94: BROOKE IS BACK ON THE CANCELLED PODCAST
01:26:54 Share

When you sign up at WorkMoney, you could win $50,000. With the average renter paying around $2,100 per month, that means you can have rent covered for a whole year and more. So you can be more. And when you're more, that means you get more. And more. Ooh, but not so much of that. Sign up at WorkMoney. Get money-saving tips. Skip the rent. Get more rich. Sign up at WorkMoney.org slash MoreRichContest for your chance to win $50,000.

Did you know every three seconds someone is a victim of identity theft? LifeLock wants to give you helpful tips to protect your identity this Cybersecurity Awareness Month. Adding multi-factor authentication, like a text with a security code, is one way to boost your security. But for comprehensive protection, trust LifeLock. LifeLock alerts you to suspicious uses of your personal info and steps in to resolve issues that arise, guaranteed or your money back.

Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. I'm like, do you see her? Yeah.

See, there she is, y'all. Yeah, squash the rumors. I am not yet kicked off the canceled podcast. Dude. So first of all, I was just in Europe and a couple days ago, I shot an episode with Paige and Amari. And I said everything that I'm about to re-say again. But then obviously I flew home and I was like, why am I going to put out another episode that's just...

gonna like fuel these rumors more and like get a bunch more hate and like think we're really beefing I mean obviously that just comes with this whole thing you know that people think a bunch of that's untrue but this is definitely one of the heights of that in my entire life like just opening my whole phone and every single thing I read about me you and us in this podcast just being like the furthest possible thing from the truth and I can like re-say all of that

I mean, I was going to just post that episode, but I felt like talking about it with Paige was kind of like going to cause the same problem as it did last week. Yeah, we've had a little bit of issues with Paige. Like, Paige is getting really badly bullied. It's really frustrating to me because it's like, I thought in the previous episode that I made what I was saying abundantly clear, but and not to go like all third person narcissist on you.

When has Tana Mongeau ever said anything and made it abundantly clear and didn't it didn't get misconstrued and people completely understood to her point and yada yada. I fear I make some bad points sometimes too. Hey. But all I was trying to say in that episode was I'm giving Brooke the week like I want Brooke to have the week.

Obviously. So then Paige subbed in for that episode and all of the fucking comments are, we want Brooke. You're replacing Brooke. You just jumped ship so fast. Yada, yada, yada. And it was literally just one episode. Yeah. Wait, and I also want to be clear. It wasn't like a, like, because...

The way it sounded was almost like Brooke needs a second or needs a week. I just wanted to really intake the situation and understand what was happening. And it just didn't feel appropriate for me to sit down on the couch so soon. I said this in the episode that we shot. And I'll probably keep referencing that, but I'm just reiterating how I've been feeling. And...

Call me the fucking villain for saying this, okay? Like, people might not like what I'm going to say right now, but I think that the situation was very much damned if you do, damned if you don't. Like, if you and I sat down and filmed an episode and it went out and we were just on the couch talking about anything at all, people would have been- Yeah, I think it would have been really distasteful. So,

So angry at that. So then it's like you film with Paige and people are mad. Like it was just one of those where I felt like it's like. Yeah. And we should clarify beforehand. Like Tana and I obviously we were communicating about it. And I told her I'm like listen. I understand you need to say that what I said was wrong. Of course. Because it was. It was so wrong. And I even said in it. Like I'm not coming at this from a holier than thou perspective. Yeah. Like I don't. I'm not sitting here with the gavel saying like. You know what I mean. Like that I get to condemn anyone. But it's like.

I don't know people just took it that way and I know it was just honestly a lot it was a lot of people coming from a lot of different directions rightfully so but I did like it's a frustrating feeling to feel like so misunderstood especially like our dynamic I just want to say no one's getting fucking cancelled off the cancelled podcast and I have said this and will always say this

I truly believe that this podcast has amassed the success that it amassed because of our dynamic. And forgive me, it's not a word, word police, but our dynamic is irrecreatable. And I am not a word. And I'm so fucking... But there is a word for that. So we got to find it. And we could, you know, but I just think...

It's irrecreatable. I think it's irreplaceable. Irreplaceable. Yes, but like I couldn't, it couldn't be recreated with any other two people. Okay. And I'm so well aware of how special that is and what you and I have been through together on and off camera, on and off stage, just in life in general. Yeah.

I think most people would fucking blow up in flames. And I think we have somehow come out of it with the strongest trauma bond, sister bond money can buy. And I wish so badly that people didn't do what they do to our relationship online because it is very highly damaging to

it's hard to read a million things that aren't true about how like the you know what i mean but weird to it's so strange because you almost start to intake it and it like starts to become true because it's like the if i'm reading a thousand comments that say like tana hates brooke all of a sudden i'm like oh my god tana hates brooke yeah and it's like it's just it's not it's just not now it's not natural this isn't something that like it's not that i'm bitching about it because it comes with fame it comes with money it comes with this shit i'm not i understand that

But I can also recognize that sometimes that is emotionally incredibly difficult to handle. Yeah. And yeah, it was just one episode and then I had to fuck off for a second. Like, and I'm really sorry shit's late, but I...

It was that or the ward, folks. I feel bad that I kind of dragged you back into it because obviously you've done your whole... I mean, you've come back from all of your scandals and cancellations and stuff and I feel like I kind of dug it back up for you. I've made apology videos for my apology videos and I... I did that too. And I am fine with doing that for the rest of my life. For everything I have ever said or done wrong, I have apologized for and will continue to. So there's no...

blame towards you like those are still my actions it's just like right I don't know I just I mean obviously I appreciate everyone who's holding me accountable I like I know how horrible it was you know what I mean like and I knew how horrible it was even before it you know blew up in my face but I mean obviously it's like a just shitty situation and I felt bad that so many people were hurt by it but also like

Like, you know what? Like, I needed to be held accountable. And obviously I'm... How do I say this? Well, I guess what I'm wanting to say is, like, I'm fucking proud of you. I think that you, like, stood at the forefront of...

All of this. And you are willing to continue to. And you understand that there will be a lot of people that won't forgive you. But you also will never stop trying. And I appreciate that. I did. I spoke about it a little bit on TikTok. But like there is like honestly a typical like PR formula obviously for this kind of situation. I think this is being a more. Well.

I just... Like, I did feel, like, really remorseful. And, like, I... It sucks that, like, you know, I put out my first apology and it was, like, so hyper-emotional. And it was... I pretty much said all the wrong things. You know what I mean? But it was, like... That was truly, like, my natural reaction. And, like, everything that has come after that is just, like, how it's really happened for me. But I don't know. Like, it just...

It didn't make sense for me to just like ignore like I couldn't have ignored it because it was like like I I feel so much shame over that already and I have felt shame over that and like these tweets aren't like Something that's new to me. I've known about them. You know what I mean? so it made me feel like just horrible and I wanted to make sure that people knew and like of course I know like how much i've changed and how much like my thought processes like have changed since i've You know grown up and got away from you know, arizona and my family and stuff and like

I can't expect everybody else to know that, but I said this on the podcast with Paige, but like I went to your apartment a couple of weeks ago and there was a stack of books up to the size of my head on you continuing to want to do research. And I'm seeing all of the active things you're doing behind the scenes. So I know that. And like I said in the last episode, the Brooke that I have known,

Is not that person. But acknowledging that there's always more growth to be done is beautiful. And... I think sometimes, too, there's, like, a lot of shame sometimes. Like, to be ignorant. Like, sometimes people don't want to ask questions and stuff because they feel like it's, like, oh, you're too old to not know this. But, like, I... Like, obviously, like, there... You know, I...

Was a Republican or whatever like I don't I didn't know anything about politics until I was like an adult you know what I mean I didn't know anything about what I was talking about but I wanted people to think I knew what I was talking about me every day that's yeah and that's the thing it's like it comes down like to what like a common theme on canceled anyways just like my need for validation and attention and people to think I'm smart and you know what I mean so like.

That was kind of what it all stemmed from. I didn't just now start doing the work. You know what I mean? I've learned so much in the time, especially since I've been in LA. Because obviously, I'm ashamed that it took me that long. And I was an adult when I really started to understand everybody's different perspectives. But I did. And so that's just the honest truth. Well, listen. Again, I feel like I've said all of this, but...

I will always love you. And I think that everything I've seen off camera, I think that you are taking the proper steps and not trying to just flaunt it for TikTok and the podcast as well, which I really respect. And I'm excited to have you back on this couch. And I think had we done it when I sat down with Paige, that would have been a whole different Armageddon. And I also just have a lot to say about the hate towards Paige and her

Women in general on the Internet right now in a second and my thoughts on that and some things that I feel like I've learned in the past couple of weeks that I don't necessarily think I was thinking about before all of this.

But I'm just happy to have you back on this couch. And I'm happy to be back. And I just want to like there's no I said this on TikTok also, but like there's no definitive end. Like there's no like time when you just know everything that you know. So obviously there's things like I'm going to continue learning down the line and I have learned. And you know what I mean? It's like there's always going to be more. And I, of course, I'm doing it. And again, like you said, I don't want it to like.

to seem like I'm doing it because I got caught or because I got canceled. Like I really, truly like I, I had like so many people who were so helpful to me and like explained their experiences like from their end and stuff. And it was like, it was eyeopening. It was like, it was special. And I like, I don't know. I do feel like there's a lot that I've learned from this situation and it makes me think very, very differently. And we are more than friends. Yeah.

