Ep 515 - Lol @ The Unc (feat. Billy)
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Fire it up, dude. Guess who just got back today?

yeah baby i'm gonna do my best not to get fired up why that's white noise that's white noise i'm trying so hard dude he kind of blew it there i don't see just did it whatever i mean your texas dude your turn in texas blue no no no dude i thought it was gonna be no contest he fell for all of her traps stevie get over here yeah he

He fell right into everything she was doing and like she would contradict her. And I get it. Obviously, look, man in the arena. Obviously, I get it. But it's like his three on one, bro. It was crazy. She admitted that COVID came from China. That was like a whole thing against Trump. I only caught the end. I only caught the end. I didn't see the last. You saw the wheels were off at that point.

Exactly. He had her in the first half and then she didn't. I mean, I'm like a rape victim. Listen to her. I disassociate. I'm like out of my body. Once I hear a girl like, let me explain something. I'm just like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is the worst shit in the world. Just say you're a PTSD, dude. You don't need to use that. I can't stand that shit, bro. You're a male. You should specify. Same old thing. You're a man on man. You feel like a man on man rape. You should specify. You feel like a man on man rape. Yeah. Yeah. The only the only part that I'll admit I got triggered.

I'm not above getting triggered. I got triggered the whole time. I got triggered by the libs, dude. I got triggered when she was like, he's so divisive. Are,

Oh, dude. Can you just be done with the racial stuff? No, but I'm saying it's like the Dems being like, you guys are obsessed with race. Yeah. It is crazy. Yeah, you guys literally started Black Lives Matter, you freaks. Dude, I was literally... I knew this is exactly what I wanted to do. When that happened, when that happened, I was literally gripping my sheets in bed being like, are you fucking serious right now? We've all become our fathers. Yeah. I know.

I used to watch my dad watch Obama do the State of the Union and be like, fucking bullshit. Bullshit. Ever better off than ever? And I'd watch him. I'd be like, you fucking dumbass. What do you care? Now I'm doing, I'm the same guy. No, that was egregious. I mean, for sure. But that was egregious last night. That was crazy. And then she'd be like, let's just all like pump each other up. And the next sentence, she was like, he's such a fucking piece of shit. She was like, all he does is name call. And then they're like, he's literally a threat to democracy. We need to destroy him. He is the devil. Yeah.

like i'm here for you it's like dude you gave people the maximum sentence for weed you're a bad person no she was a prosecutor for the ps all she cared about was the people she's like even dick cheney we have the great dick cheney on our side it's like is anyone listening to this goldman sachs and dick cheney promote me it's like yeah that's the worst fucking ad you could possibly run for yourself

Whatever. Look, we got that out of our system. I'm pissed off. Obviously, 20,000 Haitians in a small town in Springfield, Ohio is crazy. It's a bad idea. That's crazy. And then, dude, that shit's real. All right, we'll start soon. We'll start soon. Let's just get it out. That shit's real.

No shit is real. And she did want gender-affirming care for illegal immigrants. Yes, and she wanted to take guns, which she said she didn't. The other thing that pissed me off was they were fact-checking. Hold on. Can we start right now? Let's start over. Can we please start with gender-affirming care? Gender-affirming care for illegal immigrants is so fucking crazy. Give it a chance to a fucking Juan or something. When he brought it up, people are laughing at him. Yeah.

They're like, what a fucking idiot. It's like, no, that's real. They invert the truth. Imagine being a very stoic Mexican man, dude. You're like 5'5". Dude, I've seen one before. Stoic as hell. And you get into this country thinking you're going to live your dreams. And they take you in the room and say, bro, you're getting tits. You don't think the lads... Some of those lads would be like, you know what I'm saying? When I used to go to the dump, I saw that shit.

There was one Mexican dude with monster tits. And they would unload the truck next to me. You saw Kamala's Frankenstein? Literally. I'm not kidding. There's one. You saw Kamala's work? There's one that transitioned. Dude, it was wild. I would look over and look at the rest of Mexico. He was at a trash dump. He was at a trash dump, yeah.

like just bolt-ons like not even trying to get like natural looking tits they were just fucking fake you saw you saw one of kamala's abominations yes yes one of her misfit toys hold on dude they probably did it for a fucking commercial like look we're gonna give you tits we'll give you 25 000 no i'm saying for like a kamala commercial they probably went up to some mexican we're like we'll give you tits we'll give you 50 grand cash it's probably just a

he was one of those viral videos where he holds up a cardboard sign with like something mean somebody said yeah he's a good trash dump just be like fun of my tits just drop the card and huge double d's behind him it was great they were powerful tits i saw him like god damn bro

Well, I'm done. That was shit. Find me up. I can't hide who I am, dude. It got me. It's going to annoy you. I tried to fight it. Any chick fucking screaming at you is going to annoy you. It was dispiriting for sure to watch that. I was like, oh, shit, it's on. I turn it on. I'm like, he's about to be crushing her, and I'm watching him just like.

I knew he wouldn't. I knew going into it, he wasn't going to crush her. She clearly practiced speeches that she gave throughout the thing. They knew exactly what he was going to bring up. You don't know about the earring. What earring? Oh, she had a microphone? She had an earring. I mean, there's ads for the same exact earring. That is a microphone in your ear, but it's an earring.

You can look at the fuck up, dude. I swear to God. I assume she has. I mean, dude, they can. She can get a little implant, an undetectable ear. Biden had one on the last one. Damn, dude, he probably had fucking like five, dude. He probably was fucking out of his body. He might have had a dude in a mocap suit, like in the basement of the White House. So I looked at the news. No, Kamala Harris wasn't wearing one of those earpieces. Yeah. All right. I'm debunked, I guess. Debunked.

Also, dude, they're fact-checking Trump in real time all day long. And Kamala brought that dumb shit with fine people on both sides. And even Snopes says that's misleading. Trump didn't just say there's fine people on both sides talking about fucking racists and tiki torch boys. Hold on, though. Before we go, you can't claim earpiece. That's conceding a loss.

You can't claim audio earpiece. Why? Because it looks like you have sour grapes. I'm not sour grapes. I know, but it just looks like if you're like, well, the reason she wanted shit. I don't think she wants. Well, then don't talk about the earpiece. All right, I'll shut up. I'm just saying. Let me coach you. She's cheating. She's got the next one. Her and Michigan are in the same fucking boat. Yo, dude. Oh, my God. I fucking forgot. I saw that. What the fuck happened to you?

We're looking good this year and we got taken out by NIU, bro. Did you cry? No, but I had a show that night in Atlanta and Notre Dame lost to Northern Illinois at home this week. And worst loss in, I mean, program history. It's up there. It's one of the worst. What was it for? It's up there.

They lost by two. They lost by a field goal. Hey, fucking Northern Illinois. Northern Illinois, bro. The Huskies. That's...

a Mac school that came into South Bend and beat Notre Dame in the home opener. It's I mean, it's a program crushing felt good for the coach dude was fucking crying like it was nice. Yeah, he's real pompous guys. But I had a show that night and I just leave as soon as the game ended. I literally sat on the edge of my hotel, help my hotel bed dressed, waiting to go to the show. The car was downstairs. I was like, Hold on, I'm not leaving yet. I gotta watch this game.

Field goal goes in. I go, all right, fine. Let's go to the show. I had to get into arena. My lady was with me. My lady was with me and I had to pretend I wasn't, I was trying so hard not to spaz. Yeah. I was gazing off. I was fucking, I was dead silent. It was like I had a 45 minute drive to the arena. I was silent the entire ride. I sat shotgun in the car. Yeah.

I saw that. I wanted to text you. I was like, God damn, that's fucking insane. I haven't played NCAA since. College football is dead to me right now. Why not us? Why can't we get one? And then we get one against Texas A&M. And what do I get? Northern Illinois next week.

That sucks so bad. I was talking shit to people after the A&M win. Were you actually? Yeah, I was going, yeah, you guys said Notre Dame sucked. Suck my dick, dude. Pretty good this year. Suck my dick. That might be good for their season, though. That might be one of those things. Could it be worse for their season? I hear you. No offense.

This is a nice girlfriend take you're giving me. No offense. I know you're just being a supportive friend. I know you're being supportive. This could set the program back five years.

Which literally could mean my dad never gets to see a championship. One L? This type of loss. You should just start. You should group tax all of them. You're going to have to fire the entire thing. Everything has to start over. Oh, God. I thought they could all bond together under like a deep personal low point. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Florida Gators did that. Deep inside, I believe that is what's going to happen. I hear you. Deep inside, I think we're going undefeated.

you think about the nuts and bolts of the regime it was uh it was a disastrous loss it affected my my mood on saturday in the show i had to address it pretty early in the show i say guys i and they're all georgia fans so they're all going damn the whole arena was barking at me you're a bit of a mother hand bro what do you mean the dogs are just kind of gravitating towards you maybe i am i never see your soft side what i never see it what are you talking about

he's a lover of animals dude so he's a lover of animals and all creatures princess of a yeah especially you bro they're talking about killing the cats what would you do if a haitian got tibble

I'd be. Who's killing the cats? The Haitians. Some of the Haitians killed the cat. But it wasn't a Haitian that ate that cat. That lady? Yeah, it was just a lady on fucking basalt. Yeah, I was dying. The fucking one girl was like, that's not a Haitian. That's just a black lady. We don't care about race. It's like, that's technically not that type of black person.

well yeah she was saying it was uh yeah i mean well right now there was i watched a video on aurora colorado and the guy was trying to prove they were like venezuelan gang members and most people were like gee the gangs and then one guy came out was like man it's not fucking gangs everyone they've been people been shooting here forever he thinks that he's like they're definitely being bussed in here but

but he's like he's like there's more going on than we can ever put together it's like yeah dude nice yeah yeah it's a government coup yeah he's like yeah i think there's something else is that something else is at play here it's like nice can't get you can't get lost in the weeds i don't know overall disastrous stretch of days for me that's tough yeah are you sober yeah how many days don't worry about it two no one day is it wednesday wednesday this is day four let's go

You're glowing, bro. I hate it. I'm getting drunk. When? Soon. How's it been leaving like a five-day stretch and then hitting like a hangover? Because I guess you have like the clarity to juxtapose. Yeah. How's that been? Same as it ever was. I mean, it's way easier to take five days off and get a hangover than drink for five days and get a hangover on the 5th.

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's a significantly better experience. Yeah, true. That makes sense. Are you pissed? I didn't take a little tune. She is fucking the Super Bowl. Kendrick and fucking say in the dirty South. That's fine. Do you know about that? No. What? Fucking I think the Super Bowls in St. Louis this year. What's that? New Orleans, New Orleans, Louisiana. Yeah. And they could have got fucking to cheat, but they didn't. They pick Kendrick.

