Ep 471 - Introspective Bad Ass (feat. Tommy Pope)
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Yes, I was a damn builder. A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado. He wasted away. That's pretty good. I slipped and fell into the wet semen below. You need a guitar. Nobody ever paused those dudes. No one ever paused them. He fell into wet semen. He said cement, but yeah. Oh, at least I fell into the wet semen below.

Yeah. Dude, that must have been funny. If you got the three, the highway men. Yeah. If you did gay stuff to them, they would have fucking lost it, dude. Hey, knock it the fuck off, man. We're trying to play the guitars. No, stop fucking showing me your dick, pal. That ain't funny around here.

Your balls, what the hell? My horny-kneaded cock. Sure, I'll take a piece of bubblegum. What the hell? That's your testicle skin, partner. Get your goddamn scrotum out of here.

Kick his ass. Don't show your scrotum in this. Funky Donny Fritz, get him. Funky. God damn it, Funky. Don't touch him. How the fuck did you guys get into that? What? That song. Old Country? That was Matt's, what was the name of your playlist? Oh, Introspective Badass Playlist. Introspective Badass. You've come across the same genre yourself. At a certain point, you can only listen to introspective badass songs. Your brother's turned me on to some beat songs. True. In Florida. Was he hitting you with some Yacht Rock?

No, but he's got like a deeper Yacht Rock. It's like more emotionally and mentally. Oh, Soft Rock. You're talking Soft Rock. You're talking Soft Rock. Expected badass Soft Rock. Yeah, 100%. Soft Rock is like for the ladies. There's two families of Soft Rock. One's for the ladies and one's just for a dude being like, where am I going with myself? Yeah.

Once for sitting in your bed, just staring at the wall. Exactly. It's all dudes do. They don't have a girlfriend. You just stare at the wall. You have to stare at the wall. Slowly fucking die. You need a woman just filling you with bad ideas and you go, wait, what? That's what keeps you alive. It does. Her mouth and bad ideas.

otherwise you would you wouldn't move otherwise dude if I didn't have a wife I'd stop moving like tomorrow just be like yeah yes I'd be like this is so relaxing then I'd just be like I know this isn't good to talk about but if you did if your family left how many days do you think you would lay down

That's a great question. Like, for real, to catch some Zs. Dude, not exaggerating. Catch up on some Zs. Not even depressing Zs, just like fully. It would be all the Zs he's lost less. Dude, it's like my byline. If you were to suspend my physical organism out of my family structure where I was just laying there, yeah, dude, I'd be. You'd catch Zs. A week. You'd have to go back to being, you'd become a feral pig again.

Dude, I'd wait. I would sleep for a week straight. Yeah. I always thought about that in Jack Bauer. You know, say 24 hours to do some wild shit. Like just show a sketch of him the next 24 hours. Dude. Just get off the piss and eat McDonald's. I knew a dude who used to hold it down where he would tell his wife, he's like, I need two weeks. No questions asked. Catch you later. And he said he would just. Fuck chicks. Just go nuts, dude. Like with puss? Everything. Really? Coke, hooker, everything. How often would the two weeks come in?

Huh? How often? What's the distance? I think the wolf would howl within him and he'd be like, I gotta go. I gotta go. And he would just go fucking nuts. That's kind of introspective badass though. It is. Hey ma'am, I gotta head to the tavern. Yeah, where's my guitar? I gotta quench my thirst with whiskey. Yeah, he would explain this to me. I'm like, okay. And she was cool with it. I don't think so. Yeah.

No, I don't think it worked, right? Didn't you tell me? I think the party got away from it. I think it's the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation. Yes. That party week. Mr. Hyde fucking took over. There you go. I'm never going home. Yeah. I like the party week. You bring the party closer to you. Yeah, you're like, I can bring the party right down the street. Yeah. And then the party. Why don't you just keep the party right here? The party takes over.

I remember being younger being like it's kind of boss to be when I was younger I was like yeah it makes sense yeah you just disappear for two weeks and do blow two weeks is a lot I mean I've heard what he's at weekends yeah it's a long time every few months you get a weekend to go AC and fuck off two weeks he's got no kids I don't want to give him too much identifying information but he oh man he was so interested he's embedded in a family yeah

although he's embedded he's embedded in the family but the the uh yeah that was i it's got to be nuts though because then when you're like okay i've had enough it's got to be you gotta be the saddest dude after those two weeks you'd be like i love you so much yeah probably helps a little

I could see it. Coming home and being like, I love my wife so fucking much. I never want to go back to those two weeks. Yeah, you're just... It doesn't have to be two weeks. Four days go by and you go, fuck, I miss those two weeks. I fucking hate my wife. But there has to be... Dude, imagine the post-not-clarity of like, you scream-cummed into a hooker. Oh, dude. And then like, you crash on... I'm fucking black. The coke wears off and you're just like...

She's like, you want to go to Waffle House? You're like, I have to go back to my family. Yeah, the scream cum guy is still the funniest. Maybe the funniest thing. Chuck Berry farting in Hooker's face and the scream cum guy are the two funniest dudes. What's the loudest grunt you've made coming?

I've settled it, but I've, I used to scream. I was, I wasn't as, you were a loud lover. I was a loud dude. Yeah. I could hear you make love. I couldn't help it. Now. Yeah. I've heard you made love. I've heard you make love. I mean, loud at sex. So you just allowed come. I was just allowed to come ready. I would, I would think I was quiet. What decibel we talking here? Yeah. If it was, if it was real, if there was no roommates around, it was, I would just fully let it go. Yeah. I couldn't help it. It felt so damn good. Yeah.

If you do release an orgasm that loud where you're screaming, I am always worried I'm going to fart. Oh, yeah. Because that's like a, you know. Because you're pushing all the. Everything's going out. Brother, I've done it. I've farted during orgasm multiple times, dude. It happens. It happens. It's all right.

There was ones I got reminded of one recently, like that one time you farted. And I was like, what? And I was like, oh, dude, I forgot. I was getting headed. I farted during head. I'm not lying. It felt too damn good. I was like, damn, baby, you feel too damn good. It's not my fault. You stashed my soul. That's an immediate stoppage, right?

Yeah, I mean, there's a nut. I mean, it was coming. Oh, was it? The ball was in the engine. Oh, okay. Yeah, the coming brought it on. I thought you made this blue horn while I was just popping it off. Blue horn. No.

As soon as you start. Let me get settled in, babe. It's also got to be like a urinal for it, too. It's not like a cloud. It's just got to be like a run. Sweaty butt. It's also a sweaty butt. Dude, it's sweaty butt. His head's sweaty butt. Just flapping out like a...

