80: BROOKE’S COACHELLA HOOKUP WENT VERY WRONG - Ep. 80
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Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast. Coachella edition. Coachella house. I can't believe we're shooting from Coachella. I know and I can't believe I'm not there right now.

I have never ever in my life gotten ready as fast as I just did for this podcast. I know that was really, I appreciate you doing that. Like record timing. You guys, I've got places to be. I heard Brooke like up and ready saying she was leaving and I was like in the bathroom like on crack. I'm taking this Coachella thing so far. I'm literally, I could be there all day long, all night long. I got home at 6 a.m. You got home at 6 a.m.? Fully. So do we immediately go into last night? First of all, guys, before we started this podcast, I just have to say Brooke hit like a bleh.

I obviously don't like it barely had my voice. I'm like, God, just as it keeps getting worse. So talk to me about your night last night. Should we start at the beginning of Coachella? Well, actually, did anything really exciting happen to you on the first day? I have a bunch of like random notes and like random things. The first day was my favorite so far. OK, wait, who did you did you see anyone yesterday? We'll get into that. And I'm kind of livid about it.

Okay, well, first day was Lana. It was a spiritual experience. It was amazing. She brought up Billie. It was like I almost threw up. The first day of Coachella was like my absolute dream. First of all, I'm here sober and I like never...

thought I would be able to have fun doing that. I was so nervous. You're slaying it. And I actually, I had the time of my life at Coachella on Friday. I made it my goal to not be a stupid fucking influencer, dumb fuck, stupid fuck. Wait, I don't think this is like Coachella influencer edition anymore. I feel like I've really not experienced it a lot since I've been here. What do you mean? Usually I feel like it's like an influence or like an influencer, like

olympics yeah and i don't like i'm barely seeing any influencers i think it still is by like the vip bar and shit oh i've been avoiding the vip yeah but i exactly i made it my goal to not like stand by the vip bar network all night like because last year that's all i fucking did and it was like why am i standing here with like vlog squad alumni for hours when these tickets are four grand at all and i think about it too because like sometimes i won't even leave like

The first day I did not go into the festival. I just went back and forth from Coachella stage to the VIP bar. Yeah, which is just awful. But it was, I mean, everyone I wanted to see was on Coachella stage. So that made sense. But yesterday I ventured out into the festival. I went to the Dew Lab yesterday. I'm sure we had a similar experience. Essentially yesterday there was a rumor floating around

that Billie Eilish was performing songs from her new album at the do lab. Yeah. And if you have never been to Coachella, the do lab is like where you go to do drugs. It's this little hut on the opposite end of Coachella. I garnered, that's probably the wrong word. And I keep seeing TikToks. I keep seeing TikToks about using the wrong word. I'm about to really just take that home and start using like completely the wrong word.

Did you see the TikTok I sent you of that guy that's like when your friend... Juxtaposition. Yesterday I juxtapositioned 10,000 steps getting to the julep and back. It's so far and...

I feel like everyone there is not on like peace and love, like Coachella, hippie festival vibes. Everyone there is like hard drugs. That's where like all the house music happens. They're like blowing like things out of guns. Like it's like a whole thing. And honestly, that when I first started,

started going to Coachella in college like that's where I would you would always start in the do lab 100 at like 3 p.m and it'd be so hot and you're so sweaty and everyone stinks it was so fun and that's so we heard Billie was at the do lab and I yeah 10,000 step to my way over there I just got over there and she was DJing she was like playing taiga and I was like there's no way seriously I didn't even I didn't even see my eyes did not see Billie I went all the way there for Billie and then

I never saw her. She did leak some new songs from her album, but like I saw more of it on TikTok than like the mosh that was happening. Well, I'm going to have to look into it. What happened to you? So...

First of all, I was already having a day yesterday. I got really, I was so drunk. I have a new best friend and I'm, I'm really taking it home. Madeline. Yes. So we did revolve festival. We all got like pretty drunk and then we got to the festival. I went to the do lab. I somehow I'm like doing the lab. No, I went, I went all the way to the front. I honestly, Lila Moss. Do you know Lila Moss? Kate Moss's daughter.

It's like, where are you going with this? She came up to me and she was like, come up to the front. So she brought us all up to the front. I'm only familiar with Lottie and it's a very different situation. Yeah, I was doing, I know she said, she said, you know, Lottie. I was like, we sure do. And so we went up there with her. I'm like, I don't even know what happened. I literally saw stars and all of a sudden my phone was gone. It's funny because on the walk, it's not funny.

On the walk over to the do lab, I told every person that was walking with me, like, take your phone out of your pocket and grip it in your hand because in this little, like. Oh, mine got stolen out of my hand. Out of your hand? Yeah. There was a year at Coachella where every person I was with had their phone stolen at the do lab and then everyone just sat in a circle and sobbed. And I had a phone because you know me, my death grip on my phone. That's the best feeling when someone else, like something bad happens to you.

I meant that. Like something like that. And you're like, God, thank God it wasn't me. However, it was you. I can just imagine you. Were you like swinging, screaming all around? I was I like really did not care. Honest to God. I was like, OK, I see you later. Because at a certain point, it's like if my phone got stolen out of my hand, that is my bad. I was like, take it, take it.

I'll tell you how, because I was taking photos with people. It was like a group of girls, and I was handing their phones back and forth, and I don't know who got mine. Some lucky fan got the VIP experience. Some fan is going through our texts right now. They're watching a Brooks Go Field tape right now. No, it wasn't a fan because...

When I went back to look for it, there was literally like 60 phone cases on the ground. Like whoever it is, like it's just taking them out of the case, putting them in the backpack. That's exactly what happened. And somebody, well, so this morning I obviously had to go to the AT&T store. I'm not kidding. There was a line down the block. No. It is 70 people in there. Like literally every single person got their phone stolen. It was hilarious. It wasn't hilarious, but like. They probably like open early. They do. They said they stock up because it's like yesterday they sold like

2000 iPhones. Sounds like an inside job. Me and baby got up super early so that we would be the first people in line and we were and I got a new phone and it doesn't work. What do you mean it doesn't work? It's just stuck like logging into my iCloud. It's been doing it for six hours. You know they're selling like the Boof Sheehan phones that have been in the back of that Palm Springs AT&T. Yeah, and they ran out of the ones with storage so it's like a whole thing. I got like a 200 gigabyte phone.

What can I store on there? Oh my God, that's crazy. But anyway, so I got my phone stolen and then I was having the best time ever because I didn't have my phone. So I was like, I have almost a better experience. Oh my God, I peed in the middle of Coachella. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. We're sitting at Coachella and we're in the fucking artist section watching Lana and Brooke turns to me and you let me know. In full, like we're sitting on the ground. Like you tell me this story in full that when she was in college, she would frequently go to the front of a set

And she like, if she was up there and she was in a good positioning in the crowd, she would just piss herself. So just pee yourself. Everyone did it. You would make a circle around the person and then they would just pee in the grass. Down her own shorts, like into her shoe. Nobody's, nobody's, nobody's peeing in their own shoe. I was peeing on the grass. You'd pull your little shorts to the side or something. Don't judge you. You are you. I've seen you do the most nasty, disgusting things.

But anyway, I peed in the middle of Coachella yesterday. We all took guard of each other and we peed just randomly. Everyone's walking by. It was just a thing. I'm just imagining like the one lucky fan that like got to see you like get your phone stolen. The one lucky fan that got to see you pissing in the middle. I don't know what it was like yesterday. I was on such a high. I was in such a good mood that I like nothing could stop me. I felt like gypsy. Nothing's going to bring me down. Isn't that what she says?

