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When you buy a new house, you might say, Shut the front door! Winning! No, seriously. Shut the front door. We own this house now. But you actually need to say, Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. That's right. The local State Farm agent is there to help you choose the coverage you need. Welcome to my crib. No one says that anymore, but I don't care. So, just remember, Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. State Farm, Bloomington, Illinois.
Hi, my name is Kristen Wiig. And I feel warm about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Okay, Kristen, I think that's just the temperature in the room. Fall is here, here, back to school. Ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues. Climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends
Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by my crew. You guys are my crew. Do we get a say in this? No, you don't. Okay. You're just my crew. We pull off bank heists on the weekend. Oh, now I'm in. Okay. You're the guy in the van who knows everything about software and can open the vault. What do I get to do? Oh, yeah. David Hopping is here as well. You're the muscle. You're the muscle. Yeah. This is... I'm...
Really strong. Yeah. He said lifting pages. Yes. Whenever we're threatened by lots of security or something, you lift pages of an introduction script. Works every time. And toss it to the side. What's happening in the world of our podcast? I understand there's been some chat on the socials and we need to address this. This is what I'm told. For instance, you'll notice that Sona isn't here today for the intro segment of this episode, but she will be for the interview. And I think
you were saying that can't happen. And I was saying the audience knows that we record different parts at different times. Sometimes we record things a little bit out of sync. Mostly we don't, but sometimes we do. And you said that this caused a bit of a theory to emerge from someone on the internet. Yeah, who was telling me this? I don't remember who was telling me this. Doesn't matter. I think it was on Reddit that there was a discussion going on about
whether we change clothes to make it seem like we do everything linearly and in real time that the actual forethought of us bringing in costume changes. And now I love that anyone who listens to this podcast
regularly thinking that we would put that level of thought or preparation that we would think, wait a minute, this has to match. We're going to be chatting, but then we'll be talking to Kristen Wiig. So you have to put on your Oxford shirt that you were wearing then. And I have to put on my beekeepers outfit that we were wearing when we talked to Kristen.
- No! - No, 'cause this is on YouTube and people can see, but the thing that cracks me up is most of the time you can see that we aren't wearing the same clothes, you know? It's fascinating. And so, like David is here with us today, but won't be for the interview and won't be for the third segment. - I would like to point out, I don't do anything for the podcast.
But I do change my clothes multiple times a day. Like an Elton John kind of? Have you always done that? Yes. I have like nine different outfits. And I have a guy named Scott Chronic who's upstairs and he's... And just for no reason, even when I'm just here and basically doing clerical stuff, we're not even recording, we're not... I have as many as nine changes. Oh my God. Yeah, because I'm in show business. I see. You know...
Whatever. I wouldn't understand. You wouldn't understand. No, I wouldn't. Of course, I know you've been in podcasting for a long time, but you could be a camp counselor. And then you over here, you're not really in show business the way I am. I have to constantly be seen as an iconic entertainer. I have Bob Mackie outfits upstairs every now and then.
I'll go out to lunch next door and suddenly I'm wearing a glittery skirt and a feather boa. You change at lunch. Yeah. You got anything by Botany 500? Yes, I do. Okay. I should add that part of that theory was that they noticed that us back here, we wear the same clothes while you guys are wearing different clothes. Is that right? How did that happen? Right. So they were like, well, it must be because look, Adam's wearing the same thing and Eduardo's wearing the same thing and Blaze wearing the same thing, but they're wearing something different. So why are you guys always wearing the same stuff?
Are you guys doing costume changes? Maybe you should. I wish I could afford more clothes. Oh, for God's sake. Give him a raise. Give him a raise. Give him a raise. Or fire him so he can get a better paying job. Fire him so he can get a better paying job. No one's doing that one. Uh-oh, here we go.
Okay, here comes Adam is going to join the fray. By the way, wearing the same goddamn sweatshirt he wears every day. Are you like Mr. Rogers? You just have that hanging on a hook here at the studio and you put it on every time. Why are you wearing that same thing every day?
Okay, first of all, I alternate between two hoodies that I keep in my office because it is freezing in the studio and when I'm walking around the halls. So you have two hoodies. Okay, Zuckerberg, that works for me. And I wear them in here because it's really, really cold and then I take them off when I get out. But I was searching to try to find this Reddit thread and I did find it here.
I don't know if you have a better reading voice than I do, but you can see what... You have a wonderful... The Chill Chums record multiple intros a day and switch outfits to look like they're recorded on different days. I was watching the two intros today where Conan confronts Matt about the mall walking podcast. At the start of the second intro, Conan says, today I learned about Matt's podcast.
implying that the two intros are filmed on the same day. However, by looking at the video, we see that their outfits all changed while the crew remained the same. My theory is that they probably record a lot of intros in a day, which is true. It wouldn't make sense...
of them to only record 15 minutes a week plus the guest interview anyway. I have one guess. Yeah. That this fan believes 11 people shot Kennedy. Yeah. Yeah. That's the kind of thinking that takes you down that road. Here's a peek behind the curtain. So, for instance, today it's planned to go on the Kristen Wiig episode. But we're dressed in the same clothes if you watch the YouTube clip of the Melinda French Gates interview because we did that interview today but we recorded the intro for Kristen
Kristen Wiig. LAUGHTER
And we know that this is today because this is the day you had the small stroke. What do you mean by that? I also love the idea that we're doing this to commit the perfect murder. Yeah. That's what this leads me to. Is that we are shooting things out of sequence and changing outfits so that later on when someone says, oh my God, pick anyone in the, you know, oh my, I'm sorry, David, it's going to have to be you. It's fine. But David's been murdered. Yeah.
