Don't Let Other People Sway Your Money Decisions
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What whats going on america? This is the rams I show. I'm join the lonny, joined by my great friend. Number one, best in off the Rachel cruise.

And we're talking about your wealth and were talking about relationships, talking about work that you'll ever talking about everything. And today's a big day. It's the first a day of a long weekend retreat. Here we have that amy called money marriage and so and I think your total is eight hundred .

couples coming this weekend. I remember there's a begin .

lion people here so that a year ago, and i'm excited about IT and you and I have been off the road for a while, private stuff. And so i'm excited. Be back on stage and have a good time.

So fun there. So so excited. And okay, it's got to fate vill, north CarOlina ina, and talk to morrow. Hey, what's tomorrow?

Hi.

are you do one?

Are you guys we're .

doing great. Run me is called the podcast youtube show. It's amazing you should get this job is awesome. What's up?

Um I was calling to get some advice on my financial situation. Um so basically I I tried to keep IT short. I'm in over the road trucks driver i'm an hour Operator. Um when I got into trucking, um as the owner you know back in about twenty one, everything was good as as far as that was concerned, that was just living just living and spending and um not living on a budget and just the money um and then things shifted.

I got I had to have like three surgeries and little over year and that had me taking time for can belongs my saving and when I I I did the the very good i'm finding is a very popular of being of thinking, oh, I pay up all my credit card on in the same mom that's a good thing um so that a quickly went into me not being able to the baLances and accumulating more credit card that and thing like that so anyway so the um I got into a really tough spot. I used to work at a bankrupt law firm and um I reached out to the girls that I notice they work there and they were telling me that yes they looked at my situation. Never yeah you can absolutely file um but they are they're requiring um I guess st a trusty is requiring that anybody with a uh with a car note over, I think he said six or seven hundred dollars they were going to require you to the render your car I wouldn't you keep IT if you have a tighter than that number.

So how why, why are .

you .

thinking about decline? Bank racy? How bad is IT?

Well, because I was overwhelmed and I thought I couldn't get out of this whole but that's that's the funny was not fund but that's the thing you guys who started showing up on my facebook feed, I never even purch you. But somehow are .

you do you jesus well.

or jesus, well.

yeah, we ve got to have .

a few minutes. Okay, give me, give me a list of your deaths because now you you're thinking of you wake up c but now your thinking .

maybe you can do medical bills like fifty grand kay credit card, fifteen thousand .

no .

mortgage and um and in the car I would like thirty six on the car OK and that's IT .

and my and because i've seen the .

show my like take home income is like sixty thousand okay and truck .

and slowed way .

way wait down right very very much yes and I.

I um yeah I made the mistake of living how like adJusting my life for how I was in and set of are on internet and we're going .

to change you. You have no .

savings. You blew through your savings just to keeping me right now. Are you behind on anything right now?

Yeah like I I have got to a place where I just thought I look like I would just file energy OK gone .

into collections, the .

credit cards.

So okay, how many credit cards is the fifteen thousand?

Um let's to say maybe eight.

okay. And some of them have gone in to collections, not all. But how's how's the medical debt? What's the status on that?

That they have me like on a payment and arrangements. So are you current .

on that or you behind on that one?

No, i'm current on the next.

okay. And then last question for your car. You own thirty six.

Do you know how much it's worth? Have you Kelly blue booked? IT.

yeah my telebubble said is between twenty five and twenty nine? yes. Yeah.

yeah, yeah. OK alright, perfect. okay. So I mean, I would first thing is get rid of the car. It's too much car for your income um and so you can you can afford this car bankrupcy. I would not I would take off the table .

for sure are close.

So I would um your pipes to take a loan for the difference and had a couple thousand more on that loan so you can get just a beter car for like five grounds for grounds to get you around and that will help and and do a private sale because hopefully maybe you can even get thirty out of IT, right? So maybe you're looking at like a ten grand carnota or tingling in loan verses at thirty six.

And in these credit cards, I would call each of the collection the ones that are in collections and I would talk to them be honest about your situation to say, hey, I don't have a time but i'm working extra. I'm trying to get x amount and as you do your own math about you're party, you're going to get an extra job to help get some of this cleared up. Tell them like, hey, I think I can get to you you if one of the cards has three grand on IT to say I can get you one thousand seven hundred and twenty eight dollars by this a date like try to get like a very specific number to them because I mean, some of them will settle for pinkies on the dollar, some of these and get that in writing.

But I would work that credit. I would work that fifteen thousand down if you can, just through negotiations, get rid of the car. And then in that fifty grain that's left, that's gonna the mountains to climb.

But I would stay current on IT. But again, you're making sixty right now. And I I mean, I would try to, man, I try to make two thousand extra a months.

I mean, I I would do, um are you on the road a lot with trucking now? What's that? What your lifestyle situation?

Yeah, like i'm literally on the road right now.

I had to pull over OK. Yeah, yeah.

Are are you? Are you over the road? Are you? Um are you you in town?

No, i'm over the road. Like i'm i'm doing a lot to miss gan right now or you're later.

And when you get back, do you turn around and flip IT and head out again? Or do you .

have some well, that i'm an hour Operator so I can do .

how I everyone, okay. So yeah, I heard you mention this a few times. Rachel let out a plan.

We're not doing bankrupcy here, kay. We're not trying to hack away through this, but you're gonna have to change the way you live. Yeah and you're going to have to change the way you see the world. And right now you're going to have two years of this sucks ay OK if you will come IT right now, how old are you? I'm thirty nine.

I want you to .

write a letter today to forty one year old. You until forty one year old. You, what you, what you decided to do today as a thirty nine year old. So at forty one year old, you could be okay.

And i'm going to give you um uh financial PC university and will give you all the classes for free and to give you every dollar APP for a years you can start tracking every freaking penny. And this this is going to be listen, it's going to be how you spend money on the road. It's going to have be how you get take an extra job.

You're going to work when you're tired, you're gonna. You're going to go, you to go you onna, go kay, and you're to you going to pretend these stupid create cards don't exist because they do. You're going to call the companies that great.

You said you're going to stare IT on this dragon piece by piece by piece. okay? Yeah, they are cool. I got IT. You answered .

my question. You can do ora.

It's gonna hard. I mean, it's this is this is a totally, you know from a thirty nine year old shifting the way you viewed in in the money. And it's not going to find mara.

We always say you can wander your way into that, but you could not wander your way out. So it's gonna an intense probably two years. But on the other side of this, I like it's going to be it's going to be so hopeful for you.

So you going to be forty one, whether you want to you or not. The question is you going to be forty one and not only, but anything, or you want to be forty one and still chase and goes. This is the empty I show will be raped.

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H E L P dot com slashed loni. Well, come back to the rain ty show. I'm joined, the only joined by Rachel crews on our money and marriage weekend. Let's got to new orleans wizen a and talk to Carry what's up? Carry how we do.

Hello exceeds me. I'm a little nervous. Hey.

i'm nervous too. I'm not very good at this. We will just be nervous to go.

