Chiefs Win The Opener, NFL Week 1 Preview And Picks, Pirates Pitcher Paul Skenes + Fyre Fest of The Week
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and God damn it, the Chiefs did it again. Football is a game of inch. It was a sloppy game. It was the classic NFL. We have a new rule that we don't tell anyone about that we're going to strictly enforce, kind of only for one side of the Ravens, and make the game as clunky as possible, but...

The game persevered and we had an all time ending with the Ravens almost winning or almost tying, or they were going to go for two, uh,

But Isaiah Likely, who is a dog, absolute dog, thought his shoulder was separated on two plays before. I think what happened was he landed on it. I think it dislocated. They popped it back in, and he was like, let me back in the game. Dog, because he was killing people in blocks over 100 yards receiving, but his toe is just a little bit too big. And the Chiefs?

They did it again. They start the season. They're 1-0. They looked good. Xavier Worthy. That's the thing is they've got a guy that's going to be a problem for everybody. And we said it on draft night. We were like, how did the Bills let this happen? Yeah. Keon Coleman better be really good. He better be better. He better score three touchdowns. Because Xavier Worthy is incredible offensively.

And they just have so much speed yet again. And it feels like... And Pacheco. And Pacheco, who never gives up. He never gives up. It's like tackling a pillowcase filled with elbows. Yeah. It's just like he doesn't stop running. He'll just hit you. He doesn't appear to be the biggest guy in the world. He doesn't get tired. They do a good job of saving him, too. Like the first half a lot, they won't run Pacheco that much.

And then that's Pacheco time. Yeah, he was a monster. And yeah, the Chiefs, I mean, it looks like what we thought going into the season, but it proved true tonight. And the Ravens made a ton of mistakes, but it looks like the Chiefs might like...

That was better than what we saw regular season Chiefs in terms of their offensive weapons. Yeah. Like, remember last year when the first three months of the season, it was like, does Patrick Mahomes have anyone to throw to? Yeah. Does he like anybody in the locker room? It's crazy thinking that they upgraded. They went from Kadarius Toney to Xavier Worthy. It's like they played all last season with a lead batting donut, and now they're up at the plate and they can actually swing.

It's nuts. That was some good coward right there. You like that? You like that analogy? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's true, though. No, you're right. They played on expert mode last year, and now they're like, okay, I'm just going to chill. I'm going to smoke a little weed, and let's just put it on rookie. Yeah, we proved to everyone we can win the hard way. Let's just go back to doing it the easy way. Now, I do think...

The Ravens, I mean, that was as sloppy as sloppy gets for the Ravens because they looked like they hadn't practiced. They were getting delayed every single time they were getting. I don't know if the calls were coming in late, but Lamar was snapping the ball with one second left. He was missing big throws. They ran their field goal team out on the field, then brought him back out. They also did last year, AFC Championship game. Like, hey, if the Ravens just run the ball, they win this game.

They come out first quarter, they ran it a little, and then it felt like it was just for that. The middle two quarters was just a flurry of Zay Flowers, like three yard screens. Yeah. Well, having their offensive line never get to go forward and start like trying to lean on the Chiefs. What happened was they found out pretty early on that they couldn't run the ball up the middle that well.

And so after that, they tried some stuff on the outside, some pitches, some reverses, and tried to work the outside edges on them. And then that worked a little bit, and then they just never went back to even trying. You got to establish the run. And Lamar was great. I mean, Lamar was great running the ball. He missed a couple throws. There was a...

I mean, he missed the guy before the likely out-of-bounds play, the second-to-last play. I don't know who that was in the middle of the field. He missed – there was that back-to-back plays where he missed someone deep and then missed him on the sideline. I just –

Yeah, it was a great game. It was a crazy game. There's two things I know about football. One, you have to establish the run, and two, you have to run the damn ball. And three, you've got to lean on them. And then, yeah, lean on them. Get your boys going downhill. But it was one of those situations where it felt like the offensive line for the Ravens had no chance to go forward for a good portion of the game where it was just...

They were blocking forever for Lamar or they were trying to block in space on the outside. It's also hard to go forward when you line up like a yard off the line of scrimmage, which again, we saw in this exact game or it was the Lions last year, but it was Lions Chiefs in

In week one, you saw guys lined up way deeper at tackle that they weren't flagging at all. Yeah. This was a secret point of emphasis to call illegal formation. And now I don't even think that the refs are going to have to call it for the rest of week one. No, they won't. Like sometimes they call it week one for everybody. They set such a tone calling the illegal formation that I don't think they're going to have to call it down the line. And there was – I felt like three-quarters of the time that they showed Harbaugh on the sidelines, he had that look on his face, the look that he gets when –

got locked up in jail. He's like, what the fuck's going on? It was just like he seemed like he was befuddled. The Ravens were discombobulated pretty much. Every single offensive possession, even the ones that worked, felt like there was never smoothness to them. I guess their first drive was nice, but there was never a smoothness to their offense. It always felt...

and weird and, like I said, plays coming in late. Yeah. Lamar did look faster, though, now that he's minus 20 pounds. And I was trying to think how Lamar lost 20 pounds. It was right in front of our face this entire time. He just had diarrhea all over. Oh, yeah, for sure. So that's just butt weight that he got rid of. Yeah, yeah. So still...

Like as, as much as some of that game was frustrating to watch because it did feel right off the bat that the refs were like, Hey, we're everyone's here to watch us.

Still the best. It's awesome. Still the best. I mean, that end of the game was electric. I was so happy watching football tonight. I tell myself that I can get through the offseason and that I enjoy watching these other sports a lot, which I do. But then when football hits, it's like daddy's own. It's a drug. Yeah. Daddy's own. I need it. And we get more tomorrow and we get more all weekend. Also, Taylor Swift looked good. Yeah, I thought so.

Liked her boots. Yep. Like, those are good boots. Really good boots. It said boots with a T. Yeah. B-O-O-T-S. Looked good. Yeah. Travis has the mustache. Mm-hmm. He's looking good. Haircut. A lot of people looking good. Yeah, everyone. A lot of guys looking good. A lot of girls looking good. Harrison Bucker looked good. Yeah, he looked good. He was hitting bombs. Justin Tucker might be washed. Yeah. Can't hit 50 yarders anymore. Bucker is making some good points. Yeah. Yeah.

Listen, he was hitting some bombs. I don't think we've ever done it. Should we do a Thursday night game ball? I have somebody that I would like to give the Thursday night game ball to. Taylor Swift? No. Crocky J. Yeah.

Crocky J. We knew Carson Steele was going to be a star. I didn't think that they were going to put him front and center in the week one broadcast. But God damn, I love Crocky J. What's not to love about him? Mac legend. What's funny, he went from the Mac to UCLA. Ball State, UCLA. He should have gone UCLA to Ball State. That would have made him a lot cooler. Yeah, he's got an all-time football guy name. He owns Crocodile. He is by far the coolest Carson on that team.

Who's the other Carson? Carson Wentz? Oh, yeah. Carson Wentz is on that team. Carson Wentz is on that team. Yeah. I saw the side of his face tonight. It should have been rated TVMA. You should have warned me before. They should blur out his face on the sideline. I also learned something tonight. I think I knew it, but I just didn't ever really piece it together. But that woman with the puppets, she's like a 30-year legend.

I had some Chiefs fans being like, you don't know Ball. It's like, yeah, I don't know your celebrity fans, but she rocks. I like her. I know one celebrity fan of the Chiefs, unfortunately. 17 years. 17 and a half years in prison, federal prison. Do you think he watched tonight? Well, it's in Kansas. So it's the same place that Mike Vick went for the...

Leavenworth? Puppy issue, yeah. It's really bad when you know the names of the town where the federal prison is. Yeah, Leavenworth, and then there's one in the Rockies. I'm trying to remember. It's the one that El Chapo is at. El Chapo and the Unabomber. Yeah, Leavenworth is not good. That's where Carson Wentz should go, too. Yeah, when you know Leavenworth.

But Chiefsaholic is requesting to be transferred to Illinois. Oh. To whatever federal prison is up here. Maybe Chiefsaholic was the magic behind the Chiefs run, and maybe he moves to Illinois, and then the Bears go on a little run. That would be nice. That would be nice. But yeah, 17 years. Okay. Anything else before we do our game preview? So we taped that earlier. Let's kick it to ourselves for the weekend preview.

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Terms and conditions apply. Okay, boys, we've made it. Week one. Yes. Here we go. Yes. I love the order that comes along with football season. It really puts your life into a routine. Correct. The routine is watch the news and read articles on Monday if your team wins.

On Tuesday, that's when you watch the sports clips and all the debate shows, read the articles if your team loses. Then on Wednesday, you think about what's going to happen. On Thursday, what your bet's going to be. Then on Thursday, you forget to update your fantasy team. Then on Friday, you make plans for Saturday. Saturday, you make plans for Sunday. Sunday, you watch football. And then Monday, the cycle repeats itself. I was going to say, it's as simple to me as that just every week has a just big dangling carrot at the end.

I'm just excited about every single weekend. And for someone who doesn't really have a social life...

father of three all that shit every weekend now has importance to me well you know what else happens during football season thursday becomes friday you get a new friday every week is basically a 40 and when maxson comes back tuesday is friday and yeah and already you've got monday which is already friday still no monday's sunday now monday is monday is just like a beautiful come down that you just i love monday night football uh just a reminder for any new listeners max doesn't watch monday night football uh i love monday night that's not

Yeah. No, you do. You don't watch Monday Night Football.

Remember that? Max doesn't watch Monday Night Football. I forgot about that. Yeah, Max does not watch Monday Night Football because he says there's just too much football and he doesn't... He's like a porn star that won't have sex. Can you imagine that, Hank? Can you imagine one of our producers on this show saying they would skip an entire day of football? It's crazy. It's nuts. Not us. We watch every second of it. Thursday becomes Friday. Friday is still Friday. Saturday is Friday. Sunday becomes Saturday. Monday becomes Sunday. It's such a beautiful time of year. And we're back. All right, so...

uh like every year uh we're gonna go through every single game little preview then we're gonna do our picks all five of us oh hey sorry he's dreading the pick no no no no no it's back in there so what's the uh what's what's the punishment this year i don't know we got to figure it out it should be super bowl new orleans related yeah um it's a perfect game pitch a perfect game and what

MLB. MLB. Okay. It should be Super Bowl New Orleans related. New Orleans known for their MLB baseball. Yep. Yeah.

70-yard field goal. 70-yard field goal. Okay, you're just spitballing here? He's upset about the nine-darter. Yeah, he's upset about the nine-darter, but you could lose this too, Hank. Yeah. That's all I'm trying to, yeah, equal expectation. Hank, you're also the one that said that you were going to set yourself up to be able to dunk, so you're really making impossible challenges for yourself too. I will dunk. What's harder, dunking for you or throwing a nine-darter?

The nine darter. That's impossible. Dunking is happening. I think you'll be able to do the nine darter within three days. Dunking, it's taken three years. Still not there. Still not there. All right. Well, maybe the AWLs can help us out. We need a punishment for last place. And are we doing second place? It's a little bit different now because there's only five of us. So second place, I feel like it'd just be a last place punishment. What about last place and then second to last gets the equivalent of what the second place was?

where it's like the punishment but just like kind of half of it or what about last place and second place gets a prize first place doesn't yeah because because then it keeps it competitive what if what if uh it's some sort of a hat situation but it's not a hat first place gets to pick which punishment last place has to do or second place does no no first place gets to choose punishment last place has to do based off of like four options depending on who it is but second place gets nothing

I like the second place just because it keeps everyone in it. Because if someone runs away with it and someone falls really behind, there's nothing left. Second place, the odds are if you have a second and fifth place, there will always be content coming at the end. First place gets to determine which event the second place person has to do and which event the last place person has to do. Okay.

Okay, and we need the punishment. So AWLs, let us know. Maybe something we can stream in New Orleans. Wrestling an alligator. Yeah, wrestling an alligator is not bad. No. No, Max? Spending an entire week with Mincy in New Orleans. Shadowing Mincy.

24 hours on Bourbon Street? Shadowing Mincy for five days. 24 hours on Bourbon Street. Can't go to sleep. Just go homeless for a day? Yeah. That sounds- Just get drunk. Yeah, but it would fuck you up for Super Bowl. I like the idea of staying in an Airbnb with Mincy and eating all your meals with him. Oh my God. Hour by hour reporting on what Mincy does. You're his understudy for a week. Pfft.

I think that's a good one. That is not a bad one. Second place has to eat only jambalaya all week. I can tell Big Cat didn't like it because he moved on from it. No, but that's just because you really don't want to do it. No, it has nothing to do with that. It's more that I don't want to pay for Mincy to go to... We're basically giving... You don't think he's going to be there? No, he's going to be there on his own dime, but we're basically giving him...

His best content idea ever and he doesn't have to do anything. We just get some free places. Best content. I know, but I've been trying to wean myself off that. Well, how about we do none of that during the season? Good content is good content. Yeah, it's a good point, Hank. Yeah, listen, it's going to be you, Hank. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Did I lose this last year? But Hank's just going to go to sleep the whole time. Yeah, you did lose this last year, Hank. Seriously? Hank, are you serious? It's stand up. Oh. Are you okay? Yeah.

You just memory hold that. Well, no, I have lost so many of these, I forget which thing is for which thing. Yeah. But I assumed it was, yeah. Yeah. You're on a sugar rush right now from Uncrustables. Yeah. You're overdosing on Uncrustables. All right, we'll figure it out. Send us any ideas, anything fun we can do, but we'll figure it out. We'll have something fun. Okay. We ready to get into it, boys? What about Get a Cat? We haven't done that one in a while. Yeah, that's true.

I'm allergic to cats. So. That's better content. That's just life. Yeah. I mean, it would be funny if you had to get a cat, Max, and you're allergic to hyperalgae. Would you get a cat? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure my kids would like a cat. It would ruin my life, but. I would get a cat. I'd just put it in a room with Blake and see what happens. I don't know. Would you get a cat? I'm a man of my word with all this stuff. How about no golfing for last place for an entire year?

Oh, no, that would be brutal for me. Yeah. That's the thing. You don't want to get off, but then it's like once I actually want to work, you hate that too. What are you talking about? I've enjoyed you today. I came in, you were taking a nap, and you had a couple of incrustables. You said that you were mad that Mr. Pear was waking you up during your nap. I didn't say that. You said he's making noise. I said, no, you can power through. Yeah, you're like, oh, the whole time. Power through. How was the nap?

It was good. It was longer than I expected, so I woke up kind of like in a funk. Oh, no. He slept too much. It was 60 minutes. Relax. 60 minutes is actually a bad nap time. That's what I'm saying. I've been here since 9 a.m. We're going to be here until 12 p.m. I had three hours of nothingness. You need the 15 minute. I thought someone was going to come in and wake me up, but it just never happened. I like that.

Now he's mad at us for not waking him up early enough. I've never said that. I hate it when you guys do this so much. Okay. All right. We'll figure out a punishment, but we will do the picks after we preview every game. Let's start. Packers-Eagles. So Mr. Pair is going to pick this game. Mr. Pair is going to pick all standalone games this year, and we'll see how he does from that. Packers at Eagles in Brazil. Okay.

Eagles are minus two and a half over under is 49 and a half, two new defensive coordinators in this game. I kind of liked the over for that reason. Uh,

I also think they're all like trapped in their hotels, right? Yeah, it's a lot of travel and it's weird. There's weird security protocols in place down there. They just don't want anything bad to happen. Did you see Darius Slayton had to clarify online that he's Darius Slayton because Darius Slay, I guess, on a podcast was like, fuck Brazil. Yeah, not him. It's not him.

Different guys. So they're both there. This guy's weight... Just so you guys know, I'm Slayton. This guy's 1,000 pounds heavier than Darius Slay. Yeah. So I don't know. I guess we'll ask Max, are you worried about this losing streak? Because you guys are on a bad streak. I don't care about... I mean... Seven games in a row they've lost. But it...

