NFL Week 1, Fastest 2 Minutes, We Recap Every Game From Sunday And Deshaun Watson Is The Worst QB Ever
02:35:33 Share

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's Pardon My Take, week one...

We're talking football, start to finish, nothing better. And it's brought to you by our friends at DraftKings.com.

TD Tutty taking it to the house in for six. Whatever you call a touchdown, one thing's for sure, touchdowns matter more at DraftKings Sportsbook. An official sports betting partner, the NFL, on the ground, in the air from the special teams or defense. We don't care how they score them. We want to bet on touchdowns.

and DraftKings is the number one place to bet touchdowns. Ready to place your first NFL bet? Try betting on something simple like a player to score a touchdown. Go to DraftKings Sportsbook app and make your bet today. We have the Jets versus the 49ers, Monday Night Football. Garrett Wilson to score? Why not? I like Garrett Wilson to score.

What do you like, PFT? I like Brees. Brees Lightning. Brees Hall. Okay. So if you're ready to do a touchdown dance of your own, new DraftKings customers bet $5 to get $250 in bonus bets instantly and get one month of NFL Plus Premium. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code TAKE. That's code TAKE for new customers to get $250 in bonus bets when you bet just $5 and get one month of the NFL Plus Premium bonus.

only on DraftKings, the crown is yours.

Okay, let's go. Part of my day. Part of my day.

Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by DraftKings. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code TAKE. That's code TAKE for new customers to get $250 in bonus bets when you bet just $5 and get one month of NFL Plus Premium only on DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Monday, September 9th, Week 1. FUMBO!

We start in Indianapolis where Susan B. Anthony Richardson is trying to put a stop to week one Colts fan suffrage when he hit Alec Paul Pierce with a 60-yard bomb making Indy fans everywhere poop their pants with excitement. Unfortunately, the Texans had other plans as Stephon Riggs welcomed all the haters to the course, scoring twice on Sunday. No word if he cried afterwards.

After being showed the door by the DN Cincinnati Bengals, Joe Biden Mixon proved he isn't actually dead as he had 159 yards without tripping over his feet once. Texans 29, Colts 27. What? What?

In Western New York, after taking a couple early shots, Kyler Murray stepped up and stepped in. He is a gamer, giving Cardinals an early 17-3 lead. Josh Tim Allen took out all the tools in his toolbox as the Bills hoped for some home improvement after last year.

Keon, I'm a coal man. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Made his debut, and speaking of souls, Damore Hamlins is still alive as he got the start on the way to a win. Prayers for Damore, boom. And no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. The Bills, 34. The Cardinals, 28. We go abroad to Brazil Friday night to our reporter who was not able to tweet himself. Max Delente, 28.

We go to Sao Paulo where we had a classic matchup between Love Hurts, Jalen Kersh at Eagles fans cussing at the TV early with two early turnovers in the first, but Saquon roughly was playing like a dog and brought the birds back to take the lead. Zach Bon Jovi was attacking the quarterback all night and many were saying, he gave love a bad game. We

With a chance to take the lead late in the fourth, Matt, the one-score, chose to kick a field goal and make a one-score game a one-score game. Eagles win 34-29. Thank you very much, Max. Beautiful singing. Back to you.

Back stateside in Chicago, we're in a touching tribute to Jeremy Allen White. This season of the Bears is going to be taken a lot more serious than the previous two. Fans were uneasy watching the Bears offense, wondering if they fingernailed their first pick, but it was Jonathan Biles and the special teams that trampled them into scoring. Will Jan Levis and Gould has gone snip, snap, snip, snap with the start of his career, and it snapped more than it snipped on Sunday after throwing a large pick-titty.

It's because she's got big tits, Teej. They're fake. Jane Levinson Gould. She's got big tits. It's where they got back together. Bears 24, Titans 17. Down to Atlanta where they swapped Russie for Jussie. And Ray, Ray, you, you get off of me. McCloud was working on a revenge game against the Steelers. And speaking of revenge games, B. John Robbins had rushed the ball 18 times. Kyle Pitts scored a touchdown, leaving slack-jawed Arthur Smith saying, I didn't know you could do that. Cam Johnson...

whose name literally translates to Jeffrey Toobin, got knocked out of the punting game early, but the special teams came to the rescue as Boswell that ends well after Chris kicks six field goals and a punt in relief. The Steelers, 18. The Falcons, 10. Let's head to Cincinnati where we have Henry Lockwood on the scene for the big Patriots win. We head to the depths of the jungle of Cincinnati.

where Ramondre, I want Iguodala. Stevenson got the scoring started going early with a second quarter scorer. At halftime, Joey Chestnut said Brat Summer isn't over yet, taking down 18 Brats in 10 minutes to beat six other people. Gerard Mayo for Yale had his defensive line ripping all day, holding the Bengals to 10 points on his way to his first win as an NFL head coach.

Lighthouse 16, Jungle 10. Thank you, Henry. Out west to Seattle where Denver is thinking this is the year. Bo Nix has improved so much under his new offense. He's focused. He's having fun. I wouldn't be surprised if he's a dark horse for the MVP. The refs were something Gaz has never done as they sing, you can dance if you want to. It's safe to dance. Everyone do the safety dance as the Broncos got two safeties in the first half. Kenneth Brandon Walker asks the Seahawks fans, whoo, whoo.

Why are you hollering? After a tough first half, but then put the team on his back, leading the Seahawks to a 26-20 win. Over to Tampa Bay as the commies tried to limit price controls on all the inflated bucks. Mike Evans gate-cult two touchdowns and looked like he was sailing through space on a comet as Commanders fans wanted to put on their new Nikes and pull over a big purple blanket on their faces, drifting off into the sweet embrace of the unknown.

The Commanders cut the lead to 10, and Comey's head coach showed off his Danalytics by kicking an extra point and cutting it to 9. Unlike the Miami Police Department, this Washington defense wasn't stopping anything at all, as every Florida receiver made it into the end zone on time.

Despite the efforts of the Supreme Court, this baker was unstoppable. Meanwhile, the D.C. quarterback couldn't keep his helmet on as Jaden Daniels Day-Lewis went method acting as Nancy Reagan, being very, very careless with his head. Tampa Bay buries the commanders 37-20. Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston Cuyahoga, such a fine sight to see.

Is that my Lord? Can Jerry Jones afford to pay Dak Parsons? NCD is that Tom Brady? His hair's looking wavy. Keep the Sean away from the huddle and the lay.

Ladies, Cowboys 33, Browns 17. It's week one for singing too, boom. And that was week one, Fastest Two Minute, presented by our good friends at Chevy. There's a reason we've never done a Mount Rushmore pickup trucks, and that's because for Pardon My Take, there's only one pickup truck, the Chevy Silverado. Silverado's a partner you can depend on. We've all spent time driving and using the Silverado for all kinds of Pardon My Take jobs.

I was in the electric one, the EV, the other day. It's incredible. Massive screens, up to eight cameras with 14 different views to help make driving, towing, and parking all easier. We love the bold, blacked-out look of the new Silverado HD Trail Boss, so head over to Chevy.com to build your own Silverado or Silverado HD and check out all the current offers on Silverado. Discover a world of strength and capability all behind the wheel of our favorite truck, the Chevy Silverado.

Okay, week one in the books. We're watching the fourth quarter of the Rams-Lions game. As we tape this, we will do that game last. But boys, football is all the way back. It was great to be...

with the fellas in the gambling cave. I forget how much football happens at once. Just simultaneous football all day long. I also forget how quick it goes by because I feel like you just blink and then it's boom, Carrie Underwood in your face. It was great, though, to be back. I'm not going to complain about that. No, no. Listen, it was a great Sunday. It was a lot of fun to be with the guys, watching ball, every game going, fast-paced, witching hour. It's just great to be back. It's great to be back. So...

Let's dive in, shall we? Should we do it? Let's do it. Let's do it. So we're going to, if this is your first fall with us on Pardon My Take, we recap every single game from Sunday and this week, also from Friday, because we obviously didn't talk about the Eagles 34-29 win against the Packers in Sao Paulo. Max, good win.

Sometimes it's all right to win sloppy. Sometimes it's all right to win sloppy. I also should say, before anything, thank God Jordan Love is not seriously injured. I think we all were rooting for that.

For him not to be seriously. Yeah. For him to be, for it to be nothing. Yep. It basically was nothing. He's going to be back in three to four weeks. I know that I was sitting in bed worried and I was just like, please hope he's okay. And he's okay. Yeah. He might be okay. I don't know if the Packers are going to be okay without him because Malik Willis got in for a Hail Mary. And at some point Malik Willis played quarterback in his career. Yeah. At some point he was thought highly for Liberty for Liberty. Is that real? Uh, the schedule was not great at Liberty. Yeah. Uh,

But yeah, Malik at one point could throw a football and he didn't know how to throw a Hail Mary at the end of it. It was a weird scenario down in Brazil because you had the grass looking like the sod father, which just immigrated, like ran away from the law and was a fugitive down in Sao Paulo. The grass is not great.

People were trying to blame the grass on Jordan Love's injury. I would say that's stupid. You should blame Jalen Carter for being dirty. Dirty player, yeah. Yeah, dirty player trying to injure people. I think that would be more the blame. The grass had nothing to do with that injury. You can blame the grass for making the game hard to watch, especially in the first half. Yeah. But why don't they just change the cleats immediately? Why don't they go out for warm-ups and they're like, yeah, you know what? I have to wear the long cleats. I also love when people see the NFL playing on grass that shitty...

And then having this like epiphany where they say to themselves, we have, you know, multimillion dollar athletes, a billion dollar corporation, and we're sending them down to Brazil on this shitty field just for the almighty dollar. The NFL has no shame. They don't care about player safety.

If it took you that long, if it took you until Friday night to figure out the NFL doesn't care about player safety, welcome to the party. We've been here for a very long time. Yeah, and ironically, Brazil is the last place I would expect to have a problem with too much grass on the field. Yeah. It seems like given their waxing strategies, that wouldn't be an issue. It's been apparent every time they send a team over to Germany or England,

now Brazil, Mexico City. We have football stadiums in the United States. Yes. They have football stadiums in the other countries, and they have to put new turf down every single time, and then they act shocked that the new turf installation wasn't up to par for NFL games. They have little 120-pound people running around, barely running around, kicking a ball around, and then you put a 300-pound man on the field...

trying to tackle each other. Yeah, it's going to look different. I don't know. Neymar flops pretty hard. When he hits the ground, he'll roll over like four or five times. Kind of vindicated. Maybe he wasn't flopping this whole time. Maybe it was just the grass. Shitty grass. Yeah, shitty grass has been having him do this. Yeah, it was kind of a sloppy game for a little bit. Jalen Hurts had his ups and his downs. I think we can say that the tush push

That was Travis. That was Jason Kelsey. It's been nerfed. It was Jason Kelsey that was responsible for the tush push. It was his tush. Yeah. I was doing most of the pushing. Yep. And it's been completely nerfed right now. I don't know if they're. Well, they did. They did steal our phrase for it and call it the Brazilian butt lift. Yes. I saw that. Must credit. Judd.

Max, do you now, finger pointing at you, gun pointing at you, do you now realize that we actually weren't joking when we said that Nick Wright was kind of genius for saying that Jalen Hurts should have thrown more interceptions in preseason, in training camp, because he looked shitty. No, he didn't. Yeah, dude. Max, he looked bad. Come on, Max. He had bad moments, and then he had good moments. Yeah, but he had some really bad moments. But saying he looked shitty, Matt Stafford threw a shitty pick. He's having a good game.

The fumble wasn't his fault. You can be honest, Max. There were bad moments that he had. There were good moments that he had. This is not what Max was saying on Friday night. Well, yeah, because overreacting. The touchdown pass to Saquon was very nice. The touchdown pass to Saquon was a perfect ball. That was. Okay, so there you go. That was good. But he looked rusty.

He had some bad moments. He had some good moments. Saquon's pretty awesome, though, huh? Saquon is the best. Do you think, like, if the New York Giants had to do it all over again, do you think that they would give Daniel Jones a massive contract extension and let Saquon Barkley walk on a low ball? No. That was one of those ones. Embrace debate. We thought it was stupid in the moment. In the moment. That's not even hindsight. In the moment. That was just, you guys are dumb in the moment. But, yeah, Max, I feel like, I mean, that was...

I think we talked about it on Friday's show, but the new defensive coordinators, whenever you're trying to install a new system, you're going to have weird moments. It almost felt like a college game at points where there was just receivers running wide open down the field on both sides because they both were new defensive coordinators.

A win's a win. And the Eagles are loaded. Like, I think the Eagles are going to be a problem this year. I know that there's Jalen Hurts. There's some question marks. You even have them yourself. But, yeah, the Eagles are good. Yeah, it was a good win. It was a good win. It was a weird game.

You know, they traveled 10 hours to get there. Well, not going to overreact after week one. I wish Hurts played a little bit better, but he played well enough to win the game. Yeah. You guys got to win. That's big. And if you're a Packers fan, you're probably happy that Love, obviously happy that it's not worse than what it sounds like. But for the next month or so, you've probably got some questions about whether or not Malik Willis is the guy. But thankfully, Jordan Love's okay. Is Malik Willis the answer to any question that's ever been asked? No.

Is there a really good guy that you would want to help someone on the street? If I was homeless, name one NFL quarterback that you would like to see come around the corner with a handful of windbreakers and sweatpants and maybe a Tupperware filled with food. Malik Willis, probably that guy. If I was looking for...

Hey, what's one of the cool names of a player in the NFL? Malik Willis. Yeah, name one NFL player whose name sounds a lot better than he is. Yeah, Malik Willis. Malik Willis is probably one A. He is the answer to that question. Also, very fun story for this game was all the beat reporters sending their stories or their tweets back to the States for their wives and significant others to tweet out. Yep. That was a really cute story that completely...

just forgot about saying the part where they decided to play a game in a dictatorship. Yeah. It was like, this is so cute. The wives are tweeting it back from Philly and Wisconsin. Oh, yeah, but why? Oh, yeah, because we played in a dictator's running Brazil. Bolsonaro has been hospitalized with an acute case of NFL fever.

It's life-threatening. It was funny to see Sal Palantonio was down there, and so I wonder, like, these guys, if they're sending texts to their wives back home, and then their wives are tweeting them out, their wives are also probably reading, like, all the DMs and stuff. Oh, yeah. So I wonder if anybody was sliding into Sal Pal's wife's DM. I hope they got a little bit of the mentions, too. Yeah. Like, just getting to live one day in your husband's...

wives mentions and be like, wow, this is the shit they deal with. You piece of shit. You hate the Eagles. You always have. Yeah, fuck you. You said this guy's injured and he's back out there. Eagles fans are pretty reasonable. I don't think that they see that. I love that one Eagles fan who was at the big statue of Jesus Christ just...

A Brazilian just out there on a Friday seeing Eagles fans in the wild. They have to be like, what is going on? What is this? He's got the mohawk, the face paint at Christ the Redeemer. They're just screaming at random people to do this chant. I guess soccer culture is very similar, but still, there's something about Philadelphia that just makes it...

extra special and in your face. Oh, Philadelphia travels. That could be just a travel show in general. Find the biggest Philly scumbag and just send them abroad as many places as possible. I don't understand. You couldn't pay me to go like

abroad for a football game when I could just watch it on TV. On TV, at home. And also miss the rest of the football games. I guess Friday you don't, but like the London game where you just can't watch the rest of the games? Yeah, that stinks. I do love, as a fan though, we had a game Thursday, we had a game Friday, we had college football all day Saturday, we had NFL Sunday, then NFL Monday night. That's a pretty good five days of football watching on TV. No, Tuesday's going to come and I'm going to be ready.

wrenched over my toilet just puking having withdrawals. Yeah, it's going to be tough, but we can make it through. Yeah, we can make it through. We always do. If Thursday coming back up. Max, do you think it's kind of a cuck move for the Philadelphia Eagles to wear black on their uniforms instead of green because they're afraid that the local fans don't like the color green?

I don't think that they said that. That's what I heard. I think that's what I heard as well. I don't think that. I heard that from several reporters' wives. Yeah. I don't think that was confirmed anywhere. Yeah. Okay. Well, good win, Max. Great win. Yep. You beat the Packers. I was very upset at you for a while during that game that you weren't going to beat the Packers. Also, our good friend Matt LaFleur, he kicked a field goal down one score to go down one score. Yeah. In the fourth quarter. Late. Late.

It's kind of his thing. I understood it a little bit more. Wait, they ended up losing. How much did they lose by? Five? Five, yeah. Five, yeah. But they kicked the field goal. To go down two. Two.

I get it a little bit more because then you can win with a field goal, but I'd still rather score or try to convert on fourth down and score a touchdown. Yeah, you want six there. You want six at the end of that drive. When you're down five, you want six. Can we just recklessly speculate who we would want to see step in for the Packers? Yeah, Ryan Tannehill. Ryan Tannehill. You want to see him?

