Synced: Ellory
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Hi, Liz. Hi. Do you got numbers? Not numbers, but yeah, they're going up levels. Yeah, you got to hit record.

Oh, I wasn't recording. Numbers is what we are looking for. We need that to be moving up at all times. Thank you. Thank God for the both of you. Rob was almost not going to be on. Rob, you always just, you know, for the first few, I know we've already done a first few. We've done a year. We've done a year.

Just the first few years and then it should be fine. And I'll get it in my 50s. Do you think podcasting will exist in our 50s? What will it be? I don't know if the world will exist. Yeah, that's a better point. Or we'll be in pods and our robots will be serving us Cheez-Its. And I think it might be a better world. We won't have jobs because the robots will do all the jobs. And we'll figure something out where we all...

live in comfortable homes with robots who serve as Cheez-Its and it's utopia. Robots serving you Cheez-Its seems like a specific fantasy you've already thought about. What would be the number one thing if you had a robot and they were like, I can only do one thing, but I will do it really well and you'll never have to do it for the rest of your life. Like, what would it be? They can do anything? Anything.

This is such a great question. I'm tempted to say something work-related, but I think that's short-sighted because my life and job can and will evolve and change over time. So what if I...

teach the robot to do one thing and then I've wasted it. So really it has to be something that I know I'm going to need for the rest of my life. Yeah. If someone had asked me maybe when I was in high school or something like that, oh, writing all these essays. Remember we just used to write by hand and now obviously there are still moments where we write, but that would be so frustrating if you were like, that's all my robot can do. Then I think I am going to go with

Some sort of food delivery situation. Oh, like a robot who makes your food and delivers it? A robot chef. I don't think that's that far away. Remember we were supposed to go to the robot chef place and we never went in Pasadena? We kind of dropped the ball on that.

We did. Now we can revisit it. It's relevant again to see if that's what you want to have your robot dream spent on. But I want my robot. I'll tell him or her. I don't know how my robot is going to identify. But I'm going to tell my robot, I want you to make me this Claire Saffitz strawberry cake. It's online. They'll look up the recipe. They'll make it.

But don't you love cooking? I do. You're right. This was a bad... Well, no, I'm just learning more about you. It

It's so interesting because, yeah, you love cooking, but at the same time, you don't love cooking more than you love being served food. You do love going out and having people bring you food that's really delicious. This has led me to the real answer. A robot housekeeper. That's what I want. And it's daily or as soon as I throw something on the ground, my shirt, the robot deals with it. The robot either goes to clean it or hangs it back up. That's so dreamy. My

My hotel room right now, it looks like it's been vandalized because I've just been a little crazy. I'm at the DNC. Yes, I cannot wait to hear. Basically, I need that robot and that would mean a lot to me. That would be a great service that they could add. Like, how hard can it be? True.

Truly. If Chad GPT can write full essays and have a robot pick up your clothes. But it's more than that. When I think about my housekeeper, who I say is my CEO because she is unbelievable. She came to our house. She's so good. And she's so sweet and lovely. But she does treats. You'll look in your cupboard and she will have rearranged the mugs to make them look beautiful. We're far away from the robot having an aesthetic. Exactly.

That's such a good point. Okay, what if the aesthetic doesn't match? Well, it's a robot. So ostensibly, yeah, it would walk around my apartment and it would know my aesthetic and it would be able to follow it. Wow. What would you pick? This is such a deep question. I'm going to be honest, it's very sad. But the first thing that came to mind... Sexual? Obviously. You were like, anything? I was like, oh, she's going to say like...

Not even just sexual, like a boyfriend. I'm so good. But there are moments in my life where I wish I had someone to be here for this delivery. I wish I had someone to fulfill me sexually. And I don't need someone all the time, but it would be nice if I had a robot boyfriend. Things didn't work out with Dan for obvious reasons. But Dan was also like just the emotional support part. And I feel like...

