Synced: A Beautiful Mind-esque
57:24 Share

Hi, Liz. Hello. You're gone again. You're always gone. I'm sorry. I'm an absent dad. I never thought of it like this, but you really are an absent dad. It's making me think of something I wanted to bring up with you that I was thinking about this weekend because I was in Montreal visiting my family. I think Mila, my niece, said, oh, yeah, you're like my uncle. And I was like, I am. I am.

I kind of identify more as an uncle than an aunt. Oh, tell me more. I'm curious if you feel this way, obviously, as a surrogate aunt. Your brother doesn't have kids, but you do have many auntie responsibilities in your life. But I feel like I'm more, I guess aunts can also be inconsistent, just kind of parachute in and like...

bring a bunch of treats and like go to Six Flags or we went to the trampoline, not store, but kind of like it's just like a place filled with trampolines and like giving her ice cream and like all these bad things. And I am nurturing, I guess. Basically, if I could just be an uncle, I would get a 10 out of 10. And sometimes I feel like as an aunt, I'm not always up there. Like there's some notes. Okay, that's interesting. I get what you mean. Uncles like

I mean, men are more playful. I think this is an incredible generalization. This is a big, wide old brush. But it is also biological. They are. Like, they roughhouse and they get down on the ground and play. And a lot of women, including me, hate playing. Same. Whenever a kid is like, will you play? I'm like, I have plans. No!

I can't make it. You know what's even worse? I say, yeah, let's play a game, hair play, and get out all your barrettes and your hair ties and your brushes and combs, and then you can make my hair however you want to. It's a con. Okay, so 100% and 100%.

My game was like, let's play a game where you walk on my back. Yes. Like, that's what I do. Like, I'm just like kind of want to massage. Or like, let's play pedicure manicure. That's what I did. I was like, do you want to get petties instead of playing pretend? And she goes along with it and she likes it. But I do think she'd rather play house or like play rough house. Well, then you are an aunt. If you don't like playing. Oh, okay. Maybe.

Maybe I am. I guess, do you feel bad that you don't like to play? Because I think that's what happens to me where I feel like, oh my God, she's only going to be this age for this long and she just wants to have a good time. Like, why can't I just relax and play? Like, why can't I be fun? I don't feel bad for them. I feel bad for me. Yeah.

We're of an age where we can't even find joy in playing. That's sad for us. It's more when I see either of them playing. And the other day, Delta took me up and she had showed me this big Lego thing she made. It was so cool. I was like, God.

I can't relate to that feeling anymore. That is sad. It is. And at the same time, do you think most parents don't like to play? Yeah. Okay, parents, weigh in in the comments. Please be honest. I do think this breaks down a bit. Again, traditionally, not always. But I think it does break down a bit gender-wise. Although maybe it's also just how you behave.

grew up because I did not grow up playing with adults. Like my parents did not play. Although my dad would ask me to like pull his toes until they popped, which sounds kind of creepy. That feels like walk on my back. It is. That's the problem. They all tricked me into like, you know, brushing their hair and fixing their ailments and stuff. My aunt also, she's the original person who taught me about haircuts.

I was a trick. Yeah, she tricked me all the time. And so, baby, it's my background in history. But, like, Anna, she plays with the girls so well. Like, she's such—she's so good at playing, and I do notice it all the time. But also, she's just—I think she's just a little more of a kid at heart. Although you're—you have—

On the scale, I think you're more of a kid at heart than me. In certain ways. Again, you want to go to Six Flags, you want to go to Trampoline. You love parades notoriously. I love like choreographies and dancing videos. If we're making a video and we're like doing this crazy thing with costumes, I am into it. But Legos, I would kill myself because then I'm just alone with my thoughts. Sure. Okay, maybe we need to develop our sense of play. I like that. Yeah.

I think I've converted my sense of play because my parents never played and my brother wasn't born until I was eight. I did a lot of solo play, a lot of imaginary. I mean, I also had a lot of friends and we would play, but I was very comfortable on my own with my imagination. What would you do? Where would you go? Everywhere. Everywhere? Yeah.

Yeah, I've been all around the world. I mean, I would play house and school and stuff, but by myself, everything was imaginary. If you think about it, it's kind of a life hack. Your imagination, like, you can do anything with it. What are we doing not using it? When you say Legos and being alone with your thoughts...

That doesn't scare me. Like being alone with my thoughts does not scare me. I'm totally alone with my thoughts all the time. But do you like it? It's like that scene in, was it the Mindy Project? Where her airplane movie TV doesn't work and she's like, no, no, you have to fix this. I can't be alone with my thoughts. If you're faced with boredom, do you kind of try and get away from it or you don't mind? Oh, that is such a good question because twice this happened recently where I thought,

I'm bored. I haven't felt bored since, yeah, I was like six or something. And the reason is, and this was a good recognition, I told myself, I was like, I'm not going to work today.