Your legs are completely straight. She's like, man. That is my personal curse that I can't come unless I'm like the nutcracker. Fucking elf on the show. For real. No, that's not. You're not wrong. Dude.

I need a chestnut right in my jaw. I'm going to pop. I'm going to pop. Legs locked is a thing. Sometimes I'll be jacking off and be like, God damn it, my knee. You ever hurt your knee while you're jacking off? It's like your elbow after throwing darts for an hour. What the fuck did I do yesterday? You just limp out of the shower like, God damn it, what the fuck, man?

I just ran a mile. I feel like I get more vocal the more I come. Like if it's like a three-day beat-off. Yeah. Or three beat-off day, like the third. You're going feral. Yeah, you start growing tusks. It's tusk time. Yeah, it's tusk time. There's nothing coming out and it's the better it feels. Oh, the deeper you get into it. You're saying once you get rid of all the... Once I get rid of all the cum, it's just... But it's a grunt. Once you dispass, it's your body's shram. Yeah. Yeah.

That's your body screaming. Stop. Just one more, babe. I'm cum rich right now. I'll be honest. I'm personally cum rich. I'm loaded, bro. It's crazy.

I just found out I want to get my sperm tested and they'd say you can't beat off for three days. Oh, so you're up to five. Yeah. So I'm going to wane off like if I was trying to quit drinking. You're going to get sick. I'm only going to drink five beers a day. It's going to be like those regular tests in the desert. Yeah. My God. The force unleashed. Dude, our boy was saying it. The jerk off booths are like classic. Like there's like

magazines and like VHS tapes still. Really? It's like people just go in there and they perform like you would in the 70s or 80s instead of just using your phone. Like they're grabbing VHS tapes filled with other dudes, glazed with other dudes' cum. Oh my God. Popping in a VCR and hitting buttons. This is a viewing booth? Touching buttons.

What made you want to get your sperm test? There's this guy there jerking off with you. I just want... When I turned 44 and I was interested to see what the boys are up to. Just want to see what's going on. True, yeah. See if they're back swimming. See if they're just fucking...

See if they're all gone. Singing in a circle. See if it's a laser gun. Yeah. See how many dead soldiers we have. It's just good to know, too. Be cool to see what's up. Yeah. Just thousands of them bloated on a battlefield. Especially if you can't inseminate. Yeah. It'd be nice to blame the woman. Never tell her. Oh, yeah. Don't ever. Just be like, something's wrong with you. Yeah. I must go away for two weeks to find my next piglet. Yeah. 100% of mine. Mine works. It's you that's failing us. Yeah.

We need an heir. Would you break up with a woman if you definitely wanted kids and you found that she couldn't? I don't know. That's a tough one. It is. Yeah.

It depends how much I cared about her, but yeah. I don't know. Let's go, let's get a surrogate or maybe I get a second girlfriend that can actually handle it. Surrogate and Allison, we're talking a very nice fantasy. Yeah, it's a tough convo. That's actually kind of, yeah. That'd be kind of nice too. Just even, obviously you don't fuck the surrogate, but like being like my cums in there. Oh yeah. Anytime you see her, you go, God damn.

Hopefully just get reminded of her breakfast big weights. I don't I'm this whole thing's kind of mystifying me. Where's my coming? Your pussy It's good to hear I'll give you 20 grand Carry my seed or just to make it like you feel better about the thing you could shoot into her and have her Oh my god, just to keep everyone in a latch. Oh come swap Like an avatar tail

Two fucking labias Yeah that's an unfortunate circumstance People run into And you have to just be like You have to be like Alright we're gonna adopt ten kids We're gonna adopt ten kids And we're gonna hold down A 1950s household Where you have to do everything Yeah If you have the money It's nice to collect them Like trading cards Get all different colors and shit You can get foster kids And get paid You know what I mean Yeah Just get a wild ass family Yeah Yeah I'm talking native to Cambodian The whole thing Yeah

There's not a big jump there native to Cambodia. They look very similar. It's a poignant observation. It is. Well, you know, close to the equator. For sure. Yeah, you want more of a continuum. Yeah. Dude, I'm just fucking mad at Beyonce right now.

What's wrong with her? Did you read her later? Did you see her movie? She sucks, dude. She's turning into Oprah for me. I can't stand to look at her now. What happened? She's just too dramatic with all her fucking riches. Yeah. Yeah. Well, her. She put out a movie now. Yeah, she's acting. I'm so tired of her acting fucking normal. It's like, get the fuck. You are an empress. Yeah, she is.

Now you sound like a part of the Beehive. You called her Empress. Yeah, I did. She put out a movie like Taylor Swift. Apparently it's a thing. They're putting out tour movies now. They're concerts, yeah. Concert movies. So she put out a concert movie written, directed, produced by Queen Bee herself, obviously. Nice. She directed it? Yeah, dude. It just says so much. I mean, a lot of the stuff she puts in there, what she leaves out says more than the stuff she puts in. Where did you read that? I'm just kidding.

I was reading it today. Dude, NPR. Shame on NPR. Why? They ran a headline today saying Beyonce's silence on Israel-Palestine is definite. Something to that point. Like, her silence is so loud. And it was like, so I'm like, they can't be serious about this. I read the article and it was just them describing the podcast that they talked about it on. So they're kind of using it as a plug. NPR used the conflict.

to boost up their podcast and then said Beyonce should be more vocal about the Palestine-Israel conflict. It's very Israel of them. Wait, they think she should be more pro-Palestine? No, they're just saying she needs to pick a side. NPR was totally neutral. They were like, we just need her take. We need Beyonce's opinion. Her not talking about this is fucked. And then they went on to praise, not in this article, but now they're super praising her parenting style.

It's like very, dude, her parenting style is so fucking good. What's so good about it? Parenting style? It's not that shit in the Kardashian household you'd see. It's like they are, it's gentle with a little bit of like, uh-uh. Uh-uh. Yeah. It's gentle parenting the way people need to see. That's just that Texas in it. I mean, an elder millennial like myself needs. No, I like where we're going. Keep going. An elder millennial like Beyonce is showing people how to do gentle parenting with just a little bit of like, you better not.

And they showed a clip of her being stopped. That's annoying. And they're like, oh my God.

So that means you think she's hit him before? That's why they respect her words? No, they're saying she doesn't hit. She models general parenting, but also with a little bit of Queen Bee sass. That's not coming from her. It's coming from one of his six mates. Look, dude, the Kardashians would never do what she does, dude. Yeah, the Kardashians can't handle it. It's like, dude, this is all just like AI media corporate propaganda that just gets fed to people. Because every time Kim yells, cum comes out of her mouth. Yeah.