What's up? So let me tell you what's going on. My mother, who's eighty years old, he lost her husband at three years ago, which is my step dad, and they were not ever in a financial great place.

He would try to get on disability a few times, never want to hold down a job. And my work to underneath the table a lot and he got care of elderly people will he passed away, left her nothing. And their house is reverse reverse mortgage which is the worst.

So um afford. My sister moved in with her and pays IT for all the utilities and everything her and her husband and they move down where my mom was to be closer, their grandkids. So now her has been found a job, but far away in south CarOlina.

And now my mom is left with all the utilities and stuff again. And originally won my stepped that passed away. He was gonna move in with my sister, insane tonio my brother close to her or SHE can even moving with me. I'm moving closer to heard about five months. So this was always an option.

This was he was gone to do because we knew he could afford the house a couple a few weeks ago I had both my sisters on faith time and they asked me if I was able to pitch in for my mom to live in her home uh because he really didn't want to leave her health. My me and my husband have um been on your baby steps. We stop investing.

We paid off our credit card. We will pay off his car in April and then his student loans. We are so focused, we don't go out to eat and we are so excited about IT.

And then we got this call. So I deliberate IT IT with my husson who's, like, Carry, it's a reverse mortgage. Why would we throw in money and to ate when your mom has? And this was the plan anyway, because he cannot make IT by herself.

My mom is eighty. She's in great shape. SHE works out twice a day. She's on no SHE will live probably a long life. However, you know, when I went back with my sisters with the reverse mortgage and throwing money away, they were like, okay, what if you do IT for five, six months?

Like and my husband was still like, we can do whatever you want to Carry but you know, I don't think it's a good idea. He has ways of no being living, but just not in her home. The home isn't falling apart. So I still bad because i'm a daughter that said no and now I was yeah the rift .

is brother whose sixty .

and my brother who sixty didn get as debate some of the money every month because he is not great himself. But he does have a home that paid for that he can that he was inherit, that he can stay, but it's just small. So of course he's never a party equation because he's never had the money to help. So I said, no.

you having your .

heart broken .

is real, kay.

yes.

And trying to search, but this falls and this person should have. And I can't believe that all of that is a distraction from just how much to hurts to find your mom in the situation, to find and your husband in the your own personal situation. The fact that your sisters are trying to climb and change the plan, to ask me all this is just, and yes, you got permission to a few band.

My rule of thermal uses is always, always, always choose guilt over resentment every time. If you start paying money against the plan, your already have established. And I can said if there was five months and I was going to clear my mom and my mom is going to be OK, i'd be all in if it's five months and we're having this conversation again in five months and again in five months, then i'm making the problem worse long term.

right? And there's no guarantee there. I don't know what happens to .

three or five minutes. Well, well, none of us do, but i'm just word about that. Here's a deal.

If you pay this money every time of your sister calls you and you see her name come up on your phone, you're onna get pissed every time your mom text you, you're going to get mad and they don't deserve that. And that would be because you didn't hold your boundary, not because they exist. That's resent that is .

not fair to them. And my mom, my mom was never SHE doesn't even bring IT up. She's never asked me for anything.

She's not that type yeah that she's parenting from the one down position. It's the nerd word in counselling where there's the one opposition which is when you beat your chest like dad house there but then there's the one down which is like, oh, oh okay, I guess I just wouldn't eat um are some there's some pine codes in the backyard. I'll just eat those and it's like, right mom, where you wanted eat right it's that but even worse.

I mean, he is sweet and kind and the sisters are feeling they have to either. She's not doing anything in the situation. So the sisters are like, we have to be the.

Parents and color for me and so anyway, you set your boundary right?

And as I have to stick with my husband and I like, this is my house and two kids just trying to be.

you can, and you save somebody else when you're drowning. So I like that there is a, there is A A realness and reality to making sure that your household is taking care, right? I mean, yeah, if this was all reverse and you have three million dollars in the bank and you like about what you have consumer debt, you are shifting the way that you're doing that you're making progress with in your own family to be able then to help people.

But right now, IT doesn't make sense. You care. Do you have numbers on the .

house situation? I'm just curious. And well, it's three fifty a piece from each one of us.

What I mean, like her, like the I masking.

like them more. No mortgage .

to .

reverse. 在 and my mom has a little bit credit card bills that I told her he needs to get out of， like J C pick like small, small .

things. my.

Took care of all that. And my mom is just wanted people who just signs the papers. You just goes along with that.

Something is probably out at some level. All of all of sure.

you.

Going to be their house. She's ready.

signed away? Yes, she's already signed away, been done and the house is falling apart.

Will listen litter, it's heartbreaking when you and your husband turn a corner and you'll start making plans yes, and someone in your families hurting and they don't care about what you think, they just want you money this .

your time and for my .

yeah um and they see my my .

husband graduates from college. He just got his masters and he's getting a promotion and they see us doing well and they think because my husson makes a certain amount and we're doing well that they I think they think, okay, well, they got IT. Well, we blow money for longer and we're just now getting our stuff together and now we're hunting.

Kerry, Carry, Carry. Kerry, listen, you don't oh, anyone an explanation period. You don't. The person I think you're wrestling with is you? yes. And if you draw on the line that you don't believe in, listen, if you rely that you don't believe and address that.

But if you believe in this, okay, to feel guilty OK, to feel upset, okay for IT, i'll be hard to get that, but you're not already by the explanation. simple. Hey, guys, we're not a pleas to do IT right now. We just aren't. We're dig out of a huge hole in the story competitions over.

yes.

and they to choose SHE was .

mad at me and he was like, well, I had some recent, but you know, not gna go backwards and I haven't heard from sir.

I know Carry, she's been mad your whole life, right?

That.

yes, she's been matter you forever. This isn't any different. She's been mad.

You and you took her Michael Jackson record our kids, I don't two years, yes. So you you can't live your life trying to make her happy. You know, like is that that finishing will always move. You're right. Your mom is .

never a .

to do. My mom didn't you .

know you if your mom does SHE have .

any money, like is SHE .

really, truly, but have much like she's not working?

No, she's not work.

Did her did her husband .

leave and she's getting current and he was like.

he, okay. So he said the only in she's getting apart from family as social security as I correct, he didn't live a life insurance policy. Everything okay. And do you know and i'm here, do you know the numbers of what the social security check is and what he needs to live off of thinks it's like .

SHE makes like thirteen or fourteen one hundred a months.

okay. And I would be Carried her bills and I wonder two Carry of some of this. I don't know this would be helpful maybe is how I kind of function um it's like a lot of the details aren't there knowing exactly what is he getting in, what bills actually need to be paid, how much are the exact amount some of that may help you know this because you could get through Carry and think like, oh, lars, yeah IT really is not as as big of a deal as my sisters are even making IT on to be right. So I think the drama is there because of the family dynamics too. So I would get some hard number of just for your own of mind if that helps at.