What I'm missing in my life is much more, you know, like you've seen those, well, you haven't, but those TikToks that are like when you're traveling without a man and it's just women just struggling with bags and trying to load them in the Uber and everything just is uncomfortable. But then just get an assistant. Yeah, but I would love an assistant I can cuddle with. And that's all against the law, but maybe not with robots. I guess that's a new ethical terrain. Well, robots will need their own human rights convention. They're not human. So I guess they would need robot rights.

R-R. Yeah. Double R. Oh my God. It's going to get so complicated when we have to deal with robot rights. It's hard enough. We haven't even figured out human rights. Yeah. I think that's the main reason we should slow things down. But do you think it would be comfortable to cuddle a robot? But they would be, you know... Flesh?

Yeah, I guess that's weird. I wouldn't mind if it was just kind of a pillow version. Like, I already do it with my pillows, but it'd be nice if the pillows were cuddling me back. Yeah, a robot pillow that hugs you back. That sounds like a toy. Copyright, patent, no one steal this idea. We're going to invent...

a huge pillow that you turn on and it wraps around you. And it is warm in the right places. It doesn't make you hot. And if there's a burglar, they kill them. All right, that part's going to be harder for the patent. Do you think that burglars would prefer to be confronted with a human or a robot if they do the burglary wrong and they get challenged? Hmm.

When you said it, I have to be honest, it sounded like a very dumb question. But now that I think about it, it kind of is a good question because the robot's accuracy is going to be better. No mistakes. And then also, if there's guns involved and the robber is shooting at the robot, the robot's impervious to death.

So they want a human for sure. How do you think we would handle a live burglary if we were together? Oh, in real life? Knock on wood. I think we'd be pretty good. What would you do? What's your first reaction? Let's say we're roommates, okay? It's the middle of the night. You're in the next room and I text you, I think I hear something downstairs. That would freak me out so much. You said you would handle it well. I know, I know. Okay, so I don't know why, but to me,

Well, I might regret saying this. I hope it doesn't mean that it happens, but I feel like I would respond better. Like if a man just is entering and I'm seeing him and then if it sounds and I'm not sure and I don't know what it is, if it was sound, I would be maybe more in like freeze. But if there's a guy and he's coming in, I'm charging. You're charging forward with just your bare hands, no tools. In self-defense classes, the first thing you do is you yell at the mirror. You're like, no.

No! You show that you're going to be like difficult. I think I would just have so much adrenaline in the moment, but depends what he's doing and what the vibe is, I guess. I think that would be my impulse because if it was in the street, I would run away, but I'm in my room, so I can't. And then I just would go right for the balls and the eyeballs, both balls.

If I texted you in the middle of the night and I said, here's something, I think someone's in the house. I would say me and you have to first get in the same room. But then who's going to open the door to risk it? I feel like I would come into your room because your room feels safer to me. But I don't know why, but it feels like I need to go where you are. Then we'd have to try to figure out how to get outside, I think. The goal at that point is to get away. Escape. Escape.

Yes. Whoever's room has the better escape route. But actually, if we're thinking about my future house, none of the bedrooms have good escape routes and they're high up. Uh-oh. Well, you should have a slide or something. But it can go both ways because then they can come up. Go up the slide. You're right. I was never a kid who went up the slide. I always thought that was so silly. I unfortunately was one of those kids. I don't know why. Well, I

do know why. I've never really thought about it until now, but there's something where it feels like you're doing something that's unconventional. That's what I already thought was so silly. I'm like, people need to be so unique. Yeah, why? It's more fun to go down the slide. Rob, are you the one doing these thumbs ups? No, that's coming from you guys. What? I'm not even doing a thumbs up. Now I am doing a thumbs up and I'm not seeing anything. But these thumbs ups have been popping up the whole time. Weird. Sorry.