We are friends. God damn it. It's also just, I was saying this to Paige as well, but

even just on the level of hate that she received for sitting in on one episode on her character when like she is a good person and always has been and we have no she just has to show you know what I mean she just has to do what she has to do like it wasn't even but even like coming at her like she's like a fame monster like if she wanted the fucking fame she would have gotten year one like she's been working for me behind the scenes for years three years and anyone who knows her knows she's not that

And Paige is the funniest, smartest person literally alive. I love Paige so much. She's never done a wrong thing in her life. It was kind of frustrating too because it was us against each other. People were kind of trying to pin us against each other or make it seem like we didn't like each other. Paige and I are so close. I was also saying like

And I feel like I've been doing this a lot lately, but like think about when George and Mike and Logan have that huge fallout. No one's attacking people's looks. No one's like coming at people's necks like that. Like it's just like even the amount of shit like Brooke, I opened my DMs one day and there were like 100 DMs that were like,

You kicked Brooke off the podcast. That's why you're fatter than she is. Or like, I'm going through my fucking for you page. And it's like, well, now that everyone's hating on Brooke, we can say we hate slick back buns. And it looks like, and it's like, this is not what the conversation is about. And this would never fucking happen if we were two men. And like, even just seeing all this shit with the like redhead bitch right now on TikTok. It's like once you,

A proper take on someone's wrongdoing has gone viral or 10 proper takes. It invites everybody to do just whatever they want. And it opens these doors for so much hate that no longer has anything to do with what the real conversation was about. And it's so many people like bandwagoning shit just.

To bandwagon shit And it's like I've never had disdain for it I think I've been a part of that problem Me too Up until right now So that's what I was just gonna say I was like Because I experienced it Obviously with my Clinton series Because obviously You know I do a 14 part series It gets like 200 million views And now there's Tens of thousands of videos About how he's hideous And he has shark teeth They're like Whatever it is But it's like It's horrible Because it's like That wasn't the point And that wasn't the problem Mm-hmm

And as much as I... Even with like the Alyssa shit, like I had my take. I still stand by those beliefs. Once everyone else has had, there's been a viral take or 10 about it. Like there's just a point where I'm just like, even with like the Blake Lively shit, it's like Blake Lively is obviously wrong as fuck. Like I like your bump. I like your bump. That shit made me need a bump. Like that shit was so fucking awful. Sorry, bad cocaine joke. Kidding. Not on cocaine. I didn't get it. I didn't get it at first. Did you see it? I'm like...

It was just a joke. But like, it's like, eventually Blake is either going to see these takes or not. And like, just the way society isn't moving on with like hate to women as of late. I know, but I also don't want to make it like we are the victims because, well, especially in this episode. I know, but I'm just, just...

Just to be clear. Yeah. I know that I am not the victim in this situation. I'm not saying that. I'm really not saying that. I think I just... But it is, you know, things happen differently for men than they do for women. I just don't want to be a part of a bigger problem. Well, we have been a part of a bigger problem. So that's a conversation to have. We were being the accountability police. Yeah. For, like, we were just really going high and mighty, just canceling people left and right. Two wrongs don't make a right. Like, I do still think all of those...

things are true in the episode with Paige I essentially said like this podcast reaches so many people to the point that I do want to recognize that and use it for better yeah and people took that and ran like no we just want to hear about your lives like don't become some woke podcast some this some that that's not what I'm saying I just think they don't want to hear that from us but it is like we have like a cool opportunity because like we reach so many girls like

I mean obviously more than just girls But young girls gays and gays Young people And with that level of influence Like we should be trying to at least like do something right Better And not be bullies I think it's like expressing things that happen to you Or commenting on some wrongdoing okay But I think that

In my opinion, we definitely teetered over the line, especially with the like Alyssa and Clinton shit. Yeah. And I want to dial it back a bit. And that was kind of my point in the page episode. And people took it as like, this is going to be the new CNN. And obviously that's not what I meant. It does bother me. Like, and I, you know, like who is it? Brett Newstrom.

He he honestly had a good take about it's like these girls just bully bully bully and it's like I don't feel like like anyone who actually watches canceled I don't think that that's what they would take from it cuz like it really hasn't been it's just like the viral on here That's not the concept of the canceled podcast. We don't just get on here and cancel people Yes, it has happened a couple times lately and they've been big ones Okay, but that's not it's never been the nature of our show and it's not going to be in the future We're not like I don't think we're like just these mean girls, but

to your point, I, if someone does me like really fucking dirty or does me wrong, I'm going to talk about like, you don't, you know, I have a microphone in front of me once a week. I just think that there's like, I know my character. I know I'm not a fucking mean girl to anyone that I ever come across in my life ever, but I can see how trying to be the cancellation police could be misconstrued as that. And I, again, it's not that,

I'm changing the entire format of this show, but I'm definitely going to dial it back and use it for a little more good and like be more mindful of lobbying hate. I just also think like we have more potential than that. Like, I don't think we have to like...

Rely on that. Yeah. Come for people to have an entertaining show. And I think that like that's something that we've learned. And also maybe we do and they can say it sucks. And we are not promising that we're never going to do that again, because if somebody really does me dirty, I am coming on here and I'm doing exactly what I've done to others. But I think I'm just maybe not like that serious, though. Yeah. Yeah.

Not that serious There's something to be said About weaponizing our audience too We have millions and millions Of people who listen And it is like That's my point It's not the same as like Talking shit with your friends You know what I mean It's not Sometimes it feels that way And that's how we get ourselves In this trouble But like it does Like I Like I truly did feel bad about Like the amount of hate That Alyssa Violet got I actually Like I did And I told that to her Because it's like

Again once she sees the The viral take You can either choose to grow And learn from it or not Like there's no point In just That's the same exact way I feel about the Like obviously she's wrong No I don't think We're supposed to say Oh But Ken you're excited Well I think Grace O'Malley said Is like offensive Redhead

Yes. She's a redhead. It's just like, again, she obviously sees all of the like takes and she can either learn from that and her wrongs. Like I'm just, I don't want to keep being a part of the problem of seeing like beating shit into the ground that's just hating on women when I'm like all for not doing that. Yeah. Like there's just like we, you know, we have to take accountability. Like we have been doing that. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that's one of the most valuable lessons I've learned recently that I just want to be a little more careful with this platform. Yeah, and to be honest, I feel like I got, like, a little bit too confident there for a second. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like I was kind of on this, like... I mean, you know what I talk about all the time, like, validation as currency. And, like, when I put out that Clinton series and it was, like, such a massive amount of support and validation and attention, I got, like...

You know, my like my head got big and all of a sudden I felt like I could just fucking, you know, I could talk shit about Alyssa. I could do this. I can do this. And like I just got like this confidence that I didn't have before. And I needed to reel it back a bit. Well, that's the I needed a humbling and I I got one. That's the Internet telltale story is biggest time when the pendulum swings so far that way. It almost always swings back the other way. Yeah. And that's why I've always said you can't.

your validation in too much of the good or too much of the bad. And I know it's just, it's something I've struggled with always. It's like, it's something like I really am actively like working to reframe in my, like,

In my mind. But it's. It's always. Always. Always been the theme of my life. Like attention and validation. Is the only thing I do anything for. And it's. I. That's so embarrassing to say out loud. But it's. It's the truth. And that's how I've gotten myself into. This. This situation. That's how I've gotten myself. You know what I mean? Like all the. Every problem I've caused for myself. Has been. Stemmed from that. Because of that. And I want so badly to just place value in. Like things that matter. Mm-hmm. And.

I mean, I'm happy you're recognizing that. And I believe you will put in the work on that, my sweet Carrie Bradshaw. I know. She knows. Like, it is. And I'm re-watching Sex and the City right now. And it's like, I am Carrie. Like, I can't shut the fuck up about myself and whoever I'm dating. And, like, I'm not, like, you know what I mean? I just, like, there's aspects of my personality that, like, you guys don't like and I don't like either. Like...

But listen, like everyone else who has something to say about your personality is also not sitting down being scrutinized for millions. And don't take that too much to heart. Figure out what you don't like and

Work on it and grow and change Lord knows I've had to do that 10,000 times Yeah and it's hard Well it's hard to explain to people Because it's obviously This is a really unnatural situation But like I I explain this to Paige Because obviously Paige has been like struggling Because she's getting so much hate And obviously I Like we've all dealt with that And like I told her It's like you can't read it And funny coming from me But like I compare it to like

How how like confident are you like in your personality to sit down at a table full of people you've never met? Like, you know, you can slay that, you know, you can like make everybody laugh and you can entertain everybody. And like, it's fun and you have a good time. But if you go and you sit down at a table full of people, you feel like hate you. Your behavior is going to be completely different. So when I read those things online and then I sit down here, I feel like I'm talking to a bunch of people who hate me. And so that's where my person, you know what I mean? Like personality shifts.

