97: Tana gets emotional about her relationship struggles… - Ep.98
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Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast

This is kind of weird, like, because like in an hour, these chairs are going to be facing that way and we're going to be saying it again. Yeah. Do you guys like our new set? We are in Philadelphia. Philadelphia at the Met, which is our favorite venue ever. We're in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I always think Philadelphia is a state. Doesn't just objectively. Honestly, yes. If you were a Victorian child and someone was like Philadelphia, you'd be like, you should name it that. That's a state.

Yes, I do agree with that. But did you learn the state song? No, I never learned the state song. I'll teach you two on the bus. Thank you. I'm honestly excited for that. That can be our high activity tonight. But we are at the Met Theater. We have the Met Gala at home. This is the closest I'll ever be to the Met here in Philly. And we have a show tonight and we're so f***ed.

excited. And I really hope you guys enjoy this episode, quite frankly, because it was $6,000. Yeah, they made us pay. Apparently, it's like a thing, like they have union rules, right? And I, to me, the union just feels like the cloud, right? Like, I'm like, what?

You and what union? Right. Well, no, I mean, there is definitely definitely a union. But I do learn so much about like show business on the road, like like dark stage. No one can set their feet on the stage for certain hours because the union says no, no. Because union needs like times out like breaks. But that's like any union. It's like you have to be treated fairly as a worker. Yes.

But like paying the union to have to like use the stage for, I guess it's commercial use, I guess. We should join a union. Are you in SAG? No, I'm not in SAG. Well, you've met probably all the qualifications to be in SAG. You probably just have to apply. Oh, I guess. Yeah. It's like acting and like anything that doesn't make sense. But you know what? To circle back to this episode being $6,000. Do you know what I find really funny? What? Is that all of the most expensive episodes have canceled. Oh.

have like tanked. Like the Hawaii episode was like $6,000. Granted, I don't know where I got off just titling that the Hawaii episode. Like bold of you to just assume people would click that. Well, it looked so gorgeous. But we could have had like a clickbait moment there. You know, I could have put in more work to get people to watch it. But got bit by a shark. Obviously flying air in here and shit. Like just our most expensive episodes always fucking tank. And then it's the ones where we're in like

last night's pajamas hung over. Like, you know what I mean? Nothing. No theatrics, no production. I'm personally grateful for all our episodes and I don't even care how many views they get. That's very fair. I didn't. Oh my God. You really, you really backed me into a corner there. Like, what the fuck am I going to say to that? I don't give a fuck, but you know what I mean? Just obviously like when you put money into production, you hope it,

you know, pays off ROI. Yes, exactly. But I mean, regardless, I'm excited to film. We filmed an episode the other day in New York city and our favorite studio. What's the name of the Melrose podcast? Melrose podcast. They let us run it because it's not on Melrose. It is in New York. The original one was on Melrose. I've used them in LA before, but then they've expanded to New York and I think Austin, but we went in the other day to film and I, I've, I've never done that in the history of canceled that bad. I've definitely come in,

to shoot canceled in like a fucking mood you know what i mean or like i'm sad or whatever we were talking about it kind of in the episode because i was just so depressed so not okay like it was bad it was like someone get this girl a jacket and award you know yeah um but it is hard obviously every single week expecting yourself to show up in the same mood especially when we shoot sporadically it's not like we shoot every when you have multiple personality disorder yeah me

You know, the other day, Makoho called me. And he goes, he's like, I miss you so much. Like, I miss every version of you. I miss drunk you. I miss, which this was really nice of him to say, even this is out of our friendships character. But he's like, I miss drunk you. I miss tired you. Like, I miss funny you. I miss, he's naming all these versions of me. And he goes, I really miss the whole squad. Like, referred to like all of my personalities as the whole squad. And I was like, what?

By the way, I wasn't saying you had multiple personality disorder. I just want to clear that up. I don't think I do, but I know that my father did. So it's, it's looming. And who knows these days? I feel like Fawn had some of that. I definitely notice more things about my brain patterns as I, when I'm sober, obviously. Duh. I'm sober again, by the way, you guys, we don't have to make this a whole, the whole shebang, but, um,

Your girl is tired. And as you guys know, I've been wanting to be sober for a while now. But I just like... For the first time, I really like...

couldn't just do it like that. Like, I kept just, like, having a beer a day and, like, was, like, finally... Yeah, but for a second, you were, like, okay about it. Like, you weren't, like, getting hammered. It was just, like, a couple nights that we were, like, really, really partying. I think I was moderate. Like, I think I was moderate about it, but it's still, like, if you have to have one beer a day, like, if you feel like you need that fucking beer, there's still a deeper thing. Yeah, that's still a little bit of alcoholism. Yes. So, I finally was able to just...

flip a switch and it feels good. But it's funny because I notice when I'm sober, I just have so many more like impulsive thoughts. Like, I don't know how to explain it. I was thinking about this last night on stage. You and I are mid show and I'm sitting there and I was thinking like right now, like I could just start screaming at the top of my lungs. Like I could just, like I could, I could take a shit. Like right now on stage. I have that all the time. Like intrusive thoughts. I always think like, what if I just started like, like burst out into song in the middle of the show? Like I want to know how you would have to react.

I think I would love it I think you know me I love a moment to like don't tell me that because I might I love a moment to like riff the other day Brooke ran off stage because she had to pee and I literally just started rapping Hefner like it was 2017 again and like it was fun

I had fun with the crowd. They were enjoying it. But yeah, my intrusive thoughts are just so much worse when I'm sober. I don't know where... Multiple personalities got me there. I don't know how I got there. I don't know either. But I'm happy for you. 6,000 bucks for this. I'm happy for you. We're going to have a good time. We are going to have a good time. And also the other day, another reason we had to scrap that episode. Because not only was I just the most sad sack bitch alive. Like I really was just...

I think I was just tired as well. Like, I think that when we have off days, right? But the only off days we've had were in Springfield, Massachusetts and New York city. And Springfield is Paige's hometown. So all of her hometown friends are there. The hotel's attached to a casino. Like we're having a great fucking night. Like it was just like super fun. And then the next set of off days are in New York city. And like all of our best friends are there. And yeah,

Normally, I appreciate when the off days are in Kentucky and there is nothing to do and no one is there and no one wants to celebrate and no one wants to have fun. Right. Because then it's just like a joint in bed and rest. But then we went to shoot the podcast and I was like, I haven't slept in a week.

Yeah, it was pretty tough. I was in great spirits, honestly. I would have really delivered. No, you devoured. Honestly, I'm going to figure out how to cut up your segments and put them on Patreon because I'm sorry. Only because it happens way more often to me than it does to you where I come into an episode and I'm not very happy. Mostly because I'm just generally not very happy, but...

I was so excited. I had such a good mood on me. And then I just got scratched. And that's the thing as well is trying to get the both of us in like the same riffing mood is just obviously it can be difficult. It's tricky. But then not only that, all of our topics were like diddy. Like that girl, what's her name? The 14-year-old who just shot her mom. Yeah, I don't know. And like a lot of like really dark topics that honestly you don't come to the

canceled podcast to listen to. Yeah, and I think that it's one thing to talk about them when you're in a mood, but if you're already just like sad and then you're talking about like how awful things are happening in the world, like it was just like, I couldn't put it out. I was like, oh my God, like this is... I do think we should circle back to that little girl who drove her car to Starbucks though. Yeah, I think we could talk about all of those topics today. Just the combo of the two was really scary. Speaking of topics that we shouldn't talk about, politics. Um...

I want to say something because obviously I read the comments on the last episode. Canceled has always been a place where I feel like we discuss what is on our For You pages and what's getting memed and like what's happening in the world, right? And I think that I've said this a lot about the presidential election, but sometimes with the topics at hand and the things that are happening, it can feel like a reality television show. And these sounds are being made. They're eating the dogs. They're eating the cats. Yeah, and it's pretty unserious in a lot of ways. Them talking about...

Well, it is very serious, but the internet can make it... Is making it unserious. Yes, like even just her fucking... Her earring. Like that was a crazy thing to just like think about. Like someone... Whatever, the Bluetooth earring, yada, yada. But I do just want to clarify that...

