Kristen Bell & Adam Brody
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Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts, or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard, and I'm joined by Lily Padman. Hi. Hi. Nice sweater. Thank you. Thank you.

You know, I don't, hold on. I think it got a little squashed. A little bunched up. Yeah. You got to really mind your posture when you're wearing a garment of that quality.

Sorry. My strength training is gonna, you're really gonna be able to start seeing it because eventually I'll be sitting like this. I hope you start like, your position is like fucking jacked, bro, while you're talking. Yeah, like silly. I just want to go back to that. What were you saying about the childhood? Okay, today's episode is a fun one. Okay. Because it's Kristen Bell and Adam Brody. You know them both. I don't have to tell you. They're both actors. They're both producers. They're both...

So good looking. Very. They have a new show coming out September 26th on Netflix. Nobody wants this, but everyone's going to want this. That's the irony. Yeah, it's so ironic. It's deliciously ironic. Yeah, oh, the chemistry. So please enjoy Kristen Bell and Adam Brody.

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Do you read Chernow? Here, sit on Monica's face. Yes, just sit on my face. Rub yourself on Monica's face. What did Chernow do? I know the name, but... He did Titan, the Rockefeller biography. He did the Best Grant biography. He does biographies. In my opinion, he does the very best biographies. Oh, they're so fucking good. If you like Larson, Titan's my all-time favorite nonfiction book. The Rockefeller biography. It's insane. So you already know this, right? Or do non-car guys know this, Adam, that...

VW and Audi are the same thing. I thought VW and Mercedes were the same thing. Is that not the case? Mercedes, it's its own thing. And then the VW group is Audi, Lamborghini. I figured that was Italian. Originally, and then bought by the VW group slash Audi. Whatever VW you had, there's an Audi version. It's the same frame. Yeah, yeah. And it's the same base. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what you love?

I wanted electric. That was number one. And then number two was something big enough for the kids. It's still a little small in the back, but what are you going to do? Do you guys have animals? We got a dog. Small or big, medium? 30 pounds. You said that like you'd weighed him within the last week. She just turned a year old. There was a debate when we got her. I wanted about a 30-pound dog. We all did. No.

That was the goal. That was the goal. I mean, I used to have a 55-pound dog. My wife had a 6-pound dog. We had them together, and we kind of wanted to blend them. We're like, we'll take the best of both worlds. And yeah, when we got her, the person there, who didn't seem that knowledgeable of it, was like, I think she'll be 45 pounds. And I was like, I'll take it, but we kind of don't want that, and I'm going to take a flyer, and I just think that you won't be that big, and she's not. Okay, wonderful. You're the first person I've ever heard of that was shopping for a weight in a dog.

Yeah. What else do people... Not usually weight class. Right. Well, there's other things, too. It wasn't the only thing. Are you going to fight her or something? She's got to be in a certain bracket. No, but we've got a rough little boy. She's got to be able to take a punch. Sure. And at the same time, have the confidence to not bite back. And at the same time, the thing about a bigger dog is like the mountains of crap and dog food. More than anything, just that. But I do think people go breed first. They have like a breed they're looking for. Well, I had that, too. I wanted a... I would have said mutt, but I was told that we say a mixed breed now.

Well, hold on. I know, I know. What? The mutts are mad? Mutt is canceled. Mutt is officially canceled. Will you describe the human that told you that? Or is there a way to do it artfully and respectfully? Sure, I don't know. I would say a 60-something woman at the unofficial dog park. Dogs on leash, but everyone goes off leash situation. So it's like a little Lucy goose, and they're even saying it. What's that? I know one.

- I know what you're thinking in your head is the type of person, but off leash doesn't seem like that. - It already filtered. - Whether or not that is true and that's where we should go, and I'm not saying it's not. I wouldn't have taken upon it myself. She asked me what kind of dog it was. I wouldn't have then corrected

It's crazy. And it really does illuminate one of my main issues with people who are advocating for other people who did not request it. This would be the apex of that. Like certainly no dog ever whispered in their owner's ear like this is very derogatory and demeaning. Some dogs can talk now. You taught me that. That's true. They can talk with buttons. With buttons. Oh, yeah. You were telling me about that.

Yeah. It's really impressive. Some of them do whole sentences. Whole sentences. Yes. And also concepts. There's a dog named Bunny online that I follow. A lot of her work. Mixed messages. And she... Monica. She will wake up in the morning and say to her owner, night thought afraid. And I said that. I don't want...

word of God. And then obviously the owner, you're understanding she's biased. She's coming to the conclusions, but they'll talk about, did she have a nightmare? Or Bunny will say something about outside excitement and there will be like a bunch of squirrels that the owner will notice. There are some pretty shockingly high level concepts that Bunny is creating on her 70 word. Okay. That was going to be my follow up. How many choices? The woman who made the panel had

the whole English language at her disposal. And she did choose to do terror night and what was another one? Thought. Yes. No, but obviously there's outside, there's poop, there's pee, there's love. Yes, play. The dog will randomly say, I love you and then come up and put her head in the owner's lap. Like there's some high concept stuff. I'm just saying, don't knock it until you've seen the evidence because I have seen the evidence. Yeah. I,

I have a bigger question. Can you say button again? Yeah. You hit it hard. I know. When I was in high school, I said button and kitten. Like it was a... Were you intentionally affecting it to have fun like with Bob or something? No, it was natural. And then now I intentionally try not to draw attention to it. I can say button. Okay, but it takes real effort. Not real effort. It just reminds me. Don't say that word that sounds stupid to everybody else. It's basically the effort. It takes me a lot of effort to say the word sixth.

I gotta throw that out there. Yeah, I get that. That's not an easy word. How about scythe? The thing they cut. No, I can say that except I always thought it was sith. Likely is. Adam, wait. Do you know this about Dax? Do you know about the words he perpetually mispronounces and actually can't do? Dax, there's an Asian type of food that we like. Vietnamese. Vietnamese. Vietnamese. That's good. You sound like my son. There are some that he actually cannot pronounce. He wants to go to the arcade and he calls it the ARF cave. Oh.

A lot of the things they say should be called the thing they're mixing up. Like Arfcade sounds way more fun. Arfcave? It's an Arfcave. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It is a cave-like thing. It is. Environment, I get it. It's a den. Alf's Cave. A bicycle is like, those are bikes. You can really say bike, but then a motorcycle was a mo-bike-a-loh.

A Momiclo. I like that. Hon, what did the girls call a guitar? Dakar. One of them said it and I never corrected them. And currently, sometimes they'll go, pick up that Dakar. Right.

Guitar. And now it's like my fault because I never corrected them, but it was too cute. Oh, I know. There's a lot of things Layton's like, don't tell them. Yeah, you can't. Right. Let them find out in eighth grade when they're trying to impress somebody. Yeah. Dakar. There's a couple whammies. Lincoln used to say, I'm going to the ore port to go on an ape fin. Yeah, yeah. If a big trip was pending. Yeah.

First of all, Adam, welcome in 3D. Thank you. This is my second podcast I've ever done in person. What was the other? You guys know Tyler Labine. This was like 10 years ago and he had a podcast when they were just getting started. Head of the curve. And then you did us on Zoom. The in-persons are so much better. I love a headset.

Oh, God. So buttery. Sounds so great. Yeah. When you would have to go out on the road, what was the thing that you first had to go on press tours for? Was it OC? Probably. And when they send you to cities and you'd have to do local radio, did you have that phase? I did Loveline. I was into Loveline at the time. And then when the OC came out, Peter Gallagher and I, I'm like, let's do Loveline. And we did it. And that was a nice experience.

Did you say anything dicey? I didn't say anything. In hindsight, I was just young and inexperienced and it was all the older guys talking. Was it Carolla and Dr. Drew? Yeah, it was original OGs. Oh, that's great. But back to radio, they'd send us to the radio station and love, let's stay off our phone just for the duration of the interview. I'm looking at my talking points for the show. Okay.

Oh, that's nice. She's doing her job. I'm trying to remember what we're here to talk about. I'll remind you. Because it's not cars or dogs or... All that will be edited out. Don't worry. We're not ever here to talk about... I just wanted to memorize the log line. Okay. Well, I'll give you plenty of chance to do that.

And our radio station is always like Doug and Mike in the morning. And I liked it so much. And I think because of the headphones. And I remember thinking, like, I think I prefer this to acting. I like to do this. I might, too. Have you ever taken a swing at a podcast? No, I don't think I'd be great at it, but I'd certainly enjoy it. Yeah. And do you have fear? Because it's already a punchline in so many things. Ding, ding, ding. This is on topic for the show. This is going to be a nice segue.

But do you have a fear that if you did it at this point, it would be embarrassing? Not embarrassing. I don't have that burning subject or expertise that I feel like the world needs, number one. Okay. And number two, I do wonder, and I know you've transitioned a lot. It's like, at what point does it detract from your acting? You're sort of air of mystery. I'm very mysterious. Well, in my case, it killed it outright. So yeah, I think that's a legitimate fear. Exposure is part of it, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You certainly have enough opinions to start with.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have so many. Some of them are very cranky. We were just talking outside, and she's like, you absolutely can't say that ever. Oh.

Oh, now we actually have to know what it is. You particularly cannot know what it is. Why? It's about Indian people? No. Oh, Kristen. No, look, it's just we're about to go on this press tour and we're... Getting out all the naughties? They're not even naughties. They're just like, let's keep each other in check and let's have fun while we do this. But I can say even outside of the topic of this show, I would listen to your podcast because you have so many cranky opinions that interest me. Even when I V

vehemently disagree with them, which I tell you, they're fun, cranky opinions to listen to. Love, can you think of top three on set? They come out, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. None that I can think of. We get into like in-depth conversations about the state of the world or parenting or topics that are hot in the

media and Adam's always got a hot take that I'm like, wait, what? Explain this to me. How long have you guys known each other? I can remember where I met you, I think, which is the Scream something premiere or not premiere, but Scream 4, which we were both in. We went to a screening and then I was in Kevin's car, my agent, your friend. And then you rode in his, not his trunk, but he like had a little bit of a backseat. Yeah.

I rode in his trunk. Yeah, because he had like a two-seater Mercedes. And somehow you got in the back and we gave you a ride to like some sort of after party or something. Scream 4 was what year? 2010. Oh, wow. That late? Way back. Certainly before we had kids because some girls and House of Lies. But way before House of Lies because I was friends with one of your exes and you don't think we ever... No, no. I absolutely...

absolutely remember because I went to your apartment. Oh, wow. Maybe you weren't there. When you lived in that like... I had a loft. Yeah, industrial loft. Yeah, cool. But here's what I'm remembering. Maybe you weren't there and maybe just us three girls were there. That makes sense. I'm dying to know who the girls were.

Rachel, right? It would have been Rachel and it would have been Nicole Chavez. Yeah. We love both very much. Circling back, why me in particular can't hear? Uh-oh. You got to get this not a hang-up. I'll tell you after the show. Sometimes, and this is what I enjoy about Adam so much because also it echoes what I enjoy about Dax so much, they have controversial stories.

thought processes. I'm not going to say opinions because they're not going to like do anything with the opinion, but they bring up counterpoints that are very interesting that are against the grain. And I'm curious what your kink is just for one second. Yeah. I know what my kink is about that. Do you know what yours is?

I find it really challenging. We're watching Chimp Crazy last night. We love it. Have you seen it? Almost dipped in last night. Had to finish the Lou Pearlman doc. Oh, perfect. But you know, the woman that they're profiling is deplorable on all accounts. You know, she's torturing these chimps and they come to take them all away, the feds, to bring them to a nicer place. And she absconds with one, right? Yeah.

And then she's embroiled in accusations and lawsuits from PETA. And she's clearly lying in hiding. She's kind of monstrous. And it ends. And I say to the kids, we're all watching together. And I go, as terrible as that woman is, I have to say...

