63: Matt Rife is CANCELLED… again - Ep. 63
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Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast. Wee! There is no better feeling than just sitting on this couch at night and it's me, you and Erin, a couple friends and we just unpack life. Like they're my favorite episodes. So excited. They're their favorite episodes too. Yeah. We have to discuss that. I know we have before but... No, we have a million times. They're so overhearing it from us. People just hate the guests. Usually. Usually.

You know? No, it's hard because it's like I love having guests. Like it's fun to have a podcast and you're like, oh my God, I could have this cool guest on my podcast. Yeah, but then everyone's like, I hate you. Yeah.

Brooke hit me up today and she said, what if for the podcast today we did crazy hat day? And a crazy hat she chose. Okay, I found this in the middle of my foyer. And that just sounds, I swear to God, I just found it. And I was like, I walked downstairs and I couldn't find a hat because I kept putting on fuzzy bucket hats like yours. But I looked like I had like a weird fuzzy condom on my head. And then I saw this and I was like, that's a crazy hat. That's a crazy hat for sure. And I'm in the mood to stir the pot.

Okay. You know what? I literally did booty for Biden though. It's like, who are you trying to fool? It's you know what? It's called versatility. And I've always said that. I love the hat. The hat theme. We should have themes. We should start having themes. I think crazy hot day is a good start. And let us know in the comments below if there's any other things. Next one, we should dress as each other. Down as fuck. Down as fuck. I would just look so normal and you would look insane, which is good. Normally it's the other way around. Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for you, girl pop. Oh my God. I'm so thankful for you. How was your going to Vegas? So amazing. I fucking love Las Vegas and I fucking love being from there, but it's also so life ruining being from there and the traditions and

are just like insane. It is really crazy. I just see you guys at Zedd every night. I'm like, oh, wow. That's really different than what my hometown is doing. Yeah, like going to Zedd after Thanksgiving being a tradition is so mind-blowing to me. But it was kind of a slay. I brought Makoa home to Vegas. You sure did. He's with us right now, everybody. Yeah, he's in our audience right now. Live studio audience. Which is making me nervous, but I'm trying to get past it. What did everybody think?

They love him. They love him actually so much. It's like concerning. Like, I don't think I could bring anyone else home. Makoa randomly had like family in Vegas as well. Cause they call Vegas the ninth Island of Hawaii. Like so many Hawaiian people move to Vegas. Really? Yeah. It's like a real thing. And so he went home on Thanksgiving to like see his cousins and shit. And while he was gone, my dad was making a speech and like had a like little sector about Makoa on Thanksgiving. I was like, Oh no.

I'm fucked from here on out. Yeah. I'm fucked from here on out. And you know how they are, like Debbie and Arash. Like they hate everyone. And they never forget a thing. Ever. So. Love that about them. It's, it is good. But yeah, it was really good. We went home. I have a couple fun random anecdotes from Vegas to tell you.

So I was just telling you about like weird traditions, right? And it's been a tradition for as long as I can remember to go to this bar the night before Thanksgiving and the night of Thanksgiving. Blackout Wednesday. Yes. It's called Parkway. And

There's two parkways, right? There's one like in Henderson by like my house where I grew up. So I feel like I've heard you talk about it before. Yeah, it's like a catalyst of my life. Like it's really a thing. And so everyone goes to Parkway and it's like you have this whole high school reunion, right? But there's one by my house for like the schools I went to in Henderson, like five of them.

And there's one on the other side of town where it's like Ari's school and like the rich schools and like different schools, you know? And so everyone goes to like their parkway for their like sectors. You know what I mean? And you just get drunk as fuck and you have a high school reunion. You walk in and you see everyone ever that you've known and loved and like hated. Do you feel so c***?

at your high school reunion? I guess kinda. But like I always was just like, I don't feel like I've changed a lot. Like my interactions with my high school friends. No, I don't think so either. And that's what I love going home with you because it's just like you can tell everything is just exactly the same. But I feel like that is like,

going to high school with you, I'd be like, damn. Yeah, it is. It's definitely like a weird the way things have transpired. But my close high school friends, like I have the same relationship with that I always have, you know. So when I see them, they're like, how the fuck are you really like, you want a fucking shot? I don't want to fucking like, they don't want to talk about the podcast and shit. But this year, there weirdly was like way more random people at the parkway than there normally is. Like normally, it's just like high school reunion and I'll take a few photos. But there was like a moment. We had a VidCon moment by accident for a second, which I guess was so cool.

I'm like seeing like an ex of mine from high school across the room. Like, I'm sorry. That's my favorite thing. Like, cause Oh my God. Just having anyone like who maybe like doubted you or anything like see it is like, it's a good, really, really good. I've honestly gotten most of the apologies from people who have like doubted me now. So I'm in like a good place. Like now when I see the doubters, I'm like, we're friends. We're good. Everything's good. Oh my God. Remind me. I have a story about that. So I'm in the middle of like meeting all of these fans in the middle of Parkway, like with my high school friends and whatever. And this girl comes up to me, right?

and she looks identical. I'm talking doppelganger shit to a girl that I was best friends with, like, growing up in high school. Granted, we were best friends in a really turbulent time of my life, so. Maybe you are. The remembrance might be a bit hazy, but she also looks like every other bitch. Like, blonde highlights. Like, you just know. You know what I'm saying. Like, very much so clean girl. And she comes up to me, and I think it's her. Her name's Brie Brankus. Brie Brankus, if you're watching this, shout out. I think it's Brie Brankus. And this girl comes up to me,

and I hug her and I'm like oh my god it's so good to see you I'm like the shit we've been through is crazy whatever and I noticed that her four friends she's with all like take out their phones like while I'm hugging her and in my head I'm like wait uh-oh Brie Renkis would never do this her friends would never do this whatever and I pull away from the hug and like now this is all on camera you know what I mean I'm like oh my god that's not Brie Renkis like she just looks like her you know what I mean but

but I'm too far deep in like the... - No, yeah, you have to commit to the bit completely. She forgot you. - I commit to the bit the entire night. Like all night, I'm pretending that I was high school best friends with this fucking fan. - You 100% gaslight her, be like, wait, you don't remember? - Yeah, she was like, the last time I saw you was at like Life is Beautiful. Like she definitely, like the real girl definitely just came up to me like at Life is Beautiful and said hi and that was like where we met. And I'm like, oh my God, we were on Molly. - Maybe you have an amazing memory and you really connected to her at Life is Beautiful.

She followed me around all night and I pretended like we were high school best friends all night. Like I introduced her to everyone. And it wasn't. Her name was Maddie, I found out. Like, no. Okay, slay Maddie, honestly. A little role play action. She was like, I don't have your new number. I gave her my number. Like, we're texting. Like...

Love to see it, honestly. I've done that like 100% where I like completely just like don't understand who I'm talking to or someone will come up to me and I feel so horrible. I just like simply don't remember. Someone came up to me the other day and like it was somebody I'd worked with 12 years ago. And they're like, do you remember my name? Yeah, she says, do you remember me? I go, yeah.

I always say yes. They'll be like, someone will be like, do you remember me? And I'm like, yeah, I actually did. As soon as she like gave me, she like, I realized she's my friend's sister and we didn't even like work. We worked so far away from each other. I would have never really even seen her, but just really like,

I'm like how do you expect I can't I'm horrible with I just have horrible memory as is like I do that in LA all the time so then hometown someone like I'm like I know your face but like you're asking me if I know your name I don't know your name 15 years later did I probably like smoke weed in a back alley with you like 10 years ago absolutely but do I know your name no you know so yeah then we just like stayed in Vegas did the Vegas of it all I gained I was in Vegas for how many days were you there babe like five

I gained 10 pounds in five days. And that means you had a really wonderful time and there's nothing wrong with that. Okay. I'm not going to jump or anything. Stop weighing yourself. Why would you weigh yourself right after Thanksgiving? That's a cardinal sin. Because I just wanted to know and I thought it was going to be like six pounds. You know what I mean? And then it was 10. Six pounds is one big dinner. Six pounds is like a baby. Yeah, exactly. 10?