And so it's kind of shitty because then I'll watch an episode and I'm like, that's literally not even who I am. Yeah. And I also like, I mean, it's hard because it's like people only know as much as you give them. So it's like, how can I really be upset about feeling like misunderstood if I am not sharing like the things that matter? So like, I don't know. I just want to get better about that. I also think it takes years to like truly master that.

not feeling much about what people who don't know you have to say about you. And you and I were talking about that. You were like, I feel like you've had eight months of this really heavy microscope on you now, like maybe a year. And I'm like, I had to do that eight times. And still, this last round, this cancellation right here, this round on TikTok, still got to me. Like, you're a human being at the end of the day, and it's very hard to read that much about yourself. But at the same time, like,

I personally know that I have people around me who love me for me and know me for me and have for 10 years, as do you. And that's all that matters to me. I don't want to pretend that didn't happen. I did. You know what I mean? Like, I did say those things. I did grow up that way. Like, and I'm glad we're out of there. You know what I mean? I'm glad I'm past it. And.

Missed you. I'm happy to be back on the couch. I don't want anybody to think that I'm just pretending nothing happened. I will take accountability as long as I need to take accountability. And that is honestly forever. You know what I mean? Like, I'm never going to pretend that didn't happen. I appreciate I really like and I sound stupid, but I do really appreciate everybody who's held me accountable because like there's something just there's like I learned a lot from that alone. You know what I mean? Just like.

people sharing like why it was so wrong and stuff like even though I already have felt shame about it it like reinforced it and it like you know I really I feel like I understand better now like I said I

is not just an overnight thing. It is a lifelong thing and you are acknowledging that, showing up to the forefront, sitting back here and ready to continue to show your character, your current true character and that can be appreciated. Yeah, and it's not... No one's getting cancelled off of the cancelled podcast, god damn it.

Yeah, and we love you. Blasphemy. She said, God damn it. Rats. I'll try again next week. I love you guys. I'm true. Like, I genuinely am so sorry to everybody who, like, was affected. Obviously, like, specifically, like, the tweets were targeted towards, like, black people. And obviously, we have a lot of black girls who listen to Canceled. And I feel, like, really, like, sick over the fact that they think that that's my character. So, I just hope moving forward, like, you can see that's not who I am. And...

I'll try to prove it forever. You know some crazy, just like random crazy shit that happened to me yesterday? What? And this feels like deja vu because it's like the exact same thing but in a different font.

You're going to get a kick out of this one. So tomorrow I am going back to Vegas to play in yet another poker tournament. You are a rolling stone, my sister. I got it. I got to secure my other career. I've never been so jealous of these fucking influencer fucks that just like bought houses in Vegas and are now making more money off gambling than being an influencer. Like, but are they making like a lot of money gambling? Yes. Steve will do it. Give me $25,000 the other night.

Like just randomly. Like Steve will do it. Walks up to me at $25,000 and goes, thanks for being friends with my girlfriend. I love you. Like it is like that disposable of currency to all of these influencers that are like taking that. That is traumatizing. No, Makoa had to give a social. Like we had to cash it out like that. Like it was nuts. I was like, what? Like. That is insane. And that's my hometown. I want to go back home. Like, you know what I mean? I don't know. Whatever. Yeah. Not yet. I know. But so.

Last time we talked about my mother, we were in a similar situation, right? My birth mother, she showed up to my poker tournament in Las Vegas, right? And yesterday I land from my 18-hour flight home and I didn't have Wi-Fi the whole time. I slept the whole time. I was just like exhausted. And I get off the plane and I open up a text saying,

from my friend Josie Canseco and it is a screenshot of a FaceTime call on her father's phone and it is a screenshot of my birth father and she says is this your dad and I said well carry the four subtract the two I you know a Raj now uh but I'm I I

I classify myself as a steward, but I guess at one point I was that man's sperm. You know? Sorry. That got weird, like, for no reason. Yeah, it was so unnecessary. But I was like, yeah, what's up? And so Josie's dad, Jose, my best friend. I love Jose. Hey, people, I love them. Go back and watch the video if you know, you know. Yeah.

Jose was playing in a poker tournament in Vegas, like at a random casino. And he somehow gets seated next to my father. Wait, haven't you told, is this, this just happened? This just, this isn't something really similar. Like your mom sat next to somebody. No, it's something identical happened with Ari's family, but all we can, we can circle back to there.

And Jose's sitting there and my dad is just on a tangent about how much he fucking hates me. Oh. And about how Tana Mongeau is his daughter and she's famous and everything she says is a lie, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. And Jose's like, wait, I know her. Like, you know what? Like that's my kid's like great friend. I've spent more Thanksgivings in the last 10 years with Jose Canseco.

than Richard Mojo. Okay. Yeah. And so Jose FaceTimes Josie to get her to like watch this happen. And Josie gets on the phone and my dad is like turning and he's like, fuck Tana, yada, yada, yada. And Josie Canseco cusses out my father. That's, that's, I love Josie for that. Hangs up on him. Like where the fuck do you get off?

Like you're just going to sit there and talk shit about me to Jose who like loves me. It's really like so bold. Do you think he knew that Jose knew you or no? Do you think he's seen the I hate people, I love them video? I don't know. If I had to guess, he probably still has a flip phone. So no. But he obviously probably knows who Jose is and like maybe knows he has a daughter and like maybe knows we're friends. I mean, I really, I really don't know. But and I was just writing about this in my book a lot so I can like get into it. I will get into it eventually. But yeah.

My dad was just the type of person growing up who would tell, like, the checkout clerk his entire life story for, like, narcissistic validation and then, like, go home and, like, beat my mom, right? Oh. It just doesn't surprise me that he's, like, to this day going around to, like, strangers, like... And his whole shtick, I guess, is, like, that I lied. And I'm like, dude, where the fuck would I get off lying, saying that, like, I grew up in, like, a shitty household with, like, cockroaches and horrible parents? Like, I would almost rather...

Have just lied saying I had a great childhood and like never opened the can of worms for myself. I need to know what that is. I almost feel like it's like.

Like they feel absent Because I have the same situation Where my mom would be like What trauma? Like what are you even talking about? And I'm like What do you mean? It's just extreme narcissism It's extreme like to the fullest It's like they blacked out or something And like don't remember Like I don't know It's so frustrating to me too And he was saying like She said we're crackheads And I never That was never my shtick Okay That was your shtick That's my shtick Like

Like I just said that they were abusive bad people. They were, they are, they sued me. It's all in the fucking, duh, no shit. Where would I get like, and why would I have at 13 or 14 been taken in by Amari's family who like vouches for that? If I had like a stable, perfect home, like where the fuck would I get off lying about that? And it's so crazy. For what benefit? You know what I mean? Cause I'm, I sit here now and I'm thinking about the thousands of strangers in Las Vegas, Nevada who have like heard this story.

From him. And probably believe it. Yeah. And it's just like, can you fucking croak already? Okay. That's a little. And I really mean it. And I know that that's like a crazy thing to say, but it's like,

How are you still doing this? How frustrating. Ew, I'm sorry. And it's just, it's... Like, in what crossover world would Josie be cussing out my birth father on FaceTime? No, it's... Like, slay Josie. It's just like... Like, one second she's walking the Victoria's Secret fashion show. And the next minute she has my fucking back. Like, I appreciate it so much, but...

And it's so crazy because I love going home to Vegas, but it's like I hate knowing these little gremlins. They're just crawling around. Yeah. And like won't stop. And it's like, I don't know, I guess as of late, apparently my mother like left my father like he's like, I hope so, you know, whatever. And that's like, I guess good for her. It's hard to do. Like even I mean, bad, you know, people aside, like it's, you know, that's a hard situation. Yeah.

it's just I don't know obviously the abuse was just tenfold I am kind of like waiting for the book to really air it all the fuck out like just because it's so much I'd be on this couch for literally ever like discussing the details of my childhood but to just be roaming around saying that I've like lied about it all is like so infuriating to me and this happened before with Ari's family like Ari's

or aunt, I forget, was sitting at a poker table and my dad was doing the same thing and they were like, wait, my nephew is best friends with her and lives with her at the time. Yeah. And then my dad went on this whole tangent and was cussing them out knowing it's been like... And that was probably four years ago. Knowing that it's just still... It's just still. That's his elevator pitch. Yeah, that's so fucking insane to me and I just...

What a crossover episode. I'm about to see Jose on Saturday and I'll get more love. I can't wait to hear more. When you sign up at WorkMoney, you could win $50,000. With the average renter paying around $2,100 per month, that means you can have rent covered for a whole year and more. So you can be more. And when you're more, that means you get more. And more. More.

Ooh, but not so much of that. Sign up at WorkMoney. Get money-saving tips. Skip the rent. Get more rich. Sign up at WorkMoney.org slash MoreRichContest for your chance to win $50,000. Need new glasses or want a fresh new style? Warby Parker has you covered. Glasses start at just $95, including anti-reflective, scratch-resistant prescription lenses that block 100% of UV rays.

I'm having a similar situation kind of going on because I had to obviously unblock my mother in order to tell her to stop fucking commenting on people's TikToks. Okay? Okay.

