telling you about the cat. And he's like, yeah, you know, like, wouldn't it be cool? Like, maybe I should get a cat. Like, I don't know. Is it a good cat? Is it a good cat? And I'm like, yeah, it's a fucking good cat. I feel like that's exactly how the conversation went. 100% he goes, you think it's a good cat? It's like a good one? I'm like, it's a good one.
So the next day, that's all I'm thinking about. So I text her. I'm like, how's he doing? Can I come and see him? And then Aiden comes. The cat like rubs his head on Aiden. And Aiden's like, yeah, take this cat. This cat's a good cat. Oh my God. So the cat has been adopted by Aiden. And again, Aiden's a dog guy. Yeah. He fosters pitbulls. This cat puts his head on his lap and just lies there and falls asleep. And Aiden's like, I fucking love this cat.
The power of Giggly Squad knows no bounds. It knows no bounds. No bounds. All the cats are, like, huge Giggly Squad fans. They're like, have you heard of this podcast promoting us? Like, they love us. Not sponsored. But seriously, Southampton Animal Shelter, if you're in Long Island, go. They have so many cute, good kittens right now. Oh, my gosh. My cat is somewhere under the bed right now because she met Polo this weekend and she was, like, not...
having it it really took polo like a minute to even know she was in the room because he can't well he's well yeah he's it's honestly so sad he's so old and like i remember polo was like a zaddy i was like look i got polo when i was 18 he's like an old man now like just be respectful and daphne wanted nothing to do with him she was like she was like oh she was like you didn't tell me prior to like i'm not prepared i have to go like and i was like i get it
I do have to say, sorry, the funniest part about last episode, though, was we stopped recording and you just look at me after this emotional outpour and you go, okay, I'm going to watch the Menendez Brothers movie. And I go, yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. No, don't think that's a good idea at all. And then you leave and I'm like, okay, I'm worried. I'm beyond obsessed with the Menendez Brothers. I've gotten into multiple fights with my parents on how they deserve to be released from prison.
Wait, your parents think they shouldn't? Well, yeah, because my parents didn't watch the show and they're going off like the 90s. I'm like, you don't even get it. I was like, there was so much more to the story. Like they were being sexually abused. Like I went into this whole thing. I was like, well, the whole thing was in the 90s. Like people did not realize that men could be sexually abused. Yeah. Which is I do have to say I was I'm so obsessed with Cooper Koch. Koch, however you say his name. And I thought he was straight.
I know. And I was like, I'm obsessed with him. He's my new boyfriend. But the other one is. The other one's straight. The other one is straight. Some girl posted that she had this situationship with him before he got the role. And she got the ick from him and broke up with him. And now he's the biggest sex symbol right now. Which brings me to the other show that I told you to watch, Nobody Wants This, which is all over TikTok now. I'm so embarrassed. I posted...
Oh my God. Um, is it Aaron Foster? I love, um, nobody told us we should do this. Like I wrote the wrong title. Um,
nobody wants us to do this or something and people were like that's literally not the title of the show who knew adam brody i did who knew i didn't i did i didn't you didn't watch the oc i didn't watch the oc i just thought he was some nerdy dude and also you know what the guy who plays joe in the serial killer thing yeah i'm not into him that way like i like him but i don't think he's like hot did you watch gossip girl
No. No. Okay. So then please don't speak on issues that you have not researched and have not put the time into knowing. Seth Cohen is one of the best male high school characters on any show that I ever watched through my teens. Yeah. Yeah.
Seth Cohen is the reason that when I moved to New York, I was like, I need a Jewish boyfriend. If I don't have a Jewish boyfriend, I'm gonna freak out. It's just but you understand if you just see photos of him, you're like, OK, but he's so funny. I know. I hate I hate when there's a role for a man where you're supposed to like he's the heartthrob. But then he talks and you're like, no one really likes this man. No, he's that guy. Like, he's great.
And Kristen Bell is great. And the fact that Seth Cohen is married. And what is his real name? Adam. Whatever. Is married to Leighton Meester is like. Makes sense. It makes sense because he was my favorite male character of all shows. And she's my favorite girl. So like the fact that they hook up on the show. They weren't ever on shows together. Oh, I thought they were both on Gossip Girl. No, she was on Gossip Girl. He was on the O.C.,
They're not the same show. Are you sure? Definitely. That had some years between it, but like all CW. Oh, so Gossip Girl was East Coast. OC was West. Yeah. Okay. OC was like Laguna Beach and Gossip Girl was like Real Housewives of New York. Yeah. They were younger. Yep. That's exactly it. Got it. Okay. Well, it was very light and fun and easy to watch. It was light. It was fun. I felt like when they were talking...