Yeah. You really want to see Ryan Tannehill? More Ryan Tannehill? I would like the Packers to lose. You would like Ryan Tannehill? Yes, I want Ryan Tannehill to step in for the Packers. Actually, I want Malik Willis. I think you've got to give him at least four games. Give him a shot. You don't want to hurt Malik's confidence. No. You don't want him to think that he's not the answer. Yeah. Yeah.

I would like to see. Flacco should have waited. Joe Flacco should have. Brett Favre could play. He could play. Just let him play. I was thinking about Favre yesterday, and there's a good chance that he didn't go anywhere because he's like, I got to be close to home base in case the phone rings. There's a pretty good chance that he had Edwarder

Just call the Packers and say, hey, are you hearing anything about Brett? Yeah. But he was put up to it. Brett Favre just tweets out out of nowhere. Just so you know, all my court cases are up in jeopardy right now. I won't be sentenced to anything for at least another nine months. I could travel out of state. I'm not currently wearing an ankle monitoring system. Brett Favre would do it. I think if you asked him, he would. Yeah, for sure. Matt Flynn?

Matt Flynn, Blake Bortles. Blake Bortles is out there. Packers legend. And has, yeah, Matt LaFleur knows him. Really, Joe Flacco has become a very valuable trading piece right now. They should let Joe Flacco just go from team to team. Every week, you have to drop Joe Flacco, and then he gets picked up. Yeah, Jameis. Yeah, Jameis. Jameis and Green Bay. Oh, but that would break me. No, I can't. We can't have that, because then I would just...

That would break me. I don't want that. Let's just get ahead of... Malik Willis. Let's get ahead of Florio and say Colin Kaepernick. Yeah. To the Green Bay Packers. He's ready to go. He's only been...

Eight years since he's played. I'm sure he's done a workout, a closed workout that Florio's gotten wind of in the last couple months. Yeah. He's looking just as good as ever. Can we just put out the report? Part of my take is reporting that Colin Kaepernick is in consideration by some to be the Green Bay Packers bridge quarterback. Yes. Until Jordan Love returns. Who is their third quarterback right now? Oh, they don't have one. Hmm.

You got to have Malik Willis. Malik Willis. He's got to be the guy. The emergency quarterback should just be a lottery of all Packers owners. That's something that you get when you buy the piece of fake stock. Yeah. I am a Packers owner, actually. One Green Bay Packers owner or the Green Bay Packers owner is considering bringing in Colin Kaepernick. There it is. Me. You heard it right there. Okay. Should we go to Sunday's games? Sunday's games. Bears 24, Titans 17. Okay.

The Bears are 1-0. They did not score an offensive touchdown. Caleb Williams looked really bad, but the Bears are 1-0, and I don't give a fuck. Well, I do actually care a little bit because I really wish he had played better because he was not good. He was not good. He looked like nothing really worked. The best-case scenario you could say is, oh, Keenan Allen dropped a touchdown. He did. But other than that, the offense was bad. But this is also why I was so excited about this season and why

said over and over that Cale Williams is going into a better situation than any Bears quarterback ever was partially because of the defense. And the defense was awesome. And the defense completely bailed... And special teams bailed the Bears out. And I'm just...

I had the biggest sigh of relief when that game ended because this would have been the longest week of my life if the Bears had lost that game with the way Caleb Williams played and then having to play the Texans on Sunday Night Football. Yeah, Caleb didn't play great, but he also didn't lose the game for you. No, he didn't make any picks. So that's nice because in the past you've played these games where your defense and special teams have played lights out and then you're like, if we just had a guy that wouldn't lose the game for us, we'd be fine. That's what Caleb did today. He did look nervous, especially in the first half. No, he didn't look

good. He said himself, he's like, I played bad. He was like falling away from throwers. He looked uncomfortable and that's probably just nerves. And it's funny because they asked him whether or not he was nervous about week one. And he said, no, I've never been nervous in my entire life. I don't get nervous. I'm just right now feeling like...

I'm very anxious to get out there and play and I don't want to let anybody down. And he just went on to perfectly describe what feeling nervous was. Yeah. But he just didn't say, he's like, I'm not nervous. I'm just very, very worried about not playing well. And he also probably said that he was not nervous because he had never played in an NFL game behind the Bears offensive line. Yeah. There were some plays where, I mean, that one sack he took,

He probably shouldn't have spun three times, but he also, it was over right away. I'm okay when quarterbacks spend three times, but when you spend, you have to actually like move to the side when you spend forward. He was just spinning. Like he was like trying to make himself dizzy. The idea of the spin move is to spin away from something. Yeah, but I'm not, I'm not going to sit here and say, Oh, the offensive line is to blame. The offensive line was bad. And that's a concern for me. It was a concern going into the season. The run game did not look great. It couldn't really get going forward.

Caleb played bad, but the Bears won. And 1-0 is 1-0, and I'm not going to apologize for 1-0. And that defense is so goddamn good. And that's what's making me the most excited. And Caleb will figure it out. So it was 17-0 at halftime, and I was getting very down and going to a dark place. Also, by the way, Vilas Jones just lives to torture me. He...

At some point, a guy just being the fastest guy, you have to have more than that. And unfortunately, the more for Vilas Jones is he also fumbles. So he's the fastest guy but also fumbles. Those are his two defining traits. But that was when it started to get really bad when he just –

That was like a comic book. If you saw the dots, you know, you can watch replay the dots. Uh, they do the graph. He, he kicked the ball forward 20 yards. It was crazy. So, uh, VLS Jones, I really need him to, to not be in my life anymore, but PFD, I have something for you because I was doing this. Uh, when I got really in a dark place, I went and started looking it up. Uh,

Here are the guys who lost their first start in the NFL. Okay. Troy Aikman. Good. Peyton Manning. Good. All guys that were on Mount Rushmore. Yeah. Dan Marino. Yep. Joe Montana. Pretty good. Eli Manning. Yep. Matthew Stafford. These are all future Hall of Famers. Uh-huh. And... Eli Manning, future Hall of Famer? Yeah, Eli Manning will be in the Hall of Famer. Are you kidding me? Who runs the league, dude? Yeah, that's true. I mean, get out of here. Oh, man. Goff just threw a bad pick and the Lions might lose and that will be a bad...

that'll be a sad boy move for me. We have a new stat that's going around though. Now it's not the Peyton Manning interception stat. It's the John Elway first start stat. Yes. I would, he go like two for 10 or something or 11. Yeah. Yeah. And then he got benched immediately after that. That's a good stat. I like, that's a good comforting, nice comforting stat to look at when your quarterback's not playing. It was, it was a bad game. I also have another stat. And again, I'm not going to make excuses for a bad game, but this is, uh, maybe it's preseason. Uh,

Lack of preseason, lack of training camp, whatever you want to call it. Oh, is that pick? Is that going to count? Do you know on Sunday, now the NFL is a passing league. It's a passing league, right? On Sunday, there was only one quarterback who threw for over 300 yards. That's pretty crazy. That is pretty crazy. That was Tua. One of them was just an 80-yard pass to Tyreek Hill to do everything else. And then there was only two quarterbacks that...

Who threw over 250 yards. So the passing was just bad on Sunday overall. There was one, two, three, four, five quarterbacks that threw for 200 to 250 yards. And then everyone else was under 200 yards. And then there was Caleb Williams who had 93 yards. But...

Passing was down overall. Passing was down. Defenses are ahead of offenses in week one. Yeah. I mean, some of these numbers, Justin Herbert threw for 144 yards. Kirk Cousins for 155. So here's... Trevor Lawrence for 162. Here's the stat right here. John Elway's first start. He was one for eight, 14 yards, a pick, four sacks, no rushing yards. But they won. Hall of Fame. But they won. Yeah, I know. He wasn't on my list. Yeah. Yeah. So I...

Wins win. I'm not going to apologize for wins, but God damn it, I'm so happy they won because that would have been a torturous, torturous week of discourse about Caleb Williams because he played bad. Caleb will be better.

He's a good player. I've seen him play better. I've seen him make throws. I know that he's a good quarterback. He'll be better. The defense and the special teams won't need to do as much to help them win. But maybe they will. Maybe they'll do it anyways. Yeah, maybe they'll do it anyways. And Will Levis had a day to forget. Let's just leave it at that because that throw, he did the surrender correctly.

Cobra in mid play Yeah on his knees Yeah he threw that one That was just one too many Like hey I'm just going to try to He was already in trouble Just throw it up there And that was the game right there Because it was the pick six And then our explosive offense got a two point conversion

Will Levis does not give a fuck if he gets hit. No. That dude throws his body. He was in a back brace for half the game. They put the heating pad on over his uniform. Yeah. I don't know if that works. I don't think that it does. No. But yeah, he was getting banged out. Yeah. Unfortunately for Will, that surrender cobra is going to be around for a long time. You knew. It was very tough mid-play. Yeah.

Okay, next game. Bills 34, Cardinals 28. I'll tell you what, the haters had a moment. The haters had a moment because Josh started his season with a fumble in the red zone and the Cardinals were up quickly 17-3. And then Josh Allen was like, oh yeah, I forgot I'm Josh Allen. And six of the next eight drives, they had scores. He had...

Two touchdowns throwing, two touchdowns rushing. He's now tied all time with Steve Young for multiple touchdowns throwing and rushing in a game. That's pretty good. He was jumping over people. He landed on the ball at some point and may have broken his left hand. Yeah. But he was basically like, I don't really care if my left hand is broken. Yeah. I don't throw my left hand. He was awesome after that. The start, I mean, the fumble was like, oh, God, what just happened?

Like red zone, Josh Allen, don't do that. And then he was, yeah, 17 for 22 and 228 yards throwing. He was awesome. He was doing Superman plays. Yeah, the Bills defense didn't look great for the most part. No, they're a work in progress. They're a work in progress. But they are, I feel like we say that every year about the Bills. Yeah. Well, who was on that told us...

It was actually good that they got all their injuries out of the way because last year it was like, oh, they lost Matt Milano in the middle of the season or a couple games in. This year they lost him in training camp, so they already know. This year they didn't even have enough time to get accustomed to having Matt Milano on the defense to feel the impact of losing him. They didn't have Tredavious White as their cornerback and rely on him enough to feel the impact of losing him.

So yeah, that means that the other guys just won't get injured because they've already used up all their injuries on the season. Yes, exactly. It's a good point. It's a good point. And if you're a Bills fan, you're just happy to escape with a win. I saw that they did set up a DUI checkpoint on the way out of the stadium. Oh, man. Directly out of the stadium. They're trying to generate some revenue up in Orchard Park.

That's a tough scene for a lot of Bills fans. That's essentially when they have the videos of the bears, the grizzly bears, and the salmon are all spawning and swimming upstream. They just can put their paw in and they pull out 10 salmon. That's what that was. There will be a Bills fan that goes to court and says that this is entrapment.

Yeah. Like I was at a Bills game. Yeah. And I'm not going to get... It was a Bills home opener. I'm not going to get drunk at a Bills home opener, Your Honor. That was... By the way, the Cardinals, I said it before the season started, but the Cardinals are going to be my official, this is just a fun watch team. Because Kyler looked awesome. Their defense is not great.

They didn't even get Marvin Harrison going. Marvin Harrison was wide open on that one play, though. James Conner is still the angriest, most upright runner that God ever created. And, yeah, I think they're just officially a fun team to watch. They're going to play hard. We know that. They did that last year. They'll knock you around on defense. They'll be physical. And Kyler looked good. Kyler was making a bunch of good plays in the first half at least. He had some jump passes, some weird angles. He was scrambling around, looking real cute out there. I do think he got a little shorter.

It's the white. Okay. The white. The white made him look shorter. Yeah, there was one run where I was like, damn, he's short. Well, you forget how short he is. Yeah. After like nine months of not seeing Kyler Murray ever, now you see him and you're like, holy shit, that dude. He looks like he's 5'5 when he's on the field. Yeah. It's the way that his little head bobbles around. Yeah, and he runs kind of side to side going forward. Yeah, it's like a toddler. Yeah. But good win for the Bills because I know that there was probably some Bills Mafia stuff

that was a little nervous there when it was 17-3. And they're like, what's going on? We also got a kick return.

which was fun because we were promised more kick returns, and we got one. That was cool, especially if you bet the Cardinals like I did. Yeah, it was a fun play. It's fun when it works, when they actually run it out, but in order to make teams stop just trying for touchbacks every time, you get the ball at the 30 now, and a touchback goes out of the back of the end zone, they've got to make it worse. They've got to say you get the ball at the 35 if it goes out of the back. Well, and we also saw more kicks out of bounds

going to the 40 because I feel like kickers are trying to be more precise with it. They're trying to get cute with it. And they fuck it up. The one guy that has the hang of that, B.A. from the Cowboys. Yeah. Well, he is the guy now. He's the new guy. Aubrey is the guy. Yeah. Justin Tucker is no longer the guy.

I mean, we're going to get to the Cowboys game, but that 66-yarder that he nailed, I can't believe they didn't let him try a 71er. 71 would have been fun. Kickers... Are kickers too good? Kickers got really, really good, and we tried to fuck with their psychology by backing up the extra point to make the extra points no longer gimmies, like actually missable, and then they just stepped their game up after that. Kickers...

They're too good. If you look at how good kickers were in the mid to late 90s compared to today, it's unreal how much better they are. And we thought that kickers in the 90s were really, really good because they weren't like the old-fashioned guys that were smoking cigarettes on the sideline, part-time mechanics. They step out there and they toe poke it from the 60s.

but kickers are just really, really good now. And I think it's even bleeding into the college game. I've seen some kickers make 50-plus yarders in the college game, which feels like it never happens. Yeah. I've seen a bunch of them this year. Well, now we've got them going to camps when they're like eight years old. Yeah, and Australia's just pumping them out left and right. Okay, next up, Texans 29, Colts 27.

The 11-year streak continues. So this is officially 11th year the Colts have lost their Week 1 game, which is pretty shocking, pretty crazy. But, I mean, they were in this game.

Anthony Richardson, I guess I would say I see it because how can you not when he had probably the most impressive throw of the day where he slipped and still threw a 60, like recovered and threw a 60 yard dime to Alec Pierce, which went 65 yards in the air. But.

He also only completed nine passes. Did he really? Yeah. Nine for 19 for 212 yards, and he had a 60 and a 54-yard touchdown. Because I was going to say, I distinctly remember another long pass that he completed. Yes. But he's fun. He's really, really fun to watch. I see the vision. I just don't know if it will work. And he did a good job running with the ball, too. Yeah. Still took a lot of hits. I feel like that's just something that he's going to do. If you're a Colts fan, I think you can put away the fantasy of –

we need to have Anthony Richardson learn to take care of his body more. I don't think that's going to happen. I think what you have is an awesome quarterback who's very fun to watch and will put himself in harm's way all the time. Yes. I don't think you're going to change him. I think that's kind of who he is. Yeah. Because they probably spent the last 12 months telling him, hey, we need you to be more careful with your body when you're running with the football. And he's like, no, I got it. I got it. And then he gets out of the football field. He's like, no, fuck everybody.

Yeah. I'm going to run through people. Yeah. I'm going to throw absolute rockets. I'm going to throw bombs. And then I'm only going to complete nine passes. Yeah. I did not know that he only completed nine passes. I want to double check because maybe I have it wrong. I'm pretty sure he went nine for 19, which is a crazy stat line given the two touchdown passes that he threw that were awesome to watch. I mean, that one, two...

I consider myself a doubter of Anthony Richardson, but watching that throw that he made to Alec Pierce, I get it. I get how you can be like, if we can just figure out a way to get this guy to be consistent. Yeah, 9 for 19 for 2012. 9 for 19. If we can find a way to get him to be consistent and make the short passes as well as he makes the long passes, I understand being like, this is worth the project because...

very few guys have what he did on that throw. Yeah, but you know what he is? As someone who's not a fan... Well, I guess technically I kind of am a fan. I'm a season ticket holder for the Colts. But without any real skin in the game, he's a guy that if he's playing on one of the side TVs, I'm going to spend...

a disproportionate amount of my time watching every snap that he takes on offense yes because he's very fun and when he does when he try when he takes off or if he uncorks one it's like you want to watch this guy play live yes the other big story from this game uh is joe mixon is still good he had 159 yards rushing but the bigger story is joe mixon is an absolute psycho he he

Went no gloves. Yeah. Which was maybe the hardest thing you can do as a running back. No gloves. Nick Chubb does that, right? Yeah. Nick Chubb does that. Sometimes he tapes his fingers a little bit. I mean...

