69: Tana’s PSYCHO run in with her ex in Vegas… - Ep. 69
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COVID-19 viruses like me change to fool your immune system and make you sick, but updated vaccines help protect you. Stay up to date on COVID-19 and flu vaccinations sponsored by champions for vaccine education, equity and progress. Hello and welcome back to the canceled podcast. Do you think on tour we'll say that or do you think we'll say welcome to canceled cross country?

Oh, that's so true. I don't know. I feel like it's iconic. Like it really gets them when we say welcome back to the canceled podcast. I agree. Like, I think it's just really exciting to do it live in person. Can you make that leaf from that tree stop dancing on the ground?

Just like maybe take a little off. I don't know. Maybe bad for the environment. You know, I was just going to ask, is that like scandalous that I'm saying like rip off some leaf? I don't know. But PETA commented on my photo the other day. Oh, because you said going vegetarian. Yeah, but I was kidding because there was a cow in the pic. But honestly, that day when we were with the cow.

Like it made me feel so sick. I literally, cause I just loved her so much. She was so sweet, but the, but her keeper said that she was a sweet cow and not all cows are the same. She was a really sweet cow. Miss Holly. It was funny. Cause I was like enjoying the cow. I obviously get really scared of big animals. It's just very much like me, but it was funny how much you like, I felt your emotional attachment to me. Oh, wow. I think that's my favorite animal now. You know, there's a place in Hawaii where we're going to have to go that where you go to cuddle cows. Like it's literally cow therapy. Yeah.

I reached out to it for you, actually. Isn't that so sweet? That is so cute. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done. And they have a bunch of other like weird animals. Cows aren't weird. I don't think cows are weird. But like you said, other weird animals. Ant eaters are weird. I like I know a girl who well, I was going to say I know a girl who looks like an ant eater. In a good way. I just can't wrap my head around how that could be in a good way. But I'm just not asking any further questions, to be honest with you. I think it was Taiga. Yeah.

No, he looks like an ant. And I'm not the one who made that up. Somebody else said he looks like an ant. I'm just always here for a little bit of Tyga slander. You know what I mean? Allegedly. I have so many topics today. I'm sorry.

I'm so excited. And I don't even know where I want to begin. I have some as well, but I don't think mine are very important. So we'll save them for when we get a little dry. Mine are not important. I can promise you that much. But the comments on the last podcast were actually really sweet because a lot of people were saying like, I like when they have like no topics or like stupid topics, essentially. Well, yeah, because that's like that's the closest you're going to get to an actual natural conversation between the two of us. Not that we're having unnatural conversations, but I get what you're saying. Like there's usually not as much structure to like our conversation.

Yeah, apparently we're on natural banter, black structure anyway. So I'm just leaning into it. Well, it's working for us. Look at our views comparatively. I'm just going to go out of order here. Well, I guess I got back from Vegas like 10 hours ago. That is crazy. I saw Paige at the nail salon today and she was like, yeah, I was literally gambling like three hours ago. I don't know what the fuck came over me Sunday night. Like.

serious mania, I think. That's the only way I know to write it off. I've been sober and I plan on being sober for a long time, at least until after tour, which is awesome. That's amazing. I've been finding a lot of dopamine and healthy things like working out and working and... Gambling? I'm getting there. But...

I get bored sometimes and I need a rush and it's just how I am as a person. And lately, I feel like my new hyper fixation is gambling and this could go really south really fast. It could, but I'm going to count my blessings. It's not crack. That's true. But it's like I was getting to the point at the roulette table this week and where I was like, where's the deed to my house? Where's you know what I mean? Like you were ready to put it all on the line. Like who has a screwdriver for this Cartier bracelet? Can I sell myself? Like,

I just, maybe because I can't imagine it, but it is like, that's such a serious addiction. I can't believe it. Like how many people are like truly like it ruins lives. When I see people like in their little motorized, like, where are you going with this? I already don't like motorized. Oh,

in their motorized like chairs, like gambling for like hours. Like all I think to myself is like, that's going to be me, especially as I get older. I'm just worried about myself when I get older. I'm going to like shoot up and shit, you know, because it's like I'm going to die anyways. I don't think that's true. And that's not what we're manifesting for ourselves. I just I love to gamble. So I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I flew to Vegas randomly on Sunday night. So I just want to go to Vegas for 24 hours. I want to fucking put some money on a roulette table, whatever. I lost approximately 10 grand.

And the problem here is I was up all the way to the end and I was up. That's how it always goes. I don't even like to gamble with you anymore because it's like, I'll be like, Tana, stop it. You have so much money. You made so much money. Like we got to get out. And she'll be like, no, all or nothing. The problem really is like, I'm good. Like I could walk away every single time with money. Yeah, that's like people who are like, I could stop doing meth at any time. You're so right. And I have no idea.

I have no rebuttal. I really don't. I knew you were going to say rebuttal. It's just like, fuck, it got to the point this trip and this has never happened to me before. And I've always wanted it to happen to me. But when it happened, it was kind of a dark feeling where the hotel I was gambling at offered me like a comped giant suite to stay. Wow. And that's never happened to me. Like where I'm gambling, I'm like, I've become such a, you know, like, like they want me to stay. Yeah. They were like, because you were really putting some money in. And it just like,

I was really excited and I felt really cool for five minutes. But I'm glad you didn't take them up on it. To be honest, I took them up on it and then Paige had to drag me out by my hair. Doesn't matter how it happened. That's why she makes the big bucks. I ran into my ex. Oh, how was that? I ran into Mr. He left me at the Red Rock. Actually, he got me a gift and I want to show you on the podcast. I kind of want to go get it because I think I would love that.

And then I'll explain the lore. Okay, first of all, I just realized, do you remember a while ago when I asked you if I could show off my Peppa collection on the podcast and you told me I needed to get a grip? Okay. What if every week I had a Peppa item of the week? I mean, sound off in the comments. Do you want to see a Peppa item a week? Okay, just let me know in the comments, but just also know that I'm really fragile, so please want it. First of all, Amari got me these today, which was very sweet. Okay.

A Peppa Pez dispenser and a George Pez dispenser. And I'm really excited about these. Oh, I didn't know. Is that a different character? Yeah, that's George. That's sweet.

You know what? What? Can I ask you a question? Can you name four characters in the Peppa Pig show? Daddy, Mommy, Peppa, George. Okay. Because one time I saw someone say that you don't even know any of the characters. To be honest, I guess I've never really unpacked this. It's not that I'm obsessed with the show. I like to watch it sometimes in the background. You just think she's cute. Or like funny edits and stuff like that. Like I love a funny Peppa edit and stuff. But I really am just hyper fixated on her image. Does she have an image?

Just her image. Oh, like what she looks like. Yeah. Okay. He's just cute. Okay. Sure. So I ran into my ex and his friends. And I guess by ran into, I mean, like he had my location and like knew where I was. He showed up where you are. He called me and I was like, let's like, we're just, we're friends now. We're great friends. This is Mr. He left me at the Red Rock. If anyone wants to know the lore. Yeah. And we just decided to like have a day gambling and he got me a gift for Christmas and

He got it in like October or something like that. And then he was like, I got you a Christmas gift. And then Christmas came around and we just didn't end up seeing each other and like whatever. So he was like, I'm going to bring your gift, right? It's really everything. Hello, Peppa. Is it not everything and more? That's the cutest thing ever. I'm going to wear it every single day on tour. I was going to wear it on the podcast today, but I look really ugly in it.

You can't imagine wearing this and looking cute, you know? I definitely think that's cute. Well, I love it so much and I wanted to show it on the podcast. That is a really cute gift and it's thoughtful. It is a really thoughtful, nice gift. Someone made it out of like a blanket. Is that a weird thing to do? Like be friends with your ex and accept a gift? I don't know because to be honest, none of my friends or my exes really want to be my friend. In fact, they hate me.

I have a few of those, I guess, but I don't know. I mean, I guess so long as you're just like homies, it doesn't matter. Yeah, I think it depends on like the severity, not severity, wrong word, but like how serious the relationship was. Yeah, I agree. Because like that one was kind of lighthearted. No biggie. You didn't end up bad terms or anything. So that's fine to be friends. But if there was like if anything caught fire at the end of your relationship, probably not a good idea to be friends. Yeah, that's fair. Like any like toxicity. I guess he did leave me at the Red Rock, but I got over that. Yeah. I. Yeah.