They should just start a small group. They can honestly get a couch. They can do exactly what we do. Well, you know what's crazy, Tana? They get along so well. She accuses me of like, of making up trauma to, to like match you. She says, I know you want to be like Tana so bad, but like you're just making things up. And I'm like, if, bless your heart, but I am sparing so much. So many details. So much information. That's like, that's the gag. I'm like, if,

Everything I've ever said about my parents online, and I mean this, sorry to cut you off. I mean this so fucking hard. Genuinely, I mean this with everything. Take my blood. I put this on Amari's life. Like I put this on everyone I love, everyone I love's life. Everything I've ever said about my child and my parents online is 1% honest.

Of who they are And what happened to me Yeah Like That's It's so fucking infuriating And that's why I'm What I'm saying Where it's like Almost like they blacked out Of course my mom was literally On crystal meth the whole time So it's like Shocking She doesn't fucking remember it But it's so infuriating Like you were sober Because she's like Dad She Her favorite thing to say Is like you're making up All this trauma And I'm like

If anything I am sparing you so much It's like You know how Jeanette McCurdy Like her whole I haven't actually read her book But I've seen her interviews You should It's so amazing And she talks about how Like there was a lot That she felt ashamed to say While her mom was still alive Because it's like Obviously like Like I still love my mom And stuff And like I don't wanna You know Like If I told the truth Like

It would be crazy You know what I mean But it's so frustrating To be in a text thread With only me And try to convince me That I'm making things up 100% It's Oh my god It like literally Infuriates me so bad And she Her favorite I don't know I don't I didn't want to unblock her I don't want to be in contact With my mom at all But she was going You know Of course she's

But you got to just let them at this point. You know what I mean? Like same with that shit. Like I'll see Jose and we'll laugh about it. And it just like is what it is. I really do. Word to Jeanette McCurdy. I don't know if I've, we've probably talked about this before, but I just appreciate her book title and her,

that door to being raised by like true abusive narcissists and being happy when they died because I'm just sitting here watching this like still cause trauma and turmoil like no like for my life and I'm just like yeah I just like what a horrible man who was never once how do you not feel sorry for abusing like your little daughter like that's so sad because they'll convince themselves it's not true and it never happened like I don't know my mom wasn't abusive well she was abusive honestly everyone but me but like

I was the only one who didn't get hit. I don't know why. Go off, queen. But I... Like, I mean, obviously, there was just... There's so much to it. And, like, I want to spare... Like, I love her. And, like, it's a really, like...

like it's a struggle I have and that's how I feel like I keep ending up in these like really emotionally abusive like situations or relationships and stuff because it's like that's what I've known always and like you know breaking that cycle was the hardest thing I've ever done it's hard to block her and like my sister and I like Megan this is my one of my sisters has had my mom blocked for years she has two kids my mom's never met either of her kids and like she reached out to me and she was like really helpful because it's like she's like of course it's hard to do and you feel so guilty and like if you feel horrible but it's like

At what point is it like, I don't want to be a victim of this anymore. I'm about to be 28 years old. And the sad thing is, is like, that's genuinely why I think Jeanette said that. Because it's like, here I am. I haven't spoken to this man since we were in court. And even before that, we hadn't spoken for five years. Like fucking at all really before that, unless I was victim to just like,

that I wasn't warranting. You know what I mean? Like I wanted away as soon as possible and it's still causing me turmoil. Like so long as he's alive, it will cause me turmoil. And like that is such a sad thing to say. It's just not fair because we didn't choose to get born. Like I remember being 10 and saying, I had this conversation today. Like I didn't choose to be born and it's like now I have this like huge responsibility to parent somebody who didn't parent me. And it's just like, I feel like it's just so frustrating. And like,

I don't know the greed like that's what it is for me. It's like I just I feel this like

Like there's a sense of entitlement and greed that I don't understand. And it's like, for what? What did you ever do to deserve what I've earned for myself? They think because they gave birth to you that you are an extension of them and they are entitled to that because of how sick they are regardless of whatever they endured. And I think there is something to be said as well. My dad's about to be 80. I'm like, please, soon, hopefully. That is crazy. You do have like older parents. That he grew up in a generation where it was like,

Kids could be so abused and they were still just... They were still in... Like, they were owing their parents regardless. Mm-hmm.

And so maybe that like generational gap. It is. Yeah. I mean it's trickier when somebody's a little bit old. Like yeah. All I know is if I ever bring a child into this world one day I will do everything in my power to make them feel loved seen and heard and taken care of. It's kind of special though like I literally was just having this conversation but it's like it's exciting that we get to like make our own families. 100%. And my clock's ticking. I gotta get started. Did you know a

a 2018 study showed half of prenatal vitamins tested had unacceptable levels of heavy metals? I'm Kat, mother of three and founder of Ritual. When I was four months pregnant, I couldn't find a prenatal I could trust, so I created my own. Ours is matricable, third-party tested for heavy metals, and recently earned the Purity Award from the Clean Label Project. But don't just take my word for it. Get 25% off at ritual.com slash prenatal.

Look, I get it. Going back to school might seem unrealistic for your hectic life, but it's achievable when it's with WGU. WGU is an online accredited university that makes higher education accessible for real people with real lives. With tuition starting at around $8,000 per year and courses you can take 24-7, WGU provides the flexibility and personalized support that can help you go back to school successfully. So, what are you waiting for? Apply today at wgu.edu.

Thank you so much to SeatGeek for sponsoring this video. You guys have used my code so much that SeatGeek wanted to hook you up with a new special offer. Everyone can use my new code CANCEL10 for 10% off any tickets on SeatGeek, whether you're a new customer or not. Concert season is back and artists like Hozier, Billie Eilish, and Noah Khan are on tour. And you already know that SeatGeek is the best place to get your tickets. I'm so excited to see Noah Khan in concert as soon as possible.

So I obviously just got back from Europe and how was it?

It was really amazing. I mean, I always say this about Makoa, but like getting to show him things that I've seen or see things through his eyes. Like, you know what I mean? Like I could even cry thinking about him seeing the Eiffel Tower like light up for the first time, like looking at it like through his eyes, like being in all these beautiful places that I've been so lucky enough to have been was amazing.

definitely the highlight and beautiful and last year at this exact time Paige and Ty and I were in the exact same places and we kind of spent the whole year saying like one year from those dates like we'll be back in Europe together and like we got to do that and kind of create new memories and places that we loved a year ago and that's why we stayed out there that's the thing is it's like I'm getting all these comments like come home now film now and I'm like dude I've been I've

preying on this trip for 365 fucking days. And like, I mean, I talked about it in the Leah episode, like where I was talking to Leah and you were with BB, but like my mental health has been and is in arguably one of the worst states of my entire life. Yeah. And the way I deal with that is very scary. Tina was definitely quite unlocked and I,

You know, I knew that I wanted to drink for my birthday. And then I even was saying on my birthday, like, I'll probably drink here and there until Europe and in Europe and then stop when I'm home. And I think that was a beautiful plan. I was not accounting for all of the things that would then go down. And then when you're already drinking and shit's just going down and you're stressed and you want to fucking die. Yeah.

It's hard because that's a coping mechanism I've always, always leaned on. And yeah, in a perfect world, I probably would be at Passages Malibu. And I think I was doing really...

Well, with being pretty moderate until and I'm not like blaming anything on that. Like that's just myself and my chemical makeup. Just like as my mental health declined, I noticed myself falling into the same coping mechanism that I have and always will love, which is substance abuse. I'm definitely in a place right now where I want to kick that, but I'm always in that fucking place. You know, I know. But listen, you've done it before and you can do it again. It's like it's a cyclical thing. It's not like.

You haven't like ruined it forever. You had a little stint and then you can fix it. And I think all about a sobriety journey and a journey with a healthy relationship with alcohol is giving yourself grace and knowing that every single day is a new day. I think that just even being on this trip that I so badly wanted to be on and being with the love of my life and getting to, you know, experience all those things. At the same time, I do feel like I'm like walking with this little dark cloud over me. And I hope to not be. I do hope that

Life eases up. And I've been saying this now for three months and maybe it never will. And maybe I just have to learn how to navigate a very high stress situation.

where I feel like a lot of people expect a lot of things from me when I have nothing to give. But it is what it is. I don't know. I think you're doing just fine. I'm proud of you. I don't think... I mean, listen. It's fucking hard. Like, it's so hard. And there's people who can never, ever stop. And you've done it. And you've been, like, you know what I mean? You were sober for so long. I'm happy to, like, recognize all of my patterns and...

Obviously, I'll learn more every day, but like understand who I am psychologically at a young age. I was talking about this with Trevi last night. Like some people don't hit the brick walls I've hit until they're 50 and they've ruined their kids lives and their, you know, whatever, whatever it is. So feel grateful for that. You told me that it's like some people don't come with the self-awareness pack. Yeah. Yeah.