I have always said this since the dawn of time. I never want to be your factual, credible news source. And I don't want to be any part of that problem of like spreading misinformation. Like you guys should take the time to do your own research. And then obviously, please do go vote. I think that I was just kind of honing in on like the meme culture that has become of all.

the, what's it called? Not the election, the debate. And that's exactly why I need to shut the fuck up. So no more of that around here. I had to talk about eating the cats and dogs. Like it was just too good. But even that, it's like people like that's in Springfield, Ohio. Y'all don't even know which Springfield it's in. Like I do understand all of the people saying to shut the fuck up about that. And listen, heard you loud and clear coming back every week, shooting my shot, swinging. Sometimes I'm missing. Sometimes I'm hitting. I hear y'all. I'm pretty much only missing, honestly. So there's that. Yeah.

Seriously though, do your research, make an educated decision, go and vote for what you believe in. And please, God, I hope that no one out there is like, canceled podcast is my only news source. And we will be more mindful than even if everything is being memed. Like, you know, obviously that, like Donald Trump being put to that peanut song. Like I just, it's my whole timeline, but I do understand that even though it's being memed, like I'm not trying to like perpetuate

that culture. I don't fucking know. I'll shut up. We heard you, okay? We heard you. That was my point. The David Bar is the best four inches you will ever have. David is a new protein bar with a simple concept. The least calories for the most protein ever. It also happens to taste insanely good. You would think that something with this protein to calorie ratio would make you sacrifice on taste, but it's not.

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canceled again that is davidprotein.com slash canceled do you know what's been just stirring my soup keeping me awake at night okay what is it it's totally not the insomnia from going sober and just this is the only thing that's keeping me the fuck awake at night

And I just want to, before I even get into this, like the two people I'm about to talk about, I love you more than life. Okay. I love them so much. But I get a text the other day from Ari Aguirre. Oh no. Where he says, I just met, I can't even say it. Like my voice, it's like, it actually can't come out of me. He said, I just met Adam Sandler.

Him and Suede Brooks are sitting on the side of the fucking road in New York City. They're eating their meal and Adam Sandler walks by in his basketball shorts and they have a quick convo with him. They then text me about it. They send me a voice memo detailing the interaction. I have so many thoughts. I really don't even know where to begin. Okay. I'm personally a conspiracy. I think it's a conspiracy.

I think it was an attempt to upset you. I don't doubt that they saw him because I, you know, it's, it's likely that they saw him, but it's like, like, like,

What are the odds Adam Sandler is stopping to have a conversation with Ari Aguirre? You know how New York, I've thought about this so hard. You know how New York cafes are set up and they have tables by the doorway. Maybe he went in to pick up an order and as he was walking out of the doorway, they're sitting at the table adjacent to the doorway and somehow that has started a conversation while he's maybe waiting for a car. What could Ari say to whip up a conversation? Don't you feel like Ari is so like, hey, Adam.

Like, coat and sew a suede. And then them together, like...

it's just like I don't want to doubt them but I think it could have easily been pushed because like I've personally done this as an embellisher myself like if I see someone in public I'm like obviously I met them and I talked to them I'll never forget one time do we talk about this on the pod no we didn't we talked about this on the patreon um Brooke and I were in like a massive fight like jorts gate level fucking blow a big summer blowout fight and

And so just imagine, obviously we're mad at each other, whatever. And like a day goes by and we still haven't talked since our fight. And I open up my Instagram and on your Instagram story is Adam Sandler, like 50 feet away from you. And obviously in a probable world, had we not been fighting, we probably would have been together. And I just remember I didn't sleep. Like I was shaking in bed. Like I couldn't. He was. And shout out Frankie Jonas, honestly, because if it weren't for Frankie, I would not have been...

able to get anywhere near Adam. But he was in the little celebrity box at the Jonas Brothers concert. And I did say, I said, hey, Adam. And he said, hey. That was the whole conversation. I'm still, I mean...

again I would be just fully nothing but happy for you actually no fuck that I'm not happy for anyone that meets Adam Sandler that isn't me and I'm just gonna fucking say it but here's what I will say your heart I know it's just jealousy like I'm just so fucking jealous like genuinely I'm so fucking jealous here's what I will say though I've been having people come up to me um at the meet and greets and they've been quoting me saying like you were the epicenter of my world like all the the

the Walt Disney shit, everything I said about Adam. And I could understand now, I think, you know, with the roles reversed. Not that I'm creeped out by people saying that, but more so that obviously Adam and I have different, me saying Adam like I know him, we have different personalities. And like...

Like I could understand how I'm just really creepy to him. And I just want to clarify it's, you know, it's nothing like that. Even the other day someone told me where he was shooting Happy Gilmore in New Jersey. And it was like 45 minutes from where we were. And I didn't go there because I felt like that's not what I should do. I don't want to hunt him down. Do you know? But I want to. You go, actually. Sorry. I had a fan come up to me on the street the other day. And she goes, this is so crazy. I just ran into both Adam Sandler's daughters.

And I go, where are they? Because imagine we befriend them. But then, like, there's just too... Like, there's too much evidence. Yeah, you're right. Digital footprint. We always fuck ourselves up like that. For sure. And it's... Again, we're just so close. Like, I keep seeing these comedians adjacent to Adam Sandler text you or text... Just...

I just feel so... Anyways. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. Manifestation is real. Literally everything that we've ever spoken out into the universe, we've gotten. This is what I'm just going to say. Except for a boyfriend. Is for like Ari, for example. It's like I told him that it was the equivalent of like if someone gifted me a crocodile Birkin. Right? Like he loves luxury things.

And like, you know, there would be buffalo sauce inside of my crocodile Birkin within a couple of weeks. And Ari would be genuinely disheartened that I was given this and he wasn't right. Yeah. Like same with like, what a suede love, like, uh, diamonds and privates. Yeah. I can understand that there are opportunities where suede could see me in them and be like, like I might deserve that more than Tana. Right. And I just feel like this is one of those situations where it's like,

that is why I can't feel happy for them because I, it's okay to be happy for somebody and also jealous.

Like that's how I feel about a lot of people's careers that I look at. I'm like, God, I want that career so bad, but I'm like also happy for them. And see, I feel you with that. I don't know. There's just this weird disconnect and maybe I'm just fucking weird. Maybe I'm just, no, you're going to meet him and it's going to be way more intimate and amazing than that experience. And you're going to be so grateful that that wasn't your first experience with Adam Sandler. I'm so confident about it. That's not even funny. I'm going to do a sweet 16 surprise for you.

For your 26th. But also maybe I never need to meet him. Like maybe it's nice to always have something. Did you say how old are you? You're 26? Yeah. You're 28? 27? 27. 27, like that's a dream age for sure. Because that means you like made it out of the 27 club. No, I still got two more months. I think you'll do it. I could croak at any second. Um...

What was I going to say? Oh, I guess just my entire point was like maybe I do never need to meet him. So I always have something like. Right. I like for some people to remain like actual magical celebrities. Like I feel that way about like Miley Cyrus. I never want to be even in the same room as Miley Cyrus because I've actually idolized her for so like she's my one person that like. It's almost like God. Like maybe that's why people love God so much. You know, like I can't meet like that's how I feel about him.

No, people meet God all the time. That's actually true. I've hit some wax pens and definitely taken some mushrooms that got me there. Wait, you know what I was thinking about? My thought of Miley Cyrus reminded me of this. I don't know why. I was laying in bed last night and remembering my grandma used to take me to Barnes & Noble like literally every day. It was my favorite store ever and she would read a whole book and I would go through every single J14 magazine. My parents would frequently drop me off at Barnes & Noble too. It's the best place in the world to go. Like free babysitter. Because you can get lost in there. So I would read every single magazine and I was remembering like

Like, why was there so much evidence? Like, there's so many articles. Justin Bieber, not Justin Bieber, Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, like,

All about how they were saving themselves for marriage. Like how they weren't going to have sex until marriage in like these children's... No, remember the purity ring? I like... I remember... This is crazy when I think about this now, actually. I remember wanting a purity ring so bad. I had one. Because the Jonas Brothers had one. I'm saving myself for Nick Jonas. Oh my... And when Nick Jonas got diabetes...

