Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)
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I'm up early bro, I got little kids. Seven? Yeah. On a good day. Seven's like sweet. If I sleep in till 7am, I'm...

Like that was great. Were you like that younger? Yeah, I was always kind of a morning person. Really? Dude, never even. Yeah. Never even fathomed. Really? Dude, today, wake up at 11. If I have to wake up at 11, I go to the toilet. I take a shit like this and I spit between and I feel like my hair is hurting. I feel like I'm going to the mines. I'm in the grind. Really? I have to listen to like Jocko Willick to get here. Damn. Are we firing up? Who's going to carry the boats? Oh, we're rolling.

Damn, well, you guys just couched some natural conversation. Now let's turn on the juice. Damn, so hold on. Okay, so you're saying anything before. Have you always been like that? You've always been. Oh, and listen. Society has tried to keep me down for all my life. School tried to keep me the fuck down. What time does your school start? We start like 8 o'clock in the morning, I think. I think now it's a little earlier. I used to do 8. 8.23 was the exact time Catholic grade school.

Damn. Yeah, we did 8, 8.30-ish. And I'll tell you, in high school, I was in school before 10, maybe 7 times.

Really? Like when you miss a class, you would get like a mark on your card, you know? What happens? Mine was, oh, three was supposed to be you get expelled. That's the bullshit they got. Three lateness? Yeah, three. Like late, like missing a class, not late. Okay, okay. That's whatever rule they wanted to give us. And this was in the mother country, right? This is in the motherland. Estonia, correct? Estonia, yes.

So you bucked the Estonian school system. You didn't go. So I had 700 and after high school, 10, 11, 12th grade, I had 768. I missed like one third of the whole high school experience. I'll be out for like two weeks. I just didn't feel like it.

I've always been a vibe guy, you know? Yeah. But I talked to the teachers. They all loved me. Even the principal, every time I went in, he was a karate, he used to be a karate instructor. He got expelled. The principal in my school got expelled from his last school because he used to be the PE teacher and he slapped the shit out of my kid.

Did he really? Boom! He did. Out for six years, did some politics, got back as principal. That's how principals get in. It's politics. Yeah, I never understood that, how principals come to power. Yeah, it's always through politics and shit. You got to hit a kid. And he loved me. Whenever we talked, he was like, man, you're crazy. I'm like, I know. And then we talked about karate. His son was in a karate tournament. He would play VHS tapes of his son fighting. And then I would just go back to school.

And all the teachers are like, you gotta go to the principal's office. I'm like, sure. More karate riffs. Damn, man. How was your morning going? You seem like you're rushing, bro. You seem high strung. Right now? Yeah. Yeah, I had like two coffees and just woke up. But I'm always like this. They know me. True, yeah, you're true. You rip hard. I know. And then everybody thinks I'm on coke. Everybody's like, dude. I don't think you're on coke. I would never accuse you of that. I don't think you're on coke. I

I've got a huge I get accused of being on steroids so I feel I feel your pain get the fuck out I'm telling you people think I'm on steroids all the time right now I'm on a 48 hour fast so obviously I've shrunk down oh you fast? yeah 48 hours bro shit thank you bro I discovered it when I was like in my like in my 30s really? fast shit

This is my longest one. I do 16s and 8s. I'm going to kill that. That's too much. This will be 48. Have you done water fast? No. Yes, actually. I tried for one day and I got a pretty big headache. Very big headache. I'm going to try it on stage. I understand for a civilian, a water fast is possible. If I'm having an anxiety panic attack before doing sunset, I'm going to be parched. Yeah, true. And if I'm parched,

do on yeah if i smoke weed and do stand up it's kind of a nightmare the whole time i'm like just dry mouth my parts just hate that

So what's up, dude? What you been up to? Thanks for doing the cast, man. Of course, no worries. I've been just chilling, you know. Yeah, but okay, so when you get up, what the fuck do you do at seven? I wake up. I don't even know there's life. I leave my family, dude. I wake up. How old are you? How old are you? 32. Oh, yeah, you know. I wake up. I leave my family. I go, guys, it's another day. God has blessed us. Do you judge guys like me? Tell me honestly. Like, actually, when you hear me,

Telling that you judge me honestly No I think a lot of comedians Society's been keeping me down And I'm done I think a lot of comedians get caught up in like the mythos Of being like I go to sleep I wake up at 4 in the afternoon You can wake up at 8am But how do you do this

You wake up seven. Yeah. You have a spot. 1140. I don't do them. Where are you going to fight for your life? I don't do them. Or. Or. I've seen you out there. Fuck you. Or I do. Or I do. I've been chilling on them. Or I'll. I'll just do it. I'll just suck it up and I'll wake up early. How tired are you though? Tired all the time. I'm aging rapidly right now. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Keep them coming.

Yeah, I'm aging rapidly and, you know, I'm like genuinely falling apart. But you just do it. How old are you? Like 38. No. 38. I was kidding. You always start with the 50. Yeah, it's a good one. That's crazy. So, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So maybe you're not that tall. Maybe you're also nocturnal like me. Dude, I'm sharp at 1 a.m. I'm sharp. I'm a morning person. I'm made to like lift stones at like 7 a.m. till 3 and just go to bed. Maybe shake my wife up a little bit.

Maybe have some excitement. Really? Yeah. Have you done about doing like shows at 1 p.m.? That could be a huge market. Dude, I think about it all the time. I think about it all the time. And whenever I've done those shows, even at Skankfest, I had like a 1 p.m. spot, full panic.

Really? Dude, I have to go. Alarm clock. I mean, I'm up until 7 a.m. in the casino. So the alarm clock goes off like, you know, like the spot was at 1, 1245. Fully hungover. Yeah. Just literally on stage. Dude, I look like... If you think I look like ass right now... I don't think you look like ass. I see your eyes are tired. This was a two-hour preparation process. Really? Shower, poo, shave. What were you doing last night? Were you partying hard? I went to bed like...

I went to bed like four. And I've tried that too. When people go to bed earlier, you know what happens when I go to bed earlier? What? I get 14 hours of sleep. So I don't care. Whatever. This is magic. I can be up till nine. I'll be up by one. Or I can go to bed at 12. I'll be up by one. Yeah, I don't know. I never struggle with that. A lot of comedians I know stay up till four in the morning. I'm like, why? Just go to bed. Just go to sleep, man.

Because you're never doing anything good. Sure, Matt. Go to sleep. Have you seen the new Vince McMahon? Doc, go to sleep. Dude, I watched all of it.

That's true. Yeah, left to my own devices. Now you say that, left to my own devices, I struggle to fall asleep. You need a wife to just kind of come in and be like, go to bed. And that's what I was getting to. I did have a little missus for a bit. Did you really? And the quality of my life. Dude, I haven't slept in like nine months. Like slept. You know, I had a healthy, what is that, anorexia system? What's the system? Circadian rhythm. Anorexia system. Yeah.

I was pretty close.

It's like they create that system. Your body's lotioned. Your life is just better. Yeah. So I get that. Like, yeah, you have good creams and the proper. Did my skin been itchy like for 13 years? Because I always use the seven in one fucking shower gel. It's meant for cars. Yeah. It's like the conditioner, shampoo, all that stuff. Yeah. It's like the seven one. My friend used to have a joke about the seven ones. One dollar, everything and everything itches and it's uncomfortable. Yeah.

