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- Hello. - Hello. Honestly, I need to get something off my chest. - Like flamediately? - No, I mean, if you have, you want to start, you can. - I can't stop with flamazing and flamediately. - I think you need to flestop. I literally need to flestop right now, but I literally flacant. No, you need to get something off your chest. What's up? - Okay, so I have a lot of fears in life. And one of them, like one of my major ones, I think this is like pretty common, is that somebody's watching me back through my screen.

You know what I'm saying? Like, like, like they say that sometimes you can like hack and you. Oh my God. I taped my laptop screen for like years. Yeah. So that's something I'm like very aware of. Okay. Already. So if you're like reading, do you face your phone to the ceiling? A hundred percent. Oh my God. Okay. I get it. Okay. Totally not from personal experience. That's what I was getting at, but I didn't want to say those words like straight up. Um, I get an email the other day with that's my apartment, not my current apartment, but my last apartment.

Can you just read that? Oh my God. Wait, I want to read it to the people. Or should you read it to the people? You don't have to read the whole thing, but like get the gist. What? Brooke, it's so weird. Like when I watch things like this happen to you because it's like. Yeah, like a normal person would be like probably calling the police. No, but also most people would not be like, oh my God, this happened to me. Like this is.

Okay, go read this. - So basically somebody sent me like it's literally a photo outside my apartment. Okay, and I don't live in this- - Your old apartment. - My old apartment, but still, I mean, that was my building. So that's scary. I suggest you read this message very carefully. Take a moment to chill, breathe and analyze it thoroughly 'cause you're about to discuss a deal between you and me and I do not play games.

You don't know anything about me, whereas I know you very well. And right now you're wondering how, right? Well, you've been treading on thin ice with your browsing habits, scrolling through filthy videos and clicking on links, stumbling onto some not so safe sites. I actually placed a spyware software called blah, blah, blah, blah. Basically, they say, oh, what have I done? I've been keeping tabs on your pathetic little life for a long or a while now.

It is simply your misfortune that I saw your bad deeds. I gave in more days than I probably should have looking at your data. Extracted quite a few or quite a bit of juicy information out of your system and I have seen it all. Yep, I've got footage of you doing filthy things in your room. Nice setup, by the way.

Is that not the fucking most eerie thing you've ever seen? What do they mean, nice setup? Like, they're saying, like, they know what my room looks like. Like, nice setup. Are you buying, like, weird viruses on the dark web that I should know about? No, I mean... Are you gonna kill me with a wild staph infection? I just saw a Netflix episode about that. Someone... No, I saw that, too. Okay. Yes. You're doing none of that. Bad roommates or whatever? Yes. Or, like, whatever. Okay. Anyway.

I have, hold on. I then developed videos and screenshots where one on, where on one side of the screen, there's videos you had been playing and on the other part is you doing inappropriate things. Basically, it's saying that they like recorded me masturbating, which I know better than to think you could have done that because I am preventative. I have been fearing this moment for a long time.

I have already thought this one through. Okay. But basically the gist is... No chat roulette. No, nothing weird. No cam girls. No, nothing, nothing. But they did give me an amount that I could send them in Bitcoin. Okay.

um in order to have this wiped both of them for you to even for like for them to assume that you know first of all what am i fucking phase banks what the hell is bitcoin anyway um i didn't send the money obviously so if you guys see any weird stuff circulating it's ai i can't believe you saved this for the podcast i'd be i'd be losing it because it's things like that and people like that but

Exactly what they want to get out of you is you to be paranoid for no reason just about like living your normal life. Yeah. And but I'm like I fall victim every time. Like then I'm like what did I do? But what's scary is that that was like really a photo of my building. Yeah. They're like you were looking at these really weird dresses on Revolve. Like I just can't imagine you doing weird shit on a computer. But people also like. You don't strike me as that person. Yeah. And I don't I'm like already paranoid. Like I don't do anything weird on the computer. So you think it's just like a weird person with like 1% hacking skills

No, it's a thing. I saw another scam that's been going on lately where people do like that. You know how you can make people call each other? That happens to me all the time. They're calling people as the police department saying you have warrants out for your arrest, blah, blah, blah, and getting people to spend money in order to get things wiped, and then it's not a real thing. Basically, there's so many ways to scam people, but...

I'm not getting scammed today because I have better things to spend. Do you think that has something to do with your fame or do you think that this person is doing it? No, I'm sure that that happens to like a bunch of people, but because, because it's like addresses are public information, like are not public information, but like you wouldn't find most of my previous addresses online. That's like a thing. Yeah. You have to start putting them in like a fake name. A fake name. I do now, but didn't then. Yeah. So.

anyway okay cyber bully the movie like no but isn't that kind of scary wild that's so wild and creepy well as long as you're not like doing weird shit on chat roulette you're you don't know that many bitcoin and honestly i could use like well no i'm just gonna say like kim kardashian slayed it with a sex tape i feel like what worst case scenario you see what

Me walking around my house naked. Oh no. Yeah. It's not the end of the world. I didn't get these tits for nothing. See, we don't, we just don't relate in that realm there. I'm just. Oh, I was thinking about it today because like there's a building outside my window that's been out of construction for like six years. And I had one of my boyfriends there this morning and he was like, they can just see right in here. And I'm like, yeah.

I give him a show every day. But sometimes do you ever just have really ugly sex? Like I feel like. No, that's not the kind of show I'm talking about. I'm talking about like me, like making a scrambled egg with my titties out. Okay. Yeah. No, I'm not like. But are you never not just like. Swinging, swinging around in that way. I just feel like sometimes I put my hot girl pants on, but sometimes I'm just doing fucking fugly shit naked or I'm having like every time you and McCall have sex, like afterwards, I'm like.

Sometimes I'll be like, that wasn't like if that was the sex tape, like if that was a hidden camera, like I'd be fucking livid. Like, you know what I mean? Just starfish. Like, yeah, because if it looks good, it's probably not good. Yeah. But also like they don't work at night. And I also only work at night. So wait, who doesn't work? You know what I mean? I'm not like just like getting the rails in the middle of the day. Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm.

Well, I wish I were. I don't like daytime sex, though. Oh, I do. I love it. Do you prefer morning sex? Yes. Overnight sex. See, I just I don't want to see anything in broad daylight. Like I prefer the dark. No, I'm what are you seeing? I don't know. Like I'm not like a guy being like, oh, like while he's coming. Oh, my God. Like in broad daylight. Why do you have to do that? I don't know. It's just who I am. No, but I'm just thinking like, oh, I just opened my eyes.

And behind me. But have you ever had some morning sex where you were like, fuck, I wish it was dark out for this one? I mean, I'm sure. But that's just like when I when I'm in the mood. You're the horniest in the morning. Yeah. See, and I'm not a morning person. This is everything about us. Like in the morning, I'm like, oh, like the idea of going like this. Like, oh, my God, my wrist is tired. Well, I'm not saying like you don't there's not a lot of work that's happening in the morning. You're just laying there.

Well, I'm just laying there. No matter. I don't care what the hour. I'm just laying there. Let that be known. Today, Bibi described her. She was like talking about like, you know, how a normal person would say like dead fish. Yeah. And she was like, you know, I was just there like a sardine. I'm like, sardine. There's just 10 other people. But like, why did it have to be a specific dead fish? That's fair. No, that's kind of funny. You really made me laugh.

I'm sure she would love that I share that information. I don't even want to say this on the podcast. What is it? Well, first of all, I just want to say that today I thought I was doing an interview, which I do quite frequently. Right. Whether it's a podcast, whether it's an interview for a publication, I'm

I dabble in my interviews now and again. And I was told by my management that a magazine wanted to do a profile on me. And I was like, that's perfectly fine. Tell them to come over. And I've been doing what I do for a living now for 12 plus years. And I have never experienced what I experienced today. I told someone my life story.

from birth to now for like five and a half hours for an interview while they were like writing on a little book. - Yeah, why did she have like a quill? Brooke.