I thought it was... No, I'm not kidding. I held like a vigil. It was like I was so distraught. I thought I needed my own pocket insulin just in case I ran into him. I'm still worried about him. I saw him at the Jonas Rose concert and I was like... I was literally checking on him like, do you think his blood sugar is high? Oh my God. It was really... It's so funny though. That is so like...

the purity ring of it all. I remember that. I can't imagine somebody being, a teenager, they were like 14, being asked about that in an interview now. That would be so inappropriate. Yeah.

Like, hey, so are you going to have sex before you're married? That's every interview of every 2000 child star ever. That wasn't that long ago. You know what I mean? Like, I understand like how horrible we were to like Britney. And like, do you know that episode of Howard Stern where Anna Nicole Smith is there? And he's like, how much do I? How much do I step on the scale? Of course. But like, who's that guy who was like, leave her alone. Leave her alone. She doesn't want to. Leave Britney alone. I love him. It was so sweet. Um,

Even the Olsen twins, do you know that they had like big news publications? Big, we were just talking about the Olsen twins, that's why it reminded me of this. But like giant news publications were doing countdowns until they turned 18. Like on their 18th birthday and shit. Like it was like a real. Actually terrifying. And like asking them all about that before that. That was like literally up until this day.

generation of social media stars and child stars, that was a thing. Like the Demi Lovato's of the world dealt with that. I guess it wasn't. Yeah. It wasn't that crazy. Cause like even, I just saw a clip of Kourtney Kardashian talking about like Justin Bieber saying like, yeah, I just did a whole shoot in the Bahamas with Justin Bieber. And they're like, how old is he? She's like 16. I'm like, Oh shit. Um, Oh, but, and like, yeah, Kourtney's the one who has the kid. Even with all this Diddy stuff, I'm seeing a lot of stuff like,

And as a Belieber, I've been like on the edge of my seat waiting for this to really like come to the public light. Because I really thought when he released like Lonely, like that song, those lyrics, that video, his performances of that, several other songs, but that one like specifically. And like the Yummy video, all of the Easter eggs in that, how it like people say that it's a play on Hollywood kind of stuff.

feasting on young people, whatever. I thought it would all come to light then. And like, it didn't. And now it's all finally coming to light. Like how horrible Justin Bieber was treated. Yeah. By every celebrity too. Like just the sexualization of him by like women, celebrity, just everything. It's, it's fucking nuts. Like, yeah, he had it tough, but I'm glad he's doing better. The baby was born. Yeah. I feel like he, and he'll do everything in his power, I think to protect that kid from everything he went through, which I think is in turn a beautiful thing. And all you can do with,

trauma but yeah I remember how protective he was over Billy he would like cry over it that's so sweet because he probably saw someone so much of himself and his rise to fame in her and just I can't imagine how emotional that is I would say even I like genuinely feel a protective attachment to like these younger TikTok stars who are like you raised me and like whatever you know like it's like I hope they don't have to go through like shit I went through yeah I hope it's ever changing and that's just like one one thousandth of

Obviously. I think we're headed in the right direction at least. Yeah. I want to talk about the Diddy shit, but I feel like everyone's just kind of beating it into the ground. It is fucking nuts. It's so crazy. I just like, I don't know...

It just is hard. I'm like, Sarah Jessica Parker is in the photos. I'm like, I don't know if I understand what is going on here. I was saying this when we shot, but I genuinely do think this is going to take down a fourth of Hollywood. I think everyone was involved. Everyone knew something. Cat Williams has said it forever. Charlamagne has said it forever. Like,

of don't go to Diddy parties. Like it's all been, that's what's crazy is there's never been a case like this. I was just watching Diddy on a talk show in like 2005 where he's telling the talk show host, I don't remember who it was, but like,

He's telling the talk show host, yeah, I put locks on all the outside of my doors at my parties and I make my parties really hot so that the girls get more drunk and they stay. It's like the definition of hiding in plain sight and the power trip of it all. Yeah, but maybe it goes along with what we were just saying where it's things that were okay then. Not okay, but it's just a way different culture now and we are way more cognizant of things like that now whereas before it was like...

People didn't care as much. That's true. People just got away with saying a lot more, but I think that... And obviously as well, like maybe with like rap culture, a lot of the things he would just say about like having sex with women and stuff like that, obviously people are just like, well, he's like being a rapper and fucking bitches, right? But...

it's so not and the charges are so not and it's it's just fucking nuts and so many people have been saying it it's crazy I also I keep seeing everyone talk about the thousand bottles of baby oil right and obviously I think all of that shit is insane like having thousands of IV bags because all the people participating in your freak offs are gonna be days of dehydrate and they seized so many drugs so it's like

You're flying in all of these sex workers across state lines, across all these things, feeding them drugs, making them do things that they don't want to do with your power. And this is all like confirmed. This is all like this all in the indictment. And then they seize your house and find like thousands of sex toys, thousands of bottles of baby oil, like thousands of IV. Like that doesn't look good. And it's all on tape. And like those tapes were being used.

as like a power play. Like he was saying like to every celebrity, like, Oh, you're not going to fucking expose me. I have this video of you doing X, Y, and Z. But then now that's, what's fucking him. Obviously that's, what's going to put him in jail for life is the fact that he recorded all of it, you know? But that's so crazy. I saw something where he was like refusing to eat jail food because he's afraid someone's going to poison him. But I'm like, if you're not guilty, you're not afraid of someone poisoning you. Like someone's only going to poison you to protect themselves. You know what I mean? From getting, um,

you know, exposed or whatever it is. But like, like you said, it was like literally hidden in plain sight. Like Eminem says like the day Diddy admits that he put out the hit that got pop killed. And the like, what's the other Eminem lyric where he's like, he spells rapper without like the other P and then he says like P Diddy and like all this stuff and like,

It's a little nuts. I mean, it's all been in, like, fucking plain sight. And to deny a $50 million bail. Like, he put it up. He said, here's my $48 million house. Here's my $2 million house. I didn't know they could do that. Yeah, because if they think you're going to tamper with evidence or you're just a societal harm. Well, then I feel like shouldn't they have just not set bail? I guess. You know, I just recently understood bail. Like, you know that when you get that money back after...

you're like after you go to court if you're not after it goes to trial or whatever or if you're guilty

Here we go again. Listen. I don't know. Yeah. You know what? Forget. One Google search away. Open that new tab and educate yourself. Because I always used to think like it was so crazy that people were able to put up like a million dollar bail. But then someone told me that, yeah, like once it goes to court, like you get that back or like once there's a verdict, you get it back. That's interesting. I didn't know. I didn't know that either. And it's honestly probably not true. But back to the baby oil. Now there's all these conspiracy theories because have you ever seen GHB?

Yeah. Have you ever done GHB? Not on purpose. Very fair. I only know about it because of that LA promoter who got in trouble for it. Do you remember that? And it was like a whole thing. There were like text threads like saying like, yeah, we gave them like G or whatever they were calling it. And then the girl died in her sleep. A lot of people. Yeah. Cause you can't mix it with alcohol. And ironically it's the roofie drug. They literally gave it to her, left her at home. And then it was like a promoter that like we used to see out all the time.

And now he's just roaming the streets running free. It is so common and sad. It's crazy how many parties I've gone to or artists I know or people who do it recreationally or people who like choose to do it and like pass it out. It's like roofling essentially, right? It is roofling. Yeah. But it's like an oil essentially, right? So you can just like drip, drip. So people are saying, was it...

Was he raiding the diaper aisle or were those filled with GHB? I mean, I guess that's an easy check for the government anyway. Like, yeah, I guess that's true. I don't know.

I'm done. I really am just like... Yeah, maybe we get to a more hootie topic than peedity. I guess it's just, it is fucking nuts. Like, it's horrible, and I hope that he honestly goes away forever. I hope to God that nobody kills him in prison, because I feel like that is a bummer. I want him to suffer for his whole life. Yeah, there's just so many victims, and watching all the victims come forward, it's just like so fucking sad, and it's crazy. And I hope, I really do hope that this...

Maybe sets a precedent for a change in the power dynamic in Hollywood. I agree. Do you think he got super terrified when that R. Kelly shit dropped? No. And that's the sad thing. I think he was probably so still tripped up on power that he was like, you know what I mean? I don't know. Ew. I was going to segue into a lighter note of the news and talk about that. Was it an eight-year-old girl who drove how many miles? What have I ever written down? I don't know. I think it was like...