My underwear got better when you find gold. Because look at your underwear. Like even now, I have the H&M one. Five bucks for three. Dude, asshole. And they're all up in my dick right now. Super uncomfortable. Yeah, they do that. They get in there and they kind of mix up your regimen a little bit. Get you nicer undies. Nicer socks. Yeah. So I do get that sleep and getting up early, being more productive. Women do that. They just make us... It really takes another person.

It does. Next to you to wake up who looks at you like you animal. Yeah. To get you moving. You do. You need someone to hear your fart. Because me, I'm just fucking alone in my bed. 4 a.m. watching Vince McMahon. Yeah, no, that's fair though. It is tough to go to bed. If my wife leaves, you're right. I don't fall asleep until kind of later.

But still, you got to get the early wake up, dude. You can't have no business waking up at 12 o'clock in the afternoon. Well, okay. 11 for me is like I have to be in that 300 mindset. I'm going to war. I can do 11. Do you have like a headache and stuff? Dude, headache? Dude, this morning even. Just fucking. Dude, this is bad, yeah.

damn dude i'm sorry to hear that no no but it's it's then you get to stay out till four in the morning see i'm asleep i don't i can't do the four in the morning yeah because yeah if i would try because i've tried civilian stuff like i have a job like you know 9 a.m you gotta be there even if i'm there at 9 a.m you're not dude comedian's a job i don't know why comedian's the same it's the same as being like a bricklayer it's the same it's just a job yeah yeah man it's not a big deal

It's like being a musician. It's like just a thing. Yeah, for sure. For sure. The American professionalism. Exactly, man. Yeah. I might carry a briefcase. I might start keeping a real business.

And tell me this. You also feel, right? I don't think there's a huge distinction. I think comedians self-romanticize their existence. 100%. It's just a job. That's what I was getting to is that also when you have a fucking... You're a real man. You have kids. You have kids, right? Yeah, yeah. By the way... Daughters. I'm not a real man, though. I just have daughters. By the way...

By the way, the chicks in the green room at Creek in the Cave. I noticed there was a seven to one dude-chick ratio. It was me and chicks. So I started asking them questions. Wait, so all chicks or all dudes? All chick comedians. What? So I started asking them questions. Like, who's the hot, you know? Yeah, who's the hot? You know you're the number one guy. Oh, yeah. Because they go like, he has a wife. You know, like he's a real man. So you're saying... And they say you're cute, but the fact you have a wife and a...

Oh, they like to see you're married, I guess. Yeah, because they want to just kill your wife and just take her spot, basically. Exactly. Take over your kids and everything. That's all they want. They want to be in a house with kids. I'm not being like a dickhead. I think women have a biological instinct. And also, most of the chicks in the green room, they were in their 30s, my age. So that's when the pussy starts looking for companionship. The pussy is like, what's that? It's a hat? Yeah. No, that makes sense. They start to want the domestic life. Yeah.

You know, I feel like they feel like they're I think there's a big pressure against not wanting that, though. Although I really think the way birds build nests, I think women have a desire to like, I swear to God, it's like when a woman gets pregnant. Dude, there's a thing. It's a what is it called? The something. I love that. It's a nesting reflex. Well, that's what it's called. When women get pregnant, they go through their house and frantically start like

moving shit around they prepare for the baby yeah they fix everything yeah right they like organize the closet we like our closets got changed around you have to just let them do their thing so yeah i feel even women are in the 30s man it's you know they really have you dated women who are like pieces of shit themselves too yeah that's a bad one see if you have a bad woman they can my grandfather used to say there's nothing worse than a drunk woman

Nothing worse than a drunk woman. And he drank beer all day, every day. But he was like, there's nothing worse than a drink. That's the last thing in the world you want. Dude, honestly...

It's kind of right. Yeah. Because you don't want, if you have a woman dragging you down, you'll go so far. They're supposed to drag you out of your own. Exactly. Because we're already down there. Yeah, exactly. I don't need another. Dude, when I would date, yeah, sometimes date like female comedians or something. It's always just me and her on a couch, Uber Eats. Huh?

Nobody's waking up. Everybody has terrible sleep. No bills are getting paid. We're late for everything. Yeah, true. It's a bad thing. I've never dated a female comedian. Jeez, because I can remember my ex had like a scam. Her dad lives in Australia, so she lived in Australia for a bit and then started scamming herself like the unemployment there. But she lived in Bali. She lived in America. She would just make the calls and cry like, I gotta

job once a month you know to her dad no no the fucking agency or whoever oh you would call australia australian one they're like you know gotcha gotcha australians there's just that's wholesome people they're all like how are you doing today you know yeah well dude i think what you're saying is totally true though i feel like the dude's default setting is at exactly where a woman on heroin's default setting is in terms of like what they would do for sex

I think you're totally right. It's like a woman on heroin looks at sex the way like a regular guy looks at it. Yeah. They'll like meet you in a back alley and be like, yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah. So you're right about that. You can't have a woman. If you have a woman with loose morals, it's just mad. Because I'm already like the monkey in the relationship. I'm fucking dropping shit. I'm running around. Yeah. You need a sweet angel. You can't have like a nasty fucking comic. I need a sweet fucking angel. Nasty comic out there just in the streets. Ditch you at any second for fucking...

you know name an actor and you know when the boys always go to he's changed you know when a guy gets it gets into a relationship you know yeah the boys always go he's changed and then i look at the guy i'm like yeah his fucking color in his skin he's sleeping well always always got a good smile his riffs aren't toxic you know he doesn't go straight to racism oh he's a happy guy

Yeah, there is. You're right, though. There is a pushback. I remember. Hey, Sean, you want to go down to the mid-seas for the seventh time this week?

Talk about the same riffs because we both forgot I'm doing your I'm doing your parts to you. You're doing mine to me. This is a loop It's just a fucking Bill Murray movie every day. You haven't forgot about that man. The bros always do it's like yeah, bro You never come around anymore. It's like you ever see when you ever see two like Bachelor guys living together but in there like 60s and 70s. I

I glimpsed it once. It was for real. It freaked me out. Bro, I used to be a bartender. My nightmare. I would literally see it in my dreams with sweat. I would see that I'm the 55-year-old bartender with the suspenders. You know, where's the party?

I mean, I feel like if you know, there's some guys who kill it. Some guys can pull it off. I couldn't. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I fall apart. Living la vida loca. I know a guy who's like in his 60s and he's like a cruise bartender now. Yeah, dude. And his pictures, he's just at pools banging all these women.

You know, because the cruise, you end up getting into a fight with your husband. You end up getting into a fight. Yeah, yeah. You know, you'll be in the night. And this is a huge boat. So he's banging all these brats, margarita. He's like 61. Really? Yeah, he's like, I'm thinking of getting into a stand-up. He's writing me this, you know. Tell him to do it. And he loves it, you know. Yeah. Some cocktails. Some people can do that, man. Some people can do that. I was in an apartment of two six-year-old men who were like, the one guy rode a bicycle home from work.

And just like parked it in an apartment. I watched him and this other guy talk about pussy. And I was like, holy shit, dude. They should have been like handing out cookies out of like a tin can.

And they were just like, dude, this fucking chick. Oh, I want some fucking pussy. And I was like, I got to get out of here. This is crazy. Yeah. That for real, that like freaked me out. In Australia, I lived with a guy like, he was like 55. I'm dude, I'm like 21. And we met at the hostel. That's how we started splitting up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, at the hostel, it's always like, it's all 21 year old German chicks, Irish dudes. Everyone's sucking and fucking. There's always like one guy in the 16 dormitory with the fan.

