67: Saying Goodbye to the Cancelled Podcast - Ep. 67
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not just in your home, but in shelters across the country. Because feeding your pet Hills helps feed shelter pets. Science did that. Hills Pet Nutrition. Buy the bag that gives back. Visit hillspet.com slash give back or tap the banner to learn more. Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. Today is a New Year's episode. I didn't think we'd actually get to film before the year was over. Neither did I. We said in our last episode, we're like, this is the last

Yeah, but then we got home and we just couldn't stay away from the couch and the mics. I just want to put this out here. I have zero topics. Yeah, expectations low, everyone. And it's not because I'm not being diligent at my job. It's because I feel like my life has sincerely been so wholesome and boring. I feel like that's kind of a sad situation that we feel like something has to go wrong for us to have podcast topics. We could just talk about good, positive things that are happening. But

But like even that, like everything. Oh, you don't have any good positives either? Well, yeah, I do. Like I had a good Christmas. Love my boyfriend. Life is good. Okay. But it's just giving, it's giving nothing. No, I think people are equally excited to hear about your exciting things. Okay. I guess that's true. Tell me about your Christmas. For the audio listener, she just gave me murder eyes. No, I didn't.

My Christmas was really wholesome and sweet. I went home to Amari's parents as I always do. And it's actually so sweet. I cry every Christmas, like just to have people be that like thoughtful and love me. And I think I'm just extra grateful because it's not something I was like born into, you know? It is. My little brother just told me over Christmas that one time he crushed up a plan B and put it in a girl's drink.

I don't think it's still effective. I mean, maybe. Like within the first 48? Let me ask you another question that goes along with something you and I were already talking about today. Okay. What are your thoughts on someone, like if I were to like,

slip honey or like Viagra into somebody's drink if he were perhaps suffering from erectile dysfunction. I think you're doing everyone a favor. Like he'd probably be like, whoa, this is so sick. And then you'd be like... To be clear, I'm not experiencing that right now, but I have experienced it. And have you ever...

Slept with someone who has erectile dysfunction. Honestly, yeah. It's just so much work. Your wrists hurt. Your mouth hurts. It is. I made the comparison. It feels like you're blowing up a balloon with a hole in it. Because if you stop for even one second, it's over. Like, completely over. And it's sad. It's really... I know. You know, yeah. I think I always leave feeling really sad for them. I wonder what causes that. Only if you... Do you think it's, like, hereditary? I'm not saying, like, this is someone who, like, just didn't get hard either. I'm saying, like, you know...

Like they've said, like, I have a problem, you know? Well, I don't know. In my experience, the guy didn't think he had a problem. I'm like, this is a major problem. It was like one of those things outside the car dealership. I wish we could say who. No, they don't know him. We can't. Gypsy Rose Blanchard.

Get out of jail tomorrow. This is, did you see Elijah is throwing a Gypsy Rose release party? Yeah. Do you think she approved of that message? It's so hard because I really am like beyond invested in her case. I know every single thing about it. I feel like I know her personally. I'm elated for her to get out of jail. I think she should have never gone to jail. How long has she been there? Does anyone know? At least like seven years.

Like, it's definitely not, like, a short amount of time. First of all, I wonder what kind of prison she was in because I wonder what her, like, knowledge is of, like, what's going on outside. Like, does she know the kind of, like, straight-up cult following she has these days? She's got to. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if someone calls in, they're going to tell her, like, right? Like, if she calls someone. Do you think people write to her? Of course. So many. Yeah.

I just can't imagine the like culture shock. Yeah. After having been gone for that long. Oh, but not even just jail. Like think about most people lead a normal life and they go to jail. All she ever. Yeah. Cause she's never, yeah. She's going to get out and like all of a sudden she can like tap dance and shit. Like she can go to a Sephora. Imagine gypsy Rose Blanchard in a Sephora. She went to the movies. She did. Do you think she saw salt burn?

That would have sent me right back home. Some of the scenes in Salt Burner. Yeah, actually, now that I think about it, maybe not the best movie for her. I didn't really see the ending and I know it ends and it's really like poetic and cool. Yeah, but it was like a big like hoax movie where somebody had this whole fake life. So, you know, the scene where he drinks the bathwater. Yeah. Wait, should we? Spoiler alert.

Yeah, I get where he was coming from. Do you know Saltburn sent me PR and it was a mug? And in the bottom of the mug, it was like an image of a drain. That's kind of cool. But then like I'm going to be drinking my coffee thinking about cum. Oh, no. Brooke just told me downstairs she really likes to get cream pied. No, I didn't. I mean, I did, but why would you say that?

What about it? No, stop. Indices you? I'm on a major rebrand right now. Fuck. And I've been so successful. What's sparking this major rebrand? My interest in having a serious relationship. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that actually. So like...

That's not a conversation that I should be having in that case. That's really true. She never said that. And I will I would die on that hill. She never said that. I'm literally schizophrenic. Just made it up completely. Have you ever seen The Idol? I've only seen the first two episodes. Did you end up watching it? Yeah, I watched the whole thing. And were you like disturbed by it at all? Or like what were your thoughts? Because I've heard that everyone thought it was a horrible show. I was going to watch it when it first came out. And Chris Miles was like, you shouldn't watch this.

it's going to traumatize the shit out of you because it's like going to remind you so much of your life and like people in your life. That's how I felt about Breaking Bad. That's fair. That's really fair. And so I didn't watch it for a long time. And then Trisha's been like, you need to see this. It's so hot. First of all, I need to have a conversation with Trisha about what exactly was hot. Like,

Like there are some like hot sex scenes, I guess, objectively. I feel like Trisha has like some little like funny kinks though. Or like dark shit like that. It really traumatized me. Like I was holding my breath the whole show and just so much of it felt like, like when she had the photo of the cum on her face. I don't know why this is a recurring topic of today's episode. But then she like goes out that night and she's like drinking away her problems. I was like, that's literally a video of me. Then I find out it was filmed at Bootsy Bellows.

Which like I've literally done that. Like that's just like. Wait now I'm trying to picture it. And her entire relationship with the guy just is so like me coded. Like I feel like I've dated so many like piece of shit guys like that. Ew me too. And it's just like I don't even know all of it. I could see myself so like like getting lost into like a cult world and like.

All the, like, scary people at her house. Like, I've just been there. I don't know. Yeah, see, I've only watched the first two episodes, so I don't know anything hardly about it. Yeah, no, I really... You finished the whole series? I finished the whole series. The ending, I don't really like. Yeah, well, wasn't there, like, not really a proper ending? Because they, like, couldn't even put out the last episode. Is that true? I don't know. That makes sense to me. Because...

My conclusion of the final episode was that like there should be another episode. Yeah. Like or that it felt like they were wanting to get picked up for a season two. Like it did not feel like a series finale. Oh, I hate when that happens. Have you ever watched a show like loved it so much and then it gets canceled and you want to die? Like what was it? Carrie Diaries with Austin Butler. I'm still traumatized. I've never seen that. You would love it. But I'm not letting you watch anything. I'm not kidding. If you do one thing for me, this is my New Year's resolution for you.

Watch sex in the fucking city. She's like watch a meetings on zoom Watch sex in the city. It is literally you will learn more from that show than you will like literally any of your actual life experiences Okay, I'll start it But the reason I say that is because Carrie Diaries is like supposed to be the younger version of Carrie Bradshaw Oh, wow. Okay. I'll start with sex in the city. I will it is the

I love sex. I love cities. It's just so fun. It's like five. It's just amazing. Wait, that's really good then. I'll check it out. And it'll make us want to move to New York. I just responded so AI. Wait, that's really good then. I'll check it out. What? Yeah, I don't even know who that was for real. What the fuck just came out of my mouth? I'm on a little bit of like a... I've been like kind of...

monotone and boring lately. I've been glitching. You noticed maybe a few minutes ago downstairs. I looked at Brooke and I said, Brooke, yeah, I like you so much. And she said, I because I was really trying to find like the perfect response, like the sweetest response I could craft.

Although it did take me a sec. Yeah, it's okay. I know she loves me deep down. You had a happy Christmas. Your boyfriend came to Christmas. He came to Christmas. No. He came to Thanksgiving. They love him. Everyone loves him so much. I love that they love him. And they hate everyone. I feel like everyone I've ever dated, my parents gave like a lifelong ban from their home. So it's really nice to have like an opposite reaction. He landed on Christmas Eve at midnight and

Deborah still like took the time to make him a stocking and shit. And of course, I remember she made me an Easter basket one year and I cried. Yeah, it's she's the sweetest thing on making everyone feel included. And there were so many of us on Christmas morning and it was really sweet. And he didn't want to spend Christmas with his family. It's not that his mom's in California. So he'll probably see her. His dad was like, go, go. His dad like loves me. So it was like really sweet. And like,

I don't know. Hawaii Christmas is also different. They all just kind of like barbecue on a beach. Yeah. You know what I wonder? I guess we already talked about this, I think, on Cancelled. But what the fuck? Can you believe that in Australia they just have summer Christmas and there's no movies about it? Like, you just never think about that. Yeah. Why are there no movies about that? Like, Christmas is just hot and sunny. Is there a fucking high speed police chase outside?