A long way. An eight-year-old girl drove 30 minutes to a Target from her house. She stole her parents' car and drove 30 minutes to Target to just get a Frappuccino, and then she spent $400, and they found her. Right? That is so insane. I think it's so cool.

Until like someone gets killed on the road and there was an eight year old behind the wheel and not to make it so dark. No, immediate retraction, immediate apology. It is funny. The thing is, is obviously. Who taught her to drive though? Because like, that's not a thing. You can't just like get in the car and like guess. If you put me in a car one minute from my house and said, drive back to your house. I could not do it. Obviously I don't drive, but obviously neither does she.

I'm so directionally challenged. I can't believe she made it to a target 30 minutes away by memory. Maybe she does. Amari! Amari, can you believe? I didn't even know you were in New York. That's how crazy. Is that not insane? Hi, my little chickadee. My little brat summer chickadee.

It's going good. We're talking about the eight-year-old who drove 30 minutes away from her house. She stole her parents' car and drove to a Target. Dude. And okay, so then again, then she spends, then she spends 400 bucks. I would pay $400

400 bucks for a TikTok haul. Give it to us, girl. So she had intent. You know what I mean? That means she really had a vision. It was premeditated because she brought the card. She took the car. She's eight. I'm trying to think of what I was doing at eight. What frappuccino, diva? What frappuccino? And just imagine if it was double chocolate chip.

Imagine you're just like shopping and you see an eight year old just all by herself, Frappuccino, like cart in hand. What do eight year olds even like? Like, I guess makeup and skincare. Well, now they like like fucking drunk elephant. Like I liked like limited to, but like slime and shit. So I'm trying to think about what Kiki likes. No, they're like fucking.

Kiki doesn't like slime. Kiki likes slime. Kiki's my goddaughter, you guys. I'm so wholesome. You think Kiki likes slime? Kiki likes slime. Kiki likes Olivia Rodrigo. I don't know. I'm thinking about my niece, but she's 12. And even if she took the car, everyone would be dead meat. But now Kiki likes Apple Pay. Oh, great. She's definitely growing up. I miss the Christmases and days when it was like... Wait, you want to hear something funny? Tell me. I'm talking to this guy, and...

I made him make a TikTok account because he doesn't have a TikTok account, but I wanted to send him TikToks. Okay? Did you just say you're talking to this guy? Y'all...

My bitch is booed up. Okay. I'm booed up. And I'm... And it happened so... It didn't happen so fast, actually. It happened at like a normal amount of time. And I'm really happy. I think he's a great guy. So I'm fucking stoked. He is the nicest guy I've probably ever talked to. And I'm obsessed with him. But he doesn't have a TikTok, okay? And that wasn't going to fly with me because there's so many times in a day. Like, I don't want to text someone a million TikToks in a day. That's what I do to my girl. He doesn't have a TikTok?

See, that to me is embarrassing. So I'm like, please make a TikTok account. And he made one and it's like, his name is like Jake4565. It's like a random username. Okay. Like no trace of him whatsoever. The other day he gets a follower and he's like, how the fuck did I get a follower? And it's my 12 year old niece. And I go, do you think it just showed up like Brooke Schofield follows or like, maybe doesn't it like recommend followers?

people okay my following is also hidden on tiktok like you can't go to my following and it's not like people you may know because it's not like she has his phone number so it's like how did she find he has zero videos no photo his name is like nothing but numbers and she's better than the sleuths she is but i'm like what are the odds of that that is really crazy i'm like cassidy how did you find him she's so funny wait that that is so funny i but i swear these this generation of kids is like tech

technologically smarter than we are. Like it's... Oh my God, I met this little girl the other night. I think I told you about her, but she was like, she was with the family that was sitting next to me at that restaurant. This is from our scrapped episode, guys. She...

I am not exaggerating. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Me and BB were like staring at her and like, it was like creepy. We were like, holy shit. Cause her eyelashes were like black and so long and she had like yellow, like actually yellow eyes. It was like the most unique girl I've ever seen.

And so finally, after staring at her forever, I like turned her family and I was like, she is literally the most beautiful girl ever. And they're like, thank you, blah, blah, blah. And then please, please tell what the part of this story that made me sob uncontrollably. No, it was so cute. So we're like on the side of the street because we're in New York. So like obviously people are passing by and stuff and like a lot of people were coming up to me.

like saying hi whatever and at a certain point she turns to me and she's like hi like I'm blind so she like grabbed my hand she's like I'm blind the mom the mom okay the mom and she was like I just want you to know like that says so much about your character that people are willing to come up to you and like you know like you have such a special energy for people to feel so comfortable yada yada and she like literally made me cry but then as soon as we stopped talking I thought to myself like oh my god like

She doesn't even know how she doesn't know what her daughter even looks like. And that is the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen in my entire life. It made me so sad. I don't know why. I know why. And it's like, you know, she probably hears it all day long. Like, cause it's like, there's no way these people, people aren't stopping this girl on the street. She like doesn't even look human.

And like, she probably just has to guess. But they were such a sweet family and they kept talking to us and like told us so many things. How did you not ask her like if this is like an OG blindness or like a... Well, what do you mean? I'm like, how recently? Like, I can't, you can't say that. No, but also she was... There's a politically correct way to ask people.

No, there's not. No. There wasn't. But like, is she... I mean, she was looking right at me and she took my hand and like... And you could see that she was blind because like you could tell. But she also like was beautiful. Her makeup was done. She had like a perfect wing. I'm like, how'd you do that? But...

She was like, I can't see you, but like, I can tell you have such a good energy. Like she was so sweet, but it just made me so sad to think that like she literally cannot see her daughter. I always like, I really always wonder and think that with blind people, like, you know what I mean? Like, did they become blind? So then they can have like visions in their imagination of what things look like or being born blind is crazy. Cause it's like truly nothing. I think I would,

Truly. Well, I don't know. Would you rather be born blind or become blind? Become blind. Yeah, but then it's like, do you mourn what you used to see? For sure. But like having ever seen it. That's like a privilege, I guess. I just think, I don't know. I might not want to know what's going on out there. That says everything about you and I, though. Well, I would just be so sad. Well, I guess you can imagine, though. At least they could be like, oh, this is a theater. And so I could be like...

I would know what that looks like. Yeah, or like, this is a brunette. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Someone said being born blind is like seeing out of your elbow. Paige said that the other day. We'll have to fact check that one. Do you know when it happened to me the other day? What? I was at Kith in New York and I ran into a girl and she was like, oh my God, it's so nice to meet you. And she was like, I wish I had tickets to the show tonight, but like I couldn't get them or something. So I was like, oh, like, do you want to come? Like, I'll put you on the list. She's like, oh, for sure. Like I put her on the list with her friend.

Whatever. And I sent it. I sent it to whoever needed to see it. I said, like, can you get them tickets for tonight's show? Right. Tell me why I come off stage and they are sitting side stage. Like these two girls are sitting side stage. Like someone gave them all access. All access, like complete...

Were they in our green room before the show? No, but they, well, were they in our green room after the show? No, because I ran into them on the way to our green room, but I literally saw them and I was like,

You know I don't give a fuck, right? I'm down. Two girls, bring them to the green room. Who gives a fuck? But I'm thinking about all of the other characters and people who were there. Obviously, other people are more secretive with their online presences and the things that they choose to share. We share everything. Some people don't share getting hammered. No, they didn't come up with us because obviously we had to get in the elevators and stuff. So I just left them side stage. But I went around and I was like, who gave them all...

all access passes. That's iconic though. Like they'll tell that story for the rest of their lives. I know and bless her, their heart. Like it's not like she wasn't like a weirdo. imagine that happened to us for like, yeah, like you accidentally got all access, but like, like that's, that's, it is so, it is hilarious. That just would happen to us. Apparently someone snuck in. Nevermind. Let me just actually not give anyone any ideas. I made a tick talk the other night.

It's funny because we talk about this a lot. Like, when you go into touring, you learn a lot. Like, it's not like someone gives you a handbook. You learn from all the other people. Like, obviously, our tour manager, our merch girls, like, our security, like, everyone else who's here with us kind of does this for a living, right? Like, our tour manager after this is going to join Sabrina Carpenter. Like, he just hops from tour to tour, like, and he has for, like, 15 years. So, obviously, you just kind of learn all the lore from people. So...