And I'm like, do you, are we not past this? Like technologically appreciate the media, right? Like there is obviously in what we do negative and positive sides to the media, you know? And I understand that a journalist and an interviewer is going to be pushing for a little more, or they're going to ask a little more, but I have never felt pushed like this. Oh

Oh my God. Like this person was like begging Makoa in front of like begging Makoa to his face to interview him like for this profile. Yeah. And it's hard when you're on the spot to be like... And like he politely declines. He politely declines again. They're asking me like it like just pushing for like, you know what I mean? Like we said no like 10 times and it's like, don't say you want to do a profile on me and then come to my house and beg to interview Makoa. That's, you know, and just...

begging for a house tour, asking for like the square footage of my house, exactly how much money we make on canceled, exactly how much money I make on tour, exactly my thoughts on. Yeah. It's like, how is that relevant story? Like, like, can I say, can I ask how many bedrooms are in your house trying to get a tour? And I'm like, no, I have stalkers. I never want anyone to know the layout of my house. Could I give a rough estimate of how many bedrooms of,

are in your house. No, I have stalkers. I really don't want to say how many bedrooms are in my house or how many floors it is. Okay. Do you think you could just ballpark me the square footage? Like just so I can kind of, you understand that people kind of want it. No, I'm really sorry. I have a stalker. Like this is what it felt like for like five hours of just being pushed to like how painful it was. And you know me like,

Things like that upset me because I give so much. So it's like, I'm standing on business about certain things and it just felt like a lot of pushing and pulling to create, like leaving the house today, taking photos of the kitchen, photos of everything. And I'm like, this is not what I signed up for. And now I'm,

One of her questions was like, I forget what it was. And she was like, why do you think you're so open to talk about sex online? Like, you know, and now I'm sitting here about to talk about sex online and I'm like, fuck, should I be like, it just has me in my own head. Cause I was like talking about everything, dude. It was crazy. She was asking me about like my childhood and like how abusive it was and like whatever. And I like,

said an anecdote on Trisha's podcast about how one time my dad threw a MacBook brick at my head and she's sitting there being like, can you tell me more about the MacBook brick of your head? And I'm like, no, I'm going to leave that for my, I'm going to leave that for my book. And she's like, okay, but how did it feel when the MacBook brick hit your head? It's like, did you just hear me? Like it was the most insane. She's like, what did it sound like? Like, I know,

I'm not kidding. She was like, did your head go Wong and start charging? Like, it's like, it was the weirdest shit where I was just like saying no to someone for five hours while being like grilled uncomfortably on my life. You get here, she starts grilling you. Like it was just, I know I felt your tension. So I tried to take a load off. Yeah. It just, it was just so weird.

You're so much better than me though. I honestly commend you for standing on business because I could never, I would have given her everything she wanted and then I would have like literally wanted to die after. Well, she was like begging me to cook an egg for the story for an hour. I think that could have stayed. It could have taken

some of that like you know what I mean like I think that they just can't lie so she wanted to set a scene like I walk in bitch if you don't tell them I'm cooking an egg right now that's that's the point like I'm not about to get up and scramble an egg for you like I might as well have symbols and start doing flips she was just hungry no like it was like an hour of her begging me to cook this egg and I was like if that's what you need to make this story then we shouldn't be doing this

Like it was just so strange. Do you think it's like an ad they have like in the middle of the podcast? For like Eggland's best? Yes. Like I don't know. I just, and I talked for five hours straight about my life and I just almost feel so uncomfortable about it. So now I'm like sitting here with everything I'm saying and I'm like. No, you're too. Second guessing. You're in your head about it, but I think it's fine. It is so weird though how invasive they can be. Like I had my first like horrible experience with paparazzi the other night, not for me, but for.

a friend I was with, obviously we've been like paparazzi, but like no one gives a fuck about an influencer. She like, I feel like she was, she's super girl, like in the Marvel or DC. - One of those, you know, I don't know. - I'm not sure, but like, obviously that like, you know, all the superheroes are like the super people, like that's huge to so many people. So we walked out of the Malibu chili cook-off and I've never seen so many flashes in my life. I literally thought I was gonna develop epilepsy, okay?

I can't see anything. I can't see one foot in front of me and they're like chasing her down the street. And she's just so politely, like she's just like, she's the sweetest angel ever. And when someone, like you know how they ask you to sign and then they just sell them, you know what I mean? She was like, no, I'm so sorry. And this guy goes crazy on her. He goes, are you fucking- - Berserk. - So crazy. Like Christian Bale was here last night. He's a real fucking superhero. You're a fucking loser. Like just being so horrible to her.

Oh my God, I almost lost my marbles. It's like people, your marbles. You almost lost your marbles. That's why I don't think it's a marble superhuman. People just give so much and then it's...

even like I just genuinely today, I was like, dude, I'm bearing my soul for you. And this isn't enough. Like, yeah, it's never going to be enough. Also that man, he's like, you're nothing. You're the scum of this earth. I'm like, you just chased her down the street. So like also just the signature sellers are so funny. Like the blue ink, you know, immediately, like if someone hands me a blue Sharpie and a print out of me, I know it's going to be on eBay tomorrow. I just joke with them. I'll sign them and be like, give me 10%. Well, I will say like literally the day before when I was also at the chili cook-off, um,

Somebody had asked me to sign one of those and you taught me not to do that because it's like they just sell them. So I was like, sign one like, like, I usually will. But like, so I was like, but they'll sit there and try to get you to sign 200. And then it's like, where's my cut? Yeah. And so I'm like, no, I'm sorry. Like, I can't. And then here comes the owner of the restaurant that fired me. And all of a sudden I'm signing. You're like signing the guy's forehead. Yeah.

I'm like, you want me to hold your baby? I will. I was like trying to flex on him so hard. It like was not even that serious. But I was like,

I needed him to think, like, highly of me. Did you see the beginning of Adam Sandler's new special where, like, the little kid was asking for his signature, but it was, like, the same thing, like, to sell it, and he, like, went off on the little kid? That's how he, like, starts his new special. I, like, I only, like, watched it, like, on the background. When you sign up at WorkMoney, you could win $50,000. With the average renter paying around $2,100 per month, that means you can have rent covered for a whole year and more. So you can be more...

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I need to tell you all about my Vegas trip. I just got back from Vegas. Okay. And a lot happened in Vegas this past weekend. I think I'm buying a house there. It's a lot's going on. Okay. I love Las Vegas, dude. I swear to God, like I'll run for president over that mayor, mayor. I'll run for mayor over there. You know, the qualifications can't be that high to be like the mayor of Las Vegas, right? No. And I, it might be me one day. I love that place, but

One of the highlights of my Vegas trip this past weekend. Well, first of all, I know that you and I are going on tour and this would be my last time in Vegas for a while. So I put my foot into it. I gave it my all. And I had a night where it was my really good friend's birthday. So I was gambling all day. I went to my friend's birthday at a club. We went to another casino with him after his birthday to like gamble. And then at 8 a.m.,

I went back to where I was staying. And of course, you know me. If it's 8 a.m. and I just had a long night in Vegas, I'm keeping it going. Yeah, really quickly, she texted me at 8 a.m. and she says, I'm up late. But I go, up late? It's not 8 a.m. Okay, I was cooking a scrambled egg. It's just fucked naked. It's for a publication. It's just crazy because even the first night that me and Ty got there,

We landed super late and we didn't like I had a beer or two and we were still somehow I swear to God up until like 7 a.m. gambling. Like just it just it's dark. You don't see the light. They do that for a reason. They don't show the sunlight in a casino so you can stay up and everyone else does, too. So you're like with everyone and you like think it's just way earlier than it is. I don't know. So I stumble in on this other night after my long Vegas big one. I've been out on the town gambling, clubbing for my friend's birthday for like 12 days.

And I have some chips in my pocket and a dream. And so I go to the high limit room, gambling room at the casino that I'm staying at. And I walk in and I see these big ass bodyguards surrounding a person. And I'm like, how big do they really have to be for him? And they were huge. That's the gag. So it really was like, who's this person, you know? And so I peek my little head around.

And it's Kevin Hart playing blackjack in Vegas at 9 a.m. And I'm like, this is my dream scenario, whatever. And as I'm peeking around to look at him, we make eye contact. And I'm like, this is my moment. When else is this going to happen? And I walk up and the giant bodyguards, which is just, they were giant. That's hilarious. Immediately tried to stop me. And then Kevin's like, I'm saying Kevin, like he's my homie now.

Wait, I'm so sorry. I just had an image. You know when your parents, not our parents, but like normal parents, would be like walking down the street and they like swing you in between them? That's what I just pictured Kevin doing in between his like two bodyguards. Yeah, our parents never did that at all. But...

And so I start to walk over and the bodyguards immediately stop. But then he like, okays it. He's like, no, come over. Right. And I go to introduce myself and I'm like, hi, I'm Tana, whatever. And he's like, I know, like he knew. Right. And you know me, like my vision is a little blurry. Okay. It's 9am in Vegas. Be honest.

No, it was actually Kevin Hart. And he ended up giving me, imagine it really was just a random shortcut. Like you would have to, you would have to admit me somewhere. Anyways, he was playing blackjack and then he was sitting next to a girl and then he was like asking her to, or like, I don't know what he was doing, but like motioning to her to like play the hands. So like, instead of sitting there and playing them, he was like turned around talking to me and having her like play the hands. And he just gave me like the best, nicest advice ever.

And it was essentially just like, be authentic, like be yourself, like continue to do that. Like you've been doing it for this long. You understand how like him even kind of being aware of anything of our existence was my, and maybe he was just faking it, but he was faking it really well. And it was super nice. I'm going to the grave saying that Kevin Hart is a huge fan of the canceled podcast. See, that's where I'm at. Um,

So I don't know. And then imagine me like I'm on my high horse. I start I walk over. I start gambling like a motherfucker. Like I have it like that. Like I'm Jeff Bezos. I'm like Kevin Hart's my friend. Like I'm so rich. I'm going to gamble fucking twenty thousand dollars right now. Didn't need to. Ridiculous. After meeting Kevin Hart, I realized this could mean something.