If you guys were going to be taken, I would lie to everybody. I would hide you. I would do anything. I can accept and believe she loved that chimp the way I love you too. And so her actions, although icky and the results are bad, I understand the humanness that's happening. And I too would do anything to keep you and hide you. So like, I just enjoy making myself, and I guess it would be true empathy where it's like, I forced myself to imagine I'm them.

Because I have to kind of make sense of why they're doing what they're doing. And for me to make sense of it, I have to find the thing I believe in that's motivating them. You have a very non-virtue signally empathy about you, whereas you actually have to hear the opinion you're spouting twice to

to really digest that, oh, you really are trying to understand this woman from a fundamental human point of view. Yes. And although things on the right scare me and things on the left scare me, what scares me much more than left, right or politics or positions are not really understanding why someone did what they did. That's the scariest thing for me is that I would not really understand what someone's motivation was because that would open me up to get blindsided. What's an example of that?

It's just you'll hear someone did X, Y, and Z, and my first thought is, what was the story in their head that made sense and was ethical? Let me grant them that they are ethical or that they're not a monster or they're not evil. So then what is the story they told themselves that was defendable in their head? I have to find out what that is. I don't accept that they're just bad or evil people.

and out to do bad things, I need to know what it was they thought they were doing correctly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think if I don't understand that, then I can't guess what anyone's going to do. Weirdly, the world's scarier. Obviously, you're an armchair psychologist more than maybe anything else. But do you know why you like to take kind of a... There's two things. I think there's a bit of a Larry David Seinfeld-esque...

kind of crank at some customs that I find outdated or pointless. Inefficiency. This is a champagne problem, so forgive me. But like, I don't want 10 freezing pieces of cutlery on the airplane. I'll just do a knife and fork. One is fine. You know, I'm not

literally cranky about it, but I have a lot of that. And then I think the other thing, I don't mean it in a self-aggrandizing way. I fall really short in any activism or real changing the world is very little. But, you know, in terms of my opinions, I do swing really left. The backlash to wokeism, I kind of have an argument against all of it. The

The backlash to wokeism, like people that are in a moral panic about cancel culture. Yes. You want to say to those people. You're throwing the baby out with the bathwater. You've lost the forest for the trees. Okay. And of course there's excesses. There's excesses on our sides in any large movement. But if that's your North Star as a comedian, as an artist, as a political commentator, then you fucking lost the plot. More good has been done than bad ever.

It's tangible to me. The difference on a set now and 10 years ago, five years ago, is so different and so much more positive to me that I think for sure people have been too harshly punished. We're figuring it out. But comedians who are like, this is my thing. This is why I'm going to vote this way. This is my main subject. I just think... The hill I'll die on. The hill I'll die on. I think there are so much bigger fish to fry and I find it suspect. Okay. Very fair point. Can I just...

propose one thing, though, that we probably would agree on. Do you agree how our judicial system is designed and set up, which is it works under the premise that

that it would be much better to let a guilty person go than to ever incarcerate an innocent person. Hence, innocent until proven guilty. That's not my opinion. That's the crux of our judicial system. You got to get 12 to agree that they're guilty and one can hang the jury. And we walk in going they're innocent. And now this group has to prove they're guilty. Yes, yes, yes. Because we agree in theory that...

that it would be worse to put an innocent person in prison than to let a guilty person go. Yes. I personally don't feel like I'm on either side of those options of anti-wokeism or wokeism. But I think if you can find purchase in that belief...

which is we can't put innocent people in jail, you could maybe build upon how someone might feel righteous about pushing back against people getting canceled. Because you're right. It's done a lot more good than it has done bad. And also people have gone through the grinder that didn't deserve to. So if you're already locked into this kind of belief that that's the worst outcome, that innocent people get destroyed. Yeah, but I think it's cumulative. At the end of the decade...

How many are we talking and what category? It's a war. And so for me, it boils down to you have a utilitarian view of it, which I totally respect. The net of it all at the end is a huge progress in betterment, right? I'm for progress. I'm happy we have these institutions and this philosophy, but I only care about it in as much as it achieves the goal. These aren't gifts from God. They're just human constructs and whatever gets us there. So what you're saying is a very utilitarian point of view, and it's very valid.

And then the other one's more of a Kantian point of view, which is the ends do not justify the means. So just because you get the outcome you want doesn't mean it's justified how we got the outcome. So these are two very defendable points of view in life. There have been philosophers that have been split across the board on these two approaches. My main issue beyond all those little micro issues themselves is philosophy.

Those are legitimate stances. Yours is a legitimate stance. And the Kantian view is a legitimate stance. The fact that either of you have to position yourself as evil or bad, that's my reigning issue with our society, is that to have a difference, even though both are pretty legit...

You're bad or not good or impure or evil. I am okay with the difference of opinion there. We can have a talk as long as we're agreeing that global warming is real and we're going to do something about it and let's talk about how to make society better. Anyway, this is all. Let's not waste time going down this road. I just think when you're in a philosophy class and the room gets divided into these two things, I think that everyone should feel rooted and convicted about their opinion, but I don't think they should feel superior. What?

In a philosophy class, we can debate and it can be very... Abstract. Exactly. It's very abstract. These are real issues, real people with real consequences. We have to acknowledge that because everyone in this room is so privileged and it's easy to, from above...

But when you're affected, it's much, much different. And I think we can forget about that sometimes when we're doing this. Well, also, it doesn't have to be an either or. The Good Place was entirely about philosophy, and I feel like they taught us so much, and that's why moral particularism was...

essentially invented, Dancy's moral particularism is that you do not have to be one because the two main are utilitarian and Kantianism and you don't have to choose either one. You can actually look through the framework of both on any particular issue and be a moral particularist which is side on either one.

depending on whatever one it's called for. Yeah. To a person, you can disagree a lot and I think I'll be nice and respectful and it's just like in the aggregate and with a big election on the line that's so pivotal, that's the either or of it. I mean, how can it not be divided right now? It's very good to...

to take a breath and try to walk it back. And at the same time, so much is on the line. It is really important. And it's more than just a matter of opinion. And I'm not walking around morally superior. Again, I said, what has my contribution been? Very little. So believe me. We share that in common. The two most opinionated people in the room probably have done the least amount in the room. Okay, so you went to his apartment, but he likely wasn't there. I think he wasn't there. I'm actually positive he wasn't there.

Do you remember if you saw the OC and you had a crush on Adam at any point? I've...

Do it. Never seen any episode of The O.C. Now, did I have a crush on Adam? Of course, everybody did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all that matters. First part's irrelevant. We'll cut the first part out. I have never seen an episode of The O.C. I've never seen an episode of Veronica Mars. Oh, that's a tragedy. That one hurt. Yeah, that one hurt you. That hurt? Yeah, a little bit.

That one is amoral, actually. She's fine. She's a push. But having not watched Veronica Mars is kind of amoral. I was reticent to admit that because I had so many friends on it. I was really close with Rachel. I still am. Nicole is one of my closest. Can I defend you? Yeah. You were in your 20s. You weren't watching a ton of TV. You were out doing life. And so were you. Were you watching a bunch of shit in your 20s? I certainly wasn't. I wasn't watching a bunch of high school shows. I was going to the Sunset Five.

Of course, watching an arthouse movie. And you like The Sopranos, I hope? Uh-oh. I've never seen an episode of The Sopranos, but it's a goal. I'm not proud of that. That's not a stance. That's an oversight. That's a missed opportunity. Okay, so... I've never seen The O.C., but I adored Adam. Of course. Of course. Everybody did, everybody does, and I continue to. I hadn't seen...

seen it either. My first time seeing Adam on screen was Thank You for Smoking. Oh my God. And of course I knew of you, very famous and you were on billboards all over the city I lived in. And I was like, that guy that I know is on a TV show is quite good. He's really good. You were exemplary in that movie. I appreciate it. Thank you. It's one of the performances of that era for me that has held up. Most haven't, you know, most I can't really stomach.

But that one, I think, still wears well. Adam, I just watched because we did a 20 year anniversary for Without a Paddle and I watched with the kids and I was sitting next to them and I realized many times, oh my God, loosen your muscles. I was just like, I was so tight. I'm like, oh, here's that scene where I do that thing and I'm so bad at it. Yeah, I know the feeling. Okay, so then the first time you would have met. Can I make a critique about myself in the show we just did? Because I just saw the episodes. It's small, but in real life,

With my wife, we're cuddly. It's a natural and easy way to build connection when you have a romantic partner on screen. Anyways, my hand is glued to your shoulder. Almost gets like a tick. Watching this episode, I'm like, put your hand down a little bit. Because it was too much? Every time you're within arm's length of me, the hand goes on the shoulder. And while it's mostly good and I think effective, for me, I would just dial it back. What percentage? 20% less?

30. Wow, that's harsh to yourself. I bet you never noticed once. Here, Adam's got his hand on my shoulder again. No. Right? Not one time. No. And if anything in the show is the absolute home run of the show, it's the connection of you two. So I don't know about you critiquing. The thing that works best about the show is a weird position. Just dialing it in. Just dialing it in. That's all it is. Is it because it looked too lovey-dovey or because it looked false? Neither. It just almost seemed like a tick, like an acting crutch.

You know? Like a cigarette? Which I guess would be false. Didn't look too lovey-dovey. Didn't look unnatural. You know, an actor, hands in the pockets too much or something. I'm just like, this is my now comfortable resting state. It's becoming a crutch. Interesting. It could be a drinking game for the... It is definitely a drinking game. That would be fun.

There could be some subtext there, though, that would actually be really sweet, which is maybe you were like stabilizing yourself, which would show a lot of confidence in you. Like, I'm just going to lock into you. You seem very convicted about it. You're grounded. Let me. Or myself to you, basically. I never noticed the hands on the shoulder, but I'll tell you what a cool drinking game could be. So Adam did this thing in the second episode where.

that when we kiss, he always goes for the face to truly almost anatomically stabilize the head. Sure. But it doesn't come across false at all. It comes across so, so romantic. And everybody noticed it. The first time we did that scene out on the street, the whole video village was like,

Oh, my goodness. And it wasn't because two people—well, I mean, it was because two people were kissing that you were like, oh, get together. But it was also because he just does this kind of delicate hand-on-the-face thing. And I went back into Video Village, and I'm like, make sure every time we do a kissing scene, he's got his hands on my face. And he did. He did it naturally. And you can definitely do a drinking game because it's great. Hands-on-the-face kiss. Wow.

Beautiful. No, the hands on the face I like. No complaints there. It's wonderful. Were you hands on the face when, let's rewind to you, maybe met at Scream, maybe not, but you were definitely on House of Lies together. We definitely met on Scream. Not on the set, but when I was in the trunk. At a Scream screening. A Scream screening. Oh, yeah. Gosh, I have such a terrible memory because then...

You did House of Lies. You did Some Girls first, I believe. We've worked together so many times. Some Girls, the Neil LaButte. Yeah, it was a play that we did a movie of. So I hung out at his apartment when he wasn't there. I was friends with his ex-girlfriend. I'm so sorry. You are in a Neil LaButte movie? Yeah. Hi. Hey, what's going on? We're sitting here. To be fair, Kristen, I think you just remembered that for the first time.

Touché, Monica. It was not directed by him. Right, but as script. A play called Some Girls about a guy who revisits five of his previous love interests. We just talked about this on the show. Somehow, right? I'm pretty sure. An actor was in it that

that we interviewed on the play version. They were in some Neil Abue thing and then I think I was, yeah. Paul Rudd was in it? Yeah. Well, I think he did the play, I'm saying. No, Paul Rudd did the play of Reasons to be Pretty, which is another Neil Abue. Oh, and then he was in the movie of, I forget, but like Rich and Maul. Yeah, that's Reasons to be Pretty. Or was it Fat Pig? Not Fat Pig. I thought it was some girl. Not our words. Yeah. I'm awful. I was like, not Fat Pig. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Well, Reasons to be Pretty was one of my favorites for sure. You can fact check it, but I think that's what he was in. Some Girls is slightly lesser known, but it was a very fun little indie. Sorry to go back on this, but she keeps making him get more like racial vibes, keeps making him get more plastic surgery. Yeah, it's really good. That's Reasons to be Pretty. Yeah, yeah, that's good. I saw it on Broadway. It was wonderful. Okay, so back to House of Lies, or did you kiss in the Neil LaBute thing? I kind of tried to like assault you a little bit.

