85: CANCELLED PODCAST: HAWAII EDITION - Ep. 85
01:13:55 Share

Los virus del COVID-19 y la gripe se disfrazan para burlar a tu sistema inmunitario. Por eso las vacunas se actualizan para protegerte. Ponte al día con las vacunas. Patrocinado por los defensores de la educación, la equidad y el progreso de la vacunación.

Dental One Associates redefine what it means to visit the dentist. Get top-quality, personalized support from committed experts that prioritize the well-being and satisfaction of you and your family. Care is centered on a highly personalized treatment plan backed by the trust and support of long-lasting relationships. Find out how you can make an appointment for a custom smile design experience by visiting doa-seriousxm.com.

Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast Maui edition. Can you tell that we're in a different location than usual? And we are actually right by the Maui airport. So if you hear every tourist ever flying away, our bad.

It's so funny because this is the definition of one of my like harebrained ideas. Oh, I love it. I feel like it was like kind of one of those things that's like, oh, yeah, sure, Tana. Like we'll fly Oscar here and Oscar's here. So we were sitting at dinner the other night and I was like, oh, my God, I want to stay in Maui for the next fucking year. And we don't have a podcast episode. I'm not going home. More so we were sitting here and we're like, oh, fuck. Like we didn't even think about that.

Literally at all. And I was like, well, what if we just shoot the podcast here? I want it to be like that Drake and Lil Yachty video. And somehow Oscar's here and we're fucking doing it. But it's like, I only got this far. Like, now what? We podcast. What are you talking about? We are in Maui. We're in one of the most beautiful places in the world. The weather is less than ideal today, I will say. But is there ever a bad day in Maui? No. That's the thing. I feel like rain here is like...

you know, like the sky just giving you a gift. Well, I was distraught because I was so excited. I planned this trip. I never in life have ever like bought a vacation for myself. So I was like, you know what? I'm finally going to do my big one. Cost is not an issue. It was a huge issue. It's so funny. We were like in a green room in like Virginia and I was like, we should go to Maui and stay at the Four Seasons. And then the next day you come in, you're like, it's booked. And then I went and looked at the price and I was like,

Oh, because at the time I was like I was doing it as a couple's retreat. It was like a whole thing. Yeah. She swapped out her plus one seven different times. She landed on BB. She brought BB. But no, I was bringing a man here because I was like, you know what? Like, I do want to have like a little excursion. I thought it was going to be fun, like a little double date situation with you and Makoa. Mm hmm.

And last minute I was like, you know what? This is a horrible idea. So BB is here. And honestly, she has been slain. I'm so happy it's BB and not that man. No offense to that man. But P.U. It's just I love I love you in this light. And I think we've had such a good little trip. The point is, I looked at the weather forecast and was like, there's no fucking way it's going to be storming the entire time. And it hasn't.

Hasn't been horrible. It hasn't. It's been a little cloudy. My first two days, I did not see a cloud in the sky. Really? Those are, of course, the two days I wasn't here. Janice coincidentally, accidentally didn't show up for her first two days in the hotel. I want to talk about GERD. I want to talk about GERD, okay?

Here's the thing. Trevi Moran, wherever she is, Trevi, I love you so much. Trevi all the time is like, my GERD is acting up. My GERD, I can't eat this because of my GERD. My GERD, GERD, GERD, GERD, GERD, GERD, right? And I'm always coming at Trevi like, shut the fuck up about your GERD. I hate the word GERD. GERD, GERD, GERD, GERD is the word. I hate it.

It's just so gross. And I'm always coming out here. And then I developed GERD. I got got by TikTok shop. I got so got. They're like, take these digestive enzymes. They're going to make your stomach so flat. And they're going to make you so skinny. And you're so bloated. And you need these and whatever. And so I took them. What happened? They ruined my whole entire life. I've never...

It felt like somebody shoved a basketball up my ass. No, but no, not in a fun way. Like in my, like I've never been so bloated that I genuinely felt like I was going to like pop. And like the bloat was giving me chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack all week. Now I'm on Prilosec OTC. We went to breakfast this morning. Tana's like, oh no, I forgot my Prilosec. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, shh.

Yeah, stop. She's screaming. You just always see those commercials like Prilosec OTC. And it's like now I'm literally on Prilosec OTC. What is OTC? Over the counter? I think so. Is there under the counter Prilosec? Like the...

Like, the real stuff? The good stuff? And that's what I would really need. I'm not kidding. I'm sure Trevi has some shit like that. But it's just like, yeah, my gird stopped me from going to Hawaii. Here's the thing. I... Listen, and I never ever want to, like, belittle, like, your situation. However, I do think there's, like, steps...

before GERD. Like, GERD is a chronic illness. I know GERD is like IBS or whatever. It's like if you had diarrhea once and you were like, oh, I have IBS. That's very fair. Like, the people who really struggle with GERD, we have a hottie looking at us, honestly. We have a hottie neighbor. Hello! It's so funny. There's like 90 people here right now all watching us. And it's like, I like having like, well, like at home when people watch our podcast, but like

from Hawaii is watching us right now. It's really settling that they cannot hear a word that we're saying. That's actually really, really true. Jeff Wittek's also here. He said he was going to fly out and I just didn't believe him at all. And now he's in Maui. I see him as we speak. He has this fucking, well, I shouldn't be talking shit about him while he's not on the mic.

But this problem where we will travel the whole world, right? Like everywhere in the world that we go. And then he'll be like, I'm just going to stay in and watch UFC. Like yesterday, we're going to this beautiful Black Sand Beach. We went to Coachella and he didn't even literally look up from his computer. I have hobbies. Fucking shoot me. It's just an interesting place to choose to have your hobbies. So, yeah, we're in Maui. How have you been enjoying it?

Maui. I have been having the best time ever. I really want to. I want you to get a Maui boyfriend so bad so that we can live out this fantasy. I've been kind of looking. I like, honestly, I came to Maui. I really needed like a, like a feet in the grass like situation because I was really having like an episode, honestly. What do you mean? And so like I was like very like dissociated in life. So I was like, you know, I have to do like outdoorsy things and like be outside and like really feel like a human being. Yeah.

And even the first two days was like, I was still very like, I don't know how to describe it, but now I'm feeling like good. So now maybe I could venture out and find a Hawaii boyfriend. We, I feel like we've been talking a lot about like the mental health effects of tour. And I, I was like, I feel fine. I can't figure out like, you know what I mean? Like people say like after tour, you feel certain ways mentally. And I finally figured out what my fucking issue is. And it's that now after going that hard, I can not stop.

sit still to save my life for even a second. I came here on like Monday or whatever, right? And it was Sunday afternoon and I have 12 hours until I'm leaving on a Maui excursion. I was on the Southwest app looking at flights to go to Vegas for those eight hours. Like get a fucking grip, bitch. It was Mother's Day, but yeah, that's solid.

It just... I wanted to anyways, you know? And it's like... That's not a horrible, like, problem to have, though, because that keeps you busy. That, like, keeps you, like... Yeah, but when you can't fucking sit still and sit alone with yourself, it can be scary, so... When I'm trying to put my finger on what my problem is, it's that I haven't had the chance to sit alone with myself. And that's so important to me. Like, Paige and I talk about this all the time, how, like, important it... It's literally like putting your phone on a charger. Like, me going home and being by myself, I have to do it for X amount of hours a day or I... Lose it. I mean, like, I'm...

a nuisance to society. I'm the worst. Everybody's getting it. Like it's horrible. Yeah. And I almost have felt like that all the time because obviously on tour you never are even alone for one second. And then since I've been home it's almost been like

You have to catch up for all the things like that you didn't do while you're on tour. So again, you're not alone ever. And it's like horrible. But then I came here and I'm still not alone. Yeah. So I just need to be chill. Like if it's here, it's fine. It's like get off your phone. Like just the dopamine of it all. I need to fucking sit and stare at a tree and fucking just chill. And that's.

I'm starting to get more chill again, but I'm just like, I feel like I also took an Adderall today. I'm not anymore. My mom texted me and said, you're doing math. Jeff Wittek gave me Adderall. I'm sorry, Jeff Wittek's associate. Here's the thing. It's like I like looking at my pill bottles and seeing Tana Mongeau. You know what I mean? And just like, no, like my I like when my pill bottles say Tana Mongeau. Today I open up a pill bottle that says Cody. At least there's a bottle. I was buying it out of a bag for a little while there.

Cody's name's on the bottle. I take this Adderall, and it's literally ecstasy. It's ecstasy. I'm getting ready. I'm, like, rolling. No, don't spread those rumors because... Oh, no, I swear to God on the Bible. He gets them from the pharmacy. He's legitimate. His shit's clean. That's what I'm saying. If there's a bottle, you're safe. But he's just an idiot because...

