77: A PSYCHO FAN ATTACKED US ON STAGE…- Ep. 77
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Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. Oh my gosh. It feels so good. The amount of times we've said that, but I mean it the most this time. Yeah, I mean, obviously we've been saying it on stage every night, but being at home, like, are you so happy? It felt like I was never going to come back here in life. I walked up here for the first time and like just saw the couch and I was like, oh my gosh.

It's so crazy because we weren't actually gone for that long, but it feels like I came back to like a whole new life. I completely agree. I think that in some ways tour felt like one minute. This leg, obviously we're going back out, but we're home for three weeks right now. And it felt like one minute, but it also felt like one year. Yeah, I was noticing that when we were there because like I'd look back on

like certain shows that felt like a lifetime ago because it was like there'd been so many since then but then I would think about like being back at home and it felt like yesterday yeah it's so crazy um how have you been enjoying your time at home oh I've been having such a good time

Although I've been ignoring all my response, but like everybody thinks I'm dead and just been telling. That's so good, though. I love that. I came home and I like I hit the ground running, dude. Like, I know. I can't believe you did that. I told everybody around me. I said, listen to me. You do not ask me to work for at least three days. Yeah, which I thought that that's how I would be. Like Seth called me my manager and was just like,

Take the week off. And I was like, no, give me. I think that my excitement to be home in L.A. is superseding my exhaustion. Yeah. Well, I'm a little bit concerned and a lot of people who

like tour and stuff have told me like that you get depressed when you come back and I did kind of like have it a little bit after our last tour like just where it feels like there's so much happening and it's so exciting and so much adrenaline and then you just are sitting on your couch and you're like well what now absolutely so I've been trying to stay busy but like busy doing things I want to do not work we both have been on our like health too which is really good we've both been like we're both sore from a workout right now I feel like a year ago we both would have been like hungover right now which I think is growth

I know it is. I haven't drank since I've been back, but I, I've been going to aloe. I've been working out. Yeah. So tell me about your aloe. I've only been, we've only been home for three days and I've gone two days. First time I there I've been like, um, they've been saying like, you have to work out with this new trainer. We got like, he's so hot. Like he's the hot trainer. I'm thinking in my head, like me and like two other girls, like it usually is there one other girl

completely by myself. - So I saw your TikTok, but like, give me a little more lore. Apparently he's like famous. - Yeah, 'cause he's Harry Styles' trainer. And what's funny is we're talking and he's like, I'm like, yeah, I was on tour. And he's like, oh, I was on tour.

And he was like, yeah, I went to like all these countries. He's talking about it. And he's like, yeah, asking me about Coachella. And he's like, yeah, my my best friend headlined a couple years ago. I'm like, oh, cool. Like not thinking at all. And then finally, at the end of the class, he's like, yeah, you know, like Harry Styles. I go, I sure do know Harry Styles. Yeah, what the fuck?

Is he hot? Like hot, like you actually want to like date him? He's hot. I know. He's not like my type, but he's hot anyway. And like you don't want a hot personal trainer. That's just like the last quality you want in a personal trainer in general. But it's such a sick different level of motivation. Yeah. Until you're working harder than you should be and you have to ask him to please stop because I'm going to throw up. I literally, I'm not kidding. My whole face went white. He was like, uh, like what do you need? He's like running around getting me water. Like I was going to pass out. I don't know if I'm necessarily bad.

very brand friendly. So I haven't tried to go to Alou. No one's ever said to me that you're not. I just, someone told me before I ever got invited that I was not. So I'm like, well, well then obviously I fucking want to be, but now you're going and I've been seeing you go and it looks so fun and like everyone going and I'm trying to get into my workout shit. So I fucking asked Jeff to go with him. Cause Jeff goes sometimes and Jeff's not brand friendly. So I'm like, you know what I mean? I guess that's true. And Harry Jowsey goes. Yeah. Yeah. And so I texted Jeff, but then I was like, wait, I don't want to fucking go with Jeff. I don't want to fucking go with him.

No, you have to come. Oh my God. It's so fun. I was supposed to go with Jake Shane this morning. Okay. So that's what happened this morning. I'm like supposed to go with Jake. I'm all excited. I get there at 9 a.m. Okay. But it's like 845. I'm almost there. And he texts me and he's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like my meeting got moved. I'm not going to make it. And I'm like, I changed my class to come to be with you. 9 a.m. is crazy too. Because that's like an up at 745 situation. Yeah. No, I was up at 715 because I had to leave my house at eight. It was a whole thing. But I'm...

So I'm already there. So I'm like, whatever, I'm going to do the class. And it's with another trainer that I've never worked with. She's so much, so hard. Like her classes are so hard. I would cry. And that's why I was shaking like Jake today. I was like, I completely understand how this keeps happening to him because like it was so hard. But she's sitting there and she's like, oh, it's fine. Like they canceled. We're just going to have this girl named Madeline Argy come. I was like.

Like, oh my God, I'm her biggest fan. I've talked about it on "Cancelled" a million times. Like I'm obsessed with Madeline Argue. - So fucking obsessed with her. - And I'm sick. I'm like, she just recently followed me on TikTok. So I was like, okay, like it's not like that weird. Like she knows who I am so I can like say hi and stuff. But I was like all nervous. I'm like, oh no, she comes in. She's like really quiet and like reserved. And we're like working out. It's the fucking hardest workout I've ever done in my life. I was literally shaking, sweating, like crying. It was horrible.

And this trainer the whole time is asking me questions. She's like, ask me all these questions about my life and bless her heart. But I'm like, I can't fucking talk. I can barely move. And so I was just word vomit, word vomit, word vomit. And the whole way home, I thought to myself, like, I cannot believe I just said all of that information in front of my favorite influencer of all time, like literally. And then she made a TikTok about me.

I thought that was so cool. I saw that on my timeline too and I was like, no way. I just love that she loves you. I know. But it was funny because she made it sound like

Like she was like, oh my God. And the Brooks Goffin was there. I'm like, please be so for real. She like fell into the reformer, but because our workout was the hardest fucking workout ever. So I didn't even think anything of it, but she's like, I'm so embarrassed. That's actually so cute. I feel like you guys are going to like become great friends. I love her so much. I told her I DM'd her and I was like, check this one out. I'm going to force you into a friendship because if I knew she liked me, I

Oh my God, I would have been... My head would have been this big. Yeah. I love her, but it was so fun. And now I'm here. Should we talk about tour? Yeah, for sure. So obviously we should fucking talk about tour, but like...

It's so hard because I don't want to sit here and like do the show that we did for the people. But our show ended up consisting of all the fucking crazy shit that happened on tour. And I feel like the people at home also want to know what happened. Yeah. Maybe we give a nice little spark notes version. Yeah, I like that. We had some crazy storm the stage situation. Dude, I was talking about this with Jeff yesterday and it's like.

I know our fans are fucking crazy just like us. Like, obviously. Yeah, and sometimes, like, we reward that behavior. It does just create this murky area, this line of, like, what is okay and what is not. And I loved so much of the crazy antics. Like, you know what I mean? Like, the girls wearing all the crazy shirts that said the craziest shit. Like, I have a thousand photos in my camera roll of FMR shirts and, um...

The DC show was fucking crazy. Oh, yeah. That was. Do I talk about that? Well, it's so funny because you were so the type of bitch like you did that. I know. Obviously, if you didn't see, I brought all the girls from the Matt Rafe group chat on stage at the DC show. OK, and you have to understand there was thought behind this. All right. It wasn't like me just being malicious and trying to make this like point to Matt Rafe. I don't give a fuck if Matt Rafe ever sees me ever again.

I have been talking to these girls forever. We got to know each other and we like honestly became so close. All of us talk all the time about all our new guys now, like who's hooking up with who, like what's going on, the dates that we go on and stuff. And we talk constantly. So I'm like,

I want to be around these girls, but like we have to make it funny if we're going to do it. He's like, hello. Like he dragged you to D.C., held you at gunpoint at the Holocaust Museum on Valentine's Day just to be dating all these other girls at the same exact time. Why are you not going to bring them out on stage? And I think the point of the live show is

To be crazier than the actual podcast. Yeah, we did that. I did that for the canceled fans. Okay. I did not do that for revenge on Matt Rife or anything like that. I did that as like a little funny thing for the canceled fans. And they ate it up. It was so fucking funny. But it was so fun. And they were all so amazing. I like went to lunch with them obviously before. And it's just like all of us are so... Well, I say that we're so different, but then I said that to all our friends and then...

You guys met them when we were like... Same bitch, different font, but very different walks of life. And I think it was very funny because you all are from all corners of the United States. It almost, to me, seemed like he was... On a cross-country tour. Exactly. And doing it on purpose. Like, if I date this girl that lives in Milwaukee and this girl that lives in LA at the same time, they'll never find each other. So it's funny that... You know what I mean? I said this before, but when...

