76: HOW JEFF WITTEK RUINED BROOKE’S HOOKUP…… - Ep. 76
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Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast, the number one podcast in the world. Logan Paul bailed on us yesterday. Yeah, well, Logan Paul, his podcast is over, right? So aren't we like literally the number one podcast in the world? Yeah. I love that takeaway.

I love that takeaway. Yeah. Logan pulled a me on me yesterday. We were supposed to go on impulsive and then he bailed because he was tired. And honestly, I respect it. I have like a weird kink for getting bailed on though. Okay. Said no one ever. But I have a thing where I have a weird kink for doing anything that like I know that my

guy friends when I was younger would have liked. They would have loved to see me go on Impulsive. Or they would have hated to see it and I would have loved it. Yeah, that's fair. They would have hated to see it. I guess it's fun. Check it off the list. But I'm honored to be here on the number one women's podcast in the world. I'm trying to bring on the fucking hate. Listen, I love these two girls so much. I'm so proud of you two. Let me address you both. But in the eyes...

You really did get so much fucking hate that episode for like not. Did he not look at you once though? Every single guest. It happens to every single guest, but it's because of our seating arrangement. It's not your fault. You want to switch? No, it's okay. Well, we've changed it now, but last time we had you in the middle of us. So like in order to speak to me. I see one of you here and one of you here. When I look at you like that. Lucky you. She's funny.

I'm in a scandal. Not a scandal, but I like went on these two guys' podcast the other day and I thought they were the funniest guys ever and they're getting cooked so bad online. They're like,

for being like condescending or like patronizing to me. I loved it. So I saw a TikTok of some girl like psychologically breaking that shit down. I know. It's like a real like little scandal. Like there are people are actually fucking pissed. I know she had to message me today and be like, I'm really sorry. But like, it's because every time I said something, they'd be like, God, that's actually funny. And I like, I took it as a compliment, but it's not a compliment.

I saw a clip of it. You were funny in it. It's that men always want to hit like a, you're actually, you're actually like number one. Women's podcast is kind of adjacent. Have I ever said that to you? Of course. A thousand times. But that's just like, Tana's actually funny. I might say that to guys. Cause like they don't see it and they're like,

Well, maybe just the fucking Irish guy hanging out with that, you know, we won't say his name, but I already like really. Oh, did you talk about it? Really slandered him on this. That's fine. He's from another planet. I think he hates me. I think I hate him and that's OK. Well, I stick up for you and I'm like, no, you don't get it. You just you just don't get it, you know?

I can't like force people to understand you. It's either they get you or they don't. And the same with me. Like a lot of people don't get me. Like I just did the fucking H3 bachelor and they are asking me to judge these women. You know, it's like,

I have to pick women and I have to critique them and say why I'm not. So it's a Tuesday for you. No, absolutely not. I never do stuff like that. I'm getting it. It's literally like that's what the show is. And I'm getting called a misogynist because...

I'm like saying why I don't want to date that woman. I have to eliminate them. And they're like, oh, this girl's a pick me. Yeah. It's literally the thing. You have to pick them. You know, like, you know how Brooke says she's a pick me or whatever. I'm being a pick me right now because my glasses are fake. They're fake. They don't make me see. I had the same glasses on and then I was like, I got to take these off because if anyone were to ask me if my glasses were real, I couldn't say yes. I just love a glass like this because I think it like takes my body count down.

By 50%. It does. You look incredible. And also it's blue light. That's helpful for something. I'm going to start saying I absolutely just need them for blue light. Well, they are blue light glasses, right? I bet you haven't had a migraine in forever. Literally just had a migraine. God damn it.

I have a migraine right now. You have a migraine right now? Yeah, I have them all the time. Do you? But I don't want to come on here negative and talk about myself. I do. I just cried over a fucking sweatshirt before I got here. Like literally cried over a sweatshirt, sat down to cry about it. How does it even happen? Because somebody took my favorite sweatshirt. It doesn't matter how many I have. What kind of sweatshirt? It's just a gray one.

sweatshirt it's like someone you shed a real tear i i you know when you're like so over time fuck you when you're like so overtired and frustrated and like just yes something feels like the end of the world and like the one thing i want to wear always it's the one thing i always pick

And you let some whore take it. It's like your favorite pair of jeans. Yeah, yeah. No, I get it. Even like this thing I've had for like five years. And when I pulled up, you guys were all roasting me. Since the Disney Channel games. Yeah. Brooke has been saying Jeff looks like he's dressed for the Disney Channel games. I feel like a Russian hitman. Did you ever watch Disney Channel? Huh? No.

Did you ever watch Disney Channel? No, bro. Ever? I was in jail. I was in jail like you would have been dead. No, I didn't. It wasn't around. Yes, it was. So what did you watch when you grew up in the 1800s? Black and White, Charlie Chaplin. No, what did I watch? I was trying to think of his name all day, Charlie Chaplin. Why are we trying to think of that? He's the one who looks like Hitler? Yeah. Loki? Those mustaches were in. Were they?

like hello people like hitler's thing like hitler was like yo this is my shit he was not he was not like a leader well kind of like how amanda binds is the only person on the planet to have that haircut right now yeah what's the haircut she like buzzed her whole head but then kept the bottom long so the bottom is like a reverse oh wait no that's a real mullet yeah an extreme mullet but it's extremely different than well she had to did you see what happened what happened she was a

Like a bleached blonde. And she was like, I'm going to dye my hair black, obviously. Goes to the store, gets black hair dye. Box dye, dyeing your hair black. Well, you know, you're a hair guy. And then she decided immediately after that she wanted to be blonde again. So she bleached it herself. No, that's terrible for your hair. Yeah. A pixie cut could have slayed, I think. This is one of those episodes of the Canceled Podcast where we have just abso-fucking-lutely nothing to talk about. And I just...

You know, I wanted Jeff here for the vibes and the thumbnail. I'm sorry we always do that to you. We bring him in here and we're like... I don't care. Dance monkey. I never think further than the thumbnail. Like, I'm like, oh my God, the thumbnail's going to have Jeff. And that's going to be a great episode. What's the topic? Do you want to interview me on dating 20 women in one day in front of 40,000 people? Yeah, actually, is it over? Are you still choosing? No, it's like a weekly episodic thing because we have to narrow it down. So you have to keep going back? Yeah, which is cool. It's fun, honestly. And I'm not like...

I'm playing by the rules because some of the girls live in L.A. and like I could easily like just DM them and sabotage the whole thing. Like just fucking. But I'm not doing. Will you get to meet the winner in person? Yeah. Yeah. And some of them are in like different countries. And Ethan was like, no, and we fly them out.

So it's like, you'll be face to face dating them, you know? What? But then what happens when they have to go back to their real country? Then we decide if it's, you know, I'm going, I might be moving with them. I would love to see you in a long distance relationship. I think that that could be a good chapter for you. I'm down to try it. Look, I'm changing my life this year. I'm going to be a,

What are some things you want to change? Can we start with socks that come up to like a little above your ankle? No, you know what it was? I accidentally have Nike socks on and I don't feel like getting fucking destroyed by your commenters. So I've tucked them down. What's wrong with Nike? Because if you wear Nike socks with Adidas shoes, everybody...

that is like a hype beast will comment like, Oh, you can't do that. I would much rather you have on Nike socks, but your ankles be covered. Well, I'm not trying to please you. So I'm trying to not get hated on, on this podcast again for the second time. Wow. He kind of ate.

And now I'm so focused on the ankles. You have a good ankle at least. I've got a little bit of a cankle sitch going on. Dude, so I found out that my feet, how they keep growing. Did you see what I sent you? What'd you send me? Toe shortening surgery. They have toes. No, but then I can't be hobbling around for like a month. My fucking toes are long. Are they? Like finger toes? Yeah.

Yeah, they're bad. I don't want to even take them out. You've gotten me to take my feet on too many podcasts. Which is just so strange. Do you want to know? I don't mean this to be backhanded, but do you know that you have a higher rating than me on WikiFeet? Do I? A whole star better than me.

No way. She's rated beautiful feet. Well, I'm a 10 out of 10 on Feet Finder, first of all. But I will say that. Why are there multiple platforms? And why do I know that? Well, let's see your foot that they have on there. Yeah, that's the thing. I think they might have been ill informed. I think they're not allocating for the frequent dirt. Yeah, maybe they're talking like shape and appearance. When it comes to cleanliness and grooming of the feet, I think you have me covered.

You have roaming is crazy. I'm a human. Is this it? Selfie pics?

Or no? No. Is that in your recent history? Feet Finder? No, I'm trying to find a website. No, WikiFeet. Oh, WikiFeet. I want to see if I'm on it. I often search girls I don't like to see if... That's actually like a really smart thing to do. Erin, can you look me up? Like, I'm going to start like fucking with their foot rating. That's actually like really, like if a guy leaves you for a girl, being able to look her up on Feet Finder and make yourself feel a little better, that's like... But what if she's a five of five? Are you saying you're going to use the power of your audience to attack people?

ex-boyfriend's feet ratings? I mean, not at all, but I...

