Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 4 Episode 2
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Please remember to pig out responsibly. This episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend is sponsored by L.L. Bean. Summer's all about getting outside. For quality outdoor clothing, gear, and accessories, turn to L.L. Bean, the expert for over a century. They got camp chairs, campsite organizers, blankets, quarterbacks,

Plus, get the stylish yet durable clothes you need for all types of weather, including their famous bean boots. For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit llbean.com slash Conan. Outside together since 1912. Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums. A six-part series with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Let's get started.

Well, we're out of the studio and into the night. What? Sure. I want to paint a picture because I think that's what one must do in this medium. I want to let our fans know that this is a very special Summer S'mores, Chill Chums, whatever you want to call it. Because not only are we out of the studio, we're at Sona's house. Yeah.

And Sona's house is in Altadena, California. This is not a long jaunt for you, is it, Gorley? Because you live in Pasadena. Right. It was 15 minutes door to door. Okay. Let me... It was so nice. Why didn't I know you were going to talk about how far it is to come here? Is it okay if I explain my journey? My journey began six days ago. A series of buses. Three horses died underneath me. There was a period on foot. I took a ship.

It's absolutely incredible. I went, first of all, from my house to our studio. Now, you guys know that I live on an abandoned oil rig that's off the shore of Santa Monica. And I live there because of my great wealth and my eccentricities. And most of the time you just wear a hard hat and cut off jean shorts and that's it out there? Yeah. And I actually, you know, for a while I lived there just to be eccentric.

And then I realized I might as well get some oil out of this. So I often just work there getting the oil out of the seabed. Okay. And I make a good money that way. Anyway, I go from Western part of Los Angeles. Yes. And then I go to Larchmont and that only got me like a quarter of the way to here. Did you try driving in a car? I did. Okay. Cause you were talking about a bus and a,

Yeah. And I'm just curious if you tried getting into an automobile. I guess I was allowing my comedic flights of fancy to get the better of me. Oh, that was...

be funny. It was very funny, hence all the laughter. We speak a different language of comedy up here in the mountains. So anyway. I'm sorry. I didn't know that's what you were going for. That was really funny. It took a long time to get here. It took a long time to get here. But you know, there's two of us that live here. You're the one that lives far, not Sona. Yeah, you live far. And you know what? I commute to Larchmont all the time.

for work and it's not that bad I think it's this time of day there was a lot of traffic also you're sick I'm fine actually no you sound very sick bad show business guys when you get sick you get very like very complainy about things you're not well you never tell people that you're not well I got a little bit of a chest cold about a week ago normally I wouldn't say anything about it people can hear your voice what's that?

People can hear your voice. You don't sound normal. I don't sound normal. I actually sound better, probably. You do sound a little sexy. You know what? Whenever I get a cold, I sound the way I should sound as a man. Really? Yeah. I have kind of a rasp to my voice. It is pretty cool. Yeah. I wish I smoked. But anyway...

I'm feeling much better now. I just still got a little bit of the rasp. Make my day. Yeah. Remember that one? Yeah. Why did you ask him? Everybody remembers that one. You were too young. Remember that? Yeah, but I think you don't have to be older to know that that's a famous line. Make my day.

Remember when Reagan used that? Remember when he tried to use it in one of his speeches and it was a big hit? That I don't remember. He said, if you think Congress is going to try not to pass that bill, make my day. So sexy. Do you remember that, Matt? I kind of remember that. Okay. So sexy. Well, I took us on a bad road. You're losing even me now. Okay. Wait, so now that you're here, though, you made it, what do you think? It's nice to be up in the mountains here, isn't it? Uh, sure. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to be honest with you. I was driven here in a very tiny car. Wait, you're complaining and you were driven here? Well, when you hear which car I was in. Okay. I was in David's car. Now, David drives a car. I looked up his car. His car is technically a croissant. Okay.

On wheels. It's a tiny little machine. What is the make and model? It's a BMW, but they don't even put the B. It's just the MW. It's a Mini Cooper. It's just murder works. He drives a Mini Cooper. No, I know, but he got a Mini Cooper that's cut in half. It's a roller skate? Yeah. The half model. You know, several times his car has been mistaken for a breath mint on the highway. And so...

David was driving me, and so I am crammed next to him. He's driving. And then David proceeds to tell me some very upsetting news. Now, you'd think his job would be to calm me on the ride over. I'm talent. Yeah. First of all, he should have rented, like, a limo or something. But no, we're in his hat. And was David to drive that limo? Would he be in a little chauffeur's cap? Yes, I would make him wear a very tiny chauffeur's hat.