I was in high school, like a guy was talking to me and another girl at the same time. So I like purposefully posted on my Snapchat, like me and her. That was like, like what I felt like I was doing, but it was also like, when...

else in life are we all going to even be in the same state let alone like absolutely so I had to make it DC obviously because hilarious he was Mr. DC it's a DC show it was at Lincoln Theater it was like a whole thing not to go too deep into the actual like emotions behind things but I think that he did a lot to really make you feel like this podcast was so small in comparison to

to his comedy career. Yeah. And I don't think he did that. I'll give him that. I don't think he did that. You could never sell out rooms like I sell out rooms. So then to sell out. Well, he didn't say that. No, he never said that. But but that was his.

he kind of like, he just was kind of condescending about the podcast, like in social media in general, like as if it was kind of like, it was not a real career compared as compared to like comedy. So I was like, okay, check this one out. Yeah. We could do this too. I'm like, if a man can do it, duh, fucking duh. So that show was fucking amazing. But I mean, anyways, back to the, the craziness. I really, I really wasn't trying to segue into the FMR of it all. I was just thinking about crazy shirts and, um,

Like a lot of the craziness was so funny. You know what I mean? Girls just being so drunk and the shit that they were wearing and people, you know what I mean? Like the girls who printed out our heads all big and it was you crying and me toothless, like in the crowd, like people just did a lot of funny shit. But there is a line where a lot of people did a lot of shit that I definitely personally could have gone without. And I'm sure that will continue happening as we tour. Like it's not going to change.

We had that girl rush the stage in New Jersey. That was the most scared I was on tour. That situation was a little unique too because that girl wasn't drunk. So Brooke and I are on stage. We're talking our shit. And I mean, I never really expressed this to you because I don't want to project my anxiety onto you before we go out onto stage, obviously. But I, even just the entire time that I'm doing the show, like,

I'll disassociate for a second and I get really scared. Like I just get paranoid of people and stalkers and scary situations that have happened, whatever. And we're on stage in New Jersey and we're talking our shit. And this girl, she walks up onto stage. Like it wasn't even like because we've had a couple other stage rushers that we'll get into. Yeah. But it was like I think security just thought she was going back to her. I thought she worked for the venue. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm obviously black. Like, yeah, she's in black. She had a water bottle in her hand. I thought she was like either bringing us a water bottle. I don't know what I thought, but I'm like staring at her and it took me a second to process. So I was like, just still as can be. But my girl over here was Usain Bolt. You were out of there and you left me there for dead. Well, here I think that it's funny because I saw weirdly I saw a lot of TikToks about

the psyche behind it. Like how certain people are like, yeah, exactly. Like I am so flight. It is like, I couldn't even think like, I just, you know what I mean? Because you've had so many things like actually happening. I haven't had like a lot of scary situations like that. That would make me paranoid. Yeah, that's true.

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Again, that is C-O-R-A-L-R-E-E-F-S-T-U-D-I-E-S dot com. And I think you also just innately are a more benefit of the doubt person than me. Like I am worse. I have blind trust in everybody like that girl was 100 percent. What was she going to do when she got to me? She was literally in my lap. Yeah. Like and she wasn't going to stop. I'm like, was she going to hit me, throw water on me like that?

sit in my lap. I don't know what was going to happen, but. And also just that night, I have to just say this right now. Like, so we get off stage. First of all, I do run off stage and I'm like backstage. Like I fall to the floor, like my heart's beating out of my chest. I wanted to cry. Obviously I have to go back out there. So I walked back out. I spent the rest of the show like horrified, but doing my best. And I think it still was a really good, we were able to get back into the rhythm and crack jokes about it. And I feel like almost the crowd enjoyed that show more than

it not happening because it was so crazy and we were able to be funny about it. You know what I mean? But after we leave, we walk off stage and I'm having the panic attack of a fucking century. Like in that moment, my mind immediately just goes to like, is this even worth it? Like, you know what I mean? Which sucks. Cause I love touring, but like, yeah, like I just, that's how much of a panic attack I'm having, you know? And we get in the fucking car and we're leaving the fucking venue.

and we're driving out random uber like random fucking uber that we get into and a fan throws herself at the moving vehicle i'm talking like rolls over the car it's on video there's a tiktok of it i saw i saw the tiktok too it's so different watching that happen and being in the car yeah that's the thing in the photo or in the video it almost looks like like barely anything happened but for

us it was like oh my god we just hit someone with our car like yeah she threw herself at the moving fucking vehicle and it was just and the uber driver was so funny about it too he was like man i just got my car washed like and i was trying to like laugh but it just i'm sorry shit like that i you're sorry for coughing you are so fine sister mccall walks in the room jay's like is that my little coffee girl i was like god damn it like i was just hacking oh i thought you meant like coffee like no no okay i was coughing um but shit like that is so fucking nuts to me

I do not condone it at all. I do not like those people. I'm sorry to say it. Yeah, I think a lot of people think it's fun and it's just how to get your attention. But don't, please. That's scary. And it's a lot of that. And it's hard because I really...

I'm always the type of person to try to put myself into the mindset of that person. Even the girl who walked on stage, I was like, maybe she's drunk. But then we got DMs from her friends after and she was in like a manic episode and that shit, it makes it so much scarier too. You know what I mean? I'm just like confused. Like, I mean about that situation altogether, but like,

Did the people like, where were they? Did they let her go? That's so true. Because like, if I tried to do some shit like that, you're yanking me. Oh, I'm, you're by your tracks. Yeah. Like, it's just, I don't know. And again, we have such a wild fan base that I think a lot of shit is, I don't know. I think people just think anything goes. Truly anything goes. I think if you think so really about how, like how many thousands of people came out and how few real like instances we had, it's not like. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. It is the 1%. But even just like the people that were doing shit to our bus, it was our first week of tour was so crazy. Like I felt like fucking Beyonce. Like it was just... Yeah. I understand the bus thing a little bit more, to be honest, because I feel like that's something I would have done like maybe as a teenager, probably not now. That's what I was trying to get into that I try to have the empathy of like I'm imagining myself as a teenager. I'm a super fan for someone like, but still like...

I think it's harder because these girls are like 25 and it's like, so we'd get off the show and we'd get to our bus and there would be a couple hundred people around the bus, like grabbing at everyone, grabbing at the tour managers, screaming mad at us for not, cause I'm not, I don't endorse that behavior. I think it's like, I'm going to get on the bus and it's like, I'm not going to do a separate thing.

Maybe a couple of years ago, I would have sat out there and done the second meet and greet outside of the bus and all. But I think that that says, hey, come do this. And all of our merch girl and our tour manager and all of the people who want nothing to do with that.

You know what I mean? It's the same energy showing up at someone's house. Like we live there. Yeah. And they were like done with our night and we just like, you know, we're there for all the windows, throwing shit at the windows of the fucking bus, waiting there and chanting, screaming, chanting, screaming at our other people again. Like I think that we sit on this couch every week. We choose this. So it's like, and don't

Don't get me wrong. These people also chose the job to go on tour with people. So I, you know, but still just seeing like Brie and Ellie and all of them get like screamed at and fucking chased down by these people who are waiting outside this bus for hours. It's just so wild. But we eventually all of these things taught us

all of the protocols that need to be taken that we never thought would need to be taken. And yeah, this tour like versus the last one, I was literally like, holy fuck. Like, what is this? Yeah, it was definitely just a different beast because we our first run was like little comedy rooms. And yeah, and you know,

But it just, I don't understand what changed between then and now. Because it's not like I feel like cancel got like so much bigger or anything. But like this situation, it felt like. Unlike anything I've ever done. It was crazy and amazing and so fucking cool. So, yeah, we're honing in on the negative shit. Like I, well, that's just because it's crazy, crazier to talk about. All of the positive shit was like fucking amazing. Like everyone we met and their stories and, you know, like. It was so fucking fun. Like was so amazing.

fucking awesome. And the shit that we get to say on that stage, even I like I've said this before, but when we sit back down on the couch, I have to really dial it back because I'm used to just putting it all out there. Dude, it's crazy for the first. I mean, we had like kind of a couple of shows that we like, you know, experimented with. Like in one of the shows, I was telling like honestly a horrible story about this guy that I was like kind of talking to like a horrible story was horrible, like making him sound horrible. He was horrible. And I told that story.

you know, 20 times, like whatever it is in front of thousands of people each time. And that man asked me to dinner last night. And so I'm like the canceled fans, like especially at the live shows. I'm like, thank you so much for your loyalty. Yes, I can't. I can't express that enough. I told so many stories that would put me in prison. But really, truly like because I got so much anxiety like halfway through the tour where I was like, I can't do that anymore. Yeah, it just made me feel guilty. But like it

is so crazy that he does not know at all it's amazing like first and last name like I love you guys thank you I wish so horribly she would just tell the story on the actual cancel podcast because the story is fucking nuts and the man is fucking awful but I get it I get it I will say one thing that I really love I was saying this yesterday to Jeff and I've been thinking about this a lot is

All of the positive reviews like also mean so much to me, like knowing that people left and are going online and they were like, that was the best night ever is awesome. And I think that every single time we walked off that stage, I felt like we gave people a fucking amazing show. And I've never been the type of person to gas myself in that way. But like, I think the show was fucking incredible, worth every penny. And like, I can't wait to keep doing it. And I think that's a really awesome feeling because you never want to leave a tour and feel like, did I fucking rob these people?