I run into you at the VIP bar last night. Oh, no. And first of all, you're elated. You're in the best mood ever. We're so happy to see each other. No phone, no problem. I'm Marco Polo-ing my friends. You're like, I got my phone stolen. I'm all excited about it. And I'm like, Brooke, are you okay? Do you have anything? Do you need anything, whatever? You're so, so happy. You're also hammered. And finally, you look at me and you go, I need $200. What?

Send me $200. Cause I was trying, cause I couldn't, first of all, I found out my phone got stolen cause I tried to buy a hoodie and I didn't have Apple pay.

Because I was freezing to death. So then I was like, oh, fuck, I can't buy anything. I'm broke. So now I have no phone and I have no money. There's been so many things lately with you and me where you're doing something I would do and you would yell at me for. And it makes me so happy. I'm feeling free as a bird. Yeah, it's just amazing. I feel like we're getting closer than ever. Well, I needed her to send Bebe money so that I would have some money on my books. Yeah.

Today, I walk out in this top and you're like, name your price. I want to wear it. Name your price. Take it off. Like how much? I've been to, I don't know. She's been hitting the name your price. And it's so funny because you used to cuss me out for that. But I was like, dude, that's my favorite fucking thing about like maybe having a little bit of money. It's like if I really need something, like paying someone to do something and you'd always yell at me for it. And now she was in bed the other night to Bebe. You're like, name your price. Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese.

She's cheap too. That's me. I remember last year you, uh, you made Ty, you paid Ty a thousand dollars to change shoes with you. Oh yeah, last year I paid Ty, I paid Ty a thousand dollars to switch shoes with me at Coachella last year because my, they were like five sizes too small for him. So it would have been like hell, but I needed them off my feet or I was leaving the festival. There had to be a simpler way. I promise you, I tried everything. I think Jeff was trying to give me his shoes at one point. Do you remember that?

You're going to play dress up? Yeah. Okay. Is this Freaky Friday? Wait, so anyway, I got my phone stolen.

And then I was having a good time, but then listen to this. I had such a funny experience. Okay, my one goal in Coachella or at Coachella was to have a Coachella romance. Okay. Oh, I saw your Coachella romance last night. I think this is why you were on Cloud 9 too. It's funny because I didn't feel safe leaving you at first because you had no phone. You needed money on your books. You were hammered.

And then like, no, I would have found my way home. Yeah. Like your Coachella romance was budding. I feel like Coachella brings me back to my college days. Like I'm feeling like I'm in college again. Absolutely. I had a bit of a Coachella romance. I'm glad no one's in here for this because I'm about to tell a story that I'm embarrassed about.

You guys, long, long ago, I told a story on the podcast, literally on the red couch with Hunter Moreno, okay, about the time that I hooked up with a man that I had been, like, had a crush on forever, and I accidentally bled all over him. I'm so sorry, Oscar. In my movie room shower. Okay, you didn't even have, don't bring the movie room into this. They already are triggered. Oh.

Anyway, that was like a really traumatic experience for me because I had such a big crush on him. And then I just like... And it is one of those things when you bleed on someone that you don't really care to be fucking. That's horrible. That's a horrible sentence. I'm so sorry. But I really like had such a big crush on him that it was like so traumatic. Like there's so many other people you would have been happier to bleed on. For sure. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like that one hurt a little. Yeah.

And so I have carried that with me for three years since that's been probably like three, four years since then. Literally, we were just with this man and you were like still bringing it up like you and me would walk away. Like every time I look at him, I just think about that. And it's like really traumatic. And I'm like, God, please, like, please give me another chance. And so and we see I see him all the time. Like he because he's really close with like some of our friends. It's a cool thing.

And last night we rekindled this situation. I was so excited. No blood? No, listen to this. We're having so much fun with him and his friends. We're like running around, frolicking. He's like, oh, come back to our house and then we'll all go to Neon Carnival. Okay. So I'm like, for sure. He drags us out of this festival, forces us to come. Me and him are just, it's a romance. We're like making out in the car. It's like a whole thing. I'm all excited. I'm like, oh my God, I'm getting my second chance. I'm holding my breath. What?

We go to his house. Okay. Nobody's there. It's like five people like sitting around a couch and it's all like girls who like definitely looked at us and they were like, who are these whores? You know what I mean? Or were they the previous whores? No, no, no. These were like just like their friends, but we're talking to them and they knew I lost my phone. So one of them was like asking me, she's like,

She's like, did you find it? Like, she's being so nice. She's like, did you find it? Like, and she's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And I was like, I just like, I'm worried. Cause like my vlog was on there and she goes, oh no, your vlog was on there. And you guys know Ari has a complex where Ari thinks that somebody is trying to fight him at all times. Like every single thing to him is a confrontation. He always thinks that somebody is coming for his neck. Like, and yesterday he was an angry, angry Ari world. He was so angry. And that's,

And this girl, she goes, oh no, your vlog was on there. And Ari pipes up. He goes, yeah, her fucking vlog that makes her tens of fucking thousands of dollars. He goes, don't be fucking embarrassing. Yeah, her vlog was on there. Like crazy. Like he thought she was making fun of me, but she wasn't at all. She was being so sweet and nice. And I was, I was literally like, oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I look at Ari. I'm like, what the fuck is like, what are you talking about? Like, what are you doing? And he just won't stop. She's like, wait, what are you talking about? Listen to what he says. He says, I don't even know if I should say this. He goes,

I'm so sorry. I can't hear you. It's just the walls are so confined in here in this tiny fucking little house. I go, she's in. Nothing was wrong. Like she was being so nice. He just came out of nowhere. He thought she was making fun of me. So he like came to attack.

And I was so mortified. I was like, oh my God, I don't know what to do. In front of the guy too? Yes. So we sent Ari home because he was not being appropriate. I'm going to end this year with two friends and it's going to be you and Oscar. It was crazy. But it was like funny. I mean, it's funny now, but it was not funny in the moment because I was like,

This is so embarrassing. Anyway. No, I'm not even kidding you. I fear in life I've seen him in a fist fight with a brick wall. 100%. And he's always like, that bitch just called you a c**t. He came back here. He came back here, right? And I'm like in the movie room. I'm watching an Adam Sandler movie. Like I'm on a vibe. I'm high as f**k. I'm chilling. He comes into the f**king movie theater and he's like. What are you talking about?

And he's like, this bitch just fucking piped up on me and Brooke wouldn't fucking defend me and Brooke didn't have my fucking back. You know how she is. She did not say a word. Whatever. Like yells completely. Doesn't even allow me to live it. And then I'm trying to respond to him. Like, I think this is a conversation, you know, where he says something and then I say something and then he says something and then I say something. It's never that. And I'm like, oh my God. Like, you know what I mean? Like, what happened? Like, are you guys okay? I can't fucking do this. Storm's out of the movie theater. I turn to everyone and I'm like,

Brooke was right. I don't know where she is. I don't know wherever she is. Brooke was right. It was a whole thing and I was so mortified. That is awful. I had to apologize. I told her he had a condition. What?

Yeah. What was that condition? The condition was being a prick. So my night goes on, all right? We hop in an Uber and we head to the Neon Carnival. I just realized that... Okay, keep going. So we're in the car. I'm hand-in-hand with my little Coachella boyfriend. We're making out in the car. We're having so much fun. We're reflecting on past experiences. Like, it's just a whole thing. It's not blood gay. Well...

