Ezra Koenig
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Man, we were just in summer, and then we're like rocketing into Halloween. I know. I'm on the beach wearing my Speedo 10 minutes ago. Oh, no. Now I'm dressed up as a guy in a Speedo on Halloween. What?

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Hi, my name is Ezra Koenig and I feel cautiously optimistic about being Conan O'Brien's friend. I think that's wise. Fall is here, here, back to school Ring the bell, brand new shoes, walkin' loose Climb the fence, books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be friends Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends

Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Fine program today, Matt Gorley joining us. Hi. Good to see you. And Sona Mosessian, and a happy birthday to you. Oh, thank you. You had your birthday yesterday. Yesterday. Yeah, but, you know, I celebrate all month, but that's okay. Yeah, what's that all about? I just, I like it.

Yeah. I also get confused by your Christmas celebrations because you celebrate real Christmas, but also Armenian Christmas. Ours is real Christmas. Yours is fake Christmas. What I just said, and I wasn't even trying to be funny, was very offensive. It was. And I apologize. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Because I shouldn't have said real Christmas. I'm sure people think of the Christmas on December 25th. And you guys celebrate it when? January 6th. Yeah, I'm sure that. I know now January 6th is like for something else. Well, yes, of course. Well, there's a theory that the the fracas, I call it fracas at the Capitol occurred.

And I later, Lon, looked it up. Everyone participating in that, it was 98% Armenians. No! And that they were rushing the capital to exchange, to give gifts to each other. Oh, I thought to get the trees left over. Yeah, exactly. It was just a misunderstanding. It was an Armenian Christmas and people, it just happened to be the capital was in the way. Oh!

Oh, OK. OK. There were a lot of good sales. They were on their way to celebrate Armenian Christmas. And it was like, God, we could go around the capital. Let's go through it. Listen. All right. My birthday was yesterday. Your birthday was yesterday. So you celebrate all month. But is everyone else obligated to celebrate your birthday all month? She always did this when she was my assistant. She would keep bringing up. It's my birthday month. Yes.

And it was kind of a nightmare. It's not a nightmare. Isn't it just a nice way to see people and just be like, hey, it's near my birthday. It's not a slippery slope where you start going, it's my birthday year. And then suddenly it's eternally your birthday. Wouldn't that be great? Well, I'll

Don't let me give you any ideas. My birthday season and then it turns into my birthday year. I just like seeing people. And especially now it's harder for me to see people because I have family obligations. And so I like to use it as an excuse to like go to dinner.

That's nice. Yeah. Sure. Everybody should do it. Let's get back to Armenian Christmas now. Oh, God. No, no. Armenian Christmas. Armenian is the oldest sect of Christianity. Is that correct? Armenians are the first to adopt it as their national religion. That's right. That's right. Yes. Yes. That's the correct way to say it. I'm glad I educated you. You didn't educate me. I didn't know that. Pretty much. You're welcome. I knew that. Let me teach you more about Armenia. Before I worked for you. You're going to teach me about Armenia? Yeah. What?

No, you're not. You're not. I think I know more about it than you. Yeah. You might know more about the Soviet Union. Cher's Armenian. Oh, really? Yeah. You're kidding. Dr. Kevorkian. Why do you always do Dr. Kevorkian second? Those are your two big ones. Don't do it. Yeah. No, let's not do the Armenian list again. Okay. Here's the thing I will say to you. You do both though, right? You do December 25th. Yeah, we do both. I don't like when people do both. What? Pick one. Pick one. Why? I'm an Armenian American. You're taking gifts away from us. Yes.

Then I feel like, but guess what? I believe that's true. It's a really us versus them mentality, Matt. Well, I didn't start this. Yeah. I'm tired of immigrants coming into this country and taking Christmas gifts from me. Oh, Eduardo? Eduardo, that's just the way it is. If you come into this country and you celebrate more than one Christmas, we've got a problem. What if we take the gifts you guys didn't even want? Yes. Thank you. Oh, my God.

Man, the metaphors here are blowing my mind. I know, because there is a lot of re-gifting at Christmas for white elephants and things. Yeah, why is it called a white elephant? Oh, man.

This is really blowing my mind. So you're saying that you guys are taking the gifts that we don't want. Yes. But then bitching about it. Right. All right. White elephant, white Christmas. Yes. Holy shit. Why? Wait, but why is it January 6th? Was Jesus born on January 6th? I know December 25th isn't really the right way, right? I know Eduardo knows better than I do.

Eduardo, you are married. Your wife is Armenian. Correct. And in Mexican culture, also January 6th is celebrated because of the Three Kings Day. Three Kings Day. The George Clooney movie. So it's possible. You're really tangling this thing up more than it needs to be. So January 6th. It's also Elvis' birthday, so technically it's Four Kings Day. All right. Elvis' birthday is January 8th. It is?

Yeah, that's my dad's birthday too. Wait, your dad was born on January 7th? Wait a minute, Blay. You waited to interject. You wanted to make sure you had something good and you jumped in with Elvis's birthday and you were wrong? Yes. That's fucking crazy. I'm sorry. You're like a guy that waited outside a house in case there's trouble. It caught fire. Other people put it out. And then long after the fire was out, you came rushing in and threw fluffernutter all over the place. And I set the fire myself because I didn't need to interject. And Matt did.

And his birthday is actually January 8th. Yeah. Not the 6th or 7th. Oh, sorry. I thought you said the 7th. Can we straighten one thing out? No, I think everything's very clear. We've determined that January 6th was when the Capitol was attacked. It was an insurrection, but also Armenian Christmas. Yes. But also Three Kings Day. Correct. Is it possible that a lot of the crowd, and I'm not,

making excuses. But is it possible that many people in the crowd were excited about Armenian Christmas and Three Kings Day? And should we look into this? And then they were on their way to some big festivity and fucking Capitol's in the way. Is that possible?

And yes, there's ways to go around it, but oftentimes I found it's better to smash doors and go through. Oh, you do? And then later on, the left is like, this is an insurrection. Excuse me. Poll the crowd. How many were celebrating Three Kings Day? They arrested a lot of people who were there and nobody mentioned Armenian Christmas. Well, I think after the fact, you'd, you know. What? You're embarrassed? Yeah, probably embarrassed. And you don't want to besmirch it. Yeah, you don't want to besmirch it. What if someone was like, it's Elvis's birthday? Yeah.

Maybe they were early for Elvis's birthday, which is on the 8th. You know, guess what? There were like nine people. The guy wearing the buffalo horn hat. The bison dude. The bison dude. He was there celebrating Elvis's birthday. And like most insane people wearing a bison hat, he was two days off. Yeah. And two people there were celebrating my dad's birthday. Yeah.

I just think the Justice Department should really figure out how much of the crowd was celebrating other stuff and just got confused. Or Blaise's birthday, too. Maybe they were there for Blaise's birthday. When is your birthday? January 7th. Were you there? You know what? There is usually a big crowd in Washington that gathers the day before Blaise's birthday. And then they quickly remember that they're off by a day. And so they try to rush to where Blaise is. And oftentimes the Capitol's in the way. Right.

I just think this is an alternate. It should be an alternate history show where we explore other possibilities. I like this. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, stay tuned for the third act segment of this episode. We'll be back with another alternate historical possibility. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Booth was just angry that Lincoln was blocking his view. Yes. Of what was happening in the theater. That's right.