What if I'm like, who says I couldn't have walked in and it wasn't Adam Sandler? Like I I'm not as far away as I might think. Yeah. You're not as removed as you think you are. Like if I'm, we're close, we're actually closer to Adam Sandler than that. And you know that we're close with one of Adam Sandler's lifelong best friends. And here's, it's just like, I feel like in Vegas, I know the type of people, like I know that in the high limit rooms, I'm going to walk in and see like,

I don't know. I guess I was just there and saw like little Dickie. You really can't just see random people. I was going to say like, mainly like athletes and like rappers and like, I can't picture Adam girls. And like, I can never picture Adam Sandler there, but I also, he's at IHOP. I also could never have pictured Kevin Hart. I,

- I could though. - In the Aria high limit room at 9:00 AM. Maybe I'm wrong. - I see Kevin Hart over Adam Sandler. Adam Sandler has no reason to gamble. He's a billionaire. - But Kevin Hart is just as rich. - Kevin Hart is definitely just as rich. - He's not just as rich. Kevin Hart is not just as rich as Adam Sandler. - Are we sure? - No, I'm actually not sure. - I think Kevin Hart and Adam Sandler might be like equal or close to equal in money and success. - I just know Happy Madison Productions, he's a billionaire. - But doesn't Kevin Hart have a production?

I think he actually might. Kevin Hart, I don't know. He's to me like probably the funniest person alive. So the other night I got high and I decided that I... Well, I need to tell you for context really quickly. A couple weeks ago, I had a nightmare that you and me and a bunch of our friends all went out somewhere and like got hammered shit-faced and then...

And it was like somewhere in LA, like an award show almost. And we were like hammered. And in my dream, my nightmare, I met Adam Sandler, but I didn't know. Like I, like in my dream, I woke up the next day hungover and I was asking you guys like, Hey guys, what happened last night? And you all were telling me like, you met Adam Sandler. Here's the photo. But I was like hammered. No.

And I was like, Tina. And I was like, I hate people. I love them. There was like TMZ Hollywood fix videos of me. Like I hate people. I love them being Adam Sandler. This was my nightmare. No, I woke up and cried. Brooke, like I genuinely would like, I didn't even know it was a fear of mine, like meeting Adam Sandler and either a not knowing what to say or being Tina. Right. Yeah. So I've written a script of what I would say to Adam Sandler. Why is it so long?

of what I would say to Adam Sandler if I ever met him. And here's another option as well. I might be too stunned to speak if I ever meet Adam Sandler. So I could just hand him the phone. You're like Siri like this. Yes. But a part of me thinks he might get a restraining order upon my first sentence as well. You are the epicenter of my world. I think. Okay. Can I make notes? Yes. Don't fucking say that.

Words cannot express how in my eyes you truly hung the moon. You've evoked every emotion a human can fathom feeling all inside of my household. You changed the world. You are home for so many and rightfully so. You are America's father, brother, best friend and loving husband. I can never thank you enough for being a safe space. Please do that weird Walt Disney frozen shit because I wouldn't see much purpose in ever living in a world you don't.

However, you will always live forever in souls worldwide. I love you. Ending line. Thank you for the greatest moment of my entire life because I'd be meeting him. Yes, of course. I think that's almost perfect with the exception of the first sentence only because I feel like I might have stumbled. Like I know he's probably smarter than me, but I would be stumbling over epicenter. I'm like, what's epicenter?

What does that mean? My world revolves around him and I could totally be using the wrong word, you know, obviously. No, I think that's right. That's definitely right. But I feel like it might be too strong of a hook. Okay. But other than that, no notes. That was beautiful. And honestly, I hope he sees this clip because that would really probably mean a lot to him. His daughters, I'm obsessed with them, first of all. And they have that thing that I love when somebody has like a tiny forehead. It's my favorite thing. It's what Josie Canseco has.

Yeah. But like that's the central point of something. Yeah. I think it makes sense. It says of a difficult situation, but I guess my life is in my world. You know, I think that I don't know. I think that that could slay. You reminded me of something when you were just talking about having a bad dream. OK. Last night I had a bad dream and it was like I felt like it was very, you know, I had that bad dream for a really long time that you made me like like

Like so late to Disney World and then it actually came true. It did come true. This was a tour dream. Okay. Like we were like at some... We were at a pool party. I don't know why. We ran into my ex. I don't know why. Doesn't matter. But we, for whatever reason, were late to bus call. Okay. And by we, I mean you were late to bus call. Bus call is when...

like each night on tour when the bus is going to leave to the next city, like after the show, it's like bus calls 2 a.m. Like you can do whatever you want. Just be on the bus by 2 a.m. before it leaves. And if you're not on it, it will leave without you. Yeah. So basically our bus call was like a certain time. And like, yeah, the bus is going whether you're going or not. So Tana's not getting on the bus, but I obviously am. And in my dream, they were like, this is totally fine. We're going to fix this. We're going to get you guys a second bus. OK, so I'm like, perfect.

So I go, I get on the bus. I open the, I crack open the doors and it looks like something straight out of Jurassic world in there. Okay. It was like, it was like a, uh, an abandoned like cobwebs everywhere. Like it was the, they, they put me on like the nasty abandoned bus and I go, I don't get to get on the real bus. I'm the one who made it to bus call. And it was like a huge scandal. And I could see that really happening. Yeah.

I would do everything to make sure you at least have like some nice hardwood floors. It was like so crap. I was like peeling like there were like bugs crawling out of the walls. Oh, that's bad. And I was like, wow, you guys gave me this like literally like death trap of a bus. It's not funny. So forgive me when I just said it's so funny that. But like all of your nightmares. It's always about you being late. Yeah, all of your nightmares like center around me being late. I'm sorry. It's okay. But I woke up mad at you this morning. Well, I'm happy we could work it out.

On the remix. Working out on the remix. Oh, wait. Speaking of. I want to tell you that I also had a nightmare about tour last night. Okay. We almost talked about this downstairs. Brooke was like, I had a nightmare about tour last night. And I was like, me too. And I was like, wait, we should save this. Can I please tell you the nightmare that I had last night? Uh-huh. So you and me are about to leave for the canceled podcast tour. And we decide to bring Jake Shane with us. Okay. His publicist would never allow it. Ever. One show maximum. Okay.

But in my dream, you, me and Jake Shane go on stage to do this show that we're doing the three of us together. Right. And then, you know, we're vibing with the crowd. We're doing an advice segment. Like it all feels very real. And all of a sudden,

The lights go down and it's clear that two people are crashing our show. Like they're grabbing mics from the sound guys to like run on stage and like crash our show. Right. And you and me are freaking out. We're trying to get off stage with a crowd in my dream is like centered or like we couldn't get off. Like it would have we would have had to like crowd surf out of it. And then the lights come back on and the two people, our mics are cut off, by the way. You and I are like trying to talk into our mics and be like, help, like, hello, like what's going on?

Matt Reif and Jake Paul. And then we have to sit there trapped on this stage while Matt Reif and Jake Paul do a set about us.

oh and we would eat that up i know it'd be like a better show honestly i would pay so many dollars not that i think matt rife would literally ever even talk about me but like i i would do anything to just hear him like talk shit about me to his friends like i want to know you know what i mean like i want to know what he's like saying in response to like all the shit that i pulled because like what was i doing like i was kind of getting crazy with it for a second there

But like, you know what I mean? He'd be hilarious about it to be honest. To be a fly on the wall in a room of a lot of people. If you could hear anybody, like what anybody has to say about you, who would you choose? I was going to say Pete Davidson after all that moogadoo shit. That's what you're going to fucking say. Delete immediate apology. No, no, Tana. No, actually. No. Oh my God. Um, Kylie Jenner.

You think? I don't know. I'm trying. I would want just someone like I would like random people like who probably have never seen me before in their life. Like who I think like I've convinced myself hate me. I'm like Billie Eilish hates me. I can just tell.

Kris Jenner hates me. I don't know why. Like she's never seen my face before, but I can tell she hates me. That actually happened to me at poker this weekend. Black China was playing a table over for me. Oh, she's doing so well. She's like sober. I convinced myself that you and I like had a story about her on the canceled podcast. Well, you can never be too sure. Yeah. And then-

I didn't know whatever. So the whole time I was like, oh my God, like I hope she likes me. Like I want to rewrite history. Like I love her. Like I want to be friends, whatever. And I like walk past her table and she like waves and says I look pretty. And I was like, wait, I literally made all that up. But that's why I like the thing with this podcast is just like the amount of stories told and things said, like you just never know.

who was okay with it and who wasn't or who we've talked about actually literally at all yeah and sometimes you say something that you think is just like a casual story but then it's like they're probably like bitch yeah you're like Kevin Hart's gonna send me a cease and desist yeah please don't Kevin I had a really good time with you I love you Kev I saw Bobby Lee the other night he was with a girl who's like six foot two or something and I was like wow he's single

Or like he's like dating? He doesn't have a wife? Yeah, I think so. No, he has an ex-wife, I think. Oh, right. Didn't he do that like Jubilee-ass button shit with her? I'm not sure. Love Bobby Lee. Mm-hmm. When you sign up at WorkMoney, you could win $50,000. With the average renter paying around $2,100 per month, that means you can have rent covered for a whole year and more. So you can be more. And when you're more, that means you get more.

And more? Ooh, but not so much of that.