And we can say, hey, that day, look, we have footage of us. That was the day Melinda Gates came in or that was the day. And we're off the hook. And there's some listener out there with a like bare apartment. Yarn. Yes. Red yarn and calendar dates and pictures of our costumes. Right. And it's happening. Yeah. Don't you think, though, that like all the files have like dates and times? Like if they really wanted to find my murderer.
No. They won't go that far. Yeah. Can I just say, David, David, David, don't take this personally. I'm about to take it personally. No, don't. But you're, they're going to bag you, tag you, ship you back home and there will not be much of an investigation. You know what I mean? Sure. Countless young people like you come to the big city. I will invest. Your dreams don't work out. And then you're just shipped home. Yeah. True crime. David's murder. Yeah.
Somebody did say, somebody did say. You had a stroke. Yeah, everyone had a stroke. Are you okay, buddy? There's something in the air. I am worried about. The only thing that surprises me about this is that they change outfits for a mostly audio medium. So people are buying into this. It's not true. No. But I guess me saying it's not true only makes it. It stokes the conspiracy. It stokes the conspiracy theory. That's great though. Let's let this conspiracy build and rise. Also, what I do applaud is people paying that much attention.
I mean, I do appreciate that our fans are really paying attention. If we had uniforms, this wouldn't be a problem. That's right. Hey, you're supposed to get, I want uniforms and I will pay for the uniforms if someone can make this happen. I was supposed to do, Matt's going to design them. I want us to wear, and again, the inspiration for this came from, uh,
from Jack White and Third Man Records where, you know, Jack has everyone in his entourage wearing these cool outfits. And I'm like, that's what we need. Okay. We need everyone at Team Coco, Conoco, whatever we call this thing now. I forget. There's so many entities. Yeah.
at Conan Inc. I want everybody wearing a similar outfit, except for me, and I want to wear Admiral's epaulettes. Just Admiral's epaulettes? Just Admiral's epaulettes. Let's just say... Okay. Next week, we're not recording.
I'll get on this. Good. We'll have something to see. But why aren't we recording next week? Conspiracy theory. Oh, that's right. Because we don't have a costume. Because Conan's in the Pacific Northwest committing some insane crimes. Committering. Committering. Everyone's got it. Oh, my God. Oh, no. All right. All right. Enough of our tomfoolery and skedaddley.
My guest today is a hilarious actress, comedian, and writer you know from Saturday Night Live, Bridesmaids, and Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar. She now stars in the new Apple TV Plus series, Palm Royale. I am beyond thrilled. Kristen Wiig, welcome. I am so happy that you're here. Thanks. Because...
remember when you got cast on SNL and absolutely adoring you and thinking like this is the is I think this is like the funniest person I've seen yeah and I say that this will not air period
Period. We're going to find a way to block it to all the other SNL people I've talked to, so they never hear that. But you're just so insanely funny. And I met you. We had you on the show. And just one time, and we didn't get to really connect again. And so if nothing else, when I found out that you were going to come in today, I just thought, this is my chance to tell you just how blown away I am by you as a performer. Thank you.
singer, songwriter, dancer. I'm just making up things you don't probably do. Well, I do those things. You're a dancer? Really? Good dancer? I mean, no. I used to dance. I've danced. Yes. You do... Well, actually...
You do a character, Gilly, and Gilly has an intro number and does a dance to it. And I love good physical comedy. And it's one of my favorite things when you break into... First of all, I think all characters everywhere... I was talking about this with Robert Smigel the other day, and we worked together at SNL. Love Robert Smigel.
Yeah, I like him fine. But we were talking about a sketch that we wrote for Tom Hanks called "Mr. Short-Term Memory" and how we insisted, this is like 1988, that it has to have a theme song. And I remembered Lorne was like,
like, no, it doesn't need a... Sketches don't have theme song openings. And we said, no, it has to. And we had a whole animated opening where Tom Hanks' character gets hit by a pear sitting under a pear tree. Wait, it was animated? It was like, yeah, he's like sitting under, you know, it's Mr. Short Term Memory. He never should have sat under that pear tree. Now he has no memory, but he'll never know. And you'll love him, whatever. He'll frustrate you so, because he's Mr. Short Term. Anyway...
We wrote this whole theme song, and I always thought, I think it should be a law that all sketch characters have a ridiculous theme song that wastes time. It's a good way to get rid of the nerves, I gotta say. That's a great... Yeah, because you're like dancing and shaking, and then you're like, okay, I don't know. Because it's obviously a very nerve-wracking job. Yeah, it is a nerve-wracking job. You wouldn't know it looking at your performances. But I remember you doing the ghillie dance, and the dance incorporates...
maybe nine different, very distinct moves that probably aren't supposed to all go together. It's so funny. Thank you. It's so funny. That means a lot coming from you, Conan. Well, I appreciate that. But I just, I was, your body of work on SNL alone, just not even getting into your other tremendous work is crazy. You're so prolific. And then to hear you say, well, it gets out the nerves. And I think it is nice for people listening and probably revelatory that they hear
Kristen Wiig has nerves. Oh, my God. Yes. I think if you I would be worried about myself if I didn't, especially with SNL, because it's live. Yeah. You feel like you want to throw up. You know, I mean, the good I always say the good thing is because you have dress rehearsal. So you kind of know what sort of works. But, you know, there could be things that work in dress and then you're like waiting for the some sort of giggle and then it's silent.
During air, that happens all the time. A false positive. Oh, there's nothing worse. Is, yeah. Well, actually, in medicine, it's a very good thing sometimes. You're not dying. So sometimes it works out, but a false positive in comedy, and what would happen sometimes, it's rare, but something can really do well at dress. Usually it doesn't happen, but it's a different crowd. Right.