And I have it cripplingly. But it's a good thing because you know what's wrong. And that's like, you know what I mean? Like that's the first step is admitting you have a problem. For sure. That's what they say. And I'm doing my best now. I mean, with everything coming up and... I think it's going to be really special. I think it's going to be really cool for us. And I think there's a lot of good things coming. You know what I always say is when a bunch of horrible things happen in a row, it's...

followed by like a bunch of really, really amazing things. It's not even horrible things happening. Like I think so many good things are happening. Again, it's just harder to see them when you're like in the rain. It's just your mental. Yeah, you feel. And I was saying this to my managers. I was like, my dream world right now is,

would be to go into a dark room for three months and be off my phone entirely, have no obligations and like heal and breathe and sleep and not owe anyone but myself anything. And I said this in the last episode I filmed with Paige as well. It's very different because any other time I felt like this in my life, my main source of income or where I was posting content or

where the people wanted me to show up was my own YouTube channel right with no fucking schedule sometimes I would upload fucking daily and sometimes I would upload once a week so when I was in a bad mental state at those times I could just take the four month break and I would always say I hate people would be like where are you where were you and I'd be like you don't want to make videos when you're not yeah I hate sitting down in front of a camera and pretending to

I'm just pretending. Point link. So to have this obligation of a weekly show and touring, and that has nothing to do with you. I'm just saying just, you know, it is what it is, is very hard to like show up when I don't feel like I have the show up in me. And I'm doing my best to navigate it, you know? Yeah. I'm, I don't know. I understand that. I'm the same way where it's like you feel, not that we feel tight. This is like my,

I'm most grateful in life literally for the canceled podcast. But I get what you're saying when like sometimes it's like you have to film and like that's just not that's how you have a bad episode or that's how like, you know what I mean? Like sometimes I'll come on here and I'll have the shittiest personality ever because I'm having a shitty day and like and I'm, you know, just mentally unstable. So but I'm so much better. I'm on mood stabilizers. Yeah.

I think I'm just, yeah, I'm emotionally drained. Very emotionally drained. Not workload drained, but just. Yeah, you need something to fill up your cup again. Which, but it's not alcohol. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny that that's like a fun, like fill up your cup, you know? Yeah.

Look, I get it. Going back to school might seem unrealistic for your hectic life, but it's achievable when it's with WGU. WGU is an online accredited university that makes higher education accessible for real people with real lives. With tuition starting at around $8,000 per year and courses you can take 24-7, WGU provides the flexibility and personalized support that can help you go back to school successfully. So, what are you waiting for? Apply today at wgu.edu.

College degrees are pricey, but with low tuition and our $2,500 back-to-school scholarship, WGU makes it possible to earn your degree at a price you can afford. Apply today at wgu.edu.

It's no secret that weight loss drugs and GLP-1s are all anyone is talking about right now. But you don't need to be rich and famous in order to get access to these medications. Through HERS, you can get access to a budget-friendly weight loss program personalized just for you. HERS is changing women's health care by providing access to GLP-1 weekly injections with the same active ingredient as Ozempic and Wagovi, as well as oral medication kits.

Weight Loss by HERS is realistic, not restrictive, and is focused on giving you access to a solution that is right for you. HERS connects you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine your best treatment option. If prescribed, you get the medication as part of a doctor-developed weight loss program complete with ongoing support, check-ins, medication adjustments, and answers to questions 100% online with no additional cost. Through HERS, weight loss plans are more affordable with compounded GLP-1 injections starting at $199 per month with a 12-month subscription paid up front.

No hidden fees, no access fees, and no membership fees. Plus, your personalized treatment ships for free directly to your door. So you've been struggling with your weight loss journey, and it's time you find an option that works for you with HERS. Start your free online visit today at forHERS.com slash canceled. ForHERS.com slash canceled. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com slash canceled for your personalized weight loss treatment options.

hers weight loss is not available everywhere compounded products are not fda approved or verified for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required restrictions apply thank you hers for sponsoring today's episode of the cancelled podcast well i actually really do want to talk about bed bugs i want to always validate your experience

But I don't think you had bed bugs. Well, here's the thing. Neither did I. Right. I woke up covered in a bunch of red dons and I thought it was hives. That was my OG thought. I was like, I am so fucking stressed right now. And, you know, just battery on zero that I'm covered in hives. And so I'm itching them and I'm like looking up hives and I'm like, oh, I have hives, whatever. Right.

And then someone makes it known to me that the number one bed bug outbreak in the entire world was in Paris. So bad that they had to shut down the airports. Yeah. The airports. Because people were bringing them home. Uh-huh. I think they're downstairs. Um.

And you'll find out, I guess. Then they're just too itchy and they're not hives because hives would be more all over. And like, obviously, like I learned a little more about how hives work and I'm like, these are bug bites. So then I'm looking up mosquito bites versus bed bug bites. Mosquito bites, they're clear. They're more the size of a penny. Okay. And bed bug bites are like little red Sharpie dots.

And here I am in Little Red Sharpie Dots. In Paris. In Paris. The bed bug capital of the world. Thank you. Makoa has a few, but then I'm on Google and I'm like, can you sleep in a bed next to someone and you be covered in bed bug bites? And they're not. I find out that not only bed bugs, but mosquitoes as well, feed on type O blood. I know that's why I don't get bit. I think I'm AB. Wait, aren't you O negative too?

that probably I think you are I think you're o negative which is like wait I don't know if I'm being I don't know it's been a while since I've been in school but that's the universal blood donor Amari's that too yes and it's really special because you can donate blood to anybody and their body won't reject it anyone can have mine you would be really really valuable at the blood bank and they're they're in a shortage they call me every day um well they might get some bed bug venom but um I'm more than happy to do that you know they stopped letting me donate why

An array of reasons. Okay. Well, we can unpack that. But so here's the thing. So I'm laying next to Makoa, type O blood, and they are feeding on me like a sushi boat. And he has a few. I then call my friend Hunter.

who has done a lot of world travels. He tells me about a time that he was in Barcelona, laying in bed next to someone, and he woke up covered in bed bug bites, and the person next to him didn't. He also enlightens me that he, as well, has typo blood. Oh, no. So then, I'm like, awesome. And I don't know how to say this without...

I'm just going to fucking say it, okay? I'm staying at the nicest hotel in Paris. It has been my dream my entire life to stay there. If you ever told the fucking bitch with the dirty door making YouTube videos that she could fucking stay there for one fucking night, she would fucking die and pass out, you know? And I just, I'm more so, I'm thinking about all the places I've stayed in my life. I'm thinking about the Luxor, Las Vegas. I'm thinking about...

house. I'm thinking about my own houses. Okay? That was no shade to *** house. There's just some vermin that come in and out of there, you know? I'm thinking about *** house. I'm thinking about my old house, you know, where when Noah Cyrus bought me those big flowers and then the house was covered in fruit flies. Oh, never forget.

Fruit flies know you had an infestation that you had to move out. So you're telling me that at the nicest hotel I've ever stayed at in my entire life, that is where there's going to be bed bugs. I then find out that the protocol for bed bugs is to throw out everything you own.

You have me so motherfucking fucked up. They are coming home with me and renting the room next to me before I'm throwing, like the bed bugs can wear my Miu Miu crop tops. Like I'm not throwing out all my shit. Then you can wash it all on hot, but that just ruins it all. Yada, yada, yada, right? So Tina calls the hotel staff.

And I have them come to my room. Yeah, I heard about this encounter. And I'm deaf. I'm covered in these bites. And you can't scratch them as well because it can release the venom. And if you're already allergic enough to the venom to have all the red bites and like be feeling all the itch and whatever, you can go into anaphylactic shock. So now I have Amari's EpiPen ready. That would be a bummer. Such a fucking bummer. Does he bring his EpiPen? Oh, he should. Of course he should. Yeah. And so then they're taking off all the sheets and...

and they're ironing the sheets because that's how bed bugs come and you should have seen me brooke i didn't believe them i was like they're gonna try to gaslight me obviously into telling me their hotel doesn't have bed bugs so i heat up my curling iron and my flat iron and i'm beside them the edge of the bed just just really making sure on my behalf okay

And eventually they tell me like, yeah, you were clearly bitten by something that isn't a mosquito. We don't know. We don't think there are bed bugs here. They wash all my beds. They send a Parisian doctor to my hotel room. Honestly, that's service. That's good service. This man shows up in an Adidas t-shirt with a cross earring. Hi. And I'm not. If he's educated, he's educated. Okay, but then I'm going to show you. We don't judge here.

He looks at me. We actually do judge a lot here. We're working on that. He looks at my bites. He goes, bed bugs. Really good. And then he takes a dirty bottle out of his pocket. I have a photo. I'm happy to insert it. Why does it look like that? And says, take this. What the literal fuck is that? Yeah, no, not take this. And then he takes a dirty bottle out of his pocket.