Because I mentioned this to you before. I started a sort of cyber cult when there was a video going around of me that I didn't want out on the Internet. But you can't, you know, it was a video that's very popular. I'm sure you've seen before of me. That's embarrassing. Or you like swing from. Yes. Yeah. So initially, before it was leaked out, I want to get it taken down. You can't take shit down off the Internet. Even I'm sure you have people for like your exclusive content pages that they just like copyright it. That wasn't copyrighted or anything.

But I would just have I'd call them the cyber cult and they attacked them. They would report it for like gruesome fucking gore and shit. And they got them all taken down. And I love that cyber cult. I'll never forget that time. That's honestly very beautiful. I feel like I'm a hacker for that, but I try not to use him often. So we made like a weapon there of mass destruction, basically. Now you guys can use that to attack these ex-boyfriends that have wronged you.

And then just wreck their feet readings. You're kind of onto something there. Just fucking. We could really get a cult going. I want to see. We live for the. Oh my God. This many of my feet? Yeah. You don't understand. A lot goes into it. Wait, look at what's that one with your feet turned out. Is that you? Which one? Scroll. Right there. You're standing in that cool second position. Yeah, that's me. How do you know? Why does this exist? How do you know?

Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh, they're disgusting. Keep those things covered. No, you're a four out of five. I think that's a really good rating. Is that what I made you take your foot out on? Four and a half. That rating don't mean shit. Four and a half out of five, but notice that there's almost 5,000. 5,000 people have taken the time to go online. That shit's bodded. That's not, there's no way that's real. WikiFeet is like a legitimate source.

It's on PubMed. Well, there you go. Cancel the audience. Go leave some five out of five stars on them. That's actually kind of like... I think I have like a four out of five, which is like, it's like kind of low. My rating is higher than yours? I think so. But you probably just have...

um more votes obviously no my feet do not deserve that look at you just ankles out on the podcast i got good ankles i got good like like i have like a woman's leg if i show you guys if i shave my woman's leg yeah if i shave my leg and like actually like wow it's almost like hairless already you know wow there's a bad angle here i don't kick brooke in the face

What the fuck is this show? Jeff FM with no soundbites? Honestly, that's crazy. That's a crazy take. I think that's what, when I started believing in autism again, when I went on there and it's so loud in your ears. Yeah. You love the soundbites, but it like, it sends me into a frenzy. It pulls you completely out of whatever conversation that you're having. I need chaos in my brain. That makes sense. I need distractions. Like just.

I feel like when you come on here, it's like too quiet. Like you hate that. No, I love it because you have to carry, you two have to carry the conversation and I could just chill and be interviewed. Did you guys see that Jojo Siwa said that she is ready to start having kids? It really does make me feel horrible and it feels like my biological clock is...

No, I feel like her biological clock is she's ready to have kids. Jojo Siwa. Well, she wants to have kids. No way. She goes online. She says, I'm anyone I date. I'm looking for someone who's ready to have kids in the next one to two years. She said three to four years. Yeah, I made up one to two, but I thought it sounded better. Well, you're lying.

You know I'm not educated enough on the subject to give my opinion on it. Oh, Kanye. I actually am not. I don't know anything about Jojo Siwa, but I love the Jojo Siwa segment. You know, I wish I could add to it. She is old enough to have kids. And like, well, maybe not old enough, but she's rich. And all you really have to be is rich. And I guess like her house is so fun. Like she's so fun. Yeah. No, but I just, it just doesn't feel right to me. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. Jojo Siwa should not have a kid tomorrow. No. No.

I don't know. She's probably more qualified than you and I. Well, I think you're just forced to change when that baby pops out, whether you're ready or not. That's true. So she will have to be ready if that's what... I guess so. Who had their period last? Yeah.

That is actually what every straight man thinks this podcast is. Absolute guarantee. Hey, get minor. I'm knocked up. Do you not get periods because birth control? I don't take birth control. She just rolling the dice on the edge. Did you know that birth control makes you attracted to different types of men? So if you,

Like people can be in a relationship for like 10 years and then go off birth control and suddenly they're repulsed by their husband. No way. Is this scientifically proven? Yes, because you're like attracted to certain like pheromones and your body completely you are convinced you're pregnant. Like birth control makes you think that your body think it's pregnant. Wow. So it's dangerous to be on birth control because you could be with somebody. I feel like I needed that for years of my life.

Like to take it and like be attracted to something else. Well, unless you're going to commit for the rest of your life, it's not worth it. Guys, don't use birth control. Actually, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm kidding. I just feel like I always hear horror stories about birth control. Like it makes you fat. It makes you get acne. It makes your like I never hear. I guess people just don't talk about it if they're having a positive experience.

Like that little thing in your fucking arm like you're a Tesla with a chip. That is crazy. It's just not my journey. Oh, they implant something? I thought you take a pill every day. You can. That's a type. There's like a bunch of types. There's one that's like a bar they put in your arm. I already take like pills every day so I just add it to my routine.

Throw the birth control in there. Is there men's birth control? There isn't male birth control. How stupid is that? Don't you feel like that would be easier? But also, well, you could get a reversible vasectomy. I'm not sniffing my nuts yet. Well, we have to put like a fucking wrought iron situation. Oh, for an IUD? Yeah. That's when there's like a metal thing inside your vaginas? Mm-hmm. Why'd you stumble over vaginas?

I need you to say it with more confidence. I don't know. It's just, it's weird. It's weird. This is going to get silly this episode. That's exactly what I want. Like I just, I, someone commented on the last podcast and they said, um, I love it when you guys have no topics. It feels like I'm just hanging out with you, yada, yada. And it like became one of the top comments. And I was like, I'm going to run this whole,

Yeah. Sometimes you should be careful what you say. Yeah. Because now I'm like, let's talk vaginas. I would love that because we've never talked about that on Jeff FM. You talked about my nuts last episode. You said, did they hang? And you were asking me all these questions. Yeah, I really, I just wanted to know if you have like. Dental One Associates, redefine what it means to visit the dentist.

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But it's like they're balls. One usually hangs on lower on one side. You know, the type of balls I'm talking about where it's just really like firm and like tight versus like a hang low. Actually, I do think I had my first like hang low situation recently where I was like, wow. How old was the guy? Older than my usual. Older than me? No, probably not.

What the fuck? Mine's not even hanging like that. I don't know what's going on. Is it like us with our boobs? Year after year, they just get lower and lower? But I think it's kind of like a genetic thing. Some people, it's just like, I feel like there's more room in the sack. Like the actual ball. I wear briefs. I wear briefs, so they're like...

you know hugged they're not like just flopping around i don't mean that i just more so mean like the genetic makeup of your ball my father yeah he said that to me he goes you think that shit's not gonna happen to you you're not gonna be hanging down your ankles eventually for sure and i was like no way that really happens and he goes yeah what the fuck do you think it's caught in your little shoelace i have the best story to tell you jeff i texted you about this and i was gonna wait for the live shows but honestly we didn't write it into the show

When I left your podcast recently, you had given me a Jeff FM candle. Okay. You know what story? I love this story. This is actually fucking so I would never, ever, ever recover. See who needs topics when you got juicy stuff like this.

Listen to this story. You had given me a Jeff FM candle. Yeah. A couple weeks later, I lit the candle. Okay. I had it burning. I had a guy over that I'd been seeing or whatever. I had the candle lit and I got up like after we'd hooked up. Okay. And I'm like, why doesn't this candle really smell like anything? He's like, oh, I can smell it. I'm walking in the bathroom and I hear. You're both naked. Yeah, of course. The most commotion I've ever heard.

He had tried to look at the ingredients of your candle on the bottom of the candle and poured the whole hot wax all over his butt-naked body, like balls and all. Oh, that's some... Just scalding wax. Some dominatrix. Was he jumping around? Well, it was just like... And me turning around and being like...

I think it's key information. Like you text me about this as it happened. Like Brooke was already in a stage with this man where it was like...

I didn't know if he was like giving you the ick or not. Like, you know what I mean? And like it's something like that was like a tipping point. You know, it's like. Wax all over his naked body and screaming. Well, just and you can't do anything about it because what are you going to do? Wipe it away. You have to wait for it to harden. Yeah. Oh, man. So we both just stood there like, what do we do?

And it made it so much funnier that it was like a Jeff or Jeff's barbershop candle. Yeah. It's like I was there. I was that wax. Which is like it could have been any candle in the world. And I'm like, God, I can't wait to tell this story. But could you laugh at him or was he like you had to console him? We were laughing, but I like I literally hurt. It hurt like emotionally. That he got burned? I can never unsee this. I don't care if it burned. Yeah. Not at all.

It burned in here. So it was an, it just was a major ick. That was like a deal breaking ick. Imagine if you fucked a girl, you just fucked her post nut clarity. You've been seeing her. You're kind of like,

in the stage where like she's kind of giving me the ick i don't know if i want to keep talking to her yada yada and she poured hot wax all over her pussy i would think that was hilarious it was it was so funny but i just it is just different because girl like with a girl like that's like cute like oh no she's filled yeah with a guy it's like and then like you probably had to take it he's probably hairy probably like wax his chest after like that's my dream

I have... Natalie showed me. There's like candles that you buy specifically for that and you pour them on each other. I have some. Same. But I've never done it. I never do it. I guess so do I. Justbarbershop.com. Yours are not approved for that use at all. Do they have burn marks? No, no. I wasn't like...