She does, yeah. She like randomly spits up like a baby. Hit her back. I was a two week old that time. Came out heavy. An old piece of cornbread in the back of your molar.

Yeah, I read the news for like... I don't think I could care less about anybody's opinion more than who the fuck would be like, what do you think Beyonce thinks about Israel-Palestine? This is NPR, too. NPR is a respected... Not anymore. It's like Vice. Dude. Yeah, they're gone. Yeah, true. They're gone. True.

Dude, I got to walk past NPR in, I think, Spokane. They have an NPR studio, and it's just wide, big glass windows. And I'd walk by and go... Because you could see him in there talking like that was...

And then just keep walking. That's nice. It was nice. You should have got a brick. You really should. True. You should have just put a free Palestine flag on and thrown a brick through it. They'd have to be like, well, that's fine. Or put both. Put a flag that was half Israel, half Palestine and just threw myself through the window. Beyonce, where are you? Beyonce, help! Speak!

My queen! We need the queen's take. Taylor's been awfully quiet herself as well. She's been busy with boys. She's boy crazy. She is boy crazy. She has been, but now she's got a big football player. You think she's actually getting... Yeah. Yeah, dude. I don't think that... I don't understand why that's... You don't believe in the conspiracy and it's not real? How could... Why would it... Because he went from a thick-ass black chick that was gorgeous...

To this fucking frail skeleton. He's taking a break. Why are you talking about Taylor Swift like that? Because I don't like her. She's a pretty lady. Who was Kels' original other lover? Huh? Who was his lover before? Some runway model with buns of steel, dude. Really? Unbelievable. He's taking a break. He's taking a skinny white lady break. Yeah. I guess it is nice to take a shift. This is the two weeks away from thick black ass. Yeah. He needs a break. Yeah. That has to be tiring. His pelvis is sore. Yeah. Yeah.

He's getting thrown back. You know, you're getting thrown back on you. That's like a fucking piston, dude. Ah, true. And he switched to just a fucking frail, tiny hiney. A little boy ass. A nice tiny hiney, dude. You'd be surprised. Yeah. If you get to the depths of, like, basically all that ass and hit, like, a tiny hiney, you can start to be like, all right, this is nice. Yeah. It's a little diamond. Dude.

I made that shift once and it was the scariest thing in the world. A tiny hiney? Yeah, you could see like the top of her butt bone right above her ass. Yeah, the tailbone up there. Tailbone comes out of your skin. You have to fuck standing up in the shower so you don't see any skeletal remains. Whatever. I'm going to say he's a bit of a connoisseur. Kels is a connoisseur. Yeah, I guess.

I don't know. I miss his old... I didn't know he was with... She wouldn't be a BBW, would she be? Would she be a classic BBW? No, she was just thick. Dude, there's a lot... BBLs now are like... Every chick's getting plastic surgery. Come to the story, dude. It's a... Just a...

A circus full of Latinas with fake asses, fake tits, fake lips. We call it upgrades. Upgrades. No, dude. I consider it downgrade. Yeah, they're really big. Go to any airport. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're everywhere. Yeah. I get tricked by them every time. Britney's always like, that's a BBL or whatever. And I'm always like. Really? Once they figure out the next generation. They have like skinny thighs. I know. Some Latinas have skinny thighs and big butts, though.

By some I mean one. I've never Maybe it was a BBL though could have been an og BBL. It is nice It's a nice my whole life might be a fucking lie visual red flag to see someone with all that work done You're like that's a fucking yeah, that's a lunatic. It's a damage person. Yeah, I mean dude now I'm telling you the fucking would uh, what's the shit all they get all get so talk Botox. That's like

Basic. Oh, that's like that's like not to not get it is weird. Yeah. And then it's like all the other stuff is like, yeah, I mean, obviously, you know, God damn getting facial surgery is so funny.

I hope I go crazy enough. Me too. If I go crazy enough to not get in shape in any way, but just go nuts on my face. Just do nothing with anything else and just get a crazy face. Just Joan Rivers your nose. Matt, we've got to do the Patreon. No expression. And I'm ads. What the fuck? Dude, a thick black hair piece. I'm not doing it.

Hair piece that's sliding off. It's a turtleneck. Get the hairline down to here. Get the hairline down to the eyebrows. Get some wig bangs, dude. That's, I mean, yes. It's like you and Gillian Keyes. That's one way to do it. Just end it. Just keep doing stand-up. People would be so scared.

You guys remember jacking off? My whole act. You get a coach buzz. An artificial coach buzz. A four inch. Sticking straight up. Even if you got cheek implants would be so fucking nice. It would be awesome. Rich white dudes get those cheek implants. You can see from the side. I mean you would not be able to resist the cat contacts. You get a feline contact. The cat contacts is the ultimate. If you get the feline contacts...

You've reached the pinnacle. Dude, in 10 years, it's just you on TikTok like, cut my life into pieces. And it's just all fucking gloating. Yeah, I might get six-pack implants. Six-pack implants would be tight in a BBL. I sent you a picture of a male BBL.

Male BBL? Men get BBLs too now, yeah. Brittany sent me a picture of a male BBL. Just gays? Huh? Straight guys with chump asses? I was telling, that was the argument. I was telling her, I was like, you gotta be gay guys. You said chump? Chump. I was gonna say Trump. Trump has a fucking donk.

Remember that tennis picture? It's got to be gay guys. Although gay guys are on the frontier of male beauty products. So whatever gay guys are doing like 30 years ago, straight people start doing. It's pretty frightening when they do it right. Tanning? Nobody did that. That was like...

That was wild. I did it in college once. Yeah? Before I went down to Florida. Were you metro? Remember metro? That's not a thing anymore. I was metrosexual for sure. You're still here. I've heard somebody just say that. Like, I'm metrosexual. I'm like, everyone's metrosexual. What are you talking about? It's like a guy who combs his hair is like a different sexuality. Yeah. In my hometown, yeah, if you wore cologne, did your hair put hair gel in? I used to crush this kid for wearing hair gel every day.

Every day in school I'd be like get that shit out of your fucking hair He just got mad And he saw me like five years later and I'd gel in my hair He was like what the fuck It's cool when I do it I was basically the gay guy with my brothers Like I would come down with like when carpenter jeans came out first I'd have it like six months before that You're stylish You're the hammer loops Don't take it like that There's nothing wrong

They would just call me gay for three months. They'd call me gay. And then they'd have that style six months later for another six years. So they would just get stuck in that and then just continue to call me gay every time I was in the forefront. And then fucking be like, all right, it's time. So there's always something. Every Christmas, they'll have something they're going to go, dude, what the fuck are you wearing? Yeah.