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grow grow with Shopify sign up for $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Tana all lowercase go to Shopify.com slash Tana now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in Shopify.com slash Tana thank you Shopify for sponsoring today's episode who else was at the Balmapoo chicken or chili cook-off you should have come

It's so funny because you and I were both at something like, like I'm at a Vegas poker tournament with like everyone in my realm and you're like a Malibu chili cook-off with everyone in your realm. And it's like, just, we were both doing the most like on brand shit for our weekend. The fact that I went to the chili cook-off, not once, but twice. I've never been. I would love to simply because I love chili. I think chili is just so good. I am not kidding. I didn't, I don't even think chili was in the room with us. There was no chili. You didn't have any chili? I pictured it being like, like euphoria where there was like a chili competition. Yeah, what? And you go like,

They don't have chili at the Malibu Chili Cook-Off? I didn't see any chili. I guess anyone going to an event in Malibu isn't really eating. No, and like the little kids, I ran into my manager's kids like full, had to tell Chrome Hearts. I'm like, I'm too poor to be here. No chili inside, no cheese, no dogs, no sour cream, no onions. I did see a corn dog. Oh, that makes me feel better. I thought I was missing a lot of chili and that's where I would have wanted to be. No. Except for the fact that I am now. I was like, I literally started myself the whole day. I was like, I'm going to have so much chili tonight. And everyone I was with was like, no.

Do you know where we're going? So no chili's cooked off. That's almost LA ass shit. Like the Malibu chili cook-off being like something that people go to just to like see people and like be a big party, but there's no chili. It's like a billion dollars to get into. I'm like, and there's no fucking chili. And no chili. And then to go on the rides, it's like $20 per ride or like per carnival game. I'm like, all I would have wanted is some good seasoned beans. Fuck.

I saw Jose Canseco. He gave me all of the lore on seeing my father. How was it? It was brutal. I'll save that one for the book, but...

We love you, Jose. So very much. That's it. Rooting for Jose can go forever. Literally. You're the best. I would like to introduce a new segment that I've created. It's called all of the things that I like this week that you need to like as well. Oh my God. We could go back and forth. I think we should because I think we need more positivity on the canceled podcast due to popular request. And I want to spread some positivity and tell you some things I really loved this week. Starting with

The new docuseries Chimp Crazy on Netflix. Have you seen it? It's Tiger King, but chimps. Is Joe exotic? No, it's the same guy who made Tiger King, but it's exact like same level of crazy like in these women. And they are so fabulous, like huge blonde hair, like lips this big, like they're just like us.

And it's crazy. It's just fascinating because like you can just, but you, where did the chimps come into play? Are they just like sharing a banana? No, they were chimp owners. Like, like the same way Joe exotic had big cats, which I also have to get to because I currently have a big cat. They had chimps and like, it was crazy. Cause like not even that long ago, you could buy a chimp for like 30 K a chimpanzee. You know how long they live as long as a human being.

Okay. How fun. Well, until they rip your face off into smithereens. Imagine she's just like, oh, how cute. But look how big they get. And they can't even go near them. And they're so much stronger than humans. There was a cop that said, well, I don't want to spoil it for anybody, but a chimpanzee can the door off of a car in one swipe. Okay. And he can also rip your face off, which apparently they do. But.

You have to watch it. It's so fascinating. But I would say wait until Sunday because that is when the next episode comes out. Are people getting their faces ripped off? You'll have to tune in on Sunday and see. You know me. I just be like, okay, now give me the Kylie Jenner back. But it's so fascinating. Like all the drama and like the law breaking and stuff. It's just, it's so good. It's the same guy who made Tiger King. So it's the same. I don't know if I ever watched Tiger King. You were literally Carole Baskin for Halloween. I know.

But I'm living. So I watched Tiger King and I was like, this is my dream job. Obviously, like, you know, you watch like Steve Irwin and stuff, wrestle a crocodile. And you're like, I could do that. Maybe you might not want to do that, but I did. And I'm like, I'm going to be a big cat.

But you're just going to say, I'm going to be a big cat and you've like fully lost it. I was like, new meds, try again. No, but my meds are working. I can't wait to tell you about it. I have a big cat in my house. And by that, I mean, I have a five pound Bengal who's going to be upwards of 20 pounds. I mean, he's probably not going to be because he's the run, but he, he owns my apartment now. I don't live there.

He is so ravenous and so rabid. You showed me a video yesterday of him on some like devious shit trying to like swing from the ceiling and swipe your in and out. And I honestly was like, and he growls like so aggressively. It's so crazy. But they don't bite, right? Oh, they bite. Are you kidding? Have you seen my arms? I'm sliced to smithereens. I look like ceviche.

but he's playing does he just think you're also a cat no i mean if i was him that's what i think he doesn't know his strength and he doesn't know he's hurting me and i cut his nails like every day but he's literally jack jack from the incredibles like he's so powerful and like i'm not kidding i could cut his nail and it would just grow right back like in that moment it's like it's actually terrifying and i knew like having a bangle was going to be like more responsibility than a regular cat but like i just didn't realize how powerful he was going to be

But I've also never had a kitten. I feel like that's what Makoa feels like having me. You think so? Like just destructive, awful. No, but you're pretty docile. It's true. You don't bite. I bite. Oh. But I've never bit you. Have I ever bit you? You've bitten me. Yeah. And I had to get a tetanus shot.

Okay. I want to go. Okay. Inside out too. Oh, I have to see it. You haven't seen inside out too? No. Brooke, you're going to, well, you've seen inside out one. Yes. Yes. I am going to venture to, it's a Disney movie, correct? It's Pixar, right? But it's a Disney movie. It is my favorite Disney movie ever created. It's such a cute concept. It is. And it's so, the second one goes so much more introspective on all of the emotions. They add more emotions. The emotions have emotions. Like it's,

It's very crazy, but it is really why I wish you'd seen the second one. So we could like really talk about this, but it's wild to me that it is kind of marketed for kids. Like a slight spoiler alert. One of the new emotions is anxiety and watching anxiety, like create a million horrible scenarios for like this. Like it just, I was watching this video the other day with, it was Bretman rock and his little, um,

nephew? I think it's his nephew. And his nephew like saw something blue and was like, oh, it's blue like sadness. Like it's like, but that made me like existentially weirdly sad because should kids know the complexity of emotions like that or is the point of innocence of childhood not knowing the complexity of emotions and not associating them with just like simply a color as if they're something to be like animated and like, do you know what I mean? Like, well, I honestly like you could look at it that way, but you could also see it as a positive. Sorry, I'm experiencing fear.

What color is that? I don't know. I don't think fears and emotion may be purple. I also think it's a positive because I think a lot of kids like either can't talk about their emotions or don't talk about their emotions because they can't understand them. For example, I had anxiety as a child and I didn't know the word like I didn't know what anxiety was. So I ran around saying I was guilty. I feel so guilty. I feel so guilty. So you're saying that would have maybe helped you to understand. Like if I knew that anxiety existed, I would have.

been like settled at least in knowing that I'm not I didn't do something wrong because I always felt like I did something wrong and I didn't couldn't figure out what it was. That's fair. That is fair. Yeah, I guess I was like sadness and anger as a child. But I think I knew that. What do you think your top two are? Your top two emotion? I think I literally like out of inside out. You mean? Yeah.

I'm literally sadness. Like to the T. No, I don't think you're sadness. And if you are sadness and you need to get on antidepressants because you always tell me you're not depressed. But like not even that. Not to be a medication pusher, but. Like how she doesn't want to walk. She's like, oh, I don't want to. Is laziness in there? Sadness exemplifies a lot of lazy traits. Okay. And then I think I'm like joy. Oh.

I think I'm joy too, but I'm also like shame. Is there shame? You're also angry. Anger. I don't have anger anymore because my meds are working. Thank God. I'm serious. That's why I didn't hit that paparazzi. Yeah.

Because I would have. He deserved it. Loser. When you sign up at WorkMoney, you could win $50,000. With the average renter paying around $2,100 per month, that means you can have rent covered for a whole year and more. So you can be more. And when you're more, that means you get more. And more. And more.

Ooh, but not so much of that. Sign up at Work Money. Get money-saving tips. Skip the rent. Get more rich. Sign up at workmoney.org slash morerichcontest for your chance to win $50,000. I can't believe you haven't said anything about my new blush routine. I was just going to say that about my bleaching tone. I did say something about it. You just weren't paying attention to me. I said it right when I walked in the door. Well, you didn't hear me respond back and say, God, I love your blush routine.

I want everybody here to know that my new blush routine also on my it's of the week is the Sabrina Carpenter full shiny blush. It's back. Okay. It was never out for her, but it was out for me. And now it's my favorite. I know I'm going to get comments that are like, Brooke was like a fucking clown, but I love shine. It's I've been loving shiny. When I need more things that you love. I love loving our new segment smoking weed. Oh, like, no, but like, can I tell you something?

I didn't even think about this till right now, but it is on my new list of loves. First of all, when I was in Europe, I didn't bring... I know a lot of people who, when they travel, like, overseas, they will, like...