Why the fuck are you leaving your name on the label when you're selling people these drugs? I'm fucking scratching right now. I swear to God. He gave you the bottle? I was on Reddit today literally looking up. Like, rip the label off, you know? Like, what if she gets caught with the shit? But he gave her the whole bottle? Yeah. I pay Tana and drugs to do Jeff FM. Ha ha!

I take this Adderall today and I'm literally on Reddit looking up like how to come down off Adderall. I had to drink all this orange juice. How to undo Adderall. You can undo Adderall, I found out, by taking a bunch of vitamin C. So I was just chugging orange juice and now I feel okay, but I literally feel like I took Coachella Molly and I just should have. You must have just taken too high a dose. I took, because you said orange, so 20 milligrams. No, I took a quarter of it.

I took a quarter of it. That can't be right. I did have three shots of espresso. Adderall affects me really crazy. Like I normally take a quarter. You're a pretty low doser. I, in college, I used to take, you know, I was in college. I was prescribed 60 milligrams a day of Adderall, which is...

I was 220 instance, 120 XR. Whatever doctor gave me that should go to jail now. In fact, they were trying to have you on Stephen Hawking mode. I would never actually like take that much. But I like I went so long without taking it at all because like I really didn't need it because I wasn't working or like doing school or anything. Now I can take like way less. Did you notice how I just got right in the middle of that sentence? I was like.

in the waves with my brain. I'm like, maybe I should be taking that. Holy shit. There's little turtles and stuff too over there. Yeah, this is the most beautiful. Normally, I don't know what really helps me today, but I got some street shit and I had to really do my orange juice big one. And now I'm like back to level, I think. And that won't happen again. I learned a lesson. Also, if you're watching this and you're thinking to yourself, God, Tana's face, she looks like paralyzed Jennifer Coolidge. I do not. You keep saying you look crazy. I think you look perfect. Well, that is so sweet.

Brooke Amber. No, seriously. I just, I wanted a lip flip. We've talked, we know about the lip flip, right? It's up near my lip, but it's gone. It's, and I, I saw these photos of me in Cabo. Trevor was taking photos of me and I swear to God, Tor aged me. 30 years, I had crow's feet and my lips look like paper, right? So I was like, I'm going to the med spa and I'm getting whatever they want to give me. And normally when I get a lip flip- You never give them creative freedom at the med spa. That's the thing. I kind of just walked in and-

Normally when I get a lip flip too, I say like I want a little one. I forgot to say that. A baby lip flip. They flipped my lips to the gods. I can't rinse mouthwash. When I talk, it's like... It's not...

Like my lip and me are two different entities right now. It's doing whatever it wants. Yeah. Independent contractor. I think that it'll go down by like July. But until then, July is crazy. I'm going to have new tits. And you're going to have a new lip. Yeah. We're just. I think you look cute. I think it looks just fine. I think you're like more hyper aware of it because we let it completely go away. And now it's like flipped to the God. But it's definitely not more flipped than it's been in the past.

I think it's more flipped than it's ever been. You think so? I mean, it's not more juiced than it's ever been. It's been more juiced, you know, with filler. I think that maybe that's why I think it looks fine stills because I've seen you like with like straight up

pool noodles in your lip. Pool noodles is so real and crazy. Like that's such an accurate analogy. Like I would have I could have been convinced before that you had an implant. Not kidding at all. I know it is. But that was again, you should never give the med spa creative freedom. And that's what I was doing at the time for fucking sure. I'm sad you're leaving me tonight. I know I did stay an extra day so that we could do a canceled podcast in it.

Maui. We're literally Drake and Lil Yachty right now. We are. Who's who? We got budget. Dibs on being Lil Yachty. Really? Yeah, I don't feel like I'd be hung if I were a guy. That's why I can't be Drake. I think if I was a guy, I would have a big fat cock. I know you would, actually. Like, my name would be Tanner, and it would be down to my knee. It directly correlates... And I don't even mean to... Oh, God, damn it. Do it. It directly correlates with foot size. And also...

I just think like I know that you would be hunting. Like I could tell like you have that energy about you. I know for a fact that I would have a chode. Well, you know, I've had my strap on endeavors and I know how to work a strap on. So it's kind of like I know I could fuck too. You could. I think so. Really? Yeah. I got to work on that. You should see my little face. I know.

I'm picturing it from the back like your little cheeks squeezing. Oh my god, stop. No. I never got one that was like... Oh, that was like straps around the leg? No, it would like go in your puss. Oh, it goes in too? It can, yeah. Oh, okay. It was like Bluetooth. I've got to stop. I don't actually know anything or much about them, but I'm eager to learn. I asked a guy recently if he would let me do it and he said no. It's not about asking once, it's about persistently seeding.

But it was a guy who I really thought trusted me, so that was upsetting. That does suck. I'm really sorry that happened to you. Yeah. As school germs return, rest easy. Clorox has got your back to school. Ugh, your back? It is I, your kid's germy desk, and I've got things to say. I've been sneezed on, used as a tissue, there's chewed up gum under my- Calm down. I'll get my Clorox disinfecting wipes. Oh, and can you please get these sweaty gym clothes off of me? Ugh.

School, am I right? Clorox disinfecting wipes kill 99.9% of viruses and bacteria and clean hundreds of messes on hard, non-porous surfaces when used as directed.

You hear that? That's the sound of instant relief from nasal congestion by the number one best-selling nasal strip brand in the world, Breathe Right. Breathe Right's drug-free, flexible, spring-like bands physically open your nose for increased airflow, allowing you to breathe easier, one breath at a time. We may not be able to put the feeling of instant relief into words, but believe us, you'll be able to feel it. Try us for free today at BreatheRight.com.

I just want to talk about the Netflix show Baby Reindeer. And I thought you were... You'd seen it, but you haven't. I haven't seen it. It's this show, right? And it's in the POV. It's not in the POV. I'm literally so fucking stupid. You're not stupid. First person. It's about this fucking guy, okay? And he...

is getting stalked by this woman, right? Like she comes into a bar he works at and then he, you can tell that he's kind of like a, a lonery type, like sad type. And you can tell he kind of likes the attention. So he's engaging with her and then she starts rampantly stalking him. And is this real? Here's the gag. So it ends up just being this really crazy show and all this fucked up shit happens to this guy, but you're kind of questioning if he's

bringing it upon himself because of the mental illness that he has. And it's one of the best shows I've seen in a really long time, right? And then you find out that this show is based on a completely true story. Oh, no. But not only that, get this. The man...

He's playing himself. It really happened to him. He went and he passed it. Wait, I just got full body chills. So he relived all of his trauma in order to execute this beautiful show. And he's probably really great at the role because if you're trying to be awkward and you're already like not somebody who. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen. And then. Did you know that before watching it or you found that out? I found that out before watching it. And it's just even that within itself, I think, makes it one of.

the greatest pieces of art I've seen in so long because it's like you being vulnerable enough and willing to relive your trauma and execute it so well is crazy right yeah like this crazy fucking bat shit woman is stalking you for years and years and years and like doing all this fucked up shit to you right and

And then the real woman comes out and like who they cast to play her. It's identical. Really? Her accent is like baby reindeer. I can't do it. That was bad. Is she Russian? No. Oh, maybe like Irish. Oh, I love an Irish accent. I'm going to be so like that might be completely wrong. I love an Irish accent. But the real woman just went on Piers Morgan doing an interview and it's like identical and you can tell she's so mentally ill. Oh, no. Yeah.

stalking, stalking galore. Is she okay? Like, did she ever get in trouble? I don't really want to know about the show because I want to watch it. You have to watch it. It's so insane. And I just...

I could really see this happening to you now that I'm thinking about it because you would like me being the stalker or no? No, not you being the stalker. You being the guy. Like I could see you like feeding, feeding a stalker. Like feeding the attention a little, like enjoying it. I don't think so. I like attention, but not that kind of attention. But like thinking it's harmless. And like, I could see myself like feeling bad being mean to somebody. Yeah.

Like, or being like, stop doing that. It was like all of it. Like he felt empathy for her. You could tell he like enjoyed the attention a little bit. And it's, I haven't seen the show. I'm like, I can see this happening. But by the end of it,

I'm just going to spoil it a little bit. No, don't. OK, fine. I won't spoil it to the point where you can't watch it. I'll forget. By the end of it, she does get penalized. But he's by the end of it, he has made himself so obsessed with her that it's almost like a like a he's listening to her voicemails on repeat in his headphones. Like, wow, she's like, I saw something about this on TikTok. She was doing like sent from iPhone and she didn't have an iPhone. Mm hmm.