I think it's like I'm trying to kiss you and you don't want me kind of wrestle. Oh, and spoilers. The character is on a tour on the eve of his wedding. Five ex-girlfriends. He's a writer. He kind of wrote a book that was semi-fictional, but also not at all about them. They're all a little sore about it. And he wants to meet them all and just see what went wrong and what he did, even though he takes no accountability. And in the end, he sees Kristen's character. She's the last one. And he decides he really likes her and wants to be with her and

I think tries to kiss her and apologize and she won't have it and they kind of wrestle. Oh. And then a wire comes out. Turns out he's like been wired and he's been recording everyone. I gotta see this movie. It sounds so good. And then she leaves and then, you know. I don't remember any of this. Yeah. Yeah.

Then House of Lies. So then House of Lies. And you guys hook up in House of Lies as well. That I do remember. And how did you put it so delicately? Well, you were like eight and a half months pregnant. You know, it's us together, your child between us. And lots of humping. You called it something very special. I did what? You called it our threesome. Oh, okay.

I asked that only to ask, do you remember if he grabbed your face in that? Because what I'm wondering is, is it muscle memory or is it new to each character? Was there face grabbing? I don't- Your face is huge too. I want to say there wasn't. It wasn't-

Go ahead. I don't think there was for two reasons. Number one, it was a very different relationship. The concept of that show was like these high level, high net worth individuals. I was the heir to a dildo factory. Yeah. Even though I was like a sweet-ish guy. That's another through line for us, which we'll get to in a second. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's our second time at a dildo shop together. Which is a strange thing for two actors to say. I don't think there was any face-to-face.

and hand interaction. It wasn't that sweet. It wasn't romantic. Also, I'm sure you remember I was a very big girl. The reach was just too long. Were you able to get your arms off? I have long arms. I don't know what stage you were at pregnancy-wise, but you seem small. I shouldn't say I appreciate that because I also don't

care how much weight I gained during pregnancy, but I think I was a very different shape. Let's just say this. I think we can say hundredth percentile. Yeah, exactly. I was going to say like 90th percentile. She gained 40. I gained 47 pounds, both pregnancies. And just as a side note, I ate totally differently during the pregnancy. So it was very clear that that's what my body wanted to have on it. And there was one point during House of Lies. That's virtually 50% of your body weight. Yeah. So where they shrunk my face digitally, but it was before they actually had good CG to do that. And there are

a couple scenes where I look like when someone draws a picture of an alien and their forehead's really big but then their cheeks go really, really in. They're shaped like a light bulb. Yes. And that's how I was shaped in a few scenes. Not only were you shaped like that, your face was changing pretty dramatically frame to frame. So a lot was happening when they were fixing that. But we got through it and it was fun.

It was lovely to have you. And we shot at that very strange, enormous dildo factory. And we were shooting at a time when it was in service. And we would walk through these huge rooms where all of these sort of older women, hairnets, gloves, painting veins onto these enormous dicks, gluing pubic hair on. And we were like, oh, okay. Very scientific. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

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Do you think those women got off work hornier or never horny again? I think one of the two happened. The latter is going to be the answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really saw how, pun intended, the sausages were made. Right. When you're painting on veins, the penis is a very ugly thing. Yeah. Grotesque, especially when it's engorged. Both ways. Yeah, well, one's pathetic and one's repugnant. Having worked with Adam twice...

In a setting where there are a lot of dildos around, I can say with utter confidence, he cannot keep his hands off him.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He was so grabby at the original one. I remember you were like doing a scene where you were like. In this one. And in this one, too. You're talking about the original one? Yes, you did both. You recycled your dick spin. Wow. And then in this one, when we shot at the sex store, you had your hands all over everything. You were pointing at stuff. When the cameras were off, we were like, what is that? We got to figure this out. We both felt so out of touch. At least I did. I was not. I'm quite not.

You knew exactly what everything was. Okay, let's talk about how this show came to be because you were in it first.

And you are, of course, a part of who gets to be the rabbi. And let's talk about the premise of Nobody Wants Us. So us being from Michigan and living in close proximity to Bloomfield and West Bloomfield and Bloomfield Hills. I grew up in an entirely Jewish neighborhood. I was one of two Gentiles in the area. You were the shiksa. Yes.

So I wanted to be Jewish all growing up because that was the culture I was surrounded by every single one of my friends. I learned to speak a little bit of Hebrew. Like I loved it. You went to a lot of bar mitzvahs. Tons. All of those. It's so funny because ironically, I went to only my bar mitzvah and I...

I knew like two other Jewish kids. But your parents are ironically Jewish people from Michigan. Yes. And were they from one of those areas I just mentioned? I think they were from the suburbs of Detroit. My dad went to Mumford. I only know that because Beverly Hills Cop, you know, so it was relevant to me. And mom? I don't know why she went to high school. You're a sexist. Okay. You know where your dad went? Do women go to school? But we were very familiar with this term shiksa. Right. Which is...

a blonde Gentile goddess who woos the Jewish boy away from the tribe. Yeah, is that a fair? Yeah. Such a great word, shiksa. It's great. And so the original title really tells you exactly what this show is about. But lo and behold, and to our surprise...

Nobody knows the word shiksa. Yes, apparently in the focus groups, not enough people, if any people, knew the word shiksa, which actually shocked me because one of my favorite Broadway shows is The Last Five Years, and there's a song called Shiksa Goddess where he's being tempted by this woman. I thought that it was a word everyone knew. They said, nope, nobody knows it. Well, and my thing was like, so what? Does that have to be a deal killer? And apparently, yes. Yeah.

I have learned the hard way twice. That is real. It's like you sandbag yourself so much right out of the gate. I'm happy where we ended up, by the way. I will say, and it's only grown on me. I feel good about the title. I'm not even saying they were wrong, ultimately. But for a while, I was mourning the death of that title.

But you were being brought many options, love, to who should be the rabbi. In the beginning, yes, they were like, we're going to find the perfect. And we had a lot of reads. We had a lot of discussions. And from the second I opened it,

and read the scenes between these two people, I was like, okay, well, this is Brody. And then I finished it knowing that it was him. And then I thought, okay, my only hurdle in doing this show is going to be to convince Adam to do a romantic lead, which he is not keen...

Keen on, usually, and never has been. And then I made that my mission. It's not that I didn't want to. It's kind of my happy place. It's just that it actually doesn't come my way very often. And if it does, it's not good. Are you being honest? Yes. They don't even make them that much. Well, that's fair. In the height of making them, you weren't offered a bunch of them. I guess in the height of making them, I would say, is that OC days? Yeah, or just thereafter. Just thereafter, I don't remember anything. And just before, I was...

unavailable for almost everything because of the show. So I only turned down one of note that I'll, and that's it. The notebook?

- Only one of no cook. - Oh God. - I only turned down one that turned into be anything. - Well, hold on. Matt Damon admitted he had been offered Avatar and missed out on 10% of gross. - The franchise. - Yeah, yeah. - And that's so fun for everyone to know. Which one you can't. 'Cause you don't wanna disrespect the person who did it. - I don't wanna disrespect it. I still am glad I didn't. That's not my story. There were repetitive things. That wasn't my path. So romantic comedy. - So I read the script

I immediately knew it was Adam. And I said to the whole room, I was like, this is Adam Brody. Take your time. And can I add, I want to take a tiny bit of credit, which is you already had that decision. But if you live with Kristen, Kristen only talks on the phone on speakerphone. Yeah.

and doing 11 other things, right? So I know every single machination of this development of this show. And I'm overhearing them pitch different people. And I don't know who, whether it's the network, the studio or the creators would like in the list.

And I'm in the bedroom, she's in the bathroom getting ready, and I'm hearing all this, hearing all this. And at some point, I scream like, clearly it's gotta be Brody. Yeah, for a variety of reasons. A, because it's very exotic when you haven't really done that role a ton before. B, I know how talented you are. And particularly, I feel like I know your style very well from knowing you a little bit personally and also knowing your work. You are an actor who can look like

dopely and lovingly into someone's eyes for an extended period of time. As long as he's got his hand on their shoulder. Correct. As long as he's connected physically in some way. And I am also one of those actors. And there are actors that can do it and there are actors that cannot. And I was like, this show needs that

La La Land thing where you just actually pause the whole storyline and let these characters look at each other, but make sure they're both keeping the ball in the air of will they, won't they, chemistry, you know, attraction, all that stuff. And I was like, I know everything.

Adam can do this. I know I can do it. Just put us together, please. And then it was just a matter of convincing Adam to do it. Well, and them to offer it to me, I assume. Yeah, but I feel like that was easier than convincing you to do it. It wasn't that hard. Well, you really played me like a fiddle then. It wasn't that hard.

You didn't have to convince me. There was very little outreach, just a couple surgical words here and there. Yeah, yeah. I got a voice text from both of you. Oh, I sent you one too. You guys did it together. It was over, you guys were watching Fleischman is in Trouble. It was very lovely and it was very sweet, and I couldn't help but think there was larger things at play. But did we know about? You did, because I already knew about it. These are monsters.

But I took it as genuine anyway. Let me ask you, you haven't worked for a minute by choice and this came your way. What brought you out of retirement? What brought me out of retirement? A desire to be creative and leave the house a little more because I have spent the last couple years being like a full-time mom. And though I've enjoyed that, I feel like I've gotten a good foundation here and I felt like I was losing myself a little bit in it.

Can I add an asterisk? Please. Doing nothing for two years, producing a huge hit show, Nickelodeon, Tiny Chef, getting a musical up and running in L.A., producing four other shows, being the ambassador and representative of seven companies. So, yeah, doing nothing for two years, just asterisk. Sure. I was going to say the same. I don't know the resume. And I'm struggling myself because there's so much shit. Performing, I guess.

I was eager to perform again. And when I stopped performing, I guess a couple years ago, I was so tired of it. I was like tired of the hair and makeup. I was tired of the forward facing. I was like, I just want to be creative behind the scenes. And then I realized like, wait, I want to do it again. I want to feel that kind of electricity again of chance and risk. And I had a couple options. But when I read this script, I just thought I had never read anything else like it.

And I loved the idea of seeing people who shouldn't be together for what seemed like very real reasons. But if you can make the chemistry strong enough, that's so appealing to watch. I just thought the engine was great. And I thought if I could get Adam to do it, that would be even better. I don't always know how to explain why I choose what I choose.

I might be better situated as an observer on the outside. So I would say on this spectrum, the three of us are perfectly on this spectrum, right? Kristen's on the far left. You're on the far right, Adam. And I'm somewhere in the middle, which is, Adam, you are really thinking about where you want to go a lot. You've even admitted to me you've been...

Almost arrested by the anxiety of what is the right thing to do next, when to do it. I would rebut that a little bit. Carry on. Don't tell me. There was a moment during and post-OC where I thought my next move is just that this is my chance and I want to break away and establish myself on my own independently of the show. And like, this is the moment to do that. And I got to do something that really speaks to me because if it doesn't,

And then it doesn't work. And then I've lost my shot on something I didn't even believe in, and God damn it. But I quickly disabused myself of that notion. More mid-30s, I started having kids. And I want to work, and I'm not working enough. But you weren't working enough because you were really conscious about what thing you did. Yeah, yeah. At least when we were chatting between takes on Chips. Yes, there's been opportunities...