And it's just this white pill. There's no like markings on it. I'm like, I can't even pill report this shit. Okay. And you're, you have like major med anxiety, which is weird thinking about like the street perks I've taken in my life. Yeah. They don't go hand in hand. It is. But sometimes you're just not consistent and that's fine. And 100%. So he gives me that. I call my doctor. My doctor like essentially calls in some fucking hydrocortisone cream for me. So now instead of like,

having fun parisian sex with mikoa he's like putting hydrocortisone all over me um which is super hot after they cleaned the bed it kind of went away then we went to the sex toy store and i got a bunch of whips and chains and i decided that i'll show the bed bugs i bite back i'm home and i think there's bed bugs in my room but i don't well there's no way i could have predicted that ending you bite back was crazy that was criminal and i you should get in trouble for it oh

When I started on the internet, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm working on launching a merch store and sharing some new merch with you, and it's so easy, all because I use Shopify. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business, from the launch your online shop stage to the first real-life store stage, all the way to the did-we-just-hit-a-million-orders stage. Shopify is there to help you grow. Whether you're selling scented soap,

or offering outdoor outfits. Shopify helps you sell everywhere from their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system. Wherever and whatever you're selling, Shopify's got you covered. Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout. $36

percent better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms and sell more with less effort thanks to Shopify magic your AI powered all-star what I love about Shopify is how no matter how big you want to grow Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level

Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States. And Shopify is the global force behind Allbirds, Rothy's, Brooklinen, and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across 175 countries. Plus, Shopify's award-winning help is there to support your success every step of the way. Because businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash Tana.

all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash Tana now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. That's shopify.com slash Tana. Thank you, Shopify, for sponsoring today's episode of the Cancelled Podcast. I thought TSA stole from me. They didn't. I was going to go on a whole tangent. But TSA almost stole from me. Okay, is that enough to go on a tangent? They didn't steal from me. I bought this Louis Vuitton dog collar for Winnie to bring home from Paris. And I had them wrap it in like gift wrap.

to open it up, duh, like when I got back here. And when we got back, the box was empty. And so then I'm like, where the fuck is this dog collar? Like there's no way some TSA agent somewhere is yelling shoes off with my Louis Vuitton dog collar on. And...

It was like essentially unwrapped and then the dog collar was in my opposite suitcase that it was never in. So I think that a TSA agent essentially like opened my shit up like thinking it was like a fun wallet and then they were like eh. And like almost stole from me. Sometimes they do open your stuff though. But just how did it end up in the opposing suitcase? British Airways or TSA. I'm not actually sure who I'm mad at. I'm never sure who I'm mad at. Yeah.

Well, I mentioned earlier that I'm on new medication. It's making me really stupid. Well, I'm stupid, so that can work. No. So when I was younger, I had like horrible migraines and I took a medication called topamyrate or topamax. People call it dopamax because it makes you stupid. And it's an anticonvulsant, so like a seizure medication, but it's really helpful for migraines, but it also makes all your hair fall out.

um it doesn't matter i was on that and i had to get off because i was um one time i literally did you look like mr clean no luckily i didn't have the side effect but i did have the side effect of being an absolute idiot and i drove my car away from the gas station with the pump still inside and i dragged it down the street okay so then i was like you know what i have to get off of dopamax all right and my new mood stabilizers which i got on as a gift to you

He's real. I know he's real. He answers some of my questions. No, it was something I needed. Because, listen, well, Buterin, obviously, I have a lot of emotions, okay? And I'm very, very emotional. You're like if the Inside Out characters, like, had a bunch of sex and there was, like, 70 of them. Okay. Normally, people describe it as, like, having, like, a ton of nerve endings, like, outside your body and everything affects you a lot more. Anyway. I like that more. Yeah. So...

I, well, Buterin helps only really one of my emotions, which, well, actually two. Sad and anxious. Okay. But those are two of 17 emotions that I have. So it's like I got to cover the rest. All right. So I did get on a new mood stabilizer, but it is also an anti-convulsant. See, now I'm imagining all the inside out characters, but like Joy's barred out. Who said there should be one that's horny? Absolutely. An addiction. Just a big giant monster who wants...

Addiction is not an emotion at all. Anyway, it's making me really stupid and I can't spell. I remember the other day I spelt like owl or something and I spelt like I put like a w o l and I was like, what's going on? And I've been stumbling over my words and like stuttering and like I just have been having a hard time like articulating my thoughts.

And I'm worried I might have to get off of it And we might be back to square one We can have a smooth transition Into a new friend 100% No but it's I think they call it like Tie trading Like you It's like

There's like a risk of developing like a really, really crazy rash that's like deadly if you take a high dose right away. So they have to titrate you like where I take like right for the first 16. Like weaning. Yes, but like it's so serious and it says the day on it and you cannot get it wrong. So I've like I've been taking one pill for 16 days and then now I'm taking two pills and then all the way like until I get to the point where I'm like stable as fuck. But you guys are not even ready for me to...

Pop out. Stable as hell. Stable. Fuck those horses. She is the stable. Yeah. If it makes you feel any better, Tina. I don't have split personality disorder, by the way. That's just me hammered. I forgot my own phone number. Oh, I remember it. A couple days ago. 310.

I remember it. So our two little brain cells can just rattle around like fucking walnuts. I got a new debit card and my last four digits are the last four digits of Clinton Cain's phone number. I'm like checking if I have his phone number, ordering some new Miu Miu for the bed bugs. You're going to have to guess the rest. And there's not much money in there these days. Yeah.

I keep seeing all these things that you're dating Rob from Love Island or that you dated Rob from Love Island. Have you seen that? I know. And if you actually watch the video, like I almost got convinced. Me too. So like. It was kind of crazy because I did. I talked about him on the podcast like long before he was on Love Island. I was like, I met this guy because we sat next to him at the streaming. Okay. So that is the same guy. Yes.

We sat next to Rob from Love Island at the Streamies. But he wasn't from Love Island. Yeah, he was just Rob from the snakes. Yes. And you were saying he was a really sexy snake whisperer. Yes. So you were talking about him. Yes, but I knew at the time... In my head, I knew that one of my friends was seeing... Or like had seen this guy named...

or I didn't know his name, but he was a snake whisperer. And I'm like, how many snake whisperers, like hot snake whispers can there be? So in my head, I just like it was automatically, obviously, this is him. So I can't talk to him. And I didn't. But I posted that in my blog. I was like, there's a hot guy at our table. And then I talked about on the podcast and I said he was a snake whisperer or whatever.

And then Bebe makes a video about how like her one of her friends dated Rob from Love Island. Which wasn't me. Yes. OK. And they earlier they had like a situationship or whatever. But like everyone started thinking it was me. And honestly, I watched the video and I was like, all of this checks out. Like, honestly, I'm convinced. It's so wild to me that.

And I really only mean this about the man in Here I Go. But like to think like Harry Jowsey had a life before Too Hot to Handle. It was just like roaming around. Like it's so weird that we were in the vicinity of like Rob from Love Island, but he was just Rob from the Snakes. But what was he doing at the Streamys? And he had a great seat. So was he an influencer before? Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. He was doing snake content.

Also, what is that? That's another problem I had, too, is so I had just posted all these videos of these this snake that I found on the road. And everyone was like, she's clearly trying to get Rob's attention. I'm like, and you're like always wearing overalls, too. Let's be.

Let's be so serious. I grew up with reptiles. I have a terrarium in my house at home. I grew up with reptiles. I did. I had geckos. I'm still at home. I have monitor lizards. Like I've always grown up with aquariums and a terrarium with reptiles. So I am a snake. Like I love snakes. I was raised by two reptiles. My favorite teacher had a ball python that I would literally just hold my entire class. I love snakes so much.

But I was like really like offended that everyone's like all she does is like try to get a guy's attention. I'm like so true. I was seeing where you were going to take me though. So true. But not this time. Rob is single right? I don't know. I don't know him. I've never met him. I like we sat across from each other at the streamies. We didn't speak a word. I wonder what will come of this. I think he's single. I've been like seeing a lot of shit. Like he's just.

He's doing the real L.A. reality star dating trope, right? Yeah. And as you should, honestly. I ran into Harry yesterday. He was really nice. That's good. Yeah. I'm about to turn you on to one of my absolute favorite products. It's Lumi's Whole Body Deodorant Stick.

I realized I love this product when people started complimenting my scent. I love the benefits of the whole body Dio, which include whole body formula for pits, privates, feet and beyond 72 hours odor control, long lasting OBGYN developed, doesn't cause you irritation, smells really good, great selection of scents, including unscented option, brightens dark spots, confidence boosting in general before intimacy, works better than other Dio's you've tried. I truly can't recommend this product enough.

Ready to make the upgrade to Lume? Special offer. New customers get 15% off all Lume products with our exclusive code and link. Use code CANCELLED at LumeDeodorant.com. L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. I like that Lume keeps me smelling fresh and feeling clean.

Whole body deodorant. Lume is seriously safe to use anywhere on your body. Pits, under boobs, thigh folds, belly buttons, butt cracks, vulvas, and feet. Created by an OBGYN who saw firsthand how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated. Clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours. How? Unlike certain traditional deodorants that try to mask odor with a fragrance, Lume is formulated and powered by mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts. More like a pre-odorant. Plus sweat control. The same outrageously effective

Thank you.

Thank you.

Choose from a variety of fresh, bright scents like clean tangerine, lavender sage, or toasted coconut. Lumi's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping.

As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lume products with our exclusive code. And you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack that equals over 40% off the starter pack. Use code CANCELLED for 15% off your first purchase at LumeDeodorant.com. That's code CANCELLED, that L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. Thank you, Lume, for sponsoring today's episode of the Canceled Podcast. What's going on in pop culture is it is all of these things that...