Seemed like something a man would do. Not me. They do thumbs ups and then they burgle. Okay, sorry. Go on. Okay. It's like, oh, this is not supposed to happen, but I'm doing it. And also you never know when you're going up if you're going to be successful because you might slide. And so there's something very satisfying about when you do make it up and your feet are sticking, you kind of feel like Spider-Man because you're sticking to a surface that's kind of vertical. But I do like 100% see the image of you as a child eye rolling at

Me doing that. This girl needs so much attention. Yes, exactly. Why can't she just be normal? How do you feel about water slides? Have you ever been? Yeah, we would go. We had Whitewater in Georgia and we had Lake Lanier. Those were the two big water parks. And I went many times to those. I was obviously scared because I'm scared of water. But there are different kinds that are scary and not scary. There was one.

where you're by yourself, you spun around, not in a tube, and then you get spit out into this big pool, basically. And that was horrifying to me because that's like jumping in a pool, which is what I don't know how to do. But the other things where you're just high up, there's not enough water to drown. I was fine. And I really loved rides with tubes.

Oh, you're a tube girl. Okay. Is that basic? No. Now that I know you're... I'm going to ask you to go to the water slides on the weekend. Liz, there's too much E. coli. Once you know about the levels of E. coli at these things, you cannot go back. Just water slides in particular? Water parks. They're full of E. coli because...

kids poop and pee and stuff, mainly poop, in definitely the wave pool. Like that's why the wave pools shut down 75% of the time because somebody poops in there. It takes a while before they figure it out and then they shut it down. But by then you are covered in E. coli

There's been so many E. coli outbreaks at water parks. I can't do it now. I haven't read those stories, but I'll believe you. What if someone like works at a water park and they're listening to us right now? They feel really sad. I don't know what to say. I don't want them to feel sad, but I want them to take precautions for themselves. But is it worse than like a regular? Because in public pools, obviously there's a lot of stuff, but there's a lot of chlorine.

Anyway, I understand your reservations. They think it's safe, but I think that's a good excuse for you not to go with me. I think you're blowing it out of proportion, but I will keep asking you because it would be so fun. There's no part of you. If we drink a little wine before. Yeah, I mean, I could if I just do the two brides, but I'm very grossed out by them now because of the level of fluid that

It's just so much transmitting. But I'm going to keep the door open. Good to know. I'll be surveilling the E. coli levels. Oh my God, the thumbs up again. I know, it's everywhere. Now he is doing it. Rob, there's a man on this Zoom doing it. Oh my God.

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Okay, Liz, you're at the DNC. I need to know everything. I have run into so many Synced fans at the DNC that are the best. Was trying to remember names to bring them up, but there's been too many. Well, Ellery. We must bring up Ellery. Yes. So usually there's a demo of the kinds of people who listen to Synced.

And it's people who tend to be sort of our age, which makes sense. That's how you relate to people. But I was approached by, she's a good friend, Kendall. We worked in media together in New York. And she says, by the way, Synced, and I think she's about to say that she listens to Synced. And she goes, my mom is obsessed with Synced. Like if I say something, it goes over her head. I'm

unless Liz and Monica have confirmed it. She's like, well, Monica and Liz say that dating is really bad right now. So I guess it isn't. She's like, I've been telling you this for years. Their whole thing about being bisexual. She's like really sweet about it. And it's like, well, you know, Liz is bisexual, but she like mostly dates men. She's invested. Very important member of the sync squad. And so I was making a video and I was like, oh, what's her name? And she was like, Ellery, like celery. And so I texted Monica and I told you about Ellery. I love that name. It's

Amazing. We might steal it. One of the original eggs I got, one of two, I'm going to name Ellery. Yeah. That makes me emotional. That's so, so mean. Also, ding, ding, ding. We're at our two-year anniversary of egg freezing. Can you believe it? Two years since Race to 35. Yes. Your birthday is coming up. How are you feeling? I feel luthy. I feel luthy.