They don't count from last year to New Year. If they lose this game, that's eight games in a row. They're zero and zero. If they lose this game, they're 0-1. Eight games in a row. That would be 0-1. How do you think Big Dom's going to be able to handle the favelas down there? Yeah. Big Dom can handle anything. You know that. What if they throw a bunch of big fat asses at him? What? In Brazil, they got big fat asses. You know that. I know that. Saquon is going to hit right in. Yeah. What if they throw a bunch of those at him?

Big Dom can handle anything. I thought I just said that. All right. So I was talking to Mark Titus about this yesterday. It seems like this is a good bet for Jalen Hurts to score a touchdown. And instead of the tush push, call it the Brazilian butt lift. I like that. Although they don't have Jason Kelsey. But they've got Saquon with a big ass. That's true. Yeah. That's true.

I'm going to take the Eagles in this game just because I hate the Packers, but I'm worried about the Packers. I'm probably going to do the exact opposite. I'm going to take the Packers because I hate the Eagles, but I'm worried about the Eagles. Yeah. Although if one of these teams has the ability to fall apart easy and which one would be funnier to see it fall apart, you can at least admit watching the Eagles just disintegrate, which is funny.

I would prefer the Packers. Yeah. But, yeah, I think – I know we're going to get to our touchdown picks.

but I do think that Jalen Hurts might have a big game. Jeff Halfley, I was seeing a stat that new defensive coordinators, especially against good offenses, it takes a little bit of time. It's a little bit, which you could say for both teams here, but Jeff Halfley, the former coach of Boston College, he likes a little press man on the outside. Maybe he gets some guys running right down the field. You got some fast guys, Max. Is Jalen Hurts feeling okay? Yeah.

Yeah, it was good. Max is, I think what he's doing, he's trying to stay removed from any Eagles discourse this year. Are you going to overreact? No. You know, that's like the football starts. Everyone asks each other, like, how are you feeling about the team this year? How are you feeling about the team this year? How are you feeling about the game tonight? How are you feeling about the game tomorrow? I just keep telling myself tomorrow's a weird game. It's in Brazil. They can't leave their hotels. Everyone is, like, not happy to be there.

So I think that's on like both sides. So like if the Eagles play really well and they dominate them, like I don't want to overreact because it's a weird game. If they play really bad and get smoked, I don't want to overreact.

because it's a weird game, but I'm going to overreact the second that clock hits zero one way or the other, but I'm trying to tell myself it's a weird game and that it won't show what's going to happen for the rest of the season. That's a fair point. It is a weird game. It's a game in Brazil on a Friday night, so it's easier to write that one off if it doesn't go your way than it would be like a home game on a Sunday. Yeah, right. I agree with that mentality. I'm trying to tell myself that, but...

My brain is saying that, but my heart is telling me that I'm going to overreact. Yes, I think the safe money is on Max overreacting despite telling himself not to overreact. You know what, Max? History has taught us anything. Why don't you just embrace overreacting? It's one of the best things you can do as a fan. I like to overreact because I like to feel something. It's not good for my health. I understand. Listen, at least I overreact a lot. I overreact as much as you do. I'm at 39, so you can maybe at least make it 12 more years.

Yeah. That would be crazy though. If I dropped dead from overreacting like week two, would you, would you guys change? You'd change your whole life, Max. You'd have to. I see. I would try to, but I don't think I would. Like, I think it's like, I'm going to die. It's in like, it would be the same thing. Like going after that, I would tell my brain to be like, you can't, you gotta calm down. You can't care so much. One day that's going to be me. And then Jalen hurts would fumble on,

inside his own territory. And again, right, right away I would overreact. I hope that doesn't happen again. Yeah. Uh, okay. Next game. We're now into Sunday. Uh, what was the, what's the split we got? How many games? I think, I think it's a pretty good split and they made a rule this year where it's going to be a good split every week. I think, right. It looks like eight and four, I believe is from, from reading it correctly. So good split. Uh,

First game I have on the list is Steelers-Falcons-Arthur Smith's revenge game. Yeah. I mean, the big question is, how do you stop B. John Robinson? And nobody knows how to do that better than Arthur Smith. That's true. He spent all last year doing it. Mike Tomlin as a dog? Mike Tomlin as a dog. I don't know if it's a Mike Tomlin game yet, though, because it's week one. Anytime it's Mike Tomlin as a dog, I did see that Russie has got a flare-up in his calf. His calf is tight. Sierra's been pegging him too good.

Okay. Cramp that thing right up. So the problem is Russell Wilson already has limited mobility and now he might have, if you could actually, oh man, if you had to do a bionic quarterback for every team, so you had to pick like top half, bottom half of each guy, like their quarterback room, I think the Steelers might have the best room.

So if you were to take, like, Justin Fields' legs and Russell Wilson's arm? So Russell Wilson had his, like, mobility of a better mobility than a young Russell Wilson when that was, like, a big part of his game. Yeah. That would be a good quarterback. If you put Russell Wilson's brain inside Justin Fields. Yeah. That'd be a good player. Yeah. Or his confidence. Yeah, but then he was throwing over the middle. Russell Wilson doesn't like to do that. Hmm.

We'll workshop this. Okay, we'll figure out which room has the best one. Yeah, but I just, Mike Tomlin, that's all three and a half. It's Atlanta minus three and a half right now. I'm excited to watch these Falcons. It feels like it's been a long time since I've been excited to watch the Falcons play football. I think they're going to be better. I think they will be too. I have no idea what to expect from Kirk Cousins. Or Kyle Pitts. Well, no, I do. What do you expect from Kyle Pitts? Not a lot.

Okay, I expect more than that, I think. I don't know. I think Kyle Pitts might just be... In theory, he's really good. Right. In theory, he's great. In theory. But also in theory, he doesn't have Desmond Ritter throwing the ball this year. Correct, in theory. In theory. In theory. Theoretically, he should...

A man his size and speed should be good. If he doesn't have a good year, will we still be making excuses for him next year? 100%. Yeah. So that's kind of where I'm at. Some team is going to give up way too much if they try to do a trade for him. Is this the last year? He's on year three right now, right? I think he's on year four. Is he year four already? I believe so.

Kyle Pitts, I feel like, has been in the league for—we've been doing the Kyle Pitts thing. They'll have to make a choice about his contract soon. I'm pretty sure it's year three. It might be year three. Or to bet. You're right. Yeah. So they have to make a choice about year five on his contract soon. But a team could trade— No, I was right. Year four. Oh, is it? Yep. Okay. Well, we'll see what happens. In theory, Kyle Pitts should have a breakout year. In theory. Yep. In theory. Okay. Cardinals-Bills. Very excited for this game.

I think the Cardinals' offense is going to be very good this year. And also we have DeMar Hamlin back. Starting. He's starting, yeah. Not just running fake punts anymore. He's starting. But I think the Cardinals' offense will be good. I don't think their defense will be good. I think they might be one of those really fun teams to watch. Like they're in that category where, yeah, they might win seven, eight games. But.

but they give us some great red zone late witching hour moments in all year long. We're like, yeah, that was fun. Yeah, Marvin Harrison Jr. seems like the kind of guy that is the quintessential just like throw the ball in his direction kind of guy, and he'll just bring it in no matter what. So they'll probably give you a heavy dose of him, despite the fact you can't buy a Marvin Harrison Jr. jersey. Correct. Because that lawsuit is ongoing. Correct.

and Fanatics just made a big mistake. They named Marvin Harrison Sr. in the lawsuit, so they're suing Marvin Harrison Sr. That guy's got a gun. I didn't say that. I did. I'm just saying I stand...

With the Second Amendment, it's his right. If he does own a gun, it's his right to do so. I stand with Marvin Harrison Sr. as I do on every single other subject involving Marvin Harrison Sr. For the record. That guy's got a gun. Yeah. Apparently he signed his name on his son's contract. I hope they wouldn't notice. And then after the fact, they're like, wait a second. This says Sr. on it. I like what Josh Allen is going to have to do this year. I like the position it's put him in. Yeah. Where it's like...

he's got to get it done. Obviously he's got some weapons at tight end. He's got a rookie receiver, but it's, it's all relatively unknown. He knows going into the season that this is on him. The entire thing. It's also the expectations are a little off for the bills where the last couple of years, everyone's been like bills, super bowl. This is your super team, all that stuff. It does feel like from a, uh, like storyline perspective, uh,

If you ask someone, hey, what about the Bills? They're in a rebuild. They're reshaping their roster. I think they might be good, and this isn't biased. I think Dalton Kincaid is very good. I love Khalil Shakir. I think Keon Coleman's going to be good. I think they're going to run the ball.

I like the Bills this year. And they're going to get some great content from Keon Coleman after the game, too. Yeah. I like the Bills a lot this year, too. Because Josh has been in these places before where either going into a game, Stefan Diggs has been like, his brothers put something weird out on Instagram that Josh Allen has somehow had to answer for. And he knows going into it, like, okay, no one thinks that we're a team. No one thinks that we can pull it together. And then he goes out and he jumps over six linebackers. Right. So I kind of like this Josh Allen. Yes. Okay. Next up.

We've got the Titans and the Bears. Are you a little bit nervous? Yeah, I think it's a can't lose. Already. Maybe a must win. Loser leaves town? It's a must win in the fact that I will overreact. It's a must win for my own mentals. Yeah. I do think that people are overlooking the Titans a little bit. I think they're going to be not a terrible team. But, I mean, I'm picking the Bears. I'm very excited for this game.

I actually feel bad for you, PFD. I mentioned this a couple weeks ago, like, that you have to wait a whole slot. Yeah, at least you get it over. I get it right away. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. Maybe it was just because I watched the ending of Hard Knocks like 75 times last night. But...

Yeah, I'm ready for this season. I think they're going to win this game. Yeah, I would expect that. The Titans, they're the team that just added everybody else's players in the offseason. They're going to look very, very different out there, and it's going to take a couple weeks to remember, oh, yeah, that guy's on the Titans. Tony Pollard. Tony Pollard's on there. LeJarius Sneed. Calvin Ridley. All on there. Yeah. Yeah, so they're going to be a new-look Titans, and...

I mean, LeJarrius Sneed is a legitimate great quarterback. Yeah. So he'll be able to take away maybe one out of your three weapons. The one thing I will say is starting the season with the Titans is actually kind of similar to starting the season with the Bucs, although you have Stephen Che to worry about. It does feel like the Titans are one of those franchises I have never

no ill will towards and I don't know how I'd even get ill will towards the Titans if Stephen Che rooted for the yeah right like there's nothing that could happen to me where I'd be like oh man fuck the Titans I fucking hate the Titans so that takes it down a little bit where like last year was week week one was the Packers you know I mean you don't have like a terrible towel that they could stomp on yeah piss you off enough to hate the Titan right there's no divisional opponent so I I feel I'm excited about this game yeah it is nice it's like inter-conference

No real history of a rivalry there. It's like playing the Jaguars. Yeah. And I don't mean that as an offensive thing. It's just there's not – when you play an AFC team that's not been around for a really long time, you don't know anyone who roots for them. I don't know. Yeah. They never drafted a quarterback that you could have drafted that you got upset about. Right. There's no real bad blood there. Right. Exactly. I do like Roman Dunzay in this game.

I like Romo. All season. He had a great quote yesterday. He said that he's mostly excited about the pregame flyover because he's a big, big fighter jet guy. Love that. Yeah. They got the growlers, electronic warfare plane. Love that. Yeah. Okay. Henry. Yes. Patriots at Bengals. Bengals are minus eight and a half. I believe the over under is like 40 and a half now, all the way down to 40 and a half. A couple of things for you, Henry. One.

Joey Chestnut is doing the halftime entertainment. Whoa. He's going 5v1 in a bratwurst eating competition. He should have been eating Skyline Chili. Should have been eating Skyline Chili 2. And you eat one bite of Skyline Chili. Yeah.

I mean, he's going to win that by 20. Yeah, he's going 5v1. I don't think it matters, though. No, it doesn't. Who's he competing against? Five. But five just normal guys? What can he eat? 60 bratwurst in 10 minutes? Yeah, he's going against five guys. Five guys can't eat 11 bratwurst each? No chance. Also, Dan Hurley is the ruler of the jungle for this game. What the fuck does that mean? Yeah. I said it. Will you want to say it again? Why? Dan Hurley is the ruler of the jungle for this game.

He's a diehard Bengals fan since birth. Have you ever seen pictures? I think we talked to him. No, that's kind of random. It's very random. We've talked to him about it. Every year I feel like there's a picture he posts of him and his family taking him to a Bengals game. So he has been named the ruler of the jungle for this game. Wait, so they have a real jungle there? They have a real jungle and they have a real ruler every single game. And he's the week one ruler of the jungle. Does that make you nervous? Has to.

I didn't know they had a jungle. That's it. I mean, it's a functioning, legitimate, real jungle. It's a real jungle. Yeah. And it's classified as such. Yes. I don't know. I don't know what the class corrections are, but it's kind of crazy that he's going up against the pay. It seems like that was intentional, right? Going up against new England and you have the Yukon coach there. Yeah. Although Connecticut probably just do it and they probably just do it before college basketball starts. Yeah. Ruler of the jungle. Yeah. Yeah.

So you got Joey Chestnut and Dan Hurley in the building. Probably the two biggest alpha males you can have. Yeah, I'm not expecting much from this game. That'd be awesome. What if Dan Hurley was like, fuck it, I'll take him on. What if he, Dan Hurley, just goes down to the field and he's got his starting five from UConn? Yeah. Or I think he could probably, I think Dan Hurley, if he just went like, he blacked out, was just like, I'll fucking beat Joey Chestnut. He could. I think this game's going to be yucky. Yucky.

Yucky, yucky, yucky. Like blowout, but not a blowout. I don't think it's going to be a blowout. Yeah, it's going to be like a 10 to 13 point blowout. I don't even know about that. The Patriots defense might not be terrible. And Jamar Chase not practicing. Tee Higgins had the holdout for a while. I think the Bengals might have... They have started slow.

I think it's going to be a yucky game. I keep thinking that Jamar Chase is going to get signed before this weekend. He'll take care of the contract before the weekend. He's done a hold in, not a hold out. So he's been around, and then he was reported to go to practice. And Zach Taylor said, yeah, he's going to practice, and then he didn't show up. And then later, Zach Taylor was like, I'm just going to give you the boilerplate answer of it's done when it's done from now on. If I had to bet...

He's doing the same thing kind of that Brandon Ayuk did, which is genius, by the way, the move that some of these guys are doing this offseason, which is just saying, like, I don't want to go to work for a month. I don't want to go to camp. And so I'll hold out. If you give me a 2% raise at the end of it, I don't have to go to camp. That's a great contract extension. Hank would actually... I've never held out. No, you hold in. Yeah, you hold in. You quiet quit. Yeah. Hank, you are the definition of a hold in when things are going poorly for you.

Wait, I also don't think Jamar Chase and Joe Burrow have played so much together, I don't think it matters if he's not practicing with the team. Yes and no, though. There's definitely just getting into... I mean, we see it every single September, especially with the shortened, no two-a-days, the shortened preseason. September football has not been the prettiest football. And T. Higgins, that's the part I don't understand about the Bengals.

I feel like it was all about T. Higgins, and then the minute T. Higgins was like, I'll show up, it was like, wait, oh yeah, also Jamar Chase. Yeah, who's definitely better than T. Higgins. Yeah. That's the real issue. And they did lose Taj Boyd. Yeah. Taj Boyd? Tyler Boyd. Tyler Boyd? Tyler Boyd.

Tyler Boyd. Tyler Boyd. I was right. Yeah. Well, who's Taj Boyd? Taj Boyd's a basketball player. Taj Boyd. Why did I say Taj Boyd? No, Taj Boyd was a Clemson quarterback. Remember him? He was the one right before Deshaun. Yeah. He was like the last. Oh, yeah. Clemson sucks. Yep. Clemson can't win the big game. I think.