I felt like when it was the scenes with the sisters and they were like talking about the podcast, like it was very you and me coded. Like she had when she had to go to the dinner, like out Aaron, basically. And they're like, you are not going to be able to do it. You don't know anything about the podcast.
She was like, whatever. Like, I can do it. It's fine. It was giving her a pod where we do have important meetings and one of us eventually breaks being able to be professional and then we say like some inappropriate stuff and there's a pause and then someone goes, and that's why we love them. Yeah.
And that's why we love them. They're so themselves. They have such good chemistry. That's like that variety article that just came out. No, there have been so many Zoom meetings where I'm like, I think we've lost the plot here. I just started trying to make Paige laugh and the people are like, okay, let's stay focused here. And I'm like, wouldn't it be funny?
and you enable me we are the definition of like in school where you like weren't allowed to sit next to your friend because you'd laugh so much we are the definition of like jokes on you bitch like when we're adults we're gonna be in the same office every now and then i feel like there's someone who's just trying to get by their job like just last meeting of the day yeah and then girls can you please just can we just stay focused or they'll say something i'll be like
Can you explain that again for a two-year-old? Because, like, that made no sense. And I'm not pretending I understood what you said. Sometimes we'll get into meetings and I'll, like, barely even know what it's for. And Hannah will come in and change everything. Like, just me. Look, I do have to say, I actually love a fucking meeting. And I'll show up looking a wreck. No. And I say... I go camera off for all of them. Hannah's there. You're camera off. Camera on. And she's like, I actually have new thoughts. And I think we should change everything to something different. And we're like, okay. Okay.
And I'll be like in the most ridiculous scenario. I'm like in a grocery store and they're like, we can't hear you. We can't see you. Are you kidnapped? What's going on? Oh my God. No, I have thoughts. But yeah, the Menendez, I do have to say I can't get myself to watch the last episode. I think one because it's upsetting and two because I'm like, let's... I didn't finish it. I don't understand the mistrial part. I don't understand why they were like...
I don't understand Miss Child. The whole thing was pissing me off. Yeah, I didn't finish it. I think I had like two or three episodes left. And I was just like, I feel like it's getting a little repetitive. I will say...
Probably because I just watched the documentary In Vogue on Hulu, which was so fucking good. Oh, I have to watch that. I didn't expect it to be as good as it was because usually fashion documentaries, sometimes you're like, okay, boring, like whatever. Yeah, and I've seen the supermodel documentary. So I was like, is this repetitive? Yeah, this was good. I want like a better, like a more updated documentary on Anna Wintour's like life before she became the editor of American Vogue. But anyway, yeah.
But one of the things that they were saying in that documentary was, like, how much culture impacts fashion and really, like, fashion takes from, like, whatever's going on in the country, like, in those days, like, on how you dress and whatever. And I have this feeling that 80s fashion is going to, like, really come back. And I think the start of it was this Menendez Brothers show. And I think we're going to see more, like, 80s shows coming.
And people start to dress more 80s. Okay, that was so smart of you, first of all. Thank you. Second of all, there is... It is known that, like...
It's always like 30 years or something prior. Because if you think about it, who are the people in charge right now? The people who were 80s kids. Yeah. So they're the ones making decisions. That's so true. But I do have to say, I don't... I mean, obviously, I'm going to go with the trend probably. But I love the 90s trend. I want it to stay forever. I know. Even though it's funny because in the 90s, we all thought it was horrible. We were like, this is the worst ever. I just... I don't like... I rather 90s...
than early 2000s. I like don't like early 2000s stuff, but 80s, I could be so down with. I love a shoulder pad. You love a shoulder pad. I do love, I love a shoulder pad. I do. I do have to say, this is my, the first time I've been like really aware of trends, like that every season there's more trends. Yeah. I think because of TikTok. And now everyone's like,
Yeah, and now everyone's like, you need suede. Like, you need suede. And then people wearing berets. I actually just bought a long suede trench because I was like, oh my god, I need a suede trench. Yeah, if you don't have suede, like, no one's going to take you seriously. Zara has some pretty good suede stuff right now. Are people wearing berets? Yes.
I feel like people always wear berets. I think... I don't think you're going to see a lot of people in these hats because they're kind of, like, hard to pull off. They fall off. And I feel like people will get nervous. They fall off easily. But it's really more like... It's called a pillbox hat or, like, really in. It's, like, the hats that Jackie O used to wear. Like, I've been seeing those a lot. But I don't... You probably won't see them for, like, a little because...