Speaking of toxic exes, I did have a new song. I don't think you're going to talk about it. Nobody has like said that this song is about me, but I think it's pretty safe for me to assume because of how mean it is.

Yeah, let's go ahead and play it. I love this segment when it comes back around. Erin, you're going to love this. Can I just say that I went to watch this and it's a good song. Clinton's so talented, obviously, but I could not get over the way he looks. I could draw him from memory and not in a good way. OK, that I can say that because of what he did. I don't like to say those things about people. Yeah, she fucking does. I don't think we're friends off camera. Oh, he blocked me.

Unfortunately, he blocked you. Well, I can play it from the video that I took of it. But like that, he blocked you in the last few days. No, he's why I got that. I acquired that elsewhere. Oh, that's funny. So I can't actually see the video, but I can see the version of the video that I heard. First of all, this is just a little snippet. In the beginning, he says, like, it's been eight months since we broke up and you're still on my mind.

The reason I assume that this is about me is because he does say that he left. I left you. And like he did technically leave me. It is so crazy to like fuck up so bad on yourself and then have to leave someone. To me, it can't be about anyone else. But maybe I'm obsessed with myself. Anyway, I don't think he's been in another like relationship since you. That's why I assume. Well, how can you when you fake your whole family's death and everyone knows? Yeah, it does make it trickier. Yeah.

It's so much better without his face. I would stream it. It's good. I'm not going to lie. The delusion in me, like my personality, ignore the part where he says,

I'm his worst fucking mistake. He cannot stop thinking about me. He literally said it. I'm the same way, though. And also, like if I date a musician just for the rest of my life, I assume every single song is about me. I do like that song. Honestly, that's just where I'm at mentally. I just got word that one of my exes wrote a song about like you're with some surfer boy.

I was like, that's kind of crazy. I don't like when people get too literal with it. Yeah, that's unnecessary. And yes, I am. And I'm very happy. Like just maybe just write about. I love it. I personally love having songs written about me. I prefer for them to not say I'm the worst mistake you've ever made, but I'll take anything. That's I'm yeah. No one's ever going to write a nice fucking song about me. So I don't even need to get into that.

Speaking of just you, you know, keeping up with your exes or maybe doing something for an ex, you breadcrumbed something to me the other day that I have not forgot about. I actually don't want to say the other day. It was like two weeks ago and I still haven't forgotten about it. Orcas. Need I say more? No.

But what does that have to do with my exes? You wanting to be an orca trainer at SeaWorld and you thought the fame of it would get back at your ex. Oh, 100%. Well, I've talked about this. You must not be paying attention to me because I talk about this so openly all the time. It's like literally it was my dream. My number one goal in life, my entire life.

was to be a SeaWorld trainer, particularly a killer whale trainer at SeaWorld. Okay. That was the one vacation like me. My grandpa would take me to SeaWorld and he'd go on every little ride with me. And it was like our little our thing that we did. And when Blackfish came out, I was distraught. Okay. And I was with the masses. But

It really threw a wrench in my plans. I could no longer be a SeaWorld trainer because it was frowned upon. In fact, I would get canceled. And you can't even get in the water with the whales anymore. Why can't you get in the water with the whales anymore? Because Dawn got dragged to the bottom. Who's Dawn? Sweet Dawn. Okay. She was a killer whale trainer and a killer whale. It's kind of crazy. A whale. I can't remember. I think it was Tilikum.

Till I come. Dragged her. Till I come. She, there was like a freak accident and he started, he was like really anxious and he dragged her to the bottom and like ripped her. Yeah. It's actually really horrible. I don't like to talk about it so insensitively, but. I feel like you were sensitive there. You said he was anxious. I know, but I'm trying to be sensitive to Dawn. Oh, shit. So anyway, we don't do that anymore. And obviously we weren't supposed to have marine mammals in captivity anymore if they're not rehabilitative.

rehabilitating the animals okay doesn't matter after that i decided i'm gonna have to settle for dolphins because you can't get in the water with the whales anymore can't go to sea world anymore so i was 100 gonna join the navy okay because the navy has a navy marine mammal program okay where they train dolphins to sniff out mines and stuff underwater all right and they have a base and

in Coronado Island and we would go to the base. I'm not kidding. It was like I was so passionate about it. That's all I ever wanted. The real reason behind all of it was because it was like I wanted like if ever there was a guy who was like mean to me, I thought like how amazing would it be if like he I guess the SeaWorld goal was like for him to see me on a whale. But like even if I were in the Navy, like what a cool job. I can imagine you in the Navy weirdly.

I feel like you like structure. You like routine. I like a slick back bun. I would slay the Navy. I think you would slay the Navy. And I mean, is there an age limit for the Navy? I don't think I would pass the mental health check. Oh, do they make you do some crazy shit? I think they do. I don't think everyone in the Navy is stable. They just have to like they probably lie, right? I don't know.

But I've been obsessed. And I can't believe you didn't know that about me because like literally that's my favorite, like specifically whales and dolphins are like my favorite thing. I know that. Like you've said you love whales and dolphins, but I never knew that this went to the extent of the sea world and the Navy and so on and so forth. I love it. I just wanted to talk about it. It was my dream job. And this is second best.

Either the Navy or the canceled podcast is a crazy take. I was really going to join. I got assaulted the other day. Oh, I got fucking assaulted the other day. I still have trouble talking about this and it's been like.

almost a week and a half. This was the day that we announced tour dates, right? And it was just kind of a stressful day. Like it was, it's awesome stress, like stress that we're both so grateful for, but just a lot of moving parts, a lot like 80 fucking group chats, 80 things to be doing. Obviously we can't do anything without a couple of things going fucking wrong. So it was just like blips, whatever, like a lot of just, you know, I was very scatterbrained stressed. And I decided that in order to clear my mind,

And to think about everything with a clear head and, you know, just get off my phone for like an hour that I would go for a hike, which is quite the healthy coping mechanism for me as well. You know, normally it would be like eight shots. Yeah. And I was really proud of myself. And I decided that I would go to my favorite hiking spot in Los Angeles. That is Runyon Canyon. Mm-hmm.

And I was trying to explain the lore of Runyon Canyon on TikTok a little bit the other day. But it is just unlike any other hike I've ever done. Or I feel like most hikes, I feel like when I think hike, I think like beautiful nature, like everyone's so nice. Everyone coming down kind of waves at the people coming up and like,

No, like everyone's sweating and just it's like a mutual like we're getting through this together and whatever, you know, camaraderie. But I feel like people show up to Runyon in like stilettos to like judge other people's dogs. Not literally, but like it's so like paparazzi wait at the bottom for celebrities like.

No one like goes like ratchet. Like I see girls in like full fucking glam on Runyon. Like I feel like people give you dirty looks if you're like sweating or like huffing and puffing. Like it's just like if the club was a hike and it's a beautiful hike and you see the Hollywood sign, but I guess it is very like.

telling of LA yeah and it's like it's definitely where you go like knowing that you're gonna see people yeah and you like exactly you know it's like going to like community goods or something yeah you're gonna like see people you know and then people are gonna be like I saw a sunset Iranian today I'm like all normal and it's like this whole thing and it's like it's fucking annoying and I just I try not to get into that mindset like I'll go ratchet I don't give a fuck

If I'm like huffing and puffing, like I just don't care, whatever. And so I do run in. I am so wildly out of shape, by the way. Like it was just pathetic. I was sore for three fucking days. I used to be able to like jog. It was horrible. And I'm going to I'm going to get that back. I'm going to keep going on some hikes. Maybe not run in because we're in our fitness era because of my assault. We are in our fitness era.

And we finally do Runyon. We get down to the bottom. I'm super proud of myself. I feel more level-headed. I come online. I see like, you know, people are excited about tour and I'm excited and everything's good. And that was exactly what I needed, you know? And I used to live in a town home right by Runyon. It's like five houses down. And so I like just walked down to the town home and I'm like talking with Amari and like Paige and just kind of also just being like, this is

like thinking about my life in the townhome versus life now and tour and just everything that's happened. And I'm just feeling amazing, grateful, right? This stupid fucking sugar gay walks around

Sorry. It just came off so homophobic and it's not. I am this person phobic, okay? It's descriptive. Because I just want to paint the picture like strut, like whatever. He's walking this little fugly ass mutt dog. What did the dog do? I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Okay. And I'm standing facing my townhome, my old townhome. And I hear someone like walk behind me very, very close and like mutter something under their breath. And then I like...