I like declared it. I was like, I'm absolutely not going to work. Declaration of independence from work. Wow. USA, USA. Oh my God, pin. We got to talk about the Olympics. I'm dying to know how you feel. So yeah, I was like, I'm not working today. And it was a weekend. So I also didn't have plans. And I was like, what am I going to do? I don't really want to like go somewhere far. And then I was just like in my room putzing around. I

I was like, I'm bored. This is such a weird feeling. I realized that as an adult, you don't really get bored because there's always something you can be doing, aka work, or if you have a family, also work towards your family. 100%. Just being is very rare. And I didn't like it. I wasn't like, oh my God, I'm bored. Like, how fun. I was like, ew, I'm bored. I need to do something. It can't be work.

because I've decided this. So I'm going to take my book and go to the Americana and read it. I do need stimuli, but I wasn't like, I got to go make plans right now with someone. I like putzing around just as a general word to bring back. Did you see my post today? No, I haven't been on my phone. You've been invited to collab, so you should look. Oh, God. Why didn't you tell me? Well, I just did it. Oh, I have to accept. Wait, Luthi. Yeah.

That's our word. You're so funny. We invented that word. Oh, you created this? Yeah, Erica helped. Stop. Yeah. I'm obsessed. Can I like my own? I mean, I'm a collaborator, but I'm going to like it, even though I'm liking our own post. And the first comment is, my fave episode in a long time. Oh, that's nice. Bloofy, splooshy, Mary Catherine Falson-y, floppy. Ha ha.

That's so funny. Erica, I wrote it out and she formatted it for me. Okay, there are so many skills on earth. And it's good to remember there are so many skills. If you think you don't have one, you do. You just need to explore, I think, because I was like, hey, is there a way...

to create like a dictionary template for this word. And she was like, yeah, send it all over to me. I'll do it now. I sent it and she sent it to me in like one minute. No way. I mean, Erica is incredible and such a badass and does a million things I could never even dream of doing in my lifetime. I think I could... Do that? Not in one minute, but I feel bad because I could have done it for our post. I feel like I should have done the labor. But she is very...

Very talented. It's incredible. Also, I want to get back to your point, though, because I do want to know what is a skill that you feel like you have developed recently that you didn't know that you had? Like you're saying there's so many skills and like there are skills that you don't realize that you have. Like, is there something that you were recently realizing like, oh, I'm actually good at this? I think mainly at this point, I'm realizing things I'm not good at. Yeah.

Like it's all downhill. Downhill. Even though, okay, God, it's so many tangents, so many things, but downhill is a confusing phrase because downhill is actually easy. And when people say it's all downhill from here, you don't really know what they mean. It could mean it's all good or it's all bad.

because going down is bad. Wait, you've just changed, like, my brain. I mean, because it's always used as a negative, but you're right that we're going downhill. Let's go. That's the best part. If you say this is going downhill, you mean bad, right? Everyone does. It's all downhill from here, isn't it? I think...

Some people who say it's all downhill from here mean it positive. You know English more than I do, but... Yeah, don't use that positively. Like, it's all going to be bad from here. That's how I feel, but then I know people have said it because this is what made me think. Anyway, people weigh in. We should change it. I think it should be, again, it's all downhill from here. Let's enjoy the ride. Yeah. Because downhill is the best part. I mean, do you want to go uphill? Fuck that. Yeah, I'm done with uphill.

And if you're going downhill, it implies that you've gone uphill before. Yeah, especially on a hill. It's not like they're saying it's all falling down from here because that's obviously bad. Or it's not. It's all tripping your way down the hill from here. If someone falls and doesn't injure themselves seriously, it's only funny. Yeah, see, this is how you are an uncle.

Because are you going to let people fall just so you can laugh? Oh, no, I would never purposely let someone fall or cause it. I think that's what's funny about it. It's when it's unintentional. I feel like we've already had this conversation because if I'm going through it, I will watch a remix of those falling down videos and then I'll be fine. It's so funny. You don't find it funny? For me, it's more you laugh because it's a jolt out of your regular routine. And so there's something about that that makes...

my body laugh, but I don't actually think it's funny. I think also because I get so embarrassed when my body fails me that when I see it happen, I feel bad. Yeah, I'm like, that person probably feels embarrassed. Oh my God, so okay, ding, ding, ding, Olympics, here we are. Yeah.

Finally. Imagine if we told people, like, we plan out the show. We have blocks. This is all planned out. It's very Beautiful Mind-esque. That should be the meme for this week. Just us, like, Olympics falling down, schlepping around. Am I an uncle? But this is what happens, though, when you're far away, because then we have too much to talk about. We have so much to talk about. Okay, but...

Did you watch the Beam finals? So I am going to admit it. I was just doing Get Out the Votes. I was very overwhelmed. You've been in voter mode. And I've been not as extremely online as I usually am for that reason. And so...

I missed all of the Olympics. Like, I'm actually genuinely not kidding. Okay, the one thing I did see, and I won't be a spoiler by the time this comes out, I did see Simone Biles in second place holding the hand. Yes, of Rebecca Andrade. I did see that, and it made me cry.

But other than that, it's just been my mom telling me about it. And my mom is a very unreliable narrator. Oh, no. It could be false information. It probably is. I can't really trust it. It's fake news. Did you watch it? Tell me about it. How did you? I mean, I've been thinking about you because I know it's so important to you. It's so important to me. As we talked about many, many, many episodes ago, I was upset with NBC's marketing as a whole because they were not doing enough to promote the Olympics. But.