Bird man's pissed Kendrick Lamar's doing halftime. Is he really gonna call Drake a pedophile in front of the entire world? Yeah Birdman stun is pissed Birdman just tweeted. This is some hate and shit for real It is some hate and shit dude, and then I watched a little Wayne perform at WrestleMania and it was free

mania is a tough crowd for a rap concert yeah biscuit rocked wrestlemania did he play yeah i think he did the undertaker's intro dude i had a dream where i was sniping people and every time i had a headshot the undertaker intro started playing all right it's pretty sick it's all i got that's all i got this week hold on this dog whizzing no limp biscuit played

keep on rolling baby and uh undertaker rode a motorcycle down the ramp at mania i mean dude you can't really beat that it's as good as it gets that does fuck me up because that's like where i started off with what is cool like my whole entire foundation of what is cool is wrestling so for a long time i would just stone cold stunner my cousins be like i'm the coolest guy on the planet this is what you do to everyone

pulling off a stunner is pretty satisfying it's really dangerous it got so bad to a point where i i came home from the mountains one weekend and i called i like went over and knocked up for frank's like yo let's go play outside and he knew it was coming he's like dude i know you're gonna stun me i swear to god i'm not i started him in the front yard did you kick him in the stomach yeah dude it's a stone cold stunner

He's my fucking hero, bro. He knew it was coming. Dude, to have the retard cousin walk over your house and knock on the door and be like, he's going to fucking stunner me. Mary just reminded me what I did to her when I was like fucking three. What the fuck are those socks? No show, so it doesn't stink. What is it? I'm wearing fucking low profile socks. Let him get a profile of the side on that. Oh, I see. Shut aside, brother.

i know you're talking about like little ballerina slippers yeah i'm like sketch bro so what happened what did you do to our cousin when you were three oh she i was like uh doing something to frank at the swing set and she's like billy stop and i literally just looked at her i go you're a fucking bitch and i ran home and she told aunt marcia and then i got my mouth washed out of soap i was like i remember getting my mouth washed after so it's like fucking three or four he's like fuck you bitch

I had a baseball bat and blew my uncle's headlight out for no reason. Billy went on a spree. I saw you walking around with that thing, and I was like, what the fuck? And I was like, whatever. And then you hit our dog. They wouldn't let me skate. Well, you hit our dog in the stomach. We had an elder dog. I don't remember that. He was a tiny, tiny. Billy was very, very little. Didn't know what was going on. I think you broke Uncle Jack's tail late. And then you hit our dog was dying. You hit it in the stomach, and it just pissed everywhere. I don't remember. Wait.

I was watching fucking wrestling. I was watching wrestling. Just gut. I mean, I should, he was, he was, wasn't even like of a conscious age. That's why I was just kind of like, where are you going with that bet? It's like fucking Hitler in art school, dude. They wouldn't let me skate. You should just let the man into art school. If you would have let me skate, I wouldn't do this shit. They would have skateboard competitions and not let me skate.

You were too young. Dude, you couldn't skate yet. You would have gotten hurt. You could have gotten hurt. I don't care. I would still go hard. No, you were trying to skip the normal process of things. You had to practice wrestling moves for so many years. Then you could skate. Yes, you have to practice. Yeah, you have to do wrestling for several years. And dude, you weren't really a big skateboarder from what I remember.

Some guys go straight from wrestling moves to football. I did. Yeah, that's a good progression Skaters a fucking deadly thing to put in the mix skaters that can fuck like all Navy SEALs are skaters or football It's one of the other skaters or football snow surfer types pretty much like Wes Watson skater snorkel snowboarder from Dago Why do you have to make fun of me

You yeah, why so your socks and very caught me off guard honestly inferring that something I thought you were wearing your lady socks. Nah, these are just they just caught me off guard That's all you know, I didn't mean to make funny. I'm sorry. Oh, he's sorry They're low profile. They're low profile socks. You wear the good with like loafers and stuff. Yeah, my tea is high right now Is it for I've been playing Warhammer space Warhammer Space Marine - dude Reggie's out. Oh

Bro, don't distract from the warhammer discussion. Yeah, I'm sorry. What is that? Is that like some like rocks war warcraft shit? No, this one's uh, this one's like Gears of War Oh Gears Wars was sick like a new Gears of War all around me are familiar faces That's the greatest commercial for a fucking video game ever. It was so no Xbox 360 came out Oh my god. Do you remember that Matt?

No, so this isn't like goblins and stuff. This is no there are goblins, but I'm not controlling the goblins I'm controlling one guy. I'm controlling the Space Marine named Titus and right now we're fighting the tyranids We're trying to we gotta get rid of the tyranids. Did you get the ps5? Leave my reality engaging like a fucking space battle with aliens right now. It'd be awesome You can do it get a ps5. It just came out. Oh

Know dude, I just I myself I will walk with this game, dude I know I would in the future war and the humans have resorted to like religion. It's pretty sick. Awesome. That's fine. That's awesome Yeah, we're gonna enter a period of just well, it's pure war now. We have just we just have war I was just talking to this last night with spade. Yeah, it was somehow 1984 the book There's a war that just always going on and no one knows who they are, but they're just always happening. Yeah, I

it's currently russian the ukraine and also there's a fucking screen that you scream at for five minutes every day yes debate stage it's pretty good yeah he kind of nailed it orwell did nail it he's a good socialist boy though was he did not know that yeah comrade he did hate communism though he wrote animal farm yeah i heard about that book just a good socialist boy

i who was it that didn't know it was about communism me was it you i don't know i was just listening that was like animal farms good i was like yeah it's about something they're like what they thought it was like you thought it was just a story about animals

That makes sense. If you read that, like, in high school, you don't know. I mean, I wouldn't have known about, like, communism. Yeah, but in high school, they would have absolutely told you this is about Russian communism. Fair enough. Otherwise, the book's gibberish without that. Yeah, true. I honestly, I didn't know until, because I, like, skipped that one in high school. I was like, I'm not reading this fucking bullshit. And then I never knew about that. It's like 80 pages. You could have crushed that and been like, I just nailed it.

That's kind of nice. I got three under my belt, I think, all the time. Kabalion being one of them. Three total books? Oh, yeah. Feast. Fucking, I just lose it. I'll start reading it, same page over and over again, same line over and over again, then just start daydreaming. Maybe you'll break through once you hemisync. I know, I'm going to try. I'm going down to Virginia for six days. Oh, I can't wait. By myself. For what? The Monroe Institute.

The it's a guy that Lucy dream and uh, I want to bet I want to beat sleeper houses. That's my only thing dude I get it a lot. Well, that makes sense And then also spade was like dude, you should try this you fucking dream and stuff like that So I'm gonna go and say if it actually works or not. That would be awesome, man. That'll be Getting there some fucking driving motherfucker. It's every six year. Yeah. Yeah, hauling ass Just got my hinges fixed where in Virginia? I don't know

Think it's a near Maryland closer to Maryland. You think they're gonna fucking telepathically tell you how to get there Well, the CIA fucking is involved in it. So I'm a little weirded out by that. Oh, you're CIA boy now. No, no, no They want you to sabotage us. Why would I try to sabotage? He's a plant, dude. You think I'm fucking you're right What's that guy Ray from January 6 Ray Epps? Let's go in the Capitol

there's guys in solitary confinement and that dude just didn't go to jail we're back we're back he went on oprah like i can't believe i'm getting death threats like dude how are you not in solitary they also gave everyone from january 6 re-education courses and it's it tells them that trump is a threat to democracy you have to go through a legitimate re-education course in order to like continue your rehabilitation

Where were they? Where did they store them in women's prison? Sounds like some girl shit. What? I'm kidding. That's crazy how you go to a Trump is bad class. Yeah. Dude, you know the Proud Boys like started in Port Richmond? Yeah, I did hear that actually. That's weird as shit. You never know. I mean, it's not that weird, but I do. When I found out, I was like, damn, that was like...

Have you been to Port Richmond? Yeah, I met dudes from Port Richmond. It kind of checks out. Yeah, it's the Polish capital of Philadelphia. Yeah. Yeah, it's all Polish. It's all Polish dudes, man. The proud people looking pissed off. Dude, Polish white trash is like another, it's like kind of weird looking. Yeah.

There's those boys. You spy those boys and you go, oh, fuck. It's like dudes just stand outside and they don't think all day. You can tell. You can visually see the difference. It's like when you see an African and an African-American. Yes. You see a Polack and a white dude. You're like, that guy's from somewhere else. Yeah. He's not of this world. I didn't know there was a nice Polack. I like Polack. Oh, yeah. There's good fucking restaurants and shit up there. Kielbasa, pierogies, you name it.

Pollack's rule. You can get some good kielbasa up there. You know I like it. You like kielbasa? Yeah, bro. My girlfriend's dad gets fucking cheese stuffed hot dogs, bro.

Those are good as fuck. That's the last time you crushed your dad. This is podcasting 101. Playing down, going, my girlfriend's dad gets cheese stuffed hot dogs. And the spicy kielbasa's with jalapenos in them. I can't believe you guys just brushed past Warhammer. Fuck Warhammer. We're getting back to that. Space Marines 2, you're going to say that's... I don't know. Is that part of Warhammer? Trust me, daddy. I mean, I think you're just pumping it up because you can't stop against the AA. Right.

And still is dead to me. Come on. It was actually the best I'm about to download men because the birds are all right. Fuck dude. It's gonna let you down I watched that shit last weekend. I was like dude everyone's Fucking hurts if you just would like care about the team. It's the same thing every year don't It's the same fucking and I have some Jay Brown decision fucking diva if you just do we win the Super Bowl

Every fucking year I hear this shit. Quick question. With these cheese-filled hot dogs, is there a way you can, like, squeeze them with a cheese squirt? Yeah. No, no, it's got to cook them. Is it American white cheese? No. Is it white cheese that spurts out of the wiener? Canadian yellow sperm. When's the last time you crushed a dog, dude?

baseball game a couple months ago. Wow, dude, the Wawa hot dogs that are the big ass ones. Game O'Connor had nine hot dogs before the national anthem. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I need to be talking to. Cheese stuffed hot dogs are gooder than a mug. They are. They are the best. My family got it like once.

I spent maybe some crust maybe six years being like can we get? It was one time No one has ate stuffed crust more than one time you get stuff for us once then you never get it again If you're eating stuff crust every fucking week for pizza night your fucking mom's on drugs But if you get true, but as a young man you get that sweet cheese dog. Okay?

Oh, yeah. Can we get the cheese? Put cheese on the motherfuckers. Every time we go to the Giant, I go, can we get the cheese with dogs? Yeah. Yeah, sure, Shane. What color? What was the reasoning for not getting you the cheese dogs again? I think anything I suggested was completely out of mind within 10 seconds. Did you ever slip something into the cart?

