84: TANA FOUGHT A WOMAN AT LAX - Ep. 84
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At Leidos, a brilliant mind is smart, but a brilliant team is smarter. A ship that finds enemy subs is smart, but an autonomous fleet, that's smarter. Defending against cyber attacks? Smart. Stopping attacks before they start? Smarter. And using AI tools is smart, but integrating trusted mission AI into your technology is smarter. We're not just making technology solutions and national security and health. We're making smart, smarter. Leidos.

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Before we get into today's episode of the cancelled podcast we feel that it would be very irresponsible to not discuss what is happening in the world right now and we wanted to let you guys know that we have chosen some families through the Operation Olive Branch to donate to and to help and various other charities that we are donating to and we wanted to link all of those below and encourage all of you to donate with us. I feel like I have discussed at length how I don't

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With everything that's happening in the world right now, it is no longer about politics. It is about genocide. And so many innocent people are dying. And it is so fucking heartbreaking. Being able to sit here and lead our normal lives where our friends and family are safe and we are fed and the lights are on, knowing that on the other side of the world, it is the polar opposite of that. And innocent children are dying. And it just...

It feels so dystopian to not say anything and to just podcast as if everything was fine. And we just wanted to let you guys know that we are donating and we encourage you to do the same thing. If even 1% of the millions of people that listen to the canceled podcast every single week donated even a dollar, we could help so many people in need. And yeah,

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Simply just share or continue talking about what's happening. But everything is linked below. All proceeds from this episode are getting donated and we will continue to donate and talk about this until there is a change that's made. Thank you guys for listening. Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. If I'm giving like palsy... Palsy. It's because I just got my...

My face absolutely filled to the gods. Like you could hit me with a Supreme brick right now and it would like bounce off. That's hilarious. You look amazing. But Tana was telling me she got her jaw Botoxed and I told her, I can't believe you don't remember this, but I was with you when I figured it out. When I got jaw Botoxed and I laughed at this. I,

I feel like you're always going through something like that. It's hard to like... I know. It's not for me. I had to give it up. And I'm really sad because it really did my... Well, also people started posting that photo of that spider and saying I looked like her. What spider? Miss Spider. She's from some show. Y'all know what I'm talking about. What?

But it's like This like really long Faced woman With like no jaw And Oh my god I know what you're talking about Yeah And so it's like No more masseter Botox for Brooke Well I have TMJ So Oh you do Which I think stands for Tana Mongeau jaw Chomp chomp chomp But

So it kind of helps my TMJ. I don't know. Dude, one time I was on tour with Amari and I was sitting in like the kitchen of the tour bus, right? And I just got in my face filled like to the gods and he threw my phone at me like across the bus and like my phone smacked me. Yeah.

And I see it. That's the worst part. My phone smacked me across the face so loud from across the bus, like made this noise and it just like bounced off and like didn't hurt at all. I had so much filler in my face. That is so concerning. Although you look really amazing right now. I look back at some photos of you and I, and I'm like, how did we not notice in the moment?

I was putting filler where the sun didn't shine for a very long time, obviously. Mine was like in combination too of like being swollen, like drinking so much and then also like, oh, I was getting so carried away. I had the puffer fish pack for sure. But today I just got a little something. I feel like

Tor gave me like crow's feet dude. It took years off my life. No it added years. I don't know. It made me old as fuck. I open my camera every day and I'm like who is this woman? And like the makeup every day. My pores are giving Mars crater. Like I'm just I'm gonna have to do some serious work on getting myself back. But I started with juicing myself to the gods today. That's good. I've been trying to drink like water. I literally looked like I've never had a sip of water before in life. I don't think you ever have. I'm so sucked up in like.

I don't drink any water. You don't drink any water. But I got a Stanley. So now I'm just ripping it. That's amazing. In my sleep. I'm loving your water era for you. There were like a week on tour and you'd be like, I haven't had any water. And I'm like...

There's water in everything. I'm like, there's water in cheeseburgers. I don't know if it's because I smoke a lot. Just all the smoking makes me feel so thirsty all the time. So maybe that helps me. I don't know. I don't know. I need to, though. I'll be like, why am I so low energy and I feel like shit all the time? And I'm like, maybe because you haven't had a sip of water in a week. I don't know what it is. I love me some wa. But that's my only healthy. Some wa?

But that's my only healthy habit literally ever. That's probably why your skin is so good. That will never, that's literally like the most, it just goes so far over my head. I don't know how you have perfect skin. Dude, I really, I really shouldn't. I don't right now. I don't know. That sounds like backhanded. I'm like, how the fuck do you have good skin? No, are you kidding me? I sleep with makeup on like, yeah. And your makeup hot Cheetos on your pillow and like, you just wake up glowing. I like, I've now let myself look at sleeping in my makeup as like a reward.

Like if I take off my makeup six nights a week on the seventh night, like you can sleep in it, girl. And then like I just treat myself. I would destroy, but I wear a lot more makeup than you and you also wear like a thin, no, I do. I wear so much makeup. They know. And if I slept with it, it would be so, like it would destroy my entire bedroom. It does destroy my, literally everything. It's so gross, but whatever. And I drool.

Have you ever like Pulled away from a guy And they just have like Your whole face imprinted On theirs And you're like Oh fuck He's got my eyebrows On his forehead I'm like oh fuck Not kidding I give him a call Like a full beat sometimes I feel so bad I give his dick like contour He has like No that's hilarious Or have you seen like When somebody gets in A car accident And they What

And like, or like someone slams on the brakes and like they hit the seat in front of them. Those are my favorite memes ever though. Or like sex. Soaping with their whole face is like imprinted on the back of the seat. I just did that in Cabo. I was having sex on this boat and then I looked at the pillowcase on the boat and it was like my whole beat. You're having sex on the boat? I don't know what it is. It's just there's something so camp about, I think I've realized in life my favorite place to have sex is a yacht. That's a good one. What is that? What do they call that? Like the overseas club? Because

Because it's like, you get to that. Literally that. That's exactly how the pillow looked. But it's just like you get to see the ocean and it's like already rocking with you. So you don't have to do as much. You know what I mean? I did that once and you were there. Oh, my God. And then you lost your phone, right? Yeah, I was such a whore. Where were we? Miami. That's why I don't go back there. Yeah, it's just no dark place so much. I forgot about that. When it was. Oh, my God.

Oh my god, that's such a crazy era. That's, I think, probably the last time I've ever hooked up with someone like I just met. That's so fucking crazy. I completely forgot about that. That was five years ago, by the way. Literally, it was ten. I just got back from Cabo. How was it? Tell me everything. It was really good. I mean...

Sober Cabo, you did it again. Yeah, birthdays, I think for everyone else, including me up until the last five months, have equaled hammered central. Okay, and I think something's just in the air and the water in Cabo that just, you take it there. You know what I mean? So it was a lot of,

I felt like I was in the middle of a lot of chaos, and I definitely really clung to Miss Trevi. Trevi and I slayed Sober Queens, and Makoa, obviously, he was perfect. We had a really good time. It was really great. But I did something that I am not proud of on the way to Cabo. What did you do? I didn't relapse, and I came very close, and I will explain to you why in a second now. I didn't. My strength prevailed. However...

It's so not funny. And I can't stress this enough. It is so not funny. What did you do? I'm on the edge of my seat. Can I go full like 2016 Tana Mongeau story time on you right now? I would love nothing more than that, actually. I want live and in action. Like this could be told to you in two sentences, but like I can't. No, I'm buckling in. I've been watching old Tana Mongeau story times on purpose. It's true.

Shit's so fun. You're so interesting. I was just saying shit. You're so good at it. It was just, I don't know. Okay. Hear me out. So obviously we go on tour. We slay our life. This is how far back I'm going with this story. Okay. We slay our life, right? You're very tired after tour. I'm fucking exhausted. Okay. Our final day was in Chicago. We wake up, we have a day in Chicago and then we fly back from Chicago, which obviously just didn't help that it was like a six hour flight. Okay. And,

I don't know what it is, but I felt like I was flying from fucking Australia, Brooke. Okay. I'm pacing the aisles of the plane like a dad. Like my bones hurt so bad. I was literally getting up and like pacing like a fucking 50 year old father at 25. Like it was the longest flight of my life. I'm counting by the minutes. I'm so exhausted. I can't sleep. Restlessness. Awful, awful, awful, awful. Horrible flight. Bad flight. Bad, bad flight. And so I finally get home and I'm like, fuck yeah, right? Yeah.