Then, obviously, this got back to them, my grievance, and they picked up the pace. And then I started seeing stuff a lot of places. And I do feel like people are watching the Olympics. I don't know what's happening with the ratings. I haven't looked into any of that. But just within my own life focus group, it's—

People are watching and paying attention, and I am loving it. It feels so unifying. We really need it. There's a lot of hope in the world right now, I think, which is really, really lovely. Or not in the world.

in America, but it has ripple effects. And there's been hope in other places, except not in Venezuela. Ana's from Venezuela and she's struggling. Like, it's a lot. They had an election, but it's basically a fake election. Also, there was an episode of The Daily on it. And the reason it's important for us to pay attention to it is it can be us. We're not that far away. And...

I do think it's important for us to hear those stories because we're like, oh my God, that's so third world or that's so out of the realm. It's not. They were totally normal until certain people came into power and...

and has not returned. 100%. That's where American exceptionalism can sort of nip herself in the butt, right? Of just thinking we don't need to have any of these protections or our institutions can withstand anything and they really don't. Do you think America is a girl? Ugh,

such a good question. A woman, I mean, or a girl. Is she a girl, a woman, a boy, or a man? Wow, this is the deepest question I've ever been asked. You anthropomorphized America as a she and that caught me. I think I do that overall now. I feel like a lot of

people do that a little bit more where we like everything was a he and assumed to be a he and so now we just like put she everywhere and like doing it to men even like oh she's upset oh it's seen as this pejorative thing but then you have to be like is it pejorative to be a woman like why is it why is it bad but I guess because I do identify as a woman if someone said

Oh, he's upset. I think I would be like, huh? Well, it kind of happens all the time where we say guys or dude, like we sort of refer often to women. Again, the masculine kind of supersedes the feminine. And in French, it's extreme where you basically feminize or masculinize words. Yes, conjugation. Exactly. So if there are 10,000 women that are in a march and there's one male dog, you have to put it masculine.

Because if there's one guy, then it's all masculine. Obviously, the reverse doesn't apply. It's the they, right? They is the masculine version because that's Spanish too, I think. No, it's literally masculine. So usually you would add an E if it was, again, these 10,000 women are doing one thing. You would add an E because it's women doing it. But because there's one boy, then it's all masculine.

you conjugate it to the masculine. So if you were writing like an essay, you would get a mistake. Basically, what started happening a lot more is that people started putting E in parentheses, sort of suggesting that this group might have women and therefore we're going to put it in parentheses so that it's masculine and feminine. But yeah, like stuff like that. That's just so...

just back to your point, like women do get masculinized all the time. So wait, what do you, because I think I know what my answer is, but I want to know yours. I think America's a man. A broken man. Well, a traumatized man, but who has overcome a lot. I do think that. Like America obviously is an incredibly complicated country, but I am not on the side of America's

America sucks or this country's so fucked up. And I do think that is because of my family that came here. It was a choice to come here and thank God they did. Within two generations,

So much has happened. So I am very proud of this country, ding, ding, ding, the Olympics. And, oh, God, we still have a pin in that. I feel the same way, by the way. We're kind of both immigrants. Yeah. I equate America with the Statue of Liberty. It's a woman that doesn't get the credit. It's like, we think it's a man, but it's actually a woman. Oh, yeah.

I think America was totally built by women, is built by Black women. Oh, for sure. We sort of associate it with the founding fathers. He's like, white guys. And obviously, they had major contributions and men have major contributions, but we've totally erased and forgotten the contributions of women. And I think it's both. It's like Wizard of Oz or something. Like the woman is actually behind the scenes, but she's hidden by the guy. And then we think it's a guy, but he's actually, you know. It's a guy, but there's a woman running the show, sort of.

But now we're getting into the history and the history is very myriad. And I just mean like we're anthropomorphizing this country. I think it's a male because we are by very generic standards aggressive. We're very confident. We kind of don't take no for an answer.

sir on anything. The flip of confident is arrogant, which we are. But we're also like strong. We're playful. We're uncles. We're an uncle. America's an uncle. Uncle Sam. We got there. That's how they got there. See, this is how on a beautiful mind you do get to the answer. Wow.

Wow. Did you ever see Dick, the movie about if Watergate was actually caused by two teenage girls with like Michelle Williams? I should see that. Yeah, it's us. It's like this, like, oh, Uncle Sam. That's how they arrived to Uncle Sam. It was just like two girls talking about. Oh, I love that. What the gender is. It's really good. It's really silly. It's a funny like concept of reimagining historical events as if girls accidentally did it.

Support for Synced comes from Element. I packed so much Element in this trip and I am so glad. I don't know if you're supposed to take two a day, but I've been so depleted and so relieved that I brought extra Element this time because it just fixes everything.

It's summer. It's really hot out. Even just like walking to the, like, you know, wherever you're walking, you'll sweat. And it's really important to stay hydrated. And with Element, there's no sugar or other weird ingredients that are often found in other electrolytes and sports drinks. And the electrolyte deficiency or imbalance can cause hemorrhoids.

Headaches, cramps, fatigue, just weakness. Like I feel like I just feel like lethargic. 100%. Like there's a screw that's not in right. And then you take the Element and then you just feel restored. Try Element totally risk-free. If you don't like it, they'll refund your order, no questions asked. They have a very low return rate and high reorder rate. Get your free Element sample pack with any purchase at d-r-i-n-k-l-m-n-t dot com slash s-y-n-c.