I am Luthi because I am going to start my period. I just started mine. So yours is coming. Mine should be coming tomorrow or the next day or the next day. Probably on my birthday is when it will come because life. I thought this last night. I was like, I can't wait to talk to Liz tomorrow because for one, it's time for you to come home. You've been gone for too long and I am missing female energy.

I feel that it's a little depleted right now and I need to fill my cup. And what does that look like for you? When did it occur to you? Was there like a very boy moment you were part of that you were like, I just want to be around girls?

There's been some boy moments, but also I can feel in my body when I haven't had enough girl time. It's weird because I put two and two together because I was feeling some feelings about men. And I was like, oh, but I think maybe it's just that it's not balanced out right now. And I got to balance it.

So anyway, you got to come home. You got to help. You got to fix this. It's like SOS code red. 100%. I'm an absent dad right now. You've been traveling for work and dads were just supposed to be like, that's fine. We just have to be okay with dads traveling for work, but I'm not okay with it anymore.

I am so sorry. It's almost over and I'll be there for your birthday. I'm coming back for your birthday, literally. Oh God. And then you're leaving again? I'm staying for a while. I might have to go to New York for fashion week, but I don't know yet. Well, I'll be there for a show on the 6th and I'm doing a article for Elle. You're writing it or are they doing it on you? I'm writing it. They do a series called Front Row Virgins and it's like if it's your first fashion show. And so that'll be so fun. So I'm excited. But that's the 6th. That's so cool.

You're fighting for Elle. That's like so Carrie Bradshaw at a fashion show. It's so cool. It's fun. When did that happen? You didn't tell me. It just got confirmed. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited for you. If I end up being there, I think it's literally on the 6th too. So synced. Then we can go to Crocodile. Yes. And I'll eat gluten just for you. Yes.

Anyway, so I'm with you about my birthday. And last night I was thinking, oh, I can't wait to talk to Liz because I need to tell her. I had this random feeling yesterday where I was like, oh, I feel...

so ugly today. I wasn't even looking at the mirror. And then I remembered it's because I'm in my luteal phase. And you had mentioned, you said, do you feel uglier in your luteal phase? And I thought I didn't, but I do. When I'm luthi, I'm like, who is staring back at the mirror? Like, who is this person? I feel like I don't look like myself. And even there were women who posted on TikTok, like me and my luthial phase. Did I say that wrong? No, it's just me.

Luteal? Luteal. Luthi. Luthial? It's luteal. Oh, there's no th. Yeah. Oh, I made that up. Sometimes I think you like to do that. Invent th. Yeah. Well, you know what's funny is that, so my friend Matt is here and he's like, Liz, you cannot make everything about the fact that you're Canadian. You've been here for 10 years. You have to stop. I'm doing an intervention. He's like, you can't do this anymore. But the hardest sound to do when you're a French speaker speaking in English is the th. If you talk to a French Canadian person particularly,

Instead of saying "the," they'll say "duh." Like, you know, like the airport. It doesn't explain why I'm adding "th." Maybe you've swung in the other direction. You've doubled down. This is how the pendulum works. You've swung in the other direction, but I think you're going to make your way back to the middle. Thank you. I appreciate your support.

I forgot what I was saying, but... Oh, no. Women have been posting photos of themselves when they're luthy and then when they're not. You're like, oh, yeah, it isn't just in... I mean, I do think we exaggerate. We'll be like, oh, I feel fat today. I feel whatever. And people can't tell the difference. But there can be a significant... Like, you're more bloated. There's things happening hormonally and physically that just mean you'll feel different and even kind of look different. But it's hard to remember...

that it's impermanent, just like feelings, just like everything. Just like everything. Also, I got an email from a company that has supplements that I really, really like and use. And they reached out basically to tell me that they have a new perimenopause. Oh, God. Yeah.

We've become. I know. Perimenopause pack. It was so crazy because of course I've been saying out loud like, well, I have it. We have it. Even though I'm trying. And then when they sent, I was like, why are they sending me this? It doesn't belong to me. How dare you? How dare you?