And then what happens is they do the air show and the air show sometimes. That's when all the executives got their friends in. Lauren has some pals there. Just a lot of people are coming in. And so they're a different crowd, maybe a little more entitled. Maybe they've seen the show a bunch. It's just such a diff. I mean, I remember Charles Barkley was hosting and I wrote a sketch with Jillian Bell and it was fantastic.
for the writers room it got the best reaction I've ever had in the history of the time that I was there I mean like people were clapping were like oh this is gonna be this is gonna be a really great sketch and
And when I tell you when we went to dress and you know, when like the first joke comes out and like, that's the sketch. So if they're not going to laugh at that, you've got about, it feels like 18 minutes of like silence. It was so silent. And I was just looking at other people in the sketch, like Andy and Bill, they're like looking at me laughing. Like this is going so, it was just absolutely silent. I do. I couldn't even predict that that was going to happen, but I,
it's good also because then it kind of like keeps you on your toes. You don't expect certain things, but the way that it bombed was just for the books. I wrote a sketch, same thing for Phil Hartman. This is way back in the day. And he played this character, Mace. He was really tough and talked really fast. And he was Mace and he had done it at the groundlings. And it was this, you're used to me and you're used to me good. Whoever the host was, and I don't remember, but the male host gets put in a prison cell with him and the male host
is, whoever it was, has Mace as his cellmate. And Mace comes on as so tough and hard and you're not gonna make it, buddy boy. It's me. I'm the king of this. And then, you know the way in those cells are just an exposed toilet? It comes time. They're both there for a while and then it's clear that
Mace has to use the toilet, but he's embarrassed about using it in front of the other guy in this very shy human way. And he's like putting little pieces of toilet paper down. He's trying to do it when the other guy's back is turned. And whenever the guy turns back, he goes like, you keep looking the other way, buddy boy. And it was just all about this very common- That's so funny.
No, and so we did this thing, we read it at read-through, and like tile was coming off the ceiling. People were laughing so hard. And it's over, and the applause, and people coming up, and you know, Lauren actually making eye contact, and I'll give you a gold coin, you know, and you're just feeling amazing. And then dress rehearsal, and it starts, and then there's the first thing, which is the whole sketch where you realize that Mace wants to use the toilet, the toughest guy in the world, and
Silence. Silence. And I remember I had called everybody, you know, you're going to have a sketch tonight. Oh, you did? Oh, of course I did. Of course I did, Kristen. Because I'm a writer and I'm like, tune in because you all thought I didn't have it. Well, you're going to see a sketch tonight with Phil Hartman called me, you know. Watch this. Watch this. And then just absolute silence. And then that thing where they say the last line, well, that's the way it goes. Long pause. Then the band.
And no applause. And then you don't even have to go in to the room. You know, it's never going to make air. You want to do an autopsy afterwards and find out. Like what? Why did it work there and not? Maybe there's something about seeing it as opposed to just reading. I still don't know. As you know, I just gave it up at a certain point and said, there's magic to this.
Sometimes the magic is there. Sometimes it's not. I give up. I can't explain it.
There's no reason. Yeah. Well, that's probably why a little bit of the nerves too, because you don't, you don't know what the audience is, if they're in a good mood or. But also it's interesting to me, like, you know, I don't care who you are or what your track record is. You are always potentially 10 seconds away from the worst humiliation of your life. Of course. And I almost feel like the more you've done it, then I don't know. You're kind of like, well, I'm due for something. Yeah.
You know what fascinated me about you is that you were not someone who was aggressively doing improv and trying to act when you were a kid, right? No, I wasn't really in my atmosphere at all. There was no talk of like,
Do you want to go to like a theater? It just wasn't... Nobody was doing that where I lived. That's for me too. Yeah. And it was... It just wasn't a thing. And I would always look at like, you know, I'm dating myself, you know, like a teen beat or a bop, whatever that bop... Was it bop? Couldn't have just been bop. Dynamite. Tiger beat. Tiger beat. Bop. There was a bop. Something bop. There was a bop. There was like those magazines and it just looked so far away and like, oh, you have to like...
live in California and that's just like a different planet. I just didn't even think about it. I think deep down I always dreamed about it but I thought doesn't everybody? I don't know. Exactly. It just wasn't something I... I relate 1000% to what you're saying which is I'm thinking about this and I'm doing some shtick in the mirror by myself. Were you reading Tiger Beat as well? I was reading... He was reading Bop. I was...
Writing letters to Scott Baio. Dear Scott Baio. Such a chachi crush. Didn't we all? I still write them. But I just, it wasn't in my world. And I think what the internet has done
you can be in the tiniest little spot in Kansas and you can do something funny and it can get a lot of positive feedback. And I think that's terrific. Before that, there were people like me long before you, when I was a kid,
doing schtick in front of the mirror and takes and absorbing stuff on television and in movies that I saw, doing it in front of the mirror, but then thinking, yes, this is what all sad little boys do. But then I gotta go to soccer practice. Yeah. Or I don't know. No soccer for me. Art class? My paleontology club! Hello, fellows! Anyone?
But yeah, there was no, there was nothing, you know, you just. I mean, I did like little, you know, I was like a munchkin in The Wizard of Oz. Right, right. In the back. Right, right. Just because my friends were doing it, but it wasn't, you know. But it's not like you could put that on a resume. I tried. Number one, munchkin. When I first came to.
L.A. and you needed a resume. I'm like, well, maybe I should write this on here. So you did. Another thing we have in common is I graduate college and I come out to L.A. I immediately try to get into the groundlings into an acting class. And that's where...
I met the world of people, improvisers. And in 1985, I would tell people, yeah, I want to do improv. And most people didn't know what I was talking about. I wouldn't have. Yeah. I didn't even know what it was when I came out here. Someone was like, you got to go to the Groundlings. I think you'd like that. And I'd never seen improv before. And then I remember my first show, Jennifer Coolidge was in it, Mike Hitchcock, and they did improv. And I was like, oh, I want to, I think I want
I wanna do that, I wanna try that. And then I just like signed up, but I had no, I knew sketch obviously from SNL, but improv, I didn't even know that was a thing. Yeah, that's where I met Lisa Kudrow. That's where I met these, just so many incredibly talented people. And I thought, okay, this is proof to me. I love getting up on that stage. It's a really small stage. It's an equity waiver theater, 99 seat, but it's where, I mean, as I said, Phil Hartman came from there.