But David went on. David told me that he said, oh, Conan, you know the site Du Moi? Yeah. Where they have celebrity sightings. He said on Du Moi, David, do you want to step over here for a second? It's fine. It's really, there's a microphone right there. David's here. He just unfolded himself from the car. David, is your car okay or did a bird eat it? Everything's fine. Okay. All right. Okay. You told me first of all that Du Moi was.

a couple of celebrity asks when they travel. Hotel requests, yeah. If they go to a hotel room. Oh. And you listed two and then you had what is supposedly mine. Yeah. So can you do the other two first and then mine? So it's like J-Lo requested a bathtub full of Evian water. Oh. Oh.

Where's the other one? I've heard that about Nicole Kidman. Things are turning into urban legends. Keep going. Let's see. John Travolta requests a VCR on blackout curtains. And then you go to Conan and it says, Conan requests a basket of muffins.

Basket of muffins. Now, first of all, Sona, you've worked with me many years. I've never requested a basket of muffins. I don't mind that they make stuff up. That's part of the game. I know it. But can't they make up something that's kind of cool? I don't know. That seems pretty on point for you. A basket of muffins? A basket of muffins? With this photo of you holding your vinyl? Oh, my God.

Conan requests a basket of muffins. The least threatening person in show business. Picture me, you know, crammed into this tiny clown car. Apologies to BMW. With David. And David says, oh, and I've got some news for you. And he tells me that the world, because all the world knows about Dumois, thinks that I'm some muffin addict holed up in a hotel room.

just gorging my fat Irish face with muffins. And then I'm, and we're driving and driving and driving and I'm watching these hawks circle, circle our little chiclet of a car because they think it's a breadcrumb rolling down the highway. A lot of hawks here. You know? And then, so I was in a bad mood when I got here. What if it said like, oh, you request like, you know, the bag of dildos. Yes. Do you know what I mean?

They don't come in bags. They come in packages of four. They come in steel suitcases. Well, I'm just saying, like, I wouldn't want to be the Avion person because that just makes you sound like a dick. But like a basket of muffins. Hey, you're a nice guy. You're the muffin man. You're a muffin guy. You're the muffin man. No, I would want it to be Conan. Now I know the muffin man. Conan Watts. The muffin man. Stop it. Stop it.

He wants the autobiography of General Ulysses S. Grant, a copy of it in his room, and like a shot of tequila. That's what I want people to think about me. But you want that every time you travel? How many biographies of U.S. Grant are you going to read? You can read that thing again and again and again. But now you realize you're going to start getting baskets of muffin in your dressing rooms wherever you go. That's pretty cool, though.

That's cool, though. That is cool. I think that there's... I don't want a basket of muffins. Does an egg McMuffin count as a muffin? No, I don't think so. It's a McMuffin. Once you put a Mc in front of something, it's not that thing anymore. You know? A corn McCob is not a corn on the cob at all. It's just a rule. Okay. Mc takes away all the properties of the noun that follows it.

Yep, we're here in Altadena. That was... Wow. That's gonna muffin. Wow. That literally is so stupid. So we are here. Oh, you know what's really cute? How did we get to that point? You know what's really cute? And I like to look around me and observe things because that's what's made me a good broadcaster. Broadcaster. Is that right now I just looked and the curtains parted and two angelic faces looked out. Right after you just yelled out bag of dildos. I know.

But.

My kids can never listen to this podcast. Sona's twins, Mikey and Charlie, are peering out the window, and I'm waving at them, and they're wondering why is Jane Lynch waving back at them from the yard. Hi, guys. They're there. They're staring at us. They're probably very excited. They were very proud to show me their room. Yes. They showed me their room. Every time they get something new, like a pillow, they need to show everybody. They're so boring right now. Terrible thing to say. These are your children. I know.

Who wants to see a pillow? Do you know how many people they showed their blankets to? Like, okay, it's a blanket. I think it's because it's them and they've never, like, had new things, like new blankets before. So it's exciting. You're underestimating him, though, because all he wants to do is sit and look at muffins. They have so few things. That's probably why they treasure them. What do you mean? That's not true. They have very little. My kids are very well taken care of. They're in a good place. Well, you know, Rachel had one toy and a cookie at Christmas, and that's about it. Oh, wow.