We are supported by Quinn's. Oh, it's so fun. I love it. It's so good. I just got the cutest. It's like a denim short sleeve jacket.

button down that is super, super cute. And I wear it open with like a shirt underneath tucked into pants. And it's cute because it looks like kind of professional, but also cute. Well, that's what we want for the summer. Professional, but cute. I got this amazing one piece. I mean, I got two actually. I got one that's a pant and one that's a short. And it's all I've worn this summer. I mean, it's just, again, super, super comfortable. Yeah.

Super affordable and very high quality. All the items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands because they cut out the cost of the middleman and pass the savings on to all of us. They work with factories that are safe and ethical, responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. We love all this.

Make switching seasons a breeze with Quince's high quality closet essentials. Go to quince.com slash sync for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash S-Y-N-C to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash sync.

Speaking of the contributions of women, I am reading a book that's old, but my therapist told me to read it. She was shocked I hadn't read it. I, of course, texted you and asked you if you'd read it, and you had, of course, read it. All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Chaster, the one and only. Oh, my God, is this book incredible. I was talking to my friend who's married, and she was like,

And I said, I just started this book. It's so good. You should read it. And she was like, well, I'm not single. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

You can still read a book about the contributions of single women to this country, which is what the book is about. The reason I wanted to read it is because I was just very hyper aware of the reason the world is able to run and tick and progress and move forward is single women. This is no shade to people who aren't single. This is just giving people who don't normally get credit, credits.

What will we do without women who do not have to go home to their families? What will we do? Everything would stop.

I mean, maybe the world would be better, honestly. Maybe we wouldn't be so workaholicky, but things would not be remotely as efficient. Even in the world of the working mother, there's often a single woman involved somewhere. Tell me more. Like, I forget about that part. Oh, this part is just in my head. Oh, okay. I love it. Then tell me about this even better. Well, because the book is about a lot of like very high-powered women.

historical single women, and it's incredible. But it made me think about it on a day-to-day. Even working mothers have to send their kid somewhere to a daycare or have a nanny or something. And often those people, if you're working until 8.30 p.m., that person then has to be with your kids until 8.30 p.m. Likely they don't have a family that they have to go to. It's a cycle, right?

that requires single women to continue. Not only are like single women sort of ignored or their contributions not recognized, but currently, I mean, they're like being villainized. It's being used as this basically derogatory term. We shouldn't have as much say in society. We shouldn't have as much power of voting. Like we're worthless.

As a citizen, which is just an extreme concept. If you were to apply that to any other category, it would just be so wrong and obviously has happened throughout history. But it's a very strange way of seeing things. I think there's a real fear because single women, and I think that's, I'm so excited actually reading it because I read it so long ago, I forgot probably all the best parts. But I do remember her kind of focusing on single women are kind of a threat.

a threat too. They've had such big contributions to the world because as a block are very significant and impactful and demand certain things that people who are in different family setups don't necessarily do or have the time to do. And if you again, look at so many women throughout history who have made such big impacts, like so many of them, Gloria Steinem comes to mind because we talk about this often just of like, oh, like I don't have kids. They're really tapping into a real

It's not a core shame, but definitely this societal... Well, there is a biological piece they are poking at, for sure. 100%. I don't know if you experience it often, but sometimes I do feel not guilty, but I wonder, like, am I normal? Is this normal? Am I supposed to have a life that's different? And why don't I have a life that's like everyone else, quote unquote, you know, whatever that means? So yeah, we're very scary.

to particularly men, but women too. I mean, people who want to preserve hierarchies, people who want to preserve certain roles in society and are afraid of change because I think single women, that's why they've been such catalysts because they can afford to sort of shake things up. And even by the way, a lot of women, to come back to example, women who take care of mothers' children, a lot of them are mothers. That is true. Migrants,

women and women of color particularly like who just like literally aren't able to take care of their kids because they're taking care of a certain kind of elite white women's kids and so the system that we have just doesn't work and that's why I get so annoyed because the people who sort of hate on single women are the ones who aren't providing the kinds of policies that would actually allow women to have more children like

for people to have more children. They want women to be submissive to this system where they stop working or they're not able to continue working as much because they have children instead of, okay, let's create better

better policies that allow women to do all the things they want to do. Yeah. Whether you are a single woman or you are not, I think it is important to read the contributions and the power of this group and the importance of this group. So real quick, big pin, the Olympics.

falling, downhill, laughing. So the individual gymnastics beam was nuts. Spoiler if anyone is waiting to watch, but basically everyone fell off the beam, which is rare. The beam is, to me, it's the

scariest and hardest. You know, they're literally flipping on four inches, which is insane. And it kind of does have this effect. If one person falls off and more people will fall. Totally. Yeah. Wait, is that like a proven thing? It is. It's called something that I'm forgetting. Maybe, Robby, you can look it up. So Simone fell off beam, which was very upsetting and also like, you know what? It happens. But Suni, who I love so much, Suni Lee, she fell off

off beam also and it looked scary. She kind of almost straddled the beam on the way out. Like it was a rough fall and I felt so bad for her. Obviously because she fell, that's really sad, but because it's embarrassing to fall. Yeah.