Paul Rubens. I mean, the list of people. Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell. You know, he left the Groundlings and was never heard from again. But, I mean, the list is, I can't even begin to list it. It's insane how many people. That place changed my life, for sure. Yeah.
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So you're up there, you're doing the groundlings, and you're, are you working a regular day job while you're doing that? Yes. What are you doing? I had many, many a day job. My favorite was I worked in a, like a floral design studio. I did like floral arrangements. Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God. I was a server. I worked at Universal Studios in the executive dining room. Oh, I used to work there and eat in that. Well, not the executive one. Yeah. Like the the the the the nicer one where the. Yeah. I couldn't get in that place. But it's funny because I think everybody. And I'm like, hey, I waited on you.
That's so funny. I know. I had this conversation the other day where I, I mean, I think I do it just because this is how my mom taught me to be and which is I really try to be nice to anyone who's serving me but also way in the back of my mind is You're fucking
They will be in control of show business in three years. And you don't, you know what I mean? And so many people have later come up to me and said, yeah, when I was, Jennifer Garner waited on me. Oh, how cool. When she was, and this is years after she became a star. Good.
She just had a terrible gambling addiction. And no, she... People were like, Jennifer Garner. No, there was a place where you could get brunch on the Upper West Side. And I was doing the late night show. And she said I came in once and she said I was nice and everything. But then I then started to read the paper. It's like, no, we really need that table.
And she remembered this years later and I was so embarrassed. Like you never know. You never know. Who's going to be there. I know. I love that job. That was a good job. Which one? The universal. I liked it. It was like 11 to 1. You had regular tables. You got to see like exciting people. And my best friend worked there. What's funny is when you're on, you're on.
and you're absolutely stupendous, but I bet, I'm just guessing that when you were waiting on people, you weren't giving them any hint that comedy was on the horizon for you. Is that fair? Yeah, I mean, yeah. I don't know, I was trying to be very professional in my job, but, you know, occasionally I would say, like, dumb things and walk away and be like, what am I doing? Because it was like, I was waiting on people
huge people and I would get nervous. But there wasn't really room for I don't know. I'm not I didn't really like yuck it up. Well, no. What I'm saying is during a one of my fallow periods as a writer and I didn't have any work. I took a job at a temp agency and I was just like typing up documents and filing things and worked there for like a month.
And at the end I said, well, actually my job started up again, so I'm going to go back. And she said, what are you doing? I said, I'm a comedy writer. And she said, you're?
A comedy writer? And she wasn't being mean. No, I totally understand that. I'm quiet. I'm efficient. I don't, you know, because I just thought I had this weird ability to put that away. I am the exact same. I am not the person at a dinner party that will like tell this big, elaborate, funny story. I just kind of I'm kind of quiet. And there have been people who were surprised. Yeah.
That's what I did, yeah. But, you know, I talk about this a lot. There are people in comedy who are fairly perpetually on. I sadly know that I am one, much to the irritation of those around me. But, like, you've been out with me in the world, Sona, and you will attest that...
I know. I'll freely do 20 minutes of schtick for anybody if they so desire. You saying that boss didn't know that you were a comedy writer is, I don't even know how you would go a month without doing bits at any sort of work environment. Heavily medicated. Okay. That makes sense. That makes sense. That's cool. But... You were back in the bathroom doing him in the mirror. Yeah, exactly. He's been in the bathroom for 40 minutes. He's laughing a lot. What's he doing? I hear a lot of laughing and giggling. My...
My wife to this day says she'll sometimes hear, like, she goes to bed a little before me, but sometimes she doesn't fall right asleep and she'll hear me in the bathroom. And I'm like, now she hear you. I'll get you, see? And she's like, what the fuck? Sick. You did like six things today. That should all be out of your system. It's just rude that you might even just wake her up. Not that it's just weird. Oh, come on. Shake her. No, she wears giant earmuffs. Hey, wake up.
I just thought of a new guy. He's called Wake You Up Guy. He wakes people up who are sound asleep. But...
Some of my favorite people and you are on this list yourself, Steve Martin. They when it's time to go, they go and they're flawless and they're great. And then if someone, you know, invites them to a party, they think, well, this guy or Landon Christensen, you know, and and it's like, well, no, that's not who I am. Yeah, I've had people interview me that are disappointed. Yeah.
No, I'm being serious. Like when I was on SNL, I remember there were a couple interviews. I was also it was the beginning. You know, I was nervous and I hadn't done a lot of interviews and stuff. And I think they were kind of like, huh? Like, I don't know if they expected me to like talk in voices or like. Yes. But I'm also nervous. And, you know, I don't know. I think.
People were like, "She's not that funny." - Well, the other thing is, what's insane is that what you do, sometimes I think people believe that, well, if you're a plumber, you can just come and you can fix the plumbing. - Oh, yeah. - And they think, "Oh, we'll get a comedian to come, and he'll just do the comedy thing,
And then everyone's going to love that. And then we'll move on to the really serious funeral service. And I'm always asking a million questions like, how big is the room? Who's at this thing? And then I have to try and tailor it to what is this situation? And sometimes it's just...
No, there shouldn't be any comedy here. It's not. And I also often think that an interview format, like one of my favorite people growing up, Peter Sellers, just brilliant, brilliant. And then I'm so fascinated with him and I've read all these books on Peter Sellers and all the information that comes back is he was devastatingly funny when he's in a movie or when he's doing his performances on The Goon Show or whatever he was doing.