Do you know every house on my street except for mine has been robbed? Well, it's probably the full-time security you're paying. Thank God. But like across the street the other day, there was helicopters and shit outside. And a guy went in to rob the house at gunpoint and the entire family ran outside and they called the police. And there happened to be police like one street over. So they came and then they were holding the guy like guns drawn outside of our house. All the neighbors came out to watch. And then it was a light skinned,

like five, eight black guy in a black hat. And Amari is light skinned five, eight and was wearing a black hat. And he had to like take the hat off and run inside. He was like so scared. That was his whole thing. How do you know it wasn't Amari? It's true. Maybe Amari is just out here like the bling ring on a heist. That's honestly TW heist. Can we talk about the heist?

No, no. How was your Christmas then? My Christmas honestly was so cute and wholesome and amazing. I saw my sister. I haven't seen my sister in a while. And she's so fucking funny. I wish you could hang out with her. She's the funny. Like, I always think like, where did my funny come from? And I found out that she's like way funnier than me. Really? Like quick funny or more wild funny? She's like quick. She's just like, you just have to meet her. I remember when Lila met her, she was like, wow, I didn't expect that. Yeah.

I saw my grandparents, obviously. I saw your TikTok about your grandparents. Oh, my God. Do you remember that time you and I got dinner at like Yesabel and we meant to be like so wholesome and then we scream cried the entire dinner. Literally scream cried. Yeah. Yeah. I do remember that. My grandma, he paints her name. He literally she's like his little dog. Obviously, she has like dementia. She can't. She completely nonverbal like.

It doesn't do anything. Did you, does she talk at all? No, not anymore. But my grandpa, like he literally like puts her hair in a little ponytail and he like paints her nails and just pushes her out. Like he's, it's like a little doll and it's so horrible and sad, but it's also like the sweetest, cutest thing. I know. You sent me photos of them the other day and like, you kind of look like them a little. They're little wedding photos. They got married when they were 19. Isn't that so crazy that that used to just like be such a thing. It was crazy. Debra was showing me.

Her family like books and I never seen photos of her as a kid and I was like I want to see what like my mommy looked like a little child you know and she was showing me and it was like Debbie's first Christmas 1981 like I was born in 1998 like she had a mark she's so young yeah yeah like and it's just that's so crazy to me that that was like the norm.

That is really crazy. My mom had... I was the third kid and she was 22 when she had me. Really? Yeah. And then she was done. Oh, wait. Speaking of, people... There's speculation online that I have a secret sister. What do you mean? That I've been hiding. I saw somebody post. They were like...

Saying like Brooke Brooke keeps this sister a secret, but like she has this sister and like yada yada It's my second sister Megan. I never really talked about Megan cuz we didn't grow up together Really, but I have a second sister. I also have a brother. It doesn't make it have the same dad No, no two kids have the same two parents so me and my sisters all have different dads and me and my brother have a different mom and

Speaking of secret siblings, I when I was speaking, I was good siblings is crazy when I was younger. So I have these two cousins. Wait, everybody keep up really quick because it's going to get confusing. I have two cousins, Alexa and Sergio. OK, and I grew up with them like I was always with their mom, whatever. And obviously my brother has a different mom. Let's call her Stacy. Stacy, after leaving my dad and having a kid with my dad, obviously started dating my mom's sister,

Okay, so my aunt

Okay, so your answer is dating. So my cousins lived with my little brother, but none of us were allowed to tell him that he was my little brother. So we just they thought they were best friends, but they were cousins and they didn't know what when did when did he get to find that out? Why couldn't he know that he was your brother? Because there was I don't know, like it was some drama between like, you know, Stacy and my dad and like no one wanted. I don't know. He just didn't know. He didn't know he had siblings. Okay, so he didn't know I was his sister.

And I would be around him and I knew he was my little brother, but like we weren't allowed to tell him and they were like they were cousins.

But like also why is Stacey dating my aunt all of a sudden? How did that happen? I don't know. Like your dad would bring her around your mom. No, I mean, it's Tucson and they all ran in the same circles because they all had common common interests. Like it's like knitting. Crack. Yeah. Anyway, he knows he's my sister now or brother. How did he find out? Was it like a birthday card? Yeah, we definitely like 23 and me told him. But like probably when he was like 10, like it was like we were old.

I remember the time. It was so strange because I could never say anything. I want to know why so bad. I don't know why. I really don't. Honestly, sound off in the comments. You told me something today and we decided we would save it for the podcast. Brooke's caring today, guys. Give it up for Brooke in the comments below, please, because I'm just giving up. I have nothing to give. You told me today that you whored yourself out on Christmas. No, I unsuccessfully whored myself out on Christmas. Big difference. I had high hopes for this Christmas break. OK, first of all.

I've told you before about my high school, one that got away. Yes. And by one that got away, I mean somebody who I was, he was like the first person who broke my heart in high school. Okay. We all have those. He did me so dirty. Then we went to college and he slept with every single girl in my sorority, all my sisters. And I was just heartbroken over him for so long. And he wanted nothing to do with me. Okay. And look at, look at now. He is so excited to see me when I come home.

So I really thought I was going to do that. And I just couldn't bring myself to do it. What do you mean? Like he wanted to hang out? Yeah, he's like, let me take you to dinner. Like, let me be a gentleman just this one time. Like, let me take you to dinner. And I'm like, I really thought I was going to go and I couldn't go. Also, I have a crush on this basketball player that you know about. We love him.

The most unfortunate thing ever happened where he set me up with his friend. How does that come about? What do you mean? I thought you were going to hook up with him. I thought so too. And he sent me, well, not, I don't know, but he sent me a video of his friend and was like, he's talking about you, blah, blah, blah. And so I was like, oh, like, who is that? And he like told me. Ask a wall player as well. Yeah. Same, same team. 6'10". 6'10"? 6'10".

Sorry, I'm having a really, really hot, honestly, 6'10". So I was like, can't hurt 6'10". That's seven feet tall. That's not even right. Like, I don't even think that that's like he could actually pick you up with two fingers like a little fucking rag doll. Yeah. So I was like, you know what? I'll entertain it. And he's we were like talking all the whole time I was gone. So sweet. Like just like really asking all the good questions. And then.

He's like, oh, I'm actually he's like, I'm flying to Phoenix today for a game. And I'm like, wait, I'm in Phoenix. And he was like, no way. So then I was supposed to meet up with him. And then I couldn't do that either. Do you mean couldn't because you're being loyal to someone? Yeah. Is this warranted loyalty? Do you think this is matched loyalty? That's all I want to know. God, I don't know. But I wish I knew. Should we go full FBI right now? No, I won't. I don't want to know. That's fair. I decided.

I think that's a really good thing, though, to be loyal to someone just because you want to. Well, I can't like more than one person at a time.

I'm like hats off to those who can. I don't anymore. I'm clean. Yeah. But I just like I don't know. I just think until I know it's almost like a defense mechanism. I think it's not like that. I understand wanting to do it for like safety so that like if something goes wrong, you don't feel like you waste like put your eggs all in one basket. That's exactly what I mean. Like I can't until I know that they feel the same way. But I'm also such a like three weeks in. What are we? I know. I'm just I'm really scared of that this time because I like I'm way too scared of it.

Just I don't want to know. I really do feel like dick cures everything. Like if I have a hangover or if I have a headache. I'm not kidding. It is like you're so right. Like if I'm like upset. Like it's just like it's such a good little like DIY serotonin. Yeah, it's like putting your feet in hot water.

It's just like that. It really is. Last night I got so wildly high by accident. Like we went to Malibu and we smoked with Hunter, but we smoked like way too much and way too much like good weed. And I came home and I was like, oh, this is perfect. I'm going to get dick to like become less high. Just so gross. And not kidding. And normally that works completely. And the entire time I was having sex, I was like, I felt like I was in like a B.R.

headset. Like I felt like I was like a maybe you were maybe you were just that high. At one point he like put a vibrator somewhere. I don't even want to say where and I was somewhere. I just felt it like in my spine. Like it just like wasn't OK. And afterwards we had this whole conversation where we both admitted to each other that we were having sex to try to get less high. And it didn't work for either one of us.

And then I slept for 14 hours. Oh, God. We went to bed at like 9 p.m. and woke up at like 11. Well, you're well rested at least. No, and then I took a nap today later. Like I woke up still high. Oh, shit. What were you smoking exactly? Crack, apparently. I don't know. No, I don't think crack. I think crack would have the opposite effect. Yeah, I'd probably like it. I'll stay away from it. Yeah, please stay away from crack. You will. I can't handle that. I've got enough going on. Seriously. Would you ever like...

Can you tell I have no topics? Because I was really about to ask you what it would take for you to smoke crack. Because there's an answer. No, I think, okay, because crack is what? Crack is you smoke cocaine, kind of. It's like unfiltered coke. I wouldn't try it, but like it wouldn't be like the craziest thing considering we've tried every other drug.