10 is crazy. I told Debra that. I was like, I believe that it's probably a combination of so many things. You got your new extensions in. You had a bomb. My nipple ring is probably like five ounces. At least. I was wearing socks when I weighed myself. The whole thing. That could be heavy. I told Debra that. I was like, you're going to have to roll me out of this house if I stay any longer. Like, I love you so much, but it's like,

We literally were joking today calling it like Debbie's diner. Like I'll roll downstairs. It is crazy. I rolled downstairs the other day and she's like, what do you want? And I was like, can I have a breakfast sandwich with bacon, potatoes and scrambled eggs and cheese? And can you make it on like toasted bread and do all this? And I was like trying to help her. She was like, sit the fuck down. Made us these fat ass breakfast sandwiches. I guarantee that was two of the pounds. I'm coming next year. The food is so good. I wanted you to come. I know, but I had so much fun on my little things. Yeah. How was it?

It was so good. I went back home. I went to my grandparents. And like, honestly, every year I go to like I do obviously my Thanksgiving and then I'll go to like my like closest friends Thanksgiving's too. Yeah.

But this year I went to I like just started getting close again with a friend that I literally did not speak to all of high school, all of college. Like she had a boyfriend I hated. We like grew apart. But like she was my middle school best friend. OK. But her parents were like. Is she the one where you guys were like messaging the guys long distance on MySpace? No.

Okay. But funny you remember that. But she, yeah, so she and I were like so close literally in like seventh and eighth grade and then didn't talk for all this time. And like going back, I'm literally, I sit down with her family and it's exactly everything's the same. And it's so cute. Like,

Her family is just so funny and so fun. Her little brother who was six the last time I saw him is 19. That's crazy. You're like, he's hot. Kidding. He's a really cute kid. But I did. I did run into one of my. Oh, my God. Should I say this? Who cares?

I was like, one of my other friends had a little brother who she's like, he's like two years younger than us. Ran into him. He is so hot. I was like, oh no. Did you hook up with him back in the day? No, he has a girlfriend. Did you get any? He's a fan of the Canceled Podcast. Shout out. Did you get any homecoming?

you get any hometown dick no everyone was being crazy my hometown is just not the place for that anymore I like I saw a lot of people I knew but people I didn't ever want to see again to be honest everyone was wilding out I came home obviously taken but everyone else watching their shenanigans and antics were a little wild Ashley and Ivan make me laugh so hard every single year are they did they hook up I

No, no. I never know. You're better than this. I never know if they hook up. And it's so weird because Ivan, for everyone who doesn't know, is Ashley's ex-boyfriend. We love Ivan. He's my best friend. And they started dating because I moved all my best friends into the house. And it was me, Ivan, Maya, and Ashley. And then you have just all these hot people under one roof. And it's like someone's going to date each other. Yeah. And so then they ended up dating. He moved to California with us. And I've known Ivan forever. And we're the same person. But with that being said, we're the same person. So, yeah.

Their relationship. And it's so funny because they're not getting back together. We're all just best friends. And we always have friends giving at Ivan's house, like in Vegas, like two nights before Thanksgiving. And every year without fail, something transpires between Ashley and Ivan, you know? Well, yeah, it's so much pressure. She's making the turkey. He's hosting. Yeah. And it just exactly. And so, yeah.

I don't remember how it all started. They like get in a little like tiff over something, over people like not respecting his house or whatever. But I'm like, you're having a party that's not on Ashley. Like, you know what I mean? Whole thing. I noticed that he's already pissed, so I steal his hairbrush. I'm so sorry. Not you stirring the pot. McCall was looking at me being like, what happened? You were like, is this my brush? Or someone was like, no, that's Ivan's. You said perfect. And then just like, I was like, oh, should I put this in your suitcase? And then someone was like, that's Ivan.

So essentially, I willingly stole Ivan's hairbrush. He texts Ashley the next day like, Tana stole my hairbrush. You guys have no respect. Whatever. They start going back and forth. I think she ended up hooking up with one of his friends, honestly, as the trip started. As she should. Last year when they were fighting, every time they fight, they block each other and they have a shared Costco grocery list note. And they start to make like butter, eggs, kill yourself. And they send it back and forth. I think...

So many horrible things happen. I don't even know if Ashley wants to do it. But watching the antics of that every year without fail is the funniest thing ever. Like what's going to happen, you know? I will say one of like the most fun things about going home is like having that one ex that's just like it wasn't supposed to work and everything was horrible. But you get to see him and like a little drama. I love it. It's so fun. I missed mine this year, seriously. Where was he? I don't know. With like his girlfriend or something, seriously. Yeah.

So I spent a lot of my time gambling as well. And my last two trips of Vegas, I have left so financially up. Like tripled my money. I thought you were going to say you lost money. No, no, no. And I've made back a lot that I've lost on other trips. Are you still doing the three card poker? That's like what I realized that I have to stop doing other things. Like sit at that poker table till you make your money back. Yeah, just commit to one thing. Because when you start going AWOL. And I lose that blackjack every time. And like,

roulette's fun, but you kind of just stay there even. It's like, I know what I'm good at. I should sit here. And I did that this trip. So I left up and I've been saying, you were talking about this today, like having a new fun hobby is like fun, you know? Oh, you don't even want to know what hobbies I have these days. Just wait for it.

you're about to become a figure skater i think right yeah but keep going on your gambling because i have a whole a whole bit two kinds of people my hobby is about to be poker and hers is figure skating we gambled all night we played poker ashley and i did a spicy website live i don't even want to tell you what transpired in that live i think we fucked um but um we wake up the next morning and we're in the car ride home and we've been talking about weird coincidences so this is why i want to bring this one up really quick and i was like i

I really want to like actually make poker more of my hobby. Like I'm always getting invited to poker tournaments and I never go. And like there's so many in L.A. and like it's so fun. And I was like Blake Wynn text me who's like the son of the Steve Wynn will text me like once every six months and be like I'm having a poker tournament tonight. Come. And I was like telling Ashley like Blake Wynn always invites me and I never go like we should go. Yeah. You got to go at least once so you don't lose the invite.

Exactly. And so in that moment, as I'm telling Ashley that I get a text from Blake Wynn, who hasn't texted me in six months, being like, I'm having a poker tournament tomorrow night come. And I'm like, that's so weird that I just like said this in the car. And now he's texting me right now in this minute, you know, and I start going back and forth with him. And I'm like, I want to come but who's going and he was like, Oh, Bryce Hall's going like, I don't know if you want to go, you know, and

I was like, oh, I don't really care. Like it's all in good fun. Like if I take his money, I guess that's a win, right? Hilarious. Like whatever. And he was like, yeah, come. And then was just like making, sending me gifts of Bryce and shit, like making jokes and being like, come. And then I get home to my house and I'm about to leave for the airport. And Debra is randomly asking me about Bryce Hall. She's like, what happened? Like whatever. And I'm like, I'm rolling my tank tops to go to the airport. I can't deal with this right now. Like that. Go ask Amari in an hour. Like, I don't know. And

So we're talking about that for a second, right? And we're on our way to the Jet Suite airport. And I'm telling Makoa in the car, I'm like, it's a flight of like 25 people. Like you often see people you know or like celebrities you like. Like I was telling you about the time that like Damon Wayans was just like sitting next to me on one. Like it's just like, whatever. And we put in our boarding passes and we're standing in the hangar, like about to go to the jet. And I'm standing there talking to Makoa. Bryce Hall walks past me.

Oh, no. How funny is he for this? And I hate to admit it. I hate. He's a funny guy. It actually pains me. Looks at me and McCoy and just goes, hey, guys. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Everything that has happened over the last year. Hey, guys. Kind of friendly. Hey, guys.

