62: Meghan Trainor Opens Up: Kris Jenner, Jimmy Fallon, and the Cancellation Saga - Ep.62
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Don't make it easy for these viruses. Stay up to date on your COVID-19 and flu vaccinations this fall. Sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education, Equity and Progress. CVEEP.org. It's my favorite time of year, holiday shopping season. And if you didn't come to the canceled podcast tour and get your merchandise there, you can get it online right now on sale. Hurry up and get yours before it's all gone. Link in the description. Are you in love? What?

Can we please just open the episode like that? Hello and welcome back to the Canceled Podcast. Sorry, I just took over like... This is my show. Are you in love? And don't move to Hawaii. I'm gonna miss you. He's here right now, actually, in my room. He's downstairs. She brought him back with her. No, I came home. I said, I miss you. Please come. Very different. She doesn't even know his name. Is he a football player? No, he's not. He's everything and more, actually, the sweetest human. You know how I know it's bad? Because I normally want to be a disrespectful piece of s*** to a man. And I'm like, no, I have to...

You know. How long is it? He like makes you finish then. All the time. Because I heard you on another podcast like say that you would tell them like that's it. I'm such a weird bitch about that. Like if I have sex with someone and it's bad like afterwards. I wish I told so many of all of them. Yeah. I

I did it for a long time and then I woke up one day and I was like, you have to know and I'm helping you. Yeah, teach them. It's like laughing at someone when they're not funny. It's like positive reinforcement that they don't deserve. Oh, I always give a laugh. Oh, I can't. I will because then they keep...

They keep saying funny things And I can't have that one I give a laugh I've sometimes I've sometimes witnessed her Like give a really nice compliment Not that you're like so fake But give a nice compliment Laugh And then We get by She sits in the room And she's like God I That was horrible I hated that entire time We'll like grip each other's legs Under a table While the other one's talking I can't fake it If someone Like I just won't

I will. Even if I do a glam trial, like where someone's like auditioning to do my hair for a show, I'd be like, you nailed it. Me too. And then they left me out. And you cried. Never, ever fucking again. And you're like flat ironing curled hair and singeing off. And I'm like, never hire them ever again. That was horrible. My team was like,

We don't know how you feel. Yeah, at all. But I'm the same way. I like can't stomach them thinking it's bad. I can't. You know what I mean? I hear someone's feelings. At all. I like freak out. I'm so happy you guys are here. Thanks for saying yes. I didn't know I was going to be on this until five minutes ago. I'm so happy to be here. Also, I figured as much. I was like, does he know that? She's like, yeah.

No, and it was just us. Of course you did. Of course I did. What are you wearing? Why do you look so fancy? I'm wearing Tarjay. I don't know. Come on. What are these shoes? I feel like they're kind of like a... They are. Oh, my God. The shoes are actually what I can't say for the next minute, but they're so... You don't know about this? No, they're so... Oh, you can't say it. You can't say it. You know what I mean? I love. You don't know about this? Oh, my God.

Get with it. No, I'm so happy to be here. What? I gotta remember that this is crucial. No, I just want to say thank you both. Like,

How we met Miss Megan We were at the Tate McRae show And I like Turned to the right And I just see like A lady waving at me Like a sexy Sexy lady over there Being like hi And I just think it's like You thought I was sexy? Of course you're sexy I get to throw up and cry I'm so happy Thank you Are you confused? She's so confused I'm serious She doesn't know All the time All the time She's like I look like trash We're consistently She's like I have no extensions My hair I'm like

I look like Mr. Clean without the tape in it. You know, like that's hair. Wait, also, you were blonde and I loved it. Yes, she didn't know it was a wig until right now she walks up and she goes, where's the blonde? I go, I don't know, in a drawer somewhere. No, it looks so good.

I'm trying to convince her I have been forever Do where? It's the problem that I look like Michael Jackson without makeup on when I have brown hair No she doesn't Says who? It's a delusion Says you in the mirror? Yeah probably No Probably I don't want before my I've seen you without makeup on every single TikTok and I love it

You're so sweet. I think it's in high school I had dark brown hair and this was before I had a nose job, okay? And I was super pale and I had money for the spray tan, you know? So it was like, I love you. But like, so I really looked like Michael Jackson and I think that's ingrained in my brain forever. Like I'll always feel like, I think you're probably the only person saying that you look like Michael Jackson. That's why I had a big crush on Michael Jackson. Okay. Okay.

Period. I just get this adorab. You know a lot of people. I like own it. Uh-huh. That's why I'm the millennial that can't do the middle part because that was me at like 12. Very chubby and insecure with the middle part. And I'm like, everyone's like, stop parting it, you old lady. I'm about to switch back to a side part too, I think. It's like when you're wholesome, you have a side part. No. Really? Fuck.

I can't see myself. You're not in your wholesome era. You go rock it. You rock it. You rock it. You look great. I do not. I'm like thinking of wholesome thing. I'm like really trying to lean into it. You do look like Mother Thanksgiving right now. Mother Thanksgiving is incredible. The sweater. It's adorable. All you need is like the Selena Gomez blanket. I do. And to look out the window. I know.

And a cup of coffee. Trisha cosplayed it. She got the exact blanket. What hasn't Trisha cosplayed? I think everything. A meme could drop tomorrow and she'll be on it today. There was this random photo, this random paparazzi photo of Addison Rae just like walking down the street reading Britney Spears' book. Which you can't do. You cannot walk and read. Nobody can walk and read. You can't do that. Also, wasn't she halfway through the book and she had just bought it? Like,

Came out that night. I love her. And Trisha dressed up as that photo for Halloween. And I was like, how niche, how smart. Like, it's so Trisha Coden. Smart. It's incredible. What did you do for Halloween? We dressed up as Monsters, Inc. Perfect. And we went to two houses with my babies. I have children. Which one were you? You were so fucking wholesome and cute. I was Mike Wazowski's girlfriend, Cecilia. I didn't know that. With the snakes. What?

With the snakes in my hair And it wasn't cute When we got like Barely out of picture You have the cutest babies They're really long too Like the cutest kids I've ever seen I was like praying That they would like Come out of the car Seriously Yeah you said Bring them I was like

And then I put it all to my house. They'd be running right now. One of them. And we just had a friend's giving here. And I was like, she walks in. I'm like, there's a hair extension on the counter. There's a bikini in the fireplace. It's November. There's sangria out on the floor of the roof. But this is what I would like. This is, I walked in and I was like, yeah, this is where Tana lives. This is what everyone expects. I know.

Yeah. No, this is a very tame version. A hundred percent. I was just so scared. I thought it was cleaner than I thought it would be. I called everyone today. I was like, kids, I'm gonna please come and clean right now. My good trainer's coming over. Like, I was spiraling. It's like a version of the original Hype House. Oh my God. Wait, class, you're in trouble. Don't say that. That's an insult. Don't say that. I had a dream last night that I went to the Hype House and someone stabbed me. I'm sorry. That was a trauma dump. Was it Charlie D'Amelio? Right.

Like it's Vinnie Hacker with a knife. You know, that's where it wasn't the original, but the second one where you were neighbors with them, that's where the first time I ever saw you, we didn't speak, but I obviously knew who you were. And I was so scared. You went to the Hype House? I had like mutual friends. It was when I was in high school.

past relationship on the internet so we had some mutual friends who were there I wasn't I wasn't but we had mutual friends there so we were just it wasn't like the friends who were bringing us weren't didn't live there but we ended up at the Hype House you were there and

And I saw you walk past. I almost said hello, but then I was like, I can't. I can't right now. What was I doing? You were making videos in that top little yard up there. It was like me and the Lopez brothers and Olivia Ponton. Everyone was doing cartwheels. I actually remember this day. 100%. And you were just wearing a large t-shirt. What?