Smuggle drugs through their butthole or smuggle wax pens and pens and stuff like that. But I just don't want to play. I don't like that's when I become anxiety from inside out. OK, like I can't have a weed pen in my shit and go through customs. I will lose it. OK. And so I didn't bring any marijuana to Europe. And so I had like a complete break from marijuana for like the longest time in a while. First of all, I come home and unpack my suitcase and I

put on a pair of sweats from my suitcase, bed bugs and all, that I didn't wear at all in Europe. And I put my hand in the pocket and there was a weed pen in it the entire time. So all of that for literally nothing. I did smuggle it and didn't know. But you were probably settled knowing that? Yes. Wait, don't kill me. It's just wipe your arm like that. Just...

I wish everyone can see it. We literally look like we're like a light post outside of the county fair right now. There's so many bugs flying around. And that's how I hope you know I love you and you canceled listeners that I love you guys because in any other realm, I would be

gone. I was going to say gone like Donkey Kong, but that's literally not the phrase. Anyways, so the wax pens that I do smoke, they were in your... Wait, there was one in my pants. So I could have been smoking it the entire time. I just didn't know until I got home. I get home, I'm smoking my wax pen again. I try to order another one. It is not on delivery apps anywhere. Natalie and I order through the same delivery service.

And she told me that the wax pens I've been smoking for the last year. And mind you, this is like a public company that sells wax pens. Like it's like a brand that sells wax pens.

All of the weed pens were recalled for pesticides in them. I ironically with our bug lore right now, I've been smoking fucking pesticides. We probably have so many pesticides in a day. Think about that. But like into my lungs, into my, well, you could, we consume them, right? They're all in like vegetables and shit. Oh, I guess that's true.

But like weed X raid, like I don't want it in your windpipe. So I've been loving smoking. I smoked a backwood last night. I've been loving smoking the actual plant again instead of because I always say that on these wax pens, I feel like I'm smoking a Tetris piece. Like, like, you know, the game Tetris. I feel like I'm like hitting a Tetromino. Like the high is so robotic and weird. Oh.

And now I think it's, I know that because they've been smoking pesticides, which I might actually need. Okay, enough. I'm huffing. What else is going on in your life? Well, I'm more so, there's some interesting shit happening in pop culture. Oh, okay. I think we just have to start with my favorite of the day. I saw you posted on your story, so I know you're ready to talk about this one. Oh, hell yeah. Anna Delvey.

on dancing with the stars first of all so jealous everybody knows how badly i want that that is second of all ain't them just leaving in her fucking ankle monitor is like the funniest thing of all time this is like she's gonna be dancing with the stars with an ankle monitor how do you get that approved by your like parole officer you're like wait can i do this funny thing it's just a telltale story of time that like the p like

According to most people, she is the villain in her story. I mean, like some would call her a master manipulator, thief, criminal. I wouldn't, but some would. So for her to be on, I'm just, I feel like five years ago, or even for example, eight years ago, Dancing with the Stars would have never had Lindsay Lohan with her ankle monitor on. Like, do you think the times are just changing and these major traditional public things are

or having to use or view times that's what i'm but i'm saying at the time lindsey lohan with her ankle monitor would have been views but like it just it wasn't the time just like we started like kind of um what do you what's the word like sensationalize no yeah we're laughing we're laughing that anna delvey has a fucking ankle monitor and i'm tuning in because of it so it's like whatever reason i'm watching doesn't matter so long as i'm watching that

That's true. And I don't think it's I think a lot of it's a streaming service now. So that's different. There's different rules on a streaming service than there are on traditional television. Oh, you're that's like has to 100 percent be it. Because even right now, couldn't you see Gypsy Rose being on Dancing with the Stars? Whereas like five years ago, that was never happening. I was shocked to find out that she's not on it. Her and Ken and Ryan are in like a three way salsa with the baby. Do you think she would?

I was going to say sleigh. I've had a really big problem with saying gypsy rose sleighs. So I'm no stranger to that. I told her to her face. She was slaying away from it. Yeah. Okay. You're killing it. Yes, mother work. This is teetering the line. When are we? Anyway, who else? I'm trying to think of who else is on it. Joey from The Bachelor.

I am tuning in for Anna motherfucking Delvey. That's all I need to say. I want to be on it so bad. I think that I've been dancing again just in case they ever ask me. So I just want everyone to know that. I would do anything in the world for you to be on it. I will be in your Brooks friend seat. I need that. I need to flex on some people at home. My grandma. That is why it's so...

The older generation loves Dancing with the Stars. I used to watch it with my grandma. I used to literally live for it. It's my biggest fear. What else is going on? Sabrina Carpenter's album came out. We talked a little on the Patreon last week about the Sabrina Camila lore. You know who my Sabrina and Camila of the week are? Redhead and Halle. No. Oh.

We talked about that. I know, but I was thinking we should probably touch again now that everybody's moved to Sophia's side. It's the telltale story of like the villain villains it out and villains it out enough until people side with them. Same thing with like literally. But what happened with Sophia is she held on to the actual receipts for so long, which could never be me. I would have jumped on that like first opportunity. But she literally sat on those that for a

a year she sat on the fact that he asked her on the date before she ever even attended the event she sat on that and he knew and he let his girlfriend go on that whole tangent he's the villain here by the way but he was letting he was letting hallie go online and say all this shit knowing damn well that he had already asked the redhead on a date before they ever even ran into each other she never said that letting her embarrass herself instead she just said sorry he wasn't wearing a

don't know why I always make her British dude no but she I mean she her delivery is questionable I think that she's like definitely probably still a mean girl but like I get like she's likable do you know that I I dm'd her obviously asking her to be on cancel for sure I dm'd her asking her to be on canceled because I'm like shit she's saying all this shit online like you know like and you she's theoretically canceled so come on canceled why not and

What's her name? Sophia LaCourte. I was literally typing in a completely different name. Sounds like you're really. I said, OK, I'm going to ask canceled pod only if you want to. But obviously kind of hilarious. She said, oh, my goodness, you totally don't remember. But I've met you a bunch of times. You were so nice to me. I think you're amazing. I met your bodyguard at Coachella, yada, yada, yada. I adore you. Appreciate you guys reaching out. But I have New York Fashion Week.

So essentially she and she ends it with. And by the time I fly to L.A., someone else will get canceled and everyone will be bored. The whole thing is silly anyways. Like she said, no, by the time I'd be on the couch, someone else will be canceled. That's respectable because it's like she's not just trying to milk it dry. She's like, get over it. I'm not sure I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting that response. I was like, OK, because I think a lot of people are kind of accusing her of being like a drama person.

But like Bethany Frankel made a good like she made a good little think piece where she was like, listen, if you're the one to bring something online, then you can't control how it pans out. And right now she's not the villain anymore. I said this on the Patreon, so I will keep it to like fucking literal two sentences. But like.

It's just so wild to me how the guy is not clearly the villain. No, he is the villain. I just want all of us to come to that consensus and I don't know how we have it. Where are the million TikToks with multi-millions of views that aren't just pitting these women together? What about, hey, he's a douchebag. What a fucking loser that guy is. But...

What if they like the smell of the trash? No shade to Hallie because I have gotten back with exes who have done me way worse. Oh, 100%. Duh. And she's slaying. She bought a house in the Hamptons. Like, are you kidding? She made a TikTok the other day where she was donating all of her creator fund to teachers. Is she? Yeah. And I just, she's definitely handling this with so much class, but yeah.

But it is a story as old as time where people end up loving the villain. So we'll see how that goes. And I think more people should definitely hold that man accountable. My redhead and blonde situation of the week is Alex Warren and Thomas Petru. Okay. Lay it on me. I don't know anything about this, Laura.

Well, so Thomas Petru started the Hype House. Of course. I have known him forever. He used to film videos and edit for Jake Paul. And I think that he kind of probably spent a lot of time in that Team 10 world. And that was kind of what incited him to start his own content house, in my opinion. The Hype House is ending was very messy. I feel like it wasn't one big thing.

And this is just my opinion, but it wasn't one big group separation at once. It was like Daisy Keach left, then like Lil Huddy left, then the D'Amelio's left, then Addison left. And then it ended up just being like him and Alex Warren and his girlfriend Mia. But then they were taking on new people like Vinnie Hacker and Jack Wright. But then they left and then new people. Then everyone was kind of like, dude, we like this. I can't believe that was like a real thing that happened.

it's so crazy to think about all of the OG people in one house now, you know, like Daisy, he's Charlie D'Amelio, Addison, Ray Dixie, Taylor Holder, Bryce Hall, and whoever else all under one roof, like renegading. Right. But that was the time. And then eventually I think he tried for like a third round of it, but it, everyone was like, we liked this for the OG people. Like, like lay, lay it, lay it to rest. Yeah. Take it out back and shoot it. Right. Um,

Alex Warren made a fucking song about Hype House. Yeah, but it sounds like it's honestly he did a really good job of making it like really universally. Yeah. Like the house was burning down. I had to get out. It could be about a friendship or a relationship. It sounds like a metaphor, but like really like the house, the Hype House was burning. I'm really excited for it. I want to have Alex on honestly to like tell us everything. We should because we have him sing us a little song. I know because he is like and obviously we've talked so much about how much we love Alex Warren because he went through a lot of the

actual hardships that other singers may or may not have faked and he is a very strong person him and cover's lore is beautiful they're a beautiful couple oh my god we could ask them so much shit we couldn't it would just be interesting and he like got shot and like they appreciate the bullets still in his body or something uh-huh we should have him on like before we leave that would just be a good episode to have like in the bank and i know you do it i love alex

When you sign up at WorkMoney, you could win $50,000. With the average renter paying around $2,100 per month, that means you can have rent covered for a whole year and more. So you can be more... And when you're more... That means you get more... And more...