I promised Bella, Miss Bella Thorne, that I would be in that Amphar commercial for her. And it happened to fall on the following day after that. And I already hadn't slept in like fucking 10 days. And I'm like, now, of course, I have to get up at 7 a.m. and fucking beat my face and go do my favorite thing in the world act.

all day right and just fucking it was 100 degrees on the set like it was just draining very draining but an amazing thing to be a part of and like I'm grateful but I'm just saying like battery on absolute zero right and then of course Ty Collins is like I want to do Cabo for my birthday and I understand in every level the champagne problem of saying oh I know when you go to Cabo

end it all Tana like shut up okay you know what I mean like right go to Cabo it's amazing duh but like I'm just so exhausted you can only fly to Cabo in the morning there's only flights in the morning right and so I'm like optimistic with it I'm like listen I just want to get there right and so we were going to take an 8 a.m flight okay which means I have to get up at 6 a.m

or like 8:30 something like that, I don't know. Early ass flight, right? I stay up late packing, I get like three hours of sleep, I get up, I've never been so tired in my life. Like I'm livid, fucking livid, exhausted, bones hurt, wanna cry, right? But I still allocate for enough time to get to the airport to make this flight, right?

And here's the thing, okay? I understand that flying to Cabo is a fucking international flight, but like it's right there. Yeah. It's right there. It's like, what is it, an hour? It doesn't feel like an international flight to me. But it is. It is. So we show up to the airport and let's say our flight's at like eight o'clock, right? We get there at like,

6.30 or something like that. And the bag cutoff for Delta is normally 45 minutes before a flight. You can drop your bag. I know that. I die by it. I live by it. I have made it by the minute a thousand times. For a domestic flight? Unbeknownst to me, Brooke! For an international flight, it's an hour. It's an hour cutoff. And we are there. I'm not even kidding. We show up to the airport out like an hour and one minute before the flight. Oh, God. And it's like...

Come the fuck on Delta. Like had they just, you know, they could have gotten it out. If you can get you on the flight, they can get the bag on the flight. And it was just one of those situations where the airport is not that crowded. And like, I've had people at airlines a million times been like, be like, just this once we'll give you the five minute grace and take the bag. Like, I know it's not a be all end all rule that they die upon. It depends on the worker that you come into contact with that day. And if they're in the mood.

Right. And so they're like, fuck no, you've missed this flight. And I'm like, I'm just so upset because it's like,

I have plenty of time to make this like, you just won't take my fucking bag. And like, had I just had a carry on bag, like, did you need the 37 sarongs for the three day trip? Yeah. Weren't you only there for like three days? And I brought, I brought enough to move there. Okay. And I'm just, I'm livid at myself and like pages live it at me. Cause you know, I wanted five more minutes of sleep. And like, there we are with the five more minutes fucking shoved up our ass in the airport. Right. Okay.

Okay. And they just, you know what? Sometimes you just have to, well, nevermind. Be early, be prepared. No, I was going to say this has to happen to you like once every at least like 10 times to bring you back home. I actually, I fully can see that now, but in that moment I wanted everyone at Delta airlines on a steak, like a hog with an apple in their mouth. Okay. I'm livid. Right. And I'm just full cunt mode. Like poor Makoa. I am livid.

Oh, I know. I know the times. I'm and I'm at the point right then and there where I'm like, dude, Ty's mad at me. I'm going home. Like I'm looking at Ubers from LAX back home. Like I just give up. Right. But like it's his birthday and he wants us there so bad and whatever. Right. So it's like eight, eight a.m. Right. Next flight out noon. Oh, noon. Different airline. Oh, no. And normal Tana would have loved that because that's fucking four hours to drink in the airport. Oh,

She doesn't get to do that So now she's just Like it's And I'm exhausted Like imagine just like Why wouldn't you just Take that flight To begin with You fucking dumbass Like the amount of I'm just I'm mad at myself I'm mad at the world I'm mad at whatever Now I have to walk From terminal one To terminal five At LAX Okay No Let me just garner I need to stop saying garner Like what the

What the fuck does it mean? The only Garner I know is Jennifer Garner. Just FYI, there's a shuttle. You like can Garner wages? What? Just FYI, there's a shuttle. Fuck you and the shuttle, Oscar. I didn't know. I didn't take it. I didn't whatever. I get about 5,000 steps under my fucking belt. Okay. Covered in sweat. I get to the JetBlue terminal. Right. We check into this flight. Okay. And everyone's just like. And the thing is, is I'm like so patient with TSA being a.

but like it's just like I'm livid and like it's just like yeah it's like when it rains it pours when you're already pissed it's like you how dare you speak I'm livid and like obviously you know too like every TSA situation is just different like sometimes it's like shoes on like different terminals to LAX different like hat on sometimes this that and the other I get to TSA I have a hat on and I'm like asking the lady I'm like do I take my hat off and she's like

shoes, belt, like just yelling the like rules back at me. I'm like, do I take my hat off? And she's like, shoes, belt, laptop. I'm like, okay, but what about my hat? She's like, shoes, belt, laptop. I'm like, okay, what about my hat? She's like, shoes, belt, laptop. And I'm like, I turned to Paige. I'm like, am I speaking a fucking different language? Like, do I keep my hat? Like she won't answer me. And I'm just like,

And you know how I get. And I have this thing, okay? And this, I don't care how fucked up this is. I'm telling you, it is my truth. And this, it is especially applicable to me in airport scenarios. That is where I created this. Oh, is it your thing that you do? It's not something I do. It's something I live by. Oh, okay. At Leidos, a brilliant mind is smart, but a brilliant team is smarter.

A ship that finds enemy subs is smart, but an autonomous fleet, that's smarter. Defending against cyber attacks, smart. Stopping attacks before they start, smarter. And using AI tools is smart, but integrating trusted mission AI into your technology is smarter. We're not just making technology solutions and national security and health. We're making smart, smarter. Leidos.

I call this the three person rule. Oh, I remember this. Okay. First person to be rude as fuck. Whatever. All right. They were rude as fuck. This was a coincidence. Whatever. Second person. Fuck you. Fuck this. Fuck the universe. Fuck everyone. Whatever. But like, I need to have a little more patience. Right? Third person. Gets the wrath. Of the first and second person. I don't care. All combined. Like it's like third time is the charm. You know what I mean? So now I'm on, I'm on two people. Like this lady's being a fucking bitch.

I don't know about my hat. I'm fucking livid. I'm like, whatever. I get through TSA, right? Just take your fucking hat off, Tana. Like, I took the hat off, but it would have been nice to have some clarity, okay? Yeah, I get it. It would have been nice to have some fucking clarity. We get through TSA, and now we are in the JetBlue terminal, which is arguably the worst terminal, in my opinion, in LAX. Okay, I think that they put a lemonade restaurant in there, and they said, we're done with the place. We're not doing anything else. That's never open, by the way. And it's nasty, and it's just...

I don't know. I just, the other restaurants vibes are just so not me. You know what I mean? There's no lounge. What kind of restaurant doesn't have a you vibe? Like what, can you describe that? Just, no. Oh, okay, perfect. Okay, yeah.

The JetBlue, there's only a coffee bean. It's just like, and then the only store that they have is like a rip curl. It's like why, like we need board shorts. Well, you're going to Cabo. But it's just like everyone else in the JetBlue terminal is not okay. And I just, I think it's the worst terminal. And so we get there and I'm like, I'm here for the next five hours, right? And so we post up at this restaurant, okay? And I'm not going to go wine tour. I'm not going to say which restaurant, okay? But we post up at this restaurant. Dinky restaurant.

Little eatery. Okay. Dinky little fucking eatery. Like everything's a little dirty. And here, I just want to say this. Okay. I think...

That a lot of social etiquette that should be practiced in the rest of the world goes to shit the second you are in the airport. Okay. People are laid up on the floor. People are spread eagle on the floor. People are hammered at 5 a.m. I'm not prepared for what you're going to tell me you did in this restaurant. Babies are throwing shit. No, no. What I did is not even bad and we will get into it. Okay. But I'm just saying, I think that so much...

