- Ha! - We're here guys, what's going on? - Chillin'. - Welcome to my Ponzi scheme of a podcast. I'm gonna start doing coaching. - Coaching? - Multi-level. - Podcast coaching? - $25,000, yeah dude, give me $25,000, I'll tell you how to build a million dollars. - If I could be any of them people, I'd be a relationship coach, but just, I just feel like I got it. - Twin flame expert? - Yeah, I think I could do it. Just like, simple advice, just. - I do come to you when I need advice.
come to both of you when I need advice actually good I mean feeling like it's good and then I'm gonna actually go no you're just pretty good okay you're good at keeping people off a simp mode yeah that's what I try you just isn't a surprise though he's just don't answer her for like four days it works it Andy will tell this story a bunch when he first met his wife
When they were first dating he was telling me something story about her like always he said in our podcast isn't like a secret thing or anything is She would do this thing where she would like storm out his house and then he'd go out there after her and then he'd be like Come on, baby. Don't leave blah blah and come bring her back in and then one time he was telling me that I was like Let her go next time and she left and she drove and he said like five minutes later He gets a call for just like what?
You come back for me. And it was like, he said it was like a paradigm point. Yeah. Flip the switch. Flip the switch. I've seen the suitcase a couple times myself. You're like, oh yeah. You're in one long enough. I mean,
My last apartment. Catch those wheels. You're like, yeah, damn it. Where the fuck do you think she's going? Yeah, that is the best. It's weird how that kind of stuff can happen, and then two days later, you're just like, what's up, dude? Yeah. That was wild back then. It's amazing how hard it is to just keep that just two people in one house without fucking freaking out. Especially when you have a little bit of space. You can get away. You have a second bedroom or whatever. You have somewhere else to go. It's...
It feels weird, though. Did you ever hit the second bedroom? You just lay there, and you're just kind of like, she'll come get me eventually. Actually, I do the girl thing where I'm like, she'll come get me. I just lay there, and I'm like...
i can't get yourself time out it's not as comfortable as my bed where is she i'm going to my room you're like you're up there like five days in our in the opposite walls it was kind of long just damn yeah it's kind of boss yeah and i i we didn't speak and i was like she spoke first i was whole i did hold i was like i can't speak because i'm paranoid in my head i was like if i speak first
It's over because of me and there's like I don't want to give her any sense like a vinyasa silent retreat Yeah, it was like it was like just walking, you know in the kitchen That's a sick move you ever live with an ex I
Uh, yeah. That's a wild one. Or like when it's over, but you got to still share the house? Kind of. It was because of the Berlin Wall situation. That sounds crazy. It was when I was real young. She was, this lady was like living with her mom, like her parents, like kind of kicked her out the crib. She was just staying with me in my parents' house. And then we broke up and it was like,
You became brother and sister. It was only like two more weeks of it. That's still hell, dude. It's crazy long. I've done it. It's fucking hell. Were you still, did you still like have sex at all? I don't think so. I don't think so. I honestly, I don't remember. I think I blacked out the memories of it. I've done it multiple times. It's like literally the worst living conditions. You wake up and you're like...
He's like, get out of the room as fast as you can. That's the thing too, I'm not sleeping on a couch. I refuse. I refuse. I'm sleeping in my fucking bed. I like my bed. It's a comfortable bed. Be still, still lay like head to head. You flip it old school. Go ahead. 69? Yeah, yeah. Just a resentment 69. Platonic 69.
No, it's a man. It's really tough, though, because if you think about how hard it is for two people to get along very well over a long period of time, like what hope is there for the world? Yeah. Like if we ever decide on world peace, it seems like I mean, maybe we'll just become like better equipped to do that. But it seems pretty a pretty tough thing.
It's not I don't think it's possible because even if they were like if like all the nations were like we've actually agreed We're all gonna stop fighting each other and agree to cooperate. I'd still be like kind of pissed and be like fuck Fuck I told you Stopping a nuke on my own house
It is fun, though. Over the years, it is like a... There's something to... I can't explain it, but there's something to living with a woman for a long period of time. Yeah. Where there is... I mean, there's stuff that just pulls stuff out of your brain and just parts of your character, and it does start to... It's like water just running over a stone. Eventually, I think, dude... I fought it for the longest time. Yeah. But I think eventually you just become one of those...
yep, she's the boss. Happy wife. Happy wife. I was like, I'll never give in to that. I've been kind of like, dude, that's too much, bro. I might just white knight simp it for the rest of my life. It's just ultimate simp. When the dude finally taps out and he's like, yep, just got to keep her happy. She's the boss. And you know, I have my little space I've carved out. I don't think I've ever in my life seen the opposite at an old age. Like a dude who's like,
I still run this show. Shut the fuck up. It's not worth it. It also looks nuts. Or you just have to deep state. True. You have to just become deep state within the household. You're like, no, no, no, you're the president. And just kind of like. Start tricking her. Just showing her your, send her your shit so the algorithm's the same. Like, we all want to watch the fucking wire. A little economic sabotage. I've threatened that before.
Like, I'll fucking quit doing all this shit, dude. I'll go back to doing construction. I don't have no fucking money. You'll see how you like that. I don't give a fuck. Exactly. Total trade embargo. I'll fucking quit this shit right now, dude. I'll go back to being a laborer.
It's $33 an hour, dude. It's not bad. Not probably down in Tejas, but I have to move back up north. Yeah, it's too high down here. Dude, I fantasize about picking up the broom on multiple occasions. I'll go sweep dust on a construction site for fucking $32 an hour.
Couldn't do it here now. I can't I don't think I could I was built for it back home here I would here you gotta dress like a fucking fallout character Hat face mask and like long sleeves. I don't I've seen dudes like in the long sleeves That's like the new that's a new swag now That is the new sweat just picture to do it just like you ever played a game you have all the different armor That's what every landscaper out here looks like it's like the burn it's full like it's like exactly sun poisoning this
The sunblock can't even stop it. It's a miracle I didn't get sun poisoning out in Turks and Caicos. I know. I'm very curious about Quackos. That's where you just came back from? Yeah. It was sick as fuck. I remember I got burnt to hell when I was young in there. Bro, I don't know how I didn't, but it's like... It's because of that melanin. I'm getting melanated. I think I'm in a melanated force field. I swear to God.
Dude, there's no way I'm not getting cooked to death. I don't know what it is. I also use Black Lady sunscreen. Oh, what's the difference? Well, because if, like, the new stuff that's like zinc for the honkies, it just makes our face look like Braveheart, basically. You're just all white. It doesn't soak in that well. So they have, like, the Black Lady sunscreen where it just kind of, like, disappears on your face. You don't get hung up with that. And also, dude, Brittany was a...
I was like, what's in that shit? Like, what's the ingredients? I'm like big on like reading it. Like, what is that? And like, what's in that stuff? And she, she's like, what do you, it's probably all the same good stuff you have in yours. Like, you really think they put the bad stuff in black sunscreen? I was like, uh, yeah, definitely. Like, have you learned nothing? You should be reading this stuff. It's black lady sunscreen. Like, have you learned nothing from history? Like, of course you're going to put the worst shit ever. Crack in the black. Yeah.
I might have to get a test. I might get tested. Yeah, you might need it. I might call it a bug for my black lady. It was just crazy. She got mad at me. She was like, you really think that? And I was like, it's a possibility. I 100% think things that are geared specifically towards black. I don't use Cash App because I'm like, I'm going to do something with my money if I use Cash App.
I stopped smoking. I stopped smoking. Yeah. No black in my odds. I'm like, no, this is, this is, this is that, this can't be possibly good. Yeah. Like things that are our thing. Yeah. Dude, you know what? Speaking of, well, kind of speaking of that, I saw a dude, so I was at Turks and Caicos and I saw a bartender rocking Yeezys.
And he was like, like a younger kid was there. And it was like, it was like the, I saw a lot of this, like the prototypical horny teenage son at the resort. It'd be like, they'd be with their parents, but you just see this dude just like, it'd be like jacked, like 18 year old kids. Like, yeah, dude, I can finally drink. This is sick. He was chatting with the bartenders. Like, I love sneakers too. Oh, fuck dude. I fucking, and they're like going back and forth.