Wait a second. And I like, you know, when you process in your head, like, were they talking to me? And I turn around and I'm like, wait, what? Because like, I realized I thought they were talking to me. And this man had probably gotten from like you to me, like far away from me. And he comes back up into my face, like actually probably like here to me and screams at the top of his lungs. And I'm not being dramatic. Ask him, ask Paige. I'm not kidding. Like loud as fuck in my face. Like had this man been straight, I would have been horrified.

you know? Yeah. But I just, my hands were bisexual. I was ready to go. Yeah. Screams in my face. Your spray tan looks like shit. Your spray tan looks like shit. You're, and,

does that after a hike? I just, wait, I'm confused. You, are you certain you didn't, like, there was nothing that, like, tipped him off or, like, 100%. Like, you didn't say anything or, like, nobody did anything annoying to make this man aggravated. I'm standing there, like, right by the townhome, like, looking up, smiling, like, being like, oh my god, I used to live here, like, life has come so far. Like, I'm not in his way on the street, like, I probably

She was just having like the shittiest day or something. I have no fucking idea. Even if you're having the shittiest day, that's so crazy. I can't imagine like just like literally assaulting somebody on this like verbally. And like close to my face and like loud. Like, you know what I mean? It was like insane. And I just, the woman was too stunned to speak. Like I was just like this. Oh.

Like jaw on the fucking floor. Like there's no way that I'm like, you just walked your fucking dog on a hike and you're going to come down and assault someone like that is some just like, yeah, like you should have endorphins by now. And like my spray tan did kind of look like shit. Doesn't matter. But here's the gig and the gag of that. I was in a zip up in leggings. Like all you could see was like my collarbone.

And I was facing the other way. Like, how the fuck are you that, like... Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Locked into, like, what I... And it's so funny because... Did he know you? Was he a fan? Well, very quickly, I just want to get off my chest that that day before I went on the hike, I put on tinted moisturizer because my spray tint looked like shit. Like, I wanted to cover it, so it just, like, really fucking hurt.

It was like personal attack. It was a personal attack. And this is nothing against Guy Corey who does my spray tans. I didn't wash it off with them. User error. Yeah, complete user error. And then I turn around, my jaw's on the floor. I don't know what to say. And he just starts like strutting away, like, which is just insane. He was also probably like 37. That's too old to be green. Like your lack of Botox looks like shit. And he walks away and I don't say anything. And then Paige goes, fuck.

And she's so real for that. Like such a real one jumped in top of her lungs, screamed, fuck you. And he turns back around. He goes, you look like Donald Trump. Happy. That is really, really horrible. Turns around again and then just walks away like this, like supermodel middle finger in the air. As much as I like, like try to be unproblematic. You know, I'm like, if somebody says something to me, like,

in person, I get so angry and so aggressive. You've had, ironically, I feel like you've had to be like, calm down sometimes. Yeah, there's been times where you like are ready to fight a grown ass woman who would molly whop you. Because if somebody said that to me, I would have literally made the biggest scene you could possibly imagine. It was like, it was one of those scenarios where like, by the time I wanted to make a scene,

Like he strutted off like fast and like turned the corner. Worst feeling ever when you think of like all the things that you should have said or what you like, how you should have handled this situation. I made my Uber driver spin the block. Like I was looking for him to like yell out of the car. Like I'm not kidding. Like for like 10 minutes, I was like trying to find him. Couldn't find him. Can't.

come to the conclusion of if it was like someone who hates me already and like got the opportunity. And if that's the case, I write it off a little more. I would understand if it was like maybe a girl, like maybe you like fucked her boyfriend or something. I've never fucked someone's boyfriend. Well, no, I don't know. But I'm just...

Yeah, no, I get what you're saying. Like, yeah, no, I mean, like, I'm just saying like an online hater in real life. Yeah. And I will say like, but I've never, I don't think they exist. I don't think any of those trolls come outside. And I think if they do come outside, they say, can I please take a photo with you?

Trisha just talked about this. She was like, literally, I think every single person who like talks shit about me online would 100% ask for a photo. Definitely for her because she's such a fucking icon. During my iDubbbz scandal, people come up to me all the time to my face and be like, fuck you. Like straight up to my face everywhere I went. Like it was horrifying. And I would like go cry like all the time. So I definitely know that's like a thing. Yeah. If he's if he was an online hater, kind of respect for not hiding behind a screen.

Yeah, honestly, that's all we always say is like, say it's my face. So I'm like, you know, it's your face. All right. However, if it was an unhappy stranger, I hope I hope he's having a better day today because it's because it's like if you hate me online, you might have some reason. You might have gathered your reason. But if you just saw someone, you would do that to like a stranger. You're a horrible person. Well, your spray tan looks like more than you. Your spray tan looks like you know what?

Constructive criticism to just take with it. Take it and run. Okay. Not kidding. Definitely going to get out the exfoliant next time. I just told a story about being on Runyon. I ran into Harry Jowsey, like literally the second that I got there and he goes, are you out of breath? I go, uh, I'm like, I was just doing burpees at the bottom. Um,

See, that's so runny and coated. You ran into Harry Jowsey and he shit on you for being out of breath on a hike. You know, well, it hadn't started yet. And I was huffing and puffing. It's a big hill. You have to walk up to get there. But it was too much. I literally was so embarrassed. You're a small girl. I've already told this on another podcast, but I'm not kidding. And I go, oh, I parked super far because that was like the only good excuse. Bright green Bronco literally parked directly, like directly at the bottom, like maybe 10 feet from where I was.

I was like, oh, no. You were thinking with that Audi mindset. But you know who I did run into on the hike is that girl who told me to elevate. You know the one. Junie B. Jones. That was a bad. That's a funny ass nickname for her, though. If you guys don't recall, she's the one who told me that no brand, no serious brand is ever going to want to work with me because I

I have kind of like a, an unserious image. And by that she means I work with like kind of trashy brands is what she said. She said, so long as you're working with like this person, this person and this person specifically, she said, why is that? I just have to check right now that she is like a micro micro influence. Well, don't, don't bully because it's, it's going to be obvious. But I just think that like, how can you give someone career advice if like they want,

would theoretically want yours if they wanted to succeed at what they're doing. Well, that's a joke. She specifically said like she said YSL will never work with you. Like X, Y, and Z will never work with you. Okay. I ran into her on that hike. Which is a crazy take. First thing she says is I see you're blowing up lately. And it made me feel good. So I was like, you know what, Junie B? I am. Okay. I'm not. But

As far as she's concerned, I am literally thriving. I just hate LA. But that's a weird thing to say to somebody. That's not a normal thing to mention to somebody. I guess I would be like...

Like you're killing it. Oh, my God. But like I see you're blowing up lately. It's so like. Well, she's like I saw she said told me about like some videos she saw about me. It doesn't matter. I guess that's kind of nice. Yeah, it was. It was. And I appreciated it. So it's like it made me feel good because you know what I've thought about. I've carried that with me since she initially told me I needed to elevate. However, I was at an event with her the other day. A YSL beauty event that you were invited to that I was invited to. And she was as well.

And we were sitting next to each other at this event. And I go, you know what, Junie B, how funny is it that literally just a few short months ago, you told me that this brand would never work with me. It's also like you need to elevate as crazy. You're not trying to work in high fashion. Like, yes, it's awesome. You're a comedian. You're funny. Yeah. Well, that's that's the thing is what really bothered me about it. And like,

in the beginning was like that's not really my vibe anyway i'm not really like a fashion girl you know me i won't i won't buy anything like not everyone wants what you have like it's just a i just don't yeah i don't care for that that's not all my whole like approach to social media is like just talking like literally yeah and like be silly who gives a fuck i thought she'd be like you know what you're right instead she says ysl beauty and ysl are not the same thing

basically saying like, calm down. They still won't fucking work with you, which by the way, they will not work with Junie B either. And she just like goes off. And I literally had to tell her like, I don't like you. I'm so sorry. I don't like you. You are so mean. I've said this on the podcast a million times. And I think that

Her, among many people in L.A., follow this archetype of person. And people can still be good people and be this. It's just like a personality trait that I fucking hate. I hate it. Do you know what you need to do, ass bitch? Do you know what you need? Like, like looking down on you, trying to give you advice.

on something as if they're better than you and it kills me. I'm only taking career advice from people who are doing better than me. That's exactly my point. If you don't have the place to tell me, like if Whitney Cummings wants to tell me you know what you need to do, I'm going to say, what the fuck do I need to do? But if it's someone who like lives with their parents telling me what I need to do, it's just like mind blowing to me or someone who blew up yesterday. It's like, do this shit for fuck

And then tell me what I need to do. I've been doing it for 10. Like you've been doing it for a fucking minute. Like, it's just, it's not even that I don't like her, but it's just like, why would you say that? I would never ever say to somebody like, like, especially the fact that I literally said that. And she was like, actually, they, this is actually not the same thing. They still are not working with you. Just so you know, it's all YSL. And the principal is like, yes.