In trends, like I feel like you see it on the runway. It's said in the fashion community, this is going to be a trend in the spring. So like the fashion girlies kind of start doing it. But until like it gets to stores and like mass people are doing it, it's still like a full year. The trickle down effect. I do have to say I'm not happy about people saying that big sunglasses are back.
Because I know because I have a small head. So like even a normal sunglass looks like a mosquito on me. And I'm like really upset about it because I really like those little 90s glasses. They make me feel normal. I think you can still wear them.
I will because I can't pull off a big sunglass. Like no one would take me seriously with big sunglasses. We'd have to find the right big... Maybe that's something we'll do. We'll go... Okay, we'll vlog it. We'll go to a sunglass store and we'll really find what the best shape is for you. There's nothing worse than putting on sunglasses and looking at someone and being like, what do you think? And they go, no, no, no, no. I think that's what Stephanie was worried about when we went wedding dress shopping. That I was just like, no, no.
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So I don't know about you, but my TikTok algorithm is full of just girls trying different hair colors on in that like cut edit every fucking video. And yes, do I have to watch it all? Yes, because I have to see which hair color she looks best in. But like, how is this the premium content of TikTok? And I'm just going to say everyone looks better with their natural. I feel like everyone that I've seen looks best with what their natural hair color is.
It's like everyone loves brunette. Everyone looks good in brunette. Yeah. Except for me, I'm red. Have you heard about the like fame theory about hair? No. So this one girl basically said that like the reason Tate McRae isn't popping to like next level status, which I don't know if I disagree with. I think she is popping that status, but they said because she's brawned.
And how you have to either be blonde or brunette or red. You can't be like just like a in between hair color like like Chapel Roan. They think when she went red like they're talking about me like when I was getting
But like, wait, you have like Olivia Rodrigo is dark. Britney Spears, blonde, like you have to pick blonde, blonde. And there was like another example of someone who's a blonde celebrity that like is kind of in between right now. And they were like, she has to pick like Billie Eilish when she started going like green. Everyone started loving her.
wait, that's so interesting. And I kind of, I kind of get it. Your rise on Summer House, I think your fuck-ass Bob, like, put you on the map first to be like, who's that girl with that look? Because if you had just, like, bronze normal hair, it's harder. I don't know. It's just, like, a mental thing that they're saying. I feel like it's because you're, like, innate, like,
You want to put people into boxes? Yes. Like you want to like label people immediately in your brain to like compartmentalize and like organize your own brain. So you like want to put girls into boxes and it's like blonde or brunette. You can't be both. Like, what are you? Very interesting. Very, very interesting. Okay. What else have you watched that you loved?
This is like one of my hotter takes. And I'm going to say it. Oh, God. Ellen DeGeneres had a great special. Wait, on Netflix, I didn't see it. Look. Is it funny? First of all, kind of iconic that she got canceled for being a bitch. I think she got canceled for a little bit more, but like, yeah. But like, ultimately, it was like a lot of people being like, she's horrible to work with. She's a bitch. Yeah, she's like rude. So she goes on stage and she's like, first of all,
It's so easy to not care what people think when you're at the height of your popularity. You're like, I don't care what people think because everyone fucking likes you. Right. And then she said something. She was like, I never got into this for the money. I got into this for laughter and bringing people joy and like finding myself through humor. But she goes, but then I got canceled and thank God for the money. No, I can't imagine. Yeah.
she told this really funny story which like i can kind of relate to how everyone was saying she's like the meanest person ever so she said she'd go to a restaurant and she could just feel people looking at her like waiting for her to do something mean no she'd like raise her hand to like grab a fork and they're like she's gonna hit the waitress no she's just grabbing a fork like she was everyone's just waiting for her to do something like fucking mean yeah um because people had this idea and it's
This is the thing. I'm not excusing anything Ellen did. Like, I think she probably was super cunty. And she even jokes that like she thought scaring people all the time was hilarious. And looking back, like, look, comics are fucked up people. Yeah. But she was like, you know, it's crazy. I didn't know you weren't allowed to be mean in the entertainment industry and not to go on a feminist rant. But she was like, if you're a male boss, you could literally go into someone's office and be like, talk to me right now.
If you're a girl boss, you have to go in and be like, hey, do you have a second? I'd love to speak to you. A male boss that I had through keys at me. And I was just like, okay.
If a girl did that, you'd like arrest her. Yeah. And it got me thinking I was hanging out with some like industry agent people and one agent was being so mean to his like, um, like coworkers or whatever. And then was like talking about an actress who was being a bitch. And I was like, that's crazy. Cause when men are mean, like, it's just like, he's tough. Yeah. We're like, when a girl's mean, they're like, we can't deal with this. And this is coming from,
coming from someone who I actually...