Versace white sunglasses. Stop. Stop. I remember that so well. That's the worst thing I've actually ever heard. The problem was I was neighbors with them. So everyone would come over like ready and I would just roll out of my pajamas and be like, stop. Who wants to keep me relevant? Like, you know. And it worked. It worked. And look where we are now. You're like king of that. Staying relevant online. You're so beyond awesome.

are I want to wait can you we were asking about this earlier like can you explain the situation of like how you guys got together or like we're childhood friends childhood friends from Nantucket Massachusetts so you live for fun so we live for fun no but he does he did visit Nantucket a lot

And I was like, that's... No, no, no. In his childhood. Okay, here's... So, okay, the actual story. Megan and I... Megan asked me to do her podcast. She's like... So I came over and we did that. And then she was like, let's make some...

come with TikTok ideas. And I was like, I will. And one of them was like, oh, why don't we pretend we're childhood friends? Because I had grown up, my family and I grew up going to Nantucket every summer. And I knew she grew up on Nantucket. So I was like, we have that weird connection. So why not like make it a thing? So we Photoshopped a photo of us. Um,

Us children We did it We have multiple of those Yes We have multiple I believed it Really Yes The way you guys interact too Is like so loving and cute We have the same birthday Do you guys actually When's your birthday December 22nd And we're turning 30 She's turning 30 Together

- I'm not there yet. - You're only turning 30. - What? - 30 is short. - And you're only turning 35. - It's like you have two kids. - I know. - Hey, I'm just trying to hold him, honey. - No, no, you look like a baby child. It's just that like, you popped him out already. - I'm trying, bro. I'm exhausted. - And you're just like so successful. - 'Cause if I was older, I'm gonna be so tired. - No, that's so-- - I need two more and I don't know how I'm gonna get them in and out. - I feel like this isn't gonna make it into the podcast actually, the more that I say it out loud. You were just telling me,

The brutal aftermath of you having a child, but not so brutal. Oh, my pussy. Oh, she's, she's talked about that all the time. This would be me in the podcast. Yeah. I texted my doctor on the way and was like, what is it called? Uh, she didn't answer. Um, but there's a lot going on my pelvic floor. So like all the muscles in your poon, punk and your butthole are like, I'm, I clench all day. Like,

Like I'm anxious. I'm like, and that can cause. You are a kiddling though. But I've had it my whole life because my whole sex career, right? Career. It was always like painful. Like I'm 30 years old. I have two children and a husband and I'm now waking up realizing, oh, when the penis goes in, it's not supposed to hurt. Yeah. It's like a lot of

lot of people don't even know he's heard it all i said heads up i'm gonna talk about pussy today and he was like yeah as you do on canceled podcast no more people need to talk about it because i've seen like eight doctors and they're like this is very common but because of society and because like you're a woman like you just like don't speak about your pain and just like go through it and i was like yeah that's why so many people don't even know they think that's how it's supposed to be yeah they think that's how it's supposed to be and i and i thought i was like yeah it's always hurtful like go in and like like

Stretch me? I wish. So I have to do like a year of PT of some woman going in there and like dilating me. Yeah.

Our best friend has to do that. Her name is Jill. And she's very gentle. But she can't even go in there yet because my outside, my lips, have another problem that I didn't know was going on. Oh, shit. But they are like really. So when I would have sex, it felt like glass. And I was like, all right, babe, I got to be real with you. I'd be a better person. Something's going on.

I'd be like such a better person if my life wasn't revolving around getting dick. Like if it just like, you know. Wait, my life isn't revolving around getting dick. That's what I'm saying. That's why you're a better person than me. Do you know what I mean? I love him. Yes. Yeah, so I felt like glass and I was like, no, scientifically something's probably fucked up and it was. My chemicals are so mixed up. My hormones. I have like no T. No testosterone. So.

- So how do they fix that? Is there like a solution? - I went to multiple doctors. I got lasered the other day and I have to do it like two more times and then I have to do-- - Lip filler, like whole other treatments. - I have to do, eventually I can get Botox up there to tell the muscles literally stop. And then I have to do cream. I haven't started but I'm going to take six months. - Wait, do I need Botox? I'm like, pussy Botox is actually everything. - Anywhere I can get Botox, I will. - I have to do cream for six months.

morning and night and a suppository is that what it's called we put it in you and it leaks out on you and i was like six months how do we make it four and she's like well you could do this laser treatment i was like i'll do it like yes i don't have time for this star wars in my puss right now but i also as sad as it is and how traumatic i was like oh 30 years i thought like ouchie and that's right yeah like no but as it's exciting because i'm gonna finally have like really awesome not

Painful sometimes Yeah it was awesome Like it felt good sometimes But there was always pain You know Yeah But I was just like That's normal It's not So if you're having pain out there Check with a doctor And you're not alone I swear to God I've known her for one minute though And we start having this conversation I was like it's fine I'm not a stranger Cause I was like I love you I love you Let me tell you all my plus Yep And we just bought it immediately Well it's like Isn't it your job too

Yeah, absolutely. So like, if you're having pain, I'll just worry about you. No, and I just knew in that moment, I was like, I immediately love this woman. Because obviously I've seen you my whole life and you're such an icon and a musical icon, but you don't necessarily always know what someone's personality is going to be like. And you're just actually so funny and awesome. And so is Chris. Chris has always had my back. When you don't have to. It like hurts your brand. I think how much you defend me. Never, never, never, never. I don't care. Did you put sunscreen on?

- I know, I'm not getting blasted. - I'm so sorry, we are so not accommodating. - It's okay, I'm just getting a nice little tan.

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Do you have a boyfriend? Not yet, but maybe. I thought you were going to be my sister, bitch. I met a boy. They say I love you to each other. No, we don't. No, we don't. I said that to my boy. I said that to my man. I want to say it so bad, though. Say it, bitch. Just say it. Don't say it. I said it to my man. Well, I made him say it first. He said, I'm enamored by you. And I was like, enamored?

If he's enamored, I would have shot myself. I was like, because he wouldn't say it. And I was like, just say it. And he's like, I think I'm falling in love with you. How did you guys meet? Through Chloe Grace Moretz, the actress. That's a really iconic way to meet. I know, dude. Every time I say it, I'm like, she's so cool, cool. And she was dating Brooklyn Beckham at the time. Wait, perfect. No, I had no idea who he was. And I was such a loser. I had no idea who he was.

And I remember she was telling me like, yeah, Brooklyn's mom gave me this shirt because she has like a really famous clothing line. And I was like, that's so cool. You guys like fit. You're like the same size. Like I thought it was like her own personal shirt. And

And then I was like, what? What a, like, awful mom. Victoria Beckham clothing line. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And then I always remember, too, like, the paparazzi would hound all of us and he would, like, chase after them and be very protective. And I was like, God, he cares so much. And it was like,

They were all probably after him, you know, and he probably recognized them. Yeah. It's crazy how famous we are. I'm so like that. Like, do you ever like get like get a paparazzi shot, but it's not because of you, but you're like, I'm so famous. Have you guys seen Brooklyn Beckham's cooking videos?

Of course They're my favorite things on the internet I haven't watched too many of them He like blow torches his grilled cheese He like goes so above and beyond He has time on his hands You know I have a hobby I would sell my soul right now For a blow torched grilled cheese Yeah I just don't feel like there's ever a situation Where you have to do that I don't think there is I don't think there is But again when you have time on your hands like that That's what you're gonna do I also have IBS Who has a blow torch in their kitchen?

Do you? Yeah, I just found out. Yeah, she's kind of got it all. What do you mean you just found out? Hot girls have IBS though. Hot girls, I heard. Yeah, that's like a real fact. I know, I'm starting to feel left out about it. How do you not have it? I probably do. Yeah. Do you have consistent gorgeous poops? Yes. She does. Really? She does. Then you don't have it. I was like a constipated gal my entire life. No, yeah, I'm definitely not constipated. What? But I'm irritable for sure. I take a lot of Colace and a lot of Miralax. Boyfriend?

Oh, oh, no. But I was like, okay, are you here? Are you in the room with us? We can also, we can also cut this out. Cause I don't know if this is right. I thought, were you ever dating Jeff?

No No Not at all Just the horn I knew that Okay I didn't know that Never Never No And you've never even No Nothing You did it They made out You did it No no no I know what the smile is A little bit of a yes I just told him I just told him the other day That I don't want to have sex with him Because I know exactly What it would be like

And there's no need for that. It would be too much. Like your brother or something? It would be like... Hooking up with your best friend? Obviously the weird shit, the weird demeanor would just weird me out. I feel like it would be like me riding him for like five minutes. Like I'm not going to come. And then like we're going to watch sports highlights after. And like I love him too much to allow that to happen between. And then he would fall. He would fall extra hard. I don't think so. I don't know. It's very like brotherly, sisterly.

We just kind of played up for the camera. I don't know. Totally. Yes. Understand. Do you go right to the writing? No. Oh my God. No. Yeah. What? No. I think that would just be the setup there. Is that for show? Yeah. No. No. Oh my God. Are you ever like...

If you are riding dick, like let's just say sometimes there's like something on the TV and you're like low key just watching the show. I watched all of Bridgerton like that. I'm not kidding. You wait, what? I don't even want to repeat myself at all. She watched all of Bridgerton while riding dick. Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense. I was just laying there. Oh, okay. Oh, you did it yourself. Perfect. I was going to say, that's like no no.

It's like she's beaten it to it. No, no. To Bridgerton. Perfect. Anyway. Tell us about Kris Jenner. What does she smell like? Kris Jenner, what does she smell like? Yeah. She smells successful. She smells...

So how did you guys meet? Like when I saw that music video for I Am Your Mother, I did not know you guys knew each other. And I was just like so gagged. She's my president. Yeah, mine too. She's my queen, my everything. We got to work with her. That was crazy. Yeah, a day with Chris. We have a mutual friend through my management. And so my dream, I was like three months pregnant. I was exhausted. And I was like, I just did Made You Look, like full dance video. I was like,

I don't know if I have an in me to do that all over again. What if we just had like some other queen do it and like they're like a legendary mom like Kris Jenner. Yeah. There is nobody else really. She is mother. And my team was like not no. And I was like all right. It was so amazing. On my birthday I got the call that she said yes and I was sobbing. Oh my God. That was insane. What a crazy birthday.