Down in front, sir. He's tall. Sir, remove that hat, sir. I'll remove that hat when I'm no longer president, you whippersnapper. If only I had a right derringer. Blam! Alternate history. Is that your Lincoln impression? Well, I tell you. Four score and seven years ago. What is that?

That's not, that can't be how he sounds. Many people don't understand what Lincoln really sounded like. He had a high, reedy voice. Many people give him a four score and seven years ago. No, he did not have that voice. He was described at the time. I like the other one. I know, but I'm being, my accurate Lincoln is, whee!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Look who's here. No, don't do that. I'll take off my hat, Boots. Once you settle down, but I'm trying to enjoy my American cousin, see? I mean, honestly, why are you wearing a hat in the theater?

the theater, though, too, right? He didn't take it off. It was a thing with Lincoln. He really didn't? He was a real prick about it. Yeah. Now, what are you talking about? I don't know. Nothing here is real. Let me just remap the thread of this conversation. I made up that he refused to take his hat off. Of course he took his hat off. We would be in the Cismonian right now with a big hole in it. But the Armenians going through the capital to get to Armenian Christmas is real. I just think we should investigate. That's all I'm saying. Wait, but what is his

voice. It was high and reedy. It was high and reedy. That's real? Yeah.

Come on, man. Didn't Daniel Day-Lewis kind of play it that way? Yeah, Daniel Day-Lewis gave him the real voice that they think he had. Yeah. And a lot of theater goers were like, what? He doesn't sound like James Earl Jones. And that's not what Lincoln sounded like. So we actually did get a little historical fact out of this, despite my best attempts. And now you're convinced that Booth shot Lincoln because he didn't take his stovepipe hat off. Yeah. And it gave Booth an obstructed view. I'm only not convinced because you keyed me in that that was false.

So thank you. I now know the truth. But that would have been warranted. Okay. Terrible. A terrible segment. I'm sorry.

A segment. Spoken like a true Christmas denier. Sometimes I want to. I think someone should bust into this room right now and shoot me with a Derringer. Because that is the only way to end this. I volunteer. You know what? And you're a guy that would own a Derringer. I got it. You know what? You got a bit of a Boothie vibe to you. You do. You do. You're a little Boothie. What are you talking about? Also, he's a guy that would own a Derringer.

Can you imagine a guy busting it and he has, oh, I got it at a local flea market. I do not own a Derringer singular. Yeah. Okay. First of all. You own Derringi? Yes, I do. One on each leg garter. I love it. Someone busting into your house and you're like, don't worry, honey. And you're putting a ball into a little Derringer and powder and you're packing it in. No, no. Those are cartridge based guns. A little

Little Boothy. All right, little Boothy. He's a little Boothy around the eyes. Okay. That's fair. Let's get into it. My guest today, lead vocalist and guitarist for the Grammy award-winning band Vampire Weekend. Their fifth album, Only God Was Above Us, was released earlier this year. Thrilled he's here with us today. Extremely talented. Ezra Koenig, welcome. I remember very well

The first time I met you would have been when I was towards the end of my original show, the late night show in New York. I was very excited because your guys, Vampire Weekend's first album had come out and it just hit me over the head in the best way. And I have very clear memories of, you know, being nervous about I got to move out to LA. There's a lot of unknown stuff coming my way. I'm

I'm transitioning out of this job I've had for 16 years. And then your guys came along and listened to those songs and walking around the Upper West Side of New York and just being so happy. I just love the music so much. And then heard that you guys were

booked to come on the show. And I was excited the way a fan would be excited. You know, not, oh, yes, yes. You know. That's how you normally are. Normally I'm like Mr. Burns. Yes, yes. This rock and roll will keep those youngsters happy. Kenny, is it? Hey, is that the name? Hello?

How do I know that name? Anyway, I was very happy and you guys came on. And again, in that situation, we didn't really get to talk. Right. But then go through that whole Tonight Show madness and I go on tour, Sona joins me.

joints was with me for the tour yeah and i forget where we were but i heard that you guys were willing to come and uh i think um i know for a fact that you did walcott at radio city and i was so excited about that when you guys said yeah would you play walcott with us i was everyone kept trying to talk to me about the comedy that we were going to be doing and i was like shut up shut up shut up i'd be

I'd be playing with Vampire Weekend. I've got to get this right. You know, you're like, oh, yeah, but we're going to really turn you down a lot so you don't fuck it up. But anyway, that was a big deal for me. That was very meaningful to us, too. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Oh, growing up, we're huge fans of yours and you really are like our target demographic. Yeah.

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. You specifically. It's Conan O'Brien. No, but even a guy from Boston walking around the Upper West Side, when I think about the early albums and like the imagery and how... Yes. ...the, our kind of like love of the East Coast, or forget about love, just heritage, like East Coast bound. Yeah. But also, also some of the references to, well, especially in Walcott, you know, you're talking about... Yeah, Cape Cod. Cape Cod. And I mean, I...

so distinctly remember listening to that album and getting hooked on you guys and then have been a fan ever since and so happy that you could come in and I also got to hang with you our mutual friend Rashida we're more than friends have you met Rashida? mutual friend you're both married to her? what's going on here?

Mutual wife. Yeah. But I remember you guys came over once. We sat out on the deck. We were looking at the beach. I think at the time, my wife and I and kids had this place in Carp. And you guys came by Carpinteria, California, and it was on the water. And you guys came over and you introduced me to White Claw. Oh.

I remember you and Rashida brought White Claw and I didn't know what it was. Was that a big mistake? You've been pounding the claw ever since? I need my White Claw. I've been in rehab 11 times.

Each for a different flavor. But remember, you guys, you came up the steps. Yeah, that's right. It was this really small house and you and Rashido came up the steps and you went, we brought White Claw. And I thought, what's White Claw? And you went, try it. And I thought it was going to be, and what I remembered is, you need to drink a lot of White Claws before you get a buzz. That's what I remember, mostly. Yeah, it's like a beer.

Maybe even lighter than a beer. I think it's less alcohol than a beer. It's funny. I remember that we brought White Claw, but it's not like we drink it often. We must have. I think at the time I was particularly interested in White Claw because that was the summer that there was this stat going around the music industry and probably the beverage industry that White Claw had outsold beer at Lollapalooza.

That summer. So I think I was like, well, that's interesting. I'm like curious about it. So we must have been talking more about White Claw. Yeah, I was afraid. That's probably the last time we drank White Claw. I was afraid that you did that because you thought, Rashida said, we're going to go see Cone or Braun. And you thought, oh, then we need to bring alcohol. That it was some weird Irish slam.

Because you also brought potatoes. Right. And Lucky Charms. And Lucky Charms corned beef. Pants made of burlap. And a shovel. You know what? It was just White Claw season. Yeah, I think it was. And I think we just all wanted to get in on the fun. There was that one summer that was a White Claw. They talk about brat summer. There was like a White Claw summer. Yeah, exactly. And by the way, we are not getting any money from White Claw. What was it? But we'll take it. Yeah.