I'm not making an excuse because if I met her and she was cold to me, I probably would immediately be like, I don't fuck with that girl. Because I think kindness is like the easiest thing you could do. Well, yeah, it's way easier. I just get upset when I feel like it's people who are big, who are trying to make something happen. And you're trying to put your opinions out there and people are like, oh, she's difficult. I just think disrespect is not okay in any capacity. But if you're just being like stern, like,
But Ellen might have gone too far. But I do have to say, look, she's a genius. What she's done for gay rights has been huge. And yeah, she's fucking imperfect. But you cannot say that her special wasn't hilarious. Well, here's another comparison I'll make. Like no man in when we start when people started canceling people in like 2020, no man was canceled for being like mean or anything.
The men were getting cancelled for like Pedophilia Sexual assault Like they were getting cancelled for
literal felonies that they were committing around the town. So like it took so much more for men to get canceled. I'm sure there's a ton of bosses who are men who did the same exact thing and like not to get too specific but like people have tried with you like the buzzword of like if a girl calls another girl a mean girl. Yeah. The worst thing you could call her when it's like people are mean to each other. Yeah.
Like, who's... Are you responding to someone after being mean to you and then you're the mean girl? Like, I feel like I've also gotten over that, too, because, like, I've learned in my personality, yeah, if you're mean to me, I am going to be ten times meaner. Well, that's the thing. You're responding. Like, sorry. Like, I will always win at that. But, like, you started it. No, honestly, I feel like with reality TV and with, honestly, with boyfriends, like...
I learned it the most with boyfriends that like if a guy ever says anything to me, I will go immediately to your biggest insecurity and I will say it to you. And like, I know that that is a flaw in my personality. I don't have to go that low. But also I'm like, you started it. Like, don't fight with me then. Sometimes you have to be mean to literally survive. But I do have to say I live by it. Don't start anything. Try not to be reactive.
And one thing someone told me, which I wish I did during my last season, but I didn't. But I wasn't. It was during COVID. It was crazy. But they said, speak to men like you're a preschool teacher.
Keep your voice low. You have to keep your voice low. And you have to speak like they're literally like their brain's not formed. That also like gets men, I feel like even more mad. Like sometimes like when me and Craig will like have a fight or something, my natural go-to is like I raise my voice first. I always like I'm louder and like I'm 10 times meaner. But if I switch it up, then...
then like i feel like he gets more he's like do you not even care you don't even care and i'm like no i'm just like trying not to be reactive and i'm keeping my voice low and i'm just like we're having a conversation but like it does piss them off and i and i love that early on before i got too into it i would when someone would come for me i'd be like what is this actually about
because i don't think it's about this that's really what else is going on what's going on at home are you okay something something's amiss at home because it's true most of the time they are just like projecting frustrations on you and you represent something that they don't fucking like going on at home honestly a lot goes on in the home the fucking home that's why i live alone
That's why it's just me and Daphne. And there's still things going on in the home. No, it was so funny. When I got to Albany, this was like Daphne's first road trip. I got to Albany and I like set up her litter box and like set up all like her stuff that she needs. Each member of my family walked into my room and they were like, does Daphne know where her litter box is? And I'm like,
I don't know, guys. I told her, but she can't say anything back to me. So I don't know what you want me to do. I showed it to her. I said, here's your litter box. But I have no idea if she comprehended it. I'm going to say one thing that I don't understand about cats. The only rule is when you bring them home, you just have to... You could put them in it or just literally show it to them. Yeah. And then they just know. Like, they're smarter than us. No, it's insane. Like, I get lost in my own house. Like...
The thought of training a dog, I don't think I could ever do it. I can't do it. And here's the other thing. I'm not doing it. But this is the thing also. People like training dogs. They like being like, I have this crazy animal that I'm going to... Honestly, I don't need that on my resume. Craig told me a story the other day that... I forget what town it was in or where in the country it was. That foxes...
are showing signs of wanting to be domesticated. Like how cats just were like, and we're domestic now. Like we're chilling. Yeah.
and that foxes are like showing up and like doing all these things to be like we're done i'll take a fox in don't fucking tell me they're fucking cute so profile like i'm on their side to be like yeah we're tired now we've done what we needed to do out here like we're ready to lay by a fire they're like put a leash on me please put a leash on me and let me sniff i'm so for them
becoming domesticated like i'm backing them in their fight back to my best friend alan look everyone needs like the meanest i always loved having like a girl who was so fucking mean because like you don't have the balls and like if she's on your side like you were protected i look like the scariest girl in school i wanted her to like me and then i would just stand did you ever have like a moment in high school where like i feel like this happened to me one time where like
I can't even remember, but I can picture the classroom. Someone was coming at me for something and I was so caught off guard. I was like, oh my God, wait, what's going on? And this one girl came from out of nowhere and like had my back and I'll never forget it because I was literally about to be like drowning. And like from that day on, like I respected that girl so much. And you're like, if she's around, like no one's fucking with me. And I'm,
I liked to be that too. Like if someone was fucking with someone, I was like, I'll end you. Like I'll murder you. The only time I was comfortable with confrontation was when like there was a clear bullying situation. Yeah. Like when you're sticking up for someone. Yeah. And especially when that person it's like like they're just being mean for no fucking reason. It's like some girl like has weird hair or something. So you probably something going on at home.
