Ep 480 - R.I.P. Tybalt (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
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Hello, Lewis. Hello, Lewis. How are you? Lewis J. J. Gomez. A fucking genius. You are a genius. What are you up to now? What are you working on that's genius? I started making my own AI art posters for my tours. Oh, I saw that. Dude, I fired...

shitty artists i'm no longer paying 30 a poster to shitty artists you just type in 90 for the year for ai art pretty easy i have no problem with it but i have no problem with people using ai no i don't give a fuck yeah about for what for anything yeah i don't really care no the artwork looks kind of whack like kind of whacked out what's yours look like is it better

It's still kind of whacked out, but I kind of like it. - Does it matter? - Yeah, I don't think it matters at all. - You could draw a fucking stick figure with a microphone. - You could literally take a picture, put the date on the bottom of it, and that's that. A lot of them are ironically bad, where it's like bad Photoshop, so that's what people do anyway. - Was that what the Depraved was? The devil one? - That was AR, yeah. - That was AIR? - That was AIR. - That was pretty tight. - But no, I didn't just say, "Hey, give me a Depraved poster." I fucking said, "I want a devil performing for demons in hell comedy." I wrote that as my prompt.

Then I said, I don't like that one. I said, regenerate. Like three times. Then I liked the one they came up with. There you go. That's it. Then I put it into another poster making program to where I could add all of the names and the fucking... Then you took it from there. Then I... I love satanic comedies. Yeah, dude. That's what I want to see. I want to see the fucking devil doing stand-up. For sure. The devil talking about relationships. There's not enough of that. There's not like... Nobody's doing...

Evil comedy, you know, it's either quirky and fun and cute. Yeah, I like fucking you know badass now But nobody's nobody's really do that ass comedy is also hilarious. What's badass comedy? You guys do badass leather jacket cigarette. That's awesome No, that's you guys are badass comics now. You don't even know. Oh you you think you're not badass comedians. Oh

We're not bad-ass. You guys are the bad boys of comedy. Yes, you are. We're not bad-ass. You're the bad boys, dude. We're cutting edge avant-garde. We're cutting edge avant-garde. We're cutting edge avant-garde. You guys are the bad boys of comedy. You guys are the ultimate bad boys. No, we're the only evil comics out there, dude. Dude, Mark of the Beast, bitch. Wow, you guys went totally to the dark side? Yeah, dude. We're fucking Slytherin all day. Nah, we're Slytherin. Slytherin called it.

We're Slytherin. No, obviously we're fucking Gryffindor. There's nothing we can do to escape greatness. I wish I could be Slytherin. I just became Gryffindor. Just Gryffindor through and through. LeMaire's fucking...

Hufflepuff. Fucking asshole. Fucking jerk. Don't you hate people when you ask them what house they belong to and they say Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw? Dude, it's crazy. It's infuriating. Yeah, yeah. There's no way you can say that with a straight face. Ravenclaws, what's that one? They just do nothing? It's like Slytherin light. Yeah.

- Maybe we could be Ravenclaw. We still have a little bit of fucking evil comedy. - True. - But we're also selling out to our corporate overlords. - But Harry has the marker of fucking, he who shall not be named right in his forehead. - Shame. - So, Gryffindor. - You got SNL, you're Gryffindor. There's no escaping it, okay? - We'll see, last time I got Gryffindor they banished me to Slytherin. I had to be Slytherin for five fucking years. I've been trying to be Gryffindor. - They referred to you as he who shall not be named on the set.

I'm coming back. They're going to have to fight me. They're going to have to join forces to wizard me away. Expelliarmus. I'm Shane. Back to podcasts. Back to the podcasting realm. It's nice, though. I like the podcasting realm. You guys know I love it. It's not bad, dude. I'm never going to be beyond the podcasting realm. Podcasting's nice. Podcasting fucking rules. Yeah. You're just talking.

You're just trying to compete with someone's internal monologue at work as long as you can beat someone in their head being like, fuck, this sucks. You got a killer podcast on your hands. We're keeping people alive. Yeah. Yes. Do you know how many people would have killed themselves without your podcast?

At least 25. Don't you get, are you counting the amount of DMs you've gotten with people being like, hey, dude, just so you know, I would have killed myself without your podcast. That's a real gay DM that I get once a month. No, that's not gay. It's not. I have to fight every instinct to not post it and make fun of them every time. Yo, you really are the devil. You're the devil performing for demons. Dude, you're making a deal. AI is going to swallow you up. It's going to tear you up. That's it, dude.

I'd like to put money in the hands of hardworking Americans and say, make it fly. Make it fly, that's it. It's more about the macro picture for me. Yeah.

So what you up to, man? What you been doing? What's up, man? We've been missing you. What have I been doing? We do miss you. I've been broke for the past three months. I stopped touring. Why are you broke? I stopped touring after I released my last special. I was like, I'm going to take like three months off. Why? I just never really paid attention to how money worked in my bank account. I didn't realize exactly how much touring was keeping me afloat. It was the first time in like a long time where I was like sweating, like legitimately like, holy fuck, dude.

And yeah, so I'll really do anything for money at this point. If you guys want to pay me to do anything, I'm really down. Can we make a flyer for you? Dude, can I make your flyers? Can I make your AI flyer? Can you make me double AI flyers? Dude, please hire me to make your flyers and just pay me a really competitive rate. You got to take, that's LaMare. LaMare, that's your job, dude. I'll do a flyer off with LaMare. I'll do it during the show. Yeah, I was going to say, those are nice. You got spiffy ass flyers. Yeah, he's good.

Those are spiffy. I actually, I was like, I walked out, I saw LeMaire designing a flyer for you. Yeah, that was, he gave it to me. I needed something like now. I was like, let me get something now. I'm waiting. Three days later, I get a text like, how's this? I'm like, I already have it. Can I see what it was? It was trash. I'll tell you right now, because I could, 15 minutes of flyer, I'm in and out, dude. That's what I'm saying. Real high-end art. I can make flyers. LeMaire, I saw the flyer you made. It was trash.

I changed it. I saw the ground floor of the crap flyer LeMay made. I can come in and do both their jobs. I'm going to be honest with you. If you just give me both their salaries, I'll take a 10%. I'll take a 10%, bro. We'll just start over. I'll leave gas digital. I'll be these fucking guys. Are you kidding me? You're trying to take our jerks, bro. You guys could never. Hispanic's coming to take your jerks. He made his way to Texas to take your jerks. You guys have a form of strong walls.

Yeah, we'll defend our jerbs. Let's go. At any cost. How? Physical violence. Can I take them both? He's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I know. I could definitely take them both. No, I don't think you could get both. At the same time, I could. Cardini's a wrestler who's not afraid to put a thumb in someone's butt.

And LeMair is, he's a jiu-jitsu athlete as well. And a fake wrestler. But right now he's got dinged up foot. He took a brewski tumble the other night. He took a brewski tumble. Oh, just rolled your ankle walking? Oh, yeah.

That used to be the Louis J Gomez special. Just when I was in high school, once a month and it would never heal because it was always a little bit rolled. So I'd just be walking at it in the middle of conversation, just fall on the floor. I'm still doing that. I shatter my ankle once a year.

Once a year. I remember I just... There was no athletics involved. I wasn't running. I wasn't playing basketball. It was simply just walking. And I was... For like a year, I kept on doing it. And I was walking around in a cane when I was in like the 12th grade. You had a cane? I had a cane every day in school. Damn, you were goth with a cane? It was your own angle? But it was more... It wasn't goth, dude. At that point, I had discovered more like...

metal pimp devil wear like you'd be like a bowling shirt with the devil on like big jenko jeans oh my god like a cane what was your cane you didn't have a regular cane you had like a you had an evil cane dude i know you had an evil yeah what was your hand gripping what type of skull head was the skull with an orb dude

No, it wasn't a skull. It was like a hand with an orb. Like an evil hand. You were an evil wizard. You were a dark wizard at school? Dude, I remember I fucking had that game, dude. And I crashed my mom's car. Of course. I crashed my mom's car. Obviously, you're up to evil mischief. Me and my friends...