I get hurt thinking about that. You get stepped on, you're at the bottom of the pile, you have no gloves. I know the gloves don't stop. If someone steps on you, gloves aren't going to stop it, but it feels like it's going to stop it. You know what I mean? It feels better holding the ball. You get skin-on-skin contact. If you wear a glove, it's like taking a raincoat with a shower. It's very intimidating. What's the guy from the Bengals that does that? Defensive end. He was on the Saints.

Hendrickson. Hendrickson. He also goes no gloves, but on the defensive side. Yes. Maybe crazier. It's just a crazy move no matter what. And I just... Because I know this will make no sense, but I sleep with a shirt on because I always think if an emergency happened, someone shot me, I'd rather have a shirt on.

Not that it would stop it, but it would probably make it feel a little bit better. And then if they take your body out on a stretcher, at least they're like, oh, that guy looks good. He's wearing a shirt. He's got it together. Goff just tried to throw another interception, and it was dropped. What?

We'll get to this game, but that just happened. But yeah, Joe Mixon, gloveless. Gloveless is a good hard as fuck. It's a good look. And CJ Stroud still, still good. Still very, still very, very good. Yeah. But I, the scary thing from watching this game was that like the Texans, if Joe Mixon runs like that, their offense can't be stopped. Yeah. Texans are all in. Yeah. I also, there was a true like wild boys moment between the two coaches because we had the

The Texans, with, I don't know, three minutes left, up two, decided on the fourth and goal on the two-yard line, went for it when they could have kicked a field goal and got up five. They went for it, got it. It was like, holy shit, that was crazy. Like, you go up five there every time so that you can't lose the field goal. And then the Colts did the same thing where they were down nine with, like, a minute and a half left on the fourth and two on the goal line.

And they went for it and got it. Neither one made sense to me, but they both worked. They were just going both fuck it mode. Yeah, because like Shane Steichen, if you don't get that, the game's over. If you get the field goal, I guess I understand. I like going for the touchdown there because you're at what? The four yard line? Yeah, you're going to get the chances of you getting that close. Right. After you, if you get the ball back pretty low. So I like that move. They both were just wild. Then D'Amico Ryan's. Yeah. Like I, I,

I guess do it. I mean, you have CJ Stroud. If you have a play that you love, because the play did work perfectly and it was very open. Yeah. Also, shout out to the Colts fans. When we gave away the tickets for this week, we didn't know if anybody was going to have a Joe Flacco Colts jersey. We thought maybe those wouldn't exist yet. I think we got five or six sent to us. So shout out to EWLs for picking up the Flacco jerseys early. Yeah. It's very impressive. Yeah.

Yeah, this game, I mean, it was a hard-fought game. The Texans are good. They're really, really good. I don't know. I'm going to probably find out how good they are on Sunday night. Well, you remember last year, week one? You remember what game that was for the Texans? It was Texans-Ravens. Yeah. And C.J. Stroud looked bad week one. And everybody was like, no idea if C.J. Stroud is going to be any good at all. Looked like maybe not. And then a lot of things can happen. I say that.

Maybe just because I lost week one and I'm trying to remind myself things can change. Things can change. Things changed a lot for the Texans last year. Yeah. It's actually shocking the Colts. So the only other thing I would say about Anthony Richardson is his boomer bust. The Texans had time possession 40 minutes.

That's a lot of minutes. Double the minutes. 40 minutes to 20 minutes. Maybe some more of those 11 passes that were incomplete. Yeah, but that also is one or two more of those. That's also a compliment to Joe Mixon because they just were able to pound the rock. Are running backs back? They might be. I think running backs might be back. Do you think the Bengals would have kept Joe Mixon if he had said, hey, I'm going to go no gloves next year? Yes. You have to. Because he's a psycho. It's a crazy move.

30 rushes for 159 yards. Yeah. Yeah. Bring back the bell cow. He was a bell cow today. He was a big time bell cow. I love that term. I don't even know what a bell cow is. Hank, what's a bell cow? It's a cow with a bell. Yeah. Why do they say bell cow? Oh, come on. This guy won two bronze medals and we're doing the celebration?

That seems like a lot. Who was that? I don't know. It was a long-distance runner. It was the first time we meddled in that. Oh, yes, that's right. You're right. You're right. Okay, that guy actually is a badass because we don't win...

White American dude isn't known for long distance. He basically won two gold medals. Yeah, he beat the Kenyans. Yeah, you're right. I remember that story, and I was like, how the fuck is he doing this? Okay, good call, memes. Yeah, Hank, what's a bell cow? Why is a bell cow a running back that gets the ball like 40 times? Bell cows pace the herd and model the way to go. Okay, so it's a cow that... Do they have a bell on them?

I think a lot of the cows do because you've got to be able to hear where they're going. Like when they're out in the pastures, you want to be able to bring them back. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I always thought. It's like so you don't lose your cow. But this cow is wearing a bell so the other cows don't lose him. Got it. It's an alpha. It's an alpha cow. But isn't that what the dog is for, the cattle dog is for? It herds them. But I think sometimes you don't need a herding dog.

If you have a strong enough leader. Interesting. If you got a true alpha. Are these correct, Hank? Yeah. These are all correct? Mm-hmm. Okay. All right, should we do next game? Dolphins 20, Jaguars 17. So Tyreek Hill pulled a Scotty Scheffler, got detained, not arrested.

Marlins man quickly texted me and called me to tell me that he wasn't actually arrested. He was just detained. Yep. Shout out Marlins man. He had it first. The police officer is on administrative leave right now. Yep. The one that I guess took him out and took him to the ground. Were any pants harmed? We don't know if the pants were harmed yet. So I'm waiting for all the facts to come out before I comment on that. But it's interesting to notice that on both the morning that Scotty Scheffler was arrested...

and Tyreek Hill was taken out of his car. I know where you're going. Jeff Darlington was the first to report on both of them. That's interesting. I don't know. Big guy, have you seen the movie with Jake Gyllenhaal called Nightcrawler? There's a lot of them. Called Nightcrawler? I have not. Where he's a journalist who always happens to be first on the scene? I've heard about it. Because he's trying to impress Rene Russo?

Yeah. And he crosses some journalistic lines. I'm not saying that Jeff Darlington is calling these arrests in, but I am saying that I might say that if it happens again. I'd agree. No one is more on the scene when an athlete gets arrested mere hours before a game or a golf match. Yeah. It's also impressive how fast Scott Boris got there. Oh, he was. Drew Rosenhaus? I think Drew Rosenhaus came out of the bushes.

And Calais Campbell was also there. He also was detained momentarily trying to break it up. But yeah, it was a very weird start to the day because I don't know how you guys reacted to it. But when I saw that video, I was like, there's no way this is either him or this just happened. And then Schefter was like, yeah, this just happened. I thought it was maybe a collab with I Show Speed, the streamer. How's that guy not pro? I Show Speed? Yeah. Yeah.

He's a freak athlete. He does everything. Everything he does, he's an insane athlete. Why is he not pro in anything? He probably makes more money streaming. Probably. Definitely. But he beats everyone in races.

He's a freak athlete. Jumped over two cars. Yeah. Back to back. Yeah. Pretty impressive. Yeah, it was very strange. But at the same time, if you had asked me which NFL player would I have not been shocked to find out got arrested on the way to the stadium. Correct. Given his past, I probably would have said Tyreek Hill would be one of the first ones. But it seems like maybe he was speeding. You have to be speeding pretty fast in Miami to get arrested. I would imagine his car was probably...

Something that people are like, wow, that's a weird car and it's going really fast. I never understood that when people have not even a Lambo, but one of those weird cars. You remember the three-wheel cars that people have? Oh, yeah.

And then he used to go fast. Cops were like, all right, we're going to take this guy in. They probably just want to look at the car. If he was speeding that fast, though, to get arrested, he should have just kept going into the stadium. Yeah. And then by the time he got to the security guard, they're like, sorry, cops, you can't come in. Yeah, I got a game. Man's going to work. But yeah, Drew Rosenhaus was on the scene. He was on the sidelines immediately being like, my client did nothing wrong. Yeah. And I think he had two or three clients that were at the scene. And he just kept saying, my client showed up and saw that my client had been detained by the police.

And then my client called me, and I told my client, Drew Rosenhaus, he obviously had a lot to deal with this morning, but you know he fucking loves being on TV. He loves being the guy that they go to to ask questions. Yeah, and say my client did nothing wrong. But then Tyreek obviously had the incredible 80-yard touchdown, did the handcuff.

touchdown celebration, which was very cool. He had to do that. This game, though, to me was just the most Jaguars game possible. There was one sequence in particular. Yeah. With the Jaguars. Yeah. And it was a touchdown that turned into, was it an interception? No, it was Travis A.T.N. They were up 17-7, and he was running in basically free for a touchdown to go up 24-7. He got stripped.

They got the... The Dolphins recovered in the end zone. And then the very next play was Tyree Kill's 80-yard touchdown down the sideline. Yeah. And so it went from a 24... A potential 24 walk-in touchdown 24-7 game to a 17-14 game in the matter of like three minutes. And...

And that was it. That was it for the Jaguars. They went turnover on downs, four play and a punt, and a three and out as their last three drives. And that was it. They just Jaguared it. And you said that Tua was the only 300-yard quarterback today? Yes. Which is crazy because Tua didn't look that good. No. No, they looked clunky as an offensive unit. I think there was...

Every team kind of looked clunky as an offensive unit. I think the only team, I don't even know, who looked incredible offensively. The Cowboys looked pretty good. But Dak wasn't lighting it up, lighting it up. Actually, the one team who looked really good offensively. The Bucs. Yeah, the Bucs. Baker looked awesome. The Bucs. I have a feeling. I apologize. No, no, no. I didn't mean to do that. No, we can get to it. I am not going to take any offense at all in saying that the Commander's defense stunk.

Yeah, but yeah, they look clunky. The one thing I did take away, though, that's not fair that the Dolphins decided to do is that A-Chain is now a receiver. Yeah, he's very good at it. He caught seven passes for 76 yards. That's not fair. They shouldn't be allowed to do that. They should be like, hey, you can't be a receiver too, dude. This is just too much speed. So, yeah, I...

The Jaguars are just – I mean, Trevor Lawrence was three for seven for 37 yards in the second half. I don't know what they were doing. I think Chaps told us they threw one pass after Etienne's fumble in the end zone. And it was just so Jaguars. They were scared. It was so Jaguars. They were playing scared out there. Yeah, they even – so the fumble happened.

Then Tyree kills 80-yard touchdown. Then Doug Peterson decided to go for it on fourth and one from his own 30, and he got stuffed. Now the Dolphins missed the field goal, but it was just a horrific, horrific 10 minutes for the Jaguars that buried them. And it feels like it's similar to last year where that one pass that I think it was to Gabe Davis that Trevor Lawrence made in the back of the end zone that was perfectly timed. Those things happen where Trevor Lawrence is the guy.

And then the Jaguars just become the Jaguars again and just fall over themselves. That might have been Brian Thomas. That was the Brian Thomas. Gabe Davis did have a pretty good day today. Yeah. Yeah, tough. It was a perfect pass. Tough. And you're like, oh, man, the anticipation, he just threw it right to where he was going to end up. But, yeah, the Jaguars are the Jaguars. Yeah, the first half, it looked like the Jaguars were going to walk away with it. And it didn't look like it was a competitive game at all. Do you think – I have a question, non-game related –

Mike McDaniel, it's a little too much now with the look. The gold glasses was a little too much. The gold. We knew he was going to do something extra swaggy this year. He has to level up himself every offseason. And this year, it was the glasses. And he's got like a fro going. Like a little mini wavy fro. Yeah. I have no problem with the hair. The glasses was just...

Just wear regular glasses. I don't know. He looks like a Halloween costume, the glasses he's wearing. I had two. I know we talk college football on Wednesdays, which we will, but I had two like, what's going on here? One was Mike McDaniel. The other is the Dylan Rayola thing is creepy. Like, I'm actually creeped out by it, how he's trying to steal Patrick Mahomes life. It's weird. Yeah. Did you watch it at all? It's weird. I don't think it's that weird. You don't?

Not really. I think it's the mannerisms. The jumping up and down before the game is like it's... No, he was doing... The way he was warming up was basically a copycat for Patrick Mahomes, and the hair is exactly the same. It's weird. Well, Mahomes calls him Lil' Cuzzo.

I guess it's not weird if he's calling him Lil' Cuzzo. Also, if you want to be the best quarterback in the world, why not emulate the best quarterback in the world? I'm not saying he's a good quarterback. Nebraska's back. That's certifiably true. I was a little creeped out because it feels like he's trying to steal his identity. That was all. Max, do you agree?

I agree 100%. I think it's very... I don't understand. Every single thing... It's crazy. It's the same number, the same arm sleeve, the same hair. The facial hair's the same? It's weird. It's weird. It's super weird. I'm sorry, but I'm a little weirded out by it. You wouldn't be weirded out if someone did that exact same thing to Tom Brady? No. Really?

Did you watch college football? Yeah. Did you watch the Wisconsin game? I didn't watch the Wisconsin game. I wanted some thoughts on it. The difference is that Mahomes is much, much more animated than Tom Brady. So it's easier to copy him. Tom Brady would just be like not really saying a lot except for let's fucking go and then winning football games. If he did the same Botox, had the same hair.

Yeah. I don't know. I just... Maybe I'm on an island. I'm a little weirded out by it. That's all. Again, he's a great quarterback. I think a lot of people are. I saw the clip. I just saw the clip where he was...

It was like both of them jumping up and down or whatever, like stretching. That just looked like a normal pregame stretch that every quarterback does. I saw the one where he was getting the ball snapped to him and he was pretending to throw it with his left hand that looked exactly like Mahomes. Well, also the whole haircut and the sunglasses and the facial hair.

It looks he's intentionally trying to look like Mahomes. I think he's doing that. So when he sees himself in the mirror, he's like a little kid that is like watching their favorite team on TV. And it's like, yeah, I'm Tom Brady. Like you get the jersey, you put it on and you're like, I can be like that guy. He's doing that for his entire life. Yeah. But also, wouldn't you be mad if you're Matthew Stafford? That's your godson. Yeah. And he's doing it. He's.

He's doing Mahomes. Yeah, I'd be like, come on, man. Why don't you just get some veneers and maybe just grow the beard out a little bit, but not the mustache. Don't you want to look like your godfather? Right. Right. By the way, the Lions are driving, and Jared just missed. Maybe he slips. He slipped. Oh, Jameer Gibbs slipped. They've driven right down the field. Oh, he slipped. That was a walk-in.

Should we just, let's pause for this play and see how it goes. Third and two, 106 left in the game. It's 20 to 17. Rams, Lions are going left to right on the screen. You know how they say that? Left to right across your radio dial. Yeah, radio. That's what they say when you listen to a game on radio. They always give those context because people are listening to this, Hank. They're not watching it.

All right, I'll do a quick ad, and then we can get to the rest of the game. Do we have anything else for Dolphins-Jaguars besides the Jaguars or the Jaguars? I feel for Tyreek Hill. I really do. He said that when he was getting detained, not arrested, that he told the police officers, one day I want to be a police officer. Oh, he's going to do the Shaq thing? Yeah, he's like, I respect you, so please don't arrest me because I want to be one of you one day. Interesting. Tyreek Hill would be a hilarious police officer.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's the solution. Just give him some lights. Drive as fast as you want. And he's got some teal and orange lights going on. Maybe not in Miami because Miami's got a lot going on. But I'm surprised in Green Bay or Cleveland, they don't just give all the players lights on game day. Oh, Pittsburgh. Yeah, Pittsburgh. Just like, hey, Buffalo, just, hey, you got to get to the game.

Hit the lights and get to the game. There's no bigger emergency in Pittsburgh than playing on the Steelers and having to get to the game on time. Yeah.

TJ Watt needs to get on, needs to get to that game. Yeah. All right. The official review. I'll do an ad. Game time. Football season is here and we can't wait to get out to some games this fall with the help of game time. The official ticketing partner, Barstool Sports. You know how much we love game time. Now with their brand new game time picks feature, they're making it even easier to get to a game. Game time picks filters out the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great seats so you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets and

I'm actually going to Wisconsin, Alabama on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to losing by 30. But I use GameTime, and I use the GameTime Picks deal for great seats. So just pull up your chosen event and turn on the GT Picks setting at the top of the screen or browse the best local GameTime Picks deal near you on your GameTime app homepage. What are you waiting for? I'm going to that game on Saturday, and I'm doing it with GameTime. So download the GameTime app today and use code PMT to easily score great deals with new GameTime Picks.

What time is it? Game time. We're also brought to you by our friends at Supercuts. Supercuts knows what you think. It's quick, cheap haircut you can get almost anywhere. Well, you're right about quick, but Supercuts is not that cheap. Not a bargain basement chop shop like some discount options out there. Supercuts just happens to have 2,000 reputable salons available.

full of trained, proficient stylists who give great haircuts at reasonable prices. I'm actually going to go next week. I'm going to get my haircut. Memes is going to take me. Memes is treating me to a haircut at Supercuts next week. In fact, if I were to ask you to imagine a brand that was visited by nearly 25 million people last year with a satisfaction rating of 98%, what brand would come to mind?