But after a while of touring, you forget that this type of shit isn't just like that. You haven't always known it, I guess, that it isn't common knowledge. And I made a TikTok the other night. All of this is a champagne problem, by the way. I if you told me with the dirty door that I was ever touring, a bitch would pass out and need fucking CPR. OK, like I'm just saying I'm just discussing my current environment. OK, I made a fucking typical Tana TikTok where I was talking about how hard it is every night to

to get out of the bed and then while the bus is moving be like subway surfer and like go all the way to the bathroom and then in the middle of your sleep you have to obviously remember you cannot flush your pissy wads of toilet paper or you will clog the toilet. Again, I'm still...

still working through these Tana clogged the toilet allegations. It was never me, but I digress. Um, and I make this tick talk and then people started asking me all these other questions. They were like, what if you have to shit? And I realized that hot bagging is one of the many things that I learned about in the touring world. I just learned about something else that you were actually asleep for that I'm going to tell you about. Um, after this, but, um,

Hot bagging is... Okay, so obviously, you can't shit in the toilet. There is like a colander, strainer, think like you are rinsing iceberg lettuce in the sink, but like mini in the toilet. Okay? Like it is just...

for your pee pee. And so if you have to shit, you have two options. Okay. One of which is you walk up to the bus driver. Okay. Who's driving the bus and you tell him, Hey sir, I have to poo poo. Can we take a stop? And then that's up to you, I guess if you wanted to side of the road it, but if you're on a highway, obviously you can't side of the road it. Like if you're in the middle of the forest, you could theoretically find a good bush or you

go to a gas station in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night often a lot of crackies in these random places also just you don't now we know our bus driver so well but that is because we've spent the entire year with him and we have just now gotten to know him in like as more than just our bus driver in the past couple months and

For a long time, it is just a stranger. And like you have to go up there. We had a different bus driver. I had to do this once and I had to go up there to this man that I have never met and be like, I'm shitting water. No. Right? And so then all of that being said, if you cannot make it to the bathroom, you have to do something in the touring world that is called hot bagging, where you put a bag into the toilet, you shit in the bag, and then you carry your hot,

bag away like a school lunch. And why do you put it though? Bagging like why couldn't it be like why did that have to end up being the coin? But where do you put it because it's like then is it that's that's just like until you can get to the nearest restaurant? Probably. Or it's like you put it in your bunk and you probably like I could see like a boy band maybe throwing it in the trash can. I've heard some stories like that but I think

our, our girly pop tour would probably stop and throw it away. The bus. Yeah. Do you know that one time I had to tell Richard to pull over because I was going to throw up. Okay. It's going to throw up. And we were in the middle of the desert. Okay. Like literally not anything within a hundred miles. And so I get out, I throw up and I get sprayed by a skunk.

sprayed by a skunk I tell you dude the next day after this I was so scared to even look you in the eyes and I get it if that shit happened to me I would be livid for 48 as well he didn't like really get me thank god like but it was petrifying like have you ever been sprayed by a skunk I've never seen a skunk what oh it's such like we see so many skunks in Arizona it's like a thing you'd think you'd see them in Vegas then I don't know I don't know there's some things like do you guys have sorrows what's that

Probably not. Like the pizza place. Oh,

close. Saguaro's are like the traditional cactus. Like if you see a photo of a cactus, it's like, you know, one, and then it has like the arms. It's like, but those literally almost exclusively grow in Arizona. So like that's our cactus and they're everywhere. And a Saguaro takes like literally a hundred years to grow this much. Oh wow. So not like the, not quite right. But like Saguaro's that are like super tall, they can be like 30 feet tall. They're like,

500 years old. And so it's a federal crime to tamper with or remove or move a Saguaro cactus. I know about like that kind of stuff. Yeah, but I don't know why I'm talking about that actually. Well, I've never seen a skunk, but I keep having nightmares with skunks in them. I had this dream the other night where I was with Megan Fox and there were hella skunks.

Really? But I've never seen a skunk. Oh, I had a bad nightmare the other night too. My dreams are just, I can't even get into them. Circling back to hot bagging. Oh, right. Sorry. Do you know a new term that I just found out about the other night in the touring world? Oh no. Waffle stomping. Okay. But that I've done before. Have you never done that in the shower? You've shit in the shower and then stomped it down the drain. No.

but I have thrown up in the shower and stomped it down the drain. That's fine. But like deliberately going into the tour bus. That's fair. Waffle stomping but I knew exactly like I heard the term waffle stomping and in my head I just knew exactly what that meant. That's what Makoa said to me but then I was saying it to other people and they were like obviously what the fuck are you talking about but Makoa knew for some reason. Actually I did shit in the shower once like

actually accidentally. It was like... Like water? It was like one of those times I had like such bad food poisoning and I like wasn't even okay. So I just had to like lay on the shower floor and then I was like, oh, I can't.

I don't know why I'm sharing this. Dude, I like do the most disgusting shit ever. So like I have no room to judge. I just, something about, especially just the fact that my tour manager knew about this because that means someone somewhere has deliberately walked into a tour bus shower and then waffle stomped their solid shit. I can't. Really rubbed me the wrong way. I can't wait till we can afford a bus with a shitting bathroom. A fucking shitting toilet. We might not ever be able to because the other day,

First of all, I saw this TikTok, BunnyXO, Bunnyroll, Jellyroll's wife. They're on tour right now. So they were on the bus, right? And she's having everyone do enemas for fun on the bus. Bunny, I love you so much. I seriously might buy your house. But...

Funny. In a health and wellness way, okay? Not in like a sick and twisted way. But pardon my French when I say this because I'm not the most healthy or well. In what sick and twisted world are we all in the front of the bus shoving a saline enema up our ass? Obviously, do you know anything about enemas, Laura? I've never enemaed. It's essentially like it's

Like saline, liquid, that you like go upside down kind of and fill your bung with. Bung? I'm sorry. I love bung. And then it makes everything else come out immediately. You have like two minutes after enema-ing to like... Wait, I want to try it. But then, so in the TikTok, they were all doing it on the tour bus, then taking trash bags. On TikTok? Where are the community guidelines? Well, it wasn't... Their clothes were on. Like they were just talking about it. But then...

taking trash bags and then like willingly hot bagging whatever they enema on the bus and then I was like damn if jelly rolls crew doesn't have a shitter bus we may never yeah we may never and also the only person I know who who has ever like confirmed with me that they had a shitting bus was Brianna chicken fry and Zach Bryan but maybe they're just doing it and they're not supposed to know Zach Bryan bought his bus and

He owns a bus. But still, I'm, but I'm still just saying like they make buses you can shit on. Yeah. We're sure. Well, yeah, there's a, I mean, that's the whole, there, the bathroom is intended to be functional the same way our shower is supposed to work and not have a vacuum cleaner in it. It's so funny. You know what I was laughing about the other day with Paige? What? Like that. Okay. Obviously, yeah, our buses shower doesn't work. Actually, if you press the shower light, it opens the gate to the, the gate's crazy, but it opens the shower.

And then fills the whole bus with the smell of sewage. We've actually made that mistake before. Yeah, shower light gate. Where we press the shower light button and then the entire... I'll actually insert a video of all of us right after that happened. We had to ride to the next city with our heads out the window like golden retrievers. But... So we got this bus a while back, right? And...

I was just like, give me a bus. Like I was just like, whatever bus works, right? We get this bus. And then eventually like I call my managers and I'm like, Hey, maybe next run. Like we would love like a one with a working shower, right? Or a working shitter. Like a shitter. Yeah. They're like, okay, we're going to, we're going to put in work. We're going to make that happen. Right. And we come back.

on this run of tour and we walk in and it is the same exact bus. I do not mean make and model. Not even like make and model. It's literally like same artwork. Decor on the walls. Like it's the same exact bus. So then that led me and Paige to having a whole conversation that that means like that was the last bus

available. Like, someone walked into that lot, every single bus was gone, and they were like, well, we'll take the one with the vacuum in the shower. Because tour buses, there aren't, like, thousands. I mean, it is, like, a nice tour bus, though. I'm sure that there's, like, I see some people's tour buses, and I'm like, whoa. Really? I don't know if I could sleep on that. No, I, do you know what, like, upsets me is when I'm laying back in the bus, and, like, I'm like,

our bus doesn't have Wi-Fi and then like we have cable TV but with no sound so like I watch Gordon Ramsay yelling and then I just fill in the blanks like I have to hear it in my head and I read the subtitles. Yeah, that's good. And that's only when the cable wants to work like whatever and then I'll watch like on my For You page I'll get like Tate McRae or like Madison Beer's tour bus and they're like... Madison Beer's tour bus has like... Have you seen Tate McRae's? Has like star lights. Well, Tate McRae is doing arenas, sister. No, I'm not and I'm not... I know I'm like...