I'm 25. You're 25? Yeah. Hey, 98. I know a lot of people think I'm 30. A lot of people think I'm 30. Because you just told me you were 30. I'll take it. I'll take that. Your energy gives 30 though. Like very sensible. It was the rehab at 19. Oh my gosh. Don't forget. I'm like if you're ready. Absolutely. Absolutely. Understandable. Yeah. Yeah. Understandable. That was so fun.

It's chaos. There are some fun points to it, but yeah. But then you just, then you try to seek pleasure in like watching craziness go down. Whenever she isn't drinking, she'll like force me to drink twice as much. Yeah. I got more into you post rehab, I think. Cause I was like, I gotta live through someone now. Oh my God.

That's a crazy clip. That's a take right there. Well, right when I got out of rehab, your MTV show was a thing. Oh my God, I'm so desperate. Yeah. Megan Trainor just looked at me and goes, do you remember when you left Omari at the hospital after his surgery? That came out. She goes, I watched that in real time. That came out five years ago on MTV. And you were fighting with your manager.

Yeah, it was such a toxic quarter. He was trying to be famous. He got his septum done, like deviated septum, but I didn't miss it. I was just like late.

i wasn't picking him up i don't know you chose sleep over him there's like there's so much obviously like reality they were like drama drama drama and you were like i have so much going on i have a perfume that's coming out are you ready for it why did you know that it was you watched all of this i love her i love it i just it's so like this is so mind-blowing to me like i

I love YouTube and I love, yeah. Who did you like, what first got you into YouTube? Like what YouTubers did you watch or love? Are we going right now? I loved watching Trisha cry in her kitchen floor. Like,

Like I'm a chicken nugget. I'll never forget that. Every phase of Trisha. Every single one. It was just, I also, it was just so remarkable seeing everyone try to take her down over and over again. And that I made a video a while ago, I think like years ago where I was like, Trisha Paytas has taught us that like,

You decide when you're cancelled No one can cancel you if you've decided You're not cancelled because every time Something would happen to her she just kept posting And just kept pushing through and now She has become like uncancellable And that's why she's over so much I feel like you're there

That's what we were going for with the name of this podcast, Swinging and Missing. Right. Because we were so scared. My mom is terrified right now. She goes, so it's called canceled? Are they going to try to cancel you? A lot of people do think that. No one's ever come on and gotten canceled, really. No one's come on here and got canceled? Hey, hey, hey. Let's talk about canceling.

When was the last time you apologized online? Whoa, great question. I remember one YouTube video of you, but that was a long time ago. Well, I,

Well, I think it just used to be a different time. Apologize for the brawn. The white shirt. Great crew neck, but who's counting? It wasn't the worst day of my life or anything. What were you apologizing for in that video? Let's stop. Chris, you bring up dramas. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'll tell you, obviously. But, um...

I just think it's different now. Like you used to have to sit down and make a whole apology video. And that was the only way the internet would take it seriously. Now we come on here every week and I'm like, Hey, sorry about that one thing I said last week at 40. Like people just, I think are more accepting to growth. Like they're almost like the canceled narrative is kind of changing. Well, because everyone I think learned that it just went in circles. Cause no matter what you, you say whatever and people are going to stay mad. The only thing that will actually get you back on your feet is like taking time off or just continuing on. Yeah. Showing growth.

Yeah. And like showing that you've changed or like, I think every, cause you could say the one thing that so many people are asking you to do. And then everyone's going to say, well, that's a lie. Or you're just saying that because people told you to say it. It's like, right. I'm listening. I'm trying to hold myself accountable. Like everyone else is asking you. And you'll just, you realize you're never going to please anyone. And that's just like a whole thing that I think comes with like fame or whatever.

or whatever. Yeah, you taught me that. You were like, oh, nothing on here is real. So it's all good. And I was like, oh, that's great. What's real is like my beautiful kids. Yeah. Oh, stop. I need to get knocked up tomorrow. I want to be pregnant at the same time as you. Trisha and I keep saying that. Do it with your Hawaiian boy. I'll do it with you. I'm trying. Please don't do it. Do it. I'll do it. You don't do it. Who are you going to do it with? For a second. Anyone. Oh. Us. Us.

I know. Oh, and it would be so, like, I feel like you'd be so good at, like, the exploiting your kids thing. Wait. No, no, no, no. No, you're giving birth and he just shows up to the hospital with a coffee. You know what happens.

I brought you there. I think you have the best strategy. Well, the strategy would be hopefully not exploiting them to the point of making them feel like they can't make their own decisions. That's how I feel, bro. It's terrifying because we don't know what it's like for kids who have, well, not yet. We know some, but like who've since birth have been on like YouTube.

I guess some of them are like 13 now and they're talking about it. I just think there's a difference in sharing your, like sharing your family because you enjoy it versus sharing your family because you need to make money off of it. Right, right. Because it's been a thing ever since like social media became a thing that people like, they have a kid and they're like, oh my God, here's my, like I love my kid. I'm going to post this.

Post something about him. That's what I say too. If I wasn't famous, I'd still post him because he's so damn cute. As long as your content is still centered around you, I feel like it's fine. It's when your kids are like the... Family channels have always kind of given me the ick a little. And then they're having their toddler do a get ready with me and it's like, okay. What if the toddler actually wants Play-Doh? Right. Let's just maybe implore that idea. Yeah. And you can kind of tell, I feel like at this point when...

It's been put on and parents are like having their children work in a way. And that's like, that will always scare the shit out of me. That's going to be tough. Also, if there's like, if you're doing it and you're getting paid, like make sure your kid gets paid too. Like start their bank account. If they're in that, they're working, give them money. Like don't just...

And I've seen kids who were famous, like as famous actors and then their parents took all their money and now they're like adults and they're lost in the world. Which is so crazy to me. Crazy. Like, especially the, like now there's so many great regulations on child acting, but like.

Years and years ago It's better yeah It's crazy It's still bad but It's fucking nuts How was your tour? What's the craziest part of tour? Craziest part? Cause I hate tour Don't reel it in Come on Sorry I love tour And I'm gonna tour this year In 2024 Me And I'm gonna drag your asses on stage And make you dance Absolutely Can't wait I will be there What's open for Megan? In a heartbeat Yes Imagine the cancelled podcast Opens for Megan Do one of your rap songs Oh god What? Why do you guys know everything?

everything. You have to, right? Yes, but no. Do that one. I'm like, yes, no. Yes, we could bring it back. But you love Dora? I love so many aspects of it. I think it, for, I'm sure what you're kind of saying is it's not like you don't love the highs of Dora. It's just very dreamy. There's a lot of things that

I've never done it with children, so that'll be different. Oh, yeah. Are you going to bring your kids? I can't be like two months without them. Yeah. So they're coming on that bus. They're going to come on that bus. Oh, and they're seeing the world. Oh, but that'll be fun. That'll be fun, I bet. That is so fun. Are you kidding? I feel like we like it. It'll be easier. We're going to do a bus tour now. What did you do last time? What were you doing before? We were doing just planes and hotels. That's like the Jingle Ball tour. It was just a lot of like... Totally just like that. Getting from place to place. It's hard to do.

That's exactly it. So you've never been on the bus? You've never been on the bus? I've done a bus tour, but Brooke hasn't yet. And I think you just get way more sleep. Oh, on the bus? You know, because you're not having to airport and TSA and check in and do it every single day. You're flying private most of the time. But not on tour, because then it's just you're losing the profitability. I'm not flying private anywhere. It's like a banger deal.

A bigger deal There's no such thing As a bigger deal Even if it's the cheapest Private jet ever It's always gonna be Way too much money To spend on a flight I know I'm kidding It's never financial It never makes financial sense But you can find Empty legs Where it's like Essentially Someone owns a jet And they have to get it From here to here anyways How are you Is there like A website you're going on No people do that Like for a living Fully just like Our jet charterers Yeah shut up Don't you have A lot of billionaire friends

Or just the one that wants to be famous? But I'm starting to realize that that's not my journey anymore. Billionaires? Yeah. Good for you. Right? So it wasn't fun out there? It was fun. But you want to be the rich man. Yeah, I think that I'm at that point that I would rather just like be around people who make me really happy. Yeah. And not financially compromise. Yeah, yeah. Joy. I always used to have...

To take your joints To take your joints Right on my ass Megan looks at me Before this podcast And she goes You have to stop vaping You're gonna have a poop sack Something bad's gonna happen Is that like real? I feel like that's how We get cancelled Is talking about poop sacks It's killing them Faster than cigarettes Have you not seen The documentaries? I have I guess But I just pretend They're not real You see the new one? The Jewel one? No I can't watch that one Because I know I'd be sitting there Vaping hand watching it Do you quit When you do your 75 hard? No

There's nothing hard about her 75 soft You just don't drink I just don't drink I try to like do more during that time period Like work out and like Try to read listen to an audio book Listen to me you don't have children Get up

Get up and do something. Before I had kids, what the was I doing? What do you mean? I wasted so much time sleeping. Oh, no. I was just sleeping. I'm doing that right now. Yeah. When you have kids and you're up at six every day, you're like, what did I do before? You don't have nannies? What did I not accomplish before? Do you have no nannies? I have one that is there Monday through Friday from eight to five.