That was my first. I was like, oh, God, she's going to be so embarrassed by that. Even though she shouldn't be, she shouldn't be. But I just, I think like mirror neurons, I don't know.

my eyes started watering because I would have cried out of embarrassment. That's so sweet. No, I don't think it's sweet. Well, you have so much empathy and this is like a big thing for you. Would you say that you feel the highest amount of like overwhelming empathy or what did you call it? Metaneurons? Mirror neurons. Mirror neurons.

when it's embarrassment, I feel like of all the things, that's a big one for you. The number one. It is the number one because it's the number one thing that riles me up. It's the biggest fear, I think. So when it's happening to other people, I definitely feel it. What do you feel like your number one is?

that you're the most empathetic towards? It's such a good question. I mean, embarrassment for sure. I can relate. But I think exclusion is really hard. And again, I think something I just remember like as a kid, I was like, how do I deal with this feeling? It would be so overwhelming. How do I get rid of this? What do I do with this? And now as an adult, you kind of learn like, okay, feelings will pass or you can feel like you can do something about it. But as a kid, you feel like hopeless. And that was like,

very difficult on a cellular level. Me too, which is interesting. And I think I pair those two. They're connected because if you're embarrassed, then it sort of implies that you've done something that is shameful. Will get you excluded. Exactly. It really goes hand in hand. I remember particularly connected to disability was like very just, I remember like I would take the bus in high school and there was this man who clearly was autistic and would kind of like

rock back and forth pretty significantly, you know, as he was sitting, but would not bother. I mean, he was just soothing himself. And this literally will kill me, but these boys would throw food on the floor and then he would pick it up and eat it. And I didn't do anything. I would definitely be like, stop. But I never like, I think if I saw that today, you know, as an adult, I would just intervene in a way that would end the behavior. But that of like, oh, this person's being treated differently just because of something they can't

control makes me so upset. Do you remember like the first time that you felt

this feeling of embarrassment for someone? And was it for your parents? Oh, probably. Yeah, probably. I didn't even think about that. But yes, that's the thing. It's also tied into all of my feelings of fundamental safety. So that's, I'm sure why. But no, I can't think of like outside. I mean, what's shameful is when I was young, I think if something like that was happening around me, like if that was happening on my bus, I

I would in my heart and head know like this is really bad. But I would at that age never have said anything ever because then I would be excluding myself, which was my like, this is the only way to survive in the world is to be included. So I can't remove myself. I can't

stand up, which I think must have had a major impact on me as an adult once I realized I was done feeling that way. I think it might be why I'm very much the sheriff. Yeah.

I've really swung in the other direction because I'm like, fuck that. That was a long time of not doing what I knew should be done. And now I don't care. You can exclude me all you want, but I am going to do the right thing. I am going to say the thing that needs to be said. I am going to put someone in their place. But a more middle ground would probably be best. That's so cool. So that's like your revenge.

Sometimes I think about things that I do. This is a stupid example that came up when I was visiting my family, but my weird revenge is because there were so many rules about the dishwasher and like my dad was so insane about what we could put, what we couldn't put. And so now my weird revenge is just to put everything in the dishwasher. Like it feels so good to me. Like my roommate and I both put large things that like as a kid, if I'd ever put that in, I would have been like, what?

the hell are you doing? Like it would have been like illegal. So for you standing up for people and doing things that risk that not being sort of the dictating thing for your behavior is sort of an act of rebellion. It is. And it's healing, I think, in some regards. If these people want to exclude you because you're doing the right thing, that's not a group you want to be a part of. Obviously, as a

kid, I needed to be a part of all the groups. And so I didn't have that luxury. And I think a lot of kids don't. But yeah, as an adult, it

It's definitely gone in the other direction. That's why growing up is fun. Aging is fun. It is fun. Even though we don't play anymore. You don't have to make people you hate like you. That's literally what being a teenager or a kid, not people you hate, but like, you know what I mean? Trying to make people that you don't even like, like you, you know, I think is so nice to get rid of that pressure. Good thing to shed. Okay, let's do some questions. Let's do it.

Oh, okay. How do I tell my husband it's a turnoff when his breathing during sex is a turnoff? This is from anonymous. Hi, Monica and Liz. Thank you for providing amazing entertainment every week. I always look forward to Wednesdays and listening to your conversations and debates over crazy life scenarios. So I'm hoping you can help with mine. I love my husband, but in the past year or two, he has started this thing where when we are having sex or fooling around, he breathes in my ear.

Okay. Picture when you're outside on a freezing cold day and you do that weird thing with your breath so you can see it. Oh.

Yes. Ew. Ew. That's the type of breathing I'm talking about. He does it once right in my ear every time and it drives me crazy, but not in a good way. It's like he's trying to defrost my ear. How do I tell him this is a turnoff and I'm really not a fan of this? I don't want him to feel self-conscious or weird, but I'm just not into this and don't know how to bring it up. Appreciate any advice you have. Also, thank you for Race to 35. It was so incredible and much needed. Love y'all.

Being human is so hard. Hard. I feel bad for everyone. Speaking of embarrassment, holy shit. So synced. Like, I'm so embarrassed for this guy right now. He thinks this is hot. I mean, that's like what you do when you're like, does my breath stink? I feel like, oh, it's not hot. Now I am checking my... Mine smells fine. Do you think your breath stinks? Oh my...

God, I hope not. Does it? No, it doesn't. Liz, I've literally never smelled your breath, and I've spent a lot of time near you. This is like my biggest fear. Do you think yours stinks? I mean, you tell me. I think it does sometimes. By the way, everyone's breath stinks sometimes. That's why people use mouth tape now.