Burn marks would be such a slave. I'd be like, have fun with your other fucking horse. Well, that's what I was saying. I kind of wish she did. Cause then it's like, okay, what do you know how you're going to explain this one? I don't think that was so cute if that happened. And then we would have stuff to joke around about and it would just be, you know, I don't think it's, it's that serious. I think you give the guy another shot, you know? Hey, well, let's get back to the vagina talk. What else can we get into? Where do you pee out of? And where do you put a tampon? Oh,

How many holes? How many holes? How many holes? Ooh, this is good. This is good. Don't make me so sad. Obviously, the tampon goes up the part that you don't pee out of because when you pee, it would get all filled up, you know? So obviously, that goes in a different section. It's crazy.

crazy like it's a concert arena and then you pee out of the what's the proper i don't know that you're urethra yeah okay urethra yeah and you want me to demonstrate where that is do you have a model here because i this is the vagina okay it's towards the middle top area do you have to take out a tampon when you pee huh

Do... Oh, no. None to you. Oh, I thought you were asking me. No. No, Jeff. I'm the guest on the show that I'm being interviewed right now.

No, I do not have to take out a tampon when I pee or nor do women because it comes out of a different hole. Okay. Good job. Can you have sex with a tampon in still? Nope. Or if you want to get that shit jammed up and have to go to the hospital after you're pulled out. Have you ever had any like mishaps? That was good. Have you ever had any mishaps with a girl in like her period? You know, I don't like talking about this stuff publicly. Yeah.

It didn't have to be like sexually. It could have been like I bleed people's beds. Like that's happened to me. Really? Yeah. That shit would fucking. What? Not bother you at all. Not bother. Make my day. Yeah. That shit would make my day. No, honestly, when I'm with a girl in a relationship, don't bother me at all. But you have to be in a relationship? Yeah.

So she can't have a period if you're not dating. We just sit here and corner him the whole fucking episode. Well, listen, if it was Tana...

And she fucking bled all of my bed. I'd be pissed off. But if it was like a girl I want to date with and she I don't care if she poured wax on herself and bled in the bed, I would be like, it's all good. You're right. It's a double. I got money. I got a housekeeper coming tomorrow. Don't worry about this shit. I'll rip the sheets off, throw another fucking I don't even know how to do a fitted sheet on the bed. So I would just throw like another fucking. What if a girl shit herself next to you? Deal breaker done. That one is tough for me too, I think. What if she had food poisoning?

That's fine. There was an issue that she couldn't control. So it's purposeful shitting that we're against. Yeah, it matters the intent. If she ate a bunch of Taco Bell and just let it rip, then that's an issue. Yeah, I'm targeting you right now. So you're getting hit with strays left and right. Do you ever eat Taco Bell?

No, he doesn't. No, I had Taco. Yeah, I had Taco Bell last week with Tana. I like how you say Tana. Tana. Tana. Yeah, very Long Island of you. Can you do a good Bruce Buffer voice? We need you. We need your help. We were kind of thinking that our intro to our show should be like, Brooke Schofield weighing in at 80 pounds. Well, that would be hilarious if you guys did that because it's like a

a really fucked up thing to do to me. Because like this show was birthed from the Bruce Buffer. This is every conversation we've ever had. This show was birthed from the death of Bruce Buffer, from the loss of Bruce Buffer. He's still alive. You think the canceled podcast was birthed? It was rebirthed because at that time I had lost everything. Bruce Buffer, once we lost him...

the Jeff FM ended and then look at everybody came over here. I thought you told me he was alive. He is alive. But when we lost the episode, the footage of him, it caused Jeff's employees were on ice. So I took it as a time to kind of swoop in, you know, you poached his employees. Yeah. So that's why it would be so funny if you made a Bruce Buffer intro and then you had like Bruce Buffer on, I would lose my fucking mind. We should have some like athletes on and then just ask them nothing to do with their sport. Okay.

Getting invited to do like very masculine. Who's that one guy? The Bradley Martin guy? Yeah. He asked me to come on. I'm like, I don't know if we'd have anything in common. He's actually really sweet though. Honestly. I know, but I'm scared. I'm just scared. He's easy to talk to. I'm not scared of him. I'm afraid of a male audience. No, you came on my show and they loved you. Really?

Yeah. Everybody shipped us over town and they were like, this is the new ship. I did see that. Yeah. I ship it. Yeah. Everyone like, I just went on like a tangent on his like joking and people took it. I don't know. You seemed pretty serious. Yeah. I'm heartbroken about it. Yeah.

You know what? We were just talking about in the other room. That got awkward because... Yeah, because Jeff's downstairs in my bathroom being like, does your boyfriend fucking care that I'm fucking in here? Yada, yada, Makoa walks in. I didn't do it like that. I didn't... Yes, you... I don't even know. I was like, that fucking clip? And you commented on it too. I commented well shit. So you did the orange peel test, whatever. I didn't know it was a thing. And...

You did it already with your current boyfriend, Makoa, who's had a great response. You know, he said the right thing. He would get the orange and peel. Yeah, babe, I'll do it. But when you ask me... He's British? Continue. When you asked me, I fucking killed that shit. I was like, I'll get you fucking ketamine. I don't know what I said. I forget. But that clip, you commented on it. You were like, endgame. That's not what I said at all. I said shit. You didn't say endgame. I said well shit. Well shit.

The shippers came back around. You did. Your response was amazing. And if I felt like it was true, maybe, you know, things would be different. I felt like you were lying for the viewers. And if I asked you to get me an orange, you wouldn't get me the orange. And I would get you the kilo of ketamine, but I would not stop the show. I feel like you'd have more access to ketamine than oranges. I don't even,

I don't even like ketamine like that. Have you ever tried ketamine? Only by accident at the hands of one of your ex-boyfriends. Thank you very much. That's why I test your drugs. Get the fentanyl strips. That was during a bad phase of my life. Yeah. Ketamine is such an awful, horrible drug. So yeah, I fucking murdered that answer and I won the orange peel contest. Do you think you guys will ever just fight it out? Me and McCullough? No, I respect him a lot.

Actually, I do. And it takes a lot to put up with your shit. No offense. And he's the perfect guy for it because he's just got that Hawaiian, just chilled out, don't give a fuck. If I were him, I would be pissed off at some of the things that I say. I'd be like, yo, enough. Cool it. We're fucking together now. No more of that fucking talking about your orange peel theory thing was better than mine. If I were him, I would press me on that. Right.

Really? I'd be like, cut that shit. Actually, I'm going to stop that now. No more. You and I are done. No more flirting jokes because of my respect for Makoa. It has nothing to do with you. And the ship is sailing. You're allergic to oranges.

Fun fact. You're allergic to oranges? What happens to you? I get eczema. You get eczema from an orange? Yeah. Even if you have orange juice? No, it's especially orange juice, but it's my favorite juice. Orange juice is so good. I'm sorry. I thought you were just rejecting it. I'm allergic to codeine.

But I still did it a couple times. I had wanted to I just wanted to feel cool I really liked Lil Wayne and he was like always drinking lean and I was like damn I want to be drinking lean. Who says Zach and Codeine? It's a Post Malone song. It is. Have you ever tried lean? I went to a Waka Flocka music video shoot once. This is back in my old barber days when I lived in New York. And they gave out these like slushies and they were fucking delicious.

But I didn't know that they were like half lean and you don't even taste it because it tastes sweet and it tastes good. So I drank the whole thing because I love sweets. And I was fucking, I fell asleep. I woke up like in a whole different burrow. And I was like, holy shit, what happened to me? I have no idea what happened for like eight hours. That's actually horrifying. Tell me your lean experience. I once had pertussis.

As an adult. I think that's for babies, right? It is. Like whooping cough. I think I have whooping cough now. The cough that kills babies. No, it was like, oh God, you can't imagine something worse. But I was like, I had to abuse it or I thought I was going to die. I think I'm going to die right now. You do. This person.

that I'm really scared of, I think threatened my life like a day ago. Well, so of course the smartest thing to do about it would be to talk about it on the canceled podcast. Yep, yep, let them know, let them know. When something happens to her, it'll be public. Brooke made an analogy yesterday where she said, what did you say about the ham sandwich? There's no such thing as a free ham sandwich. And that's kind of the mantra towards this situation. I think that someone gave me a lot of money

For nothing. Yeah, and I thought they just wanted... They wanted you to cloud them up. I hate saying words like this, but you make me do shit like that. This dude wanted you to cloud them up, so he gave you money. And what did I just tell you downstairs? I said you could lead a horse to water.

But you can't make them drink. You can't make them drink. I'm loving all the analogies from this. What the fuck is this podcast? Are you coming? We're like philosophers now. I know. Honestly, that was both were very woke. And I, yeah, I don't, I don't know what's going to happen, but this person texted me and said, um,

Do you believe in karma? Don't you feel like if someone texts you, do you believe in karma? That like that's kind of a threat? Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. That's a nice way to do it. You know, subliminal threat. How would you do it? So you send him back. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force him to drink. Learn to drink, pal. That's what I would say. Put us in a group chat. Yeah. Honestly, I think I might just need you to handle it. You know, he's actually been becoming really good friends with...

one of your enemies too so it could even better perfect send him my way say look Jeff has the money now I gave it to him meet up with him for it do it I swear do it please I might have to yeah it'd be like hey I gave your money back to this guy

Go get it. It's a crazy thing to podcast about and then actually do. He has it for you. I'm scared. I'll get him. I've been trying to fucking have a beef, you know, like even Adam 22 went at Sean Evans from Hot Ones yesterday. I saw that. That's a good topic. Did you see me go at him? No. Because I don't think Sean saw, but whatever. I'm not. I didn't do it for that.