You run a strict household. It's beautiful here, though. It's very nice. There's a nice marine lair. Would you call that a marine lair? I don't know. Can you? Okay, you're a fun group. Oh, I'm sorry. We're not talking about the marine lair. Sorry, there's not a bag of muffins here for you. You're really starting the party here with us.

with a marine layer. Let's talk more about the weather. You came in so cranky and you're getting on us? I know, because you're sick and that's what I'm saying. You get cranky when you're sick. You do not harp on people being sick. You don't do that in show business. You don't. We're in show business and that's where we're different. I grew up in show business. Show business is in my blood. You hijacked show business. Your mom's a lawyer. My dad's not a real doctor. I used to see his certificate. He'd get a lot of mumbling and shumbling. What?

No, but, you know. What? What, you got something? No, I was going to say again how you're sick because you sound sick. And then you get grumpy when you're sick sometimes. Not at all. I'm in a good mood. Not only did you have to drive far to get here, I think you started in an angry spot. I don't think I started in an angry spot. I think my staff, they've been squeezing me a little bit lately. Whoa. You're blaming your staff? Yes. All great leaders blame their staff. Stop.

Stalin shot every staff he ever had. Listen, did I fly to New York to do the upfront? Sure. Did I fly back and do a podcast the next day? Yes, I did. Am I constantly shoved around and told, go here, go there? Yes, I am. I give and I give and I give. And what do I get out of it? What do I get out of it besides great wealth? Um...

And a series of properties that are just stunning. I think that everyone here owes me an apology. Nobody owes you an apology. Okay. But I'm glad you came here. Yes. Yes. That was all a prelude to me saying thanks for having me over. Oh.

That's where we ended up. I'm sorry I don't have muffins for you, but I'm really glad you're here. Well, I got here as soon as I could. It takes a while longer when you're in a car as small as David's. Okay. The wheel has to turn 15 times every time that a normal wheel would turn once. ♪♪♪

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In the woods. Or Altadena. No, I like to have... First of all, L.L. Bean clothing is great. I like the clothes they have. I do too. But I like all their stuff. And as you know, I'm a New Englander. So I grew up with L.L. Bean. You know, it's just... Did you hear that bird in the background? The bird's going, L.L. Bean! L.L. Bean! L.L. Bean! L.L. Bean! Even the birds are into it here.

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♪♪♪

Did it specify what kind of muffins? Or just a basket of muffins? It just said basket of muffins. It just said basket of muffins? Yeah, someone's pulling my chain at Jumois. That's so weird. I like that it has to be in a basket. That feels almost like fairytale. Muffins are always in a basket. Can you just make shit up and send it to them and just be like, oh, this person needs a

Yeah, David, is there a way to correct them all? We can DM them. No, don't. The only other thing, you're always on there. It's either the basket of muffins or you eating sushi, so... Well, I do eat a lot of sushi. That one's true. What about a basket of sushi? They're 50-50. I'm just saying, can we make stuff up about people and send it in and just be like, I know that... I guess they'll just post it. ...so-and-so requests, you know, whatever. This feels like Gossip Girl. Yeah. I don't think... I mean, it's not the Washington Post, you know? It's not... They're not fact-checking. Yeah, they're not fact-checking. Also, people are loving...

If it's true, the muffins in the comments. People are really happy. Well, then I'm going to double down on it. I loves me muffins. I loves me muffins.

Tell us a little bit about Altadena, because the whole point of making this a special podcast and us being outside and spending, I think, a fortune to have everyone come here and travel great distances. Fortune. To set up cameras and microphones and what appears to be a solo stove. And if it's not a solo stove, I don't want to be near it because I will only be near a solo stove. Oh, God. Those things are fantastic. Yeah. Solo stove. Best stove you can have outdoors. Solo stove. I...

Tell us a little bit about Altadena. Do you know anything about its history? I don't. Oh. Okay. All right. It's north of Pasadena. There's horses that come here all the time. Every once in a while, I can hear a pack of coyotes killing an animal, and it's a horrifying sound. Are they killing them? Coyotes attack animals, and you can hear it? Oh, you can hear it. What does it sound like? I don't know if they're free!

and then it's just silence. We get that on my street too in Pasadena. Right? Doesn't it sound like just like screaming? It's vicious. It's vicious. It's awful. It's like something that'll like traumatize you. So we hear that a lot. And then there's just, you know, little, there's always animals. There's bears and there's, you know, bobcats sometimes. I love it. I love wild animals. No, you don't. I do. No, I don't think you,

think you do. Do you really like wild animals? Yes, I think it's cool. I love being around nature. I think it's neat. I think it's neat to be in your house and know that there's just animals out there roaming around. It's cool. Do you go camping? Have we talked about it? Have we talked about him going camping? I don't know if we've talked about it. Do you go camping? Did you go tent in a... What? Sona? Are you okay? Sona.