Because I haven't done heroin or meth. Actually, I have done meth. What's the difference between meth and crack? I've definitely done like a fake Molly. I don't know what the difference between meth and crack is. What did we learn this year? There's a meth pipe. I know. Oh, my God. Have you ever smelt a meth pipe? I've never smelt a meth pipe, but I have seen one. What does it smell like? There's like I could never describe it. If you had to get rid of one of your senses, like what would you choose? Obviously, smell is like the obvious answer because it's the only thing that's like.

You're not going to get rid of your sight or hearing if you could just make me taste, though. Well, smell gets rid of your taste. Tori doesn't have any smell or taste. Kind of like an awesome DIY health. No, it's not. Because since she can't. So like if you were to plug your nose and eat something, you can like barely taste it. But you can tell when something's really, really sweet, really, really salty or like spicy. So like then she's always reaching for like.

junk junk foods because that's the only time she can like feel something yeah well that's crazy oh yeah we have the least amount of words like in the in the language to describe smell like there's only so many words you can use to describe smells whereas you can like describe sight in like a million ways well I've never thought about that that was profound

- That was profound. Why am I AI today? - It was borrowed. - Brooke, that was so profound. What's going on? - Yeah, I feel like I'm pressing a button and you're giving me an automated response. - I know, this is what happens when I'm sober, I think. - I love it. So,

I've lived in a few houses with Amari's family. Like we had the one that we had in like middle school. And then there was the one we had in high school. And then like right after we got out of high school or as we, like, I didn't get out of high school. I dropped out, but like that time, you know, they moved into another house and it's been the same house since, you know, and they've been renting it and the owner wants to put it up for sale and they like would buy it, but there's a lot wrong with it. So they can't, so they have to move.

and I'm this was my last time in the house they moved January 1st oh and I felt like that Hannah Montana fucking scene you know what I mean yeah I've had moments like that it's it is a hard I had one house that like I lived in two separate times and it's so I literally drove by it when I was home this week because I was like it's so emotional but it's like I'm so sad because it's also like

Amir and Mia are little siblings. Like when I was growing up and like in middle school and stuff, they were like too young to really kick it, you know? And like, even when we were in high school, it was like, they were still like our little siblings, like obviously always looking out for them, always loving them. But it wasn't until they kind of turned 18 and like 19 and 2021, like so on and so forth that they could like,

really kick it with us, you know, and like talk about grown shit and whatever. So I feel like this house like holds the most bonding and like memories. Yeah. I mean, you're still going to do that anywhere, but it is it's hard going home. Like, for example, I go home now to a house I never lived in. Yeah. And it makes me sad because I'm like, this isn't my this isn't my house. Like, I don't feel at home there. I know. I also have my own bedroom at this house and it's a five bedroom house. And obviously, as parents,

As they get older, you know, you have no business having a five bedroom house except for, you know, one week a year. Yeah, exactly. So it's like Amari has a room. I have a room. Mia has a room. Amir has a room. And like, I don't get a room anymore. And we're going to put bunk beds in the fucking room. And I'm so honestly so fun, though. Imagine you and Amari in your little bunk beds. I know four of them. We're going to be in bunk beds.

On our tour bus, we are going to be in bunk beds forever. Are you more of a top or a bottom girl? I think I should have top. Although, I don't know. I don't want your, like, your, like, Taco Bell stench. What the fuck, Brooke? I'll eat it in the goddamn living room of the bus. I actually like the bottom. Wait, should we? Let's talk logistics. Okay. Should we make up our tour rules right now? Yeah, let's make up our tour rules. Okay. Wait, do you think...

I feel like we can probably be on like opposite sides. You being unfazed by that is why you're my best friend. Maybe we can both be on like the same level, but side by side. That's kind of like, because then we can open the curtain and like peek. You know what I mean? I like the bottom. I don't like the top because the crawling. You have to kind of like crawl up there. Like it feels like ladder. You know, when I was a baby or a kid, I was on the top bunk. Me and my sister had bunk beds and there was no railing. So sometimes I would just...

roll off onto the ground in the middle of the night, my mom would have to pick me up and put me back up. How old were you? Four, five. Like, that's bone-breaking. Yeah. That's a bone-breaking status. That's a little crazy. I never broke any bones. Why wouldn't she put your sister on the top? Isn't she older? Nobody knows. Anyway, yeah, I think...

Consensus is we're side by side. So then we could like if we wanted to just like randomly hold hands, we could. That's really lit. I agree with that. You know, you can't shit on a tour bus. Yeah. Well, you can. But imagine how much we're going to have to stop. I think you just take that one final. I'm a morning shitter, though, actually. So just like your favorite thing to say is that you can hold your shit and it's not a real thing. You lie about it every time I can hold everything.

everything so well you cannot claim we i proved you wrong i have video evidence what do you mean of you saying you she literally said i can hold my shit i never i'm never gonna have a time where i just have to shit and literally that same day she was leaking like what are you talking about on tour this last time it's in my blog i don't know what you're talking about i really don't

No, I'm not saying I never have to shit. I'm saying, well, you said you could, you can always hold it and that's not the case. And it's not definitely not the case for me. I've got like borderline IBS. I'll be in pain, but like, it's not going to come out. Obviously there is a discrepancy of like watery shit and like solid shit. Like if it's solid shit, let's go. Let's go on a road trip to fucking Niagara Falls. Yeah, I agree with that. But like, you know, occasionally you have some watery shit and it's not really like the journey as much, you know? And that's,

And that's OK. Do you know that I do this really weird thing with Ty Collins? Like I'm a fast shitter. I'm a really talented fast shitter. Like I don't if I go to a guy's house, like I'm not even worried. Like I'll just be like, oh, I have to pee. Like I can get it. I need to take my time. But it's like it's a luxury. Like I want to just I want to sit on TikTok. Like, yeah, I want to chill.

I agree with that. But I'm saying like if I need to get it out and no one knows like I can. Oh, you can. And I do this bit with Ty Collins where he starts a stopwatch and I go shit and we try to see how fast I can do it. And do you know my record time is a minute and eight seconds. Wow. That's actually bullshit. That's really good. And whenever I tell him like that, I took a fast shit like I text him like whenever I take a really fast shit like I have to text him and let him know. That's really nice. No sex on the bus. Obviously food in the living room. I like only food in the living room. I'm with that.

No food in the bunks. Weird. No friends. Lila today was like, do I get on the bus? I love her at the shows, but I'm scared about the living environments. I don't know. It's a whole different ballgame now. I know. Although Lila was really good for my mental health on the last tour. Yeah. She is just like she lightens everything. She makes it feel way less like work. But it just like...

It's a bus. So it's almost like it's no matter who the person, the more people, the less convenient it is. Yeah, I agree with that. I wonder if we're going to like all the people we go with, too, because like I've had bus drivers that are awesome bus drivers that are like clearly on crack bus drivers like, you know, you have to be on crack to be a bus driver. Right. I agree with that.

I do. How's the Bronco though for the road trippies? It was so good and my grandparents were well my grandpa was so excited to see it. Really? It was so cute. That is really cute. And they put a little dash cam in it and like they were just so excited. They did? What does the dash cam do? It videotapes the road so if you ever get in an accident or something no one can blame you for it because you have video evidence. Unless of course it's your fault in which case I would just throw out the tapes. But I mean what you have to put an SD card in it and like charge it? Yeah but it like it just fills the whole SD card and then it

read does it so like if you were to get in an accident then you can just immediately get it off you could probably make a really fun sex tape on that like on the hood of your car yeah i mean yeah i was thinking like if i'm ever like really on a fun like beautiful road trip i could just include it in my vlog oh whoa i see that's a way better like thought process yeah i wasn't thinking sex tape right away because like who's behind the wheel i've been really and why am i on the hood of the car i've been really wanting to release a sex tape lately

You should do a pet cam version. The other night I was in the hot tub and things got a little steamy. Steamy. And I forgot that there's a camera in the backyard. Oh, TW steamy. The way I didn't even process it. I'm just blocking it out. And then I remember we had a camera in the backyard and I was like, wow, I could really do something with that footage. You know what I mean? The thing is, I don't think anyone who's even looking at those cameras would blink twice at you getting railed in the hot tub, to be honest. That's so true.

It's really true. Do you want to know something that happened to me the other day? Sure. It's not sexual, don't worry. It's actually very nice. But it's not nice. So when I lived at Weed Lake in 2020 or whatever, I had two phones. I was in my two phones era. I had my personal phone and my work phone, right? And my work phone was this phone and I had another phone. The day before we were supposed to move out, I...

put my phone on that piano over there, but it was downstairs by Hunter's room. And I just like walked upstairs and like there were always people in and out of that house as well, though. And that was kind of like the problem with this. I walked upstairs and like eight hours later, I walked back downstairs to like get my phone and it was gone. So then I had an entire like search party in the house for the next like five days for this phone, like find my iPhone. I tried everything you possibly can to find a phone. And like the house obviously was very big and like that made it harder. But like I had everyone on the case. Like it was not in that house.