We were hanging out and we're just like, you know cruising around on my mom's Dodge Neon and It was like wet out. I think I hydroplane. I don't know exactly what happened. I just fucking I've never been a good driver I just fucking careened into like a like a like a seawall next to like the Hudson River and I just fucked up the front of her car and then I went back I was working at KFC at the time and my manager at KFC Prepare the chicken

Yeah, I said to my goblet. Throw it into that boiling oil. Give me the chicken carcasses. Eye of newt, please. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So he told me, he was like, it was Mother's Day. This is Mother's Day, dude. Senior year of high school. And he was like, yeah, he was like, go across the street to ShopRite and buy your mom flowers while you're buying her flowers or say, then come out

and call the cops and say somebody hit the car while you were buying your mom flowers. Right? It's like the cop comes and he doesn't believe me at all. He's like, he's like, he's like a car hit this. And I was like, yep. Yes. Look into my eyes. Why were you in the devil? Why were you evil?

evil Puerto Rican kid. Dude, so the cop's like, why is there mud all around the wheel well around the tire? I was like, I don't know, dude. They must have threw mud at the tire. That's crazy. I don't know. They did that. He's like, it looks like you drove off the road and hit into a guardrail. I was like, no, I didn't do that. Definitely not. They took the report anyway, dude. They let me get away with it. That's awesome. And then I came home

And it was me. It was like me and like two chicks and my buddy. And like I hobbled it. I was like, mom, I was like, I crashed the car, dude. She literally, I mean, I watched her run at me, dude. Like, like the real devil, dude. Like it was the craziest. You remember you ever see, um, uh, what's that movie? It's in silence with a gym from the office.

Yeah, quiet please. It was like a quiet place. Dude, she came at me and I was like, I couldn't fucking run fast enough. She started beating me in front of my friends and then we all ran and then my mom chased me and my friends through the streets of West Havistra. They left like their book bags in the car and like the girl after like varsity like letter jacket. My mom went to a bridge and threw everything off. Oh my God. Yeah. Where were the flowers?

Oh, she started hitting me with the flowers. That's right. I was like, I got you flowers. It was nuts. I mean, it was a neon. It was a Dodge Neon. Yeah, you can't fuck that up. That was a big deal. Yeah, dude. Just smashing the car up like that. That was literally the least expensive car that you could buy new in the world. Yeah.

Yeah, Dodge Neons were tough cars. They were iconic. There's not one Dodge Neon that's not damaged like that, though. No. You can't see a Dodge Neon. You can't find a Dodge Neon today that's one color. You can only find one panel. Dude, I would love to get a Dodge. Dude, honestly, I have to buy a second car because my girl fucking Ubers everywhere. Maybe I'll get a Dodge Neon, dude. How sick would that be? Just a fucking used 98 Dodge Neon. Yeah.

That would be fucking nice. Have her bopping around in that. That'd be nice. Yeah. That'd be sick. Yeah, she's very pretty, so that'd be really fun. I have an injury right now. See a very pretty blonde lady get out of a fucking Dodge Neon. I miss on the train. What the fuck?

Fucking miss the tranq toe my ass up. What happened shot tranq. There's tearing my ass up. What did what actually did I just walked into the corner of a bed? Oh my god, I was my shit. Yeah, it's like two weeks. Dude. That's a tough day Yeah, you must have screamed. You must have had I literally put my book my dad was like fuck I'm sorry. Did you yell the n-word? No, that's my go-to. It really does relieve Really relieve the stress of stubbing your toe. I

Yes, when he put down his black child, he screamed the N-word. It's not racist, dude. It's about stress relief, dude. Have you ever heard of scream therapy? It's a real thing. Yes, I have. They go out in the woods and scream. Yeah, the N-word. Really? I like the men's groups where an older man stands before you. You have to push me. You have to push him. Push me. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. Don't stop, boy.

And they cry afterwards. The guy holds you and you cry in his arms. And that's the therapy? I love it. That's what I need, dude. Sometimes when I run, I swear this is the gayest thing. Sometimes if I run, I get into almost like a meditative state and I'm like by myself. And around the 25 minute mark, I start crying. Really?

Yeah, you get a runner's low. You get a fucking... I swear to God, sometimes I just get emotional and just start crying while I'm running. Really? It's a bizarre thing. I don't know exactly what it is. Some shit their pants. That's not bad. Yeah. Some runners just shit themselves. It's better. When you get the runner's high, it's kind of nuts. I finally started getting that this year where you're like, oh, this is what people are talking about. Where you're just like...

- Haven't gotten close to it. - It feels like you're floating. - You're like 15, 20 minutes into the run and you're like, oh, I feel great and I want to keep going. First 10 minutes you're like, I want to stop running. I want to stop, this sucks. And then you get to that sweet spot, 20 minutes, you know. I really like running. - Yeah, wow. - It's great. See, I'm into running, guys. I'm back to jujitsu. - Yeah, you look good. - You look good. - What are you working on right now in jujitsu?

- What's your focus? - I'm just fucking trying to not bang up my knees. I got two bad knees, I had knee surgery. - Do you ever have to just stop? People have to just stop. - I stopped for a year and a half. - Everyone's injured. Everyone who does Jiu-Jitsu is severely injured. - Yeah, you shouldn't do it. - Yeah. - It's like literally, so even though I can physically defend myself better, I now physically can't because both of my knees are shot, my shoulder's fucked up, my neck's all fucked up.

it's a mess i don't yeah dude you talk to rogan rogan's just like he's like yeah i gotta go get a spinal reconstructive fucking replacement surgery you're like all right dude yeah i just carry a dagger on me yeah small dagger yeah that'll fend them off that is funny though i mean it's fun i did it for a while i liked it yeah but yeah i couldn't as soon as i saw everyone just like my neck's cranked and this and that i'm like i don't feel like being old and like arthritic

Yeah, I don't think there's any way around it. I think you just accept the fact that you're going to be super injured. When I started boxing, it was way less on the body. Really? Way less. Yeah, dude. I would rather be punched in the head, to be honest. What about Krav Maga? Juke karate? Yeah. We all know what team you're on now. Sorry, dude. But how does it work? I don't really know, dude. I think you fucking...

Is that it? Is that Krav Maga? I don't know. Is it pinch? Yeah. You gonna give me your panties?

Not the IDF. Pinch is a good technique. I think it's like what you use against small Palestinian children. I'm kidding. You pinch them. I'm kidding. Josh, I'm bringing some light to a very dark situation. Yeah, man. That's all we can do. How to defend yourself against an 11-year-old boy in a shitty house.

Sorry. - No, that's fine. - I watched Terminator for the first time in 30 years. - Terminator's awesome. - First time in 30, I hadn't seen the movie since I was a kid. It's a better movie than you remember. - Is it really? Terminator's sick actually. I started watching that a couple years ago. - I was always a T2 man. - You're T2? - Yeah. - Of course, that was our generation. I was a T2 in the movies.

T1 I haven't seen I don't think any of them actually I just started watching the original Terminator one time like dude This is fucking awesome. It's such a like really cool and especially now cuz AI art is taking over like dude It's about to become fucking Skynet dude, and it's all gonna start with a poster that I make What are you gonna do with all the interns at gas digital They're not flyer makers

What can you AI? I'm trying to just brainstorm with you. Oh, we can. There's AI stuff for podcast production. You like clips. There's there's there's programs right now that will say you say, all right, you could give the prompt being like, I want to go viral based off of trending topics right now. Right. And then they pull 10 clips. They give you the titles. They give you the hashtags. They give you everything. And it's fucking all perfect. They do the cutting. They'll do the zoom in. They'll do all the you could set specific parameters, specific styles of. So, yeah, you guys are fucked.

We don't do clips. You guys are all right. No one can capture Guard Dog's aesthetic, too. No. His aesthetic is... Yeah, but what you could do is you could put in his aesthetic as an AI prompt and then capture this aesthetic. I think, no offense, I think Guard Dog could be the easiest AI. It'd literally be like AI going, yeah, that's what I did earlier. No, I didn't say that. Machines are rising now.

are you afraid of that are you afraid of the machines one day like becoming so good that they go all right humans are the problem now we need to eliminate them nuclear war collapse of the banks there's a bigger chance humans just do that to themselves yeah i'm not worried about it it's funny like they're going to figure out where the problem it's like we've already done humans haven't figured yeah we've been killing each other the whole time yeah we're just murdering each other constantly so yeah i don't worry the machine's up i don't worry about that at all honestly

Like they're going to uprise and just wipe us out. It's like, no, that's like Y2K. Remember in the year 2000? They were like, dude, midnight. It's going to hit. Everything's going to blow up.