And the bartender was kind of justifying his Yeezys, which is my favorite thing when people wear them. And they're like, they're really comfortable, man. Like, these are real comfortable shoes. Like, oh, dude, they're fucking sick. Yeah, I've been there. But, dude, Kanye, here's my whole point. Kanye is a fashion designer. It wasn't that crazy to say he loved Hitler as a fashion designer.
If you think about it, every great fashion designer has to say one unhinged thing. Tommy Hilfiger. Hugo Boss. I don't want black people wearing my stuff. Loved him so much. Yeah. Hugo Boss. You know, he loved the Nazis. The dude from Lululemon. Nuts. Oh, yeah. That was so funny. He said he doesn't want fat ladies wearing his stuff. And he named it
He named it because when he goes to Asia, he likes to watch people try to pronounce Lululemon. He's like, make some laugh. He might be the funniest guy. He's too funny. He's too funny. But that's kind of on brand for fashion geniuses to be like, just for no reason to say the craziest thing. Wasn't Coco Chanel getting her cheeks clapped by Nazis regularly? That's right. Coco Chanel? Yeah, the lady who started it. What? She was just a whore for the Nazis. Yeah.
What? Where was she from? I don't know. Somewhere over there. Yeah, not sure. Probably Italy. That makes sense. Damn, dude. She was getting crushed by the Nazis? Yeah, I'm surprised. All the time. Yeah, yeah. She was a little slam piece for sure. She was fucking with Hans Gunther von Dinklage. Yeah, I mean, dude, it's crazy how much fashionistas love the Nazis.
They did have the swag, though. Like, you know what I mean. No, exactly. It's 1910. You're like, damn, here's some alt-right bad boys. Trust me, I get it.
Just all meth fucking the shit out to these ladies. Yeah, true. They probably invented the pink cocaine. Maybe. Dude, but yeah, so I was in Turks and Caicos. Somehow my lips got fucking scorched. I'd wake up in the morning and my lips felt like they were like a water balloon about to break. They were just, it was crazy. I still have water in my ear. Dude, we just got back. I got back like two days ago. Oh, dude, it's actually, it was very sick. It's one of those places, unfortunately, that doesn't produce...
Like anything really like the Dominican Republic has to import everything which kind of sucks and you go to an island You want the fruit they would joke about it though. They'd be like fresh from Walmart But do we want it we went out snorkeling which I think might be my new passion I think I love snorkeling now. I'm scared to snorkel. This is gonna fuck you up Did you go like deep or you were still like we snorkel not scuba snorkeling you can go under like, you know You just fucking hold the thing
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing I would say is you stick your tongue in a hole and just kind of block it. I wouldn't say you plug the hole. You got to plug the hole with your tongue and then you can go down and then you come up and just go and then it just goes and the water just flies out the top. My dad showed me how to do that when I was little and I was so stoked to show my dad how to do that. Dude, we go on a boat and we went snorkeling and right before we jump in I have my Chloe and I have little life jackets.
So I jump in. The guy was like, oh, there's some baby sharks in there. And I'm like, sick, thinking there's going to be these teeny tiny baby sharks. Yeah. Dude, I get in the water. There's like five. I'm not exaggerating. There was like five and a half foot sharks swimming around. They were like probably 50, 60 feet away. Yeah, fuck that, though. But then they started coming over. And I'm floating on the surface. And the water's probably 40 feet deep. At one point, they were right underneath me. I'm looking down. I'm like, dude, I like spaz and put the kids out of the water. And he's like, oh, man, you'll be fine. Just don't touch them.
I'm like, dude, I don't want to fucking come anywhere near these. Yeah, I would not go in the water. And I have little teeny... I have, like, little kids. I'm like, these guys look... Dude, the fucking fear was, like, so intense. Because you're in there, and there was, like, one there, one there, one there. And I'm just kind of looking around, like, where is that motherfucker? And they start kind of, like, coming near you, and it's, like...
Not... Again, I'm not stealing shark valor, but they would come closer to me. Yeah, I wouldn't even go close to that water. Well, I pulled them out. I put them out. And then I, like, kind of, like, chilled for a second and went back in and kind of investigated. And then they started to go away. So I brought them back in. They could, like, see the sharks from afar. But I was kind of like, bro, like...
What are you doing, man? Yeah, I would never do that. That sounds like some shit that has accidents constantly. Dude, so this guy was like, oh, dude, I'm telling you, you have nothing to worry about, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, all right, man. And then, like, later that night, the snorkeling was sick, and we went to Iguana Island, dude. I mean...
The most iguanas I've ever seen. I got charged by two iguanas. They charge you, dude. They run up to you and bucket you. It's crazy. What happens if you stand on your ground? I stand on my ground. Best believe it, dude. They stop. They don't run away. They just look at you like, what the fuck do you want? What the fuck do you want, dude?
I had a couple of standoffs with iguanas. But yeah, dude, it was. And then later that night, we get back from all that and we went to like an outdoor, like, you know, when they sell shit like purses and like got a big ass conch shell and how to make the conch noise now. It's harder than you think, dude. That's the one that you always see in like the movies. Yeah. So we bought one of those off a guy and the dude was like, he had a missing arm and he goes, check this out. And he lifted up his shirt, huge shark bite scar and a missing arm. And I'm like, this motherfucker. Yeah.
This guy earlier today was like, oh, don't worry about it, dude. This other guy's like, yeah, I lost my arm to a shark. I have a huge fucking, literally a bite mark in his body. That's crazy. This guy could have got my fucking cheering eating up in the ocean. I wonder if you like, because is there like a thing where over there they just like another shark bite, sweep it under the rug. Like if he just is kind of. I don't know, man. It's like, and I get what the guy was saying. He was like, he knows, like he scuba dives, he does all this shit. He's like, oh, they won't bother you.
So I'm guessing he's like kind of right. Yeah. But also it's like, bro, they were like, that's the closest. Imagine if a shark was 40 feet beneath you and you just watched it swimming around it. Dude, it was sizable, dude. Yeah. No, that's it.
And if that's a baby, it's like, how big do the parents get? And he was saying they get like 13 feet. And I'm like, well, are they anywhere near here? Yeah. They gotta be. What are we doing, dude? Let me see some fish. Yeah. Fishing and the fish snorkeling is nice. I did a cruise and stopped in Mexico for like five hours, like how cruises do. And we got to snorkel and just see like colorful fish. And yeah,
asses underwater just look a little bit more round. It was very a nice combo. Penises look crazy. Did you ever catch your own dick? Did you ever look at me? You ever been naked in a pool and you look down at your dick in a pool? It looks crazy, dude. It looks crazy, man. I've never had like a pool situation where I could get naked. I've got naked in a pool during the day and you glance down and check out your bird and you're like, what the fuck? Does it look like one of those things on the reefs? Dude, it's total funhouse mirror.
It looks like you have a dog dick. You look down, you're like, what the fuck is that? So you're in the pool with like a babe, you're naked, and you're like, yeah, this is so freeing. And you look down, you're like, oh, fuck, dude. Holy shit, my dick looks crazy. She's got to take a peek at this thing. We did do the, they were at the place, they had like a gym, and then outside of it, they had like an outdoor hot tub and a cold plunge.
And that was very sick. Taking your wife into a cold plunge, it's so funny. Watching them like, ah! Then I was in my boxers. I had my workout shorts on. I got in my little skibby, my little sheath skibby. So I was like getting out of the cold tub. I was like, yo, grab me a towel. Because we're outside. So I just get in the hot tub. I was like, give me a towel. I toweled up. And then I got out of the hot tub and was just presenting, dude. I got out of the hot tub and was standing there like, yo. She was like, dude, put a fucking towel. What are you doing? Like that.