I don't know if I have anything to add to like Blake Lively, the redhead. You know what? I have some insider information on Blake Lively. Okay. I have somebody who knows her really well that I was in a room with the other day and she told me she was like, this was a long time coming. She's like this. She's one of the worst people I've ever met.

which is so disappointing because I was such a Gossip Girl like super fan. Did you watch Gossip Girl? Of course. I was a super fan and I loved her so much. But like looking back, there's no one who really has any good stories about her. But it really disappoints me because I really love her and Ryan as a couple. I think we have a new couple that we're supposed to love. I think it's interesting like because I think that Gossip Girl was so amazing and maybe this is just like

From someone who loved it But everyone was like The way she played Serena Was so amazing But I guess what's coming To the forefront Is she was more so Like typecast Yeah like She said that In an interview She was like I'm not somebody Who can just go in She's not that type of actor She was like I can't go in And like become somebody new Which is kind of crazy Because that's like Literally the job Um

But who am I to judge? That's so interesting. I am disappointed because she's so funny and her and Ryan, their little relationship has always been like... I always looked up to it. Yeah, their speeches and shit were always very cute about each other. I'm surprised the Swifties haven't saved her because, you know, they're the biggest and strongest community in this entire world. I've been seeing a lot of these takes lately on how...

I don't know the way the internet and the culture is changing is that people value and favor relatability so much more than being like out of touch. And it's like, you're really going to say Lorraine Schwartz is your comfort blanket like that. It's just, I didn't know what she said or I didn't, I don't even know who Lorraine is. Diamonds, a diamond maker while she's doing interviews about a movie. I am relatable. Like, I'm like, who's Lorraine? Like, that's just amazing.

but also like why would they wait do you remember cast Blake for like this role in this very serious movie if she wasn't passionate about it and was like like did anybody run the PR by her no so I read the book I loved the book the book was amazing everybody else in that movie was so perfectly cast okay like Atlas and

Like, Ryle, like, everybody's perfectly cast, but it was so distracting to me that it was Blake Lively as Lily that I, like, literally, I couldn't think of anything else the entire time. So it was really interesting that they had chosen her. But more so, so she produced the movie. And there were, like, two versions, I guess. Like, Justin Baldoni also had a version, and his was, like, more serious. And I think his...

approach was just more serious and it should have been serious. Well, even seeing how he's like, I saw a clip of him the other day going to a theater after the movie and the lights came on and he was like, hey, if you see anyone alone who's been affected by this, like maybe go talk to them and like, I don't know. It's just like maybe she's just lucky enough to not have ever had to experience something like that or had someone close to her experience something like that. And like, but then why? But it's your job. Like if you are involved in a project like that is your job to understand like the severity of that issue and

And it's been done right. Like that's the thing. There's like so like Big Little Lies, for example. Have you seen it? It's amazing. But like there's no like, you know, like cutesy branding for Big Little Lies. Like it's it's it was promoted as like kind of a dark show. And it is a dark show, but it has a lot of like domestic violence. Like that's what you have to do.

Like you can't. And she says, put on your florals and come see us in theaters. I'm like, Blake? I saw this TikTok the other day where it was like, you know how in bathrooms they have those things of all the tabs that you can pull with phone numbers? Yeah. Like if you're in a domestically violent situation, like pull one of these tabs. And it was someone going through all the stalls in a woman's bathroom and every single tab was taken. That's horrible. And again, it's something I've been very personally affected by in my life. So I'm very passionate about it. But it's still like, how could you ever be?

Cast in that role And then not take that Because she's a huge star Seriously though That's the problem I feel like she just got this Like ego I mean I don't know her So like I don't want to You know Again I don't want to Contribute to anybody's I also this take Has been said a million times So I'm just like so over But yeah well It does just like It's probably just Really frustrating Like

I've never experienced like domestic abuse obviously but like I can't imagine if I had watching this all pan out and like the rollout of this movie in the press that they've been doing I would have been infuriated because it's like how can you make this such an unserious thing like a light-hearted like cutesy thing even the like you know the photo like like everything about it has just been done wrong yeah I think until all of this I definitely thought that it was just like even the promo like

With my tears ricochet and everything, I thought it was just another drama rom-com. Well, a lot of people thought it was a cutesy romantic movie. I had read the book, so I knew how traumatizing it was. So I've read a lot of Colleen Hoover books, but do you know the drama with Colleen? So she wrote It Ends With Us, and she got a lot of backlash because she was putting out It Ends With Us coloring books and stuff. It's like, wait, that's not really...

But so she had she'd come forward and said, like, this is actually my mom's story. Like I wrote this like about my mom's experience. This is someone told me the story. So I hope I'm not getting things wrong. But it came out that her parents have been. And she was like, well, one of my first memories of like in my life is like my dad's throwing a chair across the room at my mom. And she's saying all this. And like, you know, she's talking about her mom was like abused. Come to find out her parents have been separated since she was two years old.

She's never even like literally been in the same room as both of her parents. So she just like made that up to save face for like... For a fact made that up? Like there's no way she was around them together? I mean, this story was told to me. So I don't know if I'm like doing a game of telephone and telling it like wrong. And that's dangerous. I do that sometimes. But...

If that's like I think there's just been like a lot of controversy like around her in general because it's like what you can't make a cutesy cutesy like he about a domestic like a serious domestic violence. I guess I'm just I don't know enough of Colleen Hoover's lore. I can't read a book if I try. I read literally every book that she wrote and I was I was a fan like a big fan of hers. But that I don't that doesn't sit right with me. Did you know that Olivia Ponton is in the movie? I was hearing that.

I might go like after all of this, I honestly want to go see it. I thought it was well made. Like I liked the movie. If Blake wasn't in no shade of black, I like love to see Blake and other things, but she wasn't supposed to be lowly. And now I just want to see her. But it is enough to see Ryle and Atlas. Just stare at them. Oh my God. It's really crazy that the film was, correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't seen it. Here I go talking about a movie I literally haven't seen. But yeah,

You watch it from the woman's perspective where you're questioning like, oh, did did he do these abusive things? And then in the end, you see it from his perspective. Right. And you know that he did those things like the scene where, you know, she's grabbing the hot pan and then he. Well, I think she like was, you know, it's it's common. It's like you try to convince yourself that it's an accident or like, you know, you believe what they're saying. But then the ending shows that it all wasn't an accident. Well, she just comes to terms with like, this is what's been happening.

You know what I mean? But I don't think she ever doubted it. I think she just like chose to not believe it. But it's a beautiful book. Like it's an amazing book whether like, I mean, obviously a lot of things have been done wrong, but it's a really, really like, oh my God, it ruined me.

You don't like fiction books. That's so interesting to me. I can only read fiction. Like I just prefer, like even in this case, I would rather read someone's real story from their perspective because it moves me because it's real. Like, yeah, I don't know. I feel like, but my like goal with reading is to like literally escape life. That's why I like sci-fi and stuff so much because I like, I want it to feel so far away from my world that I am literally no longer here. I'm so the opposite. Like I cannot even get into it if it's not like an autobiography. Really? Like I'm so into, uh,

Sarah J. Moss right now. She writes like all the like she wrote the ACOTAR series. You don't know. It doesn't matter. But it's all like sci-fi and it's like very like it's like mystical like none of it's real. Miss me with that motherfucking wizards and warlock shit. No I love it because it's so unreal. It's like Harry Potter like you know what I mean. It's like it's something you can't don't gag at Harry Potter. You're like why am I gagging at Harry Potter. That is on me. We've had this conversation on this couch before. I that's so on me like I wish I could.

I wish I had the attention span. I wish I had the joy for things that... You know what's crazy? Sorry, I just completely ignored you. No, you're fine. I loved Harry Potter. Me and my grandma went to see every single Harry Potter in theaters and it was like my favorite thing. And I was so young that now I could rewatch it and it's like I've never seen it before. I think that when I have a kid, I'll, you know, but then... That's the most exciting thing about having a kid. I think Paige and I talked about this. Like...

So like I don't maybe I'll just shut up. They will have like honestly what's crazy is Harry Potter was a long time ago. They will have remade Harry Potter probably like within our lifetime. Don't you think? With Daniel Radcliffe? No. So it's like Milo Manheim. We're done. We're done. I don't need any. I'll watch it. Fucking.

Honestly, he would be a good Harry Potter. But they will redo it. If you think about it like so what was I talking about today? A movie. Oh, Twisters. I didn't realize that Twisters was a remake. I didn't. Did you know that? Same with Thanksgiving. I didn't know that.

Oh, I didn't. Well, I didn't. I went to the premiere. Actually, I went to the premiere for both of those. But outside the Twisters premiere, there were PETA was protesting outside. And I was like, what's going on? But it's because in the original Twisters, there were cows flying around. Real cows? Yes. I mean, not like no, but like.

like that it was depicted in the film but like there were no cows harmed in the making of the new twisters and i did love it so there were okay i know nothing about this so i don't even know why i'm like so there were cows harmed in the og i don't know what we're talking no like you know like the there's like a image that we have of um tornadoes like and we picture a little like cows flying around right so peter i picture like old ladies what

When I think tornado, I think of like an old woman flying in like a twin bed. Have you seen that amazing video of that woman who like, I don't want to call it amazing because it wasn't like an amazing video. But well, yeah, it was. Her house had just been destroyed. I don't know if it was a hurricane or a tornado. And it was like nothing but rubble. But she'd been standing there for days or she'd been looking for her dog for days. And the news was covering it. And literally as they're talking to her, they hear the dog and she pulls it out of the rubble.