I was my mother I usually left immediately well when I went with my mom grocery shopping or shopping I would go by myself to like the magazine section magazine I was pumped on there's an ad with

Spike Lee on the he was selling Nikes and on the back. He was like something about these damn shoes I saw the word damn and I was like, holy fuck. That's how you spell it. Yeah, this changes everything I did the same shit with real world and lesbian there is on the real world There's a girl with a shirt lesbian That's when I was a Google Image demon and I fucking saw that was like lesbian lesbian ran upstairs Google search lesbian. I was like yo, what the fuck? These things kiss each other

Big boobs is a constant Google search nothing big boobs did nothing either big boobs come up anymore. Hell. Yeah, bro Big boobs to literally nothing couldn't even jerk off. I just looked at it Big boo first ever porn site was big sex calm. It was a pop out big sex calm That's a nice poor name. I know I fucking I should buy the domain don't google big boobs Let me see it first thing that comes up is a gremlin. Oh man. Why have they taken big boobs from us cuz dude, I

Now what comes up when you do that? Yeah, huge tits, dude. What comes up is Martina's big plans to have the world's largest boobs. I see that. Is she rocking? Okay, never mind. I thought for a second I thought she was Trumpet. She's one of Justin's many disguises. Yeah, my fucking all my Google search was just different adjectives and boobs.

yeah this is bill this is pretty do you love them this stuffed up i'm looking at like the world's biggest no no no i was in like third grade i just knew boobs existed they would try to get me to look at i'll tell you what big boobs holds up if you google it oh yeah yeah if you scroll down here's that guy the trash dump you were talking about earlier that was what we're talking about it was like a stocky mexican from like honduras with just c's

It was wild. I looked at the dude. Why did you do that? Yeah. Freaking me out. I mean, dude, I imagine he's, it was like, I'm just touching your dog's piss. They pee? Yeah, definitely. Fucker. You're supposed to be watching that. Was it on the fucking, on this? Yeah. Fuck yes. It's washable. Plan works. Well, it's not. I'm going to have to go wash my hands. True. Take a break. We'll be McCusker brothers. Chat it up. All right. I got to get the fucking cleaner. God damn it.

Dang it. Hello, everybody. Sorry for the interruption. This is Sean Gardini. I'm in Tempe, Arizona right now, and I just wanted to remind you. Well, first, I wanted to thank you if you came to Tempe, Arizona. And secondly, I wanted to remind you that I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah this weekend at Wise Guys Comedy Club. I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah September 13th and 14th. Please come. I'm going there tomorrow. I'll be with our dear friend Aiden McCluskey.

Salt Lake City, Utah, Wise Guys Comedy Club. Link for tickets is below. Thank you. God bless you. Please come. I'm going to come. Also, our dear friend Matt McCusker will be in Providence, Rhode Island tonight throughout the weekend at the Comedy Connection. Matt McCusker will be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island, September 12th through September 14th.

Link for tickets is below. Please go see him. He'll also be in Cleveland October 10th through the 12th, the Wilbur in Boston on October 18th, the Milwaukee Improv on October 24th through the 26th, in Capital One Hall, Tysons, Virginia on November 15th, and Town Hall in New York on November 16th.

And I'll be there with him. So go to mattmccusker.com for tickets. But go see him in Providence, Rhode Island tonight through Saturday. Matt McCusker, our dear friend. mattmccusker.com, mattmccusker.com, mattmccusker.com. Also go see Shane Gillis everywhere at shanemgillis.com in Canada soon.

And the Wells Fargo Center. Go see our dear friend Shane M. Gillis. ShaneMGillis.com. Link for tickets is in the description and in the comments. Thank you very much. God bless you. Now let's get back to the show. All right, everyone, tell your deepest secrets. Oh, shit. That was a fucking sweet shit we did in grade school. Sleepovers. Yeah, who do you like was nice. Yeah, for real. Who do you like was nice?

Told someone I would touch an electric fence if they told me they told me I was like damn I don't think you're gonna tell me whatever having that dude said he's gonna eat shit if ssfsu does if it's you know, I mean fucking loses Warhammer right now. Yeah, I'm telling you you guys are gonna Matt you would love I gave my fucking eyes know I would love it Who'd you give it to Mexican?

Some day you might have saw I think he might have sold it for a pair of knockers I was doing my kitchen and fucking took everything out My first words like to just give this to your name your brother came a brand new Xbox can't I mean if I had that I am fucking fucked new Call of Duty coming to a duty. Yeah, I Don't do it cuz I'm just chasing a dragon. There's nothing better on this planet than Call of Duty during kovat. I

It was the greatest shit ever. Nothing will ever come close to it. It was the most fun. Remember when we would go in there? Yes. I can get in people's heads so good in Call of Duty and fuck with them. It's fucking amazing. Even if I'm losing, I can still make people lose fucking frame. Really? It's a very good fucking...

I'm good with shit talking. I'm not that good at duty. So I'll be like a fucking pretty good 10 to 50 KD. And like, dude, you fucking suck. And then the people just spaz, they're probably autistic. So,

Yeah, maybe I'm not that great at getting into people. I got good I was getting good you can get you do when you play it for a long time you go to sleep like Going around corners in your fucking head. I couldn't imagine having PTSD like a soldier I Play Call Duty. I'm like, whoa fuck I wake up real quick. They could up shooting something Yeah, do that shit in real life has to body or play duty long enough and you walk outside and you check rooftops. Yeah Absolutely terrible going live would be insane. I

i mean what else is going on no name loss trump loss more rules i was trying to pull up a sick ass clip i i thought you guys would enjoy this but i might like spaz and my thing went on hold on let me see i wanted i wanted the new apple shit's weird it was pretty smart it gave you your heal you why don't you um maybe that's a bigger gift i don't know about eating it your body is a miraculous thing yes so i would think it's by design hey

I'm picking out the toxins that I brought in. Why would now that go back in? And if the case were true, why wouldn't it be longer so we can just drink it out of the hose? That's a great question. Because maybe you shouldn't be drinking your, it's meant to go away. Yes. I entertain that philosophy and that reason, right? That's good reason. However, that reason has been trumped by me enjoying drinking. You just enjoy it.

Like I enjoy a beer sometimes on a hot day. I like the energetics of it. So you feel different. Correct. Don't you think? You're in therapy. It's no joke. The music is so... I couldn't hear the music. Yeah, it was too low. All we got was the...

My bad. I liked the, I liked the, but that's been trumped by the fact that I like drinking my own piss. Well, that's good reason. Oh, good, good. Yes. Flatter. Dave fucking talks about this a lot. You're in therapy and how he like rubs it on his face and there's plasma in it. So like if you piss, you have to let the beginning stream out. That's all the toxins. And then you get the fucking midstream. And at the very end, you let it go back in the toilet and then you can use that for skincare or,

drinking it if you want if you want to make a nice drink your own piss and rub it all over yourself yes that's what he does i've now i haven't got into urine therapy me and spade just listened to the whole thing on the guy who was doing dry fast and drinking his own piss

So that guy's going to die very, very soon. He's a beast. He does fucking extended DMT sessions with like John Hopkins. So he does DMT for like 30 minutes. It's fucking crazy. The intravenous DMT shit. Just the absurd dude. Wait, the dry. Yeah. He's first of all, if you want to, you want to see a guy on a dry fast ripping DMT, go to the Beezer's house. He's been staying with me a lot. I've seen him drink like three sodas. No water.

He's a no water man. Yeah, he must have solid piss. That shit has to come out like fucking slime.

yeah or that orange stuff that neon orange p that stuff you ever see someone who like is really really not really taking like care of themselves at all it's always like bright orange you're like dude yeah i've worked with guys and they need a bottle yeah oh god the fuck is that they're like what like your piss is orange dude they're like yeah what chug of water right now yeah chug five yeah i like how those guys got to that point where they're having like a serious sit down they're like

If you drink your pee, why don't you eat your poop? And he's like, come on, man, that'll be fucking ridiculous. They've intellectualized themselves all the way back to fucking second grade. Yeah. If you drink pee, why don't you eat poop? Whoa. He's like, well, they're playing who wants to be a millionaire music behind it. It's like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

God would have made our dicks longer so we could drink right out of them like a hose. And he's like, yeah, fucking Instagram will make you want to put down a podcasting microphone for the rest of your life. You see the people that rip shorts on there. You're just like, dude, what am I doing? Yeah, this is what I am. I got some good. I got the you see the ASU kids. Yes. They ruled. It's crazy. Dude, who's the best frat on ASU campus? Probably SIGCHI, but I don't know.

They're going to get a hold of this. Shout out to those boys. Keep it up, dude. They're youngsters, too. The youngsters, every comment is like sending hate from Indiana. Keep it up. Fucking that is...

They have some perseverance cuz they just fucking blow through that. I see a bad comment I do what the I was watching it the kid the one guy the would the best the best guest on there is the DJ kid with the spiked hair Yes, who's like he looks like he's in verb By the way, I love that he immediately that's the one clip I saw he was like you get so many negative comments How do you keep how do you keep going? It's like bro, you get negative comments, too. Don't put it on the bro

Then he was like no, I honestly don't care. I was watching I was like, yeah, right. Yeah, there's no way 21 years old if everyone was like dude, you're a fucking loser fucking stop doing this I bet what the fuck now is you bought rules? There's another one where it's like high school kids gardenia always sends me I forget what it's called though. I gotta check When's the last time you've been to church

yeah they're little podlings dude they gotta grow i enjoy it dude i i'm trying to get off the net though for real you're you're pretty online be the most online i know i'm literally saying hey guys i need help all right i can help i need some detox

I'm going to the fucking Monroe Center for six days. I'm just going to put my phone in a fucking drawer. You're going to be in that little unit, franking your hog on your phone, dude. CIA guys are going to be watching you jack off to this weird porn. Literally would never. I asked for help and this is what I got. The lights are going to come on loudly. And you're going to be in a room, the bright lights, glass window where people are studying you. We're going to have to ask you to leave.

Yeah, you've been injured for five minutes. You must be toys Send in the probe. No, I hope you I got kicked off my own reddit Why we got demodded me and spit. I have no idea. I don't go on the thing anymore. There's a queue There's some dude fucking took it over

Have it. He can have that shit. So I don't understand. Billy literally has fucking schizophrenia. This is what I've seen from listening to him on a podcast. I've figured out all of his mental disabilities. Somebody's got a Facebook for me. Are you serious? Yeah, and then it sucks. They literally... Yeah, there's like a...

page for me on facebook that's got a lot of followers and every day the guy posts pictures of grilled cheese says i'm making them at night yeah people are like shut the fuck up we get it dude you had one good joke shut the fuck like people get like aggressive my mom texted me about it yesterday is it a fan page or is it like the guy pretending to be is he catfishing he's catfishing

As you I believe. Yeah, that's fine. Oh, it's on Facebook, too, which is. Yeah, I haven't been back to Facebook for a while. Fucking shit. Facebook is insane. You watch a curious case in a tie. Great. Oh, let's go. Let's go. This is why I get paid the big bucks. I did watch it, bro. Wait, did you just acknowledge Facebook was crazy before you went to the next? Yes. Yes.