Long story. And he's, you know, he's saying like, are you going to come home with me tonight? Whatever. I'm like, duh, obviously. We get to Neon Carnival. Same thing. Having the time of our life, whatever. I swear to God, Tana, I blink. I blink. I tell you. I turn around and he's violently making out with someone else. No. No. No. Oh my God.

got bamboos. Like he, I literally got my boyfriend stolen at neon carnival. And I was just about to go on a tangent about how he's like such a good guy. Like I want you to be with him. He's so sweet. But I, I,

I'm sitting there in his jacket and I'm watching him make out with some random girl. I was like, wait, where did she even come from? And so I'm like, wait, what the fuck? I'm looking at his friends. Like, cause he, he, first of all, I got my phone stolen. I'm here with him. Like, what am I supposed to do? I'm like, what the fuck? So I'm like, I have tears, but his friends, like it was just like a whole, like, I honestly, it was hilarious. Cause it's like, was he just like, just fucked up that you have like empathy? No, I went up to him and I go, um, do you agree that this is a little bit rude? He goes, yes, I do. Yeah.

He goes, yes, I do. I'm about to like shove four leaf clovers in your holes while you're sleeping. Like, I'm not even literally kidding. Like how? I truly do have the worst luck. Cause I was like so excited. I was like, my Coachella romance is budding. It was amazing. Um, so anyway, he's like finally making out with some girl. I take his jacket off and give it back. I'm like, um, like, okay, see you later.

And I leave. But I did find out. Well, his friend told me like, don't worry. It's because they have history. And I thought about it. And I'm like, if my main boyfriend showed up to the neon carnival, I would have kicked that guy so far to the curb, you know? So it's like, whatever. It's kind of funny if you think about it. It's not funny, but it was hilarious. And it's like, you've got to get...

Your vengeance on bloody puss. Like I was really hoping you were going to tell me. I was really hoping I was going to make a comeback. And now if I respect myself at all, I can never even look at him again. Brooke, are you kidding me? Can't wait for six months from now. I'm 100% going to hook up with him tonight. I'm just kidding. Not kidding. Totally kidding. Holy fucking shit. But can you believe that? Because he really is like such a nice guy. I was like...

what is going on i will say though there is something so gross about a post coachella hookup i remember last year like there was a day where like i had a whole festival day like dust dirt all of it and i got back to the guy that i was hooking up with house at like 3 a.m and he was like i want to eat you out and i was like and he was eating me out and the whole time i was like you're eating why would you allow that to happen he just wouldn't stop asking and i was like you know what

do your biggest, do your biggest. Like if that's, if that's what you want to do, like, but it's like, I know he was like, honestly, it's probably for the best. It's hilarious. It's not hilarious, but I'm going to, we're going to see him today is the funny part. And I want to be like,

Hello. I'm so excited for the jokes today. We're definitely. It's funny because he's like, he's literally like our good friend. So it's like, I just think it's, I'm going to make this my bit for the year. Absolutely. That is true. It's not like the end of the world and it's so Coachella coded. Like we've all like, you know what I mean? In my single days, I've hit some swaps. It's a funny for the bit. And it's like, if I liked him, I would be sad. But like, it was like, I was just trying to get. Phone stolen. Yeah. So no Coachella boyfriend, no phone, no dignity. Oh,

Couldn't even call an Uber. She's on the old carnival like this. Like,

Are you kidding me? I was. No, it was like a whole thing. But I came back here. I had some bulldog noodles and I woke up bright and early this morning to head to the AT&T store. Okay. I mean, so today is the last day of Coachella and we're definitely going to turn it around. No, we had so much. We met. First of all, there were 60 people at the AT&T store. Everyone got their phones stolen. So we met this whole group and we're literally meeting up with them later. They're so fun. They were so fun. I bought a new phone. It's broken. I told you that already. Actually, I didn't buy a new phone. I owed $10,000.

$1,000 on my old phone. So I paid $1,000 for my phone that I don't have anymore.

I also in addition had to buy a new phone you are so chipper for everything going on I swear to god I would be like breaking shit I think I was just having so much fun I love that though I love that so much but I still like I don't I who is anyone calling me but it's my Coachella boyfriend calling me probably not but it's funny because now like the next person to like spill some water on you is gonna get the wrath of all of that do you think so I don't think so I think I'm just super happy I'm just kidding

Anyway, enough about me. You were here with me for this moment, and it is a standout moment of Coachella that I just want to bring up because I've never seen anything like it. Okay. We were at the VIP bar for a second, and obviously we decided to get the absolute fuck out of there. So as a group, we start walking over to the Coachella main stage. I think at this point this was for Lana, right? And we're all on our walk, and Ari's a little bit ahead of us, right? And I see a larger man walking.

knock into Ari and Ari immediately like pipes up of course obviously ready to go on this man right and then I watch Ari like his whole demeanor change from like I'm about to kill this person to like whoa let me back off this guy right maybe yeah not kidding and I'm looking and

And I see behind the guy that just knocked into Ari, I see a bald man like catching up to the guy who just knocked into Ari. And I'm like, I look at the bald guy. I'm like, oh, maybe it's Greg Goodfried. It's not. He's the baldest of guys. Like, is it Mr. Clean at Coachella? I don't know. Right. I keep looking. It's Jeff Bezos and Corey Gamble. Corey Gamble knocked into Ari and then Ari paused and chilled because it was Jeff Bezos. It's so cool. You should have gotten his number. I never thought.

thought in my life I would see Jeff Bezos in person. What is Jeff Bezos doing at Coachella? That's what I'm saying. He was like on a mission into the festival. I was like, are you going to the do lab? Jeff Bezos definitely is running the crime operation that stole my phone. I'm not kidding. And it's like, I just didn't

know like Jeff Bezos went to Coachella or like anything like that. That is really crazy actually. And Corey Gamble honestly I was gagged. I didn't realize that on my like list of a few people that I like really would fangirl over like Corey Gamble's up there. Like I was like shocked. That is really ridiculous. But I love it. He's in a fabulous yellow shirt. I'm obsessed with Kris Jenner but I don't think I would be excited to see Corey. Actually I have seen Corey. I just know he hits that. Like that's so crazy. He fucks Kris Jenner. I don't want you to talk about Kris Jenner being fucked. He fucks Kris Jenner. Oh.

He makes love to Kris Jenner. I just can't believe Jeff Bezos knocked into Ari, essentially. It is so funny. Thank God he wasn't really on go because I don't think he could afford that lawsuit. At all. You know what I want to talk about for a second? Sure. I just want everyone to know that this is coming from the mind of a sober. Okay? Okay. Like, if I weren't sober, I would never have this thought.

But like your favorite influencers are on so many drugs. So many. So many drugs. And like not one of them, all of them. Every single person I saw like PG, like they are on TikTok with like the biggest brands in these fucking houses. I saw four hours after they were posting their like PC brand deal with their jaw on the motherfucking...