And then one time she spelled iPhone wrong, which is so mean. It was all like spelled wrong and really funny and whatever, but it was just... I do want to watch it. I need a new show. And I think it shines a lot of light on like men getting stalked. Like it's just as like are men going through abuse? I think obviously just societally, like people don't take that as seriously. And it was like...

I know. I was feeling bad about that actually this morning because I was reading like a statement by Cassie's like husband. He was like men who hit women and like anything like the whole thing was like against women. I'm like, it happens to men too. That Diddy shit is crazy. Dude, it is crazy. And like, I don't know how much we should talk about it just because it's like, it's just like touchy and horrible, but.

Fuck Diddy. Like, oh my God, what a genuinely fuck Diddy. And I was so eerie. I went like, obviously that video just came out and I showed it to you last night, but I went through beforehand and I read Cassie's comments from like lately. Cause I think it was like, like six months ago that she and, or she had sued him for like loss of, first of all, loss of like,

What do you call it when, like, you didn't make money because of them? Yeah, loss of income. And just, like, emotional distress, obviously. And her comments are so disturbing and disgusting from just, like, men and women...

I tell you commenting on her stuff saying like, you're so fucking embarrassing. Like all you wanted was money. You money hungry whore, like just so fucking horrible. And just knowing that she was reading all of that, like thousands of comments that are exactly like that. Knowing what she knew makes me sick to my stomach. So that should go to show. You don't know these people. I also just think it's, it's really wild that video coming to surface because it's like he was willing to do that in a hotel room.

In public without pants on, I tell you. In public without pants on in a hotel hallway. He was willing to be that abusive. Imagine what was happening when he knew. That's the thing, too. And he knew, like, you have to know in your head, like, you're being filmed at that time. So that was what he was willing to do.

To do. Yeah. And just, yeah, like on such a power trip of like, I'm P. Diddy and I'm comfortable enough that I can beat you on camera in this hotel hallway. And like, I feel like I'm going to get away with this. And it's crazy. He paid the hotel $50,000 to get rid of the video. Allegedly. Allegedly. I never. I hope it was more. I'm not diminishing the amount of money. $50,000 is a lot of money. But obviously to anyone with money, that's not like...

That's nothing to him. That's a corner. Like, yeah. Like, you know what I mean? And more importantly, to a hotel, like a huge establishment like that, for you to see that, like multiple people have to have seen that video. That's what makes me... I want names and fucking faces of the people. The hotel is out of business, but it was called the Intercontinental and Century City. And whoever saw that, because she...

They she detailed it in her like whole settlement situation. She said that she had returned to the hotel to like apologize to him and they sent her home. They were like, bitch, do not go upstairs. And they put like they said, go back to your apartment, like, please, because they had obviously seen it at that point. So it's like how many people had to have seen that video and then never see it come to light? You know what I mean? He's a huge public figure. I want names and faces of the people who genuinely were like, it upsets me.

so much and like took that money and allowed that. And it's crazy because now it's out of the statute of limitations. Yeah. So that's what I was just about to say. So it happened in 2016 and I don't know what the fuck the statute of limitations is, but you cannot prosecute after like X amount of time in a violent crime, which is fucking so stupid. But what I'm concerned about is the, uh, I think it was LAPD or whatever, who had, they like released a statement and they were like, I hope this encourages more women to come forward. I'm like,

You literally just told us there's nothing I can do, but I hope more of you tell the truth. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? That is so fucking crazy. Like, obviously, it's like it's traumatic. And I'm sure she doesn't like to see the video circulating anyway, because it's just like, why would you ever want to see a video like that of yourself? But I hope that she finds peace knowing that she is supported and people believe her. And like, I can't believe anyone ever didn't. But I think the crazy he's coming out saying.

I'm so sorry for my actions and stuff. That's so crazy because when she said it happened, you said she was looking for a paycheck. P. Diddy, fuck you. I literally hope you die. Well, no, not kidding. I hope you die. Not kidding. Well, it's like people sit here and they break down people's apologies. I was going to say his apology is so narcissistic, but it's like,

At the same time, I just don't give a fuck about his apology. There's nothing he can say. He wouldn't apologize if that video weren't out. Yeah. And he didn't. Actually, he didn't. Yeah, it's so crazy. Speaking of men who need to just like absolutely croak. Oh. Did you see that kicker for the Chiefs or whatever the fuck? I don't give a flying, flying, flying, flying fuck what he does. Um.

Harrison Butker. I saw a little bit about it. Can you explain it to me? This undercover closeted twink who kicks a ball for the Chiefs.

comes and does a speech for God. I don't even know what the speech was for. For God knows what leopard necktie, right? Leopard necktie. You're telling me all I need to know. I don't know what the speech was for. College graduate. It was a commencement speech, I think. I don't even give a rat's ass. And he gets up on this microphone and goes on this, this whole misogynistic tangent about how essentially he's saying like,

Congratulations to the women who graduated here today. But like your main goal in life is to be a homemaker and that's what will fulfill you. And he has a wife. I can't believe someone married that man. Stand up. You. Oh, my God. Stand up. You embarrassing ass bitch. Don't make it her fault. I'm not making it. No, I know what you're saying. No. Yeah.

She got got. Leave him. Leave him now. And just this whole thing about like he's talking shit about Pride Month and like just saying all this crazy, crazy shit. Is there an approval process? Like how did he get away with this? It's so wild to me. Like,

Petition right now to bring back booing. Okay. No, it's back. Did you see Kim K at the fucking Tom Brady roast? Yeah, I guess. It's here. Booing is back. However, it's just no one booed this man. They just let him fucking cook. And a bunch of intellectuals in the audience sitting there probably like, this fucking idiot. It was just so embarrassing and crazy. And obviously there's an argument to be said about not penalizing him with sports. Like, I know people are going to say, well, he's a great kicker, so let him kick, right? But it's like...

I want... And I would never defend a man. Well...

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and think that he like possibly was like saying that's like a really noble thing to be a homemaker and like a wife. No, you need to hear it. You don't think so? It's so beyond not that. It's so beyond not that. And it's really sad to see people genuinely believe it. Like you can tell he's not trying to offend anyone. Like he's trying to stand on business. That's probably his like straight up belief system. And he probably was like, oh, I'm about to eat with this. And I would bet my right foot.

that he is gargling balls at 11 p.m. after kicking in the locker room. Oh, man, he's getting teabagged. It's just like everything about it is just... It's just...

What a loser. This is USC, too, right? Sure. Which I will. I ask because USC is so fucking hard to get into and just like so like it's some of the smartest people literally ever. It's so crazy that people can be so intelligent yet so brainwashed by like backwards ass. I did. Yeah, I saw something about him where he said that his teammates girlfriend in reference to Taylor Swift.

And that nearly sent me to the moon. Okay, because why would you not just say her name? Also, she gave one of the best speeches of all time. He can't. He probably cannot imagine like a successful...

independent woman and it's so crazy like the fact that there are real people out there that like their gears are genuinely grinded by that like if a woman was like so successful and didn't want to have kids or didn't want to whatever like there's actually people out there with their panties in a twist over that find God Billie Eilish's album

It sure did. I am so excited to be in a place like Maui. Well, because I always have been the type of person where I will forever associate like where I was when certain music dropped and when I listened to it. And oh, 100 percent, like knowing that I'll forever associate this EP with us being here in Maui and this great trip is so awesome. And it's

It's amazing. I love that she's balls to the wall with her gay era. It's such a good album. I want to talk about the song Wildflower. Vivian and I obviously were listening to it in bed the other night when it came out. And I had like a moment because I was half asleep. I had my headphones on. We were like tandem listening, like both of us with our headphones, but same time.

And I smacked her so hard. I go, holy fuck. Because I'm thinking about it. And like, obviously, I always... My favorite thing in the world to do is like find out who a song is about. But this one, like, nothing was left to the imagination. It's called Wildflower. It's so funny that the song is just clearly about Devin Lee Carlson. And she doesn't say the word wildflower one time in the song. And she made the song wildflower. Like, that's... Okay, but can we...

Can we talk about these lyrics for a second? So obviously, for those of you who don't know, Billie Eilish dated Jesse Rutherford, who is the lead singer of the neighborhood. Neighborhood. And 1975 was crazy. Yeah, that's smallest man who ever lived. My boy. And people were kind of up in arms about that relationship. I don't know, whatever. But before Jesse Rutherford dated Billie Eilish, he was in a situation

six year, seven year, eight year. I want to say eight year relationship with Devin Lee Carlson, sister of Sydney Carlson, owner of Wildflower Cases, Tumblr, it. Beautiful. Perfect angel. No one in the world hates. If you hate Devin Lee Carlson, I hate you. You know what I mean?