And then I moved. So we had like every mover like on the lookout for it as well. Like everyone just like any corner. It was like honestly the perfect time to normally find a phone because there were so many people in the house like looking for it and taking everything, whatever. I never found the phone.

And it haunts me to this day. Oh, like someone's out there with all your sex tapes. So the other day, Amari and I are sitting on the couch and he was like, why did you just call me? And I was like, I didn't call you. Like I'm sitting next to him, you know? And then he looks at it again. He's like, wait, this isn't Tana, like whatever. It said Tana trap phone. And that was like my OG phone. Oh yeah. I have that Tana trap phone and Tana real phone. Yeah. And he got a call from my old phone.

Whoa. And so I put like nine hackers on the case to try to like clear it from their like computers. Oh my God. But you had a passcode on it though, right? Yeah. I had this whole existential crisis that if someone ever found that phone and the stuff on that ever got leaked, I'm just putting it out there right now. I'm moving to Uganda. Really? Is it that bad? Is it like freaky stuff? Because I feel like if it was just a sex tape, like you might be proud of it. There's some I'm proud of, but there's this one

What's the one? It was on a jet. Okay. So that's good. But it was like, do you know how in the bathroom of a jet, like the door is fully mirrored usually? I mean, I don't really spend that much time on jets. You do. You do. Think about it. Okay. Just think about it. Yes. Like it's mirrored. So I made a sex tape like in that mirror. Okay. You know?

But like. That's impressive. No, but it was just like from the side. And I. Was it just like not a good, not a good video? Like my back like wasn't arched. Oh no. And I just like, I had just eaten like so much taco. But like I literally look like really scary. Like really fucking scary. And. Just say it's not you. Well, now you've really. You really put it out there. It's just so beyond me. My underwear were coral. I really didn't like them. I like, I can. You should have wiped it. No.

Now that I think about it, I'm going to go through my phone and get rid of anything. You meant the phone? Yeah. So I just really like, I'm not kidding. I'm not a big sex tape maker, to be honest. I just get drunk and I'm like, this will be fun. And sometimes it is. I have some really fun ones with some funny people. I feel like I've only, I mean, I guess I've only been in like one relationship. But I don't, I just don't even happen to be in a relationship. Oh, okay.

I used to. In that case, I'm going to get on it. I used to. I really used to. Now I'm better. Like I've learned now I'm like not like that. But just when I was like young and dumb, I was really like that. Oh my God. I just had a situation. This girl I know has the same name as another girl that was hooking up. They were hooking up the same guy and they both have the same name. Okay. And he sent the wrong sex tape to the wrong girl. That's actually fucking crazy. Imagine.

The guy you're talking to. How would you ever recover? Like, it's one thing to send somebody like the wrong text or like text the wrong person, which I've done definitely before, like talking shit about somebody to that person. But.

But like sending a sex tape and like imagine a guy you're hooking up with sends you a sex tape and it's not you. I'm slitting, cutting down the river, not even across the stream. Not kidding. That is like, oh, oh, the way I would literally light his house on fire. I remember the first time I ever did that in my entire life, like sent the wrong text to the wrong person. It was a friend of mine in high school and her name was Bridget Nichols. Hi, Bridget, if you're watching this. But I'm about to talk a lot of shit about you. So click out. Yeah.

Thank God you gave us first and last name. I'm kidding, but I'm not kidding. We were really good friends in high school and she had a hot ass older brother, Jack Nichols. I don't know where he is now. Jack Nicholson. Right. And he was super hot. And so I'd always be at the house and like see him like pass through the halls. And like we started flirting eventually. Duh. And I was like stoked on this one. Like he was out of my league, you know, and we start texting.

And then she like goes to school and she's like livid that I'm like talking to her brother. But it like- I hated friends like that. Who gives a fuck? Someone's always hotter too because they're your friend's brother. So if your friend's not down with it, that's just selfish. And it's not like he was like some virgin. Like he was a fucking whore, like football player, like piece of shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? And to me, it always just gives like you want your brother. Like if this doesn't affect you, like-

Who cares? I agree. Like who cares at all? And so I wrote out this entire text to my best friend, Monique, like about how Bridget wants to fuck her brother and she's a fucking freak. And like she's a brother fucker, like how she wants her fucking brother. And I'm going to fuck her brother anyways, because I don't give a fuck. Like I think she's fucking weird and being weird as fuck. And I sent it to her.

I sent it to her. I was at the bottom of my staircase in my town home about to leave for school and I just sat there for like 10 minutes. You should have put like her mom or someone on the case like destroy that phone and I will give you a million dollars. It was too late. She responded immediately and she said what? And then I said are you ready for what I said? I told her. I don't think I am. I go I don't remember which friend it was but I was like that's what Monica said about you. She just sent me this text. Like

I tried to play it off. You're going straight to prison. Like I was sending her a text, but it was just so clear that it like wasn't me. Like, you know, and she was like, you're a fucking lying dumbass. Like have fun with my brother. We never recovered. We were never friends again. Honestly, really valid, Bridget. I get I get where you're coming from.

I never did it either. I've had a couple friends like that who are definitely like brother fuckers. You know what I mean? Like even like just any kind of brother and sister relationship that's too close. I'm like, what's why? I just like probably like six months ago was talking to a guy like that where I was like, your sister wants to fuck you.

She had like all these nicknames for him and she'd like kiss him on the forehead. Or when they like spend like so much time together and they like go on like weird dates. Yes. And like the gifts you would buy her. Maybe I'm being bad because it's like some people just do have healthy like relationships with their family. Maybe we just don't. No, no, no. I love my siblings. There's a difference. It's the same thing with the mommy complex. Like when you know, you know, like it's like, oh, you want to fuck them. Yeah. You know, I always hate the moms to like moms or sisters that like

Moms especially that don't want their like will never approve of a girlfriend if they're got like sons. And it's like you want your son. So, you know how I said that I was dating that guy in the beginning of this year and whatever he wanted his mom. And yeah. And on our first date, I've told this story on the podcast, but on our first date, he was like, I like you so much because you look like my mom. And I was like, oh, that's so sweet. Wasn't wasn't at all. He wanted his mom so bad. Anyways, he has a new girlfriend.

I can't express this enough to you. Does she look exactly like his mom? Identical. Oh, like he posted a photo of her and I thought it was his mom. Wait, that's I thought it was his mom. I do not fuck with that. See, that should have been a red flag. You ignored that red flag and it should have been major. You know, I look back on some guys that I've talked to and I'm like, how the fuck did you ignore that? Like I had one guy who had a who had a ring light for our first FaceTime call.

He was he used a ring light on FaceTime. I'm holding my breath and I know who it is and I just hate him. Same guy who sent me a B.O.B. song and said, this reminds me of you. So many things. So many fucking things. Do you know that I have a friend's mom right now and I'm really close with her and we talk a lot and she just got married.

Right. And she'd already been married to like my friend's dad for a while and they divorced for like a long time. And.

recently got married to this guy and she's like he's the love of my life like they met each other like I don't remember how they met but it was like really cute and like she's super happy and like blended the families like everything and they finally get married they have speeches at their wedding they're sobbing about how much they love each other like whole nine she quits her job because she's like perfectly I'm settled down now like he's the breadwinner like this is okay like I'm excited for this life like whatever you know

He's had a girlfriend the entire time. He married her and he made a speech at their wedding about how much he loves her and how she, whatever. And has had a girlfriend the entire time and now she has no job. She has to move out of their house. But imagine at like 45. Absolutely not. After you've already abandoned like every other like thing you had going for you.

No, no, no. That is so fucking horrible. I can't believe that really happens to people. Like people who end up like finding out that their husband has like a whole separate family and shit. Yeah. I mean, I guess that like low-key kind of happened to me, but on like a really small scale. Yeah. And I just think it's different when you're younger. Yeah. It's so different, especially like having kids and stuff, like how traumatic that would be. I also like, you know what I have been thinking about a lot recently is like,

You know, you think of it like we've seen so many of our friends' parents get divorced and like that's like such a normal thing and stuff. But I am thinking about it now and I'm like how traumatic a breakup is. Could you imagine like

you are married and you have kids like and I feel like no parent is ever like really torn up about it and stuff. I feel like if that happened to me, I would have to like send my kids away. Yeah, I think parents like hide it really well for the sake of their kids. God, I just never have really never put thought into like how hard that must be until recently. Yeah, it's horrible.

It really is. My grandparents have been together since they were 13 years old. No way. And they have literally like. You think they've ever had sex with any other people? I know it's your grandparents, but I just don't know. No, yes, I know. I know because my grandpa was in the army and they like they broke up for like a year while he was in the army. And like he was in the army. They'd be fucking in the army, right? Yeah. Oh, my God. I'd have so much sex. I'd be so bored. But she didn't. She told me.