Hey guys. That's like when you, that's like you got bangs. Oh my God. It's just like you got bangs. Never once in my life. Never once in my life. Have I like, like I'm, you know me, I'm always like there with a quick witty response or like, I'm going to be sad. I swear to God, my jaw just drops. I look, he goes, Hey guys, I just go.

jaw dropped the entire flight love it so much four seats ahead of me i was honestly maybe you guys are good maybe you know i mean i don't forgive him personally hey guys do you forgive him no hey guys me saying this in a trump hat i'm gonna hate these clips hey guys is crazy hey guys so wild there's a poker tournament tonight that he's in i might go but i wish i knew how to play poker you have to teach me that's that's gonna be one of my um one-off hobbies i would love to teach you

I don't know what came over me recently, but I realized like I'm an adult and there's so many things I don't know how to do. Most things. Me, ride a bike, drive a car. You, figure skate. Hilarious. But I have like, I mean, I can do these things. You know what I mean? Like, so why would I not take like a mounted archery class? No one's stopping you from becoming I, Tonya. At all. I want to take figure skating.

figure skating lesson mountain archery I'll do that with you I like it's just there's so many things that you can do and it's like why would you not imagine like I was just amazing at everything I will take an archery class with you please keep running these by me because there's ones I will do and I'm excited and we could make it me and Amari are doing adult gymnastics count me out I've got I'm lined up with um figure skating and I'm pretty confident that I can

sing like a Broadway star seriously I have to show you something I was trying to show you this before we started and you were like no you have to talk about it in the podcast I don't know that it's a podcast Brooke looks me dead in the eyes before we start shooting and she's like I'm going to become a Broadway singer I found a woman who I know can help me

She can teach me. And I was practicing all night last night. And I was like, I think I'm slaying. Seriously. Imagine me in my apartment. Murphy's like, what is going on? It's the delusional confidence that this podcast gives us where we're like, I can do anything. No, I can't. I'm spilling. Okay.

So the concept is like all these kids are in like Broadway class. Okay. A Broadway star workshop, if you will. And I swear to God, if you take a cheeseburger out of your bag mid-sentence while you say this, I'll actually have to jump off. I'm not going to. And this lady, she just helps them. And, you know, she like, you just have to see it. Send it to Erin. I know, but I want you to watch it and then can we insert it later? Yeah. I'm like, ah! Doctor, ah!

Let the storm return. Let the storm return. Let the storm return. Holy fuck. No, and then she started playing. You missed the part where she actually played. I heard. I heard. And that happens every time. She just walks them through it. And then all of a sudden, they literally sound like fucking Rachel Zegler. I know. I'm going to be in your house looking through your earrings and hear you doing that in the living room soon. 100%. I'm so inspired. I said in the New Hunger Games, Rachel Zegler. Rachel Zegler. Zegler.

The most talented. She's the girl who's getting canceled because she was like doing all the interviews with Snow White. And she was like, I fucking hate this movie. I haven't seen the New Hunger Games. I don't know. I heard Olivia Rodrigo's song for the New Hunger Games. Amazing. So amazing. But Rachel Zegler, she was like this little girl. She was making YouTube videos singing. Okay. Are you that uninterested? You're like. No. No. I'm just an alcoholic. She was like, I always watched her little covers on YouTube. She like covered Shallow by Lady Gaga. And she's not a Ziegler. No. Okay. She's just like a little Broadway girl. But. Okay.

She has never... She was just singing online on YouTube, okay?

One day, she emails a submission to a random email address for Steven Spielberg's West Side Story. And she books it. Okay? She's the lead. Her first movie, she has never so much as been an extra in a movie. She is the lead in Steven Spielberg's West Side Story. Obviously, she does that. She does so amazing. She's perfect. Gets cast as Snow White in the live action Snow White. Okay? Okay.

Third movie, Hunger Games. What the fuck? But. Do you believe that things like that are an industry plan or do you think luck like that? If you heard, like she is the most talented person literally in the world. But I mean, I'm sure there are a lot of people who are talented who don't get the opportunities, but it was, it's just everything. But she's, she can't.

My girl cannot slay an interview. Okay. They'll be like, they'll be like, what, what made you want to do this movie? And she'll be like, I don't know. I just wanted a fucking job. I honestly, I respect people that never go through PR training. I'm like, don't give a fuck too. Well, people were just canceling her so bad. And it was actually really sad. Cause it's like, she really was just being like quirky and funny. Like same way, like Jennifer Lawrence would do.

Jacob Elordi just said the exact same, like literally word for word, same thing about his Elvis role that she did about Snow White. Nobody said a word, but like they literally crucified her. She was like, if you search her name on YouTube, it's just like videos of her with like devil horns drawn on and like it's so sad. And she is so amazing. See the New Hunger Games. It was phenomenal. I saw something today where people were like coming at Taylor Swift so hard online. Essentially,

because like she released the eras tour movie and it's $20 to rent or whatever and everyone's like she's just greedy blah blah blah and hannah bernard like did this whole post about like how if a man sold his anything for $20 for rent online no one would ever say that and it it is just like that's just how it goes but sometimes men get canceled oh

And that's what keeps us going, baby. This one's scary. Okay. Can I spearhead the start of this conversation? Sure. Like I could be not getting canceled for months and then I'll just get dragged into something that I didn't take part in, that I had no idea. Like, you know what I mean? Like that I wasn't like scheming to be a part of a cancellation. Here's a headline I read today.

New clip of Matt Rife appearance on Tana Mongeau and Brooke Schofield podcast canceled resurfaces. Why is that a headline? It does not need to be a headline. I want no part in this. Why does our name come before his? Like, why? Like, let him, like, do, like, you know. I've been seeing it all go down, okay? And almost every single video that I see, there's at least one clip of us. Yeah. And it, like...

I'm like, whoa. Can I be honest with you, though? After we shot that podcast, I remember looking at you like a week after it went live. And I was like, damn, I thought a lot more of that would be like heavily clipped in regards to the way it's being heavily clipped now. And it kind of just went under the radar and we like moved on. Things always do that, you know, when they're like just like no one picks up on it for a while. And then all of a sudden. I will say the one that's going extremely viral is one of my favorite lines that I've ever contrived.

contributed to the Canceled podcast. You slayed that. I mean, that was hilarious. Well, genuinely, everyone hates you because they're jealous. Everyone hates anyone they hate because they're jealous. Like, I saw a top comment on one of those going viral, and the girl was like, I hate my dad. I'm pretty sure I'm not jealous of him. Like, to say that all hatred derives from jealousy is a crazy take. Crazy, yeah. Kind of a crazy take. So I had to ask. People who hate Osama bin Laden are jealous of him? You know, I just wanted to know. Probably not. Thank God I took the Trump hat off, because that's getting clipped. Although...

Yeah, I don't know. I have always really enjoyed TikToks, clips, podcasts, anything of psychoanalyzation of people. And the pendulum swings both ways because at the same time, I hate to see when people psychoanalyze me online and it's so incorrect or it's correct as fuck. I think that's what bothers me is like when it's happening to me, like that episode, for example, like the Matt Reif episode.

I couldn't I never was able to rewatch it. I couldn't read the comments because they were so horrible about me about me being like a pick me and saying all these things about my personality that like literally aren't true. I couldn't read them. Yeah. And it's so frustrating to read. And what's crazy is now it's like surfacing and all of the hate is like to Matt.

And the comments are like, Brooke new in the moment. Brooke is like, Brooke completely new. Yeah, but I'm like... But at the time, no one... You know what I mean? It's just perception. Like, people can perceive things however they want and then they can make a fucking video that goes so viral. Yeah. And it makes good points, but it doesn't mean it's accurate. And I...

Again, I'm terrified. But that's always what I say. The pendulum swings. That's a perfect example. The comments were horrible to you on that episode. And now all the comments are... Now the comments are like, Brooke was fine. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, again, why you can't base your worth in that. And he'll be just fine. So it's just... But it's pretty crazy. He will be just fine. A doctor on TikTok, which I'm assuming the doctor was just like grabbing for views. I don't think he actually gave plastic surgery to Matt Rife. But he made a TikTok like when your client...

got a new jawline, but now he's getting canceled. Like, whatever. Hilarious to jump on the train. I mean, not hilarious, but like, I get jumping on the train and just being like, this is an opportunity for views. Absolutely. We're all grinding here. Everyone wants to be like Dr. Miami. Like, and, you know, all these plastic surgeons want to like, get those views like that. So I'm assuming that's all that was. But,

The lawsuit that would have gone down if he were actually the one. You know what I mean? Yeah. Matt Rife commented on his TikTok and was like lying about like medical shit is illegal, blah, blah, blah. And all the comments back to Matt Rife were like, so now who can take a joke? One thing about Matt Rife is he is going to fight with somebody in a comment section. And I get it.