I think I like the Patriots. Big boy. I do too. And it's not like this is the same early season Bengals that we've seen the last couple years because one was like an appendix and then I forget what the other one was for Joe Burrow. Yeah. But it was his calf or something, right? Yeah. But yeah, this is, I don't, I feel like the defenses are just by and large better than the offenses this time of year. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just, yeah, I think it's going to be a clunky game. How about Bill Belichick getting on Instaface, huh?

I don't like it. Oh, yeah. I was looking it up. I don't like it at all. Hank, Bill Belichick follows... Yep. What? I know what you're about to say. What was I about to say? You were going to say who he follows. Who does he follow? It's like Brady. He follows 12 people. He follows 12 people. A lot of NFL, NFL films, McAfee. But he follows both Peyton and Eli and Brady. No Patriots. No Kraft. No...

I think there might be beef there between Belichick and Kraft. Do you think so? I...

I mean, listen, I wasn't able to make a definitive statement on it until I figured out who he followed. Yeah, Belichick, do you think he's running his own shit or do you think he's got somebody that's doing it for him? Probably someone from Omaha Productions since it's Peyton Eli, Omaha Productions. That would have been awesome if he got Instagram and he followed Kraft and then unfollowed him just to unfollow him. Yeah, Bill Belichick has unfollowed Mr. Kraft. And he follows his girlfriend.

Does he? Yeah. I'm just going to see who that is. It is Jordan Isabella. Oh, is she the entrepreneur philosopher? Correct. It says here she's 23. Correct. So, Hank, you are so down that you don't even think you're going to get blown out? It's tough to say otherwise when it's a rookie coach and a new team. I don't want to confidently say that they're going to be in this game before I watch them. That's a pretty reasonable thing to say. Are you going to be watching?

Are you golfing on Sunday? No. Promise? Promise. Do you think it's going to be fun watching the Patriots? No. All right. Okay. All right. Next game. I have on my list Texans Colts. Trivia time. The last time the Colts have won a week one game. Is that Phillip Rivers? 2017.

2013. Holy shit. They just lose week one. Yeah, I did not know that. It's crazy. I did not know that because I wanted to bet on the Colts this weekend. I do too, but I saw that and I was like, nope. But they don't always play at home. Yeah, I know. This does also feel like... The stadium's different this year, though. It is different. They don't have the banner for the AFC finalists up anymore. That's in our gym. They got the loser stink out of it. This is the toughest game for me. If I look...

Totally up and down the board. I can give you a somewhat opinion on every game. This game is simply, it's either going to be the biggest trap or the easiest bet. I think it's the biggest trap. Yeah, that's like, you could sway me either way. Anthony Richardson looked good last year in the first couple weeks. True. People forgot about it because he got hurt so early on in the season. But the Texans, man. And the Texans look so good. Everyone's high on the Texans. I'm also high on the Texans. But I'm also high on the Colts.

I'm not high on the Colts, and I'm high on the Texans, which makes me want to take the Colts. Figure that one out. Oh, I forgot. I still have Colts season tickets. Oh, yeah. So we got to give those away. Two season tickets. If you own a Joe Flacco Colts jersey, send me a picture of you wearing it. The tickets are yours. Done. Send it to part of my take. Or people probably don't have a Colts Joe Flacco jersey yet. Someone has to. What else? What else can we do? Submissions to part of it. You have a...

Colts hat. A Colts hat. Mm-hmm. Best Colts hat.

Okay, best Colts. Or Joe Flacco jersey. Joe Flacco jersey gets position A. Yeah. But if you think you have the best Colts hat in Indianapolis, prove it. If there are multiple Joe Flacco Colts jerseys, tiebreaker's the hat. Yeah. Yep. All right, so tag at part of my take. Yep, and send it in. Also include your TVs, too, so memes can post as TVs again. Okay.

I love memes TVs. I do too. Memes is a star now. Yeah. He's going to leave us soon. Don't you think, Hank? Mm-hmm. I asked him if I could watch football at his place and he didn't answer me. He was just like, eh. He's too Hollywood. Yeah, he's too Hollywood. Okay, next up, Jaguars, Dolphins.

I don't know what to think of this game either, actually. So I'm going back on what I said just a second ago. Dolphins minus three and a half over under 48 and a half. I feel like the Dolphins obviously always start hot. Jaguars have a new defensive coordinator. Dolphins have some injuries. Their defensive line is not great. I'm leaning towards the Jaguars.

But I don't really know what to think about this. This is a sideline bet for me. They're going to have the Jaguars in the heat, no shade on the sidelines. There might be rain. Okay, good. I appreciate the weather update. Got you. Are you sure there might be rain? I said there might be rain. Okay. Hank, can you double check? Well, it's South Florida PFT. Yeah. There always could be rain. You know what they say about the weather in Miami? Yep. If you don't like it, just wait five minutes. Oh, no. I thought they said there might be rain. Oh, they also say that too, yeah. Hank, look it up for us because there might be rain.

We need to know. We need to know.

Sunny with chance of clouds. And rain? Chance of precipitation goes no higher. 0%, 0%, 0%, 0%. 0%. It's 10%. It's impossible for it to rain. It's 10% at 7 a.m. and then 10% at 9 p.m. So I'm right. There might be rain. No, 10% at 9 p.m. Yeah, but there might be rain. 7 a.m. and 9 p.m., there's a 10% chance of rain. Okay, there might be rain. Everything else, zero. There's a 100% chance of 0% rain at noon. There might be rain. Or 1 p.m. There could be rain. And what's the temperature?

Very hot. How hot? Shit. 90 degrees. Sideline bet. It's a sideline bet. Taking the Dolphins.

You're smart. You're a smart guy. That's a smart bet. It's a smart sideline bet. It gets hot. I think this is one of those moments where I'm really regretting the fact that I taped all the other gambling shows earlier this week because I think I took the Jaguars in every single one of them, and you swayed me on the sideline. Yeah, don't forget about the sideline. I did forget about the sideline. Yeah, can't do it. I needed you there reminding me. You think Mike McDaniel's going to have a new look this year? He gets frostier and swaggier every year. He should actually just frost the tips of his hair.

Pete Briscoe did get in my head a little bit with the whole he's too friendly with the guys. Yeah. He got in my head. But this is the perfect time of year to be friendly with the guys. Yeah. Right at the start. Yeah. Okay. Let's see. Next up, Panthers at Saints. Saints minus four over under is 41 and a half.

I love the Panthers in this game. Oh, I had one thing for the Dolphins. I forgot. Sorry. Because the Lions won a playoff game last year, the Dolphins are now the longest playoff drought in the NFL. Win. Playoff drought win. Okay. Does that go back to... I'm going to guess what year. Is that back to the 90s? No, it's 2000...

Oh, one season. Okay. Do you know the other big four sports longest playoff drought win? So it would obviously be a series in hockey and baseball and basketball. Twins? Twins are not the answer. I was shocked at this answer. There's a lot of sports I got to go through right now. Yeah. I don't know. What is it? The Reds, 1995. Damn. That's a long ass time. And then the other two were the Hornets and the Sabres, which makes sense. Yeah, it does.

Those are definitely... It's still a long time for the Dolphins. Yeah, no, the Dolphins. So I think we're... The Dolphins winning a playoff game would actually be bad for us. Very bad. Our clock would be ticking. Next up. Yeah, we're next up. Yeah, I don't know what year you are. I just always see the stat of the last team to have a 10-win season. That one's very depressing. Because every other team is within the last five years, basically. Yeah. And then the Redskins commanders, you got to go back to 2005.

Yeah, I think it's you, then Jets, then...

Or no, it might be you, then Bears and Jets. I think they were 2010. But still, that's our last insurance play right now is the Dolphins. Yeah. We need the Dolphins to not win. Well, no. That was old us. That was old us. Now our teams are good. That was old us. So we don't have to worry about that anymore. Yeah. We'll get our playoff. Oh, no. The Raiders. The Raiders are also in there. Thank God. So it's Raiders, 2002. Commanders, 2005. Jets and Bears tied for 2010. Okay. So...

We need the Dolphins. We need the Dolphins because then it just slowly creeps up on us. Okay, so the Panthers and Saints. I love the Panthers in this game just because it's my rule of you're never as bad as you were the last year.

Sometimes you could be worse, but... Doesn't mean you're going to be good if you're the Panthers, though. Now, I am rooting for the Panthers. I'm rooting for their fan base because the position they were put in with Bryce Young last year and how bad it looked at times, I want for them to not be like, oh, shit, we really fucked this up. Now we're fucked. You know?

You know, like I want them to have some hope in Bryce Young. I don't think the Panthers are going to be good. I think they're going to be competent, which they weren't last year. Do you know that the Panthers last year, they won two football games last year. And there's a lot of football games, 17 football games. Do you know the Panthers did not take a single snap in the fourth quarter with the lead? I did not know that. Both of their wins were last second field goals to win by two points.

That's crazy. It's insane. That's nuts. I mean, that's insane. Yeah, that is crazy to not know what it feels like to maybe win in the fourth quarter. Have a single lead in the fourth quarter with an offensive snap. Yeah. So I don't think they're going to be good. I think they're going to be better. I think Dave Canales is going to have them. I mean, Dave Canales was good with Baker Mayfield. He knows the division. Yeah, he knows the division. I also have my fun Dennis Allen stat of the day. You ready for this one? I was doing some digging last night.

Dennis Allen, this is how bad it is for Dennis Allen. He is now thinking that he's going to get a competitive advantage by not divulging where offensive coordinator Clint Kubiak is going to be during the game. In the booth or on the sideline. Correct. He said... He could be anywhere. We get in a game mode and try to keep as many things in-house as we possibly can. Nothing to give our opponents any sort of advantage whatsoever.

A reporter immediately questioned if matters were where the Panthers seek Kubiak calling plays, to which Allen swiftly responded, don't know. Don't know whether they care. Don't care. Whatever. I just don't know if that's anything I want to divulge. Yeah, so I like that. In fact, they should take it one step. They should have everybody on the coaching staff dressed up like Kubiak. Yeah. And that way you don't know which one is Kubiak. Eminem? Yeah, it could be anybody. It could be any of those guys. But this is...

You know your football coach is kind of losing it when he thinks that he's getting an advantage by being like he could be on the field or in the booth. Okay, now. You never know. Counterpoint.

If Dennis Allen was Jim Harbaugh, I would be like, this guy's playing chess. Yeah. I'm not giving any information. But Dennis Allen is not. But Dennis Allen is not. Dennis Allen read a book this offseason about how to be more like Jim Harbaugh. Correct. And this is how he's trying to implement it. Correct. Yeah, because if he was actually about that life, he would have been doing this gamesmanship for the last however long he's stunk up the NFL. Right. But now he's learned new tricks that he's trying to adapt as part of his personality that doesn't actually exist. Correct. Yeah. I just love this story because, yeah, he's...

the guy's reeling uh by the way are we gonna have mr pear pick a pick a game he forgot to pick packers eagles are we doing that during this yeah he should have picked packers eagles while we're talking mr pear is such a dude okay have him pick packers eagles and then when we get to rams lions he should pick rams lions got it yeah uh okay next up vikings and giants i have a theory pft and this is uh

kind of like a choose which door and one door is death kind of feeling to it. I think one of the two quarterbacks in this game will be better than expected this year, but I have zero idea which one it will be. I think it's going to be Sam. Okay, I kind of think it's going to be Daniel Jones. I think it's going to be Sam. Well, that's tricky because I would say, weirdly, the expectations –

I think, at least for myself, are higher for Sam Darnold than they are for Daniel Jones. Right, but I just think that at the end of the season, we're going to be like, oh, Daniel Jones or, oh, Sam Darnold. Not a bad year, but I think the other one's going to be terrible. I'm going to bet on Sam Darnold because I like Kevin. I like Kevin O'Connell, and Brian Dable, I think, is a good coach, but there were some times with Daniel Jones where he was just, you could tell he was like...

watching just like any of us were. Yeah. Like you got to be shitting me. Yeah. And we did see that Daniel Jones moment in the preseason, which I know is a preseason, but it was still a play. But you said Brian Dable. I know that it's a panic move, but he's calling offensive plays now. Yeah. I mean, he was a really good offensive play caller for the bills before he took the Giants job. He's also skinny Brian Dable. He's lost a lot of weight. Mm hmm. Um,

Yeah, I don't know. It's just one of those games. I was feeling it before. I was like, one of these quarterbacks, I can't figure out which one, but one of them I'm going to walk away from the 2024 season being like, not so bad. I actually like the Giants in this game, but I like Sam Darnold over the course of a season.

If he doesn't get mono, is he staying in Hoboken before the game? I don't know. You know what? I'm going to say it right now. If whoever wins this game, I'm going to be all in on believing in that quarterback. Yeah. For the rest of the season, I will ride or die with that quarterback being like, he's not that bad. I don't know if I can even though he will prove. Yeah, he will. He will make me look like a fool time and time again. Did he pick a team? He hasn't moved a step. He hasn't moved a step.

Okay. Throw some lettuce down. This fucking pair. This turtle sucks. Memes. What are you doing now? When he's making all that noise down there, what's he doing? Is he scratching? He's trying to escape. Raiders to Chargers. Ultimate football guy matchup. I think the Chargers are minus three. Over under is 40 and a half. I love it. Both these guys. They just...

They want to fight. If you just had them fist fight, it would work as a football game. You don't need a ball for this game. No. Just send the teams out on the field. Line up, hit each other, and then whoever is more physical gets the win. I like the Chargers, though. I like the Chargers in this game. I do, too. I believe in Harbaugh. Their team is not good, but I believe in Harbaugh. But Justin Herbert's good. Did he pick anything? What's going on here, memes?

memes it's okay he just takes his time oh that was so cute how you just said that do you talk to him in that voice it's okay oh my god why doesn't memes come in here I think the turtle's a little bit afraid of Max it'll Mr. or Mrs. Bear will go it's M-I-S-S and then last name Ter-Bear now that nobody's around it'll go it'll move I'm excited to see Gordon Minshew that's fun

That is fun. He's going to do some weird shit out there. I hope starter Gardner Minshew. I hope that they don't make them just like a vanilla quarterback. I hope that if you openly acknowledge that Gardner Minshew is your starting QB one, you have to also deal in the fact that he's going to do some crazy shit. Don't try. Don't try to share. Yeah. Let him do his own Gardner Minshew thing. Don't try to make him just a boring ass quarterback. Agreed. Agreed. Uh,

PFT, you want to talk about your game, Commanders at Bucks? Yeah, yeah, I do. All right, so you were saying you're excited about this game, but you also know that you're going to overreact. I almost don't even want this game to happen because I love Jaden Daniels, and I'm nervous now because he's so good. I'm nervous that either I'm wrong about him being good or...

or that something's going to happen to him. You basically want to look at your cake, not eat it. Yes, exactly. I just want to have... It's like Jay Leno's cars, that he's got 400 cars and just keeps them in the garage. I've got Jane Daniels. I just want to be like, that's my quarterback. Keep him in the car. Watch these highlights from preseason and from college. Isn't he awesome? He's mine. Yeah. So that's part of the equation. I did text our friend Jason Light from the Bucs. I said, hey, just take it easy on him. Maybe do two-hand touch. Don't hurt him. And what did he say?

He said that I was pulling a Lou Holtz move, which is just always tell your opponent how bad you are so they take it easy on you. I wasn't trying to do that. I just honestly meant please don't hurt him. Yeah, please do not hurt him. Please do not hurt Jaden Daniels.

It is a classic commanders thing going into week one on the day of the NFL kickoff where one of the headlines is commanders fire their vice president. I was waiting for you to... Oh, he took the Packers. Okay. I was waiting for you to disavow this man. Well, let's see. Let's see what he got fired for saying. He got fired for saying that

Some of the players are homophobic. He got fired for saying that Roger Goodell is a $50 million puppet. He got fired for saying that Jerry Jones is racist. I got no problems with any of those. So I think two out of three. Well, we

Well, you're missing a big one. What was the other one? He said most of the fans of the NFL are high school educated alcoholics and mouth breathers. I went to college, buddy. Yeah, I do breathe through my mouth. Yep. At points in my life, I have drank enough where I would be considered an alcoholic. Yep. But alcoholics go to meetings. That was the part that I was upset about. I was mostly upset about the fact that he got fired for, I think, saying that Roger Goodell is a $50 million puppet. Mm-hmm.