So like all social etiquette and time construct and all that bullshit kind of goes to the side a little bit at the airport. Okay. A little bit more slides. Okay. Yeah. So we get to this restaurant. Right. And I just, I cannot express to you enough my level of exhaustion. All right. And just my bones. And we are just in this dinky little dirty. I love dinky. You know, dinky is my favorite word. Well, dinky ass eatery. Okay. And we sit down at,

lunchroom table. Okay. Me, Paige and Makoa. Right. And I'm like, I'm about to be parked here for the next five hours. I would do anything in the world for just a shot or two. And I can't like everything hurts. I have nowhere to like, I can't fall asleep. Like I'm just, I,

I'm so upset to be in this situation, right? And as you know, I have some back and some neck aches, okay? And sometimes that results in me in quite the weird positioning, okay? Sometimes I'm sitting a little sprawled, I'm sitting a little stretched because it's the only way to find a bit of comfort, okay? How were you positioned? I'm sitting at this restaurant table, right?

And listen, you might side with not me and that's okay because I don't give a fuck. You can almost guarantee I'm never going to. This is the table, right? Like as if you and I are sitting across from each other and here's the table. I put my, like this, like this part of my leg is on the table. Okay. Where's the rest of the table?

Like this is the corner of the table. Yeah, so that whole bottom half of your leg is on the table. No, no, like hanging off. Like this is the only thing touching the table. Were your shoes on? My shoes were on. I had a portion of my upper calf that was clothed touching the corner of this table. Okay, mind you, this stained table. Mind you, someone is sleeping at another table a couple inches over. Right. Right. And so...

We order our food. Our waitress is a lovely woman. She's so nice. She's serving us. We're hooting and hollering, right? And from across the restaurant comes another waitress, right? She comes and walks over. She sounds like a whore. And such a fucking whore. But I'm wrong. She comes over and she's like, can you please take your foot off the table? Okay. And first of all, in my head, I'm just enraged by this. This is number three, by the way. This is exactly...

And it's like, my foot is not on the table. All right. Your knee, your, your upper calf is on the table. That is the only thing that is on this table. Okay. And this is the only position I've sat in for hours that has provided me any form of relief against my scoliosis and my demons. Okay. Like I finally found an ounce of comfort. And like, again, someone is disabled. Someone is sprawled in REM inches from me. Like, and the,

The table's covered In fucking crusted hot sauce Like fuck you She comes over And she's like Can you please get your foot Off the table It takes everything in me You know not to be like My foot is not on the table ma'am Like you know what I mean Yeah And just like And she's like Can you please take your foot Off the table right But like dirty ass look Rude ass tone Yeah there's just no way To say that without a tone

Oh, her eyeshadow sucked. Okay. And she's, so I take my foot off the table. Right. And I'm like, I'm going to be here for the night. I take my upper calf off the table. I'm going to be here for the next fucking like five hours. Right. So 40 minutes go by. I'm sitting there in so much back pain. Like our waitress doesn't give a fuck. She was coming and serving me with me like that, like laughing, giggling. It was fine. Right. Eventually my upper calf slips back onto the table. I see how that could happen. Okay. Accidentally. Thanks. Broke.

Not five minutes go by and this lady beelines over to us. And it's like, you're waiting other tables. Like, what the fuck? Like...

And why do you feel so passionate about this? This isn't your restaurant. Or tattletale of the class. You know what I mean? Where it's like, just mind your own fucking business. It's just like, I just don't. And like, I'm just seeing all the other people around us and all the kids and all that. It's just like, why? And this isn't your restaurant. Why do you give a fuck? And it's like, again, we're in the middle of LAX. And it's like, dude, it's just like, dude, like, come on, dude, come on. Right. She walks over to me.

and she says if you don't get your foot off the table i'm gonna have to kick you out of this restaurant what'd you say so then i get a little frustrated okay because i'm like i have nowhere else to go either you know what i mean it's just like this i mean i'm trying to eat my burrito like i'm just i'm on a like what do you mean you're gonna kick me out of the restaurant and so i hit one of these i hit a little hand circle and i say my foot isn't on the table right

I mean My foot wasn't on the table Okay And she's like If you don't Like move I'm gonna have to And she's just like She gets down to my level Like Like rude Like I just Her demeanor Was so fucking rude About it And she's like Loud as fuck And it's just like I remove my foot

But now I'm sitting there, Brooke, and the third person has third person to me. Good, good. And well, OK, I'm to get her back. I'm fucking livid. I really am. And just sitting up in this position is genuinely hurting my back so bad. So it's just a constant reminder of the fact that I could be sitting in a way that would be a little bit more comfortable. And again, someone is in downward facing dog at 35 B right now. Like, it's just like, come on, bro. You know, it's just like, OK.

And so she just keeps staring at me, like mad dogging me. And I decide that this is now war. And so I decide that for the next four hours, my eyes are not going to look at anything else other than this woman. Of course. But it's bad. It's really bad. And it's really scary. And it's really crazy. The way that I was doing this, just like, and like head spinning on a rotator fucking cuff. Okay. Like she's waiting tables. And I'm just like,

Scanning her. Rotate her cup was crazy. And like, this is the first time Makoa has ever seen me like break in that way. Like in the scary, scary, breaky, like scary, scary, like, like Tana's not here anymore, motherfucker. Like you're a c***, you're a c***, you know? Like he's never...

He's never seen that. This is his first rodeo. And I'm just, I'm on a whole tangent because I'm like, I want this woman to come over here. Like I'm, I will not rest until she comes over here and she genuinely explains to me the difference between my clothed forearm on this table and my clothed upper calf. I agree. And what is, what is the genuine difference? Like between a forearm and an upper calf in LAX, in sweatpants, clothes. Any other restaurant, I would be like, you are so wrong, but you are at LAX.

And it's just like dingy restaurant. Okay. Like I'm just, and I just cannot grasp the difference between genuinely my forearm and my calf. My foot was not on the table. I was not sprawled. It was just like a comfy little position corner of the table helping me out. Right. And now she's just dirty looking me dirty looking. And I'm just, I'm, I'm building, I'm snowballing, I'm snowballing. Right. And so I'm, I'm still, I'm just staring her down about an hour and a half has gone by. Right.

And she comes over to me and she goes, she gets down on my level and she goes, do you have a problem? Because I'm staring at her and I'm like, oh my God. No shit, I have a problem. This is the moment. Oh, that must have been so exciting. Were you like literally, was your soul on fire? No, I just looked at her and I was like, can you explain to me the difference between an upper calf and a forearm? And then she just like walked away, right?

and she's like rolling her eyes and walking away and whatever and I'm like oh this fucking I'm like you just want the smoke I don't understand so like what does this what does this restaurant mean to you what does this interaction mean to you like what does this situation mean to you so much that you're whatever where do you get off it's just so like you know she probably went in to work that day with like that intent like you take your dog so seriously and she just like wanted wanted violence but it's like

What about the couple like giving water birth at the table next to us? You know, I just like I don't I really think I should have started like completely snitching on everybody. No, I at one point I was like there were like kids throwing shit next to us. And I'm like so livid, like trying to like point to and pages like Tana, you're you're beefing with a six year old right now. You need to fucking dial it back. Like it's going to be OK, whatever.

We continue with this stare down for like two more hours. And it's like, McCull was like, give it up, Tana. Like, I haven't touched my food. I haven't looked at my phone. Like, and it's been hours. Like, I genuinely, I've just had on a swivel. Like, just, I can't stop. And like, and you know, when you're just thinking of everything you could have said and wanted to say, and like, I'm just building in my head, I'm living, I've built up all this anger and aggression. My back hurts so bad. And had I been sitting the way I wanted, I would just, everything would have been okay. Whatever.

We're leaving the restaurant. This is where. I'm nervous. I don't even want to admit this. Should you? You remember what happened with the wine tour. I know, I know, I know. It's not that. It's not that. I'm passing by her and she's giving me a very dirty look. And I know. And I hit her. I know that these are going to be our final moments together. Her and I, you know what I mean?

And I decide that the best possible outcome would be if I were to bark at her. Like a dog? Like a dog. Can you demonstrate to me how you did it? So she's staring at me and I pass her. And I just, it was something slight, okay? I just hit her with a little...

I would have you admit it. I would be worried about your sanity after that. Like, that's a really... You had such an opportunity there to hit her with a, like, shove it up your ass or, like, something, like, mean and spiteful, but instead you barked. I barked. I barked at this woman in the middle of LAX. I guess it's kind of... Like, she does not deserve words. She threatened to call airport police on me. Oh, piss off. She threatened to call airport police on me. And say what? This woman... This...