Yeah, I do it and I have to stop myself from doing it because it's like it is it's so hard because I always look back on it. I'm like, why the fuck did you say that? That's so embarrassing. But in the moment, it's like it's so hard to see people like.

But you never once have had your brand be like, I'm not going to fight with you in a comment section. You know, like the way you are on this podcast, the way you are in life, you give I'm going to fight with you in a comment section. 100%. Like he's online saying like, I don't give a fuck about what anyone says about me. And then you're fighting in a comment section. It's like the negating what you directly want your brand to be, I think is what's hurting. It is kind of hard to have this whole thing about like, you know, it's all a joke. It's all a joke. Yeah. And then...

I would just love to see him double down and, I guess, joke on this. You know what I mean? He is. Did you see his story? Yeah. What were your thoughts? The helmets. I thought that was exactly what he should do. Like, if you want to be a controversial comedian and make jokes that people are going to hate, then continue to double down when they hate them. To be honest, he said it on our episode. You never...

Never apologize for a joke. Okay. Because once you do it once, it's first of all, you're like admitting fault where there wasn't any necessarily. Like if you really truly were joking, it's a joke. Yeah. Whether or not people thought it was funny is up in the air. Yeah. But like, and there's obviously so much to be said about building a female fan base and

who you might have some disdain for because they might like you for the reasons that you don't want to be liked for. So then making jokes against women because of the disdain that you have for that, so on and so forth. I've watched too many psychoanalyses. Yeah, you have. You have. But I just want to say, if anybody wants to give me a platform to make fucking $25 million in a year because of what I look like, I would love it. And I...

Would never complain even one time. Seriously. Yeah. Mine's linked below. I'm just kidding. I don't know. I don't like.

it's so confusing to me because I see some of this stuff. I'm like, well, shit. Matt Rife has been nothing but nice to me ever, you know? So I'm not going to like sit here and like, like I'm going to crack jokes at anyone. Same with Colleen and the ukulele. Same with everything. This is called the canceled podcast. If somebody's getting canceled, we're talking about it every single time. And that's my point. Like I'm just, I'm weighing in on it. And funny shit is always going to be funny to me no matter what, even when I've been getting canceled, like you'll send me a tick tock and you'll be like, this is fucking hilarious. Like,

To be able to laugh at the way that the internet pendulum swings and the shit that people say, I think, is the only way to really keep your sanity in this job. There is also a difference between the people who are joking about it and the people who are literally trying to ruin his life. But that comes with fame and that $25 million check. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's kind of a fair trade-off. It's just, I hate... Unless somebody truly has done something really fucking horrible, I really don't like to see someone get canceled. Ironically, the title of Matt Rife's episode is...

Matt Rife on why he will never be canceled. But to be fair, there's still some validity to that because if it doesn't affect him and he continues to keep making his jokes, then he never will be canceled. And I respect that more than anything. Be a cockroach. That's me. I think he... Listen, the guy's been doing comedy for like 15 years. He's gonna just...

Keep at it. He's doing just fine. There are millions of people who are still going to love Matt Reif no matter what. Yeah. Go fuck off to a beach for a month and turn your phone off. For sure. With your $25 million. Honestly, I'm coming. Yeah. Real. Real. And I don't think he, I don't know. Yeah.

He's fine. It's helping the episode though. You look at Matt Rife canceled. It's like the first thing that's popped up. Oh shit. I didn't even think about that. Like every time we have someone on and then if they get canceled, they'll search their name like Matt Rife canceled. Do you know what I mean? Like they're just looking up his cancellation. But because he was on canceled, our episode is like... I don't know if you've seen the Joe Rogan, Theo Vaughn clip where he's like talking about like monster energy and he's like, that makes you want to beat your way for something. Like a domestic violence joke also. Just goes to show like...

It really just does depend... On your demographic and the way you've garnered it. Because the Yovan fans are mostly men. And people, like...

You know, people just want like are already ready. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like no one wants to cancel Theo Vaughn. He could fucking kill someone. Never would be like that person deserved to die. And I'd be one of them. Honestly, Matt Reif. Yeah. Out of here. Those are our thoughts ever that I tweeted today. I was like, what do you want us to talk about on canceled? I didn't get one response other than Matt Reif. So I guess those are our thoughts. And we've said this a lot. I don't want to like pull back on what like we've always said is that like I don't want comedians to ever be able to get canceled for jokes because they're jokes. Yeah.

I agree. Fully. Yeah. Yeah. Me next week apologizing, not agreeing fully. Kidding. It's scary. It's a scary world. Seriously.

My Apple Music wrapped is wrong. Why don't you go ahead and tell the audience what your five most listened to songs were in 2023? And I just want to say I know like my year. Do you know what I mean? I know I spent way more time listening to Stick Season by Noah Kahn than any of these songs. I know I spent way more time listening to Never Say Never by The Fray than any of these songs. I know I spent way more time listening. That came out in like 2012. That doesn't matter. It's one of my favorite songs. Yeah.

My number one song, according to Apple Music...

is a TikTok song, a TikTok punk rock song by an underground TikTok punk rock artist called SOS by Rosé. Great song. I know it's not my number one most listened to song. Yeah, that always happens to me where I'm like, that can't be right. Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo, which that's real. After the Monsanto era, I couldn't stop. 100% real, probably for me too. Bloodsucker, fame fucker, bleeding me dry like a goddamn vampire. But it also says 160 plays. I know I had 160 plays like one day with you.

You know? Yeah. So it's like, I know. Is that your primary like Apple music is your thing? Yeah. I think Spotify. I like white screens. I think it must like cut off BFFR. I think it must cut off like a certain month. I agree because this is giving the first like eight months of my year.

I don't know. When I Look at You by Miley Cyrus. Another one that literally came out in 2012. But I know that when I was at Lele's wedding in Miami, I was just playing it with Jeff 24-7. At one point, he was like, turn that fucking song off. Like, stop. When I look at you. Great song. Elevated Heartbreak by Jaden Hossler, but that's not number four. You know what I mean? You hate that song because of the... I hate that song. Wait, okay. I don't hate that song.

jayden i love you seriously but i have you know when you have like one line in a song that like ruins the whole song for you yeah i have like a madison beer song that i love so much but she says put my heart in the hospital and it ruins the whole song for me because i'm like why would you put your heart in the hospital seriously but in in jayden's song he says like now i'm stuck and sitting in the driveway something something like blah blah and then he goes and now i'm

Crying in the driveway. Like he said, he rhymes driveway with driveway. And it makes me so angry. We were on our way to a show in New Haven, Connecticut. And we had a sprinter and it was just me, you, Chris and Paige. And you stood up in the sprinter to give a speech on why that lyrically makes you unhappy. Because I was playing it. It was so much potential. And why? Like there were so many other things to say. And my number five is Dancing All Alone by Clinton Kane.

your horrible ex-boyfriend who I literally like I'm I don't it's not my number five I will tell you what is most offensive about that it's one of his worst songs one of his worst songs I couldn't agree more like it's a fucking trash song like go to hell by him like okay like I guess I'm in love by him like okay yeah chicken tendies by him okay

dance i just know what's wrong and then mccoy and i just came out kind of too so i'm like wait a minute mccoy and i were in this conversation today though where he was talking about how like is drake on so many people's top artists wrapped even when it's like not their top song because there's like pr behind it not that there's pr behind maybe like the forbes do you think they're like buying into people spotify wrapped and shit we should talk about that really quickly

you can buy a spot on the Forbes 30 under 30 list. Well, I mean, that shows you belong there, to be honest. Money talks. What I particularly like about Forbes 30 under 30 is that there's fucking 200 people on it. Well, and... There are supposed to be 30 people under 30. And don't get me wrong. Congratulations to everyone on it, even though half of them bought it. I want to be on it so bad, please. Like,

I've gotten the offer to like buy into shit like that. Like if we wanted to, we could. You're so dumb. I'd be all over that shit. And then I would do the classic like, oh my God, I'm so shocked. That's my whole timeline right now. Everyone's so shocked. I love it. People are like, what the fuck? I love it.