And then he was just sort of blinking and looking around the room when he was at a party. And he always carried a little camera with him because he was interested in cameras. He would explain his camera to you at great length. But you didn't, you know, people wanted Inspector Clouseau at the party. Totally, yeah. And he's not going to do that. Yeah. Unless he's highly paid. Right, exactly. That's what you want to do is you want to be paid. So SNL obviously was like
such a, it must have been so clear to you that that's where you belonged. For me, it was where I, where I wanted to be and where I love the puzzles you have to put together at that show. You know, like when it's that meeting between dress and air and you have to like take off a minute of your sketch. I love that like
trying to figure things out and what jokes can go and I don't know I love that sort of like I don't know how my brain works yeah that stuff yeah um and that and just like the writers there when I was there and the cast I was so lucky and I don't know it just felt like didn't feel like work in a way but I knew when I got there I was like I'm gonna be here for seven years I didn't want to go longer than that I don't know why I just kind of felt like
when you get there, you know, you kind of feel like you're walking into someone else's living room. Like everyone else knows each other so well. Yes. It's high school. It's a big, it's a scary high school. It is. And I'm not putting it down. No, no, no. People are, because I sometimes, when I talk about SNL, sometimes people misinterpret it and say,
It was frightening, terrifying in some ways. And also I kind of wouldn't change a thing. Yeah. It's not like anyone was mean. Everyone was so nice, but it's like you're going to a new school and everyone's been there forever. Yeah.
As soon as I got there, I was like, the moment I feel totally comfortable here is when I have to go. Because I feel there's something about the energy of that place and what you need to produce and how you need to like always be, I don't know, people watching on that Sunday that you're off. I don't know. I just felt like
there's something about that place where you just need to be a little uncomfortable. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. Well, there's that old analogy that I think is so perfectly true, which is the oyster. You need a little bit of sand in the oyster to make the pearl. You need the irritant. And I just think many times in life, I've been uncomfortable and not
and nervous and something really good came out of it. And that's when you're really proud of yourself and you're like, wow, I did that. Right. And thank God it's over. Not Esanello. That was very hard for me to leave. Well, I mean, just, I mean, it's ridiculous to even try to go through all the characters, but do you have a favorite? I mean, I know you've mentioned that before, but is there someone who really speaks to you? I mean, there's so many. I mean, the first time I saw Denise, the prosthetic forehead in Doll Hands. Yes.
I told you I love, I mean, I love Gilly, but her dance and Penelope and...
I feel like my favorite one, honestly, was someone I did an update, not even a ton of time, but her name was Aunt Linda. Yes, Aunt Linda. She was... The eye-rolling alone. Yes, because she was based on someone that was on a plane. And remember back in the day, they would show, there'd be one screen and they'd be like, the movie's starting. And then you'd have to put your head, it would just start at that time. You didn't get your own personal one. You didn't get your own one. And it was The Matrix. Yeah.
And she was so confused. The Matrix. The Matrix on a plane. She was just like, what? She's like, why is he flying? She was like, ah. She was so confused.
And she was so loud. And I was like listening to her and writing down things she was saying. And she's like, now we're flying. Like she was so upset and confused. And it just made me laugh. And so I did that at the Groundlings, which also made it feel better when I got it on SNL. And we tried it the way that I wrote it at the Groundlings. But it didn't work in a scene because... No, no. It was so smart. It just didn't work. Yeah.
Because Lauren was like, I think people would be walking away from you constantly. It didn't work. Putting her at the update desk and her job, my favorite thing, it's sort of akin a bit to, I'm a wealthy society woman and I want someone to set up my home beautifully for the big party. I've hired the three stooges and three idiots who have no qualifications show up with saws and hammers and smash the whole house.
What I love is they hired you to review films. Yes. And it's perfect because you have nothing but disdain. You don't seem to understand the movies. No. You just want to make a wisecrack and it's just absolutely hilarious. Also, it looked like it's, you kind of had to, that all the different takes that you would do, the sarcastic,
The sarcastic takes that you would do. Yeah, I think the ones that you can have a little more fun with and it is kind of different every time are always more fun, I think, than the ones that are like very rigid in how they react to stuff. Yes. If your character has one... I remember at the Groundlings there was just this pressure...
When I was there, you could see every student thought they had to have a catchphrase. Oh, really? Well, that was just a phase. And I think it was all because John Lovitz had blown up as the liar on SNL. And that's the ticket, you know. And...
having a catchphrase and Dana blend blew up as church lady. Of course, there was a lot more of those characters, but their catchphrases were really huge. Well, isn't that special? Yeah, that's true. And so I just remember characters coming in, you know, trying out scenes and everybody was like, yeah, that's a flapjack. I'd buy. And, you know...
Looking right out to the audience. Right out to the audience. And then they'd say it like two more times. And I just, Lisa Kudrow used to get mad at me because she said, you sit there at rehearsal and people are trying this stuff out and you have your head in your hands. Oh God. And she said, they can fucking see you. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That's a flapjack I could buy. Was that a real one? No. I know there was someone. So you can use it if you want. I know. I was like. I saw you writing it down. People had tics like they, you know. Right. Right. Slapped their thigh. You know. Slapped your thigh. Coughed twice. Yeah.
So it just looked like a Tourette's convention for a while there. But one thing that I liked so much about the work that you did at SNL, and then again, you brought that to Bridesmaids, is you can go so quiet. You can be so small and...
It's perfect. I think it's one of the reasons I get drawn in. You're not trying to blow me off the roof with your comedy a lot of times. And you can go big, but you also can go very small. And then that was one of the things I thought that...
Bridesmaids so special was how quiet things could be. Doing that kind of comedy, it's like this little porcelain comedy that's beautiful. I don't know. I was just great. Wow. Thank you for saying that. Well, I really, I don't know that it means anything. I've never really been in a movie. It does. It does. It means a lot.