I did it to stick up for my boy who I know is a good person. Sean Evans. Sean, yeah. So he broke up with his girlfriend, I guess, allegedly on Valentine's Day. And she was a... She happened to be a corn star. Sean Evans' girlfriend was a corn star? Yeah, crazy, right? But only for... They were dating for like five minutes. People found out. And then Adam 22 quoted...

Like TMZ tweeted, like Sean Emmons is now dating yada yada, whoever the girl is. And apparently Adam 22 had his rounds with her on the casting couch. So then Adam 22 quoted it and was like, congrats, man. She has fire pussy. Doesn't he have a wife? No, he made a whole video calling out Sean. Oh, did he? Saying, yo, you don't want to smoke with me. Like that's fucked up what you did. And I want to straighten you out and all this shit. So I just. Wait, what did he do though?

- Break up with her? - Yeah, just 'cause he broke up with her on Valentine's Day or whatever.

I hung out with Sean one night. We went out Super Bowl night and we both randomly bumped into our ex-girlfriends that we haven't seen in years. And we were both so respectful to them that night. Like I saw him in action. I saw how he acts with women and his exes and stuff like that. And I know. I don't imagine Sean Evans to be out here like super player. He's the same as he is on Hot Ones. Respectful how he talks to the guests. He's the same in person. He's such a nice, genuine dude, which is rare in this business.

And that's why I felt the need to be like, yo, you're not fucking checking anyone. I forget what he said exactly, but he was like, you don't want the smoke or something. So I was like, Sean's a gentleman and a professional. He doesn't owe you anything. And trust me, you don't want the smoke with a hot wings guy or the haircut guy. Because that's what they call us when we go out together. Like, oh, you're the hot wings guy. Oh, you're the haircut guy. Yeah. They don't know us. What do they call us?

The horse. The girls get their periods. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm off today. I don't know. I think I'd be sad if someone broke up with me on Valentine's Day, but I think I'd be sadder if my husband was publicly defending some other girl that he's had sex with like that. I agree. 100%. Like, it's just...

Well, all Adam and Lena's situation to me is like one of a kind. And I think that's their thing, you know, like, but I just like Adam has been like he he's stirring the pot. Like that's his vibes. Right. As of late. Yeah. I guess he was just trying to stir the pot. But don't go after good people like. Yeah, I feel like Sean Evans doesn't deserve the smoke.

Sean Evans dating a porn star too is like shocking literally a hot one he's like complex mainstream you know he gets like his like sponsors are like Lay's potato chips and stuff like I do kind of like the surprise I'm selling dick pills on my shit you know yeah it makes more sense do they work have you ever tried them um I mean yeah I have tried them but not I mean I have to legally say that yeah oh I've tried them I take them every day yeah

That's my wife. My friends used to take Viagra for fun, like my girlfriend. Bodybuilders take it because it's good to grow like for what is it's like a vasodilator. It helps with blood flow. So it helps you. It makes you more fit. I don't know. Fuck this shit. No, I was interested. I don't want to turn a shit into a Joe Rogan guy. You can do it that one again. You know, like I liked that like a little sprinkle. Yeah, that was good. That's what I imagine the Bradley Martin podcast would be like.

I feel like we should take Viagra. We should try it for sure. And then work out. What if we started doing these podcasts? Like one week, it was like we did it on a high dose of Ozempic. The next week, we did it on Viagra. The next week, we took mushrooms. You don't get high on Ozempic, I don't think. I'm like, who knows? Ketamine the next week. What if that was just like, you know, for research purposes. Didn't we just talk about this yesterday? That's how bad we are at topics. We sat on this couch last night and said this exact same thing. What?

I was adding Viagra and ketamine. Trying to make it a new topic. You feel me? Do they make girl Viagra? Yeah, it's called like pink kitty or something. I don't think it's real. But I don't think if you take the guy one, it has the same effect on... No, it's supposed to have like ecstasy vibes. Really? Ecstasy vibes, how? I don't know. I haven't done it. Asking for a friend. No, I don't think that's true.

I don't know. I've never heard that theory before, bro. I don't know. I had a bunch of friends who were doing it. I think I have heard that theory. I'm going to back you up on that. Maybe your friend's got a bunch of actual ecstasy pills. Yeah, that could be as well. Because I've never heard that before. I've taken it. They used to sell it in the bathroom in Miami. I'd be partying all night. And the guys are like, I'm like, fucking...

whatever, I'll just grab one. Because if you had coke dick, which you probably did at that time. I was never a big fan of coke, but I probably did have coke dick. You weren't a big fan of cocaine. I never liked coke, no. Why? I was never really big into hard drugs. It was just the alcohol I had a problem with. Really? How would you act drunk that really made you like... Wild. You would have loved me in my heyday. That sounded bad. I take that back. Cut that out. What? Just because I was a maniac. I was like...

Look at how I am sober, you know? But like what? Like, give me an example. Tell me a story. I would look for trouble. I would go out looking for trouble. I mean, I guess I still kind of do. All the time, every day. Like the other night, I was walking out of a 7-Eleven. I go to 7-Eleven every night to buy candy.

And I got a Gatorade. I walked out and I opened the Gatorade. And I was like holding shit. So I had like the cap like this. Well, I took the sip of the drink. And some fucking meth head. Because I'm in Hollywood. So it's all just fucking... People and crazy drugs all around. And this guy was like, What you trying to tell me? What you trying to tell me with that? You started doing a sign or some shit with the cap. Oh, I thought you were... Yeah. And he tried to fight me over it. And I'm like...

all right. Like I back up and I'm like getting ready. And if he does try to attack me and he's like, what are you scared? And then I was like, that shit got me that he said I was scared of him. And that shit was eating me up inside. So then I followed him down the street and I was like, I was like this. I was like, see, I'm going to get you with the orange Gatorade cap. And then the guy fucking took off. He, I out crazy to psycho fucking meth. That's the most brilliant thing. Have you seen the Tik Toks where girl, like,

Girls are trying not to get abducted, so they'll walk down the street like,

Oh, shit. Like as weird as possible, trying to look like they don't want you. I think as a girl, you often think about what you would do if you got kidnapped or like, you know what I mean? Or God forbid, like sexually assaulted or anything like that. And I have thought about that. Like, I think my approach would be like, I love this shit. Like, you know what I mean? I think you would love that shit. Like, no question. But.

But no, seriously, circumstantially, seriously, though, you should carry around like a pepper spray or some shit because that that will completely take somebody out. If you just spray them, they're fucking done. They can't move. You can't see your sinuses and everything. It's so bad because I really think in the moment if I had a pepper spray, I would like tense up, forget about the pepper spray and I would start like talking shit. Or yeah, I like think it's setting spray. It's wearing my own face. How do you train with it?

Like, we'll train you. We'll put you in situations. Yeah, they have practice ones, too. Yeah, so I'll, like, sneak up on you and attack you. And you, like, get the water one out and, like, practice spray me with the water one. What would you do if I just... Or have Makoa do it. Because it seems like role-playing and it seems sexual when I just said that. Kind of. It's safety practices. Just have random people come attack you. I'm out of here.

My security gave me a pepper bullet gun and taught me how to shoot it. It's here somewhere. It doesn't help if you don't know where it is. You need to know right away. In my room, I have a panic button. I actually don't talk about my panic button enough. Don't see where it is. Oh, like if the stalker gets in the house, you go... Yeah, I'm like big cops coming. It's like for Paige to get her a water bottle. But...

But I don't want to get too deep into this stuff, like with L.A. and cops and stuff, but they just won't even show up. The head of my security has always told me like they're not going to care until they have a body like type shit when it comes to my stalker. And it's real. It's definitely LAPD doesn't give a flying fuck. I want to do a tour segment about my stalker really bad, but I can't tell. Tell me if it's a bad idea. It is.

It's probably is a bad idea, but like the whole canceled live show, like the premise of it is kind of like stuff we can't talk about on the podcast or stuff we'd have to cut an honor system situation. But it's also an arranged situation where everyone knows exactly where we're going to be for four months straight. But like the last thing you should be doing is.

publicly talking about a stalker. I guess that's probably true. I know exactly where we're going next. But it could maybe help me if I spread awareness. I want to put a big selfie of him up behind us. Yeah, let's call him out.

Weirdo. Remember that stalker I had? Yeah, whatever happened to her? She's gone now. I don't know. She gave up. She had like really close attempts though. Isn't it kind of a sad feeling low key when a stalker gives up on you? I fell off. That's how I feel when a guy like tries hard for a while and then all of a sudden he doesn't care anymore. No, this one jumped in my car. Oh. I was pulling out of my garage. Like it was some freaky shit. Like I would look off my balcony and she'd be like just looking up like that waiting for me. It was me. Yeah.

I was your neighbor. Yeah, you did live very close to me at the time. But no, she didn't look like you. But she did some crazy shit. I pulled out of my driveway, like out of the gate. And I'm in my old pickup. And the fucking door swings open. And the girl was just like... Like actually breathing like that? She was having a breathing, like a panic attack or something. And then she tried to jump in the car. And I had to like...