I could be more employed, but eventually I just said, let's go to work. I'll take the best thing around. And that was really fun and it was really fulfilling. And lo and behold, career stuff happens nicely anyways. And now I really don't, I don't even believe you can.

have this vision of I'm seeing around corners. I'm thinking three steps ahead. I don't care. I feel like I'm old enough now. I have a resume that's long enough. I like to go to work. I'm looking for good writing exclusively, but even then, if it's not good writing, but there's something else that's fun about it, let's go do that. And I don't feel precious. Opinionated? Yes. And I relate to you greatly on that. And I don't know what's driving that. For me,

It's a lot of fear. I'm very afraid that they're going to tell me the ride's over. A lot of my experience here. And Kristen has never had that fear. She had to leave college because she got a Broadway play. And jobs came to her very steadily and quickly. And Kristen's very much whatever lands in front of her that piques her interest in that hour, she'll end up doing. If you look at her career, it's more like who called her on that given day. It's all over the place. But...

the like cosmic comedy of it is somehow these dramatically different approaches. You two are in the same movie with the same level of importance. We've been in three things together. Yes. I always say like you look at our own personal life. I'm a fucking drug addict, maniac, motorcyclist. She's a Catholic school girl, did everything right. We're in the same household with the same two children. Like I think it's fascinating how many roads end up leading to the same place. And so for Kristen, if I was saying on the outside what I think is like –

However it happened, this thing came across her desk and she's like, oh, this seems really fun. And I'll add a personal thing, which is it was a cool character. Yeah. Cool girl. Cool girl. Cool girl. And you haven't played a lot of cool girls. So you were like, oh, this is interesting. I'm getting offered the cool girl. How'd that go?

I did my best. I think you're very cool. Oh, you are a cool girl. You execute like a motherfucker. But I do think that was in the stew. How are we qualifying cool? I guess finger on the pulse, popular. I've played a lot of people that have been sort of against the grain or had like a sassy or abrasive nature to them, which I love.

but definitely weren't the main popular archetype. That's like not the vibe I give off. It is the vibe you give off, but I almost feel like connected to what you were just saying earlier, you picked characters that were unlike your cute face. Maybe about...

Honestly, this is one of those questions where people are like, how have you picked your characters? I'm like, I picked what was offered to me. I auditioned for everything. And then a lot of the feedback I got in the beginning was always like, well, you're not homely enough to play like the best friend and you're not pretty enough to play like the cool girl. So there's just not a place for you. And I was like in this in-between place.

Forever. I think the thing that you might as a person identify as cool is a self-conviction about who you are.

And an ability to not people please or bend yourself to be like the others around you. I do not possess that. You've grown into it. Yeah, but I think what you saw in this character, I would just say that's the specific ingredient in cool that Kristen would identify. Very self-assured. And not too concerned whether the seven other people in the room agree with that take or not. No, you walk into a room a lot in the show.

like kick open the door. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great way to walk in with a lot of confidence. And you're not there to make friends. You're there to be yourself. And,

And maybe you'll make friends along the way. So I think that was appealing for sure. And she was like young and sexy and that was all in the stew as well. Yeah. Now sidebar back to more personal stuff. So I just said the dynamic in our household, right? Like she's on speakerphone. I'm hearing all this stuff. I'm hearing every aspect of the musical she's producing and I'm opinionated and I'm like, what's the right amount for me to inject myself into the situation I wasn't invited into? How much of that's happening with you individually?

A lot. Everything is run through each other. We are each other's managers. And we also have the same two agents. Oh, you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. So it's like, you know, I'll get a call. You did before you were together? This happened after and it was a gamble. Kevin made a strong pitch as to why. And we both at first were like, I don't know. And he's like, no, think about it. If I fuck this up, I lose two clients. So like, I really like have to, you know, I'm like...

You've been my agent for 20 years. I can vouch for him. It was five years ago and things are going good. But anyway, so we are in each other's shit in that way. And we even did a movie together a couple of years ago. Did you like that? I did. It had its own host of challenges, but acting together, we've acted together a lot and continue to, and that's great. And you have kids together. So now when you go to work, which would normally be quote work is now like escape time. Chris and I have to shoot something in a week or two together.

And I'm like, we will have two 12 hour days with no one coming up to us to solve a fight. That's almost like a vacation. 100%. It's all inclusive. There's no privacy and it's fine. And what is Layton likely to point out and what are you likely to point out? Because I think our thing is very specific. She's charmingly aloof to the business.

She will literally not know Seth Rogen's name. Right. You know what I mean? That's kind of great. It's fucking great because it doesn't diminish her art. That's not where she's focusing. So she has that outsider quality and she can come in, but she's such an artist. She's a poet. She has a depth.

and a read on material that is always illuminating and has a great radar. And so she can still get at the heart of something, a script, no problem. But it's for me to look at the cover letter and go, you're doing this or not. You know, before we even have read it, I'm like, oh, these names, these are good names. You probably want to be involved. I'm like, I haven't heard of these names. Sounds sketchy. Give it a read. I'm the biz guy. But she knows from a intelligent, intuitive way what's true and what's lyrical and what's bullshit.

That's probably our exact dynamic. That's similar. I'm mostly negative, probably. Yeah, and I remind you... Most things are a pass. But also, we are one ride on this earth, and if something is short and your friends are in it, who fucking cares? Oh, you didn't even mention friends. If her friends are in it, sure. Well, it's because

I'm reminding Dax all the time, this is not going to take up a ton of your time. And I guarantee you, when you come home from this, you're going to be like, I'm so glad I spent the day with Vincent. That's what she's great at. I talk her out of stuff. Yeah, she talks her back out. But it's a good balance. There is no correlation to me between the quality of project and my enjoyment making it. It's a crapshoot that way. It's the personalities involved. And so...

Just because it's good doesn't mean it's going to be a good time. And just because it's bad doesn't mean it's going to be a bad time. You're right. It's total luck and chance. And who knows? So that kind of sets up this next question I have, which is I have been watching Kristen go away, do projects, and then watching the buzz that surrounds it for 17 years. And I would say the only thing she's done prior to this show that had the same sense and feeling was Frozen. Wow. Yeah.

Where it's like people are seeing it. They're getting very excited. They're freaking out. They're talking about sequels. And you're sitting there in this weird little bubble where you've just been on the inside of it. And then when you're seeing how it's received. So thus far, every single person who's seen Nobody Wants This is...

is calling effusively telling Kristen like, oh my God, this is the greatest thing you've done and this is incredible. Has that been coming your way too, Adam? Yeah, but not that many. I think probably you guys know more people that have seen it by virtue of being a producer, publicists and agents and the materials that have been coming out as well with it, everyone's really into. So I don't know that many people that have

seen it since we started filming. I've been hearing great things filtered back from the studio, etc. And so there's definitely been a positive. And you over 25 years, you learned to delineate the bullshit compliment in the real ones. Yeah. You know, when people at this point are sincere. I take this all as valuable information. Nothing's

sure thing, but I put some stock in it. And you, my love? I know if I like it, but I've also liked things no one else has liked or hated things everyone else has loved. But I don't know that I have since Frozen gotten the response from people

Like even just planning this press tour when the critics get the first two episodes logistically going like, okay, I'm gonna have to go to New York for two days or whatever. Oh, okay, we're getting so many calls. We have to triple the size of the press tour because we can't turn some of these great opportunities down. It's been a wonderful shock. And part of it has been...

wow, this is really exciting to see, plug your ears, Seth Cohen and Veronica Mars crossover that everyone's been waiting for. But also the idea that it is a real romantic comedy in the sense that older romantic comedies used to be made because they kind of like died off. So the infusion back into the romantic comedy world, there are sensibilities that people are open to at a time when art comes out and you never really know when it's going to hit.

the vibe of the world has to be ready for that piece, right? And I feel like the response we're getting is like, oh my God, I've been dying to see a romantic comedy like this. Like when Top Gun Maverick came out, we were like, oh, that's right. We like to fucking party in the theater. Right.

So people are ready for it, which I think is just good luck on our part. Yes, yes. I totally agree. I have seen most of it. And I was a part of any time Kristen was watching cuts and giving notes. And of course, I'm opinionated. And my take from the jump was like, yeah, and let's get to Adam and her. What did you say when we were watching the second episode where we were at the dinner scene? You looked over at me. What'd I say? You go, God, I want you guys to kiss so bad.

Yeah, let's go. Let's fucking go. You said that about Sheedy too. You're always wanting her to kiss people. Yeah, yeah. Well, when the chemistry's right, that's what you're screaming for. I will say the chemistry's great. And I, having worked with you before and having read the script and knowing you and lovely dance partner, even so I was like surprised and taken with how much we work together in it.

But I'm going to say other than the guy you were in Hit and Run with, this is like the second best chemistry you've maybe ever had. I would agree with that. Ooh, sorry to a lot of people. Oh, whoopsies, whoopsies. You did say after filming this, you did have a scene with Justine and then you said, that was my favorite scene I've done on this show. I did? And you heard that and you took it from me?

personally? A little. Oh, no. But it might be the best scene on the show. It's all right. You've said a lot of nice things. I knew your skill set. One thing I'm good at, I can't always articulate it, but I can like feel someone when they're acting, whether I'm watching an audition or I'm watching a show and I'm like, oh, I know what lanes they're faking and I know what lanes they really use well and that they're

very good at. You are living in your sweet spot. You can stare into someone's eyes and I'm like, great, let them be my eyes because I can stare back and we can crack the lens. Thank you. I will say about you, amazingly versatile but never a false note. I found the entire performance pitch perfect. Thanks, Adam. She's an acting robot.

We all know that. Mechanical. Precision. Acting AI. No, I always say there's nobody easier to edit than Kristen. She will have her hand in the exact same spot in every single take. She's so real, yet all the mechanics are flawless. You're a mess, Adam. Probably. Those hands. You're directing an airplane into its parking spot. I have long arms.

They're really hard to do something with when you're standing with nothing to anchor on. I think that's why I do it, maybe. There's building the connection, but it's also that it's awkward to stand there with long arms. Have you considered arm reduction surgery? I think they're doing it in Guadalajara. I haven't considered it, but maybe I should. Yeah, they'll trim that humerus right up. You'll be able to sit there and dangle just so comfortably. Okay, there's other great people in it.

that we love from other great shows. You just talked about Justine, of course. Justine Loop from Succession. I have seen that. And God, is she a goldmine. She is so much fun. Juilliard trained. Really? Don't sleep on it. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. She's incredible. So it's not a surprise except that I don't know any Juilliard people.

And then Tim Simons. No one better. One of the greatest stories of all time started out as a casting assistant and they asked him to read with the actors and he was blowing people out of the water. And they were like, wait a minute, step on camera for a second. And then boom, he books Veep. It was on Veep? He was casting director on Veep? I believe so. Wow. We also have a very fun text chain with all of us actors. And Tim primarily leads the joke section. A lot of picture content. Yeah.

He got really obsessed with the first scene we shot, which was one of the most romantic things of the show. Hands on the face. That's where we discovered it. Adam was levitating off the street. Everyone was like gooey around him. And there was a paparazzi across the street who got this photo of us like full bodied and three fourths. Right. Your hands were on my face. We weren't kissing, but like our faces were really close together. It was like the moment before. So it was super passionate. Take your time now. Everybody, if you're a young actor.

That's where you want to live. You want to basically take your time approaching their face. And this is Adam's playbook, I can tell you right now, whether you know it or not. You take your time approaching their face and then you look all around their face. You just take it in. And then you go in, but you stop.