Very poetic, little porcelain. I know. Well, it is. I like that. I just think that many people can come from a situation like the Groundlings or SNL and think that you win when you go really big all the time. I just loved it as a fan of yours that you're able to do that. Thanks.
And that's all the time we have. There's nowhere to go after that. I don't know what to say. Well, I want to say one thing that is about improv. Okay, yeah. I'm wondering if you agree with this. There's so many people who say to me, improv is such a scary thing. I prefer improv. There's no preparation. You just show up on the day. Well, that's the thing. There's no... Exactly. You can't say the line wrong. Exactly. And sometimes you can get... Yeah, it kind of depends on what it is. But when I'm watching improv...
I get more nervous because I'm like, what are they going to say? Right. Or what would I say? Or, oh, God. And fear for the person. But when you're doing it, exactly. But when you're doing it, you're like, oh, well, I'm just responding. I'm just, I'm just, as long as I know who the character is, I'm just kind of talking. Yeah. Yeah. There's something very, I don't know, just liberating about it. I love when they tell me. And you don't have to, like, prepare. It's just, you just go. That's the best part. There's no memory. Yeah.
I was curious, did you do Target Lady at Groundlings or was that something you came up with? Yes, I did. Oh, you did? Yes. Those, I think, were the only two that I did there that got on the show. Did you ever get any kind of money from Target? No. Conan. Because I've been working on a character called Exxon Mobile Guy. Oh, God. Oh! I know, you've got to think, it's like, United Airlines. Like, what do we use? Look at me! I'm Lamborghini Guy! Hey!
Hey, I'm Lamborghini guy. Sona, has there been any call from the Lamborghini people? Yes, cease and desist. Hey, I'm Lamborghini. Hey, I'm a Porsche man. What? It's a German car. Why are you Italian? I don't know. I didn't think about it. That's the hook. Hey, baby, I'm Sam Roex. What? Yeah. Sam? His name is Sam.
Rolex? I wear a Rolex. These are characters I'm just thinking... That you've been working on for a long time. Yes! And I didn't... I thought I was doing something wrong. Clearly you hit it with Target Lady. And I'm going to... I'm Bill Osempic, you know? Well, I...
Bill, Sam. Oh, you don't think I'm good at coming up with good, funny first names. It's funny. It's funny. Because it's Sam. I regret working with you on this whole thing. I really thought we would just click together and make an amazing commercial that would make me a lot of money. Thank you. You didn't think you'd be apologizing when you came here to talk to me.
Here, Christine, we apologize to Conan for not earning him more money. Well, we won't give it away, but I was going to bring up your guys' link because you guys live in a similar neighborhood, similar environment, but we won't say we're on Catalina Island. That's right. Yes. Oh, my God. Today was rough getting here. I'm still seasick. I bought you a seaplane. Oh, I sold it. Immediately. Yeah. He doesn't pay us. Yeah.
He pays us in planes. Which I thought was very... What kind of planes, Conan? What kind of planes? Don't you like your three-winged 1917 plane? Oh, I love it. I fly it all the time. My name's Sam Plane. There we go. There it is. This is good stuff. It's not a company. It's just a plane. I never said I was a good writer. I just managed to be a writer. Um...
When you left SNL, it was, I don't know, it was like everybody took a moment. It was such a nice send-off. But I think your plan was to do seven years really, really superbly and then get out on a high note. And because you did that, you had this glorious send-off. Colin Jost wrote that and didn't even think it was going to make it. We were like rushing. We didn't know for sure.
And it was, yeah, it's a moment I'll never forget. It took me, I think, a year maybe to watch it. I understand that. Yeah, it was very hard. But it was the most beautiful way to go. I mean, it meant so much to me that we did it. But also all those stars participating. I know. Mick Jagger was there. Yeah.
It was crazy. Mick Jagger sang you off with Ruby Tuesday. And Dave Grohl, who was the musical guest on my very first show. Right. Which I thought was kind of cool. Steve Martin, Jon Hamm. And Arcade Fire was, right? Arcade Fire. I didn't memorize it. Okay. I'm sorry. Yeah. But I just, I don't know. I just, it's kind of...
I understand that it's bittersweet to leave that experience, but if you're going to do it, that's the way to do it. It was hard. I couldn't watch the show for a while after I left because it's such an adjustment. As you know, when you're there, it's not just like this job you left. It's it's the building that you spend time.
20 hours a day in, you've had the best experiences. You've laughed. You've cried. It's your family. It's... And you're just there, just physically, like, many hours of the day. And saying goodbye to Lauren was really hard. It was just... It was...
Yeah, it's your life. I did a couple of season at SNL and then I leave and I go to The Simpsons. Then I come back for Late Night and do that for 16 years. So if you add it up, it was 20 years in that building. And then I'm out here in LA for a while. And then I was like two years or something. Some time passed, not too long. And I was going to go on Howard Stern and I came back to New York and I walked up by Rockefeller Center and
And I was hit by every emotion you can have. And I'm very Irish and very proud of the fact that I don't experience emotions or acknowledge them. Or I can sublimate them so much that I only realized later on that it came out of my sweat or something. You smell sad. But I passed that building and I had every feeling that I had of ecstasy, sadness, terror, fear.
love, everything came back and was almost too powerful. And then I went right in to talk to Howard Stern and he's chatting with me and it all, I just taught, he was like, he was like my therapist and that's what we talked about. And also, cause knowing that it hasn't changed, there's something else about leaving a job and maybe those people aren't there anymore. Like that building's gone, but everything is the same. And you go back now, it's like, it's the same doors. It's the same paint. It's the same. It's the same. And the crew is mostly the same.