We could sleep with like 12 people. It's like, this is the beginning of our life, but it's the end of his. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, hostels. Have you ever stayed in a hostel? You're just in there with a room with 12 people and it is a party. I went to one in Brazil. It was so fun. So fun. It was just me. It was literally Irish dudes, Australian dudes, and German chicks are 100%. I met Ari Shafir in a hostel. Did you really? Just when I was in my first year of comedy in Cambodia. Really? Yeah. What were you guys doing over there? Dude, I don't know. I just saw him at the hostel. I was like, you're Ari Shafir. How is Cambodia? I never went there before. I'm dying to go to Thailand. Yeah.

Bro, you know I lived in Thailand, right? Did you really? How long did you live there for? I did maybe, I did like a 12-month stretch. You have to do those visa runs every three months. Then I did maybe another six. I was in Kuala Lumpur, so that's when I started doing also comedy.

First time I went there, I didn't do comedy. So you're doing comedy in Thailand? No, I started in Australia. So I did a year in Thailand, met my sweet baby angel, made my sweet baby angel like a girl in a classic love story. Did you buy her family like a pig? I'm not being... I saw documentaries where you have to buy like... No, she was Australian. Oh. I've seen documentaries. I'm not being disrespectful, but if you meet a woman in Thailand, you have to like support their family and buy them like a pig.

I've heard that. I know that's not true, but let's go with that narrative. I saw a documentary. Yeah, let's go with that narrative. I think it's a nice gift. Yeah, in Bangkok, yeah. In the metropolis. In Australia, so totally normal. Totally normal. So then we moved to Australia. I started comedy there. And then I go back to Kuala Lumpur and Bangkok and did comedy there for six months. But in the first year, I was fully backpacker, maybe eight months in Koh Phangan. It's the full moon party island.

I did all of that. Oh, I've heard about that, actually. But I'm not like a... Never did ecstasy or nothing. I did basically Thai boxing, smoked a lot of weed, and I just chilled. Fucking sick. And you meet a lot of guys there, you know, like... During COVID, I had a phase. The horniest guys from around the world. The horniest guys in the world. You were in Thailand during COVID? No. Yes, I went there for one bit, yeah. Nice. Yeah, for a month. So what was up with the guys in Thailand? What would you say? So like... So like... Exactly. Exactly.

He said they look like girls. The whole ladyboy thing is fascinating. Really? Fascinating. There's a movie about Thai kickboxing and a champion ends up in jail and he has to fight in jail to get free from jail, but the whole thing is he falls in love with a Thai ladyboy. Yeah, he meets in prison. Swear to God. If I'm in prison with a ladyboy...

Throw the match. Two weeks. I'm blowing this guy. I'm serious. If you're a beautiful angel, I'm blowing. Dude, I would... It would always be so fascinating. I never went for it. I was young. I was hanging around at hostels. The...

The expat community that bangs ladyboys, they're guys who are closer to your age. Yeah. That's when you start having actual liberation. Been there, done that, yeah. Because you start dying. And you're like, if I'm not going to bang a dude with a wig, when am I? You know? True. But when you're young, I'm not so sexually free.

Also, after you have the family, you're like, been there, done that. So you can't let go of the social norms that I've been, you know, I'm also Eastern European, so for me, British dudes my age would just be like, rough night out. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

You're saying in Eastern Europe, it's not. You don't fuck around. Like British dudes. Literally, like I knew a British guy. I met him at a hostel. It's his first night. He's buying coke. He's in a 16 dorm. There's like a family there doing bad. You know, it's like a cheap hostel. He's like reeling coke. And he just would disappear into the night, dude. And he would go get on a tuk-tuk, you know, and tell the guy, take me around, take me around. On like the little thing they carry. Not the carry, with the moped.

Oh, okay, my bad. Yeah, the fun, fun, fun stuff. I thought he had like a rickshaw. I'm like, dude, taking a rickshaw to a ladyboy is...

That's where that's the best. They do call it rickshaws, but it's with a small engine and you're in the back. You're like James Bond. I'm talking about having a guy carry you like in a wheelbarrow. The hookers. And the rickshaw driver was a ladyboy. So he's driving around looking for hookers, but it's like 6 a.m. They all went to bed or it's the worst ones. So he just looks at the ladyboy and goes, I drive, you know? And he comes back and he can shake it off. And he was just, you know,

He's like, oh, fucking Thailand. You know, he's like... But Eastern European, if you went back to Estonia and were like, mom, dad, meet, you know. Now, I wouldn't give a flying fuck, dude. Yeah, but I would say it's a little more strict. It's a little more strict. I'm just not interested, but if it happened, I'd give a, dude, a new 12 on Monday. You wouldn't even care, whatever. A new 12 at Mothership on Monday, dude. If I would bang a ladyboy, dude, imagine the bit. True, the bit would be so sick. Crazy.

coming through a guy, you know, you come in his ass and he comes on the floor. It was just so funny, you know? It is funny to be from Estonia and be like fucking British guys. I would laugh the whole time if I banged the dude, you know? I'd just be like, this is so wild, dude. It would be hilarious. I would have no issues, dude. Eight hours sleep.

Yeah, true. Yeah, literally. I'm not that guy. Yeah. I knew a guy. A ladyboy would keep you in bed. They'd be like, come on, bedtime. I knew. Bedtime. You go, yes, ma'am. I also knew a guy. I also knew a guy in Estonia. He came back and he was all weird for a few months. All weird. Then he eventually had to go to therapy and then he started telling us. What happened? Hmm. Ha ha ha.

He even took a little rickshaw ride. Took a little rickshaw. This guy, so this guy goes and he's like, he's like, he's like 25 years old. So he's in his point in his life. I was also 25. He was, you know, it's the classic. It's the first girlfriend. Mm-hmm.

They're loyal. The first, never even shared a kiss with another person. She's loyal to him. It's that. But now they've been together since they were 15. The classic. But 15 to 25, the growth you go as a person, it's just such a huge gap. Dude, if I meet you at 25 to 35, maybe I can handle that. But 15 to 25, so they're going through that rough phase.

where they don't know where it's going. They go to Thailand thinking it's going to fix things. She's like, oh my God, the temples. He's like, yeah, yeah, the temples. He's like, yeah, yeah, the temples. So what happened? They get into a huge fight. She throws a glass on the street. One of those, a big fight in the relationship. They actually got back together. But it's a big breaking point.

And this dude just goes into the night. You know, disappears for 48 hours. Hookers, guys, everyone gets it. A donkey got fucked. He's on a tear. So he just went completely blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah.

And it helped their relationship. They're back together. But when he came back, dude, just a second, this look, you know. Really? Because he's so traumatized from all that Eastern European toxic bullshit. Yeah. And I remember when I heard about it, I just started laughing. I was like, dude, what are you... How did everyone hear about it? He came back and told... Finally, finally, he started drinking with us. He gets back. I wasn't close friends with him, but I saw him at parties. So eventually he starts over and he starts a little laughing about it. But when he told me...

Or when I heard about it, I laughed, like kicking my feet on the couch. And when I saw him, I'm like, bro, what? For six months, he was just weird. I was like, bro, are you gay? What's the issue? That should be bachelor parties, by the way. It should be you go out. It should be your dudes take you out to have like a very gay experience. And that way you come back and you can appreciate your wife. You're like, yeah, man, that is not for me.