Right before you make contact. And you wait there as long as you can. This is good stuff. You're not conscious of this? I'm not that conscious of it in the sense of, I'm going to put my hand, I'm going to do this. But in the script, it was, they have the best kiss of her life or their lives. You know what I mean? We were intimidated. And so I was like, this is going to need...

some time and some care. It was written as the world's greatest kiss that anyone's ever seen in the history of the universe. It was really effusive. And so we read it and we were like, okay, we got to execute this. Anyway, all that to say this paparazzi caught that anticipatory moment. So Tim has taken it upon himself to anytime a famous picture comes out in the media, he will Photoshop us over it to the side like we were in the back

around or on the side of the street and he sends it to us as though we were in every frame. Can I get your opinion? I don't want to derail this, but speaking of the kiss, it doesn't really register in the show, so it doesn't really matter, but I still think it's weird. Are you talking about the ice cream? The purse. Talk to me. So...

In it, Erin and then Kristen both really liked this boss energy. She's like, we haven't kissed in that weird. I'm like, I'm well aware we haven't. She's like, oh, maybe we should. And so we're walking and she's got ice cream and she's got like a little purse and we're on Vermont, busy city street. And I'm like, give me your ice cream. I'm on board with that. And then I'm like, put down your bag.

And right? No. Take your little purse off. Okay. Put it on the street. Right. While we're going to close our eyes and make out for a minute. Oh, the character was saying that out loud. Yes. And I was like, can I just do the ice cream? I get that. Let's have our hands free. Why are you going to put your purse on the ground? Aaron was like, I'll show you what I mean. This is so cool. Kristen said the same thing. And I was like, I'll do it. It doesn't make any sense to me. Okay. In the cut, I will give you, you're 100% right. It did not read. In our heads,

The one, two, and you explained that very haphazardly just now. You're trying to make it quick. We're like standing on the street corner and there's eye contact that is like laser beams. And I'm like, isn't it weird we never kissed? And he says, oh, I'm very aware we haven't kissed yet. And I say, yet?

beat, beat, beat. Everyone's burning, right? And then I say, but friends don't kiss. And then Adam says, give me your ice cream. And I hand it over like trembling, like, okay, here we go. And in the script, it worked as a two-part beat because it was supposed to be like, Monica, the bag you're carrying. Your medicine cabinet. It was meant to read as, I need your body free for what I'm about to do to it.

Symbolically, yes. You're going, fuck all these things. This thing you care about, I actually care about this way more. I understand the symbolism. Right. And the problem was- But also you're a dick if you take a woman's nice bag and put it on the ground. It was a little bag. It wasn't in the way. Both things are true. I just feel like it's on the ground and we're not watching it. I would have said, you asked for the ice cream. You give the ice cream. You put your purse down. Oh, nice. Now that probably should have been it. Look, it was 9.45 PM.

on a busy street in Los Feliz. No one texted me. Nobody texted Monica for her opinion, which we should have. Aaron and I were taken by the flow of the scene in that there were two instructions as to how to become prepared. They both love the instructions. Basically, I'm about to give you this gift and I need your body completely ready for it. And Aaron and I were like butterflies

fly central. It doesn't work. You basically just say put your purse on the ground and then we have the whole moment and it's neither here nor there. You were right. I wish we cut it out but we didn't. Correct.

I'll say you were right. It also plays with the paradox and dichotomy of we want respect in egalitarian behavior. And then at some moment we want someone to take charge. Yeah. At some point I'm going to need you to grab me by the back of the neck. I feel like particularly Aaron actually and I would go back and forth a bit on certain things where she's like, no, I want you in charge. And I'm like, it's a little dickish. There's a

There's a line to walk. But you're looking at it from a dickish point of view when it doesn't have to be. It's dickish when it's not desired. That's the line to straddle. There you go. I am telling you as the single person in the room, if someone was about to kiss me and they said, put your purse on the ground, it would take me out of it. By the way, that wasn't the moment I thought was dickish. I was just like, it's illogical. The purse shouldn't be on the ground. You were right. Here would have been my pitch if I were you and I was just saying,

Instead of asking for her ice cream, what if I grab her ice cream and chuck it against the wall behind her? Let's get fucking wild. Right. Right. And then she gets mad and smears it on her face. Didn't you ask for her gum? Yeah, in real life. That's the moment that I was sort of comparing it to. Because you're right, we do desire respect and we don't want to feel overpowered as women. But if there's a playful version where we're tipping into the monkey zone, it's goose pimples. It's horripilation all over just

Just for a moment, because it's not... Horripilation. Horripilation, that was my word of the day a couple weeks ago. It means goose bumpies. Oh my God, is it like herpes? No, horripilation, like horror. Like horrible. Yeah. Horripilation, okay. But you're playing with an idea that you both know is dangerous, but you're both agreeing to play with that idea. Yes, you're consenting. And then Jackie Chan...

Jackie Chonies. Oh my God, the person I know the best. Good friend, Jackie Tone, friend of the pod. That's right. One of your longtime best friends. 25 years. My first friend in Los Angeles. She fucking crushes. There has never been a show or a role that was written more for Jackie Tone than this role. Yeah, when you want Long Island Jewish, there's one number to call. Yeah.

So lovely. Can I pee real quick? Of course. There's a door. Yeah, yeah. Everyone take a nice squirt. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. This is a mini meditation guided by Bombas.

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Get email. I'll just put the info the team needs in a Canva doc, and I'll make it visual with images, charts, and graphics. Bring productivity killers to justice with creativity. Love your work at Canva.com. Is there anything you wanted to say about Adam while he's out of the room?

Does he smell or anything? He smells lovely, if at all. You know what? That's one thing in doing a show that might have some intimacy in it. I said to him right when we started, because I have like a body oil. I was like, if I'm wearing anything that grosses you out or you just don't like or you prefer nothing, just let me know. And he kind of looked at me like, no, it's fine. Like it wasn't going to be a whoop. And I was like, well, I thought I was being a real nice person.

scene partner. That is very generous. Very. I think you should always, right? We both use our breath spray before we smooch. That is nice. Okay, so Adam, you guys are four and ten year old? Four and nine. And so what is that, fifth grade? She's a little old for a grade. She just turned nine and she's going into third grade. She's going into third grade. We're taking it slow. She's going into third grade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the little guy? He just turned four and he's in like a pre-kindergarten situation.

Did you guys vacation this summer? Sort of. Leighton worked in Australia for three and a half months, did a show. No. Myself and the kids and our nanny were out there for two months. In what part of Australia? The Gold Coast? Queensland? Upper right? I guess it's like mid-east. When she's out of town and you're home with the kids all by yourself, do you like it? I...

I mostly love it. I should say I have a nanny, not maybe on weekends, but when she's out of town, I have extra help and I love it. I like it because all these theories you've had, like if I was doing this by myself, I would do X, Y, and Z. And then you get to run these experiments while they're gone. Every dad I know that's with their kids by themselves has this same experience. The hardest thing, although now that my son's getting a little older, it's getting easier.

The age disparity, what they can do together is a little tricky. I love, I was working in Atlanta and my daughter was with me for a month. One-on-one time with anyone in my family is so great. I find that kids are never more cooperative than when it's just you and them.

You're not distracted because they don't like you talking to anyone else. So you're just talking to them. You're a team and you guys are off normally doing something to indulge them, but sometimes they'll come with you on errands and stuff too. And that's so wonderful. So, but I don't know, my son's been getting older. And when my wife was out of town, I took him to the Renaissance Fair together. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. Did you eat a turkey leg?

Yeah, yeah. Waffle fries? You guys love the Renaissance. Love it. Did I do waffle fries? I don't think so. Although I'm getting over the turkey. I'm ready to move on. Yeah. Did you watch The Doc on HBO maybe? No. Is it good? It's pretty great. For me, Kristen's been gone and I'm like, okay, bedtime's going to go like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I get to do bedtime the way I want to do it. And then I'm feeling really great about myself for about three weeks. And then the victory of that gives way to like, oh, they're not getting a lot of what they need.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This has become a very well-oiled boot camp and everyone's running on time, but they need a little more nurturing and compassion. I know. It's not that I'm not allowed to do what I want to do with them. So it's not that I feel like the freedom to do my routine that I can't do otherwise, but I do love the one-on-one connection. And I love how in sync and close and dependent we get. We are anyway. I have a lot of time with them, but regardless. Then after three weeks, I'm like,

Why are you crying, honey? Why are you just indiscriminately sad? Oh, that's great. Well, you guys are going to go now on a little travel, right? Yeah. Are you looking forward to that, Adam? No, not today.

Yeah, absolutely. I don't mind. I was talking about this with Leighton this morning. Some people mind press. I kind of don't. We're doing a thing tomorrow. I'm like, I should shave this fucking beard. Right. You don't have to shave. Just trim it. You look cute. Just trim a little. Thank you. Yeah, it looks nice. Here's the plan. Trimming, I find, is tricky with my curly. It doesn't feel even. I just feel like I got to kind of go all or nothing. Do you comb it out first? Do you straighten it? I trimmed it on the show. But regardless, I'm going to take it off.

We'll do our thing tomorrow, and then I'll just let it all come back, and it'll be like three weeks in for when we do the other stuff in a month, and that'll be fun. Are you on board with that facial hair plan? Can I ask you a question? Did you have it during the show? Facial hair? Do you really not know? I have a really bad memory. I guarantee she doesn't. I had a beard. Okay, then keep that. A beard. I didn't even have like stubbles. I mean, it wasn't like a huge beard, but I think you'd call it a beard. But then just keep it. I know everybody likes it. How old are you now? 44. How are you doing on Grey? Okay.

This is it. You're not doing any touch-ups to the hair or anything? No, although in the show, they combed in my beard a little darkening at the grayest part. But I'm pretty fortunate that way. I like the gray that's there because it's not overwhelming. There's a sweet spot. I was liking it. It looked wizened, I guess. And then slowly, I'm like, oh, wow, the sides of your hair are just straight gray now. The kids, every time I shave down, they're like, Dad, you look so much younger. Like, it's dramatic. I love that.

My kids don't like when I shave, which I get it. It's like scary. You haven't seen a face in a long time. I took Delta, our younger child, to Detroit, just her and I, when she was three. And my beard had gotten so long. I was on this show on Netflix and we were there and it drove me nuts. And eventually we went into Meyers. It's like a Walmart. I got an electric shaver, bought batteries. She sat in the backseat of the car and I shaved in the fucking parking lot, looking in my reflection in the mirror. And then I got back in the car and I turned to look at her. She was in her car seat and she goes...

You don't look this way. And she was so scared and it was heartbreaking. It's like one of her core memories is a man got in the car and not look like her daddy anymore. Oh, it's awful. Wait, Kristen, so how old is the character you play? Debatable.

It is debatable. 30-ish. 30-ish. 30-12. This was one of my biggest concerns, actually. Me? For the show. Two. Not your age, but mine. We are in the same boat. I don't have any gray either. I'm very lucky, but I do have two gray eyebrow hairs. Oh, yeah, sure. And those are going to be the longest and straightest. Yes. They're easy to find. But I think we were both maybe in the same boat of going...

Is anyone going to acknowledge or are we going to talk through that we're probably 10 years too old to be doing this particular character duo? Yes, that was my thing. It's like I'm happy. I'm very comfortable with my age. Right. I just don't want to pretend to be 10 years younger. I want you to reconcile that you're casting me.

And you've got to allot for that amount of time that this person's been on this earth and he's in this position. I need an explanation. It's not just charming. But you can get away with so much with your charm. You really can. Wow. You're really pulling it off. Well, there wasn't much of an explanation, so I hope you're right. No, we never got it. We never got it. But by the way, I see movies semi-often. I'm watching and I'm like, y'all, this is the story of what happens to people at 24. And everyone in this thing's 40. Story dies as you get older. But time

Times have changed. Things are happening later. Very true. And in a city, maybe even more so. Well, yeah. And I think they tried to give evidence for that. You know, in a hustling, bustling city of podcasts and influencers and hot stuff, you can probably

push your desire to settle down much farther down the line. That was what I used for my character. Mine had a little harder explanation because yours, we get that you're in bad relationships. It makes sense. You're in patterns. For me, I've committed to this life of the cloth a long time ago.