Like, you know what I mean? And I feel like, yeah, the last time even, I felt like it was a little bit like cheaper. I feel like we tried harder on this one. Yeah. And I think that they still enjoyed it the last time, but we were like, we were playing Jenga and just exposing influence. We were casual. Still awesome to watch like for the canceled listeners because it was, but this was like a great show and I feel like we got so good at it and I'm just-

I think we're going to be touring a lot more than we thought we were. I'm just going to say, I do also like now that I know what it is and I know what to expect going out there, I feel like I'm living life now with the show in mind. Like, oh, this is going to be something that I can bring. Yes. This is something I can bring or I'm doing this for the show. Absolutely. Because now it is more way more serious and I want to have really, really good stories. Yeah. This fall, I think we're going to be back on the road and just what is coming is so,

Sorry nuts. Yeah, I got lots of new added dates yesterday. Are we allowed to say that? I mean, not what the potential added dates, but yeah. Okay. Yeah. I can't miss you. No, we didn't. Yeah. If we missed, you know, we fucking did. Did anything exciting happen? Like not having to do with the shows?

We did a lot of like family time. We had an amazing team. We had the best tour manager ever. Yeah. You guys will meet her in an episode we recorded maybe if that ever comes out. But we did just have the best all girls team. And I can't accredit that enough to how amazing

We are as well. Like, I think that we talked about this before. We had like, we just went and spent every fucking day together and it's, it's a lot of work. And I wanted, before I fucking say that, I just want to clarify on the last episode of the canceled podcast, we, we,

Or not the one we shot in Nashville. Yes, the one we shot in Nashville. We were talking about how it's a lot of work and everyone was like, oh my God, so many people have nine to fives. How could you say this? That is not at all what we were saying that the hours are a lot of work or anything. I was saying that emotionally it is unlike anything I've ever done. Yeah. Emotionally. I think the mental aspect of it is the thing that I think is hard. I would like to see all of these people in those comments hating go be perceived as

I mean, that's how that's the hard part for me is being perceived. And like it doesn't tired, sick, whatever. I want to give every single person that I talk to 100 percent of the me that they love and expect online. So it is it's so much emotional work.

You know what I mean? Like, you know what? It is comparable to me. Like this is what I like, how I would describe it is like having your own, like having a wedding every night. You know how like weddings are actually just so stressful because you have to entertain every, every person's there for you and you have to entertain them and make sure they're having a good time. Like that's how it feels. Like every person you meet, you meet, you have to like put on and socially it's like, it is hard. It's like, it's like I have social anxiety as it is. And like going to a party, I get nervous about like my interactions and stuff. And imagine having to do that like thousands of times. It's just,

Like it's hard mentally because after I'm hyper analyzing every single thing. And like you can't go out on that stage and be fucking chill. And like if your social battery is 100, you have to give it 300 every day, even if you woke up on zero. And that can be a lot mentally. But what I was getting at was, yeah,

We were nervous as to how this would affect our relationship, like being together every day, like draining our battery like that, working so hard. And I was certain that we were going to come back hating each other. But because I mean, valid because we literally did not get along at all on the last tour at all. And I don't think we really talked about that that much. Like we really fought the whole time.

Oh, yeah. George Gay and just everything. But it's it's funny because we soon realized that 80 percent of the reason that we were fighting on the last tour was because we did not have the correct team. And this team was so amazing. Like we were having to do the jobs of so many other people and so many other people's stress and.

And just poor work was being put onto us and our views on that and shit was just making us fucking fight. And resent each other and like, oh my God. So many ways. Every single little aspect I felt like it was just all bad. But this one, like, first of all, you were never late, which is my number one trigger. Like my just being late or like feeling like I'm going to get in trouble for something or I'm doing something wrong.

And so that was like the main thing. And that just never happened. But even just like, all we had to do was our jobs and this team was so amazing. And with that, yeah,

It made us, I think we are the closest we've ever met. I literally told Hunter that the other night. I was like, I love her and I've always loved you, but I like, you know, I get mad. Well, and I've always loved you too. Like, please don't ever get that twisted. The way Hunter explained it to me, he was like, he's like, yeah, Tana called me and told me like, if Brooke was like this all the time, like, I'm like, damn. No, it's not.

That is not how I said that. I hate him. I wasn't like as high. I'm normally like pretty high strung. Like that's my personality. And I wasn't this time because I felt like everything was taken care of and I didn't have like a lot of pressure on it. Like,

on me on the back end. Yeah. I think we both were exactly why we love each other. Like the, the good parts, like we're able to just be who we were fully. And like, I'm not kidding. I'm fucking obsessed with you. I can't wait to go back on the road. It was crazy. You guys, we'd be on the, in our hotels, like, hello, like I haven't seen you in 12 hours. Like I miss you. I was, I missed you more than ever. Like when I was apart from you, like I feel closer to you than ever. And it's, it was just so awesome to be in an environment that truly let

why we ever became friends in the first place shine. And like, I agree. And it was just such a special like experience too. So that's like, it was kind of like, I don't know. It was just so cool to get to do together too. It's like, I thought about that. Like, cause comedians and stuff like,

I like, I guess you, I mean, you still have your friends and stuff on the road, but I think it's so cool that we like literally get to do it together. Cause no one else gets to do that. Yeah. Getting to be a fucking duo. It's awesome because we get to carry each other on a day where one, if one of us is on, it's like a marriage, you know what I mean? I would have moments like that too, where I was like, Tana, I can't, I cannot talk. And she's like, okay. And same, like same. And we, we got to carry each other so much and,

I don't want to call it a trauma bond because it wasn't traumatic, but whatever you could call that in the opposite. Yeah. Like whatever that would be in a good way is exactly like we bonded. I don't know. It's just bonding. Just a bond.

Like, it was just so like, I would leave my body and look at you on stage and you're talking and I would just be like, God, she's so good. She's so proud. I am so proud of her. Like, and I know I'm, I'm sure you felt the same way. Like, that's what it was too. I said that I literally, I'm not kidding. I just had this conversation with somebody else. It was like, it was, I just admired you so much in it. Cause I felt like you were so good at it. And like the fact it would, I would get stressed out cause I would wake up and

And I'd have the whole day to think about, oh, we have this show tonight. Like, what are we going to do or what are we going to say? Like, and you'd wake up at fucking 4 p.m. meeting is five. We haven't even had a conversation. And you get up in there up there and you like know everything you're going to say. I'm like, how does she do that? You are so sweet. I admire you so much, too. It's like it is funny to her. Fucked my sleeping schedule, though. That is one thing. It's great now. I'm back in L.A. I've been up early every day, but probably because we were East Coast, too. So it was like.

Technically, you're like. Yeah, I was going to bed at like 6 a.m. and waking up at like fucking 3 p.m. Yeah, so now it's 3. Yeah, so which is awesome, but for being home. But I mean, yeah, and my insomnia, like just me personally on that bus, like I'm not going to bedtime at all, like on a moving bus, like early. So that definitely like fucked me a little bit. I also thrive on that sleep schedule. You also slayed being sober?

thank you so much Brooke I it was I'm so proud of you that's like really fucking cool it was so hard it was so hard for me I will say it made it harder for me that I was drinking but I like I don't think I could have done it without it that's something I want to work on in the future because I don't like that's not a sustainable life like I cannot drink every single night yeah but I had to this time I was so scared it's

I mean, if I could drink the way that you drink, I would have been there drinking with you. Yeah, I wasn't like drunk every night, but every night before I'm going on stage, I'm taking three shots at least. Yeah. I mean, and again, yeah, if I could, I fucking would. You know what I mean? I'm like, yeah, the sobriety of it all. I think this is the longest I've been sober ever. Well, I'm loving it. I think you should keep it up. And I am. I plan on it. I just...

I don't have fun like I used to. And I'm hoping that, and don't get me wrong. Like, I don't, I feel like when I say that, it's like, like I do, I get to do other hobbies and in work, I'm the best I've ever been. You know what I mean? In every way, I'm hardworking as fuck and that's fun within itself. But like anything fun, like a fun thing with friends, I just have so much less fun. And it's not that I'm even surrounding myself with like drinkers. It's just like things where people have a drink out. Like,

I get what you mean, but... I get just... I don't know. I'm still an active drinker and I'm not having any fun. I also think it's like, dude, I...