I'm so against mouth tape. I have a lot of thoughts about mouth tape. It's all over my feet and I'm like, how many things exactly? Have you seen these women? They'll have a night mask, mouth tape, things for their hair, like a mask, like then a bonnet.

Okay, I get it. We want to preserve, you know, but also can't we just live? Yeah, if you do that and that makes you happy, do it. But I feel like it's just a lot. We're such an anxious generation. And I think that there are things that we don't even realize are anxious, are anxious. Like that's anxiety. A hundred percent, you're right. It's just having no chill and it's super normalized. But this is such a great cue. Have you ever been with someone...

in an intimate setting and they do something that you hate? Yes. Almost every time. Same. That's why I feel this very viscerally. Remember not to circle back to the handhold. This is much different than the handhold. But remember, I was in a situation where there was like a handhold very early. Too early for me. Oh, God. It gives me the ick. It did. It made me secondhand embarrassed. It gave me the ick. But,

That person didn't do anything wrong. It was me. And it was also, it's just so hard to be a person and be vulnerable and be intimate in any way. And I just want to make that clear that this guy likes that. That feels intimate to him. What is she supposed to do? This is very hard. That's why I asked you because I'm like, everyone...

almost. If you haven't, call us because we want to know your life story. But everyone can relate to like being in an intimate setting and then someone does something you don't really like or does it at a pace that you don't really like or in an intensity that you don't really like. This is also a husband, though. Let's remember, like it's not

a new person, which is helpful, but it's a new move. It's perfect timing that you're writing at the beginning of the move because it's not like he's been doing this for four years because some of the questions you get like sheriff, you know, it's been like 11 years. So at least it's early and you can intervene early. And I think for intimate settings, you just want to be extra positive. What I try and do is, I mean, unless it hurts, if you feel comfortable saying what you don't like, say it.

But if you want to do it in a way that I think will be well-received and be easier, honestly, I would say what you do want. Hey, you know what I would really love that you do in my ear? A really subtle, slow, like,

just literally describe what you want. And maybe what you want is literally nothing in your ear. That might be like a different conversation to be like, you know what I would really love? Like instead of kissing my ear that you would breathe on my neck or kiss my neck this way. But what if he then like does what she wants and then goes at the end into the ear? Oh,

I think she has to say, okay, I love that though. That's really positive. And I think you're right. But my move is always, and whether this is right or wrong, my rule is to make it about, this is my issue. Next time he does it, I think you could just be like, oh,

I'm so ticklish. Have a physical reaction to it. Push him away and be like, oh, sorry, I'm just so ticklish. Try and avoid my ears. And then that's my issue. It's nothing that you did that's weird and unattractive. It's just my body doesn't like that. Take it on so he doesn't feel embarrassed. I think that's so smart. And then say what you like. Also, by the way, if we've all gotten like the ick from someone...

Not the ick, but had someone do something that we don't like, we've done something to someone that they didn't like. And I want to know what you do like. I want to know, you know, that's kind of what we're all here to do, right? When you're intimate with someone. Yeah, I would hate it if I was doing something that was giving someone the ick and they just weren't telling me. Exactly. So like, tell me what you like. And like men, especially.

just want to be told what to do, especially if they're, as they should be, very focused on your pleasure and they feel good when you feel good. So he wants to know what you like. Yeah. Oh, I hope that was helpful. Really good cue. Thank you.

Support for Synced comes from Thorne. I am very religious about all my supplements. It's helped me so much feel better in my life and get all the nutrients that I need. And that is because of Thorne. Whenever I realize I have a deficiency or my doctor says I need something, I go to Thorne and I find it. Recently, I found this amazing supplement that they have for women's health that's called undesilinic acid. And as

Essentially, it's like if you have any kind of, again, I'm always talking about vaginal health on here, but if you have any kind of GI problems or you want to boost your health if you're a woman, you take five of these and I legitimately feel a difference within a few hours. Thorne for the win. Feel your best and make the most of your summer with Thorne. Go to thorne.fit slash synced10 and use code synced10.

S-Y-N-C-E-D 10 for 10% off your first order. That's T-H-O-R-N-E dot F-I-T slash S-Y-N-C-E-D 1-0. Code SYNC10 for 10% off your first order. Thorne.fit slash SYNC10. Code SYNC10. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Okay, this is also anonymous. Do my husband and I start an anonymous OnlyFans even though I have kids?

Yeah.

My husband realized he loved seeing how wanted I was by other men and women, and his Reddit profile blew up, gained many followers, and his DMs were flooded with messages like, I can't believe you don't sell. I will note that after a couple of days, we always delete any photo that's posted. Oftentimes, the comments are a nice self-esteem boost and leave me feeling empowered. I

I consider myself not only shy, but also a classy lady and have always had strong morals and values, especially when it comes to the example I set for my children. I also want to say that I have the utmost respect for sex workers. My moral conundrum is by no means a judgment of OnlyFans creators, but rather a question of morality as a parent.