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Welcome back to the rains you show i'm john alone to join by Rachel creigh today's question that has brought you by why ref, private student loans are different than federal student loans like Sally may, but they hurt just the same. Why refine refinances default private student loans and build a custom loan based on your ability to pay, so stop feeling the pain of salted private student loan debt. Go to why ref I dot com slash ramsey, that's why the letter Y R E F Y dot com slash ramsey and this may not be available in all states today.

Y's question comes toby in wisconsin. He said, I have a question about tough conversations. I'm about to propose, and I would like to be sure that we have covered all the tough money conversations. When IT comes to money, what are some topics to make sure A I should cover or good questions to ask?

Well, I would just say right off the bat, you're not going to cover all of anything before. You're never I thought I had to all figured .

out and we went to premature counselling like check did IT and now we're ready .

a arter my wife said something yesterday and I looked at quiet and I said, who are you? I don't know you right um but but great question. Yes and I love the optimism. You get all the questions. okay.

So on the money on the money side, going tactical and this is for all of you listening and watching that maybe you're in a similar situation when you're going into especially a marriage, knowing all the money information that you can ahead a time is like required, right?

So how much how much you make, uh how much your future for that makes, uh, debt level, uh, investments if there are you know other accounts, credit card retirement and I mean anything that's out there money wise IT should be you know free rain to be able to talk and know everything because when you get married, ideally IT all comes together as one, right. So that's on that. On the more of tactical number side, knowing just that basic information, couples don't run a .

create report because the number of times people call me like he didn't know he had this other thirty thousand and student loans to whatever you run a create report and comparing that everything on on the table .

and then there is more of the emotional kind of bigger questions, right? The value system conversation, we get a question a lot of, you know, should I marry someone that has a debt you know yes, as long as you both are an agreement on how you wants to live life with money, right? So um it's not if they have dead or not, it's hate.

Do you guys want to be on the same page when IT comes to the subject of death? Talk about that I would talk about, um I would take my goals in life. You know, what are things that that you want to do? You know, one of them maybe you want to travel the world.

The other one who wants to own a home in the next four years or whatever IT is right to some of these um more goal oriented questions. Just talk about that which hopefully those kind of things are in the midst of other conversations that you are having about life because that that is money, right? Money is a tool in life that you use to do the things that you want to do. So hopefully you guys know most of that going on of kind of what you want your life to look like.

And I think um underneath those things aren't right next to them. I think creating rythm that you don't have one conversation, forget IT, right. So I think the i'm always talking to parents like you don't have a sex conversation.

It's an ethos in your house where your kids know they can ask you any question any time in their bodies n kind of that, yes, you have a money conversation. Let this be begin sitting up a athon where maybe when you engage once a month you're like hte, let's talk about our, our, our month or week, right? And then you get married.

You can do that every every two weeks or every week. So let's start a riom where we can constantly come back to the table to have this conversation and commit to being very open handed in. What I mean by that is this, my wife knew when we got married, I always wanted to end up in the woods, want to buy place in the woods where nobody can see us so that when the world catches .

fire we're going to be OK right? That's prep.

But here's a thing um after four years of being in the wood, my wife was like a SHE wanted this what he wanted sell signal right and he wanted to take less than an hour to get .

to the grocery store .

of able dict and I wanted I wanted water all the time, not just when IT rained right. And so um we recently, uh we kept our place, but we moved to the city where we right I degrave that and but had IT been locked down, um IT would have been a fight. But we are very open handed about, I really want this.

I want to try this one experiment with this. And if IT doesn't work out, it's okay in our house to say, we change your mind, right? Yes, this is a fun experiment that I think all engaged couple should deal.

I want. I called the friend's experiment. There are some old articles about that. The show friends, yeah, when they actually went through in set to this apartment in manhattan, would cost to this this couch that like they went in .

around and a technically got IT from her grandmother so was under like rent control. First reasons they had reasons yeah.

but then rate would go work retail right .

and then go to coffee shop at T P here.

Here's like I think to be fun to get on a pint rest board and if you're like me, you don't know what that is. Just ask the person you're going to marry um create a fanta sy if we could have anything anywhere and then actually run what that actually costs in real life. And I think it'll be both depressing, but will also level you back to reality. And then you can be happy with the world you have now and maybe have the thing there you want to go chase one day yes, but IT keeps everybody from I think we can be a ta home family family right now. We might be a use taaoa family one day, but we're not there in IT helps level everything back .

yeah that's good. And that I would also say, toby, with the money specifically, since you ask about that, I think IT can be so easy, especially if you're getting married later in life, and you can have like you rhythm in the way you do money, to feel like the way I do IT is right. And if something is different than that, then that's wrong.

And learning that, you know, when you get married, there is strength and weakness as your spouse springs the relationship right. And so we all have this ability when you get married to actually learn. So I so have the curiosity mindset to because I would say if tob is writing into the ram's show, tobes is probably the one that's hard core with money. I'm going to say so again, don't you have your .

values but .

just know okay, if my if my fiancee is different when IT comes to money, that doesn't mean she's wrong. SHE actually can bring something .

to my life is great. On my honeymoon, I looked over and is not that kind of story, James, it's okay. On my honeymoon, I looked over and my wife was rush your teeth and I said these exact words.

you.

hey, you're doing that wrong because, because here's why. Here's why. My wife is part time serial killer. SHE took her tooth brush and put tooth face on IT, and then just ja bit directly to her mouth.

I put water SHE and .

put water on IT. Like a person who loves jesus and baby and puppies, right? And so I looked at and I was like, kay, you're doing this wrong and he said something long lines of, oh god, this is going to be a long forever IT was like, okay, there's multiple ways to brush your teeth, right? And there's multiple ways to to do things in life.

And I think what you're seeing is so, so perfect racial. You have a way and your spouse is going to have a way. And what matters is what you'll agree on moving forward.

Yeah, I hate and all of this and more this turned into a pitch and even mean for a too. But here we are. There is a money and marriage date night is it's next week, right?

Next tuesday.

yes, next tuesday there's a alive vent hosted .

by me and Rachel .

cruise in any day is not right. This second, we're going to be talking about real topics like goal setting, budgeting, working through every season of life as a team. Your marriage IT is a live stream event.

So we have uh an entire um second floor here full of people who are here for an in person retreat this weekend. This will be a money marriage event that you can have in of your own house. Just give me a live Q N A, and Rachel and I will answer your questions october twenty nine. Get your tickets at range y solutions dot comms lah slash events the totals forty nine box and you click the link in the description. If you're living with .

this on the youtube before, this is a great option for all of you listening that again, you're not here and now where we have another money in marriage yeah weekend, the valentine's weekend in february that we're going to do the same type of event. But if you are early on in the baby steps, if you guys don't have the ability to get away for two or three nights to ash fill like this is the next best thing.

Because, john, I, as we set up content and suffer this event, want to set you, you guys up as a couple when you watch this, to continue these conversations, right? So even one, nine events can be the starting point of a kate. We went to work towards something Better when IT comes to our money in our marriage.