And haven't you noticed that half of the people on it all have the same agent? Makes sense. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's just another thing, like how people buy Maxim magazine covers, how people buy whatever, the Forbes of it all. It's all part of the game. But the thing is, you still have to qualify. It's not like you can just buy a spot and like they audit it. They do.

Yeah, but if you have the right connection that can talk to the auditor. Think about how much money Trisha Paytas probably made this year. Even just how much money the canceled podcast made. If it was a real list, it would just be such a different list of people. Do you think they do doubles? Do you think we could have been on there together? Squeeze into one little headshot? I wish we were. That would be fun. That's probably the only way I would ever be able to do it, seriously. That's not true. Speaking of Trisha Paytas. Trisha's pregnant. Trisha's pregnant. She's having Elvis.

So the day that I got Brooke her car. Yeah, wait, maybe we should talk about that. I feel like that's like a really big topic though. Is it? Yes. Okay, I just want to clarify. Yeah, no, I don't even need to clarify. Go ahead. Tana bought me a car for my birthday. I... This is gonna be the most out of touch sentence ever. But buying someone a car is the most stressful thing ever. Like I was so happy to just get it to you. I...

It's just that like that's the fucking craziest thing. I literally. It's so funny. Like I'd been planning to get you the car for so long. And Ari Aguirre is a real one for this. Like he helped me for months like seed to you like what you'd exactly want. Like you wouldn't even know. 100%. But it's because I was truly like I was really wanting to buy it. So I was looking into all of them and I was talking to him about it so actively. And I really I swear to God this was like the first like time I've

really had no idea about something but even in the final hours of getting it i was like does she want a soft top or a hard top we were debating between two like he was still just seeding it into you for so long and it's so funny because like birthday gate happened everyone's like oh my god she doesn't care and i'm like i'm literally i'm doing everything to show her that i care like you know what i mean birthday gate was satisfying as fuck

Real. I'm just kidding. Just after like, you know. The stress of trying to do it and keep it a secret from you was so hard. And you're always asking like someone else for it. You're like joking to someone else like, buy me a Bronco, buy me a Bronco. Yeah, so then like literally the night before it happened, we were all at dinner and this guy called me and he's like a guy with a lot of money and he's just like a friend of ours. And I like joked to him. I was literally like, what are you going to get me for my birthday? I want a green Bronco. I'm grabbing Makoa's leg under the table. Swear to God, looking at Makoa being like,

If this billionaire buys her a Bronco right now after all of my peril, I'll literally actually jump off a cliff. I told him after and he goes, oh, so should I return mine? First of all, literally, thank you so much. You know, like I've been sobbing about it for...

So I sent you another picture the other day. I literally drove. I'm not kidding. I drove around for probably six hours the other day just sobbing. And I have like a thing. Bebe knows. I have like a specific drive that I do like all the time. Okay. Since I moved here, I'll drive all the way up Sunset, all the way up Benedict Canyon and then down. And...

I like it's specific because it feels magical because you have all the billboards. It feels like very L.A. Yeah. And like that's where I like sit and think like, what do I want my life to look like? And I do it always, like literally since I was since I moved here. Don't make me cry right now. No, but something about. Because I'm getting chills and you're like two seconds from making me cry. No, I'm not kidding. I do it all the time. I'll sob. But I was driving in my little new car and I was like.

I was so worried too because your reactions are like one of like five, you know? Oh, you cried. Stop. I always sob. And I was so scared you were going to be like, what the fuck? Return this. Like, fuck you. I'm not accepting this. I wanted to, but honestly. And I was having Ari like seed to you as well. Just like, oh my God, what if someone got you a big gift? Like, how would you react? Like randomly like months ago. But I, you know, what's funny is I told every friend because I had a feeling that you were going to get me a big gift.

And I told Ari, I told BB, I told everybody, if she thinks about it, don't let her. Oh, I didn't think about it at all. I was trying to swipe from day one. It was just finding that Bronco is actually so hard. Like I made Paige dedicate her life. Like they're rare as fuck. Well, that's what's crazy. It's like. I also, I'm just going to tell you the truth. You were like, I want a Bronco. I was like, perfect. That's a Ford. It's going to be so cheap. I thought it was a $30,000 car.

It's $120,000. Holy shit. Oh my God. When they told me it after taxes, I damn near passed out. I was like, we've got to get her the Bronco, but just the $90,000 difference than what I anticipated was hilarious to me. Because Ford. Don't tell me that. No, no, no. But think about a Ford Focus. No, a Bronco is like a... A Bronco can climb a tree. You would not believe...

You would not believe what this car can do. I took it to the ranch this weekend for my birthday. It's like lit. It can do everything. Brooke's going to be up a tree soon. And I'm terrified. We're going to be in the car. Me and you will be pissed. No, I'm not kidding. When I went home, it's actually so sweet because my dad and my grandpa were like so excited about it.

and they like we sat for hours and watched every youtube video on every single little detail of the car it was so cute and my grandpa ordered it was so cute he ordered me like a little dash cam i'm gonna cry well i love you and i love that you love your car i love it so much but the point of what i was saying i was never gonna go into the car but we had just gotten you the car

By we, I literally mean me. We're in the car and you just finished crying. And I turned to you and I'm like, Brooke, you'll never believe this. And it's Trisha's second baby announcement. And you just started screaming, sobbing again. And I was like, oh my God. I'm like, there it comes. I'm so happy for her. I'm so happy for Trisha.

I'm sad at her because she knew when I saw her last and she didn't tell me. I know she kept it from everyone. She kept it from us, but I get it. It makes me feel so sweet because we really talked about how she wanted to have a second baby and how much we wanted to have one, how she didn't think she could.

I'm so happy for her. And now she's going to name it little Elvis, which she said on the canceled pod. Do you think if it's a girl, she'll name it Elvis? She said boy or girl, it's Elvis. I saw someone say Presley. Yeah, all these comments are saying name it like Priscilla Presley Pettis or something like if it's not. I don't know if I like Priscilla. I love Presley. I love boy names for girls. Presley feels like a boy name. But Malibu and Elvis does keep the like iconic nature. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. I'd be so pissed if like my name was like

Johnny Cash and my sister was like Stephanie yeah or I guess it would have been the opposite yeah but that is I'm so excited I do what in May I'm so fucking happy for it's crazy and I sobbed my eyes out her telling Oscar did you see it

No, I didn't. She told him on the podcast. She literally, she's just saying all that. She's halfway through the episode. First of all, I don't know how she was like good on her for being able to keep it a secret so long. I could never. If someone even made one comment, I'd be like, okay, fine. I'm pregnant. Literally. Literally.

but me right now she's it was on their thanksgiving episode and she says like oh she's just naming things she's grateful for she talks about moses and malibu and then she goes and she's talking about oscar and she's like i'm grateful for you and she goes you're so good with malibu and you're gonna be such a good like little uncle to our second baby and he just starts crying it's so sweet stop do you think one day we're gonna tell each other we're pregnant on this podcast yeah do you want me to tell you on the podcast or do you want me to tell you in real life should i tell you now

Yeah. Kidding. But like also not like where is it? Stop smiling. You like want to be FFR. What was I going to say? I lost my train of thought because Mako is so cute. She got to go. She was pregnant when she came on.

Yeah, I guess so. But she didn't know yet. She found out in October. It's funny because I posted my first, I guess you could call it a hard launch. I don't know what you want to call it. A fucking TikTok with Mikel. I think we want to call it a hard launch. You literally show his face, say his name, point at him and say, this is my man. I mean, he's my man. What's a harder launch than that? And if any bitch tries, they're getting cut. You know what I mean? For sure. I'm watching you.