And we all kind of bought it. I bought it a little bit. I was a little bit nervous. I was young. I was sixth grade. Yeah, I was. I remember watching a kid came around. I was just kind of like, I was 12. It was 12th grade. I don't have any fucking money. I was like, I was like, I have a drawer that I have. That's how I looked into the orb on my evil cane. We're going to be fine. Yeah.

- Yeah, any major thing, '08 was nice, collapse, the economy. - Yeah, that was decent. - Didn't affect me. - What happened in '08? - I told you, I was a realtor. - The housing bubble? - I was a realtor. - People say that, housing bubble. I shake my head every time. I have no idea what that means. - Yeah, I guess the prices just get too high and then everyone goes, "No, thank you." And then they all just drop down. - Drop down. Is that gonna happen soon?

They say, but the problem is housing bubbles are... There's not like a national housing bubble. Every city is different. So it'll happen in certain markets and then other markets will go up. It's like there's going to be a blanket housing bubble. It's not going to happen. But it did.

That was a subprime mortgage crisis. There was people who had all those mortgages. Oh, yes. Then they got foreclosed on and blah, blah, blah. They're not doing that again. But they were still, even during 08, there were still housing markets that were still going up. Aren't they doing that right now again? I don't think so, no. Okay, good. No, they're not doing that right now. They better not be. No. That was like a speculative thing they were selling to people. But no, now the interest rate's about to drop.

I'll give you guys the full financial. Yeah, how do you know all this? So we're going to buy a house. Oh, yeah. So the interest rate's about to drop right now. Tell me when. This is what I do with my friends who buy crypto. I'm like, just text me. Crypto, I waited until it was at its peak and I was like, I'm in. I just lost $20,000. I did the same exact thing. I lost like 15K and I was telling my buddy about it and he's like, and I was like, dude, I'm losing it all. He's like, now you got to buy more. Look what he's talking about. Now it's low. Now it's the time.

There's still crypto guys out there being like, it's going to hit $250K. My good friend of mine, his name is Wes, obviously. He's a crypto bro. He like sold off his businesses. And he plays with like high, high numbers. And I just told him, I was like, dude, I don't know what the fuck...

I was like, yeah, just you make a lot of money doing this. Just tell me when. And two days ago, he texted me being like, buy Bitcoin and buy Solano right now. Solano? Yeah. He said Solano is going to get really volatile. He's like, sell it. He's like, I'm going to tell you when to sell it off. He's like, it's going to be in a few months this summer. He was like, but it should do four to five times in revenue. And I'm like, what? Really, dude? And he's Jewish and he's rich. He's got a boat. I'm like, come on, dude. Please don't fuck me, dude.

I'm gonna fuck myself. I know I am. Yeah, probably. Not yet, but I'm about to. Nothing crazy, but I'm about to put a few thousand in just because. I'm a big Ethereum man myself. Yeah, but apparently Ethereum's. Yeah, I found out. Shit sucks. Lost everything. Yeah.

Yeah, I actually I told you I bought it was like $100 worth when it was 6000 bucks. Bitcoin? Yeah. And then I just was like, I'm done with this thing. I got rid of my Robin Hood app, all that stuff. And then it shot up to like 60,000 bucks. And I was like, and you just opened it one day and we're like, well, I saw it. I was like, whatever.

What am I going to do? Because then you can't... The thing is, even if it happens once, your chances of replicating that success are very low. Oh, you sold it and didn't make it work. I sold it. I made like $100. Oh, that's... I got it. But the thing is, when you do that, then you're like, all right, cool. You made $50,000 in Bitcoin money. It's like, all right, do it again. It's like, you're going to double down. Chances are, you're going to fucking lose the second time. Yeah. That's the problem with it. It's too speculative. You know what you should do? Focus on podcasting, hard work. More podcasts. Paying the bills. Grinding. More...

- More posters. - Yeah, more posters. - The posters are working. - This is it, dude. - The depraved sold out. - Invest in the posters. - People saw that poster. - I think it was a poster. - People saw that poster and said, "Holy fuck, the devil's gonna do stand-up?" "Tonight's gonna be evil." - How evil was the show? - It was pretty evil, dude. - It was totally normal. - Regular evil. - Dude, it was an evil show. The depraved is a great concept. - The mayor was evil. - Did you do your most fucked up joke to start?

Yeah, I did my most fucked up joke. It was about Epstein Island. Nice. Yeah. How'd it go? It was okay. You sounded like you had a really nice set. I had a fun time. No, everyone killed, dude. People fucking tear it up, dude. It was hilarious. Ripping. Yeah, the idea of the show, you have to start with your most fucked up joke and then dig yourself out of a hole. That's the idea. Nice. It's my style. Like a grave. Hole like a grave. Dude, kind of like a grave. Your hand comes up. It's going to be the spookiest show you've ever fucking seen. Yeah.

People had to leave. They were too scared. Were they really? Dude, I saw a lady at the creaking cave for real like get pissed off and like smash a glass. It wasn't during my set. I was like walking in and I was like, I'm coming in. I hear just like boom. I thought a waitress dropped something. I think it was Brian Holtzman. Holtzman's been killing people. He was screaming. His whole Instagram is, have you watched his Instagram? No. It's great. It's just he films people leaving the show. Yeah. He has his opener outside film people leave the show and he's like, why are you leaving?

and every single person's like that was racist and sexist that guy sucks i'm out a lady he posted she just cleared like a tray of empty glasses and went and then walked out of the creaking cave and i was like oh that's crazy nobody everyone just like looked at her like what the yeah yeah it's pretty nuts a wild way to handle a joke you don't like yeah just breaking people's property he up should have tackled her she's a spirit should have protected a small business

Should have went outside and shot a guy. Should have killed that girl. Should have went outside and shot a guy. Yes. Thank God the small businesses are safe now. Thanks to a few patriots. There's a few patriots that protected them and saved us. Thank God. I was so scared for them. Remember that when all the small businesses were getting blown up? When? Like last summer. Small businesses were being blown up? Yeah. Why?

People were pissed. Throwing shit through the windows and shit? What do you mean? When did this happen? Never mind. We're just talking about old crap. The country's moved on. We have truly moved on. This country has fully moved on, which is nice. Yes. I miss the pandemic. Huh? I miss the pandemic. Do you really? Yeah, because I was like one of the only people not playing by the rules. Oh, you were out buzzing around? Doggy, I was trying to fucking touch as many people as possible. I was hooking up.

I was single for a lot of the pandemics. Yeah, what was that like? I'm curious about that. Nobody was trying to hook up, so it was like, girls were like, really, you're down? I was like, yeah, come on, let's go. We can fucking, we get a bus to ourself today. Take the mega bus. It's going to be awesome. Wait, were there dudes that were like scared of pussy during the pandemic? I think so, yeah. Yeah.

I think there's a lot of people. It was almost there was a lot of shaming going on. So if you were going out and you were like part of like the normal New York or L.A. crowd, people like, dude, what the fuck's wrong with you? Why are you staying home? That was a real thing. Yeah. If you did a show, people would like post it. Yeah. Look at this fucking asshole. Yeah. Yeah. That's lame as fuck. Like, dude, I got a fucking throbber.

I have a boner. I gotta stop jacking off at my parents' house. I'm gonna kiss a girl. Yeah. That must have been cool. That must have been exciting. Yeah. So it was like, STDs weren't even a consideration. It was just like, as long as you don't get... No, we could die. Man, we're all about to die. Who cares? Did you get real sick with the...

COVID? I didn't think so. And then I remembered that I was deathly ill at the Legion of Skanks New Year's Eve 2019 party that we threw at the comedy store. And there was like 500 people there that, I mean, we were all smoking blunts and hugging and fucking, it was just...

Yeah, like, and I was, I mean, I was like, I've never been this way. I can't smell anything. I can't taste anything. I remember six months later, I was like, I don't think I got COVID. And everyone was like, you don't remember that you literally started COVID on New Year's.