So I think knowing that it's still existing is like, I don't know, pulls on you a little more because I'm not there. Right. And there's there's part of I can't speak for you, but there's part of me, a tyrannical tyrant in my brain that's thinking it all should have stopped when I left. They should have taken the building down. What's the point of going on? No, I understand. That's very sad. But Egyptian pharaohs had the same idea. And yeah.
But I remembered, I mean, when I took over the late night show for Letterman, Letterman in his first year, one night said to Paul, "Can you believe they're over there doing our show?"
I remembered at the time thinking, oh, he's, I like, that was his apartment. Yeah. And now I'm in it and he still feels like it's his apartment and these new kids are in there breaking stuff. That's a great way of putting it, yeah. And that's how it can feel sometimes a little bit is just, you make it so much your own and then you have to leave and then of course other people move in and do things differently but break,
brilliantly and that's how it is. Just keep moving. Keep moving, people. That's your new character. Yeah. Keep moving. Keep moving, people. With Porsche. Okay, now that's better. That is better. That's actually a great little tagline. Keep moving with Porsche. I will share. I won't share. Well, we could do the commercials together.
Okay. But would we split the money? What would the split be? I mean, I would assume 50-50, but are you having other thoughts? Matt and I are here, too. No, no, no. You're not really here. We're not here? No, I don't see you. This eye... I have glaucoma in my right eye, so I don't have peripheral vision. But I...
I see you perfectly. I just, I'm going to say you've had more experience in film. You're arguably the bigger deal. So I would accept a 70-30 with you getting the 70. I mean, you're a big deal. I think you're a big deal. I'll just, I'll drive. Okay.
I want to talk about the latest project because I got to watch, I've watched the first episode. Oh, good. Of Pomeroyal. And it was, I was watching it with David Hopping, who's the assistant who filled in for Sona. He's done a brilliant job. Took over. Really took over. I am. I don't even. I did okay. No, no, no. I trained him. The point here is not about you, Sona. No.
The point is, saw the first show, an insane cast, absolutely brilliant cast. Yes, yes. And I mean, it's madness. You've got Laura Dern, Allison Janney, Carol Burnett, Ricky Martin, who's great. Oh my gosh. They're all, yeah. The first thing that struck me is this thing. You're fantastic as always, and it's like, of course, but what's amazing is the
The look of it, too. It takes place in 1969. Yeah. And it... I don't know what they did, but it's got this saturated retro color to it that is fantastic. I mean, I haven't seen a show look like that. It just... It's got... It's almost like a confection. Yeah. Yeah. And our production designer, John Carlos, was just like... I don't even... His attention to detail. He would like...
There would be a fish tank and he would specifically pick the color of the fish to go in the fish tank to match the room, like everything. And he worked with Alex Freeberg, our costume designer. So the costumes are and the costumes are incredible. And but they work together as far as like.
And what kind of room they were. I mean, everyone does that, but like really down to like patterns and details and what kind of chair they're sitting on. I mean, it was like unlike I've never I've never seen anything like that. I think it's why it works is that you have the performers are all so good that they're
they can overcome how stunning it is to look at meaning i think a lesser performers would get lost and i mean i was watching it and i was noticing that allison there's a scene where allison jannie is talking and her sunglasses which are so vintage 1969 and so big and you would love it like matt because it's all this very cool like period stuff and her her glasses are
match are very loud but beautifully match her insane 1969 outfit and then it all blends in with all this color that's happening in the background and i noticed myself thinking uh every now and then when something's just produced so well yeah i think man these people know what they're doing they really do i mean i because i always came from even the lesser child of an snl which was
"Let's crank out one of these a night." And so put a bear head on him from the bear head room. And I mean, it was very, we didn't light things. I mean, we did the best we could, but it was vaudeville every night and get it. And then, so when I'm always blown away when I watch things, I've never been in the world of them using a light meter to measure exactly how my face is gonna look the best 'cause no one gives a shit.
But there's so many people, like props, just looking around any of the sets and just seeing all the little...
things and why that's part of this person's character. I don't even think the camera even sees this stuff. But every day we would just walk onto set and then the actors, of course, would come and you'd see what they were wearing. And it was like, you know, five minutes of just talking about that. It would be hard not to steal some of those outfits. Oh, there are. No, no. So, oh, this from the admitted shop. I didn't steal anything. I don't steal.
I ask. How come you can't say that as yourself? You're doing a character. Well, because. I've never committed larceny. Well, just say it as yourself. I mean, I shoplifted when I was a kid, but I would never steal as an adult. I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of the episodes. And like Mindy Cohn is in it and Julia Duffy, who is hilarious. Josh Lucas, Leslie Bibb. Yes, we've got.
Very lucky. I have a hard time believing you wouldn't have fun, even though you get nervous. This just looks like you would have a really good time. We had the best time. Yeah. Yeah. That cast, it was just every day. I mean, it was a long shoot because it's 10 episodes. They're an hour each. So it was like six and a half months, I think, shooting. Right. But yeah, it was great. And not a bad location to be shooting in. Yeah.
good old la it was amazing to be able to go home after work was a dream yeah yeah have you what's the worst location you've been in do you have can it does it come to mind the worst
Oh, that's tough. I've kind of liked everywhere I've gone. It's pretty good. Yeah. I would think I've always wanted to do. I mean, I think Adam Sandler is a genius because he's made two thirds of his movies in his like favorite beach in Maui. Yeah. And it's, and it doesn't matter. It can be the life's, the story of Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. It's Lincoln like, well, I might go to Washington and be president, but first I got to get this coconut open. So smart. Yeah.
He knows what he's doing. He does. Well, congratulations on, on Pomeroyal. And Kristen, it is a, just,
Just a super honor to talk to you because you're off the charts talented and one of those people who I watch you and I think I don't understand how she can do this so consistently well, but I'm very happy that you're out there doing it. Thank you. And I would like to tell you, I think you are one of the best in what you do and I
When, I don't know, when I heard I was coming on here, I got very excited because you are such a comedic genius to so many people. And I just think you're amazing. Oh, boy. I'm going to keep that in there. Okay. Well, here's the thing that'll keep me up at night. One of the best. Oh, God. All I need to do is find one little scene. You know what's not just one of the best, Portia?