Yeah, we'll take it. Or some free White Claw. But no, we don't want that. Did kids like it because it had less? I think it had less alcohol. It's like a lightly alcoholic seltzer. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's low calorie. Tastes great. Oh, and also since then, there's... And I remember you kept saying, Conan, you should really drink low calorie drinks if you're going to stay on television. I remember that very clearly. That's why we brought it. I'm sure it's still huge. And...

And there are a lot of competitors now. Yeah. So whether or not White Claw is still on top, I pray they are. But whether or not White Claw is still on top, they clearly tapped into a need in the marketplace, which now everybody from Topo Chico to any sparkling water you can think of has entered. Yes. Well, I love that.

your interest in music expands to what will people be drinking who are in the audience? Like, that's cool. It's not just the writing and the singing and producing and the playing of the music, but you're also thinking about what are they drinking? What are they having? Yeah, I know. I'm very into beverages and beverage history. And seating arrangements. Yeah, things of that nature. Yeah.

You study the seating before you play anywhere. Make sure it's just right. Who are the ushers tonight? Is it that one guy? Yeah, I don't like that guy. It's got to be perfect. I don't want him on the aisle. I was thinking about this today because I know that

your mom, when you're growing up, your mom's a therapist. That's right. And I was thinking if you're a, and you started writing songs at a very young age, if you're writing songs, lyrics, and your mom's a therapist, there might, there's a potential trap there where the mom is reading. How can your mom not help, but read into the lyrics? Yeah.

Right. Yeah, I suppose that's true. Right. Yeah, and the first song I ever wrote was called Bad Birthday Party. That's true, right? She threw great birthday parties for her children. I think maybe just as a kid, that was one of the worst things I could think of, was having a bad birthday party. Even now as an adult, it seems pretty sad for a kid to have a very disappointing birthday. How old were you when you wrote that?

Thinking like eight or nine. So were you consciously trying to write songs or it just kind of happened? I was consciously trying to write songs. You know, once I started taking piano lessons and I knew how to like, you know, the rudiments of like writing out music, I was interested in kind of like writing songs. Yeah, that is, I mean, to me, the key seems to be to start young and do it a lot, which is true of a lot of things. But to start at a young age,

and write a lot of songs before you get to some that you want to hang on to. No, that's very true. And I did write a lot of songs and I always had bands...

From middle school on, I remember being 13 and we had a band that played at the 7th grade graduation. We played another original song called The Beast from the Sea. It was kind of like a B-52's pastiche. Not particularly original. But there are always songs. And I can kind of remember that sitting down at the piano and writing the beginning of Oxford Comma was kind of the first time I felt like, okay, I entered a...

a slightly different phase. Right. And they always say that someone who writes a really good novel has to have like six bad novels in their desk drawer. I mean, you need to go through that process of, I remember reading some interview with Paul McCartney and he said, yeah, because he started trying to write songs when he was young and they said, well, what was an example of an early one you wrote? And he went, thinking of linking. Yeah.

He was like, I thought that was kind of a cool, like, you know, thinking and linking up. So thinking of linking. And he said it was terrible. But anyway, it's,

It's interesting because you start playing the piano, when do you switch over to guitar? Is that happening around the same time or? No, I had a few years on piano. Maybe when I was 12 or 13, I got a guitar for my birthday and I've always been a little better at piano. But with guitar, I could try to start writing some riffs and stuff. Yeah. Ever since then, I always had bounce. I was always obsessed with my left hand making just the right shape that's going to make the sound.

And much later on, I learned that right hand is really important, you know, and yours just goes like a hummingbird on a bunch of, you know, it's I love that. Well, you know, I think I was just talking about this with a friend. I think part of it was people forget because we were all born in like the mid 80s. So we were coming of age right when there was this very brief surf boom in the 90s, which you probably remember, you know, like the Pulp Fiction soundtrack led to a bunch of bands. Right.

And so, yeah, ever since then, like the first songs I ever wanted to learn on electric guitar were like

Miserlew and Pipeline and, you know, stuff like that. So ever since then, all I ever wanted to do is have a little bit of reverb and go... Yep. And still, that's kind of like one of my go-tos. But I thought it was interesting, even the first time I heard you guys, as I said on that first album, hearing... There's a musical term for it, which I don't know because I'm a caveman, but playing in like triplets or something, whatever that is. It's so fast. And it almost sounds sometimes like a...

balalaika or something. It's got this kind of fast... Yeah, some people call that double picking, just going back and forth so fast. Up and down, yeah. Yeah, and I like that kind of... It's also very like Zorba the Greek. Yes. Yeah. Many times when I'm listening to your guys' stuff, I start smashing plates. Opa! Opa! Yeah. And you, right? Aren't you half Greek? Quarter. Quarter Greek. Yeah, quarter Greek. Okay, so then more like just opa. Opa.

Kind of a depressed oppa. Yeah. So not a full oppa. Yeah. So, yeah, oppa. Just oppa. One of the things that interests me is that... I'm sorry, you keep saying oppa. It's oppa. It depends on where you're from. Okay.

All right. As most idiots say, I've heard it both ways. That's how I can cover for any mistake. I've heard it both ways. All right. One of the things that interested me was always is that you guys come out of the gate with this great album, which you had essentially just made yourself. You made that album yourself while you were all working full time jobs. Yeah. So it's not like you were signed and brought into this.

slick situation. No, and in fact, we experimented with remixing some of the songs to see like, oh, are we missing some kind of professionalism or something? But it just didn't sound as good. So yeah, it's really not... The version that came out is not particularly different than how it sounded when we were selling CD-Rs at our shows. So you come out with that. It seemed to me like you were very interested in...

not having to be any slack, coming out with more material very quickly. And that was a pressure. Did that come from you? Did you feel this pressure like, we've just got to keep this going? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was obsessed because also, because I'd been working full time, I was a public school teacher, eighth grade English in New York. And it felt like a big deal to go, you know, tell the principal, I'm going to go on tour with the band. So let's say that's probably June 1st.

June that year. I taught a full year and I'm like, I'm going on tour this summer, so I don't think I'm going to come back. So it felt a little bit high stakes to have this brief moment of success. It felt like, let's keep this going before I have to go back to being a teacher or something. So yeah, I put a lot of pressure on myself and the whole band to try to get our second album out quickly. I was obsessed with it. Man, you really didn't want to go back to teaching. How awful were those kids? There were...

I have a lot of affection for the kids, but it was a very difficult job. And also, I just felt like we had this rare opportunity. No one can begrudge you wanting to be a... Well, 30 kids care. Yeah. Ah, gee. He's a huge star. Yeah, so I... Yeah, there was definitely felt like we had to keep things going. And then also, you know, the...

Putting out your first album, in many ways, it was a big success. But then, of course, you're dealing with criticism and haters for the first time. So then there's also that part of you that felt like you wanted to continue to show more dimensions of the band as quickly as possible. Yes. Yeah. Because our first album, it's very...

It was the perfect first album for us, but it was also so kind of youthful and collegiate and kind of like cheery, and it always felt like such a great starting point. But yeah, I was anxious to show different shades of the band. Yeah, and people, music critics especially, and everybody loves to say, that's the sophomore slump, you know? And Lorne Michaels told me many times that they did the first...

year of star net live which is october 75 to uh summer of 76 you know june or whatever and then they break for the summer and he said every season after that

like the second season, all he heard was not as good as the first. The one with the Muppets? No, what do you mean? Steve Martin doing King Tut's like the third or fourth season, you know? Right. But that's all he heard. And then of course it was not as good as, you know, 1975 to 1980. Right. And it was not as good as when, and it was just, it's something that follows you, which is what I prefer is you've never been good. Right.