Because we had a nice little moment. We're in the cold tub. I'm like, dude, that was so cool. You did the cold tub. I didn't think you'd do it. And then we're in the hot tub. A little, you know, a little cuddling. Instantly became so engorged. I just got out of the hot tub. We're like outside. So I get out. I'm like, yeah, man, I'm going to chill out here. He's like, put a fucking towel on now. I was like, all right, man, what are you wearing? That was my body. That was my face. Yeah, my body, my choice. Taking my butt. That was, but dude, I came out of the cold one. I was just like, yo, bro.
hide me don't look at me hide me I've said it before but that is the worst when you're fighting with your babe and you're naked and you're all shriveled up and you gotta walk by her like you know you're wrong you know you're wrong nipple cover your nipples and your feet
I never will. You've walked out teenish mid-fight? Yeah, man. Or like post-fight. I walk into the wasteland, dude, and I just fucking walk out of the shower teenish and be like, you know you're fucking wrong about that. I look down, I'm like, fuck. Yeah, I guess you can't pivot back to shower because then you look like you're like being a cat. Not shower, a towel. Exactly. I meant like you can't be like
look like yeah he's hiding his penis from me because of what we just went through exactly yeah you gotta yeah you gotta you gotta assert and just be like yeah what the fuck say it's also baiting i'm baiting i'm like say something say something about my penis i'd fucking dare you that's that's over dude if a baby hits you with some sort of penis comment it's a it's a rap blow for blow actually i've gotten crushed before i've got like i've literally i've come out of the shower and have her be like oh my
I'm like, yo, bro. Shut the fuck up. Nothing cute about this shit. You ever been sitting in that way where it's like not, it's like in a little bit. Like, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. And it's just like you see them glance at it. It's like, we were having a good conversation. Now derail because you fucking, I know you looked. Dude, when me and Brittany and Molly together, that shit gave me like Adderall-tiness.
And we were having, like, the nicest, beautiful heart-to-heart. And then, like, I got up with craziest. Dude, it was... You know when you have a bowling pin dick in the shower? Or, like, you get fucking the hot water, freaks it out, and it's just, like, fat up top. I had a micro bowling pin, Tina. It was... Weird. We both had a good chuckle about it, but I was like, bro, this is... This is bad. I might go to school.
Look at this. I'm fucking sweating my ass off
Doing Molly and giving like a presentation to kids would be so funny. I love you kids so much. I love you kids so much. I don't want you guys walking around with tiny bowling pin penises. I've never done mine. It doesn't make you want to touch shit though. Yeah. It does. It's like...
So you gotta have somebody to keep you from getting too close to the kids. Even though it's just strictly, you don't want to be like, I'd have like a bungee belt. Exactly, yeah, it'd be nothing sexual, but yeah, you might be like, you little fucking angel. We went to the, after... You touched their cheek. Just something that feels innocent in the moment. You see the diddy bit? Your innocence is beautiful to me as you touch the side of their cheek. I'd have a bungee, I'd be like a kid on a leash. I would just get like yanked back. Yo, I'm just a fucking cool guy.
Come here. Keep your hands tied down to your side. Your skin will never be this soft ever again. Yeah, it's a... I've heard now, my brother has been telling me that the ultimate... What people... Whatever. He said people should, with MDMA, take it by themselves. You just lay in a room and just let it kick in and just...
Vibe out. La Mer dosed me the other day. What? He dosed you? No, but he just underestimated the power of the capsule he was giving me. Wow. How strong was it? And I think there might have been something different in there than he was telling me. Yeah, dude. Because he came from a concert.
And he was like, you guys want microdoses? And I was like, yeah. I was expecting a nice 0.7 gram of mushroom aloe as I was already on the brewskis. I was like, oh, nice. I'll take this and ride off. And it was just Bali instead? I was sweating like crazy and I was really thirsty and I was tripping my fucking balls off after like an hour.
I was tripping like crazy. You just had like one capsule? I had one little capsule. He was like, it's a microdose. And then I was like. Yeah, you can only fit so much food in a little capsule. I started shitting. I had the mushroom shits where I was just shitting weird. And I was like, I have to get out of here. And I left. And I just sat in my garage until like four in the morning and chain smoked cigarettes.
There's also... I might have fucked around and got addicted to nicotine, by the way. For real? How? Yeah, I mean, I'm fine. It's not bad, but I just was crushing cigars, dude. I can't stop smoking them. I was always like, I don't understand why people like nicotine. And then once you start getting a nicotine buzz, you're like, yeah, this is kind of the best feeling in the world. I kind of get the hype around this. Especially with cigars. It's like I had that heavy nicotine buzz. Yeah. And it is nice. It's really just kind of like...
It's like the opposite of weed, where you're confused from weed. It's the opposite. You get completely sure, and you're like, man, this is great. Everything. And it's kind of subtle. You're like, everything's great. And you have that thing in your hand that makes you more confident. Just like, I know this sucks a little bit. But you hold a cigar, and you're like, yeah, I know what I'm talking about. It is Tony Soprano mode. I like to smoke them while I'm driving. And they just kind of like, dude, I might be the fuck.
I'm listening to like Tom Petty. I'm like, this is pretty great, man. I love this guy. This guy's great. It's not like very, it's very subtle. I've noticed. It's not like, uh, you don't get like whacked, but you're just kind of like, I'm a fuck. I'm in a good mood. Yeah. I'm really, right now I'm really into like tastefully deteriorating myself.
Just because I do a lot to like bolster my life force, but you also have a death force within your body as well. That's always good. Your body's trying to die as much as it's trying to live. So it's like you got to kind of honor the death force in you as well. So the body's like literally instinctively trying to return to inorganic material that it arose from.
Just as hard as you're trying. That's what I've been saying. Just as hard as you're trying. You guys keep telling me to quit smoking. No, now I'm addicted, dude. Now it's like, yeah, yeah, I get what you're doing. All of the cigs are another thing. The cigs are no good. I'm curious to see if I actually will get addicted to nicotine. I know like cigars, it's probably harder to get addicted to them. It will happen to you, though.
It happened to my older brother. It's happening, dude. It's happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're just Jones since you've been back? Well, it's like I'll be like, yeah, I just don't like the taste of it the next day. Now, like, I'll wake up with that taste, and I'm like, yeah, it's not a big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I used to be like that, too. I'm just becoming a man now. But, yeah, I might start having to honor that with just my some sort of slightly deleterious activities. That would be it? Cigars? Cigars.
Yeah, maybe just cigars. Maybe, I don't know. We'll see. Maybe I'll start choking myself while I beat up. I don't know. We'll see. I am going to get back on the microdosing regimen. That's something I decided. I might microdose. I've microdosed LSD before. I didn't like it as much as mushrooms. It was too strong and overbearing.
Do you ever do it before? Never done an LSD at all. I have like one thing, but I don't know what it says. It says it's a microdose, but I don't know. I just got it from someone. Are they like little capsules? It's not even a capsule. It's like a Jolly Rancher, like a Tootsie Roll or something. But it's like that same kind of texture. It's like a Tootsie Roll, but it's like a flavor, like a candy. Oh, cool. And it's supposedly a microdose of LSD? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Where'd you get that from? You have a name, name. Yeah. Somebody, I was at the stand. So like a comic was like, yeah, take this. They're pretty chill. I mean, it's kind of nice. It's just, it's like strong, dude. It doesn't go away. Like the mushroom microdose hits you and then there's like two or three hours, but it kind of like subsides. The LSD microdose is just there for like eight hours. Here's bopping around. You're like, damn, my chest is vibrating still. It's just fucking weird.
- I feel like LSD, the first time I do it, I wanna be around someone who's done it before and I've never been in, it'll just be me and my girl and I'm like, now's the day. And I'm just freaking out. It's nothing worse than freaking out and having to be like, babe, help. I had a tootsie roll lace with 10 micrograms of LSD. - Can you rub my back?
Yeah. No, that's true. That's what I did. My brother was here. So I was just like, let's, I was like, let's just do it. Yeah. Y'all did the pot. Yeah, we did the pot. We did panties in the mouth podcast. I did two podcasts that day. Yeah. They're great for podcasting. That makes sense. I would just talk, talk, talk. And all of a sudden it stopped and be like, all right.
All right. Is it visual when the micro dose of that? No, not at all. I think, I don't know. Maybe I feel like my brother told me it was 10 micrograms, but I'm like, dude, if this is a micro, I'm also a sensitive machine. So I'm like this. I was like, if I didn't feel like a micro, I was like, I feel kind of fucked up all day.