I thought it coincided with it, but that's what I'm saying. It reminded me of them on Facebook, bro. It's the best. They were not lying. They told me about the whole thing and I still was confused watching it as a, who's the bad guy.

It makes it pretty clear that fucking maniac dude is the biggest piece of shit. But in the beginning when that fucking chick's like, all the neighbors are like, yeah, she pulled the little kid's pants down and tried to touch his dick. Hold on. The thing is about a lady. A Ukrainian woman. I think we're just going to have to spoiler this. Spoiler the whole fucking thing. We're going to have to spoiler. So go watch. We got a podcast to do here. We got a podcast. We got to discuss this. Matt. Yeah. It's crazy.

It's about a documentary. I've seen there was a midge though, right? It was a little person. She had severe like her legs were fucked up her arms like everything bowlegged as a mug. Yeah, she had like deformed legs Dorf from Ukraine fingers fucked up the whole nine from Ukraine. This couple drives down to Florida to pick her up at like a strip mall. So great. They get in they get but it was it was the plug. It was the broker.

It was a random fucking strip mall in Florida that like was just hawking a chick. It's crazy. They're like this. The dude is the biggest bullshitter in the world. And, you know, he's the type of liar that like.

I you've seen these types of liars before. I hate these dudes that lie this way. Like he was like, and then the officer came in after me and my wife had a domestic dispute. He said, I know you're entirely right. Boom. Here's my card. Call me whenever you want. Those are his exact words. He walked in within five minutes. He knew exactly who was right in the situation.

They grabbed her. His words exactly. He said, sir, I know you're exactly right. Here's my card. They fucking adopted. None of that was true. They adopted this chick and the guy's like, it was the best day of my life. And then we brought her home and my wife was ghost white. And she just said, look down. And there was pubic hair.

she's six years old this girl's not six years old she's 20. so then they got a chick in their house who they're claiming is a grown woman pretending to be a six-year-old wait so the wife went down to like change her and just saw a big old Ukrainian allegedly so dude this is what I'm saying definitely did not

Absolutely did not. After watching the whole thing, that was a crazy lie. It was an insane lie. Why? Was it just like a landing strip? I don't know. But the fucking...

The dude is out of his fucking mind. And the whole time he's just trying to throw a wifey under the bus because they're like, I don't know what the fuck's going on there. Well, I mean, we're jumping around, but so then I, so then after the discovery of the pubic hair,

they're like allegedly maybe it's just a freak thing and we're going to try to welcome her into our home and do us but then allegedly the daughter keeps taking out knives and trying to kill all the other family members and is like she literally walks into their bedroom at night and stands there with a knife and he's like i was terrified i said what are you doing

and she just stared at me and i said you need to go back to bed it's the plot of the orphan yeah he said by the way if you saw this kid who ended up actually being that age yes it was literally a seven-year-old girl allegedly holding a knife in his bedroom a def disabled seven 45 pounds

if that yeah the wife got over fucking reggie broke in your room yeah the wife got overtaken by her at a farm and they said she tried to drag the wife to an electric fence to kill her it's like dude she's literally a bag of fucking sheet rock or a bag of fucking joint compound and that thing drags you over like you're lying

But they fucking they shipped her off into a well before they ship her off. They keep saying, tell us that you're a fucking adult. And she's just like has no idea what's going on because she's fucking six. And they make her stand with her head on the wall and she cannot move. So I didn't believe that story either. There's pictures and there's a video of it for the two minute one.

It was a guy the guy's lying about everything the guy was like this is what I'm saying I had to fucking the guy was like I came home from work I said how long has Natalia been sitting there my wife looked at me and she said seven hours She soiled herself she defecated and my wife wouldn't let her she stood against that wall for 12 straight hours It's like no she didn't did yeah They also have an autistic son in it and they're like should we talk about the staircase and he's like yeah, I mean I

I didn't say that, but you know, I'm just guns blazing right now. So they're hot mic'd upstairs talking about how they booted this midget down the stairs. They hot mic themselves. They go upstairs and admit that they kicked a child with a disability down the steps. Yeah. They're the biggest sacks of shit. But they... Hold on. So then in order to... So she... They... Child Protective Services is obviously on their ass because other neighbors can see them locking her outside. Putting her on the deck. Yeah.

They're locking out the dude. And the whole time you're watching the documentary, you're like, maybe she is 20 and trying to kill the family and they're the victims. And then they legally get, they go to a court, they go to the court and legally change her age to 22.

Alright when she's what nine ten eight or nine. Yeah, so then now that she's 22 They don't they can set her out into the world. So they get her an apartment Like one of those apartments where you see like who the fuck lives here they leave a disabled nine-year-old girl in an apartment to herself and

And then how about the video of him coming over and harassing her? Like, where'd you get the donuts? Well, dude, there's videos from the neighbor. That's like eight year old midget going up to like this dude's son and fucking playing with him. And he's like, dude, like she smelled like, not like bad, like her vagina. Like you could smell her. It was just a child who number one couldn't bathe. Yeah. Or change her own clothes. They literally left the kid there.

Oh my God, dude. That fires me up so much. That's crazy. The guy acts out the wife fucking beating the kid. There's multiple cameras in the room. He goes, point the camera to the ground. Point the camera to the ground. He gets out of the couch and starts wailing on the floor as hard as he can and cries. And he's like, ow. He's nuts. He's nuts, dude. So they adopted. They adopted.

You got to see it. There's a part where he, through the deposition with the court, he gets all of his wife's Facebook messages, and one of them is to another random midget that she fucks.

She's sexting him. She's sexting a baller of a midget. That guy is like they interview the midget that cheated on her. He's a beast. And he's just like, yeah, I fucked her. I've never seen a more chaotic house in my life. There's just everything everywhere. There's nothing is in its place. And there's just random shit everywhere. And he's just on a fucking electric scooter. Yeah.

It's wild he's talking about how he's a child monster to love these best bed sheets fling off dude. He goes so hard on the box That dude got the deposition and all that shit and got all of her Facebook messages and

and this chick's just banging everyone. He said he was reading shit, just falling on the floor. Cause like the handyman would come over and she would bag them. He cries the entire second half. Every interview he's in, he's sobbing. And he said, dude, there's, there's, they fucking play there. They read the text messages on the screen.

And he's like, you know, she would play with my head. So like, she would be like, dude, you got to fucking drop these charges against me or else I'm not giving you this and send like a picture of her and lingerie. And then he would simp and be like, all right, I'll drop the charges. It would be like, I need custody of the kids or you will never see this pussy again. It's the greatest deal. Greatest quote in the world. He's like, not all forms of abuse are physical. Some are from withholding.

and i got in trouble because i got a wee date addicted to porn the dude is the most hateable guy in the world i've never seen anyone more hateable just grips up two black lawyers too on some like black people are cool shit bro the lawyers are horrible he got two black lawyers like when you're like 10 or 11 years old you're like oh that's a black person they're cool

So he just got two fucking black people and he goes there for two years and just chills with the guys like sits there and like jokes around with them. And how much do you think those dudes hated him? Oh, they, they were looking at him. I do. You are the worst. They're bringing this guy. He's like, these are my best friends in the world. And he's just like myself anymore. He comes in like happy. He's on trial for abusing a child.

and he comes into the thing like we're fighting for my life fellas and i got the best guys in the world fighting for me look at you you guys are so awesome it makes you hate lawyers because they're the wife has another lawyer yeah and in the case they legally change her age to 22 so you can't talk about how it's a kid and this like the the child doctor was like on a zoom with the other dudes or the with the chicks lawyer

And it's like, well, it was a kid. It had like its growth plates weren't connected or anything. He goes, we will not talk about how this is a child. She is 22 year old adult. And the guy's like, I mean, are you serious? And the fucking lawyer just leaves. He's like, well, I guess we don't care about facts. Yeah. Excuse me. No, no, I'm not. You're talking to me. You tell me I don't care about facts. Where are they from?

Indiana. Yeah, somehow to a couple in Indiana both grips up black lawyers. It's like there's lawyers dude, and they're Jewish That's who you need. They're the best that they're wrong James either way They did get LeBron James lawyers true. They got the lawyer put the gloves on and beat the case They beat the case you died. They're fine. They're fine. They're totally innocent who has the kid?

She's fucking 19 now. She's like 21 according to the courts. She's like 58 You you can legally change someone's age yes, yeah, it happens supposedly a bunch with like Dominicans and shit that come up So they'll be like oh, he's fucking 12 and in reality. He's like 18 playing Little League just Slamming homers. Yeah, I might change my age to 16 and trap my wife. Oh

you could do sick like send a right to jail yeah sex with a minor you're sick out that might it might be the most hateable dude in the world and that his wife is my anti-bone it's like the mo the chick that is just fucking brutal to be around yeah it's uh awful yeah it sounds like a clear-cut case of like they stink they it's a roller coaster bro when you're watching the shit you have no idea what the fuck to think

The more the guy talks, though, you realize... Yeah. You've seen this guy. Yeah, you've seen this movie a million times. You've met this type of liar. Yeah. So the weirdest lies with full confidence. Does he have, like, the intense eye contact? A lot of intense liars will, like, lock in on your eyes and be like, dude, I'm telling you, I'm just...

Full eye contact making up quotes be like hold on. This is exactly what they said I remember exactly what they said he got cocked into oblivion So I mean he did get bro fact that he's still on this earth plane blows my mind I would have killed myself like seven times as this dude talked to by a midge is almost though kind of like for me Yeah, that's like cheating on you for and leaving you for a woman. Yeah, it could be worse Yeah, it'd be like we say that but cooks my images at least I would know I dodgeable because that's a crazy person and

Yeah, it's like a real cool midge. It's like you were with me was his house was insane. His house was fucked up But he was like a country singer. It was a star. It's kind of a fucking beast. He was swagged out Oh, and he said his fucking his peppers nothing to fucking sneeze at either. I bet maybe a badge, but not down there. I

Yeah, I've seen literally I mean I've I've seen their work online Mention porn style. I don't think I've ever seen one There's a few fucking like only fans girls that go on all those like la podcasts ones imagine. I'm like damn. I

I've never watched one. Never seen midget porn? Never. Really? I swear. Ah, fucking. Here's the first time for everything, gentlemen. I've glimpsed it. I was like something I was like. I used to be on efucked all the time. The what? I used to be on efucked.com all the time. Yeah, it was one of those things like. Trash or shit. I was like, maybe this is something I'm into. I watch it. I was like, you know, and again, it's no disparaging to the community, but I was like, this is definitely genuinely not for me. Yeah. And there's a dude that like, if you go down that role, there's also like, like,

related search like extra extra extra extra small girl wearing just like all right that's you're just trying to get like child porn suboxone probably yeah oh all right see image no a lot of it is dude midges bagging girls these are all just short oh here we go found it freaky midget door fuck sexy german teen tight teeny on public yeah dude

They get like sixth graders to fuck. All right. Yeah. It's fucked up. That was a mistake. It's real. You toss in a toilet in there for no reason. Also, it's skibbity. I love a God doll. What the fucking brain rod shit on Instagram is just getting to me. I can't hear it anymore, bro.