Yeah. And I go, you'll be wearing this in three years. It's like Russia with new music. Yeah. Yeah. Vanilla Ice, who's this clown? You'll see. Yeah. It is.

It is weird that I'm getting old enough. Dude, getting old enough and like just noticing now chicks wear like baggy pants. That's a baggy jeans or a thing. And I'm just like. Well, yeah. I like it. It'll come back in our favor. Don't worry. But like you watch it. I'm just like. The pendulum's going to swing. Pendulum's swinging back. I can feel it. Bell bottoms are not coming back. I swear to God, dude. Well, summertime. This is them. The what? Only for. You have to be so fucking hot to rock a bell bottom in my eyes. Yeah. You got to be long. You can't be under five. Five.

Five, six. True. Yeah, you're right. I do like a tall girl in bell bottoms. Yeah. And the ass has to flow directly into a nice thigh. I slipped and fell into the wet cement below. That is a cowboy, isn't he? I have become, recently, I've become a bit of a cowpoke. That's awesome.

I was just in Boots Store yesterday. You went to Allen's? I went to Allen's. It's really nice. It is. I mean, I felt like I was from the future. Like, you know. Yeah. Just a fucking greaseball. Yeah. East Coast maniac. Yeah. The alien guys cannot put on cowboy boots, dude. That'll bend space time. I put a hat on. I was like, I got to stop. I'm disrespecting you guys right now. You know what I mean?

I look fucking truly... You look sick. No, I genuinely look like a retard. If I put a cowboy hat on, I look actually... Shane, if I gave you ten different hats, you'd look like a retard. Yeah, true. Baseball cap is the closest one. No, I bet you look sick. You just have to commit. I think it's... Trust me on this. Chris sent down all my shit I left in the apartment. A cowboy hat is in this building. You gotta put it on. Put it on. I'll show you. You put it on and black out. Yeah, but don't do it funny. You gotta do it serious. No.

That'd be nice. You got to put it on the right angle. You put it on and wake up and you're building like a development on some dude's fucking nature preserve. Like, what the hell happened? This nice girl told me how to put it on. You have to like... You put it... Oh, you got to put it on the front. It's got to be snug enough for the wind not to kick it off. True. So you have to get like a certain... I'm in between...

A seven and a quarter and seven and three eighths. The cowboy hat. You didn't pull the trigger on a cowboy hat? No, she said she'd have to stretch it for me to get. I was like, I'm not wasting your time. I'm not buying a fucking $60 cowboy hat. I'm picking up what you're putting down. How about you chill out, dude? I'm here to get a fucking cowboy hat. I should just try it just to have one, you know? Dude, you know exactly how you look in a cowboy hat. You love every second of it. Yeah, but then it starts to become like it's a costume. You know, even if I wanted to wear it.

It's too all of our clothes or costumes our personalities a costume dude sure, man. Just get dig just get deep into it I don't like you what listen this introspective music just talking like this your personality is a total costume. It is It's just a thick it's a thick thing of defense against our childhood Tommy got me this jacket for my b-day. Yeah, I am dude pretty birthday this week. It's fucking nice. Oh

Monday. I was a damn builder. You don't think you look sick, dude? I don't. I also don't know which way to wear it. What do you think, dude? Garth. It's nasty as fuck. For real, it is nasty as fuck.

10 out of 10 drip severe. I think you just have to commit to it for like a week and a half. I'll never wear a cowboy hat. Out here it'd be perfect. It's crazy to do that. It is the perfect hat though for a dude. It's the straightest hat possible. And when you're this big, if I had that size, I'd make some decisions. Yeah. In the house and out of the house. You know what I mean? Pure domination. With a hat like that? It's time to dominate. I'm going to put on a hat. Chicks love that stuff. Yeah, see. Yeah.

Tommy was explaining how you have to put it on and you have a Coca-Cola with my chicken tenders.

I'll just have the chicken tenders. This would be perfect with your future face. You should start doing that for stand-up. You guys have a kid's menu? Can I get the quesadilla? Just cheese, no salsa. You're just on a Vespa? Just plain chicken. Take it back to the window. What is this green stuff? Yeah.

I didn't want that. You should take a nap on stage and put it down over your eyes and just be like, let me rest. And just take a nap. And then just lift your head up every five minutes and go, let me tell you a little something about this. Hey folks, let me tell you a little story. That'd be fucking tight. Yeah, my... Hey, let me tell you a little story. My uncle's retarded. Let me tell you a little tale about my retarded uncle. His hunger required some

grilled cheese sandwiches. Boys meaner than a rattlesnake. And boys sweeter than your mama on the front door lemonade sitting around. You know what I'm saying?

Mama's backstrap molasses pancakes on a Sunday morning. Oh, you get some of them flapjacks coming out of the water. Flapjacks. Go back out for a half hour. Just like... There's an arena full of people at the edge of their seats. It's like, this guy is a fucking genius.

He's asleep again. This is my favorite part. He reminds me of guys from my hometown. That's what I like about him. Yeah, a cowboy has to make it. They should actually make a comeback. They should not even make a comeback because they haven't really been in there. But the special needs community could get big into it. You know what I mean? Just be like, I'm just a cowboy. Yeah.

Like I'm a simple kind of guy. I'm just a simple man. I have small simple pleasures. I don't know why I'm making like a plantation. Mexican guys do this. Oh, yeah. They come up here like we're cowboys. They are. I mean, they technically were cowboys. Yeah. The pointy shoes. We did a little map. We did a little map changing on them. We're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Check it out. The country's totally different. Sorry, guys.

I mean, you should allow your special needs kid to just dress up every day, right? Because then it's kind of like a little girl being a princess in the afternoon. Yeah. Wearing a whole getup. Yeah. I mean, I think people are letting their kids literally change fucking jackets. Sexes? Yeah. Yeah, true. You can let them wear whatever you want. If I, yeah. You're going to let your special needs kid get sex change? If he's like, I feel like a lady? No. Wop him off? I'll go, brother.

Actually, I don't know. Maybe. I'd do it. I'd make a million dollars off it. I'd be like, this is my journey. Yeah. Sell that doc. Write to Netflix. True. No, you got to let them party. Yeah, you got to let people, you know. I can't stop visualizing your face, dude. Just done like Madonna style. True that. We should let the Special Olympians compete in women's sports. Yeah. I bet you'd tear it up.