But all the comments were like, I think she found her Moses. And then I went into this whole deep dive of a thought on that. Do you know what I mean? Why do I keep doing that? I never do that. What does finding your Moses consist of? I don't know. I don't know. Moses is just like with it. Yeah. I don't know because I surely have not found my Moses. In fact, I have not found anything of the sort. The other day I was going to shoot this episode.

like Joey Graceffa set of videos and I was like one of them's a dating show and he's like I don't care babe go kill it like I'm secure like you're mine like go do it could not and I was like like yowza cancel right now stop sounding like less of the one you know like I just I appreciate the security and being excited and supportive more than well I'm excited for you I would I would elaborate more but like he's literally behind me seriously I know that was even painful for me I'm not kidding today I was at lunch with Paige

And we get into this weird conversation. Like I'm talking about how I gained like 10 pounds and we're discussing like, oh, we should eat the foliage here. What's foliage? Like bushes, grass, greenery. Oh God, you always teach me things. And are you hitting on me? Okay. Okay.

And so we're joking. Like, I don't even want to order this flatbread. Like, I want to eat the fucking foliage right here, right? And then Paige volunteered this information. As, like, a five-year-old, a six-year-old, she wanted to be a horse so bad that she would go outside and get on the lawn on all fours and eat the grass. I completely understand that. No, and, like...

And like not a bite. Like she was saying I was full. Honestly, I don't know. I was like, really? I get that. I really get how that could happen. So it made me think about because like she said that to me and I was like, the first thing I responded with was like, that's the most page sentiment I've ever heard. Like that's so page to the bed. You know what I mean? And that we like all did weird ass shit as a kid, but it like says so much about who you are now.

Yeah, I mean, I always tell you my little things that I do. I would like leave my friends to go have full conversations with myself in the mirror. And you still do that. No, like I'd be like so over and I'm like, I don't want to talk to anyone. Like I want to go talk to myself. I remember one time my mom caught me and I was like, fuck off. Listen, you want to know, speaking of my mom caught me one time I had an older sister. I just knew she'd have a banger response. She convinced me that I was growing a penis and that I had to start to pee standing up.

You do not want to know how long I was peeing standing up before my mother noticed. What do you mean though? I peed standing up every time for like a year. What?

Because Tori told me that I was growing a wiener. But like elaborate. Like were you... Okay, so here's the toilet. I would literally just stand on either side of the toilet. Okay, so you were kind of like... And I don't mean to say this. I was straddling. You were straddling the toilet. I was straddling the toilet. And you were just peace standing up. Peace standing up every single time. You think you could still do it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I kind of want to see you one time. I got that aim on me. I just had so many like... It's so crazy what you believe as a child. Like I remember I could see...

I could see like these little like bubbles that would come up in my shower drain when I was like growing up. And I convinced myself that there were bats and that there was a cave under me. And if I sang in the shower, all the people who were hiking in the cave could hear me. And so then I was like, oh, I can convince these people I'm Hilary Duff. Obviously. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're about to say something that I think I have a shared experience with and it's going to fucking fuck me up. Go ahead. Were you catfishing people?

No. Oh, that's another story we said we were going to talk about on the podcast. But I would sing and I would hope that the hikers in the cave thought that like Hilary Duff was up there. So, you know how I'm pee shy? Horribly, right? Right. And...

I convinced myself that I could only pee if I didn't hear it as a kid. So every time I had to pee, I would have to sing a song. And every single time I would sing the song, I would sing the Hilary Duff song. Hey now, hey now, this is what dreams are made. And to this day, if I'm pee shy as fuck, I will literally sing it in my head. I love that. Oh my God, I miss being that age. I saw Nessa Barrett post yesterday how...

She was like, I finally graduated past like beating myself over the head with a hairbrush. Did you ever do that? I know myself, my aunt, Tori, my older sister, both had this where it was like,

My hair would get so tangled. I would get so mad, like so frustrated trying to brush it that I just start beating myself. Like it just so frustrated. Like I can't explain that feeling. I can't even think of something now that would make me that frustrated. Do you know how I like do that thing where I pretend not to know how to do something that I completely know how to do so someone else does it for me? For sure. I've always been that way since I was like five years old. Like where I like. She's brilliant. Like I just I'll pretend like I don't know how to do it and I'll never forget this day I was in my bathroom and I just gotten out of the shower and my mom was like, okay, brush your hair.

And I was like, I don't know how. And my mom was like, yes, you do. I've seen you do it a thousand times. And she kept putting the hairbrush in my hand.

And she'd be like, brush your hair. Like, you know how. And I'd be like, I don't know how. And she kept putting it in my hand and I kept like dropping it. Like just pretending like I didn't even know how to hold it. And then I'd pick it up by the bristles and like take the handle and try to like run it down my hair. I went to like full lengths to convince my mother for like hours that I didn't know how to brush my hair. And you could tell she was just fed up. She's like, we're going to stand here until you brush your own fucking hair. You know what I mean? And then I was just using the back of the brush.

Or I was dropping it on my head or whatever. You're so horrible. My mom like cussed me the fuck out. She was like, I didn't fucking know how. I think she beat me at the hairbrush. Oh, man. Well, you know what happens to the best of us. My mom had a wooden spoon named Mr. Happy. My parents also had a wooden spoon. I never got hit. Me being a pygmy. I'm like, I never had to get hit. Seriously.

oh my god i got beat with everything in a fucking two mile radius my sister i have a feeling what i whenever you describe your childhood stories to me you are like i'm seeing tori my older sister she was so she was the like bad one not that you were bad but like i was bad she just got in so much trouble that it was almost it's kind of like us where it was like the contrast made me look so much better than i actually was because i'm still like kind of a bad kid yeah like

Which explains our relationship so much. Like I almost feel like the way that you treat me and the way I treat, like it's almost like I am Tori. Like it's like sisterly and I'm the bad one. But like, yeah.

Well, like she came with my grandparents and my grandparents were literally like, we don't know what to do. Oh, wait, Tori, what do you mean came with your grandparents? We were both with my grandparents for a while. And then she was like, she was just so bad. And I'd be like, I was horrible. Well, maybe I don't share that story, actually. Share, share, share. No, we just fought so much, her and I. And we would share a room and I would literally be in bed and she would not touch me. And I'd be like, ow! Tori just...

They'd be like, Tori, how dare you? I'm so sorry, Tori. I love you so much. How far can birds go? How far can birds fucking go? Erin, I put this as a podcast topic specifically so you could chime in. And we had a whole conversation about this the other day and I tweeted about it. If I'm a bird in Florida, can I just fucking gas it to Australia? Or am I a Florida bird? They have to stop in between, right? Where? Where?

I mean, there's on like a telephone on Turks and Gaicos. They're just like at Noah's Ark. Yeah, they're at Noah's Ark. I don't know. I guess I really don't know what I'm saying. Like if we see a bird in California, it's like, yo, were you just in Ireland or like have you always been a California native? I think they pretty from the most part they stay in the same vicinity because they like they travel based on the weather. So like they'll go, you know, West. I don't know where they go.

I don't know where they go, but they go another direction. But like, it kind of like a Tesla, like how the charge stops. Like when does the flap stop? Yeah, I think they have to stop to charge. What the fuck? No, I really mean that. Like how we have to go to sleep. We can't just walk forever, except for Mike Poe's nursery. Real.

Real? Yeah, they fly. Some fly across continents. But can a New York bird just go to LA? Can a New York bird be like, I'm over the city, I want to go to Malibu? Or is that bird just in New York? I don't know. Okay.

okay now you need to know why would you expect me of all people to know because you kind of know everything in front of you i i just googled it to give you the answer what is the answer what does google say some i don't know they just move around do you know that one of the top comments on the last podcast was they love you like chiming in really yeah oh tana if you had to be a bird anywhere where would you choose anywhere i'd be a bird in new york city

Ew. So maybe I should move there. That's like the last place you should be a bird. No, because it's like the way they accept birds there is so different. Like a pigeon in New York City, like you're eating good. You go to the Upper East Side. You chill in Central Park. You go back down to Soho. Yeah, but you could be a bird at Disneyland and you could just be eating churros all day. You give pigeon energy. Who? Oh, then maybe I'd be a bird and do... Yeah, I'd give you pigeon energy. Yeah, 100%. That's like a really... Do you know one time I asked Paige like what animal I am and she said I'm a raccoon?