Those fuckers were down bad. They got double trunk chocolate cookie fucking pisses me off so bad. That's child abuse, dude. What is it? They fucking have videos of this dude. Like, like other people are filming them doing their Instagram content and he's making the kid re say stuff and like smiling in the camera. The dad's a lunatic. The Rizzler, bro. Not the Rizzler.

It's the boom guy. The Rizzler's back in school. He's back to his normal life. The Rizzler's the only one I fucking have a pass to. That kid is just a kid who got famous on fucking Instagram this summer and now is back in fourth grade. So he just chill with celebrities all fucking summer and now he's in fourth grade somewhere. It's fucking insane. Who, the Rizzler? The Rizzler. Just going back to grade school. Who, the Rizzler?

So he would do I don't know this guy so he became like internet famous and now he's a little chubby boy Grub is he the one who's grubbing Costco is he fucking I don't know the name. It's like AJ Justice

They're in Costco filming themselves eating chicken bakes and fucking double chocolate chocolate chips. Yeah, they go to Costco and eat the same thing over and over again and rate it. Yeah, it's fucking insane. It's hilarious, dude. And it never stops. It is funny. That's why it's a smash hit, bro. They go to Costco with like ring lights and fucking film themselves eating. It's fucking, like you can see people in the background. It's like, dude, what the fuck's going on? Shit's confusing as fuck. It's like the... I'll shut up and listen. No, it's all right.

I'm still following the Hawk of Tua stuff. I've seen... She's a millionaire. She's doing good. They're really making the push. She seems actually very nice. I'm sure she is nice. Although it's, you know, it is one of those things. It's like to act...

It sets a weird precedent where it's like, bro, just if a camera hits you, say something kind of slutty, and you could become the next millionaire. Yeah, there's a bunch of chicks that just went way overboard. It's like, I let dudes spit in my ass. It's like, all right, you're just a whore, so we're going to continue on. That got 5,000 likes. Congratulations. Good luck getting a job. Yeah, I have no feelings against her. It's just the...

It's a very bizarre thing to like gather around. But yes, perfect. This is awesome dude spaz naturally I can't believe as I can big justice and his dad are eating fucking chicken bakes and getting paid millions of dollars right now I can believe this it makes complete sense big justice is good at fucking baseball though. Do you think he's better than baby girl?

I don't need to know this. I want this taken out of my brain. He's nice. He fucking regulates, bro. That was some good fucking pop warning, bro. Who's the kid that was the OG pop Warner star? Yes. What is his name? I don't know. He looked like Christian McCaffrey. Yes. He was so fucking good. Fuck, I gotta look that up. That's gonna piss me off.

What was his? It was like Colt or not Colt. It was the McGuffey mixtape and then him. Who the fuck was that? This is good podcasting. I mean, it was the greatest. There was a great mixtapes. That's all I did in fucking seventh and eighth grade, which is YouTube. Noel Divine highlights. Noel Divine. Hoops fucking slam. There was a two five. No, it was just when they were in high school. Like Noel Divine came out in high school. Like this is the greatest human at anything. Noel Divine and Sam McGuffey.

The McGuffey mixtape was. That's one of the things I put on our Reddit before was this kid's highlight tape. Pop Warner highlight tape. Cody Paul. Cody Paul. Cody Paul, literally. That's the best Pop Warner highlight tape of all time. Yeah, here's the good internet. Here's good internet. Yes. We've been getting some shout outs on Street Beefs, dude. What? Dude, yeah. How nice is that? It's awesome. You got a shout out on Street Beef? Yeah, we've got multiple. Damn, that's sick. Maybe we did too.

I think you actually might have. I think someone hit me up about that. I think you did. I think I got a shout out on Street Beef as well. Yeah, that was the highest compliment. I was pretty stoked on that. Just having a dude finish punching some guy and be like, that's what I want to say. So sick.

Yeah, I really want to extract. I should know a fucking thing about Baby Gronk. I should read a book or something. This is getting bad. This is what it is, bro. This is where we're at. Yeah, but I just... I'm sitting down, Warhammering 4,000 brothers. I'm Warhammering, then pick up the phone at Baby Gronk's highlights.

It's like, which one? Can we make all the sodas go in order the way they're at underneath of it? It's fucking absurd. I don't want to live anymore. I've been trying to improve. What? Went to the gym. No. I told you to fucking go with it. Sauna and cold plunge at the gym, which is nice. But then you got to hide your tiny penis in the locker room. Put a towel over it. Yeah. I did, but I'm still, you know.

Wow, wow. Oh, I know this place. I know what you're talking about now. Yeah, I remember that. Shane's with the blue bloods of Philadelphia. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I'm just trying to go somewhere that, you know, everyone posts pictures of me. You are like fucking Trump, dude.

you like eastern block tall women model types like you all you remind me of trump that way thank you bro that's sick thank you you're going in you're going in the lift for the wasps thank you bro that's nice same thing you and trump same dude but i do jones also jones the same way he likes big eastern block women models thank you

But I thought we could talk about hiding a penis in the gym locker room. I never do it You don't I don't even let it get to that point I would have but there's a sauna and a shower cold point. Oh, it's in the locker room in the gym So then it's like there is a sauna in the locker room. Just wear six fucking under armor fucking compression shorts Stuff or dry your boxers in the sauna and just roll out. Oh

Take the boxers off while I'm in the sauna. No, no, no, no. I'm saying they're going to be soaked, bro. I'm in the sauna. I'm sweaty. Oh, yeah. Fuck. I'm saying they would dry from the cold. Right. Were you pumping iron? Yeah. What's your hit? Don't worry about what I'm doing. No, I'm just curious. Like.

by strides back you name it brother you did full body yeah i like that i want to work out crushed what do you mean i haven't worked out since i've been in philly my my shit is fucking destroyed from lifting are you sore yes oh that sucks i lifted the last two days i'm fucking dead you got a jerk spot right next to you go to

Yeah. He's got a lymph node massage place next to him. Yeah, I got a lymph node. They release my nodes. You guys know nothing about the lymph system. You guys are so ignorant. You guys are full of fluids. I pray you guys release them. Yeah, they're going to release your fluids right next to me.

Right next to his house. They're open all 24 hours so you can get your limbs. Has it ever called you? 3 a.m. Somebody falls asleep upstairs. You go. Yeah. Sleepwalk. Head downstairs and get released. That's time to get an ambient prescription. No, I've never I've never had my lymph nodes released once my entire life. Damn.

i pray you guys aren't full fluid man it's man it can cause so many problems for sure but i'm saying i've never had a massage that ended with a lymph node release yeah professional massage i've never had a massage where at the end they go do you want to release your fluids you're a hooker yeah that's they're they're definitely not as if you've made it this far it's best to steer away from them yeah i could see falling into that as a young man you don't know about like bro the fact that they're probably like sex slaves

You find that out and you're like, oh, that's fucking shitty. But I mean, I'm cool. You ever been to, you ever have your nose? Not a full-blown wash. I've had old Asian women take a pass at my penis. Really? Yeah. You were in a wishy-washy then. Huh? Then you were in one. This is a fucking normal place.

there's like women in there everything did it say open on the window and a neon sign no this was like chicks in there all sorts of really yes and the lady went for your penis lady went for my penis she goes oh so strong what yeah she grabbed you yeah you're good yes no just grazed it hit me with the graze like three times i was like you're gonna don't need to do that you turned it down yeah i had a girlfriend every time i get a massage i'm the i think it's gonna happen the only thing i think about my penis gets smaller

Oh, yeah. I get absolute doctor's office. If I go, they're going to try to jerk me off at the end of this. Holy shit. Yeah.

You sure have a God fucking tix of trouble. I get the smallest doctor penis possible. So even if I, I'm not saying I'm morally superior for not getting jacked off. You couldn't even if I wanted to. If I wanted to, I'd still be too teenist up. Yeah. That's crazy. During a massage, I become ridiculously engorged. Yeah. You have a history though. Yeah, but you have a history. Yeah.

you're like a fucking vet going to war like shaking in the boat you're in a hand in stone massage place where was it this is an a i'm not gonna fucking disclose the information of the fucking place this is a normal spot dude it was going oh so strong it's like bro you were in the wishy-washy i dude i can't i can't i don't want to put my source on spot but someone told me it's fucking no bullshit got a good spot

And then that happened to me. And you call Kamala a liar. Oh, I know who this person was. I don't think she's a liar. You call her a liar and you hear you're lying. I'm not lying. You're a hypocrite, bro. This is you on the table. I'm fucking, dude, I'm being honest. This is you on the table. There's a... No, no, no, no. I just jacked your dog off. Don't do that.

I know who the mutual link is, and that doesn't strengthen your case, bro. No, it doesn't at all. But I was fucking like 24. Do I know the mutual? Yes. No, it wasn't my co-host. I didn't guess that. He probably has some in the Rolodex. Probably. Who doesn't? I mean, it's the oldest profession, dude.

Mean dude if you got into whoring you'd be like Littlefinger a Game of Thrones because you get the best ones now Imagine instead of going out on a date chick just comes your house hottest one ever you bang them and then they leave I just think I know I just want love I hear you I hear you I think those guys an experience. I don't want to cry my one love I think those guys eventually comb the streets I think they go to the top and then they're like dude. I started watching porn Google in my big tits and

Then you know what I saw a dude fucking snake. That's what happens Those guys get the cream of the crowd that I kind of thankfully the dude fucking the snake hit me my late 20s Yeah, dude, I got that when you're 12. Oh Yeah, the guy fucking this thing is the most graphic. It's the worst video that's outside of people being murdered Yeah, I'll watch that now I can watch a train fucking killing before I watch a train hitting someone. That's not what murder we talking. I

the one that took me off you know what i can't do audio on the murder yeah no god listening to people scream unless it's like the kid one that took me off murders was uh these two brothers in i think it was in ukraine somewhere in eastern europe they would walk around they filmed themselves killing people oh with the hammers and yeah yeah yeah i saw that video that's an old one in 2009

Yeah. 2010, that set me back. I've never... That was tough. I tried to stay away. That was real fucking gross. I was at a party and I had to pretend that I wasn't really shooken up by it. I saw Bud Dwyer sophomore year. Oh, man, that's crazy. Bud Dwyer sophomore year. I was like drunk and high. I was watching. I watched all the blood rush out of his mouth and I was just like...

Is this Birdman that's on there right now? It's actually a pretty good song. I like this mixtape. Yeah, you got to play it off. Yeah. It's funny. While I was out being a giant pervert, I missed all the murder stuff. I was just a sensuous guy going around trying to be touched. That actually is nice. I haven't seen any of these murder videos. Everyone talks about murder videos. I haven't seen them. Matt, first time I ever met you, what did you do? I showed you the guy jumping off the roof. That was a suicide.