And you never will be. And you never will be. I'm like, Dad, we've had this conversation. ♪

Some trips are better in an Airbnb. It's just true. Like the trip you want to take with extended family where you want to stay close, but not all be sharing one bathroom. That's key for me. Okay, that's why Airbnb is the choice I often want to make. Or, for example, the couple's getaway where you'd rather have your own pool than share one with a bunch of strangers. Ugh. Oh, when I'm in a pool with strangers, I start shrieking. Oh.

Okay, that's weird. Or that last minute local getaway when you just really need to get out of the city for the weekend but don't want to deal with the airport. You know, I have to say, I've used Airbnb a couple of times and it always makes me feel like I'm at home even when I'm away. Do you have that? I do too. I mean, I have, you know, I have two small kids who are loud and so when I'm in a hotel, I feel a little uncomfortable. Well, you're loud too. Oh, yes. Okay.

Okay, yeah, we're all allowed. And then in an Airbnb, I just feel much more comfortable traveling. You're not a self-conscious. No. Yeah, and also, you're staying in someone's home. It's got that vibe of comfort, relaxation, normalcy instead of some stuffy hotel. Yeah. I don't want a mint on my pillow. Oh.

Hey, Blay, you use Airbnb, don't you? I do. I love it. And I will say, staying in someone's place really does add a lot. I'm a huge Stephen King fan, and the last Airbnb I stayed in had this book, From a Buick 8, which is one of the few Stephen King books I haven't read. So I actually started reading it in the Airbnb. It was pretty awesome. And you know what I do sometimes when I'm at an Airbnb? I often travel with a picture of myself in a frame. Oh, boy. And I take it out, and I put it up, and it feels like home. Yeah.

I travel with my own framed headshot. Do you leave it there as a gift? No! That's mine. Those things are precious. So if you're booking a trip soon, my number one tip is to check out Airbnb first to find the perfect place to stay because your accommodation really does make all the difference. ♪♪♪

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Hey, check this out. 50 years ago, Sona, listen to this. Supercuts invented the entire concept of a value salon. Yeah. Okay? It meant you could walk right in, no appointment needed. Hello! In the old days. Hello, hello, Conan here. Can I get an appointment? No! This meant a special technique that ensured a great haircut, and it meant a price point just right for the common man or woman. Yeah. Okay? Now, I'm, of course, no common man.

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So there's this pressure to come out. You do three albums, I think, in a relatively short time. Yeah, within five years. Within five years, which is, you know, by today's standards, that's moving. That's moving quickly. Yeah.

Not as fast as the Beatles, but when I look, which in some ways is what something people always say, they were like, well, you know, they made, you know, it was six months between the White Album and, you know, whatever. But yeah, it felt fast. And then, and also for me, I kind of remember like I turned 30 when we were finishing up the tour for the third album. And, you know, there were so many reasons why I think a band's first three albums tend to have like,

There's just something really special about the first three. You can look through so many bands where that represents a unit, a trilogy, whatever. Our first record deal was a three album deal. So there was so many ways in which after that intense five plus a couple year period of touring, it felt like, okay, turning 30. That was like a speed run through my 20s. The band is now in a different place. And yeah, time for a break. And then six years, six and a half years? Yeah. Yeah.

What did you do during that time? I did. Account for your time, young man. I mean, I want to see receipts. Yeah. Guilty. You know, I did. I'm his accountant now. I did all sorts of stuff, you know, working on music, trying a few different things. It's a little hard to remember, but the, I remember thinking that the,

Six years felt like nothing, you know, and I still kind of feel that way. And in some ways, when I look back, I feel like we did it right, which is like, yeah, in your 20s, do it as quickly, like push yourself to go as quickly as possible. But that pace into your 30s, let alone your 40s is insane. Yeah, I can't relate to it. I don't want it, you know.

I am so aware that so much of stuff that I've done is because I had to, just because I was part of a machine where you now you need to do another one and then you have to do this, then you have to do that. And that there was a.

Uh, if I did shows when I felt like I might've done like five shows, I don't know. Do you know what I mean? Like there's something that some, and I don't know if you've had that. I'm sure you've had that creatively where it's just creativity can happen in so many strange ways, but sometimes the good thing comes really easily or sometimes it, sometimes it comes when, uh,

"God damn it, we need another song." No, totally. I've actually struggled with it a bit just because when the ideas wouldn't come or something, I used to feel more anxious like it's important, we got to get this album going. Then I learned a little more how to calm down and how to chill more. Then it stopped mattering to me that much how quickly things came, which is very positive for my life.

But not positive for the output. So I'm a little bit now like it comes when it comes, we'll see. I've never regretted the amount of time between albums. Looking back now, we started this in our early 20s. This year I turned 40. It's a bit of a milestone looking backwards. And I think, all right, we have five albums out. If I'd been a little more of a nut and probably gone harder and pushed harder,

maybe we'd have seven albums out eight it just what difference does it make yeah you've got an amazing body of work you've got a great body of work and you can keep adding to it but you're right it's uh i mean first of all i could take i think i'm getting better at chilling yeah you are i think i am definitely but i had a major problem with it for a long time you had a crazy crazy job for how way too long yeah yeah years and years and years of craziness and um i

having kids just changes you. It changes you so much. And then there's a while where you think, wait a minute, is there be creative versus be happy? And then it turns out, well, no, that's ridiculous. There's a way to do both. It can just come in so many different forms. Right. But when I'm not creative or I do work I don't like, now I can blame my children. That's why you had them. You robbed me of what could have been genius! Yes!

You should do that. You should yell sometimes. Just yell. You've robbed me of a great song. I mean, there's also something funny about songs too. Like,

I, I'm not, not trying to be too negative, but I, I've always looked at, at other, you know, I think there's comedians who've done like great work late into their life and directors and novelists and stuff. You know, the, the number of people who recorded their best albums in their forties or fifties or sixties, um,

The consensus would be there's not a lot of people who have done that. So there's also some part of me that feels like, well, if you only get a certain number of songs in this life, like really wait for them, spread them out and, you know,

Don't rush through it. Right, right. Who are the people that you look to? You know, whether musicians, artists, people that you... Careers you look at and think, okay, that... Do you have people in mind sometimes? Yeah, sure. I mean, it's... Last time I saw Bob Dylan here in LA at the Pantages Theater and he was touring his last album, which...

Had that, I don't know if you guys heard the 17-minute JFK song, Murder Most Foul. Yeah, I did hear that. And I thought that was just such a monumental achievement. And I thought, wow, this guy's, this is the best popular music ever recorded by an 80-year-old. He's pushing into territory we've never seen before. So that was inspiring. But then, if I'm honest, I've always...