Nice lady was barking. Mind you, I'm in a bubblegum pink sweatsuit head to toe barking at this woman. But what could she possibly... Is it a crime to bark? It's probably best that you barked instead of telling her anything horrible or yelling profanities. I just...

I just really think there is something to be said about the low point that is barking at a woman in the middle of LAX. No, but it probably was really like cathartic. It just, it was what I felt. I genuinely, I just, I felt like I had to bark at her. But I'm just, in my 25 years, I've never once been threatened to have airport police called on me. And I just didn't think that this week was going to be the day. And like, I didn't hear her at first. Like she said something and I was just walking and I was like, oh my God. Like she just threatened to call the police.

The airport police on me. It's just, she's just too goody two-shoes. Honestly, she probably needs a perk or two. I barked at a woman in the middle of LAX and she threatened to call the police on me. That's really all I know. I don't think, I was expecting to think you were more in the wrong in that story than I do. I really like, the airport of it all made it all okay to me because a normal restaurant, you know how I am. I'll be like, Tana, you cannot wear sweatpants to a restaurant. You cannot have your feet on the table at a restaurant. But,

But at a boof-ass little diner in the midst of LAX, I fear there are no rules except for maybe...

Don't be naked. That's not a rule. And fuck you. You know what I mean? Like, it just... I just... I couldn't... What difference did it make in her life? And was anybody offended? It would be one thing if somebody next to you was, like, celebrating their anniversary and they were like, this bitch has her leg on the table and it's disrupting my experience. But you were not disrupting anybody. You were minding your own business and alleviating your scoliosis. And I think that you should be...

financial compensation. I just, I don't think I had to bark at her. It's just, and I definitely like, I, once I got on the plane, I was like, this is so one of those cases of me like letting a bunch of little things anger me and then like the, like the final boss. Like it did, like I didn't need, like you should have seen me for four hours just like this.

Like it like you didn't need to do all that I scared the fuck out of Makoa on the way back from Cabo too and he was so good about it like you know him he was just like everything's going swimmingly like just being like sarcastic joking you know on the way back from Cabo I'd like slept I'm skipping through the airport I'm like giggling he's like we're doing so good with our airport demeanor today I'm like damn you're dating split like yeah I get that though.

No shame. I just, I felt a little scary, scary. And I haven't, I've never barked at a woman in LAX. I'm going to use it though. I think you've given me an idea. That's like something I've never explored before. Like barking at somebody. I don't know if I'm a good barker, but hilarious.

It's just like that was I had no words anymore. I had too many words. We weren't going to have a sit down conversation. Her and I, she couldn't explain to me the difference between forearm and calf. It felt to me like the right response was to bark. Honestly, I have trouble regulating my emotions in that kind of scenario. I actually do think I would have hit her. You know, you wouldn't expect me to be the violent one, but I kind of am sometimes.

I know I was... I said, like, to Paige, I was like, I wish Brooke was here. Like, Brooke would have killed that woman. But at the off chance that, like, you just hated that, you would have been so mad at me. I don't know which one would have happened. No, it depends. I think I really would have sided with you in that moment just because it's like...

Oh, I hate when someone's just fucking out, like, outwardly rude for no fucking reason. Like, just out of nowhere. You know what I mean? It's one thing if, like, I've done something, like, actually wrong and then somebody, like, responds accordingly. But if you, if I'm, like, if I smile at somebody at the airport or something and they give me, like, any kind of attitude, I will fight you. Yeah, I, just for me, everything is about, like, role reversal. And, like, if I saw, like, a tired-ass person. At the airport? Yeah, like, at the airport, like, just being comfortable. How does she know you're not going, well...

It just really was one of those situations where I just know that I wasn't harming anything and that I was fitting the demeanor of the situation accordingly. Yeah, you were matching the vibes. And it was just like, you're not even like my fucking waitress. Yeah, that's another thing too. You're not even in her fucking section. That is so embarrassing for her. Like, first of all, mind your own business. Tend to your tables. She's probably a horrible service worker. I just think that... Which is very rare. I love all of them. I loved my waitress. She was amazing. I just...

I don't know if I needed to bark at her. You should write a Yelp review about her and say that she spit on you. I'm just joking. But just a thought. I fear that me barking was my big one. And I hope that within the next year or so, I won't be barking at anyone else ever.

Have you ever written a bad Yelp review about somebody? No, but I know you have. Oh, 100%. That's my shit. Okay, because I am somebody who like really, really respects like restaurant etiquette and stuff because I've worked in so many restaurants. So if I have a bad experience in like a restaurant, I know I am not the problem.

Okay I know I'm not And I've had some Okay so I've done My big one on Yelp I prefer Fade on site Many a times I prefer barking No because Yelp Is actually Like that actually All managers and stuff Have to look at The Yelp constantly It's like a real Consequence You know what I mean Really Yeah restaurants Have to like pay To get Yelp reviews Deleted and shit It's like crazy Oh I didn't know that Well that's I guess in this situation It's like no one's Looking at the Yelp reviews Of this LAX diner No not at all

But her manager might be. And maybe other people have had bad experiences with her. Maybe that was going to be the straw that broke the camel's back. She was just so mean. It was just so mean spirited at the way everything was handled. Maybe she, you have to assume that she's miserable and she was having a worse day than you. I guess that's really true. But it's just, we could have come together. We could have been friends. I could have taught her how to blend her crease. Yeah.

That's so fucking hilarious. I could have taught her how to do her makeup well. Like, at one point, there was another lady working who, like, kind of looked like her, and I, like, lost count of them, and I was giving the dirty look to, like, the wrong waitress for, like, an hour and just, again, head on a swivel. Like, it was just... I was really scary. I was really, really scary. Well, I'm glad you got all that energy out. Was it fine once you got to Cabo? Yeah, everything was fine, honestly. And it was fun? It was very old Tana of me, I think, and...

Sometimes you gotta just throw it back a bit. Yeah. It was giving me a... But this time I chose to bark. That's my fave. What else is going on? Hailey and Justin are having a baby. I'm shocked. I'm so excited. I've never been more excited about anything. I'm so happy for her. And I...

God. You know that that should be me. Had the most dreams it's ever had on the day they announced it. That's so hilarious. But honestly, I'm really, really thrilled with... I've never used thrilled in a sentence. I am really pleasantly surprised at how well it has been received and how nobody's been like...

To her about it Not that any Like I guess I know Some people are better Than that She gets so much hate She gets so much hate For everything that she does And especially like Obviously Selena fans I was worried for her Like the day that she got pregnant And I think that's why She put it off for so long Because it's like

god she just already is like probably like the most hated or like most like publicly hated person on the internet which is crazy because i think she's an angel yeah it is so crazy i'm just i'm so happy for them i hope it's a boy like do you think it's a boy for some reason think it's a girl i know and i like a baby is a blessing obviously no actually i i think it's a girl because of i saw a video of her pulling a little pink pacifier out of her pocket really yeah that's cute i just want it to be a boy because i'm hoping that

Baby Bieber. No, but imagine Justin being like a girl dad. Yeah, that is so cute. It is so cute. Hailey's going to be the best mom. She's a sweetheart. I feel like she just is so misunderstood. Do you think that we're the number one pop culture news source? Like you heard it here first. Like we were giving Easter eggs. Well, we were just speculating. Do you know how cool I felt...

That Keefa came on our podcast and said like Kendrick Lamar is going to put his foot in everyone's ass. Yeah. And I don't think people understood like at the time Keefa is like huge in like the hip hop space. I met him when I first moved to L.A. But he like in the past five years has become like one of the biggest like A&R in the

The rap game. Yeah. So he knew like and when he was saying that it was like I was thinking he was like speculating. No, he knew what was coming. Yeah, which is kind of crazy. So like we're just like so credible and ahead of the times. Yeah. You heard it here first. Yep. Oh, I had a boob job consultation.