That's what happened when I did it. Measy-dosed my ass. Again? No, it's that time I keep thinking about it. Yeah, you were tripping, dude. That's different. If you're like sweating and fucking shitting and stuff. How was he when you saw him? Perfectly fine. Yeah, fucking stoned. But he champs it. Yeah, he does. And he's much larger than I am. I was talking about that today, about the RV. We both, they're all in an RV on their way to Vegas right now. Who's in an RV? Me.
LaMare, Andy, Pat George, and all the other bros. Where'd they cop the RV from? Like rented it. Justin from Creek, he does like their podcast stuff. He rented it and it's like a bunch of them just...
Driving from here to Vegas for skates. It's about ten big units in the RV. I think I'm fucking explore. It's about a business. Thank you It's always gonna go to light a joint the place is only just a fart fumes are like the slimmest person in it is Besides Justin is Andy like that's the crew that's in that car. It's just big dogs They're mad at us for going on the big dog. Yeah
I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like,
That's basically what that thing is right now. There's a layer of manure on the bottom. Damn, I didn't know they were in the RV right now. It has to smell crazy. They're stopping for barbecue and shit. Yeah, they're going in the fucking desert too. It's going to stink. They were mad at us for not going. And I do not regret the decision. I haven't heard from them since they left. Andy and LaMare are definitely pissed at me. They're like, we're recording without you while we're doing this.
But I had to bail. Yeah, that's a stanked up RV. That is a super stanked RV. It's going to be like every white castle is going to get stopped at. Nobody's going to sleep. I guarantee nobody brought water.
no one thought about water it's a bunch of weed some booze that's it maybe some shrooms that's gotta be kind of fun though honestly yeah once you get acclimated it's gonna smell like a mushroom farm once you get acclimated to the smell you're like what smell it's fucking just fine damn oh yeah you got yeah skunk fest we got skunk fest yeah it's gonna be sick yeah damn you guys are gonna be so high on drugs there
you're gonna get i think i'm gonna be taking it yeah i do get covered every single time every time you leave skanks yeah well i'm only going i'm only done at the once but ruined when i got back past three i've gotten covered yeah you're right yep and i'm probably gonna get it again are you gonna do a bunch of drugs when you get down there so you're gonna take it i'm gonna try to take it east but you know me it's gonna be impossible
The party never ends. I don't find it like, do like, everyone's like, I'm going to do acid down there. I'm like, no way, dude. Yeah, it's scary. Yeah. Yeah, dude. After like the 40th dude like sweating his nuts off in cargo shorts in the desert being like, which is fine, but when you're on mushrooms, the last thing I want to do is like talk to anybody. So I'm like tripping on mushrooms and dudes are like coming up in my face. I'd be like, I have to go back. And you go back. Yeah. Vegas is like, man.
Sick. It's a sick thing they put together. The vibe in Vegas, man, is a city I don't like at all. Certain times, especially that area, can be real sad. Like, once you get up, because you're up until 5 a.m., and then that little area gets dark. Yeah, super dark. Well, there's nothing there for me. It's just literally vice. And I'm like, dude, I can't partake in anything. If you don't partake in vice and you go to Vegas...
You're just like, this sucks. You just sit there. You could just go smoke cigars, though. I could smoke cigars. You could just light up stogies for a little while. I could light up cigars. I mean, dude, there's so, it is something so kind of gay and cornball-ish about smoking cigars, but I can't help it. I genuinely love them. I'm a gay cornball. Yeah, I think it's tough. I know. There's something kind of cornball-ish about cigar culture. It's like, yeah, dude. It can be, yeah. Yeah, I love lighting up a stick.
No one can tell me not to light up a stick, but I'm like... You hear about Ulysses Grant smoking like 50 cigars a day, and you're like... Yeah, that's cool. I kind of want to do that. Wolverine likes him, too. I've been watching X-Men. Hugh Jackman loves him? Yeah. No, just Wolverine. Just Wolverine. Yeah, Hugh Jackman does musicals and shit. Really? Yeah, dude. He's been on Broadway for a while now, right? Yeah, bro. I forget, what was the play he was doing? I don't remember, but I just... I don't know. I don't know what the fuck play he was in. Wolverine? I think he was in...
Fuck, I don't know. I heard the Deadpool Wolverine flopped. I heard it was really good, though. I didn't see it. What was he in? There he is, bro. Yeah, dude.
That's the bro. That's Wolverine, man. He's an actor. He's an artist. He's a true thespian. I mean, dude, I could see if you're a Broadway performer. I thought he was in The Sound of Music or something. If you're a Broadway performer, I could see that not scratching your itch. He probably does Wolverine like, oh, my God. There's no pageantry. This beastly movie. Barbaric. Wolverine is the best. I do like extending my claws, though.
Yeah, I'm not... Wolverine was the guy. When you were little kids, you're like, all right, let's play X-Men. Your boy would be like, I'm Wolverine. You're like, dude, I quit. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I did like Cyclops, dude. Cyclops rules. My friend would try to make me be Cyclops, and I'd be like, no, thank you. I thought he was a dork. Compared to Wolverine...
Is the man now? Chet Hanks was Cyclops? No, just Gambit. Gambit is Chet Hanks. That's not Chet Hanks. No, not actually. But he was like a dude who talked like a Jamaican dude. Yeah, sort of. That's what I mean, as a person. Did he really? Yeah. He's like a Louisiana guy. The Bayou guy. Remy Lebeau. Yeah. The Gambit. I always just thought he was a white dude who sounded black. I never heard the man speak. No, he's Cajun. Yeah.
True. I heard a little Creole. There's some Creole going on in Turks and Caicos. They also got the, what do Haitians speak, French? Do they speak a little Creole? I think they speak a lot of French. I think Creole is French. Yeah, it's like mumbling French, basically. Does Blue Chew work? If you're asking that question, we want you to know that Blue Chew is putting their money where their mouth is by giving you a month free.
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Let's get back to the show. But yeah, dude, I, uh, man, dude, those, cause, uh, Turks and Caicos is right near Haiti. It's right near Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic and Haiti are on one island, I think. Yeah. Bro, every time I've been to like a resort, Dominican Republic and now Turks and Caicos, you see the Haitian bros and they're like scary, man. Like for real, like I'm not like, obviously if it's like, you're like second generation or whatever, like the dudes that come, cause they're coming from fucking hell, dude. Yeah. It's like a fallen state. You're like, cause you're like, it's the Riz, uh,
Necessary to live on an island is crazy, dude. Everyone you see is just like Riz on 40. You bump into a Haitian guy and they just kind of just like stare at you. They'll be sitting on a pallet and you're like, hey man, what's up? And they're like, oh shit, my bad, bro. Just thinking about cutting your hair off. I'm just trying to practice my Riz, dude. I'm on an island. I'm just trying to big up you, man. This dude is just fucking staring at me with cat eyes and I'm like, yo, bro. My bad.
Back to sweeping up rocks in 110 degrees, I guess. I'm going to go have a sugary drink. Dude, the place didn't let people tip either. Huh? They didn't let people tip at that resort. It was against the rules. You couldn't tip.
So you had to like, if you did it, I wouldn't want to incriminate anybody of the force there. If you did it, you had to do it like. Super low deal. It was like a drug deal. You had to like hide it under a plate and be like, yo, I, a little something under the plate. And then that's all I take. Cause there's like cameras and shit. If they're caught taking tips, they get fired. That's crazy. Yeah, bro. I don't understand. I mean, I, the only thing I can think of is like, I guess you don't want them like hounding people for tips. But I don't think people would, dude. I mean, that's the move to say don't hound them. But if you get one. Yeah. If you're annoying and people complain, but it's like, dude,
If the people, I heard, again, I don't want to slander the place, but someone was trying to tell me they pay them $7 an hour. Turks and Caicos is USD. I looked it up. Yeah, dude, and eggs are $8 a dozen there. That's crazy. If you're for real, which I, dude, I'm like, is it really $7 an hour?