Been really excited about... Like another famous songwriter, of course, is Leonard Cohen. He had cool albums up until the end of his life. But I really think one of the reasons I was always the most interested in him was because he had that period where he went up Mount Baldy to study with his Zen teacher for like seven years. And then I started to realize that I've always been so interested in people who take serious time off or people who...

kind of disappear for a while. In some ways, those are like the most inspirational stories because they're

Sometimes they come back and do great work like Leonard Cohen, and then sometimes they don't. And even that's kind of cool. I find that inspiring, too. Just to know that it's possible. So you're telling me to go away. Just like seven years. I'll be dead. I haven't got seven years. No, but I do understand completely what you're saying. And I always think about I think about people in.

Comedy, I think about that probably a lot more. And I think about the people that have done consistently good work and, you know, Steve Martin, Marty Short are doing, I mean, they're both...

faster than and funnier than most people I'm ever going to meet. And they've got a bunch of years on me. They don't want me to say how many, but they're 115 years old individually, not added up. And that always, I always look to those people. And Bob Newhart, who just passed, was...

so funny throughout his career, starting in 1960 and going through all these different permutations. He was so smart and so funny and so quick right up to the end of his life. And I lived to be, I believe, 96 and just passed away about two months ago. And I think, I look to those people and I think, no, there is a way to do it. I think we live in a society where people think they have to be trending all the time

and they have to be discussed all the time. And I think, no, I know exactly what you're talking about. People can have, they can have a little peek and then they can go away for a while and think and regenerate and then come up with something else. I get that. I like that. I mean, it's like when there's a We Are The World documentary that, uh,

It was great. A lot of people watched it, really enjoyed it. And you see this moment, Bob Dylan in the mid 80s, that a lot of people remarked on. He seems so nervous. And maybe part of it is he felt like, does my voice sound good on this song? Whatever. But also part of it is that Bob Dylan in the mid 80s

was releasing his least loved albums. They always have a few great songs on them. There's some classic stuff. But either way, it probably felt a little bit random for him. A guy who in the 60s and 70s crushed it so hard. In the 80s,

Still trying to figure out how he could relate to the sounds of the day. And there he was, surrounded by these people who were breaking new ground for how big and influential a pop star could be. Bruce Springsteen in the 80s, Michael Jackson, whatever.

So, of course, that was like a weird moment for him in his life. And yet, you know, he consistently, I don't know, he never really went away. He seems to like to work. He released tours a lot, releases albums. But, you know, he just like kept on trucking. And eventually he was back to releasing more.

more loved albums. But then you go back and you're like, that was cool work. I don't know what it felt like for him. It looked a little uncomfortable in the documentary. Yeah, I think in the documentary too, he's around these people who can belt. Yes. And of course, that's not Bob Dylan's thing. And so he's working with people who are, you know, kind of saying like, you know, really hit this thing. He's like, I don't really do that, you know? And, but you're right. You can take a snapshot of anybody who,

at a moment in their career, and it doesn't tell you the whole story. And I think it's why I'm always kind of fascinated. It sounds like I'm making a joke and I'm actually not. I find obituaries to be one of the most interesting parts of the newspaper because

they tell the whole story. Like there's going, there's no more story to this person. This person has passed and they're gone. And sometimes if it's a fascinating person, I read an obituary once and it was Stalin's daughter. And she had lived this life

I mean, she's born, she's living in the Kremlin, Stalin's her dad. She lives through all that. But then after he dies, she goes off and she becomes like a jet setter in London in the 60s. But then she ends up at the end of her life after 15 different chapters, she ends up being this little old lady who's living in like a small hut in Montana. Yeah.

Montana. Yeah, literally in Montana, someplace in the plains. And you look at the whole arc of her career and it has like 75 different crazy improbable chapters. And I thought, that's a life. I love, but you could take any one moment from it and not see the whole story if you just checked in on that one moment. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

And I think what you're talking about is for musicians, you can check in on them at a moment and not see, not get the right picture of what they're up to or where they're going. Oh, yeah, of course. And then also the timing is everything. So you release an album, you do your best, you hope that people like it and judge it on its merits. But of course, when our first album came out,

Of course, I'm very proud of that album. I think it's a great album. People still discover it today.

That was also a little bit of a moment where people were interested in bands from New York. You know, it was also this moment when the major labels were a little bit confused. I always think of it as this brief historical period between Napster and Spotify, which kids today will never know about. It was a really brief window. So it wasn't the 90s when people were buying CDs hand over fist, nor was it like the Empire Strikes Back moment where the major labels were kind of like, oh, we know, we actually know how to

do this again. We figured it out. Yeah. It was a weird moment and people were interested in, you know, what they called indie. And, you know, so again, I'm not taking anything away. I'm very proud of the album, but it's good timing. Yeah. You know, if that, if people always used to ask us questions like, does it ever bum you out that people are buying less CDs? Pretend it's like 2008. Does it

CD sales are way down. Do you wish you came out in 1998? And I just remember thinking, I have no idea how we would have fit in in 1998. It could have been way worse, actually. Yeah. Why would I assume that in 1998, we would have been like Matchbox 20 or something? For all I know, in 1998, it never would have gotten off the ground because...

So anyway, these moments... You guys would have had huge hair in the 80s. Right. Like be dancing with a snake, you know? Right. We might have been even more indie in 1998. And so anyway, that's all to say that like there are these bigger moments, the forces of reality that come and go and there's headwinds and tailwinds. And at some point, you know, that's so much bigger than you. I know exactly what you're talking about because I was...

very crazily lucky to get into what I was doing in television in 93. But TV audiences start eroding rapidly about seven years into when I'm working on a big network and it's becoming more about cable and everything. And so you could have people say to me, don't you wish you had been come along, started in like

1958. And then you could have, you're like, this is dumb question because then I wouldn't get to do what I'm doing now or we wouldn't have videos online. So there was a time if you took a snapshot of me in the late 2000s, we'd say, well, this is just a terrible time to be trying to do this, be a late night talk show host because it's becoming whatever, if it's becoming less and less relevant or audiences are getting smaller. But no, it was the perfect time because you could

you know, make it your own. So I understand exactly what you're saying. And in that window, you, yeah, was there another time? Because you got to do like the, in the 90s, the sense of humor you had, would you have been allowed to do that in the, I wasn't really allowed to do it in the 90s. People I worked for were not happy. Yeah.

There was a move, get me out of there plan for a while. But yeah, it all, like I say, you have to, you're dealt the hand you're dealt and you, and I think we've both been really fortunate. You know, I think about, yes, you're right. There was a moment there. I think you're crazily talented and would have found your way in any era. I always...

One of the things that stands out about you, Ezra, is your ability to write a melody, I think, is very rare. You write some beautiful melodic turns throughout your music, and it catches me and always reminds me how hard that is. I think that's a very difficult thing to do, and it's a rare gift. Oh, well, thanks. I mean, I wait until I have a song where I feel like it's got a...

a melodic hook. And that's probably one of those things that, especially in pop music, like you can get pretty sophisticated with chords and stuff, but usually the people want something simple and memorable. And a lot of my favorite music is like that. And yeah, sometimes I can overthink stuff about what the production is supposed to be like or the references or the lyrics and stuff. But in some ways, it's just either you have a good melody or you don't.