It was just supposed to like it was funny. It was like literally just being me being funny. But yeah, I don't know. I was like, I just think it's also in social media. Like at the end of the day, everyone can have their own different niche. Like people can be fucking gamers and fashion people and fucking comedians and fucking whatever. But at the end of the day, everyone's doing it for numbers. I'm also just not looking at anybody else's shit, like worried about what they're like, how they're doing. I'm just not.

I would just never, ever, ever hit anyone. I would hit a close friend with like, you're really good at this. You should keep doing this. Yeah, you're really good for that. Like, you're good at telling me like, this is like, you should do this. But I'm never going to be like, you don't even need to do to do this. Like, it's just, it's all about the delivery. It's all about the delivery at the end of the day. I think, I don't know why I get like so particularly offended by her in particular, but I think it's because I genuinely think she hates me. Just because like,

It all started the very first time I met her and she told me, I need you to teach me how to do such heavy makeup. I remember one time I was at a dinner with Junie B and a bunch of people. I was there. And she said, were you there? Yeah, she said she didn't know how to use setting powder. I will never forget it. She said, yeah, that she just didn't know how to do a really simple makeup thing, but then kind of went on a tangent about how...

she doesn't like makeup. And then I, I like, and again, you could be like, I don't really fuck with makeup, but like, I love people who do it. Like there's a way it's all about the delivery, but her delivery was so, I don't know how people just like live with all that heavy, heavy makeup on their face. And I'm sitting there with a full beat, like,

And I remember telling her, like, you're acting like a pick me right now. And then she was like, what's a pick me? And I was like, oh, come on. Oh, there's no way. I think she kind of owns it, though. That's like the one thing I will say about her is I think she kind of like she claims that now. Yeah. It gets to a point where you just fucking have to. You know what I mean? Been there. I think all women should stop being a pick me by 26.

Six. Adult pick me's kill me. When you're too young to know, that's so beyond fine. I've also had a couple other people just like say randomly offensive things to me this past week that I'm like, maybe I'm too sensitive. But like first one, I think you're just socially more aware than most people. Yeah. Sometimes I feel like people aren't meaning things in the way that they say it. But like, I'll be like, what the fuck?

First offense was this girl I know. She has Invisalign as well. I have Invisalign. She has Invisalign. Okay. Her duration was much shorter than mine. So I'm like, you know what? Like, how did they do it so fast? And she goes, oh, it's because you're doing an off-brand. I go, who knew that? I'm not doing an off-brand. But, like, really weird to just, like, assume that I'm doing an off-brand. That is weird as fuck. And, like, I don't know. That's not really that offensive. But I was literally like, no, I'm not. Like, who the fuck?

And then very next day, literally next day, I'm talking to this girl who lives in my apartment complex and we're trying to figure out if we have the same view. Okay. So I'm like, yeah, I'm on this side. And she goes, well, I'm sure we don't see the same thing because I have a corner and you have a side. I was like,

I have a corner. Also, who doesn't matter, but just like really bold to just assume I have a side. Yeah, saying like you pay less rent, I make more money. Yeah, essentially. It doesn't fucking matter at all. But I literally just I was just like, wait, why do you assume that I. She's one of those ones. Why don't you just assume. She's one of those ones that assume the Junie B position as well. We used to be like pretty good friends. And then she woke up one day and she chose a pick me, pick me, violence, pick me, pick me, violence, pick me. Oh, man. And it scares me. That happens.

the fucking shit out of me. Speaking of comments that someone made about you that maybe they didn't mean or maybe they didn't mean to be offensive, but they fucking were. Alabama Barker, dude. Oh, man. This really surprised me. OK, like and I had to go back to our DMs. I'm going to right now just to like just to like really did she block me? Yeah.

No way. She fucking blocked me. She did not. She fucking blocked me. She did not. She fucking blocked me. No, she didn't. Let me see what happens if I send you her account. There's no way. This is going to change the narrative of my entire story. I promise you that much. If she blocked you, that's really. OK, wait, I'm sending her profile. This is going to change the whole narrative. If she blocked you, that's like really crazy. She didn't block me. OK, I knew she didn't fucking block you. Oh, thank God.

Thank God. Oh, my God. OK, I got I got too high and now I got to get back down low. Bring it back home. Holy fucking shit. OK. She messaged me on July 7, 2018, slid into my DMs first and said, hey, just wanted to say you're really pretty. Oh, how sweet. That's really sweet. You know what I mean? I feel like.

2019, I was like, I responded and I was like, icon. She was like, we should hang. I was like, big sis, little sis vibes. You're so sweet. She was like, all the way. Thank you. So are you. Responds to my story. So pretty. Who dyes your hair? We have to hang. Thank you so much. Like, I tell her who does my hair. I'm sending her voice memos. We're going back and forth. I need a manager in 2021. I was like, I'll find you a manager. I'm like, I'm really like out here responding to this girl. You know what I mean? I invite her to my birthday party. She like,

It's like, can I bring 15 people like my brother and fucking 83 people and plus whatever? I'm like, of course, we'll take care of you. Let's get you guys a table like so you can hang out and, you know, like not be.

around everyone and like whatever do you know anyone who can do my hair I set her up in 2021 we go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and then it was like she kind of blew up you know and then she just stopped hitting me and whatever and that's just kind of how LA like works and like she became a fucking Kardashian like I'm not tripping on that I know that that's 80% of people in LA whatever but I still would comment on her photos now and again whatever blah blah blah I noticed one day that she's unfollowed me right and it's kind of like okay

Ouch. Again, she's a Kardashian now. Yeah. If I become a Kardashian, you'll never see me again. Exactly. And she posted a TikTok the other day and someone commented on it and said, it's giving Tana Mon Goose. And she responded back to their comment and she said, no, thanks. Oof. No, thanks.

Yeah. No thanks. First of all, if looking like me is giving no thanks, why'd you slide in and say I was pretty? Why did you want my hair girl 17 times? Like, you know what I mean? Like, you were trying to give Tana Mongeau's with the fucking blonde tape ends when you asked me who did that. So it's like, I don't know. And I want to give her grace because she's younger, but at the same time,

One thing I've never been is that type of person. Even when I was like 18, 19, I would never, if someone said it's giving Iggy Azalea, I would have never said no thanks. Yeah. Like what did you do? Like, it's just kind of, I understand the angle of like it being like, oh, I don't want to be compared to somebody else, but just say that. Don't say no thanks. 110%. If I saw someone say, oh my gosh, I'd be like,

What the fuck? That's essentially saying, no, thanks. I don't want to look like that. And again, I have proof that you kind of did. What about not commenting back? Yeah. I mean, again, I want to give her grace for being young, but it's kind of to me like I've just never I would never say that about someone else's appearance because it's saying you don't want to look like that. Yeah. And and she knows that she she's young. She's in the like she's in a very

Like a situation where you know that everything online is going to be run. Like people are going to run your platform and so on and so forth. And then the T pages like pick it up, like all the fucking and it's like all my tag or whatever. And then she comments and she's like,

I don't remember her exact verbiage, but it was essentially along the lines of like all blonde people, all blonde people don't look alike and no hate and whatever. And she kind of tried to like save her ass. But to me, it's like if that's what you thought, like all blonde women don't look alike, you could have said something like that. Like you directly read my name and said, no, thanks. Listen, it was offensive whether she meant it to be or not. And like, I don't know.