Okay It's very helpful It's not enough You know like There's another one So now that there's two There's like no breaks Yeah So you wake up at 6am I mean that's fair That is really fair Like on the weekends Daddy Daryl's home Right now with my mom I think I just love sleep More than anything else And not even in a depressive way Like it's just the best thing ever It's the best Do you still have insomnia? So bad You still do How do you

you know that because I remember you used to like tweet out at like 4 a.m. and stuff like that I would be in college and I would occasionally get up early to go to the gym and you would still be tweeting during your night out I went to bed last night at like midnight and I was like oh my god this is perfect I'm gonna be so rested woke up at 3 didn't go back to bed till like 6 30 just laid there and twiddled my little thumbs okay eyes closed wait are you on your phone

No this like Last night I was just laying there Like actually just like Eyes closed Like no but I'm awake I hate that It's the worst I've had that That's what insomnia is And then your thoughts Are just like Oh yeah What are you thinking about What are you thinking about Your love Your guy's next to you Wake him up

I was gonna but he was so peaceful I can't have someone sleeping next to me It's like if I'm suffering you will too Wake up You can't wake someone up I say that to my husband He puts something on though and he's so tired Because of the kids but we put something on We're in bed at 9 It's gorgeous it's a beautiful life We're showered in bed kids are asleep And then we sit in bed and we put on a show And he's snoring in 5 seconds It's always the snoring Do all straight men just snore?

I don't think so. I hope not. Yeah. No, it's a thing. I get weird too. Like I'll just like start hurting you a little in your sleep. Like if you keep snoring, like I'll pinch you a little. Yeah. I'll just tell him like, you're joking. And then he'll stop. It works. And they don't remember it. Oh,

At all. And it's like, yeah, no, I can't. Yeah, Megan, she's out of commission at like 6.30 p.m. Oh, that's bath time. Like I know not to contact anymore. That's bath time. From 6.30 to 7.30. And if I get a FaceTime from her, I'm like, what? It's late night with Megan Traynor and it's like 7.30. My managers, it took them like a half a year to figure out like from 6.30 to 7.30, you do not FaceTime me because I am putting the kids to bed. Yeah. And they'll get too excited. Like Rilo will be like, phone, phone, who's on the phone?

And I'm like, no one's on the phone. No, that's completely understandable. I've never suggested that we do something past like 4 p.m. even because I know it's not. And when I sleep at night, it's like a rare form. I love a boundary though. You know, like those are boundaries and that's on period. And that's why she's, you know, that bitch. That's why she, that's why. That's also,

Paris Hilton will never give up and never surrender and I love that about her and that's why I love her forever. She always invites me to her miraculous parties like a day before. And they're always starting at 10 p.m. You were like casually like, yo, by the way, I'm having the biggest Halloween party ever if you want to come tomorrow. It's like whatever. And I was like, no. I don't have a costume or a baby.

And it started at 10 p.m. And you were like, if you're panicking, that's fine too. And I was like, I'm panicking. I'm not going to make it. But she does want to be invited. I want to be invited to Paris. Always invites me. She just invites me to another. I've never gone once. I live and I go, yes, I'm still on the list. But I've never gone. And I'm just so grateful. I've always had to say no to Paris as well. Really? Why? Because I've never been in town. I've never had to say no to Paris. Yeah.

I've done some of the like craziest things I actually if I look at my whole like 25 years of life and I think about crazy like at her parties like the things that go down there are like I'm asleep I even went to her wedding and I like I kind of you went to her wedding yeah I love that that is so amazing the most beautiful thing ever except I left early because I was sleepy I was you I was like I'm getting up at 6 we gotta get out of here did you go to her wedding

Did I have a wedding? Yes. And I'm redoing it too. Are you? Yeah. For my first one. No, we didn't know each other. I mean, I did. I did know her. But I just did in my backyard with a bunch of Christmas lights. I'm just, as I, you guys, this friendship is so interesting to me and I really like, I want to know, like,

The wink was crazy. Do you come up with all of her social media ideas? Not all of them. Sometimes she goes rogue. I thought about today. I said, I know this is cheeky, but I mean this myself. Sometimes she goes rogue and you can probably go on her page and know which one she did herself. I did the Christmas one today. For the most part, yes, I would say. Also, I'm here to promote

my song with Jimmy Fallon. Wrap me up. There's no way. Jimmy Fallon's so good. He's so like talented. He's so good. Singing? And he's the nicest guy in the whole world. And he plays guitar. He's so nice. I'm trying to like go everywhere and promote the song. And it's a Christmas song. Yeah, it's really cute. And it's gonna be on the radio everywhere we go. It is already. And so I called Chris like yesterday and I was like, hey, I'm gonna be in Glam tomorrow. Like, do you have any like good ideas that I can promote for him?

And then I create a little notes app of all of my ideas for her. Megan November 19th. And then it's just a little... That's actually so awesome. What do you feel like made you like... Oh no, you're revealing our tricks. That's what we do. I know. What like...

made you so good at this? Like what did you just always grow up on socials and kind of just create? I guess just like general obsession with social media already. Plus I was like, when I was doing it just by myself, I would see like singers or famous people get on TikTok and try to do it. And for the most part, a lot of them do not know what they're doing. Like unless you're like a Kim and North and you have a North, like you're not like they, it

It's a hard interface to just like learn. It's totally tough. So I was like, if I, if I just had like access to that, to like any of these celebrity social media. And our videos like popped off our first ones we ever did. And I was like, we should do this more. I think like the first one we ever posted together got a million views in like 20 minutes. And we were like, okay, I guess we should keep going. Do you do it for other people at all?

I do. I do. We encourage him to. Yes. Some of them. Yeah. Like, yeah, I would get so tired. I do not work for anybody else. Oh, no, no. I see people's page and I go, Chris, you need to help them. Yeah.

Yeah. You need to help them. You know, there's like a, like people are looking for specifically you now. I remember someone was like hiring for, everyone goes, how'd you get Chris? I think like Normani or something. And they were like, they specifically used you as an example. Like we need somebody exactly like that for that. I heard in big meetings, people are putting my shit up and being like, this is the formula we need to follow. She has a person. Yeah. All we need to get.

No that Armani thing You're talking about Was actually crazy It was like Seeking like gay Social media obsessed Like Chris Olsen It was like actually like Insane And we were so glad That is pretty insane I mean Because Like the requirement Was gay too Like he had to be gay It's an important point It's important I mean

I don't think I'm like... I wouldn't put myself out there as like, well, I am like clearly just the best person to do this. I think I'm just someone who like scrolls a lot. So I know what someone should post. Yeah. But there's like tons of people who would be able to do that as well. We just linked at a perfect time. It's also a crazy gig too because you have to get to know the person. So that's why being besties really helps. I love you. Yes. Because he's like, you know when you talk about your anal fissures and stuff? Like...

He's like, what are you willing to talk about? I was like, My Anal Fisher. And he's like, this will be hilarious. Let's do a video about this. Or he's like, you're so funny in this category. Why don't you show that more? So it's a really intimate job, too. That's actually awesome. Yeah. It wouldn't have worked out if we weren't friends. Right. Yeah. Because there are other people who, if they're promoting a project, I'll get called on to do a little thing with them. And I can work it out for a few videos. But I can tell that it's like, this is not going to be great. Nothing ever feels like four.

Yeah. Have you ever met a celebrity that you just absolutely hated? Like, I want another, even if you bleep it, can I just know? Can we bleep it? We can bleep it. Oh my God. I promise we can bleep it. I'll send it off to you. I did not love delivering coffee to. You know what? She gives me bad vibes. I'm sorry.

I know. And a lot of people have had good experiences with her, but a lot of people have also had not great experiences with her. She picks and chooses. And I did it. As soon as I walked in the room, the energy was not good. If it's not there, it'll never be there. And I'm never then just going to be like, okay, well, sorry. I was being so nice and so sweet the whole time. And her team very clearly was like also trying to get her excited about this, but she was just like,

Okay, what am I... What? And I was like... Oh, no. Oh, I'm just gonna deliver this. Like, I've brought it from across the country. It's this little bit I've done. And then I, like, showed her a few of them. She's like, okay. I've noticed it's really hard to explain to really, really famous people. Like...

what this world is. No, it is just like, I've always said that one of the things that kind of comes with this job is you meet so many of your idols and your heroes and not all of them are going to live up to the idea of who they are, like in your head or just in general, you know? Yes. And I was like, and I had, I, I was like, it's going to be really easy. This is all I have to do. And she was like, okay, sounds like you need me to direct this. Um, and I was like,

No, she takes control of everything. And of course, I'm not going to be like, well, no, I don't. And this is my... I was like, yes, whatever we need to do for you in the moment. You have to take this home. They're going to know who it is. But then it also did not perform well. Because I was... And I kind of knew it wasn't because I was like...