Yes. You're the one with children here. Do you want to answer first? I don't think it matters if it's underwear and butt.

photos. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. They're not going to be identifiable to you. I don't think kids matter in that equation of she's comfortable and he's comfortable. And I'll take this a step further. I think if you are gaining self-esteem, if you're getting something out of this and you personally don't feel it's a moral line, you and your husband have figured out all the stuff. You're going to have a lot of communication around it.

then I think it's not that you need to go run and tell your children. But if they found out when they were like in their teens or adults or something, that's a good example of sexual empowerment. Like your dad and I thought this was sexy and we didn't feel like it was exposing ourselves in a way that was uncomfortable to either of us. And we both like it.

I think that's a good thing as opposed to all of us with the idea of our parents having sex is like the nastiest, worst, most horrible thing ever. Like it'd be kind of cool for that not to be the case. I think it's great getting income and keeping a family afloat in 2024 with inflation. And if this is helping you put food on the table and provide for your kids on top of elevating your self-esteem and making you feel better. And having fun with your husband. This is like a

thing you guys are doing together. That's fun. Yeah. This is kind of basic, but it's something we forget. The number one predictor of a happy child is a happy parent. It's so correlated. And if this is bringing you joy and fulfillment and money and connection with your husband, like I really don't see a problem. And also, why would it be more

Immoral if you don't have kids, but immoral if you have kids. I think it's acceptable work in all forms. I get the question because if I were in their position, I guess my fear maybe would be like, what if eventually like they stumbled across it or something? But it's anonymous. It's just your butt.

Your butt's hot. People should be able to see it. I agree. All three of us seem to think this is not an issue and that if anything, it's a really fun thing for you and your husband to do. If you are feeling shameful, just maybe listen to last week's episode where we talk about kinks. I think you'll feel okay after you listen to that. We all have stuff.

It's fine. Repressing, it's the problem. Yeah. And even just the way that she asked the question, like it's clear that she's taking all these things into consideration. It just doesn't seem reckless or like you haven't thought things through or that you might regret something. Just by virtue of what you're mentioning and the things that you've thought through and the way you're approaching it, I think is all the green flags. Unless again, you feel that there's a misalignment with yourself and what you want or your fears or it's keeping you up at night because you're nervous about it, then I would rethink it. But it seems all positive.

I agree. Let's do one more. This one will be quick. Would you want your hypothetical future man to ask your father's permission before proposing? This is from Charlotte.

Aww.

I don't care about it. But I really, really respect if people do. And I get it. And I think that's totally fine to tell someone like it's important for me. And I think it's about phrasing because I do think in 2024, it feels a little antiquated to phrase it as permission because that is a little bit like...

Do I have permission to take the thing that you own and that's a human woman? Like, no. But I think it can be, it's important to me that you tell my parents ahead of time. I think they would really respect that. I think whatever you want is totally fine. I just personally don't care about that. And also, I know that my parents, they would have zero expectation of that.

It's so funny. I actually think it's creepy. A lot of people do. If it was the parents' permission, it's traditional. But why the dad? It's so weird. I think the father-daughter dance creeps me out a little bit. And maybe that's because there's some stuff in my family around that and it just like triggers me. But I think my dad would literally be like confused if that happens.

I think my dad would feel weird if it was framed like that to him. I think he would be like, I don't give permission. Like, I think it's great that you're doing this, but he would never accept to be in that position. But I think if the person went to both my parents, I think that's a sweet gesture. But I think just the dad is...

Don't you think it's creepy? Why? Yeah, I mean, look, I do think it's antiquated. And if I was dating someone and they then after told me, like, I asked your dad's permission, I think I'd be like, okay, you didn't need to do that. How would you react? See, I feel like that would be a weird turnoff for me, actually. Obviously, I wouldn't say no because of it. I don't think it would be a turn off, but I do think probably I'd just be like, how'd that go? Like, that's

What did he say? Yeah, that's what I would say too. How did he react? I definitely agree with you that at this point in time, well, depending on the framework of a family, but if you have...

to parents. If you're going to do this, it should be to both parents. 100%. This idea that the dad is the one. I agree. Why? The man to man, like the men decide. I don't know. It's so weird. You're right. I don't like it. And even when I think about getting married, which I

I don't even know if it's going to happen. But the idea of my dad walking me down also, like I would probably have both my parents walk me down. Me and my father just don't have that kind of relationship at all. It's just so not coded in any of that. Like I would dance with the both of them. In a three-way?

A three-way dance? We do like the Macarena together maybe? Okay, that's funny. The dance, when I think about having a wedding, this is why I feel that I won't ever have one because the idea of these dances, and by the way,

I love weddings and I love the father-daughter dance and the mother-son dance. It's very touching and endearing. But the idea of me, that will have been the first time him and I have ever danced together in our entire life. Why are we now doing it

Why are we holding hands this way? Like, in front of all these people. And you can tell. It feels performative. Yes. When it's like, oh, this is weird a little for them, too. Yeah. Should people write it? I mean, we have too many questions today. They're all over the place. But like...

Is it weird? Or is it different because it's the wedding and it means something different? Because we've never been married. It just, again, depends on the relationship because some people do have a very, very traditional father-daughter relationship. And I do have a very close relationship with my dad. But it's not this kind of thing and it's not that kind of affection. I think that's why. But...