Yeah, if you don't want COVID, avoid any Legion of Skanks type of anything. It's literally people sharing blunts, spitting. Yeah, dude, Skank Fest is genuinely just... You're going to get some type of hellish sickness. It's a petri dish of just disease. Yeah, there's actually... That is a thing where people come back and they're like, I think I got that Skank Fest COVID. People always say, I got Skank Fest COVID. You guys are going to invent a new...

Something's coming out of it. A new strain is coming out of it. It is a real wet market. It's literally all evil KFC employees gathering.

Evil KFC employees gather and are like, we should do acid and spit on each other and piss. Oh, I fucking threw up on a girl. Oh, my girlfriend passed out again. Fuck. It is. It's just people passing out. Evil KFC employees. It's got KFC employees festival. You get to watch podcasters box. It makes no sense.

- It rules. - It does rule. - It does rule. - It rules and I love it. - Dude, it's wildly impressive. - Oh, fuck dude, it's so stupid. - It's so fun. - But if you really, if you look at some of it, you're like, what the fuck is happening here? - It's fucking sick. - I'm nervous about this year because

I feel like it's gotten a lot... Like, this past year was so big, like, the amount of people talking about it. Yeah. I'm nervous now that it's not going to be as many skanks that are at Skank Fest. There's going to be a bunch of normal people there this year that don't know what they're fucking up for. They're going to be scared off. They're going to be fucking... They're going to be scared off very quickly. Because we have, like, a lot of mainstream comics. Yeah. I mean, all of our friends have become famous and mainstream at this point. You know what I'm saying? So it's like... Like, yeah, dude. Like, we're...

Well, we'll see what happens, but I think there's gonna be a lot more like normal like hot chicks and they're gonna be like what is fucking? Oh god, I love it. They'll just move in like get out of my way gas station lady. I'm here Gas station ladies are gonna be so sad The gas station ladies were cleaning up Oh, yeah, dude gas station ladies go there and get plowed but every single dude loves the gas station Yeah, man, it's fucking 10 to 1 dude

goth kfc dudes 10 to 1 against gas station ladies everyone's drinking soda everyone's just on acid you don't know anybody who smokes cigarettes or drinks soda anymore except for it's game class everyone's just drinking a soda fucking you guys are building up towards like every festival has to build up to like a tremendous casualty so you guys are like maybe it will be a woodstock 99 thing do you think you think it'll be like a travis scott

Trample. Well, we were in Houston during Astroworld. Stankfest was the same time. You're right. I remember I flew back with the guy. He was all Astroworlded out, and he was just like, you don't understand, man. If you weren't there, you don't understand what happened. He was fighting with his friends. I'm like, you guys charge stairs and kill people. You trampled the children. You trampled a child to get 20 feet closer to Drake, you psycho. Yeah.

Speaking of Drizzy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you see Drizzy's unit? I didn't see his unit. Oh, I didn't see it. I heard about this. Was that one of your AI flyers? Can we please see it? It's a decent penis. I'm sure it's great, dude. I heard that. Romero wasn't impressed. Lemise.

The mayor said it was a long skinny. I saw it. I said, there's a good over. He did have the proper angle. He was like, was he beating off? He was kind of flopping it a little. Did he have a little mayor? Did he ever take me to your leader? What do you mean? Skinny probe? Yeah, dude. He had a skinny probe, but he had the perfect angle. He had like the hunters photo where you put it in front of the camera. You know what I mean? You hold up the animal.

and you're behind it. - Oh, you get like every bit of length. - Yeah, like holding up a fish. - And there was a bit of a base grab there too. - Oh, he was pushing the bottom? - You obviously broke. You know you need a base grab in a photo. - Dude, come on, dude, I'm just saying. - You got it? - Yeah, let me see what's going on with Drake's penis. - I put my dick next to a replica of the Twin Towers to make it look bigger when I sent it to girls. That's what I do. - That's funny. - Yeah, it's nice.

That's awesome. It's a nice penis. Let me see. I didn't realize I was going to see him jerking off. I thought it was a Paul's photo. I was like, give him a fatty. Oh, he's got a fatty. Shut the fuck up. That's how I felt. It's a big, long wang. He's 60% hard, first of all. He's not even blue-chewed out, dude. He's fucking... He's flopping it. Yeah, dude, in order to fucking... My dick is that big. At that heart, it's... I'd have to use one finger to flop it like this. Come and get it. Psst, psst, psst, psst.

You don't think he's got a honker? I gotta see your honker if you're talking like this. No, no, no. He's totally got a honker. I've been waiting to get my hand on him. He's got a honker. I thought you were for real about to pull his pants out. Also, Drake's a big guy. Is he a big guy? I think he's tall. I think he's a big guy. I think so. He's not a little tiny humper. Yeah. With a massive honk, dude. I kind of like Drake in a weird way. I fucking love Drake. He's got great songs. Yeah. He's fucking cool as shit.

He fucking- Well, what's the problem? What's the evolution going to be? Bro, he's been evolving. He's been doing it for 15 years. He has been, but- Yeah, dude, he was fucking- He was a gay kid on a Canadian TV show. Oh, he was handicapped. Yeah. Was he handicapped in the show? After he got school shot. He got school shot? Oh, yeah, that's what happened. He got school shot and became handicapped. They were ahead of school shoot. I guess it was Columbine. Yeah, it was Columbine. It was also Canada.

They don't really have that problem in Canada. No, I'm not hating on the guy. I'm saying the evolution, what's the next phase going to be? When rappers hit their 40s, they typically go into like spirituality, black Israelite stuff. The question is going to be like Jay-Z's now.

like billionaire husband like what's the evolution gonna be or is he gonna be messing with his thoughts he could be an old playboy an old boy playboy yeah i think he's gonna be cool i think he's he made like a dance a house music cd that's an album that's it he'll probably change some of them are sad you see like snoop dogg now you're like what are you doing dude yeah are you hanging out with martha stewart you're supposed to be snoop yeah well martha stewart's a fucking convict though yeah i know but she's comic music you know

But yeah, I'm always curious. I like to follow rappers into the 40s and see what they do, and it's always kind of interesting. I'm trying to think of...

M had a rough one. He's beefing with Benzino still. Trump dog got M. What did Trump dog say? No, M&M made like a cypher. He's like, should I pour this hot coffee pot on Donald Trump's head? God damn it, dude. He looks weird too. M&M like, white guys with money, they do this thing where it's like,

He looks almost like rubber. You know, actually, he looks like when the Terminator had the fake face where he was in the mirror cutting his eye out, but you could tell it was like a rubber mask. That's what Eminem looks like now. He's got a beard. He's got a very dark beard. Yeah, dark beard, dark hair. Now he's just Marshall, though. Yeah. He doesn't call himself Eminem anymore? He's not Slim Shady. No, but I'm saying he's full of Marshall, though. He has, like, dark hair, beard. He's just getting beefs with Benzino about, I don't know what. He's still getting Benzino? Yeah, they're beefing right, currently, they're beefing as we speak. Why?

Benzino's daughter is like now getting in the mix and she did a song with Busta Rhymes or she was dressed kind of provocatively. I could go into rap beef. Let me hear it. I love rap. I follow it constantly. I went on a fucking real journey of rap beef for a long time because I love the beef tracks. I work out to beef tracks. That's it. That's kind of nice. And I don't take a side. I'll listen to one beef track and I'm just as pumped. Yeah. It rules, dude. Fucking. I.

apparently Benzino said something about him on a podcast or something and now they're fighting he just he just calls him probably called him like a culture vulture that's a big that's that's the thing white guys deal with in rap Tom McDonald's getting fucked right now Tom McDonald put out the number one billboard hit number one billboard hit with Ben Shapiro and fucking people are furious at him because they're like dude that's racist to say that all other rap is turning people's kids into thugs and strippers and

You know, it's like, well, obviously not all the rap does that, but you could point to a lot of rap. I think Buck Cherry had a lot to do with women turning into strippers. You know, I don't think that was as much rap. It is funny, though, to be like, act as if they don't know, like,

There are trending rap artists that are for sure a terrible influence. Yeah. You can say that's not a racist thing to say. But it's also like you're nobody's a terrible influence. You got to be a good parent. Exactly. So no matter I don't give a fuck. My son could watch any movie, listen to any rap. I'm not worried about him becoming a piece of shit because I'm raising him right. Yeah. And he gets to watch this as, you know, you know, a little treat.