And I have scheduled my surgery. You're about to titty it up. I am about to titty it up. Are you worried about losing all feeling in your nips? No, because he reassured me. There's like three different like incisions that you can do. You can do under the boob, which is like most common, obviously armpit, which is like a newer one and then nipple. Okay. And I was very specific when choosing a doctor. I had to be somebody who does it through the nipple. Okay. Because I,

My favorite boob job is Lila's boob job. And she has it through the nipple. It looks so good. And it looks like... Obviously, her boobs are far from natural. But they look amazing. You know what I mean? There's no scars. They look... It looks like she didn't... Historically, through the nipple has always been, I think, the...

biggest slay it just looks the best I wanted that so badly so that's what I'm gonna do and that is the you're least likely randomly to lose feeling in your nipple from that you're way more likely to lose feeling in your nipple from your armpit I don't know what I would do if I didn't have feeling in my nipples I swear that it guides me through life really I don't actually have they told me that they were worried or they didn't want me to worry about that and I'm like I don't even think I really have any feeling that much in my nipple I'm loving this like no seriously like I'm like um

But I went in I chose my I will I chose like the type first of all There's obviously like they have like all the different kinds of implants and you hold like a chipotle ball. Yeah, but Holly Madison actually messaged me after she saw the last episode and she was like listen like these the brands that you avoid These are the brands that don't give you breast implant illness like and she told me beforehand so that I knew like what to ask for when I went in there and like more specifically what not to get and

And so I went in there. I told him I don't want these. And then he showed me the ones he thinks I should get. They're a moderate profile. Okay. Which means high profile is like the ones that like you can really see up here. I'm loving the side profile of your titty. Well, no. It's like how...

Like how in your face it is, I think. It's like the vibes. And so I did moderate profile. I'm doing like really small. I think they're like 300 CC. You're saying I'm doing like as in like it's booked. Oh, it's booked. It's booked. What date is it booked for, bro? What date is it booked for, Brooke the Bronco? All right. Listen to me, everybody. I'm really excited about this surgery. All right. I'm going to Dr. Daniel Barrett in Beverly Hills. All right.

And he is world renowned. Okay. He is a really in demand doctor, if you will. So he's booked and busy. All right. So my two options for dates within the next few months were June 6th, which I'm already committed to something for that. Those dates and June 19th. Listen, listen to me. I think that this could turn over a whole new leaf.

You miss my birthday. And I'm mad chill about it, you know, because I'm mad chill. No, I don't know if I'm mad chill about missing your birthday. Like, it's not the same thing as you missing my birthday. I'm missing a trip to Turks or something. Like, I don't want to miss that shit. But I'm just saying at the off chance that you did, you know, then this year when I'm cutting the turkey and you're trying...

To guillotine me. Well, here's the joke, everybody. I called Tana as soon as I found out, which... She's like, what do you feel about moving your birthday? That's the joke. I'm like, what do you feel about moving your birthday? No, that's the fucking funniest thing you've ever fucking said because she...

She says, are you fucking kidding me? You're going to ask me to move my birthday? And I go, oh, it's almost as though you've asked me to move my birthday the past six years in a row. You've asked me to just move my birthday. I'm asking you to just make your birthday a little...

Earlier So that I celebrate you Earlier so that I can go Get some titties And not have to be I'm not I'm not against that Because I don't have Anything planned yet Honestly However I just want you to know If you were to miss it And we were to celebrate It at a later date I would be elated To do that with you I also could show up To Turks with some like Rock hard Brand new tits That I can't put underwater I love that it's just Turks forever now Oh

Oh I don't know We're not going there Oh Well I'm really excited And I think it's gonna be amazing I showed him some pictures I don't want anything Really big or crazy I literally just want to get back Like a little bit of volume I'm so excited I'm so excited I feel like your boobs Are gonna be the new Murphy

Like, you know what I mean? As soon as I got my tits back, my whole personality... I'm going to be shy. I'm going to be skipping down the street. It's going to be everything. I really feel like that's so shameful, but I did lose like a part of my identity. I am not kidding. Yeah. And I don't care who thinks that that's vain or whatever. It was such a part of me. That was my number one attention source my entire life. And it's the only thing I had for so long. And then...

I lost it. Listen. Now I could tie them in a knot. I've always been the one to say that if you want something, like go get it. You know what I mean? If it's going to make you feel better, go get it. You know? And I'm just nervous. Like you can't work out for a while. And I just now got in this routine. I'm like, oh shit. No, but it's going to be so fun. Another major, major issue. Mm hmm.

My doctor's so hot. That happened with my nose job doctor. Like it's like an actual concerning thing because I've seen him in videos. I literally like found him on social media, which is like just not you. Well, he did my friends, but he was just like he made like TikToks and stuff. But in person, I was like, he is so hot. And so now I'm like, he's going to be slicing me open.

on a table like embarrassing or kind of hot i don't think so and you could wake up like well i couldn't date him anyway he sees too many tits in a day that's so true i would never want to date a plastic surgeon literally ever i think about like would you ever date like a gynecologist no because i think that men that want to be gynecologists scare me and i i don't care like i don't care i understand the adverse like side of what i'm saying like yes it's awesome but what if they're really passionate about women's health

I don't know. I guess I wouldn't want to be like a prostate examiner. It's just... Well, maybe... But no, but that's fine. That's camp. Yeah. You know, it goes along with the theme of our show, which is as long as a woman's doing it, it's fine. Yeah. I just... I think that it's like...

You want to be clamping open pusses? Well, I feel like usually people don't like seek that out. I feel like it's like when they're in med school and stuff, they find what interests them the most. But that like as a straight man, that's what. No, yeah, no. I don't know. My friend had a dad who was a gynecologist and he was like such an amazing guy.

And then she had to go to his office when she had chlamydia. That's the most traumatizing thing I've ever heard. I don't, not his office, like somebody else. I just believe all men are bad. I hope not. I don't know. My brain just makes me believe that no, no man should be. Have you had a pap smear? What is the pap smear where they squeeze your boob on the table and they make it flat? Don't clip this. That is so humiliating.

Pap smear is like what you get. You're supposed to get one your first one, I think when you turn 21. And it's like just to make sure you're all good, good down here. All good in the hood. Yeah. And you're definitely overdue. But I don't know why I'm advocating for this so hard. I, too, have never had a pap smear. Oh.

Oh my god I feel so much better But I'm uninsured I was really embarrassed I'm uninsured And I'm gonna be getting One any day now In fact Dr. Daniel Barrett Do you wanna do my pap smear? What? Just what even happens though? Like can't I just go get Some tweezer men And a fucking Three times magnifying iron? I'll do it We could do it for each other That's what I'm saying The flashlight goes up All those settings Like highest Have you ever had to do that? Like I remember Like well I probably shouldn't name names But one of my friends recently I was having to like Really do some examining And I was like I think it's this Yeah

It was fun. We're going to Hawaii. We are going to Hawaii. I sunburnt my asshole.

really bad in Cabo by accident. What if it peels? Well, here's the thing. Or swells. I was only or smells swells. I think your asshole already smells. Honestly, you think my asshole smells? I know it does. I know. I think it's like literal roses. It's so cute and cutie cutie cutie sweetie. I laid my butt in the sun for like 30 minutes max with the UV index was 11. Spread cheeks? No, but I was in like a thong bikini and I was arching.

I was arching my back. I'll tell you something. I've done that in a tanning bed. One time I like lifted my cheeks because I was trying to get the underside and I accidentally burnt the fuck out of my actual asshole skin. Do you remember when it was like trendy? Yeah.

to sun your asshole and you would see all these like health and wellness people like on Instagram. Yeah, remember when Tyson did like a whole like six part Instagram series about it? And they would put a funnel in their butt and go in the sun, a funnel in their butt and go in the sun on their Instagram grid. Do you know one time this guy, um,

You know him and it's really funny, but he he's married now, but he asked me on a date. Right. And great guy, like manager of the stars, like really like has a lot of money, like killing it kind of attractive, loves God. Right. He asked me on this date and I'm like, oh, he's not like he's a little too good for me. Like whatever. Like good to goody. Like.

Two shoes, you know what I mean? But like, maybe I'll go like whatever. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. And then right before we were about to get dinner, this man was sunning his asshole with a funnel on his Instagram story. Who is this? I don't know who that is. I know the name, though. That is really concerning. I will say that's a bit of a deal breaker for me.

And I've put up with a lot of things. I don't give a fuck what the benefits are. As a straight man, you're going to post a boomerang of a funnel in your asshole. My thing is, I think I have to start with, like, let's start with drinking water. You know what I mean? Right. I feel like it would be so extreme for me to put a funnel up my asshole. I would have to take so many steps before that if I were really, like, actually concerned about it.