Obviously, I'm a little spooked, you know, because it's like just like I wasn't prepared for it. So I was like, oh, shit, I drove off. And when I drove off, she fell out of the car. I mean, as you should. Yeah, yeah. As you should. But of course, me being a fucking a dumbass, but also like a good good guy. I go back to check on her. Right. What?

What does she do? The same fucking shit. And the door, I thought I locked it. It was still open because it's an old truck. It's a 1980. She just had a second shot. She got right back in and the same, I peeled off again. She fucking fell again. That's what happens when you try to be nice. But it was going on for weeks. She was sending emails to my mom, like sending emails to my whole family saying that my mother, like my mother raped me. Oh, my mother raped me when I was a kid, which is made up.

Completely. That never happened. But she was sending these things out to like everybody. You're actually like fucking causing some damage. And didn't she like hop your balcony at one point? No, she didn't hop the balcony. No, like the upper one, like in your room, like she was out there on that deck. That was a different situation. That was another one that this girl sent her mom to my like, it was weird. What? She sent her mom where? To look into my bedroom. She was trying to hook me up with her daughter.

And she like, like I caught her looking in through my balcony because I have like privacy bushes. Yeah. I caught her peeking through them and I walked out. I was like, yo, what the fuck are you doing? And she was like, oh, I was just walking up here. I was like, this is the roof, you know, because obviously, you know, I live on the top floor, you know?

You know, obviously. And I walk outside and there's some fucking psychotic woman trying to see me. I think it's so weird when people get their parents in on shit. It's so common. I feel like with influencers, like how do they think that's normal? Like driving kids to like,

Like influencers houses and stuff. Oh my God. That shit was so weird when I lived in like the hype house, essentially. Yeah. Like the buses would come by and all the kids would come by outside and I didn't even know what to do. I would just wave at us through the window. I would take the pictures in my street. Like there were just so many. It's like, what do you even do? Yeah. It was really strange. Who was your first kiss? Just some...

fucking I was like a teen just some fucking thought basically it was a teen night you know when they used to have those teen nights and we had teen nights in Tucson no what's teen night it's like where they have like parties with like a DJ and there's like maybe like a basketball hoop and you're in like a gymnasium or something so we just went and just made out under the stairs

And we were like, all right, cool. We got it done. Like we both just wanted to do it just to check it off the list. What was her name? I don't want to put it out there. What if, what was your first kiss's name? What if she, what if it causes a divorce? Imagine, imagine she's happily married with a family now. And I caught like just me saying it on this show, I cause a divorce and the whole family gets,

Yeah, Tyler, maybe you're still thinking about our movie. I would love to see my first kiss again. I had some major feelings for my first kiss and then he went to jail and I started hooking up with his best friend because I was bored. It started, we were like in solidarity because we were like, we miss him so much. He's in jail. That's so fucked up though. That is a special kind of bond. I was like 13. What the fuck? It happens all the time. Have you seen, God, was it a movie or did I, was this a real thing where like,

Somebody died and then the brother and the, oh, Naya. Should I not say that? Tell me now. I want to know. Naya Rivera or whatever. Yeah. She passed away. And then it was like her husband and her sister, right? We're like together. Oh, they're together now. Her husband and her sister. If I ever fucking die and the person I'm with thinks that they should be with one of my besties to get close to me.

I'm resurrecting to kill them and then myself again. No questions asked. That shit is just fucking crazy. You just said you did that. Well, not die, but like you just said you did that to your boyfriend in jail. He was just my first kiss. What did he go to jail for? At the time, I think he went to jail for like graffiti, but then later he went to jail for a drug. I think he's still in jail. He called me from jail a couple of years ago. Wow. You remember your phone number?

This was EDC like a couple... Memorize that shit. It was before I have this on my phone. That's when you know it's real. It's like a couple years ago. Cody's got my number memorized every time he gets locked up. I have Amari's number memorized. I only have Tana's number memorized and it's the worst thing. I was once in like actual major trouble and the only number I could call was hers and I was like, this is horrible.

the worst case scenario she'll get it done or she'll call someone to get it done she'll she would that's the problem is that my phones i like do not disturb so i would i miss calls frequently like you gotta shoot a text if you're ever in trouble and all you remember is my number shoot a text after the call if i don't answer it was like i couldn't it was like a whole nightmare but we said graffiti what are your thoughts on the skyscraper i knew that's where you're going when when you i was gonna call you back to this if we move past the topic with the graffiti

Yeah, I think it looks sick, the LA graffiti building. Oscar actually showed it to me. Put a clip in so they could see. We were just in the Sprinter in Vegas. It's me and Jeff and Isabella. And like, I don't even know how I can tell the story because it's so offensive. And some people that we like don't know. And Jeff went on like a whole conspiracy theory tangent about how

You think... I think I was just making everything up, so go for it. You were on a tangent about how you thought the Chinese did that building, and then people in the Sprinter did not understand his sense of humor. Wait, how did I tie those two together? I don't know, Jack. Oh, oh, oh, I know why. Because those buildings...

We're in construction because of big investments from China. And this was during the pandemic. When the pandemic hit, production on those buildings stopped and all that money dried up. There was a bunch of money coming from Chinese. So no one occupies those buildings? No, no. Because the money's dried up and they're already half built, but they're not finished. So they've like even given up on security. They're like blocking and not blocking people from going in there to do graffiti. So...

And everybody just hit it up and now it looks sick. It looks like this crazy. Like they did it all in one night.

That's actually so cool. Imagine being a part of that. How did they get up high? I want to know, was there a group chat? How did they coordinate it? I didn't blame the Chinese. That's not what I was doing. I was saying maybe slightly because it was the Chinese money that dried up that they were pumping into it to build those luxury apartments. I didn't know what you were saying. I was on mushrooms. You were just scaring me. I think that just the people in this room were not...

you know, rocking with the theory. Rocking with the... Hey, it is what it is. It was great. You know, it was great. How did they get up high? I don't know. I saw one video of someone like scaling it. I assumed that they'd gone like, that there were like stairs to use. Oh, duh. There is probably stairs, but also graffiti artists are

are fearless when it comes to like hitting shit like up high like they will risk their lives like those videos like the russians when they're jumping across buildings and like walking on like little things in between like extremely high up like some people just don't fear heights that is so crazy i i fear heights like really fucking badly and i'm a licensed skydiver and i get so scared every time

And I'm like, why am I doing this shit? Why am I doing this shit? Do you still like to skydive? No. Why? I did my last send off for Nerf and that was it. Oh, yeah. His dog died and he went skydiving with that. Why are you laughing about it? Jesus. Nerf. Strike her down the hill right now if you're watching this.

I want you to know that if you ever send some piss down from heaven. It's not funny that Nerf died, although he had to get out of here. Yeah, he was 17. He was pissing everywhere. His bladder was uncontrollable. His kidneys were shutting down. It was time for him to go. He was letting me know that it was time to go. I don't think it's funny that Nerf died. I think it's funny that your immediate reaction upon the first 48 hours of his dog dying was like, I have to go skydiving with the ashes. No, that's not how it went.

It was really like, no, because they took like. I'm sorry. No. So he passed away. And then I think the best thing to do whenever you lose a loved one, whether it's a dog or a family or like a like it could. Nerf was like my son. It was just us through everything. I've had friends that I've stopped hanging out with. Nerf been there since day one. I've been arrested for months. Came out. Nerf was still there. Still remembered me.

That was my boy. When he passed away, I think the best thing to do is just travel. Get out of the house. Don't be in the same place. If you can afford to do that, go somewhere. Get the fuck out. Whatever it is. Go do something with other people. Take your mind off of it. They cremated him. It's fine. It's fine. I know you don't mean any disrespect. It's okay. Nerf's going to send a little piss down onto you. He's going to fucking pee on you. I love

Next time you feel a little drizzle in Hawaii and when you're on the beach with Makoa, Nerf's going to send a little piss down. So they send the ashes and I get a phone call and it was this woman all like positive and happy. She's like, hey, Nerf's on his way home to you. And I was like...

it just gave me that same gut feeling of like, fuck, he's dead. Like he's like, I lost this, you know, it was just like a reminder of it. Like now the ashes are coming. And what am I going to do with these ashes? Am I going to put it in on the Jeff FM set in the background? Like, no, this guy needs to go live free in the air. He would love to be spread through, you know, Riverside, California. But, but, but he did come up in that hot air balloon one time. Yeah. And that was like towards the end of his life. And I have like a really nice picture with us going up in the balloon and

So it was sunrise and we spread the ashes and it just looked, it went into a beam like from the sun and it just looked like it went right into heaven. It's actually a very, very sweet story. And I swear I just had unprovoked delirious giggles and I. No, but it's me and Cody up there on a plank on a hot air balloon hanging off of it and we're crying, but we're like nerve.

Like it's like so many mixes of emotions, like happy, terrified for your life, nervous. If you die, do you want me to do that with your ashes? Yeah. It's called a skydiver's funeral. That's what they do. If you're a fallen skydiver, like say you get your shoe doesn't open, you die or whatever. However, they do that for skydivers. So we gave Nerf a skydiver's funeral. They make you do it again?