All right. All right. Come on, man. It's true. Technically. I'm telling you. I'm talking about war footage. I have never. Like, I'm telling you, it just never hit my thing. BME Pain Olympics was I tried and I was like, nope, not watching. Thankfully, I never got that. Ripped that 12 years old. I heard about it. I never saw it. Bro, that's rough. I saw the glass bottle in the guy's asshole once. Glass ass? Yeah, it's a tough one. That's really tough. Mr. Hand was kind of funny. Two kids in a sandbox. Until you find out what happened. Yeah.

Don't think I saw it two kids in a sandbox is a dude screaming while girl shoving a dildo into his dick. Holy fuck Dude, yeah, BME pain Olympics. They like flay themselves Supposedly that's himself like sub incisions. They like cut their D's in half body modifications, bro It's the I I tapped I made seven seconds and BME and I was like, this is not for me I'm not I'm not doing this. I used to sit there smiling showing all them this like do check this out. It's fucking crazy. I

No idea what real pain was. It was terrible. We fed him like we fed the young man porn. And we just incubated a gremlin, dude. What? You feed your little brother porn and we just absolutely incubated a gremlin. He came back and he's like, look at this. We're like, where the fuck did you get that from? Now he's stuck on baby Gronk. He's reached the ultimate level. I've lost as a human. I might as well try again. Scott King. It'll be nice in Monrovia. You're going to

Crazy. Owning a gun's nuts. Every time I go upstairs and see my gun on my dresser, I just go...

Could not gonna always got a gun. Why the fuck is crazy Kamala Kamala and that dude Whatever yeah, Mike Penn all balls walls with her pervert husband's name Kamala Harris. Yeah, I forget Doug or something. Yeah Yeah fucking faking Tourette's they're strapped as hell bro. She's all she's been about that forever. Oh

Tim Walls is a freak, bro. I do have one political prediction. I think she'll turn down any moderate, any, like, I think she'll turn down a Fox debate. If the moderators are not on her side. Really going out on a limb there. I don't think she'll do it. Well, I think it's scheduled. I think it's scheduled. For Fox? I thought Fox was scheduled. She'll fucking girl boss out and just say, I ain't doing that shit. Is your fucking accent in Pittsburgh?

Yes. You better thank a union worker. That was in Detroit. And then she went to Pittsburgh and was like, you better thank a union worker. Yeah. She fucking just goes three hours earlier. She was in Detroit. You better thank a union worker. It makes complete sense what she is. She just sounds like an Indian who's trying to do a black voice. And it's exactly right. When she hits that like preacher shit, it's like, dude, what the fuck is good with you, lady? Yeah, it's awkward. It is. When she gets into like, I watched her kind of switch a little last night and I was like, oh,

Girl boss Brad's girl boss dude. What are you on the phone? I was looking to see if they had a the Fox one schedule do that I Decided to get off my phone. I decide to unplug. Thank you face down if you can't notice That's why I got the dogs and I got fucking guitar and I'm trying as much as I can to just learn shit That'll help me Warhammer Warhammer will keep you off your phone. No, well, yeah, well, I

You're gonna be locked in your Titus you need to fight the fucking tyranids. Is it story mode? Yes campania. Is there all online? Yeah, oh We're guys. I haven't gotten in there yet first-person shooter. We'll be done. It's like Metal here's a war. So you're third person really exciting times for me. I love that shit. Things are looking up I'm still waiting for the video games get good graphics. What are you talking about? Oh

They're still not there that fucking you know what I'm talking about mad 99 or 98 had an image that was so sick of Like almost like a video game like the Green Bay Packer diving into an end zone catching a ball And I was like, that's what video games are gonna look like it's I'm pretty close and they're close But they haven't got there yet. No score. Also remake Blitz the league best video game of all time What's the league is the best video game of all time? Yes or no?

Blitz is the shit. I know what's the least like in here? It's good. It's just funny. Let's league. I love blitz league. It's so good You can give your fucking guys steroids you played against the Aztecs the one guy who's just Tony Gonzalez, but not against Ron Ron, Mexico. Yeah Michael Vick Ron, Mexico. Yes, dude. Let's the league is the greatest game ever. I don't know why they fucking took it down. I

Probably the NFL. Yeah, but dude, they weren't the NFL. It was just a football game. I think Blitz League came out when Playmakers was on ESPN. That was wild. You remember Playmakers, Matt? No. I got an Under Armour skullcap.

so after watching playmakers and it kept going into my forehead so i was thinking oh i wore a skullcap yeah i i wore it for one game and it just kept going into my fucking brow line so i was like i gotta stop this like the ray lewis yes yes i wore a black skullcap playmakers was wild because i was just on the hunt for tvma if i saw a fucking show come out and said tvma in my head it was like tits

So I would just sit there and try to watch Playmakers with, like, Nickelodeon on return on the remote. And if someone came in, hit return real quick. That was a good-ass show. I see why you like this canine. It's a good dog. It's a fine canine. Fucking Stevie's whore ass over there pissing on the couch. You stay in the cage, bitch. She's Natalia Grace. Stevie's my Natalia Grace. You're the dad. I'm Mike Barnett. You're Mike Barnett. Stevie is Natalia Grace.

Love how he's on ahead all day Mike Barnett when he the guy who he finally gets exonerated in court and he calls his son He's like this whole thing's behind us Literally while a documentary crew in front of him and a civil case is still in the worst things about to get way worse for you Yeah, he has a son that was like a fucking genius and now he's just sleeping down his basement and like a chipped paint fucking center block

that part's real sad yeah that is very good boy yeah good boy feel bad for the barnetts honestly yeah not not evil i will only call her evil i won't say her real name where did they get this the sun was that like they made them they had three sons yeah and then adopted a daughter

And then said the daughter was actually not eight. She was 30 and they dropped her off. The other thing that's real weird at the fucking end is like, they slightly allude to the fact that the mom was whoring out Natalia grace. Really? I didn't get to the end. Fell asleep. Yeah. It's wild. Yeah. You want this computer back in? How many pieces they show? Fucking Mike Barnett, the midget saying that the mom was trying to whore out Natalia to the midget. And Mike Barnett acts like he didn't know about it and freaks out.

Wild shit. Yeah. It's scary thinking about like, imagine adopting a midget. Be like, I could have people beta. The guy was evil too, though. The guy was just dumb. For sure.

That's like an evil woman who's like, you know, they can easily go have sex with a midget. Yeah, it's like. You have sex with whoever you want. They can really, like, they can slide into just, like, kind of. They have, like, no roadblocks sliding into, like, horrible behavior where a dude has to, like. You can't just go. You can even want. You could want to have sex with a midget, but it's, like, not automatic. Yeah, it's automatic. You'd have to court them for a while. You couldn't do it right away.

You have to nervously go walk by them 17 times and finally go, hey, look at that shirt. Have you ever approached someone at the gym? What? Never approach a human like out in public? No. Same here.

I've done that. I don't know what approach like a lady girl. Yeah, definitely not dude If I approach someone at the gym, I was crying you tell me chicken with him on the phone. No, I was like I was trying to approach her. I was trying to ask about the dog Next to me. What's that dog's name? I see it all the time. I'm on the phone right now. Oh god, dude Yeah, see you later big gulps, huh?

What was your approach, Bill? What was the nature of your, like, how did it go down? It was my last girlfriend. She was a yoga instructor. I was like, dude, I got a bad bag. What's up? True. That's pretty easy. I let you. I know you did. I was thinking about it the whole time. How many classes did you take before you made the approach? It was three weeks.

Okay, that's pretty good. I sat there. I went to class three times a week for three weeks. And every time I was like, oh, I feel it. Just sweaty with a headache. Like, oh, I feel it. I did Restaurant Depot parking lot one time. Oh, really? Went down. Yeah. Really? You asked a lady for like her number or something? Get it? Yeah, we had a brief tryst during that period.

Damn, I got approached by an Asian woman in a Home Depot parking lot one time. They won't leave you alone, bro. Massage place. No, no, no. This was maybe like a year ago. I was just in Home Depot parking lot working on the House Me and Spade did. And this lady's like, excuse me. I was like, what's up? I think she was insane. And she just, she's like, call me sometime. And then gave me her number. If you want to blowjob. And then drove away. What? Yeah, it was crazy. Never called her. He tore it up.

What? You tore the number up. You said, what the fuck? Yeah. You kept it. I looked at it like it was the ring. I could have a blow job and maybe an STD, but maybe a blow job.

Don't think you get us to use from blowjob. I could not match her freak as they say Yeah, if you get herpes very easily from a blowjob you could I think that's a tough one dude still it could I mean it could you could get an STD from head but being single is the worst thing on the planet I don't know dudes like do that shit like oh I fuck chicks all the time. I have sex with one girl my habit STD

It's a fucking chlamydia. I was watching Jordan Peterson. He had this guy on, fucking Matthew, I forget his name.

But he was, he did that documentary where like the first one was like, what is a woman? What is the name? Yeah. He's got, am I racist? It's coming out. Yeah. Yes. But then they started talking about like, he's like, yeah, well like, you know, you're, you're married or Jordan Pierce was like, you're married. Like, you know, what's to stop you from like cashing in and all your fame. And like, you know, it was like, he wasn't asking him seriously. He just wanted to hear his answer. But the whole time he's like, I don't understand like what even the appeal would be. And it's like, dude,

Like I understand being like, I wouldn't sacrifice my family, but to be like, dude, I don't even see like why people would do that. It's like, he's playing life on easy. Just sits there and or he's with trannies and college kids. Like it's easy shit in the world, dude. So, wow. You owned a bunch of mentally unstable fucking people that are confusing shit right now. You're sitting there fucking wrecking them in HD. Like, congratulations. Yeah.

no it's not that hard bill maher did religious with like truckers yeah what do you think about the bible and they're like what man they're like this is all we have bro yeah this is all i have yeah it's like so i went into a truck stop church and i said you same does like ben shapiro will go to like oxford and destroy kids like dude congratulations not that hard

What, Oxford? Isn't that like a prestigious English university? They're still college kids. And you're going in there with like... They run fully on emotion. Yeah, the college kids, even at Oxford, I watched that. Yeah. And he still gets clipped by them.

Like some of them get him. I don't get destroyed at Oxford. If I came in, I was just like, actually, this is what I think about the president. They'd be like, dude, shut the fuck up. Yeah, that's true as well. Actually, this is why you're wrong. And I'm going to talk so fast that it's like, you're just like, sure, man, you know what you win. I don't like motor mouth like destiny.

But, dude, it was just so funny. Destiny's king motor mouth. He's the number one motor mouth. I've never, I don't think I've ever seen Destiny. Brutal, dude. Oh, dude, don't do it. What's he, what side is he on? He's liberal as fuck. Nice. And it's just a cancel. But he's like a liberal that says like retard and faggot. You know what I mean? Yeah. One of those. So he's an edgelord, but a liberal. Was in an open relationship with his girlfriend. His wife or girlfriend left him for a sissy boy.