They're so cute. That's actually insane. That's so cute. My dad has a new girlfriend. She looks or she's literally the same as my mom. It's like the weirdest thing. Also, I'm 27 years old. My dad has never had a girlfriend in my entire life except for now. And it's so strange. She's how old? I don't know how old she is. Wait, what did you just say? She just acts exactly like my mom. She has like the same like weird tendencies my mom has. You know how my mom will like my mom like show up somewhere with nine Bluetooth speakers and you're like, why do you have all of these?

And you just don't understand why. Same thing. His new girlfriend will show up with like three remote control cars. And I'm like, why'd you bring these? Like, it's just like really strange, like similarities between the two that I'm like, God, sometimes you just never get away from your first love. People have a type and it's scary. What's yours? Horrible, terrible, demented people. But I've done everything to get away from it. I think I'm in like the healthiest, happiest place in my life. I said I love you yesterday. I know. Oh, my God.

- Oh God, I wanna be in love. But then I cried. It's like how traumatized are you that like you tell someone you love them and you just start crying. - Well, that's scary. - I know.

So scary. Are you, how long have you guys been together? Not long enough to probably say that. No, I don't believe in that. I think like you can love somebody in like literally 30 minutes. I love him more than I've loved people that I've been with for a very long time. I've also like genuinely like been in love with people that I fucking hate. Yeah, truly. Like my last relationship, I literally hated him. And then it's like you look back and it's like, was I in love or was that a trauma bond? Like it was definitely a trauma bond. Yeah. But I don't know. That's the thing. I'm like, I feel like I'm experiencing it.

experiencing actual like real love and being nurtured for like the first time in a long time. I'm happy for you. I want that really bad. That's going to be, that's my goal since you asked my, my goal in the new year is a healthy relationship, a safe relationship where I am the only one seeing him at,

at the same time. Yeah, that's a good goal. And that's important to say because my last like three, honestly, yeah, have been polyamorous relationships I didn't know about, which is actually kind of crazy. I think it's going to come for you. I think that when like everything else falls in line and like you stop kind of looking like you're going to be distracted and on tour and not looking. And I think or maybe it's the person you're with now. Like, I don't you know, I have high hopes for that, which I do love. I love him for you.

Do my only goals for the new year really are to stop vaping. Start now.

The problem is, that's the problem. The problem is I'm going to miss it so much. I really love vaping. I tried vaping last night. Really? How was it? I'm like, my goal in the new year is to start. No, it was fine. I just wanted to try it. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I just really love it, but I know I need to stop and to start saying no to like more things and everything. I'm already having people just ask me to like do so much work on like the second and I'm like, wait, but I want to be in Hawaii and I want to just focus on tour and focus on myself and my wellbeing. And

Yeah, I think we're going to have a good like hardworking year. Hopefully I've been getting lazy toward the end of the year. Like I haven't posted a YouTube video in a month. But I think that senioritis kind of happens too. It is. And the holidays do take up a lot of different type of energy. Well, I just feel like nothing I'm making is like worth even posting. So I'm just like, that's not true. Don't let it. No, like, you know what I mean? But it's like.

I don't know. It's not like I have like any sort of deadline, but I just like haven't wanted to do anything. And I want to be like really good in the new year. I think that our tour. I actually agree with that. I'm going to get all my late vlogs out in the beginning of the new year. I love that when you'll post like a Valentine's Day vlog in December. I'm posting from Turk soon. That was six months ago. Do you know that on December 24th, that's my half birthday. Ryan told me this the other day. Unwarranted. He was just like,

Do you know that on December 24th, you'll be officially closer to 30 than you are to 20? Like, because it's your half birthday. Why would he say that? I don't know. I cried. I know. I'm like, I have a weird thing where I always like say the next year. So I always I keep telling people I'm 28 and I'm not. That's actually kind of smart. So then you're like a little satisfied with like not being 28. Yeah, but I'm 20. I don't know. Well, I am 20. If you know the thing like where they say like when you're born.

You don't you don't start at one. You start at zero. Yeah, you start at zero. So really, I'm in my 28th year right now because my first birthday was one and I was already a whole year old at that time. So when I turned 27, I had full 27 years behind me and I'm in my 28th year. Don't like it. Nope, nope, nope. Hate it. Don't like it at all.

Don't like it at all. You're what you just turned 25, 25. So this is you're living right now. You're 26th year. And when you turn 27 or wait, 26, 26, you'll be starting your 27th year. I really appreciate what you've said, but I will never be thinking about it again. Thank you. You're welcome, everybody. What are your thoughts on the Simone Biles situation? I don't know a lot about it. I'm not going to lie. She's an icon. She's a legend.

And he's just Ken. Like it's just some guy, right? She has 30 Olympic medals. Olympic medals?

30. Yeah. I just almost fell down going up the stairs. Simone Biles is the most decorated gymnast in the world. Okay. Her husband, obviously. Did you see the clips? He goes on an interview. He's on a podcast like you and I. And the interviewer asks him. But straight men just shouldn't do that. Yeah. Just ever. Unless you're like Dave Portman. It never ends well. They say like, how did you land Simone Biles? And he literally, he's like.

How did she land me like I wasn't even after her. I didn't know who she was when we met. I was like, who is this girl? Like I noticed she had a lot of followers. And then we would go out and like people would like stop on the street and look at her. And he was like, I just didn't understand. I haven't followed gymnastics. I knew nothing about her basically saying like,

She was so unimportant. And he was like, yeah, she chased me. Like, she was trying so hard. Like, all this stuff. And they're still together? The nerve? Yeah, they're still together. And she doubled... She, like, defended him. And I'm like, no, she didn't what she say. She was like, call me his wife or something. And she was like, are you guys done yet? Or something. Because obviously everybody's, like, trolling him so hard. And I get that. You know what? I've been a victim as well of just an absolute fucking loser manipulating me into thinking that he's...

way better on my side but what a disappointing thing like she is that's just crazy like is it his her husband yeah and it's like even if you didn't know at the time you know now so you had the opportunity to sit there and like hype up your fucking wife literally superstar legend wife and instead you used it as an opportunity to make yourself look like a fucking idiot and it really just is like all men like men just say dumb shit i think that's just the whole species but like

That's so sad and pathetic. And he should probably like anything I would say would just get me in trouble. I have to stop speaking in hyperbole. I was about to say that he should. Yeah, because you kept saying you were going to kill yourself. And everyone's like, stop. Can I tell you what makes me literally so infuriated? I want to fucking chop my own hair off. I love that you said that after we talked about speaking in hyperbole. Yes. I hate all the stupid fucking idiot moms who make their kids adhere to their

aesthetic okay and what i mean by that is wrapping their kids gifts in all moody neutral wrapping paper making sure that they don't have any colored toys in the house because it disrupts the like yeah that's horrible vibe of the living room it makes me literally fucking sick to my stomach when i see a kid who's not allowed to wear like my little pony on their shirt because it's like it's not like

what are you doing i couldn't agree more it makes me so fucking upset like imagine could you imagine like think about how exciting color was too as a kid like how fun it was to walk into a classroom and like everything's so bright and colorful and stuff could you imagine like how you would feel as a child walking around and everything you just have like a nude velvet ball yeah yeah that is horrible and all because your mom wants to fucking post you on her instagram story i thought you were gonna talk about um

almond moms like making their kid like I also fucking hate almond moms so much so much more than anything yeah that's true I don't know same kids should just have fun I'm still like that like I love peppa fucking pig you know it just makes me so sad like god like for what my only I don't no one even gives a fuck to see your kids on Instagram I don't care you like let them have fun let them wear paw patrol be there on the double bitch no don't you don't even have to post them in fact you shouldn't yeah so real beyond real you ate with that

Unless it's Malibu Barbie. I want to see her all day, every day. Seriously. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. No notes on that though. You're very right. See, fuck I said. No notes is so funny. I love no notes right now. Who started no notes? I saw it. Wait, did, I think actually maybe you told me that. I just started saying it, but I guarantee you I heard it somewhere else. Oh, Hannah Burner. Oh, that's very Hannah Burner coded. I love her. Me too, so much. I saw her podcasting today about, she got a confession that a girl called in and said it was her dream to be gang banged. You called? Yes.

You called Hannah. Kidding. I don't need to do that anymore. Need? I can't even like say shit right if my life fucking depended on it. I don't want to do that and never have. Yeah, I don't think that's ever been really in my cards. I just said anal for the first time in a while the other day. How was it? Tell me about it. Walk me through it. It was so amazing. I don't know. It was magical. What were you seeing stars? Not kidding.

That's so nice. This is like, this might be it. I still haven't really dabbled in that. And I told you guys you'd be the first to know when I do. But I actually don't think that that's true. You just have to be like a little loose with it. You know, like take a gabapentin. I'll take three. Seven. Seven.