He also said that he helped run state media because when you guys had that leak-

He had to tell everyone, don't worry, it's not sewage. Yeah. Yeah, he did. Well, that's your job. That's been your job if you've worked for the commanders for the last 20 years is to be... You remember Saddam Hussein's right-hand man that was like... Who could forget? Baghdad Bob. Oh. I thought his name was Kevin. I don't know. They called him Baghdad Bob. No, I'm just kidding. But he was the one that was like, we're winning the war as Baghdad was being leveled to the ground. That guy. That's been the job of the commander's vice president of communications for a very long time. Right. Yeah.

Also, a lot of people are dogpiling on the commanders and it's like the best way I can describe it is like I have an ugly baby and you know, some babies are not that attractive just naturally. Some are cuter than others. I know I have an ugly baby and I walk around my baby. I love it. I take care of it. I change his diaper. I feed it all the time. I'm always going to love this baby no matter what. And

And I can be like, okay, you're a little bit ugly right now. You'll grow into it. But the second somebody else is like, your baby's ugly. I'm like, fuck you. Right. You piece of shit. Right. This is my baby. Agreed with you. Only I can call my baby ugly. Yeah. In house. That's how I feel about the commanders. Yeah. When people are like, oh, Hank's a piece of shit. We don't like him. He doesn't work. And he's a fucking, he sucks at golf. And he's a mouth breather. And he's the worst. I'm just like, dude, you can't say that.

That's what I say to him. Thank you. I say, you can't say that, bro, because you're a top guy. Top guy. You're top G. Appreciate that. But don't you fucking call my baby ugly. People say Max is fat, and he fucking cries, and he's such a bitch, and he sweats everywhere, and he clogs his toilets. And he hates dogs. He hates dogs. I say, no, you can't say that. Yeah. Yeah.

I get what you're saying, PFT. Yeah, so it is fitting, though, that the Commanders fired somebody on the day of NFL kickoff. Yeah, that was perfect. That's like a classic Commanders. Perfect. But I'm excited about Jaden.

But at the same time, I just... I've seen too much bad stuff happen to me. How jealous are you going to be? I'm very, very, very scared. How jealous are you going to be of me if the Bears win and Caleb Williams balls out and I basically am sitting there... I'm like winning the... It's like basically winning the first game of March Madness on the Thursday afternoon. Yeah, so what's going to happen? I've thought through that scenario. Caleb goes out there, lights it up, and...

And I'm waiting. And then I'm getting more and more nervous as I'm watching. And then Jaden goes out there, fumbles, throws interception, looks bad. And then Big Cat's like, I'm going to go in the other room and get ready. Because you don't want to be around me. Yeah. Because you know that you're happy about your guy. Yeah. And you don't want me to see your happiness while I'm feeling sadness. Right. So this is, actually, this is the eight hours on NFL Sunday while these two games are being played. It's a big gateway moment for part of my take. Correct. Yeah.

I think best case scenario, well, for us, is they're both good. Worst case scenario is one's great, the other stinks. And then we have to deal with the repercussions. Because even if they're both bad together, at least we have each other. Yeah, yeah. If they're both bad together, we can deal with that. Right. But if one's good, one's bad. I don't know. I don't know if we're going to be able to pod. Yeah. Probably going to have to cancel the pod. Memes, you're stepping up. Memes, you're ready for the prime time. Okay. Couple games left. Two hour long Jets preview. Couple games left.

Broncos at Seahawks. Seahawks minus six. The over under in this game is 41 and a half. I love the Seahawks in this game. So I like McDonald. Yeah. I like that guy a lot.

I think he's probably the perfect person to replace Pete Carroll because they're not alike at all. And I like that. You're bringing in some guy that is like, obviously, Pete Carroll wasn't exact. Was he fired or was it like mutually mutual parting of ways? Mutually, we both agree that you're fired. Yeah.

Which is a nice way for him to leave, I guess, if you have to leave somewhere. It was like a mutually, we're done with this. Yeah, and then you bring in some tough-ass defensive coordinator after him. I like that transition. Yep. I like that a lot. Agreed. McDonald, I think, is a good coach. I'm excited to see what happens with the Seahawks' offense now. But they got a good running back. Yeah. Kent Walker's good. Yeah, I just think...

Rookie quarterback on the road against a guy who's very good at coaching defense, disguises some things. I think it's going to be a long day for Bo Nix. Not saying Bo Nix is going to be bad, but this is going to be a long day. So Bo Nix, is it fair to say hand-picked quarterback by Sean Payton? That's exactly what he is. Hand-picked quarterback. Well, he saw the inside of his book bag. That's right, and it was unbelievable. Right. And would you consider Sean Payton to be a quarterback whisperer or a quarterback guru?

I would actually say he'd be more in line with he had Drew Brees. Okay. He's a Drew Brees merchant. He had Drew Brees. Drew Brees merchant. Because to be a quarterback whisperer, I think you got to do it with a couple guys. Got to have two. But he did it as an assistant. Yeah. And he reads a quarterback whisperer. He is. He did it with Don McNabb. He did it with Alex Smith. Yeah.

And Mahomes. Sean Payton, yeah. Yeah, Sean Payton, we'll see, but this is his guy. How quickly into the season do you think Sean Payton is allowed to be a dickhead to Bo Nix if Bo Nix does something wrong?

Because with Russell, Rusty was from the previous regime. Yeah, it wasn't his guy. So he could be like, it's like moving into a house. He wasn't the stepdad. He was the dad that stepped up. Fuck this bathroom. I'm going to smash it. But with a guy that you handpicked, I feel like Sean Payton can't be a dick to him right off the bat, which I think is good for the Broncos. Yeah, I'd agree. I think he has to wait. He's got to do the carrot for a while and then smash him up the ass with a stick later. Yep, I'd agree. Okay.

All right, last two games, Cowboys at Browns. Browns minus 2.5 over under is 40.5.

I don't really know what to expect from Deshaun Watson. Remember him? Yep. I do like Jerry Jones' spin zone. Every year he's got a nice spin zone or something last year when he was all in. This year, he said people were asking him, like, oh, you got to do something after the Green Bay thing. He said the Green Bay thing. That's what he's calling that loss, the Green Bay thing. The incident. You got to do something after the Green Bay thing. You got to fire people. You got to change some things.

And he said, actually, I have changed some things by not changing things. Everyone's on the hot seat.

So by not in the past, in the past, he would have changed things, but he did change things. But you know what? It would have been, it would have been actually easier on those guys if he had changed things because now he's like, you guys made a mess. You got to clean it up. Yeah. But he's, he has changed things by not changing things. He said, I didn't make many changes, but within the realm of not making changes, totally changing people out. I try to turn up the heat on myself and everybody involved. So,

So he didn't change anything. He just turned up the heat. So what you're saying is there was maybe about to be a change, and then Jerry Jones was standing in the background as that change was happening, not necessarily preventing that change from happening, but maybe telling everybody, let's see what happens before we make this change. Yeah. But he took a picture of it. Right. He's like, don't change anything. Let's just turn up the heat. Yeah, let's turn up the heat. Let's turn up the heat. Got it. So that's the new, we're turning up the heat of the Cowboys season. Where'd Hank go?

He sneezed. Grab the Rams-Lions picks for Mr. Pear. So Mr. Pear does have the Packers, and Mr. Pear is going to pick. Oh, he sneezed again.

Rams-Lions. Did we screw up when we talked about Jerry Goff earlier when I said that he's an MVP candidate because 14 out of 17 games are in a dome? Do we count this as a dome? Does this qualify as a dome? Because remember, they've had lightning delays. They're playing in Detroit. Okay, so it does qualify as a dome. Yep. Okay, good pick. That was a good question. It was a good question had it been in L.A. I wrote it down wrong. I wrote Lions at Rams. Yeah. That's been...

absolutely 100% debunked five Pinocchios. You know what? We just made sure that people are just staying on their toes. Yep. Yes, it is a dome and yes, I love the lines in this game. I do too. The only thing that makes me nervous is Dan Campbell's an actor now. He's a really good actor. It was an awesome commercial. Yeah. I fucking love Dan Campbell. I'd do anything for Dan Campbell. He's the best. I wish I didn't love him so much, but I do love him. Yeah, he's impossible not to love. Yeah. Yeah, I like the lines. I like the lines. I wonder if they're going to boo...

Matt Stafford's children before this game. They're not attending. Okay. Yeah, they are specifically not attending. Kelly and the kids are not coming. Not after what happened last time. Not after what happened. They won't let Detroit Don and Sprinkles and Superfan do the same thing. Hank, are you okay? Yeah. Okay. You had a sneeze attack. I had a couple sneezes. Yeah. Booger sugar. Do we have the pick here? Is he picking anything? He hasn't moved. He hasn't moved. Okay.

We probably didn't think this turtle thing out very well. I would have thought this turtle would be faster. Ah, damn it. Now, to be fair, Mr. Per does great picks when he has the sheets that are printed out and he's on the ground. True. Because I think he's panicking. It's like the blue turf. He thinks he's on water.

When he's on our rug? Yeah, in this situation right here, he's inside of his pen or his crate, which is where he normally chills, so he has no motivation to move. Yeah. Okay, so do you guys want to do our touchdown parlay? So here's what we're going to do. Every week we will have it in the DraftKings sportsbook. We all pick one guy to score. We put them all together. So we're doing a four-to-score parlay. Max, you got your pick? Yeah.

I do. What do you got? Sunday night football. I hope that it comes down to me. David Montgomery. Do you really hope that? Yeah. Really? That's a lot of pressure. No, you don't. No, but I like to pick. Gibbs was kind of banged up throughout training camp. Everyone's talking about Gibbs going into the year. Montgomery's still the bruiser. And the game's in Detroit. Yep. A lot of people thought it was in LA. And there's going to be a lot of points.

I like the pick. I like David Montgomery to score. I like the pick, too. Okay. Good pick, Max. I'll go with the one that should get us on the board. I'll just go with Dalton Kincaid. I think he's going to score. Okay. Early game. Get it out of the way. Try to get us on the board. I'm also going tight end. I'm going Kyle Pitts. I'm pretty sure he has three touchdowns in his career. Are you sure? All right. I'll go. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The pick is in. It is Kyle Pitts. He has six touchdowns on his career. Three years.

He's got a much better quarterback. Yeah, he's got Kirk Cousins. Kirk Cousins loves tight ends. Love it. Yep, he does. It's good odds, I'm sure. What are the odds? Plus 1,000. Plus 1,000? For Cal Pitts to score a touchdown, that's probably the first touchdown. We're just doing touchdowns.

Oh, 195, you're right. Yeah, it's preseason for Hank too. Okay, and then so we got Kyle Pitts, we got Dalton Kincaid, we got David Montgomery, and PFT. I like just saying Brazilian butt lift, so I want to say Jalen Hurts, but instead... You can't do Friday. Yeah, I'm going to say it has to be Sunday, so I'm going to go with Alvin Kamara.

Against the Panthers Remember him? Yeah Alvin Kamara against the Panthers You don't even have to watch that game That'll just be one that you'll have maybe You'll refresh the score occasionally on your phone on And just see if Alvin scored yet Can I say I'm a little nervous about that pick for one reason? Why? We don't know where Clint Kubiak's going to be But Clint Kubiak is Calling offensive plays for the Saints But Kamara doesn't need to have I'm just saying I'd like to know where the OC is Okay, alright

I mean, this Dennis Allen guy, he's got the greatest secrets in the world. Yeah, but that's good. No, that's good, though, that we don't know where he's going to be. I hope he's, like, in a closet somewhere. He's not even watching the game. What if he was secretly fired? Blind plays. Yeah. Shadow Clint Kubiak, friend of the program. Yeah. Office manager Brett. They don't make a lot of Clint's anymore.

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Oh, did he pick? He picked the Rams. Now he's going towards the Lions. I didn't see him go over.

Oh, no. Now he's at the Lions. You said Rams. Do we have a ruling? We said we were going off first move, right? VAR. Well, first move of the last one was Eagles, but he ended up. It's where he's got to end up. No, it's where he's got to end up. Meeams. Where he's got to end up. Meeams, you're the replay official. Lions. Lions is a pick. All right. All right. So let's do our picks.

I forgot how we do it. We start with just saying your favorites. We did two last year. Two, that's right. We did two picks. You got to pick a total and a spread. I like that better. Okay, so memes, do you want to start? We'll obviously change the start as we go along. No repeats. So these are our picks. No repeats. And memes, go ahead. I'm going to go Saints, Panthers, under...

Let me get the exact number. Got to have it. Got to have it. Memes, are you also keeping track of these? Yeah, I'll keep track. 41 and a half under. 41 and a half. Okay. Max. I'm also going to go with an under. I'm going to go Raiders Chargers. I like that. Under 40 and a half. I like it, though. Okay, PFT. I'm going to go with an over.

Broncos Seahawks, over 41.5. Okay. I also will go with an over because football's back and I want to root for points. So I'll go Cardinals Bills, over 47. Okay. I will go with an under between my New England Patriots and the Cincinnati Bengals, under 41. All right. Good pick. You believe in Jared Mayo? Gerard Mayo. Yeah. Thank you. Hank, I got your back. Who cares? Guy's name is spelled Gerard. It's not Gerard from Subway. We don't talk about him. Who definitely...

Would have been a recurring guest if we were doing that show. Yeah. In the 2010s. I hadn't thought about that. We definitely would have been like, oh, yeah, Jared from Subway wants to come on the show. Oh, okay, we'll talk to him about the Colts. We'd probably have his pants framed on the wall. There'd be pictures of us with him. Autographed pants from Jared. Oh, man, would have been bad. What was Hank's number? Sorry. 41. Okay. 41. All right, Hank, you have another pick. My next pick is going to be the Chicago Bears minus three and a half. Love it.

I don't think it's a troll. It's not. I know. These picks matter. These picks matter. The pick you make right now could be the difference between you having to wrestle an alligator and not. Exactly. I'm going to take the Panthers plus four. Okay. Does it not worry you where Clint Kubiak is going to be? I think it makes me happy that Dennis Allen might not even know where he's going to be. Okay. I think he might forget where to put him. Where do you want to put him?

Imagine there's a staffer who comes up to him. He's like, coach, one last thing before we kick off. Where do you want to put him? It's like in The Matrix where they're all the agent just standing around him. Doesn't know who to talk to. Okay. I'm going to go with...

One that was controversial earlier. I'm going to go with Colts plus three. Okay. Colts plus three. Home dogs. Yep. And remember, we're doing half a point for pushes. So if anything pushes, it counts as a half a point. Okay. Win counts as one. Loss, obviously, zero. Maxie. I'm going to go with Seahawks minus six. Seahawks minus six. I like it. Does it make you nervous that Bo Nix was named a captain?

No, he's a quarterback. I actually said this to memes and he was like, yeah, he's a quarterback. It doesn't make me nervous because Sean Payton was like, I hand selected this guy. He's going to be a captain. Kale Williams is a captain. Yeah. He was voted on by his teammates. No big deal. How many captains do you guys have? Like five. Yeah, a lot of captains. Three on offense. You need some captains. Participation trophy culture. You need a special teams captain. Two and two. Everyone gets a captain. Everyone gets a little logo. Here's your gold star. Great job.

You're not saying this because Jaden Daniels isn't in it? I haven't looked it up. I don't know. I truthfully don't know. Hey, they're going to try to pit us against each other. Let's not let them do that. I think what Dan Quinn's doing is he's not naming captains. I think he's like, I'm going to tell you before the game who's going out for the coin toss, but nobody on this team has earned the captaincy. What if the ship goes down?