No, you're dead. You know what I mean? Like you just died like that and then you go back up. That is actually kind of weird that they do that, right? That is really strange. Maybe just put me in the ocean or something. Can I ask a selfish question? Sure. If I died and you guys had to plan my funeral, what would you do? I simply wouldn't. That would be like a... Halloween party. Halloween party.

She loves Halloween. I do love Halloween. And we could have like Tana as like a fucking... Tanoine. And she's just... She's a skeleton. She's just open casket. Yeah. Honestly, I would love that. That's... Like, I'm into that. I would be really afraid to have you embalmed. That's what I was thinking about kind of with the Nerf thing. I... You know, when people like...

What's it called when you restuff your animals? When you what? When you restuff the animals. What is that called? Taxidermy. Taxidermy. What if I had like a little taxidermy Murph? Oh my God, don't even say that. Murph's got a long life ahead of her. But you would do that shit. You're so like that. Oh my God, I can see you when you're like. I like understand. And you know how some people like sit with their family members dead bodies for like days at a time. I feel like if she died, I would like literally just be like, I could never leave her.

It's tough. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I'm even getting emotional right now talking about it. I could cry right now. Every time he gets emotional, that's what I could cry right now. What would you do for my funeral? I was actually just thinking, I feel like I would take you. You were just thinking about it? Like just now, yeah. No, no, no, not like in life. Just right now. I would take you to like a ranch.

Like somewhere with like cute horsies and animals, I think. I would love that. I would like to be snorted by a cowboy. I'm trying to hold back tears. I got emotional. I got emotional now. I think it's good. I'm not crying on your podcast. I actually was just thinking we haven't cried on this couch in a minute. Don't say that. I've been. You could get me to cry right now. If you bring back that moment when I was like. That is whenever you need to fake cry for something else. I know you think about Nerf. Mm hmm. Yeah.

I remember him because he got put down in front of me and I had to have my hand on his paw. I'm crying right now. I have tears coming out of my eyes. You're laughing at my face. This is staying in the fucking edit. This is the real her. This is the number one woman podcaster. This is how you treat your guests. I'm fucking crying. I'm crying with you.

Fuck this show. I'm taking it down to hell. I'm taking it down to fucking hell. She doesn't know what it's like to love something. I started it. I'll end it. Yeah, that's right. You know what? I'm not giving you this. I'll do it on my own show. No, honestly. Sean Strickland cried on Theo Vaughn's podcast and he got canceled for it. Well, I watched a little bit of that episode. He was going hard, Sean Strickland. I forget what he was saying. I just remember being like, whoa, where are we going there?

But I don't remember what it was. It must have been profound. He's talking about childhood trauma. No, but he was offensive. He said something that was like, I don't remember what it was. Well, he was abused when he was a kid. So that stuff came up with Theo and they got emotional. And I think Theo handled it really well. He actually gets like really deep on his podcast randomly, especially his solo episodes. I'm like, wow. I know he really will just like go on little deep tantrums.

I don't know. I feel like he's deeper than we think. He's at AA every week. I want to start going to AA. He's battling some stuff too, just like all of us. But, you know, he's got some stuff he's dealing with.

no offense i think something's really wrong i took mushrooms today you're getting fucking canceled for this episode you're going down for this shit and out of all people for you to like with the persian podcast with the most besides brooke i think that i took well i took mushrooms today did you because i've not like since you've seen me i've not been like mushroomy but let me just i know i

No, I don't have a mushroom problem. What are you fucking Joe Rogan doing podcasts on mushrooms? It was the microdose gummies. It wasn't anything serious. Well, here's the thing. Today was McCullough's birthday. Yeah. And so we did some stuff for his birthday. And one of the things he wanted to do was go to a museum. And I hate myself so much because it's like I should be like, yes, museums. But in my head, I was like.

Like, it's just, that's, I'm not. And I thought it was going to be, because last night he was, like, talking about different museums. And he was like, we go to a history museum, we go to a space museum, we could go to, like, an art museum, yada, yada, yada. And I was like, whatever you want, babe, whatever museum you want, I will be there. That's how you know I love this man, because I'm like, I will be in this museum. I took mushrooms, though, a little bit to kind of make myself a little more fun and spunky for the museum. Which one did you guys choose? I thought you meant which mushrooms did I choose. We went to an art museum. It was actually really cool. It was, it's...

You know when you're driving down Rodeo and you see the big Gumby? That's what you guys chose? We're in like one of the cities with like the most culture, literally. Yeah, I know. It wasn't giving culture. It was just giving kind of fun art. So then I didn't need the mushrooms because it was just something that my pea brain could get behind. But it was too late. I took them, you know. And I think all day I've had like weird giggles. So. That explains it. Rest in peace, Nerf. When does this, thank you, when does this episode come out?

When would you like it to come out? Is it going to be like one of the first ones before you go on tour? Because if we talk about like you guys going on tour right now, I don't want it to be like six weeks from now. It is going to be that. It's going to be a little later, probably like three weeks from now. Okay, so now we're deep into the tour when this has come out. One of us has probably gotten beat up by now. So yeah, how are you guys feeling? Are you guys getting along good? I've been working out for when it happens. Yeah.

Oh, you're going to be... What if that's what I've been training for all this time? Well, yeah, we could do like a little side boxing hustle, honestly. You know? Who would you bet on in that situation? If you two fought each other? Oh, man, that's a good fight. That's a good fight. We should like mud wrestle. We should fuck around and just like wrestle. No, no, no. I own that IP if that happens. I'm taking that into JBFC. That's Jeff's Barbershop Fight Club content. I want an oil wrestling match for the hair oil promotion. Let me get a little...

action. I need to make some money to her, right? I don't have that blood money coming in like you do. Oil wrestling match to promote the hair oil and you two have a fight and I'll fight anybody that you pick for me. Who would we pick for him? No, don't make it like that. I don't want to see you fight like Mike. Mike would never agree to it. Ever. Maybe now though. Now he's got some free time like that. What are you getting at by that? We touched on it in the beginning of this podcast. I think Mike's going to

go on his own journey and it's i want to organize a fight club scenario where it's like down in the basement of like a bar or something and i come in and i'm like gentlemen welcome to fight club and i give the whole speech you know but it's oil wrestling it's not fighting it's like sounds slippery yeah i feel like if we had something it would have to be like peanut butter it has to be something funny no no no you know it's it's the oil and you wear white t-shirts and it's like us like you know

Like it'll be sick. Yes, Jeff. Yeah. And then you can do, you can make your own exclusive content there. But she doesn't do slutty stuff. I know Brooke doesn't, but I'm just saying we could. But I have to be in the fight. You don't have to be in the white shirt. We'll just put Tana in it. Oh,

You can be in a hazmat suit if you want. It's fine. I would be respectful to you, Brooke. But no, you want those nips showing kind of a little just enough. I would just twist your little ring. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. Wild fear unlocked. That is immediately if we fought. I can't do a pull your hair or anything like that really.

that really you know my hair comes out exactly right right that's why so it's kind of like and then i'm just good i'm bald and free it's like it's like that thing on the treadmill that like oh yeah the safety the safety thing

They have that on the jet skis too. Like if you fall off the jet ski, it pulls it out. I know, but one time, oh, I like tied it on my wrist one time. You tried it what? I don't remember. I can't remember how I attached it to myself to where it like literally couldn't come off, but I just kept hitting it and hitting it and hitting it when I fell off.

Then I cracked my little tailbone. I'm never getting on a jet ski again in my life. It's actually so dangerous. And it gets played out after a while. Like after the first five minutes, you're like, all right. I think they're really fun, but I've had really bad luck with jet skis. Anybody that buys a jet ski is fucking...

Really? That's like my dream. Why? Like owning your own jet ski. This is kind of a hot take. I want you to back it up. Like you have a jet ski, but you don't have the house for it. Like if you live on a bay and you have a deck in your backyard. That is true. But if you live in an apartment and like you keep it at the like storage place, like the dock or whatever, like you dock your jet ski there and you own your own. Like...

So you think it's kind of like a priorities thing? Yeah. Like you can't... That's understandable. Like when people have a studio apartment, but they lease like a G-Wagon. That's my whole entire apartment complex is like Lambo trucks. I'm like, you guys have an apartment. It's a nice apartment, but it's still an apartment. Yeah. Yeah. And people can't own those. So it's kind of like...

I think this stems from, I used to be a big fan. Well, I still am a big fan of Kenny Powers, Eastbound and Down, Danny McBride. He did a show where he's a baseball player.

And he's like a washed up baseball player because he was addicted to cocaine and was like a maniac. So he got cut from the MLB, but he wanted to get back to the majors. So this was like about his comeback. And he put all his money into a jet ski and he didn't even have enough money to store it somewhere. So he just left it at like some lake, like tucked behind some bushes. He's living with his brother in this show and he has to like get back on his feet because you don't have enough money to have a house. And they're like, why don't you just sell the jet ski? And

And he like would not give up the fucking jet ski. He loved it. I guess it's therapeutic to some people. I don't see it. But like after I'm five minutes into a jet ski ride, I'm over it. If that was like the one thing that made me happy and I bought it all coked up and it's just like all I had left, I think I'd have to die on that hill. Yeah, you probably had like a little attachment to the jet ski. I have like certain items that like I have no use for them, but I will never get rid of them.