She also said to so many people, she didn't say herself. Just write that down as well. People I know wanted me to tell. Okay. All right, Kristen, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.
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Let's do some voicemails. Let's do a voicemail. What's wrong with the first one? Because we're not doing more than one. Okay. Both of them sounded horrible. Can the doctor also check Gourley? I keep begging a neurologist to diagnose me, and then I think while they're here, they can check out Gourley. Yes, voicemail it is. Let's have at it. Eduardo. Hi, Conan. My name is Rebecca, and I live in Worcester, Massachusetts, which I'm
I know you're very familiar with, right? I actually am listening to you right now, and I paused the episode because I got so excited. You said that your new podcast facility has a birthing center in it, and I am 34 weeks pregnant. So I'm due on March 15th, which is about five weeks away. So I didn't know if...
maybe since you are a doula, I could be the first person to give birth in your new facility. Thanks for considering that. Bye-bye. Well, I have a lot to say. First of all, congratulations, Rebecca. And my greetings to everyone in Worcester, Massachusetts. That is the town in sort of South Central Massachusetts where pretty much my entire family is from on both sides. And I still have a lot of family in Worcester and
And so many of my father, uncles all went to Holy Cross College. So Worcester looms large in my memory and in my heart. Rebecca, when I said that there was a birthing center here at the Larchmont Studios, I was lying. There isn't an actual birthing center. I apologize. I think I got off on one of my crazy riffs or tangents. Maybe I was talking in an aspirational way.
Do you recall me saying we had a birthing center? It was with Kelly Cuoco. Yeah. And who said we had a birthing center? Was it myself? No, maybe it was Matt. Well, it doesn't matter. But this recording studio used to be at OBGY. Wasn't it? No. We were just making a joke on Kelly Cuoco. No, no, no. It was an office. It was a place where people met and did business. I'm talking before Jane Club. Wait a minute. This is interesting. Adam Sachs is getting on mic. Adam, tell us what the story is. So when we got the space, it was pretty...
Immediately before us was the Jane Club, which was a co-working space for working moms, kind of like a WeWork for working moms. There was a childcare area where working moms could bring their kids. But before that, I think it was owned, my understanding, owned by an OBGYN who worked obviously like crazy hours around the clock. And so this actual studio before we moved in here was shaped like, if you remember, it was octagonal in shape. It had like padded walls and they wanted it to be soundproofed.
and black and quiet so that when the doctor came home,
she could sleep at any time. Oh, it wasn't for pregnant women. No, no, no. It was a personal home. It was for the doctor, the OBGYN, to be able to sleep because she kept strange hours. Got it. But either way, I think there was a very nurturing energy in this room and we've carried that forward. Can't any room be a birthing room? Do you really need the sterile stuff? Can it just...
Excuse me. We just consult 180 years of proven medical history. Let's see. Dr. Lister. Yeah. No, you need a sterile environment. You know, I mean, what about...
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, if that's how we're going to do it. Rebecca, listen, first of all, I'm thinking of you and this birth is coming on March 15th, but you should definitely not have your baby here at our Larchmont facility. It is not a sterile environment. And in fact, boy, are we slobs. Yeah. I mean, there is. Right. No. Well, it's very nice.
No, there's a kitchen right here. But also, Erica Brown runs a very tight ship. If she sees you leave a glass and it doesn't matter if it's you or anybody, she'll make you pick it up. That's true, but I'm constantly knocking food out of your hands, so there's probably crumbs everywhere. There are. And, um... Maybe stop so people could have babies here. That's finally a good reason for me not to knock food out of a grown woman and mother of two's hands. Yes, thank you. Uh,
You know, it's something that we could look into because we do have, well, no, we're pretty much using every room here now. I don't think there's a space in this facility that we could convert into a birthing room. But how would you feel about being a doula? Because I think Rebecca mentioned that you could be a doula. I'm cool with that. So you could be there present at birth helping women deliver. Listen, I was quite present and involved in the birth of both of my children. I think I'm a natural doula. I did shriek the whole time. Yeah.
And had to be physically restrained by orderlies. But other than that, I think I'd be a fine doula. Terrible. What are you talking about? I'd be cracking them jokes and doing bits. Oh, and delivering the baby as a character. Yeah, I'm an old gold miner. That's part of it. But also, you're very squeamish about female bodies. And you're just kind of so repressed that you'd be like, do I have to look at your vagina when
when it comes out? I wouldn't be near the vagina, just where the baby comes out. What? Do you know how it works? The stork shoot. Yeah. There's a door. A door? Where's the door? Upper middle back. I blacked out for both babies and then that's what they told me later on. That's what happened. It's a mahogany door.
Drawn on in magic marker. Yeah, it's got a little knocker and door opens and the baby walks out wearing a top hat and says, let the life begin. I actually don't have the heart to break it to you. Let's go with that. I think that's a better story. I'm sticking with it. Okay. Anyway, any birth that involves a mahogany door between the shoulder blades, I'm fine with.
But I'm not getting near any vagina. That's not happening, Rebecca. That's not happening, Rebecca. Anyway, Rebecca, thinking of you and your new arrival and very happy for you. Peace out.
Take it away, Jimmy.
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Okay, you say, I want some breakfast. Your so-called boyfriend says, we got eggs in the fridge. Obviously, when you say breakfast, you mean McDonald's. Definitely a side-eye situation. Bring home the bacon, steak patty, or others with a BOGO for $1 breakfast. Only in the app. Limited time only at participating McDonald's. Valid once a day. Must opt into rewards. Visit McDApp for details. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