Like, you know what I mean? Off hinge jaw, all of them, everyone, every single person is on so many drugs and I've never realized it because I'm on so many drugs, but I think that I always normally, and I think that I always thought it was almost just like me and like us and like

the friends that I don't ask me, I'm not doing any drugs. I'm just drinking. But like our friend, you know what I mean? Like I did some mushrooms. Yeah. Like our friend, like I didn't, I didn't know it was fucking everyone. Oh, it's until I saw it through a sober eye, which is crazy. And now I want to talk about concert etiquette. That is crazy. That is crazy that you want to talk about concert etiquette, but I am loving it. I'm loving our role reverse. I,

Freaky Friday. Like your voice is gone. Your phone is lost. You're out here like... Coughing. Yeah, coughing, doing your biggest one, sucking and fucking, and I'm out here bitching about concert etiquette. I never thought you'd... I unsuccessfully sucked and fucked. That's so embarrassing. You still have today.

No, I don't. Okay, keep going. You sold today. The problem with this story is I just want to talk a lot of shit about Paige and Ty. I guess no one else does concert etiquette. The way they were acting at Lana Del Rey. It was so inappropriate. It was so inappropriate. I fear I almost lost two friends. We're in the middle of Lana and everyone's like swaying all calm and like whatever. And it was like a really beautiful like spiritual situation. It wasn't like you're not screaming. And I do want to.

And they're screaming at the top of their lungs. Their range of motion. Like I noticed all of us kept moving back so that we wouldn't get like elbowed and hit by them. No, I'm not kidding. Paige was doing the coffee grinder. It was crazy. Like knocking everyone over, drinks spilling, screaming, spinning. Like I get that they're happy about the artist. Yeah, but at what expense to everybody around you? There was a point where Paige just knocked over Patrick Taw. Yeah.

knocked him. I mean, Lana was so, it was just, I knew it was going to be amazing. Like I was only coming for Lana. That's why I'm like yesterday. I saw no music. I'll get into that lore in a second. But like if the rest of the weekend was absolute complete shit, like it was all worth it for Lana. Like,

She was ethereal. Oh my God, her coming out on those fucking motorcycle. I almost lost my marbles. She looks ethereal. She looks fucking amazing. It was the most beautiful set I'd ever seen in my life. And we'd heard all day that she was bringing out Billie. Like we already knew that. But what transpired was like,

I can't even actually believe it. And like her singing Ocean Eyes and then Billie singing Video Games. Oh my God, it was so beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. I can't believe Video Games is about like our friend. Yeah. We're decently close with someone that Lana dated. It's so funny to me. It cracks me. Like it's like the same way. And honestly, he's the worst. Lana, what were you doing? It's the same way.

way I think I don't want to compare myself to Lana Del Rey but like at all but like you know what I mean like when I'm dating someone awful and like I don't see it and everyone else sees it like I just was standing there and I was like I can't believe this song is about this man it could happen to anybody even Lana dates lizards which is just so crazy she absolutely killed it though and it was the most beautiful she's so perfect I cannot believe her face looks like that she looks like that she sings like that she's perfect I will die Diablo and Taylor Swift

What about Diablo and Taylor Swift? Okay, so first of all, yesterday, my entire Coachella experience was spent walking to see an artist. And then by the time I got there, they were walking off stage. Well, you got to get some pep in your step. I had so much pep in my step. We were walking to I-Spice, and we'd been walking to I-Spice. Like, I'd walked all the way to the Dew Lab. My 10,000 steps were in to see Billie perform. I get there. She's DJing at the Mosh Pit. There's nothing about a performance like whatever. I did drink milk.

So I'm like, like, whatever. Like, this isn't my vibe. The Dulev scares the fuck out of me. Like, I'm going to go see I spice. Right. And on my way to I spice, I got distracted by a burger joint. Yeah.

I get how that could happen. And the burger just took like fucking 45 minutes, like all of it, just meeting people, taking photos, trying to get this burger, whatever. By the time I get the burger, I spice was late on stage. So we're set was only like 30 minutes. So I get over to I spice and everyone's leaving. However, I see a giant crowd of people around none other than Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. No, they were at I spice.

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey were at I spice, which is so iconic. First of all, like I just imagining Taylor, like thought I was like, it's so iconic as this. And there's so many people around them, right? Sabrina Carpenter and like her man, Barry. And like, they're all like around her or whatever. But I see in the corner of my eye, none other than our dear friend, my old roommate, Taylor Swift.

Diablo talking to Taylor Swift, talking all the videos of her. It's her talking to Diablo. Diablo. What? And OK, Diablo, if you're listening to this, I love you literally so dearly. I would die for you like, you know, whatever. But we all have that one friend who we can joke about being the maximum clout chaser demon. Yeah.

Well, he's so impressive about it. Like he's so good at it. I think it's the face tats. And the thing is, is Diablo used to be like so anti-Clout. And I, I fear I taught him how to Clout chase. Like when he was living with me and like my weed, like, like awful do anything for Clout days. Like I would like be like, let's do this. Let's go talk to this person. Let's whatever. And like, I created a monster. And like, we just have always had this whole bit. He's beating you at your own game. Yeah.

Yeah, he beat me at my own game 100%. And we would have an ongoing bit that I don't know if Diablo was necessarily in on. Like every time he name dropped, we would drink or something. It's like one of those, you know what I mean? It is funny. He'll be like, yeah, Diplo just texted me. Or Wes. Yeah, like it's just, it's always something. And he finally got to the final boss. Yeah.

That's as high as you can get. And I'm just, I, what were they talking about for that long? Like, and it's just like, I can't imagine they have much in common. And it's like, wherever Diablo is right now, he's talking about that. Like it will never, ever, ever. And I will never hear the end of it. We will never hear the end of it. I don't know if I even want to hear the end of that. I've seen a hundred videos of it on my timeline. And it's just so funny because it's way to flex on me. Like I,

I haven't seen a video in days. I'm so sorry. I would never even know that happened. Taylor's supposed to be calling me right now and I wouldn't know. Speaking of just clout demon chasing, something so sad happened to me. It's not sad literally at all. Like I'm finding such a champagne problem. I just want to talk about if this is wrong or not. Okay. Okay. I run into a longtime friend of mine, but someone that I'm not immensely close with. Okay. Honestly, Oscar, I'm going to have you bleep it. I run into.

Okay. And I'm just not a latcher. Like I stick with my own friends, like, and I feel uncomfortable to an extent if I see like an acquaintance and I'm, I latch on to them, especially if it feels clout driven. Like it just makes, you know what I mean? Like it just feels icky. It's like, I don't really know this person and I'm not going to like,

be up their ass and grabbing onto them and taking a million photos with them because I don't really know them like that. You know what I mean? And I know that this person is very clout driven and clout, whatever. So they end up spending like,

all of a music set with me. And I'm so excited to be at this music set and I'm like crying and I love it so much. And everyone's taking like photos and videos and stuff. And McCall was like, Oh my God, I want to get a photo of you like here, like you're so happy. And it's on a film camera. And I turn around and immediately this person who is probably like eight feet away from me, beelines to get in this photo, this being taken of me. Right. And so I'm like, damn, like I really wanted this photo solo, like me crying, but I'm not just like a

a bitch like it doesn't matter it's one photo but then for the duration of the next two hours this person made it their mission to be in every single photo I took impressive honestly every vlog clip every snapchat I don't have any content of myself seeing like my favorite artists without this person in every single photo like our outfit vibes don't match at all like it's like trust me

I honestly feel for you. That is actually like, I would have pissed me off so bad. It happened to me at the People's Choice Awards. Oscar bleeped this in every single photo that I took. I was like, like no matter what, they were the cutest photos and she's just in every single one. I'm like, I don't know. I'm not close like that. So it's like, what? I'm going to do a whole dump and it's just me in this...