And every person gets married, your whole family has to go out and have a gay experience. And when I would live in Thailand, I would... Yeah, you got to shake that off. You can't let that take your life. Dude, bro. Dude, he was just mad at his girlfriend. He was just mad at his girlfriend. And also, they're beautiful angels. It's her fault. It's her fault. But there's also beautiful angels. True. Dude, they're beautiful angels. The technology is only going to get better and better. If you go to a bar in Thailand and you see a chick that's...

Like you're like, you know, like CGI. Perfect. Yeah. Was it hard to tell for you? Is it really? You think all guys have a theory. Look at the hands. I'll see it. I'll see the fucking apple. Dude, nothing. If they can cut the dong, is there else they can cut? Perfect. The apple. Everything's perfect. Really? And the transition from a Thai man to a girl. Easy sledding, yeah. For me, like an Eastern European, I have ugly man feet. Yeah.

True. It's not as easy for us. Yeah, just this weird fucking... Look at these fucking boobs. I have soft Irish features. I might be able to become a beautiful woman, but... So tell me about Estonia. What's like... Where is it geographically? Where is Estonia? Next to Russia. Okay. Is it under the sway of Russians' influence or is it more like UN? Like where is it? No, no, no. We're very NATO-UN because... Geographically. Yeah. Huh.

Huh. Latvia, I wish they were us. Latvia is... Latvia is down with Russia. Not far. Latvia is still in good. Lithuania, good. But if we go to like...

like Kazakhstan, Tajikistan. - Oh, so you're on the east side of Russia. - No, we're not that, but that geographical area after the Soviet Union collapse, they politically just sided with the Russians, which at the time, this was the '90s, the European Union wasn't a slam dunk. The UN, NATO, that wasn't a slam dunk.

So they sided with Russia and we went because we're closer to Sweden, Finland. Okay. And we would... So... And we would be... Their Finnish, Swedish, fucking Norway, their economy would influence us positively too because Finnish guys would come over and fuck our girls and shit. I see what you're at. So you got... Okay. I thought you guys were like...

further on that little collection of countries near... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought like Georgia... I didn't mean geopolitically. I just meant like... No, you guys are... You're in a good spot, man. You're right below Finland. Mm-hmm. But dude, imagine like what Russians, like their KGB could do to a small Eastern European country. Nobody would have any idea. What do you mean? They could fuck around and like... They fuck around all the time with us. Do they really? Yeah, there's all the time news. Another spy, another fucking thing. But they're Russian spies. Dude, they have fucking... They're taking old notebooks. They don't have...

They have the oldest listening device. Dude, whenever a Russian spy gets caught, he literally has the wire here. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? They're dressed like Inspector Gadget. Fucking Kamala has a earring. Can't fucking figure it out. Yeah, Russian spies are still, you know, they're in the Senate. Really? Well, have you seen the Russian army? Have you seen their like... They act like they have the coolest shit. They never have the coolest shit, dude. Have you seen... Dude,

I mean, look at the Ukraine war. There's footage, you know, when Russians, they see a drone, they're like, what? They're like minority report. You know, they're like, what the fuck? Because they have a Kalashnikov and a fucking pigeon, you know? Yeah, they hold it down like they got the best missiles. So it's all bullshit. I mean, a missile is a missile. The way they get it to you is the problem. Yeah, that's true. So, OK, so you guys are not... The propulsion is the issue.

I was curious about that. I'm fascinated by Eastern Europe because I don't know anything about it. I know, yeah, because a friend of mine, yesterday I told him that I'm doing your podcast. He was like, you're a big history guy.

Well, Shane's more of a big history guy. Oh, really? I do like history. Tim Dillon is a history guy. He always comes up and says facts about Estonia to me that I don't know. He's like, oh, yeah, better watch out. I'm like, watch out? What do I know? I don't know. Yeah, I'm fascinated by it because there's so many little countries. And it's like, dude, in school, they didn't teach us anything about Eastern Europe. It was just a place. They'd be like, yeah.

Like, what's good with it? Yeah, I don't mind, you know. I like it. I'm not angry. I kind of like it. You know what I want? Some weed, dude. When do I want it? Now.

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Guys, this is very important.

uh if you live in Cleveland Ohio I'll be there through October 10th through October 10th or fuck um I shouldn't fast it for 48 hours I'll be there from October 10th through October 12th Hilarity's Comedy Club Cleveland Ohio Boston the Wilbur I believe that sold out thank you Boston uh Milwaukee Improv October 24th to the 26th that's huge and guys here's the big ones please don't make me look like a loser uh

Oh, 1115 Capitol, Capitol one hall, Tyson's Virginia. That's going to be a big one that I don't think people are too happy with the ticket sales as they currently are. And 1116th, 2024 town hall, New York city. If I can't fill this place, I will fucking kill myself because it's one of the biggest cities in the world. Um, so let me not make a fool of myself at the New York comedy festival, the very prestigious event. Um,

And also 11-29-2024, a little out in the future, Irvine Improv, Irvine, California. Come on, man. Come out there. You know I'm West Coast at heart. I'm totally SoCal. All right. Thank you, guys. MattMcCusker.com for tickets. And now a word from our Duel Bros.

Hello, it's me, LaMare. I have some shows. October 9th, I'll be in Helium Indianapolis at the Red Room. Come to that. And then October 11th and 12th, I'll be in Janesville, Wisconsin. They gave me too many shows, so please come to that. Optimal Noctis, November 5th. Feud, October 17th. And dude, please, just check everything out. SeanGardini.com, LaMareLee.fun. Thank you.

What do you think about Tate coming over there? Andrew Tate? Yeah, he kind of started holding it down in Eastern Europe. Dude. Dude. We need my Cobra Tate down there. Romania. Dude, when I saw him on your mom's house. Remember, that was one of his big... Tate was on your mom's house? Andrew Tate. What? You know that was his big break, right?

You guys do know that, right? No. Yeah. I didn't know he was on it. Tom Segura made everything bad happen. But they had him on, yeah. But that was the time when... How long ago was that? That was a while ago. And in my head, I was... That was when he was doing the weird videos when he's in front of a chimney. Yes. He's talking about... You know, he's in front of a chimney talking. They had him on that long ago. Yeah, when he'd sit in front of a fire. So for me, it was 100... When I see a clip like that, I'm like, it's 100% a bit...

And it's like a character for sure. - Yeah, yeah. - And then it turns out this guy might be the president of the world now. - Yeah. Well, yeah, he might get in trouble for sex trafficking.

I mean, who hasn't sex trafficked? We're all, you know, we're all bad guys. I mean, that is true. The definition of sex trafficking is true. Who hasn't, you know? Well, the definition is if you... I've sold women, you've sold women, we all have sold women. If you cross state lines with a girl and trick her,

into the reason why she's moving. Yeah, but you're tricking. Exactly. How easy is it? Yeah, it's like moving from Pennsylvania to Delaware and being like, no, I'm just trying to chill. That's technically sex trafficking. For sure, yeah. Yeah, it's a hazy definition. But yeah, they got him on a couple counts. I don't know if they'll get him, though. It'll be terrible, dude. Is he in a Romanian court?

I think so. Yeah, dude. Oh, he laughed at the Romanian point. The jury's a chicken, dude. He laughed at the Romanian point. The jury's a little chicken. That was Andrew Tate's pride for words before they came down with all the fury. I don't know about that court. It ain't going to be the glove situation like OJ. Yeah, I think he'll get off too. Oh, yeah, dude. I think Young Thug's getting off. He's going to rock off with a Lamborghini. Yeah, Young Thug's getting off. Dude, do you think Diddy will get in trouble?