Then it's every man for himself. Okay. Then everyone, play your music, get to the lifeboats, fuck women and children. Yeah. I don't mean like... BFT. Not literally. But yeah. Fuck. Fuck women. Fuck women. And don't worry about the children getting to the lifeboats. Got it. Fuck women, kill children, marry men. There it is. That's what it is. Memes, last one. I'm going to take the Raiders plus three. Okay. Okay.

All right. Good job. So those picks are in. Let's finish up before we get to Paul Skeen's Fantasy Fuckboys brought to you by our friends at Body Armor. This segment is brought to you by Body Armor Sports Water, the alkaline water that provides real hydration with electrolytes for taste and

Everybody is always drinking it around the office. The sports drink, the zero sugar, and even the flash IV after a long weekend. We can't get enough body armor. The sport water, in my opinion, is the best water on the market. Look, I'm drinking it right now. Head on over to your local 7-Eleven. Get your body armor sports water today. Thank you to Body Armor sponsoring us, keeping us hydrated through football season. Very important. So thank you to Body Armor. Okay, fantasy fuckboys.

What's up? My name's Paulie Guglielmo. What's up, Paulie? Paulie G. I start him. Bill Belichick. Yeah. Getting with the times. He's on social media. Join Instaface. Careful of those double taps, Billy. He's going to be double tapping. He's going to be sucking and fucking in no time. Oh, we're going to suck and fuck. He's going to be in those DMs. I sit him.

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. Uh-oh. What happened? Trouble in paradise? The script is out. They're breaking up. Allegedly, I think I have to say, we knew the whole time this was never real. Say whatever you want. NFL rigged. P and V. Pete. Nope. Yep. You said say whatever you want. You said say whatever you want. I don't want to see P and V. I don't want to see that. No, I would not look. I would not look. No. Do that again. No, I would not look. No.

My sleeper... I would walk. Oof, wrong. My sleeper is eating shit. Oh. Okay. A lot of dialogue about eating shit. A couple studies have come out. It's actually healthy and nutritious. It helps build strong bones. These sound like some very reputable studies. So this weekend... Who released that study to shit? Just stick your hand under your bunghole and fucking take a nice bite out of a steamy deuce. Your own poop, huh? Yep. That's something else. Okay. Take your buddy's poop. Okay. What's up? Hey, what's up, pricks? It's me, P. Prisco. P. Prisco?

Love it. What's up, Pete? I'm starting Chiefsaholic. Oh, that was my startup. Chiefsaholic is a stand-up guy. Some of the cash fell off the back of the truck. Big deal. He got a 17 and a half year bid. He's a stand-up guy, though. Don't tell on your friends. Don't tell on his friends. He's doing the time like a man. Respect him. Yes. Respect. Doing it on his little wolf paws. Yes. I'm sitting Caleb Williams because he cried to his mama. I

A strong Italian man like me would never have an unhealthy relationship with his mother like that. It's not something that we do. Why are you saying this? I'm saying in Italian culture, we never have too close relationships with our mothers. That's facts. We don't live with them for forever and have them cook all of our meals even after we get married. It's weird to be so attached to your mother. As an Italian, I'm saying that.

My sleeper is Russell Wilson. He's a sleeper. He's got a tender little calf in Italy. We call that veal. The veal parmesan. Little tender calf. Yes. Bring me my bib because I'm eating every ounce of that motherfucker. Yes. Okay. My stardom was going to be Chiefsaholic, but I'm going to change it. My stardom is Dan Hurley, ruler of the jungle.

You want to go in the jungle? Oh, I forgot to say my name is Guido Dulecepe. Hey, Guido Dulecepe. What's up, Dulecepe? Guido Dulecepe. But yeah, Dan Hurley, my stardom.

He's a ruler of the jungle. You don't want to come in this jungle. Ruler of the jungle. My cinnamon's Brazil. Sit down on your big fat ass, Brazil, because guess what? There's a new sheriff in town. His name is Big Dom. Don't you try anything. Big Dom's ready for it. Don't you ask him to keys to nothing on his way back home. Oh, fuck. Hey, Brazil. I would love them. No Twitter. I...

Yeah, because some of us do our job. Hank would hate Greenland. No golf. What's his green? He goes ice. He goes ice. He goes ice. He goes ice. He goes ice. Mighty Ducks 2. Hank would land in Greenland and be like, Mighty Ducks 2. Hank lands in Greenland and he says, where's the pin? Hank would hate the Pacific Ocean. No golf. My sleeper is Hank because all he does is fucking sleep. He was sleeping on the couch.

Just a second ago. But he slept. Oh, he lifted today. Hey, hand up. We should have woken Hank up earlier so we didn't nap for so long. Yeah, sorry for waking you up. I'm sorry, Hank. I never said that. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry for not waking you up. Hey, sorry. I never said that. Okay. I might have changed my last two because of you.

What did you say about Brazil? He said, no, Big Cat would hate Brazil because they don't have Twitter. Saying I'm a just Twitter. I didn't say that. That's a timely joke, Hank. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying to make a timely joke on this podcast. I'm sorry for joking about golf. Hank can't exist. And you're sleeping. Yeah, I mean, the sleeping, I don't really know. We should put a bed in here.

The couch is fine. Yeah. 9 a.m. till midnight. There's a couple hours. There's a long day. There's nothing to do. Why do you work out in the morning when you know you have hours in the afternoon? Because there was no time.

Like for the afternoon that I work out with. Oh, got it. I was like, huh? The random dude. Yeah. I thought you had a chick training. Daniel. No, that was last one. That was in Jersey. Oh yeah. Yeah. She liked you. She didn't like me. Oh, she didn't. She was like a, she was older. Oh, you had an old lady train you for like a month. Yeah. It was stupid. What'd you do? Like underwater aerobics? No, we just Richard Simmons. I mean, I think I didn't work.

Obviously. Obviously. Obviously. Okay, let's get to our interview with Paul Skeets. We're going to get to Paul Skeets in a second. He's brought to you by Coors Light. If there's a big rivalry game coming up this weekend, you can choose chill with the world's most refreshing beer.

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Mountains are blue this weekend, guys. Coors Light, some of the best football-watching weather of the year. This year, Coors Light's going to be there for it. It's the one to choose when rivalries heat up, when you're looking to cool things down and enjoy the game. Choose chill. Reach for Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Instacart or GoPuff by going to CoorsLight.com. And now, here's Paul Skeens. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.

Phenom? Can I say Phenom? You can say whatever you want. Okay, pitching Phenom. It is Pittsburgh Pirates starting pitcher Paul Skeens. I think Phenom. What else have you been? Phenom, how early in your life were you Phenom or next up? Had to be within the last year. So it wasn't when you were like 13? No. Everyone's like, oh man, this guy's the guy? No, when I was 13, I was probably hitting...

11th in our travel ball games seriously yeah that's crazy what happened just grew grew in my body one day i'll grow yeah it'll happen yeah no i guess now you are a phenom i think that's what you call a rookie yeah a rookie is a phenom but you were never a prodigy you weren't like an ace at an age so yeah uh was it was it like you put on weight you grew and then you just became a dominant pitcher

Yeah, I mean, the pitching thing happened really recently. I put on weight and I grew.

You know, when I was a senior in high school, freshman in college, had a big growth spurt and then kept putting on weight. But I went to college as a catcher. Yeah, you were like an incredible catcher. I read something that basically if a scout was like, yeah, if Paul Skeens caught five games in MLB right now, he'd be one of the best catchers out there. Yeah, I'm trying to convince – I was talking to one of my teammates about that the other day, Connor Joe, who also caught in college, and he asked me –

You know, if there was one position other than pitcher that you could play on the field, what would it be? And I said catcher. And he just started laughing. And I'm like, no, I'm serious. Yeah, like I caught. I'm really trying to convince them that I can catch. But, yeah, probably for good reason. They don't really believe me. Wait, you could get injured back there a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, wait. So this is fascinating. So you were in high school, you were a catcher. You pitched as well a little bit? Yeah, it kind of just was just, hey, let's go.

pull out the pocket radar and see how hard we can throw so how hard were you throwing in high school like 88 that's nuts and then you went to air force for a couple years you're still catching then yeah and then when you went to lsu is that when you started pitching or you started all time okay yeah i mean i was pitching i closed my freshman year at air force uh

and started, uh, you know, started on Fridays, uh, my sophomore year, uh, at air force and then went to LSU. And it was when I transferred, I was, I wanted to be the, the two way player, um, hit in the fall all through the fall, but they were like, you're not catching. Um, and I was like, you know, that's, that's fair. Um,

But yeah, I hit through the fall and then pitched through the fall and then they just stopped putting me in BP groups. Yeah. And that was kind of where the writing was on the wall. Oh, you just showed up one day and you just weren't in your BP group? Yeah. I didn't see my name on the wall. So I was like, all right, I guess we're going to...

you know, try this pitching thing out and see if we can win a national championship just doing this. So you were a catcher at Air Force and then you would also, you would take the pads off and then you'd go out on the mound and you'd close that same game? So my, yeah, so my first, my first series ever was actually at LSU and it was during COVID so the, the,

it was like 25 or 30 percent capacity um but I caught I don't know seven or eight innings and then took the pads off I went down to the bullpen and I just remember the fans down the the because the bullpens are on the line like and the fans are right on top of you at LSU um and uh and they're you know oh they're they're out of pitching they're they're bringing their catcher in that kind of thing and I I came in and um we won but I did give up a home run to uh

To Dylan Cruz. Great player. Good player. Really good player. Great teammate. Dude, this is insane. So I didn't fully realize that like, so have you had, I mean, I would assume you've had moments where you've had to like step back and be like, this has all happened in basically two years because you went to LSU, you win a national title, you start pitching full time, you're the number one pick, and then

before it's even a year past the national title you're pitching in major league baseball throwing like 11 strikeouts a game like that's that's insane has anyone ever sat down been like this isn't how it usually goes this is nuts yeah i mean people people talk about it but um i don't know it you know nobody nobody's uh trajectory is the same yeah um it's not linear you know nobody progresses through this game you know uh the same way so i don't i don't

This is kind of how my journey is. That's kind of what I've realized. And not to say that it's never happened before or that it's not going to happen again, but definitely cool to take a step back. But it's just baseball at the end of the day. Yeah, wait, so when was the first time? Do you remember the first time you threw 100 and you're like, oh, shit, that feels different? I think it was at LSU. Yeah. We had a fall game. I think it was against, like, Nichols State and –

right after the Alabama game when they were running on you know they mobbed the field and all that but so it was a pretty cool couple yeah yeah and then I think they had the track man pulled up in the dugout and it said 100 on there and I came into the dugout after I pitched and

They were like, hey, you just hit 100. And I looked on the sheet the next day because we get a sheet with our actual VLOs, movement profiles, that kind of thing. And it said 99.5. And I was like, ah, kidding me. You rounded up. I didn't actually hit 100. So I think it was during the season at some point. They should round up for every other number except 100. Except 100. Yes. And then 90 in high school or college, whenever you hit 90 for the first time, I think –

I think that's the same way. Yeah, those are two big milestones. So do you think you could catch yourself? I think so. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, it should be easy, right? I mean, yeah. I'm sure there's like a – with all the different batting cages and like Trevor Bauer's whole thing, I'm sure you could mimic Paul Skeen's throwing and you catching. Yeah, well, there's something called a trajectory now, and I've never – that's what I think all the big league teams have. I know we have it. It's just –

it's basically a machine that i i think it's like a a screen that you know shows the pitcher going through their delivery and then the ball coming out and it's all all your pitches and so you can put it into a which is honestly pretty tough for pitchers because yeah hitters have faced you however many times yeah they even step in but so i guys can step in and hit off themselves or so i could i could catch myself i just don't think could you hit yourself i could i don't

I don't think anybody would like that if I stepped in there and did it. I could if I wanted to. I imagine that being a catcher, it prepared you to be a pitcher. Yeah. Because you see it from a different perspective, right? Yeah, and I think being a hitter also, but definitely, I mean, just seeing the game from the other side of it, that was something I was super lucky with when I was at Air Force. We got scouting reports, and then they were just like,

um, Hey, you're going to call the game. And cause you know, college, the coach calls it and then you, you put the fingers down, whatever. Um, but from the beginning, when I was at air force from, you know, my first game there, um, cause it's a, it's a leadership exercise. That's basically how our, our head coach put it. So I was calling the game from, from my first game, you know, that I was catching at LSU or whatever my freshman year. Um,

you know, thinking the game that way. And I think it's, it's only helped me, you know, to this point. Yeah. I read that you were, you were considering both Navy and Air Force for college. Did you pick Air Force because the Navy doesn't have F-15s? Um, no. That's why I would have picked. Yeah. So I had, I had a couple uncles who were in the Navy and one of them was on a sub and one of them was on a destroyer and they're both 6'5". So,

um, it's pretty tight, you know, yeah, you're walking around like that. So, um, I think, I think that I, you know, at the time I thought the lifestyle in the air force would have been a little bit better. I thought when I committed, I was probably like six, three. And I was like, um, it's like, yeah, flying F-16s would be sick. And then I hop in an F-16 when I'm

6'5", 6'6", in the backseat. I'm like, all right, this kind of sucks. Are you done growing? Because it feels like you might not be. I think so. I don't know. I mean, it feels like if you grew that late, you might still have another. What if you end up being 6'7"? Oh, man. Yeah, I definitely wouldn't be flying F-16s. Yeah. Yeah, good thing about the Air Force is there are a few different planes that you can fly. Yeah. Where did you want to fly? C-17s. Okay, big boy. By the time it was...

all said and done when I was at Air Force. That's, that's what we flew to all our away trips, um, at the Air Force Academy, you know, they would, they would be flying, you know, their own missions and just fly through Colorado Springs, take us to wherever we need to go. And, um, and like if you, if you guys have never seen a C-17, it's, it's awesome. Yeah. It's huge. Yeah. And one of the recruiting, uh, the recruiting pitches that players would give us was, uh, you know, Hey, while we're flying to,

North Carolina or California or wherever, we can play wiffle ball while we're on the plane because it's that big inside. And I never did that, but we could have. Yeah. That's so badass though. Yeah. C-17 picks up Air Force and take them on road trips. Yeah. It just works out perfectly. And C-17s, I think, are the biggest –

the most common airplane for ex-Air Force baseball players to fly. So every time we fly, basically, we have an ex-Air Force baseball player, which it's awesome just having a 2010 grad flying around. I was a 24 grad flying me around, and he was there

you know, 10 years before I was 14, you know, 15 years before I was, whatever it is. Yeah. Just like the legacy of it. Um, that was, that was really cool. That is awesome. So, and you still are very active. You, uh, do stuff with the Gary Sinise foundation, which helps, uh, veterans. And so what, what kind of stuff have you been doing with them? Yeah. I mean, really just trying to raise as much money as possible. Um, I think it's a hundred dollars a strikeout that I'm donating and, um, obviously trying to, you know, just, um,

basically get as much support as possible just because um they're you know they're they're a really good foundation that does a lot for veterans first responders um and their families um and that's that's something that uh you know we can never fully repay them for what they've done for us um so you know it's it's it's never gonna be enough but it's a step so yeah yeah that's awesome how many more starts do you have left this year

Man, got a month left or something. Yeah, probably like four or five. Around there, yeah. You know what? I'll match. Oh, I'll double. I'll double. Big Cat's going to double. I'm going to match. I'm just matching. Big Cat's doubling. I'm doubling. For the record. So 200 a strikeout.

200 to strikeout. I'll do 100. You're very good at pitching, so I don't want to do 200. All right, I'm matching. I'm doubling. I'm doubling. I've doubled. Love it. What's crazy is that I think I said yesterday that Ted Williams is the only player in terms of unbreakable stats that hit 400 in a season and also shot down four enemy aircraft. I feel like you are probably the only hope to break that record ever. Yeah, the 400 would probably be tough.