My health Like maybe stop With the bulldog What are the benefits Like let me I just want to say Hold on And how can they be How many studies Are there about that If there are studies Then why are we Not focusing on Um

Women's medication And or Medications that you give to animals I just I can't even talk about it Oh my god Improved libido An increase in blood circulation Better sleep And a longer healthier life I do not need an improved libido Let me tell you Hashtag butthole sunning on Instagram Hold on There's a hashtag? Yeah it's a community On Instagram? What's with the Where are the guidelines? Oh my god

Oh my God. Oh my God. Everyone take the time to go to this hashtag at some point in your life. Oh no. It's so funny. It's so funny. No. Who else did that? No. Someone else I know did that. No. No. There has to be a simpler way. No. Oh my God. I'm so sorry for anyone listening to me. Can we retake that?

It's all these grown ass men in the. Yeah. Why is it all men? There's something to be said about that. And they're in the craziest positions. They're in the craziest positions. Wow. Oh, my God. It's so awful. Oh, wow.

It's exactly what I thought. Comment down below if you've ever sent your asshole and let me know if you saw any benefits because I would like to know. Today's Mother's Day for those who don't know. But can we just talk about all... I like to call it Thursday. Dead fucking ass. Don't get me started.

It is so fucking funny To see all of these Straight Awful Awful Awful men Posting Like I'm so thankful To my mother Who For making me The man I am Yeah honestly I'm gonna send her a message And say she's She fucked up Um

Or like have you ever dated a guy and like you know that I just die on the hill about this. Like the men who want to fuck their mother and then their Mother's Day posts are like borderline like it's like their girlfriend. I've talked to a couple guys like that where it's like yeah it's a little. And of course I want like I want a good relationship with my kid if I have a son and stuff. Like I really I understand that. No it's just that niche like it's the niche category of like.

You know mommy wants them And they want mommy And it's like Yeah or like no girl Will ever be good enough for you Yeah if they could breastfeed Fucking them Like at 25 they would And it's so funny Seeing them post But just like the amount Of men I saw today That like are cheating On their girlfriends Left and right Posting like A thank you to my mother For making me the man I am Like does she even know The man you are And would she be disappointed If she did Change that navy blue Fitted sheet Yeah you've disgust me Brush your teeth Let's check out that sheet With a black light

Do you remember Room Raiders? Yes. I would have loved that. Honestly, you would have been toast. I would be so toast right now. The state of my room. Honestly, the state of my room right now too. I'm just like really, my life is in shambles, let me tell you. And when Makoa leaves, I get, you know my favorite thing in the world is to sleep with my things. I love to sleep with my things.

Like I think that I have a king bed and it's like half of the bed is for me and then the other half is for my things. And I sleep so well knowing that my things are sleeping with me. And my things right now is a wax pen, some joints, a lighter, my purse, my

um rainbow sour strip sour punch straws um i've been sick so benadryl and pseudofad um and like my laptop and like i just have all my things in my bed right now and it's really bad i chicken wrap as well but i need to get rid of the chicken wrap because i pro vibrator pro vibrator i got it

I got it. I almost sent you a pic today and said, is this the one? It's so insane. I haven't actually used it since I was talking about it last. It popped off on TikTok. Really? See, you should start fucking... I would say that like that would inspire me to want to make my own, but like I could never make it better than that one. Like that's, it's the best one ever. Yeah, I got it. I was a little confused. I might not have gotten the same one, but you said black with gold. So I got the black with gold. I hope you got the same one. And...

I'm confused because when you press the button, it doesn't automatically just go on a constant speed. It automatically starts doing Morse code, which I'm not into. You know that. I agree. Sometimes you have to kind of mess around with it to get it out of there. Well, I was like pressing and pressing. I didn't get the chance to take it for a spin. I just turned it on. But I'll immediately... You'll be the first to know.

If it works out I'm not kidding Remember when I had that Vibrator burst into flames I'll never forget this Yeah I My friend did a brand deal For it today And I had to slide up On her story and say Get your bag But don't use that shit Mine literally caught fire

That's well it is just really crazy when you think about like what it is like because it's like a motor like I don't know what actually have it didn't like there were no like open flames but it was smoking and it was like it was hot I couldn't touch it it was so hot. It was like what is going on there. No I could I could have sued. Do you remember that McDonald's girl who burnt her vagina.

She was like a sweet old lady. There's no way she burned her puss. No, she did. It was like actual, you should watch it if there's a whole documentary on it, but it was actually so fucking horrible. It was like this extremely old lady. So her skin was like very, like super thin, like paper. And they handed her coffee and she spilled it in her lap. And it was, it gave her such horrible burns. Her like,

Pants were melted into her skin It was so so horrible And she won the lawsuit obviously But yeah like why give boiling water And that's awful like searing your puss It was so hot it was like You have to look into it it's crazy When you put the meat on the hot rocks When my mom was a baby she pulled a crock pot Or a deep fryer from the counter And her whole It was oil so you can't like wash it off So it burnt her whole body head to toe Her diaper was melted into her skin and shit

it. Isn't that crazy? That's so awful. I know. That's so awful. Happy Mother's Day. I just want to send all my love to any anybody out there with mommy issues. After Brooke and I did the episode where we were talking about our mommy issues, I just feel like I met so many people that came up to me and told me how much that episode meant to them. Yeah, I got a lot of really nice messages about it, too, which helps. I just even today, like

Obviously, I am finally, I feel very lucky to be in a place with Debra. I got to send her a Mother's Day gift and talked to her on the phone and it was really awesome and she's the best. She texted me like, thank you for choosing me as your mom. I would choose you in every lifetime. Really cute. I was sobbing. But even today I spent, I went to brunch with Kim and Kiki and Kim is like one of the best moms

single moms I know like she is she is working every second of every day to provide for her daughter and Kiki is like turning out to be like the best kid in the world and just growing up so much and Kim's been so there for me as like a mom in so many ways and I got to like go out with her to brunch and then I went and saw Nune and at 7q and mama Nune has given me so much advice and guidance on business and she's just such a boss bitch that I look up to like today I was asking her all these questions about like her life story and she came from um

Armenia like by herself and moved out here with absolutely nothing and like left her whole family back behind and like now has built a multi-million dollar business and just like jets around with the Kardashians and it was like all her doing it and it's like I'm trying to just flip the narrative on how I look at Mother's Day and it's like even if it is just loving and

and showing praise to the strong women in your life who have been a mother to you in certain things. I think that's so important. And also just even today, like a lot of people I love were texting me like, happy Mother's Day. Thanks for everything you've done for me. And I think it's like you got to look at yourself as like a strong fucking mother in so many ways. And I just to anyone out there watching that finds holidays like today hard, look in the mirror and fucking wish yourself a happy Mother's Day if you're doing it for someone who didn't step up. And we love you so much.

Yeah, I agree. I honestly, I've never, or at least in like the last few years, I have never really been sad on Mother's Day or anything like that because I feel like I've had so many like positive, like, or just moms, mom figures, like whether it's like friends, moms and stuff like that. I have like friends, moms who I haven't even talked to in years who I still think of and I'm like, oh, that was so nice what they did for me. Like,

I think when you're in situations like ours, like when you do get to meet a strong, awesome, amazing mother figure and they're in your life at any capacity, you value them so much more, obviously, because it's like you're comparing to like the opposite. And it's just like, well, it's just like, oh, God, it was just like, oh, my God. Like it's just it's so inspiring to me, like other strong, awesome mothers. And I don't know.

I can't wait to be a mother Me too Dude Nune today was on my ass She was like You have to have a baby No I don't think we're ready yet But I would I know I'm not ready Like I know it's not time And honestly I'm like I'm not even in a place Where I think I should be dating But I want a baby so bad

What if I just fuck around And have a kid Please don't I told my god Honestly but could be fun though Because you have so many people Who would help you I would help you It'd be so fun But I just can't be pregnant That's the only problem But I think you would love Being pregnant I think being pregnant Is like the most amazing part I was literally saying Like ectopic pregnancy Might be like

I don't want to say a dream. That's like an awful sentence. But I'm saying like. I don't think you understand what an ectopic pregnancy is. Maybe I really don't. You don't. You're thinking a cryptic pregnancy. That's what I'm thinking of. Ectopic pregnancy. I'm pretty sure it's like when you get pregnant outside of where you're supposed to. Oh my God. That's not what I meant literally at all. Yeah. And your baby like starts growing in like the wrong place. Oh my God. And like your knee or something. Yeah. Oh my God. No. Cryptic is what I meant. Cryptic like yeah when you don't know you're pregnant. The stress of being pregnant would send me to oblivion. I literally could never. I would have my feet on the table at every restaurant.