Think he I think he's like done. I think if he goes free it'll be master. What what did you do? I don't even I don't know the lotion I've seen the mean did he was like grabbing guys dicks. I think who has Apparently he kept Cassie for ten years Tricked her that which you know tricking Cassie Cassie who the rapper Cassie. Yeah, she was like an R&B lady not Cassidy Cassidy was not molested by JD to my knowledge but

Yeah, he kept a girlfriend for 10 years and told her he was working on her album. And like, it's coming out any day now. 10 years. And was just making her do freak offs. The parties were like...

Male prostitutes would have to have sex with her in front of everybody really she never got to do her album. She escaped Really? It's like sexual assault sex trafficking. Yeah beat her up on camera. Yeah, dude Did you see the video of him beating her ass really in a hotel? You didn't see this what do there's a video? I've seen the guy where the football player knocks the fuck Yes

Dude. It's so brutal that it like shocks you. Like... What? And I'm not... Like I said, I'm not being disrespectful against Eastern Europe. Is it like...

I'm genuinely curious in terms of like pushing a woman around, is that totally off the table or is it like, Oh, bro, we hit all of them. Really? Well, we as a it's very bad. I know it's very bad. Yeah, it's very bad. It's bad. So it's like when they're trying to fix the like when you know, when they're trying to get a vetted machine, LGBT things, you know, like we're still hitting them. So really there's bigger issues, you know?

Yeah, I guess. Would you say like what? Take a number, trans people. Is it for real like that? It's bad. Yeah, it's bad. I have friends who are police officers. They literally go like,

Just every day. You get to the kitchen. The wife's on the kitchen. The dude's hammered, holding a knife. Whoa. Every day, all day. Damn. It was bad here, too. For you, the cops don't even come. The cops don't even come. They're like, oh, someone's hitting a woman. We have real shit to do. Yeah. True, although...

the cops don't come here yeah the cops don't come you know dude if i if my wife called and said i was beating her the cops they'd they'd grab my ass oh really it's my greatest nightmare oh it's have the cops just pull me out of my house absolutely i wouldn't have done it i'm saying if she were to be like he's hitting me and then just fucking sock herself your parents never got into a little scuffle not physical not that i saw my uh mine was stepdad and mom bad really except that was physical yeah what'd you do

You're probably there and cry like a bitch. I mean, we all don't. Or the only thing if you don't cry like a bitch, what you end up doing is killing your stepdad. See, because, oh. For real, it's either it's all or nothing. Nobody like squares up. I tried to cry when I was nine years old. I watched the movie, the dragon movie with Jet Li. Remember when he had the little needles? I was like, how to get these fucking needles? I got to get my stepdad.

Dude, I was going to. That's rugged. Where's this guy now? But it's a dead, whole dead. Everyone's dead, you know? Yeah, true. Yeah, yeah. The stepdad's dead for real? Everyone's dead. Your whole family's dead? Everyone's dead. Damn. I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay. I love bringing it up. Are you fucking around me? Are you fucking around? I'm not. Everyone's dead. Everyone's dead? Found out the real dad is actually not dead, but doesn't matter.

about it so your real dad's not dead turns out yeah big conspiracy plot twist where like americans talk about family oh thanksgiving i always go ask about my family ask about i'd like to talk about that if it's not too much of a source so then when like so so when you're a little so when you're a little child a little boy you know i don't know if this is true but i imagine i imagine

If your biological dad hits your biological mother, there's maybe, it's not good. For sure. Definitely bad. For sure. But maybe there's a system in our DNA that kind of tells you like in ape land, in ape land.

Things are good. You're right about that. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Having a stranger come into it, it's worse. Stepdad is a dude. Yeah. And you're in that age of, you know, when testosterone is starting to introduce. Your dick is getting a little interesting now. And you're starting to become a man. And then another guy enters the picture and is violent. That's, I think, a bigger insecurity. Big time. Seated in your whole thing, you know? Yeah, that's way worse. Yeah.

Yeah, that's terrible. Yeah, so how do you feel? But it's very normal, I would say, normal. I'm not saying this is, I'm not like, it's my story. It's what, if I talk to all of my friends in Eastern Europe, a lot of my friends, it's way worse stuff, you know. Because also my stepdad didn't hit me, you know. Yeah. So that's, so. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's not good. Yeah, it's not good. Glad he's dead. What? Glad he's dead. Yeah. Yeah.

Damn dude, that's fucked up. Yeah. Do you feel like when you come to America, when you came... How long ago did you come here by the way? June. Oh, you're relatively new here. Yeah, first time I visited here was in December. When you hear Americans complain about stuff, is there a part of you that's like, shut the fuck up? No, dude. I'm a suburban kid overall. Bro, don't get it twisted. Yeah, but I had the PlayStation. Just a regular old cul-de-sac? Yeah, but I had the PlayStation. Really? Yeah, of course. I was in Chappelle's show. Gotcha. Yeah.

This is why I'm so confused about Eastern Europe. I'm like, wait, what? No, Estonia is doing good. So it's chilling you. Oh yeah. I'm all suburban, like middle-class kids. Gotcha. Gotcha. So I complain literally if you give me like an Americano without no crema on it, you're pissed off. Take me to hell. Literally take me to hell. When they, you know, when the, you know, when the barista does the coffee and they put the, they put the thing on there. Yeah. You, you,

The thing is because I used to be in the service industry. I used to be in the service industry. The thing is you put it under, you're supposed to click it immediately because if you don't, see the thing metal here is hot and it burns the coffee. What? That's why you get sometimes like a burnt feeling in the coffee. And these retards out there, the baristas, some of them. Some of them are beautiful. You know when you try to get the good one in the back but then you see the new...

Yeah. She don't know Americano. So they don't go over, they're fucking up the beans. Yeah, they put it under, it starts burning, and they look for the cup. I'm kind of pissed I know that now, because I've never, I was just blissfully unaware of that. Oh, you'll notice it, and your life is literally hell now. Have you ever been like, give that a turn? Do you ever tell them, like, yo. I've never. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to do that. I'm Eastern European, we're not. I know Americans are. Hello, excuse me.

You can tell me, give it a little, give it a little notch. I'll say, thank you. You're an angel. Give him a kiss and leave with the shittiest coffee. That's how I do. And then I boil in the corner. Yeah. Yeah. I'm reading a book right now about an Irish immigrant who came to America, New York in 1949. All he can do the whole time. He's just like, I can't believe people are complaining about this stuff.

But you're saying you had a good life in Estonia, which... Yeah, I mean, I got out when the Soviet Union collapsed. It was thriving. The economy was thriving. It's a new country. Yeah. Culturally doing amazing. I mean, that's another thing in stand-up. You know, I was so lucky because...

It's not like Estonia is one of those random Eastern European countries in terms of stand-up. Because when we started back in the day, you know, the Soviet Union built a lot of old theaters. That's what communism does. You know, they make everything grandiose. Yeah, yeah. And so there are all these good theaters, beautiful venues. And...

Like communism in terms of cultural, they always encourage you to go out, but they always censored and gave you what they want. Yeah. Because that's how you control people. It's not the fucking guns that control people. You have to control the culture, the subconscious mind. You know, that's what you do. Like Kamala Harris, Omer. Sorry. So, yeah. Yeah.