Yeah. I might have to get like two at-bats and get one hit. Yeah. In a little pinch. That counts. Especially with the no DH now. But that would count. Yeah. Yeah, the four enemy aircraft actually might be the harder one in that. But you're at least in the conversation. You're in the conversation. You're in the conversation. You're next up on the tech. Yeah, we started the conversation. Yeah. I got to ask a question about the game earlier. I think it was last month. Or no, it was in July. Yeah.

against milwaukee no hitter through seven and they take you out yeah were you pissed um be honest you could be fully honest we'll cut all this yeah no i was more pissed at myself than because i was at like 98 pitches or something like that and i was i was i was tired oh you were yeah and that's that's what our it was the outing right before the all-star break i was um

I was tired to be honest. You need to have a sign in your back pocket where you can take it out and be like, I'm tired, guys, because I was mad for you, but I wish I had known I should have been not mad. I was also at 60 pitches, I think, through three innings. So I was really just – and that was one of the games where guys will say, like, you have 30 starts in a year. You're going to feel great for 10 of them. You're going to feel terrible for 10 of them, and then whatever, 10, you're going to –

you know it could go either way something like that i've heard that a number of different ways but that was kind of one of the ones where i just woke up and didn't feel great um yeah day games are tough like um so that was that was one where it was almost like i would bet we better get the pen going in the second because we'll see how far and then you end up going no hitter through seven yeah yeah it kind of funny how that works but um yeah that was i would i would

like I said, I was more pissed at myself because I was at 60 pitches through three innings. Okay. So we, we, we can't be, we can't be mad about that one because I, I, and I guess you, you have a long career. It's smart to take you out if you're tired, but I also, every time there's a no hitter or a perfect game, I'm like, if you think it was a perfect game, would you stayed in? Would you have at least fought for yourself to stay in? Yeah. I mean, and that's, that's one thing that, you know, I, I fight for myself to my, uh, you know, to an extent with all these games. Um,

Because there are games where I throw 100 pitches and I feel like I can throw 50 more. And there are games where I throw 85 and, you know, all right, that's it. So it really is game to game like that because I think we are stupid sports fans where we're like 100 pitches is always the number in our head. Like once you get over 100, oh, man, this is – but there are some days where it's like I can throw 150, no problem. Yeah, and I think –

I think that is one of the perks of being 22 probably. Yeah. Because I would do that pretty routinely last year at LSU. And, you know, we were all comfortable with it. You know, I would feel good the next day. My body was just built up. And I think it is, you know, still built up. But that is also – this is the longest season I've ever played because I've basically been full go since, you know, the start of spring training in February until now. So as opposed to –

whatever, February through June in college. Um,

So it's an adjustment. Yeah. So with the transition to the rookie year, I remember Jamar Chase, LSU guy, when he started playing with the Bengals in practice, he was like, it's going to take a second to get used to the ball. There's no white stripes on the ball in the NFL. But this might be a dumb question. In baseball, is there a difference between the college ball and the major league baseball? Yeah, big time. And I actually like the big league ball more, but the seams on a college ball are

The college balls are pretty bad. And because the seams vary so much, you know, you get one with big seams, small seams, and then you can feel like the, how hard the baseball is, how soft it is, that kind of thing. Just because like they're cheaply made. You can like feel it with the college balls.

and I think up to double A. Double A is kind of like the college ball, but then triple A and the big leagues use the same balls. And then spring training, we used big league balls also, and I threw with big league balls the entire offseason. So I think that you look at numbers, guys with 18 vert fastballs in college will get to

throwing with major league balls and it'll be a 14 vert fastball for example like everything just kind of moves a little bit less with a big league ball but they're more consistent they're I don't know they feel better in my hand so it's an adjustment to make I think some guys hate it some guys love it I'm probably on the love it side but

Yeah, it's definitely an adjustment. How many strikeouts do you have a number in your head that you have to reach where you don't have to worry about Baby Gronk anymore? Yeah.

No. Okay, so you think you could throw infinity strikeouts? You'd still have to worry about Baby Gronk? No. Oh, it's the other way? Yeah, other way. Okay, you don't have to worry about Baby Gronk. Yeah. Okay, all right, good. That's good because I don't know if that was ever in your head. You're like, Baby Gronk, he's trying to riz up my girlfriend. You've got to worry about this. I'm at the ballpark. Where's Baby Gronk? No, never worried about that.

All right, good. I think you're taking the right approach. Yeah. But I just wanted to make sure because we'll take care of Baby Gronk for you if you need us to. No, I don't. Yeah. I don't have –

social media or anything like that. That's smart. Really smart. Yeah, that stuff. Because I don't even want to start talking about the Rizzler and what could the Rizzler's, he's next up. I don't even know who that is. Yeah, right. And that's how I was with Baby Gronk or whatever. How long did it take for somebody to explain to you what was happening during the Baby Gronk thing?

Because I'm online and it still took somebody like 30 minutes for me to get it. It was basically like someone speaking Chinese to me. Yeah, somebody, I don't know, sent it to me or something. All right, whatever. Baby Gronk? Just some more stupid internet stuff. Yep, that's pretty much what it was. Stupid internet stuff. Yeah, that's it. Okay, we're not worried about Baby Gronk. And thank God you don't know who the Rizzler is. Maybe I'll tell you afterwards because he's like seven and he's a phenom. Oh, great. Yeah.

Paul Skeens is being brought to you by Verizon. We're excited for the best time of year, football season.

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I love looking. Definitely depends. Looking is sweet. Yeah. Especially, I mean, not, especially not one of those where, you know, one of those cheap ones where the umpire gives it to you. Yeah. And they're arguing. But like one where you just like kind of beat him. Yeah. He's sitting something else and you throw the, you know exactly what he's thinking. Right. Basically. I just love whenever you, whenever a pitcher like freezes a guy up because there's no, there's no worse feeling of like, I didn't even get to swing the bat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But do you have a favorite strikeout?

Like from this year? Yeah, or maybe a bat or from LSU? Probably, but I don't know. If there were one favorite, it would definitely be a looking strikeout. I'll say that. Okay. I don't know. Maybe – I don't even remember if my first strikeout was looking. Yeah. I mean the – Yeah, I guess my first strikeout. All-star game you had a strikeout, right? No. Oh, you didn't? No. Oh, man.

I can tell the kind of a bust. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't have started. Yeah. That's going on baby Gronk's bulletin board. When did you strike out the all-star game? When did you find out that you were going to start? Because we were saying like two weeks before that if baseball is smart, they will make sure that you start in the all-star game. Yeah. So I was on the Dan Patrick show and, um, the day after my start in Milwaukee, we had just gotten to Chicago. We were playing the white socks and

doing the podcast on the Dan Patrick show and our PR guy texted me said hey if you make sure to keep your phone on while you're I'm doing this thing on the laptop and he text me make sure to keep your phone on and if you get a call from whatever area code answer it I'm like all right like I think I know what this is then if I'm going to answer a call while I'm on a on the Dan Patrick show and

um but he tori lovello is the the manager and he ends up calling dan i think and uh he was like hey you know i chose you to start the all-star game and i was like oh okay and i didn't say yes or no and he he was like do you accept i'm like uh yeah of course i accept but he told me on air my you know my parents my family uh you know everyone's watching it and

So that everybody found out at the same time that I did, basically, while it was live on air. Yeah, that's very cool. Awesome. Where do you stand on robot umps? I like the challenge system. That's what we had in AAA. Yeah. I do like the human part of the game, which is kind of probably ironic to say, but we have a really good catcher, Yosemite Grandol. And that's obviously how I came up. I mean, Grandol...

you know, Henry, Joey, Bart, like they're, they can all catch, they can all receive. And that's part of the game is just stealing strikes. Um, and it's part, it's also part of the game of, you know, the cat and mouse game between the catcher, the pitcher, the umpire, all of it. Um, so I, I, I think if we're going to go any, anywhere with it, um, the challenge system, but I think it's, uh, I think full on robot arms is, it kind of just removes the purpose of a catcher a little bit. Um, you know, de-incentivizes, um,

framing and yeah you know making stuff yeah look good um which is you know i i for the longest time i wanted to be a big league catcher and um so i'm i'm biased there i kind of agree with that too and we always say that it's good to have somebody get mad at so if yeah always always be able to play yeah you're like the young fucked us on this one with a robot you can't really say that although you'd probably remember that pitch i think it was against the cubs right

There was one last night. There was one. It was against the Cubs a couple weeks ago where it was like 11 inches outside the strike zone, but it was a position player throwing it, so the umpire was just like, strike, let's get out of here. Yeah. In a 14-run ballgame. Yeah. Yeah. That was quite a game. You had to feel good, though, your manager having your back last night. Yeah. Yeah, because that was like a – I think he was like, no, you talked to me, yelling at the ump. Yeah, that was odd. That was the first time I've ever had something like that in my life.

in my career because that's not a thing in college. Yeah, because I guess the ump was mad you kind of walked off, but like – Yeah, I don't know. That's another thing. You know, Yaz is a really good – he fools me all the time with those – especially to the – you know, to my glove side. He's just so good at moving the ball there. And I thought it was like, you know, well within the zone. I look back and it was, you know, a ball or ball and a half outside.

um but yeah i didn't you know just kind of i thought he was you know stepping back to ring him up or something like that yeah yeah that's what i love about umpires though is that like they they will get i'm not saying this guy did it last night but they have egos too and so you gotta respect so you can throw a strike and then they're gonna be like nah fuck that guy he didn't walk off on me that's a ball yeah get back and then he'll start yelling at your manager to like get you in line i just it's

It's fun having big egos like Joe West, those kind of guys. And they're not always great for the players. I understand that. But as fans at home that enjoy chaos, that to me is like part of the charm of baseball. Yeah, just watch the world burn a little bit. Yeah, exactly. It was cool because Doug came up to me after and –

basically said, yeah, it's cool to watch you pitch from behind the plate, that kind of thing. He said he has five more years and he's looking forward to having me again and that kind of thing. So it was cool. Yeah, ended well. You don't seem like a guy that would try to show somebody up. No, and that's one thing that I was thinking about also is did I do anything? Because like he said, that was the first time I had ever had him behind the plate for one of my starts, but I know I'll have him again

You know, all these, that's really cool about the big leagues for me. You know, when I'm in college, up until the transfer portal thing, we're facing a team like,

I'm not going to play with those guys for at least three or four years until maybe I get to pro ball and they're on the same team. Transfer portal, it's a little different because you can play anyone and they're on your team the next year. But that's how pro ball is. You could trade for somebody, claim off waivers, that kind of thing. Anyway, it's cool for me to think about how anyone on –

on the Cubs could be on our team next year and yeah I could be playing with them you could be on the Cubs yeah like it's just you know we could we could all be playing together so it doesn't make any sense for me to have anyone on my bad side yeah and we're going to be playing against each other forever so it'd be cool if you reunited with Dylan Cruz at some point in DC that would be cool that would be awesome yeah he'd love to see that yeah we got him this weekend but

Yeah, that'd be cool. He's a guy I would love to play with. You mentioned like triple a ball and you did play at triple a to start the season. What was it like you, so you pitched 27 innings and you had 45 strikeouts. Was that just the coolest thing ever being like, I, this is so easy for me.

Yeah, I mean, there was, there were some growing pains there because I would, I had a pitch count every outing. Oh, okay. And I was, it was extremely frustrating for me to, because I'm learning how to pitch in pro ball, really. And a lot of these guys are big league hitters that are, you know, down there and getting called back up, that kind of rehab guys, that kind of thing. So I'm pitching against big leaguers, essentially, and, yeah.

I would have an outing where I'm at 60 pitches in three innings and I'd get pulled. I'd just be pissed for a week until I pitched the next time. That was the tough part for me. I was striking people out, whatever. 45 strikeouts in 27 innings is crazy. I was almost striking too many people out, I think, because it was so inefficient. I'm trying to learn how to... I'm getting a 3-2 count too often. I did that yesterday, too. Yeah.

Um, it was frustrating for me on that end is, you know, just trying to, cause I, you know, I can strike out however many people I want in three innings, but that's not, you know, there are still six innings left to play in the game. So I gotta, I gotta cover my innings. That's kind of how I was thinking about it. Um, as I was, as I was building up, I'm like, this is how it's going to have to be when I get to the show, you know?

So I was really just learning how to pitch in pro ball against big leaguers. When you get a 0-2 count, are you ever like, I'm not wasting one. Let me just strike him out right here. Yeah, it depends. I think sometimes it's like that and sometimes –

um i mean if there are runners on it's it's different but sometimes i i play around too much yeah more than i should but yeah so you know still learning getting cute yeah they're like upset with you in triple a ball because they can't see you pitch out of the stretch enough you don't know how he does the runners on 45 straight yeah yeah i saw you are you throwing a slinker yeah they call it a splinker i call it the sinker oh splinker what's the difference split

And sinker. Yeah. What's the difference between the two? So the splitter is like a true, you split the ball in between your fingers, obviously in between your fingers, but kind of more in the middle of the ball. The sinker, it's usually fingers together, and it's just you throw it harder and it moves down an arm. So I split my fingers a little bit. I don't split the ball, but I split my fingers a little bit, and it just comes off my fingers in a way that it breaks spin and it makes the ball move down.

basically not necessarily more than anybody else. It's just a little bit different, I think. I just like the name, The Splinker. Splinker's a great name. Have you thought about throwing in Ephus?

No. Gyro Ball? Off-season project. Yes. Dude, the Ephus would fuck people up. Like every now and then. I'm not saying every game, but if you had an Ephus just every, I don't know, once a month, it would work. Yeah. Because no one would expect it. It's too slow for them. Yeah. Zach Granke. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Granke used to do it. It was so much fun, too, because you're like, what was that? Yeah. And actually, the only downside of the Ephus, I feel like umps don't know how to call them.

Yeah, the one that was 11 inches out of the strike zone. You might get that call. Yeah, maybe. That'd be nice. So are you working on new pitches during the season, or is that strictly an off-season thing? I think it depends. When I was in college last year, when I was at LSU, I was holding a baseball one day, and I'm like, oh, this grip feels good, and started throwing it. I wanted it to be a gyro slider, basically. I was throwing the sweeper. I wanted it to be something that was more down and

you know, just straight down basically. Um, and then I ended up throwing it and it's, it's a full on curve ball, which is what I'm throwing now. And I started throwing it the next, next, uh, outing. And that, that, that was how I did it last year. I, and it, it just worked, but I haven't felt the need to do that this year. Um, so, you know, we'll see where we're at next year, probably an off season thing if I'm going to add stuff. Um,

Yeah, I just haven't felt the need to do that this year. I love the idea of you just holding a baseball and being like, oh, I'm holding it differently than I've held it before. Let's see if I can throw it like this. That's how pitch design comes. I mean, that's pretty much all my pitches. Yeah, you should just carry around a baseball with you at all times. Yeah, I've had... It's like you're moving it and you're like, oh, what's this? A few pitching coaches tell me I should...

you know, drive around, have at least one baseball in my truck, you know, um, do, you know, and just hold it while, you know, just play around with it. Oh, that feels good. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah, I mean, there, there's something to it. Cause that's how I, that's how I figured out the sinker.

um splinker um and so i figured out the curveball change up you know way back so yeah it'd be funny if you were like out at a restaurant somebody's like i think that's paul skeens but i'm not sure and you're just holding a baseball looking at it so funny story on that that's how i knew i was going to go to lsu um because we were i'm touring i'm on my official visit there and i'm touring around um went to the football stadium touring the campus that kind of thing and then we're going to dinner we're going to

you know, whatever steakhouse it was with the coaches. And it's just me and, you know, Jay Johnson, our head coach, Wes Johnson, the pitching coach, and then Josh Jordan, our recruiting coordinator. So just me and three, you know, they're all like five, five, five, six, and then me. And so it was kind of funny, but Wes, Wes, you know, is the pitching coach. He made me take a ball so we could go there and talk pitch grips. And then within like 10 minutes of us being at dinner, I'm like,

I'd be an idiot not to go here. He just made me bring a baseball to Roots or whatever it was. I'm holding it while we're getting our calamari and that kind of thing. And he's telling me about, oh, this is seam shifted, whatever. And so I was like, yeah, this is how I know I'm going to LSU. Yeah, that sounds like it's a good fit. That also just dawned on me. I never even thought about it, but you're kind of right. I feel like all college coaches are just short, angry guys. Yeah.