This isn't, this isn't the way. That's happened to me a lot. Like with like working with different like celebrities or TikTokers and they'll kind of hit me with that. Like, sounds like you need me to like, let's do it like this. And then every time it like, I was like, if we just went with my vision. Yes. And like, you know your page. Yeah. And you know how people react to your stuff. There's a lot of moments where he makes me do a video and I'm like,

this is garbage. I don't want to post this. Like, I don't think this will do well. And it's 10 million views. And you're like, and he goes, I'm like, come on. I'm like, remember the last time you said that? Yeah, now he gets me. I'm like, fuck. It was the one, one of the first times that happened was the one thing about me trend. And she told the story about how she got paparazzi walking out of a sex shop with like bags of items. And she was like, I cannot post this. She was like, this is so bad. I cannot do this. I was like, can you please just,

keep it up for me and see what happens. He's on the side like my cheerleader like, what? Bingo, baby. Yeah, it's like,

Always behind the camera I'm like mirroring What she But that's awesome Everyone needs that I also told him like After ten of them I'm exhausted So I'm like Yo I need Ten's crazy I know I was like I need you to be my Fucking hype guy Like I would change outfits And do what we would work all day I was like I need you to be My fucking hype guy And lie to me And go You're doing great So now after everyone He's like You are gorgeous You are beautiful You are talented And no one is you And it's like The best thing ever Can we just Quickly revisit the sex shop

We should. We should always. Fine! Sorry. You've never really told the story long form. Because there's a truth and nobody believes me. I will believe you. And it's fine. I promise I'll believe you. So... Story of my life. I'm going to just tell the real story because she's old enough now, so... You don't have to name names. Okay, so my...

whatever a family member okay a cousin I have many cousins you don't know who it is so I

I like experienced like sex was painful forever. And my cousins, I was trying to like, I was trying to help her with a sex talk and was like, yo, sex doesn't even feel good till like you're in your twenties because I figured out like you can use toys as well. And she's younger than me. So she was like trying to figure it out. And I was like, just buy a vibrator. And she was like, I can't just buy a vibrator. I live on this Island. And like my dad will get the mail. And I was like, I'll get you one. And for some reason I fucking went to the store.

while i was there i was like way too long to find out see the kids need to talk well not the children my cousins needed she was going to college i was like let's prep i was like everyone you need to wear condoms yeah i was like do not suffer and um you're very special i never got any sex talk so i really like was trying to help them out which i did and i don't know why i chose to go to a store in person when i could have ordered them like two day prime baby yeah

She was visiting. I was like, I'll be right back. I'm going to go get something. And then I got a bunch of stuff. So my bag was big. So it was a big black bag. And we were just post-workout. So we looked horrific. It was me and my husband. He was wearing toe shoes.

so everyone flagged that immediately um and i can't let this day down i remember seeing someone staring at me and i was like that's weird and i was like i guess that was the paparazzi guy that is my favorite story ever didn't another another celebrity got pop coming out but there was like a huge it was a see-through bag and there was a huge strap on in it and her husband was with her i know that one of vanessa hudgens got caught back in the day during like high school musical but i don't know who you're talking about i don't know it was someone who was about to get pegged and it was like oh

See, my bags are nice and big and black. The last time I went sex toy shopping, I was buying a strap-on and a bunch of fans noticed me. Have you used a strap-on on a dude? What do you think? She sure has.

She sure has. How was it? My life was so boring. No, it's not. You don't want what's up here, Megan. You don't want to be happy when I'm happy. I don't want to do it. So fun. You enjoyed it? Yeah. Like you loved it. And did he love it? You shit all over your lips. No one's going to tell you. I'll tell you. Lick your lips. I thought she meant you had shit all over your lips. Like in the moment. She means no, there's marinara sauce on you. No, it's like white powder. Like fix it. It's the bread. Lick it, lick it.

There you go. Just like the movies. Okay. Was it your suggestion or his? Mine. I was just like, I really want to do this. He was down. No, it took a lot of convincing. Oh. Oh my lord. There is no amount of convincing that should work in my opinion in that sense. Well, no, it's not shameful. It's not shameful. Stop shaming us, bro. Listen, come on. I'm not shaming anyone. What do you think God do every time? Yeah. He's stressing. You know what? Good point. I just happened to know it was bright pink.

Oh, you were there. Yeah, I was there. I was directing the scene. Perfect. Oh, man. Anyways, the weather. Wait, was it a boyfriend or was it a fling? I don't want to make it to where the people could find this person, you know, because I don't think that's their journey. Oh, my God. You know. Are they a public person? Sure. So sick.

Oh, Bryce. You guys, oh my god. It's okay.

Oh, we love Bryce for that. Oh my God, no. Bryce panicking. She's like, oh no. No, I love it. I mean, we went to touch on that, but then we were on the sun. So we moved on from conversation. But I will just say you like having my back so hard during that little silly Bryce sitch was so sweet to me. I was like, wow, Chris Olsen, you don't have to do that. I don't really, in my head, I don't...

I understand that like you do have a different vibe on social media than everyone who's maybe watches my videos. But like, I don't think I'm like,

my brand to defend you. You deserve to be defended in that way. That's actually just so sweet. The recap. The recap. You want to tell her? What's the recap? There was a guy on the internet who I had, Bryce, who I'd seen. I just can't be clip saying it again. I had seen them. I had just seen them. You guys have been friends and he just made a video being like. Oh, I did see this. Fuck that.

that guy sorry he was always around too it was not like he was just like a stranger and I feel like I feel like I've just not that I've been through that exact situation but I was just like it feels like someone who's trying to embarrass you and even though we hadn't become like close at that point I was like

As I've referenced like 20 times in this podcast I've known you for years In the back of my head I'm like no one's doing my girl like that And also because I know Like you know My The people behind me will stand behind you as well You know We all come together and ride hard for our girl I feel like all of the public Was on your team in that situation Because the way that he said it was so slimy It was like

I'm about to get so many views for this shit. She's always rubbing up on me in public. No, she wasn't. At all. Also, I feel like you've been honest about times in your past when you were like, I'm clout farming. I'm doing all of that stuff. Yeah. I feel like we're in a completely different era of you. And that's just not what the vibe is anymore. It is weird. And so for him to try to drag you back to...

to that kind of position. What was he doing? That was actually how I felt. And I really appreciate you noticing that. Cause that's, I was like, you know what? This hype house me was clout farming. Everyone, everyone was my bestie, you know, but I was honest about it. Yes. And I've also, I've met him a few times. He was only ever been nice to me. So I don't have like a personal vendetta against him. But if, if that's what this, if, if I see him in public, I'm not going to be like, yeah, of course. Yeah.

You people. Always. You amazing people. Tell me more Meghan Trainor things. So is this Christmas song a part of an album? Is there going to be more? Jimmy was like trying to do an album, but I don't know if they got all the songs done. But he just, yeah, he wanted to do something with me. And we wrote it over Zoom together. It was really cute.

What's the chorus go like? Give me a little, you don't have to sing it to me if you don't want to. He wanted to be called Wrap It Up and I was like, I'm thinking of other things and I don't like that. Let's do Wrap Me Up because I'm your present. So all the verses are him being like, is it a tie? Is it a sweater? And I'm like, nope, keep guessing. And then I'm like, you're looking at it, Wrap Me Up.

me up. I don't want to. I just want to. You guys weren't in the studio together though? No, he lives in New York. So I was on Zoom like shitting my head. Do you? Really? I don't hate New York. NYC for life. But

I don't love going there. I prefer here. Really? I like from Nantucket. Tall buildings scare me. I don't know. That makes sense. Does it? Every time I walk the streets, I'm like, stink, you know? You don't give it a chance to. You'll be there. I always walk by a sewer.

Always leave early Every single time There's like She's like I gotta go Wait you're right I changed the plan I gotta go I'm going tonight The last trip Not the last trip You were there I'm going soon The last trip We were there together You were We were like Finishing up a thing You were supposed to leave In the morning We were like I'm leaving now And I want to all get home At 2am But I'm leaving now I don't give a fuck I need to get the fuck home It's also the children Being here Yes So far away I hate it Very different That's really fair Very different That is very different

Yeah. And then touring starts when? It's not locked in yet. Oh, man. Save for us, honestly. But like after summer because I don't want to be a hot sweaty gal. When's the last time you toured? Seven years ago. No way. Oh my God. So this is going to be like really special. I'm scared. Yeah. And then what's the vibe on stage? Like you dance. Duh. We try. It's got to be so hard. You don't try. It's so hard. Dude, I need to learn how to lip sync immediately. I know.

I cannot sing all these words and dance. No, but thank God the vocals are like coming through. You know what I mean? We love to see it, but... You love to see that. Are you naturally a dancer or did that kind of come with like, oh, I'm a pop star? No, my mommy never put me in lessons. I learned like while doing all this stuff. So that's also what I'm terrified of. Like seven years ago when I toured, there wasn't really TikTok. Like I think it was Musical.ly and...