It's provocative. You get to watch this shit. I let him watch. I sort of let him watch South Park recently. Awesome. His mom hates it, but I'm like, it's just he's a good kid. He's not going to repeat this stuff. He knows what's wrong. He understands it's provocative and it's wrong to say. That's why it's funny. Yeah. Yeah. South Park has kind of like an underlying moral, though.

- There's a new NBA. - Sometimes, sometimes not bad. - There was 10 seasons where there was no underlying moral anything, dude. - Dude, the new NBA Youngboy video, which I also follow a lot, is just them reenacting street murders.

It's pulling up on ATVs and like visibly like graphically shooting people in cars. It's fucking insane. Yeah. Well, there's like a whole thing where like there are rappers regularly murdering each other. I know. Like just like in the underground. Yeah. It's a real thing. It's like they start like they get a song that trends on like reels. Yeah. Murdered the next week.

that's terrible yeah so that's that's that's the weird and like dude that stuff people do like that stuff yeah but it's like yeah you're right but if you like you kind of like watching the same way you go to world star nobody's going there and being like oh i want to be that i think people are oh yeah they for sure but here's that's yeah but you're right though it's like if your kid is if you're if there's nothing between your kid and the internet that's your that's the parents problem did you hear about the kid who shot up the school recently and they're going to convict the mom now

maybe the mom and the dad now are going to be faced with charges and now they started leaking the fact that the mom was like going to sex parties i don't know why they were like you should have got your kid mental health like help and mentally fucked instead of fucking the she was cheating on her husband with the fire marshal and they were like setting up in hotel rooms and having like sex parties but it's just all coming out where was it huh it was like i don't know somewhere like the midwest or something yeah it could have been milwaukee's gone wild you think it's milwaukee's gone wild

Let me what did you do? But yeah, dude, it's like they're they're like now trying to prosecute this mother. Yeah. And they're like, did you know she was cheating on her husband, too? And it's like, well, what's the angle for prosecuting them? Was it was it because they gave this kid a gun access? Dad gave him a gun, but they locked it with like a zip tie or something like or like one of those chain combination things.

And they were like, we didn't think you knew the combination. He just took the gun to school. That's crazy. Yeah. The lady was like, I was against the gun purchase. And then they were like, you were cheating on your husband. Yeah, whatever. You were a slut. It's crazy.

Yeah, it's also that's not like much of a deterrent. You know what I mean? If they're like, we're going to start prosecuting parents of school shooters. Yeah. It's like, I'm pretty sure every parent's like, please don't be a school shooter. Exactly. You know what I mean? Every school shooter's like, sweet. My parents are going down for this. I hated them also. That's a nice threat too as a kid. I'll shoot up my school. Yeah, if they're like, it's bedtime. You go, is it?

Because I'll get your gun and shoot everyone. I'm staying up to watch Monday Night Raw. Mom, I know you're a slut. If I shoot anybody, your ass is going to jail. Yeah. Everyone's going to find out about what you did. Everyone's going to know. Can I sleep over at Jason's house tonight? But in a weird way, you guys are shooting up at school? With a kid, though, you almost like...

They are fucking kids. And there's a responsibility. Dude, if your kid's shooting up a fucking school, I will say you did something wrong. Yeah. Maybe not criminal, but like maybe you should look at what the fuck was going on. You failed. You failed in one way or another. Maybe you overmedicated the fuck out of the kid. Maybe. Maybe the kid. It's tempting, dude. It's tempting, man. Because every like you could cut so many corners parenting now. You can have iPad meds. You can fully like. Yeah. Just.

Bottle your kid down. Yeah. Well, it's easier. Like people, you see it happen all the time. There's in a restaurant and they just give the kid an iPad and the kid is completely disconnected. Oh, I'm doing that. I'm doing that. They shut down so hard. They would do. They'd be on it. They're making like future, like autistic. Like I think like it's like learned autism. You're going to people that have trouble making eye contact, shaking hands, fucking like doing any of that stuff because their entire communication is all built in this. I'll be honest. I could do without both those anyway. Yeah.

eye contact sucks and so does shaking eye contact no you got to look for your reflection in someone's eye so that you scare them dude did you did i say that to you do you see me i can't see myself look for your reflection in their eye and speak slowly my contact is pretty gay you

- Eye contact, and then when you bring up-- - If you make eye contact with another man for more than one second, it's like, what are you doing? - It's weird. - If you bring up eye contact, and then talk about it, it's very uncomfortable. - Oh yeah, they won't be just making eye contact. - I hate it, dude. - Now that's the podcast program. - I'm out of there. - We podcast on the spectrum, dude.

Should we hold hands? Yeah, I'd like that. Dude, I can't wait to start watching that show. The show's incredible. I can't wait. It's great. I didn't know what it was. It's exactly what I thought it was. You talk about crying running. I cry watching that show. You cry watching it? It's so nice. Love on the Spectrum. Yes. It shows when the parents are relieved. Like when the mom's like, I never thought they'd find anyone. Like they go...

the girl the the one boyfriend takes the girl to africa she loves lions so they go see the lions and then the mom's like i never thought there'd be a day where she didn't say i need you and this is great it's really beautiful that's really sweet yeah the show is a tearjerker it's a tearjerker they're also innocent they're angels dude they're sweet angels they are absolute angels dude james hitting the that instagram video about releasing sexually

He put out an Instagram video of him just like, I heard that sometimes the pressure is so intense sexually that you need to just release it or you can't think about anything else. Is anybody else experiencing this? My morning. Every morning of my life. Yeah.

It's literally verbatim. Yeah, absolutely. I said that exact speech to my girlfriend two days ago, which wouldn't fuck me. I was like, you don't even know. I have to release. I'm going to be in a bad mood all day. It's the only thing I can think about.

Sexually release. Women just don't care. They don't care about the release. They don't understand it. They like to hold it over you too. They like to go, you don't, LeMary, you better start making me release. True. I've been in here begging LeMary to release me. He won't bring that voluptuous ass over to me. Let me use you. They have zero frame of reference. If you stay here, I get free use.

True. When you're playing video games, you got to lay on your stomach so I can come in and get behind you. Yo. Come on, man. Lemes is not that big of a deal. I bet you Lemare's ass from behind is pretty nice. Like bear. Just laying. Do you imagine laying on him? He's prone. You're behind him. Just putting your face in it. Dude, get Brazilian waxes too. Have him like hairless, dude. I am going to make you hairless. He has to wear women's shoes and just lay on his back. Yo.

I can see it. If I hear the clop of those high heels coming in here. He started pimping his ass out.

Oh, yeah. Anytime somebody comes and visits, I go, there's a little treat out there. There's a sweet morsel. That'd be Shane Steen's Island, dude. That is my temple. I should have them. I could paint it. I could get the red and white or the blue and white stripes. That's the temple. There's a comedy millionaire pimping out 35-year-old black dudes.

That can't be a crime. No way. I told you, as long as you're not tricking him, man. Trafficking is when you trick or intimidate. That would have felt like a trick, though. I was like, come down here. It's good for comedy. Next thing you know, Simon Rex is going deep in your ass. You're just selling him to all your famous friends. Simon Rex is plowing La Mer.

Dude, Simon stayed here the last few days. That guy can fart, dude. Simon Rex? Simon Rex. Oh, yeah, I can put that out there. That guy can unleash farts, dude. I didn't think I could meet my match. Really? He destroys. What? We're talking 15-second farts. What? He can hold it, dude. It's like...

He did that the other day. He just looked at me and went, oh. I was like, yeah, dude.

Nothing better than farting with your boys, dude. Yeah, complete bro. I hate it. I get so mad. You get mad? I was leaky yesterday. That's crazy talk. Well, if it's loud, it's funny. If I can smell your fart. Yeah, if it smells, that's a problem. If you can enter me with your shit particles. True, true. It just feels so invasive. It feels like rape. Is this the way a rape victim feels? I assume that if a woman is raped, she feels exactly like I feel if a man farts in my presence. Yes, you've experienced the same trauma. And I can smell and taste it.