With Supercuts? Probably not, but it should. Supercuts is super convenient. Salons let you check in at a time that works for you at supercuts.com or just walk right in. It's your hair. It's your call. Find a salon near you at supercuts.com. Supercuts, real smart hair. Okay, we're back. Third down, 25 seconds left. So they're going to try to, they have two timeouts, so they're going to try to get a first down here, then kick a field goal.

And then we get free football. We got free football, a little free Sunday night football. Just keep it going. Keep this game going until Monday night. Henry. Yes. The New England Patriots are 1-0. Congratulations, Hank. Thank you. What did I tell you? Jacoby Brissett. Yeah. By the way, so Patriots 16, Bengals 10.

Pete Prisco, next time he comes on, we're going to have to have a word with him because Jacoby Brissett has the Patriots to want to know. He said after the game, I think I cried three times before the game. He cried on the way in, and Gerard Mayo was like, why are you crying, man? You're about to win us this game. Jacoby Brissett, big crier. Big crier. I like it. Doesn't matter. Won that game. Uh...

You can know you're allowed to cry before a football game. Oh, before? Yeah, or during the National Anthem. Yeah, this was not if you haven't won a Super Bowl. You can cry not if you're a coach, like no Sean Moreno. Yes. He's allowed to cry if you're a coach of either team. That's too much emotion. Yes, yes. You got to be a leader of men. You can't be crying if you're a coach. Boom.

Before a Super Bowl No Because then everyone would be like Hey remember when you cried And then lost the Super Bowl Yeah and then that gif Is just going to be used Anytime you screw up Yeah And that guy wearing The crazy pants Was in the 500 level That's probably why He was crying Jalen hurts his dick Right this second He probably smelled Max And that's why he cried Yeah Hank Yes

That was, I, the Patriots are going to just do this to teams. They're going to get in rock fights. This was the definition of a rock fight. It was good defense, some special teams, some fumbles, run the ball, rock fight, win it 16-10. Are you feeling good? Yeah. 1-0 club. Yeah, 1-0 club. It's always good to win, you know, didn't have high expectations for the year, but

You go into a Sunday when you're expecting to get blown out and you win. It's fun. Yeah, you guys kept it ugly. And the Bengals did not look sharp at all. This is what they do. Well, what happened was T. Higgins, we thought maybe Jamar wouldn't play. Then Jamar's like, yeah, I'll play. And then T. Higgins isn't playing. Said he got food poisoning. But they never. He probably just had Skyline. They start slow every year. They're 1-5 now in the Joe Burrow era.

week ones. Their one win was the overtime win they had against the Steelers. Remember? Yep. So they don't cover the spread. They don't win week one games. This is what they do. They start slow. It's probably because

your number one and number two receiver were in and out of practice and in and out of training camp. Joe Burrow's coming back from an injury. Christian Gonzalez also played. Yeah, no, and the Patriots are, I think the Patriots are in that category of teams this year that you can't put them in. I know everyone thought they were going to be really, really bad. They're not going to be the Panthers of the world. They're going to win games by just, like, rock fights. And based off of what they said after the game, like,

Mayo's speech was really, really good. It seems like the players are getting up to play for him, which is a good sign. So are you excited? You thinking Yoff's?

I'm not thinking the offs, but I'm infinitely more excited than I was on Saturday. Yeah. Infinitely. Infinitely. Because you weren't that excited on Saturday. No, I'm thinking eight wins. Jacoby might get us eight. Yeah. I mean, what was their season total? Five and a half? I think four. I think it was five. Maybe I took over on five and a half alternate. But yeah, Jacoby is a fine quarterback. Who do you got next week? Seahawks.

Listen, Seahawks offensive line was not looking good. Guess the line. Defense might eat. Oh. Where is it? It's in New England. I'm going to say Seahawks. I think Seahawks are favored. I think Seahawks minus two and a half. I'm going to say three. What is it? That's what it is. What? I don't know which one. I think it's three. I mean, it's close enough. You give us yes to both. Which one is it? 2.75. We're guessing the line on DraftKings. Go ahead. Guess the line.

What's the line? I saw three. Whose line is it anyway is actually the name of the segment. Oh, Stafford almost threw a pick. Three. Three. Three. Okay. Yeah, I mean, pitchers are a live dog as long as they make them a dog. Also, they're going to shorten games. And I know that there was Fumble Luck. By the way, Hank, I know you don't believe in Fumble Luck. I have a stat for you, though. Yes. You ready for it? Mm-hmm. Here's the stat. Fumble Luck stat of the day. Do the sound. The Fumble Luck stat of the day.

There it is. The Cincinnati Bengals last season lost two fumbles. The Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday lost two fumbles.

That was the fumble luck stat of the day. That's a good stat of the day. It's crazy, right? Because that's really what it comes down to is like, do you recover your own fumbles? They led the league last year. They'd only lost two fumbles the entire season. On Sunday, they lost two, especially one going into the end zone.

that's the difference in the game. Fumble luck's not always luck, though. Recovering fumbles. Yeah, but if your offensive linemen are hustling down the field, like that crazy play in the Bears game that bounced off the defender's helmet and then it was caught by Rome and then Rome fumbled the ball and the offensive lineman was down there to block. Yeah, that was nuts. You can make your own fumble luck sometimes. But there's an art to picking up a fumble. And yeah, I don't know if luck happens, but the Patriots,

Listen, they're a salty team. And when I do my power rankings, I'm going to just be like kings of the rock fight. I feel like Ramondre might be in bell cow territory too. Yeah, definitely. 120 yards. 25 carries.

I love that stat line. 25 carries, 120 yards, long of 17. That's just a good old-fashioned bell cow. Now, we love Joe Burrow. He's a friend of the program. And he doesn't have to listen to us. He doesn't have to take any of our advice, whatever. They play the Chiefs next week. If they start 0-2...

Have to, have to go back to the natural hair color. Cut the hair. Have to. Well, the roots are growing out a little bit. I know, but you got to just dye it. That's what I'm saying. I think you can cut it short. Yeah, you have to. You just can't have that as an, you can't be an 0-2 quarterback with the bleach blonde tips. You can't, yeah, you can't do really anything that makes you stand out if you're not good. Yeah. That's the trick. If you're bad, just try to fly under the radar. Yeah. The good news is the Bengals have been here before because they do this every year.

Yeah. Although the one year that they did win their week one game, they went to the Super Bowl. Well, the crazy thing is this is probably the healthiest that Joe Burrow has been in three years to start the season. Yeah. I don't think it's panic for the Bengals, although you'd probably prefer to not start like this every year. Well, also we should say at the start of the game, there were –

I pretty much two touchdowns that the Bengals had taken off the board yeah there was a Mike Gusecki catch that got taken off and then I think they had a fumble deep in the red zone too well that was the that happened after they that wasn't yeah that was just a fumble at the goal line yeah yeah that was just bad so he was kind of holding it weird it was bad I mean fumbles in fumbles and drop passes are bad but it could have been it could have gone the other way yeah uh

Also, Dan Hurley was the ruler of the jungle, and that didn't work out. Do you think it was negated by Joey Chestnut? I was thinking about it more after. I know this is hindsight, but Joey Chestnut basically went into Cincinnati and outfled their citizens. That might have killed the vibes for the Bengals. You beat, what, five of them? Five of them. Yeah, five versus one? Yeah. Yeah, well, of course, Joey Chestnut could go 10 versus one. But if you're someone from Cincinnati and you watch that happen,

That's a brutal feeling. Yeah, it's not good. How did they determine who got to compete with him? I think they just drew out of hat. 50-50 raffle? Yeah. All right, we're going to the coin flip in overtime. Remember when they screwed up the coin flip with the Steelers and the Lions way back in the day? Yep. That was crazy. Jerome Bettis. They said heads and tails, I think. Did you know he played for the Rams? What? Wait, was Jerome Bettis from Detroit? And he played for the Rams? Shut up.

He never played in a Super Bowl in Detroit, did he? Next thing you know, you're going to tell me that Jalen Hurts can squat 500 pounds. We get it. He can, okay? He's really good at squatting. No, I love that. I love the fact that they bring it up four times a game now. He had that one play where he just ran over and they were like, yeah, he can squat three of these defensive backs.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. It was cool. It was cool. So, Hank, not thinking y'all's, but happier and more excited about the future. Let's win some division games. Win some division games. Are you a Mayo boy? Yeah. Yeah. Mayo boys up. Do you want Drake May to play soon? No. At what point, though, if you're – I guess you have to –

There's that weird balance of like if Jacoby Brissett wins enough games, you don't want to make the switch, but then also you wouldn't mind having Drake May come in and get his feet wet with a team that isn't as bad as you thought it would be. But if we're thinking Yoffs, you can't make a switch. It's been really strange this preseason hearing how people are talking about Drake May. They're saying almost universally Drake May is going to be a good quarterback in

He just needs to sit for a year. Yeah. How could you be that certain that he's going to be good if you're also certain that he needs to be sitting right now? It makes no sense. You also, I don't think we talked about Belichick's comments about. Yeah, no, Belichick hates Caleb Williams. He's made it very clear. What are you going to do? And he wants to coach again. Belichick also is like, listen, best coach of all time. Also put his entire reputation with Mac Jones to end his career. So does he know quarterbacks?

I don't know what he said about Caleb. He said, like, oh, he completed half his passes. He's not good. Also, if Bill Belichick is such a great quarterback evaluator, wouldn't he have taken Tom Brady in the fifth round? Fair question. Or the fourth round? Fair question. Maybe the third round? Fair question. Maybe the second round? Yeah, just basically any time someone, including the best coach of all time, comes to Caleb Williams, I have to think of some way to spin it. So I just kept on saying, yeah, well, he drafted Mac Jones. So, pfft.

And he signed the ghost of Cam Newton. Just ignore everything else. Yeah. Yeah. What did you think, Hank? You like that? You want pain for us. I want the Bears to be good. No, I want the Bears to be good. I've said it a million times. I want the city to be buzzing with Bears fever. It is. You don't mean that, though. He doesn't. I do. You say it, but you don't mean it. He doesn't mean it. I absolutely do. What about the Commanders?

He doesn't give a shit. I don't really care about that. What about the Eagles? Eagles I want to lose in as painful fashion as humanly possible. This is what's so painful for me is that at the... I long... I have no beef with Chicago. I long for teams to care about my team one way or the other. And I don't blame them for being like, I don't give a shit about the Commanders. Yeah.

We've been irrelevant. Right. I just want... We were in Philly the other week, and somebody asked me, do you think they're going to get a fuck the commanders chant going? I was like, no. No, they don't give a shit about it. I yearn to be good enough to have the city of Philadelphia hate me. Right. That's my goal. Right. It is a weird thing that in Philly, everyone hates the Giants. Everyone hates the Cowboys. No.

No. And that hurts. That's the, I don't think about you at all. Yeah. And it stings. That's more than anything. I just want to get to the point where I can have enemies again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun to have enemies. It is. You have enemies. You, the enemies aren't, don't reciprocate. I mean, I have a similar, I Packers fans hate bears fans, but, and they hate the bears, but they also just big brother us. Yeah. You're like, yeah, there's paths in the hell. That's nice. You got to know. Oh, you got another quarterback. Yeah.

Speaking of which, we can go to the next one. You basically want to be the Lions. Like the Lions were like that, but now they're getting a little bit, they have a little bit of juice. Yeah, I'm getting close to hating the Lions. I need them to win tonight, but I'm getting close to hating them. I want to be good enough to have people despise me. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaking of a good segue, the Steelers 18, Falcons 10. I didn't bring this up when we were talking about Bears-Titans, but Justin Fields started this game, and Justin Fields and Cale Williams had a combined 20 drives today and zero touchdowns.

Yeah, it was just like it just all stalled out once they got anywhere close. They were just living with field goals today. And Tomlin, Mike Tomlin without a hat on is one of the more shocking things that I've seen in a long time. And it's wild because Tomlin's been coaching in the league for forever. Yeah.

And I feel like we've never seen him without a hat until today. Yeah. And it took my breath away. I was like, who is that? You did. It stopped you to start. We also had... And it was clarified that Russell Wilson was the emergency quarterback, but there was a tweet that went super viral that just...

This is when you know you're kind of down bad because everyone just makes a narrative on you. They're like, Russell Wilson's inactive today and he's dressed in full pads. He was the emergency quarterback. I thought the same thing. I thought he was inactive. But it would be Russell Wilson to do that. Yeah. In fact, I saw Russell on the sideline and I was like, oh, I know he's inactive, but that's not weird for Russell Wilson at all to be wearing pads. Correct. So yeah, he was technically emergency quarterback, so that's why he was in pads today.

By the way, David Montgomery is just a monster. I think this was the perfect game for Russell Wilson because Justin played good enough to get a win, and he did not play good enough to take the starting job from Russell Wilson, who hasn't even had a start yet, but still, he's penciled in there as a starter. But there's...

not going to be any talk this week about like maybe we should just stick with Justin. Yeah, there was nothing that I saw from Justin Fields that said, oh, everything's changed. The only thing that changed for him is he had a defense that could back him up. Yeah, if you were to draw it up, if you were Drew Bledsoe and you saw Tom Brady's first like 16 starts, you want them all to look like this. Yeah.

He did just enough to get, like you said, get him into field goal range. They had six field goals. Our guy, Stat Hole, which you should check out. He has a great blog every week recapping all the stats. Chris Boswell was one yard shy of the all-time record for most yards in field goals in a game. So he had 273 yards of field goals. Jason Myers had 274 a few years ago. But...

But Boswell added a 43-yard punt. So I think he should get the record. All-time kicking record. Yeah. Most yards. Although there's probably someone who had more punts. Yeah. I was punter. Yeah. But...

This was just a field goal game. We also had in this game... T.J. Watt is so good that he confuses the refs. Yeah, so he's not technically off sides, but it looks like he's off sides. He timed it so... He timed a snap so well and then stripped... I think they did it twice. Strip sacked Kirk Cousins, but they called him off sides. And...

He's so good at how he times it, the ref apologized to him afterwards and said he fucked it up. Yeah. Which is nuts. He was getting some crazy jumps. He was always in the backfield. He was everywhere. And every time there's a ball on the ground, TJ Watt is the first person on the field. He sees the ball on the ground before the guy who fumbles. Yeah. It's crazy. He's just always crawling towards the football. Yeah. He played really well today. Kirk Cousins. Mm.

Did not play that. Rusty. Great. Yeah. He looked like he's still recovering from something. Now, Kirk's never been the most mobile guy in the world. Yeah, but... But I've seen him move around a little bit better. And that was a weird Kirk Cousins game because he had, I think, two interceptions. And usually, Kirk Cousins' interceptions are not...

like horrendous he's just careless with the ball he was careless with those he was just kind of throwing it up there as he was getting sacked being like i don't know where this is going nobody is better except will levis had a couple of these today but kirk cousins is very good at throwing intentionally incomplete passes yes kirk is the man throwing it at their feet yeah at their feet it'll bounce like exactly one foot in front of them to the point where their receiver won't even make a play on it but he's not trying to complete the pass at all and it doesn't look like it's intentional

But he's very good at trying to miss passes. But Kirk Cousins did not look good today. The Steelers look like they are the exact same Steelers every single year where they're going to be hard to watch offensively, but their defense is so good they're going to win these games where they're an underdog.

Yeah, one of the most funny plays of the game was George Pickens, who does six insane things every game. Oh, my God. Three of which are insane in terms of, like, body control, and then the other three are insane in terms of, like, clinically mentally insane. Yes. At the end of the first half, he caught a ball on the sidelines. I think at the time that he caught it, there were, like, four seconds left. Yeah. And then he comes down.

tries to cut back and stay inbounds to gain another five meaningless yards at that point, but the clock would have run out. But his toe was on the line. Yes. So they ended up having one second left in the half. Yes. And so unintentionally he did the right thing, which is a big upgrade for George. Huge. You don't have to necessarily try to do the right thing as long as you end up doing the right thing. Right. Right. Sometimes bad intentions can lead to good results. Yeah.

That's what happened. He is so crazy. He's nuts. Also, shout out to Falcons. They used Bijan and Kyle Pitts. Hank, this is actually going to be very painful. The Lions are about to score. David Montgomery is going to score the touchdown.

I let everyone down. I'm out of the pick for next week. We're going to make it a pick three. Think of how electric this moment would be right now. It would have been the most electric moment in PMT history to have David Montgomery hit that parlay for the people. I apologize to everyone. Dalton Kincaid had... That moment would have been so sick. It would have been incredible. We would have been going nuts. In overtime, he just took over.