And sometimes you got to wait for it. But yeah, that's the most fundamental thing. Without like getting too technical, what's your process? Because your lyrics are so good and it's crazy to say they're literate, but they are. They're very smart and they're really well crafted. And I think, okay, are you sitting down and write it? Do you get the melody first? Do you write that? Or can it happen in any order? I just basically want to know how to do this. And I'm not leaving until you tell me. The truth is I really don't know. And that's why I'm not proliferating.

prolific. That's why even when there were times where, you know, once or twice I wrote something that ended up being part of somebody else's thing. Like once there was this demo I made with Diplo and turned it into Beyonce's song. So a lot of people were like, oh, do you want to do like more pop writing? And like just deep down, it was kind of an exciting idea, but deep down I just had this feeling like, ah,

I can't, I don't know if I can go subject some pop star to just me sitting there and be like, now we wait. So because I don't have a lot of good ideas, like the certain songs, Oxford comma, I sat down at the piano, my parents house, and I started to talk about an Oxford comma. And I was like, Oh, it sounds like something. Yeah. And then, since then, I'm, it's, it's a good question. I'm trying to figure it out, too, because I don't want there to be 10 years between every album. But the

The one thing I know that kind of works for me is when I have no inspiration or something, I just keep a running list of phrases I come across, words on my phone. So that way if I sit down at the piano or the guitar and I start playing something and nothing comes to mind, I can always scan that list. Like there's a song on the new album called Prep School Gangsters. It was a New York Magazine cover story from the 90s.

It's kind of like a classic cover, and the phrase was always so funny and evocative to me. So, you know, once I've started working on something, I looked through List Prep School Gangsters, and it started to come together. So that's the only way I know. Do you ever think, okay, what if, God forbid...

you put all of your money into a bad theme restaurant and it's all gone and it's and i'm i'm gonna pitch you a theme restaurant when we're done here and i and i really need you to put all your money into it okay but do you ever think to yourself what if i had to take this ability that you have this talent i have and i just had to make money to put food on the table and i mean i had

I had people saying like, okay, Ezra, Wendy's wants a jingle. They want a jingle and it's a triple patty and the meat hasn't been frozen and they're using a new kind of cheese and that's really fantastic called Lundlader. You got to give us something. And you're like, damn it. I want braces for my kids. I've got to do this. I have to. Do you ever think if you were in that position? I don't think you understand rock music.

Oh, I do. Okay. And it can be, have you, a lot of jingles. Yeah. I guess I'd like to think that when push came to shove, I can make Wendy's proud. I'd like to think that. Let's get to Wendy's. I don't know if you're listening. Yeah. Cause in some ways, maybe the, uh, over the last 16 years, the thing that I've tried to protect and grow is my kind of artistic indie sensibility because that's what I've needed. Um,

Whereas in an alternate lifetime, if I could have suppressed that and turned it into something more utilitarian, yeah, I like a challenge. Once the director of the new Peter Rabbit movie asked me to write a song, and I was like, okay, let me really try to think about what it means to write something for kids. And the truth is, a lot of times when I've thought about what another job I'd like besides music, it has...

It's been a little bit like marketing in the food and beverage space. So I really would like to put this together. Again, we're back to White Claw. White Claw, if you're listening. I would never guess that your side hustle would... I just think the marketing of food and beverage is something that we need to get into. And you're talking to the rest of the band. Guys, listen up.

No, I bring it up because people talk about the great music of the 60s and obviously there was so much of it. What doesn't get mentioned a lot is I do think some of the best music of the 60s was television themes. There are incredible, incredible television themes that came from 60s and 70s television. There's a lot of terrible ones, but the good ones are fantastic. They're just great scores. And you think that's...

people that were like, all right, what are we doing today? You know, okay. It's cool. What's it called? It's called mission impossible. It's called Hawaii five. Oh, it's called the wild, wild West. It's called the Flint. All right, let's go. And they had to just churn it out. It's called F troop. And you, and you think I'm kidding. Listen to those songs. They've they, they're fucking crazily good.

They're fantastic. Oh, yeah, totally. And there's something inspiring about that. And also the songwriters of the 20s and 30s, that image of like a couple people in sweater vests sitting at the piano with the... Grinding it out. Yeah, grinding it out. There is something really appealing about that. Tin Pan Alley. Yeah. Yeah, so I'd like to think that they're

You know what's tough is just like it's just the other side of the coin from what I've been doing. So maybe I've never really known how to kind of like do both. Well, clearly you don't have to. And this is not something I'm suggesting, but it is funny how... I'm thinking about it really seriously. But what's interesting to me is when I started my career in 1985...

with my writing partner, Greg Daniels, we were put in a room on this TV show. It was called Not Necessarily the News. I remember early on, they just wanted little sight gags from us, little visual, like non-sight gags that they could put music over that people could perform. And we would sit there and we would just

on these things and our desks faced each other like we were just two bankers grinding away. I went off to do all the weird stuff I've done and Greg went off to do the American office and parks and recreation and King of the Hill. And he's just, you know, been this, uh, uh,

machine turning out all this great television, but we started out doing this very, hey, you know, literally like I would picture someone just throwing a sandwich into the room and then get back to work. And but I don't dislike that part of my career, but it was

Write some jokes, write some gags. Come on, you two, we'll shut the door. And at the end of the week, you better give us 75 gags. All right, we're on it. And that's what it was. And so I've always been kind of fascinated by that side of things. And so I'd like to reach out to Wendy's on your behalf. No, I love that. And even just the visual of you guys at the desk.

I've always wanted a little more deskiness in my world. At some point, I became a little more mystical and I felt like Vampire Weekend's its own thing. It'll tell me when it wants the song as opposed to what you're talking about. But I've always loved... In fact, there's the French band Phoenix. I know them very well. And they were working on their last album a few years ago. And I happened to be in Paris. I went to visit them at the studio. Yeah.

for that album the studio was the Louvre oh my god it sounds like I'm just making up French stuff but they somehow they had a connection and maybe because it was like the tail end of COVID a connection they were hey you want the Louvre you want the Louvre

So literally, you'd go to the Louvre and you would enter the arts and decoration department. And somebody from the museum like took me up. I remember they were like, that's Napoleon's chair. So I passed Napoleon's chair and then they were just in a room. Anyway, I'd never actually seen them working on an album. And they had a desk in the middle of the room with like four laptops.

As if they would just like sit down at the desk. And there's something about, I'd never seen anything quite like it. Even just the, just the spatial, normally in a studio, you know, everybody's kind of looking at the screen. And so you're probably sitting, you know, when I work with like Ariel as the main producer, I work with, you know, his back is to me, maybe I sidle up behind him a little bit, but these are just four guys at their laptops at a desk. For all you know, they could have been like working on like a,

a takeout app or something, but there's something I, but I remember at the time, they do also have a successful insurance company. But I just, I just love that vision of the university, them sitting down at a desk. Like, what are we doing? The same idea of just a couple of people throwing around ideas. No, I, I, well, first of all, we can get, I'm going to make sure I'm going to talk to Rashida. We're getting you a desk. Thank you. I can get you an iron desk from the fifties. Oh, great. And,

And I wanted to ask you about this because I know that you once compared your discography, your body of work to weed, specifically certain albums having a different ratio of

of THC to CBD. To CBD, that's right, yeah. And I wanted to bring Sony in on this. Oh, geez. Always. Right, yeah. You can help me understand this. But explain to me, like when you talk about your first album, Sig, and then maybe comparing it to Only God Was Above Us, your last album, what are we talking about here? How would you describe them in terms of ratio, the weed ratio? To CBD? Yeah. Okay.