So now I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to be Justin Timberlake doing a weird dance move and it's going to go viral. That was terrifying. You know your moves. You know your moves. Have you guys seen what's going on with Enrique Iglesias right now? No. Wait, I think so. All the audio to most recent shows. Yeah, it was off. And it was like, it was like Paolo and they get them one time or in the Lizzie McGuire movie. Oh my God. This is my first time seeing it and it's just off.

it was off for sure maybe like lip syncing like as a person who's been on the stage like that your in-ears are crazy and if they're off then you don't know what's going on what sounded like yeah have you seen taylor swith video when her in-ear broke and she like watched her guitar player crazy though yeah like it's a nightmare i could never i would have thrown my hands up i know i know i was like give up and ask for help but she like

performer for life she was like i will figure it out you know touring does seem hard so but i do believe after seven years you'll know you'll get up there riding a bike also rehearsal you have rehearsal do i i have like a week of rehearsal it's great i think you're gonna kill it and i actually can't wait to come to a show and i'm you know who's the nicest sweetest boy in the whole wide world no back when we met him that night i forgot you met him that night he was like well you

well, you gotta do a show and we all gotta go, right? Absolutely we do. I always compare him to like a golden retriever puppy. He is a golden retriever. So do you, why were you at Tate McRae that night? My manager's signed her recently. So I was like,

I'm a fan for a long time too. So I got good seats because it was my management. I was like, yo, get me in there. Absolutely. She's so amazing. Did you see her on SNL? She crushed it. Oh my God. In her new video, we keep talking about it, but it's like, so good. I sent her a video of Riley going, don't forget how special you are. Stop. That's my dream. I'm not kidding. If Riley's making any more cameos for the next month, I would like one. No, I just said that my birthday's a week from today. Okay, Brooke. A week from today.

Absolutely. Perfect. Absolutely. Daryl's on one. What was I going to say? I'm just kidding. It's been so weird for me ever since meeting you now, going places and hearing you on the radio and being like, I know that person. She's everywhere. Don't you realize now that she is everywhere? Everywhere. I'll forget something is your song too. And I'm like, and you cannot go anywhere without hearing Meghan Trainor. Does that just happen to you all the time where you're somewhere and you're like, that's me.

I get played a lot in CBS and Tarjay and those are my spots. The best places to get played. But I was all over Vegas these past few days and you were playing. You were playing, yes. In the Aria. Wow. That's gotta be so funny. You like clock out of like work and like you love her. Obviously you guys are best friends but you're like in Vegas trying to get drunk and it's like I am your mother.

But she's always on the phone. Always. Always. No, now you're on the phone. I saw that song. Even when we started working together, she was still my top artist on Spotify last year because I genuinely stream all the time. I feel so sorry for anyone who's ever dated you. Yeah. Imagine their heart broken over you. I was like, thank you, J House. You don't have any mean songs? That's the first thing I would do if I had any talent. No.

Mean songs that are Well like Lips are moving I would name them Lips are moving Grow up is Essentially about your brothers No one knows grow up It's like an Extra song in the album See I'm a deep fan I write songs a lot about my brothers Like I'm gonna lose you Do you know that one?

John Legend. They're like, oh, yeah. That one I wrote about my I had a nightmare that my little brother died and I like woke up and checked on him. And I was like, imagine like losing a family member. I can't. Oh, you talking about death is me. I have an insane fear that I'm about to see an extra an extra like a side therapist to help me specialize in my fear of death. It's so real. I've gotten better at it. Like really? How? Mushrooms?

Probably. I can't do it. I'm such a bitch. Have you ever done a monsoon? I have something in my bag right now. I've never done a monsoon. I need to see you did. I brought him here today. You did? I'm too scared. I'm afraid I'll trip and I'll never come back. No, but you don't have to like trip and fall. You can just like trip and fall. Just like trip, trip, trip. Yeah, I've never done like enough for it to be like...

The last time I did mushrooms, I had a mattress. Sometimes I just lie on here for fun. So I am a little scared. I was in Europe and we're like walking around Paris and it's like so beautiful. And I take these mushrooms and I, I all of a sudden I'm just under the impression that every single person I've ever known ever and around me ever hates me and wants me to literally die. Yeah. See, I can't do that. That's terrifying. Yeah. That was scary. I was a tie in page two and I like, they were being so nice to me and I'd be like, stop. Like, what's so funny? Like, well, it's like I was being like such a bitch. Cause I thought they were like,

Coming at me. One of my, one of my friends, cousins like studies mushrooms though and says, there's no such thing as like a fully bad trip because you still like learned something in that moment or went through that situation and like became. That's terrifying. I don't want to go. No,

That doesn't sound like Something you want to go through But like I don't know maybe Yeah I guess No I guess I definitely Like did You went through it Without it You went through it Without it actually happening So like Yeah I guess that's true You were able to Mentally process And I love how much You guys love ghosts And I really want to see a ghost So that I know that I If I die I can like Stick around and haunt everyone I want a ghost hunt so bad I try dude I didn't see if

Ghost You didn't? No Oh my god That's like going whale watching And not seeing a thing Exactly Have you guys That's exactly what it is Have you guys seen When Debbie Lovato's In Skyscraper to the ghost Of course I watch ghost videos All the time And I'm like Don't see one Should we go ghost hunting? Yes That would be such a fun thing For us to do together I'll literally do it I don't know if I can Why? Those are the one things I'm most terrified of They can't hurt you They can just scare you I literally went Let's do mushrooms And go ghost hunting Who are Ryan? Who do we go with? Overnight

Overnight We went with those boys Who were friends of Matt Rife Well we don't want to go with them If they can't find any ghosts I don't know But I went to the Fucking I went to the basement At three in the morning Of this like Haunted ass house No And I yelled Come and get me big boy No that's terrifying I said Demon Come and get me And Ryan's like What's that? He was so scared The recording thing said I want Megan You will die Yeah It's The ghost talked to you

It rumbled, bro. It rumbled. It was like, yeah. I don't want Megan to die. It was crazy. That's a little, mm-mm. I was like, tickle me. Scratch me. I would never do a Ouija board because I feel like that. Have you done one? No, let's do it. Oh, my God. I think this would be a really fun journey for us. Bro, I will do it. Yeah, it would be so hilarious. Wait, did you say drinking? Journey. No drinking. I was like, I can't drink with you guys. I'm going to throw up. No, I can't either. Oh.

I'm on your train. Are you not drinking right now? Yeah, for like a whole day. You drank last night. I'm a good drinker in moderation. It's my flag. That's what I'm working on right now is my moderation.

See, I've just never, like, even being sober, the idea of moderation doesn't even sound fun for me. Right. Because all I think about is either being sober or getting absolutely hammered. And obviously getting absolutely hammered did not work for me. So I'm like, okay, I guess we'll just do nothing. When I met you at Tate's show, you said, I'm sober. I think I was. She was. She was.

You were doing it You were in 75 Soft at that point Yeah and then I broke it On day like 60 something So close Where was I Why did I break it Oh I had a Halloween party And I was like I have to drink Through being the host Sure Hosting a party to me Yeah I said that After a party At Tate's We were like Being sober here is tough

It's just... It is just so hard. Like, the socializing of it all and, like... Yeah. You know, socializing with drunk people as well. I think it's just... That is the one thing that I absolutely hate. That's why, like, I don't go out as much anymore. Yeah, I was gonna ask you. Do you enjoy going out when, like... It depends on what it is. Like...

I do find myself home early most nights because I just don't want to be at the after thing or once everyone starts getting like fucked up. It's fun to be around everyone while everything's beginning and everyone's just like excited and has that kind of energy. But then when people start getting messy, I'm just like, I... Yeah, it's like frustrating. That's the problem is I don't really want to drink that much, but it's like I can't...

like I cannot enjoy being around certain people if I'm... But then it's like, why am I around them? But this is a scam, y'all. Haven't you seen? Exactly. It's a scam. It is a scam. It's a scam. Same with this fucking... There's also so many, in my opinion, there's so many fun things to do during the day. Yeah. I'm a like wine with dinner type of drinker, not really like a like...

seven shots party drinker yeah and on I think that I mean that's like a lovely moment to have do you have a Riley video show now put it up to the mic come here come watch you have to come see this you know what I like about you is you're ADHD coded like me like we'll have seven conversations at once sorry and then here's the Riley video that's how my brain works okay good like so I obsess hi Brooke miss you don't get cancelled

There's no way. It's like my magic trick, dude. I just give people cameos. I need you to text this to me. I'm getting knocked up tonight. No one can stop me. Riley is perfect. The little glasses. I love when kids have to wear glasses or helmets.

You know when the babies have to wear the soft warm helmet? People think I put those on for looks. I was like, the boy can't see. How'd you find out he couldn't see? He's so cute. I thought he could see.

Whoa, what did I just miss? A pediatrician had this amazing binocular thing and they take a picture and one eye was a little off and they were like, he has astigmatism and they were like, you should go check this out. And then it's really sad. He was like one years old and this amazing doctor, she has the TV playing and you have to hold him far away and she goes, look, look, look. And then she puts like, huh? Lenses in his face. Okay.