Dalton Kincaid had a play drawn up for him on the 10-yard line that got tipped at the line of scrimmage that he would have walked in.

I can't believe that. Good pick, Hank. Cal Pitts. Great pick for the three of you. I'm out. So next week, so how we're going to do it is if someone misses, they're out, and we'll make it three to score. So we have a better chance of actually hitting it. What's going to happen when it's not one person that doesn't? We'll just flip a coin. Yeah, yeah. Whoever was closer. I apologize. But my parlay hit. Big cap parlay. So at least maybe people wrote that. That one didn't lose.

Wink. But it didn't lose. But the Lions won 26-20. That was an awesome game. That was a great game. That was an awesome game. Football rocks. What were we talking about? Oh, Steelers-Falcons. Yeah, Steelers-Falcons. Oh, another thing with George Pickens. I actually think that Mike Tomlin likes having those kind of guys on his team. At some point, you have to say, like, we've always said Mike Tomlin's done a great job of managing crazy personalities in the past.

But also lost in that is the fact that Mike Tomlin always has crazy personalities on his team. I think he really enjoys having one guy who's a challenge. Yes. And then he shows the rest of the team, like, I will reach this one guy, and then everyone sees him doing that, and that's how they all follow Mike. Yes, yes. And he is up to the task for it. But, yeah, I walked away from this game being like, the Falcons are going to still be the – I mean, if Kirk Cousins is going to be this rusty, I don't think they're going to bench him, but –

It definitely derails what they expected out of this season if he's going to take a while to get going. They were playing the Steelers who have a very good defense, and if you had to pick one team to go up against...

as a like 35 year old guy who's coming back from Achilles, probably not TJ watt. Yeah. Not a good, not a good idea to do that. And so the whole defense is very good. So we'll, we'll see what happens when they, when they play some different defenses, but the Steelers are the exact same Steelers and I expect them to be the exact same Steelers and they're going to be low scoring games. They're going to win when you think that they're not going to win. They're going to probably lose a couple of games that they should win and they're finished nine eight. I do think that the offense looked better though.

Yeah, it did. Compared to last year. Yeah, Najee ran hard. And George Pickens is awesome. If you can figure out a way to get the ball to George Pickens, he's insane. Yeah, if you can... His hands are insane. His body control is insane. He's so fast. Limit him to just one unsportsmanlike conduct penalty per game. Yeah. And I think you usually win those games. Yeah. I was a little confused. They didn't really run Jalen Warren at all. Yeah, because Najee looked good. Yeah. But it was... I do feel like Jalen Warren gives him...

Another element that just, I don't know. Well, he was a lot better than Najee last year. Yeah. Okay, next up we have Vikings 28, Giants 6. Here is where Giants fans are at. This is from Jones to China, Twitter account. He said, in a serious country, Daniel Jones would be beaten with hammers.

Is that China? He's probably right. Yeah, it's China, the series country. He wasn't great today, Big Cat. I don't think so. The pick six that he threw in the first half, the fans booing the entire organization at halftime. They were wearing the ridiculous throwback jerseys, which you don't wear on week one. The pants, I don't mind the jersey itself. The pants and the helmet are gross. Yeah, they were Michigan's helmets. It's a gross setup, and you don't do that week one.

All fans want on week one, take the family to a game, see the colors that you haven't seen in nine months. Go out there and watch what you know to be your favorite football team in your favorite colors play a football game. Correct. And then you show up to the stadium, and they're wearing the ones that look like something. It looks like a piece of turd that Superman shit out. Right. It's a bad uniform combo. You can sprinkle it in occasionally. Maybe wear them in the preseason. Maybe wear them once a year.

Once you're out of playoff contention, then you can sprinkle those in. But not week one. Right. That's a random Thursday night throwback night in the middle of November. Especially if it's a bad team playing on that Thursday. At least we have new uniforms. Correct. Maybe they're a different team. I also just don't like...

when teams do the throwbacks just to do the throwbacks when their regular jerseys are classics. It's when the Steelers did the Bumblebees. Yeah. What are you doing? The Steelers have incredible jerseys. Why would you do the throwback for that? Well, then you want to also sell more jerseys. Correct. But I just hate it. I don't know. There's some classic jerseys that you just don't need to do throwbacks on. And week one...

And we're talking too much about Jersey. It's Daniel Jones. It's over. It's been over. He's going to cost Brian Dable his job, who I still think is not a bad coach, but I think it's going to cost him his job. You had fans yelling at Daniel Jones going into the game, or was that after the game? I think it was after. Oh, that's even worse. Yeah, I don't think it was going in. Going in would have been mean. Going in would have been mean, but going out is worse in a weird way because you just had...

I mean, that interception he threw to Van Ginkle, what is he doing? Yeah, it was pretty bad. And there were also a lot of bad clips of that front off. Why did they agree to do hard knocks? It makes no sense. That team especially. That was probably Mr. Mera's call. It was probably Mr. Mera trying to generate more revenue for the league as a whole. He's a team player. But the clips that were going around after the Saquon Barkley night were bad, made even worse.

by what happened with Daniel Jones. Yes. And their owner talked about Saquon being like the most popular player by far. Like, I'm going to lose sleep if he goes to the Eagles.

I have no idea why they allowed to make that to television. Yeah. Why didn't, why did you not keep that out? It makes no sense. It makes no sense. Um, but yeah, it's over for Dan Jones and I am on the flip side. I am throwing my vote behind Sam Donald for guy who's going to be better than everyone expected this year. I said it was a loser leaves town game for me personally, whoever played better in this game. I was going to throw all my weight behind. Hey, he's not as bad as everyone thinks he is. So just,

So Daniel Jones, actually, he isn't as bad as everyone thinks he is. He's worse. But Sam Darnold is not as bad as everyone thinks he is. He's better. Yeah, Sam Darnold, late bloomer. Seven-year bump. Late bloomer for him. He looked not bad in this offense. Yeah, he was good. Kevin O'Connell, he knows how to make quarterbacks play good. And two of those reasons are Justin Jefferson, Jordan Addison. Addison got hurt, though, today. So I don't know if he's good. Yeah, I think he got hurt, right? I don't know. He went in hurt. I think he may have left the game hurt. Ugh.

So that's not good for the Vikings But I do think that Sam Darnold played well Yeah By the way, NFC North, tough division Three out of the four teams are 1-0 That's fucking tough Tough Big boy football Which team isn't? The Green Bay Packers But Jordan Love's okay FC is 3-0 Oh, memes Big boy football We're going to get to you, memes But you got a big one

I'm going to do that real quick, that tweet. NFC North has – is NFC North the best division in football? Aaron Jones is good, and I don't know – I'm happy, but I don't know why the Packers got rid of him for Josh Jacobs. I don't either. I don't like the fact that when you saw him score his first touchdown, people were like, wait, that's not James Cook. Wait.

That's not Alexander Madison. Yeah. Wait, that's Aaron Jones. Yeah. Actually... They have a type. When you do the three-way triangle trade, I think the Packers lost all of it because Alexander Madison is on the Raiders, right? Yeah. And he looked not bad. Yep. Scored a touchdown, right? Yep. And Aaron Jones looked good. That's the domino that will be talked about for decades to come in the NFL. Yeah. But yeah, the Giants are just... This is... It's...

Just stop. I guess if you're a Giants fan, at least you know it's so apparent. You can now just watch college football on Saturday and be like, who's our next quarterback? Right? And if you're a Vikings fan, you're like, this year might be okay. Yeah. He might be decent. Sam Darnold might not be bad. Seven-year bump. I would put him as the top backup in the NFL right now. Because he's a starter. Oh, yeah, technically. Yeah. Because I think he outperformed.

Justin Fields, who is the other backup that's a starter. That's right. So I would put him as one. Gardner is still a backup. He is a backup in nature. Gardner is a backup by vibe. Yeah. Yeah. Very much so. All right. Last game of the early window. Saints 47, Panthers 10. If you want to feel really, really dumb as a human being...

Bet on Bryce Young. It's a really good way to humble yourself. I did it, and it was one single pass into the game that I remembered, oh, yeah, this guy stinks, and the Panthers are bad. Yeah, I want very much for Bryce to show glimpses, show flashes, just because I feel terrible for Panthers fans. Yeah. Because your franchise is in the biggest, deepest, darkest hole ever.

And it's going to continue to get deeper because of the pick situation that you guys have. Correct. And you've got the owner that you don't really like. You got just all bad things going on around your organization. So I want Bryce to look like he might give you some hope and, and,

you didn't really get that at all today. He threw a pick on his first throw. And then later on in the first quarter, he got basically tackled by his own lineman. Did you guys see that highlight? That was bad. Uh, his, and when I mean tackled, like the lineman is just, was just standing there being a 300 pound lineman. And Bryce young happened to graze up next to him and fell over. Yeah. Uh, I've,

I'm at the point now where I feel bad for Bryce Young, so I actually looked it up. He's made $25 million. That's good. Yeah. I did that almost as like, I feel so bad, I got to think of something. He made $25 million. Yeah, good for him. I still feel bad for the fans, though. We talk about this, I think, pretty much every year for the worst team, whether or not you're allowed to just change your allegiance as a fan.

I think under certain circumstances you should be allowed to. Yes. I think you should have to pay some sort of penalty. Like if you go to prison for a year, I think you could go to prison and then you could come out and you could say, I'm now a fan of this completely different city. But you have to take on all that city's teams. Yeah, and Bryce Young, like the Panthers, that is prison. That's a year of prison you're going through. Do you think that anybody has moved out or is going to move out of Charlotte?

primarily for the reason that they don't like the Carolina Panthers anymore. They just can't stand David Tepper. I think that might happen. I think you might see a handful of people start to do that right now. I would consider leaving Charlotte. Yeah, you should leave. Just move to Raleigh. Just go to San Diego and be a Harbaugh guy. Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah, just be a Harbaugh guy. But yeah, the...

You really, really feel dumb when you bet on the Panthers. I don't know why I thought maybe we even said it on Friday. They went an entire season without taking a snap leading in the fourth quarter. And then my dumb shit for brains self was like, yeah, you know what? Panthers. Yeah. You tried to outsmart yourself. I mean, that's my whole theory was you can't be as bad as you were last year. No, you can. You ironically outsmarted yourself by trying to outsmart yourself. Correct.

Saints look good, though. Well, Clint Kubiak was on the sidelines. Yep. So mystery solved. Dialing it up. Yeah. Loose lips sink ships, and Dennis Allen knows that you can't be telling tales out of school to the media. Listen, I was not familiar with Dennis Allen's game. It worked. Yeah. Clint Kubiak called a great game.

Yeah. From the sidelines. From the sidelines. Not from the booth. Yeah. And the Panthers didn't know what to do with that. They were looking for him in the wrong places. Derek Carr was good. Derek Carr was good. They fed him like a steady diet of Taysom Hill right off the start. Yeah, Camara, Taysom Hill just run downhill. Rashid Shahid looks super fast. Love saying his name. I don't like his number, though. What is his number? I think it's 22. Okay. It's in the 20s.

A guy like that either should be 11 or maybe like 81, 82 to remind you that he plays wide receiver. I'm trying to think about it. Yeah. I could even use it. I could...

88 I could even do. I think he's too small for an 88. Might be too small. But again, I have no idea what size he actually is because the number 22. I assume if you're wearing 22 that you're prototypical like tailback size. Yeah. That you're 5'11", 227. What's the fattest number? Because I was thinking about it. I think it's the fat guy on the Ravens was wearing 58.

Yeah. Those numbers compressed on a jersey, like when it scrunches up on a fat belly, those look very fat. Well, it matters. 78. 78. It matters what position. Seven is kind of a skinny number. Like five and eight are both fat. Like there was a kicker that was wearing 44 the other day. Yeah. And that to me, I was like, that kicker's fat. But no, he was in good shape. Just 44. That's a fullback number.

90 is usually a pretty fat guy You need an 8 or a 0 Because the circles When they get scrunched up They go wide And they kind of fold into each other 99 is not fat

98 I think more times than often No 99 is one of the fastest Yeah he's fast and he's strong I think 98 is a strong number 96 is a fat guy Big time fat guy 95 also a fat guy 92 that's a fat guy

What were we talking about? Rasheed Shaheed. Oh, awesome name. Awesome name. Actually just bumped out Malik Willis for coolest name. Yeah, but no, Malik is the guy that has such a better sounding name than he is a football player. Correct. Yeah, that's true. He is the answer to that. Yeah, the Saints, I don't know. I'm so mad at myself, too, because I said to myself all offseason, like, Saints might not be as bad as we think. And then I'm like, yeah, you know what? Let me take the Panthers. Derek Carr won me over.

He was a cool guy. Yeah. He's a very cool guy to talk to. He was a lot cooler than I was expecting, and he was in on the joke. So, yeah, I think we're D.C. guys. I like Derek Carr. I like saying D.C. Yeah. Now, we don't know if the Saints are good or if they just had the acute case of playing against the Panthers. Yeah. Let's play a game called When Will the Panthers Get Their First Win? Okay. All right. Here we go.

Week two, Chargers. Nope. No chance. Harbaugh's going to chew them up and spit them out. Did you see Bryce Young at one point? He was down on himself and he went to the sidelines and Dave Canales went over to him and got down on a knee like he was his dad. He's like, come on, slugger. Gave him that nice little pep talk and Bryce just wanted no part of it. None. Week three, at the Raiders.

Maybe. That's a maybe. That's a maybe. That's a maybe. Week four at home against the Bengals. That'll be when the Bengals have figured it all out. Yeah, no. That's not. Week five at the Bears.

If Caleb Williams throws for over 100 yards, I'd say no chance. If he goes under 100 yards, they might have a chance. Now, I don't want it to happen, but for the podcast, it would be pretty good. We do have their second round pick. Week six, Falcons at home. That could be. Yeah, they beat the Falcons last year. In the division. Yeah. Weird stuff happens in the division. Week six.

7 at Commanders. No. Rayshung might go off. No, I don't think so. Okay. They have an easy schedule. Yeah, they did. Well, they were last place team. They were the worst team in the league. That's another thing we're going to have to teach you about. Yeah, another. How they make the schedules because you just never. I thought you just played. You just never. You just never. You just never played different divisions. You never thought about it. It's like the schedule is a schedule. I know you get matched up with a division in their conference. Yeah, you play the fourth division.

Fourth place teams play fourth place teams. If you're Hank, you probably thought that the Patriots were just like, it was like college where you set your own schedule. And the Patriots are like, yeah, we'll beat anybody. It doesn't matter. That's why you guys always played the best teams. If you can see a trend, they're going to be playing the fourth place team from last year in every single conference. So, yeah, they're playing at the Broncos. Saints at the Giants or at home against the Giants. They could have a winning record, yeah. Yeah, they could win some games. Cardinals.

They could win. Yeah, I see a couple potential wins. Yeah, they're going to win a couple games. Okay, PFT, why don't you hit us with a couple ads and we'll get to the afternoon games. Shout out to Saints. They're back. Part of my take is sponsored by BetterHelp. Kids are always learning and growing, but as adults, sometimes we lose that curiosity. What's something that you'd like to learn? Gardening? New language? Maybe how to finally beat your best friend in bowling?

Therapy can help you reconnect with your sense of wonder because your back-to-school era can come at any age. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash PMT today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash PMT.

Part of my take is also brought to you by our great friends over at Mountain Dew, baby. Mountain Dew, you know what we all need? We need to get off our ass. With bold flavors and a refreshing citrus kick, Mountain Dew will get you off your ass, will have you feeling like you're on an actual mountain. I love the Code Red Mountain Dew. I love the Baja Blast, too. Baja Blast, such a treat. Code Red, change the game in sodas. A mountain...

where the weather is always perfect, that's what you get with Mountain Dew. Your friends are ready to hang, and a day of epic proportions awaits. We were at Camp Barstool a couple weeks ago, slugging some Mountain Dews, chugging them, quenching our thirst with the Dew, doing the Dew left and right. The Mountain is calling. You should answer. Grab your friends. Grab an ice-cold Mountain Dew, wherever refreshing beverages are sold, and do the Dew. Okay, Afternoon Games, PFT.

Bucs 37, Commanders 20. The floor is yours. 0-1. Our defense stinks. Yeah. And I don't think it's going to get better. I think we're a bad football team.

And I don't think I was ready for how bad the defense was going to be. But I was, listen, I was so nervous going into this game. I almost couldn't watch. I felt like I was Jaden Daniels' dad on the sidelines. Some are saying you might be a helicopter parent. Maybe, yeah. I'll take that week one. I was nervous. You've got to let the kid fall every now and then. I know. I don't want him to fall. I was scared. I was scared to watch him. I almost, like I wanted the game to be played at noon. I wanted to get out of the way as soon as possible. And then as the games went by, I was just dreading.