And they were in such a long relationship. And then right after he started dating Billie Eilish and Billie was friends with Devin and whatever she dates, Jesse, they break up and she releases this song. I want to read you some of the lyrics. Okay. Yeah. Things fall apart. Time breaks your heart. I wasn't there. She was your girl. You showed her the world, but you fell out of love and you both let go. She was crying. She was crying on my shoulder and all I could do was hold her only made us closer.

Until July, now I know that you love me. I was homies with your ex-girl, and then I... Now I'm with you. And then now I love her again and slay. Devin is better than I. Okay, yes, but I also...

There's something to be said. Devin was already in a happy relationship at the time that Billy and Jesse started dating. And I also, like, I don't know this for a fact, but I'm confident or I'm pretty sure that Devin ended that relationship. Oh,

Okay. Like, if you... I mean, I don't know. It depends on how close you are with somebody. But, like, if you're in a really happy relationship with somebody and someone you're, like, you're friends with, but, like, she's not your best friend. You start dating Chris. That's not the same thing. We're best friends. They were not best friends. Okay, Bibi starts dating Chris. Yeah. No. Really? No, because...

No, yeah. Okay, but you also have to factor in that Devin Lee Carlson has never, ever not been smiling in her whole entire life. She's just so happy. She's so, like, go with the flow. Happy-go-lucky. Nothing bothers her. I think. Oh, wow. To owe to be that. You know what I mean? Like, I truly feel like Devin Lee Carlson is, like...

Like maybe the happiest person in the world. I don't know if I feel like it's right still. Maybe I'm just like a Billy apologist. I'm like, no, no, no, she was fine. Because it's like... It's definitely not right. Sienna starts dating Clinton. She wouldn't... First of all, nobody with good taste would ever. I know, but I'm just saying put yourself there. You're cool with it. I think I've had like... Isabella starts dating... I've had like give you my blessing situations with people, but I've also never been in an eight-year relationship ever or anything close. So I don't know...

what that would feel like. I imagine it would be much more serious than somebody dating Clinton. To me, it would have nothing to do with feeling for the man because like, like, obviously I am,

like wildly in love with Makoa and only Makoa. But if Bebe started dating Chris, I would just be like, you're weird. You wanted him the whole time and then now we're supposed to like, I don't know actually though. Maybe, but Chris, I love Chris, is not Jesse Rutherford. I feel like there's something, I don't know. No, no, that has nothing to do with it to be fair.

Just principle of like your decent close friend dating your long-term ex. But were they all friends? That's something we should probably find out about. Were they all friends? Like, was it like she knew Jesse...

As well as she knew Devin. She posted a picture with both of them calling them mom and dad. Mom and dad. And then you're just going to go, fuck dad. Dude, Billie, you see how hard I'm trying for you right now? She hates influencers. She hates us. No, she like... No, she just... Sorry, I need to stop. She hates when they're at award shows. Actually, oh my God. I love her. I know. I love her so much too. I've just...

I love her. And I don't care if she likes me or not. That's so true. She's literally such an icon. No, but I am being a pit me right now. Billie, that was weird. I'm streaming the EP. Like, I love her. I love her music. I keep up with everything she does. I think she's an icon. She's admitting fault, though. Like, she's telling it like it is. She's like, listen, this is what happened. That's true. And she's also what? Like, 22 or something? Yeah.

Yeah. And like, I don't know, just calling it wildflower and then singing about like I was friends with her and then I moved. We're all going to know it was about Devin anyway. She says like she's so different from me. She's happy and free. Duh. In leather. God, I love them. It's just such a crazy situation to me. And the fact that everyone's just fine. It just attests that people are so different from us. Here's what I will say.

Do you ever, and of course you do, have somebody like psychoanalyzing your relationships and your friendships and you're like, you have no idea what's going on. It's so true. There's so much we don't know. I think that's like what we're dealing with. I think it's like a situation where they're probably looking at it and being like, literally it wasn't like that. It wasn't that, like,

I think they probably talked about it. I'm sure. Actually, I know this for a fact that Billy reached out to Devin before it even happened and was like, listen, this is what's happening. I forget who told me that. Yeah. But that was like insider info. I thought I knew. Yeah.

It's just a fucking... It's so crazy to me. It's such a wild situation. I'm streaming the EP. It's amazing. It's beautiful. I love it. What's your favorite song? Huh? What's your favorite song on it? I think my favorite song right now is The Greatest or like the French title one. Which one's that? I think Skinny is a really great message.

Because it's so fucking true. It's just so, so, so true. They say I look happy just because I got skinny. That's always, always happened to me. Like, I could literally be like the worst ever, you know? And then that's such a... It's almost always the opposite, actually. Yeah, it's so crazy. The other day, I think I was thinking about like lost footage, right? And I have all this footage of like...

Almost borderline a documentary that Hunter shot on the fact that I was going to have a taco restaurant called Tana's Tacos. I don't think you understand how fucking far I took this, dude. OK, so the people who did shit like Mr. Beast Burger and whatever reach out to me and they're like, what do you want to have? Whatever. And essentially I was trying to find a gap in the market. Right. Mr. Beast has a burger. David Dobrik has pizza. What can I have? I'm going to do Tana's Taco.

Right. And so then I'm meeting with all these chefs and whatever. And I I decide that obviously if I'm going to have a taco restaurant, it has to be like tannified. Right. Hot Cheetos and everything. Queso and everything. Five thousand calories, a fucking item. And it wasn't even just that. Like we were going in and tasting and curating all the fucking. Oh, I remember they were bringing it to we like at the time and we were like sitting and like.

Trying everything. I shit my pants so crazy one time. So because of a taco that I tried from Tana's tacos. Essentially, that was the thing is it was like I got to the final steps like we had graphics. We were going to figure out like where the storefronts were like.

Everything was completely ready. I'm tweeting like big things coming next fucking week. And after like months of back and forth on these tacos, I get to the final product of what I think is the best menu ever, best meal ever. And I bring it to all my friends and every single person contracted with.

GERD. Food poisoning galore. Hunter was throwing up for 48 hours. It was the craziest thing because we all sat down at that table. I remember the day. And I was like, this is my restaurant. And we tried all of it. And it was delicious, let me tell you. But we got so ill. And it's just like the amount of wasted time and money.

on that shit is so... Hold on. Well, I think... Wasn't there, like, an issue with cultural appropriation as well? Oh, my God. I didn't even think about it like that. That's so real. I remember that being a major factor. Oh, it might have been because I think I was... I was in my really, like, safe era. I was, like, scared of everything, like...

type shit like trying to just be. It was. I think Kendall Jenner at the time was doing like 818 and she got cooked. That's exactly what it was. I remember and then she just like got on she got on that horse and did all that shit and then I literally I scrapped the whole project after like a year of working on it. A year of Tana's tacos. A year. And you were like I cannot have Tana's tacos. Like I have to have Tana's. The same thing with perfume. Like it was like I filmed that whole commercial. I come out with the perfume. The commercial ate

It was so good. I wish I kept going with that, but that was just a failure on Jordan. It was like, we have this custom bottle for you, allegedly. And then it comes out and everyone's like, this is Alibaba boots galore. And then that's how I find out. And it's like, you're kidding. I should have kept doing it. I wish I did, but whatever. Tannabis is the world's biggest L. And it's crazy because to make a business work, you got to put money into it. You really fucking do. Well, maybe you didn't put enough money because...

I know. It was like consistency. I don't know. Cannabis was so crazy, dude. So having a business is so much harder than anybody like really talks about. The cannabis industry was so crazy. And I just think that I like thought I knew. And then once I was actually doing it, it was like, well, you know what I mean? It just like it would be a loss of profit for years and years and years. And it's like hard.

Like people can't order it online. The delivery services like I didn't want to be that like it was like people would order it and be like the delivery service took five hours to get me my cannabis joint. Like, fuck you. It's like I can't. I'm not the delivery service. Yeah, I can't. You're not anything. It's almost not like hands on enough for you. Like, and that was one of those where I just like straight on it. I didn't even put out like I just let it die, which is so crazy. People ask me to this day. It's like what? Dizzy is one that like breaks my heart.