I don't abuse drugs. Can we talk? Have you seen Heidi Montag's videos where she's calling the paparazzi and she's like walking everybody through it? No. It's so amazing. You have to see it. She's been making these TikToks and she's like, OK, you guys, I'm going shopping. I called the paparazzi. He's going to meet me here at this time. She goes like, here's one bag. This one has a bag in it. This one's just empty. She's like so transparent about it, about how she just calls the pops. And like one of the times like there was a mix up. So like she had to call a different one. And then like the

It makes me so mad that like every celebrity and influencer and shit pretend like they don't.

called a paparazzi. I don't know what it is that makes me so mad because it's like I'm being left out in the dust because I've just been honest about it in the beginning. And then like I'll see celebrities. That sucks when you step forward to be honest about something and nobody steps forward with you. At all. And it's like I'm friends with all these paparazzis and they tell me like so and so is calling. Everyone is calling. Julia Fox actually just wrote in her book about Bobby the Pop and like meeting up with him and how he like makes her feel so like makes her feel so like

scene, you know, he is the best. He did me such a service at stagecoach. I'll never forget. What did he do? I was at stagecoach with a brand and I was wearing the brand obviously because I had deliverables. I had to post a photo in the brand, but that was my only requirement. So once I had taken my photo, I took the outfit off and I changed into my normal outfit, but I didn't realize after that they had, they had hired Bobby to come do photos of us like for the brand. And I wasn't wearing the outfit anymore. I had thrown it away.

Because I didn't want to carry it around all day. So it was gone. So he literally took photos of Olivia Kaiser and like submitted them as me. That's actually crazy. He's like, Brooke, come over here. It was Olivia. I took photos and it was like he it was like played off as his mistake. He's actually such a real one for that. Do you keep up with his Instagram stories? Yeah, he's been he's out here like really exposing people sometimes. He's my favorite paparazzi because.

he's been so wronged by like major, major, like A-list, as A-list as they get. And they'll call him and then the celebrity will like wrong him and he'll come on and be like, this fucking Nepo baby just called me the other day to meet her outside of her house and then she fucking called another paparazzi and used his photos. Like he'll just go in. That's so crazy. I love people who are like that who are just not even afraid of,

like of like losing opportunities. Yeah, it's lit. It is so lit. He knows he'll always like get to. Sometimes it's just necessary, though, like there. I've seen so many videos of like Haley, Kendall, all of them. Like when if you have the outfit, you need a photo of it. I understand. Like get out of your car, take a few steps and get back in. Yeah, I 100 percent understand. I just wish anyone else would come forward because it's starting to get real embarrassing. Well, it's obvious. I get mad, though, sometimes because like now that people learned that celebrities can call the paparazzi, they've like run with it too far where they're like,

They just can't even imagine someone going outside and actually getting... I would say 85% of celebrity paparazzi shots

are staged. And then the 15 is them leaving a popular restaurant or club. Yeah. Or like community goods. Yeah. Who was your least favorite person this year? Like consecutively, like who is consistently like the most upsetting person in our friend group or like, no, just in general. I feel like four months ago I would have said Bryce Hall, but I'm okay now. Okay. But, but you have to understand it's 2023 as a whole.

Like who is the biggest disappointment in 2023? Maybe me. Oh. That got dark. I don't know. I really don't know. I'm trying to really think. Maud's son, I guess, really upset me a lot this year. Yeah, that was a bummer. Such a wild bummer. What about you? I feel like I just kind of loved everyone this year. It's such a positive year. Who? I really did have such a good year, though, compared to like Pug.

Oh, God, the end of last year when I was little suey. Yeah, I guess that's true. This year for me wasn't upsetting, but I do feel like in my entire 25 years of life, I learned the most this year. Yeah, it was a very transformative year for me. I mean, this is the most that's ever happened in the year in my life. Yeah, this year was the first time I tried like 75 hard. This year was the first time I like.

Just noticed a lot of different tried. So being sober for 75 days gets me every time. I learned a lot about myself and toxic relationships and what I want and don't want in the future and actually kind of sticking to that in a lot of ways. I feel like this was the first year I had like existential crises about like L.A. and my job and life and remembering that there's this was the first year in 10 years where I felt like I learned that.

there's more to life than this bubble in LA and there's more to life. I think it's the age you're at for sure. Social media. I, you know, I feel like even around me, I realized who was going to grow up and grow with me and people that I would potentially have to leave behind. And that that's a big thing that comes with like age. And I was really excited to learn that. Learned a lot about like spending and making money and what I want to do in the future. Just a lot of different things. What I want to do with my job.

this was the year of the canceled podcast. I know. I was just going to say, I'm so happy we got canceled back, first of all, because we didn't even know. At the start of the year, we had no idea if it was even coming back. Which is actually really crazy. And it's... The other day, I, like, went to the mall or I went somewhere. I don't remember what it was. And I met, like, 30 people back to back to back to back that just said I love the podcast. And I was like, I don't know if I've... Even when I did, like, MTV, I'd get a lot of people that were like, I love the MTV show. Or, like, a lot of people that are like, I love your this. But I've never felt like...

It's so apparent how much people love this one thing I'm doing. Yeah, I could tell because like this was the first time I've ever gone home and really experienced it, especially like I went out with my all my girlfriends last night.

and it was like same thing, just so many people. And like, they were like, wait, what the fuck? Like it's wild. It's, and I feel like even that, even in this last month, I learned like that next year, I really do just want to put my foot into this podcast. Me too. Should we make that a goal of 2024? It's a huge goal. Like I want to put listening Spotify. I want to tour. I want to make the shows, the best shows possible. I want to have the best guests. I want to,

Have the best episodes. This will be the last unplanned one. I promise I'll come back with heater topics. I think we should... A major resolution of mine is to actually come into every... And I know that this is what I should be doing already, but just give me a break, okay? Segments. Coming into every single episode with an actual, like, concrete list of things that I want to talk about. Because sometimes you and I just wing it. And, like...

It's not always horrible. I usually do just as things happen, like write them down. But I swear to God. Yeah, you're really good about it. That's why they give you the big books. Like all I have written is Christmas. Like nothing has just happened. Like I really just have nothing to like fucking say. But even that, like I want to have segments to fall back on. I would love to see like what the people want to have as like a segment. Like is it an advice segment? Is it like... I love like those episodes or the podcasts where people will write in and like ask advice and stuff. Although I don't know if anybody wants... I mean...

No one wants my advice. Maybe they want our bad advice. Who knows? You know, I love when Theo Vaughn does that, like has the voicemails of the people who call in and they all sound like him weirdly. He's so funny. I think we should start doing that. I don't know. Yeah. I've realized just what I want to do with my life and how I want to be and feel and act and. Yeah. Well, you're going in to 2024 with a healthy relationship, a very successful podcast. Great friend. You're half sober. Yeah.

You're slaying. Might face a blunt and take a Xanax after this. And maybe we'll ring in the new year in Hawaii. I think that we really should. I think I definitely, that's, I decided I want to go to Hawaii because like everywhere else is so like bottle service, tables, ratchetry, like it's like the party of it all. I've been so good. That's one thing I did this year like really well is not going anywhere.

to any parties, any clubs. Like, honestly, like, pretty much this whole year I was very... I drank, but... Just came correct about what you're attending. Always with nothing but good company. I haven't, like, surrounded myself with anybody I don't want to be around really this year. And that was something I was proud of and I definitely want to carry into 2024. I agree with that and, like, I feel like

In the beginning of the year, I was a little, I was good. Then I was a little rocky. Then I was, and now I just, I know. Every conversation we've had on this podcast this year was really how I felt about what I was going through. And I meant everything I said, you know, and I've just learned a lot of lessons and it's good. I learned a lot about what I will not accept in a man. Cause I had like, each one was like good for one major horrible quality. That's so valid.

I feel like I learned a lot about that this year as well. Like why I don't want in someone to finally get to a place of like knowing what I do want in someone, which is good. I had my first experience where a guy like was straight up honest with his intentions recently. He like he was we were talking about like what you go into dating thinking about and stuff. And he was like, I don't go into any date like like go into dating somebody thinking it's going to end in a relationship. And as stupid as that sounds.

I was like, you know what? I respect you saying that because everybody else pretends they do want a relationship and they don't. Yeah. Or at least who was in my recent experiences? Mr. Six foot ten. Wow. I respect honesty ten times more. If you tell me straight up like I want to have you and five other girlfriends or whatever the fuck like I just, you know. Yeah. And like I get to decide at that point if that's something I'm interested in. And sometimes you don't you never know. Maybe I'm like, yeah, fuck it. Like, I just want to have fun.

that's not the state I'm in right now. But like, I love somebody giving me the option. Yeah. And not just lying to your fucking face. I feel like you really had a lot of love life turmoil this year in the regard that I think the next year, but you're going to take all of that. I have, but, but I was like, I didn't have any like major, like I didn't take any major losses. Like I wasn't really upset about this year. Yeah. I guess I would say learning lessons, not like, yeah, I wasn't heartbroken over anybody this whole year. And that was like,

really a slay because last year I was like gonna die yeah understandable completely who's your favorite fuck of the obviously Makoa yeah not kidding I never thought I'd find it again yeah and then you just god who is your favorite friend of the year my favorite friend of the year you and Hunter you don't have to lie I'm not lying I really you Hunter I

I guess Amari just reigns true every year for me. Amari will always be my favorite. Amari is like more of a century thing. Contrary to popular belief, I really loved Ashley Schwan this year, but she's also kind of forever. Ashley, Isabella, and Amari, I do just love. Honestly, I had such a moment with Ashley and Isabella. We were really slaying the Christmas party. Oh, yeah, you went to the Christmas party. Me and Isabella went to war for you. Yeah, I heard about this. So you guys went to a very...

