The Power of No to Protect Your Peace
2024/10/24
We Can Do Hard Things
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Abby Wambach
两次奥林匹克金牌得主和一次FIFA世界杯冠军，国际比赛中最高进球记录保持者。
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Glennon Doyle
美国作家和女权活动家，著有多本畅销书，并创立了非营利组织Together Rising。
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Leslie
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Lola
Glennon Doyle 和 Abby Wambach 探讨了如何更好地拒绝请求，并保护个人空间和时间。她们提出，用 "I don't" 代替 "I can't" 来拒绝请求，前者更坚定，后者更像是一种可以被说服的借口。她们分析了两种说法在表达上的细微差别，并举例说明了在不同情境下如何运用 "I don't" 来有效拒绝，例如拒绝捐款、拒绝短信回复、拒绝社交活动等。她们强调，诚实地表达自己的真实想法和需求，比编造借口更能增进彼此的理解和信任。同时，她们也建议在拒绝时，可以解释拒绝的真实原因，这可以帮助对方更好地了解你，从而邀请你参与更适合你的活动。此外，她们还探讨了在工作和生活中如何平衡个人需求和他人期望，以及如何评估请求对双方造成的成本，避免资源的浪费。她们鼓励人们勇敢地说 "不"，并保护自己的时间和精力，专注于自身的需求和目标。
Abby Wambach 分享了她作为运动员的经验，以及在职业生涯中如何处理大量的采访和代言请求。她指出，在团队中拒绝采访邀约，可能会导致其他队友获得更多曝光机会。她还区分了出于自身目标而说的 "yes" 和为了取悦他人而说的 "yes"，并强调要根据自身情况和目标做出选择。她还分享了在工作中有效拒绝任务的技巧，例如清晰地表达自己的工作量和当前的任务，并询问任务的优先级。她认为，在工作中说 "yes" 有时是为了长远的目标，而非眼前的利益。
Deep Dive
Why is it beneficial to shift from 'I can't' to 'I don't' when saying no?
It conveys conviction and stability, reducing the likelihood of being pressured to change your mind.
How does saying 'I don't' instead of 'I can't' affect social connections?
It maintains social connection by not making the refusal personal to the asker.
Why is it important to explain the real reason for saying no?
It increases the chance of acceptance by 51% and fosters deeper intimacy with the person asking.
How can saying no at work be effectively managed?
Communicate your current workload and ask for prioritization of tasks.
What is the impact of saying no to maintain personal boundaries?
It can strengthen relationships by showing that you prioritize your own needs and values.
Why might it be beneficial to share vulnerabilities when saying no?
It creates a reciprocal understanding and prevents the other person from feeling solely responsible for the rejection.
How does saying no to avoid FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) benefit individuals?
It allows individuals to focus on their own needs and experiences rather than feeling compelled to conform.
The chapter discusses the shift from using 'I can't' to 'I don't' as a more assertive and self-respecting way to say no, maintaining boundaries, and preserving peace.
- Using 'I don't' suggests established rules and conviction, making it harder for others to push back.
- This approach maintains social connections without feeling personal to the asker.
- It reflects a self-knowing and sovereign attitude, introducing oneself rather than a hectic schedule.
Shownotes Transcript