How old I really fucking feel hits me now. Like how, like my body fucking hurts. Like no, you're aware of what's real. Yes, exactly. Like walking around Disney. I'm like, Oh my God. Like I just wish that I could be drinking around the world with all of them at Epcot. Like they're having so much fun and I'm like, Oh, my body hurts. Like, Oh, like, yeah, I just, you know what I mean? Like, I just don't have as much fun and I would love to figure out how to, um, Coachella is, um,

I'm horrified to do Coachella sober. I fear I'm going to hate it so much. Well, Mike and Jeff are both sober, right? Mike's not. Jeff is. But Jeff doesn't have that much fun at Coachella. And then I know that that argues the line of like, then is it really fun if you're not having fun sober? But like, yes, it is. Like, yeah, walks like a duck, talks like a duck.

I get what you're saying. Like, like a couple shots would just make me enjoy the 14,000 steps that is Coachella. A couple shots would make me enjoy. I wish there was like a socializing that wasn't alcohol that was alcohol. I fully agree. Socializing with like drunk people and like all of that, like a couple shots would just make that loose and fun and it just won't be. So I'm,

I don't know what I'm going to do. I think we'll still have fun. There is a part of me that wants to just drink and I may. I mean... And really try to test my moderation. I think...

You're not going really with any like extreme drinkers, but like I know you say it's like kind of just a you thing, but like, I don't know. I don't drink a lot. I drink, but I don't drink a lot and I have a good time. That's like, that is my biggest goal, dude. Like if I could just fucking figure out moderation, I'm golden. I know, but like, that's whatever. Yeah, but we'll see. And we will. It's not like the worst thing in the world. It's not like you're a fucking crackhead. Like if you drink, it's not like a like,

horrible thing but yeah i really am i think it's like cool the streak you have and it almost like yeah the cool the longer you can go the cooler the good of it is like the best thing in the world and that's why i do love it and i'm loving life i'm like the happiest i've ever ever been so it's yeah you are so happy everyone says that on like tiktoks and stuff they're like she's glowing hope to have your boyfriend on tour too because it was like you're just like it did i mean all of it like i just i have no

For the first time ever in my life, I have like no issues in life. Like, like I'm starting to unpack like old issues that I've like bottled up and shit. But like, like life is just so good. And I'm so aware of it and like so grateful. And I don't think I've ever felt that way. So that's like cool. That is very cool. That is. I'm definitely grateful for that.

So I signed with an agency for the first time in my career. Yay. Which is so interesting because I just was never the agency type. They didn't want me. I didn't want them. That's so crazy. Like they should have wanted you all along.

I mean, it doesn't make sense though. Cause like, hello money. Like that's so much money. And they did, there were agencies that wanted me, but the deals were just bad. Like they're like, we'll take you and we'll bring you brand deals. And there was no point. I didn't, I didn't need agents and agents didn't need me, you know, but I finally just did. And that means that,

Like I have a bunch of meetings coming finally about a book deal. Yay. It's so funny because all these years I was like, oh my God, I want to release a book. Like, you know what I mean? Like I'm ready. Like I have all these stories, but I'm so glad I didn't because the mindset that I was in even writing what I have written is so like, I'm, I'm so excited to really get into writing while I'm this happy and able to reflect with such a clear mind. You know what I mean?

Yeah, versus before. Yeah. I think it'd be so good. I would be so excited. It's so interesting, Brooke. Tell me like, really, I want to know your thoughts on this. So many people did so many bad things to me.

Right. And I'm going to write about them. And they are true. Yeah. Are you going to say their names or no? Even if I don't, I think it'll be a situation where people will know exactly who I'm talking about for the most part. Why do I feel guilty? Like, you know what I mean? Why? It's like, I mean, trust me, you know, I know all about that. They're feeling guilty for no fucking reason. But and so many of these people, too, I'm still like cordial with because I've never

spoken out about who, what they did to me. Yeah. But listen, like so long as you're honest and you're telling it from your actual like perspective, you like, no one can really get mad at you for telling a story from how so. Yeah, I know. I know. I guess I'm, I'm severing all these relationships, I think by doing that. But what,

It is just a psychological thing. Why do I care? Not everyone you lose is a loss. One hundred percent. I guess it's just all these weird attachments I have to fucked up people. And I get that. And you want to protect people like because whether you love them now, like if you loved him ever, I feel that way. Like sometimes they aren't all the bad things. They aren't all. Yeah. And sometimes good people do shitty things. Yeah. And that's it's so interesting. But I have I've been reading a lot of books like I just read Jeanette McCurdy's book and

Even like that must have been so hard for her. I guess her mom died. So that was like a cool thing that she was able to like, it probably would have been a completely different book had her mom been alive. And I think I'm right. That's why I don't talk about any family stuff. Yeah. I'm like, everyone's still alive. Yeah, I think that's hard. I'm writing about a lot of fucking alive people, but I don't know. It's going to be interesting. But that has been bringing up so much trauma in my head. Yeah.

It's kind of hard with the particular audience you have too because they do just go and talk to people like crazy. And when these people find out shit that was happening to me all these years, I think they're going to be like, holy fuck. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's nutty for sure. Who knows? I'm excited. I hope you write it soon. Well, you've been writing it already. Yeah. I'm getting to real work on that. It's a goal of mine. But I want to get back to tour. I really like, do we talk? When we go back out on the second leg, we're going to be like,

We're not going to tell the stories we told on stage. Yeah, but I think I just I unfortunately accidentally bored myself to death of those stories. I know, but I'm just trying to feel for the viewer at home. Well, they know they know about the pepper air tag, Peppa. Yeah, I mean, and I don't I don't really want to get into that whole story because I fear that I will go miss wine tour. I don't want these people to find these girls in Texas kidding. Yeah.

Who may or may not have put an air tag into a Peppa Pig, which is just nutty. I mean, the air tag of it all is a little nutty because it's like our tour schedules online. I don't understand. That's why I think that's why I don't think it's that nutty is because it like they didn't accomplish anything by doing it. But if they were to do that and like in just regular life, like murderers. Yeah, for sure. A girl putting a tracker on your car or something. A girl brought bear spray, a giant can of bear spray to our show in New Orleans. And she was.

I don't know what her intentions were with bear mace in her pants. It is hard to say because it's like you are in New Orleans, like one of the most dangerous cities in the world, but also like

a fire hydrant size can of bear spray is pretty crazy in your pants. I, New Orleans was just nutty as is because it was our first show. And I've said it a million times. You know how my, how I feel about fucking New Orleans. Nothing good ever fucking happens to me there. It's so funny because we, this is our show. I'm like, well, we talked about this literally on stage, but, um,

Yeah, we got there and this was... We were doing meet and greets originally after the shows and one show in New Orleans was enough for me to realize that we were never doing that again. At all. Because girls get so drunk and I love meeting everyone so much. We're doing a meet and greet of...

meeting like hundreds of hammer and hammer. Nobody benefits from that because I'm like, they don't want to meet you drunk anyway. They don't remember it. Yeah, I agree. And the second these girls take shots, I think that they're like, how can I sexually assault Tana? For sure. Like I just said, which is wild. You know what I mean? But...

After that show, our security was playing Call of Duty on an iPad. We found out we caught him fully. But we found out Mardi Gras had just ended. So like everybody was like done. Yeah. Like they were checked the fuck out for sure. So that yeah, all of that was just nutty. What was your favorite city? Do you have one or your favorite favorite city and then also favorite crowd?

It is so this is so fucking fucked to say, but I slept all day in 90 percent of the cities. I did not see them. I didn't see sunlight at all, like at all. I like the other day I was laying on the balcony. I was like, God, this feels amazing. Just getting vitamin D because I would sleep, wake up, walk into the venue and walk on. By the way, when I said on that episode that I had 500 steps, I was not.

I was saying that was a small amount. I know, but you even said, you said like, I said, did you get a lot of steps? And you go, no, but everyone just missed that part. Yeah, it got clipped on TikTok and everyone thought I was flexing my 500 steps. Like that was a lot of steps. No, not at all. I've been trying to get fucking 10,000 since I'm home. Jesus. Yeah, so I didn't, I based my favorite cities on good crowds and I fucking, I loved New Jersey. New Jersey is my favorite crowd. Springfield. Or wait, Atlanta. Atlanta. New Jersey was my favorite crowd until we got to Atlanta, unfortunately. Yeah. Atlanta was just cool.