I was like, what if something bad happens? I was thinking all the worst thoughts. Jayden looked pretty good, though. I'm happy with how things went. I do need some help, though, because now I've found myself squarely in the crosshairs of being targeted by people saying, nice second overall pick on a running back.

I've been there. I'm going into the Lamar situation. So I'm hoping that you have some advice for me for how to deal with those people. Yeah. One thing that I tried to do was just put out the blind resume for all the rookie quarterbacks making their starts today. And Jaden had a good statistical day. He was not the problem. I would have liked to see that one pass to McLaurin that was deep. I want to see that connect. Outside of that,

The rest of the team, we're just not a good football team. We're not good. We're not really good at anything. Jaden needs to figure out a way to keep his helmet on, though. Yeah. That part is scary to me. His helmet just pops off every two seconds. Yeah, he doesn't really tie it, buckle it in tight, and it was coming off even in pregames, and then every time he would get touched...

It would fly off, which resulted in him getting two penalties that were called because it looked like he got decapitated. Yeah. Because his helmet rolls across the field. Also, before every play, he puts his mouthpiece in, but he puts it in on the side of his mouth and then he chews on it. And we haven't ever said anything bad about any player that just chews on their mouthpiece all game. Correct. Right? Yeah. Okay, good. Just want to make sure. I don't think you have to worry about the running stuff because he's clearly a very good passer.

Like, he is. Yeah, he's a good passer. When you watch him throw the ball, it's fluid. It makes sense. It's not like a Justin Fields. Even Lamar, who...

He's won two MVPs. People calling him Lamar. Great. Two MVPs. I love that. Awesome. Oh, you're saying we have a good running back? That's great. It's been a long time since we had a good running back, too. Yeah. You have Thunder and Lightning. Thunder and Lightning all in one together. And he leads the league in smiles. That's what I like the most. The kid's having fun out there. I thought he looked fine for his first start. I didn't think he looked bad.

He didn't look great, but it's his first start. I thought he looked pretty good overall. When he takes off and runs, nobody's catching him. He's very fast. I like that. Some of the passing was good. Some of the passing wasn't so good. He needs more helmet discipline. And then the rest of the team just stinks. The defense was... Maybe Baker was just playing really well. Oh, Baker was incredible. But there were a lot of open guys.

Baker was incredible. It did feel like every time Baker threw the ball, it was going somewhere for 15 yards. It was going to the right place. For 15 yards. Every single time. Every single time. Every time, 15 yards. I think we forced one punt, and every other drive ended in points. Yeah, he had four touchdowns, Baker. Also, that touchdown pass to Mike Evans was incredible. Yeah. It was more Mike Evans was incredible. He just big-bodied him. I think this might be the last straw for Manuel Forbes, though.

Oh, that's good. I think it might be it. I think we're saying, okay, we'll give you one more chance. And he got binged a couple times today. At some point, you just have to say he can't play. There was a moment where he had a tackle, and you were like, oh, Emmanuel Forbes had a tackle.

And it was a play where it was in the middle of the field. It was like, you want your cornerback covering the guy, not tackling him. But that's progress for Emmanuel Forbes. And then I watched the replay, and I was like, oh, well, he assisted on attack. Right. And he also should have been covering. He also should have been covering. Yeah. Everything was bad on the defense. There were glimpses where it looked kind of cool on offense. But overall, I'm okay with it. We're not going to be a good team this year. I'm not thinking soupy. And you might beat the—

Might beat the Giants next week. That's really the Super Bowl for me. Yeah. If we can go 2-0 against the Giants and beat the Panthers, that's a perfect season, baby. Yeah, I think you're going to beat the Giants. I mean, Jaden Daniels is significantly better than Daniel Jones. Yeah. Yeah, he is. That's not even close. Max, as a division rival, what did you think about Jaden?

I thought I you I was watching that game with you and I was saying good things about Jane Daniels. He's my fantasy quarterback. I was I wanted him to do well and everything you all the positive things that I was saying. You're like you thought that there was some other meaning behind it. Yeah, I thought you were I thought you were to telling me I wasn't I thought there was a there was subcontext to every comment you were making.

No, I think Jane Daniels is good. I think the commanders suck, but I think Jane Daniels is good. You have to realize I had my guard up during that game as the protective father that I felt like in the stands watching. Actually, I felt more like the mom where I was just burying my head in my hands. I was like, I can't watch. Just tell me what happens. So, yes, I was on high alert for that game with a rookie quarterback as I feel like I'm a tough team. CPFT? Yeah, you got to be on high alert. I'm on high alert. And so Max was giving compliments. I was like, Max, shut the fuck up. You were like, he needs to tighten up his chin strap. I was like, you got to tighten up that mouth.

Dude, listen, you got to get on high alert when you have a rookie quarterback. Max, if you spent one second in my mentions for the entirety of the Bears game, they would ban Twitter. They'd be like, this is hate speech everywhere. I said out loud, I was like, I think I might just deactivate. Can I keep my account if I deactivate?

You got to be on a high alert with a rookie quarterback. Yeah, I am. I'm on very high alert. And you know what? Next week, it's a must win. Yeah. The Giants. You got to take care of business. That's huge. Because if we don't beat the Giants, that means that the Giants are better than us. Yeah. And that's not a world I want to live in this season. What was the name of the sideline reporter who was swagged out? That was weird. Laura Oakman. Yeah. What was that? She was rocking a bucket hat and she was wearing a chain. And she looked like when they dress Kirk Cousins up after a game. Yeah.

Is it because Oasis is back? Is that why she's wearing the bucket hat? Is that for Liam? I don't know. English people wear bucket hats. I don't know. She looked like LL Cool J. Yeah. That was a weird look. It was a strange look. I thought that she was doing it because we didn't have the sound on that game. We were listening to Tom Brady. Yeah.

So we were watching that and we're trying to figure out what was going on. I thought she was doing it because there's like a story that maybe Jaden Daniels has a picture I'm unaware of where he's dressed up like that. She was a Steve Buscemi. Hey, what's up, kid? What's that mean? How you doing, kids? How you doing, fellow kids? How you doing, fellow kids? That's what she looked like. Yeah, it was a strange look, but that was the least of my concerns. Yeah.

We're just a bad team And you know what I'm glad that I came to Realization week one I think you're good enough To beat the Eagles At least once And be a pain in the ass To Max I would love that Yeah I do I think that's gonna happen I just want you to hate me I want you to hate me Max Yeah You can't hate me Nah Nah He doesn't even feel anything You'll never do it And that's so It's so painful That you'll never hate me No One day By the way I have breaking moves Breaking moves Breaking moves Uh

Rebecca Romaine has tweeted at us saying message to AWL's Mr. Jerry O.C. is muttering should have picked up Baker instead of Dak. We have no clue what this means, but we are worried this time. It's just a picture of him sitting in a car. Are we worried about Jerry?

Jerry's having big time FOMO on basically any player that does well this week. Yeah, and it doesn't even matter because we're going to win our game. Shout out to Jerry O'Connell and his drafting ability because the AI feature on Yahoo graded him as an A. Yeah. I think they projected we go like 12-4 this season. Yeah. So we did a good job and we're winning week one, but Jerry, he's about that life right now. He's second-guessing everything. I did tell her, and she's probably going to listen to this because she's an AWL now, but...

The only thing that will fix Jerry is four quarters of uninterrupted Monday Night Football. Yeah, just let him watch. Rebecca, if you want to come watch the game with us and just have Jerry chill at home and he gets to tune in all on his own, we'll do that. I feel like we've known you forever. I'll do Jerry such a big favor by inviting you to Chicago to hang out with us for an evening. Yeah, I'm in. Okay, next up, Cowboys 33, Browns 17. Dak got absolutely paid.

A couple hours before the season started, you got $240 million, 231 guaranteed for your contract. So much for turning up the heat, Jerry Jones. He did have a great quote, though. He said, I hope Dak is our quarterback for the rest of my life. Whoa.

Yeah. Four years. Yeah. Well, no, then he said, and that's not just limited to the terms of this contract. Oh, that's smart. But it sounds like it certainly is. Also, genius, genius move by Jerry Jones because you could say, oh my God, you're overpaying for Dak Prescott, but you waited a couple hours before you played a game against the worst quarterback contract of all time in Deshaun Watson because that really was like...

Think about it. Dak signed this four-year, $240 million contract, and Deshaun's contract was the entire talk online during that game because it is the worst contract ever. It's impossible to beat. Maybe not even the worst NFL contract ever. Maybe not even the worst sports contract ever.

Deshaun Watson might have the worst contract ever. We got to look it up. Louisiana Purchase. I feel like we got that for a couple of nickels. We fleeced. Yeah. We got them. Maybe White Star Cruise Lines to build the Titanic. Yeah. Pretty bad contract. And then it's Deshaun Watson. Deshaun Watson, close second. It's...

He has $230 million guaranteed. I actually think that Deshaun Watson is so bad at football now that he hates football that he's just going to pretend to be injured because he's like, what do I care? Yes, you're exactly right. When he's playing, he hates being out on the field. Can't stand being out on the field. He looks like he'd rather be anywhere else. He doesn't want to talk to anybody. Doesn't want to talk to his teammates. Doesn't want to talk to his coaches. He is looking forward to getting hit hard enough

to make it convincing that he's hurt where he can't play. He's going to have an elbow injury coming up. Yeah. I guarantee it. The other shoulder. Yeah. So I thought of this independent of – I guess someone tweeted this at Memes and Max, but Deshaun Watson is so bad at football now, I think you could say that he's a better person than a football player. I think – He's so bad at football –

And he's a bad person? I would say as good as he is at quarterback, even better human being. Yeah, that's how bad he is at football now. He's a better human than football player. Yeah. Because he's so bad at football. That's a great spin zone. Yeah. He's somehow reversed it. It's close. It is close. It's a race to the bottom. It's week to week. Mincy asked if he can even show his face in Cleveland after this. I was like, I think that's the only part of his body he is allowed to show. Correct. He's...

I mean, it's nuts how bad he is. And he's just, it's abysmal to watch. He looks like a backup that should never be playing a game, playing a game. He was throwing the ball six yards out of bounds on almost every throw. Every time I watched him hurl a pass downfield. And we had Tom Brady in the booth commentating on it.

What do you think, Tom Brady? How do you think if you were to give him like a letter grade, Tom Brady did week one? I can't say that I listened enough. I would say that his voice is going to take some getting used to. It's a little whiny. Yeah, but he'll get comfortable. I'll give it a B. Yeah? Here's what I'll say. He needs a couple reps. Similar, Tom Brady, similar to, if you're listening to this,

Please come on the show. We'd love to have you on the show. We can give you some tips. Similar to Dak Prescott playing a game against Deshaun Watson and immediately his contract looks like a discount, Tom Brady, you need to just retweet every clip you can find of Nebraska-Colorado on Saturday night because that was tough for Colt McCoy.

Well, it was tough for Colt. It was tough for the refs too. Yeah. It was tough for the whole operation. The whole operation. It was bad. And I like Colt and I hope he turns around. It wasn't his best. The first game is there's jitters. You know what? Here's another spin zone for Tom Brady. You don't want to be Tony Romo that everyone sucks off in the first game and then everyone's like, wait, this guy's actually annoying. Tom Brady wasn't annoying. He

He just has work to do. He had a little bit of jitters. He also was, he was a little bit nervous going into it. The first couple of times the cameras on them, a couple of missteps here and there. I actually, I, I feel like it's when I'm watching Tom Brady and he's on TV announcing a football game, I feel like that's beneath him to do that. Yeah. I feel like Tom should be just like sitting in some high rise apartment somewhere with like absolutely no fabric anywhere in the room. Just all marble.

and granite, and he's there watching a glamorous TV with a glass of red wine. Tom Brady doesn't need to be in Cleveland, Ohio, talking to me about Deshaun Watson. He stayed at a hotel in Cleveland last night. Yeah, see, that's what I'm saying. That kind of ruins the image of Tom Brady for me. Yeah, he should be on a beach. He's too good to be telling me about crummy football. Also, Tom Brady, come on the show, because until you come on the show, we'll just say Greg Olson is better, because Greg Olson's a good friend of ours.

Yeah, well he is better But that's because Greg Olsen has been doing it for a couple years And he's a natural That's true, I don't think he was Tom Brady is not a natural He will though work harder than anyone, right Hank? The commercial hyping up Tom Brady was weird It was great It was a little weird It was strange Really well done

It was a little weird for an announcer. That's all. Oh, it's Tom Brady. I understand. And he will get better because it is Tom Brady. That's what he does. He's going to just end up being somehow the best announcer because he's just going to work harder than everyone else.

What I didn't like about Tom today is that he was announcing the Deshaun Watson game and he, this is not his fault, but that's a game where you want the announcers to be a little bit more mean. You know, you want the announcers to like call out when you see quarterback playing like dog shit.

and talk about the contract and be like, what is even going on? They missed Joe Flacco. Jameis Winston is waiting right there. You want to announce that it's not afraid to just step in the mud a little bit. And for Tom's first game, he was definitely not going to do that. Well, it probably was so...

Tom Brady doesn't even understand how someone could do the things that Sean Watson was doing. Yeah, he can't analyze that. He can't. It doesn't make sense to him. Well, he could analyze some of the stuff if he thought about some of the things Robert Kraft has been doing. So you'd be? I didn't listen enough. I was taking notes. I was also flipping around to different games. So I didn't listen enough.

B. That's the only thing with the... I would like to get a Sunday night or Monday. It won't happen because they have the afternoon game. Sunday or Monday to really... That's when you can really see what this announcer is, what they're made of. So I listened to a lot of it. I think that people are not going to be happy with Tom Brady. Got it. I think that they'll say Greg Olson's better. But again, this is the first rep Tom has had. And he'll get better. What do you think, Max? What are you going to say? Johnny Fanta? Yeah.

Oh, yes. Oh, I forgot. We got to play this video. So Johnny Fanta, our guy, Johnny Fanta. This is how bad the Browns are. This is how bad Deshaun Watson is. Cleveland, the Cleveland Browns organization has officially ticked Johnny Fanta off. Ticked? Ticked. He is ticked off, PFT. He is ticked off. Can you pull it up? It's a TV that looks like it's in a... That's Lake Erie. Oh, yeah, that is Lake Erie. This is...

This is as mad as you can get Johnny Fanta. And again, he was ticked off. I have it here. I have it up here. Okay. Do you want to watch it? No, just listen to it. Yeah, we can listen to it. You ready for this? Yep. The only thing that's nice right now is the sun that's shining. It shouldn't be. That was utterly embarrassing, pathetic, disgraceful, shameful. You gave that guy under center $230 million fully guaranteed.

230 million dollars fully guaranteed he's not great he's not good he's not even average right now i put him on par with bryce young or daniel jones he can go stand in line with them rip the band-aid off before it's too late because the rest of that locker room knows it deshaun watson's done

That first half against Dallas was an utter joke. I'm tired of hearing about rust. I'm tired of hearing excuses. I'm tired of hearing that the two-time NFL coach of the year, it's all his fault. Folks, he can't play. It ain't happening. Except reality. I'm ticked. Oh, ticked.

I'm ticked. He's ticked. Did you watch the video? No, but it sounds like he's almost PO'd. Because you didn't get to see it? This is what he looked like when he was doing it. Yeah. That's a ticked man. His full Browns gear. He's ticked. His big ticked energy. Folks, I'm ticked. Yeah, this is not good for the Cleveland Browns. No, they lost Johnny Fanta. And if you're a Browns fan, it's so depressing to watch that and to think about the money that you're paying them. And if Kevin Stefanski has an honest conversation with him and is like, hey, would you just rather not play –

Right. And still get the money, Deshaun Watson would definitely say yes. Yeah, 100%. Look at that face. Johnny Fanta. He's peeved. He's ticked. He's ticked off. He's right, though. Deshaun Watson is on par with those guys. Go stand in line with him. Go stand in line with him. It's a sad line. He is so bad. And, yeah, it was painful to watch. It was painful, painful to watch. Especially with Jameis just on the sidelines, ready to go.

He's ready. He also, Johnny Fanta brought up a good point in that video. No one, and I know there's been injuries.

And there was a year out and all that stuff. But no one has had the benefit of, oh, he's got rust more than Deshaun Watson. Yeah, well... He's been rusty for four years. He was rusty for being under investigation. Yeah. And then he was rusty from... Demanding a trade. Demanding a trade. Then he was rusty from an injury. Yeah. And then he was rusty from another injury. Everyone's like, oh, he's only played a few games in the last four years. Well, that's his fault and...

It doesn't matter. He stinks. If you were Deshaun Watson, they just said, hey, if you don't play for the rest of the season, just hang out. We won't even activate you on set. What do you do? Yeah. What would you do if you were Deshaun? Would you just probably move out of the country? Yeah. I would. Isn't he tight with Saudi Arabia? Remember there was that picture of him hanging out with the Sheiks? Yeah. Yeah. Go overseas. He's already there. Look at that. Just play the end again. I'm ticked because they can actually see it. I mean, he's the best. Johnny Fanta. Play. Play.

