cover of episode Jen Hatmaker: Marriage, Loneliness & Starting Over

Jen Hatmaker: Marriage, Loneliness & Starting Over

2024/10/9
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We Can Do Hard Things
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Glennon Doyle
美国作家和女权活动家，著有多本畅销书，并创立了非营利组织Together Rising。
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Jen Hatmaker
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Jen Hatmaker: 我在19岁时结婚，与前夫Brandon共同生活了26年，在2020年7月11日离婚。这段婚姻的结束并非循序渐进，而是一夜之间发生的。离婚后，我感到害怕、震惊和羞愧，因为我从未独自生活过，也不知道如何独自抚养五个孩子。我意识到，在婚姻中，我扮演着‘人类聚光灯’和‘善后人员’的角色，总是努力维持婚姻的表面和谐，而忽略了自己的需求。我压抑了自己的光芒，让自己变得渺小，以满足传统婚姻中对女性角色的期待。我与朋友们分享了婚姻中的一些问题，但并没有完全坦诚。直到我读到Glennon Doyle的书，我才意识到自己婚姻中存在的问题，并向她倾诉。我后悔没有早点对自己、伴侣和他人坦诚，因为这可能会避免很多痛苦。我意识到自己一直处于一种依赖性的状态，总是努力避免冲突，不允许他人承担其选择的后果。离婚后，我开始学习如何独立生活，如何与他人建立健康的关系，如何爱自己。我意识到，真正的连接和社区建立在真诚和坦诚的基础上。公开分享痛苦经历可以帮助人们建立更深层次的联系，因为每个人都会经历痛苦。 Glennon Doyle: Jen Hatmaker在2020年经历了26年婚姻的突然破裂，并在之后重建了生活。她的朋友们认为她在婚姻中扮演着“人类聚光灯”和“善后人员”的角色，而她自己也意识到除了妻子这个角色外，她在其他所有角色中都非常强大。Jen在婚姻中感到孤独，并且不愿意对自己、伴侣和朋友坦诚自己最害怕的事情。关于离婚，最令人反感的问题是“发生了什么？”，因为它简化了复杂的情感和经历。在婚姻中，孤独感是普遍存在的，因为婚姻中只有两个人，当关系破裂时，很容易感到孤立无援。公开分享婚姻中的痛苦经历可以促进人际间的联系，因为每个人都会经历痛苦。分享痛苦经历可以减轻羞耻感，并促进治愈。 Amanda Doyle: (无核心论点，主要参与对话) Abby Wambach: (无核心论点，主要参与对话)

Deep Dive

Chapters
Jen Hatmaker shares her experience of the sudden end of her 26-year marriage. She describes the shock and the difficulty of navigating adulthood and single parenthood after being married her entire adult life.
  • Jen's marriage ended abruptly after 26 years.
  • The divorce process began shortly after the start of the pandemic.
  • Jen felt lost and unprepared for single adulthood and parenting.

Shownotes Transcript

  1. Jen describes the shock of losing her 26-year marriage overnight. 

  2. How, looking back, Jen sees that she knew something was wrong in her relationship well before she “knew” something was wrong – and the moment she reached out to Glennon to share it for the first time.

  

3. Why Jen’s friends told her she was a “human spotlight” and “cleanup crew” in her marriage – and the pain of realizing she was powerful in every role other than wife.  

4. How Jen convinced herself that her marriage was enough when in reality she felt like a pot of water slowly building to a boil. 

  1. The common hell of being lonely inside of marriage – and why we won’t be fully honest with ourselves, our partners, or our friends about what we are most afraid of.

  

About Jen: 

Jen Hatmaker is the New York Times bestselling author of For the Love and Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire, along with twelve other books. She hosts the award-winning For the Love podcast, is the delighted curator of the Jen Hatmaker Book Club, and leader of a tightly knit online community where she reaches millions of people each week. Jen is a co-founder of Legacy Collective, a giving organization that grants millions of dollars toward sustainable projects around the world. She is a mom to five kids and lives happily just outside Austin, Texas.

To learn more about Jen, visit www.jenhatmaker.com).

TW: @JenHatmaker)

IG: @jenhatmaker)

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