She was like, you're just always scurrying. You have black eyeliner around your eyes at all times. Like, you're always, like, rummaging for something. You're just rummaging through the trash. Yeah. Like, what? I don't think you're a raccoon. But I think that if I could be a bird anywhere, I'd probably choose, like, maybe Disneyland. Now. Maybe Dubai. This is my favorite question to ask, like, on a first date. If you had to, like, live in a store for the rest of your life, where would you choose? Walmart. Walmart.

okay that's a good one now if you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life what would you choose taco bell that's such that's a such really stupid answer a cheesecake factory that it was exactly the right answer cheesecake factory that was exactly that was i'm so happy it didn't take you long to get there because you could you could go to cheesecake factory and say i want a slab of grilled chicken and a fucking like clove of lettuce buffalo blast what yeah

yeah you could have and there is nothing in the world that is not also chili food at cheesecake factory but also chilies just because it's that good no chilies isn't you know it's the only sponsorship like if i don't get a chili sponsorship in the time that i have this career like i've failed myself right so cheesecake factory duh yeah you could eat anything at cheesecake factory i asked a man that recently and he said sweet green

I was sick. I was on a beach in Europe with this girl who was such a pick me. And I'd like met her through like a friend of mine. You told me this story. The girl who was literally like, oh. And we all were having a conversation and we're all like, what's your favorite fast food restaurant? And it's like me, Ty, Paige, and like a bunch of our friends who like were also in Europe. And everyone's saying like, Chick-fil-A, Taco Bell, whatever. And she goes, sweet green, that's fast food. And then I was like, okay, pick me. But I tried to give her a second chance. I'm like, I'm like,

but like what about like bad for you fast food and she's like well like veggie grill and i'm like i guess that some people live like that but it's just like no you don't like have you ever had a fucking crunch wrap supreme no i just went on a whole rampage about this today because i was watching this girl's youtube videos i love rampage rampage i was on a rampage i have this girl that i know and i honestly you know what i don't like to be a hater but sometimes i do

And in this particular situation, I watch every video she posts with intent to hate it. Okay. I have someone like that. I watch their every vlog. And I don't even like, I don't know what it is. Like, I just can't stop doing it. But her content is so like health focused, but it's so misguided and she's so uneducated that it like infuriates me to a point of no return. She'll be like,

She had a chip alternative, Tana. An alternative for chips. Okay? You want to know what it was? It was watermelon cut into chip-sized slices. Like, have you ever had a gluten-free chip? It's not a fucking chip. It's a watermelon, and that's fine, but it's a watermelon. Oh!

They do coke. They all do coke. There we go. Like when these bitches who have clear fucking problems post to what I eat in the day, like, you know what I mean? And they're like, all I ate today was avocado and kale. And then I had a snack later. I'm like, I've seen you do an eight ball off of G-Eazy dick. You know how? Yes, absolutely.

so funny because she absolutely has. I don't even know who you're talking about. That was a generalization. It was a hasty generalization and it was accurate. I like a straight man. And sometimes that comes with compromise. We always talk about that. Like, I only like girl interests, you know, and then there's certain things I like, you know, like I'll like I'll watch a basketball game or I love like a Wolf of Wall Street or like a

murder doc like there's neutral things or like a theo von podcast or like whatever but like spends all of his time like watching football watching it right now surfing the highlights like it's all like i can't get into football basketball maybe football not for me nature documentaries but that's just the hawaiian in him i don't love love like every time we have sex afterwards he puts on a nature documentary and i'm like i want i i need to ground himself

I I get why am I now why am I watching a tiger did you ever watch like animal planet or anything growing up oh I love that shit meerkat manor forget about it I loved it and I've been so in tune with my like I love a picture of an animal

But when it like is long form, it's like, whoa. No, but there's like a lot of like really interesting things. Like I watch, okay, maybe not nature. What if like, what about do you like like water documentaries or like ocean documentaries? Yeah.

There's a whole series on National Geographic that's like drain the and it's like they drain like different areas of the world. They like drain the Titanic and stuff and it's so interesting. Oh, that's sick. I could get all on Disney Plus and they're so good. I could maybe get behind that. I love that. My problem is I was like born in the city. I'm like raised in the city in Vegas and then moved here. Like, yeah, I was telling him this the other day. I was like, I'm a city girl. Not like a city girl. That's gonna fucking be a city girl. But like,

Just my interests are so much more city pop culture based than they are. My thing is I'll watch it a bunch, but I'm not going to like I'm not going on a hike on purpose. I'm about to. I'm leaving to Hawaii in two days. Oh, man. You're going to come? I do. But unfortunately, I have a kid. Huh? Murphy. I have a cat and she just has been really she's been having major behavioral issues. OK, I have another podcast topic. OK. Do you shave your vagina?

Yeah. Okay. I do. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do. I'm not bushed up. I know I always talk about it. I'm an advocate for the bush. I am not a bush wearer. It depends on the day or the week for me. And I think it says, you know, it says a lot about someone you're with also if they care or don't care whether you're bushed up or not. Yeah. If your guy cares if you're bushed up, eliminate him. Immediately. Like America's Next Top Model. Shout out the gap tooth. Anyways, I was shaving my vagina.

like two days ago, again, contrary to popular belief. And really think about it, like close your eyes and you too. And think about the process. Like it's like down and then it's like up and then it's like the side and then your legs in the air. And then you're like sitting in the splits, like, like cutting off a pussy lip, like a fucking Arby's sandwich. And then you're like bent over doggy style, shaving your asshole. Like, why is it so many like

And who was the first to do it to make that the standard? Well, and it's like, you know, when a guy shaves their dick, you know, they're just like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Like they just like get the top six. Yeah, and it's never even well done. And we're just like. It's not true at all. And we don't care. That is fucked up information and you're spreading falsehood. Elaborate. Elaborate.

So when you shave your dick. Yes. Talk to me about it. Talk to me. Like you give like a one fade up on the top. You know what I'm talking about? I love that. I love that. He's like doing a lineup. Yeah. And then it's like, like, you know, like the.

What's the fucking, the groin? Yeah, you get that. But then your nuts take a while. That's a terrifying thing. How actually do you shave balls? You have to stretch them or roll them. Yeah, they have to be rolled. You have to pull them taut. What do you mean roll them? Not roll them, but just like, he knows what I'm talking about. You're educating women. I don't know. Roll them.

You gotta stretch your nuts out a little bit and like to get like a flat surface area because you don't want to just cut your fucking nuts. This is further evidence that I did not shave that guy's balls in high school. It's complicated. You have to like stretch the ball skin. You don't have to. I mean, you don't fucking. That's what I'm imagining like a flying squirrel. You can't like shave your knee unless it's like a little taut. Yeah.

Yeah, but... Yeah, it's like shaving an elbow. Like, your ball sack has to be like shaving your elbow. Yeah, I would say that's... Whoa, decent analogy. Because just like so much like loose skin, just like all wiggly. I actually can't imagine shaving balls. It's probably so difficult. Thank you. So maybe I'm... You're so welcome, Aaron. Men have it so hard. I'm serious. We live in 2023 where cars drive themselves.