Well, the first album would probably be high CBD. And the last album would be very like high THC. It's a little, well, this is my, you might have more experience than me, but when. Yes, Sona has more experience than you. But,

But we've had nine interventions. I've shown up. Yeah. And she always leaves. Yeah. Yeah. And goes and gets high while you're doing it. Like the hot. Yeah. Just eating edible. Yeah. I'm definitely not an expert. Probably whenever I did that interview, that might have just been I was trying to think of any anything that has ratio. I probably should have said chocolate.

and could have done Coco versus Sugar. That would have had less connotations. You could have done something worse, too. So, you know what I mean? But once I tried to make a rubric where I was trying to, you know, just anything to try to think about where the band's going, and I've always believed every album should have a very different vibe. And so I've definitely thought about them on being on the spectrum of kind of like

uh, from preppy to goth. So that was a useful, you know, which is a useful rubric and, and maybe, um, a little bit like outdoorsy versus indoors. I don't know. So yeah, when I think of the first album, it's, it's extremely sunny and it presents as sunny and it presents as young and it presents as fun. And I think, um,

And I do think there's like elements of darkness in there and maybe. Oh, yeah. But but still, you know, it's it's about how it presents. So when I think of the the current album, in many ways, it kind of feels like the the inverse of the first album. It's also a kind of like reflective New York album. But it probably has, you know, the the the inverse THC to CBD ratio. I think to figure out the ratio on this podcast is.

You know? Do you know what I mean? Are we a mellow... Do we mellow you out this podcast? Or do we... Anyone can weigh in here. Like what the hybrid version of... Yeah. Are we... Yeah. Is this a... I think we're mostly THC. I think it's just like... What is that? I don't even know what that means. We're tripping. THC is what gets you high. Okay. CBD is what like...

makes you it's like you know cbd ointment if you have like an ache like it's not yeah it's late it doesn't wait you also partake of the of the ganja there's a little meth in there yeah maybe that's a lot of the interest yeah i think we are very messy meaning way so we're that tweaky cousin who doesn't have teeth do you what do you say we're very messy i think i'm i know i'm messy i think if you're

You're looking at the podcasting industry as a whole. We're the meth-y cousin. It's Sona's CBD, Gorley's THC, and you're the meth. Yeah. Yeah. I'm seeing it. We're the rapper. I've talked about that. Yeah, you're a nice... We're the papers. You're a rapping paper.

No, I've had I've told you I've talked about this. I had a doctor tell me that, you know, let's talk about your cocaine use. And I was like, I've never done cocaine in my life. And he said, you've got to be honest with me. I'm your doctor now. He just took that from the way I behave. Yeah. Not based on your blood work. Yeah. No, no. Your demeanor. I've never done. Yeah. And then after hot ones, everyone, the hot ones where people just think.

Oh, I don't know what he's doing. He's probably having a, you know, meth enema every night. You seem like you're able to chill and you like to chill. Like you're able to relax. I've had to learn how to do it a little bit. I said in the interview when we were first releasing the album that some people seemed to enjoy and some people made fun of me for, but I said my passion in life is chilling. And it really is. And I kind of even remember...

as when the band started getting going and things got kind of intense. Even back then, I remember thinking, I hope there's a time later in my life where I can chill more. I...

I'm still waiting on that. Yeah, I'm working on it. But maybe you'll be my... I want you, Ezra, to be my spirit animal. Maybe stop taking cocaine. Yeah. It's just so good. I'll show up at your house in some white coat and I'll show you how to chill. I really needed to learn how to... I bet you've never in your adult life had...

time as much time off as I've had, which I have not. I haven't had wander around time like and and that's not just because I mean, my career has been a lot of it, but also

kids and this wife with her demands. But I, uh, that's Liza. But yeah, you know, Mandy, that's exactly how she sounds. She's the voice of the velociraptor in, uh, yeah, it's true. True story. Spielberg was like, that's it.

Liza, I love you. And people are laughing because it's the exact opposite of who you are. But anyway, I would like to... I do aspire to that, too. And there are times when we shoot these... I do travel shows now. And when I shoot those, there'll be times where I'm in Dublin or I'm in...

I don't know, I'm in some foreign land. I'm in Norway and I'm walking around and there's a little downtime and I'm walking around and I just love kind of being someone else. Do you know what I mean? You're just walking and you're going and getting a cup of coffee and you're in a place you've never been before. You'll probably never be again. Oh yeah, I have to do that all the time on tour. When Rashida was shooting that show in Japan, we lived there for six months. And so, you know, she's working a crazy TV schedule. Our son was in school.

I didn't know that many people. And I didn't particularly feel motivated to go like set up a studio or something. So yeah, I realized all you really need is, you know, obviously people need a little bit of like something to move towards in life. And I realized it could literally just be a coffee shop that's an hour and 20 minutes away. You walk there, get the coffee, read a little bit, walk back. That's most of the day. Yeah.

You know what I mean? What speed are you walking? There were so many. Well, I always felt like the classic day in Tokyo would be like taking a step. I take our son to school and then I would walk to this old school vinyl bar. This one's from the 20s that only plays classical music called Lion in Shibuya. I'd walk there. It was about like hour and a half walk. I would get there, have a coffee, read for an hour.

and then maybe do something in the neighborhood, then walk back. So easily that could turn into four and a half or five hours. Maybe you get back home at that point, it's like 5 p.m. At 5 p.m. you're allowed to say, I did the day. You know, you start thinking about dinner and stuff like that. Oh, throw on going to the gym in the same day? That's the whole day. That sounds amazing. And it felt... And it did...

But even then, even being somewhere cool like Tokyo, you do that every single day. The novelty of being somewhere different wears off, and then you really just have to focus in on how much you really love chilling. You have to find the love.

Well, you're talking to the chill chums here. We know about chilling. We chill. Yeah. I think my lesson in life is that no matter, you can be in the most beautiful place in the world. You can be in Rome. You can be in Venice. You can be in Florence. And if you're there long enough, one day you're going to go, I got to get out of this dump. Yeah, sure. With all this Italian food and beautiful art. I got to get out of this dump.

Ezra, I'm going to let you go, but it's been really fun talking to you. Thanks so much for having me. I'm a fan. I'm an admirer. Likewise. And I love getting to talk to really cool, creative people that do things I do not understand. So you're in that category. So we'll see you next time. See you next time. I'm getting you a desk, by the way. It's coming tomorrow.

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You know what I love, Sona? What? Football season. Hell yeah. Football season is here. All the rituals. I get together with my buddies, my gang. Mm-hmm. My choes. Choes. I don't know what that is. Is that a word? Choes. I think it's chums and bros. You're choes. Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah. Chums and bros are choes. Oh, okay. You heard it here first.

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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. As teased in the intro to this episode, we thought we might do some alternate historical timelines. And Sona just pitched D-Day as a nice little boat ride, would you call it? Maybe they were, they thought, hey, we're going to go on boats.