Ooh, but not so much of that. Sign up at Work Money. Get money-saving tips. Skip the rent. Get more rich. Sign up at workmoney.org slash morerichcontest for your chance to win $50,000. I like when you do a little, like, grin before you say something. No, because I don't think I can say this out loud. Oh. This was in the very beginning of the episode. I was telling you, like...

about that interviewer asking like how I feel talking about sex. And it's cause I was about to say something like wildly sexual. And I just, I don't know, Ty was, I don't know how this came up. Ty and I were talking about like, can I ask you a question? You answer it first. Um, well, I mean, it would depend on the question as it usually dies.

Can you tell me like a phrase that you would say to a guy during sex? No. Please. I can't. Please. No, I would like literally, no. Well, then I can't say anything. Well, I don't know. I'm not like a big, like I'm not using a lot of like catchphrases to be honest. What if these are all of my bedbugs? They're not. Okay. That's what a bedbug looks like. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. I'm not like big on catchphrases. It's more just like, good job. Yeah.

But there's no way you're like, great work, kiddo. No, I do. Sometimes I high five them. So do you take your like funny quirkiness? Like you don't get like seriously sexual? No, I try not to be funny in sexual relations at all because that just really kills the vibes. So tell me a phrase you say. You say. You know what you say. I know what to say. You know what I say probably. But I'm not. I'm learning a lot about digital footprint.

Okay, then I don't even, I can't even actually have any of this out there. Say it, say it, say it. And then I'll say, give you one. You tell me and then I'll give you one. No, I told Ty a phrase that I may sometimes say in bed and I'm not even going to say the phrase on the podcast. What is it, like spit on me and choke me and kill me? Like, yes. Yeah. But like, honestly, just, I'm not saying, like I will bleep it before I leave this on the internet. But Ty was like really saying that that's abnormal. But I was telling him like, obvious.

years I feel like I found out that it like works but I don't like it but it's tough like okay wait I'm like afraid because of like what's going on you just tell me like this don't say it don't say it yeah you can't say it on the box I'm not kink shaming you but it's funny you're my kink yeah like fuck you're

I don't know. Like, I couldn't get there to say what I would say. Wait. I don't know if I know what you said right. Can you say it again? Can you say it again? Are you saying **** or ****?

Interchangeable. I'm not kink shaming you. It's not my kink though. You know, I'm just saying like it works. There's a bug on your shoulder. Your rough shoulder. That was so calm and graceful. Um, yeah, I mean, you know, whatever gets the job done, but you know how you like, do you ever, but I just want to know like what a good Brooke Schofield in bed phrases. And I told you, well, you're going to have to find out when, um, this hacker drops my tape. Yeah.

Because, yeah, I'm not like, I don't know. Like it depends on the guy. But have you ever like used something on a guy that like you might have used in the past and it like just didn't hit the same? He's like, wait, what the fuck? He like hit me. Yeah. That's kind of a good example of that. Some guys are just like more chill and like you can't really pull out all the big stops. Mm hmm.

I think I've learned over time that a lot of the big stops I may have pulled at a younger age. You definitely like get, you build up to that. So you, I think that. But I've like built down almost. Like I'm like, whoa. Yeah, well you have to because like you can't just pick up where you left off with some new guy because he's like, wait, why are you, you know what I mean? Swinging from all fours. Yeah, why are you calling me Ronald Reagan? Like, you know what I mean?

I was going to make a chimp crazy joke, but it would just felt wrong. Okay. But do you ever, this is a good question. I like to ask people. And by that, I mean, it's like the stupidest question ever. Do you ever wake up and you feel so grateful that you were born a human and not one of those little gnats? No, anything. Sometimes I'm like, Oh my God, a gnat has never had to like buy more likes on hinge, you know? Okay. Um, like,

Like, yeah, but what are their lifespan? Like, a gnat has never, like, signed up for, like, better help at 8 a.m. coming down off of Molly. Okay. I mean, yeah, like, I see your point for sure. A gnat has never done anal without lube. Are you doing anal without lube? I, no, but I have. Why? Just because it was, like, in the moment. Like, mm. Um, okay. I'm so sorry. Anal any day now.

Brooke, today we were writing our show for tour and she's like, well, what if I told my first time doing anal story? And I'm like, what? You did anal? Like, perfect. What is it? And she goes, no, I can do anal tonight. Like willing to do anal for the show is so fucking ridiculous. I don't even. I keep promising the people and it's just, you know. What, that you're going to do anal? Yeah. What are you so afraid of? What are you waiting for? Yeah.

I think I'm waiting for, I'm waiting for a micro to come along. Oh, that makes perfect sense. It's just like shitting backwards, but like you somehow, I've never shit anything the size of a penis. Really? Are you? That's what your shits look like? Sometimes. What's your biggest shit you think? Definitely much bigger than some dicks. Really? Oh,

Oh my God. Have you seen that person who took a photo of their turd? Like they had a really big turd and so they took a photo of it and then they like sent it in their work group chat and they were like, who's turd of it? Wait, I'm butchering this story. Nevermind. I feel like you're also just talking about something that's happened in our group chat and arguably maybe from me.

No, one thing I will never do. I can honest to God say like since 1998, I've never once I've even for myself taken one singular photo of my shit. I think that is so fucking weird. I think it's so weird that guys do that. You've definitely done that.

I know you have, Erin. You don't even have to answer me. I think... Have you? No. No, I don't think so. I don't imagine I had much use for any of those. And maybe I just like attract really peculiar friends and people in my life, but I feel like I'm always having a friend take and or show me a photo of their shit.

And I'm really against that. That should be a way to weed someone out of your life. That should be an immediate, we are not friends anymore. You just showed me your turds. But it's like a lot of people we know and love. Like your friends will poop takers. I don't know and love those people. Poop takers. That's so crazy you say that because there was someone in my high school called the poop traitor. And they were going in and smearing their poop on the walls. Yeah.

It was middle school, actually. But still to this day, the poop-a-trader has not come forward. No notes. I have no notes on that. I tried to get there, too. I was like, think of shit smearing. Thought of like...

Yeah, no. I shit my pants recently. Really? And so did my friend. Did you just add and so did my friend so that it was less bad? No, but she told me and I was like, that's so crazy you said that because I shit my pants recently too. And honestly, it was your fault. Saying that it's my fault that you shit your pants is the most you shit ever. Literally the most you shit ever. It was your fault that I shit myself. Why? Because you made it so that I couldn't make it in our restroom. Our photo shoot was in the middle of nowhere. Brooke was having a bit of a tummy trouble.

Somehow it is my fault that she shit her pants. And, you know, I can spend some time doing the math on that later. I'll get back to you. It happens to the best of us. And we are not saying anymore because I have a crush. You know what I was thinking about the other day? What? Homophobia. I just got high as fuck. And for some reason I was thinking about homophobia. Like,

Think about like arachnophobia. Like, what do you mean gay people scare you? Like, like, are you scared of a good outfit? Like the fact that there are like real fucking people out there that like are like, Oh, gay people. No, that is, it is really scary. And maybe this is just a dumb topic. I can stop talking. I know it's not a dumb topic, but it's like, yeah, it's definitely not. I don't think you could classify it as a phobia. It's a distaste. People have a distaste for gay people, which if you are one of those people, but you know what I want to say? Yeah. Yeah.

I guess, yeah, I'm making jokes right now, but it just really blows my mind. There are people out there that don't like gay people. Yeah, I was just watching, for some reason, a clip of Ellen DeGeneres on Howard Stern talking about Caitlyn Jenner. You know Caitlyn Jenner doesn't believe in gay marriage? I'm like, wait. Even just not believing in gay marriage, where the fuck does it concern you? Well, it's just like, accept me as I am, but I do not accept you as you are.

Like in what world? That is so interesting. Yeah, I don't fuck with her. When you sign up at WorkMoney, you could win $50,000. With the average renter paying around $2,100 per month, that means you can have rent covered for a whole year and more. So you can be more. And when you're more, that means you get more. And more. Ooh, but not so much of that.

Sign up at WorkMoney. Get money-saving tips. Skip the rent. Get more rich. Sign up at WorkMoney.org slash MoreRichContest for your chance to win $50,000. I got asked a couple months ago to promote this like crypto coin. And obviously that is just for 2019.

Like in 2020, maybe, you know, tit coin, all of it. Bitcoin, if you will. Yeah. I was like, no. And they were like, no, you have to like, this is the coin of the year. Like we'll pay you whatever you want. Like we'll give for a tweet. Like just say you love this coin, whatever. And I'm like ghosting the people. And then do you know what they sent me trying to pitch me to like,

be able to do like promote this coin and accept the money. Oh, what was Caitlyn Jenner doing like Instagram videos for them? Like I love Boeing coin.