That would push you to be doesn't even bother me And then immediately fucking all that Israel Palestine shit happened they went on Israel side So I don't know what the fuck's going on that guy's brain. I think he's just grass that's all the hold on I can't figure it out. I'm ruined what all of it?

What like Ukraine and Israel? Yeah, I mean they're I'm out They're trying to get you to decide you ever said me where it's like, oh you don't support Israel So you must support the Palestine. It's a fucking kid Star Wars just staring at the girl You don't have to support either of them. They can both whatever my thing is like maybe I'm just minding my own business This is the beeswax party. Yeah, that's what we mind over here. It's a hardest part about business minding your own brother Leave me alone speaking of which 9/11

It is 9/11. In an unrelated term. Today? Oh, shit. Dude, Twitter's crazy right now. If you want to get fucking active. Matt, you actually forgot? I literally forgot. You guys can seriously beat my ass. Let's quiet for 10 seconds. Quiet for 10 seconds. Yes, and beat my ass if you want. Matt. Bill, don't make light of it. Yeah, dude. What's going on with Twitter?

I'm not playing your sick and twisted game, dude. I'm not either, dude. I like to respect the phone, you fucking piece of shit. On Twitter, they're all saying Israel did it. That's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. What about Building 7? Good question. I saw some of that stuff. Candace Owens, dude, that's your girl. She's going hard as fuck. Rabbi Shmoley.

What's that rabbi Smully? I don't know what the fucking disgusting looking dude. Hold on. He's brutal You need to stick to baby Gronk No, Candace Owens and rabbi Smully went on Piers Morgan and Candace Owens was like dude You guys are a synagogue of Satan you killed MJ the guy's like, what are you talking about? He made the book kosher sex. He's a little look at wait is kosher sex alone with his daughter No, yeah, he's the dude who has a butt plug shop with his daughter. I

And he constantly comes at people saying, well, these are all freaks. I know. It's hilarious. He's just Jewish Candace Owens. He's like, you know, he's just a fucking maniac. I don't know what it is. I mean, dude, here's the thing. Unless she's right about McCrone's wife having a penis. She could be right. She's probably dressed up as that for a Jewish holiday. Who is it? That's Schmooly. It's him having a goof. No, I saw. I saw that. Yeah, he's a fucking freak, dude. He's got to shave the beard, dude. That thing's like pubes.

He's got a wispy beard. You just dude you just hate kosher sex. That's your fault. I don't hate kosher sex I love Jewish sex. That's all the Candace. I love just love you guys obsessed with the Jewish bedroom Wait, I don't even understand the diner. Are they on the there against each also? Yeah, so Candace Owens Candace is free pass watch a few fucking documentaries. I've seen She couldn't keep a lid on it. Holy shit. Oh

She's going fucking insane. Well, I think she sent, I think she sent Ye the Floyd doc and Ye was like, I got a couple docs you should watch. Yeah. Doc for doc. Ye definitely. I think he went doc for doc. Yeah. The Candace doc fucked him up. I know. Yeah. The Candace doc. Ye was just sighting. White Lives Matter. Yeah.

Yeah, he went off and hit the White Lives Matter shirt. You called that pretty well when you saw that. Because I just watched the Candace doc and I was like, oh, he's saying everything from the documentary. Doc for doc. Yeah, dude. It's a fucking treacherous hole to go down with your friends. Well, dude, the viral right is in a sorry state. They've completely turned on each other. Everyone's fighting each other. That's what I noticed about Twitter today was.

the left is winning the meme war dude no yeah every video is a video of trump talking about eating cats i know that's the it's not a meme it used to be the they can't meet

Bro, I know you want to hold on to the fact that the right. I'm not a dude. I'm on affiliate. Look, I'm a Notre Dame fan, dude. I remember the glory days. I need help. I remember the glory days. Last night, Trump lost to NIU. That was NIU. Trump's losing to fucking NIU. Yeah, that shouldn't even be a game. Shouldn't have been a game.

But, dude, I'm watching it. Like, dude, you should say this. Like, how do you not know? Trump just keeps hitting the border. The border. So, dude, we fucking get it. Yeah. Expose her ass. How old's Trump now? He's old as shit. He's 80, dude. I mean, don't fall to the old sauce the Democrats fell for. He might be gazed up, dude. He is gazed up. He's gazed, but he's not. Still good as shit. He is not. Yeah. He's not fully gazed. No, he's not Biden for sure, but he's for sure. He's been gazed the last four years. He actually was gazed.

Geese wise he was alright. He's getting a little fired up there. He just got shot in the fucking head. He's not as sharp though. Like talking. He used to just murder people. I guess now they've studied his game and they're like kind of crafting questions. I think they're just trying to get him to chill the fuck out. And also they didn't give him any of the fucking debate. All the debates. Like it's weird as shit that they're doing no crowds. I know. It is creepy. You're the president of the United States where you can't do a debate in front of a crowd. That's what you want to do. The one thing I also noticed is how the fuck is homeless people not a topic?

Why is that? They're totally ignored. Obviously. Matthew and I travel quite a bit. Yeah. Every single city in this country. Oh, that's crazy. You think it's just New York or Philly or whatever. No, it's every single city. They're giving the fucking. No one cares. Yeah, true. They're giving the Haitians and the Venezuelans three G's a month and food stamps. And then vets are just getting nothing. Now you're Trump.

That's the facts of life, bro. I hear you. I agree. I agree. It is wild. But what's going on with it? What are we doing with the homeless, bro? Put them somewhere. Can we do that as a topic? Next debate. Can someone go, what are your plans with the homeless people?

put them in yeah that's i do i do like when trump was like what's your plan he goes i have a concept of a plan yeah it's not a full i'm not president yet i'll tell you because i'm a president that was actually a sick answer like dude if i were president i have a plan like i i kind of know what i want to do but like but also dude she just takes all of his plans anything he's like i'm gonna do this she's like yeah this is my plan now i get why he's like yeah i'm not fucking telling you

Yeah. She's taking all the plans. She's minding Manseer. She is Manseer. She also said some dramatic ass shit. Like he doesn't care about you. He like cares about himself. And Trump just goes, that was for a soundbite. You don't actually believe that. He had some good, he had some good ones. Now he did have some good ones, but they cut his mic. So he couldn't hit her with, ah,

They cut the mics in between so he couldn't hit the classic. They could never have a, because you'd be in jail ever again. Yeah. It's the greatest clip of all time. I know. That was so funny. Senator Clinton also today marks the same day that Hillary Clinton came out of that black van and fucking passed out and the Secret Service had to carry her back in it. Remember?

remember that video you know that video how about she they don't they don't like bring her out i don't see her at all like i know like obama's come out and they're like yeah we love kamala harris but you don't see like hillary clinton a boy like clinton's they know that's bad bro they know it's bad yeah meanwhile they're still touting dick cheney that's wild

That's where I'm confused. Like, what the fuck's going on? I'm confused. How does a confused person get a resolution? I'm going back to Waterloo. Yeah, they fucking are like, oh, yeah, we're confused. We're about to sit over here with gibberish. I know what you're talking about. What are you talking about? You know, you're talking about how do you know the Dick Cheney? I don't know the Waterloo reference, but I will say I will say I'm going back where the vampires stay. How do you kill someone when you're already dead? They do a guy on Toronto Fashion Show.

This place looks like New York, Manhattan. We're all the bums. We're all the bums. They're in Waterloo. They're creating bums. They created me. I think next year we're not going to be able to have, like, the artificially stitched together, like, media personality that, like, I think Kamala Harris is. I don't think we'll be able to have them anymore. They're going to have to have dudes from Seattle. This one's working, bro. This one's working like crazy. It's good. They're going to crack it, though. It's like it needs this whole infrastructure to support it. If you have guys doing three-hour conversations on, like,

you know, gigantic podcast, it's going to start undercutting that. Like us, bro. Exactly. Like we are the fucking, but if it's like she can do that all she wants, it looks awesome on TV, but then it's like, I don't know, maybe if he, if she really pulled your racist, I think it'll be, I think this might be the last time you can do that. I think she might be like the death rattle of like being able to just completely prop a person up. I don't, I would have thought that until I saw how successful this has been.

I mean, this is just... She doesn't do interviews. She doesn't have to do interviews. She literally just shows up, did recited speeches during the debate, and... You better thank her, you know. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I really don't think. I mean, this will be the end of if Trump loses, that's the Trump's gone. And now the Republican Party is going to have probably like five or six guys trying to imitate him. And the rest of them are going to go back to like Mitt Romney shit. Neocons. It's good. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe. Back to the unit party, bro. What's the unit party? They're the exact same party. Yeah, true. It will go back to that. Trump dog is kind of the only outlier.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah RFK Vivek Tulsi gabbers. I don't know. I mean fucking you know Tulsi got that great streak from war speed told me that last night what yes, so How I don't know that's all I got anxiety. Oh, yeah, I do like the great I'll be honest. I was trying to try to focus on the merit and policy. But yes, so same here. I

Great street's nice. Dude, what was I just thinking about? It's hot as shit. Dude, Carly Simon's hot as fuck. You ever see her old album covers? Maybe. We have no secrets by Carly Simon. Look up her old album covers, dude. She's hot as fuck. Really? I'd do anything for her. Yeah, do we mean really? You seem to fuck my- She looks like Mick Jagger, bro. No, she doesn't. Fuck off. Yeah, dude. She looks exactly like Mick Jagger, you fucking bro. Stop.

Bro, what are you? I don't know. This is one I don't really know. Are we sure? Topanga from Boy Meets World crushes Carly Simon. She looks like her. I know, but Topanga is weird. Yeah, look at those fucking nipples. Big boobs. No, Carly Simon's obviously hot. Yeah, you fucking hate her.

I mean, yeah, your painter is like absolutely power, babe. I'm like, she's, she's a power babe. She's not. She's no Julia Roberts. She's no Julia Roberts. That's what I'm saying. That's the classic. That's the timeless. She is.

That's right Fuck obviously like 13 going on 30, but she's not fucking otter, bro You're gonna put prime verse prime really robbers versus Carly's on her fucking crack, bro Maybe just what I meant to know what you guys are into but we can have differences. These are both too big mouth beauties Let's make a change. It's time to make a change. These are two large mouth bass It's time to make a change for real

Can't be locking up cheating. No, that was, you know, I'm with him on that, dude. Dude, he handled that poorly. What? Not even close to as poorly as those fucking cops. Oh, obviously. This is Israel and Palestine, dude. I don't also like cops because of this. No, those cops handled that like shit. Obviously, dude. Cop attitudes are the worst. All right. So the cheetah.