Yeah. So you don't think you want to date? No, I think, well, okay. So I signed up for BetterHelp again. Good. Because I was having, I had a little realization recently. Okay. I've been going through a little bit of an episode, as you know. I've been experiencing some symptoms, if you will.

And I'm like trying to tie him to something and I'm like, oh, every single time. And whether it's like been like actual relationships or like situationships or whatever it is, every time I have like a man in my life, all of a sudden I'm having symptoms. You know what I mean? I start getting crazy and like super hyper emotional and like just like not behaving normally. Not only that, but more importantly...

I cannot even think about myself. And like, I, it's so, I don't even really want to say how psycho I get about it, but like, I can like, I cannot think about anything but a man when I have like a man in my life, literally at all. I can't like it. I get what you're saying. Like you're, you're revolving your meals around. It's about that. I just have such a good, like, that's just,

I can't I don't know how to explain it but like I can't I don't even think about me and if I do like anything like my own work all of that just like seems like such a nuisance because I'm like I'm just focused on them and it's like they don't even hardly know it I'm just like that's what all my thoughts are and it's not healthy it's not normal at all and

I'm like, I can't. I don't think that anybody with that sort of vibe should be dating. I love that sort of vibe. Well, no, really. Like, I just feel like it's unhealthy. And like recently, obviously, I'm I am experiencing the end. A healthy, a very nice, healthy, like mutual end to something. Yeah. And I immediately. Sorry. One time. No, but like, I'm not even kidding. The instant.

It happened. I'm like, oh my God, I am so excited about my own things and stuff. And I'm like, I realized such an immediate shift that it was like unsettling because I was like, that is crazy. Yeah. That I can like literally notice it. Like all of a sudden I'm like excited about things that I should be excited about. And like... Yeah. And focusing on your own life without revolving it around like a man. I understand. Or like what he's doing or what he's thinking or like, is it working? Is it not working? Like I just...

That's all I'm ever thinking about. Oh yeah. Like we're on tour and like I can't, I'm not present. Like I'm literally not present. Oh, there are times obviously. And I like, you know what I mean? Where I'm like, Brooke, like,

you know what I mean? Like, fuck what this guy thinks of every little thing you're doing. Like, you know what I mean? And I'm so excited for you. I think just to be in a self love, like, well, I'm just healthiest. I'm always, when I'm, when I have no one in my life like that, I, everything about my life is better. And I don't think I've ever been able to like a, like really tie it to that. Cause I'm not paying close enough attention. I didn't realize like that. That's what was doing it. Cause it didn't feel like they were related, but it is like,

Because I don't... I'm like, I'm just not anxious. I'm not like... I just don't have any like personality disorder symptoms when I don't have a relationship. Yeah. And like obviously it happens in friendships and stuff, but...

Not often. And just more manageably, you think? Yeah, I just get like so crazy and... It would be awesome to get to a point where like a man was just like an addition to your already whole... Yeah, but it's not that way. Yeah. And like I can identify that and I know that and I don't think that I should be dating because no matter what, it's like I don't have enough energy to put into it that and me. Yeah. At the moment. Yeah. So then I'm the one who's always...

Left in the dust And I'm like I don't give a fuck About what I'm doing I'm not I'm blowing off work I'm like I'm just not Doing anything I should be doing Because I'm focused And just present Like I want you to do a show And not think like What would this guy think Of how big this crowd I'm doing Or what would this guy think It is I've told you this one time And it's like It is a concerning thought of mine But I've always I can't remember ever Having not lived my life In third person Like It's always Like I'm living like

Through the perception of somebody else and obviously who it is changes. But it's always like, what is this person seeing? And that's so scary and like demented and weird. And I know that that's I don't want you to like beat yourself up for it because it's like we're all products of our, you know, normal. So I'm like trying to get ahead of it or like at least like figure out what that is. Yeah, that's not it's always been that way. I cannot remember time. It wasn't even when I was like little. Yeah. Like I've always been like, OK, well, what is this person like?

Everything I do is with another person in mind. I'm really proud of you though. Thank you. I'm really proud of you. I've been so good. I was going to bring this man to Hawaii and now it's going to be me and BB. Because even that I was so stressed for you because it's like we're going to Maui. Brooke and I decided we would...

I mean, Makoa has to go home, so I wanted to go to Maui, obviously. But like, we were like, let's take some days there and just like relax. And, you know, we just did all this touring. Like, let's go write these California shows by the beach. Like, let's go tan. Let's hang out. And then the weather might be really bad when we go. We don't know yet. Yeah. But I felt like you were so stressed about like,

This guy potentially going and like not enjoying his time because of the weather. Yeah. Well, I mean, it was always like I planned it with intent for it to be him and I like that. Just it was that way. Yeah. So we talked about it the whole time I was on tour and stuff. And he was so helpful. Like he's he was like really good to me when I was like going through it on tour and stuff. So it's like, let's just go to Hawaii, lay on the beach for five days, whatever. But.

I knew that if the weather was horrible I was going to be like so hyper aware of like whether or not he was having a good time the entire time and it was making giving me so much anxiety yeah and I'm like let's finally I was like I need to not be doing this anyway yeah and like what am I doing running away on this romantic getaway with this man I'm not I shouldn't still be seeing anyway mm-hmm

And I'm just really proud of you. And I think we're going to like dance in the rain and have like so much fun. I think so too. And that, but that's another thing I noticed right away that all of a sudden, like the fact that I, all of a sudden it doesn't matter anymore and everything's fine and I'm not like stressed at all. I'm like, it is really, I can't believe how anxious I get.

about just guys like that's so stupid well i think that if you're aware of it and you're like actively navigating that that it's only going to get better and i'm really proud of you thank you really proud of you i'm not kidding that's so say thank you what else do we have going on single brook i got my belly button pierced was it by bb in your kitchen worse i did it

Okay. I tried this, by the way, actually, a couple weeks ago. I was on my way to meet Trisha at the Madonna Inn, and I went into a smoke shop. They had a belly button ring. I tried to shove it through. Gave myself some. Well, yeah. So I've had my belly button pierced before. I really bamboozled the fuck out of my sweet grandma. She was a victim. I did the same shit. You know, I got my belly button pierced when I was on, for my 13th birthday. No. For my 13th birthday. And my grandma was so, bless her heart, she was so funny. She just wanted me to have, like,

I could get her to do anything. And I was, and I milked that shit. And I would tell her, I'm like, she'd be like, you're too young. You're too young. I'm like, Brooke, she, I'm like, Nicole got hers for her.

Her 11th Yes I'm like lying crying She took me and Nicole Bacon To go get our Ballybuttons pierced At 13 I was literally Right there with you though Like I was such a little slut Cause that's why You wanted it right For sure Well I was just I had all Like I always had like Older girlfriends and stuff So I just wanted Whatever they had Yeah And so I would just Convince my grandma But like I know that If she were aware Of like

What that actually meant She wouldn't have let me do that Yeah I feel you completely I always pulled over Pulled like fast ones on her So you re-pierced it You shoved it through Yeah And now you're fine Yeah I can't get mine Through the other side I've tried so many times I'll tell you why Because Okay so an earring Is like a Is a 20 gauge Like pokey thing Okay

Sometimes 18 Okay A belly button ring Is like 14 Yeah So it's like way bigger Girthier So I had to get a nose There's a nose ring In my belly button right now Cause it's Oh like you use Something thinner and sharper Yeah It's a 16 gauge So it's smaller Than a normal belly button ring It's bigger than an earring But barely I want to go to Brooke's piercing shop Brooke's Well it was hard And I almost passed out But it looks so cute And I love it I want to go to Brooke's piercing pagoda

I could do it. It's sterile. Not kidding. I want one so bad. I'm going to eventually... I'm going to have to gauge it back up to a regular belly button ring. If I want to keep it, but I think I don't, probably. Can you show me? Yeah. It's a little... It's a tiny... I wanted it to be a tiny little hoop because I saw Sab... Sab Quesada, is that her last name? She had a tiny little hoop and I want to be her so bad. And she has absolutely everything. It's so hot and gorgeous. I watched...