And I this and they were like, Caitlin, why won't you? Like that was just yeah, it was very strange because they weren't released yet. It's not like it was like Caitlin's story screen recorded. It was like they were about to go out in like a week and the brand is sending me this like exclusive content of Caitlyn Jenner backing like boink coin. That is actually like this is why you should do it too. And I was like, I just don't. I can't.

Yeah. Do you know right now, what if in a hypothetical world, something really hypothetical just happened to me? Okay. I'm following. I hypothetically was just offered a lot of money to endorse a political party, like millions. Like I was just offered to endorse a political party. Is it the one you identify with? No. And then-

I was being allegedly told an alleged list of other influencers that have already hypothetically accepted money from

to do those hypothetical things that were hypothetically offered to me to hypothetically do. I think we can hypothetically assume who those people are. But it's not one or two. Well, yeah, it's 12. No, it's like, it's like hundreds. It's allegedly like both political parties. That's the thing. No, I think that Charlie XCX got behind Kamala on purpose. And then everybody just decided it was Brat Summer. I fear we're having two different conversations. Yeah.

I'm going to agree with all of that. I think Charlie XCX just did that. And I think that we are all agreeing that that's Brad Summer. Yeah. One of my best friends went on a hinge date a couple nights ago. Right? A girl. And...

She was texting me while she was on the date. And this was a first hinge date. Right. And they had been talking on FaceTime and he was a very like holistic health guy. And he lives here in LA and he runs like a, this is all alleged. This is just what he was telling her. Like they were probably FaceTiming for a week and then they went on a date. Right. And he was telling her like, I'm a holistic health guy. I run this holistic health company here in Los Angeles where I'm

I give people, and I quote, blue scorpion venom.

Okay. I didn't know blue. I don't, I, that sounds like an inside out character. Yeah. I don't even know if there's colors. If like, are there, I don't know if there are blue scorpions. Right. But apparently it can like cure cancer and it has all these anti-aging benefits according to this man. And then I did Google it today and like, just see like, are there benefits to ingesting scorpion venom? And apparently there are like cancer. Like, I don't know.

And so she goes on a date with this guy and he's telling her all about his scorpion venom and everything and how he takes it and whatever. And they go back to his place in North Hollywood, by the way. And I just feel like anyone who was curing cancer with scorpion venom might live in not North Hollywood. Yeah.

Watch it. I was there today. What? You better watch out. I was there today. I like North Hollywood. It just doesn't give me cancer curing suburb. Maybe I'm maybe Brentwood. I don't know. And so they're back at his house and they probably each had like three or four drinks. And he was like, essentially like you have to try the scorpion venom. And she was like, are you sure? We're about to get refeed. Blah, blah, blah. Right. And so he gives her a dropper of this alleged scorpion venom. And then he,

I don't know, she went to sleep there, like almost immediately, and then woke up and went to her house and was like projectile vomiting all day. So I'm like, this man, in my opinion, I formed the opinion that this was a really, really creative way, like creative writing prompt, like get to 500 characters to roofie someone. Yeah, like to roofie you like with consent. That's what I think, right? I mean, yeah, but like... But then she was kind of saying like...

know like I didn't really feel roofied but then I projectile the next day I've had that where I'm like fine but then I put well I always projectile the next day that's true I'm a puker but I just yeah I don't know maybe don't go I don't know I can't judge I go home with people all the time well no I don't but it's not safe to go home with the first date if you met him on the internet I agree with that

And I just don't think I would take anything out of anyone's dropper. No, it's yeah. No, no, no. I don't like that at all. And I've been watching every true crime documentary. Wait, go ahead. Sorry. No, I'm just saying like all I've been watching is like all the true crime, like serial killer documentaries. And I'm like, I don't, I didn't realize like so many people are doing that. Isn't it like you pass like one in every eight people you pass a serial killer? Well, I feel like I've probably opened some into my life.

I was on a date last night and he had a hinge notification pop up. No. Yeah. He offers you scorpion venom. It's all full circle. I was just talking about you the entire time. Imagine. Did you say anything? No, because it kind of made me like him more. I know. Brooke.

I know. Mind you, was this not the same man that you were saying? Like you want to end things with him because you think he's too nice. So now you like him more. No, I don't want to end things with him. I was just telling you like I would like some excitement. Like I would like him to be. You would like a hinge notification to pop up. Yes. But you're sick. That's sick. No, what I'm learning about attachment styles is that I'm an anxious avoidant. I think that's what you call it. And it's like, I mean, historically true. Every time like somebody like,

comes along that like, like I know it's just a natural progression, like would naturally progress to a relationship. I have to like literally fight tooth and nail to like keep myself in it because I'm like, it just freaks me out. But somebody comes along who I know literally doesn't care if I live or die. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Love you. Can you...

I know a decent amount about anxious avoidant when it comes to guys. And I, obviously it's the same thing, I guess, when it comes to girls, I just feel like you always hear the classic case of the guy, like giving so much at the beginning and then getting anxious about it being too serious. So then he becomes avoidant. Like what is it being anxious avoidant look like for you? Well, I just think that's what it is. It's like, I like really like him and I wanted to, I still do really like him and we're like hanging out all the time, but yeah,

I'm like at the rate that it's going right now, we'd be dating like tomorrow. And that like freaks me out. But I feel like you're like, oh, I want a boyfriend. I know. But like now that it, you know, I don't know what it is. It's the weirdest thing because it's like there's not like I really like him. There's nothing wrong with him.

And you feel like you were literally over it until he was. No, it just felt like it just like I was like, oh, fuck. That's really quick. Love bomb quick. No, not love bombing at all. But I noticed something with me, like at least growing up with my parents at a young age, I always felt like I really had to fight for their love and fight for their attention. So I noticed myself carrying that into relationships like I would only be. Yeah, I only felt like a relationship was fulfilling or love was true if I had to fight for it.

And do you like, could you see yourself in that sentiment? Yeah, of course. I mean, if you look at my track record, it's always that it's always like, like the need for like love from somebody who is not giving it to me. And so how do we break that cycle? I don't know. I think that's where better help comes in.

I do. No, because seriously, because like I told you the other day, I was like, this is like it like actually bothers me because I'm like, there's nothing wrong at all. I love hanging out with him. I really like it. Like there's nothing wrong. But like, why is it terrifying to me? Like if he were to ask me to be his girlfriend tomorrow, I'd like freak out because it's real. Like it's the it's giving you the potential for like real love. And that's scarier than like fake love, essentially.

Right. Yeah. I guess it just feels like, I don't know. I don't like, I feel afraid when it's like, it feels like it's a lot of it's up to me. The people who I'm usually involved with are people that I'm always afraid that they're going to cut it off any second. And this is like someone who I would like feel so bad if I hurt him. Yeah. So you like, it's almost like a mechanism where you feel like you have to protect them from you. Yeah, I think so. Cause I'm like, but that's interesting to unpack.

Well, I think because you deserve like all the love in the world where they love you. It's not that I don't think so, but it's just, I don't know. But maybe it's more deep rooted than just your like immediate thoughts. I'm interested by this. What if you communicated all of this to him, almost how you are to me? I know that's what I'm thinking I'm going to have to do. Cause I really like him. Like I'm,

Yeah, before it like gets to a sabotage area in Brooke's world. Well, I also think I just need to explain this as like this is how it always goes. And so I'm trying to avoid this in particular situation. I'm trying to break this cycle, this pattern that I find myself in. And yeah, so I think it is just like telling him like literally the actual truth because I don't like, I would feel so bad if...

Because what normally would happen in this scenario is I would just fucking freak out and then disappear. Well, I guess the good thing is I feel like normally you have been more attached to or attracted to guys where you wouldn't be in this scenario. And you've done a lot of mental work since you've had the opportunity to be in this scenario with like what seemingly other than the hinge notification. So then I don't even fucking know. No, but like we've been, I mean, we've only known each other for like.

A couple weeks type shit. Yeah, and I'm getting like Ryan notification after Ryan notification. I'm not dating these people, but I'm getting the notifications. Yeah, I feel like this is such a like, this is new territory for you and the right thing to do would be to just tell them how you operate. Yeah, it just feels unnaturally healthy. I'm like, oh shit. But that's what I felt like I had to do with like McCow almost in the beginning at least.

was like over communicate the ways that I used to be toxic and the ways that I want to be with him. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like at the beginning I would be like, okay, right now normally, you know, this would freak me out, but I'm going to approach it as a new person. Like I had to like verbally break those patterns with him, you know, like, Hey, I'm, I would normally communicate like this. I want to communicate like this. Yeah. I definitely, I agree that it's like, I think it's something that has to be communicated because it's going to drive me crazy. Cause I'm like,

Every time, you know what I mean? I just need him to know that I'm usually that way. I think it's like when all of your other relationships have been toxic, that, that really is like the best way I've found for like myself, at least breaking the patterns is just over communication, which is like fucking annoying. But like, if you find the right person who's down to over-communicate,

and work through things with you with that method. Like there is a, there's another side. Okay. I feel like it's, it's just like the tale as old as time that we always talk about where it's like, I always say like growing up, I, my life was a roller coaster and all of my relationships were a roller coaster. So I learned to find more peace on a roller coaster than like, if it stopped, I'd be like, wait, why did it stop? Like if it's peaceful, it's

that almost would freak me out more. I had to like retrain my brain, I guess, to like, like the piece. Well, cause I like, I want like the pressure to be on somebody else to fuck up. But like, I feel like when he's so good and he's so perfect, I'm like, it feels like I'm going to fuck it up, but he's not perfect. He's a human being. And so are you. And I think it's like, you have to recognize like, Hey, we both could fuck up, but what if we both don't? And what if we both just communicate? You're right. Everything. Honestly, I'm going to send him this clip.