American politics. Yeah, you're right. So was that a territory that was part of Russia that fell and they gave these? So there's all this liberation because there's such big censorship. So there's all this internet, the Chappelle Show, South Park. All the sketches would always be...

all of a sudden be more blue in terms of material. The songs would be punk rockish, 'cause with all this Western cultures now overflowing. Like I got, remember Sex and the City? - Yeah. - I got Sex and the City and Knight Rider the same year. Remember Knight Rider? - Yeah. - Yeah, 'cause we got all this fucking, rah! - Oh, you got all the stuff that I want. - Beatles, everyone's coming!

That's kind of weird. You got like three decades of culture at once. I watched Chappelle's show, Golden Girls, back to back. I was like, these bitches are crazy. And appreciated both. How old were you when this happened? When all this like... Oh, I was born in 92, 91. This was when Union fell. But I mean... But still, I know what you're saying though. It all came and hit. When it...

When a thing falls, it's not like, okay, you got to create currency, laws, culture. Now you're also so strong in your... And we had our own language, but the media was always translated from the Russian influence. So we never got our own shit. But we always had it underground. There would always be...

you know so what was it like for the like the older people around you to have all that just stuff coming that must have been nuts dude men kissing just the sculpture the matrix uh macgyver yeah that's kind of nuts to think about yeah atms uh

CDs, cassette player, Linkin Park. That's crazy. It's all coming. So you guys just got all the tech. Bam. That's kind of cool. So there's an explosion. And also what's perfect for stand-up, it's perfect for every art form, but for especially stand-up, the more tension there is, the bigger the release can be. That's why stand-up is thriving in America right now. Lots of tension in the air. The riffs will be

Yeah. I mean, like I know some, I know a Ukrainian open maker in Kiev, in Kiev. Imagine what they're saying about the Russians. Imagine the rifts. Yeah. It's going to be probably crazy. It's going to be fire. I didn't think about that.

I didn't think about the riffs in Kiev. You know in that basement, people tell it like it is. True. What are they riffing on over there? Ooh, they're calling. Because we have slurs for Russians and all that. So they're like, bah, bah, bah. Damn. I didn't think about wartime comedy. Imagine if black people all of a sudden got control of America. And then you're all free. They're the enemy and all that. And then you're all free. Imagine the riffs the first night in the basement.

you know yeah they'd be saying we don't put salt on our food and shit it'd be devastating that would be kind of cool that would be kind of cool if they got the finally the black planet i think i think they're ripping pretty hard already but yeah they can go and that's why that's why black guys always roast white guys because it's yeah fucking fuck you yeah it's great

true i mean even though a lot of white guys weren't even involved like whatsoever with their stuff but yeah exactly i hear you though yeah so the riffs are like true like imagine being in a russian guy in a kiev open mic right now yeah let me find out you're russian it's gonna be fire dude this crowd eclipse tick tock city dude but then if he can get up and defend himself that might be kind of fire because he's fired too yeah imagine riffs in moscow right now moscow

Because they lost ATMs, they lost Apple Pay, they're losing McDonald's. Porn too. They're losing porn. But imagine the riffs. The riffs are probably kind of weak in Moscow right now. No, I'll be like, we're going to nuke them. We're coming back. We're coming back. I'll put the Russian anthem on. Yeah. Because they've also been kicked around after the union collapsed. They have, yeah. So they're trying to... You think they'll actually unleash the nuke?

I mean, I'm sure the comedians are literally chanting it as we speak. That's what my bit would be. If they nuked us successfully, they could win the war. I hope they don't. If you're listening, Russian propagandists, don't do that. They don't have the... Listen, they don't have the... I think they got the nukes. Do you think they're as bad as North Korea? If you go to St. Petersburg today, you're going to see an iPhone 3GS.

Remember 3GS? Yeah. You can see an iPhone, maybe four. So it's bullshit. So this missile ain't going to make it over to the greatest country. Listen. I like to hear that's good. That's good news. This missile. So why is America messing with them so bad? This missile. Why do we have such an obsession with Russia? I mean, they're a big force. I mean, they're big. They're big. They're big. They're an economy and all that. I guess they are kind of the biggest force next to Europe and China, obviously. Yeah.

They have the manpower. That's what they're doing with Ukraine. Yeah. They have the manpower. I guess we got to wait till they get older. They just go like, hey, 80 million, go. I'm sure you have all the cool missiles and drones, but I have 80 million. 80 million.

Shaved men running. Yeah, true. Believe in every word I say. For the motherland! True, they do have the manpower. I'll get to your drums. Their population's aging, isn't it? Aging bad. Once they get old. They're sending everybody there to kids right now. There's a 76-year-old grandma throwing a grenade. They have little drummer boys. Everybody's going, brother. They're pulling people off the bus. Look at the videos. There's a nerdy guy like Sean Cardini. Yeah.

With the glasses. That's why they're nerdy. It's a stereotype. Like Sean. Like imagine Sean on a bus and the army just grabs him, puts a helmet on him, and he's got to fucking go in a ditch. Do you think Russia's going to lose the war? Are they losing pretty badly? I don't know. Every news article tells me different. Yeah, yeah. I don't know who to trust anymore. I'm surprised they're winning. Hey, let's just stop killing and let's just make love. That's what I'm saying, man. Yeah. We got to give them the TV show. They had the TV shows for a while, didn't they?

Russia had the TV shows. What do you mean? When Estonia got all the TV shows, did Russia not get the TV shows? I feel like they got the jeans. They got the blue jeans. But they got their own shit going on. They're like Spanish people. They're not on fucking... Do Spanish people have their own app like Facebook or something? Yeah, Chinese people have like WeWop or whatever. WeWop. WeWop. They just have WeWop.

Don't we, isn't that a thing for China? It's called like WeChat. And it has everything. It has the Instagram feature. It has the Twitter feature. It has the forum feature. Like when I was in, when I was in Kuala Lumpur, you would go on WeChat and you just put in UFC tonight and it shows the bars and the people hanging out there. You can already join the chat of the people hanging out there. And you can be like, what's up?

So that's where they always say that that's where the our apps also come. That's where they test all those fucking things. Oh, really? On the Chinese population? Because they consume so much of it. I want to see what's up with China. Are they really that in? Is everyone in China really that into China? Sorry, this is what I do. If I meet anyone from another country, I'm like, you must know all about the world. I don't know. You've never been to China? I've been to Beijing. Really? I did a show there. But it was only for expats.

But when I was walking around, the vibes were off. They're off? I can see the vibes sucking in China. The vibes fucking suck, dude. I'm not rude. I don't want to be rude. For sure. But four days in Beijing, let me tell you, as a 21-year-old hopeful kid with baby blue eyes, watching the world as it is, not judging anybody, you know. The vibe sucked. You can say it. I go to Iran, eat a dumpling. I don't buy the hype. I could go to Afghanistan, get on a beach, you know.

I could go anywhere. I don't buy the hype. Yeah, yeah. But I got to tell you, the vibes were off. In Beijing. Sucked. What's the craziest? I go to a KFC, everyone's rude to me. Why? Because all the letters are fucked up. I mean. Yeah, true. No, no, I get it. I get it. It's your shit. But also. The lines are tough. Personal space is a thing. I'm pointing at the picture. You don't get that? Yeah, man. Because I don't speak Thai either, but it's Rift City. I'll fucking show the hands. I'll do a cuckoo.

you know i want chicken with rice i do the fucking eyes the asian eyes and i do that's chicken with rice am i correct am i correct that's pretty close am i correct but yeah that no that that can be that stuff if they're like stonewall and you own the language it's like bro i'm not gonna study space invaders language dude they look like language it looks like space invaders characters you do though it's like come on man knock it off get some fucking words so i feel your pain i'd be like come on guys

I would try to lead it like a lead, like a revolution, but guys, we have words. You don't have to draw little symbols. That's crazy. So yeah, for standup, that was perfect for us. You know, uh, like when, uh, when I started and another guy, Sander started, it was, we were like the first guys. And the upside of that is our open mics.