It ain't happening except reality. I'm ticked. It's seriously like if I was, if I was Jimmy Haslam's assistant, I would, I would hurt Harley run into the suite and just be like, sir,

We've lost Johnny Fanta. And that would be the moment where you have to change everything. This is it. And before the game, you had Miles Garrett going to the Muni lot and hanging out with those people there, getting all amped up. I know. You wanted it to be so great. And then the Cowboys. It makes it so much worse that it was the Cowboys and it was the national game. Now you're embarrassed too. Yeah. If you're a Cowboys fan, you're very, very happy with how today went. Yeah. I mean, the Cowboys look good. I think the Cowboys are also one of those teams that they were –

People have been so, I don't know, like, oh, every year's the same. They're really good in the regular season. They don't do anything in the playoffs. They might have gotten a little underrated going into this season. They were two and a half point dogs in this game. Yeah, that was weird. That's a crazy line looking back. Yes, that's weird. We're going to look back at the end of the season when the Cowboys have 11-12 wins and the Browns...

have a $230 million quarterback that they can't even play and be like, what was that line? Also, the offensive line did not look as good in Cleveland. No. Maybe that's a Callahan. They have, yeah, and they've been moving parts around and everything, yeah. Okay, last two. Chargers, Raiders. Chargers, 22. Raiders, 10.

This is just Harbaugh. This is Harbaugh through and through. I don't know. Can you pull up the Harbaugh got a game ball? Pull up my quote sheet of it because it's just Harbaugh. That team, this is what we knew when we went to L.A. and we saw him in his element. They are going to be, don't bet against them. That's what he said to us. He's like, I don't know if you'd bet on us, but it wouldn't bet against us. Play the sound for this. This is Harbaugh getting a game ball from the owner after the game.

He's just freaking out, screaming so happy. He's got him juiced up. They were fighting in the end zone. Yeah, he cares so much about that ball, too. I guarantee you he takes very good care of every game ball that he gets. It all means something to him.

The fight in the end zone, that's when you knew that Harbaugh was in his element. This team is not that talented, but he's going to get them to believe that they can win any game, and they will win a couple games because of that. It was just great to see him back out there. The one thing I would say about the Chargers, they've got to get ironed out. Harbaugh went up to Herbert before the game to do his patented, he hits his quarterback on the top of the pads, on the side of the pads, and on the back. Herbert thought he was going in for a hug.

and he went to hug him. Harbaugh's not a hugger. Yeah, he's not a hugger. The way he hugs is by trying to wrestle you. Yeah, right, wrestle you to the ground. It's really competitive hugging. We also had an all-time Harbaugh before the game. He announced the Chargers changed the number of 6'4", 296-pound defensive tackle Scott Matlock this past week from No. 99 to No. 44.

and now list them as their starting fullback. And Matlock is expected to play both ways in Sunday's regular season opener versus the Raiders. And Harbaugh said that Matlock is in such good condition he could play a doubleheader if needed. I love that. If there was a third way to play football, he would be on that team too. Like a special team that was not offense or defense. We'd put him out there too. Even if he doesn't use them there, that's just a vibes thing. We made our defensive...

our nose tackle our fullback. Well, he took the most intimidating looking guy and he just said, we're going to have this man on our football field as often as possible because he looks like a character from Game of Thrones. Yeah. It's so, yeah, I'm buying on the, on the Chargers, uh,

Just because of Harbaugh. This is why I wanted him for the Bears. It's tough to beat Jim Harbaugh on 3,000 days rest from the NFL. Yeah. And he's 5-0 in season openers as a head coach in the NFL. The Colts need to get him. Yep. Colts should actually offer him like a billion dollars just for week one. Should we... Now, we like Antonio Piercy also as a friend, but should we talk real quick about the punt? Yeah, the punt. It was an interesting punt. You wanted to pin him deep, Big Cat. Yeah, so in the fourth quarter...

It was a 16-10 game, and the Raiders had fourth and one at the Chargers 43. Yep. And they punted. And I read that that was the first punt in your opponent's territory when you're trailing by that much in the fourth quarter since I think it was Rex Ryan. StatHole sent it to me. I'm going to try to find it. Excuse me. I think it was, yeah, it was Rex Ryan.

Back when he was coaching, I think the Bills. Yeah, it was very bad. It was very bad. No, it was the Browns at the Colts at the 41-yard line week 7, 2012. They would also lose that game. Only team on record to punt well. Down one score, fourth and one, less than eight minutes left. It was a very bad punt. It was a very bad punt. And his logic was we want to pin them deep and then our defense will make a stop.

But the defense didn't make a stop. They went on a 92-yard drive to score a touchdown and win the game. Yeah. So not a great start for the Raiders, but Harbaugh. Harbaugh. Harbaugh's back in the NFL. And it's good for everybody. It really, really is. We also had, speaking of stat, he did send me a great stat. So Alexander Madison scored a touchdown on his first reception for the Raiders. Mm-hmm.

and Josh Jacobs had 197 receptions as a Raider and never scored a touchdown receiving. Pretty crazy. Yeah. You just saw that, and the new guy shows up, first catch, touchdown. Yeah. Ladd McConkie also had a touchdown today where he did the double O.L.A. at the goal line, and he looks like he—well, the Chargers are—how should we say this? Limited in terms of what they can do at wide receiver, but Ladd seems like he might be a good hardball guy. Yes. Oh, big time. They're going to feed him.

Okay. And then we also had a shitload of fights after the game. Did you guys see some of those fights? Yeah, the fights were good. Yeah, they were good fights in terms of Raiders, Chargers. I mean, those two teams, they know when they're going to submit a fight video, it has to be high quality. It has to have at least one knockout. It has to have a moment where there's...

all ages and sexes fighting. Like you have to, you can't just have a routine to drunk guys fighting. It is weird to see a chargers team and a chargers fan base wearing, you know, they're nice docile color, blue uniforms. Uh,

engaging in physical combat. It's more of a chill vibe, but with Harbaugh, he's even making the fan base more physical. Yeah, I mean, the San Diego those days, they had to fight Raiders fans. That's just what happened. The human body craves contact if you're a fan. All right, last game from the afternoon, Seattle 26, Denver 20. What a weird start to the game. The Broncos got two safeties on the Seahawks.

They were up 9-8 at one point? Or no, they were up... Yeah. I think they were up 9-8. No, they were down 9-8. Maybe there might have been... Yeah, because was there a 10-9...

score at some point everybody was like oh this is a normal score there was an 8-3 then a 9-8 then the Seahawks when they scored a touchdown they didn't get their two points so it stayed 9-8 for a little bit then I think it was 13 it was 12-9 or something it was a crazy game yeah the first half was nuts I think the record for safeties in an NFL game is 3 it's 3 and so we had 2 in the first half then it looked like

They were going to get a third safety. The Broncos pinned it deep again, and they were running plays out of their end zone again, barely got out. I was hoping for a third safety at that point. And I will say once again, the safety in the NFL should be worth more than two points. Yes. Two points is not a big enough reward for how hard it is to get a safety. Yeah. It should be four points, five points, one of those two, or maybe the other team just gets the ball on the one-yard line if there's a safety. Yeah.

So the score was at one point 10-9. There was one touchdown scored and two safeties, and the rest was field goals. And the team with 10 didn't have the touchdown, I don't think. Yeah, no, they didn't. Yeah, that's what was weird. It was like a 10-9 score, which it doesn't look weird on the scoreboard. Right. And you break it down, and you're like, what the fuck happened here? Huh? This is crazy football. Speaking of crazy football, Bo Nix, huh?

Bo Nix, I don't say this lightly. Feel free to disagree, Big Cap. Okay. Bo Nix might be the heir apparent to Jameis.

Yeah, he is a little bit loose with it. He's one of the funnier on-field quarterbacks because everything that he does, he does with supreme confidence. Oh, yeah, always. It's Bo Nix. And when he throws interception, he throws the fuck out of the interception. If you have made plays, like if you followed Bo Nix in his college career, for anyone who's listening who's just an NFL fan,

the way Bo Nix became Bo Nix is not what we saw last year at Oregon. It was the games he played at Auburn where it would be like 1030 at night and Bo Nix would just be making insane throws that had no, no quarterback should throw and they would work and

And so he's still got that in him. And, yeah, you're right. He might be the heir apparent. We'll see. I'm just putting the tickler out there. We can remind ourselves of this a little bit, see how it shakes out. But, yeah, when he makes a great play, it's electric. And when he throws interception, it's like there's nobody within 20 yards of the linebacker he just threw the interception to. He throws across his body, off platform. It's the bowler coaster. Yeah. He is...

When he's at his best, he's very, very good. And when he's at his worst, he's very, very bad. And they asked Sean Payton about it after the game, and he said that everyone else around Bo Nix needs to play better. Oh, so we got some favorite son shit going on. We got some favorite son. Sean Sanders talking about his son as the starting quarterback. Big Cat, who...

Who would be responsible for making everyone on the team play better? Would there be somebody that has that job title? Yeah, that would be the head coach. I think that might be the head coach. I should have gone with Deion Payton there. Sean Sanders. People are like, what are you talking about? Yeah, Deion Payton. He's pretty good. Yeah, you're right, PFT. I would say the head coach. Yeah, the head coach would probably do that. Sean Payton, I think he's probably going to.

He's going to do the opposite of what he did with Russell Wilson last year. Yeah. He's throwing everybody else under the bus. Yeah. Well, not everyone else saw what was in Bo Nix's backpack. Yeah, that's true. Listen, as someone who watched a bad...

quarterback performance today. I'm still, I'm grading all the rookie quarterbacks, especially on the road. Like that was a tough place to play. You know what? He's a gunslinger. Yeah. That's a bone X is for sure. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, the, uh, I love the sea Seahawks. That's a great throwback. Awesome. Throwback. Those are great throwback. Yep. That should be there. Giants. That should be their everyday uniform. Agreed. I love it. Agreed. Uh, okay. Shoot. We should talk about Rams lions real quick. Uh, that was a thrilling game.

the Lions are 1-0 winning overtime I have to look it up because this is just off the top of my head I'm going to guess Cooper Cup had probably like 15 catches he had 14 he was dominating that was that one drive where he just kept on feeding him I think the Rams are going to be just fine the Lions are very good and if they don't you know that one interception Goff had they could have won that in regulation but

But those are two very good teams in my mind. I'm going to say moral victory for the Rams. Except for the Puka injury. Hopefully he's okay. Yeah, so we don't know how long he's going to be out for. But if you're a Rams fan, you can look at this game and be like, okay, we're still going to be good. Maybe based on what we saw in the playoffs last year, maybe slightly better than last year. Yeah. I mean, Cooper Cup, that was...

It was an insane 14 catches, 110 yards. And then if you're the Lions fan, David Montgomery is an absolute monster. He took over that entire overtime. And then Jamison Williams, maybe his arrival. I know he's had some flashes, but this felt like his arrival with 121 yards. Yeah, and he caught a nice long pass too. He's so fast when he gets going in the open field. I think addition by subtraction by missing Josh Reynolds. Yeah, I'd agree. I'd agree.

All right, so we should do a little Monday night preview before we do who's back. Let me do a rowback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code TAKE. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, rowback, promo code TAKE. Memes, rowback question. Yes. Are you ready to join the 1-0 crew? I'm very excited to watch the New York Jets play football on Monday night. Okay. Okay.

How are you feeling about the game? Do you think that they're going to win the game? I am very nervous. I just want to watch Aaron Rodgers play a full game. In terms of winning, I'm not guaranteeing anything. You're not guaranteeing anything besides... Besides they're going to play extremely hard.

Extremely hard. Extremely hard. And if Rodgers gets hurt, you're going to do a suicide bombing. That's facts. Five snaps and a season-ending injury, yes. So if it happens in six, you're not? No, I'll probably just quit. What about four? Four he has to. Yeah, anything under five. Anything under five.

Remember that awkward question you asked him? Yeah. Oh, come on. I mean, it was bad. All right, memes, you got to give us a... So DraftKings is doing a NFL no-sweat touchdown bet for all customers. Opt in, get your no-sweat token and place an NFL touchdown bet. If your touchdown bet doesn't hit, you'll get it back as a bonus bet. So download the DraftKings Sportsbook app, use code TAKE. That's code TAKE to get you a no-sweat token tonight. Give us a first touchdown score. PFT, you and I have to find a combined score.

Touchdown score So like McCaffrey and Debo To have two touchdowns First touchdown? Yeah Come on I'll go Brees Hall Brees Hall He just breaks one Goes all the way

Okay. It's going to be my pick. We could do Brees Hall and Christian McCaffrey plus 140. I kind of like that. And it's also, the nice thing about that is if Brees Hall scores two touchdowns, Christian McCaffrey scores zero, we still win. We still win that one, yeah. So that might be the pick. I like that one a lot. Yeah. You got to do running backs then, yeah. What about Kittle? Kittle. We could get Kittle. For the people. Brees Hall and George Kittle plus 280. I love that. For the people? For the people. I like that. Kittle will make it happen. Kittle will make it happen.

21 and over.

Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Opt in each week to get one No Sweat for each game day. No Sweat bonus bet issued based on amounts of losing qualifying bet. Max reward varies. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms or responsible gaming resources, see DKNG.co slash FTBall. I'm going to bet the Jets too. I'm extremely nervous. I started getting nervous at around 4 o'clock today.

Calm down a little bit, but now I'm full back. I'm nervous, but I'm very excited to watch him play. How did Mr. Pear do this weekend? I believe... What was the Rams line? He would cover if he picked the Lions. I think he picked the Rams, and then he picked the Eagles. Okay, so he's 1-2. Is he going to pick... Are you going to release a play for Monday Night Football? Yep. Okay, and no funny business? No funny business. No funny business, because you know this turtle is your turtle. Yeah. Okay.

No funny business. I promise, no funny business. No funny business. I promise. Sounds like there's going to be funny business. I promise. No funny business. If he picks the 49ers, you're going to air that. Yep. Okay. Sounds like there's going to be funny business. But Mr. Perr loves you, so you can't stand on the side of the Jets and have him come to you. That's true. No funny business. I'll do sure enough. All right. Should we wrap up with who's back of the week? Hank, are you okay? Yeah. You sure? Yeah. Hank, did you like watching the game today? Yeah.

Well, it was on the small TV, so it was kind of hard to see. We had the Patriots game on a quad box, so I could barely watch. Yeah, that was tough when I had to break to you because there's seven TVs, eight games, so that's where we had it. Memes just keeps cutting to Hank during this, in the middle of this. What a dick. He's out to get you. Hollywood memes. That's fucked up. Hollywood memes. That's fucked up. Hollywood memes.

Yeah, I thought you'd be a little more excited to be 1-0. I mean, I guess this is just the difference. I'm so excited to be 1-0. Today was awesome. Yeah, I think Hank cares about just being a winner. Yeah. You are a winner for this day. I said I'm infinitely more excited for the rest of the season than before. Okay, yeah, that's true. Wait, what's infinity times zero? Oh, yeah. I think that's still zero.

Well, I was at a one. Yeah. Okay. So you are infinity. You're infinity excited. Nice. Okay. You couldn't possibly be more excited. That's huge. This is what you look like. It's hot as fuck in here. It is hot as fuck in here. It is almost midnight. I agree with all those statements. And you, did you know Hank almost got a home run yesterday? How close? Six inches. Oh, damn. Call that two penises. Was it on camera?

No. That would have been tough. Wait a minute. You parred? No. It's a joke. It's a golf joke. Sorry. You wouldn't understand. You're a betting guy, not a golf guy. I don't give a shit about the camera thing. I'm not going to film myself hitting up every time I hit a par three. But if you had come in here and you beat your chest and you were like, I got a hole in one today and there was no video of it, that would have been tough. Would it have? I actually think, weirdly, I would believe it more if there was no video of it.

Yeah, like I don't like I that's one of those things people can say whatever they want to say. I mean, yeah, it happened even with Jake's on camera. People said it. Well, that was fake, right? Like people would say that I wouldn't care. Like I would know, you know, I think getting it. I think almost keeping it to yourself, not keeping it yourself. Yeah, I would tell you. Yeah, that would have been sick if you got it. Yeah, that would rock for a shot.

What would be your first shot? I don't know. Maybe it was a breakfast ball. No. That's the worst, right? That would be a nightmare. Like, that would be... Because I take so many shots off the tee boxes. Like, that...

I think someday in my life I might get a hole-in-one, but it will 100% be a second shot. Like if you hit your first shot into the water, and instead of going to the drop zone, you just hit from the tee on the second one that goes in. I'd be pissed off. Yeah, that's how it's going to happen for me. Or by yourself. Doing it by yourself would be traumatic. Yeah, I would never golf by myself, so that's not a problem. Yeah, you have a problem if you're drinking alone or golfing alone. Problem.