I have seen that actually. It is the most. I'm on a hope core TikTok forever. It kills me. I just want to not cry at TikTok for one day, but I never will. I do cry lots at TikTok. My boobs are healing nicely. I can lay straight on my stomach.

Can you? They're no longer... I think that they're no longer looking like they're bolted to my chest. They still have a ways to drop, but they're like starting to move a bit. I am so in love with your tits. I really... In the straightest possible way. I really love them. That I put on a bombshell bra today. I was like, I can't even sit next to them with whatever the fuck I'm working with. You could like shoot me. You could stab me in the tit right now and there's enough fucking padding to like stop that. I... You're safe and I love that about you. Like, you know, in Scream when...

Carmen Electra gets stabbed in the tit. What scream is that? That is like exactly. One of my boyfriends is in scream. That's exactly what I'm having to do. He better not be your boyfriend anymore. He's not. I haven't spoken to him still. You're going to be so proud of me. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. I can do full mobility. I took a dance class the other day. I love I can do full mobility. I don't. Yeah, that wasn't quite right. I'm telling you. It's very new meds. So arms are raised. Arms are raised. They don't hurt at all. Everything is.

Like everything's a-okay. Shout out Dr. Barrett. I'm going next. I really am. Well, I literally have to leave for Las Vegas so soon. I need to pack my little poker fit. I need to study. I bombed last time. I did so horrible. Like in what world am I going to let Stiney and Zach Justice knock me out of a poker tournament? I'm ashamed I left there with my tail between my legs. And tomorrow I have 81 people to beat.

You have to redeem yourself. You will. I am. I'm sending you good vibes. You know what? You know what happened? Retrograde's over. As of I think today. That's weird. I really felt this retrograde. Like everything they said would happen would happen. Like I felt this retrograde as well. Like just like communication issues with everyone close to you as a cancer specifically. I like felt like everything I was saying to everyone like it just wasn't what I was trying to say. Everyone, Makoa, you, everyone in my life like.

I don't know. I personally was the cow in the tornado. Yeah. The bed bugs were a really big retrograde staple for me. I'm definitely going to go see if they're in my corsets after this. I've been really struggling with raising my children together. They hate each other. Well, they don't hate each other, but... Are you talking about your cats? Yeah. Yeah.

You want to talk about that or no? No, we don't have to. We can. I got a lot of hate when I got Mouse. Like she, she doesn't even know what having a bingo, like I knew what, like what I was in for. You know what I mean? Because bingos are very, very different than regular cats. They're like active. And now I have to start feeding him raw because he's about to be six months. Feeding him raw? Raw meat. Like carpaccio? Raw meat. Raw meat.

Like a wild animal. Yes. So what? What? But like you buy like like like for shoot. You buy raw steak. You buy like yeah. Like I'm actually not 100% sure. I have to look into that. But so he I told the whole story already but he ate a well buterin and then a 300 milligram well buterin. He's only four pounds. Okay. Because he I think he has like pica or something. He will eat everything. What's pica? Where you like like people who eat like

Inanimate objects? Feathers. Yeah. Like, like, like not food. I'm close to Pika. So he, he like, like he ate an entire bouquet of roses the other day. Like there's nothing that he won't eat. You know what I mean? So if he hears a tap on, like I dropped my pill on the ground. I'm not even kidding. I didn't, I don't even think it hit the ground before it like was down his esophagus. And I freak out obviously. So then I go on this emergency pet service. Like I literally Google like emergency, like poison control. And I find this service. First thing I find,

And I you have to pay for it first, which already like what the fuck do you mean? I'm going to have to type in all my information if I think my animal is about to die. OK, it's like those websites where you try to find people's phone numbers. And yeah, so I start talking to this girl and she's like a tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide. OK, because that makes animals throw up.

So I didn't have it, but Amanda had it. Amanda's not home. I have to have the person downstairs come up, unlock her unit. I'm sifting through her cabinets. I get hydrogen peroxide and I give him a tablespoon. Okay. And he's just doing flips around the apartment. All right. He is not throwing up there. Nothing about it. And time is passing. And I'm like, oh my God, like I'm freaking out because he's not throwing up. So I'm messaging this person. They ghost me.

completely ghost me so then I start obviously sending them death threats because I'm like what the fuck do you mean you're an emergency veterinary service I tell you that my animal is maybe poisoned and you're just ghosting me they wrote me back literally like an hour later saying like uh sorry I had a family situation I'm like suing doesn't matter by that point I'd already obviously called ASPCA ASPCA told me to go to the animal hospital I went to the animal hospital they said no you need to go to the emergency room so I took them to the emergency room

And they go take him back. They assess him, whatever. They come out and they tell me, you know what? He needs to spend the night. Why does he need to spend the night? You ask? Because he had a tablespoon of fucking hydrogen peroxide. Not because he had a 300 milligram. What? Butrin. Okay. That woman, that stupid idiot fucking woman. And I won't name her by name because we're not bullying anymore.

she gave me advice that you you give that to a dog like that's what makes a dog throw up for cats like they were like he can have like ulcers like there's a lot of things that can happen so we just want to monitor him guess how much money i spent for him to spend the night in the hospital that night more than five thousand five thousand dollars five thousand dollars because some lady who had an emergency pet service told me to give him hydrogen peroxide but like i'm happy he's okay i'm just what was the emergence was it like

My animal is sick. It was like poison control. It was literally like a poison control, like, like forum, like situ. I don't even know, but I should have just immediately called the ASPCA. I didn't even think about it. I do have pet insurance, so I will probably be mostly reimbursed, but he's been to the vet like a hundred times now because he's just like he, you can, he can open the fridge and

He can open the trash can. Today I found him eating a chicken samosa. Okay, he can't have grains. He's like Bengal. He can do everything. He can open every drawer. He can open every cabinet. He's four pounds. He's going to be 20 pounds. He's just like barred out eating perfume. Like what? Like this is bad. But it's really like, I don't know. How do people have like nine Bengals? I feel like everyone I know who has a cat in LA has a Bengal. I think it has to do too with obviously him being a kitten, but...

Like I've never had a kitten like Murphy wasn't really a kitten when I got her. She was she was an old kitten. She was like seven months. So I just I'm not used to that energy combined with him being an actual wild animal. I did get him a wheel. So I try to get him to run on his wheel as long as I can. But like he needs so much stimulation all the time. And like I'm playing with him all day, but he just doesn't get tired. But I love him. He just wants to eat like tart blush. Like that's awful. He eats everything and he growls.

What does Murphy think of all this? Murphy is fucking furious. I have to spend at least like two hours a day with him in the room so that Murphy will like

Engage with me Because like It's really put a strain On our relationship She does like him They play I just feel like Murphy's energy Is very much like Even as a kitten She was giving like Wise old grandma Like you know She's like fed up Cats like do have Different personalities And she's a girl And she's just you know She's choosy with her energy She does like him I caught them cuddling This morning I have the cutest photo But

Most of the time she Well it's like If she comes and sits in my lap He'll just come and ruin it And he'll come and push her off And then I'm heartbroken Because Murphy and I Don't have our special bonding time She's protecting her peace Honestly And what a queen for that I know but I just don't want her To feel neglected I don't want her to feel like I don't Like she's my first love Yeah

And if at any point she says the word, I'm dropping that second one off at the fire station. I'm just kidding. I think over time it'll be fine and like good for you for putting the work in. And I think the work of pets. I'm just like, I'm so, I'm so not used to it, but it's been like fun kind of because it's like having a puppy. But why can he open the fridge? But that's why people get like puppy blues. Like I just feel like any new pet, it's like it can be very hard, you know? Yeah. I want a goldfish. Even Makoa says no to that. Goldfish are hard to take care of.

And they don't have very good memories, so they just eat too much. I'm literally a goldfish. My old dog died of obesity because my grandma has dementia, and she was feeding him over and over and over and over again. Pancakes and cereal. Anyway, also, she was a girl. I don't know why I just said that she was a boy. I do have some things to say over on the Patreon. Patreon. Still can't say it right. I'm totally kidding about talking shit, by the way. I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm going to talk about my new boyfriend that literally is not dating me at all. But he might be soon.

I'm hopeful. I can talk about my current one. I do have some, yeah, all kinds of things to say. But we'll go over there. And we love you guys so much. And you know I always want to put out an episode every single week. And I'm very sorry for my mental health getting the best of that. And please just, I want to ask people to stop speculating. But I know that shit comes with my life. So keep on speculating. But we're here on this couch and we're

We love you guys so much and no one's getting canceled off the canceled podcast. And we just appreciate everyone who listens and supports us and always has and always will. And I hope to come back to you guys next week with a better mental state, a poker win and some fun announcements. Yay. I love you guys.