That's crazy, bro. That's devastating. And it's fucking so hot, dude. It was 93 degrees, 75% humidity every day with like a glaring tropical sun. You're just not allowed to dip in the pool or the beach. Hell no, dude. If you get caught in the pool. You have to wear polo and slacks. Yeah, it's like a polo and slacks or like a fucking wedding, like a vest and dress pants. And it's so hot.
And then they're like, you couldn't slip the bro like five, 10 bucks after the meet. You kind of like put it onto the plate, which, you know, again, I don't want to get anyone in trouble. Maybe I slipped a couple of Lincolns around, but.
That's fucking bullshit, though, man. It's like, dude, if everyone gave them like $2 a day. They could leave the shit. That's the other thing, too. They probably want to trap them in. Once they get that tip money, they might be like, man, fuck sweating in this shit. Yeah, just save just your tips for like a year. Get out of there. But then it's like, where are you going to go? There's like, it's tourism. That's the main export or whatever it is. But it's like, I looked it up. Turks and Caicos is a collection of 40 islands, too.
I didn't know this. I thought it was one place. It's 40 fucking, one of them is Iguana Island, which I'm like, if you're counting that one, it's kind of fucking crazy. It's literally just, nobody lives there, just Iguanas. You just get out and you're like, yeah, this is pretty sick. I wonder if all the Iguanas went there or they moved all the Iguanas there. I feel like it's they moved all the Iguanas there out of the hotel area. Just let them roll out. They're just like, all right, well, let's give the Iguanas this island so they don't bother all the hotel people. I don't know, but they had a big stray cat problem.
You'd be on the resort and there'd be these stray cats. Gotta call the Haitians. True, kind of disproves the theory. Yeah. Because there was a lot, dude. There was many stray cats. And you would see like people's kids just like start petting them at dinner. And I was like, yo, bro. And like mangy, mangy cats. These look crazy looking. Do you feel bad for them though? Yeah, that was...
I forgive him. My wife made a terrible racist remark because my daughter was like, I want to pet the cats. And my daughter was like, yeah. She's like, why can they do it? And my wife was like, because they're white people. I said, hey, Brittany, all right, knock it off. And I was like, it's kind of on point though. It was like, it would just be like these white kids just grabbing these like flea ridden cats. And I was like, yeah. That's probably something I would do too if I was a kid. My mom would yell at me about it, but.
I would sneak it down some fish. I would like, I'd get a little meat off my plate and toss it down. And I was doing it on the low and Brittany was like, she was so mad. Don't feed the cats. Don't feed the cats. Don't tip the weight. Yeah, you couldn't do anything. Can I do anything nice here? No. So I'd stuff my fat fucking face. And sit in the lazy river. Then when you get the full experience of like, yes, I have people serving me. Yeah, true. Lordship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should get more into that.
Might be nice. Yes. And leave me immediately. Yeah. It's a, it was sick though, man. It's like, I, I just like, I got down there. I was like, I'm not going to drink any of these sugary fucking bullshit drinks. I was crushing. My mama. Bro. Pina Coladas. I had a Bahama mama. A mudslide. I had a mudslide dude. Oh,
I cried. I had a much lighter. She wanted it so bad. I was like, you can't have this. But it's like a milkshake, right? Like with alcohol in it. I don't think there was even alcohol in it. It was so fucking good. You get her the virgin drinks. That's what I always used to want when I was a kid. I used to need the virgin Shirley Temples or the virgin pina coladas. Virgin strawberry daiquiri.
Yeah, I was giving her the virgin pina coladas. I would hit the kids with them. They would just lose their fucking minds. They're so good, dude. Yeah. I only got one good sesh of a pool bar, and it was...
I mean, it was everything I wanted. It was so fun. The pool bar is awesome. Oh, my God, dude. Every day, I would just kind of crush these five milligram edibles. I had these little mints. Sorry to the Turks and Caicos authorities. I did smuggle them into your country. You're going to be so mad at you, dude. You smuggled drugs. You tipped their shirt. Come get me, bro. Break it all to rule. Come get me, bro. He fed the cat. You go back in a year, like, we heard what you did. We know what you did, man. No, they were chill. They didn't give a fuck.
But apparently it's like you can't have like CBD. You can't have anything there, they say. I don't know if that's just to kind of like jam you up, but you know, I'm not going to get into it. They didn't really check anything. Thank God. It's not an island vibe. It's kind of lame. They're like that against the fucking ganja. But they also, again...
I'm not telling anyone to bring weed into Turks and Caicos, but it's pretty fucking easy if you really want to. I have no idea what it is, certain people. Yeah, I mean, dude, my shit was just too, it was their mints. So I had this little mint, I had, you know, whatever, I had the can switched up. It was just simple. You wouldn't bring flour in there, would you? That seems terrifying. I would be too scared. I'd be shook.
There was some flour there. I won't get into it. Maybe someone else brought it. I don't know. I don't know what happened. Maya had it in her bag. I tossed it in the frozen suitcase. Maya, you smoking weed again? God damn it. I told you to knock it off. Dude. But yeah, it was sick, man. I would just crush these little five milligram...
mint edibles that's nice smoked stogies all day and just fucking just every meal just pound like pina coladas it was it was literally I was absolutely in heaven until I got back and had a dude I had a for real
I haven't spazzed this hard in public in a long time, but I almost got in a fight with an African dude in customs on the way back. And he was traveling. We're both fellow travelers. He wasn't working there. We were like, you know when you're traveling and like, so like when you go through customs, you got to like, you go through customs coming off the flight and then you got to reclaim your luggage and then put your luggage back through the TSA security. It's fucking so annoying. But,
But so we do that. So we're like, I'm with Brittany. You know, we're like kind of broken up. It's like Brittany and Chloe. Chloe's in the stroller. I have Maya with me. And I'm like, I have like a ton of suitcases I'm trying to bring up in this like African dude. He was like old too. The guy's probably in his 50s. Like cuts in between us and then starts like pressuring, like kind of like push in front of Brittany.
And she's obviously not for that kind of stuff. She turns around like, bro, what are you doing? I'm like, whatever, man, it's fine. We got our bags on. I'm like, that shit's so fucking annoying. Then we get... The line was just like... You put your bags in a little machine and then you got to go to another line to get through some other fucking TSA bullshit. And the guy like...
So we're standing there and I'm like behind Brittany and the guy starts doing this like side assault where he's trying to... Because there wasn't like a demarked line. It was just like a mob of people like slowly funneling into like a one person line. So he starts doing that shit where he's like oozing past her and he bumps the stroller. And Brittany's like, yo, sir, if you could not like bump into my kid again, you already did it back there. If you could not do that, that'd be great. And the dude was like...
Shut the fuck up. And he does this African spaz. And it's like, Brittany was like, yeah, I guess if you're from Africa, some lady starts mouthing off. I can see him just fucking. He's short circuiting. He fucking blew a lid, dude. I for real think. He was waiting for you to grab her. He didn't know we were together. I was kind of a person behind her because I was like, you know. He probably just thought it was a solo lady. Thought it was a solo single mother. He's probably disgusted, bro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she was like, sir, and she, like, she obviously is no stranger for conflict, so she was just like, yo, sir, if you could not do that, that'd be great. You're literally bumping into my kid. And he was like, get the fuck open it! He, like, just started spazzing out, and then I'm like, and then, like, I'm like, yo, bro, and then, like, the, um...
The guy, the TSA agent was like, yo, dude, what the fuck are you doing, man? Relax. Like, what are you like? It's not worth it, man. Don't get, you know, he's like, go ahead. Get the fuck out of here. Like, come on, man. But he's like, I'm a father. He starts spazzing out. So I'm just sitting there and the guy's like, yo, man, it's not worth it, man. It's nothing. You know, I think go to jail over. I'm like, yeah, for sure. And as soon as we like get in line next to each other, I'm like, what the fuck is your problem?