Oh, to like see when he needs it. Yeah, and once he stops freaking out because he couldn't talk, then she was like, oh, that's what he needs. That's his prescription. That's crazy how they're able to do that. Yeah, that was definitely not a thing like back in the day. No. At all. My brother was so bad at pulling. I would tell her I would always lie and be like, I can't see a thing. Do you ever wear fake glasses? I do fake glasses all the time. I can't wear sunglasses even. I can't.

I love a sunglass. You've never seen me with sunglasses on. I know. I'm just not realizing that. I don't wear them either. I get made fun of. I can't. I don't want to see in the dark. I don't want to see in the dark. I want to see color. Nobody gets that. I'm like, it's a beautiful day. I want to see. It ruins my experience. And I think it's my love for the dark. Like, I'm like, I'm asleep now. No, because do you ever take them off? I love it. I love them. Your energy is dark. It's sad. I'm like, ugh, I can't see. I hate squinting.

so much i want to be able to just keep those wrinkles i won't do it i know i'm gonna have like the botox uh i just got some i'm so frozen right now i've got i'm fully emoting i'm so frozen i'm just trying not to yeah oh my god wait when did you get botox for the first time 28 i think how good for

- I should have done it pre. I should have had-- - No, you look-- - At 25, your skin stops. - Oh yeah. - I haven't. - Facialist girl just told me that. She's like, "Well, you're 25, your skin's not-- - I feel like you're not even-- - I was, if you saw what my forehead was doing before, like right now, it's like-- - Give me a full eyebrow raise. - No. - Oh. - Do it. - Mine are-- - Aging is beautiful. - Oh, good to know we're going there. - Wow, you can't even see anything, bro. - Yeah, at all. - She's like, "I'm gonna pop a blood vessel."

I had a wrinkle at 16, not kidding, like a full blown wrinkle. And I got Botox. You were a party animal. No, I think I was just way too stressed by that age. Like I, my first Botox round was for my wrinkle. Yeah. Also like regardless of who you are, every time I go to Vegas, I think about what it, how insane it must be for people who live there. Yeah.

It's just not real. Granted, like, obviously, most people who are going to Vegas are going to, like, the crazy strip and all of that stuff. But, like, growing up there. I know a few good people that, like, grew up there. I don't know how. She's getting this whore next to me. I remember being, like, 14 and, like, actually thinking to my parents, like, why did you pick here?

Right. Why did they pick there? Do you know? The cost of living, I guess. I don't really know. Did they have like jobs that brought them there? No. Kind of. Kind of. No, I don't know. Like, I feel like it's very just like regular, like suburban neighborhood outside of the strip. But I think there's just like Arizona. I've never really ventured out. But like when you're 16 and drinking on the strip, that's terrifying. You didn't get caught? Right outside of DC. I got in a lot of trouble. I have a friend from Potomac, California.

Yeah, no, Potomac is right where, like right around where we grew up. I love it. I grew up in a place called Chevy Chase, Maryland. Chevy Chase. Not the Chevy Chase, Maryland. Yes, yes, right outside of DC. But that's awesome. Like I wish, I feel like I want to raise my kids somewhere more wholesome than Vegas. It's very suburban. She got pregnant in Hawaii.

What if you did? She's pregnant. How would you know? Well, no. I could smell it. Yeah, I would know. I could smell it. It's crazy. Like, it's a cavity. Yeah.

This chicken parm over here I think is what you're getting a whiff of. Your first you had at what? You said 28? 26. I was knocked up. Fuck. That's so crazy. I've got three days. I've got three days. She's on a different track than most people. I found love at 22. We're just so successful already too by that time. I think I have a little more to do. I was like did it, love it, now what?

hour yeah there are so many people i feel like in like the the circle of people we are frequently in who are extremely successful and are like having kids like i mean she's not in our circle but i've obviously followed kylie jenner my whole life and she had a baby when she was 20 and i'm just like that's great okay and so we have these like warped perceptions it fucks me up all the time i'll be like but kylie has a baby and everyone's like you're not

Kylie, go back to work. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like very different. Like my mom had me when she was 35. Yeah.

Well, my mom had us when she was 24, but it's only because my dad was 44. I was the third kid and she was 22 when she had me. I was her third kid. What the F? I know. My 22? It didn't work out really well. I was going to say, how did that happen? That's chaos. That's crazy. Okay. That's wild. Yeah. Well, are you like me? Like I was walking the aisles of...

like target with my boyfriend at the time who's my husband now and I was like crying when I passed the diapers because I was like oh you were like craving yeah I feel like I've always thought I was gonna be an older mom though like I thought like I just you look so young you're gonna look like this at 35 so true so so true you can pull that off I have to like get going yeah that's just not true I

I also wish in so many ways that Daryl could be the one that was getting pregnant while I'm like dancing on stage. You should do the simulator, the birth simulator. On him? Yeah. Yeah, I've told him I was going to do that and he's like, please don't do that to me. We should try that. We should do it for like a video or something. Actually, I don't think I want to try that. Actually, I'm kind of down to try it because I really need to know what I'm working with. What if you have a C-section like me? I want a surrogate though, bad. You want a surrogate? No, that's the whole thing.

having a kid like a copy it's not fun at all i have i wrote a book about it it's called you did future mama really link is right there yes it is um yeah i just wrote about my experience but everyone's experience is so different but i was like nobody warned me about this nobody warned me about this you had to be the type of person where like then when the people are like it was a beautiful easy experience you were like fuck yeah it's like some people love it and then they become surrogates and some people are like

I don't know if I could do that ever again. My baby's both laid to me sideways. So I always had to do a C-section. And I was like, I want four. And I don't know if I can get cut open two more times. You know? Oh my God. Do they go in the same little spot? Uh-huh. And I'm going to have you drop off my baby like a coffee.

Yeah. I don't know. That should be your new series. Tag me. That's sick. Bringing babies to people. Yeah. I love that. It's so good. You should do it.

I think I'm going to have to. I'm not kidding. But also... But I should stop. We meet every week and it's like, no one's not. Let's start with you. You've got a boyfriend. A baby is such a commitment too. I just can't think of committing to something for... Yeah, no, I can't right now. I think I just like to live in La La Land. Of course. You know, for at least like two more years. It's definitely... I'm just joking. Unless something happens that I'm really excited about. But who knows? I think you're going to have a little...

Hawaiian baby. Surprise Hawaiian baby. And I'm so, it's going to be on a surfboard. He was just showing me his baby pictures yesterday and he was on a surfboard when he was like three. I was like, the hell? It's going to be on a surfboard. It's going to come out on a surfboard. I fucking hope you're pregnant so hard right now.

Actually, the more we talk about it, though, getting chest pains. Yeah. Like, don't need that. Feeling it. Yeah, at all. Do you want kids one day? I don't think I want kids, mostly from what I was saying before about just, like, the commitment. I can't think of raising. Also, I know how much, what hell it was to raise me. Yeah. And I'm like, imagine if I had to, if my child was anything like me or worse. They'll be like the other guy. But you're also gungle of the century. Like, I'd raise it.

The other guy. When you marry someone, you guys got to pick a sperm. Sure. Sure. I don't know. So many of my friends are having children. He comes over. The first time he saw me with Barry, my second baby, we're outside by our playground. And he was like, ah, look at all this. And I just felt, I was like, here's my child. And he was like, um...

I just, I don't have the parental instinct in me either. You know? She's just holding like, yeah. I'm like, Oh my God. That's like a really small person. Then I put Barry in his arms and then I see it. And I like film that moment. Cause I see him. I've had moments with Riley. Riley and I have had some bonding moments. And when he says my name, I'm like that. I we're, we're close. But a lot of the, but,

but then I go home and I, it's not like I'm like, and now I need one for myself. I'm like, that was a nice moment in its isolation. Gungle of the century. Yeah. That's what Ryan says and I hate it. I want my brother to have babies immediately. If anyone is looking at my brother, you're such a handsome boy. Come audition yourself.

I'm going to fix myself first. No, Tana, stop it. My brothers don't know what to do with my hands. My brothers. Straight. No, no. I was pointing at Brooke. That's Megan's subconscious always trying to set me up with them. That's your real dream. Yeah. Megan's dream forever is at the end of the day. I said, Tana, no, don't you dare.

Isn't there like a whole thing on the internet though? You guys had like a little pretend. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah. Listen, I make people kiss people. Kiss. No, on the lips. Sort of like, I just kissed Meghan Trainor on camera. Yes. I love a kiss. Oh, I feel so good and sweaty. I love a kiss, so I...

I'm going to have SIBO issues. We were all in Australia celebrating and we walked the bridge, the amazing bridge in Sydney. And they had us, you had to go in pairs. You had to go in couples. You had to go in pairs. So Ryan was paired with Chris. Listen, Ryan and I love each other. We really do. But me and Daryl, me and Daryl kissed in our moment. So then we went first and then I yelled at them and I said, yes. And then they kissed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I wasn't initially going to do it, but Ryan like digged me. I was like ready for a moment. We love a secure in your masculinity straight man. Yes, we love. We love a kiss. Good job, Ryan. And so when I was creating my Australia dump on Instagram, I was like, I want a moment to be the first photo. And that was the best moment

of the trip for me. I said, Ryan, are you sure you're straight? And he was like, honestly, in that kiss, I felt like he was my friend, you know? And I was like, and he was like, well, that's really how you find out. You don't really know until you dabble a little. I hooked up with two girls. Well, have you? Yeah. Plus whole nine. Twice. Oh my God. Really? Oh my God. Two separate girls. Oh wait. Love. Not in one evening. That's exhausting. I have hooked up with a girl. I've never like fully had sex with a girl. Okay.