Two, three hundred people. We have to kick people out. Hundreds turned away from the open mic because they're coming for the novelty. Because stand-up comedy, they're like, they watch Louis C.K., they watch Jimmy Carr. They're starting to get it. And also...

All the TVs would still be stuck in the old Soviet ways, you know, they're kind of bleeping stuff. They're not talking potty talk. They're not talking potty talk. YouTube came around, so we already see Kevin Hart talking about a long ad day. And then I look at the TV, it's kind of boring for me. And then you find out, oh, we have also stand-up comedy, Comedy Estonia, that was the organization.

and the mics would be packed and the upside of being a new culture in stand-up is that you don't have to pay for the sins of the previous generation is what is the big problem in like Canada and America also the clubs held you guys down they would pay you shit they would have to pay for stage time so people kept fucking you around all the gatekeepers would pull the ladder up not help anybody else so you ended up with a big actually bullshit system that doesn't

It kind of discourages, which also makes the diamond shine out, of course. For sure. But it also discourages. I'm sure there's a lot of guys. I mean, I know a lot of guys who are fucking way funnier than me, but they're just stuck in a scene and they're kind of stuck in the politics of that.

they can't do quite tick tock they're trying you know and then every time they have that one showcase a month that the club gives they get three minutes yeah so they don't really said it was popping in Estonia it was really really get to shine but we got a big audience straight off the top so you get a lot of uh so you get a lot of um like um so I don't want to what's the word not support but

Like when the crowd is also growing with the artist. Yeah, you get real feedback, you're doing real crowds, you're not doing like 10 angry comics being like, fuck this guy. And also, I'm not saying we were the most original guys either. We went through, because we're the first ones at the well. It's not like we discovered the water, you know? We're the first ones, so all the hack topics have, we're the first generation, you know? That's awesome though. That's pretty cool. I never thought about that.

Yeah. Have you been to Finland? Yeah. What's Finland all about? I'm half Finnish. Are you really? And my name is the most Finnish thing you've ever heard. True. Yeah. What's up with Finland? When I was a kid, I grew up the winters in Rova near me, which is where Lapland. That's like near the Arctic Circle and shit.

It's like bad out there. Sucks? What's the vibe like in Finland? It's like they had the Polar Night. You know that? No. Just gray. What? And you're just at a bar. Ah!

What time is it? And you're just low on D vitamin. I thought Finland was like beautiful. No, it's a long ass country. So there's different areas. But you're in the gray zone. I mean, we also, Estonia, we have like two to three months of the gray. Do you really? Of the gray. Maybe one piece of sunlight every two, three weeks. One piece where you get the cloud kind of shows you. What? What?

damn is it rainy or just kind of like gray and misty gray misty rainy do you ever move around the mist though like kind of like fuck yeah blinders yeah trust me i've had my peaky blinders face in estonia for the toothpick i was a toothpick guy when i was like 19 really yeah moving around the mist that'd be kind of sick that'd be pretty tight yeah but always sick because the the peaky blinders clothing isn't actually proper winter wear

like if you look at Peaky Blinders it's full-blown suit but it's the middle of winter if you think about it if you actually think about it and those cars had no air conditioning back then so if you think about it he's actually freezing to death he's having hypothermia yeah you're exposed neck your voice ain't gonna be that fucking smooth yeah you're way chillier you're right they're way chillier so I would dress like Peaky Blinders and then end up in pneumonia well goddamn dude well thanks for doing this man of course we're in now right

52? What the fuck, Lemaire? Oh, you already tired of me? No, I like to keep it at an hour. It's a nice formula. Let's keep ripping, dude. I'm good to go. I'm ready to rip and grip, you know. So what's up with the... What's up with me? I'll tell you what's up with me, dude. I'm on a 48-hour fast. I told you that already. 48-hour fast. Honestly, dude, I'm just trying to like... You know what I'm trying to figure out right now? Tell me. How to just sit down like anywhere I am and just be kind of chilling. You know what I mean?

It's hard. I've been trying to figure this out forever. There's got to be some combination of words I can just put into my head where I'm like, you're one of those guys who needs to say, shut up brain. Yeah. I'm one of those guys too. Yeah. Big time. So I'm trying to learn how to just chill. So hard, huh? I always live in the future. I can't even, every moment I've appreciated in my life has been in retrospect. Yeah. And that's such a country thing of, Hey God,

What's up with that? That I can only be happy about something when it's over? Yeah, take me to the now. Every holiday I've ever had has always been like that. Really? During COVID, I went to Barcelona for a few months. Just didn't do comedy. Disappeared. That's why I love Thailand too. You can just disappear. But then my mind. I was the happiest I've ever been in Barcelona and I had no idea when it was happening.

I was just walking around. Oh, you got back. When's my next gig? I wonder. Yeah, that sucks. I've been depressed on a vacation before in like a beautiful area and that's like...

That gets kind of rugged. You're in like a beautiful tropical area and you're just kind of like, dude, I fucking suck. Yeah, sometimes I wish like when I was on a beach, I just wish like on the boat, like the Somalian comes and then we have to fight to the death and I barely make it. I'm in the hospital, beep, beep, all over. Can I come back? Just to do something with my life. Yeah, dude. I was reading that same book about the Irish immigrant. He's talking about a Native American guy.

They're all like working in a hotel and he was just like the Native American is like, dude, this shit is so embarrassing for us. Like we should be riding horses and just fucking like shooting each other with bows and arrows. He's like, that's the only thing a dude should do.

He's like, we're preparing a fucking banquet room. He's like, this is humiliating. We should be riding around taking each other's scalps and just chilling. Uh-huh, just chilling, you know. I mean, I see what he's saying. Obviously, it's kind of a rough life, but like, yeah. I can see. I do the same thing. I'm in my house. It's like, doesn't matter what your house looks like. I'm just waiting for someone to break in. I want to fight them to death. That's like...

That's all I want to do. Most exhilarating. I walk downstairs naked every night and I'm like, please let this be the night. My dream in life is to be like a survivor. Like I'm on a bus with children. Everybody dies. You want to be unbreakable. Exactly. What I want is the interview where I'm the witness, survivor. I'd love that interview. Do you still have wounds in the interview?

I clean myself up. I mean, it's national exposure. And promote the dates, you know? Survivor would be nice. Sometimes you see those survivors. You know when somebody witnesses something, they're always like, I saw! And I'm like,

this is 45 minutes after it happened. Have nothing prepared. Dude, I have a full on true whole arc. I was lying. I'd be like, I saved the baby. But then the baby said, you go be great. You know? And that's how the baby died. You know, I'd say that.

True. The baby told me to go. Estonia, Estonia comedy scene, dude. Cannot lose one of the real ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now you're America, bro. But yeah. Do you have friends in Estonia like reaching out like? Oh yeah, I have visitors all the time and yeah, everyone's super supportive, you know. That also used to be a big thing that when I tried to, because

because I did comedy in Canada, you know, then the Seattle competition. I've done some things on this side of the world and I always felt like an outsider and that's keeping me back because every time I watch my favorite comedians like Bill Burr, he talks about the game, he talks about football, you know, he knows all the references. He goes, the Philly rat, you know, he goes, yeah, the Buffalo Eagles suck, whatever, you know. I'm sorry, I don't know the teams. Oh, you're good, man. I don't really follow sports like that either. I don't follow sports either.