So make sure to check IT out you guys again. October twenty nine, a live event via the internet. John in myself, tickets are forty nine dollars. Got a RAM c lures outcomes, flash events and hang out with this next esa night.

And as always, we'll give you some questions to ask each other and we will commit to making IT. Weird for everybody is the M G. Show will be right back.

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Well, come back to the rams show i'm just to only joined by Rachel cruise. It's got to edmonton and talk to Alberta, edmonton, Alberta where they play hockey instead of the football ls and talk to nick was up, nick. A nick on was that in um .

not too .

much um I just don't know .

what to do in this situation um eighteen years old i'm twenty thousand and february I have a five thousand dollars AR payment and I work a lie mechanic shop um my mom, dad don't want me to leave them anymore the'd like to be a cata you out of the nest so i've just wondering would be work putting down on the home and just rent no bedrooms while living in IT? Or shall I get like a rental area and rent with a friend? So I did do I don't want to scream itself over in the future with loans and stuff. Yeah, I am not to pay my schooling.

When you said five thousand dollars car on D O five grand on the note, are you paying five thousand books a months?

Surely you're not at two and one.

Every one, two, the totals five grand. Yeah, that we have left to pay.

I had IT out for fifty thousand, and I paid ten thousand a year.

OK good for your neck. How much you make a year, how much making working?

Ah that's the struggle. I don't know because, well, I ve only been a shop for three months and I just passed my probation. And also I get a flat rate so I don't get paid per hour.

I get paid for job so I could have an oil change. Takes twenty minutes. I.

okay, so the last month, what what did you make? What did you bring him last month?

Just over two grand, I think, is two thousand and two .

hundred dollars. okay. And do you see that being consistent months of a month? Or do you think now once you ve since you passed the probation period, all of that do you for see IT going up another good amount?

IT should go up, i'm hoping for sure. Yeah, because I know they're to raise IT up, but I I don't really know how favorite works too too much time to do IT, but I don't want to move out. I'd like to do delivered home and like see about my money .

in out what's yeah what's the conversation with your parents .

like but not like fully kicking out but that is mentioned IT that I should probably think about leaving sooner later.

That's kicking you out. They're kicking you out there. Do slow, kind, but they're kicky you out.

How come they just want the house back? They want you to fly some. You get the next? Or are you drink you too much? What do they want you out there?

I don't have any habit. I don't spend my money. I just save IT up. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I do any that I think there are kind of want me to be on my own. I know I my fourteen .

unal .

roles is at me too, me and this kind of part of IT.

So what I would do, nick, is I would first to down kind of get a time line of what their expectations are and what's reality for you, right? You turn eighteen, you have a job. You're not making a lot.

I mean, I don't come out. So like you twenty grants a year at your current rate after taxes and self, so you're not making a lot to sustain a lifestyle. So um I would be curious for them. I gets what we're october just to say, hey, moment data, I want to have more of a clear conversation with you on your respective tions because I want to be respectful.

I'm an adult now and I understand, you know, I, matt and I can move out, but I want to know what you all are thinking because that at least give you a time mind if they're like because if it's this, we're period of like, oh, no, nick is always a next summer or something that you're like, okay, we can have a date so I would get a date with your parents so like here's when they want you to move out and then I mean that I mean they get decided. I guess it's their house um but what you're going have to realize, nick, is that ah you're gonna ably have to up this incomes so whether it's that you're making more in the job that you currently have or maybe getting a second job after because I do not want you buying a house, but renting is obviously the best option after moving out. And if you can get friends yeah and get a rental house and get a couple of Betterments filled and you guys can like split the rent, you know three or four different ways that ideal just to Laura, that expense spent. I mean, as of now that you're not making a ton to live on your own. So I mean, I would have that conversation with them too.

Parterres eighteen man is is not the most fun, but you need also have this direct conversation with your employer to. And there's a mindset shift that happens when you're seventeen and you get hire on and they put on problem and you get to work. The whole thing is set up as you should count your lucky stars that they pick you.

But I want you to flip that around now if you've been pulling your weight and doing good work and you're certified now you're eighteen years old, you come to the table and say, i'm happy to be here. I need some structure, meaning I do know how much money i'm going to make. I need to know what the cop schedule is, what the complaint is if it's just me working twenty minutes by twenty minutes and I don't have any input on marketing.

Um it's not like even like a barber who does a great job and they get to bring clients back is just you're holy dependent. I'm not going to live that life. That's a tough life to live twenty minutes by twenty minutes the pinning on what car just rolls into the into the into the garages, right? And so they should you should sit down and say, hey, i'll pass my stuff.

I want to talk about what a long term plan is because I want to be here and appreciate that the rescue to come me. I just need some, some guarantee on what the things going to look like. And then you have to make a big boy, grown up, grown man decision.

Now, don't want to stay here. But Rachel point, twenty grand A A year as you can. You can't live in canada with that kind of money. Can't live anywhere, right?

yeah.

And h rituals right on. Sit down your parents. So I am getting the hands.

Is this Young me out right now? Is this three months? Can I have six months to save up so that I can put a signal six months down on least, or something like that? But each year, in one hundred percent, no place to a bay house yet man not until you are way more subtlely.

You can put down ten, fifteen, twenty percent down on a home um in cash and that's after you've paid off your car you know anybody need money and you've an emergency fund so that win the car stopped coming in the bay. You could still pay your bills every month so you're just getting roll and brother um but how do this hard conversations with your parents, with your employer and be good to go there and by the way, don't hate on your parents. They want to see you fly and that conversations are harder than to have and they're probably trying to soft play IT and be nice.

And if you don't have the direct conversation now, Rachel is going to come a day when they snap and they're like you're out this weekend and that will be too we, you know, too quick for you IT must be a mess. So just take the be the adult here and goes IT down and say, let's let's map out of an exit strategy. I love that yeah for sure.

And you know, to bring I don't know, I think I would be impressed sive if my son came and was like, hey, can I know what the average you like, what you're paying for lights and water? Or like even knowing what IT takes to run a household and ask these questions and build out a mock budget like here's what i'm short on if I were to go right somewhere and let's say I got three room mates you on average and look around this uh with utilities, car payment, food like this is probably I need to live off of a month like you going to start making a plan and ask your parents questions about what they pay you know, for utilities and that kind of thing. I mean, I feel like that would be a very mature type planning and I think they probably would appreciate that may buy a an extra week or two.

Well, if if I say my son graduate and he just started working at a local shop and all the sudden six months after high school graduation, he's not going to college and he's still home, is just going to work every day and sit on the dinner table, i'm more the direct guy, right? So we would have more the direct conversation, but if he came and set down and said, hey, i've got a seven months plan and here's so much of making, I want to contribute two hundred bucks, not a lot.

I want to contribute some to the water, the tricity now um and I need seven months, and by seven months I have this much money. I do. I would be so proud of him. Yes, there be I I to support him in every way possible and launched .

out yeah situations like this. You know, it's the lack of communication is where the messiness I feel like always, always comes in the play and and to know that you, we are, we are more on this or all say, I am, I am more on the side of fly and be free like I think that we you can stay somewhere and save money. And mathematically, financially, that's really wise.