Yeah. Or be the ring card holder. Let the guys in. Yeah, the ring girls. Be the ring boys. For the WNBA? Yeah, come out. Tartar guys in cowboy hats holding up what quarter it is. Just chiseled too? Yeah. They do Wes Watson's program and get fucking chiseled and racist. And become Aryan Brothers. That would be tight too if we got them into gang politics.

Let them form like a federation. That would be actually pretty tough. Galactic Empire. Have the Galactic Senate. Have them all dress like aliens. But then you get that AI fear where they're going to eventually take over. They're going to take over. Exterminate, yeah. If we let them. They might run it. Coordinate. Yeah, they might run it better. I don't know if it would be all war or all peace, but it would be one of them.

They're fascist. They'd be so fascist. You think they'd be fascist? Yeah, dude. It would be airtight, dude. I don't know. They might be good at sharing. Utopian-ness. They might be like... True. They might be like... They're all happy for each other a lot of the time. True. You know what I mean? Like Special Olympics, if a dude wins, everyone's like...

Yeah, but then someone's going to catch wind of their peaceful nation and colonize it. For real. That is Wakanda. Some Spanish guy would be like, hmm. Kisar shows up, takes their french fries. Finds out they have a ton of Roblox gold. Apparently there's like pedophiles on Roblox.

What? I didn't know this. There's like pedophiles that chill on like Roblox and like, I mean, basically Xbox Live. You got to start pedo hunting on Xbox Live because there's pedos that chill on there. The hunter has become the hunter.

What do you mean? I don't know. It's like Minecraft. I never played it. I don't know much about it. Oh, it's a game. The hunter has become the hunter. The game within the game. The game within the game. I'm on Call of Duty Lobby. It's just like, hey, what's up? I'm 12. My dick's hard right now. Just fishing. Just chumming the water. Just chumming the water. You just hear Mike turn on just like, what? Got him.

Yeah, I was watching a thing today about a guy. Apparently, Ohio has a pedophile problem, which makes sense. I think every state might. Apparently, Ohio is like number one. The Buckeyes? The Buckeyes. The Buckeyes state. Number one. Ohio, for some reason, through something, has the most pedophiles. Ohio has the most almost everything. Yeah. Really? Yeah. It's just a terrible place to live. Great coaches come out. Great presidents. Yeah. I think they have the most presidents. I mean, it makes sense.

yeah pressure cooker it is a pressure ohio is a pressure pedophile pressure what's that belly billy kept saying ohio resident or whatever true ohio resident yeah ohio card revoked yes what is the ohio card peter some internet that we just yeah

I'm telling you, man, I think Ohio has a serious pedophile problem. I called a shred of information on the internet. I'm here to report it. State it as fact. I believe that it is true. It's like K&A with heroin. I think they all stand out there and they're like... Enter your address in that app to see where they're all at. Oh, I've done it before. It's crazy. I did it in my old house and then I walked to the building and I stood outside and just menaced. I was like...

You found where the pedophiles were? They're there. Yeah, there was a... You should see the one by ours. Like the three, four block radius. There's like 20. What? Dude, all of New York is lit. Not Piusito. No. No way, dude. No, but he should... I mean, he's on the list regardless if you did it or not. Yeah. Guy's got a fucking unicycle in the summer. There's a lot of them around there? Huh? There's a lot of pedophiles? Yeah.

Yeah, they were surprising. Around my neighborhood, there was a... Remember I was telling you, I tried to find it and their address was like to like the one local, one of the local trade buildings, but I think they lived in a place above it or they threw it off. But there was one for sure towards like...

North Philly for my old place and you would I remember I saw the building and it was just a fucking nest it was all the addresses were coming up the same but unit this unit that unit that truly a nest outside and I was just like they probably go out one of them goes out and hunts shook my fist brings it back true they follow a little trail it's got to be 20% that aren't really pedos they just get slammed for like beating off in public or a 19 year old dating a 16 year old yeah but you can read their charge on Megan's list

Oh, really? Yeah, they'll say like... It doesn't just say... It doesn't say like weird-ass motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. Fuck this weird-ass motherfucker. No, it says like what they did. Freak ball. But yeah, some of them you get thrown on the list. You can get thrown on the list for some bullshit. Yeah. Just trying to catch a beat in the park. Yeah. How about that girl from Daytona we saw yesterday putting a dildo on the beach? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a lady on the beach fingering herself and she got arrested.

She snitched on herself right away. Yeah. What do you mean? She's like, you didn't see it. Yeah. They came up to this lady who was hot. Yeah. She was hot. She was sitting by herself on the beach. USA? In America. Daytona. And they fucking. Bike week. She was horny. No, I don't think it was bike week. No, it wasn't. But I think it did seem Gulf Coast. Yeah. Was it for content? No, no, no. It was a body cam footage from the cops that showed up like, we got reports of what were you doing here? And she's just sitting at the beach bar.

She went down to the beach, dildoed herself, and then went back to the beach for her. Somebody fucking snitched. Who the fuck snitched? I don't know, but that'd be the coolest. Just sitting at a bar watching that. She had a whole dildo in a backpack? Yeah. But she came in and she just told her. She was obviously mentally unstable. Yeah. But she told herself right away. Yeah. Damn, dude. She was like, were you touching yourself? The cops were like, were you touching yourself? She was like, you guys didn't see that. Yeah. She's like, there's no way. I was just like this. I put the towel over. Instead of just going, no.

She's like, I had a towel over me. A family saw you. A family was down there. Probably taking their fucking beach picture. Imagine being the judge of that case. Imagine being the cop. Yeah. Going through her bag. He was a pork. He was turned on. He was a chubby man. Oh, he's probably. It's been used. Yeah. She had big heaters. Yeah, a little fucking.

Take it away. This is it. This is the score. Yeah, there's pussy on that. There's pussy on that. He puts it in a little vial. Yeah. There's pussy juice. I'll bag it and tag it. Yeah. That was my friend's dildo. I'm wearing my friend's pants. It was in my pockets. Yeah, right. Likely story. I haven't watched Cops in forever. Yeah. It's got to be tight. It's just every criminal they apprehend is just dead from fentanyl. They're like, come on, man. Get up. Get up, motherfucker. Yeah. Crap. He's dead.

Yeah, they had a good run. Cops? Yeah, the show. Yeah, it was awesome. There's that one where the cop spears that lady and she stabs herself. You ever see that one? No. It's great. It's just a crazy lady in a van and they pull up and they're like, get out of the van. She takes out a huge knife and it's like, ah! And then a cop comes around the van and tackles her from behind. Oh. So funny. When he tackles her, he's like, derr! He spears her, but when he tackles her, she goes, ah!

oh she just lands on it lands on it they roll her over and all you see is the handle sticking out the whole thing damn yeah pretty rough one what was she doing gargling i don't know oh yeah yeah she she went out cold pretty quick really yeah i was a damn builder i was a van driver

The ultimate bellyache. Yeah, that's the big time bellyache. It was the ultimate bellyache, dude. She got bellyache. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, if you're a lady with a knife, that's, dude, there's nothing worse. Knife in your gut. If you have a son and he, like, stabs himself fighting a cop, you're like, you're sad, but you're like...