You've said enough. No, I would be frustrated too. Cause it's just like read the room. And it's like nothing against this person. I'm not kidding. It's just like, there's cues like one, two, and even three was okay. But like 17 was like a little hurtful line. Like there was, there was definitely like a line there for sure. You know what I mean?

You know what I do want to talk about, though, is I saw a lot of TikToks this year before Coachella about people talking about how it's no longer cool to go to Coachella and a lot of viral TikToks. I saw one from Girl Boss Town. I'm like sitting there and I'm getting my hair done. I'm like getting ready for Coachella. And I'm like so excited. I'm talking about my outfits. I'm like with everyone. And I just start to play the TikTok and it's like Coachella is not cool anymore. And here's why. And I was like, oh, great. Right. Coachella will never be out. When it actually came down to getting here, I was just kind of like,

had that thought in my mind and I almost feel like the exact opposite thing has happened. Like Coachella has become cool again. Like this is the first Coachella where I just like, it doesn't feel like it's like James Charles and assless chaps and everyone making TikToks in a corner and like no one's listening to the music and like, I agree. Even just like outfit wise, like it's nice to see everyone just kind of throw some shit on and not like care so much what everyone's wearing. Like it almost feels like

like a 2014 Coachella, in my opinion, which I fucking love. I love it too. That's kind of what I was trying to say in the beginning. It just like, I'm having such a good time and it feels so much like less high pressure. I don't care what I'm doing. I don't care what I'm wearing. Emphasis on, I don't care what I'm wearing.

I don't know. I think it's fun. And honestly, I like that people didn't think it's cool because it's not... There's not as many people. And, like, everyone's on Molly and just, like, having fun. You know what I mean? Like, it's not... It doesn't feel, like, stuck up and dark and gross like it has in the past couple years, which I really do love. Like, I think that's almost...

reignited my love for Coachella. And I love that. I also love Makoa so much. Like, I just feel like this whole Coachella for me has been like us on like a really long date, which is so sweet. And I love Makoa too. He's the best. He's the sweetest human. And it's so funny because it's like, this is my first Coachella ever, not in a toxic relationship. Like that is amazing. For some reason, I feel like the height of my toxic relationships have always fallen

Fall in at Coachella. Like I'll spend a part of the year single. And then like every year I'm in a fucking toxic relationship. And it's funny because we were driving home and I thought about this time when I was dating Brad Sousa and I'm

I was just so fucking fed up with him. I was, I broke up with him after this weekend at Coachella like this. I was just done with this man, like telling me what to wear, telling me what to do, telling me what to think. Like Matt, if I talk to anyone else, like that was when I created the bit of me turning into like the AI robot girlfriend. Oh, I love that. Like whatever you want.

Sweetie. Whatever you want to do, sweetie. If you don't like this, what set would you like to go to? Yeah. How's the temperature in here? Can I help you? Like, and I did that. I remember that like Sunday of Coachella, I did that the entire day until this man snapped because I was like, clearly you don't like being with me. So like, I'm going to become someone else for you to be with. Right. And we were driving.

down the street back home to here like last night and i was looking out at like the line of traffic and like all the people walking and i will never forget this we were like 45 minutes from our house and you know you can't just like call an uber from the side of the road you have to get it from that uber lot at coachella like in the fucking dirt or like in indio a hundred miles away like there is there's no in between like you stay in that uber once you get in that uber right

And this man and I are just fighting in this fucking car like so bad. And he's screaming at me and he gets out and runs into oncoming traffic. And you just know how that is when you're in a fucking toxic relationship. You get out of the car and you go running and it's like, no, babe, please, like whatever. And so I follow him out of the car and the Uber driver is just done with our shit. So he leaves, whatever. And now we're in the middle of Coachella Valley just with.

and miles of traffic and no way to get an Uber. This is where the bit that Amari has where he goes, me, a woman, like comes from because I'm screaming at Brad Sousa on the side of the road at Coachella going, you're going to leave me?

woman honestly you ate with that like good point um and mario selman's with us and it was one of those situations where your friend is so fed up that they just join the fight like he's cussing out brad whatever been there and the traffic is in standstill so all these fans are stopping and rolling down their windows and like recording us no and i'm scream crying this man's cussing me out mario selman's in the middle of it and then we had to walk like six miles and

until like 4 a.m. Oh my God, I would die. I'm not even like exaggerating. Six fucking miles to get somewhere and the hitchhiked. Like there was no Uber, like thumb out on the side of the road because of what this man did. I wish so badly you just let that man go. I know. I wish you stayed in that Uber and you let,

him go. 100%. And it's like, but I was thinking about it and it's like every time I would get out of the car because I didn't want to be in the Uber crying like worrying about where he was and I was, he was just such a like man child that it was like. I'm like, have zero tolerance for the like pouting tantrums though. Yeah. I'll literally be like, you are so ridiculous. Now I'm like that but it's like,

I just like at the time I so fucking wasn't and we get back to the house and you know the story like I tried to break up with him and he tried to take a bunch of pills and got 5150 and then he was in he was in the 5150 and I had his phone and I found out he was cheating on me and that

And that was the whole lot. Really crazy to go through a guy's phone when he's literally in the mental hospital. Here's the thing, though. Here's the thing. It's not that I wanted to, but it was like he got a Snapchat notification from a girl and it was just it was right there. There was no passcode. I said, bet. You know what I mean? Passcode is crazy if you're cheating. No passcode is so crazy if you're cheating. And then he came back and yeah, we were broken up and I wore assless chaps.

I'm so happy that Well first of all You've been slaying your outfits I've loved your outfits I'm actually really surprised That you've loved my outfits I thought the last two days You were gonna hate them No I love your first outfit I loved Like I wanna wear it It's I'm so surprised Like I really thought You were gonna hate it Which I love Just cause the furry skirt Can go kinda Keta queen No but it's cute Like I mean it was simple Like I just I'm so glad you're not wearing That pink and green outfit anymore Brooke

I did my, I have the worst history too. Like I cannot talk. I counted how many times I've worn assless, an assless outfit to Coachella. I mean like G string, both cheeks out, both cheeks. Like, like you're going to EDC? Six.

Seven. That's crazy. Six or seven different Coachella's where I was wearing full assless chaps. My outfit, green scrunchie on the left, pink scrunchie on the right, green eyeshadow on the left, pink eyeshadow on the right, green pasty, pink pasty, green shoe, pink shoe. Like I took it all the way down to everything I was wearing. And everybody just let you? That's the thing.

is that there's 50% of me that's really mad at people for letting me wear these things to Coachella, but at the same time... But I don't know, in all the photos, I'm like, everyone beside you is also at risk. That's true. That's true. Like, I'm like, it was Coachella 2016. It was the vibe at the time. But I think that I also just couldn't have been swayed. Like, my Vegas EDC roots were still so in me that I thought festival meant closest thing to naked. For some people, it still does, and I think it's fun still. Like, I hate, like, all the hate that's happening. Like, I know...

like style me Maeve, you know that stylist? She made this TikTok and she's like basically like slamming everyone. She's like, that's so embarrassing if you wear this, like don't wear this. And it's like, wear whatever the fuck you want. I saw her yesterday at the Artist Compound and I like ran. I was like, I don't even want to see my outfit. What was I going to say? There was a year.