Have you ever slept in a tent? Touch your index finger to your nose right now. I'm totally fine. Have you ever slept in a tent, in like a sleeping bag? Of course I have, yeah. When I was a kid, I went to camp. I know, and you boiled your legs on a tin boat or something. Yeah, I boiled my legs in a canoe. Yeah, I went to camp many years up in New Hampshire. Went to a camp in Maine. But did you ever go camping of your own accord, like with friends or family? Me and my own volition.

Yes. Do I? Is there a difference? Does accord not work for religion? No, accord works perfectly. I just gave you a synonym. I don't know what the problem is. Jesus Christ. All I did was give you another word that was also valid. What's wrong with that? That's fun. That's saying, yeah, I see what you're- That's fun. Yeah, I'm going to give you a different word for fun. That's a dick move. Is that it?

Dick move. It's fun. You said you go to your own court of my own volition. Of course I do. That's just two guys having fun. God, with one of the greatest languages ever invented. Did you just become the human thesaurus that nobody asked? Have you gone camping of your own volition? Yes, I did. Yeah, I have. And I also took my kids camping. So, yeah. Well, what kind of were you glamping or were you camping? Well, define glamping. You're in a yurt.

And there's a refrigerator. No. Did you pitch your own tent? Have you like gotten a tent? Why are you smiling? Why are you a 12-year-old boy? Have you ever pitched your own tent? Stop laughing. What is wrong with you? Stop laughing. That wasn't even... You're a grown man. I'm not even laughing that much. I'm actually, I don't ask that question. Have you ever gotten a boner? That I've proven is much... That's much more difficult than pitching a tent.

Pitching a tent is relatively easy. Okay. Getting an erect penis is a whole other... That takes a lot of pulleys and struts. Counterweights. You need counterweights. You need to get a lot of other people involved. You hold that end. A lot of other people? You hold that end. You hold this end. Okay.

This is good fun. See? Now we're cooking. We're cooking really good now. You know, people don't do that in show business. Say what? They don't say, hey, guys, this is real good fun. Sure they do. Hey, I gave you a synonym. That's funny. They do when they're not well. Yeah. You're doing things we don't do in show business. Yeah, you sure know your show business, Sona. I sure know it. I love the air here, too.

It smells like fire. It does sort of smell like a fire. Well, that might be the solo stove. But you know what's cool about the solo stove? And we haven't even gotten to the add part of the solo stove. I know. There's no smoke. Beautiful. What a beautiful design. I don't know who did it. I did it. I hope they get a Nobel Prize. No, I didn't. I didn't design it. Let me ask you something. Do you know your neighbors? I do. Do your neighbors know that you're recording...

A pretty well-known podcast right here in your yard. My friends, my friends who live two houses down, I told them. Are they going to come by? They wanted to, but I didn't know how to do it where it wasn't awkward. What do you mean? They can just come and. They're just going to come and stand here? Yeah, and I'd sign an eight by 10 for them. Oh, come on. Not of me. That's weird. Of who? I don't know. Like the star of Hawaii Five-0, the new one, not the old one.

The new Hawaii Five-0. Daniel Kim? There you go. Daniel Kim. I often sign his headshot. People get really confused. Did you ever see the episode of the new Hawaii Five-0 where they CG Jack Lord in

into it in some of the worst CG you've ever seen? You know, I grew up on the original Hawaii Five-0 with Jack Lord, and Jack Lord was the inspiration for my hairstyle. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. I used to see his hair was all piled up, and he always had a little coil going forward. And I remember as a kid going, I wish I lived in Hawaii and was a detective and had that haircut. Well, one of those things came true. I got the hair. And then...

All these years later, I'm talking to one of my heroes on the podcast. And I forget who it was, but it was so many heroes. I think it was Nixon. No, I was talking to, you know who I think it was? It was Kurt Russell. I was talking to Kurt Russell. And Kurt Russell was a child actor. And he was on that Hawaii Five-0. And he said he did a scene with Jack Lord and Jack Lord didn't have his wig on. And I said, what? And he went, yeah, man, that was a piece.

So my hair hero, my hair that I've spent my lifetime perfecting and crafting is based on a sham. What if your hair just all fell out at that moment? At that moment it just fell off. It's like the coyote realizing he's standing on nothing. And he looks at the camera and falls. So anyway, now there's a new Hawaii Five-0. Who's Jack Lord? He's the first Felix Leiter, Sona. Oh, right. Okay. I thought Don Johnson was in. No, was that? That's Miami Vice. Miami Vice? Okay. It's not the same show? No.