He like said something and I died like scream spaz and like cuz we're you know when you're in a line that like snakes from here It goes like boom boom boom. Yeah, so he was on one side of the divider I was on the other side and I like leaned over I was like, I'm gonna fuck you up I Like blacked out cuz he said something to me cuz I was like dude could you for real like chill the fuck out? Yeah, and then he said something to me and I just blacked out I was like and I leaned over the thing I was like I'll fuck you up right now. He was like what the fuck cuz then he put it together He's ago. I didn't I guess he didn't realize like we were together. Mm-hmm
And then, uh... So he thought you were just out of nowhere, leaned over, and was like, I'll beat the shit out of you. And I'm like, dude, I'm flying with kids. I'm, like, whacked on caffeine. It was just this guy. It was just like, bro, that's... He caught the wrath, dude. It was... And I felt bad. I instantly... I felt real, like, embarrassed. I was like, oh, fuck. That was kind of ugly. And then, uh...
And then like he was there was another but there was like a black dude in front of him American black dude and then they were like close together and the dude like the other guy looked back at me kind of like yeah like it's all good and I was like dude I'm sorry I didn't he's like I don't know this fucking guy. And then I started thinking he might have been kind of slow. I was like bro I think he might be kind of like autistic or something. But then like I got it I was like no this guy's just a fucking dickhead. We for real almost fought in the airport if he had like lunch forward we would have fought.
I was ready to go to jail. Guys, you don't want to go to jail. I'm like, yeah, you're right, dude, you're right. And I went up, I was like, fuck you, pussy, I'll fuck you up. This was in Miami airport. I was in Miami. You know how I get into 305, bro. Bro, for real, I haven't spazzed like that. It was bad. And then we all had to just all stand in line for like 30 minutes. We were like...
It was bad. I apologize to the people in line at the Miami airport. It wasn't my best showing. I feel like the American black people in line were tickled about the whole thing. They got one dude who just kept laughing every time he seen me. We would meet again in line and he'd be like, bro, you look at this guy and be like, fuck that guy.
Yeah, it was bad. People were kind of giggling to themselves about it because we all had to stand together for literally 30 more minutes. And then me and him, we would look at each other again across the dividers. The lines would match up again. And he'd be like, so you started saying something. I'm like, bro, it's fine, man. It's already squashed, bro. Beef squashed. Just let it go. He kind of bitched. I'm like, you bitched out, man. It's fine.
I would. It's all right. Just beeps over. I won. I literally won. Stop talking about it. I basically beat your ass in the TSA. I'm very happy, honestly, though. He didn't do anything because I would have went to jail. If I get a certain level of angry, I'm not like a big badass. I'll literally black out and I just lose sense of everything going on. The guy could have like beat my ass. He was like, bitch.
He was like a short African king. He was like a stocky, bald. He was also a bit of an elder, though. He was a bit of an elder. Jeans, polo, sandals? Pretty much. I'm picking up what you're putting down.
I got a perfect mental image of this. Yeah, but now that I think about it, you don't want to fight that guy, though. Exactly. I don't know if the guy could have fucking killed me. I don't know what the hell that guy, you know, he could have hit me with some, like, African wrestling dude. Yeah. So, he could have hooked my eye. Yeah, he could have hooked my eye. Yeah, it was the closest I've come to fighting an old African man, and hopefully that's the closest I've ever come, because that was, it was just not a good look for anybody involved.
Especially if we're a glass barrier. He literally, in front of the whole crowd, was like, fuck you to my wife. And I was like, bro, I can't let that ride. Especially with the kids there. They can't have that memory. Kids were there, bro. I was like, it was just instinctual, dude. It was funny, too, for the guy to be like, yo, bro, for real, just let it go. Don't worry. I'm like, oh, yeah, dude, for sure. I'm already over it. Fuck you, pussy. I'm a classic kid in high school. Like, I don't even care anymore, man. I don't care anymore. Then, ah, he just did an overdub. He started it. I'm not getting the one. Yeah.
He did start it. And then we got out of line. Oh, fuck you. Oh, fuck you. It was bad. And then I like inched over to his side of the thing. And he kind of was like, what the fuck is going on? Why is this white man so mad at me right now? This Yacoubian devil. He just did nothing. In his mind, he did nothing wrong five minutes ago. He just put a woman in her place. Yeah, yeah. He just had one today. He tells a woman to shut the fuck up.
At least. What are you, shut the fuck up? Yeah, I can't do his voice. I'm on island time right now. He thought he was doing your job for you. He thought he was helping you out. He was like, don't raise your voice to me. He had a woman raising her voice to him in public, and he just fucking, he snapped. Yeah. And then it's like, I was like, bro, I can't. I just can't let it ride. We should all have a little more of that in us. Just a woman raising her voice. Spaz.
Shut the fuck up, bitch. This is what LaMera was on the other day, too. Was he really? No, we were talking about how he should... Never mind. We already covered it. He covered it. He covered it on a motherfucking basis. Oh, very curious. One of LaMera's many hot takes, dude. It was so funny. It was actually very funny, his thing about how he loves... What did he say? He loves Xbox. He loves video games and he breaks controllers all the time. It's like, if you love a woman, why would you...
The funniest thing ever. LaMare also just cracked me up the other day. Remember when he was like, I don't want to be autistic. Everyone wants to be autistic, and I don't want to. But I am. Yeah, he can claim. A lot of people are out here posing autism. LaMare's got the secret sauce. Genuine article. He's got the secret sauce.
Yeah, you can try to attack the Lemaire man. It's like, bro. I think it was since we were down. Was it since we were down here when he had the realization? I remember being with him when he was like...
I'm autistic. Like, he, like, and this couldn't have been more than a year ago where he just, like, for real hit him, like, I'm actually autistic, aren't I? And it was like, wait, you're just? Like, you're just putting that together, bro? Yeah, man. You have fucking wrestling figures in your room. I have wrestling figures. Of course you are. Like, he knows, like, deep cut characters of everything he's into. It's...
It was so funny watching him be like, I'm autistic. And everybody, I think it was like me, I think we were at the stand. It was like me, you, Ali being like, bro, I don't think you remember this. You don't look like you remember. Probably not, no. You were fucked up. He dosed you again. He might have dosed me again.
Yeah, he's for sure. He's kind of autistic. You can vaguely remember this. He's the king of noticing things so long after everyone else has noticed them. Yeah. And that's just another prime example. I forget some other ones he said to me and you before where he'll just notice something that everyone's been talking about for months. I mean, dude, he might have the wildest takes ever.
Every take he spits, I'll be like, dude, do you want to maybe rescind that right now? Do you want me to delete that? That's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life. He'll be like, no. I do kind of admire that, though, how he will die on the weirdest hills. But he'll change his mind. And then he's like, well, I'm not going to say it publicly, though. Like, I'm not going to tell anyone that I think I'm wrong now. He'll keep dying on it. Stubborn as a mule.
But yeah, dude, the trip was sick, though. Nice. I was so happy to be back, man. Dude, it's crazy how nice America is. Yeah, it's the best. The airport at Turks and Caicos was like... It's like a bus stop. It's crazy, dude. They don't have the fucking extendy things. That's what I was just about to ask. No, dude, you just got to walk out into the blistering sun. And it's not like it was like... I get it. If you're on a little plane, it's like, yeah, you just kind of walk out. These are like full-size planes. You got to just walk into the blazing heat and walk up the steps. It's like, damn, you guys can't get the fucking...
Extended things? Was it the same planes that we like to save, like Boeing and shit like that? Yeah, dude. It was like regular American Airlines. They're only like an hour from Miami. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Also, dude, the fucking fake ladies in Miami, it's crazy. The BBLs. Dude, I'm telling you, man, there were so many women that I was like...
The level of artificial enhancements in women now, I've said it before, they're going to become virtually unrecognizable. Yeah. It's like that's a weird arms race for ladies to enhance themselves. And once you go over the brink, it's like you're just a mutant. I mean, it's teetering now being too close. Because I think I'm an all natty guy. I'm just strictly off internet shit. You know what I mean? For sure. But you see something, you're like, that's real. And it takes way longer than it used to to be like,
ass got a weird bounce to it or like yeah the thighs it's like they're doing it it's masterful I'm not I'm for it but I you know I
Would love it to be perfected by the time my lady's like 55. Yeah, I would copper our copper It's got it's got it there. Yeah, it's there which McCulloch like testosterone therapy Yeah, they can kind of just like bring their ass back up and pop those titties back out. I get it man You know, yeah, you can't really fault them for that. No, I actually want like I want it. I want my lady I wanted to get the enhancements
Especially if I'm going to stay and be faithful and shit, pick them titties up. Lift that ass. Yeah, exactly. We'll be happy. You can go on T, too. You can go on T. I'm going to go on T. As soon as it stops working right, I'm figuring out T. So I started taking maca again, not even realizing it. I was just taking melatonin to fall asleep, and then I saw they had a date. The brand I take is a daytime thing. It's just like Lion's Mane and whatever else, but they had maca in it. And I was like, whatever. Dude, I've been waking up.