Where I didn't wear pants at all. And I was looking back at the photos, one of my outfits one day, I swear to God, Brooke Schofield, I like, I swear to God was a yellow bikini, like a bikini, just a yellow bikini and like a little tiny crop top. Like it was, I was wearing just bikini bottoms and sneakers. And I remember I showed up to Bella Thorne's Coachella house. Right. And everyone else is in like

full fit and I remember looking at Bella and thinking like why is she wearing so much clothing and I look back like I remember judging her like thinking like why and I look back and she's wearing like cute red flowy pants like cute belt over the pants like cute bodysuit and I'm just standing there in a yellow bikini and Air Force One's like cheeks out next day my outfit was um

I had these jeans that was just the seams. Like it had the button. Oh, I remember. I've seen those. Like the button. And like just like the extras on the jeans. The boning of the jeans. The jeans skeleton. Like and whole cheeks out. And it's like, yes, you can pose in a photo and go like this. But every candidate of me. When you're just walking around. Flat Stanley galore. And like think about using a toilet with like a spray tan. Like I have like lines of like, like.

See, you've grown so much. It's just so... And also the fact that it was a frequent thing for me to go to two weekends is so crazy. I would come back both weekends. Do you want to hear a funny Trevi story that I haven't talked about in so long and we just were laughing about it? There was this one Coachella and Trevi was in full Travorkis mode. Trevi was drinking at the time, right? Oh no. The problem...

with Trevi is you would just lose her. You would really just, really just lose her. And there was a year where Trevi had Snapchat spectacles too. So there's videos of it, which is so funny to get the POV of Trevi. Like it was, it wasn't even like videos. Wait, that's hilarious. I wish I had those for last night. Not kidding. And so Trevi had her Snapchat spectacles and there's like a couple of clips in it. It's like 1 PM and we're at the festival and Trevi's full off.

and her like, you know, like no English at all, running around, knocking people over, whatever. I eventually lose Trevi. And then I hear through the grapevine, through Makoa Ho, that Trevi's lost her phone. Like last time Makoa saw Trevi, Trevi got lost again. No phone, hammered. And so we have to spend the next like four hours at Coachella searching for Trevi, right? And because we're just,

This was not a leave Trevi alone, even though that's all Trevi wanted. Like you'd be in the middle of the crowd with Trevi and you'd be like, oh my God, we finally found you. And she'd be like, check this one out. And like dark. I so get that. I love that. She got off on like-

Being like adventuring. And stressing everyone out. You know what I mean? Hilarious. And so it's been just hours. I see no fucking artists. Like I'm spending the entire time asking every time I see another influencer, have you seen Trevi Moran? Like, you know what I mean? And so finally, like six hours go by, like the sun is down. Right. And we're in the artist compound. And I see, I see a wild Trevi in the distance. And you know that feeling. It's just like. Oh.

Like finally, like there's like Trevi's not dead. Okay. We walk over to Trevi. She's, she's on the ground searching for her phone with someone, right? She's on the ground crawling under shit. Like no English, right? Searching for her phone with someone. Charlie Sheen. It's Charlie Sheen. It's Charlie Sheen. Trevi and Charlie Sheen are on all fours searching for Trevi's phone. She is alone.

with none other than Charlie Sheen. How did she recruit him? How do I nicely say cocaine? So much cocaine. Charlie Sheen. So understandable. They're on all fours. Of course. Like, the travesty of photos with Charlie Sheen this night, like, she wasn't lost. She spent the whole night with Charlie Sheen and no phone. That's so funny. What the fuck? How come I don't have any fun experiences with my phone gone? Charlie.

- His daughter was a fan of Trevi, I guess. - That's so funny. - That's how it started, but I just wanna know the segue. - My grandma loves Charlie Sheen. - The segue of Charlie Sheen being like, "My daughter's a big fan," to them then on all fours, like, faded. - That is the funniest story, oh God, I love her. - Makoa just brought it up the other day, like, "Remember when we lost Trevi for all of Coachella and then found her on the floor with Charlie Sheen?" It's just like, what?

It's inspirational, really. I can't actually believe. So yesterday, I woke up similarly today in a panic because I found out that Makoa had been coerced into going on Jeff FM. Hilarious. Which he's never been on the canceled podcast. I know. How dare you? We got the exclusive. I saw him walking by and I saw opportunity and we took it. Asking him how often do you and Tana fuck? Fuck.

Thanks, Mike. No pork. Okay. I hate pork. Mike kept calling. I wish I got pork. Mike kept calling his, the Maui missile. And the Oahu missile.

Do you love Tana? Are you going to marry her? I'm sorry for calling you pineapple head. Jeff's like, I'm passing off my girl to you. I'm like, what are you fucking saying out loud? I came on Jeff FM like sunglasses last night's makeup still on. No pants. Mike was like, your vagina's out. Like you. I've never...

Sat down on a couch faster like down you should do a shirt that says I came on Jeff FM and sell it I would buy it. Thanks Mike Always always so insightful. I want to try to get McCall McCall. Come here. Hello Okay, tell us something you didn't say on Jeff FM. Oh my god. I mean everything what's your least favorite thing about Tana? On the spot immediately

It's funny because that's the exact opposite question that we asked him. I know. Honestly, both hard questions. Wait, I love that he's having to think. Oh, yeah. There we go. That's the right answer, honestly. That was what I was looking for. What do you think of...

What do you think of Coachella so far? This is Makoa's first Coachella. It is. It is. My favorite thing about this Coachella is like seeing it through his eyes, honestly. What do you think of the whole like influencer space, Coachella, all of that? It is a production. Like from the bottom to the top, I don't know. I've been to a couple of festivals, but this one just seems like, I mean, obviously they're prestigious for a reason, but I don't know. It's just, it's the scale is insane. Everybody who's, I feel like everybody's probably here. I

I don't know. I've been meeting a lot of people. Who's your favorite person in this house besides me? Yeah, Ari. Really? That's a wild card answer. Me and Ari be kicking it. Everybody's nice. Everybody's cool. Who's your least favorite person in the house? Also Ari. Really good answer. I really just wanted to have you on the podcast because- Just to say- Jeff had you on the podcast. So that we can say this is your first podcast and we're going to upload it before him. We absolutely have to. Is there anything you don't like about Coachella? Anything you've seen that like-

stood out to you? Honestly, no. Like, obviously, it's chaotic and crazy and everyone's fucked up. And I feel like we have been pretty sober for the most part. So, I don't know. It's hard to talk to people on Molly when you're, like... Not on Molly. A joint and two shots deep. Yeah, that's fair. I feel like... I was saying to him, like...

the difference in him being here with me sober versus like me drunk. Oh, you would have lost it. What did you hear the other day that you got home one time at 9 a.m.? Yeah, Big Chris, my security, told me that last year, like I got home, like he walked me through the front door bedtime at 9 a.m., which is just like so dark. Sun beyond up. Yeah, beyond never lasts that long in a million years. Well, I feel like what time does that thing that

Whatever that event was last night. They got home at like 7. I feel like that's just part of it. Yeah, that's true. I feel like that's just part of it. I don't know what time it was, to be fair. I didn't have a phone. I cut myself and I'm bleeding. Damn. Babe, I love you. I love you so much. Thank you for coming on the Cancelled Podcast. Fuck Jeff FM. And that was Cancelled Coachella. This is Keefa, a great friend of ours. He is an A&R in the rap world.