It's bound to happen. He's a badass. To have your daughter stab herself while wrestling a cop is just like fucking Christ. Isn't that the most pain? They say getting shot in the stomach. Getting stabbed. I don't know. It's like the most painful of all those. Gut shot. I can imagine it. I don't know. I bet that hurts the most. Saw your lunch leaking in your... Yeah. All the Chipotle getting out. The pole being released. The pole being released. Being released. Your body just disintegrates.

I might become more powerful if Chipotle gets released into everything. Because right now it's just in the gut and I'm pretty powerful. It just heals the wound. It could heal everything. Just Wolverine. Unchewed piece of beef. Pops in the hole. You just have little bean-shaped fucking things out of your skin. That'd be actually kind of nice. I think Chipotle's having a renaissance. I really think they are. Chipotle down here is pretty good. They fuck. True. I mean. Down here? Close to the Masters.

Close to the true Chipotle kings. Guys probably walk in there and spit it out. I'm like, I'm offended. What is this mush? Yeah, the Chipotle is coming back. I think so. They got the carne asada. They were falling. What's the Chipotle looking like down here? What's the staff? I haven't even seen them, bro. Oh, you're just all digital. Bring it to me. You're like the emperor in China. You're the Chinese emperor. What's your Seamless like down here? Grubhub or whatever. It's good. It is? Yeah.

I mean, I'm not even trying shit. I'm just getting Chipotle. Joe. Really? Yeah, I'm crushing Chipotle. You've had Chipotle multiple times a day? No, not multiple times a day. I'll be honest. I have definitely hit back-to-back days of Chipotle.

I was eating Chipotle when you walked in. Yeah, I know. Have you eaten Chipotle twice in one day? Me? Yeah. No, I've never eaten the same food twice. I don't think you can. I don't think it's physically possible. In one day, I mean. One bowl. I can eat one Chipotle bowl and not eat for the rest of the day. 100%. That's what I ate yesterday. Yeah. It's the only thing I ate. There's a place by us. It's a knockoff Chipotle. It's a, what's it called? Hot peppers. Hot peppers, yeah. I split the bowl in half. It's two meals. He loved hot peppers. Hot peppers is so good, dude.

Yeah, that was really good. Because they're not commercial. They can give you healthy, bountiful scoops. True. Dude, I don't want to have anyone lose their job. I hit a sweet green yesterday or a couple days ago. Sweet green fell off. I was wearing sweet green here for a while. They fell off. The one near me is fucking... It's back. Dude, they have herb roasted chicken for real. And it's not cutting a little cute. What are the portions like?

Bro, sweet green portions notoriously girl portions. You go there and it's just like, dude, what do you get? Just lettuce. It's like, dude, come on. Dude, I had a sweet lettuce. I said, double chicken, please. What's that, $64? It was a $20 salad for sure. It's crazy. $20 salad. But she's, dude, there's a sweet angel gave me my two things and I was like, I'm getting ready to get the sweet green sting. I'm going, fuck, are you serious right now? And then, dude, it was two more and I went.

reasonable talking a little dude four more fucking tongs fulls of chicken I literally said God bless you man damn God bless you man dude she hooked me up with the fattest fucking sweet it was awesome

And their herb roasted chicken is a full chicken filet. I think they halved them. So it was like one half, one half, one half, one half. I had like four full filets of boneless thigh. Oh, my God. I mean. I said, ma'am, God bless you, ma'am. Ma'am, you're going to fucking make me jizz. Dude, for real. And the dressing. I said, medium dressing. I said, that's extra heavy. Oh, my God, man. Oh, thank God. So this man blessed you.

Fully bless me. Dude, that's the thing too. I'm going to start. If I see a real thin lady at anywhere like that, like a service bar, I'm going to say, can I please have someone else? Can I have someone a little more girthy? You understand it's portion size. Yes. You get a thin, frail, communist college lady and it's just like... They used to say that. What are you, starving me to death? Are you trying to kill me? Or whatever. The what? You can't trust a skinny chef? You can't. That's not true. You see some fat...

Bag of shit sweating all over your chicken. You'll change your tune, dude. You see some guy at Chipotle dripping off his forehead. Yeah. Smelling like a hot dog. Fuck that. Yeah, but you need a big lady. You can't trust with the portions, man. You get a skinny lady who's like a vegetarian throwing out at the meat master at Chipotle. It depends. If they're Asian, it's nice. Skinny Asians. You think they dole it out? Because they eat like fat men. Yeah.

They just burn it off. True. You ever date an Asian girl, like a little Asian girl? No, not enough to monitor her calories. Not in those two weeks? Yeah, I've had a tryst, but I've never monitored her portions. I get upset when my girl orders this out because it starts at 15 and then you've got to add chicken. It's like another seven. Chicken and shrimp. No, you've got to go chicken and shrimp. And it's like, God damn. You're getting shrimp? Bro.

If I have a problem or if I'm adding proteins, it gets out of control real fast. And then sometimes they'll be like, oh, you want both? That's a lot. I go, don't tell me what the fuck my stomach can handle. Don't fucking judge me. Oh, it's actually pretty big. People eat it as a meal. I say, appetizer. Yeah. We'll see what's going on. I'll be the judge of that. Yeah, appetizer, please.

Yeah. I got it from my dad. He's the king, dude, of making, of ensuring portion size at restaurants. He goes, let me get a salad, big salad. Yeah. And like, well, he's like, no, like a big entree size salad. And they're like, all right. Crushes it. And then it's steak.

Yeah. Picking out is just what we do, bro. Yeah. It's nice. How's your bowels? You should see me put a hair on my bowels. It was a pile. Today was a fucking pile. That's nice. I double-burgered last night, though. Really? Double-burgered, followed it up with an al pastor taco when we were out.

You ate two cheeseburgers? Like full-size burgers? Yes, sir. Wow. You cooked them at home? Yeah, oven burgers. Oh, okay. That's fair. Yeah, oven burgers. You definitely need two burgers if it's at home. You do, but I'm talking guacamole on top of them, cheese sauce, barbecue sauce. You cook your burgers in an oven? Dude, yeah. They're very good. That's crazy. Oven burgers are. I was doubtful, too, because oven burgers were a thing that I had. A broiler or just straight oven? Straight up. No. Straight up, brother.