I guess maybe I'll stop taking my antidepressants and I'll just buy a jet ski. I accidentally did stop taking them. And when I'm having a rough day? I'm trying to get back on track. What do you mean? I realized like I haven't taken anything in like a few days and I was like, hmm. You cried over a hoodie. This is where it all starts. It was a crew neck. What were you taking?

Well, butrin. Yeah, that's what I take. I think we talked about it. How much do you take? I take 300. I take 300 too. Honestly, maybe I need to start. Oh, it's the best. Have you felt a thing in years? I don't feel a thing. Like I don't feel a change in it, but I took it. I honestly don't even know why I take it, but I think. You'll know why if you stop. Yeah.

I was having really, really dark times there, Tana. Like, you don't know how much... Like, before you and Mike really started pulling me out of that dungeon, like, I was ready to quit everything and, like, not... I didn't want to see people. I got really, really depressed. And, like, I think my fucking brain trauma made me more angry and snappy. Yeah. You know, so I had to really, like, reevaluate how I act with employees and stuff. Like, I don't know if you notice...

I don't like complain to people. I just leave, you know, like I just walk out and go be alone by myself. That's how I, do you think while Butrin helped you, is this your first time in life on antidepressants? Cause I feel like you were probably raised, you were probably raised in like a way that was like, fuck that. Like, are you sad?

now now you're fucking hurt now you're in pain really so my dad was not like that i knew something that's what my parents kind of were yeah but i just mean like the the the people like the neighborhood the upbringing that's what i meant yeah like the barber shop i worked out if i told those guys i was just sad yeah like mental health i feel like was not a thing and for something you were kind of aware of or thinking of or taking seriously probably till la yeah

But now that's why I want to let people know, you know, even if you're a badass, cool ass motherfucker like me. And me. And Brooke. Yeah. Look at us. We look like we got it all together. We don't.

We take pills to make us happy. We do, and it works. And function in life. Honestly. And honestly, I was scared about being dependent on things in life. Say I end up on a deserted island or something one day, like stranded. What am I going to do? I don't have my pills. But if we have access to these things...

use them. For sure. There is science. We should get a cerebral ad like right after this. I know. I'm thinking BetterHelp because I really need, I think I need to outsource even more than I have already. BetterHelp dropped me a long time ago and I'll never get over it. I made a whole YouTube video about it. Like I was chanting BetterHelp drop me. Didn't they drop you again over, or who dropped you because of the wine lady?

The babble. The culture. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. Yeah, BetterHelp just didn't like my content. They were sponsored by me or I was sponsored by them. And then I just put out like a video where I was talking about sex or something and they dropped me and I was like, whoa.

That's crazy. You would think they would want to help you through it. Better help. Did you ever do better help? I tried it, but I just, I had bad luck. I had a hangover so bad in Vegas. One time I signed up for better help. Oh yeah. I had such bad anxiety. I signed up for better help and now I still pay for it and I still get the notifications and it just reminds me of that moment. Get rocket money. Is that what that is? Oh, rocket money. Yeah. It tells you cancels unwanted subscriptions. I really, I, it's saved me.

because i'm not kidding you don't know the amount of money i spend i was spending so much money on fucking like lux club yeah oh my god i was that eager to date a jew i did the same thing i downloaded lux club i paid 30 a month because but it's like it's 30 a month until you've been paying for it for six years and you've never one time opened it and you're like wait better help was getting expensive too i was doing it twice a week

for like a year i need like a face-to-face i need like to me better i'm not getting there like but unless i have better help you're not getting me to show up yeah i had a guy that i was talking to for six months and he was like i thought he was the one for me he was an italian guy from story of my life i'm like i'm trusting this guy with everything i'm even reiterating his stuff on the podcast and teaching it to my audience things that helped me and then one day he turned his head

And he had a fucking rat tail ponytail. And I was like, what the fuck? And suddenly you knew nothing about him. Yeah.

That was there the whole time? All this time you had a fucking rat tail ponytail? What did it change? You didn't tell me. I canceled right away. I never went back to another session. Because you fucking obviously have mental problems yourself if you got that tail growing. He was like a 60-year-old Italian, like straight out of Sopranos. What the fuck? It was braided. It was a braided rat tail ponytail.

And I was like, that's it. I'm not taking advice from this guy on my mental health. I kind of understand. My old therapist, she had some really crazy outfit choices. And I was like, fuck. Was she doing a fit check for you at the start of your session? How the fuck did you know what she was wearing? No, I would go in. Oh. But that's funny as fuck. OOTD. She's like flipping the game. We grew up in virtual...

Well, you guys did, I guess. We might get a couples counselor, we decided, for tour. You guys are going to be at each other's throats by now. I can't decide. By this time, three weeks from now? I feel like we keep saying that, but I almost think we might like each other more. I think it's going to like weird. No, because I think it is. It's like when you go to a deserted island with someone.

That's not what happens. It's all you have. It's all you have. It's your connection. I truly notice about you. The more I hang out with you, the more I like you. Same. Your feet are not a five out of five. What do you think they are?

Rate my foot, Brooke. They're a four at best. Those things are growing. I know, Jeff. First of all, ow! So look, I bought a pair of shoes and they're fucking sick. You'll like them, Brooke. They're too big for me, Danny. No, look, look, look. You see? Oh, wow. They match. You should have worn

That was the plan. That's why I'm in these Adidas. That's how you dressed this earlier. My sock situation. That's why you had the 90s socks. Look at how sick those are. So I ordered them on Goat and I'm an 11 and a half and I got them in women's 11 and a half. I'm getting there. I'm literally gonna, I swear to God, not like yet, but like in three years. Please put that fucking thing down. Look at camera one right now.

But I could just give you. I could just grade it. You want these or I could just give them to you. I'm not an eleven and a half yet. You're getting close.

I hate to break it to you, but that fucking... I'm telling you, toe shortening surgery. You think my toes are too long? Well, that's the only thing you can really do about it. You know how in Asia they do the foot binding? You think I should bind my foot? Yeah, maybe. I think about doing it for my neck like how they do in some cultures. Well, I think you're beautiful just the way you are, bruh. Thank you. But I do got that thick neck on me. Look at this. You want to see?

Your foot is so clean on the bottom. I feel like my feet always have a thin layer. Put that on a fucking wiki feet. This is going to be on your wiki feet. That's going to get the ratings up right there. Yeah, baby. This is where we're at. Thumbnail right there. Can I see your hand? What your hand looks like? I've got fine hands. I like nails like that. You should do nails like that. What?

That's like a perfect hand. It really is. Those nails are... I feel like you've gotten so many compliments on them too. You can't say that word. You get your whole shit demonetized, fucking taken down off YouTube. I'm authentic. Get it out of your vocabulary. I'm authentic. If that means that I don't get money because I'm being myself, then that's... I think that's another one of those things that we both have to agree on together. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm kidding. We can bleep it. No, you don't get money if you say **** in the first, like, five minutes. No, you've age-restricted. I've lost so much money from you saying that on Jeff's Femme. I've lost **** money. That sounds like a you thing. Like, ****.

It still comes up because Oscar will censor it. That's a hell of a funny dude because I'm always just like, buy me a Birkin. Why don't you pay me? You're like, see this. Every video is yellow dollar sign with Tana. Every single one. I got told a while ago that my name became one of the demonetization tags for a while. Because Oscar looked into it and he would call the guy and he's like, yeah, it's ****.

You cannot... That's one word that you can definitely not say. And now I said it, so fucking... There you go. Hey, Serial Medicine. I'm putting my sock back on. I was just noticing how you just only had one shoe on for quite some time there. Why don't you reconsider showing me that foot, Brooke? I really want to see it. I honestly seem so bad. One day. One day I'm going to do a major foot reveal. What if...

I just didn't like what if I only had like half a foot or something and you guys never know dude if you like kept this shit up for like six months and then you made an OF just to reveal your feet you would make so much money yeah that's what I'm doing I'd sign up I'd sign up for that and I've never signed up to a single one never an OF

No. I wish that it was a little less. I like I have a really big obsession as of late with like deep diving influencers. Oh, F's like because I just want to know. I like that account where you can like just search. Uh huh. Yeah. I went on a major. What are you doing on there? You can look up anybody's content. It's like all on there. Wait, it's called. Should we even say that? Probably not. Wait, it's like content.

Yeah. It's not all of what they post, but half of the lore to me as well as the captions. Like seeing. That's what. Oh, my gosh. I've seen some of them. I'm like, who wrote this? My team often writes my captions to optimize as much like money as possible. But it's like they'll be so crazy. Like, oh, right. It's it's.

Thursday for $5.99 you can get Tana. That's definitely demonetized. Yeah. Oscar, just do your big one in the edit. Maybe give it like a little rubber ducky noise or something. He's been getting funky with the edits of us recently. He'll do like zoom-ins and stuff. It's kind of fun. Yeah? Last week he edited me onto a whale trainer's face. That's good. As long as you guys don't start doing fucking...