San Antonio, Springfield, Atlanta, and New Jersey were my favorite crowds by far because they were just so fun and funny and loud. And like they, that show in Springfield is great because people were saying shit from the crowd and they were funny. Fayetteville was fun too. That was the one where they were like, Oh yeah, that was crazy. Favorite city. Why I loved our day in New York. I saw no cities. Oh yeah. You didn't really miss much. Like all we would do, like I would wake up,

probably like 10 we would go Allison and I or Paige and I or whatever like to get lunch and then I would just sit on the bus until we went in the venue so it wasn't like much I had fun in Florida but I went to like one of the roller coasters and stuff because our venue was like inside of

Universal Studios. Which was a huge dream of mine to play that venue. I never thought we'd be able to. So crazy. Hard Rock Live. It felt so cool and so kind. It's inside of Universal Studios and every time I'd always gone there, I'd be like, that must feel so crazy to like play that. And I was gagged. And inside that venue, they had all the people who played it like Kanye and like Taylor Swift and

I don't know. A bunch of bands I like, like All-American Rejects and The Fray. It was so fun. Stuff like that. It was so cool. I rode a roller coaster at Disney. You did? No. Well, I didn't. No, you didn't. I went on Soarin'. She went on Soarin' over California. It was amazing. You would have died if I went on the Hulk or whatever. Universal was so scary and so crazy. I went on it like seven times. So when we were about to get on Soarin', I was so scared. Mind you guys, if you don't know what that ride is, you literally sit in a seat and it lifts you up like...

maybe 10 feet but it looks vr like you're like over the ocean and it was just even that was too much for me i was horrified i was nauseous for hours after like i hate that is so crazy fucking i just hate roller coasters but before we got on everyone everyone was so fed up with me too because you know how i am i'm like is this scary guys i'm asking everyone a million times and all of you were like no tana like it's fucking fine there's babies on this yes and so i'm

I stopped asking everyone, obviously, to stop being annoying. So I looked it up on TikTok to like actually make sure it wasn't scary for me. And now my whole For You page is like roller coasters. And it's like making me want to try to face this.

- Fear? - Ugh, I want you to like them so bad. It's so fun. - But it's also just not fear. It's what it physically does to me. Like it makes me so nauseous. It makes my body hurt. - Some of them do. Like yeah, for sure. Depends on what it is. - My bones, dude. I just, my bones, they hurt all the time. - I just, my mom, like when we would go to like fairs and stuff when I was little, she wouldn't even give us the option to not go on a ride. She'd be like, "Okay, pussy." We'd be like, "Oh, okay."

So now I just go on everything because it's so fun. Yeah, I want to try. I'm trying to fix that, but I don't fucking know if I will. Something happened to me. Wait, let me put it

Putting on lip gloss before you tell a story that you know is going to get clipped is so funny. Well, I dissolved my lip filler yesterday, so my lip is like peeling off. Yeah, I saw your TikTok. I'm your biggest fan. It hurt you really bad dissolving it, yeah? It was so painful. Well, last time when you were like, it wasn't painful at all. It wasn't. Everyone always says it's so painful. This was the only time...

Well, this time it felt like someone fucking burned my lips on a frying pan. Goddamn. But now I'm lip filler free. So you guys can stop bullying me, please. Had something happened to me during sex. Okay. And I have to share it with you because it was traumatic. This has never happened to me before. Oh, I thought it had. No, this was the first time. That's why I was so traumatized. But.

One time I had Bell's palsy. Okay. Bell's palsy. If you don't know, it is similar to whatever palsy Justin Bieber had where your face just like stops working in some ways. Bell's palsy is usually one half of your face. So that happened to me one time. My half my face just stopped working and I was sitting at dinner table and my grandma was like,

did you have a fucking stroke? And she freaked out and she had a stroke because she thought I was having a stroke. The way you breadcrumb is unlike anyone I've ever met. No, no, no, she didn't really have a stroke. She had one later, but not this time. Anyway, I had Bell's palsy. It's not contagious, but she and I had it in the same month, which is just like the craziest thing ever because no one ever gets Bell's palsy. Anyway, I fucking had to wear an eye patch because my eye wouldn't close forever and my mouth was like this and it just like, it was horrible. That's the only time I've ever experienced something like this where I just literally, my face was paralyzed. I am having sex.

a couple of weeks, a week ago, whatever it was. And can you, can you really, okay. I know, I know you hate the details of it all, but like what position were you in? I was in the getting eaten out position. Okay. Okay. I noticed I could not fucking feel my face and I couldn't, it was like not like my whole face was numb. And I was like, I started trying to move my face and I couldn't. And I immediately just like went completely panicked. And I

freaked out and i screamed and i jumped and i went into the bathroom and i tried to smile and i couldn't smile and i'm not kidding this is the face i was making i swear to fucking god that's the only face i can make goes were you like about to come probably i don't know i was going

And I'm trying so hard to sign. I'm freaking out. I'm like, and I'm screaming at him. I'm like, oh my God, my face. I can't move my face. I can't move my face. And he's like, yes, you can. Like, yes, you can. And I'm like, I don't want him to see it. So I'm like, oh my God, it was so traumatic. I didn't know what to do. And I'm thinking like, I have to cancel the show. Like, what if we have to cancel a show? Cause I can't fucking move my face. And I didn't know it was like sexual or anything. I thought it was just like something that was happening. Like another palsy.

It lasted probably six minutes. But I tried. I told all my friends about it after and they were like, what the fuck? And I Googled it. I did Google it. And it says it does happen to people. But why? I don't know. Sometimes it'll happen like people can't open or close their hands like during sex. It's like a thing. Brooke Baldwin told me the same exact thing happened to her. And before I even made the face at her, she goes, yeah, my face is doing this. And I was like, she gets me.

Because like, what the fuck? And could you imagine if like he'd been looking at me or something and all of a sudden I'm like, his dick would have done this. I don't even know what like a part of me thinks I could like I couldn't even get up and scream. I think I'd put a pillow over and just hope. You think your face is paralyzed and you're going to finish the job? Well, I get really bad Charlie horses like all the time during sex.

okay okay so this happens to me like kind of a lot like we're like my foot dude i don't even know you need potassium i don't i i don't know though i love a good banana you really slay the banana game i love bananas um like because you know how when during sex sometimes you like curl your toes yeah but some like you no i had to try it and then i remembered but

Like, I just feel like sometimes I'll be curling my toe during sex and then all of a sudden my foot will cramp up, but it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad. Like on a scale of one to 10, it's like an eight and a half. Like it really fucking hurts, right? But every time that happens, like, and it hurts so bad. The show must go on. Yeah, like I don't stop. Like I just- I had to stop. But this is someone I'm comfortable with. So I was like, ah, my face is-

Doesn't work. If it was like maybe like a stranger, I probably would have just. I also think foot versus face is like a crazy like. Face was crazy. Yeah. And I was afraid it was permanent. What are you even doing? Because last time it lasted for a month or two. Really? Yes. Some people, some people don't go back to normal after Bell's Palsy. Oh my God. Captain Hook with your eye patch. Oh, I can't even. Well, it was just like it droops like your hair is like drooping.

- Droops. - Brooke, well, I'm really fucking happy your face went back to normal, but I just can't. - Me too, imagine I was like that. I don't know why I keep giving you guys the example. If someone, please don't screenshot it. - I needed that visual. I can't even fucking believe. Did you go back to sex after?

No. I get that. Just I'd be so scared that it was going to happen again. Has it ever happened when you were jacking off, whacking it? We talk about whacking it a lot. No, I know. It's never. I mean, this was my first time, my first time getting paralyzed during sex. Comment down below if that's ever happened to you. I can't even actually fucking believe you also got by a ghost.

Sorry, one second. You also got... No, that was a s*** by a ghost. We stayed in a haunted hotel. Well, you know that I've been s*** by a lot of ghosts. And I thought it would be really cool if we could bond on that. Oh, I'm sorry. I had that really weird phase where I was having sleep paralysis and the demons would like do their big one. But then I would come in my sleep, you know. I told you about this. She couldn't...

No, I swear to God. I swear to God all the time. I've made a YouTube videos about it kind of, but I had really bad sleep paralysis for a really long time. But it really felt demonic and it really felt like something was following me from house to house. And people who would sleep in the same bed as me, it would happen to them too. Like I remember this guy I was hooking up with, like it would happen to me next to him a bunch. And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, you know what I mean? And then it happened to him.

And then he was like, we had the same dream at the same time. It started happening to Ashley, like when she moved in with me, but never before that. It would always be like I would have dreams and it would be people that I know would morph into these demons. But then the demons would do their big one. They'd be like fucking me. But then it'd be so weird or like eating me out or like whatever. But like we like slay, I guess. But and it was so weird because it was like I wanted it to stop. But I also like didn't kind of because it like felt good, if that makes sense. And then I would wake up all the time to having literal orgasms.