And tradition. And so I'm 15 years late to a wife and kids in this world. Tried to reconcile that and did a little and just kind of plugged my ears. And at the end of the day, you just show up and you be charming. And then all that thought. It's more like a prerequisite to get out of the way. It's not that anyone even wants it. It's just how do we like get away with this? I'm saying as a fellow fisherman at sea, you think about all this shit.

And then ultimately you go there and you just go be charming and funny. Yeah. Did you have a muse? A muse for the role? No, I mean, I guess I, yeah, I tried to use Aaron. I was setting you up. Ah, yes. I did try to use Aaron because she. No, me. Oh. Oh, God. This went horribly awry. Let's take that back. Let's take that back.

Everyone still rolling? Just reset? Yeah, let's take it back. But I feel like, yes, in the drive and ambition of her career and sidelining her relationships, for sure. You're also playing a podcaster. Yes. Single podcaster. I feel like I'm in trouble. You are.

I was able to pull from that for sure, but I think that this character makes a lot more relationship mistakes. Taking a different approach. Scattergun approach. Yeah. Fuck everyone you meet and then figure out if it's going to work. Fuck them first. No one knows that yet until season two, but the rabbi will discover she's got a tattoo on her butt cheeks that says, fuck them first, ask questions later. It was in Chinese. And then on the other cheek is, fuck them all, let God sort them out. Yeah.

Well, I love you too. I've seen it. You guys are so fun to watch together. You hit the fucking chemistry lottery.

Maybe it's even tied with the guy you did Hit and Run with. It's so good. Nobody Wants This is out September 26th on, thankfully, the streaming service everyone has, Netflix. I hope that this is enormous. See it worldwide. It's not Shiksa. It's Nobody Wants This. You can understand that. It invites everybody in. You don't have to have the secret language to enjoy. All right. I adore both of you. I'm delighted that you'll be the person that's in our lives for the next few years. Fingers crossed. Yeah.

All right. Love you guys. Love you. Love you. Thank you. He is an armchair expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. Thank God Monica's here. She's got to let him have the facts. You're really dressed to the nines. Would you say so?

I would say so. I would say so for a Saturday morning. Well, I have to wear real clothes now. I know. I hate it. I was just thinking about, like, do I want to eventize this and wear, like, some silly outfits or something? Yeah. You know? Pop-outs? Yeah, some pop-outs. I haven't worn any of my jumpers in a long time. That crossed my mind. Yeah. Yeah, a little jump-jump. How was your slumber? It was okay. Okay. Out of 10? Out of 10, it was a four. Four.

So that's not really okay. Okay would have to be five and above. Oh, then it's minus okay. Suboptimal. It wasn't great. When I would get into REM, I was having the weirdest dreams. Oh, tell me. Very weird. One with my boyfriend. With Matt. Yeah. Oh my God. But it wasn't a sexy dream. Mm-hmm.

What's the point? It was like actually more about his wife. Oh my God. She was there, but she was cooking Indian food. And I think I was babysitting for them or something. I don't remember the details, but it was very strange.

Yeah, yeah. Then I had another dream. Are there more details in there? Was the vibe, was it peer-like or dismissive? Was it an old fear? It must, I think it was an old fear. Old fear, old stuff. It was...

Yeah, we weren't on the same level. So that was sad. And then, I mean, I think I know why that dream happened. Oh, you do? Yeah, I do. Are you going to share it or it's between you and your therapist? I mean, I guess there's many reasons why that dream happened. One is probably all the change in me wondering if I'm doing okay or if I'm like showing up or whatever.

My other dream was about Hillary Clinton. Oh. She was with us and this is so weird. This is not anything to say about her. Yeah. She was hanging out with us and like it was really fun and she was doing these like little weird kind of paintings. Oh.

And all over the house, there were just these like crayons and stuff. No, we were at a random house. Okay. But she had her supplies there. Yeah. Her random little paintings would be all over the place. And when you looked closely, some were really intricate, but also some were very...

childlike. And then I went to take a shower and she had showered and there was a tiny bit of poop at the bathtub. Oh, oh my goodness. What a wild dream. I know. And I was like, well, I can't, what do I do? And I kept trying to like, just put the water on to like wash it off, but it was, it would not fully wash off. And I was like, I can't shower, but I have to shower, but I also can't touch it or wipe it away. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my God. It really adhered to the tub. Yeah, it had. I know where the first part of that dream comes from, which is we were interviewing someone and I gave the example of sitting alone at a restaurant that

that I feel like it looks pathetic if they know you. And my example is if you saw Hillary Clinton eating that Taco Bell in a booth by herself. Remember, we spent a good deal of time imagining the story you'd fill in. Oh, wow. She seems so lonely. Why is she by herself? All this stuff. You're right. Now the pootie in the tub. Yeah, I don't know. That's interesting. And art.

Yeah. Hmm. Like just. Was that part of her art, do you think? Like an art installation? It could have been. Was it in a. It was so small. It was. Yeah. Just a little dab. Just like would not go down the drain. Oh, is it because of the story you told about the. My plunging story. Maybe. Oh my gosh. Maybe. It's all. But this.

This is from days. I mean, I guess it's all just mashed in from the week. So maybe. One of the descriptions we heard about what your brain's doing at night while it sleeps is it has all this information. It's trying to put it in drawers. Like, where is it going to store and file this? Right. Like it's unraveling all these little bits that are floating around. It parks them somewhere. Yeah. So it's like you had a plumbing disaster. You had Hillary at Taco Bell. Yeah. Art. I'm still trying to chase down. As women do. Yeah.

I blamed myself when I woke up. I figured like maybe I needed to poop in the middle of the night. Oh, sure, sure, sure. And so it was trying to tell me. Uh-huh. Everyone was trying to tell me and wake me up. Right. I don't think that's the case based on my movement this morning. Okay. Is your movement healthy right now? It's too small. Too small. Today it was. We discussed this. And you don't feel disappointed in yourself like I would. I don't feel- Like a failure. I don't feel disappointed, but I feel-

annoyed like I want yeah yeah agitated but yours yours are not going well yours is swinging in the opposite direction but again I it's been so long that I've real I'm like I'm totally enjoying it I think I told you so I rode my I have a road bike you know I don't even know if it's 10 speed or a 15 speed but it's like a proper road bike you see people on like row wearing fell on

No, that was my electric bicycle. And I was going about 30 miles an hour when that happened. That's why we're against electric vehicles. That's primarily my beef with electric vehicles. No, it was an impulse buy. I took Lincoln to buy a bicycle at this bike shop by Frogtown, by the LA River where the bike path is. And as I walked up, there was this gorgeous green and gold bike used. Uh-huh.

And I had never even considered a road bike. If you live in LA, you're either a biker or you're someone that's annoyed by how angry they are all the time. But of course, when I ride one, I understand why they're so angry. But at any rate, it was so gorgeous. And then I just aesthetically, I had to own it. And it was very inexpensive.

Wow. So now, see, you know what it's like when I go shopping and I see a pair of pants and I'm like, I just need it. Yes. And then I'm going to add to it something that happened yesterday. So I got this bike. I rode it for a minute. I had that crazy story where I rode it downtown, then took the subway back and that guy got into it with that guy. So that was, you know...

And then we just moved to this house and all my shit was in the old garage. So I haven't ridden it forever. Then I think I may have updated you. I brought it over and I got fascinated again with how it looks aesthetically. You fell in love with it again. Yes, I did. I like rediscovered it. And I was like, oh, that's right. I love this bike. So then I brought it here and then I put in the front tire was flat. So I put in a new inner tube.

And I'm not good at that. And I cut my fingers, they're still all cut. Inflated it, good, we're good to go. Next day, go to get on it, it's flat, the same tire. I'm like, what the heck? No, back up. When I inflated the first one, a bit of the tube was hanging out of the tire, pinched between the rim and it popped it. Like, oh shit. So then I took it back off, put another one on, pumped it up, okay, now we're good.

Next morning go it. That one's flat. And now I'm like, oh, my God, why won't an inner tube stay inflated in this wheel? So then I take the tire completely off and I inspect the rim. And there's this little rubber ringer on the inside of the rim where the holes are into the spokes. And a couple of those little holes, the rubber had worn off. So I think that tube was getting I've lost you. Anyways, I pull it.

I recoated the inside of the room with electrical tape. I'll have you know, inflated it up. And finally on the third inner tube in every time I cut more of my knuckles, it worked. So yesterday was my first.

A Nago ride. We finished working and I was like, oh, right, my beautiful bike. I'm going to ride it to Hillhurst and look for somewhere to eat. And I thought, ah, all time. Yeah. I had just been from my first time to lunch the other day. So good. I parked my bicycle directly in front of the host stand and the host said, oh my God, that's like the most gorgeous bike I've ever seen. Wow. I said, me too. I bought it on an impulse buy. Yeah.

Ate a delicious meal. So good. Lettuce wrap burger and the good ass salad. Yeah, the salad's incredible. And it's a huge salad. Huge. It's like a gallon of different lettuces. Yeah. And I ate most of it. Wow. So this might be... No, yeah, you can't. That's a lot of roughage on an empty stomach. So then before I left, I'm like, well, I gotta pee because I drank three iced teas. I'm gonna go in and pee. And as I was peeing, I thought...

Let's sit down for a second and just regroup. And then, yes. Yeah, but I want to make clear this is not about the food. No, no. This clearly, if you recall, the same issue happened to me the day before. Exactly. While putting together a basketball hoop. Yes. Something, I have a bug. Clearly. You know, yeah, full experience in that bathroom. And I thought, thank goodness I sat down because I had to ride home. Oh.

Who knows what story I'd be telling you right now if I didn't take the extra time to sit down. Those bicycles, it's crazy how much more dangerous they are than riding a motorcycle. Really? I think so because the motorcycle is so loud. Yeah. And you're going the same speed as the traffic. No one's having to figure out when they're passing you. And where it got particularly dicey is like I'd get up to a light and traffic's bad here. So I'm going along the right. And then occasionally people are just like,

They're deciding to go around somebody. And of course they don't look for a bicycle because they can't hear anything and whatever. So yeah, even in that short trip back and forth, there were like a couple little moments that were dicey and I could see where these people blow up. I didn't. I'm like, I get it. I'm hard to see. I know. I mean- Bicycles are rough, right? Yeah, I- Go ahead. I hate bicycles. Yeah.

I know. I do. They make me so nervous. It's no one's fault, really. It's a poorly designed system that has this predictable outcome. Because when we were in Denmark and Copenhagen this year, they're so dedicated and separate. And everyone rides a bike. Yeah. And it's like the greatest way to get around. And it works so well. But we're just, the way they're set up is. Well, our roads aren't meant for it.

But also, they just built a bike lane across from Covell, which is one of my places. Yeah, yeah. I love it there. I have a plaque. Yeah. And they just built a bike lane.

It has now made parking impossible. How come? Because it ate up the parking lane? Yeah. And now the parking's like kind of in the middle of the street. Oh, weird. It's so weird. Oh, weird. And I really don't like it. And I understand it's like maybe good for the bicyclists, but now it's bad for the car drivers. Yeah. I mainly walk there anyway, luckily. Yeah, good. Good.

Also, it's it's your top two fears are swimming and bicycling. Right. Abandonment. Abandonment, bicycles, swimming. Yeah. Because you can't it's not like you can go, well, if you can't beat them, join them. I'm going to start bicycling to Covile. It's never going to happen. No. It'd be like you swimming to Covile. I'm more confident on a bike than I am in the pool. Right. But you did have that traumatic experience in Ojai. I did. But I.