A legend in the rap world. I've known Keefa for like six years now, but we have no content together because we're usually being like maniacs in anything we've ever done. We might have got our first picture yesterday. Yeah, we did. Our first photo where we don't look like absolute crackheads. Keefa was one of my first friends ever in LA when I was really rough in it. Tell us about the rap beat. I know. The Sparknotes version. Like something I can understand. Okay. Tell ourself terms.

It's all marketing, right? You know, drama sales. We know. Right? So it's like a pissing match, but except it's for the world to see and listen to. It's different than a podcast where it's like, okay, you're just digesting it with the music. It's like people are singing this shit back. So it's like when people start to make these songs, right, and you diss people, the world's singing this shit. So you're getting mocked everywhere you're going. So now everybody's got to poke their chest out and shit right now, but...

I think it's just all publicity. How did this start? Drake got a BBL. You know, niggas fucking niggas hoes. Oh, okay. You know? Okay. That's how everything starts. Okay. You know? Yeah. Everybody thinking somebody is theirs. Right. Brooke actually just went through something similar. Yeah. Maybe you can make a diss track. I could. And he could produce it. It's a hit already. It's like 20 verse one. You know, everybody's like... Who?

Like who was it on? Oh, man. Rick Ross, John Morant, Kendrick. Damn. He just like woke up feisty. Everybody. Relatable. Everybody. The week. I mean, everybody. I feel like it's like his back's against the wall right now. Everybody's picking sides. And he had to show his hand at the end of the day. It's like he's the biggest commercially successful artist. And what did he say?

Like I'm mad girl? He's just like, you know, I had your bitch at my show.

You mad? Okay. You know? And then it gets into like, you know, I got money. You know, I got money. I got the house. I got all the hits. You know? But I think this one is like a little more than about the showboat and then the gloat is more about like the facts now. Okay. It's like the beef is turning into like facts now. Like to where you can't just talk about how much money you got now. It's about to get real personal. Okay. In a good way for hip hop though. Okay. Because it's no more subliminal. It's been a lot of subliminal stuff.

messages and shit. And so what are the facts? The facts are this is Drake and Kendrick Lamar. Nobody else is relevant in this. Okay. Everybody's trying to have their moment right now, pop in, make their diss songs, but nobody wants to hear that shit. Okay. They want to hear from Drake and Kendrick. Okay. That's it. And so Drake was fucking Kendrick's bitch? No, no, no, no. Kendrick was fucking Drake's bitch. No, their thing is like who's the best or who's the biggest rapper? What?

Everybody's dissing each other right now. Your podcast, Jeff's podcast, Impulsive. Oh, that happens all the time, actually. The Night Shift. If everybody started talking shit and the world thought it was real, behind closed doors, y'all could all be best friends. Nobody knows, but to the world, it seems real. They're selling entertainment right now. I would like to know if you think that Drake got a BBL. Honestly, best analogy is Jake Paul, Logan Paul.

Alyssa Violet. Alyssa Violet. 2017. Wow, okay. Banks. Yeah, like Ricegum, like all that era. It's the same thing. It's the same shit. Okay, now I'm following. Who do you side with? Kendrick Lamar is about to come put his foot in everybody's ass. Kendrick Lamar is about to come put his foot in everybody's ass. Yay. Thank you, Jeeva.

That was honestly all we needed. We just wanted a rap beef update for the girlies and I still know nothing. I just know the girls are mad. The girls are mad and the girls are fighting. A lot of niggas bitches are about to get fucked. Real. Starting with Keefa probably today at Coachella. We love you, Keefa. Love y'all. Thank you. Love you. Who's wrestling me in the pool? I want to fight you. I want to fight your fucking ass.

And then tomorrow, Brooke and Tanner are going at it. It's only going to be me and Mike going to fight in that little kiddie pool. So Jeff shows up to the Coachella Valley house with 100 gallons of vegetable oil and a kiddie pool and a dream. Yeah, because I'm a marketing genius. And we're going to sell our fucking hair products. We're in business together now. And you leaked it on your canceled episode. Who leaked it?

Why wouldn't you? You fucking edit it. Why don't you bleep her mouth when she said dry shampoo? Now it's obvious. He can't even bleep what we tell him to bleep.

Just kidding. I'll shut this whole fucking show down. Now it's out. We got products coming out. We were at Coachella. I haven't left this house. I haven't gone to anything. Which I think is so funny. Like Jeff is here in Coachella Valley yesterday. I leave you like midday and he's live streaming his reaction to the fight. I come back. Coachella's over and he's still live in the movie room. It's so Jeff coded, right? Is that right? Did I do that right? Oh shit.

Mike is here. This is my absolute favorite. And he's old and he stinks like beer. Hey, hey, Jeff is gay. What do you say? I like headphones. Okay, and then you have your headphones. My favorite beef of the weekend actually has been Brooke and Mike, and I don't even know if Mike knows that he's a part of this. No, he does. I gave him an earful yesterday. What did Mike do? No, just kidding. No, I just, I don't like when anybody's more uptight than me.

Yeah, you two are really something. Well, Brooke is great, but Mike, you are a fucking miserable old man. I have a response track coming in the next couple days to Brooke about this beef. It's called This Is My Kitchen.

clean it listen I'm gonna go right ahead and diagnose Mike with bipolar disorder because he is on fire 30 minutes one hour later he is miserable crying and then an hour later he's the funniest guy I've ever seen with a guitar and he's playing fucking freestyling songs awesome songs Brooke comes in with her brand new groceries I know so the story has set them down I literally they barely touch the counter and he goes can you clean this it's like they're

groceries. No, because anytime you put this number of people into a house for three days, especially in the way Coachella goes, there has to be someone who is holding it down. Otherwise, the ship will fall apart. It's like after the mess is made that you are like, you know, I guess, you know what? You were smart to be ahead of it, but you should have never told me because I personally clean everything. I love how you went to smash a cake. Yeah, Mike made the

Mike made the biggest mess of all. I took a photo, sent it in the group chat. I said, Mike, you better come out here and clean this up. Bipolar disorder. Brooke walks in to a birthday cake smashed all over the fucking house. And I knew Mike had done it. Bro, you got to understand, I'm the only person that cried this weekend. Like, bro, the other night I was crying at Coachella. I left, I fell over a fence and then smashed a birthday cake. And then I went to sleep. Like, I don't think you need to be mean to me now. It's been rough enough already. I have tantrums too sometimes.

I've been having a blast here. This is probably one of the best weekends of my life. I did that live stream for seven hours. He doesn't even have a band. He doesn't even go to the festival. Are you going to Coachella today? I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I'll go today because I've got my work done. Yesterday was so fun. You came on the stream. We watched UFC.

And it was the craziest night of my life. And it was like, because the fights yesterday. I know this is not what you guys want to hear over here, but you need to know Max Holloway's fucking knockout was insane. One second left. I fucking slept. Crazy. We're getting way too masculine on this podcast. Way too masculine. What's everybody's vaginas? How they doing? Anybody got their period? This has been a crazy, like, wholesome year. Like, it's usually for all of us. It's usually hocella. Yeah, absolutely. You know what I'm saying? And Jeff, bro, Jeff really...

He came with us to this party last night at like three in the morning. I didn't even go. At the framework party. He didn't even get out of the car. No, I was like, wait. He didn't even get out of the car. David drove us and Jeff goes, you know, guys, I'm going to just stay here. And David was like, really? He was so excited. And they just sat in the car. I was so just, you know, when you have a good work day and you feel productive. I was so happy to tell Oscar, like, yo, we figured it out. The shit worked. There was no mistakes. It didn't get fucked up.