Brother, I'm telling you. Oven burgers seasoned up. My God. Brother. And then you can just munch them, dude. You make like 50 of them in one shot. They all come out at once. In the restaurant industry, we call it fire. They all fire at once. Order 42 all day. Fire. You know they have slang in the kitchen. Order 42. Fire all day.

They do Joe Rogan's podcast all day. All day? What is that? All day means like it's dawn or something. I fucking forget. They go, order 42, fired. All day. There's a bunch. They have slang, dude. They for real think they're in the army. Yeah. Just all pill heads. I went to college to learn how to boil potatoes.

Learned more from my fucking grandmother did my abuela taught me how to cook really dude in my abuela's kitchen. I didn't know you were such a foodie My abuela's kitchen was like any other dude, what did you learn? She taught you all the spices. He's always but not even just that but just the love that goes into the food It's a whole thing family all the

I just like the secrets of cooking and the patience that like she taught me everything about cooking. I like to reflect that through my cooking. Yeah. It's every dude on the food show. It's why I put my burgers in the oven. My abuela in the kitchen, I was a young boy and she'd be pounding flan. She'd be shaving flan balls and she'd say, this is the secret to life. Yeah. And I learned that. That's what I reflect in my cooking. In my bacon meatballs on the Food Network. Yeah.

I never knew my abuela. Most of my abuelas had passed before I ever met them. I had one abuela alive. Did you really? And she was not a cook. She was mean. There was no love in what she was making. Yeah. She wear a bra? Yeah. My Irish abuela showed me the ways of cooking. I mean...

I always just picture big Irish grandmothers with their tits swaddled. No, no, no. Why do you think Irish grandmas have their tits swaddled? Because all my aunts... I tell you guys fetishize Irish women and I hate it. They do it all the time. Yeah, they do it a lot. They fetishize Irish women. They do it. Oh, man. You need the product of it. Yeah, it's your WAP daddy you got in there. Crush it. Your WAP daddy cream pod your Irish mommy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's talking down. She's like a big cloud. I come down as a big fat Irish potato ass. I fucking jizzed all over. Yeah. That's actually, literally, that's how he talks. Yeah. That's 100% how he talks. Fucking flesh freckled freckle monster motherfucker.

Every time you do that, I'm like, that's my whole family. It's literally my entire family. Usually when they're mean, they don't wear bras. That's why I actually said that. No, she was very conservative mean. You know what I mean? Uptight. My grandma would never let her titties out. True. Old Patty Kilkenny. Double bra. Never going to let the titties out. Patty Kilkenny? Yeah. My parents are from Kilkenny. Nice. Yeah. Swag. My mom's not my father. Yeah.

Kilkenny's. I like Kilkenny. Good people. Good food. When you're in Kilkenny... TVs are a little small for the game. Your family. You know what I mean? When you go to Kilkenny, that's familiar. For sure. My grandma's gnocchi was classic Irish gnocchi.

With the moose. I remember when my babble met my fucking grandparents. What do Jewish people call their grandparents? Baba. Babble? No, that's Russian. It's a place to meet a babble. Yes. Oh, Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba.

In my pop-up's kitchen, he would bust out a tin of hard cookies. Yes. If you got the tag grandmom, you were not respected by the mother or father. Grandmom? Yeah, like if they made you say that one's grandmom, there's a problem in the family. Yeah, it's not Nana. It's not Nana, Nona, my mom. Yeah. I don't like Nona. Yeah, it's too ethnic. Nona's too much. It's too WAP-ish for sure. Gigi's WAP. Gigi's cool WAP mom. That's what my mom is, Gigi. Yeah. My mom and pop-ups are so sick, yeah. Really?

That's nice. Yeah, my mom and pop-up is fucking swag. And I also think changing from my mom and pop-up to something unique is because they have a connotation to it. Like with their history. You don't want to name somebody and it reminds you of an ex-girlfriend or something. Yeah. So you got to switch it up. I'd gladly inhabit pop-up. I have all... Mine's just... Dude, he would give us beer when we were kids. He's the fucking man.

It was Warren Budweiser's. If my parents left, they'd be like, yo, go drink a beer, dude. Don't be a pussy. And I'd be like, fuck yeah, dude. How old were you? 14. Nice. He'd just give you beers and be like, yo, let's go. Let's party right now. I think I'll do that. I think I'll give children beer. You have to.

He'd be like, go get me a Budweiser. Yeah, just be like, chuck on that. Oh, dude, for sure. Chug that with me. Please hang out with me. Dude, my brother used to go around to the end tables during house parties and just chug all the wine. And one night, we shared the same bed, and one night he just woke up like exorcist throwing up.

Hot red blood Which I thought he was fucking dying So I'm screaming He's going He's fucking Booting Red table wine Yeah Not knowing how to drink as a kid Yeah Growing up everywhere It was so fucking funny There was all these dudes That would like pillage house parties Like there was People would have a party And then there would be like Four kids who would come And like steal all the parents stuff And just leave Yeah It happened a lot There weren't that many Puerto Ricans You did that You pillaged You wop We used to steal

Did you really? What'd you take? DVDs. DVDs, family pictures, smoke alarms, remote controls. Oh, you like fucked their house up. You had a whole system? Yeah, I'm not proud of it. Yeah. It's a troubled past. I can't tell if he's fucking around. No, I'm not fucking around. One time we got caught and we put it all in a big black garbage bag and like threw it off their lawn and drove away. Back on their lawn? Classic WAPs, dude. We gotta get rid of this body. It fell off the truck.

Mom Wait were these Were these family parties Like are you friends No like Like a A kid will have a Party at their parents house Oh yeah Just pillage everything Gotcha For no reason My Umperdeckers at those Oh Burn umperdecker Was just Absolute disrespect

My brother would go to... Hey! They pinched a fucking loaf. They dropped an up a deck at my Nona's. Not in the kitchen where she makes her gnocchis. What a fucking smoke of loves! Yeah, dude, I knew someone who used to go to frat parties and the whole time walk around and try to find the stash because there would be a knot of five somewhere.

You do that where you steal the taps off the keg. You go to the tap. You take the taps. Is there like 75 bucks? 75. Yeah. Rip the tap and you go find like you go to the bedrooms and someone have a knot of fives. You swipe it and fucking run. Who's that person? My brother. He tried to steal a keg and he got fucking there like get the fuck out of here. My brother, my other brother, Kevin, like just got his ass kicked. Tom was like, yeah.