Yeah. But back to Ellen. She has the funniest. So she got canceled when she first came out as gay. Right. Like she couldn't get a job and show business. And then she got the talk show. So she was like, look, first I was canceled for being gay. Then I was canceled for being too mean. And she's like, and in about 15 years, I'm going to get canceled again for being too old. And like, she's just, she's like, she's being real. She's being funny. And I do have to tell you guys, a lot of comedians are monsters. Yeah.
And, like, we still find them funny. And, like, she may be a monster, but, like, you have to appreciate her art being funny and, like, not hiding and coming out and working and trying to bring joy to people. I'm not...
saying anything she did is okay because honestly it's my biggest ick when people are fucking mean like i hate it and it's low and it's stupid and it's so easy to be nice speaking of foxes not me obsessed with ellen stand up but she's like one of the best stand-ups ever she talks about how like butterflies are so amazing and she lists some other stuff and she's like but pigeons i
They really fucking gave up. They were like pigeons used to communicate during war. Now they can barely fly. Like a car will come and they'll be like, please hit me. Literally take me out of my misery. They don't even get out of the way. And I'm like, that's so fucking true. So anyway, that's my... I'm going to say one thing about Ellen. I, no matter what she was canceled for, like what is whatever, I don't even really remember.
I just find it so admirable for anyone to have a comeback. I feel like America loves a freaking comeback. I love for anyone to be like, you know what? I'm not going in hiding. Like, yes, I did this. Yes, I did that. No, I didn't do this. Like, this was fabricated, whatever. I love someone being just like standing there and like taking it and coming back. You know, I just think that's great. I could never. Yeah.
She had another joke where she said, um,
that she her therapist like couldn't really understand what she was going through because Ellen was like I feel like everyone hates me and the therapist was like why do you feel that way and she was like I don't know the New York Times and like the Washington Post and the Daily Mail and they were like okay and then she's like well can you stop looking at the news and she's like I actually don't look at the news but every couple days a friend will just text me and be like hey thinking of you hope you're doing okay and that shit was so relatable that's so real
There's nothing like unfollowing every Bravo account to just have a random group chat of friends be like, hey, is everything okay? We love you. It's like, okay. We love you no matter what other people say. We love you. I didn't even see it. So let me just go keep going.
I do have to say to the friends like never text someone a bad article about them like I'll I'll end it don't ever text me a bad article about myself how dare you I will wait for you to bring it up I will never bring it up text me a bad article about someone else like be a girl's girl oh my no literally so Ellen had some very funny points but I also think like she's
an older gay woman and it's hard like society doesn't stereotypically in comedy right society doesn't love it um but i think that she has she's been through a lot in her life and who knows did you watch will and harper i watched the beginning of it i it made me so emotional and i also like love will ferrell as someone who
has met him once. Yeah. He's an absolute angel. I know the gays hate him. I'm obsessed with this man when he was trying to make the kids laugh in the diner. No, he's, I think he's so hilarious. He's the, he's the funniest ever. You know, this is the first time I saw him on screen and I felt like, Oh my God, I felt like my parents. Cause I was like, Oh my God, Will Ferrell. Like this is the first time he looked old to me.
Well, he also, when have you seen him be normal? Right. Like you never see him. He's always in the character. Yeah. And he just felt very like dad, like a dad. Like he just felt like a dad that like your friend's dad that was like making a documentary. He's the dad that like, like he shows up when everyone's hanging out and you're like, oh wait, this is going to be so funny. Yeah. Yeah. I love him. And I also, I think was so good for like trans visibility in terms of,
like humor connects people because Harper, after she transitioned from being a comedy writer, like she's like, I'm still hilarious. So she's shitting on it. Right. Because they were talking about like, are we, is this a whole new friend? Like, is this still my same friend? Like, what's our friendship going to be like? And it's like, well, you still think the same things are funny and stupid. Like, so you can still connect.