But for you as a person, when you're being taken care of my mom and dad for too long into your twin, you don't mean like and all of that like there's just something to be said about being on your wrong. There's a character thing. They are that up there.

There's a grown. You grow up faster when you do that. So I am more on that side.

But again, under the circumstances of their seasons, for different things, people go through different events at different times, and parents can be there to help their grown children in different ways. But it's the communication that's that's the always to be the number one. So nick, I would tighten that up with your parents and that'll give you more .

of security of knowing and that to be a woman drives, get your change and I pick you up yeah for my mom's house. Like you're gonna want to get your own place. You're gonna to get your own place and has the first hour of the range show in the books will be back shortly right here on the range of show.

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Welcome, welcome. It's the red show. I'm john loney, joined by Rachel cruise. And we are taking your calls live on your relationships, your money, building wealth work that you love.

Rachel, we've been do this for how long? I say we days will do this for thirty years. The brain .

powerful .

day of rams y and the rest of us in your life, your money, your relationships, you work all of IT and were taking your calls alive. No net triple, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five triple ate eight, two, five, five, two, two, five. And again, i'm john the longer joined by Rachel cruise calls from all over the planet. It's got to oklahoma city and talk to Violet, Violet, Violet. What's up oklahoma?

Hi, thanks. We're taking my color, guys.

of course.

what's going on. So um I just found day bRandy and and you guys about two weeks ago, i'm excited to get into IT. Um but how do I even begin start working the baby steps when my husband has a company of decline and will continue to decline with no clear tell me .

about .

IT ah my hasn't has something disease so here .

for people .

who don't know ah he stage to right now so still can drive and I have guardianship over him right now we he's specified actually .

late on IT yeah i'm sorry.

So yeah for people who don't know, that's like having alzheimer's, alis.

parkinsons and some doctors say so have you all set i'm assuming you've set up all the necessary power eternities and you've got the accounts in your name. I'll like kind of stuff.

Yeah, I have account in my name. We didn't do part of attorney. He was conserved that when we was in california and when I moved to okhotsk um we just got guardship so I did know should I be do having policy as well as guardianship .

I would sit down with an attack y yesterday OK and and map IT out and in state planning attorney and I think the the thing that I hear catches most people of guard that i've SAT with over the years is especially on any kind of stage and you got cancer, you this kind of chAllenge but any sort of thing that is progressive is and they say it's progressive and maybe you ve got five years progressive, maybe got ten years progressive, maybe have eighteen months.

The chAllenge is one month, two months, three months goes by and it's easy to drop your shoulder in the settle in. Okay, i've got thirty six months left like this. And what's not taken into account is there comes a moment when everything falls off a Cliff. And if you don't have that stuff set up now trying to deal with IT when this thing starts sliding right when he needs in home care, when he is um unsay like these things as they progress, who knows right how it's gonna unwind, right? And so getting these things in writing, outside, within attorney a state planning attn y and map out everything, whether you need a um I I would go through the legal stuff now but did now then attorney today um or tomorrow and get that stuff squared up and you have to stare the sunshine in the face on this when you will feel so real that you're having this conversation because this means been a part of your life for a long time, right?

Yes.

thirteen years OK. So so ongoing medical care like anywise. Are you guys you have good insurance? Or what is that looking like for you?

No, no. Were in california. And I said, I don't want IT with anymore. We have to go somewhere else. We sold everything we owned, packed up two cars with two kids and moved out of 好吗？

How long ago started?

Yeah he was um is stressful. But now i'm in a job where i'm making forty thousand years and up from there he is not working 是 exactly .

he actually doesn't qualify .

for us and more because I make too much money so we cut him off after certain point。 Um i've tried talking to him maybe we should do legal separation. He doesn't want to do that, which I completely .

understand. Appeal appeal again. And and your atterley can help you with .

that yeah he has to have so much work credit and and he just doesn't have them. So I haven't set up right now. He's going to a program here for his seeking employment for disabled, disabled adults. So that's gna help him.

And how are your kids violent?

twelve. okay.

So financially, roque k, because we have a couple of minutes with you. Where where are you guys at? So tell me, I know your income and then debt wise, how how much you guys have in debt dead .

wise were only twelve thousand.

Okay.

what's on our cards? We don't credit s OK. okay?

And you are using the credit cards to basically to live above poverty land. California IT was IT .

to sustain the level of living.

yeah. okay. Are you guys in a place with your income and living in okhotsk that you're able to are you able to live paycheck to paycheck? Are you dipping into the credit cards monthly to keep afloat?

No, where we're within paycheck to paycheck, we're making mum payment on everything. So we're not behind anything um but there is extra spending with somebody who you .

know have to .

have this this in this that money that can be to need money.

So these kind of exercise like OK.

I wanted get our debt. So do I just keep doing like having the separate bank account? There's one with mine and his name and then one with his name so that I I can fun more money when .

he need everybody's got to be above board on this. Um is he able to is he able to be a co manager of the money of the household right now from .

his mental capacity state? Um .

yes, yes I no I mean to be oh no.

The most important thing is that he has a safe place to live in at you and they're safe. And so if if he has ki, if he is unable to yeah, I know, but it's a couple of expenses away if you'll share an account and he just he has an impulse purchase, not blame me and but he's not well, he makes impose purses yeah, that point .

you have to protect .

yourselves.

You can hear that conversation. amazing. If he can't, then maybe you put twenty five dollars in colon, quote his account, and you are managing on the side.

okay. That's what i'm wondering to do that.

I never about division.

We're always about money. But this is a very special if you've just .

come on us last two weeks and you've benched and looked up any video about marry couples about nine nine person, we say combining accounts combined account, combined counts. We have a your whole marriage we get we're going to talk about combined accounts beyon the same page. But there are reasons not to. And if there is addiction involved, if there is abuse.

And in this case, while that, I would say you if if if the other score mentally cannot handle that, then for sure I mean is common since that plays all of this right and so um I think yet for you to be the one that is really uh and I haven hate to say that but it's terrible with the adult in the situation because sadly with what he has, it's gona continue to progress the opposite way. And so just to put you guys in a great position, if you hold on the line, Violet, Christians are going to pick up, and we want to a gift to financial future university in every dollar for a year and also get sign up with a financial coach and have an hour session on me and john pay for. But to sit down with actually someone to look over some of your numbers because I also think that there's, from a medical standpoint, things I won't make sure covered within the trust um because there are some complications there. So we'll get you an hour with the financial coach to over some of that.

We thinking about your calls anytime. Yeah, this is the Randy show. Hey.

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Well, come back to the rain to show i'm john loney, joined by Rachel cruise, is got to ordinary new york. Talk to Jessica. Hey.

Jessica was going on. How you going. So i'm calling because I have a whole life insurance policy that i've been holding on to send point twelve. And now i'm thinking hearing this and you guys and hearing that is and I should push the term, but i'm not sure about the tax implications and thus like that, I just don't really know what to do with the life insurance company from here.