How dare you? But you know, I'm probably going to buy it and I'm probably going to start. I'm probably going to use it. Yeah. It's all so touchy. Even if you think about it, sometimes I have empathy for men for certain things. And I think we encourage men to pay attention. There's a whole discourse online about men learning about how they should treat you depending on where you are in your cycle. So

There's like a doctor talking about it. And then there's women who are like, okay, when I'm luthi, don't talk to me. And then when I'm menstruating, like I need you to cuddle me, but I'm also like going to be hot. And so I need you to get away from it. Like, it's just like contradictory. It's difficult, but it's sweet that men are like, okay, I want to know how to be better and stuff like that. But it's funny because even being in perimenopause or even menopause, I feel like, like,

that can be like an insult you throw at someone, you know? It can be like, what do you have, menopause? If someone's really hot or something like that, or again, just like acting out. Maybe that was more acceptable like 10 years ago to say that. But at the same time, we want to talk about these things. I don't know.

It's like we want to talk about it, but we also don't want you to bring it up. Yeah, of course. It's like how you can talk so much shit about your sibling, but if anyone else says anything, you're like, fuck you. You're not allowed to say that. Yeah, we're allowed to talk to you about our bodies and our hormonal fluctuations, but you're not allowed. That's an easy rule. What were your feelings about men? You're like, I was having feelings about men. Oh, I was just feeling...

Well, I think because I have been watching, obviously, I've been watching all the speeches. They're so incredible. I really want to hear about your time there. I am so energized. It's so exciting. It's so wonderful. And I'm really just feeling like women are great. And not just great. Women have to deal with so much. And not just being luthy. Just like so much from other women, from men.

from society, just so much. And it's just amazing to see when a woman can rise above all of that. And I think it's just really incredible. But tell me about being there. It's like my heiress tour. I haven't been to a Taylor Swift concert, but I...

feel like this is a version of it. I covered the DNC in 2016 and there was obviously the potential of a first female president. And at the time, I think a lot of people thought that it was inevitable. So there was definitely a lot of energy and it was very festive back then. But this is like

a whole other level. You can hear my voice. I'm like losing my voice. I feel like I'm at a concert every night, you know, just like yelling. And yeah, it's very electric. And I would say that there's also this sense of sisterhood and fraternity and connection between people, not just our connection to the ticket and the candidates who are speaking, but

to each other. I was doing this video. I was like dancing in the convention hall to do this TikTok. And maybe in 2016, some people would have kind of like side-eyed me or been like, okay, whatever, or like ignored me completely or thought it was dumb. But people were like waving back and this guy started playing the Macarena on his phone, one of the camera operators. So yeah, it feels like the heiress tour, but like just without the bracelets. People are just so happy to

feel like things matter and to feel like there's a movement to be a part of. And yeah, we planned this Hotties for Harris party and it blew up like crazy. We started planning it 10 days ago and there was a rumor Taylor Swift was coming to our party. Oh my God. It was like sex ends on November 5th kind of party of like, this is the blowout sale. And yeah, sort of this idea that they're coming after your sex life. Like it's not just this anti-abortion thing.

If you read Project 2025 and you really look into what they're trying to do, it's really to come after all of our freedoms, not just women's. And so, yeah, we had like feminist mini golf. We had a wall of weirdos, a wall of hotties. We just had so much fun. And it feels...

really exciting to be a citizen of the world. But yeah, did you feel all of that watching the speeches? Oh, yeah. I never have FOMO, but I definitely was like, oh, I wish I was there and could be there to feel it. It's such a special time. I think it's really unique. We have not felt this in a very long time as a country. It's

It's a really cool thing to be witnessing. Did you see Tim Walz was introduced by these football players? And there's something happening with masculinity, too, of just this model of, again, I think in 2016, it was like, oh, I'm with her. You kind of had to see sort of your manhood in favor of a woman. And now I just think

It's a very inclusive moment. And obviously there's protesters. There's a lot of issues with not letting Palestinian Americans speak. And it's not perfect. We can be both optimistic and still be critical. Nothing's perfect. It's just trying to edge closer towards perfection. That's all we can really hope to do.