You know, I choose to look at it glass half full. I didn't actually fall over. Yeah. And 99% of the ride was issue free. Yeah. Well, I just drove up onto that big bush. Yeah. But didn't fall. I didn't fall. I did not fall, but I did lose control. Right. And I don't talk about this part of that ride very much. There was a piece of metal.

Or like maybe it was the kickstand or something. There was like a piece that was sticking straight out. Uh-huh. And so for a huge part of the ride, I was just like every time I pedaled, it would hit my leg and it hurt a lot. And I kind of was just like, I guess I'll just deal with this pain. Yeah, right. Ignore it.

It's very old me. And because, you know, everyone else knew what they were doing. And I just assumed like, I don't know, I can't stop and I can't like take care of myself. And then eventually I had to. And then Amy, of course, like turned around and was helping me. And she was like, oh, my gosh, this is sticking out. And then I got back on the boat. Well, I was a little bit self-serving question how you slept last night because I slept last

Incredibly well. Oh, good. Yeah. First time in a minute. That's great. Went to bed before 11. Woke up at 7 when I heard rustling in the house. And then Whiskey joined me. That's his first order of business is get up to my bed, go back to bed for the rest of the day. Yeah. And then I was able to sleep all the way to 920. Wow.

Yeah, so I did at least nine and a half, maybe 10 hours less. Oh, you were at Cara. Was at Cara working. And then what happened? And then I finished working and then Jess came. Uh-huh. Martini time. And I had a martini and then Ana came. Oh, another martini. And I had another martini. And then we went to all time for dinner. Oh, you did? Yeah, we didn't have diarrhea. Oh, yeah, of course. It doesn't give you diarrhea. No. I gave myself diarrhea. I'm to blame. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Honest, by the way. I don't want to think about diarrhea. Yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah, that's gross. Do you remember the movie Becoming Bond that Josh was in, Lawson? Oh, vaguely. Yes. It's so good. And when he visited, it reminded me how much I liked that movie. I also know George Lazenby.

Who it's about. Okay, well, tell people what it's about. Yeah, so the most famous James Bond story is James Bond had been Sean Connery for years. I don't know how many he made, but he was James Bond. Yeah. And they...

He wanted to stop doing it. So they had to replace him. They start a search. Now there's this man. He's an Australian. He was bad in school, George Lazenby. He became a mechanic and then quickly discovered he wanted to sell cars. So then he was a car salesman. He was in love with this girl. The girl moves to London. He then moves there to be with her or actually win her back. Okay. Becomes a car salesman there.

And a guy comes in who's a photographer and he says he wants to photograph him. He's a very ruggedly tall, big, handsome Australian. And so he's weirded out by that at first. So he sends his girlfriend. He's won her back. And then the guy's like, no, no, I wanted to photograph you. He allows this and then immediately starts getting all of these ad campaigns, huge ones. He becomes like a very successful male model reluctantly.

Okay. And then he meets this woman who is an agent for movies and she tells him, you've got to go in and meet on this movie 007. And she's like, but you're going to have to fool your way in. You're not invited. So he goes, he tells this preposterous story. This is the fun of the movie. His stories are impossible.

He says he got operated on 67 times for his, I mean literally he says 67 times. He goes in and then they won't let him in. So then he goes and he claims he knew where Sean Connery got his haircut. So he goes and gets his haircut like Sean Connery's. And then he claims he knows where the tailor made Sean Connery's suits. He goes in there to have one made. It's going to take six months, but Sean's left a suit behind. He hasn't picked up in two months and he steals it. It's all part of his story.

story. Then he shows back up and he walks right by the receptionist. He walks into the casting directors and he claims he's worked all over the world as an actor. And then he cons his way into meeting the producer of the movie. And he lies to that guy. Then they fly the director home to meet him. He tells the director the truth. I've never acted. And the director is like, well, it's pretty impressive. You got by all these people, blah, blah, blah. Long story short, he becomes James Bond. Wow. How much of this is true? I have no idea.

The doc is incredible because when he tells these stories, they do these reenactments, but they're really, they're scenes. It's a doc. It's like a hybrid. They're actually interviewing George Lazenby. Oh. He's telling his life story. Got it. And as he tells the story, we flashback and Josh Lawson plays. In the reenactments. Lazenby. Yeah.

There's something magical about when you're hearing the stories. They don't sound that crazy. But when then you have to see a human walking through the stories, it's like, well, hold on. This couldn't possibly have happened. Oh, that's funny. It's really funny. And then why it's so famous is the movie comes out. It's a huge hit. It's like one of the biggest. They try to sign him to six more. Million dollar signing bonus in the 60s. James Bond, you mean? James Bond comes out. Yeah, not becoming Bond.

Correct. This is in the late 60s or early 70s. And it's an enormous hit and they try to sign him for six more and they offer him a million dollar signing bonus, which at the time is, I don't know what that is, $10 million now. And he turns it all down and he never did one again. It's so complicated. What does he say? It starts with him when he was doing press for it. He had a beard and they're like, you got to shave your beard. You're the new James Bond. You got to look like Bond. He's like, I'm not going to. This is me.

It's really a story of getting in your own way. Yeah. I mean, or what's worth what? Maybe to him, it doesn't matter that he didn't make that money. He's like, I'm me and I want to do this. Absolutely. I don't want to be Bond. Yeah. I guess it's just nuts to think about turning down six movies and millions and millions of dollars when you're, you'll love it. We had been talking about it at dinner. I'm like, I want to rewatch that. Lincoln's like, that sounds great. I'm like, yeah, it's so good. Delta had a sleepover. So the three of us watched it.

I forgot most of his stories, almost all of his stories are about how much sex he had. Oh. And with multiple people and orgies. Oh, wow. Yeah. And everything went fine. I was just like, wow, this was a little bit different subject matter. Did they ask a lot of questions? She did not. She was just kind of laughing at a lot of how stupid it all was. Yeah. She seemed to be on the right side of like how preposterous these stories were. I wonder...

If the kids these days, the youth, if they like me when I was young, like everything just did go over my head. Right. And like Clueless being the prime example, I was obsessed with that movie. Yeah, yeah. And now...

I look back at it and I'm like, why did I like that movie? I didn't understand any of it. Anything that was happening. No. It was like the clothes and her personality probably going to college. I guess. I mean, a lot of people my age say this, like, oh, I didn't understand this. I didn't understand this. Yeah. But it was huge. So I wonder if the kids know more now and it doesn't go over their head.

And I also wonder my kids in particular, which is we've always been very, very upfront about like, yeah, humans have sex. Is this penis and vagina? Yeah. And sperm, blah, blah, blah. So I was more thinking like, well, I would have hated watching this with my parents. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I think.

Yeah. Even but I also would have hated to see my mom naked. But we're all naked a lot like Europeans. All right. So I don't know. What's the rule about that? They they decide when. Yeah. OK. That's my theory is that like there'll be a moment or I will detect that she's like, oh, Jesus, dad, put clothes on. Right. And then I will.

Or I'll lock my bedroom door. I don't know what I'll do. Yeah. Okay. But they seem to be, it seems to be like the way, you remember Heidi Klum was explaining? Yeah. And even the notion her dad, now this is not a goal of mine, but her dad filmed her birth. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Very Euro. Yeah, very. So I don't intend on filming any of Lincoln's births. Right. But yeah, I am. Most of the all the other dads I know are in the same zone right now. I don't know. When is when are they going to be like feel self-conscious about all this? And girls versus boys. And yeah, it's complicated. It is. I have zero memories.

Of ever seeing my dad naked. And I'm happy about that. Right. Your mom, would you see her naked? I think so. And I have like a vague memory, but barely. Like nothing that's sticky. I mean, there's a lot of ways to go about this story.

One, you just start with the fact that we weren't born with clothes. We lived without clothes. No other animals are like weirded out by how their physical form looks. Yeah. Right. Like every animal sees their father's penis. It's on display in the animal kingdom. So at some point we got really self-conscious about it. Probably when we learned to talk.

Yeah, I don't know. And there's plenty of footage of, you know, that National Geographic was capturing in the 60s of these villages where people are naked. It is. No one cares. I mean, it's cultural. A lot of places definitely are way, way, way more open to it. That'd be a funny, that'd be a fun index to look like by country. Most. Least nude around family members. Most nude. Yeah.

I bet we're somewhere in the middle there because I do think probably Asia and the Middle East have a lot of, they're on the other end. I would think. So I bet we're more middle. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

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Yeah, that made me think of this terrible thing I read about the new Taliban laws, the edicts they just released. I don't know. So they're going back to women have to be covered in public. But beyond that, women are no longer allowed to speak in public. They can't speak in public. And if they want to fly, they have to have a male chaperone take them on an airplane. They can't fly on their own. This is...

Within the Taliban? This isn't like the national. No, the Taliban's in, they're the government in charge now. Wait, where? In Afghanistan. Oh. Yeah. That place has had a wild last 70 years because Russia came in, they put girls in school for the first time, then that was happening. Then they left, then they resumed no girls in school.

Then we came in, then back. I mean, all this flip-flopping. Yeah, that's part of the unrest that people come in and fix and then leave. And you can't talk in public. Oh, my God. They're not allowed to look directly at men either. Yeah, can't look at men. They're not related to blood or marriage. Wait, say the last. They can't look at any men that they're not related to through blood or marriage. Can't look. What if a guy's like, hey, hey, you're on fire. I see smoke.

Oh, it's nuts in 2024 on planet Earth. I know. Fuck. I know. I hate it. Sorry to be a downer. But whatever we were just talking about. Do you want to move there now? No way. I want women to look at me. Are you kidding me? I couldn't live in a society where women aren't looking at me. I'm hoping every woman looks at me. You would love it though because then like if they do, you'd feel you get so much approval. I guess that's right. But how do they know they want to look at you unless they've already looked at you?

Well, it's kind of like Love is Blind, that show I don't watch that everyone watches and loves. They don't see the person, but they fall in love with their personalities, I guess. I mean, it'd be great for mansplaining because you just do all the talking. They're not allowed to talk back. You just hear yourself talk. Oh, yeah.

God, what a nightmare. Oh my God, it's so bad. Oh, that makes me sad. So yeah, my hunch is nudity is probably not super embraced there. That's my guess. Well, moving on to this very light. I relayed all of your compliments to Kristen last night and she was very touched by all of it. I told her too. She's outrageous. She really is. And the Brodsky.

Yeah, he's so good, too. So charming. The most. Yeah. You just like it, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's good. The chemistry? Yeah. You never feel threatened. I don't. That's good. Yeah. I think I assume...

Well, what do you think? I think, well, A, I think it weirds people out a bit. That what? That you don't get around? That I don't care, right? Or that I'm not like, oh, why is my wife kissing someone? And then I think because that's such a foreign thought to them, they start filling in the blanks of why I'm like that.

These are all machinations in my head. Yeah. What do you think they're thinking? Well, I've seen what, I mean, I've seen like news articles where we host orgies and stuff, right? Like, so I know some people are filling in like a really crazy level of explanation. Mm-hmm.

And so, yeah, I'm like, oh, are they jumping to some idea that we have an open relationship or something, which we don't? Yeah. And then what are they, you know, how are they explaining it? Yeah. I guess just when you're trying to guess at something you can't really relate to, I get nervous about what your conclusion might be. Yeah. What do you think? I think a lot of people cannot relate to that. Yeah. I think most people would agree.

feel feelings around whether it's worry or jealousy or straight up anger. I don't want to see that. Yeah. I think that's the most common thing. But I also think that those people are actors and you don't, and it's, it is different and you are also an actor. So you've been on the other side. It's also one thing if one person's an actor and the other person isn't, and then they have, that's probably hard. Yeah.

I bet I would feel. Oh, yeah. Oh, I know it. I've heard many, many terrible stories. It's generally actresses who are married to a guy who's not an actor. Yes. Who's quite jealous of all their. There was this, oh, we had when we had Pamela Anderson on.