Got it. But I feel like. I think you're gonna though one day. I think you're gonna. Yeah. I feel like you have to. Like you have to. You gotta just check. Yeah. Yeah. Just in case. Fully. But Ryan and Brooke. That's what I was trying to do. Don't come here.

You guys are gonna embarrass me. Oh, wow. He won't come over here if he's his... I actually completely understand why you don't want to come over here. Like, however... It's like the reason the boyfriend isn't upstairs yet, I guess. You know, it's just not here. He's not my boyfriend anymore.

He is your boyfriend. He flew from Hawaii to see you. You're so right. Okay, yes, he's my boyfriend. But it's too soon to technically like really heavily use the B word. God, what's his name again? Makoa is his name. Oh, believe that maybe. Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa! Makoa

You really seriously just walked right into that. I just thought she was asking a nice friendly question and I just figured I'm going to answer her. It's never that. I'm going to answer her. I said, God, what's his name again? Makoa is his name. You got to see him. He just looks like big Hawaiian. Yeah, he's stunning. I just saw all of his muscles. What's going on with that? I'm usually a dad bug girl. It looks good for you though. It's fun.

You know? Yeah. You looked very happy in that last post. You have a very interesting taste of men. Cause there's no, um, I just like personality. It is a very wide range. Sometimes you miss there too. Yeah. Sometimes I do miss there, but I'm, I'm going, she said she goes for personality, but I go, sometimes I'm like,

I just like what I like and I like what I like when I like it and I don't know what to say. Write that down. Someone write that down. That was cool. That was like a t-shirt. That was amazing. Mitch. Yeah. Do you have any relationships where you are like that was the one that got away? Makala? What? No. Babe. Oh my God. No. And that kind of sounds like me. She's like really hitting the rasp. Babe. Fuck.

Thank you for coming on this episode of the Cancer Podcast. No, I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. I don't know. I guess you never really know that. Well, sometimes you do. You're going to get married in Hawaii. There we go. Thank God. Oh, I can't make it. So far away. It could be down the street. You're not making it, but you want the invite. Yes, I want the invite. If it's down the street, I'll make it.

I went to Bears. I just left early. I was tired. That is fair. That is actually really fair. So what are you guys doing for the rest of your beautiful Sunday?

I gotta go home and do bath time with the boys. Yeah, she's like going to bath. It's gonna make some PB&Js. Yeah, it's literally, it's close to her bedtime. What does bath time entail? Do you get in? No, no. I mean, I could, but no. Toddlers need a structure. So at 6.30, right before 6.20, we play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star on YouTube and we all sing. Then we go upstairs and then we start the bath and he loves these, they have little tiny, um,

bath bombs that change color so he's like let's do the blue one and then we throw in blue and last night we did yellow and blue and made green and he loves it and we practice learning how to swim and he's like I go do your kick kick kicks and he does it and he's so cute and you don't want all that this is my dream I don't because I could go over that was just your purgatory yeah

I could go over and experience that if I wanted to but like I love I love I get it I'm just kidding yeah being alone yeah guys crazy what's your death row meal oh shit pizza you don't already know well it has to be more than just pizza oh yeah you can have multiple okay

With ranch Or without ranch You don't have you For sure The What's it called Like last supper Or something And like you They actually get All your death row meals But I need to like Guarantee not have The tummy ache Therefore I will have Oh IBS pills Will be starting that No IBS aside Well what are yours first What's Ikea Meatball sundae

A what? Ikea meatball sundae with like the cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes. Yep. Ryan gets you. Yeah. That's weird. A plate of hot Cheetos and then a separate paper plate of warm queso. But like until I'm full. Period. You're so trash. I love it. A plate of hot Cheetos. A plate of hot Cheetos and warm queso. Why even put them on a plate? Dip the Cheetos in. Oh.

okay okay dripping okay um in sweat and also from that she said she has ibs i'm like no it's just the foods you're eating yeah that's tough yeah i guess mine's mine would be basic like um like it would just be like canes or something like that whoa that's good that's how you coded yeah like canes classy just a chicken nugget yeah a chicken nugget just a simple chicken nugget with some sauce what would mine be

Pizza. Pizza. What pizza? What's your favorite pizza? Plain old cheese. No, like, wait, from where? And then I dump Parmesan on top because I'm naughty. Wow, that's real. And then I dip it in the ranch. That sounds so good right now. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm just, like, a bottomless pit. Pregnant. Pregnant.

You're just, she's manifesting it for you now. And she is quite the manifester. When she's the godmother and so pissed about it in like nine months, then like, then we'll talk about it. She started this. Next question. That leads me to my next question. Would you rather have a gay son or a thought daughter? What's a thought daughter? Both. Me, I have a thought daughter. Gay son, thought daughter. Or wait, both. I love a thought. Yeah, we love a thought. You think you're a thought? Sometimes I act like one. I think you're a dream and a vision.

And you're an idea. I don't know. I love you so much it hurts. Gay son or thought daughter? Both. All of the above. My mom goes, I think I missed out on my chance of having a gay son. And I was like, you sure did. You got these two straight boys over here. She would have been the best gay mom ever. Yeah, that's why I'm there as often as I can. Yeah, she's like, those are my kids. Yeah, 100%. I mean, I guess, but honestly, I think as a gay dad, my gay son wouldn't think I was like that. He would probably...

We would butt heads. You know what I mean? I feel like I could, I would with a thought daughter, we would have the best time. It's kind of like us. I would treat her so well. I would defend her to the masses. You know what I mean? A man goes up against her. No, absolutely not. Yeah. I would also love my gay son, but a thought daughter probably. Monica? No. Where's the boyfriend? Where's Makoa? Makoa! Makoa! I'm not subject to all this. Or Slora.

Well, on the way out, I will introduce you guys. Okay? Tell him I need him so bad. No, on the way out, I'll introduce you guys. I don't want to subject him to all this. Tell him she needs him so bad. No, don't do it. No, no, no. He's not a fun toy that we... We need to show him on the show. Since when are men not toys? That's so true. You're saying his name on the podcast. No, it's Megan screaming. I said it. I said it. Tell him, no. We'll see him on the way out. We said it on the last episode. We did. You did?

God, guys. It's so... Oh, my God. She loves him. I'm so stressed. She loves him. Look at her. I've never seen her get so like... No, you're in love. Oh, my God. Megan, you know, like five minutes ago, I almost was going to be like, so can I have a fucking date back? No. And then I was like, I was like, oh, I don't know. Look how good you're doing without it. Good? Good. Where? I'm so proud.

proud of you you took a break a 20 minute break that actually is awesome have you ever quit vaping I'm not kidding that's huge for me um no I've never quit this is my butt you won't get it like I didn't do it for so long and I was weirdly the judgmental like like oh my god I can't believe you do that I'll send you a video a day of Riley if you don't do it maybe four videos a day that is kind of a win oh

force my child. You have to be alive for your children one day, Tana. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And the voice does just keep getting lower. I'm going to send you a video of him saying, stop smoking your vape. No. Stop. Stop. Stop. Right now. Stop. I love how much fun you have. I just actually ripped my vape out of Meghan Trainor's ass hole. And now I'm hitting her. Oh my God. I just now noticed how Christmas, like all her Christmas rings, her Christmas. Yeah. For my Jimmy Fallon song, Red Moon.

Oh my god So many times And guys honest to god thank you for coming on I think we actually just We're at an hour for it And we're gonna cut it down Cut out all the things that will get Miss Megan Trainor Cancelled and we don't want any of that Not that she said anything it was the things I was saying Next to her I just can't believe I get to call either one of you A friend and I'm so happy to have you on the podcast I smell your stank joint Laughter

If you give me high Don't get her a contact high I'm actually so for real I have children Oh my god Thank you for having us Everyone's giving me a panic Oh my god Thank you so much I am in sheer panic This is my dream Please come back a hundred times Seriously this is like I've always wanted to be on these leathery couches And thank you so much And we're ghost hunting soon The four of us I'm not kidding I'm dead ass Can it be in LA though Because the last time we went to It was like in San Francisco And what a trip No I feel like there's probably more ghosts here anyway Yeah there are

The ghost hunting there is actually wild. I feel like someone smoked a joint in my face. Me too. I hate it too. And I've just like adapted to it. It is a thick smell. Why are you sorry? He's fine. He's just 20. He knows. He just. Oh my God. It's so nice. That's really nice. Oh God. That's good. I can't believe I had to watch you just eat my sandwich like that. Oh shit. You stupid whore. Bye. Thank you for the weather. Bye. Yeah.