That's special. I don't know what to say about that because it sounds like weirdly traumatic. But it was scary. I would always wake up really scared and like heart beating out of my chest. And I noticed, I'm so fucking, I'm being so fucking for real right now. I noticed that if I went a long time without coming, it would happen to me more frequently. Do you know what I mean? Oh, so they were looking out for you. Yeah.

So then I would have to make sure that I was on, like, a good regimen because I didn't want it to happen. Oh, that's good. So you were just whacking it every day. Not even just enough to keep them away. And it hasn't happened in a long time. A flick of day keeps the demons away. You know that my grandma, my grandma, like, before she, like, really, like, disappeared, she...

She like had like a sixth sense or like she just always had had like a little bit of a

like situation going on and she'd seen this guy at the end of her bed like for her entire childhood into adulthood she'd seen this guy like every night at the end of her bed and she would have like random like little instances where we were like thought she was like a little bit like of a clear clairvoyant situation but when she started having like dementia and like being a little wacko she one time i could hear her from upstairs and she was talking i thought on the phone she's talking talking talking

I came downstairs and I asked her who she was talking to and she said she was talking to her dad and her dad was dead. So I was like, hmm. And this was like, she was already kind of saying like some weird stuff all the time. So I was like, what did he say? Like, and she's telling me about what he said. And she, I forget this lady's name, but he was like saying how this lady died. She was like in his neighborhood or whatever. And I was like, how weird. And I told my grandpa about it. And he was like, that's interesting. Like,

whatever, the lady had died. She was exactly right about the lady dying and when, but we don't know why because her dad told her that and her dad was dead. That's so crazy, Brooke. That's actually so crazy. I know. I really believe in clairvoyant people and psychics. Me too. Just to the fullest extent because I've had a lot of weird psychic experiences. Do you want to know something crazy? You sent this TikTok to the group chat the other day, right? Of a lady saying,

Who had a message for me. Oh, who said you're going to have a baby with a man who looks like he can throw a tree. She also was giving me this message from my grandma. Essentially, like, I don't need to put the TikTok like in the podcast, but like she's a tarot card reader and she talks about all of her clairvoyance all the time. And I guess her daughter watches me. So it made her have a message come through to me from my grandma. Right. And.

I've told you the story before about how my grandma came through to me at Jojo Siwa's house. Oh, yeah. Right. Is her name like Marge or something? Not at all. I don't understand that. But here just quickly of the grandma story. I'd been having all these dreams about my childhood and about I always my grandma's always in my dreams and.

all this stuff. And she had died and whatever. And I was at Jojo Siwa's house. The psychic comes up to me. She tells me that my grandma and my grandpa are there and they're giving me a message. And she starts imitating their voices like completely. And they were like, my grandma was Southern, had a really high pitched Southern voice. My grandpa was Southern. He had a very like low raspy. And she's imitating them perfectly. And I'm like, this is so weird. Like how would you know that? Right. And so my grandma always had

a hummingbird feeder in her yard. And she would just sit there in the living room in Texas and watch the hummingbirds come to the feeder like all day, every day. Oh, that's my grandma does that too. She loves birds. Still now she loves birds. She just watches them. I love that. And so that was like a big memory of mine being really little and watching the hummingbirds with her. And my grandpa, I think he knew he was going to die. I don't really know why, but he always told me and my mom, like if I die and you ever see

a white or a yellow butterfly, it's me, right? And at his funeral, a bunch of butterflies sat on his casket the entire funeral and until the service was over, all these white butterflies, and until the service was over, they flew away when the service was over. And it was just like very beautiful and like interesting and like whatever. And-

even just like now, if I think about him, like the next day I'll see a white butterfly, like always, whatever, you know? And the psychic comes up to me and she's like, they're painting me a picture of hummingbirds and butterflies. And I was like, that is so weird because I've never talked about this on the internet. Absolutely ever. And then she told me my last memory with my grandpa, the last time I ever saw him, we were at a beach in Galveston, Texas, and I was wearing a purple swimsuit. And like, I remember it, whatever. And she told me about that. She was like, he, he keeps replaying me this image of him holding you on a beach and

you're in a whatever. So I was like crying and it was just, it was really crazy. Right. So ever since then, I like, I believed in that. And I also knew that like my grandma, I don't know, she's coming forward. She's doing her big one. Right. And so I obviously, I didn't tell you this, but

A couple before our last show, I just was having all these interesting dreams about my grandparents and my parents. And, you know, I get sad sometimes like it is just sad. Like I see I'm doing this whole big fucking world tour and I don't have I wish my parents could have been a part of my life and see their daughter do these things. And I wish they were.

good people and all that stuff just makes me sad sometimes. That's how I ended up sobbing over my egg salad sandwich. Yeah. It's like whenever really big good things happen and you want to share it with someone you can't. It's like the shittiest feeling. Yeah, it really just is. And obviously just the deep sadness of just wishing I had parents who were good people will always be with me. And I ended up really crying to Makoa about it, like just on the last night of tour. Like I just for some reason I was really sad about it. And he, you know, he was really there for me and amazing and whatever, blah, blah, blah.

And I went to bed that night and I had all the same dreams like my grandma and whatever. And then you send this tick tock of this psychic woman saying that my grandma came to her to tell her, like, I'm going to be a good mother one day. And like, oh, how interesting. Like, you know what I mean? Like, be able to like rewrite that. And like in her caption, she put like, you've clearly been through a lot. That'll make me cry. Isn't that kind of crazy and interesting? I know. I didn't cry on tour. Yeah.

Well, until the last day. Same. I don't know. And I think that's also just the rush of emotions. Like at the end of that, I felt the same way. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, yeah, it's I'll cry too if I really get into it. But.

It was just kind of being emo. That is crazy. You are going to be a good mom. But is that I definitely think so, too. But I just think it's so weird that like, what are the odds of that? Like out of the day after, like I showed it to McCall and I was like, how weird is the timing of this psychic? You know, we were just having this conversation last night. My grandma really just has her big one coming through to the psychic. Damn. Oh, my God. We're talking to a psychic. Yeah, that's a little nutty or anyone. Yeah. But you didn't cry on tour. And I didn't. I was really like mentally depressed.

I think on tour. I think you really, I had less time to like sit in my, my own head. Yeah. And I'm proud. I was proud of you for also being on your regimen. Cause you know, like I think that Gabba Patton really helps you. It did. Oh my God. I would have died if I hadn't had that. Dude. Like think,

Thank fucking God for SSRIs and shit. I don't know what Wellbutrin is. It's not an SSRI though. I don't have good experience with SSRIs. Gabapentin, I don't also know what that's for. I'm pretty sure it's like for nerves or like your actual like nerve damage. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. That's what they made it for. But it helps me just not...

I think you were just so really anxious. Like your emotions were just so regulated. I was so happy for you because I was like, oh, my. I was very preventative about it. If I felt like I even had one thing that was like slightly triggering, I would just take something because. But obviously, like no one wants the negative parts of their fucking mental shit to like come forward. But I was just I felt so happy for you like the entire time. I was like, Brooke, I was very happy to like it. Awesome. But yeah.

I feel you about the rush of emotions after though. It's nutty. Yeah. It was a lot. Yeah. And I just like, I think also I like wasn't, there was like probably a lot of things that I would have normally been like working through and thinking about that I wasn't. So then like, as soon as I, my responsibilities were done with, I was like, Oh fuck. I feel the exact same way. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, because exactly. Anything you're going through, you got to put on the motherfucking back burner during that shit. Yeah. Or anything you feel. God, I really feel for people who just tour always. I don't know. I just didn't really understand what it was like. And I remember watching, not the tour, nothing special.

it's not like this negative thing but like it is really fucking like draining i remember like watching like billy eilish's documentary and i'm like god if i could do that it would be the best thing in the world but it's like everyone else's lives are going on alone and you're living the same day over and over and over again and it like is kind of like i hated how much people misconstrued what we were saying yeah i don't want it to sound like ungrateful or like out of touch but it is just like it's just it is mentally hard every single person would find it mentally hard i think it is like

even just that living the exact exact same day over and over again and I don't mean that I know that people who go to their job live the same day over and over again but that is not what I mean like but they're still able to socially interact with people differently and have just just different things go through their brain yeah I compare it almost like watching the same movie over and over and over again with your hands tied behind your back like

And just having, you know what I mean? Like you can't. And the good parts are awesome. But yeah, just mentally. No, it's amazing. It's a great movie. But that is why. Amazing movie. That's why all artists who usually artists who tour for the most part, unless you're fucking Taylor Swift. But I like artists who tour a lot go crazy. Like it makes perfect fucking sense to me.