Why is there not a mechanism? The art of the bushwhacker. Do you have ever gotten a Brazilian wax? Yes. And I saw God. Yeah, see, I've never gotten one. Brooke, I'm not kidding you. I would rather get a nose job every day for the next year than the pain of a Brazilian wax. So crazy because it's so black and white. Some people say it's nothing. Like it's a walk in the park. Unless they have like lidocaine there. Maybe you take like half a bar and then get a Brazilian. I was on half a bar. Oh. Because you have a high pain tolerance? No.

but like I'm aware of like what's real pain and what's not like I can still be like oh I'm being a pussy you know no pun so like think about how your like vagina hair grows like down right bold of you to assume it grows in one direction or like no it grows like

Your vagina hair's not growing out back. Mine is literally doing the YMCA. No, it's not. No, it's not. And so they take the wax and it's like super sticky and thick. And they like shove the hair up. So like think about how painful that is like within itself. Like the hair like going back up with sticky wax. It's like ripping it out. Rip it off. Let me rip it off. I've never in my life been like a shape girl.

I have never once in my life been like, oh, I need a fucking triangle on my puss. And I still don't really understand all that. Like the point of that. I do. I see it. I'm like landing strip kind of a slay. Yes. Like I get, but I'm saying like, I'm not going for that. I just want to get the job done. Like bald puss or we're pushing it out. Like whatever. And that day I was like, give me a triangle. Cause I just couldn't keep doing it. Like I was like.

You know what I mean? Yeah, you're like, no more of that. And that was for my honeymoon that I didn't go on. I feel like, would you ever get laser? What are your thoughts on getting laser? Maybe we get a Groupon. Yes. Let's get a Groupon and go.

I just actually I would do it but then you know I'm a I actually am I always talk about this but I'm afraid of the bush coming back and I'm also afraid of like well you don't have to base your pussy hair on trends I know but what if I want but like what if one day I wake up and I'm like oh my god I wish I saw like if you over pluck your eyebrows because it's a trend and then one day you're like oh you see Brooke Shields and you're like I wish that was me but I guess you have to think about what you're better with right what

well what happens to like as you get older like everything ages so what if one day i'm like i gotta cover that up a little bush i guess yeah i want laser bad because of the process i would do like the all the fixings you know what i mean like maybe not the maybe not like it's stuffing and cranberry maybe not like the bush as like i'm like a main attraction yeah but like maybe everything else

I really want laser and I think we should go together like coochie spread hold hands I think we should I think we should start a series where we get things like we were just talking earlier about how we're gonna get our wisdom teeth taken out together my wisdom teeth are coming it could probably really bring us closer like if we do all those like really painful things like like a team building team yeah team bonding team like it'll be like uh special forces I need to finish that by the way I can't believe Jojo Siwa carried the cheater on her back I don't remember his name I can she's fucking involved

yeah can i tell you something there's different types of anesthesia though okay like when i got a nose job i came up from anesthesia and i was like hey they were like what's your address and i told them and i was like fine but like whatever they give you off of wisdom teeth is like different do you think so because i always think those videos must be people like fucking like i don't think so i think some of those people are lying i saw amari after it in high school and i was like oh yeah i was a

but i feel like it's it's like you know when people get hypnotized at like senior at the senior night or whatever no oh what the hell is that i thought that was a universal experience not at all oh elaborate at senior night like in my high school and everybody's high school literally ever comment down below um you get there's a hypnotist that comes and they hypnotize people

And no one in this room is validating that. Oh, if you know you're supposed to get hypnotized, everybody like starts acting different. Same thing is like the wisdom teeth. I feel like people know they're supposed to be like funny. So then they get out there and they're like, I have like an immense fear.

of coming off of the wisdom teeth drugs and saying secrets i know and saying like things i've held in forever and saying like fucked up shit and just or fucked up shit and someone's recording me like whatever i love you so much but it cannot be different than a like a regular saturday night for tanamosha i know it can though like i i hold in enough that it's

I know it would be different. No, I've seen it. I hate people. I love them. I was just going to say. It was the night you were going to do it. Like, I hate people. I love them. Like, that night was obviously horrible. And the things I said was horrible. I was just FaceTiming Mr. Jose Canseco talking about that. Actually, I was like, I'll never let your best friend, my best friend. But I think it would be things that I would just never say. And it scares me like so much. Hunter. Hunter.

He demanded that we order a McRib the other night in the McDonald's drive-thru. And I was, you know what? I wasn't opposed. I was like, you know what? Let's try the McRib. But tell me why this sexy, hot, gorgeous NBA player gets into Hunter's car and he says, sorry, Brooke's McRib is on the floor. You got blamed for the McRib? He blamed me for the McRib. Do you know that's...

so like our relationship with hunter is so big brother coded like even the other day when you were getting the car and i was in the driveway mikoa was sitting inside with hunter and i was like i'm so scared because like hunter's gonna tell him like a crazy lie like tana has foot corns and you're gonna have to deal with that forever and then it'd be like six months from now mikoa would be like so your foot corns like a hunter just loves to like big brother plant a seed yeah like for fun

And I was so fucking scared. He let this man think that I went up to the drive-thru and said, can I please have a McRib? I've never had a McRib. And you know what? If you like McRibs, that's fine. But like, that's not the first. What, you're trying not to offend the McRib community after this whole podcast? I will eat McAnything, seriously. But in that particular moment, I did not order McRib.

I ate it, but it was. Was it good? I've never had one. It was good. Does it taste like a barbecue ribs? I don't, I don't remember. Honestly, I was dying of embarrassment. I want to try it. I saw this TikTok the other day. I saved it in my podcast notes as a photo. It's a girl crying, right?

She said, me after I found out that his apartment was really an Airbnb he'd rented out the nights I'd stayed over and really lived with his ex the entire time we were together. I saw this. And honestly, what do you think about that? Because in my head, I'm like, at least he really wanted to see you. And that's how I know I'm not ready to date. Whoa. Whoa. He really wanted to see you. He spent the money. He put in the effort. But...

That's exactly wrong. That's exactly the wrong answer. And that's why I don't have a boyfriend and I shouldn't until I go on betterhelp.com. And don't even give them the fucking... I've done it twice this episode. Seriously, sponsor us.

I think men just lie. That always brings you back to the Lil Xan of it all where I thought she was his cousin for six months. Yeah, you thought his mom was dead for sure. Exactly. Men just lie like that. But I can't imagine doing that as a woman. I can't imagine committing that hard. Being like, this is my apartment. I can't understand. Feeling close to somebody too. I get it if you're lying to an Uber driver you're never going to see again. But I can't imagine if I had lies that I had told you that I had to keep up with. Yeah, I just...

And to like make someone fall for you. Like that's so crazy to me. And did he not have any like items or like furniture or clothes? Like he probably didn't have any clothes there. Or no pictures. Did he know the Wi-Fi password?

I don't know. I just had to bring it up. I don't know. I worry about her, but I was her, so... I'm so happy to just be sitting with you on this couch at night. That's point blank. Me too. Seriously. I think we might have to stop having guests forever, but then we'll keep having guests because there'll be iconic celebrities that we'll want to have on and then everyone will tell us the episode sucks and then we'll go back to this couch and one day we'll learn. You know what I think it's going to end up having to be? I think it's going to end up being if we have a guest, we also...

that same time, like same week have to have. Like I think it would be in addition to the episodes that we already have, not in replacement of. Or like half the episode of the guest is us and then the guest comes in. Yeah, but it's hard to even like really get like a, you know. A good thing going. When they're only there for 30. Yeah. Let's get Trevor Wallace back. Everyone loved Trevor Wallace. They only loved Trevor Wallace, which is so crazy. He went on Chicks in the Office or Chicks in the Office and they were like,

these podcast hosts are fighting over you and he was like i don't i don't know why he wants me dead good yeah i want him dead for real really yeah i think he's yours he's what because you have a fucking boyfriend no thank you stream pterodactyl yeah stream pterodactyl

That is a stand-up special that I can get behind. Absolutely. We love you, Trevor Wallace. And we're sorry for, honestly, all the peril we've probably caused you. Anyways, Matt Rife is canceled. No, he's not. Okay. He is. He is. But we didn't do it. Yeah, we didn't do it. We're just a part of it somehow. And I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. Let's guess. I love you, Brooke, so much. Happy birthday. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy everything. Happy life. Best day ever. I love you.

Thank you guys for listening to the Canceled Podcast. Vote Trump. Kidding.