Because Dizzy ended up being really successful and I could have kept going and probably have such a successful business by now. But I would have just had to be drinking it and drinking. I thought we were on a hiatus, honestly. We were drinking. We were. And we still could be. What ended up happening was that I needed a new production company like the production company no longer wanted to do it, I think.

was like essentially what happened. And so I was just looking for a new production company. And then in that time, I like got sober for the first time. Yeah, I don't think it's very on brand these days. That's a problem. You were less than dizzy. I was thinking about this the other day. Like, obviously, the best thing you can do with your own product is use it.

And I was just drinking Dizzy all the time. And I was just thinking the other day about this. There was this one night where I was drinking Dizzy's, filming TikToks or whatever. And then like it was just like 3 a.m. And I like woke up on live on Instagram live. I'd been on live off Dizzy for three hours. When I tell you, I remember this like it was yesterday. Yeah.

It was just crazy times. I think drunk people should not have the option for life. And I just I think there should definitely be like some kind of like authentic. You know what I was going to say? I mean, we are clearly on beautiful Maui. And I love that we're just shooting this shit about random shit. But I think that it would be fun if we had some of our Hawaiian friends and family on this podcast. And Makaua was one of the funniest people I've ever met. And I want to have him on.

So let's do it. Sorry, I'm distracted. I'm thinking of like the four angles. I could have a double chin right now.

Just mewing the entire time. Do you know the other day I was trying to do this TikTok trend, right? So I texted a bunch of my friends asking them if I am... No, it was only guys. I'm such a pick me. So true. If I'm a sunrise or a sunset. And I texted Makoho and I said, do you think I'm a sunrise or a sunset? He said, I think you're a deceitful bitch with a power trip. Put some respect on the Hawaiian magic that is the sun.

He ate with that, honestly. The way I said I'm smiling at my phone like you said something nice. Not kidding. That's our love language. But I fear you are a sunset. Definitely not a sunrise. You can't be a sunrise. You're a sunset by default. Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a sunrise, unfortunately. You've seen a lot of sunrises. It's like one of those broken clock situations. So true. We love Susan. I can't believe no one's commented on my outfit change. Wait, I thought we were just going to pretend it didn't happen.

I love your outfit change. I love nothing more than a linen pant or like a flowy pant. I heard this about you, I think, yesterday. Straight Makoa was telling me something, something linen. Well, he did the actual cutest thing in the entire world. It was so cute. I was looking for linen pants all day at the mall and then I couldn't find them and I was trying on things. I got really discouraged. And then we met this sweet girl with the bikini shop. So we were just in their bikini shop. And he was going door to door looking for black linen pants for her. And he found them for me.

mean Volcom. I'm an angel. Listen, this Makoa is never going to be doing that for you. Literally ever. And then I walked into Volcom and your whole family was on every single wall. And I was like, yep, I'm in Hawaii. You know, it took me so long to find out that you were like, because I followed them for my entire life because I was like such like Coco and like

I was, like, so obsessed with, like, the Alana Blanchard era. Like, of all of those girls. Like the skinny bitch in a thong bikini. Anyone. Oh, my God. I was like, obviously, I'm going to move to Hawaii, and that's going to be my life. And I'm going to be a real connoisseur. That's so funny. It is so funny how you are just...

We're in Maui right now, where my Mako is from, but you have always lived on Oahu. Yes. And going to Oahu with you is unlike anything I've ever experienced in the world. I was about to say it's like going to South Korea with Kim Jong-un, but I have no idea if that's even the right thing to say at all. First of all...

At all. He did not venture to the south. At all. Fully north. But I am from the North Shore. I see where your head was at. It's just like, Brooke, like everywhere we go, every single person, everywhere on this whole island, not only knows him, but it explained to me so much about why he is the way he is. Because everyone is just sucking your fart. Unlike, no, no, no. I'm not saying you don't deserve it. I'm just saying like,

I'll never forget this one time. We're at this five-star hotel. It's like people fly all over the world to stay there. It's called Turtle Bay. And the rooms are like $1,100 a night, right? It's like Kate Hudson could show up there tomorrow. They're charging that bitch $1,100 a night for that room. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's just booked out, whatever. We walk up to the front desk and it's like...

sold out. They're trying to find me a room. They finally find me a room. It's like $1,800 a night. I'm checking in, right? Makoho walks behind me. He's a background character. Hammered. And just does this to the front desk worker. Peace.

Peace sign. No words. The man looks at me and he goes, eh, that'll be $300 and I'll upgrade your room. No, no, no, no, no. I think I walked by and the one thing I did say was, we want two beds. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was what the peace sign was about. Yeah. And then he was like,

$4,600. We call that a Kamahaina raid. It's like a local discount. So like anybody could get it. It's not just like a me thing. It was just like literally crazy that the piece and that's everywhere I go with him on Oahu. You do it. We do have to do a trip like that. You are just I need to go to Oahu with you. You are Hawaii's prince. And I love that. I really do. And I love that you're a gay too. I feel like

Hawaii's prince in my head would be like a straight douche. And it's cool that you're a little gay. Why do you say that? Think about what they would think of when you hear like Prince of Hawaii. Yeah, that's true. You know, like we watched Moana the other day. Do you watch Moana and do you like relate to that? Like, do you feel like that is like you're represented? No, I don't relate to having to find the heart of Te Fiti in like the middle of the ocean. But like...

Love the movie. I just found out the other day that Moana is from 2016. I just watched it for the first time. When did you think it came? What do you think? Three years ago. 2016? It's 2024. Eight years ago? It's kind of insane. 2016 is too long ago to prosecute, did he? I found out that when Mean Girls came out, Rosa Parks was alive. Rosa Parks was alive when Mean Girls came out.

Was it live for the first two tracks? I was just going to tell you. I love our For You page. No one's going to say that. The synchronicity. You're telling me that, like, Rosa could have been aware of that so fetch? You know what fucks me up is Rachel McAdams did Mean Girls and The Notebook in the same year. And she was 22. And I think about it all the time. 22 she was. There's such...

different roles. It's honestly shocking. Like... In the same year she pulled up. That's so crazy. That is, like, actually insane. That's like me switching up for my boyfriend. I was just gonna say it's kind of how I feel as a human being, though. Yeah. Like, I am both the notebook and Regina George all at the same time. Everything, everywhere, all at once. Yeah.

You know what I'm obsessed with right now? We were talking about this a little off camera, but I just... And I feel like I've said this in the last eight podcasts, so I haven't talked about it enough. It's not out of my system. Sex and the City. It's so good. And I tried so hard to get her on, and she was like, I did it because of you still. Like, when I did watch it, it was because of you. It teaches you so much. Did you watch it? Oh, I watch it, like, religiously. It's always playing in my house. It's taught me so much about life, friendship, love, everything. Like, what I should have learned from, like,

I learned from Sex and the City. So true. It's also such a guidebook of like, we're all about to enter our 30s. And it's like everything. Well, but it also makes you feel good because like none of them had to, everybody's single in New York in their 30s. Like that's just a thing. Like, you know what I mean? Like, sometimes I'll have like the feeling of like,

Oh, like all my friends have kids and stuff, but I'm like, none of them were even close at my age. I think for me, it's really nice. Like when you are a Samantha, like feeling seen on the big screen, like you're not alone.

Do you know what I mean? That's the thing. Like, I wanted, I literally would love, I would love to be a Carrie, a Miranda, a Charlotte. I know I'm a Samantha. Wait, I don't know why you say that. I think Samantha is the very best character to be. She's just a savage. And sometimes I wish I was like. But she's also like the most hardworking, like best, like she's the only person who doesn't let like emotion, like,

get in her way like she's like whatever I'm making so much money I have sex with whoever I want she's amazing yeah that's true I do absolutely love her I think she's the best character and she's like probably the only one who doesn't like suffer from some sort of ailment yeah and like maturing is realizing that Carrie Bradshaw was the problem like kind of the whole time I know and that sucks oh god it sucks it sucks

It is so funny watching her like just ruin everything or be so insensitive to like other like her characters. Just the memes that are like coming out right now. They're so good. Where it's like everybody's talking about world issues and then Carrie's like, yeah, Big got a new dog. Like it's always just about Big. And like that's what I think unfortunately made me realize that I am a little bit. Isn't that kind of relatable? I identify a little bit with Carrie. Yeah, I thought you were Charlotte. But then as I watch your Carrie Bradshaw through and through,

But Carrie Bradshaw is the most iconic character from Sex and the City. But I'm not Carrie Bradshaw in the good ways. Like, no, like, reference for Scott. Like, I don't have any of her good qualities. I just have the, like, oh, I accidentally made this about me. No, but you're a creative like her. Like, and you put it into your art. I also see you as, like, a Carrie hyphen Charlotte. You're like a Samantha hyphen Carrie. Yeah. I'm probably like a...