did you see at the dinner table she had all these snl alums and she was like everyone was really nice except for tim tim sent me some like hate mail and this guy tim the guy from mean girls was like i thought i thought she was messing with me so i sent some sexist racist remarks back i thought it was a bit and it's so funny no it's so funny really comedy brings everyone together
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I see it. I think Lana Del Rey has had it with these like asshole fame whore men, like finance pro douchebags, artsy fartsy losers. And it's like, give me just a simple alligator instructor. And he's probably likes to explore. Okay. But here's the thing. He's not cute.
again like yeah i just feel like i feel like okay yeah you can be like fed up and all that stuff but don't marry him yeah the marriage thing is like him i know like it was just giving like oh you want to be married that bad like what is so good about being married that like you maybe he has like an amazing penis
I mean, I'd hope so because... Why did I just envision us meeting him and being like, have you heard of the alligator circle? Circle of death. Circle. Yeah. Honestly. What is that called? We send him the clip. Is it the circle of death? I think so. Like where they take you and whoop you around. And we said justice for sharks? No. It just like... It just...
Here's the other thing I feel like. It's giving mediocre men...
the audacity it's giving he's gonna hurt her more than any like famous guy she's ever dated hurt her because she's like this was a make-a-wish well i also saw a thing that he was like engaged like for 10 years like to his last girlfriend and then randomly was just like oh so he's a fuck boy so it was just like lana del rey was interested it's the same thing with like ariana grande just like breaking up that random marriage now dalton is like
the guy she divorced who was a random dude is now dating like a really pretty model and it's like
it's you're right like keep them where they're at keep them where they're at and where they belong because there's nothing worse than giving like a dude you didn't even want to give a shot who's so beneath you then thinking he's on your level I always have to say the worst the most heartbroken I've ever been was in college with this guy after I dated the football player who I was like this guy will kiss my feet and then like he
He got a whiff of himself that summer and was like, I literally was like, he's going to beg me to be his girlfriend. And he thought he was the coolest guy on campus. Not that like, I don't know. He just like was feeling himself and I, and wasn't giving me the time of day. And I was like, I'm sorry. No one will break your heart. Like a real loser.
Their name's always like Matt. Well, and it hurts your ego so much more. Maybe that's why I was like, so I was so shallow for hot men after that. Cause I was like, if I'm going to get my heart broken, they better be fucking out of my league. Well, because it's like, if this loser doesn't want me, let's say about me. And that's the mental, that's the mental capacity you go into. And it's, it's quite jarring. I do have to say never like go low. Cause they'll go high.
I don't know what that meant, but it made sense. No, dating beneath you is like fun for a minute. And then it's like, I feel like you can't. This whole time we've been trying not to talk about it, but I feel like we should bring it up. Let's talk about the freak offs.
Oh my God. I didn't think that's where you were going to go. I, I'm going, I'm just going to be honest. I'm on the side of TikTok where Beyonce is a murderer and I, I don't know what's going on. I'm so, yeah, I'm so confused. I'm at the part of TikTok where they're saying like Kanye was trying to save Taylor Swift by not having her compete with Beyonce. Yeah, because she was going to get murdered.
i'm but i like can't believe any of it no i think that's like taking it to like a little bit of an extreme like adele broke her grammy off and was giving it to beyonce because she was scared like this is just a nice person let's focus at the problem at hand okay with the freak offs there's a lot just a bieber drama but long story short then people are saying that he would do these freak offs and film them so he could like blackmail i need you to stop saying freak off
I can't stop saying freak offs. I've been saying it every, I can't, why couldn't they pick a better name than freak off? Why is it named that? It sounds like, like when you're throwing a birthday party, when you're like 19, you're like, it's for the break. Yeah. It's like some stupid theme. It's like, call it a sex party. Like it sounds like,
a bunch of like adults were trying to throw a cool party for, for like a, a brand. And they're like, it's going to be freak off, kick ass. And like, no, no. I think that P Diddy, whatever his name is, Diddy, who cares? I think he should rot in jail for the rest of his life. And if someone killed him, like I wouldn't bat an eye.
It's just upsetting that this was a whatever was happening happened for so fucking long. And now they're looking back that like he might have been involved with Tupac and like but they're saying that he was like blackmailing everyone like, hey, I have you doing this. Don't ever fucking turn on me. Wait. So he had everyone silenced. What about this is like so off topic. What about Sabrina Carpenter saying on at her concert that she's the reason that our mayor got indicted? I did.
Did she say why? She said because she filmed her music video at a church.