And that like these people aren't our saviors. Ayanna Pressley was on a panel. She was like, you're not voting for a savior. You're voting for a partner. This is a partner who's going to help you achieve what you want to achieve. It's not like they're going to do everything. We're all doing the work of democracy together. Do you think that the robots will be the presidents? I think a month ago, I would have been like, maybe we should just put robots in charge because clearly this isn't working. But I

I do think robots, if we really train them with the right values of like, this is government, government works for the people. This is a function. Maybe they wouldn't have egos. That's the part that could be very beneficial. But I don't know if there's any getting around it because it depends on who is programming the robot. Values aren't subjective. I bet there is literally no way of getting around parties.

But maybe the robots don't identify. Maybe they don't. They don't. But whoever programs them with their value system, their value system aligns with one of these parties probably. Or even if they think they're not. We do. Our values are very specific. Every person's individual. So robots can't be bipartisan either. So we'll stick with the people. We'll stick with people for now. Okay. Speaking of the people, let's do some questions. Let's do it. Oh, wow. These are good.

Okay. Let's do this. I haven't even read this whole one, so we're going to see how it goes. Okay. This is from Shannon.

Okay, so first of all, such a huge fan of the podcast and look forward to listening weekly like so many others. So my husband, two kids, and I were just on a long 10-hour flight coming home from a big trip abroad. One of our kids is old enough to have their own seat, and one is five months, and I'm still breastfeeding. Our oldest was sitting in the window seat, me with the baby in the middle, and my husband in the aisle seat. When we were an hour into the flight, I reclined the seat and heard this big exhale of anger behind me.

I did not think much of it and started to feed our little one in my lap. I then started to feel my seat get pushed repeatedly and saw the woman behind me had her hands on either side of my seat and was shaking my seat. I turned around totally shocked and she said, can you put your seat up? It's too close to me. Mind you, we are in economy and everyone's seats were climbed the same and hers did too. I said, sorry, no, I am just feeding my baby and need the space.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

One time waking up our oldest and that time I spun around, stood up, gave her a very not friendly look and asked her to be mindful that we have the same amount of space as her, that she needs to stop taking her frustration out on our seats and that we were also flying with young kids. I of course keep going back to feeling bad that she was alone with two kids on such a long flight and that I snapped. Am I missing some flight etiquette or should I let myself off the hook?

You're not missing flight etiquette. Look, I will say that it's happened to me where people have reclined and I'm like, ugh.

It can be annoying when it is in your space, but that's the way planes work. People are allowed to recline. 100%. Reclining is a human right. And a robot right. Even a robot right. I feel like I'm missing something when people have this like debate. Every couple of years, they'll be like, is it okay to recline? Really? I've heard this. Or they're like, are you supposed to warn the person behind? Oh.

Planes are so uncomfortable. I'm tall and I'm not the victim here, but like I just find flying very uncomfortable. And the fact that I wouldn't be able to recline my seat just because like you don't, it doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I've never had someone react that way. I wonder how I would handle it. Unless someone is like, I have an injury or again, explains to me in a way that is compelling, but

but just getting angry and hitting the seat. And again, she changed seats in order to accommodate her for part of the flight. And she's nursing. I would just never, I just like, I can't imagine speaking to someone like that or just acting in that way. I'm sure she was stressed and having a bad day. We can have compassion for that and that it sucks to fly by yourself with two children. Of course, that's a bummer, but that doesn't mean you can treat people like that. Like it really is not an excuse. And you didn't,

nothing wrong. And yeah, in fact, you went above and beyond to

to try to accommodate this kind of crazy request. Maybe we should ask our listeners what they think about reclining. I did not know that this was a debate. I thought that we just all had to deal with the people reclining. Then you just recline. Exactly. The times where it happens again, there's those first few seconds where you're like, it's annoying. You're like, okay, I already had no space and now I have less. But like you adjust eventually or you recline and you just deal with it.