Yeah, it's a good dirtball. Yeah, it's a good move. Finding the bag at a frat party and stealing it is funny. Yeah, I never even considered that. That's great. He would just get hammered and be like, I'm going to go grab 350 bucks right now. He found a dude laying on time. I mean, that's a high-risk maneuver. That's a whole house of dudes that want to jump a guy. That's suicide by frat. Yeah. That's suicide by frat for sure. It's all going to your dentist.

The what? Yeah, true. Yeah. Yeah, he did. His final hurrah was pretty nice where he just got naked at a party. He doesn't remember any of this. He got naked. It was just munching the leaves off of plants. He was pretending to be a dinosaur. Had to wake up. From just alcohol? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

It is funny. That's the problem. That's very funny. That's the problem with when you're very drunk and you're like, I know this is funny. Yeah. He was totally right. You wake up and you're like, so embarrassed, but you're like, fuck, that is hilarious. You get naked at a party and munch. Burping maple leaves. Fuck, that's funny. Munching the trees at a party naked is. That dump must have been chaos. Oh, fuck, yeah. There's no way your body breaks. He might have been spitting out. He might have been spitting out. Yeah. I hope he was spitting out. Might have spit up. Yeah.

Yeah, or just real quickly while no one was looking, a little sleight of hand. I don't think anybody took their eyes off him. I don't think the party went back to normal at any point. True. I'm sure there were shrieks. You can't get naked at a party. It's not a gag no one likes anymore. Yeah. I remember at open mics people would do that. Really? Yeah, I remember some of the good, good fellas.

Remember that? Oh, you're right. That was a fun gag. They would get their dick and ass out. Yeah. And then two years later, they were like, you're being... Insensitive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're insensitive. Yeah, that whole squad was sus. I'd like to get them. You put them in the air, but I bet the flag comes up. I want to hire them and have them stand in the back like Immortal Kombat. Hire them now? Yeah, just stand in the back. Just...

Totally stern. It would be. That's a. Yeah, that'd be nice. And then occasionally point to one of them and go do a bit. Give one minute. And go back to your set. And go, you see how fucking bad that was? Get off the stage. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, that's pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. They were wild bros. They were, you know, they're having fun. Everyone was having so much fun. Everyone was having fun. Dude, I was. You know what I was thinking about recently? Grinding at parties. Yeah, of course. Walk up to a party. Stranger.

Grab their stomachs and just fucking hot dude That was so normal back in the day and if everyone would be like in it their friend would be like yes Or she would fucking be like yeah, you're good the other one most times. I'd be like yeah, then you get Wow Wow you what knows you probably believe that but this one girl had a basement where it was just Dungaree fire every second yeah, yeah, I'm putting the shit out of your girl listening to ei

Dude, this was up until college. In bars in Philly, when I was in college, it was totally, at least sophomore year, it was not weird to walk up to strangers and try to get your grind on. Yeah. It was totally normal. Yeah. And then it just, one day. Yeah. The last few people walked in are like an absolute industrial fan on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like beat up by the cops. But yeah, that was back in the day. That was like... Do they still grind? Does anybody grind? No.

I'm sure the kids are still doing it. I think kids like face each other and jump up and down now. Oh, yeah. They jump up and down. Yeah. Well, it's a different type of kid, you know? Yeah. Well, it's like Ravers. Ravers is jump up. I think they grind. I think they grind. And now they do like mystical Madonna hands. I think. Yeah. There you go. It's pretty nice, Sean. Sean was dancing last night in the green room. You were dancing. Yeah. You were.

Yeah. You got angry last night. I liked it. He's got good moves. Sean has great moves. He does have that Italian fire in him when he drinks a little. Yeah. Yeah. No, I wasn't that angry. You get angry. You were angry. You were angry. I was angry. I was mad. I was tired. Italians drinking. True. Italians. Italians. The disrespect. No, I'm very nice to everybody else. Every Italian goes through the fall of Rome in their head every night. Rome declines. There's a height where you're dancing in the green room. Little Pax Romana. Then you get out there in the...

The vandals are at the gate. The vandals have arrived. Damn. That was nice.

Me and Sean had a nice weekend. What'd you guys do? Crap City. Oh, yeah. I was like, crap city. Matt, I gotta tell you. Capa City. The New Hours. Oh, please, dude. So good. Oh, please. Let's go. I hadn't seen a lot of it. I went to Matt's Thursday show and then watched from the balcony, dude, from the Phantom. Spied me from the balcony. I was so nervous. I was like, dude, it's all fucking crap. You killed me. No, it was awesome. It's awesome. Yeah, the new stuff's wonderful. Let's get in there. I'm having fun. I have been having a lot of fun. Dude, I...

I saw I spied a guy in the crowd this weekend. I was just like bullshitting. I was literally I forgot what I was talking about. So I started talking to this guy. I was like, how are you doing, man? He looked up at me. He's like, good. And it just caught me totally off guard. He's like a 35 year old dude with braces. And I just fucking started laughing. I couldn't stop laughing. I was like, you have fucking braces. Yeah, I lost it. Adult braces. Oh, my God. It's fucking killed my my like close friends. Dad got braces when he was like, I'm not kidding. Fifty five. And it was like, holy shit.

Dude, that's like getting divorced at 70. It's like, just let your dice go. Yeah, man. Yeah. I mean, that's ulterior. That's like higher private eye. If your 50-year-old husband gets braces, it's like, get a private eye, right? Also, there's Invisalign. You can get clear braces. I know. That's what I was saying. At least get some... How fucking poor is this dude? Toss him Invisalign, dude.

It fucking made me... I couldn't stop laughing. That's a good point as well. Well, I mean, it's got to be something. Yeah, because regular braces are probably like $3,500 and then Invisalign's like $5,000. So yeah, it was a budget. Yeah. It was a budget. The man was working with a budget. He had a budget decision. I kept telling him, I'm like, bro, when you lick your teeth, my God, dude, wait till you feel that teeth. Oof, hello. That is a nice feeling. You get your favorite color sports team, dude. Yeah. The budget. Dude, the...

It's a black and yellow. Blue and yellow. Blue and yellow. Every other tooth. I should get braces when I get my facial surgery. Yeah, for sure. I would just toss them on. Get like, you know when people get like fake prescription glasses? Yeah. Totally unnecessary braces. Hairy carry glasses. Dude, if you rocked unnecessary braces, that would be kind of a flex. If you just kept braces on like a grill for the rest of your life. Dude. Yo. Thousands of college kids would be getting braces because of you. Yeah.

I'm going to polish the white spots. We've reached it. Let's head over to the Patreon. Let's go. Goodbye.