They do have a breed to them, college baseball coaches. Yeah, that's how we had the shortest coaching staff in the country when I was there, yeah. Maybe it's because I feel like catchers make really good coaches, so it's a lot of catchers who are shorter. Yeah. Yeah, but it does. When I close my eyes and think of a college baseball coach, it's like a 5'5 angry guy. Super tan. Yeah, super tan. Never worn sunscreen. Yeah, like actually uncomfortably tan. Yeah. We're like, should he get that checked out?

yeah yeah i love that i i read that you were uh you were a narc in college oh no arc yeah is that true depends who you ask uh you would you would you would patrol around the uh the dorms and be like that guy's bed's not good enough oh so so yeah so so we had gosh what was it called um your your rooms have to be an ammy is what it's called uh am inspection is you know that's how it is and and uh

Freshman, your rooms had to be in Sammy condition, Saturday morning inspection. And we were, I forget what the job was called, but we're in our squadron. There are 40 squadrons and then you have, I can't even remember how many elements and flights there are, just the breakdown of it. But everybody has a job within the squadron. And so my job is basically to inspect other people's rooms, other squadrons rooms during the day when I'm not in class and that kind of thing. That's just...

how we do it. So I go to, I go to someone's room and it was pretty tough. You can't have your locks unlocked while you're there. Cause that's a security violation. You got to, you know, if you have classified documents and that kind of thing, we're kind of just training for, you know, to be in the operational air force and, you know, locks were unlocked. He had a big Chicago bulls flag on contraband. Yeah. Contraband. And I was like, I, if I put my name, I was just thinking like, I'm a sophomore, uh,

if I put my name on this and you know, a major or a Lieutenant Colonel or something walks by and sees this and sees that I give, uh, gave this guy a passing score when it's clearly not a passing score. And which might've been a little bit, uh, paranoid on my part, but I was like,

screw it this guy needs to clean his room and i wrote like i don't know whatever 50 or whatever um was he your friend no i didn't know oh that's gotta suck to see like turn on the tv and see you dominating be like that was the guy yeah yeah that was the narc maybe he was right maybe that inspires him to clean his what would you give this room we keep it oh yeah pretty tidy we pass

Well, I mean, it looks fun, but I mean, you're not sleeping in here or anything, right? I got classified. People have slept in here? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. This wouldn't be in the condition that the Air Force... Oh, you think so? But it's a pretty cool room. We've also had like the last... I do have this. The last month we've been like, we're going to clean. We're going to clean.

Oh, that's sick. F-15 Eagle, 104-0. Yeah. All-time record. 104-0. Love it. Never been shot down. Yeah. Classified. This might be a dumb question because it kind of shows that I don't have a lot of ambition, but I always dream about being a Major League Baseball player and not pitching, but the days off. Are they awesome? Especially after you win?

So I do it differently. Okay. I think if you ask somebody else, it would be a different answer. But I, I 90% of the time when we have a day off, I'm at the field. All right. So yeah, this is my lack of ambition where I'm just like, I would love to win a game and then just like fuck around for days. Yeah. Position players, uh, 95% of them don't come to the field. You need a, you need your days off, but some guys come to lift and you know, hot tub, cold tub, whatever it is. Um,

But, yeah, I don't – a lot of guys, you know, golf or, you know, do whatever on the day off. You just love being at the field. I just – the way I see it, like if I'm – if I pitch –

You know, I pitch every six days, and if the off day falls on the fourth day, I got to stay on schedule. Yeah. That's just how I am. Okay. But, yeah, not everybody. Probably why you're really good at pitching. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's not – I basically daydream about the days off. I'd be like, I'm on vacation right now. Yeah. Yeah, and there are times where I need a day off too. I mean –

It's such a long season. Yeah, it is. It's crazy. Yeah, it's literally three times as long as the college season. Yeah, and you were talking earlier about you were a Friday night guy. You were the guy that would get the ball in his hands on Friday nights. And you can sense like a big sense of pride when you say I was the Friday night guy. Yeah, so I think I said that when I was – because that was when I was at Air Force. And I basically convinced our coach to let me pitch on Fridays so that I could start – so that I could catch on Sundays.

Because I couldn't catch on Friday and then throw on Sunday, which is what he wanted me to do at the beginning. And we just figured out that I couldn't do that. My arm would feel terrible because we did that in the fall. And, yeah, so that's, you know, I pitched on Fridays at Air Force and I pitched on Fridays at LSU, obviously, too. But that started just because I wanted to catch on Sundays. Did any pitchers ask you to maybe not throw it back so hard?

Maybe at one point. That's like – I never even – it just dawned on me like Paul Skeens is throwing it back to you. That kind of sucks. That was a, hey, dude, that pitch sucked. So here it is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Other than that, I'd just lob it back. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think you could compete in the home run derby? Not right now. I do think – I think it was Marco Gonzalez.

One of our other pitchers who said this earlier this year, they need to have a pitcher's home run derby. Yes. Oh, I like that. Yeah. And at the end of my hitting career, I was hitting like twice a week because that's all they would let me do because they're like, you know, we need to manage your back and your hips and your shoulders, that kind of thing. So I'd hit twice a week and I just completely lost feel for it and I was just spraying balls to right field. That's the only place I could hit it. That's the only place I was hitting them out to right field, but...

Could not pull the ball at all. So if we did a home run derby, I would be just peppering it over the Mane wall. That's a great idea. Like, I would watch the hell out of him. I mean, Shohei would just... Yeah, well, he doesn't... He's about to win the MVP. Yeah, he's just a freak. Like, you being in the game and pitching every six days, like, how insane is it that he's doing this where it's just... He does everything. Yeah, it's crazy. And I think one of the reasons that...

Because my body didn't feel great when I would two-way. But I was a righty hitter, righty pitcher. So I think it might help him a little bit to be a righty pitcher and a lefty hitter. Yeah. Balance it all out. But regardless, that's unbelievable. Like, I've never been in the locker room with him. So I've never seen how hard he works and that kind of thing. But it has to be.

just unbelievable work ethic intensity and all of it like yeah to go out there and do that it's it's not unbelievable is there one guy that has hit exceptionally well off you like is there a guy that you're very careful around already um it feels like i mean definitely him yeah yeah i'm gonna look it up i feel like you've played against the cubs a lot yeah we have i probably shouldn't

Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Ops act. Say it. Yeah. Classified information. No. Or ops are listening. I don't know. Yeah. The Cubs are tough to face. They're not. They really are. No, you don't have to say that. No, they are. They're not that tough. All right. Let's see. Cody Bellinger is two for seven off of you. That's not great. Nico's got a home run off you. He's two for five. He's probably the best. Yeah. And then, yeah. So that's, yeah, you can't get Nico out.

There you go. Yeah. He's the Paul stopper. Yeah. He's also got two Ks, uh, but that's, Oh no, he has actually hasn't, he hasn't gotten struck out by you, but yeah. So there it is. Nico Horner. Yeah. He's the Paul stopper. We got one. I guess so. Yeah. Um, all right. So I, this has been awesome. We're going to, like I said, it's great that you're doing this work with the Gary Sinise foundation. We're going to match, uh,

for the rest of the season. I'm going to double. So go get some more strikeouts. I had one last question. Roback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K dot com. Promo code take 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback dot com. Promo code take. Pittsburgh. We love Pittsburgh. It's

The fans, the people, the city, it's like one of our favorite cities. Do you feel like you're finally home at Pittsburgh? I know you've had a crazy last couple years, but have you had a chance to enjoy the city and be like, this place rocks? Yeah, it's a cool place. Stadium's obviously really cool. Only problem is the rain. I mean, that's just, I think my first six or seven outings at home, there was some sort of rain delay or it was raining when we started the game or whatever.

something like that or it rained that day whatever but fans are great um stadium's awesome just beautiful to to look out there i i live outside the city a little bit and so we i don't go into the city a ton um they have a canes in the city so i go in there to get that sometimes but yes um we've we've spent some off days in there it's a cool place to to hang out and

you know, just, it's just a really cool place. Yeah. Talk to Todd Graves, get something on the menu at, at Cairns where it's the, uh, the Pittsburgh style, where it's the tenders and the fries. Yeah. I've never had, uh, what is that? Permanente brothers. Yeah. I've never had a sandwich from there. It's good. It's really good. Yeah. It's very good. Yeah. Um, but I've heard about that. Yeah. Have you, uh, have you talked to anybody on the Steelers? Is there a relationship there? Like if, if they need an emergency quarterback, uh, not yet. Um, I haven't, I haven't talked to anyone yet. Um,

Do you have a pro team? Because you were from California. Did you root for an NFL team? No. Steelers. Just say Steelers. Steelers. Big time Steelers fan. There you go. Here we go. That's going to lead the 7 o'clock news in Pittsburgh. Paul Skeen says he's always been a Steelers fan. My whole life.

Seriously, that's how you get them. In Pittsburgh, there's other sports teams, but you guys are the baseball Steelers. And then there's the hockey Steelers. They're just always thinking about the Steelers. That is one thing that's interesting about the fans, I think. They're all Steelers fans that just come to the games. They come to...

yell and and i've never been in the in the stand so i'm just having a gas they're coming to yell and drink and and just have a good time yeah um which makes it fun to to be out there yeah they're rowdy yeah you got to go to a steelers game yeah i do yeah yeah it's a great city i mean it's walking distance it's right there yeah it is one of our favorite cities because just i don't know people are just they're great people and they love they love their sports and

And they also love food that's not healthy for you, which is something we love as well. We're just describing ourselves. One of a kind city. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Paul, thank you so much, man. We really appreciate you stopping by anytime you're in Chicago, which, again, I feel like you pitch against Cubs like every other day. Yeah. It's at least twice a year at this point that we're coming out here. Yeah. That was my fourth start against the Cubs. I know. Seriously, I was just like, what the fuck? How is he doing this again? Yeah.

Yeah. But thanks so much, man. We really appreciate you stopping by. Yeah. No, I appreciate you guys. Yeah. Thanks, man. Welcome back to another Fire Fest of the Week brought to you by our friends at Morgan & Morgan. You know what really sucks? Having a loud dog living next to you and you can't figure out how to make it be quiet and you don't get any sleep and then you come into work and you're grumpy.

That really stinks. You know what really stinks? Being tired during the day, taking a nap, and then having your coworkers just assault you for exercising your right to take a little snooze midday. It stinks. You know what doesn't stink? Calling Morgan & Morgan so they can help get you what you deserve.

While they can't help Hank catch his Z's and wake up refreshed, they can help to fight you get full and fair compensation when you're injured. They're fees-free unless they win. For more information, go to ForThePeople.com slash PMT or dial pound law, pound 529 from your cell phone. For more information, go to ForThePeople.com slash PMT or dial pound law, pound 529 from your cell phone. Okay, let's wrap up the show. Firefest of the week. Henry. Danny. Danny.

Is your Fyre Fest at memes is Hollywood? What's the beef with memes? Memes has posted the picture of his living room set up in, I think, four different social media departments or four different social media platforms. And Hank has now started calling him Mr. Hollywood. Oh, he's just doing his jobs. I'm poking a little fun. I like memes coming out of his shell, but I like to poke fun, too. What's the beef, though? I don't have beef with memes. Memes has beef with me. No beef. No beef for me. No beef? Is it because Hank...

You think memes maybe post some mean things about us? I mean, you guys would probably agree. There's sometimes insult clips. I don't think it's a grand conspiracy. That's the gig. He's doing his job. That is the gig. No, I know. I think you actually commissioned the Bears hit piece on me. That's what I'm saying. I get it. Did you commission that piece? Which one? The one where I was like week to week.

like, Oh no, that was great though. Yeah. That was, listen, that was an insult clip, but it did crazy numbers. Right. I was just, I just, I, it was more that I think the 17th time I saw the TV thing, I just laughed. Yeah. Holly memes. Listen, he got a great feedback. There's there's, it's a good, it's a good feeling. I get it. He found his people. It made me laugh. Yeah. No, it made me like, it's just, just found his crew. Just poking.

fun there also was a couple guys there was one guy who had a setup that he looked like uh was morgan freeman and batman yeah did you remember that did you see that memes that one guy set up jealous he had like 15 tvs that guy rocks that's pretty good also maybe i'm just walk because i i remember when i was finally like we moved to new york i was like all right and then i'm i think i lived with roommates

And when I finally moved in my own apartment, there is no better feeling than getting the like. But then I was having issues where people were coming to my house being like, what is this control center? Yeah, when it's not like a night of a sporting event and somebody walks in there. You should see my basement. They're like, what is this? What closed circuit television cameras are these? So I'm no longer in that game, but I kind of miss it. I love the outdoor TV setup. Yeah. Especially this time of year. This is a good outdoor weekend to watch football. Yeah. Memes, I got to send you my setup.

I got five. I love it. I love it. Yeah. People just send me TVs. It's incredible. It's the best. Maximum amount of TVs. I actually, I can't get enough of it. Memes. I want you to post it more. I had a plan for Sunday. Oh, hell yes. Let's go. Memes. Holly memes. Okay. And I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I mean, I feel like my rep is just complaining about my horse. So I'm not going to do it. Nine daughter. I'm going to do it. I saw that amateur did it.

Yeah, an amateur did it. Memes posted that. There's a chance that, well, I think I posted first. Oh, so memes stole your content. No, he's doing his job. He's just doing his job. And I'm not complaining because I accepted it. I could have vetoed it, but I didn't.

And the reason... This is really good that you're not complaining. That I didn't. No, I'm just explaining my reason. I don't even know what he's talking about right now. Hank's Firefest. I love Nine Darters. Hank's Firefest is that he can't complain about his Firefest. My TikTok algorithm is Nine Darters. So in my head, I'm like, I've seen so many Nine Darters. Right. How hard could it be?

So that was my thinking when I accepted it. And then afterwards, when the show ended and we looked into the probability and math of it, I came to the realization that I made a mistake. That's not a fire fest. Last Saturday, last week of the year, boat party. I showed up like 80 person boat party. White party didn't know.

Are you talking about when Kent State and Pittsburgh were playing? It was the day of Kent State and Pittsburgh. I showed up to a boat. There's eight people on board. No, there's brothers. Everyone was wearing white. You were the only person? There was like one other guy, but he was like kind of like purplish later. I was wearing like a neon blue shirt. This is why we never get invited to the Fanatics party. Yeah. So what happened?

It was just kind of awkward. And it was like I knew a few people on the boat, but it was like mostly a bigger group of friends that I was like not in. Why didn't they have T-shirts for people? I don't know. I mean, everyone was cool. If it was like all my friends, it's one thing to joke about, but I was kind of just like introducing people. Yeah, that's brutal. I would have gone home and watched Kent State Pittsburgh. Well, you knew before you got on the boat. I knew as I was there. You stepped on the boat knowing.

I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't have gotten on the boat. But I also thought it was like, yeah, it's a white. Because when someone else was going to both of where you wearing white on the way there, I was like, wow, I'd be wearing white. It's like it's a white party. And I was like, and then I was like, well, sure. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like if you're having a white party, you have to have an extra T-shirt or two. Yeah. You have to have some linen pants. Yeah. Various people a chance. Yeah. You got to be ready for that. How is this white party advertised?