Now okay. Have you looked into what the page will be when you if you dissolve IT?

Um so since the cash value is clean .

OK and of your .

money back to you, just very crazy.

Yeah and have you looked into term at all to make sure that you I am are you healthy? Just like yeah, you could probably get another insure. okay.

And the thirty nine i'm thirty nine now. I'm going to be forty next years so I am kind of like down do IT I have two little one um my husband is a primary beneficiary, but my oldest daughter is a contingent.

And I like I hold on to this early called the company and ask them if I should you know, if I could switch IT from, hold the term and of course I said, no, what you could cash IT out and then get a term insurance policy with us and and like, I don't know that have implications. Are anything never be worth IT to do that? If I should just hold on you because IT looks like IT is it's certaine like fifty hundred dollars in the .

last year have IT.

It's each year .

money actually. They take money, you overpay them, they invest that money, they take a piece of the investment return and then they call you like, look at you have .

and to crap you return anyways. So yes, so no, I would come like regardless of what whatever the fees and tax implication is, I don't know what taxes .

are when you cashed out IT.

maybe income IT may .

be like I get like a how much, how much yeah how much you paying .

a month for .

IT fifty five, fifty five yeah worker make around within a year so you know.

yeah, yeah, yeah, okay yeah.

So what I would do yeah and that's totally .

and that's what IT ends .

up being when you're pairing an investment and insurance together, you're always going to get a crappy product, usually on both sides for sure, on the investment side. So um so yeah, I would cancel IT for sure today. But before well before you cancel that, I should say make sure you have term in place because I do want you to have life insurance. You guys have two little kids, so I would still have life insurance. And so you do work because I would.

You set outside the home OK.

So I would get a policy ten to twelve times your annual and income, and that's about that's around the policy that you would need. And I would go to sander, you can go to as ander or comer, give them a calls under insurance and they're great because there are more there are insurance brokers. So they're onna shop, all different companies to get you the best deal.

Verses like this one you call and have state farmer is a state farmer whatever you know like you'll be able to get um all different kinds of of quotes. And so that's what I would do in that I would go head and apply and get that coverage going first. And the day that goes into place, the part the term policy that I would call whole life cancell or gitter a grand move on.

right? And then OK.

So is that one month .

grand? Yeah, I would get a policy at a minimum of five hundred grand, which should not cost you very much money a year. You would be a huge cost. By the way, this isn't just a pitching a product.

When I was forty in forty or forty one.

and I did the exact thing you're doing, I called gender and got my insurance moved over duck to them with terminate. It's fantastic.

Okay, awesome. Yeah I just wanna say also got plessy guys and thank you for the works that you do.

Thank you so much. You your super kind. And yeah like Rachel, hear that a lot on like what's attacks is gonna a grand paid the taxes and move life for .

whatever is because eight .

million dollars we'll start wearing about the tax implications .

totally yes yeah when you start looking at you know fifty five dollars a month and I may feel like, oh that's you know no big deal but over time, what IT adds up and then what you end up paint for terms of fraction of that anyways. Um and always again, the rule of sum is your insurance, your investment should never be mixed, right um because you're not going to get the rate of return that you put if you put IT you even an in an index fund or van garden or the market right um yeah in any other place you're gonna get a Better rate of return. And a lot of these two like they just um it's that slow leak but they just continue just like take and take and if IT goes up but just goes up and I mean IT doesn't feel IT doesn't feel clean whole life, there's there's some entanglements .

there that right Scottish spoke in washington and talk to Elizabeth hail's .

with what's happening .

OK tell them you awesome a running a scam called that .

youtube showing a podcast what .

do you have to I cool what's uh.

not much. I was just hoping to get your guys in advice. Um we are pretty good, but we're not as good as we could be. Um I feel like we're still struggling months and months can can like paycheck paycheck and how do we get ahead? How do we starts like invest saving like we have kids at home school, there were a one income home house, home um and the economy is kind of kill lin .

us yeah so here's here's the hard the hard truth. You and me and your spouse and my wife and Rachel in winston, all of us go home as a family and we make choices and that's not how was set up for us. We all grew up and they're like due if you just go a colleague or just do this and you can do this and this and this and this and this.

And sometimes like the dream of we want, we want to understand home, awesome. We want to not get into the schools and we went homework. Kids cool, but we can eat or eat or just floating months to month to month.

And its you guys as a family haven't a back out of that situation. okay? The Price of milk is bananas right now. The Price of bananas is bananas right now, right?

And so this is my two Youngest are not school aid. So I went back to work. We d .

have .

pay later.

Yeah so so I was.

but I wanted know you got financially where you guys that you guys have consumer debt?

Uh no we have credit cards. We don't use them their zero baLance.

Um we've own our about .

sixty five. okay.

And are you guys on a written plan like a very detailed budget every single month that you know exactly here's the amount we have to spend, okay? I think okay. So I think the budget is going do that yeah yeah narrow. It's find um I mean, I think that's gonna help a lot.

And if you stay on the line after this call, Christian pickup, and we will give you every dollar premium for a year because I think the budget is one of those places eliza's, that once you do IT and you actually have boundaries around certain categories in your life and you force yourself to live within them, then suddenly you oh, there's our margin. There's our margin. And then i'm getting eaten up by that extra 1.5 past food run that we're going to go to or out to eat or whatever like。 It's something that is amazing when you do play and out and sticks to that plane.

It's going to take about three months for you guys to get IT to work. So remember that ninety days give myths of a lot of Grace between now Christmas. But I want that to be your homework is okay.

We're are going to to do this and then out of that in finding some margin and and you look back on your uh accounts in your checking account last month and like, oh my god, we're paying for two subscriptions weeneth use. You know when you actually start getting in the weeds of IT IT is amazing what comes to the surface. Um and even if it's thirty forty bucks here there that that adds up, I mean, that will give you some margin. And so do you guys have um do you guys have an emergency fund?

I just hold very good.

okay. So I was I, yes.

nice of the phone. there. Go, there, go.

Do you guys have an emergency find with do you any any savings?

We do not have a specific emergences find. We've got IT a decent amount our checking. And okay.

so what I would do is, is open up a high yield savings and I would move three to six months of expenses out if you're checking out to that. And then that's not touch so that your emergency fine, if you have to have a few months to add that savings to get that three to six months do IT. And then from there, I would start investing fifteen percent of your incoming to retirement and start that going. That can be through his foo one k or raf I R. You guys can open up.

Hey, guys, day rams here and I got a big announcement. I'm coming to a city near you live on the money and relationships tour with doctor john loney. This is the most interactive event we've never done.

You get to decide what we talk about. You do not want to miss this or becoming the level. Gm, atlanta photos for worth and kansas city in April and may of twenty twenty five, get your tickets and more information at solutions, not come slash tour.

Welcome, welcome, welcome back to the rams. The show we have to amazing people staat us on the debt free stage.