I imagine that Dax is dying. Yeah, I can do that too. To dance with Lincoln and Delta at their wedding. If he doesn't get to do that, that will make him very sad. But that's him. Again, I think it's specific. But I also definitely don't think he expects. I don't think. Oh, should I call him and ask? I'm so curious. That's a good idea. Rob, are you going to want permission? Well, he has sons. And again, even that's...

a thing. Hello? Hi, you're on synced. Are you working out? Yeah. Oh, okay. I had a question for you. Ask me. Okay. We are wondering, we got a question about asking dad's permission for weddings for their daughter. I said, I think you are dying to dance with your daughters at their wedding. Like that's something that

would bring you a lot of joy. But I do not think that you have the expectation that a husband would ask your permission. Is that correct? No, I would definitely expect the young man to confront his fear and awkwardness as a display of his dedication because it's very awkward and weird. But I did it. And if you are serious about it. Whoa, I'm shocked.

Wow. Wow.

of availing yourself to the patriarch of the family. And it's a way, I think, for the man to ask if he can join the family in a weird way. But why then wouldn't it be to both parents? Because I think it's man to man. If it was the woman who had to ask for the husband, I think she would go to the mom. Okay. I'm very surprised by this answer. I'm glad we asked. I'm actually shocked. Yeah.

If you think historically, clearly up until recently, but if you had a daughter and there was a man coming into the family, this is the person pre-1950s

everything is going to get passed to, everything that person's built is going to get handed off to this person. And so I think minimally the person coming in to inherit and carry on the family from the male point of view should approach the reigning male and say, hey, I'd like to join this and I want you to trust me. Yeah, but that is pre-1950. We don't operate on any of those levels anymore. Right, but...

If you can get past the material aspect of it and focus more on what the tradition and the ritual really is doing, it's an act of humility for the young male to come in and acknowledge the previous generation's relevance. It's not about money. And I think that's even why it's even better now. It's just kind of like...

I'm going to Kristen's dad. I respect you and I humble myself to enter your family. I understand that piece. I just think it's missing. At this point in life and time, if both parents are alive, it needs to be both. Like it would make no sense to me if my husband just asked my dad and be like, what about my mom? She has played equal, if not more of a part in everything

my life and raising me and my family. This person is joining the two of them, not just

my dad. Yes. And if the only lens is oppressor and oppressed, if the only lens is that this is a bolstering and perpetuating the patriarchy, great. You're right. Is it still cool when a woman who joins a family gets invited to make Thanksgiving dinner with the mother-in-law and they cook together and bake together? Does that perpetuate misogyny and female subjugation or

Or is it this beautiful connection? You know, you get to pick. I know, but you're making it so gendered. You did. You said if the male were to come and ask the mom...

then that would be okay. But because he asked the dad, it's not okay. Oh, no, no. Sorry. I'm saying the family things like the Thanksgiving dinner, the dad could be cooking things. I guess, yeah. I don't know. These are all rituals to help families blend and bond and merge. Forget their origin. Forget what they are in theory about and what are they in practice. Well, but that's what I'm saying. In reality, if it's joining the family and having respect...

which I totally get. But in practice now, that requires both parents. But no, I'm not entering into Kristen's family to ultimately take over her mother's role. I am entering to ultimately take over her father's role. No, you're not.

I will be the male figure in the family as he passes on. I won't be the female figure in the family. So I don't need to. But you're not, you're not her dad. You're not taking over her dad's role. You're a husband is so different than a dad. I will take on the dad role and then I'll take on the grandpa role. And he was the dad role. And now he's taking on the grandpa role. I'm following in his exact footsteps. I'm not the mom and I'm not going to be the grandma.

Yeah. Liz, do you have anything to add? Can you even hear? Well, he probably can't hear you. Can she hear? How's her hearing? You won't be able to hear her, yeah. Oh, he can't hear you. Because, yeah, there's no connection. Yeah, sorry, because she's on Zoom. Oh, right, and that doesn't...

We've learned the hard way. You can't hear anything I can do. Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to let you go back to working out. Bye. I find that fascinating because it shows that that's actually a masculinity ritual between men and has nothing to do with the relationship between the man and the woman. That's not about showing respect to the woman. It's actually all about

guy on guy. Yes, which I personally don't like. So, wow, this is supposed to be a quickie and it is like not quick. But I think whoever marries me will know that I don't.

like that. That I just personally have my own experience in life with bucking up against that sort of male, how do I say it? Hierarchy and male-centric. I mean, it's very patriarchal. I think it's rooted in this masculine hierarchy, which I don't think we totally believe in. Whatever you think, and if you think a marriage is on its way,

it's a conversation to have with your partner because maybe your partner will say, it means so much to me to have that conversation with your dad. Then I think I would say, you can chat with my dad after if you like, but if you're going to go talk to my parents, it needs to be both of them. I didn't ask Natalie's dad because I knew Natalie didn't need his permission. Yes. And that she was the type that's not super traditional and wouldn't have required that. That's the big thing. It's just knowing your partner

and your relationship, and their relationship. It's all at play.

Fascinating. Fascinating. Wow. These questions are so good. They're so good. You guys, please keep writing in. They're making our week. They're so fun. And we really appreciate you guys. And I appreciate you. And I hope you have a wonderful rest of your trip. Thank you. I miss you. I miss you. And I can't wait to be back. Yeah, I can't wait for you to be back. But I think you're gone for a little longer. So we'll probably do another Zoom next time. We'll see you next week. Can't wait. Bye. Bye.