I feel like I'm in... Yeah, the Ocon man can hit some nasty ones. You were hitting them out of the park yesterday. I didn't really... I couldn't smell them. You were farting in the car. Until I got to my car. And then when we got to... Yeah, you were hitting some nasty ones. I was farting in a restaurant. At the restaurant. Didn't even know I was farting. In a car is just fucking... I was farting like a dog, though. Like, I for real didn't know I was even farting. Yeah, you didn't know I was farting. I didn't know until the restaurant. Oh, remember that guy's dick on the ride home? Dude...

dude this guy was it's like maybe 76 year old guy was outside to like jog i guess and like spandex shorts with just like a bull frog dude in his pants and it was and he kept like you know when people like girls wear like short shorts and they tug down on stuff yeah he kept like trying to adjust himself and it was like yeah i think you were you hit the nail on the head there he was clearly he's like damn i didn't know my dick was gonna be out this much yep these shorts are intense he was wearing yeah he's wearing compression shorts

Dude, it was... Dong was out. Dude, if I wear compression shorts, it turns my dick into a pussy. There's no bulge. Dude, when I wear sheaths, it literally looks like I have Barbie's...

Private parts. Like just a flat, like a tiny indentation of a slit. It creates a slit for some reason. Yeah. I don't know how. I have no fucking dick. It sucks. That's all right. That's why you were in prison. You said God cursed me. I'll curse him. So I got kicked out of Equinox.

I'm banned for life. Why? He's been kicked out dozens of times. No, not from Equinox. I worked at Equinox for years. I waved the Equinox flag. I love that place, dude. They kicked you out in the steam room, right? Yeah, I got into an argument with three dudes in the steam room because they were talking too loud. And it was my place of peace. And ironically, it turned into just me screaming in the Equinox locker room. Just in the mist? Through the mist. Don't say in the mist around LeMire. That's fucked up. Come on, doggy.

I got it. No, I was out afterwards. But then I had to go to Lifetime Fitness, which is still a nice gym. Very nice, yeah. But it's a step down from Equinox. And maybe my third day at Lifetime Fitness, I'm in the steam room, and some dude just goes...

In the steam room. In the fucking hot steam room, dude. And I just got kicked out of Equinox, so I couldn't, like, I was like, I can't make this another fucking thing, dude. But it was, I mean, it was the craziest thing I had ever experienced in my entire life. I never even thought of that. Farting in a steam room is just crazy. Because the steam just expands. Yeah, yeah. It's just hot.

Damn. Next time we hit the sauna with rogues. Got to fart. Hit a fart. He might kill you. Spast. It would smell so bad. You would go crazy. It would be so funny. It would smell. It would go crazy. No, you should go into his fucking, what do they call it? The tank where you float. They just do water farts. That's it.

That might come back to haunt you. That salt could enter. Yeah. You know what I mean? Farting in the sauna would be... It's as funny as it gets. It'd be so loud. That's crazy somebody did that. Oh, yeah. And that fuck... It's like a pew. Literally a circular pew. A pew. Fuck yes, dude. It would bounce for... It's a sauna joke. P.U. It would bounce. My mom would say pew. It's very funny. She wouldn't say P.U. If you fart around my mom, she'd go, oh, pew. P.U.

And then I would be there. Anytime she would go to the bathroom. Anytime my mom took a shit, I would be there to go, Mom, phew. She would go, oh, yours are worse.

Your mom. Peeing. Keeping an eye on your mom for the shit is so fun. Where are you going? Mom's dropping dogs. They're pretty quiet about it, dude. They sneak off. They slink off, yeah. They're like dying dogs, dude. Go under the porch. I was going to say the exact same thing. Speaking of, RIP Tibble. True. My cat died. Tibble, it's gone now. You had a cat here? I had a cat in my parents' house, and they were waiting to kill that motherfucker. All it took was he didn't eat for three days, and they were like, all right, we're taking him to the vet. He's dead. He's dead.

he was tearing that house up he was fucking them up yeah he was killing shit he had a terrible asshole my cat had a fucked up ass and anytime he took a shit a turd would stay and he would just walk around the house there was always a turd he was ready to go it was time to go I wish he had gotten one more summer I think he was probably like 10 yeah how old do cats live for they're fucking old are they really they can get old

I thought he was going to outlive my parents. Really? I thought he was going to ruin their lives for the rest of their lives. It's kind of nice for them that Tibble's gone. I grew up in the suburbs, like just trashy. We just had like...

just like cats yeah we just we find a cat under a porch we just find like brand new kittens let's take them yeah awesome from their mom yeah cats ruled before they were ready and then we ended up having so many cats it wasn't like we were like a cat house we always have like three or four cats right and then it's cat house 100 it's a lot four gatos yeah yeah four gatos

- So my one cat, Miss Kitty, she started, we just let her like, we never fixed any of these cats. - You're an evil KFC worker with a cat named Miss Kitty? - Yes, Miss Kitty. - But she would start fucking her babies. Like the cats would grow up. And remember she had a litter with one of her children. - Whoa. - And those babies came out. I mean, talking about on the spectrum. - You had some rough cats. - Talking about these cats were cross-eyed. Their feet were backwards.

What'd you do with them? She ate them. It was crazy. Oh, no. Miss Kitty ate them? Miss Kitty was like, this is gonna happen. Miss Kitty ate her own children. That's a cat abortion. Yeah, dude. Holy shit. That's terrible. They were evil motherfuckers. Yeah, you should have taken them in. It was like AI. AI can't do hands. Yeah. They can't speed and pause. They're all fucked up.

- Fuck. - Oh man, your mom was probably scared. It's very, in a Hispanic house, that'd be very scary. - Yeah. - My mom was white. - My mom was white. - Oh, you had a honky mom? - My mom was, I'm half Puerto Rican, half Italian Irish. - Oh nice. - You guys. - Yeah. - Funny side. - Yeah. - True. Yeah, Tybalt was a good guy. I'm sad about it. Not as sad as I thought I'd be. - Yeah. Named after the Romeo and Juliet character. - Yes. - Nice.

The Prince of Cats. Yeah, it was time for him, man. Yeah, my parents were going through hell. My mom hated that fucking cat. Yeah, it was... He would bite her. Scratching up furniture. He destroyed the entire... Every single day, he ruined their house. It's like literally, you just... You have a couch and the couch goes... I'm just gonna just fucking... Just ruins everything.

He was shitting and pissing everywhere. My parents' house stinks. And I got my mom a pool. And she kept being like, we got to get rid of the cat. I was like, I will literally fill the pool with concrete if you touch that fucking cat. Yeah.

She thought the cat was going to drown or something? No, no. She was trying to kill the cat. And I was threatening to take away the pool. I thought you were saying she was worried the cat was going to fuck with the water. No, no, no. I was threatening to, if they harmed Sweet Tibble. Direct a humongous monument to Tibble? Yeah, in concrete. Actually, I should. That's a good idea. Do you like a two-inch fountain with a huge monument to Tibble? Well, now your pool is a skate park for my Philly friends. Oh, God. Get Beezer in there. Drop it in.

Just fucking having Bam Margera fucking hanging out in your pool. Yeah, I'm at Phil's house. How do you not become friends with Bam? I feel like that's in the trajectory of your life. I would like that to happen. Yeah. That'd be fun. I could just see Bam literally living on this couch at one point. That'd be chill. It'd be super chill to have Bam. And Bam would get free use on Lameezy.

For sure. Yeah, we're about to wake up LeMire. Fuck LeMire's ass. So bad. Is he like in rehab now or something? I know he was. He was doing the Florida Shuffle. That's what it was called. Is that what they call it? Yeah, they were moving him around from different rehab places. Yeah. I think he's like 19 days sober or something like that. That's pretty good. When you hear somebody like that, you're like, if you brag about 19 days, you're like, damn, dude, good for you. Yeah.

counting the hours at that point yeah yeah yeah that's tough it's gonna be tough for him though because it's like you know it's one thing to get sober but if you've like dropped descended from like uber fame and then you like get sober it's like a tough adjustment that's what the hell you're up to i guess he has enough money though maybe not i think he does dude you think so you think he's still got a lot of cash yeah dude he had a ton of money

I don't know how he's doing. Yeah, but I mean, if you're not working, like there's not like a lot of residuals from Jackass at this point. I mean, the movies. I think there are.

- You think so? That much? Where he can fucking sustain a fucking-- - Yeah, those movies were global. - I guess I'm sure I do get a $17 check from the Jim Gaffigan show once every three months. - Do you? Hell yeah. - From one episode of the Jim Gaffigan show. - And he has residuals on all Viva La Bams. - Yeah, but you can also burn a lot of money doing drugs and stuff. - You burn a ton of money buying houses and fucking doing drugs. I don't know if the residuals from Viva La Bam would keep him rich.