I just got an invite from, I think, they were just trying to fill out the boat. Like I said, it was a bigger group of college friends. Got it. And then they were just trying to get in. You were the weird guy. But nobody told you. I was the extra invite. Yeah, my invite didn't get in. It's the guy's fault. Yeah, fringe guy. I don't like the white party. No one looks great in white. Why don't we do a sweatshirt party? Well, some people look good in white. Yeah, that's true. Who's that?

people that aren't fat. Yeah. Yeah. I thought maybe he had brides. Yeah. Brides. Yeah. You're a wedding guy. Yeah. I got another one. Saints with their storm trooper. Yeah. I thought the Ravens look good in white tonight. Storm troopers, Ravens sweatshirt party. I'll host it. We're baggiest sweatshirt. I mean, that's a Sunday. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You're invited. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Uh, PFT. Good fire fest, Hank. Thanks. Uh,

Mike went to a sick boat party. Yeah. And he was not dressed correctly. What a fire fist. An 80-person boat party. An 80-person wake. While the rest of us were just living our sad life watching Mac football. I was on a boat with all these people getting drunk on a perfect day outside. It was a really nice day. Wait, didn't you also golf that day? I did.

did oh what a day oh that day his day was filled with not watching football at what point during this day hang it sounds like you were pretty busy on the course and then going out to the lake at what point did you get a chance to peek in at the wisconsin game that was friday that's why he watched every second of that somehow it was yeah well it was just on at the ball yeah he watched every second mm-hmm

All right, BFT. My Fire Fest of the Week is Blake-related. So I picked Blake up from daycare the other day and put him in the El Camino. And he loves to ride home, sticks his head out the window and has a great time saying hi to everybody in the neighborhood. As I was leaving, there was a little person that was walking by. A child? It was a little person. And Blake...

looked like he was going to attack this little person i mean like went out of his way to really let the little person know don't get near my car and i think that blake might be racist against little people

Because there was one point where I brought him into the office and he saw Zah in the office. He started barking his head off at Zah, nobody else. And then I was, for a second, I was ashamed. I was like, is my dog racist? And then we had to see if he was racist and he didn't bark at anybody else who had darker skin. And so I'm like, okay, cool. My dog's not racist.

But now there's beginning to be a pattern where I see evidence that he does not like little people. Isn't this something that starts at the home? Yeah. Well, that's what I was thinking. I'm a little person. No, it sounds like you might be like, oh, yeah.

Like he can tell that my own hatred for my own small stature. Well, I think you probably look down on people smaller than you. Well, yeah, because my eyes are higher. Right. But you also were like, oh, at least I'm not that height. Huh? I don't know. I don't know what it is. The vibes would say that. Because I was thinking the same thing. I was like, he spends all his time around me and I'm, you know, I'm not a tall, I'm not a tall man. Yeah. But I'm not a small man. I'm a little bit small.

I'm a little bit small. Also, Firefest is a picture of me, you, and Paul Skeens because I haven't looked at it. I don't plan on looking at it, but I got to find shorter people to hang out with. I mean, I'm dealing with my once a year I shave the whole face, just mustache for advisors, and I just realized that my chin is just hideous. I don't think you look good this year. No, this is just flabby.

Shane got it. Shane just zoomed in on it for Stella Blue Coffee. By the way, buy Stella Blue Coffee. Fall flavors out. StellaBlueCoffee.com. Next intern we get can they be on the shorter side just so I don't look so short in pictures? Well, no, because then they can't take care of Blake. That's true. That's a very good point. Yeah. But yeah, so I don't know if that's an actual thing where some dogs don't like little people. What about children? I think it's you. I think there's no bad dogs. Oh, my God. I look so fat. But he loves kids.

Yeah, that's weird. We look bad with Paul Skeen. Don't tweet. Oh, no, we shouldn't say that. Memes are going to come out right away. Well, good news, Hank. Maybe this means that he'll just stop posting his living room. Also, really bad. Oh, my God, this is a bad tweet. Yeah, really bad to do.

We as guys got to stop doing the arms around each other. It's the fucking weirdest thing we do. This picture goes nowhere. Everyone just stand with your arms to the sides, maybe flex. There's nothing worse than doing the awkward post-golf round. Ten dudes just standing with their arms around each other. You don't look good when you put your arm like this. Hank, if you release this picture, the Drake May t-shirt comes out. Oh, fuck. All right, I'll delete it. Did you post it? You already posted it.

It was like three seconds. No. Okay. Jesus. That was so quick. So quick. After he complained all day about means. Yeah. Wow. Okay. This isn't a bad hypocrisy.

All right, my Fyre Fest is easy, is quick. I went to, we, right before the game, I went to my son's school, kindergarten. He started kindergarten two weeks ago, and he had his, like, meet the teacher, like, see his classroom parent night. And there was these pictures up, and all the kids did, like, my name is, I'm this years old, and I love this. And, like, every single kid was like, mommy and daddy, daddy.

My dog. All these things. I don't think you can probably tell what this is, PFT, but you can take a look and take a guess. This is what he loves. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know what that is. I asked him. TVs. Nope. Rocks. Okay. Loves rocks. So that's what I got. I'm second place to rocks. Yeah, he's going to be a geologist. It was just two rocks. I love rocks. Every other kid was just like mommy and daddy.

I love my family. Rocks. Yeah, he's going to study the earth. It's like, okay. Dude, that was such a great time as a kid, though. Yeah. I feel like every kid went through a phase where they just were obsessed with rocks. Oh, yeah. Dude, no. No. Yeah. He dig up a rock and you hold. Am I weird for that? No, no, no. He likes finding. Yeah. Looking around for rocks and be like, oh, my God, this is a great. Oh, we'll go to the park. And then when we get home.

I'll notice his pockets are sagging and there's just rocks in there. He's collecting all the rocks. Remember geodes? Yeah. Geodes were great. I will say in his defense, though, there was another moment where he saw one of his friends and his friend was like, my dad's so strong. And my son was like, my dad's actually the strongest. I was like, fuck yes, finally. Love that. Finally. So I'm back. I'm all the way back. Love it. My daughter said I could lift a school bus the other day.

I might have to do that. That might be a punishment. Lifting a school bus? Yeah, for pics. I could probably do it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's videos of people doing it. Yeah, right. What videos? Oh, what if we had to do a strong mania to like tow a... Remember they used to tow like a... That's something. Maybe there's... Yeah, they used to tow like a fire truck shit and stuff like that. Where they have to pick up the giant rock and walk with it. Oh, we should do a CrossFit, the Murph or whatever it is. Nope, nope.

Get so hurt. Get so hurt. We get so hurt. Somebody just died doing that. Yeah. Well, they were swimming. It's part of the CrossFit thing. I understand. I don't think it was the Murph. That was also very tragic. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Horrendously tragic. There's people everywhere. I still want you guys to set up your own podcast.

Yeah, we will. Yeah, we will. That video will be funny. Yeah, we will. Maybe in football offseason. Nah. We got the advertiser too. Oh, okay. Signed on. Oh, nice. They did? Yeah. You're closing deals? In principle. The weed guy? Fuck yes. Okay. He rocks. What did he say? Oh, what does he drink in the morning? I don't know. I can't remember. Something really cool. Ja latte or something?

I have no idea what you're talking about. Ja, like... Yeah, it was just a word. He just drinks weed. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Ja latte? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, like Rastafari. Yeah, yeah. He was like Ja latte every morning. I was like, yeah, okay. Rastafine. Yeah. Max, you got one? Yeah, it's bad. Oh. Oh, yeah, I know your fire fest. Oh, lay it on us. No, I didn't even tell you the real fire fest. Oh, no. Oh, no. Because you do have a fire fest tomorrow night.

What's that? Just trying to figure out how to watch the game tomorrow night. Why? Yeah, because Mr. Nuptials is going to another wedding. You have another wedding tomorrow? I have another one this week. I have another one next week. And I have one two weeks after that. I feel like Max is the wedding ringer where you're a good wedding guest. So you get invited. I am a great wedding guest. How did they all do their weddings in the fall? I didn't go to any this summer. They're all in August and September. That's insane. Four and five weeks. I'm excited for all of them. Anyone who listens, I'm sure they're all great.

It sounds like you really love them. No, I do. They're fun. I do. I mean, weddings are great. Yeah. It is awesome. You got to meet Trump. Not necessarily. I didn't meet him. He was there, though. My Fyre Fest is that I'm fat and I have a deviated septum. What? What?

You have a deviated septum? You just got it? No, I've had one for a while. Snoring? So you have a deviated septum and a bad toe? Well, yeah. Okay. These are fat guy injuries. Well, no, it sounds like Max's. Let him finish. I got a rotten toe and deviated septum. Those are fat guys.

I don't think these are all things that add up to snoring. The rotten toe. And it sounds like maybe you're waking your neighbor's dog up in the morning, and that's why your dog starts barking, waking you up. No. Okay. So keep going. Keep going. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't know. I just got to figure it out. My nose is clogged at all times. Like, I can rarely breathe out my nose, and I'm trying the mouth tape.

And like I go to sleep with the mouth tape on and then I just at some point in the night just rip it off because like I can't breathe that. So this is what I do. Remember in camp when you ate the mouth tape? I ate the mouth tape. Yeah, you did. We woke up the next morning. You're like, I don't know where my mouth tape is. You ate the mouth tape in the middle of the night. I didn't eat it. That's 100% what happened. That's not what happened. You couldn't find it. I did find it. I did find it. Okay, keep going. It was just like underneath my bed. Underneath my bed. Whatever.

I need... This is honestly like a plea to AWLs who... Because I got kicked out of my bed this week. What?

which was a real like I gotta figure this out. Oh no. I actually do think that you're waking the dog up and that's why the dog wakes you up. No because the dog wakes up at 6.15. You need to get one of those like TikTok videos where they like pour tea out like through one of your nostrils and comes out the other one and then you're fucked. And it doesn't it's been it's bad recently. I don't know if it's allergies or something like

There's something that happened and maybe it's not. Maybe it is. Are we worried? It is the apartment. And I want to say this in the nicest way possible. This is going to... You don't start something like that and then say anything remotely nice. Mrs. Delente, if you're listening to this podcast right now, turn it off right now. We don't need you anymore. She's going to listen. Okay. Turn it off. Are we like in the like...

Max could die in a sleep stage? No, no, no. It feels like you're struggling to breathe in the middle of the night. No, that was with the mouth tape. I think that snoring is the one ailment or whatever you want to call it that people go through that has the most quack science remedies that don't work. The ones at the bottom of the shittiest news articles you'll ever read where it's the sponsored post things. It's like, here's how to cure snoring. Tie a tennis ball around your waist.

I haven't seen any of that, but if anyone wants to tell me something like that, I'll try it. I mean, girlfriend, try and plug your nose.

No. That's what I'd do to my brother. I would just walk up and just fucking... What a dick! It would stop him. I mean, he would do it to me. We lived in the same room. I snored, too. You guys just spent the whole childhood plugging each other's noses? Your parents walk in, and it looks like Hank's trying to kill his brother. Like, I'm sniffling at all times. I just sniffled right there. It's just... I gotta figure out a way... Because a mouth tape is fine, and I put in nasal spray before I go to bed, and it's fine. I go to sleep...

And I don't snore and it's great. But then midway through the night, like the nasal spray wears off and then my nose is just plugged again. You might be addicted to nasal spray. Your body might be addicted to it. So when it goes like hours without it, it just gets stuffy. No, but this is like a past week thing. Oh.

I don't know. I don't know. I'm stumped. I gotta try the... Do you think those nasal strips can't do anything, right? I think you need one of the huge machines. No. Like the iron lung. You need an iron lung. It's not that bad. But like the... Am I right? You gotta try it, dude. I know. I gotta try it. Sounds like you gotta try everything. We'll sleep upside down. That sounds bad.

No, I got to try it. If anyone out there knows any remedies, let me know. You know the tea I'm talking about? No. Are you talking about the neti pot? Yeah. Well, you use the mouth tape, right, Hank? Yes, I use the mouth tape. It helps. You should do it on the podcast. But I do. I do. I need to say I don't talk. Can't exist. That's true. You're right. You're right on that one.

Yeah, the neti pot. But yeah, sometimes- No, neti pot rocks. Neti pot's wild. But also you can die from the neti pot. Did you know that? No. Yeah. If you don't use the right water, it can go into your brain and kill you. You can die from anything. If there's an amoeba, a brain-eating amoeba that's inside your water and then poured into your nose, it goes into your brain. Yeah, crazy. That's why you want to boil that shit. I would say it's like 25% of the time I wake up with the mouth tape still on.

I either drool through it and it falls off, or I just rip it off in my sleep. That's how I am with the old Bluetooth blindfold. In the morning, I wake up, and it's on the ground somewhere. I don't know if I was listening to a podcast that I hated, and I threw it off. It's like, God damn it, Alex Cooper, she's done it again. I'll never be as good. So the AWLs need to come to your defense. Basically, just let me know. Come to your rescue. Yeah. I don't know what that is.

I like this. Instead of seeing doctors, we just ask the listeners. Yeah, I like that. Help us out, boys. I'm just going to use that for my fire fest. Would you do a sleep study? The next fat ailment I do. Should we all do a sleep study? I did a sleep study when I was a kid. No, I don't want to know. I did a sleep study when I was a kid. I don't sleep, and when I do, I sweat. That could be kind of funny. Yeah, maybe...

Maybe we should do some sleepers. Who's the worst sleeper? Who's the best? Who's the worst sleeper? This could be sponsored.

I bet you there's a place that's doing this. We should do a sleep study. I did a sleep study when I was a kid. Yeah, I'd like to see all our stats. I was falling asleep while driving. The only requirement. I can't have that. Wait, what? When you said kid, I thought you meant like 13. No, like high school. You fell asleep while driving? I would just doze off. And did you crash? I didn't crash. In the morning on the way to school? No. Because it was 6 a.m.? I would drive for baseball practice at like 5.

five o'clock i was just doing too much shit i was waking up too early and like working out and going to baseball practice you might have narcolepsy that's what happens dude falling almost falling asleep driving is the scariest oh yeah that's why i had to get a sleep study a couple times where it's like i've been so exhausted and it's it you just got to pull over and shut your eyes it's scary max i just looked up webmd remedies for snoring

They're going to say that I'm dying. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Tell me if you would consider any of these. Lose weight. Yep. Yep. Why don't we belly slice her anymore? Let's use weight. No, we'll eat meats. Nothing else. Avoid alcohol. Nope. Okay. Practice good sleep hygiene. I guess I do. I don't even know what that means. I think it means you like take a shower before bed. It sounds like you might sleep too hard. Like when you turn off, you're off.

Yeah. Open nasal passages. What does that even fucking mean? That means like use some of that. Use some of those. Breathe right. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Maybe the breathe right strips will work. Yeah. Because the mouth tape works. I just I rip it off and then it doesn't work anymore. When's the last time you washed your pillows? Literally like yesterday. Okay. God. Those pillows can talk. Those pillows are chilling.

I always put one between my legs. Always? I go one between my legs, one body, one head. I go under the arms sometimes. Do you stay well hydrated?

No. Okay. Yeah, you got to do that body armor. But that's such bullshit. Anytime you complain about anything on that. Drink more water. Yeah. But it actually does cure everything. But if you drink too much, then you die. I'm pretty fat, too. Yeah. Dry drowning. I almost just drank Pugs water. Okay. So help us out, AWLs. Help Max out. We got to get him sleeping. Okay. Good show, boys. We got a new sponsor alert for the lottery ball. Bing, bing, bing.

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I wouldn't wish this on my worst Hank. You would love for this to be Hank. You would wish this upon Hank. Hey, remember when we said we were going to clean the studio before football season? Whoops. Let's do it. Let's do it next week. Let's have a clean day. Pick a time, we'll clean. We'll make a PMTV out of it. Yeah, love it. 12. Tommy.

Love you guys. What was that, Shane? Yeah, 21. He's a horny guy. That's not even close to 12. Same numbers. Yeah. Love you guys. Shane, have you ever gotten it? Yeah. Oh, you have. Okay. Memes hasn't gotten it in either studio. Memes is a big loser. Never have gotten it. But he's got sick TVs. Yep. Buy another TV this weekend, Memes. Okay.

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