Tyree kill Tyree kill was on his way to the game on Sunday before the game. He got pulled over I didn't know he was going 100 and a hundred and a fifty five or eighty he was going 80 and 55 is perfectly legal That's you know that you do 80 in a 55. I would never don't lie right now, bro 95 is 55 if he was not going if he's going 100. I I

Yeah, I forget what it is. He's going 80. That's a bit. Well, whatever. Either way, they pull him over for speeding. Knock on his window. He rolls his window down. This is the only time he handled it wrong. He was like, yo, don't knock on my fucking window so hard. And then roll. That was after they came and talked to me. Kept rolling his window back. And then he rolled his window back up. But it was, I think it was two Cuban cops. Yes. Motorcycle boys in Miami that were going fucking crazy. Cowboys. They went nuts, dude. Locked the thing. Pulled him out of the car. Held him down.

Like those dudes just had, they like leather boots, like highway patrol. Yes. Those guys apparently are like psychos. Every black dude that's ever picked on them in grade school. And then his teammates are stopping by. Cause they're on the way to the stadium. They're right next to the stadium. They're like, get the fuck back in the car. You listen to me. Crazy car face. They, they scar face out. What? And they fucking put them in cuffs, cuffed him up.

Because he was like don't knock on my window. Yeah, he was always said he was literally there like we're gonna pull you out of the car He was standing to get out of the car when they yanked him out of the car. Yeah, it was genuinely bad It was actually bad. I went into I'll be honest. I let my bias take over I went into the before the body cam going out. I went into it going. I'm sure he was being an asshole That's what I thought. Yeah, I'm not proud of that being I'm not proud of that. No, he's not really he's fucking Tyreek Hill, dude. I know I

it's the funny the body cam came out from the white cop who was like holy do you know who that is both the cuban cops were like what yeah this is not cristiano ronaldo like dolphin star player he's like oh really goes back to spaz bro yeah those cops sucked bro not not our problem bro come on racist ass cuban pigs us white cops don't do that they learned their lesson au contraire

But no, yeah, I'll be honest. I was relieved when I saw that was Cuban. It's everything. I just wait. Yeah. What's this going to be? Were they like pit bulls complexion or like? No, they were a little darker. They were like Jose Consenco types. You know, they were. Guy reminded me of Consenco. Is that not how you say his name? Consenco.

how do you say his name it's kinshika is that he can say so he did he like frill get his ass beat on the side of the road or they were shoving him around they were rough dude cry baby plays in the nfl also you don't have to be a tough guy it was very funny on twitter where he's like dude this we got to end the police brutality and this one dude just comments he

You literally broke your kid's arm and gave your wife a black eye. To be fair, he's talking about police brutality specifically. True, true. Nothing to have to do with the CTEs, Fats.

It's just a nasty devil dude, maybe let Matt is this your brother I can't leave Matt's a racist That's proven impossible take this whole podcast down Fuck all right. Well the podcast is just that fun. Just get around dude. What the hell? article that said that

what did it say that's racist oh true there's a cnn article says you guys are racist what am i to believe but you literally lied on me and said you have incriminating tweets or texts not yet is that assignment right no way that's your fault no

Is that the new record? Holy shit. He sent me that. He said, my boy. Oh, that's his boy. My boy beat my record. Holy shit. Simon Rax and his boys fart like demons. How do you fart that long? That's crazy. How the fuck do you do that? I don't know. I don't know, man. You like hold it in for a while?

Girls do that. Maybe they're eating vegan or something. I feel like if you ate just beans all day. The fact that there's another guy out there who's his friend that also farts like that is crazy. It's pretty sick squat. What's your world-class farters? You got high-pitched ones. Yeah, I can let out some squeaks. You got a tight-ass whistle. Yeah, he does got a tight-ass whistle on him. Thank you, fellas. No problem. I appreciate it. Mine's like a tropical jungle. Mine sounds like a dog whistle, honestly. It's like...

Shit barely comes out of my ass. Sorry, God. Looks like I shit out tapeworms every time I think of shit. Sounds like a yawn. Dude, that is fucked up. You ever see the porn stars that get anal prolapses?

I haven't seen that, but I've seen some ones with miles on them where I'm like, it's time to get some sort of surgery or something. They have chimp asses. Yeah. You watch Chimp Crazy? No. No, it's good. It's good? It's very good. Does the lady get ripped up by a chimp at the end? I haven't got to that point yet. That's what I'm... I'm not hoping that that happens because I haven't seen it. No, she's getting interviewed. Oh, okay. So I guess she's the girl who lived. But PETA hates when you fucking have fun with chimps. Matt, what time did you have to go?

I'm good. Oh, I have a, no, I'm good till like 5 PM. I literally have no clue how long this is going on for.

No, it's three o'clock here. I'm dumb as shit. I do that every time. Idiot. I always think it's. Oh, you advanced an hour. Yeah. 430. We started at 230, dude. Is there a time zone that would be one hour more Eastern than the East Coast? I feel like it jumps to like England. South America. Always thought it was Brazil, but it's not. It's not? No, Brazil's behind us. No, it's not. Brazil's an hour behind us. Oh, they're with Texas. The time zone might be, but geographically they're not. What?

The latitude? I swear to God, Brazil's. Maybe Iceland's like... Brazil's behind us, right? Not geographically. I think they are. Not geographically. They're way in front of us. Yeah, they're kind of sticking out. We're like with Chile. We're on the same side as Chile. Yeah, Brazil. Oh, yeah, my bad. I had the opposite way. I always thought fucking Brazil was under Texas for some reason. I still do, obviously. That's me. That is caked into my brain. Well, I hear you.

It makes what are you gonna do? Well, there's nothing we can do by the way chicken bake not bragging guys But have you seen my strain library? What the fuck is all the cops called illegal in Texas color cows? What is that stuff? There's my strain library. It's all my weed strains. Oh Shit, and you got cool cases for him. Yeah, I got these cool metal cases, you know the bag Josh do is that your is that our paintball picture at the top there? Oh, you know it is damn. That's sick. That is sick. Oh

you ever get a you're gonna go into this thing yeah i've seen the picture of billy and spud

There's baby Billy right grizzled vets grizzled vets This is old dude, this is what he saw what years that I was like fucking eight with the American flag My dad was like fucking 280 in that picture. Wait, was a dad next to you? Yeah show the fucking better Matt I can't say I can't zoom in unit dude, and he looks exactly like trigger discipline on my finger -

Did he really? No. There's the rooster right there. There's the rooster right there. Called the killer rooster. Yeah, it was awesome. That was great. That was a great paintball trip. Core memory. It really was. I remember two people got in a big fist fight. It was awesome. All the dads really passed out. Who got fist fighted?

Huh? Who got in a fist fight? I don't want to say their names, but there's two people who got in a fist fight in a hotel room, which was like the craziest venue for a fist fight. That's like world star shit. Yeah, I know. It was pretty sick. How old were the gentlemen in the fist fight? Like eighth graders. Oh, okay. Our friends got it. It was like two eighth graders fought in a hotel room. Dude, the hotel had a bowling alley. I was mind fucked.

Must have bowled seven games so we can just keep playing I guess okay I'm gonna global until I can't fucking see straight in your forest gump with the dr. Peppers. I love you're gonna wait These are just unlimited games bowling my one cousin got fucking kicked out of the hotel for what fucking DC sniper He was out the window He brought his own rig I didn't have one I wasn't allowed to psycho that's crazy. That would happen now. That would be on the news. Yeah, I

He got a hotel guy. Like, dude, you got to like leave the. Did he get he got kicked out of the hotel or you just get it out of the hotel? Yeah, I think. Oh, that's right. Because then at the end of the night. Yeah, I remember. And then he was gone. Yeah, that was the night we woke up. My little cousin, he was asleep and we were all just like smoking weed and drinking. We're like, bro.

He was in the out, passed out from drinking and smoking weed as like, like a little kid. And we were like shaking him. We're like, bro, the building's on fire. We got to get out of here. And he just chased us around the hotel lobby. Not the lobby, like the floor, like the third floor. And we just ran laps around the third floor. And eventually he came to and was like, what the fuck are we doing? My brother, Tom did that to us in Dublin.

Where were you guys for the same place? Yeah. Yeah. Tom told me and my cousins in Dublin, Ireland, that there's a pool in the fucking hotel. We were walking around the whole thing and bathing suits asking everyone, where's the pool? And they're just like, there's no pool here. Completely prank. Oh, come back. I just produced one of Tom's podcasts. No biggie. I heard no big deal. Just like I'm doing right now. True. Yes. Look at that. You need a palm, dude.

He will sit there. It's a gay dog. It's like dude. It's the best. It is a gay dog. It's the best Reggie lay down boy Good lay down boy good trainer. What do you guys getting up to the rest of the night? Which I have no plans money some chicken obviously more hammer chicken bake. I gotta finish this campaign. Yeah, it's the campaign Right now the tear in years up. I don't know a million. I think it's 40,000

Whoa. 40,000? I think. That's fucking insane. I think that's why it's called Warhammer 40 or 20. I don't know what the fuck it is. 2040? No, it's way in the future, bro. 4,000. Now you have 40,000. Warhammer 40K, dude. Are you serious? Yeah. That's a fucking crazy name for a video game.

i could just 4 000. i got to be on my jaco type tomorrow i gotta wake up at 4 30 in the morning why what for early ass i'm taking a super early flight why do you keep taking these flights providence i like well i like getting out early so i can catch a nap uh before the show yeah you have to nap if you're waking up at four yeah you could no i front load your nap bro add it to the sleep

Oh, yeah. It's tough to sleep with the children. Yeah, you got to put them down. They wake up in the middle of the night. That way it's like if I leave when they're still there, like they get spun out. So you're hitting that 4.30 a.m. like, I got to go. You're getting out as long a trip as you can get.

well dude you have to otherwise if they're like getting ready for school and i'm like rolling out with a suitcase they're gonna spaz like what the oh you got to sneak out like before them and i gotta sneak out like actually yeah i just write him a little letter i say you guys be good and listen to your mama yeah then i take the back in three days and spade's going with you spade's coming it's doing five sick open it up you're lying yeah i know damn how

i might have a master of ceremonies like not even host i speak ladies and gentlemen you know welcome to the show just have a guy so dude your bro glenn lowry's coming too i'm going to interview him when i'm out in providence he's coming to the show yeah he's he works at brown university so sick yeah i'm excited is it the comedy connection yeah that's a fun that's a fun little venue yeah that's a good that's a good time in there those province people roger ford going yeah invite i'll probably i'll probably roll in them last time i want to see him and spade meet

And they will. They absolutely most likely will. It's a Manhattan project. Awesome. All right. Well, I think we're good enough. Yeah, man. 419. Oh, fuck yeah. God damn. 230, 330, 330. All right. Good math. 230, 330, 330. Not two hours. I mean, dude, it's good. It's your product. It's good stuff. It's your product. All right. Thank you. Yeah.

Love you guys. Goodbye. See you later.