I've been riding for Alabama Barker. I like am the biggest Alabama Barker. I've literally come on here and like apologize for like, I have defended her for her. I've defended her on this couch.

like a million fucking times. We have. I'm like, roll the tapes. I literally got into like this extreme TikTok beef with that thoughts with Gracie girl because I was defending Alabama Barker. It just there's no way in my opinion, like every time I see that screenshot and I see her saying no thanks, there's no way to interpret that, in my opinion, as not fucking rude as fuck. There's a lot of shit I could have made fun of and there's a lot of shit I could have fucking said. But it was like she's young and everyone's given her so much hate and like

been so awful to her, especially as a minor. That was my angle. I was like, oh my God, she's so young. Like, I don't think people should be being mean to her, but I'm like. And I still, I still do not condone people commenting on a bunch of shit that minors do and people do. You know what I mean? Like all of that is so wrong. I stand by what we said, but it's like, you're an adult now. And like, that's,

you just want to be an asshole i don't know yeah i think it was mean honestly i do think it was mean and um what the fuck no you know this is just crazy like she's fucking kaya gerber i had a makeup artist do my makeup one time and like it was like someone who was like did my makeup kind of often she told me alabama told her to not do me anymore because i'm mindy i swear she could have made it up but i don't know that's crazy on so many angles

That's crazy behavior to you, obviously, but it's also crazy to think that you were like watching my videos and wrote for me that hard that you would tell your makeup artist. This was like years ago, though. Like this was like when I literally watched GoMindy. But did you wake up one day and you were like, fuck, I don't want anything to do with her. I don't want to look like her. I don't want to be here. Like I don't want to, I just. Maybe. Maybe.

I don't know. Maybe you did something to her that you don't know about. I don't mean to choose violence so hard on her. Immediately dialing back. But it's like, it just offended me. And it just like, again, there's no way to interpret that as like not so rude. I agree. I really do agree. So many people have said way worse shit to me. Your spray tan looks like shit, you know? Like it's not, it just was like, it's always when it comes from someone who's like been so nice to you and then like blows up. Yeah, and it's like, wait, where did this come from? Like, why don't you like me all of a sudden? Yeah. And it's just, that's,

I don't know. It's a little wild to me for sure. What a bummer. Her rap is kind of good, though. Her new music is like it's I wish it was worse so I could be like, it's honest. I honestly think it's really good. She reminds me of really good. Yeah, I really do think so. I'm just mad. So I'm going to pull it up and decide. OK. I'm just like, where's she getting that? Where's she getting all this?

No, dangerous territory. I'm moving on. I'm not trying to start a war. I just... I don't see any world where no thanks is the same interpretation as all blonde girls don't look alike. And that's just that on that. I guess this would be a good transition into drunk elephant kids.

Oh, the little 10 year olds who like, oh, my God, I was actually at Sephora the other day. And I'm not kidding. There wasn't one person who was over the age of 12. Really in line. I was like, I felt like so. And you know how you think like little middle schoolers will bully you. I literally felt unsafe in there. Absolutely. I'm never sucking in harder than when I walk past a group of middle schoolers. But I might take all this when I wrote it down was a little more like.

up in arms about drug elephant kids because it just makes me sad like seeing the youth trends to just be like so much older like I saw this TikTok that was like all these 12 year olds are buying like summer Fridays lip peptides and $80 anti-aging creams and bronzing drops and all this stuff trying to be older but then like our generation is like putting bows in our hair and like

buying Hello Kitty and like want to be younger. And it like it made me really sad. But then the more I think about it, like I went to roll a backwood when I was 12. Like maybe my interest should have been bronzing drops. Yeah. You know, I don't know. There were like people say there was no like equivalent, but there kind of was. I feel like the girls who were like all Abercrombie, like that was like the same. Those would have been the same girls. Like, yeah, but I don't know what it is about like skin care and makeup that makes me sadder because it's like

you're already trying to like that's true I didn't oh my god your face or like you're like you're already feeling the like insecurities and pressures of looking a certain way as a woman when you're 12 yeah like the amount of steps in that girl Evelyn's routine I like to make up a lot when I was really young and it was like a fun hobby to like play with and stuff and that was in like Mac cosmetics was like super popular and stuff but it just feels different to me now

It just feels different to me now because of like the products that are available. It's not like I like this lipstick color. It's like I need to contour to make my jawline look better. I need to use peptides so I don't age. It's just dangerous territory for sure. Yeah. It's like the same thing I feel about like little girls who like end up

doing like Daisy Keech's ab workout or something and I'm like you're literally 13 but I think if I had a 13 year old and then like all their friends were obsessed with it and they were too like I would like welcome it and like I just feel bad for the parents to be honest it's so that's so fucking true if I asked my parents for a fucking like $60 moisturizer when I was 12 I would have got smacked into the next century for sure then I would have stole it but

That's a me problem. Oops. Do you remember back in the day when you would go into Sephora when they first started or Ulta and you would pretend like you were interested in the products to get like a makeover? Did you ever do that with your friends? No. I saw Gabby DeMartino make a TikTok about that the other day or Nikki. And I was like, that era was funny. Mini topic. But I follow this girl on TikTok. She's an indigenous person. She's an Inuit who lives in the Arctic. Her name is Willow. She just had a baby. OK, guess what she named her fucking baby? What? Guess. Guess.

I can't. You have to. No. August River. No way. I swear to God. I'm like watching it because I'm all into it. I'm obsessed with her and I like watch. No one sent it to you. You just randomly saw the video. No. Yeah. Because I'm I follow her and I said it pops up. It's actually August Rivers. But still, I'm like, there's no fucking way. And then I did open the comments and people had tagged me. But that's not how I even found it. I found it because I follow her.

For all of the viewers who don't remember, August River was our pseudo name on tour when we would check into hotel rooms so people wouldn't come stalk and kill us. Dude, the amount of comments that were like, they think they're so famous. I was like, that wasn't even my idea. It's our idea. Yeah, it has nothing to do with like...

thinking you're famous. I would love to just check into a hotel under my name. It has to do with what weird people with parasocial relationships do and have done to us. You know, for sure. Congratulations, Willow. Do you know the other day Ari texted Jake Paul without asking me and just said, we miss you. I get that. We miss you.

We is so crazy to me. But I've had times where I want to talk to somebody like and I and I don't want to seem like seem like I really want to talk to somebody. So I'll say some shit like that. Like, for example, I'm doing it to somebody right now. I keep like texting this guy literally in a group chat with Ari, but I don't want to talk to Ari. I want to talk to the guy. But it like takes the edge off a little bit. It's not like texting the guy. I agree. I just think like I'm so taken and so happy. And that's just like such a we could meet anybody. We

We could be in him and. Because anyone that would be we would be like Jake's friends like Jasper and like Abby and shit. I miss Jasper. I saw a vlog the other day that Jasper was in and I like was sad. I miss him a lot. He's the funniest person in my life. Such a fun guy. Okay. What else? I guess I thought more would come from that and it didn't. I'm just like why? I'm fully putting this topic out here for help. Okay.

And I'm abusing the shit out of my platform right now because I could just really talk about so many other things. You know what I mean? I just I don't need to do this. And I but I've tried other ways. And it means so much to me. And it means so much to me. It means so much to me. I've gone to the ends of the earth to replace this, to find an adequate dupe. I have done everything I possibly can a couple of months ago.

Probably like probably like eight months ago, I made a tick talk about how Morphe was discontinuing their makeup talk lip liner. Yeah. And then you sold it out and I'm the one who put you on. No, no, no, no, no. It was already off the website. This was it was already off the website. I think we did sell it out at some point talking about it like previously. But this after I went online and I was like, I hope the CEO has a bad day. Like I was I did it.

I was being funny. I was being silly. You can go. It wasn't like, you know, whatever. And they DM me and they were like, we will send you a bunch of makeup talk. And I kind of thought that it was like, OK, so you've got some in the back stock to send me. They send me a bunch. It was so nice of them. I love Morphe and I love their products. But it's like if you've got some just chill in like, oh, maybe you're going to bring it back. Maybe it just wasn't on the website or whatever. And I finally have gone through the amount that they sent me.

And come to find out, they really sent me like their last makeup talks, which is really nice. They didn't. What do you mean? They didn't. You must have forgotten. But they it was back on the website for a while. I ordered probably 20 of them. Not kidding. And I told you it's back. It wasn't even discontinued at all. So maybe it just like comes in and out. No, no, no, no, no. Because I do more for you the other day. And I.