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Okay. So this leads me to like, I can't remember the friend, but I remember this story being told to me a couple of years ago where she was like, I was in the window seat and this guy was in the middle seat and he lifted the window. Oh, reached across. Yes. I feel like that should be the etiquette of like, if you're in the window seat, you're in control of the window. And sure, people can ask you, oh, I'd love to take a nap or, you know, I'm watching a movie. And do you mind? Like, again, there's just a way to interact with people. If

If this helps you and it's not that much of a burden on me, like, of course, I want you to feel good. If it's approached with this like petulant energy, of course, you don't want to accommodate. Also, this physical behavior of shaking. It's very hostile. It's aggressive. This is bad advice. And I guess I'm glad she didn't do it. But I think I would have gone to the flight attendant and said, hey, this is what's going on. She's

She's shaking my seat. Is there any way someone can speak to her? I feel like this is a situation where you're wondering what you did wrong or if you did something wrong. And what should have happened in that situation is you telling her what's wrong with you. You know, like...

Like you literally didn't do anything. And she's for many reasons is having a stressed out day. Yeah. What's the etiquette? To me, it's like if you are on the window seat, you're in charge of the window. You can have a conversation about it with the person if you have a preference. I would just never reach. I know. It's so ballsy. I wouldn't even feel like I had the right to even ask what could happen with the window. But if really there was an extreme situation and I needed it down, I would never.

ask politely. 100%. I'm way more likely to be receptive to someone who approaches me in a way and it appeals to my humanity as opposed to like...

The worst parts of us. I don't know what it is about air travel. I guess no one wants to be there. My friend Chris, he has this beautiful way of putting it that like stuck with me. He was like, be the really pleasant person at the airport. Be like the change you want to see in the world. And sometimes when I'm in a bad mood or in a rush, I'm like, I'm just going to be that person who's really nice. I try. It's always a better place to be. Yeah. Yeah.

But Shannon, you're fine. You did not do anything wrong and you did your best and you were dealing with a bad situation. Sorry about that. Wait, this brings up actually, okay, there's an airline in India that lets women choose to be seated only next to women. Oh, okay.

I was like, I would. You would pick it. But Liz, this is very contradictory because you also love talking to men on the plane. Hot men. I mean, and honestly, right now I'm just not as thirsty. You know, the ebbs and flows of dating. And it's just like, I'm kind of not looking. Right now you would pick a woman. I guess if I knew they were hot, but like, honestly, if I could choose

I feel like in the little walk on the airplane when I'm about to see what my seat is, there's a little part of me that is sad when it's a man or like that's happy if it's like a woman. I just get this little sense of relief. Even when I would sit on the bus when I was a kid, you just don't have to worry. Unless you're Shannon and this woman's behind her. If that's the woman you get next to you. The gender doesn't obviously guarantee anything. But I just thought that was interesting. I mean, in India, also sexual harassment is rampant everywhere, but there's a lot more concerns there. Yeah, very interesting.

Okay. Next question. Had sex in a park feeling a lot of shame from anonymous. Hi, Monica and Liz. I like Liz have been trying to take things slow sexually in dating to prioritize emotional connection first. Despite this, I ended up having sex in a park at 2am after a first date. No one was around and we definitely weren't seen. It was completely consensual, but I had been drinking. I woke up the next morning after only a few hours of sleep with a huge pit in my stomach. I

I then stayed in my apartment by myself for the next two days feeling guilty and shameful about what happened. The man has been super kind and could tell something was wrong. I expressed that I would never normally do that and I feel really embarrassed. He told me he also wouldn't normally do that. He fully respects me and still wants to go on a second date. I guess I'm just wondering what you all would recommend to get rid of this feeling that I did something terrible even though it was consensual and no one was around. I almost didn't even tell my therapist because that's how embarrassed I am.