- He's probably straight though. - I think he was richer than you would imagine. - No, I didn't even realize that money was a thing. - AI boys, get on this. - Yeah, in life. I had no idea. Up until four years ago, I thought the max you could make was $2,000 a weekend as a comic.

- Yes, for sure. - It was from Big J, from opening for Big J, I was like, "Dude, imagine 2000 in a weekend. "That'd be wild." - Yeah. - And then I found out the reality of things a few years later, and I was like, "Why did I say the N-word so much on camera? "Why am I a fool? "All I had to do was tap it in. "I was right there." - You were so close. Now you're banished to the demon realm. - Yes. - The show tonight's gonna be so scary.

If you can guess my name by the end of this show, I will give you your life back. Lewis. Fuck. Fuck. What's Ben Margera's net worth, dude?

These are never really completely accurate. Bam Margera is an American skateboarder. It says a million, and he has a lot of restaurants and other clothing brands and stuff that I think generate income. Oh, yeah, dude. He's got skateboard sneakers and shit. He has a lot of businesses and stuff. Yeah, he's chilling, dude. Bam is straight. Hell yeah, dude. I would love to get Bam on Legion of Saints. That'd be a great Legion of Saints. That would be hard to do. Fantastic. Yeah.

Getting Bam on there would be nice. Yeah. He's beefing with Steve-O and stuff, isn't he? I think that's off and on, yeah. I'll side with fucking Bam in a heartbeat. I'll end my relationship with Steve-O right now to become friends with Bam. I'm not going to listen to Steve-O's fucking scratchy-ass voice anymore. I don't want to ask you so much. Fuck Steve-O. Oh, God. We need Noxu.

- Knoxville's the man. - Knoxville's above all else. - Knoxville's royalty, dude. - Knoxville's king. - Yeah, in that Game of Thrones, he for sure ascended. - He was always though, he was the king kind of the whole time. - Yeah. How did they even get introduced to each other? - Wasn't he already sort of like on a trajectory of doing stuff? - He was not in "Can't Kill Yourself." - He was not in "CKY." - Yeah.

But then Steve-O was doing his thing. I think Tremaine, is that his name? Jeff Tremaine. Yeah, he put them all together. He was like, here's all you guys are making the same shit, basically. Oh, Knoxville is making a show. Let's make a show. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. Johnny Knoxville. I would have done all that shit if I wasn't a pussy. Like, I was way in, but I was like, I'm not hurting myself. When that came out, I think I'm sure all three of us gave it a shot. Got the whole video out. Jump off. Jump off a shed into a bush and be like...

Just nut tap your buddy. I was also afraid myself.

Yeah, I'm a pussy. I can't do any of that shit. While my friends started skateboarding, I decided, dude, I'm going to be an aggressive inline skater. I'm going to rollerblade. And I couldn't do any tricks. And it saved your fucking life. But I couldn't do any tricks. I couldn't jump and land a rail slide or any of that shit, dude. No, it's impossible. I can just skate the way pretty girls skate through a park. That's kind of nice. Yeah, if I can go backwards, I can cross over. Really? You can go backwards? Oh, yeah. Do you ever fuck with any verts?

Halfpipe? Not on rollerblades. So the first time I went to Amsterdam when I was 22 years old, we stayed in a place called Utrecht, which is like 45 minutes outside of Amsterdam. It's like a different city. But we were just poor. We were like, oh, we can get a hotel for $110 a night. And so we had to fucking take a 40-minute train ride into Amsterdam every day to bang hookers and get weed. And then take it back to Utrecht. A fucking super train home every night. It sucked. Yeah.

It fucking blew. What were you doing in Amsterdam? Hookers and weed, dude. That was it. It was before weed was legal. Was Utrecht just popping? Utrecht didn't have anything, dude. We literally- It's just like a suburb. We went to a suburb to come. It's like staying in Westchester when you're visiting New York City. There's no reason. So in Utrecht, there was a half pipe for skateboarders, and we had rented those big fucking stiff Dutch bikes. Oh my God. And I was like, dude, I'm going to hit the half pipe with a Dutch bike, dude.

And I literally went and I just went on top of me and I laid on the ground for like a half an hour while Dutch people laughed at me.

my mom died when i was there oh there was there when i was there my mom died i was in amsterdam i didn't find out till i got home it was there damn i didn't hear you say i'm sorry no it's okay oh so you got back from the trip you got home you're like damn yeah i when i got back yeah i'd like to think it was when i entered my first legal prostitute that my mom's heart gave out like that was the moment fuck you are that's why you're fucking yeah you are

Damn. That's, I mean, man, could have been. Hell yeah. It's a chance. It was a shot. Maybe. What was it like getting legal prostitutes? Did you like shake their hands like, ma'am? Yeah. Partner? No, they were like just sort of more like clinical, I want to say about it. Really? Like prostitutes in the States.

They vary from being like, all right, you're fucking entering a hotel room and banging them for pretty cheap and you're just sort of in and out. That was sort of the energy. You pay, I think it was 50 euro, fucking suck. 50 euro, fucking suck. Did she like it? She loved it. I loved her. We were in love. That's nice.

but they were like literally how many times did she they were like european models dude they were like they were we're talking i don't know if you've been to the red light district in amsterdam dude but these are like some of them look like like fucking garbage animals and then some of them are the most beautiful women you've ever seen in your entire life like really like crazy like like yeah so wildly hot to the point where you're like why would you do this

Just go find a rich guy. I don't understand it. You can definitely find an old rich guy that you'll just fuck this one gross guy for your life. You can probably cheat on him and he'll take care of you. I don't really understand the mentality of that beautiful of a woman selling her vagina for $50 to tourists. I'm sure there's an evil man behind that. You think that there's traffic? Definitely. That makes it hotter.

That makes it better for me. - Yeah. - But. - I was in the red light district in Hamburg, Germany. Which is not even close to as good as that, but they were all still, I was like, oh my God, these are the prettiest ladies ever. - Hottest Nazis you've ever seen in your entire life. - These are some quality Nazis. - Hot Nazi. - You guys got some good Nazis here.

I see why you were trying to preserve this. But very, very clinical. Very like, you know, they fucking open their legs. You go 10 minutes. You're fucking out. But you got to walk out into the street and other guys are like, hey, what's up? Yeah. After you came, you don't have like the

The the inside of your body nut like whatever you don't care you're like, oh I got nothing to get out You don't care who watches you walk in but when you walk out looking out the window to make sure nobody's there the shame Yeah, it's very shame. Yeah, it's fun to get guys on the way out of there. I'm like, yeah What you just doing there?

I was knocking down a parking garage at work and like where I was standing overlooked right into an alley where wishy-washy was. I just stood there all day. People come out. It's like, yo, one, one dude, usually guys would scurry away. This one guy looked up and went,

And just walked away. What a beast, dude. Yeah. I'm not going to put dirt on the man's name. What? We saw my dad and my uncle witness an NFL great walking out of there. I'm not going to put dirt on the man's name, but it was just funny. It came to mind. Did they yell his name? No, they were like, holy shit, look at the fucking... I was like, oh shit, yeah, nice. Holy shit, it's Carson Wentz. Yeah.

It's Donovan McNabb. He came out of it and puked. He came out. McNabb, yeah. I'm literally trying to name a football player. Hold on. I got this. John Elway. There you go. Elway would be nice. Elway would be nice. I could see he'd probably mess with the pro ladies. Yeah, he's a unit. Yeah. He's a big dog. We were watching that Marino. You like that Marino. I like Marino. Yeah. I didn't know he was that good. I knew he was good. Yeah. I didn't know he was that good. I met Marino this past weekend. I was at a Bud Light thing. And...

He is not much for talking. What do you think? I had to. I went to a multimillion dollar signing. Go fuck yourself. No, no, no. It was like, you know, it was a Bud Light conference. I had to talk. No, you didn't. Yeah. Did you perform? Were you was it comedy or just like, no, it was like, hey, we're not gay anymore. Hey, hey. No, it was like a it was like a convention thing for all the wholesalers for Bud Light.