It's funny, actually. We were just talking about messaging brands for PR because this girl that we know and hate. We can we can tell that after this. I'll never message a brand like unprofessional.

unprofessionally. Like I'm always like, I'd love to work with you like on a post and like let's whatever. Like I just, I'm really like nice about if I'm going to like, if I want PR or something like that. But I messaged more of you like, please don't fucking do this to me. Please don't fucking do this to me. Please. And they responded back and they were like, girl, we know, but like it's gone forever.

Why? But why would you take something away when it's so good? And they started recommending me other fucking shades. They're not the same. They're not at all. It's just so perfect. And I don't understand how it's so perfect because we don't even have like the same skin tone or anything, but it's my favorite. And it's like fucking $8. Like it's just the best lip. And you lose lip liners like a motherfucker. At least I do. And the amount of people who have tried to recommend me like a different brand and stuff too, it's just, it's not the right consistency. It's just not right. I went to Sephora one time in one of the makeup talk droughts.

And I bought every single fucking similar lip liner. And keep in mind, they're all also like $30. I probably spent like 600 bucks on lip liner trying to find something similar. There is nothing on the market. Morphe, please.

Please! Please! They need to do... It's so good. It really is so good. Although I have quite a few I can give to you because I retired it. I'm all about the tart fucking maracuja juicy lip in the shade honeysuckle. Oh, no, look at your fucking smart ass talking about some shit that's already for sale. Tart's going to sponsor you and I get nothing but a dusty makeup talk from the bottom of your Aritzia bag. I don't fucking go anywhere without this thing and I'm being dead serious. In fact, I...

Bring it to bed. I dream of Turks and Caicos. In fact, I do love those and I love Tarte and maybe Tarte has a lip liner that's similar. We could work with a brand to even curate a similar shade. I think the matte lip is a win or is a

like nighttime thing. And then this is like a gloss over in the day. I put gloss over it in the day. It's not like it's definitely not like a it's just like it's too dark for like everyday wear for me. It's just my dream lip liner shade. I'm not wearing it today. And that's why I just don't look the same. I don't have the same tan of glow and joy. Morphe, I know that your dream collabs are usually along the lines of like Meredith Duxbury.

But if you would ever step out of your brand zone, safe realm out of your comfort zone, if you will. I don't want a full range. I don't need the James Charles fuck me up pack. I just want I just want to bring back makeup talk. And I just that's all I want. It doesn't even have to be Tana X. Morphe. You could just do it for me. If it's Tana X. Morphe, I will be so offended because that was my lip liner. How about canceled X. Morphe? It would have to be canceled. That was literally mine. Please don't do this.

I think her name's Linda, the CEO. Lisa, maybe. Please don't do this to me. Please bring it back. I'm, I, it's just, it's just, I, I'm broken about it. I don't know what to say. Maybe you could make your own, like, that's what happened to Kylie. Kylie couldn't find her right shade. So she just made Kylie Cosmetics and made a billion dollars. I might have to. Have you heard Ariana Grande's new song? Yes. And? Say that shit with your chest. You to Ella Ben Barker.

No, Alabama workers like, yes, and say that shit with your chest. And sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm not going to get in the joke. Dude, if she helped my newborn baby while I was with my man, and then she took my man and then made a song

I don't even care if the song is about any like I know there's lyrics that are in reference to people just having something to say about her. And normally I'd be all on the train, you know, like but in light of like what's going on right now with her and Mr. Squarepants, I just think that's fucking insane. She's doing all of that for SpongeBob. And like, I don't know him. You know what I mean? But like, I do see a world in which Ariana Grande is with somebody else in a year because we know that's how it goes. And she regrets this.

She's like, oh my God, that's so embarrassing. I've done it. I did it. Yeah, that's true. I've done it. Like just died on a hill for a lizard. And then I was with another lizard. And I mean, he could be great. I mean, I want to say he could be great, but then again, like,

I don't know what his relationship was like with the girl. I like to hope that, like, there's something about that situation that we don't know. I like to hope that everyone is separated. Ariana's never even met that kid. That's true. We don't know. And we're just, like, you know, commenting like we do know, and that's fair. But the song choice... Because sometimes... Do you ever see people like we know, like, get accused of cheating and stuff, and we, like, secretly know they've been broken up for, like, years? It's true. That's true. There's so much that we don't know. It's almost like, I guess, my final conclusion is...

Was there anyone on the PR team that was like, do you have a pop ballad about your hairstyle today? Yeah. Like, is there anything that you could put out that would might help? Yeah. I think she maybe thought it was going to be like we were all going to be like, oh, shit. She ate. She's one of the most talented vocalists of our generation. I'm not shitting on anything. It's like it is a catchy like song and shit. It's just like bold, bold move. And again, yeah, I hope something comes to the forefront where we don't know a homewrecker's anthem.

Maybe there was a gap in the market, to be honest. Honestly, you're on to something there. I was really high when I wrote this topic. Really high. Are we going to be literally blown away in a hurricane right now? I think we might be. I'm freezing and my fucking bald spot just keeps coming out. It's so embarrassing. I've been hitting the wax pen and normally I'm very much like I smoke flour. Like I like a joint or I like to like

do the actions. And I think smoke flower means like flowers, like actual weed. Okay. Smoke flower. Okay. Alabama. The fuck? Just say you smoke actual weed. Okay. Flower. What did you, you thought I was going to be like, oh yeah, that flower. It's a really common phrase. It's not even like, nobody says that. It's not like Alabama vacation. It's, it's just like a term, like, like in a dispensary people would use anyways. Um, so embarrassing.

I've never been a wax pen girly and I'm realizing that it's as much as it's convenient and awesome. It's not my journey because I'm so used to the motion with my vaping that I'll just like be hitting it like a vape. And then all of a sudden I'm just like seeing the hat man all day and there's no need.

Um, but I had this thought the other day, Amari got a PS five. He's been downloading really weird games on it. And I was really high playing this game, um, goat simulator where you can be a goat and you simulate it like you're a goat, but you're a goat like in, in your go in public. Like you can like essentially like go to the fucking Grove and like knock people over and like do shit. And like, cool. It's you can blow up cars. Like you're, you're a really, you're a rampant goat. And like,

you can't die. Like, you know what I mean? You could jump off a six foot building as this goat. Oh, cool. I don't think that's very realistic. It's really, yeah, it's really fun though. It's really fun. And I was playing goat simulator last night and we're on goat simulator. Okay. Keep going. Playing goat simulator. And, um,

We go into this guy's apartment and we just like knock the computers and the TVs off the wall. We're like, you know, mauling the dining table, the couch, everything. We've ransacked this man's apartment. And finally, at the end of it, we beat him up and we light him on fire. OK. And I have this thought that I was like, what if I came to you guys?

And I was like, let's say I lived alone in this scenario. Okay. In an apartment. And I'm all charred, you know, like my clothes were clearly whatever. And I was like today,

A wild goat came into my apartment and ransacked everything and lit me on fire. And I'm crying and I'm distraught. If I came to you and I told you that, like, but I was dead fucking serious work. I was like, even just on the podcast, like I was like today, a goat came in and raided my pantry and shattered my television and lit me on fire and beat the shit out of me and left. Would you ever believe me?

Like, is there a world where you would ever believe me? I have no proof, though. I'm not going to lie. I question the legitimacy of pretty much every story you've ever told. Like that guy on the mountain. Don't think he was real. So I'm just kidding. I do. I do. But no, I would not believe you if you told me a goat lit you on fire. But I'm like, because I'm mad at you. I'm mad at you. Like you. Well, I got mad because you're mad at me. I'm because it's like you don't believe me. Like a goat. Like, really? Yeah.

I don't know. I guess I need to see the tapes. Do you have a fur bow? No fur bow in sight. And then I made a list of people who would believe me. Wait, this all can be tied together. Yeah.

Look at this video that no one would ever, ever believe. Do your big one. Do your big one right now, Brooke. This guy, this guy had to explain this story to everybody. And had he not had a camera on him, nobody would ever believe him. Why don't you go ahead? I'm going to send it to you. No, I think you should just send it to me. Yeah, I just sent it to you. I don't even trust that. Wait, I just sent it to you on TikTok. Erin, I love you. Of course, it's about a whale.