And it wasn't supposed to be allowed or something. And they looked into the person that allowed it. And he had some shady shit going on with the mayor. Some random weird story. But it all had to do with because she filmed a... It all goes back to Espresso. It all goes back to a woman in the arts. Just not knowing what she was doing for the good of the city. People went to her...
show last night she had at msg yeah i do have to say concerts are hard for me no thank you so much for saying that because i did get an email inviting me to the sabrina carpenter concert and i was like wow so many girls would kill for this and this is so nice that they're inviting me to this my cortisol is not regulated enough to be at a concert setting i'm just not a concert girly
you know what i'm not i'm not an inside concert girly i like a amphitheater i like something because you could leave because you could like wander off it's easier to a tree i think that's what it is oh i do a car what if i just got into this yes what if i just got into it and you're also like oh i'm getting vitamin d like this is like my walk yeah my walk i like an amphitheater i yeah i don't like crowds i don't like girls singing
I think it's PTSD from being on the bus and some girls would start singing a song and I would just get really awkward. And I feel like the second I start singing, everyone would laugh at me. I don't know. For as much as we are performers and we truly, truly are, we're like always running a bit, always like performing for someone. We aren't singing, dancing type people.
Like I'm not a dancer. Like it, it's actually probably like a bad quality, but like at a wedding, I'm not the most fun person at the table. I'm not like a, let's get up and go to the dance floor at a wedding type of person at all. Can we discuss, I hate going to weddings. No,
Because like the social, everything is horrible. The social aspect of a wedding is, it makes me really uncomfortable. You're having these awkward table conversations with people you don't really know. Then you have to awkwardly dance with people you don't know while older people are just watching you dance to swag surfing. Weddings are truly only fun if it's your sibling, your best friend, or you.
and all of those have caveats yeah and that's literally it because you don't really get to hang out with your best friend at all like during that day but you're happy that like she's experiencing this your sibling it's fun because it's like your family's there but you're also like you everyone has like that weird cousin and uncle and like whatever like whatever you don't want to talk to and then you like yeah because it's all about you but it's also like
probably the most stressful i've also been on the outskirts before where you know that like you weren't the first people invited and then they'll be like oh my god there's a seat an extra seat i can't get you to my wedding and you're like are you trying to fuck up i like do you like i know that like if i go there i'm gonna have to be my best and like perform and like be great but like i don't have it in me all the time no and it's such a weird mix of people sometimes
Oh, God. And then you have to watch people cry. See, like I almost rather be a plus one because I feel like there's no pressure because it's like I don't know anyone here. So I'm not obligated to talk to any of you. And I can take as long as I want in the bathroom because no one's looking for me. Like dancing with uncles. That should be illegal. It's not for me. I really actually Craig gets mad at me at weddings because I'm like, I can't. I'm not like that. Just like whimsical type.
Actually, it's so funny. I just got a memory. My dad, we were at a wedding and my mom was on the dance floor and my mom's like cute and like good at dancing. And my dad looks at me and he goes, see how mom dances? She's loose. She's relaxed. Try to learn from her. And I was like, wait, what? No, my brother is like... He's so stiff when you go up there. I'm like the worst dancer too. Like I'm not, I can't, I just can't do, it's not for me. Wait, I'm about to blow your mind. Speaking of stiffness...
People are saying that women are getting too much Botox and filler, that babies are having trouble learning expressions because their moms are not showing them the full spectrum of emotions. Stop.
That could be totally false. But when I saw it on TikTok, I was like, that's fucking hilarious. Just a bunch of serial killer babies being made who like can't react to things. Me and Hannah have had quite extensive talks on tour recently that we're going to skip Botox and filler. We're just going to skip that phase. And when we turn 60, maybe 55, maybe even 50.
It depends how our mental health is. It depends on how we're going. We're just going to pop out one day having facelifts. Like we're going to go big or we're going home. We're not going in for a couple little needles here and there. If we're going under the knife, they're pulling our whole faces off and they're redoing them. So spending a couple days in LA, the word on the street is that the girls, some of your favorite pop stars have undergone like two, three facelifts. No, no.
Paige, I'm telling you, these girls who look insane, you're like, what they have done? Facelifts. Like the normal population, we're getting fed like, oh, it's preventative Botox. The elite, they're getting fed it's a preventative facelift. Like it's a mini facelift. Girls in your early 20s, stop getting preventative Botox. Your skin is going to age regardless. It's like so unnecessary. Also, your babies don't know how to...
Don't know if you're sad or happy, if you're crying or laughing. Okay? I really don't subscribe to preventative Botox. I think that's such a scam by like to sell Botox. And now I'm terrified of filter, of filler, filter, of filler because it's migrating and it's staying forever. And this is like really selfish and this is for the millennials. This is for the millennials right here. Okay. Part of me is like, ha ha, like...