And I was like so happy for Oscar to come back and I was like buy a bunch of fucking drugs. I'm gonna take them tonight. And I was like whatever, you know, I don't even do drugs, but I was so happy. And then you pull up and you're like Jeff get in the car. We're going to this fucking bar. You get in the car. And I'm like, all right, fuck it. I was happy. And then I was like, wait, I don't want to talk to people anymore. His social battery. My social battery. You also haven't been fucking this weekend. He has a girlfriend.

We haven't put an official label on it yet. He's got a girl that he's talking to. All three of us on this side are locked down. Sorry. Brooke, can I take a second once again to just compliment you? I do want to do this. Brooke, beyond just being...

one of the best hosts on the show. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how to say it. Brooke, you always look flawless. You look flawless right now. That's true. I really mean that. I just rolled out of bed because I heard Tana screaming that vape voice. By the way, you look good too, Tana. But I come out here and you literally look like a...

If an iceberg was a human. Like just pure, flawless, just beauty, honestly. Thank you, I really appreciate that. Sarah would like me saying that too. But I just wanted to say that. You guys are on fire. You're fucking glowing this year.

and this is the number one women's podcast. You guys are the number one podcast in the world. You are the voice for the women of this generation. And I mean that. I really mean it. I told Makoa this morning, I was like, I'm so fucking proud of her ever since she got off all those drugs and alcohol. She's been killing it. These two girls are the voice of a generation. And I stand by that. I really fucking believe it. It's crazy. I love you guys. And I know I come on here and I'm like, oh, let's talk about vaginas. But I know you guys talk about more than that.

Aw, Jeff. That was actually really, really sweet. Has he talked about bleeding on people earlier? I'm not even kidding. We actually only have talked about blood. What was the blood story? It's okay if we don't repeat it. No, because it happened to me this morning, too. Did you get blood all over him? All over him. Brooke was essentially trying to get her comeuppance because she hooked up with a guy. Comeuppance is the new word of the week.

I had a traumatic experience with this guy, so I tried to do a redo, but then I got my boyfriend stolen at the Yarn Corner Bowl. Oh, you're on your period? No. Wait. Sorry. I was the first time four years ago. Like, she bled on him four years ago, and so looking to me for translation was crazy. He's like, woman is speaking. What do I do? Yeah.

Wait, so was that a big, like, yo, honestly, if you're a dude out there and you are that thrown off by a little- No, he wasn't, but it was traumatic because I didn't, like, hardly know on what that sounds like. I feel like, too, like, I feel like, too, some of it comes down to the girl because there have been girls who just spaz out. Like, they see it and they just freak out like it's the biggest deal ever. And then that, in turn, makes the guy freak out. But it's really, like-

Bro, it's a natural function. Yeah, but it was an accident. And it was traumatic, and I've already said too much. In fact, we should change this subject. It doesn't bother me if you guys want my opinion. No, Jeff told me one time the only thing a period stops is a sentence. That's what he said. He's a crazy vampire. You guys make me sound like a fucking animal on these shows. You went to Neon last night? Did you see Taylor Swift? She went to Neon Carnival? Oh, oh, oh.

I didn't go. So we went to neon first. Yeah. And then we went to walk in and somebody was like, it's whack. But evidently Taylor's there with Travis Scott. No, Travis, Travis, Kelsey. You should have just left it at Travis. And then, and then Jeff Bezos. No way. It was there. He was locking on a table. Yeah.

Corey Gamble ran into Ari, but he was with Jeff Bezos. Leo, obviously, with the mask, table full of hoes, and ice spice. So I left. I didn't go. Was it good? No. Well, I was having not the most ideal situation, but I'm good now. Tana, your drink is on horizontal. What are they doing? Tana. Tana, you have a horizontal drink. Your drink is horizontal. What? Right.

What do you think, dude? I'm just trying to piss him off. Oh. When you went on your phone and he flipped out. Mike, I'll never forget that. You made me cry in New York City. You made me cry. Why? I always say this. I've never told you this, actually. At the end of a weekend or an excursion with Mike, I always take away, like, my Mike rating. Like, you know what I mean? Like, did I have a good time with Mike? And this trip...

You've outdone yourself for me personally. I have loved you more than I've ever loved you. You've been walking around singing with a guitar. We get along. We've gotten along so well. I think it's the girlfriend. I feel like... I'm not kidding. I love you more than ever and I'm sure you're going to soil that soon. So I'm really just trying to soak it in. But in New York City, he came on the canceled podcast and I was going on my phone.

And I don't think Mike necessarily knows you that well. Like, I didn't know if you knew that I'm kind of, it's kind of a phone show over here. Right, right. Like, we use our phones a lot for reference. And he cussed me out after saying that I didn't care about him being a guest on the canceled podcast. No. On the 450 episodes of Logan Paul and Mike Tyson. He said, I'm a professional podcaster. You're not. No, no. No, that wasn't. No, that's not what it was. Why was I? Why did I?

You know I didn't say that. Why did we argue again? You were mad I went on my phone. She was looking at notes for the podcast. No, she wasn't. Yes, I was. She was on Depop or something. She was in Karina Kopp's closet on Depop trying to buy her fucking old Gucci loafers. You did apologize to me later in the day. You said, I'm having a bad day. No, no. Bro, don't. We can make jokes about it, but at the end of the day, don't be on your phone during a podcast.

This is a different show, bro. They can do that here. No, no, no, no, no, no. We can, once again, we can laugh about it. I personally can't see on my phone. If you go on someone's podcast and they're surfing their phone. Bro, you were hitting, this was you. She's like on Raya. She's hitting her face. Cool. Tell me more about the heroin. Right. And what happened with George Danko. Ooh, I really like this one, Brookie. Do you think this black would go with this brown? Okay.

Oh, sorry. You were saying like, I'm like, bro, why did I cancel the dinner that I was going to, to come sit here, to talk to a robot, a platinum blonde robot, who's just a sex bot. Who's just fucking scrolling on fucking TikTok. So yeah, I was like, yo, Tana, like real talk. Like, please respect my time. If I'm going to come do this shit, I love being here. It's great. I love your audience is all wonderful women. And you have Brooke. I'll come, but at least give me some eye contact, bro. See?

I think you're amazing. She's like, oh my God, Brooke, my engagement is so down on Twitter right now. What am I going to do? Should we go to fucking Coachella? Yeah, we gotta go. Well, let's do like a little, you know. Oh my God. Sign off.

We'll be back next week when we're going to rate outfits. We're going to make fun of your favorite influencers. That's my job. We are definitely going to rate outfits. Jeff's going to try to get us into that kiddie pool covered in oil. I'm all over it. No convincing necessary. I love that. I love that you're down for it. The only people that are going to be in there is going to be me and Mike going at it. 40-year-old cake smashing. I'm just imagining myself walking through Coachella covered in oil like spray tan. I just rolled around in it. Look, I'm good.

But you're like the definition of like a girl who's like, I don't wear any makeup. You're like such a pick me. Like you're just pretty. Thanks. I think. Yeah. Call me a woman. Thank you guys for listening to another episode of the canceled podcast live from Coachella. We're going to go. We're going to really try to fucking ruin our lives and do our big one. So we get some content for the live shows. We love you so much. Comment down below if you want Tana to start a membership program.