We are nobody's tape, McCray. I'm just saying, like, I just, I don't ever want to see their bus. No, like, Madison Beer did a tour bus tour on her TikTok. And it was like... But it makes sense as well, though. Like, she's such a pixie magic cutie. But we could also, we could get some mood lighting. We could get some, like...

strip lights. Yeah, but like the vacuum's not leaving the shower, you know? Never. Yeah. But I think that says what it needs to say about us, you know? I like it. I think I'm having fun. Another thing about tour that I think would be funny to talk about. What is it? And obviously I'm taken and now I think so are you. But, um,

So this does not apply to us. But watching the sexual tensions of tour is really funny. Obviously, when you're trapped on a bus... I don't mean to throw Paige and J-Rod under the bus. No pun intended. But I feel like if they only saw each other in Los Angeles at parties with people...

And they deny this dynamic left, right, up, down and diagonal. Okay. But the tension between the, I think that they're going to get married. I think they're literally going to get married. And I think there's such a good match. Like I just, I wonder in like another world, like if you were like single, like would you be fucking like the TM or like he is hot, but I think he's taken. Yeah.

Like, just that everyone's watching everyone around you's, like, sexual standards become a little different than they would be at home is very fun as well. I don't know. I really was just throwing Paige and J-Rod under the bus. It's kind of like school, though. Like, you know how, like, at school, like, your teachers are hot because you're at school? Or, like, different analogy, please. No. Like, at the, like, a person next to you on a plane. Like, summer camp. Yeah. Like, somebody next to you at summer camp, like, who you might not think is hot at, like,

at home is hotter because he's like one of very few to choose from. I used to be so fucking in love, obsessed with this guy that I was a church leader with. And...

he was a church leader and as well. And I used to always be like, damn, like if I just saw you at school, yeah. Like it was like the fact that we were like leading God together, but he didn't want my ass. It's so funny that we both fell into that. You know that I was like, like so I never, ever, ever missed an FCA meeting or like fellowship of Christian athletes. Yeah.

ever. Okay. I would orchestrate them. I was literally the first one there, the last one to leave always. You want to know why? Because the love of my life was in FCA and he wanted nothing to do with me. Okay. But I would follow him anywhere. I was in love with him from eighth grade all the way to my senior year of high school. I get it though. Like no, I should seventh grade. I also think that like church for me, all the churches that I went to as like a teen and a young adult, it was like

Obviously, yes. Like the God shit Slade. I love me a Hill song. The God shit Slade. I love me a Hill song moment. You know what I mean? Or like a... Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Come on. Okay. But also like the sense of community and like people who love you. I think when you come from like a...

not so loving home and then you have like a pastor who's like a father figure and like loves you it's just fun like Young Life Wildlife like ugh so fun I was a Young Life leader I did Young Life Man's Camp I did work crew at Young Life Man's Camp okay it was only grown men and I was on work crew it was obviously so fun but what I was going what I was getting to with this man who I've literally like stalked from 7th grade on he is coming to our Arizona show with his wife

I haven't seen him in 12 years. I can't decide. That's crazy. You're crazy. I can't decide if I want to approach because Brooke and I are so fucking lucky that two of our last shows are in our hometowns in Phoenix and Vegas. Back to back too. It's going to be interesting. They are also almost sold out and it's very like...

touching to me. I don't know. It's a different feeling, you know what I mean? To go back to a city that you once felt like you would never amount to anything in and then do a show for the people who created this life for you in that city. It's just so beautiful. Obviously, playing your hometown in any regard is the craziest blessing. I literally have goosebumps thinking about it. I can't even believe I will probably uncontrollably scream sob on that stage because I've only ever done one other Vegas show. Well, actually, it was a good one. It was at Planet Hollywood. But

Anyways, I know that you are the type of bitch to invite anyone who ever bullied you, anyone who ever doubted you, anyone who ever cheated on you, anyone who ever broke up with anyone who's ever done you wrong. So you can be like, watch me do this shit. Right? I did that one time. This one, I'm focusing on people who I actually care about.

We did one Phoenix show before. You're going to invite a couple like stuck up that like you wouldn't have kicked it with back in the day, right? I have a lot of people who reach out to me now and I'm sure you have this too who like literally didn't give a fuck about me before and now all of a sudden they're like, I have to come to the show. I'm like, whatever. Like you can come. But like I...

I really just, I'm more so like friends who I actually care about and like friends who have supported me. And also like my family's coming, my cousins are coming, my dad is coming, my brother's coming. I can't decide how I want to approach my Vegas guest list because I have such different groups of friends and people out there. Well, my dad's like, I need a plus seven. I'm like,

You can't have that. Even just like the other day, when I was home in Vegas last, me and McCall went to visit Debra and Iraj, right? And Amari was out of town. So it was like I was getting the full star only child treatment and I was just eating it up, right? And we're just sitting talking shit with them. And Iraj turns to me and he's like...

And our family group chat is named this, by the way, because it's this, him asking this has gone so out of bounds. And obviously like that's our father, right? So him be asking this, let alone, and just his demeanor, who he is, like, he's so funny about it. He asked us, what is, like, why do y'all keep saying? So that's the family group chat is named. What is right? And,

He he's just so perplexed by it because he's like when I grew up, that was a horrible word that you could never say. And now you guys are calling like the dinner I just cooked for you. You're calling my smoked ribs. Like, yeah, that is crazy. I remember my mom used to say it when I was like a kid. And yeah. And like, yeah, my parents would say like negatively. Obviously, it's changed so much. And so then we're trying to explain it to Iraj. I have a Mario on FaceTime for backup. And he's saying that would be like Iraj is on this whole tangent about how that would be like him saying like, that's so dicky.

Like that's so like calling things out. Right. And I was just, now I'm imagining him side stage at a show, listening to me talk about anal, like he's going to have a stroke. Like, I don't know if I want to like subject them to. The key is to have somebody side stage. Cause if they're side stage, they can barely hear what's going on.

Because it projects outward. I know, but they're so the type. I'm inviting people that I don't necessarily want to see the show and they are not getting seats. Even the other night in New York City, dude, like both nights. Okay, there was a specific set of two people each night. Okay, night one, it was JP Saxe. He is my favorite singer ever.

Ever. I love him so much and I feel so lucky that we get to call him a dear friend. He was singing his hits in our green room after the show. We filmed it for the documentary, but I was sobbing, right? But the entire show I'm on stage and JP Saxe is singing these beautiful songs. You know, if the world was ending, you'd come over, right? Right.

And I'm on stage talking about shitting myself and anal and how I'm, what celebrities have me blocked and why and yada yada. Yeah, but he gets down like that. But I couldn't get it out of my head the whole show. I, like I was, it didn't even, it obviously felt like I was performing to everyone in front of me, but in the back of my head, I'm just like, JP Sachs, JP Sachs. Night two, Hunter. Granted, Hunter once,

sat with these microphones. He has seen it all with me. Here's the issue though. Hunter, well, I don't even, God, let me just leave his personal life out of it. He's dating someone who I love and she's so amazing and wholesome and

Just awesome. Fucking awesome. I want them to get married. And pure is the most important part. Just like a pure, sweet, kind-hearted angel. And I love her. And obviously like off-camera hanging out with her, I loved it. But the whole show, all I could think about was his sweet, sweet angel.

angel listening to me saying these things like it does fuck with my head a little so in Vegas I don't know how much I want to invite like the pastors and the teachers and my father and my high school science teacher bless his heart I'm literally he was my favorite teacher ever and honestly he was like the cool teacher he was so like he let me do whatever I wanted he was amazing but like he wants to come and I'm like

I don't know if you know the nature of the show. I invited his nieces. And I try to give like the preface hard to those people. Like even Hunter's girl, like an hour before the show, I was like, listen, this is the content of what I'm talking about. A lot of it is not sexual this time around. It's a little bit more just like embarrassing. That's true. That's true. That's true.