The man gets hit by a fucking whale. And imagine telling somebody like, yeah, this whale just like murked me today.

And then he just gets up like it didn't happen. Like the whale is still there, sir. Please seek help. I think whales are so fucking cool. It's so funny. Like sharks and shit scare me. But like whales are so cool. No, there's nothing literally scarier in this entire world than a fucking orca, like a killer whale. They're so scary and they're so deliberate and evil. Yeah. Don't they like fuck with their prey? Yeah, they like they'll tease like literally they'll like torture.

torture their pride just for fun right now they are into um sinking boats on purpose right now they're into like the 12 year olds and drunk elephant seriously it's like it's like a real scandal that's happening like boats are being like they're just like ripping off shit and like literally the boats are sinking maybe we should have a makeup brand called like rampant whale drunk elephant that can have one lip liner just one

I would believe I would I would like believe you like how I normally believe you. I'll be like, oh, my God, that's crazy. How old do you think is too old to communicate via Snapchat? I mean, if it's with your friends, fine. A boy. And if it's if it's with someone that you're dating, I think it's fine. And if it's like a fun way to talk to someone you're already dating. Yes. But anything else? Twenty two. And that's being generous. I want to say twenty one. OK, that's what I was thinking. Who are you Snapchatting?

Is it an athlete or a musician? Athlete. But it's like that's why that's why it's giving me the ick is because it's like that's such an athlete thing to do like your snap. But I am active on Snapchat these days. In fact, I'm posting all my behind the scenes tour content on Snapchat. You finally go ahead and add me. Thank God. Oh, my God. Name is Brooks Schofield. Everybody add me now. Existential crisis like all the time.

I'm so happy you got a snap deal. I told you to everyone has one. And it's fun as fuck because you're posting like authentically your content. It's like shit. Well, because I don't I don't like to like drown my stories and like, yeah, shit. But I want to post everything on Twitter.

I have an existential crisis all the fucking time about how much money I make and other people make on Snapchat. It's one of the only things in my career. Like, don't get me wrong. Obviously, there's so many things where it's like, I can't believe we get paid to do this or I can't believe I got paid this much to be sponsored by this brand. I don't understand how Snapchat is even like how it makes sense because like the amount of money people are making is ridiculous. I know people who make like damn near like a million dollars a month for just posting like.

gym selfies. Isn't David? Yeah, probably David. Honestly. Yeah. You know, Harry Jowsey makes a fucking killing. I ran into my boyfriend the other night. Which one? Connor Wood Fibula. And by ran into, I mean, I was absolutely set up. I had a meeting at D'Amelio headquarters the other day with everybody. And we're talking about

about just like different things that I'm doing and I was talking we were talking about like stand-up in particular and they were like you should talk to Connor Wood like because he's been doing stand-up and I mentioned to them like actually unfortunately I cannot talk to him at all because I am in love with him and I've publicly stated it on like 12 different podcasts I can't talk to him in fact I avoid him at every event that I go to

That night, I have Dixie D'Amelio's launch, okay, for her new drink. A drink? Yeah, a new little Muse drink. Shout out, Dixie. What's Muse? It's like an energy drink brand, and then they collabed with Dixie. I love how much they just like have their fucking foot in the door for like commercial real estate. But we're at this nice, pretty intimate dinner, okay, with a seating arrangement. And all of those people who listened to me confide in them.

set me up. They put me and him directly next to each other and nobody that I even knew within like a fucking 20 foot radius. So you talked to him? Yeah. How was it? But I was so panicked. Are you like for a fact he knows that you're like Yeah I mean while I was while he was still in the room I posted our two names together and I said whoever made this arrangement like gets a raise. Cause now it's just a bit it's a funny bit cause like I know he just doesn't care. But why don't you think he acts on it? He's probably terrified of me. I literally have

Said that I'm like obsessed with him. But still, like... I'm not obsessed. I ship it. I really do. Well, I think it's just like... I think everybody just has a crush on him. So I thought it was just like... Really? We can just say like...

I mean, I guess he is good looking and funny. Like, you know, he's hilarious. I love their fucking podcast. I want to have them on so bad. I've been like seeing so many clips and watching them all. But would you just have a panic the whole time? Yeah, that was the problem is like then I started I wasn't even going to drink. And now all of a sudden I'm drinking because I'm like, oh, no, I don't know how to speak. You don't have a drinking problem. That's good.

It's good for things to make you nervous. I want to have a cocktail. Wish I could. I was going to talk about Sidney Sweeney and Glenn Powell, but I feel like it's kind of like a dead topic. Yeah, I feel like people are just over it. I just like already. I well, I found out new lore that her Sidney's fiance produced the movie. No, she produced the movie. Oh, was I lied to? Yeah.

Okay, well then I guess never mind. But like I was watching a lot of the promo for that movie the other day. And I've always been like an advocate for like if you date someone in the entertainment industry,

who either acts or you know what I mean is like does you know just really in the entertainment industry in general like you've got to possess a level of security for that especially with actors especially with actors who do shit like rom-coms and shit like that like it's a level of security that's the hardest thing in the world to possess and I get that and I think that that is important but their PR for their movie is unlike anything

anything I've ever seen. I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to watch it. Honestly, it makes me feel like sometimes I'm uncomfortable. I feel like I'm interrupting something. Me too. Did you see the one where they whisper the sexual shit at each other? I sure did and I never want to see it again, to be honest. I'm so sorry. I need it in the podcast. I need everyone up to date. One second. We're going to see who has the dirtiest pickup lines. If you were an elevator, what button would I have to press to make you... Basement. You want to save water by showering together?

What's your name again? I want to make sure I'm screaming out the right one tonight.

The rest of us. So like his seemed a little more like funny. Like I got the like bit of it all. But like the next one was like how many bones are like there's 205 bones in a human body. Like how do I make it 206 later? Like crazy shit. And it's like that is that's too far. It makes me feel sexually confused, to be honest. Yeah, I'm in love with her. Speaking of being sexually confused. I guess if I was engaged to her, I would be like, I don't give a fuck if you.

I couldn't ever be so secure. Could you imagine being like Jennifer Aniston when she knew that her man had to go on set with fucking Angelina Jolie all day, every day. Yeah. And then she lost him. And I just like at the same time, too, it's like I was watching anyone but you, the movie. And I was like, dude, that was so cute. How do you not like fall in love with either of them, to be honest? And just like just when you're in that scenario with like you, you are going to fall in love. Yeah. You like you like fly away to like

be fake madly in love with someone like somewhere else for like so in australia yeah game over sister you lost your man and just like all the the trauma bond of the shit that they had to kind of do together like i sort of got they're promoting this movie like it's a presidential election but like it worked they had honestly it was so cute in harbor together freezing cold water like no like the shark of it all like the spite like just all that shit if you're doing that with someone at like

I feel like bonds you together. Yeah. Oh, my God. I would I would never be able to last. Yeah, I would kill myself if I was. Yeah, I have a problem. What is it? I've talked about that. I'd never shut up about this. You actually just said something in my bathroom to me about this. Oh, no. I saw a Snapchat the other day of that Ashley sent me from. Sorry. From twenty eighteen.

Or maybe 2017. And it was a video of the two of us putting our feet together like this. Get over it. No. She's an eight. And at the time I was putting my foot to her foot. And they were the exact same size. Which means I was an eight. That is confusing. Were you a late bloomer or something? I bought shoes the other day. They were a woman's 10 size.

From 2018 to 2024, I should not have gone from a woman's eight to a woman's 10. What kind of shoes were you wearing when you were in eight? Were they like stretchy shoes? No, Brooke. That's I think the reason why the Snapchat made me so mad is because it was like our naked feet. Like it was actually like and like she's still in eight. Yeah, I was going to say maybe the sizing is like a little bit different now, but not if she's still in eight.

why have I grown two shoe sizes? And like, I would, I'd like to say that the size and a half was in the last like three years. So it's like,

I've heard of it happening. I don't want to leave 10. But what if it just keeps growing? You know, they say your ears never stop growing. Yeah, I know. And your nose. That's horrible. But like, well, what if I become like a woman's 11 and like I can't? We're going to have to push you down the slopes. Makoa was like, baby, it's OK. My mom has big feet, too, the other day. And I almost like slit. No, but like two.