Jered and k land and k and I are twin.

the joke college other in place.

the exact same jump suit, no many.

Out purchase rates .

like my probably seventy five per .

I was seven hundred fifty thousand.

Not no. Okay, we're here for you guys. Yes, your own that free screen stage .

because you're debt free.

congratulations. Where you guys from dripping springs.

texas, about thirty minutes was to us.

by us. And I never dripping springs five.

two and beautiful. That's also okay.

How how guys pay off one hundred and fifty eight thousand, two hundred and forty four dollars and thirty four months?

Oh my gosh. Sh in thirty four months make you what kind of money during that time?

One to one seven.

Okay, well done, you guys. okay. So what happened thirty four months ago? You were like, okay, over two years ago, you said sometimes got to change.

What happened? Well, we got married and we were thinking that we have no business trying to this a personal conviction for me, but no business trying to start a family taking care of our past when we can be investing in our children's future. And so that was a goal for us, and that was something that we love our parents in all the support we've had. But we wanted to um it's really big for me to make IT one step Better for my kids, make a little bit easier for them to start investing before for the the grounds of okay.

So you guys, we used married around two years ago, then you.

we ve got married April of twenty one.

Okay, perfect. And they are looking at this death. What was the one fifty?

What kind of debt was IT? Just, uh, two cars and some student loans.

Okay, the student loans.

Hey, are there? Are you from that area.

not origin from the president california originally.

Are you really yes, or because you have A A swing, a taxi swing about .

you i'm a taxi.

but I mean, i'm just imagining being in in your seat in this told drink water comes in and sits down in the country way boots and he says, own, invest in our children's future I go to marry them too .

actually met you stopping.

of course know what?

Of course you think .

I don't feel i'm get warm in here.

Oh me, okay. So now that that is paid off, when you look back what, what, what, how did you do that really helps this journey because that's a lot of money to pay off and write at two years. We actually started the journey the monday after our wedding, so unfortunate, and Jerry t got laid off a few weeks.

so many weeks with that was about eight weeks before we got.

嗯， 美人， yeah. But he got a new jobs start on monday after. So we decided not to go on honeymoon input the honeymoon money aside, wow.

Put IT towards debt and keep growing. So now we're dead free, and then we're now saving up to go on a honey moon, honey money. However, many years later.

like you were red do, but you get laid off and you and found another job I started.

I got laid off on a friday after that freeze that came through the state. And so I started work .

the next day, and if you .

could run a chainsaw yet.

planning to work to. So my friends were sending pictures of themselves getting drinking water from snow on the grill.

right? I just threw in four and went back to work. And the landed a job pretty there after that. And well.

it's amazing. Guys do not make, they don't make guys like this. Cy.

more tale, they do.

okay.

So for you guys, what was the hardest part? Because it's I keeping two years, there is more like three close to three a what what were the things that were just man that you just hated so much in this process?

I think for for me personally, and I can kind of speak for her, although she's gonna say what .

he wants and how SHE rolls.

I think he was adopted that mindset. And just like this was in our hand, like you said, doctor job, but I was in our lap. I mean, for me specifically, I mean, I had a the government promised me that I was going to have an aviation contract in and two and a half years into that and a year of being on medical review um that that didn't end up happening and that I went from personally zero debt.

I was out of state two semesters and so I went from a four ride scholarship with an avian to thirty grand and then I will finish out the degree of forty five grand. So um I think IT was just for me though, meeting her. We got to share a lot of this and that's what's a beautiful part of marriages like I got to share some of my tenants and he got to share some other patients with me. And so together and hearing that to the budget and just letting god take the wheel and keep in our foot on the gas, I mean, lords can get, you need to go.

Hey, I think i'm we have a are welcome to the money marry this week I think you need to keynote that rather because I mean, you just said Better than I could say incredible .

why I listening you yesterday in the doctor Johnson so appreciate you .

have a vineet .

that's what I do. I'm a one great palmer.

So you're like a movie Carry .

the hallmark .

may be character good as a ventured .

i'm a .

gloried farmer. It's a ventured manager. IT is your .

wife get these secret magic deals at martials .

yesterday. And I I fortunately with some of my naive y train and was able iron this .

bad boy in .

the hotel before we ve got here, rings a little false to me is when you said that the government made a promise that they didn't come through, they never do that.

They k and what was .

just like for you? What was the biggest? Like, I imagine, honey, I lost my job and using, okay, we're going to i'm in this.

We're going to together. I got a new job yeah and it's monday. Yeah right. Like.

walk through that. Well, it's actually a great story. We had our wedding, my wedding dress, until we were dropping his friend off at the santa anio airport.

And the day after our wedding, we actually went to his new job site, a new venture. And my wedding dresses adjust in the back. And we're like, here we are.

So wow.

just so just a lot of hard work for me. When I struggled with the most is the comparison on trap that we all fall in. Yeah so and through the years, that was one thing that I still held on to that was really hard.

But just even getting on this stage is going to be really it's really frame for me. So we can't wait to see what happens next. So great. It's pretty big deal. So how does that feel? You guys standing here completely up free verses almost three years ago, you're getting married starting in a job with one hundred and fifty thousand dollars in what's what's the contrast what's the contrast of you guys three years ago versus today?

Complete freedom.

liberation so please that's .

the biggest part is is like, it's the peace it's like, okay, something happens to my .

cares yeah you .

six months you know whatever .

so .

good and now the whatever future kids you may be bust with will never know that struggle.

That was the goal. I was okay. Where is the honeymoon?

Where is the honeywell to be? We're going to .

trying to go to new zealand and australia the year. Go drink some in your guys.

Now I just talking about, oh, so good you guys, when we are rooting for you, absolutely credible.

absolutely credible. Sit like movies like the notebook aren't real. And this couple right here, just amazing what .

does and that says something about you all that you're starting a brand new chapter from a relational standpoint and then you're starting a brand new money chat. I am doing new things all at once. I guess maybe easier.

I don't know. You just dive right in and go. But mean, not a lot of people can can hold that level of change. I mean, shifting your money perspective, it's that's a big that's a big ship to turn, especially if you'd had been on one path for so long like you guys have been. They took me about .

two thousand years of being married before realized, and my wife different than me. And that's a good thing, right? And you already know yeah like arn, i'm fired up and she's patient and that works like we worked together that way and and you can appreciate those differences instead of going to war them every morning. So good for you guys. You're our inspiration tional and just amazing.

So great.

So we want to thank you for the incredible wise advice and in those that you put in our lives because we're able to know lead our life group. And so we thank you.

And you've started .

a generation.

So jered in katon from Austin, k taxes paid off. How much?

One hundred and fifty thousand and thirty four months making one, two to one. seventy. Canada.

glory to god.

That's how don america, you can do that too, will be right back on the rains of show.