Why? Like Justin Bieber? I also get the side of it where it's like no one wants to hear anyone in our position complain about that. And I loved it so much more than any negative side of it. Like I can't wait to fucking do it forever. Well, that's the thing now. It's like at the time I was like, oh my God, I'm so tired. Like I can't wait to be home. But now I'm like, oh, that was fun. Let's go. And I think that the live shows like just with Coachella in these next few weeks and like you said, living with shit in mind is...

these next live shows are going to be fucking insane for sure. I think it's also, I just, I really like got in my head about the gratitude of how cool it is to sit down. Start with gratitude. To 6,000 people, really. Let's say we play two, 3,000 shows, right?

and have inside jokes with all of them. It was like, that was the coolest takeaway is like, how cool is it that we get to go out here and like have inside jokes with all these fucking odd, like funny girls. Like that was just the coolest thing in the world to me. And just that it's almost all girls. Like that's the most...

thing ever. Like it was all girls and gays and boyfriends who got dragged. We had an entire bit where we would like talk to the four men in the crowd who got straight men who got dragged by their girlfriends and about how like it's all downhill from here for them because it's for the girls and the gays for the most part, you know. But yeah. Oh, my God. I'm just excited to go back out. I really fucking am. Me too. And I promise it's just going to keep getting better and better. So you go ahead and buy those tickets. I think they're sold out.

Nope. I don't know anymore. Can we talk about P. Diddy for a second? Sure. The police went and they raided his house, but it's so clear that it is not a silly little raid.

OK, they're not looking for guns. They're not looking for you know what I mean? Like they're raiding all of his houses now, like wherever they all are. And he's fleeing and meeting with sketchy people and hopping on planes and all this fucking shit. Right. Shit like that just interests me so much. Like I go down the rabbit hole. Right. And last night I'm on McCullough's phone and his for you page is all that shit because his for you page pretty much is just a guy's for you page. So it's like.

already rap shit and whatever. So all he has to do is watch two P Diddy videos for that to be his whole. So I took his phone and I was looking at his For You page and watching all these videos on it. And...

It is just so the fucking definition of that shit being right under our nose the entire time. The amount of celebrities like Cat Williams and just so many people who have been saying for years, like P Diddy is trafficking these children and people and nobody did anything about it. It is so fucking nuts to me. Yeah. I don't know. I've never heard about it, but I also don't fucking hear about P Diddy in my day, like in my life. Look at this TikTok that I need to show you. I did go to his house.

What? With Isabella, I think. Wait. Yeah, I went with Isabella. To P. Diddy's house. Yeah. In Miami. Any more lore? No. Like just a party? And it just happened to be at his house? It was only a few of us, but... How did you get invited? I don't remember. I know it was in Miami, and I've only been to Miami two times. Once with you.

And once with someone else or with my other friends. Oh, wait, maybe it was with my other friends. I don't know. We all went to his house. It's like this like Asian, like Japanese style, like beautiful house. Like one of your girlfriends just happened to get invited and you went. Yeah. Or it was like someone we were with was like, let's go to Diddy's house. And I was like, let's go to Diddy's house. And he was there, but nothing happened. Well, I'm really happy nothing happened. That's fucking nuts, Brooke. Okay. Like, look at this. Did you ever say this when you were dating with?

My name's Ava. I'm a Scorpio. No, no, no. What's your last name? Ava. What's your other last name? Like her even just starting off, my name's Ava. I'm a Scorpio. Like, that's weird. Yes, it's breaking news. Diddy adopted a white child. I want you to tell the story about how I adopted you.

And it's, she just, you watched the whole video. Her eyes look so scared. She's like, Diddy took me off the streets. And like all these men are behind her, like laughing, like, and it's just, it's fucking weird. And then all the comments are saying that she's this girl, Ava Grace Baldwin, who went missing when she was six years old. Oh. And like,

That's what and then like Orlando Bloom, like from Disney Channel, remember Orlando Bloom? Of course. He did an interview like a year ago saying like all these kids go missing and like then they're showing up in like commercials and they're at Diddy's house and they look just like the missing child that's still missing. And obviously like something is really serious about it. But like.

the way my brain works i'm like there's just no way like people really do that the way we analyze shit is just so different because i'm like no i know i know it's real of course like it's so real and it's so serious but like it just blows my mind because i'm like i can't it's kind of the same way i feel about like like i remember watching like the turpin documentary and thinking like how did those two people find each other like yeah how do you find out that like you're

spouse or whatever it is, is also interested in doing this like crazy fucking like horrible, abusive shit. I think it's so much of things like that have to do with grooming. Yeah. Because even like I was just saying earlier in my book shit, I think about so many things that essentially I was groomed into situations of like doing, you know what I mean? And it like you trust people and they make you think it's normal and they make. Yeah, that's I guess what I'm saying is like I just can't imagine like

Who's the first person to say like, oh yeah, by the way, you into sex trafficking? I know. You know what I mean? But it definitely just is never set like that. Like it's probably just slowly. Like things become like more and more normal until it's like really far from anything. I think I really, and I've been going down the rabbit hole, like I just want to know why. Like why?

why was Diddy allegedly doing these things? Like why? There's no amount of money that could make that. Yeah, it can't be money. But is it some Illuminati shit where he's he was blackmailed into this shit? And well, I also saw something like where people were saying he's the fall guy like that, like they're going to use him or the government. I don't I don't like I don't not a conspiracy theorist or anything, but like.

I think everything like that is not so out there for me to think about. Same with like Epstein. That is it's so true. Like one person just becomes the face of it when in reality it's hundreds. So there are a lot of people can get away with it and keep doing it. I mean, I'm lucky to be able to just like, but it makes me just I can't think about the fact that that really happens in life. I know. That's also how I felt watching this quiet on set documentary. I was debating on if I even had anything to add to it. And maybe I don't, but.

But did you watch it? I haven't watched it yet. It's so fucked up and so interesting. I really I loved Drake Bell so much growing up. He's one of my first concerts and I really loved him. And what happened to him is insane and so fucked up. People are listening because it's Drake Bell. But I can imagine obviously that's what the whole documentary is about is how many other child stars this shit happened to. And I'm sure I guess you and I also did have.

very different experience. We've had very different life experiences and you are very lucky to have kind of come into this as an adult. And Trevi and I talk about this a lot, like about how we were kind of the first round of child stars in the internet, in the social media realm. I, like I said, I ended up reading Jeanette McCarty's book and all that. And like,

Dan Schneider definitely was just the fall guy. Like there are so many other guys who are just like him. And it really had me thinking about so much shit I saw at like 15 and how sexualized I was. And like, yeah, and you think it's normal when it's happening, but like it's not until you really like. And reading Jeanette's book was so interesting to read from a child's perspective who had a parent who forced them to do it all. My parents just weren't smart enough. Had they known they could have fucking sold me to fucking.

Joe Schmo like they would have like you know what I mean and it's like I'm grateful that I it was your own choice my own choice so everything was my own choice but I can't imagine had things like I still got roped into so much shit where I was made like I can't even imagine the other way fucking around and it's like I don't even know it makes me like I hate Hollywood so much and it's so sad that all of this all child stars it stems from

Children's joy like and yes, there are the cases like Jeanette who didn't want to do it But like Drake Bell he wanted to be an actor. Yeah, it was my fucking dream I would have died like I used to look at like Hannah Montana and shit and I'm like, oh my god I would do I would beg my grandma to take me to auditions and stuff like and like Amanda Bynes like all of that like how they just Wanted to yeah, they just wanted to go do something and have fun and like it ended up just being like such a traumatic horrible experience yeah, I'm like I just I

The robbing of childhood. Yeah. It's so crazy. I feel like I experienced a taste of that, but I can't even imagine all these children who just fully have their fucking entire childhood robbed. It's so nutty to me. Yeah. Just all diddy everything. Just like it really is just Hollywood can be such a sick, sick place. Yeah. I'm just glad it's becoming or it's like.

it's not going to be normal you know like in 10 20 years like nobody it's not going to happen the way that it has like historically because it's like people were getting away with it so they were they kept doing it no one's getting away with it starting now you know what i mean like yeah which is afraid good and they should be afraid but like i'm even very happy to see how much these

like mommy vloggers and shit are now getting called out for their fucking behavior as well because that as they should ren's mom fuck you fuck that bitch and it's so funny because i follow rent i that like her videos are my favorite thing in the world i know it's hard to she was my dream and i have an innocent mind so i'm watching it and i'm like oh my god she's so sweet she's the sweetest cutest little girl in the world it's like my dream fucking you know what i mean like

Like, oh my God, she's just a dream. Having her as a dream. But to think that all of that was just to like exploit her is so crazy. And I've always felt some type of way about family channels and all that. And then the line of that is so nuts. And that mom, did you see that? The mom...

Who had her kids like chained up and tied up. And she was a fucking blogger. And she was blogging. And had so much money. Like, oh my God, it makes me fucking sick. And did you, you know, she journaled? I don't know her name. They have like the most beautiful home you've ever seen. And like, it's just like, it's like a $6 million house. And lucky for those kids in a way that she journaled it. She, you know, she journaled all of it. Like, and she was writing like, they are the devil. So I have to, I'm not going to feed them so that,

She's clearly off her fucking rocker. That's so fucking crazy. I'm so happy she got caught. But isn't it fucking crazy too that she only got up to 30 years for what she did to those kids? So, so stupid. What? Ruby Frank. Why did I think Amanda?