Like two is crazy. Like, you know, you know, I have big feet, big feet. I just don't like the two words together. Big feet, big foot. I don't know. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. That's just like one of those things that we've learned over time is like not a good thing. Yeah, I guess if I was like born as a 10, I wouldn't give a fuck.

Like I wouldn't give a fuck at all. It's like, what, when are they going to stop? Oh my God. I remember I had this, like this friend in high school and she was literally like five, one. She was the tiniest little thing. And she had literally like, she was like a size 13. I'm not kidding. It looked so funny and she never grew. So it was like, what's going on? I'm scared. They're going to start like coming out of the windows of the house. Like, you know, like I'm, it reminds me of like a little fairy tale. Maybe it's like, you know, like Pinocchio.

Every time he tells a lie. Every time I tell a lie, my feet grow a little. A goat just beat me up. My God. What'd you say? A goat just beat me up. A goat just beat me up. I've had the same size foot probably forever. That's like literally most people. Yeah. Well, I've been the same height. I've been this height. I think I've said this before, but I've been this height since I was like nine, maybe. I was so much taller than everybody else in all my like childhood photos and stuff. And in dance, I was always like the tallest one.

And everyone was like little babies around me and then just stopped. And now I'm fucking five, three, five, three, five, three. You're five, three in my head. I've told you this a million fucking times, but in my head, for some reason, you and I are the exact same height. And I know we're not in my head, too, because I got I got that wingspan on me. I have the longest arms, longest legs. I have no bought no like torso. I don't know what it is that we're the same height.

In my head. But I also do this weird thing where I give people accents in my head that they don't have. Like Josie Canseco, Swedish. I've talked about this. Swedish. I had AI make us last night. Oh, yeah. And I was going to text you. I had AI make a photo of us last night. It was 4 a.m. And then I was going to text you. You're going to be like, why are you awake? So I didn't text it to you. Hold on. It's like not us at all. And when you zoom in, it's funny. I'm not I'm not good at AI yet. But hold on. Oh, I can zoom into my ankles.

why is that how my ankles really look wait look at my absolute cankle and then zoom into our faces wait i they got my kneecaps exactly right i'm not kidding at all we'll put it in the podcast that's how literally how i feel like my teeth look if you if you get this side of my face people anytime i go on a podcast and they see this side of my face they'll be like brooke looks so different i'm like yeah that's because i would never let you see her her is crazy

They got my posture right look at that little like slump to me. Yeah I just I thought that the view and the rooftop was actually kind of accurate as well. That is cool and let me tell you they would never catch me without a sock on. They would definitely catch me without a sock on. They did they drew my anklet how'd they know that? Also just circling back to the spray tan thing what if that was a real tan? What if I had a real tan? He didn't see me that close like I've been in Hawaii. What if you had a condition?

Mm hmm. Psoriasis or something. I have big. You got to go back. You got to go back and wait for him. I have nothing else except for I ran into my crush at the dentist this morning. You went to the dentist. I did. I had to go to the dentist because I fucked up my Invisalign and it's not right. So I'm going to have to get attachments for tour.

Like those like things that like they put on your teeth to pull them down. But I just need to do it. And I figure I might as well do it while I'm on the road instead of like here. Yeah, I guess that doesn't make sense. But I did run into my crush at the dentist. He's this guy. I met him at Shaq's Funhouse. OK. And I was there with Joe throwback Thursday. And Joe, as you guys know, was not in love with me. OK. And I was bothered by that.

So I found somebody who I thought was going to make Joe jealous. Yeah. And I ended up just running around the whole night with this guy. No. Okay. I would show you him. He's like, he's so hot. But I run around the whole night with this guy and we're just like, we just really hit it off. Really, really liked this guy. He's the sweetest, like most like calm Canadian, like sweetheart. He's a professional athlete, but like a sport that's like you wouldn't think of and loved him. Okay. Yeah.

We've kept in touch since, but anytime he's tried to like hang out or like do something, he wants me to come to his house. I've told him a million times that is not a date. Going to your house is not a first date. 100%. And I'm not hanging out with anybody who doesn't want to date me. Okay. I'm just not. Yeah.

You take me on a date or we never see each other. We ended up having to see each other at the dentist. Okay. But I'm like, I just am so sad because he would be such an eligible bachelor. But he like, but he has like a thing about going out. Like he doesn't want to, like he doesn't go out. Of his house?

Like agoraphobia? I don't know. No, I mean, he went to the dentist. And no, he's like literally his whole job is like being outside. So what does that mean? I don't know. I think he just doesn't like like he doesn't want to go to parties. He doesn't like. But you don't want to go to parties. I don't want to go to parties either. Take me on a fucking date. Yeah, no, no, no, no. But so hot. It always scares me, too, when guys I'm not saying this is his situation because I don't know him, but like guys that are like

Like, for example, an athlete like, yes, in your sport, people like really know you, but you're not just like worldwide famous. But then they like don't want to go out and be seen with you because they think they're like that famous. Oh, I don't think that's the vibe. And we all we have a lot of mutual friends, like mutual friends who are all really good people. So I know he's a good person. And he's like really like I don't know how to explain that without giving too much information. He's just like a really good guy. That's good. So I'm like, why won't he take me outside the house?

Sometimes I imagine those dogs with an apple in their mouth on a rotisserie and then everyone walks in and I'm like, dinner is served. And I'm like wearing a suit. I'd take a bite just to make a point. Thank you for listening to today's episode of the canceled podcast. And I guess I just want to end today's podcast by saying thank you to everyone who bought our tour tickets so quickly.

I think by the time I think the tour is officially sold out, actually. That's crazy. And I was definitely under the impression when we took on this tour that it was going to be like promoting like our life depended on it all the way like through it. You know, I was hardly telling anyone like because I knew how crazy and big the venues were. And I wasn't telling anyone because I was afraid they were going to be half empty. 100 percent same. I was.

very much convinced that we would be like digital panhandling like like in New Orleans hours before the show like come to the show like on the strip in Vegas like handing out things like cards literally not kidding and I just for it to sell out that fast and for everyone to be so excited and

You were sending me a bunch of screenshots of specific venues and like they're fucking massive. And like Dave Chappelle just did a show at one of the venues we're playing and like his special. You're playing the same show in D.C. that Matt Reif was doing. And like it's just in place. Yeah. And it's that show's going to be insane, by the way, that the stuff you have prepared, the stuff we have prepared for so many niche cities and is insane. But I don't know. It just like really blew my mind. I think that the tour was like insane.

85% sold out the same day that we launched it. And just even before we even launched our promo, the amount of people that were on the website refreshing and like found out and shit, it's just crazy to me that that many people want to see us live. And we're like, it's so excited. Yeah, it really doesn't feel real, but I'm so excited to see

And we are going to try to give you guys the absolute best show we fucking can. We're about to after this. Literally, we've just been working on writing the show and making it so good. So I'm so excited and.

Yeah, I don't know. Honestly, tell us too, if there's like something you want us to do or like say or like something. Please, in the comments below just or on Twitter or anything, if there's stories you want or topics you want or anything, it would help us so much in the writing process so we can really knock it out of the park. And there will be, I think right now we're adding 17 more shows, like second shows to... Same cities. The same cities. And then eventually for all of the missed places like Boston and New York and...

LA and Vegas and Phoenix, like we hear you guys so heavily. And the second that

business wise like we get the opportunity to add these cities which we've already been discussing so much they will be added so nowhere is forgotten about and eventually we hope to take this shit international yeah we're not skipping our own hometowns either at all we just we just want to um be able to play the biggest possible venue so we can shit on all the people i want i'm inviting every man who's ever wronged me absolutely same oh my god we're gonna need separate venues for that shit i'm gonna need a whole yeah yeah

But we are so excited for Canceled Cross Country and it's about a month away. So we will be seeing you guys. It is a month away. It's less than a month away. So soon. And don't buy tickets from resellers who are trying to scam you out of crazy prices. We will add as many shows and tickets as we can and we'll be back to those cities as well. And yeah, fuck the people trying to tax you like that. Nobody's Canceled podcast is worth a $700 ticket. At all. I think so.

Thanks, Ari. We love you guys so much and thank you for watching this episode and we will talk to you very soon. We've got a lot of guests coming up, which hopefully they will hit the mark on not sucking so we can stack up some episodes for tour. Goodbye. Love you.