So they had, they like made an announcement. They're like, we're partnering with the hottest comic ever. Oh my God. And then April Macy. And then they brought me out and I had to be like, Hey, yeah, they were pumped. Some people. That's awesome. Did you, it was like a speech more so or like a hello. I literally talked for three minutes. That's awesome. Did you do any jokes or you just said, Hey, I did some jokes. I had some fun jokes. They were like, cause they give you parameters. It's obviously a pretty serious thing. They were like, don't,

Talk about anything. Don't say anything.

You need to drink responsibly. You know what I mean? They're like, just say you drank responsibly. So I got out there. I was like, I got so fucking responsible last night. I'm going to get responsible tonight. That's funny. Yeah, it was nice. We had a good time. But I met Marino afterwards. He's a Michelob Ultra man. Oh, wow. So I was like, they were like, do you want to do corporate espionage? Yeah. No, no, no. That's Anheuser-Busch. Oh, it's weird because I got invited to go to your Kratom conference. Yeah, I was just you got to be bam.

It was just a bunch of gas station ladies just kind of zonked out. Sleepy gas station ladies. By the way, they have Kratom here. All the guys here don't know what it is. What do you mean? They seem to think it's like a health elixir.

I guess our introduction to Kratom was through you guys. So we always kind of viewed it as gas station goth fuel. And now it's like... Some people, there's different strains. I guess some of them make you sleepy. Some of them give you more alert. I know Justin Silver uses it to write and shit, which is fucking... Stop.

Dude, you need a new method. Yeah, that was me and Beezer's favorite thing was when he was making those dog videos about dog CBD. He was like, I'm here with Kona. Kona, come here, girl. I'm giving her CBD.

takes dog cbd so uh but you know but it really the use for it is fucking like shirtless doing push-ups with james he's doing power-ups he's like now i'm here with kona this is dolly she has separation anxiety i'm giving her dog kratom

So, but no, people use it instead of fucking being addicted to pain or pain pills or being addicted to heroin. It's like a better alternative to that. That's the use case that I've seen it used for in a positive way. Some people use it recreationally and just get a little high. I did it a few times. I took too much one time and I was like, it made me really doesn't make you nauseous. Make me super nauseous. And I can now, now I can't even smell it.

but it tastes like shit the first time I really saw it was Josh Adam Myers was crushing that shit he was like yeah I'm sober and I watched him drink a gallon of kratom I think it's like small doses it gives you like an energy boost don't mean to snitch on Josh it's like an opiate kind of it does it feels like you took like two Percocets yeah that's what it feels like

But yeah, don't do it. I know I saw that. You don't want none of this stuff. I saw that stuff from a mile away. You can just go to the gas station right now and get two Percocets for like $8. I saw them at gas stations. You can get Kratom. Every gas station in this country sells Kratom, dude. They do. And now they sell the Delta 9 weed, which is just weed. It's like Delta 9 weed, hemp derived. It's just weed. Yeah.

- Damn. - Somebody told me yesterday he got arrested 'cause it was a comic. No, I guess it was on Kill Tony. The guy was telling a story how he got arrested 'cause he told the cop that it was regular weed in his vape pen. And the cop was like, "Is this Delta 9?" He's like, "No, it's real weed." The cop's like, "You're under arrest." - What? - Fucking moron. - Yeah. - Wait, what was going on in the Kratom Expo? What were people doing? - No, there wasn't really a Kratom Expo. - There was a conference? I don't know.

But yeah, got to meet Marino, that was sick. - That's awesome. - I was excited to meet him, he didn't-- - He didn't reciprocate. - Well he was doing his thing, his thing was like a meet and greet thing, so he was already, he was kind of in the middle of, or he was about to, it hadn't opened yet, so I was just there and he was like, you could tell he was getting in his taking pictures, meet and greet mode. And I was hitting him with like, "So you went to Pittsburgh Central Catholic?" He was like, "Yeah."

I was like, I grew up in like Harrisburg, so it's not that far. It's like a three hour drive. So I know I was like three hours away. That's so far away to be like, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, you're from Philly? Yeah, sick. I'm from Washington, D.C.

basically the same thing you know it's probably yeah all right yeah it was damn it was uncomfortable for me she's like sack dude just get on the phone what about tackling you i'd beat your ass all right all right man yeah all right cool man you i'm out here dude i met the ice man chuck liddell he was there did you really he's the man that's awesome i met the iceman chocolate once he rolls he's

He was not being friendly? No, because I wasn't at a conference. I was at a diner and I saw him. Oh, yeah, that'll do it. Look, if you fucking see a celebrity, right, if they're eating with their family or friends, like, you don't fucking go up to them. That's obnoxious as shit, right? Yeah.

I didn't do that. Okay. I was walking out of a diner. I saw him like just taking a seat in a diner with like, maybe it looked like business associates. Yeah. You know, you know what they were. It looked like a couple of business guys. Yeah. And then like a chick, like a hot chick. And then as I'm walking, I was like, Oh shit, Chuck Liddell. What's up, dude. I just did that as I'm like walking out of the diner, like, you know, like that. And he literally stared forward.

Like he was pissed that he was being recognized. And I was like, what? Like nothing, no acknowledgement, but almost like a pissed off fucking look. Like I was about to come over to him and be like, oh, can I get a picture? Can I get an autograph? It's like, go fuck yourself.

Fuck yourself, you fucking loser. Fuck you, dude. Who, you or him? Him. Fuck him, dude. You're the loser. Y'all know his name in a diner? No, that's not a loser thing to do. He's an ice man, dude. You know how many... He should be appreciative of the fact that people know who the fuck he is, dude. He's the ice man. What are you talking about? It doesn't matter, dude. How long ago was this? What year?

This was after his retirement, like way after his retirement. This is fucking, you know, maybe five years ago, I want to say. And he just, he iced you? He froze. The name fit. He froze. The name fit. Cold as ice, dude. Yeah, but he probably got hit. Think about the fans he had.

Dude, he probably got hit with the craziest dudes. Yeah, UFC fans. UFC fans back then. Like now they're a lot more mainstream. Back then it was just dudes. It was skank fest. Yeah. It was. KFC guns. UFC guns.

Monster Energy t-shirts being like Iceman dude it's such a fucking pleasure to meet you Iceman could you fucking that's what they were doing to him a little there people were like could you fucking it'd be so sick to knock me out could you like yeah I understand and I if I would have approached his table and if I would have said if I would have been a like a weirdo it would have been one thing but somebody said you just fucking say what's up dude it's fucking crazy dude that's crazy it's a crazy thing what time of day was this night time 10 o'clock at night were you inebriated

I don't think so. You're sober? Who are the Jews you're hanging out with? Look at me. Acknowledge me, Iceman. He didn't even look at me, motherfucker. How mad were you when you got your car? I was with a chick. Oh, I look like a fool. Oh, I look like a fool. You know, I do a podcast with Michael Misfit. Just so you guys know.

Did you say that to him? No, I didn't say that. I literally said it. I think I said like, yo, what's up, Chuck? Or like Iceman. As I'm walking out, I was leaving. I was in a trajectory. And in that scenario, you just go, you go like, ah, what's up, man? Yeah, I know what you mean.

Hitting you with the fucking... In front of the lady, getting iced in front of a lady while you're fanning out, that does hurt. Oh, dude. You're with a girl, you probably got in the car like, motherfucker. You get in the car and you're like... Punch the steering wheel. You're probably like... I know, I'm doing jokes like that. It's like a gag that he does every time with his close friends. Iceman keeps fucking with me like that, dude. We got a thing going. Classic chalk.

Classic Chuck, dude. I'm going to go back. I'm not going to bother him. I'm going to text him right now. I'm going to send him a text right now. What's up, dude? Classic Ice. Got me. It's a great reality show for a guy. You got iced. It's just Chuck with him getting pissed at people recognizing him in a public place.

See your phone, you're like, send a text to the Iceman. Iceman, really hilarious that you did that. Really good to see you, dude. Oh, man. Yeah, that's good. Let's switch over to the Patreon.

Thank you, Louis. Thank you, brother. I love you guys. Love you, Louis. Can I promote my tour? Yes, promote your tour. Come see me live. Louisofskanks.com, the Mediogar tour. I'm going everywhere. I keep on adding new cities. Check out my specials on YouTube, all that shit. Sick.