It sounds like it. It's across. It couldn't be farther in the union. Hawaii Five-0 goes, Hawaii and Miami couldn't be farther apart. But they're both sunny. And aren't they both detectives? So I know one of them, they roll their shirt, their jackets up. Yeah, that's Hawaii Five-0. No, that's Miami Vice. That's Miami Vice. Exactly. That's Don Johnson. Okay. And have you seen Don Johnson? Oh.

Here's my point. My point is that Hawaii Five-0, a show from the 60s and it goes into the early 70s, Miami Vice, show from the 80s. There you go. Jack Lord, star of the show in the original Hawaii Five-0, my hair was basically based on his hair. And then it turned out to be a sham. Now there's a new Hawaii Five-0. And you say that they tried to put Jack Lord, who I'm sure has been dead for a long time. It's insane because they didn't have much of a budget.

The CG is god-awful, and one of the main guys is talking to him in a really dark room. You have to watch it. Anybody that's listening to this has to see it. I mean, I want to see it the minute this podcast is over, if we can get electricity up here. I want to plug something in. No, no, we'll use your generator or whatever. It's a normal place. Altagena's a normal place. It's a normal city. That's what the sign said when I entered. Ha ha ha!

It said, Altadena, a normal place. Just like the other places. Just like all the other places. Established 2014. What's our elevation here? Do you know your elevation? No. Oh, for God's sake. What kind of life do you live? Who knows their elevation? Do you know your elevation? Yep. A-lister. Oh, boo.

Mic drop. So anyway. Yeah, anyway, I know my neighbors. Me, DiCaprio, and J-Lo. 1,358. What's that? 1,358 feet. How did you find that out? Did you just look it up? Yeah. Sometimes people have it on their watches. Oh, no, I looked it up.

Okay. Sometimes a watch will tell you. That's great. An Apple Watch sometimes tells you. You really lead us down very fruitful places. I think I lead us to many great places. Yep. I'm a good leader. Like that synonym thing you did. That was really good. What's that? Anyway. Own a cord? No, let's not rap yet. You want a synonym for rap? Can we conclude? And shoot this thing in the fucking head. Can I talk about...

Can I talk about how my pillow flew into my neighbor's yard from a windstorm and I was too scared to ask them for it back? You told me this the other day and I didn't understand why you were so scared. When was the last time you went to your neighbors and said, hey, something went over and I need to get it? I would walk over there. I'd ring the doorbell. I know both my neighbors and I'd say, hi, my pillow fell into your backyard.

and I need to retrieve it. Yeah, it doesn't seem that strange. Why is it weird for me? I just got so scared. Is it still there? No, we got it. I went after a month of me and Tack going back and forth about who was going to go get it. It's so weird that you guys would be so afraid to confront your neighbors. They must be absolute monsters. They're so nice. They're such lovely people. Everyone is so lovely. You know, the other thing you can do is sneak over there. Yeah.

Midnight raid. Oh, I thought about it. But then I was like, what if they see? What do you mean? No, you can't sneak into your neighbor's house and get it. Well, it adds a little bit of thrill to the marriage. I would. You should both take off your clothes and jump over the fence and try and call. It's called grab the night pillow. It's a sexy game. You can play, you know, when the spark goes out of the marriage, take off your clothes with your loved one and try and steal a pillow from a neighbor's yard. That's a way to everybody comes out happy after that one. Did you guys throw a lot of ballparks?

lot of balls over the yard at your house when you were growing up what like you and your brother you're near brothers and your sisters you had there were so many of you we didn't have a ball we had a tater we tossed around all right we're getting out of here

We are saying goodbye now from beautiful Altadena, California. Look it up on a map. It probably won't be much resolution from the satellite photos. You know, sometimes when you get into a remote area, NASA doesn't even shoot pictures anymore. It's north of Pasadena. It's not on all maps anyway. Yeah, just starts to...

It just starts to become... North Pasadena. It's like that. What's the area with the 57 area? Area 51? Area 51? Area 51, yeah. It's like the government has blocked out all images of Altadena. Anyway, we're here. Night is descending and the coyotes are moving in. You can hear them. The coyote is moving in. Summer S'mores with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley.

Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. ♪

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode.

And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf. Vitamin water was born in New York because New Yorkers wanted more. Like more flavor to go with all the flavor. A refreshing drink after climbing six flights of stairs to a walk-up apartment or standing in the subway station in 100 degree heat. Drink vitamin water. It's from New York.

Pulling up to Mickey D's just for drinks. Oh yeah, that's me. Nothing extra, just perfection and a straw. Coming in hot for the coldest cups on the block. Because there are drinks. Then there are drinks from McDonald's. Mix things up with any size lemonade or sweet tea for $1.49. Perfect with our classic fries. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.