Brick, dude. Yeah. No, the maca is another level, dude. I was waking up bricked like... Oh, this is new. Yeah, dude. I might have to get the maca. Bro. Is this maca the same shit that a maca tea and all that stuff? Yeah, it's like a maca root. It's not bad for you. You take it like... They say it has a lot of iodine in it, which apparently Americans are low on iodine because they took it out of the salt. It used to be in the... Well, if you get pink Himalayan salt or whatever, any sea salt, there's no iodine.
So a lot of Americans stopped fucking with the regular table salt that did have iodine. But if you eat out, though, it's probably in all that stuff. But a lot of people have a deficiency in iodine. And then it has a lot. So if you take too much of it for too long, they say, like, you can get too much iodine. But, dude, if you go on it for, like, a couple months at a time, dude, it's crazy. I've been rocking, like, I didn't think I even, like, had anything to worry about. But, like, now I'm getting, like, my full boner back. And I'm like...
Where you been? Hello, buddy. Yeah, it's crazy. My old friend. Yeah, it's pretty wild, dude. I suggest mocking pretty much anybody. Yeah. And dude, again, I will say for the record, I'm not on the T. If I was on the T, I wouldn't even be worried about mocking. But it's like, dude, it's, yeah, it's pretty sick. When you go on T, is it like a, I don't even know, is it a pill pop? Are you pill popping T? I think if you're shot.
I don't like that. The problem, though, is I think, and again, I could be wrong, but I think what a lot of those little tea centers do is they give you a readout. And I think they tell everybody, like, yeah, you got low T. No matter what. Because they told our one friend he had low T.
Egan. Oh, that's right, yeah. I don't know if Egan wants that out, but it's like he went to the tea set. He's probably talked about it. Yeah, I think so. But he, yeah, dude, he. He's a young boy, too. He's a young dude. He's a young, stocky, strong young man. The problem is if you don't get good sleep one night and go to a tea center, your tea will be low on the readout. But, yeah, dude, I honestly wouldn't go on that stuff until you're, like, old and, like, you don't need your, like, reproductive system at all anymore.
Because once you start, you're like stuck. I think once you start putting that shit in your body, I think you can come off of it, but it's like...
You're going to get soft. It might be kind of weird. I don't know. It's like, would you want to roll those dice? I wonder what it'll feel like, though, to be 45, boosting your teeth. No, probably great. But then you come off, and then you can just feel. You can't come off ever again. Can you come off and go back? For sure. Can you be like, you know what? I need to be. Yeah, I guess you could, yeah. I'm having a daughter. I need to be a little more sensitive. You come off the tee. She gets it back in high school. You're like, all right, I need to be ready to slap some people around. Tee up again.
Yeah, you could actually. You probably could do that. That might be it. But I think it like fucks with your balls after a while. I think if you're on it for a while, your balls are just kind of like no good to anybody. Raisins? Huh? Raisins? Well, yeah, I think like your sperm's all fucked up. So I think you just got to wait. I really do want to wait till I'm like 60. Yeah. Try to keep it together as much as I can and then smash the glass and just become an absolute monster. And I'll be like disrespectful with it too. I'll take like way too much and just become an absolute monster. Just mean to people.
such a dick I don't know we'll see it is it's tempting though because I heard you do you feel like a teenager basically from what I've heard that'll be nice but again they give it to you in pellets now is it pellets not the shot it's a shot and the pellet is in the shot and they're like little tiny pills weird and then it over six months it just melts in your ass
Yo, bro, pause. So it is a little pellet. It just sits in your skin. Wait, are they giving the shot directly to a butt cheek? Sometimes, or your leg. Oh, shit. Yo, look, that guy, they drew his nutsack on the back of that medical photo. Totally unnecessarily.
Look at the diagram of the guy's body. I don't know if it's his helmet or what. No, go to the other one. Go to the one to the right of that. It's like the cross-sectional. Sorry, YouTube, but they showed his scrotum. His little scrotum. Why do they do that? They don't need to show that. We get the guy's laying on his side and he has a penis. You don't have to show his fucking nutsack. And that's how they insert it with this thing right here. Oh, man. Weird, weird. Why is that better?
Because you don't have to give yourself a shot. Yeah, that kind of sucks. Oh, when you're on T, it's like every week you hit the doctor going, damn, forever? That stinks. So just have a doctor visit as part of the weekly. Yeah, but you charge up. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely worth it. But yeah, I don't know, man. I'm really hesitant about that. Because I feel like once you start that, it's like, it'd be hard. And you might be like, I could be maybe a menace, dude. If I went on T, I might be a menace.
It's gonna bring back like that childhood like I'll fuck anything like if it like who knows what that's like once you're like in a committed thing like those are demons you don't even need back
Like, yeah. You just start drinking. But it's like you can get her totally enhanced, and then you just go on the sauce and just let it all just fall apart. She starts, like, cheating on you in Holiday Inns and you just out fucking like, yo, what's your name, little lady? I think you just predicted my future. I think there's a future of many, dude. Yeah. It's my favorite place to eat breakfast, and you're really pretty. Fuck.
Fuck I'm hard as hell Celebrate my 63rd birthday by myself. I'm rock fucking hard enough jacked Check out my wife's tits Dude, apparently there was a juice. It's like a weird thing to hear about I saw it on Twitter, but there was a Bridgerton convention. You know the show Bridgerton. Yeah, it's like porno for ladies It's just like the English society and it's just literally just sex scenes the entire time I think you might have fought for us. We were sitting next to a lady on a plane. She was sitting between us just watching
watching Bridgerton and just like the sex scenes I just want to play it was crazy insane but dude there was a you know what I'm talking about dude this shit is the funniest a bunch of ladies cosplayed as Bridgerton they got scammed by this dude who when they went in there all their wait what
Dude, this made me laugh so hard. It was a bunch of big fat ladies just laughing. To go to what they thought was like a Bridgerton-inspired classy ball. And for some reason, they'll be dancing there. So they put like a bullshit buffet that ran out. And then there was a pole dancer somewhere. Yeah, true. True. Unc's back there, though. There's one Unc.
Oh, there's a British in Hong Kong. He just had to clean it up. Oh, dude. But they hired a pole dancer for some reason, so in the corner there was just a stripper lady dancing on a pole. It was crazy, man. It was a whole, like, Twitter thread about it. It made me laugh so fucking hard to see a bunch of ladies show up and be like, this stinks. I thought that...
i was just gonna say i guarantee the next one is going to be dude heavy because words going to get out that this was like like just fat who were just like trying to cosplay and and next time it's going to be like 10 women and a thousand dudes a bunch of just a bunch of alts dressed up yep with coattails just gentlemen dude like milady milady would you like to have this dude that would be going home pulling someone from the bridgerton ball
And just, I mean, dude, look at that, bro. Having to hike up that giant dress. They thought, dude, that was for real. That's like a girl brain terrorist, dude. Throw the Bridgerton ball for $300 and just have like the worst buffet. And just a pole dancer for no reason. A lady pole dancer? Yes, it was a lady pole dancer. But it's like, I feel like women are dressed up for the Bridgerton ball. They don't need to see a lady like in a bikini kind of doing pole dancing. She wasn't like in blooms? Like those big blooms? No, dude, no. Yeah.
No, she was just fucking, just a lady, just like a modern day pole dancer. Scantily clad. I'm going to see if I can find the fucking thing. I won't find it. It was on Twitter. It made me laugh. I just, that made my morning, man. That is nice. Yeah, dude, that was, I wish, I hope we can pull it up. That shit made me laugh. There we go. Yeah, the food was raw. Shit. Oh, the view was probably all over it. Yeah.