I think, wait, all agree that it's a lot harder to run a race if you don't know where the finish line is, but nearly half of all americans have no idea how much money they'll need to retire with dignity. If you are ready to stop hoping for the best and start planning for your future, then check out the smart vector program. A smart vesta pro can teach you everything you need know to get in the driver seat of your own financial future. Connect with a pro at solutions dot com sash, smart vest rams y solutions .

is a paid non client promoter participating process or more rainy solutions that com sly smart. Right, welcome back to the rampy show, right? Listen if you listen to the rampy show or um if you listen to my other show, a doctor jona oni show in a special that show.

Now we take a lot of calls, Rachel, about relationship sex, intimately, the whole thing. And so after several years of put out questions for humans, more more and more and more and more and more people asking, hey, can we have the intimacy deck? And we talk about, like have those .

kind of questions.

those kind of conversations. And so after a couple years, finally, here we are the questions for humans, intimacy deck. These are questions about, yes, about sex and intimacy.

But IT goes way deeper than that. And me and everyone who's who's written back in his got these things. You're going to learn some unexpected. You're going to laugh. You're going to learn some things.

Maybe you're not so funny, but you're going to learn and you going to learn to build emotional intimacy, have fun in his most important connected quality time together. And I don't know any married people very are actually very, very few who don't need some assistance asking some of those deeper, harder questions. And it's easy to point to the declined heart worth incredible.

So get questions for humans intimacy edition today. And by the way, we've made third edition all brand new questions for couples, for friends, for parents and kids. That's all new questions. So you get all this at rainsy solutions dot com slash store. You put the link in the description if you're listening .

on youtube or pot can now say, um we went to chick fly and they ripped off version of this john, they have yet and it's my kids favorite cause and I was like home and I need to get chance out. So for the parenting ones i'm going .

to pick up a pack. Okay, but don't I that I got you .

not like .

the human is no, I don't that saying the .

concept of the card. yes. And asking these questions winter, and I love doing IT together.

They are anything our kids. yeah. They love IT. They love asking us questions of these chick flay cards.

Which year? I'm sure I remember leaving. I had a deck of parents and kids. I left in the car on accident.

I was just get them from work to the house, yes, and just seeing my daughter pulled out. And still to this day, you will grab one out, even if it's the same question. What I found is with kids, a year later, the answer is different and that just makes a fun. So any solutions dot com slash store or it's got to the this more yes, the moon I A and talk to Kelly. So Kelly.

yes.

what up?

How are you guys?

I mean, could not be Better. We don't great. How about you?

Uh, i'm doing all right.

Thank you. Yeah, if you were doing great, wouldn't colonus what's up?

So i'm calling because my cousin, I will give kinison details. Um heavily married for ten years. We've been together for eighteen and um his mom has been having some health issues the last couple of years. And a couple years ago, we downsize her to a smaller home.

Everything on on one level and things have been going great until last year, we got a phone call from the bank when we are on vacation that they were concerned about being out of money at grading her account. When we get back home. We found out that over the course of about nine months, SHE had given away over one hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

Oh, in scams, there's no recourse. The money has gone on a fragile there was all on her own doing, yes. And so thankfully, the home that we downsized her too is in our name and thank goodness because we are pretty confident that the person gaming her would have concentrated to get a second mortgage on the property.

yeah. So we've had a lot of conversations over the last year and half about the amount of times that he has fAllen and gotten hurt. And the reason that I think you even sell victim to these schemes is that she's very lonely.

SHE has been living on her own for over thirty years, and we were just felt, you know, how can we sit back and watch her be lonely and depressed and have these health issues? And we felt IT on our hearts to welcome her into our home. The home that we are currently in is very small.

IT is our premier tome, and we have dramatically outgrown IT. So we identified and purchased a new home that we closed on last week. The part of the financial intention of all of this was that the current home we are in, we own free and clear, and the home that he is in that is in our name, we also own free and clear. We were getting a bridge loan able to move into the new home and sell both of those properties, therefore then owning the new home completely.

That right? Yes.

since we have closed on the new home uh, ninety ago, OK SHE has started exhibiting some behaviors that I have never seen out of her in eighteen years. SHE has become very angry, very demanding and I hate to say even almost entitled about the new home. And IT has just been giving me all sorts of red flags about, I don't know if I .

can do this. How old is SHE?

Kelly? SHE will be seventy three .

in a couple months as your husband SAT down and laid out the ground rules for moving into your house.

So we did sit down the far two minutes ago, and I was very candid about that. I thought I was ready for this, that we have discuss this for about a year and a half. And all the sudden i'm feeling a big wave of regret, and I feel like I may have over promised something that I don't know that I can deliver on anymore.

And and he admitted that part of why SHE is recently very angry with us is because we have had to take over her finances 是 because he continually was making four choices。 And so she's very, very angry with us that we have not allowed her to obtain a new credit or debit card. Ds, I have .

some sort of financial power attack. Y.

yes, my husband, okay.

So is he have some sort of diagnosis that makes that possible? Or does he signed IT over to you?

We had the financial power of attorney in place when we purchased the home that he is in in twenty twenty.

But he would have had to sign that over as an adult like what keeps .

her from going to get her own credit or so part of what we did as putting the rails on things. And he was present with all of this. We froze her credit at all three credit heroes.

We, for SHE had two credit cards. And when we dug into IT, we found he had four. Well, no, SHE had eight, and they were all full of rogue and charges.

So here, here's had all this still down. She's a seventy three year old woman and she's an adult. And if she's got early onset dementia, she's got some sort of mental health chAllenges or cardinal decline chAllenges and offer to step into help. Then part of stepping into help is just knowing that no adult like that kind of help and there's just going to be some push back very similar to um when you're parenting a Young child, you're doing the right thing and I .

just comes to blow back. But does SHE can I ask if he have that?

Kelly or IT sounds like you're going to live in my house. Then here's the rules and SHE is really like.

well, she's SHE has been without a debit or credit card for coming up on a year now.

Do you give allowance SHE .

wear in a small of community that the vast majority of places that SHE shops that still take a personal check. So she's still able to get out of her groceries.

car service OK. So I think Kelly is I don't want you guys to have this level of parenting over seventy three year old who mentally is is stable yeah he didn't want fAllen for scales, but he is not because of john point that he has some mental decline. She's a seventy three old who doesn't make wise decisions and there's only to a point that you guys can control that Kelly you know like there there's something to be said about um letting her have to experience right to a degree of of pain. I don't know if you can control your the mother in law are .

so long well you at the end of the day sounds like she's gna be with you regardless. And so I think sitting down and having that direct conversation, do you can take your money back, but you're going to be living with us. You're going to living under our rules because you don't have a budget and you've keep on pretty games or you're going to continue to love you and you can be frustrating, but we can get through this together.

Thanks for the call and know that's a mess. Hey, everybody, head over to the ramsey network APP. If you're watching us on youtube podcast that shows about to end, if you are listen to on on radio, just keep plugging in. Go to rami network APP. You can download IT now in your APP store.

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Yep, you heard me right for free. Then right there in the home screen, you can watch the rest of today's but of being bota boom. Alright, i'm get out here. enjoy. We'll see on the APP.