Yeah. It's like Tommy Lee would go sit on set anytime she had a scene that she had to kiss somebody and like be at the monitors and shit. And again, it's so like ownership-y and that part's tricky. It's not the greatest side of ourselves. It's not, but I also, it's all a search for safety and comfort. Yeah. And when you link up with someone, you want to feel that you're prioritized and that you guys are a unit and you're safe and-

And even though, you know, we have a 50% divorce rate, I think when you're in your marriage, you hope that it's indestructible. And so I understand. But what's also funny is it doesn't really...

It wouldn't even be if you were jealous, it wouldn't be even the most logical place to start. So interestingly, like on House of Lies, where she hooked up with a bunch of people, Brody being one of them. Yeah. If I had to assess who was a potential threat in that whole universe of that show, it wasn't any of her scene partners. It wasn't anyone she was kissing on screen. It would be Josh Lawson.

Yeah. He's so funny. Yeah. He's so likable. Yeah, he is. He's so personable. Yeah. So, like, I'm not sitting there worrying about she's kissing Brody in a scene. That would be the wrong person to even worry about. Or in The Good Place, I'm not worried about William Jackson Harper. I'd be much smarter to think about how often she's hanging out with Mike Schur, the creator of the show. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. So it's not even like even if I were a very jealous person, it would be probably the wrong person to be worried about. Yeah. You don't even have the thing about Mike or I mean, you have said of anyone. Of anyone. I acknowledge I can't compete with the offerings that she likes about him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's a special guy. Yeah. But I don't. I really don't.

I don't spend any time thinking about it. I think feeling confident in your relationship is a huge, is, I mean, I don't want to, I don't want to insinuate that if you do have those feelings, you're not confident. Yeah. That's not true either. But there's also, you know, people have different, we talk about this on synced a lot because Liz really like cheating is a, is a huge fear for her. Like being cheated on is a really, really big deal. Yeah. And I think that's for me,

many people. Yeah. Like that's the line that can't be crossed. Yeah. And, but everyone has different lines. Exactly. I just have different lines. Some of them might think I don't have lines. I totally have lines. Yeah. But they're not that. And of course I have conviction in mind. I actually think most people are worried about the wrong thing.

This is what I think is wrong. I will stand on this hill and die on it. I think a lot of people would prefer an unhappy, acrimonious marriage with contempt that's faithful. They wouldn't leave over that. Yeah. Versus I would way prefer cheating and still not have contempt and acrimony, all those things. Yeah. So to me, I think that's a really weird thing to prioritize that much. A one-off event versus your life. Yeah. To me, feels like the wrong thing to be. Yeah.

Vigilant about. But some people, I mean, the level of betrayal that some people can't get over it. Yeah. And, you know, everyone's different. Yeah. I've also had the benefit of being in two things and seeing that it had no impact on love. Open relationship. Exactly. That I do think changes everything.

Yeah. Changes it. Also, and admittedly felt as I've told stories on here, I have experienced the crippling jealousy where I drove to someone's house to fight them. Like I know the pain and anguish of it. I don't want that. Right. It was too much. Yeah. When I was jealous, it was all consuming. Yeah. And I could feel bad for my body and my being. You do a good job though of, this is like the positive side to compartmentalization. Right.

where you're like, that's a feeling I don't want to feel anymore. So I am putting that over here and I'm not going to feel that anymore. Yeah. And then you are somehow able to do that, which a lot of people are not. Well, I think it's like, yeah, that's a really strong feeling. Also, my desire to drink is very strong and I'm going to put that over there and I'm going to

Yeah. Like I also have practice in a lot of. Exactly. Yeah. I had bad practice where I was like, yeah, we did that terrible thing. We're not going to think about that. That's a bad site. But I'd say, yeah, one of the tools that came out of it was like, yeah, I can take a very powerful thing and fucking kick it somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is true. All right. So some facts real quick. So are VW and Audi the same thing? Yeah. I mean, Audi is a subsidiary of Volkswagen. Of the VW group. Name the other ones.

Is Porsche in there? Yes. Yes. Porsche, Lamborghini. Porsche, Lamborghini, Bentley, and Bugatti. Bentley and Bugatti. The Bs. Oh, the dogs that talk with buttons. In this picture, so there's different mats. Some are smaller. This one has a lot of buttons in this Washington Post article. Okay. These are called button dogs and their perceived ability to communicate by pressing buttons is,

I think this is a video. Let's see if I can play it.

Do you want to put it on the TV? Should we? You already figured that out? Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you think we can now? Yeah. If you want to email me. Oh, my God. This is exciting. I feel like we're going live to Carol at Times Square. There he is. Oh, my God. Look how high tech this is. This is so high tech. Oh, my God. Welcome to the future, everybody. Hey, somebody.

Tell me what you want to do. I can control it from here. Okay, so scroll down. I think there's a video, that video. Let's see if we can watch it. I just think there's a lot of inferring going on in these videos. You're like, you're trying to make sense of what the dog's saying. You end up convincing yourself of what it is. So the dog said, I help. I help. Oh my gosh, you're right.

But then what happened? We don't know. That's over. She just said, you're right. You need help. But then they left the room. No, maybe somebody's eye was hurt in the next room. Oh, wow. And then they just, the two dog owners sit on the couch very far from the dog. They got a whole, this is a lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. But hey, if they're happy. Yeah.

Yeah. And I bet their dog's happy as hell. Well, you know, I mean, there are seizure dogs. Oh, yeah. That's the only reason I think this could be true. Where they call 911. But I think it's just one button, right? Yeah, but no, but it's more that they sense the seizure. Yeah. Which that's pretty impressive. And then I think they can hit a button that calls 911, but that's a singular button that you'd give it a snack every time it ate. Yeah, but you can't give it a snack when you're seizing. What if it just started calling 911 all the time, though? I know.

This is high risk. I actually, I've only seen when a seizure dog, they sense the seizure. Yeah. And so they like, they basically get under the person or like create a barrier so that they don't get injured during the seizure. Or I saw one video where they like ran and got the medication. Oh my gosh. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

But can you take, and then do they open up the jar and put it in your mouth? Because aren't you seizing? Well, it's supposed to be before it happens. Oh, they sense it. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Very cool. I know. I do kind of want one. But what, back to the dog dialing 911. That's a lot to, if you deputize a dog and give them permission to call 911, if they heard you in the bathroom and you had Hannes and you were like, oh, oh.

Would they call? Like this could really get out of hand in a hurry. Things can't, like if it was a neurotic dog that was worried about you a ton. My dog seems to be worried about me all the time. Yeah. I was doing something yesterday. I was laying on the couch and Lincoln was laying next to me and I grabbed her feet and I started eating her calves. And Whiskey was like, oh my God, he's acting like a dog. And he's the big dog. Like it's almost, I could tell he'd been waiting for me to eat somebody for a long time because I'm the alpha dog.

He was like abnormally excited that I was eating her legs. Oh, I thought – that sucks. I thought he was going to be mad that you were hurting Lincoln. Lincoln. Well, she was laughing, so he didn't – but he seemed – Oh, my God. Like, oh, gosh. He's disturbed. Clearly. Like, I mean – Yes, he has emotional issues. Big time. And that even proves it. Like, he's evil, I think. Well – And he's keeping – yes, because he has bitten –

button me twice. Oh, he's bitten me two dozen times. I know. You do always say that after I talk about being excited. Well, because I want you to know he loves me. Yeah, but he doesn't love me. I don't live with him. And I don't, like, we don't have a relationship. Right. And so he has no right to bite me unless he's...

angry or being mean and bad. Yeah. And he's done it twice. And I think he's obsessed with murder. Well, I can't speak on whether or not he's obsessed with murder. But when I tell you that he bites me, it's to tell you, well, he doesn't dislike you. I'm trying to comfort you. I know, but it doesn't work. It feels like I'm dismissing your experience. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I hate when he, but he snaps at me. I have to, I have, well, I shouldn't say it. Most of the time it's Kristen because I make it pretty clear. These are y'all's dogs. So you need to take them out at night. Yeah. But I obviously do have to take him out a couple, three nights a week. And he's asleep on my bed. And I got to like, every night it's like, oh God, here we go. It's like waking up an alligator. I got to go like, whiskey, time to go pee pee.

And I start pushing on the bed around him, hoping that the movement of the bed will just kind of rouse him. Because if he touched the back of him while he's in and out of sleep, he's like, like he just panics. Well, can we maybe get him a mat with buttons and let's put murder on there and let's just like see how many times he presses it. Yeah. I don't think he would. Look, we got dog stares for the bed. They're so intuitive. You couldn't.

It couldn't be more simple to understand. And we've even like marched him up him. But he'll stand, he'll be at the bottom of the bed next to the dog stairs barking for 45 minutes. Yeah. Won't take those stairs. But I think that could be stubbornness and manipulation. I do. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We were debating how to pronounce this word. Six.

Sith. I said scythe. One of you said scythe. I forget which. I think I said scythe maybe. Sith. Yeah. Okay. That's S-C-Y-T-H. S-I-T-H. Is that a different word? Yeah, I'm thinking of the cut, the big. The knife. It's a pole with a moon shaped cutter. And I think it's for tits.

Taking down wheat. A sickle? Oh, S-C-Y-T-H-E. Yeah, how do we pronounce that? Okay. Okay. Hold on. Let me bring it up. We are looking at how to pronounce this word as well as how to say more interesting but often confusing words and names in English. So make sure to stay tuned to the channel. This is the name of an agricultural hand tool.

From Mowing Grass, originally, but also the name of a... Hold on, I'm going to start it here, because... Really quick, it is interesting that the person they picked to tell us how to pronounce stuff, every word he's saying sounds weird. Popular board game, and now video game. How do you say it? Scythe. Scythe. So I was right. I think you were right. Scythe. Okay. Fuck. Wow. Can't believe that one went my way. I have...

9% confidence anytime I said Scythe. So then what is S-I-T-H? What is it? A Sith. But then S-I-T-H is saying the same thing. A fictional order of force wielders. Oh, no. In the Star Wars universe. Ah, it's a Star Wars word. The Sith.

The Sith. Yeah. Okay. Oh, sorry. Star Wars people. Well, Star Wars people are like, oh my God, how did they know about the Sith? I don't know if I can listen to this show anymore. I've never seen them. So.

Any of the Star Wars. Yeah. Okay. If you want to see, if you want to listen to Adam Brody on Loveline, that is on YouTube, you can find it. Scream 4 came out in 2011, which we had talked about a little bit. Now, okay. So there's a big discrepancy about Paul Rudd being in some girls and it's,

Paul Rudd is in The Shape of Things. Okay. That play, but then movie. Okay. And that's a Neil LaButte play and movie? Yes. Okay. And I love that play. Yeah. And movie? I haven't seen it. Okay.

Some Girls is not with Paul Rudd, is with Adam Brody. Adam Brody. And Kristen. And Kristen. Yeah. Okay. And other people as well. I can't picture that movie. I'm wondering if I ever saw it. I know I read the play. I read all of his plays in college because I was obsessed with him. But I don't remember it.

And he's maybe an ex-Mormon. Is that his? He has some interesting background. Neil LaButte. His first work bash got him excluded from the Mormon church. There we go. I knew there was, because he's from Utah. He converted to Mormonism in the 80s. Oh, wow. What a ride he had. Because of a marriage. Wow. All right. Tim Simons.

Yes, he had a gig as a casting session director, which led to an audition for Veep. So I still am not certain if he was...

the casting director on veep or if it was on something else that led to the audition i'm not clear on yeah i had heard he was an assistant reading with people on v well that's what kristen said that's probably why i heard it that way i think that's probably where you heard it um yeah but it's a little we're gonna have to ask him directly okay and that

I believe. Concludes? Is all. I kind of want to use the TV again. No, that didn't really work very well. Okay. Well, in that case. Well, that's it. Oh, okay. Well, I love you. Love you.

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