Weather segments here, then we're good. Yeah, I almost poached Ryan, but I decided you can have that When I found out how funny he was I'm like I saw Ryan when he had a video that Ryan got cancelled for a video on Twitter Ryan

This is how I found him. He got canceled for a video making fun of Twitter girls, making fun of women. It was like a really fucking misogynistic thing. But people didn't know that it was a joke. If you didn't know he was joking, he looked like a bad guy. That's what I love about Ryan's stuff. He commits to the bit. I don't think he's afraid of it at all. Yeah. His content lately where he's in the mirror.

rehearsing have you seen that it'll be like i just saw one recently like a random one that like was viral and i was like wow yeah very how free he must feel yeah he's he's uh he's probably the most talented in our squad i agree i thought you're gonna be like no you are jeff you're the best you're the leader i thought you meant well ryan's the leader um i thought you just meant of your friends i was just saying of your friends all right that is do you think you're the funniest friend in your group

Yeah, obviously. You have to have a delusional ego to be in the position we're in. You know? I'm the humblest guy on the fucking internet. We all know that. But...

When I should be way less humble for, you know. It doesn't help your case when you say that though. I mean, I'm kidding. I'm joking. This is where the women don't understand that I'm completely joking. And that's why they're like, Jeff's such an asshole. Jeff's such an asshole. I don't even know what I was talking about now. What was I saying? What do you think of influencers complaining that their job is hard? I'm so fucking humble. You guys don't understand how hard it is to get a podcast out once a week. You know how fucking hard we have to work? Sometimes my tongue hurts.

And I still gotta get out here and fucking do this shit. Is that your message to influencers saying their job is hard? Yeah. They're all fucking go out there and get a real job. I agree. To all those influencers. We struggle. He struggled to match his socks to his shoes. I still work real jobs. I just was given haircuts. You know? Were you? Yeah.

Do people pay you? I'm a blue collar worker. I am one of the people. I am one of you. I'm one of you guys. No, actually, you guys are all what do you call them? Feral. Feral rats. But that's I do just want to clarify that I more so cater that to like, like I've always said that about my fans before. I do recognize that there are canceled podcast fans that have fathers.

I like to think I have some fathered people in there. You definitely do. You carry the fathered side. I brought the dads around. Where were you when I was 13? Basically, that's what I was just trying to say. You have to be a bit delusional to be in this position. I think all influencers possess a little bit of narcissism because

I mean, yes, some people accidentally blow up. So it's different now with like TikTok and shit. But like, especially with YouTube back in the day or like having a pot, like thinking what you have to say is important enough to like push out to the masses. Yeah. Like someone who starts from the ground up and just does it on their own. Like you. Me. 100%.

Like it's, you know, to be like, I have such a good story. I want to tell that the people were right. But like, what if you weren't stripper for sure? Sure. Sometimes I really think about that. I wish that I, I don't understand that there's a lot of trials and tribulations and hardships to being a stripper, but I think that,

That the fun parts of being a stripper would be so fun. Yeah, there is a lot of fun parts of it, I bet. I don't know that many people who are happy in the profession. And I don't know a lot of people that are happy being drug dealers. I don't know any old drug dealers because they all either get arrested or killed. They don't walk off into the sunset when they're 90 with bags of money and be like, that was a fucking fun ride.

I watched that Griselda Blanco show. Griselda on Netflix. Have you seen it? I haven't seen it, but I've heard amazing things. It was so amazing, but it literally made me want to be a fucking female kingpin so bad. Yeah, see, sometimes we can just watch a show and not have to commit that hard. And I know that, but I just don't know what it is. And I have the resources on the side. I could just get a little stash house. What?

Well, you are kind of running your own operation here. You know, like just your cocaine is your pictures of your feet. You know, just I don't know your boss. You got people running around your house here. You know, you too, Brooke. Sorry to leave you. I'm the one running around her house. No, you're not.

Brooke got her first assistant. And then Tana took her. Of course she did. She just sucks him up. It was my first one. And Tana was like, actually, can she be both of ours? And now she is. And it's less pressure too. To take on an employee and give them work to do every single day. It's a lot. You need an assistant that's actually qualified and is going to know

What to do without having to tell them what to do. This is our tour assistant, which is different. And I just felt like two of them on the bus would have been like... That's too many. I agree with that. Like we're Sonny and Cher. And mine was just Sly, so I wasn't going to give mine up. Yeah, she's so Sly. I just felt like if it was two of the same bitches going to get our dumbass Starbucks order, it was just like, it could be one maybe. Godmother. Godmother.

The godmother, Tana. That was Griselda Blanco's nickname, Brooke. You have to watch it. I think that you'll understand where I'm coming from if you watch the show. And then before you know it, you and I are running a full blown sting operation and we're fucking, we have men counting cash and we just have Glock nines in our pockets. You fuck them and you get them killed after? Ooh. That's a good one.

That's what she does, right? It's just like, okay, but I'm glamorizing it. I understand. Whatever. Wasn't it like a real story? Yeah, it was a real story. Crazy. It's like Griselda. It is tricky. Like these things that glorify, like these series that glorify antiheroes like Sopranos. Obviously, Tony's a fucking wild murderer, but everybody loves him. Breaking Bad, you know, but it's fine to do that. You could like that. You know, it's even if you go to Columbia, I went to Griselda Blanco's grave and Pablo Escobar's grave.

And there's a split there. Like half the people hate that they're even associated with Pablo. And there's like half the people that praise him. There's like murals in different neighborhoods. Well, I mean, he was like, obviously, again, I know these people kill people and did bad shit. I'm just I'm talking about the glamorization. But like he did some crazy shit. He made bullshit. He was making like Apple money, like billions of dollars from cocaine. And didn't he go to jail and then he broke out?

Yeah, he made his own prison because he was he was taking out politicians. He blew up a plane, allegedly. He wanted to take out a politician that he knew was on that flight. So he had somebody blow up that plane while it was in the sky. Pablo had that commitment. And then how did he get out of the jail? All those other innocent people on that plane. So that's where you're like, all right, you hear rap music and you're like, oh, it's cool. Fucking Pablo Escobar. But also the guy murdered a bunch of innocent women and children, you know?

So that's why I thought he like dug a little like tunnel out of the jail. He did. He did that. But that was I went to that prison. I visited it. There's a helicopter pad on a museum. Yeah. You could take a tour. Visiting like like cool prisons is just crazy. I don't know. And I went to that art museum with the.

thing outside. It's true. Gumby or a cool prison. Like, you know, it was my first vlog. One of my first vlogs. I've always wanted to go to Rikers Island, not like get arrested, but just go see it because Lil Wayne was there. No, you do not. That place is disgusting. Really? Yeah. It's hard. It's the most miserable place in the world. It's really, it's, it just sucks. But I guess it, I mean, what was the one that was like cool, but now it's not a jail anymore. Alcatraz. That one we went to for, that's like just a straight up museum now, you know?

It's not an active prison. Cody swam from there. He swam through that shark infested 43 degree water for a triathlon. I can't believe people do those things willingly. Yeah. I don't know.

I'm going to get you to be. Yeah. These people right here. You got to get us in shape, though, for our fight. Seriously. I have to film a video, Brooke, where I have to live a day in Jeff's life soon. Oh. And that means like cold plunging and like hiking. Yeah. We run Runyon every morning. I love your new athletic journey. As you should. I do. I've been working really hard. It's true. Actually. Yeah. Well, I don't run Runyon, but I work out. You want to know an embarrassing thing right now? Hmm.

so on Strava, the app that I use for running, like log on my runs, everybody that has like, that runs, they have like Garmin watch, they log their runs. I've done Runyon more times than,

anyone in the past 90 days. You do it every day, yeah? Yeah, and I was doing it in the rain when we had that week of rain that never happens in LA. So I passed everyone and I have the number one spot out of 20,000 people that have done Runyon. I feel like that's where you're actually going to run into your wife, no pun intended. No, I think I'm out. I think I cemented my legacy here in Los Angeles now that I've taken that top spot and I'm ready to go to New York, move, and we can...

We could get out of here. Where are you going to hike in New York? I'll just run over the bridge. I'll just run around West Side Highway and stuff along. That's so crazy. But I'm the top dog over there. You believe that? While doing podcasts, while running multiple businesses, making new hair products, Tana and I got something that works. You don't know how hard it is. No, I...

I forgot about our product that we're making. How did I forget? Sounds like you really believe in it. Because I'm the one fucking dealing with it every day. That is true. You know? What are you making? I just want it to be pink. We have to bleep this, but we're making a... Perfect. Tana X Jeff's Barbershop. Because it's like... It is on brand, right? It is. It's cute. Because it's like girl that fucking stays out all night, doesn't shower, fucking just... I gotta get to a podcast. You say you don't like to shower a couple times and it just... I personally...

would have a lot of use with that, I think. It's a really good product. I'm excited for it. And it's going to be fun to shoot the campaigns and stuff. Dov, actually...

Thank you so much for coming on the canceled podcast. Thank you for having me. Before going off for tour, we appreciate you coming and sending us off. And, you know, we're, we've been doing a lot of episodes in preparation and stacking episodes. It's so much easier when it's just us or like with a friend. And we appreciate you coming on to talk about whenever you need me, kingpins, whatever, whenever you're doing an orange at the drop of a dime, I will be there with that fucking orange peeled. You're good. Brooke, you did great today.

You carried the fucking show. That's so kind. It was so nice to sit next to you. I wish I would have saw your foot, but you know what? I'll wait for that. I'll send you a pic later. Really? No.