It's a boat ride. No, they're headed to the beach. Yeah, they're going to the beach. Everybody, it's beach day. What happened was it was a very large beach picnic, and then it got rowdy. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's why most of them were in trunks, and they had towels with them. They did not have trunks and towels. Yes, they did. Ah.

They did. That's what I heard. This is a, first of all, apologies to all the amazing heroes who gave up their lives. Especially the ones that are still living and listening. Yeah. That's true. We probably have a couple of... God, they would be almost 100 years old now. There's a few. Yeah. There's a few left. Their hearing's not good.

Yeah, they'd be so mad. What? We weren't there for a goddamn beach vacation. So you're saying alternate history, meaning because earlier we were talking about how just exploring other possibilities. Yeah, or maybe a better or easier explanation for why things went down the way they did. Oh, yeah. OK. Yeah. Right. Right. So we haven't discussed this.

We're just going to brainstorm. All the things in my mind are so offensive. Come on, don't censor. Just go. I mean, the Manson murders. They thought it was their house. Okay. What? They thought it was their house. And that's what you do when you walk into a house and other people are there. You start, Sona. This is why I want to censor myself. Maybe he was an Avon lady. Okay. He was there to show them how to put on foundation. Yeah.

This isn't happening. I'm telling you, I wanted to stop talking. You guys told me not to censor myself. I wanted you to stop talking 15 years ago. I know, but this was the whole, you did the whole Lincoln thing. Yeah, but that's, it's been enough time. Oh, these are fresh. Yeah, they're fresher. They're fresher. What's the time? What's the cutoff? I think the cutoff should be 1865. Oh, God.

Come on. I think anything later than that or not involving death and murder. I know. That's the problem. You know what I mean? I mean, that's a tragedy. Those are tragedies you're talking about. They're awful. They're terrible. And so I'm distancing myself from you and what you said. I thought we were.

We're spitballing here. This is just doing it, baby. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're going to alternate history for this. Yeah. Okay. Hey, I'm spitballing here, baby. Hey, daddy-o. Yeah, there's an alternate universe where Sona's a comedy writer at SNL. Hey, babies, I'm spitballing here. And Lauren's like, who is this woman? Hey, just spitball.

Big bow in here, Lawrence E. Hey, cat. Hey, catio. Catio? What do you mean, catio? Give us some more, but do them as that guy. You know, just like... Ones that I have are not good, so we can't do that. Wait, we're talking alternate histories. Yes. Well, first of all, I'm the one who knows the least about history. This is why yours is the best. I know, because... Yours are great. Mine are all from the...

I don't, I mean, I can't. Go ahead. I like the Salem witch trials or that's good. Great depression. Salem witch trials. Great depression. Great depression. Nobody died during that. Alternate history of the great depression. It was okay. I think it was a soup craze.

There we go. I think the Great Depression, sure, there was some financial distress, but suddenly all across America, everybody really wanted hot soup and they were willing to line up for it in the cold to get it. And the fashion trend was holes in your shoes, holes in your shoes. Yeah. And also people wanted to like, I feel self-conscious riding trains in the car. I

I want to be out where the luggage goes. I want to ride the rails. So that would be another alternate history is it was a soup craze that turned. That's good. And yeah. And people, people's pockets were stuffed with cash. Yeah. But they were just lined up for soup. Yeah.

My dad lived through the Depression. Okay. Yeah. The real one? Well, he was, yeah. Yeah, my dad's... Oh, not the soup crazy? No, he didn't just want soup. He was like in the Depression. He has told me everyone was fine. We just went soup crazy. He said we were nuts for the stuff. He said it's like if you've got the thungries, if you're a little thirsty and a little hungry...

And we said we all, we were all doing the Charleston one minute. And then someone said, so,

I need soup. And everybody went soup nuts. Soup crazy. Soup to nuts. That's where that phrase comes from. They all went, they all lined up. Oh, no. And when you're lined up for a long time, your clothes get beat up. People were like, we should probably put on our rich fur coats. Nah, we'll lose our place in line for soup. So we look a little ratty. And then what ended it all? World War II came along and killed the soup craze. Yeah, people just got over soup. Yeah.

Yeah. Then it was time, you know, the minute Glenn Miller started, his tune started hitting them, everyone's like, the soup thing's over. Things come and go. And everyone was into malteds, banana splits. Phosphates. Phosphates. And egg cream. Yeah. What a weird...

An egg cream never, what did they call it where you were? When I was a kid growing up in the Boston area, older people called a chocolate soda, they called it a frap, F-R-A-P-P-E. I don't think we have that here. Have you heard that?

I've never heard of it. I mean, I heard it in a modern sense, like a frappuccino. Yeah, but they called it a frap. And I just remember thinking at the time, what's going on? And then I heard that in New York, they would call it an egg cream. I've heard of egg creams, but I don't think any of these really got West. We were too smart for that.

Sorry. You just called it a milkshake or something. Yeah, just called it what it was. And is it frap or frappe? Well, I think it's frappe because it doesn't have a little pew-pew on top of it. Pew-pew? Yeah. Pew-pew? What is it called?

Oh, yeah. OK. OK. But you guys knew what I was talking about, though, when I said that. There's a theory that in podcasts, it's all good. We're just riffing and it's all good. And you know what? It's not. And yet it is. And it's not. And yet it is. A bit. No, we can't. We can't.

This one can't go out. It's already gone out. It's already gone out. People are hearing this as I speak. Yeah. So your fun riff about the murders by the Mansons is out. Oh.

I thought we were doing a rewriting of history. I'm the only one who came here with ideas. You two dicks sat back and watched me flounder. You didn't come with ideas. You didn't throw us. You started, you said, I'm going to riff, baby. Let's spitball. It's terrible. I thought we were rewriting stuff. We got to end this. This can't go out. This can't go out. Yeah. This can't go out. Okay. You're going to send this one out, aren't you? Oh, yeah.

Jesus Christ. I mean, I don't want to have to record a new segment and waste this. Awful. Yeah. Who am I introducing? This is not an intro.

This isn't an intro. This is a segment. In fact, we even covered that this is a segment because it's carrying on from the same episode. And wait, and what am I doing here? I don't know. You know what? I was on television. I was on television. But don't you know? That was as high as I thought I could get. People took you off television and literally put you in a padded room with a team of nurses in disguise as podcasters. Took me off television. They did. They

put me in here. Notice you're drinking tea and soft foods? I know. You're on a farm. I know. I've been put down. I'm sorry. I'm like an old horse. He said, come over here. Come over here. And then you cut to a bottle of Elmer's glue. Alternate Conan history. He's actually in a padded room. I just, I, uh, that's crazy. I have,

And you got to keep that in too, because I have no idea how this podcast works or what we're doing. You don't need to worry about it. I'm a chimp. I'm a chimp you guys put in a room. And when I throw my poop at the wall, you just, you record it. You sell it. You sell it. All right. Well, hope you enjoyed. What is it? A podcast? Oh, I don't know. Radio show? Not at this point. Okay. All right. Well, that's the end of this, Segaru.

Baby. And now will you introduce Ezra Koenig? We just did that. I know, I know. I'm joking. Oh, Jesus. Funny joke. You can't joke with people of my vintage like that. Quickly, you've got to get out of here. The house is on fire. I'm on my way. Kidding. All right. Peace out. Peace out.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. ♪

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