What do you think? I understand the next day when you're sober, regretting things that you did drunk. That's a very relatable feeling. But I feel like having sex in a park is not that uncommon. Not that people do it all the time, but I feel like many people it's happened at least once. And you never like plan to do it. You know, you're never like, let's go to a park and do this on a slide. But it's so human. And I just feel like, oh, you had a great date and clearly you had a great physical connection. And I guess I would just ask you more questions.

I would just want to know more about what that shame is about. Is it that you had sex in public? But if no one saw you, I guess I'm like, yeah, if someone had seen you or a kid, you know, obviously that's different. Yeah. To me, it's obviously not about the sex in the park because yes, that is something that people do. It sounds fun. There's nothing inherently wrong with that at all.

But it sounds like the shame is coming from you did something you felt was outside of your expectation for yourself. And that is where shame comes from. Shame is internal. Guilt is external. So that's what's happening. And so I think because you included the drinking aspect

Maybe there's something about that you feel that you let yourself down somehow because you were drinking and then that led to this decision that you normally wouldn't make. Because it's not what you did, I don't think, that's causing the shame. It's the other piece. So I guess maybe first reflect on why you would, quote, never have done that in the first place. Like why you have your own rule around that or why that feels like a crazy thing to do.

And then, first of all, go easy on yourself. We all do things that are outside our values every now and then, and especially when alcohol is involved. But then maybe if you go on a second date with him, don't drink. That's what I was going to say. I would definitely relate. I find going slow like very difficult and I'm very bad at it. And it's created...

even in certain relationships or situations I've been in where I've said like, I really want to take it slow. And then, yeah, I will get carried away over text. Honestly, when I was still drinking to the level that I was, it would 100% go out the window because you're in an altered state. Your inhibitions are gone.

100%. And so I would definitely say don't hold up drunk you to sober you standards. When you're drinking, your thinking is altered. There's different things that are prioritized. And yeah, I think the best thing you can do for yourself if you really want your values to be aligned with your behavior is to set yourself up in the best way for that to happen. And to your point, I think it's just not drinking. And again, expressing to this guy, hey, I know that we did have sex, but I do want to take things slow. And being very clear, like...

I want us to go on a few more dates without having sex. And is that okay with you? His reaction to it is going to give you a lot of information. Yeah, you just say it. You take a little break on your next date. You don't drink. And I think you'll feel better after that second date. I think what you probably feel is that you lost control. And that is a horrible feeling and a scary feeling. You know, it's kind of hard for us to think...

I am capable of doing something I would have told myself I was not capable of. And we all are. I believe really that we are all, and I'm taking this obviously out of this case because I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex in the park, but we're all capable of doing all things.

depending on the circumstance, depending on the environment, depending on our backgrounds. There's so many factors that come into play. I think it's actually pretty arrogant to think that you're a person who would never do something. So go easy on yourself. You did not do anything wrong. And when you change your behavior the next time, I think you'll feel like back to steady. There's always a do-over.

Nothing's ever ruined. And yeah, you can just go into this in the way that you want to and be intentional about it. And yeah, you didn't ruin anything. Don't worry. We have some insanely good questions for next time. We did have some technical difficulties, so we have to go. But we'll be back next week with some incredible

questions that I see in front of me. They're real juicy. And just reminder to everyone that starting on September 1st, we will not be on the armchair feed because armchair has a deal with Wondery. And so synced will be on its own feed. Everything will be the same per use, but

but just type in synced. And so subscribe, like, do all the things. Please keep being a part of the sync squad. We're going to move to Thursdays next week. So September 5th, we'll be on our own feed. Meet us there. Excited. See you next week. Bye. Bye.