That's such a funny fucking thing to do. Be like, yo, I really don't want to say this again. Just like two times, speed it. And like, and then give me a call. No, it's like, it's just a conversation that literally has to be had because I'm like, I do want to break old patterns. Like it's, it's so childish. Cause it's like, hello, I'm 28 years old. What do you mean? Like I'm, I need somebody who's like,

playing game like why am I wanting somebody because you don't see I don't it's just a protection method that you've used thus far that like in your I choose usually those guys because then I don't really have to worry about it like working out or something and you're protecting yourself from ideally what you think your biggest pain is which is abandonment or especially getting abandoned for who you are when in reality there's so many people who would like love you

including me, everyone like for who you fucking are, you know? And, but I think it's just like, yeah, honestly, for all the crazy bitches out there, if you want to break that shit, just start over communicating, being like, Hey, look, I'm that shit.

And if you want to help with this, here's how. The good news is we have a lot of mutual friends. So he's kind of already getting like some insider information. Like mostly don't fucking date this girl. But you are so dateable and lovable. And I think that. Well, thank you. But you know what I mean? Like I'm not I'm not trying to say that I'm not. It's just like.

I am toxic in relationships because I've only ever been in toxic relationships. So I expect that from the jump. And when it's not that way, I'm like... And it's like you become like literally physically and mentally used to that. Yeah, it's a literal addiction. Yeah, and it's like a neurochemical like fucking makeup. Like breaking those molds isn't as easy as just saying, I don't want to be like this anymore. It's like going through pain and resistance against everything that...

you would innately know and do. Yeah, but you're not going to marry somebody that you have like

all this anxious like energy toward all the time, which is like every guy I've ever been with ever. I'm always like, what's he going to do today? Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. So like, but again, you might be chemically more comfortable in the what's he going to do again thing than going through all that pain and resistance with like the looking in the mirror and the telling, bearing your soul and the ability to get hurt in that way. But in my opinion, it's better to be hurt that way than to get cheated on because it's easier to stay in. You know what I mean? Yeah, I agree. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know how to fix it. I think you just have to really over communicate with this man. And I think it could be really good for you. I think I'm going to do it right after this. I'm serious. Just Aaron says snaps. I think just you've done so much work on recognizing your patterns and how you want to change them. So don't like regress when given the opportunity to progress. Thank you.

This, I honestly, like, I appreciate you being so insightful about it. Cause I'm talking about it. Like, it's like, but it's like an actual real problem. Cause I feel like you and I have a lot of conversations where you're like, Oh my God, like I want to fucking find a husband.

And I'm just 28 years old. I got to stop dating guys who are just fucking losers. And you're aware of that. So it's like when something good comes, like even if this guy isn't the one like good for you, like I gotta break the cycle at least. Yeah. Like date a fucking guy who actually likes you. Yeah. And rip the bandaid off of over communicating and bearing your soul and potentially facing that pain because it's better than facing the same pain that you've subject yourself to 10 times.

Yeah. Even if he's not the one. And then if he's not the one, it's like still he was a stepping stone to getting to the one. You're right. You know, I don't know. You're right. I'm going to do it tonight. I'll tell you guys how it goes. You just slam a bottle of wine. You're like me, Tina style. You're like, listen, I'm fucking nuts. No. Well, I'm kind of I've kind of been like, you know, like dropping little Easter eggs.

Do elaborate. Guys just like kind of like tried to like drop in like little things here and there just to show like, or I'll like tell him like what I've done in past relationships or like, oh yeah. And like. Then I keyed his car. Yeah. Okay. So that he like gets that vibe. And then he also obviously knows about like,

like my past relationships and stuff. So like, and he's still actively like pursuing you for the you that he sees in front of him. So that within itself is a green flag that you should not run away from. That's awesome. I'm not running away. I'm just letting you know that I definitely want him to. Well,

I was going to say I want him to delete Hinge and you to delete Raya, but it's also so soon. It is. It is very soon. I'm getting like really ahead of myself, but it's because it feels like it's progressing so fast because of the way he's talking. And like, I'm like, oh shit. Like, well, obviously make sure he isn't just like a really kind love bomber. It's not love bombing. Elaborate. Like, why do you, why do you think so? Why are you so shy? Because I've been love bombed 25,000 times. This is like. Just like kind honesty. Yeah. That's good. I think, I don't know.

I guess that's true. How do we ever really know if we're being love-bombed or not? I guess if I was good at identifying love-bombing, I probably wouldn't have had it happen so many times. No, but it comes in all shapes and sizes. Like, it really does. Like, I feel like, you know what I mean? Like, the first time I ever got love-bombed, I was like, this is never going to happen again. And then, like, it happened differently. And then, yeah. Yeah. I guess you really always...

It sucks because getting love bombed like scars you so much that like... Well, then anything after that feels like... Like, oh, is this love bombing? No, or the opposite. It's like after you've been love bombed, it's like it feels like every guy who's treating a relationship like a normal person should doesn't like you. That's true. I guess there can be like adverse reactions to love bombing. Like it more so made me just want to take things really slow and know they were telling the truth. But also like...

if someone's just being kind and loving to you, like eventually you have to take the chance on them and that still could be love bombing and you won't ever find out really until it's too late. Well, good news is we're about to leave on tour in like a week. So I have like all that time to figure it out. I also think like I could just see you. So being the type of person where you're like, I ended it with him because we're going on tour and I just don't want to string him along. But in reality, I'm not so lonely. Like what if, what if you guys talked every day and he proved his,

Loyalty. No, I love for you. I don't want to end things with them. That is not what I'm saying. But I remember last time we had Mr. Big in the picture when I was on tour. And that's all I thought about all the time. And I came on here on canceled and I was like, I cannot have a guy when I'm on tour because I'm

And then I'm always thinking about like, where are they? What are they doing? But this guy, I don't think I would be thinking, what is he doing? Because I know what he's doing. Yeah, that's the difference is that like when someone like he could potentially provide security for you. Yeah. You were thinking about Mr. Big the whole time because it was like literally he was laid up under some whore. Right. Exactly. Sorry. Honestly, that one was warranted.

You ate with that one loser. I don't know. I'm just really proud of you. I think like you have recognized so many patterns that you would normally partake in. And now is the time where you're facing those, uh,

roads and you can, I know, but it's like a conscious, like I have to like literally make the conscious decision where, whereas like usually I'd just be like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's like, I meant that with McCall. Like that was the hardest thing ever for me. I was having to constantly make these conscious decisions that felt almost against to just be normal. Yes. Against what I would naturally do because of me only ever knowing so much toxic love to be in

In a healthy, happy situation. And I still will find myself fucking like, you know what I mean? Thinking like a crazy ass bitch. And then I'm like, wait, he loves you. You love him. Yeah. Like consciously act. You're right. It's not, I mean, it's not an overnight process. It's not an easy feat. And like, or an overnight process. I think that.

You and I have obviously like we talk about how we're raised so much, you know, and like how much we want to break those generational curses and like loving non toxically is one of them.

And I don't know. It's an active decision. I think so too. I'm working on it. I'll keep you posted. You just go like smash his windows in tonight. No, he'd be like, why'd you do that? See, and that's what you need. You don't need an equal window smasher. You don't need him to go fuck your friend because you smashed his window. You need a, why'd you do that? Ask me. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Hard to come by. He's not like a nice guy either. Like not like a too nice of a guy. Mm hmm. That's how I feel about McCoy though. Like if I smashed in his windows, he'd be like,

you really could have handled that differently. You know, like it wouldn't give me the reaction that like you would have wanted. So it like made me change in that way. You know? Yeah. Like there's no point in being nuts to someone who isn't going to like. That used to fucking infuriate me though. Like Joe would never fight. And I was like, hello. You got this Brooke. I'm trying. You got this. Well, I mean, dude, we leave on tour in 10 days.

Less nine days. I think eight days now really fuck. I'm supposed to go to New York Fashion Week tomorrow night, which might be a horrible idea before tour, but also might create for some great lore for the shows. Please don't go. Should I really not? I know. Wait, we gonna finish. This might be our last episode on the couch before we leave. Maybe we'll do one more. Maybe we'll have Alex Warren on and get the tea. Yeah. But.

We've got a lot of preparing to do for this final leg of the canceled cross country tour. And we are so fucking excited to see you guys. And now we got to go over to the Patreon and talk some fucking shit as we do. I love you guys so much. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I really sat down with...

a sparkle in my eye and these bugs, if I just have one more fucking altercation with 80,000 bugs, like some, something I'm going to go into cardiac arrest. So, um, I hope we still delivered a beautiful episode for you guys. Cause we love you so very much. And we will talk to you in the next episode of the canceled podcast. Bye.

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