It isn't that sexual. But, like, I don't know if that makes it better. Like, I talk about some extreme... It's embarrassing, but whatever. You know what? These stories, I will say, on this run of tour are the most embarrassing. Like, if...

two of my stories specifically, like, I just, I can't. Whatever. Y'all don't want to hear about, obviously, what we're not talking about on the show, but, oh my god. One thing that happened at one of our shows, though, obviously we're talking a lot about how we feel on stage, but I do want to shine a light on y'all for a second, okay? And I don't want to spill this segment too much, right? But,

Obviously, we love coming up on stage and telling our stories, but I never want it to feel like I'm just yelling at a crowd or essentially like they're watching what could be a video. I want it to be as interactive as possible so that...

it's worth the money. Yeah. And obviously all the stories again are ones that we would never tell anywhere else. So, you know, but still I want to talk to everyone. Um, and we've had a, a various set of crowd work questions that we asked, but we always kind of fall back on like our favorite ones or like, tell us about the worst thing you did after a breakup. What's the hardest you've ever gotten revenge on a guy or a girl? Like what's cause the people coming to our shows are fucking nuts like us in that regard. So, um,

We've been doing that a lot. And then at the end of the show, we have an advice segment as well. First, just to touch on the revenge, asking people about that.

I have heard stories that make me from you guys in the crowd talking to us on stage and the balls of being willing to stand up spotlight on you in a room of like 2000 people and tell these stories. It's so amazing. And you know, what's crazy about it, but not to cut you off. No one's ever shy when they get the mic. That's like so crazy. I would be petrified. And every single time everyone's like,

So this is what I did. And it's so iconic. It's amazing. It attests that our audience energy is very similar to ours. But we had a girl in Massachusetts stand up for the revenge segment. And she told this entire sold out theater about how her ex-boyfriend cheated on her and her and her best friend shit in a bunch of bags and then like smeared it all over his car. Like insane. Like we had a girl the other night. We don't recommend that by the way. Yeah. None of this is recommended. I'm not...

condoning it. I'm just talking about how crazy it is. We were going the other night, show up to the meet and greet with a letter from her parole officer allowing her saying that she could attend the show because she is a felon. She is a felon for felony vandalism on a car, which was, I think she said she keyed it up and down, put ketchup and mustard. And then she stands up with the mic and she goes on this whole tangent about how first they started on the car with like condiments. Like essentially her boyfriend cheated on her and that's how it got to her.

vandalizing the car but they started with like ketchup and mustard whatever that wouldn't be a felony but then I

She said her friend was the one who did the irreparable damage. Yeah. It was not her. There's been so many crazy ones. But the reason I bring all of this up is because we do a segment as well where before the show, I'm looking at it right now, there's a giant QR code that we put until we come up on stage and we have people submit shit where they're like, hey, you know, I'm and it's obviously it's only the people in the crowd. They're like, hey, I'm going through this right now. Like, give me your advice on this. And we call it the canceled hotline.

hotline right and we have a lot of people like how do I explain this brookie like where they say like I think my boyfriend's cheating on me but he's sitting right next to me right or like they'll say like we had a girl the other night who was like I caught my boyfriend essentially hooking up with his mother I don't know how to say that without that being awful but then like they stand up and they get the mic and we ask them questions and it's fucking nuts right but people are usually very 99% of the time

open and honest in their submission about if they want to remain anonymous or not, or they will put their name and say they are willing to stand up. Right. This girl submits something where she says my best friend of 16 years fucked my man essentially. Right. And she puts her name, whatever. We start reading the whole thing. It's like my best friend of 16 years fucked like this guy that I'm in love with. What do I do? Yada, yada. Right. Right.

And we read it and she stands up and it's just her. And she's in like the very back of like the bottom. So you can't really see everything that's happening. It's just a spotlight on her. And then we have Alison run the mic to her and then J-Rod runs with a camera so that we can use it for like content and shit. Right. And she stands up and we're like, Hey girl, what happened? And she's like,

I've never liked a guy before. Like, what else was she saying? Like, I don't normally get feelings. She was saying... She was saying it's, like, very rare that I have feelings for somebody, but I, like, really, really liked this guy, and my best friend was trying to set us up. So she invited him out with us, blah, blah, blah. We had the best night. And then...

she drove him home and obviously when she drove him home, she had sex with him. And then the next day came to tell her she rode him home. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's always the bitch who's trying to set you up. It's always the Cupid bitch. Yeah. No, that is such a common theme. It's always like, Oh my God, you'd be so cute with this guy. And then they trip and fall on. I hate that. But Tana's like, Tana's on a tangent. She's like, Oh,

okay, what is she? Some fucking Uber driver slut? Like, just going off. And mind you as well, like, it's not even just us. It's like when someone stands up and says something like that, like when that girl stood up and said like, my best friend,

fucked this guy and here's what happened the whole audience starts booing as well because it's like it's it our show i feel like a big theme of the girls and the gays and the days at our show it's very girlhood like a lot of girls stand up and they're like how do i leave my situation ship and it's like the whole crowd and us giving her advice and yelling and like yada yada so everyone's like booing and shit right and i'm calling this bitch an uber driver slut like yada yada i it's i can't even think about it right now without my face getting hot

This girl lets me go on this whole fucking tangent, including Brooke as well, including the whole crowd as well. We are all telling her like, fuck that bitch essentially. And she goes at the end of all of it, she goes, but not too much. She's sitting right next to me.

She's sitting right next to me. I shit you not. I was sitting in my little chair facing out. I got up and just laid down, laid down like a plank, face down on the ground. What do you mean she is sitting right now? And Allison has it on video. The girl's just sitting there like this.

Allison said that in her entire life, she's like never felt that. Like she didn't know what to do. Like she wanted to throw up because Allison's sitting there like filming, right? It's not like the other girl was like laughing and they were like hooting. I've never seen this at any of our shows in my entire life. Imagine every single seat in here was filled with a girl doing this. The way I would have laid. Oh my gosh. I almost want to insert the footage. Like every single crowd member. We should insert the footage. Every single crowd member was going like this. Hand over their mouth. The room, like everything.

I've never seen an uproar like that. Like everyone was like, and we were just going in like, bitch, why wouldn't you fucking tell us that beforehand? Like, Oh, like, cause everyone else does. They'll be like, they're sitting next to me or they'll tell us in the submission or like both people will stand up or whatever. Like she made it seem as though she was there alone and we obviously couldn't see like everyone stands up and I, we couldn't see. And like,

I would do anything for a GoPro on that car ride home. Oh my God. There's no way they got in the same car ride home. They had to a fist fight. Oh my God. It was just so, so fucking bad. I just can't imagine. And like, if like you keep saying this, but it's like, imagine like you were that girl's idol. And now like, she's like, my idol called me an Uber driver, fucking celeb. And listen, I did everything.

everything in my power to backtrack and be like girl listen someone would say that about me if this happened like you know what I mean like I thought you weren't here like I hope you guys work it out on the remix like we've been through some gates like we'll fucking like you can slay you know and there was just no backtracking like it was just and then it had me thinking as well because obviously had I known she was there I would have approached the situation very differently but

I just wonder now, like, was it a setup? Like, did that girl, like, did they buy the tickets two months ago? No, but she had no way of knowing that we were going to do this and get chosen. Well, they know that we do crowd work, right? They know that. Yeah, but still, you're right. But, like, to get chosen is, like, very rare. But then even was she sitting there in her seat, at least, saw this QR code and was like, seems like a setup. Like...

Because I there is a part of me that thinks, especially when I was like 19, right? Like even like when I was 18, if like my best friend did some shit like that and then we had tickets to a show and I'm still a little mad about it. We haven't fully worked it out, but like we're OK, right?

Like my petty, drunk, psychotic 18-year-old ass would see something like that and be like, oh, bitch. Like I would put my like Mr. Karma hat on. Now I firmly believe that karma just works in its own way. On its own. When I was younger, like I don't know. And I just, I want, I honestly really hope that girl DMs me and I'll give you guys an update if I have any additional lore. But yeah.