Rich guys Christmas party and I got there but I got there really late I kind of got there as it was ending like I had just gotten off a flight I went home got ready decently quick looked like ass showed up. Everyone was there. It was a really fun party But I had just gone to this guy's house like only a couple weeks before and I'd met this stupid idiot fucking loser What does he do? He is coach Really? Yes

I want to know who this is so bad. I can show you a photo. I screenshotted his Instagram because I can't imagine somebody more hideous. I'm talking to him. He's like asking. He was like really nice at first. I'm talking to him saying like, yeah, I mean, I have a podcast with like Tana Mongeau because he was saying like, I do know. He was like, yeah, I teach. I was like, oh, I have a podcast with Tana. And then.

He just immediately starts just fucking like talking so horribly about you. Like the way I look. It's not important what he was saying. I want to know. I guess all if you're not. Well, just like it's just I would never repeat like it. There's no need. But like I literally my jaw was on the ground because I'm like, I just fucking told you that I like we have a podcast together. She's like literally my best friend. Like, why the fuck? Like, why would you feel comfortable telling me that?

And so I literally was just so disgusted by it. And I didn't say anything in the moment, but I went afterward to everybody who I knew knew him. Like one of my friends knew him. And I was like, first of all, fire that man. He's a loser.

And I just thought I would never see him again. But then I saw him at the Christmas party and I told Isabella the tea and we just went fucking crazy on him. To his face? Yeah, because he came up trying to say hi to me and I was like, why the fuck are you talking to me? Like, you're weird and you're so horrible. What a loser freak. I like, I appreciate you and Isabella. First of all, I ride for you both. Absolutely. Well, Isabella was like really talking some logic into him. She was literally like, so what about like your life made you so miserable to like feel like you have to say those things about people? We were like, go off Isabella, I didn't

she never even told me this. Those are like some real friends. Like I just thought about this like today. And I'm like, this happened like weeks ago. I just don't like it because he's like directly affiliated with people that we know. So that like pisses me off. Yeah. Why are we having this guy? I don't know. Fire him. So I'll have to like look into it. But I've always just found it like so wild, especially lately. Like I just, lately, I don't know what it is, but I've been thinking about this like 10 times more than usual. It blows my mind to me that they're like,

hundreds of thousands of people out there who do not know me, who know 15% of me that I choose to say online that viscerally hate me and like,

I don't know. Like, can like pick me apart when like, I don't know you and you don't know me. I know it's so hard though, because we also benefit from that in the same way. Like our whole, we're like, everything we do is based on like people loving us in that same way. Yeah. You know what I mean? They don't know us either. Yeah. I know it is so weird to me. And that's the thing. It's always like balancing that, um,

dichotomy is like it's awesome and beautiful but it's also horrible what I went through all of 2023 not knowing what dichotomy means she said it so many times like a like a bat like a I just have to get that off my chest balanced but you know whatever anyways like someone the other day one of Makoa's like friends sent him a clip of me and Jeff I don't know where it was but just like

essentially like insinuating like, yo, you okay with this, bro? Like, you know what I mean? None of your fucking business. And it's like, Makoa obviously knows that Jeff is like a brother to me, but it's like so crazy. Like, and that's not wrong on his friend because his friend is seeing something or has a parasocial relationship with who I am online and knows Makoa and is just trying to look out for him and so on and so forth. But it's like just so wild that like...

if Makoa was dating like a normal girl, his people wouldn't be like weighing in on the things I do. A, like Makoa doesn't know about it. B, like, you know what I mean? Like so on and so forth. It's just, it was like blowing my mind that I was like. It's crazy. There's just like so much information available about you. Yeah. Like, it's like there, nobody else is like that. Literally. I just saw a TikTok about like my birth dad.

It was like people talking about him. And I was like, first of all, that's just crazy. Like born in 1953. He was? Yeah. My birth rates are really old. The top comment was like, he used to work for my parents. He would take a flip phone everywhere and like, like a physical map and like all this shit about like my dad.

And I was like, that's so fucking crazy. Like the world that we live in. And it was like the top comment with like 100,000 likes. And I was like, that's so crazy. Well, I think about that. Like my mom and my sister work at the same place. And like so many people who work with them are like fans of Canceled. And I think constantly about how like they are like inside my, they have like all the insider info on my family that I don't even know. Yeah. It like fucks with my head. I don't know. It weirds me out. What was your favorite?

cancellation of the year? I'm going to go with Matt Rife. I'm going to go with a tie between Colleen Ballinger and Matt Rife. No, I'm going to go with Matt Rife. I just you know what? Yeah. Yeah. They were like such a revenge fantasy of mine like that. I didn't even know I had you like imagine that like obviously you don't want somebody to be successful after they do you wrong. But like you just don't imagine that it's going to go that badly. I saw a girl like songwriting on TikTok about you and Matt Rife and I found it really funny.

I also saw a girl. You guys, I'm not heartbroken. I promise. I also saw a girl singing Hefner like Phoebe Bridges. Like, fuck on you. And it was crazy. I was like, this is funny. Did you say Bridges? Did I say Bridges? I meant Bridgers. Okay, that's good. Favorite scandal episode?

Of ours or mine this year, because I know you didn't really have it. What kind of scandals were you in this year? Can I objectively just say the wine lady? I was going to say that, but I didn't want to say it because I think that a lot of people thought that was actually really wrong. And it was. Yeah. I mean, the media took and you obviously experienced this with Matt Reif, but.

Took a very, very much of a hyperbole sentence that I said for my viewers. But then again, we talked about this in the last episode. I get into so much trouble. It is crazy because you just expect that only the people who listen to the canceled podcast actively are going to see things. And that's just not the truth. Yeah. And then when shit's on like NBC and take it out of context, it like makes you look like a fucking piece of shit. And not that I'm not a piece of shit, I guess. But like, obviously, I don't want anyone to.

But I think that it was just funny. Like it just like, it was just like, like how, like how did this blow up this much out of proportion? But it was like, and it definitely wasn't funny in the moment.

but at all it became funny you know um favorite celebrity of the year do you have one right now my brain is screaming to say northwest oh i don't know yeah i think my i'm gonna lock in my final answer on northwest i really fuck with jacob alorti right now i'm not gonna lie but he's not like really like oh my god the guy who played god what was what's his name barry

In Saltburn? Barry, Barry Coon. I don't know the names. He's like the main guy in Saltburn. You watched it, right? Yeah, I accidentally hit the wax pen like 30 times. He's so fucking amazing. God. Accidentally as fuck. Who's your least favorite celebrity of the year? Matt Rife. He's not a celebrity. He's an influencer. Who was your favorite canceled guest of the year? Ooh. Trisha. Of course, Trisha, but...

Everyone expects me to say Trisha, so I think we should omit Trisha. Trevor Wallace. Trevor Slade. Trevor's birthday is day after tomorrow. Let's go. Who is your... We really should go to his birthday party and do some funny ass shit. I think so too. But also just, I might be out of here. Can't stay in LA very long. And I might come. Imagine for New Year's, we're on mushrooms. We're underwater. I

I do really want to come. We're like in the bed of a pickup truck watching the sunset. I just feel so guilty. But like Murphy doesn't even care. Like when I get back, she doesn't even, she's not even happy to see me. So it's like,

But I do feel bad. She could be happy to see you. I just feel like I have a responsibility. She could be happy to see you. Maybe she just doesn't show that correctly. I'm about to leave on tour for four months. You guys, this episode, we're doing our best. I'm serious. But we're just really happy girls. We spent the holiday with our families. Like, we're both in pretty happy things with boys. Like, the pop culture's been boring. Gypsy Rose is getting released from jail. That's all we really have. And today, we have a special guest off camera who's actually...

I hear off camera a lot. And he goes by the name Steven. Can we get a microphone for Steven? Will you come in the middle of us? Steven and I have a lot in common right now because we're both receiving death threats. Yep. On multiple platforms. I always receive death threats. Yeah, I guess that's true. We probably all always do. Do you guys think we look alike? Sound off in the comments. I think we look so much alike. Really? You don't think so? I mean, I can see it by like the hair, like the features. And we're the same color. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just... I'm very red. Me too. And I'm noticing that for years. So that's great. How are you? I'm doing so good right now. So Steven and I met... I love that. Steven and I met a long time ago through a dear, dear friend, Jeff Wittek. And whenever someone...

gets fired or quits the jeff wittek company i i bring them over here you're a poacher i'm a poacher um and steven was here today him and aaron are cousins actually so um they're always together and steven comes by for the canceled podcast what did you think of this today's episode i honestly loved it i thought i wasn't gonna be like y'all's what's that word the derogatory not derogatory demographic not derogatory i'm sorry guys

I really thought I wasn't going to be in y'all's demographic. You've never tuned in? A few times, yeah. I've watched some clips as well. Aw, me when I lie. It's a girl's show, you know what I mean? You think this is just a girl's show? No. No. I mean, it could be a guy's show too. It's completely for the girls and the gays. Yeah, so I was just like, I don't know, but I was listening in over there and I was like, I mean, it was making me laugh. I got some good points. You were talking about how you had sex in the city.