Samantha Charlotte. No, you're a Samantha Carrie. You're a Samantha Carrie. I don't know where you get off thinking you are fucking Charlotte at all. She's just so wholesome and cute and I like hope that I'm a little like that one day. I want to be a Charlotte so bad. I think Charlotte is what I present at, like I try to present as, but a Carrie is like my real, my heart. Charlotte, I think,

Her story... I haven't seen the whole show, so I can't say how it ends. I'm at the point right now where she's married to the man who literally can't get his dick hard and shit. And a lot of her story is sad. Trey. You're going to love what happens for her. She gets with the bald guy, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think I like her story arc the best. Or it's the most...

I feel like Miranda's is really real too. Like the baby of it all. Like it's so real. How many women do that? Like I feel like I need to have a baby so I. You have a little Miranda in you. Like I could see you as like this stoic ice queen lawyer bitch with like some annoying ass bob just like cussing everyone out and like hating pop culture. Like eating it up. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that I'm going to have that haircut at some point. We saw a great Karen haircut the other day. I was kidding. Please don't ever get that haircut. We saw the Karen haircut the other day at the same mall that he was looking for your linen pants. I had such a Hawaii experience at this mall. I saw a little hula girl.

And I got so hysterical, Nicola. You would not have believed. I was weeping. Why? I'll show you the video. I took a video and I know that's not right to do, like, film some random person's child, but I did it. And I sobbed so hysterically. She's been hysterically sobbing over this little girl. Because I feel like I had no, like, exposure to culture at all whatsoever. Like, I have no culture. You know what I mean? And I never see it, but it was just so sweet and so cute and it made me...

You're kind of cultured. A brick off camera was just telling me about some, what are they called? Your sandstorms? Oh, haboobs. Haboobs. Yeah. Do you know what a haboob is? Habibi? Habibi? A haboob. It's like a dust storm that we have in... Who the fuck was...

I don't know. She was showing me photos. It's giving like Mad Max. You're going to die. Part two. Like who named that sandstorm Haboob off of Valium? And that's what I said. It's giving like. Look what a Haboob looks like. Like imagine this coming into your town. Oscar, insert a photo of a Haboob. I think I've actually just told you about this. Oh my God. That's crazy.

That's crazy. Anyways, that's your culture, I guess. Yeah, I can't imagine you have very many boobs here. Yeah. We know what my culture is. We don't even have to get into that. You know what I mean? Last night, I'm cable TVing it up again at the hotel. SNL comes on. Jake Gyllenhaal is the host. And who is the musical guest? Sabrina Carpenter. But here's the thing, dude.

I see Jake Gyllenhaal on the TV and it's so funny because he obviously is an esteemed actor, right? Yeah. Men everywhere probably love Jake Gyllenhaal. What was he in? I don't even know. Like I saw...

Everything else. It's so funny because it's like every Swifty in the world, which to me feels like the whole wide world, hates Jake Gyllenhaal. And I'm just sitting there watching him and like in my head, all I can think about is that godforsaken scarf. You know what I mean? And it's like, we're watching through and then Sabrina Carpenter is the musical guest. Someone at SNL put their two weeks in and said, let me do one last thing. And I'm like, I want to know like,

You know what I actually want to see is Sabrina and Taylor Swift's text about that. Yes. Oh, my God. I would do anything. I mean, she has to just shut up and sing at this point. Sure. Career is like just popping off. So she had to do it. But like...

Do you think she's like scared to do shit like that when like Taylor Swift is like your mother and bestie? I would be so afraid of losing that connect because it is like it happens to people like there have been people who have been like, you know, in the Swift camp and have been exiled. No pun intended. Yeah.

But I would be petrified at all times to do exactly the wrong thing. Although, I'm sure she asked beforehand. And I was ready. Somebody said, what if she did in her little outro, did a Jake Gyllenhaal all too well reference? I thought she was going to, for sure. Because it's live. What are they going to do? Cut it? So true. I thought she was going to 100%.

Yeah. But I just don't know what Taylor Swift would ask her to not do it because that's such an iconic opportunity. Well, she also did a Skims campaign like a month ago. Yeah. So I'm confused. Taylor's so chill. But yeah, maybe that just like makes Taylor Swift cooler because she's like, honestly, pop off, like get your bag, do all the things. Unlike Taylor. You know what I mean? I feel like. Right. Because we know her.

And I feel like she's on just like loyalty more than anything. Right. I really feel on this podcast like parasocial relationships are so weird. And then I'm sitting over here like Billy's wildflower was crazy. Taylor Swift is going to be so mad about Sabrina Montana. What the fuck? Figure it out. It's fun to theorize though, you know. We're watching just like everybody else. What is that person over there doing, Makoa Ho? Parasurfing. Have you seen the guy who's kitesurfing and gets hit by a whale? No.

But have you seen those like two old ladies, I think off of Laguna Beach, like in a kayak, like trying to chase a whale and then the humpback whale like swallows them and then spits them out?

Yeah, imagine that arc. And I think, I'm pretty sure they were like in the stomach and they were like, oh no. If I got swallowed by a humpback whale and spit out, I would never talk about anything else again. Yeah, first of all, you want to talk about victim complex. That's my dream. Like, you guys remember. That would be how you go, Hannah. Like, that's not, that was not at you. I was just saying it in general. I didn't hear whatever you were saying because I was just thinking like you would leave this earth, like completely depart via...

humpback whale. Like I could just picture it now. If you had to die like in a unique way, what would you choose? Ooh, that's a great question. Well, I have a fear of dying in a plane.

But unique way? I think Amelia Earhart really went out swinging. And I would just love that shit. Like, oh, where'd she go? Oh, my God. Like, always on your mind. Like, Bermuda Triangle. Oh, my God. Yeah. Honestly, Bermuda Triangle. If that shit's real, like, that's a great way to go. Just disappear. What is the Bermuda Triangle? Because maybe you don't die. Maybe you just go to a different universe.

What is the Bermuda Triangle? No fucking clue. I just know it has to do with boats. People go like missing. I'm pretty sure. Isn't it like somewhere where the oceans like meet each other and the currents are like so crazy? You wouldn't know that. No, I actually don't. I just made that up. But it makes sense. And you're probably right. I think so. I think that's why everything goes so awry over there because it's like, you know. It's like when the states have the four corners.

What? Probably. Oh, the four states that like meet in that little like fun corner. Is that what you mean? I think I'm from one of those states. I'm from an island. Lucky you. You know what I want to talk about? Mothers. LAX. Okay. I'm from Hawaii. We were illegally overthrown by the United States. So like it or not, we are a state. However.

Hawaiian Airlines, which I'm a ride or die, you know, Pualani Platinum. He never shuts the fuck up about how he's a Pualani Platinum. I'm a platinum member on Hawaiian Airlines because I fly them so much. Whatever. It's called Pualani Platinum, which is funny because Pualani means pussy and people call it Pualani Platinum. Like on accident sometimes. Right. Anyways, I want to talk about LAX. The Hawaiian Airlines terminal, the Hawaiian Airlines terminal is with, it's at Tom Bradley. Okay.

Which is when you're leaving the country. Yeah. So I have to fucking stand in that TSA line with every single human going to Germany. Going to Germany.

It is the longest fucking line. Do they have the same rules? Like, do you have to check your bag in time? Well, yeah, because the line's so fucking long. Because everyone's like, you know, arrives two hours early and everyone has to like show their passport and shit. How the fuck are you going to illegally overthrow Hawaii? Call us a state and then not give me the same privileges if I'm flying in and out of one state to another state.

That's so real. Coming to Hawaii makes me really, Makoa is always talking about this, like makes me really realize how fucking god awful and like Disneylandified LAX is. Like when you land here, it's like they might as well just land you in the grass. And the baggage claim is like a coconut tree. And you're out in two minutes and it's like you can just hang out at the airport. Like, oh, we have to take you later. It's like going through a drive-thru. It's so easy. It's so easy. Even just on tour, like...

LAX is the most conglomerate fuckfest airport. Yeah. I mean, it is technically the worst. It is. It's a turtle. There's a sea turtle behind us. Wait. Do you see it? Right there. Do you know the Hawaiian word for turtle? Look, he poked his little head up. Tana, you missed his head. I didn't see his head. What's the Hawaiian word for turtle? We call them honus. Honus. H-O-N-U. Honu. Oh my god, why don't you care?

Every time I've looked for a turtle, I don't see it. Well, because it just popped its head up and you were like literally looking behind you. Where am I supposed to look? It's just literally directly. Okay, it's fine. I'm sorry to distract you guys. But I had a pet turtle when I was a kid. And I named her Coconut.