Yeah, I don't care either. You know, every time I see Shane, he's literally talking about the game every time. Yeah.

Yeah. Love sports. Most guys in America do love sports. Every love sports, every green room, every, every, every day, every day sports is in my face. I go about the, you know, the game, the fantasy. Yeah. My fantasy. Would you tell people you don't care about it or you just try to. No, I try to integrate. I try to get along in the conversation. Have you been busted doing fake sports talk at all? Very much so. You know, Shannon Sharpe, I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He jumped. He's a jumper. You know, like.

Because I think it's some NBA guy. NBA guy. So I would always feel like I'm an outsider. You watch American comedians, you try to recreate that. I would be influenced and all that. I would just try. But then I had that snap of where I realized, holy shit, I actually have an advantage of having a story that I'm not from here. I'm literally more rare than a gay black guy now.

I know. I know 72 gay black guys were comedians. Yeah. And they're funny as fuck. Right? Yeah. I don't know. Estonian motherfucker out there. You're the only one I know. Yeah. I went to... No, I don't think he was from Estonia. I knew one other guy. I'm picturing him in my mind. Now that I think about it, I don't know much about this guy. I just assume he's from Eastern Europe. I don't know why. But that's fucking sick. Yeah, dude. It's better to be...

you know, have the outside experience, I think. So sometimes I do feel lonely in the culture a little, but then I just talk to my Estonian friends or they come and visit. Everyone's super supportive. What's the biggest difference in culture, you would say, Estonia to America? Well, right now, it's a personal thing. It's a personal thing. It depends on the person. But for me... Yeah, yeah, I got you. Trying to be a pedestrian in America, nothing's more disrespected.

In America. We do look down on pedestrians pretty hard. We need laws to protect them. Hey, I'm walking over here. Why am I next? Why am I on the I-35 with a truck going fucking 170 kilometers an hour next to my face this close? Yeah. And why is it so loud?

I can't relax on my walk, huh? Yeah. And in America, if you don't have a driver's license like me, I don't have a driver's license. Really? I'm literally disabled. Bird scooter, yeah. I feel disabled. I'm literally, yeah, a bird scooter. Dude, even the other day, I was hanging out with fucking Israel Adesanya, with Tony Hinchcliffe, everyone's a superstar, everybody has Cadillacs, and then I'm next to them, ping, ping, ping, ping.

I take the scooter. Dude, I ride the scooters back and forth all the time. They're awesome. You do look like a scooter guy. It's dude. You ride past it. Yeah. You need to be pretty jacked to handle those things. It can kick on you. No, I ride scooters. Yeah. I love them, man. Dude, that's my favorite thing. Riding from my house down to the mothership on a scooter and back. It's awesome.

You do that? Yeah, I put headphones in. That's all I do, sir. It's awesome. Put headphones in. Riding away from a good set on the Lime Scooter. People don't know. It's fucking... It's a nice feeling. You know when people are like... Some people see you outside the club and you're like, what's up, man? I don't know.

Yeah, when people are like, you want to do a bump of coke? No, I'll put Pink Floyd on. Think about what a superstar I'm becoming. And ride in the fresh air. Who doesn't want to do that? Ride by the creaking cave, you're like, anybody see me? I don't fucking know. This guy's all new. But there's a lot of things I can't do. I didn't even go to a Best Buy.

Yeah, grocery shopping. Now you can order... Ordering groceries sucks because they pick out bullshit and they smell like cigarettes. You get onions, they smell like fucking marbors. They don't feel the avocados like I do, dude. They don't. No, that's right. This is me with a tomato. No.

Yeah, true. I feel it. It's good vibes. You're right though. They pick bullshit fucking produce. And then the dates. They always pick the expiration dates. Oh, thanks for bringing me milk that expires in six hours. Yeah, they don't reach the back shelf. They always go for the back shelf. I love that in the grocery store when you find an expiration date that's like...

New or older. And you go, nice try, dickhead. You pull the milk from the back. It's the best. Dude, I know you. And then you look into the other side of the shelf. Nice try. I know you, fucking...

Well, dude, we did it. We're at an hour. We did it. You're the motherfucking man. Thank you so much. Thanks for doing this too, by the way. Of course. It was great. I'm glad you came out here. Also, I really like your comedy. Thank you, bro. You haven't been around recently. I've been traveling. But you were around a lot, I remember. At first. And we did some bad shows together. Yeah, man. You're funny as hell, dude. You're killing it. Thanks, man. You're a fucking man. You're a funny too. And also, such a left turn for the chicks to be like, because I go, who's pound for pound?

hottest guy in the series. Oh, you're asking the women. I was asking. Of course, it's seven women. I'm going to ask who's the hottest guy. That's a good move. And I'm expecting, you know, they go like, oh, you know, I'm like this. They didn't mention you, Sean. But you became a clear, yeah, Terrence Bennett, I get it. If I hear like a black guy with a hat, I get it.

- They're irresistible. - Have you seen Darius' dress? He literally dresses like Dolemite is shooting tonight. This guy, suave every time. - Yeah, black guy with a cool bowler's hat. - Yeah. And then you show up all hookah, all comfortable with the hookah shoes. And chicks are like-- - I didn't know you were talking about me specifically. - Chicks are like fucking, oh my God, he's so supported and balanced.

He doesn't hang around and talk about dumb shit. Maybe, you know, maybe I represent a doorway into a life they secretly covet. But then when they told me, oh, it makes sense. And that gives a lot of hope. Well, I appreciate that, man. Thank you for bringing me that piece of information. Because I can't be black. No, I know. Unfortunately. You could. Put some hawkers on, start fasting. Exactly. Get like a nice wife, kiss her on the lips. All the time. Kiss her hard, too. I could do what you do. You can do that. And then all the female comedians will covet you.

yeah they'll cover it more so what you represent i'm just kind of like a symbol chicks love mystery you know it's true that's what you got going on too i i would like to think i have to do this and i will see you at the mothership in the back you just fucking quiet strong silent strong silent bro taking it all i also have extreme social anxiety so i'm just sitting there the whole time just like oh fuck yeah but now that i know a lot of comedian babes are

liking my fucking swag just thinking about you bro now I'll start walking around with a little more confidence like one girl literally goes like this oh that's fucking awesome news I'm gonna I'm gonna show this to my wife I love that's the best thing I like to tell my wife no no she literally goes like this

Oh, he's so hot. Oh, I like that. That's nice. Thank you for telling me this, man. Literally, like, just a wet through the jeans. Really? Damn. On you. That's crazy, bro. That's pretty hot. But I get it. I get it. I don't, man. I don't see it. I don't see it. But I mean, look. You're like a mysterious guy. I do like being mysterious. You support your wife. True. They like that. Yeah. Yeah, but dude.

Yeah, they like the idea of it. And you get, you know, one-on-one. It's just nothing but smoking mirrors and problems and bullshit. Yeah, they don't know it's actually the monkey with the thing. They're like, what's he? Well, thank you, dude. Thank you for telling me that. I'm going to take that information to my wife and rub it in her face. Appreciate you, bro. Thank you for having me on. You're great. You're great. I would love to get married. You can do it, bro. You can do it. If you know some good guy, I'll...

You hear that out there? You guys can get, everyone can get married. Girls want to get married so fucking bad. Uh, they're actually pretty annoying about it. Um, so for everybody out there to get married, so love you guys.