I used to help my pillow do that when I was like 10 because I had sex in the title. Oh my god. Wait, I really understand that because one time when I was like really young, I was in a hotel and it was on the TV and my mom was asleep in her bedroom and I put it on like thinking like it was going to be like something crazy and I was so scared for my mom to see I was watching Sex and the City. But I was like, what's going on in the show? I get that. It was on a TV. I was curious. It had a Spider-Man pillow that I...

Anyways. Yeah, it's like an intimate relation. Is that like a real thing that happens as a guy, like in American Pie when you just start having sex with everything? I think that's how it starts is you start humping objects, mainly pillows, I guess. Really? Okay. I'm assuming. I don't know. That's how I got my start. That was you dipping your toes in the water? Yeah. That's how you got your start. It was a Spider-Man pillow. How old were you when you lost your virginity, Steven? You don't have to share that. You don't remember? Oh, 18. Or 17? I was 17 too. I was 17. Really? Yeah, 17. Yeah.

- I lost it to a prostitute. - Wait, really? - Yeah, she was 30, I was 17. - And did you pay her? - Wait, Stephen, you're a victim. - No, my older brother did. - Stephen, you're a victim, it's crazy. - 17 and 30. - Victim, but I wanted it. I was like down for it. - No, you can't consent to that. You're 17. - Really? - Aw, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. - Well, yeah, I mean, it was a great experience for me. I thought it was sick. I told all my friends, I was like, "Dude, I had sex."

He was a 30-year-old. Okay. How did it go? Never should I know. It was at my brother's apartment and he had his friend over. No, I'm not going to tell that story. He put a big plastic sheet down over his bed, though. A tarp? Yeah, a tarp. What is a plastic sheet? And I faked the orgasm. I faked it. What do you mean you faked it? We do it every time. Well, you know, that's fair. Well, like I did it inside like a cream pie, essentially, right? But then I...

it would happen with him like why did you look at me because you i don't know you brought cream pies earlier so it just reminded me of that but i i kept going after i finished because i didn't want to like disappoint and it was like only a minute and i already like it was so it was so overwhelming oh i get how that could happen so have you seen have you ever like we were just one of our friends just told us a story about how um one time she was cuddling with a guy and he came has that ever happened to you no but i get hard when a girl like hugs me if i really like them

Never hugging you again. Actually, you definitely don't get hurt. Not like from like friends and stuff. I'm talking about like I'm like really into a girl and like we've been talking. I get how that could happen.

- I don't. - Well, you can have a conversation and like get hard. - I guess that's true. - So why would you not be able to get hard from a hug? - I guess that's true. - Okay, maybe not a hug, but if they're like sitting on my lap or something in like an Uber and we've been talking, I'd be like, "Uh-oh." - Have you ever had a masseuse? This is probably not like for a guy question, but like I got this massage one time in Vegas

All sentences start horribly like that. But like it was at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino. So it was like a nice spa. You know what I mean? And the guy started the massage with like two hands. And at one point, like he brushed his body against my shoulder. And I think he was, I'm just dropping it. Like he was shocking. And I think he was hard. And then he just started doing the rest of the massage with one hand. Yeah. And like, I remember hearing like, like rubbing. You were like, not me. It wasn't, he wasn't rubbing me. Oh, wow.

I just saw him adult. Yeah, you're a victim too. If it wasn't hard, it was just really big. What? If it wasn't hard, it was just really big. Well, I guess, did you feel, was it like something stiff? I don't know. I really don't know. They just told me like a really elaborate story about a Thai spa he went to. You should really ask him about it. Have you

Have you ever gotten a happy ending massage? No, I know the exact one where he thought everyone was getting happy endings and it was just him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Bleep his name, honestly, because it's just ridiculous. Guys, have you ever... You've gotten a happy ending massage, duh? Why is that a duh? It's Steven. Yeah, fuck yeah. I went weekly at one point. You went weekly? With a friend. It was like a fucking... That's like kind of a gay thing to do together. Is that rude to say? You know how like guys go to the strip club together and that's kind of like...

It's not gay, I would say. You guys all go together to get hard together. That's weird. But we're in different rooms and it's a bonding experience. You can like share your experience afterwards and be like, wow, what a great time. I'm not gay shaming. Yeah, I could see where like maybe it could look gay, but it's like, I think it's special. It's a special moment. Yeah, with your friends. I don't do it anymore, but. Where was this? In Woodland Hills. What's it like?

Like walk us through a happy ending from a guy's perspective. Do you get shy? Because I feel like I would get shy. You have to be confident. So they don't like you have to like act like you've been there before. So they're not like questioning, questioning, questioning it. You have to act like you've been there before. So they're not like questioning, questioning you. Anyways, it doesn't matter. You walk in and it's like completely silent. And it's very just like calming and like relaxing. Music's playing and your heart's pounding. And you got to be like 30 minutes, please. And then they just bring you into a room and then like,

what do they say? They give you a towel. That's what they do. And then they walk out and then you have to hurry up and get butt naked before they come back in. I hate that when they knock and you're not ready yet. And I'm like, God, why did you come back so fast? They don't give you any time to get undressed. So you have to rush, get undressed. I put the tip on the table. Like,

Oh my god, I thought he meant the tip. No, no, no. The money. And then, yeah, you just lay down and then put the towel over your butt and then your heart's just pounding and you can feel it. And it's just relaxing. Wait, so how do they know that you want a happy ending? Or is that just like what they do there? That's what they offer? That's what they do. There's a place called... What if you go in there just thinking you're going to get a regular massage? No, you go on rubmaps.com and it tells you all the ones that... What?

What the fuck is rubmaps.com? It's a map that shows you everyone that has them and ones that don't, and they have reviews. The guys will leave reviews, like really in-detail reviews of like... This is the most important information probably I've ever been told. Tell me you left a review on there. My friend had the account, not me, so I'm assuming he did, but... So anywhere you go, you could use rubmaps. Absolutely. I did it in Utah. Imagine that, getting a happy ending in Utah. Scary.

- That sounds like sacrilegious. - So then do they talk? - No, it's pretty silent. - And then do you just like come awkwardly? Like are you just like, mm. - You don't have to share. - Yeah, I'll just leave that detail out. - And then they like, so they towel. - What comes up must come down. I can just say that. - Yeah, that's. - You said he, yeah. - They towel it off of you. - That's true, huh?

- Yeah. I was gonna say it, I don't know if you can put this in if you want. I've already said this I think before on the other podcast but-- - That one that you won't say the name of anymore. - But like what comes up must come down, right? And they don't really angle it properly when you're about to finish. - Oh my God, what if you shoot yourself in the eye or something?

Sorry. Did you? Oh, no. Like twice. Yeah. And then they have to wipe it off your face and it's the most awkward. It's like, oh, oh, you're facing in your hair and you don't want to like make it uncomfortable. You're already like awkward. So like, you know how you get like. Yeah, you don't want to embarrass them either. So it's like almost like you had to have to pretend it didn't happen. Yeah, there's like post nut clarity, right? Like you kind of get like, oh, okay, let me get out of here. But as it's happening, you know, I don't know. It's just not the best feeling. So they usually just like wipe it off your face and they'll giggle.

Well, that's just me and that's only happened to me, but... But you walk out so happy. Yeah, well, it's a happy ending after all. Yeah. Just gotta go home and shower right after. I have to go to rubmaps.com. I swear it's a real thing. That's insane. Not the Yelp for the tuggies. There's so many more than you think. It's literally a map that she was like... I might have to check it out, but girls can't get happy endings. What are they gonna do? Finger blast the shit out of you? Yeah.

I don't know. You know? What a bummer. I feel like that's something I would want to partake in. I had a friend who fucked her massage therapist. I always thought that was kind of cool. We have one who does it all the time. Well, yeah, but that's just a little different.

Oh, Steven, thanks for coming on. Honestly, you really, you really added to this. I'm leaving every single word you said and I'm not actually kidding. That was amazing. I feel like now we have an episode. Yeah. Not kidding at all. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of the canceled podcast. I'm going to actively try to get some stories for the next episode. I'm going to, I'm going to go on rub maps. I'm going to come back with a boyfriend. Also,

This episode was sponsored by Rugmaps. I thought you had like a secret sponsorship you needed to get in. I love you, Brooke. I love Celsius. We love Celsius. I want to deal next. I love you so much. I'm happy at everything that we did together this year and the things we accomplished. And I wouldn't want to ring in the new year doing this with anyone else. And I'm so excited for our tour. I love you too. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Bye, guys. Happy New Year. Next episode will be better. Seriously, I'm so sorry.