That's cute. Yeah. Some wholesome. When I was in high school, I poured vodka in Amari's turtle tank. Yeah, that's, I think, a sign of a serial killer. So maybe don't admit that. I really, like, genuinely just wanted... That's one dumber. I was so stupid. Like, I was just such a dumbass kid. And I was like, will the turtle be drunk? He was fine. He lived for years and years after that. And I think he had fun. Aw, no thanks to you. That's awful. Oh, so awful. Lana Del Rey brought out Nessa Barrett.

I love to see it. I do too. It's just interesting to be like, hey, you steal my music, musical integrity, however you want to like. That's the thing is there's two types of people. And then you bring them out on stage. I'm very close with someone who dies on the hill that like Nessa copies Lana and that it's like they were mad that she brought her out. But I think it's sick because it's like,

Nessa's, like, clearly Lana's biggest fan, and, like, I think it's so sweet. I don't know. I'm a diehard Nessa Barrett stan, so I'm jaded. I am too, but I get what you're saying. Like, especially, like, American Jesus situation, like, all of that. It was like it could not be more Lana. But also, like, when you're that iconic, like, how can you not? Yeah, I guess it's, like, if anything, like, flattering, right? Yeah, and bringing her out is just kind of c*** because it's like, aw, like, come on. But I love Nessa. You and I have such an interesting friendship, and...

I love that you said friendship. That's nice. That was sweet. It's a nice word for like love and hate together. But I like thrive so much in friendships where like your love language is talking shit to each other. You know what I mean? And like banter and roasting and whatever. You know what I mean? We definitely got that going on. People always ask me how you and I became friends. And I swear to God, I mean, it was a time where I just wasn't the...

with my drug abuse, and I don't remember things very clearly. And in my head, both of you just showed up one day. Yeah, and about the same time, actually. Yeah, I remember you were, like, shortly after me because Trevi introduced me. Trevi brought me to your old house the day, Thursday before Coachella. Yeah. Yeah.

And I remember I was like a bitch about it, right? Oh, you're always a bitch. I don't really remember that. But everyone was like frantic packing and like getting ready. And I was introduced to you and you were like doing your makeup. And I ended up coming on that trip. And you were dating Brad. It was awful. Was it weekend two? It was weekend two. Wait, that's so crazy because this is the 5150 weekend. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you see all of that go down? Yeah, so I stayed, all on stay. I stayed with you in that fucking house and you all had a bus taking you to Coachella and I remember you being like, there's no more room. And so Trevi and I Ubered from Los Angeles to Coachella. There was probably definitely room. I'm sorry, McCall. It was pretty funny though because on the ride there she was like kind of giving me the rundown. She was like,

You and Mario probably really won't fuck with each other. You and Ashley will hate each other at first, but then you're going to be like lifelong friends. So true. Tana's super funny. Just like, you know, let her have her moment because she's kind of a diva, like giving me this funny rundown. And it was all true. But we get there and then all hell breaks loose. And I like literally barely knew anyone. But I guess you and Brad were like friends.

You know, on the outs. Yeah, like super on the outs. Like I had wanted to break up with him for a while and I just didn't have the balls. And then that Coachella is when we broke up. Yeah. I mean, drugs and alcohol always like bring anything that you're like, you know, hiding to the surface. And then it's like all hell breaks loose. What did you see? What do you remember? That's my favorite question to ask anyone because I just don't remember things. What I remember is you guys fighting and then...

silence like an eerie silence it was like out of a fucking horror film and then brad allegedly trying to od or oding trying and it was like a crime scene because you're screaming bloody murder and we walk in and he's like has gray skin and is like lifeless on the floor and you're like i think trying to give him like time like remover it's a

Maneuver? I love time like remover. Not laughing. Sorry. And I know it's not funny, but bawling your eyes out and like screaming and like I think your hands down his throat and then he survived and you broke up with him.

Yeah, because I had his phone. Well, you brought him back to kick him to the curb. Well, I had his phone when he, you know, took his little vacay. And I just, yeah, it proved everything. Vacay is crazy. It proved everything I was knowing, you know, but. Yeah, so that's when I met you. That's crazy that you stuck around. I would have been like, fuck this shit, I'm out. Yeah, that's for sure. Like that is telling. No, no, no, it was insane. And then right after that, it was your 21st birthday. Oh!

And we all took a bus to Vegas from Los Angeles and the bus broke down and then you and Jake Paul hitchhiked. You were on that bus? I was on that fucking bus. So it's my 21st birthday, right? And Jake and I had been planning this proposal.

Planning your proposal is crazy. Planning my own proposal is crazy. And I decide in the last minute that for content, a party bus would be better than us all flying there. Of course. And we get on this party bus and...

It's so funny because I can just remember so many little things. Like, I remember that Jake told Isabella she had Riley Reid tattoos and I was fucking so mad at him. I was so fucking upset. So upset. I was like, why would you say that to my friend? And then he was like cuddling with my a** and I'm like livid. Like, on that bus. I'm so mad. Have I been calling her a** for like six years? What's her name? A**.

And then the bus was down in the middle of the desert, halfway through from Las Vegas to Los Angeles. And my birthday's at midnight and I'm supposed to be getting proposed to. And...

We're all pushing this bus and it's 110 degrees. She's not exaggerating. We're pushing a bus. Pushing the bus. This was in your matching pink outfits, right? Yes. Were you there? No, I wasn't there. I remember all the workout girls, Ashley, Schwan, and Lauren Descalo were doing squats in the middle of the desert.

Which is just so hilarious. Like, you have to get your workout in that bad. Our bus is fucking broken down. Right, like, I'm thirsty. I'm, like, saving any energy I have left. Like, why are you doing squats in the desert? What do you remember? What else? I remember being super fucking annoyed and looking at Trevi and being like, your friends are awful. Then I remember I was with you and Jake hitchhiking.

A fan pulls over and picks you guys up. And I'm assuming I'm getting in this car. Like, I'm like any way out of here. Because we had been waiting for hours. Like, maybe two to four hours at this point. And it's not like an Uber could come or a car could come or like anything. Yeah, because you're in the middle of the fucking thing. So we hitchhike. There's like 30 of us. Someone pulls over. Tana gets in the car. Looks at me and goes. You got in a fan's car? I'm sorry. If I can't bring any of my best friends in this car, I can't bring you. Slams it in my face and I go.

So then she leaves and we wait for, I'm not kidding, another four hours to get saved. When I tell you though. We got to Vegas at 11 p.m. That car ride. That's so crazy because we left at like noon. Yeah. That car ride, I will never forget it in my entire life. Brooke, it is. It's.

I think they were more Jake Paul fans than Tana Mongeau fans. But... I remember this vlog. We get in the fucking car. And it's me, Jake, and Andrew Blue, the videographer. Or John. I can't actually remember. I think it was Blue. And we're in this car. And we start driving to Vegas. And all of a sudden, it's a mom. And it's like her 17-year-old daughter. And the mom starts telling us that she is...

A naked painted model. Like she gets naked and people paint her and she starts trying to fuck me and Jake. Next to her 17 year old daughter on this two hour car ride to Las Vegas. Vegas is different. That is crazy. It's so different. Yeah, we got to Vegas. You should have done it for the plot. We like partied all weekend and I think we kind of like became...

friends that weekend yeah a little bit that's so funny that you were around for that whole era yeah and then i always talk about the wedding quote-unquote being like your own personal hell i don't really remember much i just remember it being like awful but i was also on mushrooms at like tana mongeau and jake paul's wedding at the graffiti mansion in las vegas like of course it was awful yeah imagine being on mushrooms in that setting

Yeah, I couldn't. Yeah, exactly. I was still at catch at that time. I was watching that all from afar. And then you kind of just appeared to you were there the day I got fired. That was the. Yeah. What was that day like? It was not good. I was at your house. We all had COVID at the same time, which probably just, I mean, contributes to what everyone already thought about us, which was that we were super spreaders.

All of us got COVID. I called my boss and said, hello, when are you going to put me back on the schedule? And they said, we are never putting you back on the schedule. And I was miserable. But I never left the group after that. And then I was just always with you guys. Was that when you lied and went to a concert? I lied and I went to... A concert's funny. It was a personal b****** concert. No. Right, his studio or something? His birthday party and b******.