Yeah, now we're checking the seats next to the people and we're asking a lot more questions. We're like, are you together? It was fucking nuts. I'm crashing the fuck out, by the way. That's my term of the week. Me too. I'm leaping. Crashing out in life. I just... I don't know how people do actual long distance. I really, really don't. Makoa's in Bali and I've been on tour and we've been apart for 14 days now and...

It's not the vibe. Every single thing I do or say or think makes me think of him. It's also the time difference. It's exactly opposite of where we are. So like right now, if it's 4.33 p.m. here, it's 4.33 a.m. there. Yeah, that's really frustrating. And with my sleeping schedule and his like waking up at 7 to surf schedule, like there's not much crossover. And oh my God, I just like watch his location like a TV show. I just like sit in like I can't.

Yeah. So it's a seven day countdown until he gets here. And then I think my mood will change drastically. I didn't realize how much having him on the last tour. Cause he's just like my piece, you know? I know you're so lucky you got to do that. But it's, if I were just like single, it wouldn't be that it's specifically missing him. You know what I mean? Like I just, he did. Do you want to know the cutest thing he's been doing though? I think I already showed you, but before he left my house, he took one of my Peppa stuffed animals and

And he's just been sending me these photos and videos of Peppa Pig going everywhere with him in Bali. Look at this one. I'm going to insert this one. Look at this one. That is actually so fucking cute. It's so... There's a video too. I'm trying to think where she... I find it where she's in the car, but whatever. He's just been taking Peppa everywhere and then sending me photos, which is... I don't know why...

This is so random, but I don't know why that made me think of this. In fraternities, part of the hazing is every pledge will get assigned a different task. And someone will be like,

like chicken pledge. And like that pledge has to go to every single guy's room in the morning and be like a rooster and like, like cockle doodle do to wake everyone up. Okay. That's his, that's his thing that he has to do. Yeah. And they all have like different ones. Like one of them is plank pledge. And like if he gets a text in the middle of the day, like you need a plank on them all. He has to go plank on them all. And one of the guys was a flat Stanley pledge.

And so he had to literally, he never was allowed to take the flat Stanley out of his hand in any of his classes, anywhere he went, he had flat Stanley in his hand. He never was allowed to put it down. And if he got caught putting it down, he would face serious repercussions. Why did that make you think about it? Because I was thinking about how flat Stanley had to go everywhere. Yeah. Oh my God. That's actually kind of fun.

I am flat Stanley right now. If I don't get to 7Q Spa in Glendale and have them shove some Sculptra in my ass cheeks, I don't know what's going to happen. If you saw, honestly, I'm going to insert an image that I had taken of my butt the other day. It is so concerning.

It's literally, I'm not even kidding, there is no divide from my shoulder blade to the back of my kneecap. It is a straight, perfect line. There is not so much as a curve. I feel that and I understand that completely. I genetically was born with no ass as well. Mine's concave. No, I'm talking like Hank Hill. That's how I was born. Really? Like straight, like fucking, it wasn't until I got Sculptra that I like...

I need that. Yeah. And it's crazy that I, like I was watching a video meeting a sculptor the other day and they fucking based you like a Turkey. It's not like it's huge. But how long does it take to work? Cause like right now I'm like, I'm not even kidding. I'm like toppling over with these big old,

It takes like six weeks to work. And obviously I'm never pushing anyone to get anything. But it made me so much more confident. Obviously because I had no ass before. I'm going to go to one of those people who does it in the basement. That's silicone. And then you have to cover it with duct tape and it'll leak out. Like Catch LA. Like all the baddies. You know what I was...

I saw the other day that really interests me. Jaclyn Hill made this TikTok. And I love Jaclyn Hill, by the way. I just want to say, Jaclyn, I'm your biggest fan. I always have been. Her sobriety journey is so inspiring. Yeah, she looks amazing. I'm just so fucking proud of her. And she's really, even just now as I'm delving back into my sobriety, she has been inspiring me so much. I love her. But she was on this TikTok tangent about how she went in to get a BBL. And she's saying that she still wants one. She's going to get one after she has birth. She still wants a BBL. But she was saying...

That the...

And I just thought this was common knowledge, right? And then all the comments were like, people need to talk about this more. Like, this is so shocking that the plastic surgeon's office in Beverly Hills gave her a social media plan. Like they were like, Hey, cause a BBL can be like upwards of $20,000, especially in Beverly Hills. Like, Hey, we'll give you half price. And then here's how step by step, like I'm talking like, like wiki, how guide on how to make it look like you didn't get a BBL. Like, like,

like with examples of all the other girls who have done that, like it's like six weeks before start posting yourself four to six times, like in the gym per week, you don't have to work out, just go in and take photos. Like all, don't show your backside in any content for like six months. Like,

all of this like specific instructions with how to's based and I've seen those in plastic surgery offices and they do use some crazy names as reference like of who's gotten their surgeries there and shit and it's just kind of nuts that's so interesting but it's like I just don't believe in hiding it I'm like people always ask me like what made you talk about your boob job I'm like well what was the other option I was gonna pop out with fucking knockers and everyone was gonna be like

Built like an air pod all of a sudden. Lots of fucking bee pollen. I keep saying Brooke is built like an air pod. And I hope you know that it's the highest compliment. I would do anything to be built like an air pod. No, I say I'm built like an air pod. I am. It's amazing. I'm so jealous. But...

Yeah, I just... I've never understood hiding it. Obviously, you guys know that. Even the other day in an interview that was supposed to be about my career and mental health and awesome things, they were like, do you have any plastic surgeries you've hidden? And I went on this whole tangent and I was like, why are you asking me that? It just pissed me the fuck off. I don't know. But obviously, I never have. And I was like, you can literally Google that. I don't know why this should not be the content of this interview. But anyways, I just think that's nuts. And I'm getting to the point as well where...

I'm ready to drop some semi-glutide lore on the pod. I don't know. I've been kind of making jokes at the live shows, but obviously anything that's like hidden in LA, like we get to see firsthand and know a lot about. And there is so much lore about Ozempic that people like clearly if the plastic surgery, how two guides have still not made it to the internet until last week,

There's so much fucking Ozempic lore. Yeah. Some people talk about it. Like, I know like Remy talks about it a lot. Claudia Oshere talks about it a lot. There's just some shit that, you know, I'll probably get myself into trouble and get sued next year for talking about it, but I'm close. Just know I'm teetering the edge. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Stay tuned. Okay, we're actually getting kicked off of this stage and I can't afford another $6,000 to do so. We love you so much. Fuck, I wanted to talk about the Hawk Tua girl though. I just want to say like Jesus Christ, people are so fucking mean. Like you would do this. I think she's being funny and everyone in her comments is like... But just have you seen the men on TikTok and like what they're doing? It is so mean. It's something that would happen to me so I think that's why I like resonate. But I just want to say Little Miss Hawk Tua, I met you. You're so...

You're so sweet. What's her real name? Fuck. Hayley Welch. You would do it too for a check. Everyone fucking hating. If you were leaving a fucking club drunk and someone shoved a fucking iPhone in your face and asked you a fucking question about hooking up with someone or sucking dick, my ass would say something 10 times more vile. And I know most of you would too. And if that video happened to go so viral that you could potentially monetize that, you're telling me that you wouldn't leave your fucking hometown, that you wouldn't fucking take the opportunities, that you wouldn't make the fucking money? You would not!

People are telling me. And I think everyone else would do it too for a check. And the fact that people can't recognize and at least tip their hats to that. I'm not saying you have to tune in. I'm not saying it's of substance. Obviously, we're not of substance. So we are of substance, but our podcast isn't of substance. I'm done. Just she's 21. She's a little baby girl. Okay. Canceled listeners.

We love you. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the canceled podcast. We love you guys so much. Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming out to the shows. You are so cute and gorgeous. If I don't get the fuck off this stage, seriously, it's going to cost me another six grand. But thank you to the Met again for having us. I've always wanted to go to the Met. It's our favorite venue. Best green rooms ever. They are so cool.

and this week's Patreon episode. I think it's us reviewing some award show fashion that's a little late with Makoa and a high episode. Brooke's gone, but maybe I don't. I hope you enjoy it. There's some tour BTS. Let us know anything you'd want us to do over there. Good night, everybody. Time for the headliners. Crazy bait.