Zendaya's movie last night the challenge challengers challengers um in theaters and you went to a movie in theaters last night and you didn't tell me well it was with um I don't care I don't think you would have wanted to join the party yeah you're right I'm so surprised Zendaya decided to take this movie right it's like a three-hour film it was two hours but like it just felt so long and the entire premise of the movie is like Zendaya was playing tennis and then she gets injured and

And then she has two boyfriends and she's like cheating on one the whole time with the other and then cheating on the other and like whatever back and forth and like making them do some crazy sexual. It was really sexual. Really? A really interesting movie. Yeah.

People are saying it's like the greatest film ever. And like, I felt like it was like one of those movies that could have been four minutes. Like cheating tennis, cheating tennis, the end, no ending. I feel like there are some things that I can't even really appreciate because I'm not enough of like a film buff. That's the problem completely is I think it was like, but too cool and artsy for me. But I think the yearning man is finally back in. Like the whole film is like this man just kind of being her bitch.

Right? Yeah, bring back women being the one who make the rules. And there's this scene where she's looking at him and she just cheated on him with his best friend. And she's like, she tells him like, if you lose this tennis match tomorrow, I'm leaving you. And they have like a kid together. They're fully married. Like yada yada. And he's just sitting there like hand in her head, like his head in her hand while she's like stroking him. And I was like, oh, the yearning man is back. It's so just, it's so funny. Like years ago, like all I wanted was like,

A fuck you asshole who didn't give a fuck if I lived or died. And now it's like so like I'm so the opposite. Like I love love and I love how much like I love McCohen that's reciprocated to me. And it's like I just love seeing the yearning man. Yeah. I think, you know, like you're saying unrequited love is out. Uh huh. I think we don't like guys who don't like us anymore. I just did it. I haven't experienced that actually in like a really long time now. Like be obsessed with me or get out.

Yeah, maybe I haven't probably haven't had anyone obsessed with me in a while, but I would not like it's been a long time since I would even entertain somebody who like really didn't like you. Yeah. Who does who I don't feel like respects me. Yeah. Like any guy I've talked to in the past year, which is literally nobody respects me. We've grown so much since the beginning of this podcast in our views on our love lives and shit. I think so, too. I actually saw Joe the other day. Really? Yeah. I saw him at that special party I went to.

You guys, I went to this party. It was called Beecher's Madhouse. And apparently it was like huge back in the day. It was like Jeff Beecher is like this comedian and he used to throw this party and it was like iconic. It was like everybody would go Paris Hilton and like Nikki Hilton made it cool. And it's just like super exclusive. But it's like it's a madhouse. It's like the greatest showman, like where everybody's like has some kind of really strange. It's like a circus. Yeah.

So lots of little people, lots of Michael Jackson impersonators. There's like Oompa Loompas on a zip line. It was everything. But it was such an interesting crowd, like people you would never expect to be together.

And it was just so fun. I wish you could have come. It went on for three days. That's crazy that the party went on for three days. I know, but it's because it was like they brought it back as a part of like the Netflix is a joke festival or whatever. Oh, that's sick. But it was so cool. Scooter Braun was there. I almost smacked him in the head. It's so funny that Michael Jackson impersonators are like and like Elvis are like the winners. Like, do you think that we'll ever see a time where like

Jojo Siwa impersonators Are the new Michael Jackson impersonators In like 30 years I resent the fact That you just compared Jojo Siwa to Michael Jackson No I did not compare Jojo Siwa to Michael Jackson I think you I think Jojo Siwa Is probably somewhere Comparing Jojo Siwa To Michael Jackson For sure she is Like no But like I'm just saying You think we'll ever have like a Yeah for sure I think that there are people That we know right now That we don't understand Are going to be the icons That they are

Maybe gonna be in years Like do you think people In the moment thought Cher was gonna be Cher Or was it like She was like a Billie Eilish Oh whoa I didn't even think about it like that I hope we have Trisha Paytas impersonators Forever No I just want Trisha Paytas Only That's true She's gonna have it Where's the baby I know The baby has to be born Before this episode comes out You think so Elvis is here So crazy how it's just like In you and then not

It fucks me up, dude. Like it really is crazy. Imagine that feeling or just like this was just inside of you. Nara Smith gave birth like three days ago and she already has a six pack. I'm like, what the fuck? But she's six feet tall. I saw this video today that was like a time lapse of like

A time lapse of people building an amusement park. And it was like... Nara Smith when her kids say they want to go to Disneyland. She's so funny. I just love her. I admire her so much because I can't... Like, I have a suitcase that hasn't been unpacked for weeks. Yeah, she's... You know what I mean? Like, where is Nara? I am, like, fully up to date on the Nara Smith shit. I couldn't decide if I thought she was in on the bit or not. But then I saw her make gum from scratch. And I now think she's a genius. Well...

It doesn't matter What the fuck it's for She's making content Like the rest of us Her videos are all Fucking five minutes long She is getting Tens of millions of views On every single video She's making So much money It's stupid I think that there's Something just so to be said About the like Harmless enraging formula It is Like it's It's not hurting anybody But people are Fucking furious about it Yeah But it's all the people Who don't want to make Homemade gum And it's like Okay then don't Like

I don't think I've ever had anything homemade in my entire life. No one in my family has ever made something from scratch in life. I'll walk in and Ashley Schwann is making sourdough bread from scratch. And I'm like, I can't wait to eat that. She does really chef it up. But I'm buying the loaf every time. There's no... Just the reward...

Oh, there's a bird. There's a bird in our house. Brooke, I decided that my new bit is going to be saying back when I was in college with no context. Like, oh yeah, I used to do that a lot back in college. That's hilarious. Like when I was in college. You had about as much of a college experience as I did. Well, no, but like honestly, like the influencer world is very similar to the college. Like, or at least my college experience, which is like pretty toxic. Yeah.

I've always said that it's like very like clicky. Yeah, it was. I mean, it's disguised like the sorority experience is like disguised as like something that's noble and like admirable when it's not really. You know what I mean? It's like it really is just you pay for your friends.

And it's kind of judgmental It's one of those things Where like I didn't do it So I'll never get it But like had I done it I probably would have But when you're in it It's so Not that they like Brainwash you or anything Because it is like The girls that you meet Like those are going to be My friends forever But like the actual system Of it all is very culty

It's very like they convince you that this is like what you want and that this is the end all be all. And these are your women for life. And you have to commit your life to it. Yes, it literally is. You don't, you would not believe the things like we were and we're not allowed to do. It's really crazy that I like subscribed to that. I couldn't drink.

In the house. And I lived there for three years. But you could show up drunk? Yeah, you can show up blacked out and like every date dash has like sober sisters or whatever. But like if you have a sip of alcohol in the house, you're terminated on the spot. But you definitely did. 100%. Yeah. Well, no, I drank in my car in the parking lot. I'm loving your headband. Thank you. I feel like you're giving Jackie Kennedy. What am I giving?

Okay. Don't people say she eats like sheet metal? Yeah. They don't. People are so mean. That was one meme, but I loved it because they also said that Matt Rife ate sheet metal. Yeah.

Do you know that when you ask someone to bark The bark that they choose I think says so much about them I know I remember you called me and asked me to bark And I said I'm not barking for anybody Can you bark? No How degrading? What do you mean can I bark? I'll bark first ready? Don't you think that the bark I chose says so much about me? Oh my god I met a dog the other day that's never barked before His name was Beefcake Beefcake

But what if Beefcake was just lying to you? That's something I would do if I was a dog. I'd be like, I've never barked before. No. Yes, you have. It was the owner. He was like, I've had him for three years now and he's still never barked. Pay attention. His name was Beefcake. Murphy didn't meow for six months. I was like, she doesn't meow. She doesn't know how. But they have to learn how. And the dog just never barked? From other cats. I don't know about Beefcake, but I know Murphy finally learned. I can't believe that you won't bark. Oscar, will you bark? No.

See, I just shouldn't be surrounded by people who won't bark. I'm not living my truth. Let me off this godforsaken mic. Okay. Love you. Guys, we love you so much. Like we said in the beginning of the podcast, everything will be linked below. Please check out those links. It would mean the world to us. And we love you so very much. Thank you for listening to another episode of The Cancelled Podcast.