But it was so fun and it was so worth it. But I remember because we were both like the new kids on the block at about the same time. And so we were like, we bonded over that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I remember being like, you're a real human. Let's stick together. It was it was a fun time. It is really fucking crazy. And then we I mean, other than Mindy Gate have only ever gotten obviously closer. You and I have had a really funny story because we took like a big lapse of

yeah well I was in LA for about six years I would say we were hanging out for like three to four around there and after my dad passed away I just felt this very overwhelming feeling to to move home to Hawaii I just felt like it was no longer my calling to be in LA and chasing that life I really wanted to like embody what it meant to be Hawaiian and like furthermore to like

in any way, shape or form, like take on my dad's legacy. You know, he's a huge name in surfing. And like, I, I wasn't so focused on being a huge name in surfing as much as I was just focused on living that lifestyle and like surfing every day and being around my family and like, you know, taking my nieces to school, the same school I went to just like grounding yourself, really rounding myself, deleting the LAification. Yeah. And, and,

I think you and I are the same. It's like as much as we might love somebody, it can kind of be like an out of mind, out of sight, out of mind situation. So we kind of, you know, parted ways. But like it was never like a like a falling out. Yeah. It's just like we're not around each other. And then it's just really funny because it's like I've always loved you so much. But we were talking about this in Cabo the other day.

When we recently, like the second we saw each other again, we fell immediately back into the best friendship that we had for like four years. Those are the best types of friends. And that tells everything like you need to know about a friendship. 100%. I agree. At that time, especially. And I mean, even all the way up until really like last October, I'm realizing this. When you're on drugs and you're fucked up and you're in L.A. and you're partying, like you don't know who. Not only do you not know who your real friends are, but like.

You think you can really love someone, but then you get sober, you get out of that mindset or whatever, and then you have nothing in common with that person. You have nothing to talk to that person about. You have nothing. Yeah. Yeah. And it was just cool to me that

our friendship was really real and like yeah and I think this past year we kind of like proved that to each other like completely on accident you like came to Hawaii in November and you're like I want to see you and I was like oh my god I haven't seen Tana in a while and we picked up like exactly where we left off and then you're like oh I like do love this person and I can trust this person and like yeah like I even hadn't seen you in so long and like years I was so excited when I saw you like finally saw you again I was like oh my god we're

Yeah, even at Coachella, we were, like, shooting the shit. And I was like, I love Brooke. Like, I haven't seen her in so long. Aw, that's cute. I'm happy you got to come home and stuff, though. Because that is, like, it's crazy, too. Because you always, like, I mean, we all left, like, where we're from. Yeah.

And, like, I left thinking, like, I will never come back to this place. But you go home now and you're like, oh, my God, I could live here forever. Like, you appreciate it, like, leaving. I know. I agree. I mean, it's definitely different for you to be able to come back to a place like this. Yeah, we're so spoiled here. But, like, I think no matter where you're from, like...

If you're from there, like you're kind of just a part of your heart's always going to be there. It's so crazy because I relate to the sentiment fully. But like I'm when we're saying this, I'm thinking about Las Vegas, Nevada. You're kind of saying like you have so much culture, like that's so cool that you can come back here and everybody knows each other and everything's so special and sacred and like actually just it's I don't know, like it's nothing like where.

The appreciation for life that Hawaii has given me is just like unlike anything in the world. Like when people even like we're like joking because like you're driving down the street and everyone's waving at each other. Like it's just everyone has such respect for each other. And like, yeah, there's a lot of like mutual respect and love for both like people and nature. And I think that's why like, you know, outsiders get addicted to it and like.

come here and they're like, holy shit, like, you can live like this? Mm-hmm. Yeah, like, it's so crazy because everyone here, they live, it's like...

Like everyone's day revolves around the weather. And like that within itself is crazy. Like you wake up and it's like, is it sunny? We'll go here. Is it windy? We'll go here. If it's this, we'll go here. No one texts each other. They all just know to show up at a certain place because of the weather. It's simple. And it's just the coolest thing. Like to see, especially in the United States.

Where people have such a love for where they are. Like, everyone collectively and respect and no one litters and it's beautiful. Yeah, I think there's a lot of pride being from Hawaii. Especially, like, with any dying race and culture, like, all we want to do is preserve that. And everyone does it in their own, like, unique ways. And I don't know. It's such a beautiful thing to, like, be such a big community but still be so like-minded. Yeah. Like...

And it's kind of hard to do that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like L.A., for example, it's so dog eat dog and like everyone's, you know, kind of focus on themselves, which isn't always a bad thing. You know, you find a lot of success that way. But here everyone's, you know, showing Aloha. That's what Aloha is. It's like giving a helping hand and like caring for each other and loving each other. And that's why, like, I love showing my friends that. Yeah. Aren't from here. But do you just hate when a bitch like me comes here?

here's my thing you want to talk about mother i like when i i don't mind when people come but fucking leave there's been so many fucking influencers in the last like like an influx of influencers ever since covid started that move here because they're realizing it's like easy to make money by like

being a TikTok girl here and like vlogging because like obviously like I mean you could shit on camera at this beach and like it's something you can post you know like it's just it's gorgeous and I get that but there's so many people who like now buy property here and have moved local families out of their homes because they can't afford to buy the house they've been renting for 20 years and

Yeah. It's awful. And I despise it. And unfortunately, Hawaii's number one economy is always going to be tourism, like a lot of places that we visit. And that's okay. We're used to that. But come and then go. Yeah. I also think we should have an off season. There needs to be four months where nobody fucking gets sick of me. Well, you also think that Christmas should be every other year. I do think Christmas should be every other year.

I just... It's you blink and it's Christmas again. And it's like when you have a big family, it's like, holy fucking shit, I just bought 30 presents. Yeah, see, we're good to go in that department. And I'm almost 30. Like, I can't make presents anymore. You know, my nieces want some fucking good shit. Yeah. I'm going to give it to them, but...

Oh my god, it's tiring. I think Christmas should be every other year. At this point, maybe birthdays too because everyone has a birth week or a birth month. Not me. Well, I do.

I definitely have a birth week. But it's just like every week someone was born. I've been trying to pitch this idea. Hear me out, sharks. I've been trying to pitch this idea forever that once a quarter, everyone's birthday who's in that quarter gets together and has a big function and birth week celebration. And this applies to everybody but Tana Marie Moshe. No, no, I would oblige. Oh, true. I would oblige. I would 100% oblige to this.

Yeah, but then it would be like what I would think would be the most slag in my corner. Yeah, the problem is your birthday would outshine everyone else's birthday no matter what. Yeah, and don't you and Paige share the same birthday week and like... Yeah, poor thing.

That's a double edged sword though, because it's so nice. Cause she'll end up like in the Bahamas, but she's like, so she's, you know, she's, she's the one who was making the grocery list, you know? Right. Yeah. On her birthday. I try to give her the 23rd off, but sometimes I'm just like, fuck, could it have been the 20th? I'm kidding. She got mad at me because I asked her if she could move her birthday a bit. And she goes, you don't move your birthday, except for when it's my birthday. I have to move my birthday born on Thanksgiving. Um,

around Thanksgiving, roughly. Like how close to Thanksgiving? Sometimes seven days away.

Oh. But then sometimes like one. Sometimes on it. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for always being the best tour guide. You are the reason I literally have a boyfriend in my opinion because I. With the same name. Yeah. And saying your name in bed will never not break my heart. Ew. You know what I mean? But I fully differentiate them. I would love to. For you. I love you. Yeah, for me. Could you ever just go straight for a second? Like, would you just fuck Brooke one time? Imagine the kid. I mean, yeah, I've done it. How cute. Like.

I've been straight. Did you get hard? I mean, yeah. I've had girlfriends. I don't know if I could get hard like ever, though, for...

A girl again. I'm too used to like... Bummer. Just kidding. But maybe if there was like a bunch of Molly involved. Or speaking of Thanksgiving, what if I just turkey-based you and like give you a baby? See, that could slay. I would love that. I loved speaking of Thanksgiving. You really could turkey-based her. I would love that and then we could all just...

Slay here But thank you I say thank you for having us As we're on Maui But you know what I mean Not kidding Really happy to have you On the fucking podcast It's been a long time coming I have so much more I would want to podcast with you About there's so many other stories Yeah But we'll do it eventually This is just scratching the surface And I just feel bad Because we're like

this poor girl's backyard. Yeah, I'm about to have to go on Jeff FM right now too. And it's a cowling win now maybe. Yeah, that's true. But this week has been so special, Brooke. I'm going to try to get you to come back to Hawaii. Oh, I'm coming back, but I'm going to Oahu to see my boyfriend. And I hope you viewers at home enjoyed this Drake Lil Yachty Hawaii special. And yes, we are in the most beautiful place in the world. And I'm so excited. Aloha. Love you guys. Aloha. Bye guys.