She got it's like the Turpins. It's literally like the Turpin family. It just doesn't make sense. Like, I can't imagine two people coming together and both being OK with that. Like, I couldn't agree more. And I really couldn't. But yeah, I think the dad got nothing. She got up to 30 years and you know, she's going to get like five. I actually don't know enough about this to like I really have only seen like little things, but I saw the pictures of their like duct taped.

Hands and feet. Yeah. And they were down there for like days and he escaped. And it's so crazy because in all the vlogs, then people went back and put all the pieces and she's like her oldest son. It's like,

He didn't he wasn't grateful to go somewhere with us. So we took his room away. He'd been sleeping on like a mat and like you're loaded and you're just all of the all the psychological torture that that was like nothing in comparison. But I just saw that clip and it's like the judicial system blows my fucking mind. Like people are in jail for the rest of their lives for marijuana. And this woman is going to walk free one day. And it is so crazy, too, because on the opposite end of it, too, there's a lot of people who literally lose their children over like drugs.

things like actual good parents who lose their kids to like cps and stuff like that like it is crazy it's just everything is so fucking wonky and horrible yeah it's so fucked i hope she burns in fucking hell i'm so for real and even just that it's like now do they go into foster care like the turpin situation is so sad how all those kids got separated and had a way more fucked life yeah and are abused in foster care it's fucking horrible i would love to be a foster parent one day it's really cool like i just we had a foster mom carrie who like

she was like our family yeah because she would like you know my sister would live with her time to time like my cousins always lived with her and stuff and she was um Lila and uh Natalie and everyone met her and all like the whole family because she's still like a part of our family so much but it is cool but it's I don't know if I could um like emotionally handle it because like you get so attached to the kids and then you know Ari and all his best friends are 50 years old Ari's best friend

T is she's like a second mom to him, but she fosters kids. And every single time she takes one into foster, she just ends up keeping them. And now she has a carry. Carrie has like 11 kids. Yeah. Like that. I mean, they're all her kids now. I like I, you know, I never want to give birth. Like I could see myself really living that life. Like I think it's so fucking cool. I don't know. That's how I that's why I can't foster kittens because I'll end up with more. I'm getting myself a second cat. I wanted to do it. Honestly, I would would have done it before.

Now but yeah, we're gonna go back out. So I'm gonna wait till we get home home I want to pet so bad, but I can't have one yet. Yeah, you can't yeah, but you could pet Murph I can pet Murph and McCoy's like my sexy pet. That's fine. I'm kidding So I'm holding him hostage. He's finally leaving tomorrow

And I'm so fucking sad. I hate long distance. You'll have to hang out with me. Boyfriendless. I am very excited. Just kidding. I have 10 boyfriends. I am going to Vegas tomorrow. I'm going home for Easter, but I'm also just going to fucking Vegas. Hunter's there and a bunch of people are there right now and I'm going to go gamble. And I'm so fucking excited to go fucking...

I heard this rumor that Bruno Mars is $50 million in gambling debt. Yes. I think I debunked it. Yeah, it's actually not true, but I believed it was true for like a week. And I was like, oh, it's just so... Because like in my head, I'm just like, oh, it's so light and fun. But it's like people really fucking go under. People kill themselves. It's like their number one reason people kill themselves. I know. I really... I do it in moderation. The way that like I... How much I gamble is...

honestly perfectly fine, which is good. But it is getting so interesting. Like tomorrow, the hotel I always gamble at, they booked me a big, that suite for free. They're sending me. You're in that, you're at that level. They're sending me a Rolls Royce to pick me up for my flight tomorrow. Like, yeah, you're gambling too much money. It sounds, I am. I think I'm in, but I've been winning.

Like I really, how much I've spent is like, cause the poker keeps me good because I play these tournaments for hours and I win like five, 10 grand. So then in my head, it's like, okay,

I've won this amount of money. So then if I go to Vegas right now and I gamble like $2,000, do you know what I mean? Yeah, but you don't ever gamble $2,000. You always gamble more than $2,000. That was a bull. I just bold face lied. Yeah, no, you're right. Probably the whole 10, but this is just like the drinking. There's no such thing as moderation. There's, I think I still really, really genuinely. If I, if I went to my life's total, like I'm not down crazy. Like I, I think that I'm good. Like I really fucking am, but yeah,

Not good at gambling. I mean, like I'm chilling. Like I haven't done too. Yeah. I haven't done too much yet in this life. It just scares me. I'm not at a level yet where I feel like I can just bleed money. And I'm not bleeding it. I swear. I swear, swear, swear, swear, swear, swear, swear. It's like. I know. But even like. I don't think I've had enough fun gambling for it to be like like a fun thing to do. I think it really. It just feels like I'm just like putting money in the trash. And I. Yeah.

Unfortunately, my childhood has so much. It feels like home to me. It feels like my childhood, like I like that. So I mean, I love going to Vegas and I love gambling, but I mean, I don't fucking know. I'm trying so hard. You guys too. I'm playing in another poker tournament on the 19th. This is a small tournament and I'm so excited. And again, they're flying me out. They're paying for me to enter the tournament. Everything is free.

So I'm so stoked. But the company is begging me to have Brooke join me. Here's why I think here's why I want you to hear me out. OK, you get flown out for free. Your hotel room is free and you are playing in this tournament. And the winner wins 15 grand. Second place is 10 grand. Third place is five grand. Right.

So you are going for free with a potential to walk away having won money. But I don't know how to play poker. But I want to teach you so bad. You don't learn to play poker and then play in a celebrity poker tournament in the same fucking 24 hours. Do you know how many people that played in that last tournament that made it to the final table had never played in their entire life? It is not rocket science. It is not rocket science. And

do you know why that I have to have this conversation with her on the podcast? Because every time I've tried to have it in real life, she's like, fuck no, fuck you. Shut up, bitch. Like, this is the only place I can get you to even like humor the conversation. Cause I just, I want to like that. It's a life skill. Like I want to know how to play poker, but like not yet, please, please. And they're begging for you to play in this tournament. It's the 19th. I think we could really go 19th of April. Oh wait, I have something. Oh,

Let's go look. And I think you'd actually be good at it. And Brooke, I feel like it's also like you love. You can't even go with the April 19th. We're like literally. We're leaving the 24th. Oh. And I'm hopefully coming home with some money bags, sister. Here's the thing, Brooke. You also love anything that like. In Arizona. No, you're not. You have bridesmaids lunch on the 21st. They're right next to each other.

It's one day. I think you love anything that like you can beat a man at. And I think you love anything too that like. I've never beat a man at anything. You know what I mean though. You know what I mean. And poker is like kind of like, like it's in line with my pick me more like my pick me tendencies. And hear me out, Brooke. In the last year, I have never had more straight men.

Stop me to praise me about my poker skills since I've started doing it publicly today. My gardener, my gardener was like, I was on Facebook and I saw you playing poker and you're actually really good. And we started talking about poker. I swear to God today. Like, and I, if we could do it together and maybe it may be, I won't say no. Imagine beating me too. You'd feel so.

What if I, what if I'm hustling you so hard? What if I'm like literally a poker champion? You would be, I just, I'm begging you to play in this tournament and I have to get you to commit in the next couple of days in order to do it. And I am, I'm not stopping. I'm not. And any hobby you want, you can, you can swindle me. Roller coasters. Deal. I will, I will go on a full roller coaster day with you. If you go to this poker tournament with me. Y'all heard that?

Six flags. But I'm going to take six bars. Kidding. Maybe. We'll see. Comment down below if you think I should play in the poker tournament. I just think... I really... It's not like... I'm not trying to...

Stage mom. Yeah. Like I think you would have fun. I think you would enjoy it and you'd be like, fuck yeah. Maybe. We'll see. We will see. Well, yeah. McCoy's apparently leaving within the hour. So I'm going to go try to convince him not to. Okay. I have to take a picture. But I love you and I had so much fucking fun on tour. I love you.

And I'm happy to be home. And these next few weeks, I fear, are going to bring us a lot of podcast content. And we just love you guys. Again, I know I said it in the last solo episode, but thank you for all the opportunities that you've brought us. You are our family and our best friends. And we can't wait to go hug you again. Yeah. And we love you if you came to the shows and if you didn't, but mostly if you did. And yeah, let us know in the comments below anything you want to see on the canceled podcast, because we I fear that a couple of those stacked episodes were canceled.

Not to the caliber. They weren't up to par. They weren't. Please let us know anything you would want to see or hear anytime soon. Goodbye. Love you.