Now, if you're drinking while golfing alone, that's cool. Two negatives make it possible. Yeah, that's an awesome time. All right, here's our last ad before we do Who's Back of the Week. Great talk football with the boys. It is. Before we get to Who's Back of the Week, it's brought to you by our great friends over at Coors Light. The mountains are blue. We got some Coors Lights right here on the desk. They look crispy. Some crispy boys.

adorning the part of my take studio right now. And if you were watching football this weekend, I hope you were drinking Coors Light. The mountains turn blue when the beer is cold. And on college football Saturdays, it's never short on intrigue, especially when there's some iconic rivalry games going on out there. But you can add to the excitement on Saturdays with Coors Light. They teamed up with the DraftKings for the free-to-play college football pick-em pools where you pick winners for a chance to win big. When rivalries heat up, it's time to choose chill

Then reach for an ice cold Coors Light when you're looking to keep it chill. There's only one beer to choose. That's Coors Light. The mountains on the bottles and cans even turn blue when your beer is cold. Coors Light is mountain cold refreshment. Coors Light is cold lager, cold filtered, cold packaged beer.

Coors Light is the absolute best. I love drinking Coors Light. When the college football rivalries that you're watching heat up, choose chill with Coors Light and DraftKings. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash take. 21 and over eligibility restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. See terms at DraftKings.com slash Coors Light. Pick them. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Okay, who's back the week? Hank.

Who's back of the week is Kendrick Lamar. Yeah. He was announced to be doing the Super Bowl halftime show. I mean, that's what is Drake's reaction when he sees this news? He can't be happy. It is weird. I think the next two Super Bowls are in L.A. or the next Super Bowl after this. New Orleans. And then... Is it... I know this one's New Orleans, but I think, I believe the next one... They're going back to L.A.? Yeah. I believe...

I don't think so. Miami, man. Santa Clara. Feels like it's been a while since we had Miami, too. California. Your fake news. Well, California. California. Well, yeah, but that's not LA. But Kendrick's decidedly LA. That's NorCal. I don't know if you know there's a difference between NorCal and SoCal. Either way. Then it's going to SoFi again. They should have had it be Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne halftime show in New Orleans would have been incredible. I mean, there's a lot of musicians from Louisiana.

and to pick a guy from la to do it why didn't they do and then they're going to be in california next year yeah that's from california so uh but there's rumors i mean this is just like internet internet internet debate but there's rumors because jay-z like he's the one that i guess picks the halftime shows now the past few that's his job wait what yeah he's on the board oh i remember that there was something with like him and goodell yeah

And if he had gotten Lil Wayne, Lil Wayne probably would have brought out Nicki Minaj and Drake. And Jay-Z doesn't like Drake, so he basically did the opposite. But who's going to do the next one? Also Kendrick Lamar. Yeah. They're just going to make it so that Drake can never watch a Super Bowl again. What if Drake, would there be any? No.

What? What if Drake was like, hey, Kendrick, you beat me. Can I come out for the Super Bowl halftime? Never do that. Okay. I was just, boy can drink. But he knows. Drake knows he loves. Can I come out for the song when you call me a pedophile? Yeah. Yeah. Just be like, here, just do it one last time in my face.

That would be crazy if that ever happened. He's not going to be able to say certified pedophile during the Super Bowl, right? No, he's going to go certified and then let everyone else sing it. There's going to be 70,000 people saying pedophile. Correct. Yeah, it's going to be tough for Drake. Yeah, very tough for Drake. That's brutal. And he can't go to the Super Bowl. No. I don't know if he goes usually, but one of his many teams is probably in it. Well, I saw a picture of him wearing a Niners jacket.

I don't know if he's a Niners fan. He loves every team. He had a new song that came out this weekend that was good. Oh, okay. Try to strike a chord and it's probably a Niner. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Kudu's backing. Thanks. I didn't know that part about Jay-Z. Yeah. I don't know what his job is with the NFL, but I do know that he's in charge of a lot of cultural stuff for Roger Goodell.

But picking the Super Bowl halftime show seems like the easiest job ever. Well, it's been rappers all three years. So wait. So Roger Goodell essentially took the, but I have a black friend, made a job out of it? Yeah.

Yeah, no, because, Big Cat, you're not telling the full story. It was like after Left Shark, they're like, we need... No, what it was... Roger Goodell will do anything. What happened was Roger Goodell was like, a lot of the players in the NFL are African-American. They think that I'm doing a shitty job. I'm going to hire Jay-Z so they can't be mad at me anymore. Got it. That's pretty much what he did. Got it. Jerry Jones taking a knee. Yeah. Jay-Z doesn't care about black and white. Jay-Z cares about green. Oh, okay.

It's true. That was deep. That was deep. Okay, PFT. My who's back of the week is Texas. We'll talk about it on Wednesday for college football, but Texas is back. Yeah. Big time back. Texas is legit. Michigan might be ass. Hook them. I think Texas is very, very good. No, no, Texas is very good, but both things can be true. Yeah, very, very good. I think their defense is awesome. I think that their running game is sick. They're good.

Quinn Ewers throwing the ball all over the place. Like nobody, nobody is talking about Arch Manning playing, which is, it's crazy if you were to think about that a couple of years ago when he committed to Texas. But Quinn Ewers is so good that they're making people forget about Arch. Yeah. Which is pretty incredible. I still like, I told you the Longhorns were my title pick at the start of the season. I love the Longhorns right now.

The game against Georgia, my pants are already tight for that one. I'm rooting for you to have Texas because I do think you've picked Texas like four years ago. Yeah, I have. I've picked Texas a lot. Last year, and I was close. Not the year before, but last year I was close. Yeah, you were very close. I was very close last year. I feel like I'm going to be closer this year. This year...

I feel like whoever wins that Georgia-Texas game, that's going to be the winner. They're going to win the whole thing. Yeah, I mean, we will talk Wednesday, but NIU, that was my who's back. I mean, that was...

Marcus Freeman. Yikes. Yeah. I want to see what that's like on the Peacock show. Yeah. NIU. Shout out to NIU. Thomas Hammock. Awesome. That speech after was like why we watched college football. Him crying and being like, this is a family. And, you know, all these guys that get passed over. It was so awesome. Now, is there any podcast, any sports podcast out there that said Notre Dame guaranteed to go undefeated now after they won week one? Yeah. Yeah.

They should have. Let us know if you know of a podcast that said that because I'll kick their ass. They should have, yeah. Why do teams, because it always comes out when these upsets happen, why do teams pay other teams? Because they don't lose them usually.

So NIU got paid $1.2 million to come kick their ass. Do they negotiate? Yeah, they get a free win. So what happens, Hank, they pay these teams money because they want to put people in the stands, they want to win a game, and they want to be on national television playing in a game against a team that they will beat. And the coaches want to get to seven, eight wins, and to get to seven, eight wins, you can throw in two wins that you can just basically check off and be like, all right, now I only got to win six games, and then they lose.

But why wouldn't the teams want to play those games anyway? Like, you've got a chance to beat a ranked opponent or whatever. Because you'd rather play a worse opponent and win. Yeah. Like, Bowling Green, who actually played really well against Penn State, last year they played against Michigan. They got, like, a million injuries and derailed their entire season. So it's probably not fun playing those games, except you have the NIU. Yeah.

So, Marcus Freeman's got a little bit of an issue because this is now... So, we said last week...

Marcus Freeman won the big game against Texas A&M, which Brian Kelly couldn't do. The one thing Brian Kelly did do was not lose the little games, and Marcus Freeman loses the little games. So he's lost to Marshall as double-digit home favorite, Stanford as a double-digit home favorite, and now NIU. Our guy Chris Felica had a stat. Since the start of the 2022 season, there have been 28 losses by a home favorite of at least 16 points in college football. Notre Dame has three of them. That's not good.

I honestly, their fans got it. Like, it's not, they have a double whammy of like, Notre Dame's such a cool stadium and like a hallowed place that teams get so juiced up to play there. And then some, like a lot of their fans are so old that they just don't get loud enough. That's Sleepy Spot. And it feels like every year that 230 kickoff, like game they should win.

But shout out to NIU. Dogs. Absolute dogs. If you're an NIU professor, give all the students a day off class on Monday. Yeah. It should be a holiday. It should. I don't understand how a Notre Dame, a Michigan. Like, I understand how Wisconsin can get not a great quarterback in the transfer portal. Hank, shout out you. I don't understand how Notre Dame and Michigan can't get. Every quarterback should want to play. Like, I don't get it. Riley Leonard seems like a nice guy. He's not a very good quarterback.

Yeah, this is a tough spot for the Irish. Yeah. Like, what's going to happen if they... Yeah, they did lose to a ranked opponent. Northern Illinois did get ranked 25th. If this was their only loss this season, where does that leave Notre Dame? I think they'll get in, which is...

Our good friend, college football expert Tom Fornelli pointed out that that's why he doesn't like the 12-team playoff, which is – I love the 12-team playoff because I just like having more teams involved, but it's a fair point on it that Notre Dame could run the table and definitely still be in because they'll put Notre Dame in if they're 11-1. That would rock, though, if Notre Dame somehow got into the college football playoff.

won the whole thing, and then NIU could just declare themselves national champions. Yeah. Yeah. Although they'll probably lose a MAAC game on like a Tuesday night. Yeah, but still. Crazy wind or something. It would be so awesome if NIU was in, if a MAAC team was in the playoff. Yeah, they can. I know, they can. Yeah. It would be great. But yeah, that's, if Notre Dame wins, I mean, look, they're only 18th now. So you have to think that if they keep winning...

Yeah, I'm looking who's ahead of them right now. Like those teams. All hard schedules. And all these teams play each other. Yeah. So, yeah, Notre Dame. I mean, now you look at their schedule a little differently because like, oh, shit, they might not be good. But, yeah, we'll do full college football, talk about everything on Wednesday. Any who's back from the booth? Anything we missed? No? Nope. Okay. How was the wedding?

It was good. Shout out Allie and Luke. Every weekend. I'm just going to do shout outs every Monday, I guess. Oh, shit. I just thought of something. That would be a good punishment, although that would ruin my life. Have you go to like four back-to-back weddings? I mean, that's my life. A wedding every week? But it's like AWL's weddings. I do have fun. That would be pretty funny as a punishment.

You had to go to four weddings in a row. And a funeral. And one funeral. And one funeral. Yes. Four weddings and a funeral. He's right. No funeral. He's right. Four weddings and a funeral. That would be the punishment. That might be our Super Bowl picks.

Four weddings and a funeral. What is funny about going to a funeral? Nothing's funny about it. Listen, if it's like an older person and they were a listener. We're supposed to make content out of this. What would be funny about going to a funeral? There's going to be. You're wrong. No, you're wrong. There's someone who's listening right now who has had a death close to them who either was a listener of the show or has a great sense of humor that would definitely be like, yeah.

Have them come. I feel like you also decided the stream thing when we did the drive to LA. I didn't decide the stream. No, Max. He's just decided that everything has to be streamed. Should we make this the picks punishment? Let's not do any rash decisions right now. What if the funeral was a celebrity? So not somebody that had any personal connection. Jimmy Carter. All right, we could say four weddings.

But that would be four AWO weddings in a month. Anyone? Memes is the one. Memes is easier than it's easier than a nine darter an hour stand up. It really is. We can think about it. I mean, it would be funny for the AWOs, too. They just get whoever loses the picks. If you like, you can map it out to whatever month you want, you know, and just be like, yeah, four weddings in this month. Done. God, that would be hell for me.

Four weddings, four states. The travel would be tough. Well, it would just be so much work. I probably wouldn't be able to... I would probably just do my normal schedule.

No, you'd have to go to an AW. You'd have to be a listener. Invite you to the wedding. Like, you can't be someone you know. But then my whole entire life is just. Right. Like, I already go to weddings. You'd also have to tell them, like, when you'd make small talk with, like, the friends and family at the wedding party. They're like, why are you here? Oh, I'm being punished. Yeah. Weddings are also so fun. Well, not when you're almost 40. Yeah. But, like, this weekend wedding was great.

And this would hurt me the most. So, I mean, if you guys think that's a funny punishment, we can do it. And will we still do second and last? Yes, second has to go to a funeral.

No, no. One funeral. What if memes blows himself up? Pug just goes, oh, my God. You said funeral. Why? Oh, you walked in. I don't know. I think it would be. I think there'd be someone who'd be like, it'd be an honor if you came to the funeral. I'd give a speech. But like, yeah, people have people. Death is part of life.

That is sad. I understand. At this point, sad is... Think of that caption online. Like, podcast shows up to funeral to make content. No, no. We're not going to show up with a selfie cam and be like, hey, what's up here for the funeral? No, we're not going to make a video of it. We're just going to go... There have been AWLs who have passed away, right? Right.

You think that someone wouldn't reach out and be like, hey, my friend was a big listener. It would be an honor if you came to the funeral. And they're like, yes, this is a punishment. You have to. Yeah, you don't want to punish. Funerals are sad. You say it yourself. But it's giving back. We can table the funeral. Listen, at my funeral, I want everyone to fucking roast me. Death is part of life. I'm not even going to be there.

Think about it. I won't be at my funeral. I want the Stone Cold music to come on. Yeah. Halfway through. Then everyone would expect you to pop out of the casket. I do want one of us to fake our deaths. That would be so funny. I think it's doable. It would be so funny if we did a funeral and then just, yeah. For the views? Ha ha, he's still alive. It would kind of ruin all of our credibility. People would be really pissed after, but it would be very funny. Undertaker gif. For us.

I can go off the grid for a few years. Yeah, we know. No, not years. I was thinking a week. We could say you're dead for a week. Tomorrow, I'm out. If he's hurt. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, what? Memes funeral. I'm out. You can do whatever you want with it. Hank fakes his own death and people are like, why does this handicap keep updating on the U.S. Golf Association?

Memes, on the part of my take Instagram, you'll be live for the first five offensive snaps. I'll be with him. I'll be with him for the game. Perfect. Can you live stream the first five snaps? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Live. I'll do it from Instagram. The people that can't figure out the ESPN DirecTV shit should be tried in the Supreme Court. What do you mean? And possibly executed. What are we talking about now? I don't know. I have every... I pay for everything. I can't watch ESPN at my house. Oh, okay.

What do you mean? You have DirecTV. Yeah. And they... They black out ESPN. They're going to figure it out tomorrow before Monday Football. It's always the deadlines.

I hope so. Because right now you're being pitted in a war. I was trying to watch college football on Saturday. No, you weren't. Yes, I was. No, you weren't. Yes, I was. No, you weren't. Yes, I was. I was. I was trying to watch a Tennessee game and I could not. ESPN's telling you that DirecTV is the devil. You don't know who to believe. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They should all be tried. Tomorrow will be figured out because you can't. Monday Night Football. Yeah. I honestly think that they'll have a deal tomorrow night.

before the game because they just can't have Monday Night Football not be there. It's Monday Night Football. I know. You've missed what? College football right now? And US Open. But you haven't missed an NFL game. No. Right? That's exactly what, that's when the deadline happens. What about the app? Can you use the app? No, because the app, you can watch ESPN Plus games, but the app tells you you're connecting. Yeah. Come over to my house tomorrow.

All right. All right. You're welcome. I would love to watch the game with you. Okay. Okay. Sounds nice. Yeah. Have a great time. Talk or not talk for the whole time. Awesome. What about a pet funeral? Yeah. Yeah. A bird. I don't want to go to a dog's funeral. A bird. I'd go to a bird's funeral. I think I could drag myself to a cat funeral. You would rather go to a human funeral?

You're like, it's too disrespectful to go to a dog's funeral. But, you know, a human, that would be funny. Well, it's a human. Max, what if the human requested it before they passed away? I'm not thinking of, you're thinking of like a fucking 20-year-old. I'm thinking of like a 90-year-old. Live a great life.

I also don't think it really matters. I do think people would be... Yes. There's a decent amount... Obviously not everyone in every situation is different. Of course not. And I wouldn't expect everyone. Absolutely people who would be like, I would... Like, that'd be awesome if they came to my funeral. Yeah. Yes. There are people listening right now, they're like, yeah, I'm going to tell my significant other if I pass away, please invite them. And we'll be there. Well, whoever... One of us. The worst gambler amongst us. Yeah, the worst gambler. Yeah.

And for the last month of the show leading up to it, we're all going to be talking about how much we don't want to go to it. Whoever shows up at your funeral is going to be motherfucking the cults under their breath. All right. Great show, boys. Good to be back. Football. Numbers. 12. 8. 56. Let's go 9. I'm going to go 9. 3. Shane Pug. 97. Pug. 21. Pug's about to nail this. Pug's so good.

Ooh, 65. Reverse. Love you guys.