Yeah, that's the best picture. That's the funny, the lady who just gave up on standing. The lady who sat on the floor. It was like a hotel conference. And she's sitting like she slid down the wall, like she did slowly. Nah, it was just ladies, dude. Ladies at the Bridgerton event and like a holiday inn. There's the pole dancer, yeah.
My man in the corner just taking it in. Yeah, they said a fucking pole dancer. Yo, ladies beware. Scammer. You're at the Bridgerton Ball. It'll be you and a bunch of other very lonely ladies. Yeah, man, that's just absolutely criminal. Poor ladies. Yeah, dude, that's... That does not look safe.
No, it doesn't actually. That's the thing. The guy who put it, they showed the promoter. It was like a club promoter who put it together. Beast. Such an animal. Trickster. I mean, he must have made, he probably made like 20 grand. Trickster. With like no overhead. That guy is such a vibe, though. He's security. True. He's making sure nobody puts their hands on the merchandise. Yeah, that's security. But yeah, there's a young tutor right there. Yeah, he looks like Barron.
True. You're right. The next Bridgerton ball. Someone's going to throw one. It's going to be so nice. Why is Will Smith trending? Why is he trending? It's trending in sports, too. That's never good. I don't know. I don't give a fuck. Probably something with Diddy. Oh, no, dude. Okay, they're accusing him of... Oh, this is what I was talking about with you the other day, Nate, how a lot of the Diddy allegations are purely criminal, but then some of them are just black dudes being like, Ayo, did you see that?
Yeah, true. I saw one that was like Diddy had his shirt off with so-and-so at the pool. I feel like that's totally horrible. You're supposed to rock the beater. This is you and the bro. One of y'all got to rock the beater. I mean, dude, there were probably, it was just he was having like wild sex parties. And it's like if you're in like that sphere of celebrity, like that level of celebrity, it's probably like, yeah, we can do whatever we want.
You come up and it's like, yeah, Diddy throws the coolest parties. There's probably like levels to it too. There's probably like the inner sanctum. And once you get into that, it's probably like, what the? Because they were all those guys were like all, did you see the video of them all like laying in a bed together? Dame Dash got in that and he had to come out and be like, I didn't do shit, dude. Aaliyah was in it. I think in that same picture. He dated Aaliyah. Dame Dash dated Aaliyah for a while. I think a lot. I think there was like a lot of how like Dame J.
R. Kelly. R. Kelly married her. She was young. She was 15. I don't know if she told R. Kelly she was 15. Because they did fake her on the marriage certificate. They said like 18. I saw that. But that doesn't mean he ain't. He ain't though. Yeah. No, that was. Yeah, Jay-Z is kind of. People are dying to get him fucking dragged down. They want it so bad. Yeah.
That would actually, I think that would like actually hurt my feelings. Just how much I fucked with Jay-Z as a kid. Like seeing him go down or something like this. Why do you think him and Beyonce had to do that DNC stuff?
Why would they do that? They're billionaires. I mean, do they really? Maybe they love the DNC or maybe they're into sexual blackmail. That's a theory on Oprah. It's like Oprah was all, Spud was saying, the Diddy stuff came out. Next thing you know, Oprah's at a DNC convention being like, we will prevail. Interviewing Kamala. Yeah, man. And they do sexual blackmail. That was the whole Epstein operation. Yeah. So you think that was the only one? It's possible, dude. It's possible. I wonder what Oprah was doing.
I don't know, dude. Who knows? Again, nothing anybody wanted to watch. Maybe nothing. Maybe nothing. But it's like, who knows, dude? You guys know how it gets. The one thing they were saying is... You guys know how the parties get. Is those things are like, you bring the celebs to lure in the politicians. That's what I... I did see that online.
Like you bring in the celebs, you get them coming, and you tell all the politicians, like, Diddy's going to be, you know, everybody. And then they show up. Celebs leave early, but the politicians are chasing the dragon. Yeah. That's how you say that. That's how the move works. That's what I'm going to tell myself. It's possible, dude.
You never know. It's Hov. We'll see. That would be a devastation for the black community if Hov gets locked up on some Epstein stuff. Yeah. Although, I know so many black people are like, yeah, dude, he worships the devil. He's in an Illuminati. It's fun to say. He's a sacrifice. Yeah, true. It's fun to say. But it's true. You're like, oh, shit.
True. I think the barbershop will be silent just for like two days. No, the barbershop's going to go nuts. Haircuts are going to take two hours because your barber's going to keep stopping to say his little point. Dude, the barbershop's probably crazy right now. Yeah, it's definitely crazy. I got my hair cut this morning. They were talking about the day. Really? Yeah. Can I come?
I mean, my barber, there's no barber in Austin that I've come across as a black barber shop. They all have black barbers. It's like Mexicans, but like I have a black barber, but it's like, it's not a black barber shop. Yeah, yeah. There's not enough of us down here. Too much soccer talk in the barber shop? Yeah. No, they were going nuts. There's this one boy in my barber shop, he goes nuts on conspiracies every time I'm there. That's like his, that must be his whole day is just talking everyone in the shop's ear off.
Conspiracies. I got to go and start introducing some white conspiracies to the barbershop. They're in there. They are. At least here.
You got to go back. You got to go to Houston. Yeah, true. I might travel to H-Town just for a black barbershop. I've had like two black barbershop experiences. One was great. The other one was not so great. What happened? I do the one. It was like somebody, someone I knew brought me to a barbershop in like in West Philly. They're like, nah, dude, come when I was like selling pills or like, dude, it was like my connect basically. He's like, bro, we'll go to the barbershop now. It was kind of chill. He was like, there was one time I just went to one because I like,
The place I was trying to go was closed. And I went in. It was just like dudes chopping it up, having the barbershop experience. And I was like, guys, I hate to break this up. I really need a haircut. I'm about to go to the beach. Can we just do this real quick? I don't want to ruin the vibe here. Just shake me up. And the dude was just like, yeah, yeah. And he literally fucked my... The haircut was so good that he just butchered this one side. I think he might have fucking like, get the hell out of here.
Like, don't come back. Yeah, I was just like, dude, just want a haircut. Am I trying to get in here and kind of horn in on the black barbershop experience? It's just, my hair cutter is closed right now. I have to go to the beach. Can we just please strike a deal right now? To go to a barbershop like the hair cutter is closed right now? I had to get in here? It's so funny. The white barbershop experience is you to just get yapped at by a divorced lady for like an hour. It's like, yeah, oh man. Oh, that's a picture of your daughter. Wow, she's beautiful. Thanks. Can we please get the fuck out of here?
And they were having a good, lively time, and I walked in, and I was like, hey. It was on probation. I got to go to the beach with my friends, guys. Please give me a nice buzz. Can you line me up? Give me a buzz, please. But either way, well, dudes, I think we made it a fucking hour. Yeah, we did. So what's next? What do you guys have to do? Nothing. Yeah, nothing. Going to Vegas, Sin City, baby. True that. Skunk fest.
Well, if you guys feel like it, go to mattmccusker.com for tickets. I'll be in... Where am I going to be? Oh, dude, the New York Comedy Festival, guys. Quit fucking playing around. I'll be at Town Hall.
let me see. Let me see. Let me see. When am I going to be at town hall? Oh my God. There it is. 11, 16, 2024, 11, 15, 2024. I'll be in capital one hall in Tyson's Virginia. And then October 24th, Milwaukee improv. I'll be at the Wilbur in Boston. Let's go. There's a late show. There's a couple of spots left. You can get them. That's 10, 18 and then 10, 10, October 10th, hilarities, comedy club, Cleveland, Ohio. And I have a bunch of other dates coming up to round out the year. And then I'm going to film a special and,
take off from touring for maybe six months to a year to come up with a new hour of stand-up comedy. That'll be awesome. Yeah, so it'll be very fun. You know where you're taping it? I have no idea yet. New hour is fantastic. Thank you, guys. So excited. It's been fun. I'm excited to tape it and be done flying every week. Very nice. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you. God bless you. Love you.