Gen Z looks old. Like, I kind of like it. I'm like, it makes me feel better about aging because I'm like, oh my God, I'm 10 years older than you and I look younger than you. So like, I feel fine. It's also like not their fault though because-
We it wasn't a trend when we were growing up like we would have fallen to it too maybe. No like I didn't. I had a couple girlfriends I think who started to get Botox when we were in college but like it was very it was not definitely was not talked about the way it was talked about now and it was random. Yeah it was rogue. I feel like girls really didn't start getting it until I was like 26 and then I was still like I was like guys we don't need a
Have you seen the Cardi B drama? With her and Offset? Yeah. And her just like publishing all the receipts of everything. Yeah. All I got from it because I was watching it on mute. That's really good. And I do. Let me preface. That's a good way to learn. You guys, this is hard hitting journalism. And let me preface this with please, please, please. I know you can go viral, but like do not blast your personal lives on the Internet.
Like, just don't. Don't call people out. Just keep it to yourself. I'm telling you, just don't do it. Cardi B, you know, she's doing her own thing and I'm her number one fan. But basically, this man's been cheating and disrespecting her for so long. So she goes and basically says his friend who was part of his, I was going to say band, group, Takeoff, who passed away. She goes, so funny you've been cheating on me this whole time because I hooked up with Takeoff.
Period. Oh my God. You can't. Oh, here's the other thing. You can't bring the dead into it. You just can't do it. But you know, the way I feel about air, like posting a receipt and calling someone out on social media is the same way I feel about people crying on social media. Neither are for me. And you keep it inside. You keep all of it inside because one day you'll need it for something greater. Yeah.
and i do have to say there's something like i'm gonna say it i have fucking receipts of shit yeah i have receipts of people who have lied and i feel like i have your receipts saved in a file you have my receipts as well i have other people's receipts i don't even know how i've accumulated them they're like hold on to this in case i need it i feel like once you release it into the wild it
It better be the right time because then you've lost your power. It's no longer your receipt. It belongs to the people. It belongs to the people. And also it's like it's out there and they know what your hand is. I'm keeping my receipt for when I need to. Hannah's very into blackmail. No, these people don't even know that I the receipts that I have because I didn't show them. Well, that's the best thing about a receipt. You don't know what exactly you don't know what I'm packing.
actually i did try to show receipts at one reunion and andy was like i don't care he was like that it's better here's here's where it's good for me my mental health my anxiety kicks in that i can't look back at the receipt so i don't even know what i have i think that like induces too much no well that's what happened i didn't look back at stuff because i was so upset and then once everything settled down i was like this voicemail is insane
yeah and everyone was like it's seven months too late no one cares right someday um final drama to upset all the millennials and the gen z's are going to be like shut up we don't care tia and tamera don't talk i really don't like it one i don't like it because i don't like when siblings don't talk i just find that to be i don't like it
And I especially don't like it because they're twins, which means they're feeling things and they're not saying that. That's illegal to not talk to your twin. I feel like it really is. They're sending psychopathic stuff to each other. I don't know if that was the right word. It's basically like...
yeah it's not okay no it's not okay and it's hippa it's a hippa violation to not talk to your twin and i think if this is all over like one of their husbands i'm gonna be really mad yeah that's gonna piss me off so they need a like a resurgence i need something good to happen for both of them and i need someone to come together like bring them back together maybe they should do a reunion with andy cohen i mean they should do something
they should do something but we're rooting for you guys and we are family family's important family is everything family's important anyway speaking of family we love you so much before we go because this was too good nana posted your new york times article but first she posted a picture of herself doing like just something normal and i could not stop laughing and i could not stop looking at it because i was like i'm obsessed with nana
So Nana posted a photo showing her decolletage sitting in her living room that my papa took. And the second photo was like New York Times. And she was like, just a beautiful morning. Also, side note, my grandson is in the New York Times, but I look beautiful as always. In case you were wondering. It was just it made my whole freaking day. I commented. I was like, Nana, this is just so you. Last thing I want to say is my last episode of In Bed with Paige DeSorbo is on Tuesday night. So tonight is.
Who chooses the order? Amazon, I think, did. Because mine went out real quick. Yours was quick. Is it because they were excited or they just didn't want to end with me? I think they were excited about you. They just want to put it out there.
who's the last one andrea lopez oh i love it's so good she does she does this episode as a bunch of different people and okay yeah she went above and beyond she literally did a whole sketch she deserves it um by the way we still have some tickets available in these cities so if you are living them run atlantic city newark madison go be edgers milwaukee texas and cleveland
Okay. Okay, we love you guys so much. Thanks for giggling. Talk to you next week. Bye.